Podcast Summary: How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett

Episode: ‘I Was Getting Ghosted on the Dating Apps, but Now Women Reply to My Openers’ (Live Coaching with Evan)
Date: January 15, 2026
Host: Connell Barrett
Guest: Evan (Client, Live Coaching)

Episode Overview

This episode features a candid conversation between dating coach Connell Barrett and his client Evan, focusing on Evan's transformation from struggling with dating anxiety and ghosting to confidently connecting with women, especially through authentic approaches and witty openers. The discussion revolves around practical dating strategies, overcoming rejection, the power of humor, and managing dating expectations. It teems with personal stories, actionable advice, and real-world examples of applying “radical authenticity” in dating.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Evan’s Early Struggles & Breakthroughs

• Anxiety with Approaching: Evan shares how nerve-wracking approaching women initially was, recounting leaving his number for a barista with “hands shaking” ([01:50]–[03:20]).
  • Quote: “I just kind of did like a drop and run and my hands were shaking... That was like a huge wake up call. I'm like, this is really, you know, something that is anxiety provoking.” – Evan ([02:38])
• Progression Through Practice: By pushing himself and logging his approaches, Evan gradually became more comfortable, achieving a “night and day” improvement.
• Helping Others: Evan’s successes started inspiring friends to approach women and even give advice to others ([04:41]–[05:36]).

2. What to Say When Approaching – From Script to Authenticity

• Connell’s Advice: Move from worrying “what do I say?” to noticing things in the moment and giving genuine compliments ([07:23]).
  • Quote: “Instead of ‘what do I say?’... ask, what do I notice? Or what can I ask her that makes sense?” – Connell ([07:23])
• Evan’s Approach: Prefers situational openers, like referencing someone’s work or environment, and always keeps it light ([06:01]).
  • Example: “Are you still working past five? That could be poor work boundaries.” ([06:10])
• Genuine Compliments: Focus on something specific and authentic, not canned pickup lines ([08:03]–[08:50]).

3. Overcoming Rejection and Building Resilience

• Connell’s Perspective: Emphasizes that rejection isn’t catastrophic; most negative scenarios are overblown and rarely happen ([12:19]–[15:28]).
  • Quote: “The thing we're afraid of almost never happens. Usually, she's just going to be like, ‘well, nice meeting you’ and go back to her laptop.” – Connell ([15:28])
• Cringe and Humor: Evan shares a “cringe” story about approaching a woman while on crutches, and both reflect on how humor can make rejection less scary ([14:03]–[15:22]).
  • Quote: “You just get—you just gotta be comfortable with the cringe.” – Evan ([15:22])

4. The Power of Humor & Playfulness

• Using Humor in Apps and In-Person: Evan details how witty, teasing openers (“Are you the Alyssa everyone’s been talking about?”; “Like and follow for part two”) work well on dating apps ([18:32]–[20:25]).
• Connell’s Take: Humor signals a non-boring date and alleviates women’s concerns that the date will be dull ([20:25]).
  • Quote: “When you can make a woman laugh, you’re not just entertaining her...you’re sending a really sharp signal...” – Connell ([20:25])
• Prepared Playfulness: Evan keeps a “bank” of fun questions to break tension and spark conversation, both via text and on dates ([23:05]–[25:20]).

5. Curating Memorable Dates & Taking the Lead

• Story: The Clifftop Makeout ([09:08]–[12:08]): Evan recounts a successful approach leading to an impromptu scenic hike and a makeout on a cliff, emphasizing the importance of having unique date ideas in your “back pocket.”
  • Quote: “Having these spots is so huge for like good dates...you go up there, you’re making out nine out of 10.” – Evan ([10:08])
• Leadership & Planning: Repeatedly, both advocate for men to “take the lead” – plan dates, curate experiences, and give women choices without being indecisive ([30:40]–[32:38]).
  • Quote: “Take the lead. Curate an experience. Don’t be afraid to do so because they like that.” – Evan ([32:01])
  • Quote: “I love the word ‘let’s’ because it shows leadership, but it’s not in some kind of weird, toxic, bossy...alpha, fake male way.” – Connell ([33:02])

6. Navigating Ghosting and Shifting Vibes

• A Real-World Dilemma ([36:24]–[55:09]):
  • Evan describes a phenomenal first date, followed by promising text exchanges, then a sudden drop-off in interest (“vibe shift”).
  • Connell advises managing expectations ("detach from outcome"), setting gentle boundaries about communication, and not overanalyzing shifts unless clear evidence emerges ([41:38]–[45:09]).
  • Quote: “We want to take the warrior's mindset of dying to the past, dying to the future…as much as possible, let go of any expectations with a woman you barely know.” – Connell ([41:38])
  • Don't confront the "elephant in the room" about texting right away; instead, focus on planning a win-win for a next date and respond to her actual behavior ([49:57]–[51:05]).

7. Sex, Chivalry, and the “Too Good/Too Fast” Question

• Sex on First Date: Connell and Evan discuss whether moving too fast can be a red flag; Connell says pace depends on mutual comfort, not a set rule ([56:44]–[59:58]).
  • Quote: “I have no problems with first date sex at all. As long as you and she are both into it, comfortable with it, that’s all that really matters.” – Connell ([59:58])
• Chivalry: Evan brings up the varying degrees women want chivalry, from opening doors to sending “did you get home safe?” texts ([60:38]–[63:45]).
  • Advice: Err on the side of more chivalry and leadership, but in a genuine way true to yourself ([62:20]–[63:02]).
  • Quote: “Err on the side of being a little bit too chivalrous. Not enough, because it’s good karma.” – Connell ([63:02])

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Feeling the Fear, Doing it Anyway: “I was walking away…I was like, afraid and that was, like, a huge wake up call.” – Evan ([02:38])
• Cringe is Okay: “You just gotta be comfortable with the cringe.” – Evan ([15:22])
• ‘Let’s’ Shows Leadership: “I love the word ‘let’s’ because it shows leadership, but it’s not in some…toxic, bossy...alpha, fake male way.” – Connell ([33:02])
• Chemistry Can Surprise You: “I’ve had mediocre seeming first dates…second and third things skyrocketed…” – Connell ([47:44])
• Outcome Independence: “Play it one day at a time, one text at a time. Not gonna let a woman’s texting decide how happy I’m gonna be.” – Connell ([53:02])
• Chivalry in Practice: “Are you someone who likes chivalry 0 to 10? ...Oh, so not quite a 10.” – Evan ([61:33])

Memorable Segments & Timestamps

• First Approach Story: [01:50]
• Clifftop Makeout Story: [09:08]
• “Cringe” Target/Coffee Shop Story: [14:03]
• Witty Dating App Openers: [18:32]
• Pattern Interrupt Questions & Playful Conversation: [21:10], [23:05], [25:20]
• Date Planning & Leadership: [30:40]–[32:38], [33:02]
• Managing Ghosting and Expectations: [36:24]–[41:38], [41:38]–[45:09]
• Chivalry & Individual Preferences: [60:38]–[63:45]

Tone & Style

• Candid & Humorous: Both Connell and Evan speak authentically, using self-deprecating humor and unfiltered stories.
• Supportive & Encouraging: Connell affirms Evan’s growth, focuses on practical advice, and often circles back to celebrate progress.
• No “Pickup Artist” Nonsense: The entire dialogue steers away from manipulative tactics, prioritizing fun, authenticity, and kindness.

Actionable Takeaways

• Push through approach anxiety—practice makes it easier.
• Use genuine, situational openers rather than canned lines.
• Don’t fear rejection—it’s rarely as bad as we imagine.
• Employ humor and playfulness both online and in person.
• Lead proactively in planning dates, but check in with her preferences.
• Don’t over-interpret texting patterns; focus on real-life outcomes.
• Be chivalrous in a way that feels authentic to you; adjust based on her cues but don’t overthink it.
• Sex on the first date isn’t a death sentence to a relationship—follow mutual comfort instead of rigid rules.
• When faced with ghosting or vibe-shifts, lean into abundance, take action elsewhere, and don’t cling to outcome.

Conclusion

Evan’s journey illustrates how “radical authenticity,” humor, and taking the lead can transform dating experiences for introverted or intelligent “nice guys.” The key isn’t game or manipulation but being real, playful, and persistent—embracing discomfort and enjoying the process.

Final quote from Evan:
“It seriously changed my life and probably in more ways than just even just like dating outcomes and stuff.” ([64:33])