Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’

Summary

Podcast Summary: How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett

Episode Title: Introducing ‘It’s Rom-Complicated!’ How to Find Love by Watching Rom-Com Movies (Seriously!) Episode 1: ‘Groundhog Day’

Release Date: February 3, 2025

Host: Connell Barrett

Guest: Jessamyn (Connell’s Girlfriend)

---

Introduction

In the inaugural episode of the recurring series “It’s Rom-Complicated!” on the How to Get a Girlfriend Podcast, host Connell Barrett and his girlfriend Jessamyn delve into the beloved rom-com classic Groundhog Day starring Bill Murray and Andie MacDowell. Connell aims to extract valuable dating insights from the film, exploring what it gets right and hilariously wrong about real-life dating scenarios.

---

Personal Connections to Groundhog Day

Connell Barrett shares his long-standing affection for Groundhog Day, reminiscing about watching it for the first time in 1993 and revisiting it periodically. He connects the movie's themes with his personal journey from struggling with introversion and low self-confidence to becoming a successful dating coach through “Radical Authenticity.”

Jessamyn reflects on how her love for Sundays mirrors Phil Connors' (Bill Murray) journey in the film. She emphasizes the value of relaxed, meaningful interactions over typical high-pressure dating scenarios.

Notable Quote:
Connell Barrett [00:00]: “Women chase and pursue awesomely authentic men, like the guy Phil Connors becomes in Groundhog Day.”

---

Analyzing Groundhog Day as a Romantic Comedy

1. Meet Cute Award

Connell and Jessamyn assess the film's meet cute—the charming yet realistic first encounter between Phil Connors and Rita (Andie MacDowell).

• Connell's Rating: 6/10
• Jessamyn's Observation: The introduction is extended and realistic, lacking the typical absurdity of many rom-com meet cutes. Their connection evolves naturally over shared scenes rather than an immediate, eventful encounter.

Notable Quote:
Jessamyn [03:30]: “It's an extended meet cute... It's pretty classic as far as those go.”

2. Chemistry Test: Sparks or Duds

The duo debates the on-screen chemistry between Phil and Rita.

• Jessamyn's Take: The chemistry is present but not intensely “hot.” It’s more of a slow burn, enhancing the believability of their relationship development.
• Connell's Agreement: Emphasizes that ground-level chemistry, combined with character growth, makes their eventual connection believable.

Notable Quote:
Connell Barrett [21:56]: “I don't think they have incredible chemistry. It's about the jokes.”

3. Steal This Move Award

Identifying effective dating moves from the movie that can be applied in real life.

• Connell's Highlight: Encourages adopting passion projects or personal growth activities (e.g., Phil learning jazz piano) to become more interesting and attractive to potential partners.
• Jessamyn's Example: Fondly recalls Phil’s unconventional cowboy attire as a unique, albeit context-specific, dating tactic.

Notable Quote:
Connell Barrett [24:51]: “Don’t force chemistry. Let it arise naturally.”

4. Don’t Do This Award: Worst Dating Move

Connell critiques Phil’s manipulative tactics in the movie.

• Key Mistake: Phil impersonates someone he’s not to manipulate women into liking him, exemplifying dishonest behavior.
• Jessamyn's Insight: Highlights the dangers of excessive research and manipulation in dating, which leads to inauthentic connections.

Notable Quote:
Connell Barrett [30:27]: “Don't lie. Don't pretend to be somebody you're not.”

5. Aged Like Fine Wine Award

Focusing on timeless qualities from the movie.

• Connell's Perspective: Emphasizes the universal message of continuous self-improvement and personal growth as pathways to fulfillment and successful relationships.
• Jessamyn's Agreement: Connects the film’s premise of daily self-improvement with modern applications, such as the time-loop concept in Palm Springs.

Notable Quote:
Connell Barrett [35:14]: “Always be working on yourself, always trying to get better.”

6. Aged Like Warm Milk Award (What Hasn't Aged Well)

Discussing elements of the movie that feel outdated or problematic today.

• Connell's Concern: Addresses Bill Murray’s on-set behavior and allegations of inappropriate conduct, which tarnish his legacy despite his comedic genius.
• Jessamyn's Observation: Notes how viewing the film today can be complicated by Murray's controversial reputation.

Notable Quote:
Connell Barrett [38:16]: “It's a comedy, but there's a deeper, soulful look at what can cause someone to lose hope and regain it.”

7. Grand Gesture Award

Evaluating the romantic gestures portrayed in the movie.

• Connell's View: Appreciates the understated, sincere expressions of affection over grand, over-the-top gestures typical of rom-com finales.
• Jessamyn's Perspective: Agrees that the subtle gestures enhance the authenticity of the relationship development.

Notable Quote:
Jessamyn [57:24]: “It's a really small, sweet, understated gesture. So I'll give it a swoon.”

8. Tear Jerking Trophy

Identifying the most emotionally impactful moments.

• Connell's Choice: The scene where Phil helps an older homeless man, showcasing his transformation and generosity.
• Jessamyn's Reaction: Admits not having a strong emotional reaction but acknowledges the designed emotional moments in the film.

Notable Quote:
Connell Barrett [52:38]: “Watching the old man eat soup and Phil giving him a second bowl is just so sweet.”

9. Did They Make History Award

Speculating on the longevity and impact of Phil and Rita's relationship post-movie.

• Connell's Theory: Suggests Phil may face significant challenges re-entering the "regular world," potentially impacting the longevity of their relationship.
• Jessamyn's Speculation: Considers both the possibility of a short-lived romance or enduring partnership depending on their ability to adapt post time-loop.

Notable Quote:
Connell Barrett [53:56]: “Three months to forever. I think there's a good chance for long-term success.”

---

Key Dating Insights and Lessons

1. Radical Authenticity

Connell emphasizes “Radical Authenticity”—being genuinely yourself without resorting to manipulative tactics. This authenticity fosters meaningful connections, as evidenced by Phil's transformation in the movie.

Notable Quote:
Connell Barrett [59:56]: “Being honest, being your authentic self is what makes you appealing.”

2. Personal Growth

Both Connell and Jessamyn underline the importance of continuous self-improvement. Adopting hobbies, learning new skills, and contributing positively to others’ lives not only enrich oneself but also make one more attractive to potential partners.

Notable Quote:
Jessamyn [35:58]: “Approach every day with the mentality of making changes.”

3. Avoiding Manipulation

Connell warns against trying to make women chase you through deceit or manipulation. Instead, focusing on becoming a better person naturally attracts others.

Notable Quote:
Connell Barrett [60:13]: “Earned, you can't fake that.”

---

Conclusion

Connell Barrett and Jessamyn provide a multifaceted analysis of Groundhog Day, extracting both timeless and outdated lessons relevant to modern dating. The episode underscores the value of authentic self-improvement over manipulative tactics, advocating for genuine connections as the foundation for lasting relationships. Through their discussion, listeners are encouraged to embody Radical Authenticity, continuously grow, and foster sincere interactions to attract meaningful romantic partnerships.

Final Notable Quote:
Connell Barrett [63:00]: “The biggest love lesson is to become worthy of an incredible woman's love by growing into a better, more selfless man.”

---

Additional Highlights

• Ad Segments Skipped: The transcript includes advertisements for Punks A Tinder, which the summary has excluded as per the user's request.
• Humorous Interludes: Interactions between Connell and Jessamyn add a lighthearted tone, reflecting their personal relationship and reinforcing the podcast's engaging style.
• Engagement with Listeners: Connell invites listeners to explore further episodes and offers resources for personalized dating coaching, maintaining the podcast's practical focus.

---

Key Takeaways for Listeners

1. Be Authentic: Genuine behavior attracts the right people more effectively than any manipulative tactic.
2. Invest in Self-Growth: Personal development not only enriches your life but also makes you more attractive to potential partners.
3. Let Chemistry Develop Naturally: Force-free interactions foster more meaningful and lasting connections.
4. Avoid Deceptive Practices: Honesty and sincerity are foundational for building trust and genuine romantic relationships.

By analyzing Groundhog Day, Connell Barrett illustrates how classic storytelling can offer valuable lessons for modern dating, encouraging men to embrace their authentic selves and continuously strive for personal improvement to attract meaningful romantic relationships.

Transcript

[Connell Barrett]

Yeah, women don't chase manipulation and moves. Women chase and pursue. Awesomely authentic man, like the guy Phil Connors becomes in Groundhog Day. Columbia Pictures presents I may be having a Problem.

[Jessamyn]

Bill Murray.

[Connell Barrett]

I'm reliving the same day over and over in a story about a weatherman who's living life like there's no tomorrow. Don't drive angry, because there isn't. I am an immortal. I have been stabbed, shot, frozen, electrocuted.

[Jessamyn]

Your God.

[Connell Barrett]

I'm a God. I'm not the God. Groundhog Day. Rated pg at theaters Friday. Welcome back to the how to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I'm your host, dating coach Connell Barrett. I'm here to help you learn to flirt, get more dates, and get a great girlfriend, all by being authentic. No sketchy pickup artist moves needed. And I have a question for you. What if you could become a chick magnet by watching chick flicks? Might sound crazy, but hear me out. I believe that romantic comedies, for all of their over the top meet cutes and grand gestures and like klutzy but adorable leads, I think they reveal a lot about what men and women want, about how to connect, about how to find love. And also, I'm just a big movie nerd and I love movies. So that's why you're listening to a special recurring episode of the first episode of what's called It's Rom Complicated. This is a special recurring feature right here on the how to Get a Girlfriend feed. And in this recurring series, we're going to be breaking down rom coms to see what they get right and also hilariously wrong about dating in real life. We're going to hand out awards. We're going to call out the best and worst dating moves. We're going to share some fun behind the scenes trivia and tidbits. And yeah, there's going to be a few dating tips along the way. And I thought, what better day to start this than on Groundhog Day, which is when this episode drops. So today we're going to look at the movie Groundhog Day starring Bill Murray and Andie McDowell. It's the ultimate time loop love story where Phil Connors gets infinite do overs in his quest to win the heart of Andy McDow. But does he actually earn the heart of Andie MacDowell? We're going to talk about that right now. And to make this episode even better, I'm bringing in a very special guest, my girlfriend Jessamyn. Who better to do the inaugural episode of It's Rom Complicated on the how to get a girlfriend podcast than my girlfriend, Jessamyn. So let's dive in and talk about Groundhog Day. Jessamyn, welcome back.

[Jessamyn]

Thanks. Thanks for having me back.

[Connell Barrett]

My pleasure. I'm psyched you're here. We just rewatched Groundhog Day. I love this movie. I think I love it more than you, as we might find out. I've seen it many, many times. It's one of my favorite 90s movies. Before we get into the movie and also the different categories of some of the Good, the Bad, the Ugly. In terms of dating and Phil's behavior, tell me a little bit about if you could go back into your life and think, what day would I like to go back and relive over and over again? Like Bill Murray had to do as Phil, what day would you do over and over?

[Jessamyn]

Oh, man. So many days to choose from.

[Connell Barrett]

I would actually. I had two days in mind. One was a big event in my. In my family's history. My dad turned 85. This was 10 years ago. My dad's birthday is Halloween. And maybe the best day of my life, at least up to that point, was my dad's surprise 85th birthday, where it was a Friday night. And we're trying to figure out how to surprise him, my five siblings and I. And because his birthday's on Halloween, we made him think we were not going to surprise him. And then we had all these different guests from his and my mom's past show up as trick or treaters and ringing the doorbell every 15 minutes on Halloween, his birthday. So every 15 minutes, a different surprise guest showed up with a mask on saying, trick or treat and happy birthday, Denny. And it was just really emotional, and it was an amazing day that'd be pretty intense to relive over and over again.

[Jessamyn]

I was gonna say it's very emotional, that special.

[Connell Barrett]

And then in terms of just a regular humdrum day, which is what Phil essentially does in this movie, is he takes a regular day, Groundhog Day, and turns it into something special. I just love our Saturdays together where we cook, or you usually cook, and we listen to music and we. We try to get your dumb cat to. To be with us, even though she never wants to. And, yeah, I just love kind of our lazy Saturdays together. What about you?

[Jessamyn]

Yeah, I mean, sort of in that same vein. I think, honestly, Sundays are pretty underrated. And if you're going to relive a Sunday over and over again, like, once you realize that you're reliving it over and over again, it's like oh, it's like a, it's like a Sunday of a holiday weekend. Like, there's no Monday next day, there's no Sunday scaries. You just get to like, lean into the general relaxation that comes with a Sunday. Things aren't super busy. It's, you know, just generally a very laid back kind of thing. I have a lot of good, like, associations with Sundays. You and I will usually at least spend like the morning, afternoon just kind of hanging out. Yeah. Trying to get my dumb cat to just like, acknowledge our existence. Just so you just, just to put it out there, like, I love my cat. Her name is Boots and she's perfect. And we Booties, we love her. She's our dummy. But she's just shy. I wish she wasn't shy, but. Yeah, but our first date was on a Sunday. And I think, right. First dates on Sunday nights are totally underrated and totally underappreciated because it's, you know, the next day is like, it's a school night. Like, the next day is work.

[Connell Barrett]

Right.

[Jessamyn]

There's, you know, you're not expected to like, be out late. It's not going to be crowded at like, bars and restaurants. There's no pretense for, you know, that you kind of get with sometimes with like a Friday, Saturday night date.

[Connell Barrett]

Yeah.

[Jessamyn]

So most Sundays I think I would be happy to relive over and over again.

[Connell Barrett]

Great answer, by the way. Dear listener, go back to an episode if you want to hear about the art of a really good first date. Jessamyn and I talk about our very first date back in an episode that dropped in November. So you can check that out if you want to hear more from the two of us about how I got my girlfriend. Okay. Um, let's talk about Bill Murray in this movie. And you know, this, this feed or this recurring series is called It's Wrong Complicated. And it is kind of complicated with Bill Murray because I think he's a genius. He's a comedic genius. He's an amazing actor, a great improviser. At the same time, there's a. There's a lot of problematic behavior that has occurred and actually did occur during the filming of this movie. So let's talk about the good of Bill Murray first. He's iconic. You know, snl. He came to fame on SNL and starred in all these great movies. Ghostbusters, Groundhog Day, so many, so many classic films. And in my previous career, before I became a dating coach, I was a journalist and I got to, to briefly meet and interview him. And I found him to be. He was. He was fine. He was not. I had no problems with him. But I got a little insight into his comedic brilliance by talking to the Farrelly brothers. Once I got to interview the Farrelly brothers and the Farrelly brothers did a movie called Kingpin, which is about bowling. And I went, and I was talking to them about what it was like to work with Bill Murray. And I said, what was it like working with him? And they said, oh, he's incredible at improvising. He's a genius. And I said, what do you mean? And they said every day we would give him the script for that scene. He played a bowling, a famous world class champion bowler, very arrogant, over the top arrogant. And they said every day we give him the screenplay of what he was going to do. And he would look at the pages and he would go, nope, that's not going to work. He would roll up the screenplay pages into a ball and throw them into a trash can. He's sitting in makeup as he's doing this. And then he would improvise everything he said. And they said, and they told me in this interview years ago. And you know what, Everything he improvised was better than anything we had written. So comedically, he's just a genius. What's your opinion on Bill Murray as an actor?

[Jessamyn]

He is, he's definitely a notable memorable player in the realms of comedy in general. He, you know, kind of like what you're describing. Very similar to like Robin Williams just having a very unique approach and very noteworthy comedic moments throughout their careers. I mean, I grew up with Bill Murray. I'm pretty sure Groundhog Day came out the year I was born. So, like, we're talking about my early comedic, you know, experiences being a lot of Bill Murray movies because there was, that was a big period for him as a rom com leading man. I have other thoughts, but I cannot doubt that there is something to be said for his comedic career and how he's become such like a just a key person who's inspired, I'm sure, tons of other comedians throughout their careers.

[Connell Barrett]

Well, before we get to the categories, we're going to do what I'm calling the rom comies. Going to give out some awards. We're going to break this movie down in some fun little categories. Before I do that, I have a special unique relationship to this movie. So I saw it when it came out originally way back in 93, because I'm a thousand years old. So I remember when it came out and then I would rewatch it Every couple years. And it was in the early 2010s, I would say 2010, maybe 2011. I had just spent the last night, 18 months of my life working really hard on my dating life. So for anybody who hasn't listened to this podcast before, I used to suck with dating. I'm naturally introverted. I was very shy. I had really low self confidence, and I really struggled with dating while into my mid-30s. Then I started working with coaches. I worked really hard on figuring out what works with women in dating. And then I got really good pretty quickly and I overcorrected. I became a little bit arrogant. I went through a period of thinking, you know, oh, man, I'm dating three or four women. I'm approaching girls. I'm getting all these matches on the apps. I'm the shit. Remember the scene in the movie in Groundhog Day when he says to Andie MacDowell, I'm a God. And she says, you're not God. He's like, well, maybe not the God. I'm a God.

[Jessamyn]

Sorry, what was that again?

[Connell Barrett]

I'm a God. You're God. I'm a God. I'm not the God, I don't think. Because you survived a car wreck. You folks ready to order? I didn't just survive a wreck. I wasn't just blown up yesterday. I have been stabbed, shot, poisoned, frozen, hung, electrocuted, and burned. Oh, really? Every morning I wake up without a scratch on me, not a dent in the fender. I am in a mortal special. Today is blueberry waffles. I went. I went through a period where I kind of felt that way about myself. It's amazing what the ego can do. What. What can happen when you all of a sudden get some success in an area where you struggled. And so anyway, early 2010s, I'm rewatching this movie and I'm watching this and I have an epiphany. I realize, holy, I'm becoming kind of a dick. I'm bad Phil. I remember I had a date once where I was doing my shtick, my cocky, funny kind of stuff that was working. And this woman looked at me and she looked at me and said, does this work what you're doing right now? She totally called me on my shit. Probably something you would have said had that been you.

[Jessamyn]

It is absolutely something I have said to at least three different men.

[Connell Barrett]

Share. Tell us.

[Jessamyn]

I mean, that's basically it. Guys just like coming up with, you know, whatever nagging sort of pickup line, kind of B.S. like, yeah, does this works for You.

[Connell Barrett]

Yeah.

[Jessamyn]

How many times? This is worth, like, something to that effect. And it just kind of shuts it down.

[Connell Barrett]

It's great. And I remember vividly where I was at this little cool, kind of cool underground cocktail lounge. And I'm doing my shtick and my cocky lines. And it wasn't so much nagging her. It was just a bit of a Persona. It was like, too cool for school Persona. And it was my version of bad Phil. So, anyway, so I'm watching this movie early 2011, and I realized, whoa, I'm way too into myself and I'm becoming arrogant, and I'm making dating all about me. I think it's because I worked with these pickup artist dudes who said, be self amused. Play up like this kind of like, almost like a narcissistic side of you. And that worked to an extent. But anyway, so I watched Groundhog Day early in the 20, in that decade, and I realized I gotta. I gotta make some changes. I gotta stop being so damned selfish and. Or I should say self obsessed. And what I loved about watching the movie through that lens then was how Phil, he makes a change about two thirds of the way through the movie, he realizes, I need to start working on myself and becoming a better person, and I need to start being much more generous and giving to other people. And I literally went from watching Groundhog Day to thinking, okay, how can I be more like Phil? The good Phil, I should say. And there's a great scene where Phil brings coffee to Chris Elliott and Andie MacDowell after being a total jackass for most of the movie as this arrogant weatherman. He's like, oh, here's a Danish, here's a Danish, here's some coffee. And he's asking them their opinion. And I started to do that, and it felt so much better. And it also helped my dating results. Women could see, oh, wow, he's not a jerk. He's confident, but he's actually interested in me. He's listening, he's sincere, he's vulnerable. He admits when he doesn't know something. And anyway, just watching the movie and it affected my behavior and actually helped my dating life get even better. But not because of a Persona, but because I was being really genuine and a lot more generous with the women I'd met. And also just working on myself, trying to make myself better.

[Jessamyn]

You were a more handsome version of good Bill Murray with better teeth.

[Connell Barrett]

Yeah. So I have a personal love of this movie that you might not share. Just because I remember thinking, I need to work on myself and what I learned. And I'll end on this note, then we'll get into some fun categories. But if you really want to get a girlfriend and, and become the kind of man who really make, will make a woman say wow, this guy's really somebody special. All I really did once I got good at the mechanics part of dating and flirting is I just said how can I get better today? What hobby can I take up? It was actually I took up improv around the time that I watched this. I said I need to, I need to bring something new into my life. I started taking improv classes, started taking Italian classes and I could just share interesting things about that I was learning in ways I was growing when I would meet women. And that's a really attractive guy. I mean don't you think from, from the, the formerly single woman's perspective are women, do you think women are attracted to a guy who's working on himself, who is confident but, but, but grounded? What are your thoughts?

[Jessamyn]

Yeah, absolutely. If somebody's, you know, you see that, I think you see that really if you're on the dating apps and you see, you know, a guy that's put effort into how he's presenting himself on the apps, just like you know, with his photos, his bio, you know, there's humility, there's. He's presenting himself in a way that's like I'm interesting and I want to meet an interesting person and learn more about them versus somebody who isn't putting in that same effort. And it's still kind of in that self amusing space.

[Connell Barrett]

Yeah.

[Jessamyn]

You know they're actually, it's not just about dating, getting laid, that process. It's about genuinely just meeting people and having meaningful relationships. Even if they're short lived or long lived, just genuinely interested in life.

[Connell Barrett]

Well said. Okay, well there's some other things about Bill I want to get into. I say Bill because you know, we're good friends. Yeah. But we can get into that in the categories. So let's get to the categories. These, the rom comis. We're going to break down the movie in different little categories and awards. The first one is the meet cute award. We're going to rate the meet cute in rom coms usually the couple meets in an absurdly non realistic way. So this question is how adorable, awkward or absurd was their first encounter. And the thing I noticed watching this with you recently was the meet cute. They pretty much already know each other or at least Bill Murray knows Andy McDowell's character from the TV station they work at in Pittsburgh. And so they don't have like a super meet cute. They do have. It's a kind of a cute moment where she's standing in front of the weather green screen and she's enjoying how silly she looks on the screen. He know, he definitely notices her. So I kind of like that. It's more real world. But in terms of a meet cute moment, it's like a six out of ten at best.

[Jessamyn]

Yeah, I think the, the introduction of the two then that moment specifically. Right. The kind of, you know, oh, I saw her from across the room kind of thing like that was. It's not particularly eventful, but you know, you see her personality contrasting with him being all like, you know, shitty and bitching about, you know, having to go do this assignment on Groundhog Day. But then I think in like the next scene, they're in the van, they're driving out there to Puxtawney and you get more of that relationship. The hot and cold of her being like new and excited and idealistic and him just being like, no, actually all this is terrible and I hate everything. And she's like, okay, great. So you. There's. It's kind of an extended meet cute, I think. And it's very. It's pretty classic as far as those go. It's not. I don't know if it falls into adorable or absurd. I think it's just it. It happened.

[Connell Barrett]

Yeah, it happened in a pretty real world way. It doesn't feel like a movie. Capital with a capital M. Even though this crazy cosmic, impossible magic thing happens that this day repeats over and over again. Everything else is. A lot of the movie is very grounded and I like that they met in a normal, relatable way and we get to see that they. He's clearly very attracted to her right away, but she is not into him at all. Why do you think she's not into him at first?

[Jessamyn]

I mean, she doesn't know him, right. So she's just met him and he's just this grumpy guy and she's not at all grumpy. And their co workers. So the, you know, the tension is kind of built from them being co workers in this sort of workplace rom com scenario which like they're not. She's not going to see him that way at first. They're not going to see each other that way.

[Connell Barrett]

Right.

[Jessamyn]

If anything, he's just seeing her as like us. I don't know. I don't want to say sex object, but like, oh yeah. She's cute and then just kind of like moves on from it.

[Connell Barrett]

All right, next category. Next award. The chemistry test. Sparks or duds. How hot is their chemistry? From brother sister to get a room. Guys, what are your thoughts?

[Jessamyn]

It was just. It was a very classic chemistry setup. But when they actually, like, have. When there are moments that they're supposed to have chemistry or it's like, you know, the scene is set that way, it doesn't land, at least not for me. It's like, okay, the dialogue is. The dialogue throughout the movie is actually pretty solid. And everyone, you know, does their jobs well, but their actual chemistry, I just. I don't know how it passed the initial chemistry testing, to be honest. It was. It was PG and it was very accessible, but it definitely wasn't hot.

[Connell Barrett]

Right. You know, it's a PG movie, and I think their connection toward the end is believable. The way she sees the man he's become, that, I think is, for lack of a better term, earned. It makes sense.

[Jessamyn]

Settling into each other's personalities and how different they are, that's. That shows up towards the end.

[Connell Barrett]

Yeah. Yeah. I don't think they have incredible chemistry. I don't think you need crazy hot chemistry in Groundhog Day. It's about the jokes.

[Jessamyn]

It's a comedy.

[Connell Barrett]

Yeah. Although that said, I do. I do like her warmth, how it pushes up against his coldness at first, his sarcasm. So in that sense, it's an interesting kind of a slow burn. Early on, you can see how. You can see how he's attracted to her. She's Beautiful. She's Andy McDowell. And we can see why she's not into him at all. There's that scene where he finds out that she has him set up at the bed and breakfast, not at the other hotel. And he refers to himself. Oh, good. It's good. It's a good producer who knows how to take care of the talent. So clearly we see how that arrogance. There's a lot of truth in this, is that arrogance pushes her away or makes her. Does not. She does not see him as somebody she's going to be instantly attracted to.

[Jessamyn]

And I don't see her as him, as somebody that she'd be immediately interested in. So it works. It's believable. It's definitely believable.

[Connell Barrett]

This episode of how to Get a Girlfriend is brought to you by Punks A Tinder. Do you put your foot in your mouth on dates? Just like Punxsutawney's most famous weatherman, Phil Connors.

[Jessamyn]

Believe it or not, I studied 19th century French poetry.

[Connell Barrett]

What a waste of time when you say the wrong thing and it gets awkward. Do you wish you could get a dating do over? Well, now you can without reliving the whole damn day. Punks a Tinder is the magical app that lets you go back in time 60 seconds and undo a dating disaster. Powered by time traveling Buddhist monks from an alternate dimension, Punks a Tinder lets you rewind by one minute when you say the wrong thing to that special lady. Did you drone on and on about bitcoin? Punks a Tinder to the rescue. Did you accidentally call her by your mom's name? You need Punks a Tinder. Did you confidently order for both of you in Italian, but you're at a Chinese restaurant? Rewind with Punks a Tinder. But wait, there's more. The app is totally free. The catch? It only works in Western Pennsylvania. Don't let one awkward moment trap you in a dating time loop. Download Punks a Tinder today, because there might not be a tomorrow. Okay, next we have the Steal this Move award. The best dating move from the movie. To try in real life or that you could try in real life. I have a couple thoughts here. Do you have anything that you. As you were watching this, you were thinking, oh, yeah, I could see that would be. That could work on me or that could work in real life.

[Jessamyn]

Honestly, the only. Like, I just. Oh, God. Okay, hear me out. There's this one moment where there's no context for this scene, and it's never really explained, but it's when on one of the days, he, like, shows up to the movie theater with this random woman and he's like, in this full cowboy get up.

[Connell Barrett]

Yeah, he's like Clint Eastwood.

[Jessamyn]

And there's really no explanation for it. But that's the only moment where I was like, you know, what if a guy invited me on a date and either said, like, hey, dress up as a French maid, I'm gonna dress up in a full cowboy get up, I could actually, like, that could work. If the chemistry is there and your senses of humor are lined up, that's like the one thing I'm like, yeah, no, I. I get that. But otherwise, that. That was really all I remember standing out.

[Connell Barrett]

Okay, I've got a huge one. So there's this incredible set piece about a third of the way through the movie where we, you know, he's. He's trying to seduce Annie MacDowell, and the first time they go out on this, for lack of a Better term date. They're spending the evening together. They go pretty far. That goes pretty well. They start to connect. And he is essentially letting the chemistry within reason happen organically. And there's something to be said about allowing natural chemistry to just arise as opposed to what happens then as he repeats the day over and over again. Or he tries to force the chemistry by manipulating things, which we'll get into and what not to do in a second. So I think one takeaway that you should learn about that the single guy listening to this should take away from that is don't force it. Let chemistry arise. If there is any. Don't try to force it with a woman on a date. And you might have a really good. And he actually has a really good date with her. Of course, it's a million miles from.

[Jessamyn]

Where I started out in college.

[Connell Barrett]

Oh yeah, you weren't in broadcasting or journalism or anything like that?

[Jessamyn]

Uh, believe it or not, I studied 19th century French poetry.

[Connell Barrett]

Right, you speak French. You know, he. She even comes back to his BnB room and they're having a really good date. Of course he screws up by trying really hard to get her to hook up with him. But I feel like one lesson is just let it arise, Just let the chemistry arise and don't force it was one thought I had. Oh, and the other one is this is more of a long term play, but this is really where Phil changes the game in his whole life in general. But also, I think he becomes so much more attractive to Rita, which is to take up a really cool, fun, interesting skill. Now, you might not have 20,000 days to repeat over and over again like Phil does, but Phil really levels up by saying, you know what? I'm just going to take up jazz piano. I'm going to become really good at ice sculpting. I'm going to start working on myself. So this is more of a long term play. But if you want to steal a move from this movie that I really, that really helped me a lot is pick up some kind of passion project, whether it's picking up a musical instrument or okay, maybe not sculpting ice, but working on yourself in some way, because that gives you something to talk about on a date with a woman. Or she might say, oh, so what have you been up to lately? Tell me a little bit about you. And you might talk about, oh, I just got back from taking jazz piano like Phil does in the movie, or working on learning some kind of language. And that gives you something to talk about on a Date where you get to express something cool and interesting about yourself. That's going to be an attractive trait to a lot of women, especially if they like your type.

[Jessamyn]

Yeah. And it, it goes back to that idea of, you know, you're putting effort into who you are as a person and how you're presenting yourself on a day. And it's. It. Yeah, it generates conversation beyond the, you know, standard interview questions that come up on every first and second date.

[Connell Barrett]

Right. That's why I'm taking piano lessons right now. I just want to impress you.

[Jessamyn]

You just want to be interesting on our, on our dates.

[Connell Barrett]

Yeah, on our 700th date.

[Jessamyn]

No, I see that from you.

[Connell Barrett]

Okay, next award, next category. The don't do this award for the worst dating move. Anything come to mind? There's a. Well, I'll go first here. This is an obvious one here. There's an amazing scene. It's so cringe worthy. He meets a woman named Nancy and he. Because he's repeating. He's in this time loop. He's repeating this day over and over again. He walks up to Nancy and gets all this information about her and then uses it and makes her think that they know each other. So the glaringly obvious don't do this award is don't lie. Don't pretend to be literally. He's literally pretending to be somebody he's not.

[Jessamyn]

He's manipulating her.

[Connell Barrett]

Yeah, yeah, he's manipulating her. And it's complete. Yeah, it's completely. When I watched it the first time, it was hilarious. Oh my God, that's so funny. He's just pretending he went to high school with that woman, Nancy, so he could hook up with her. And as I watched it again with you last week, I was like, oh my God, this is so, so manipulative. So gross. And sadly, it's still what some people teach in the world of like the whole toxic pickup artist world.

[Jessamyn]

Yeah. And I imagine now with the Internet, you know, it's. You can do tons of research on somebody before you meet them. And it's, you know, it's like, oh, you could see that being like some sort of weird pickup artisty thing. Like, you know, do as much research on her as you can and you know, you'll be able to agree with her and have all these. It's like, no, it's just manipulative and, and boring.

[Connell Barrett]

Right. Well, I think there's a, there's a way to do a little bit of research about. Not about the person, but about something that, you know, they're interested in to be able to talk about that thing. And I don't think we did this. I don't think I did this before our first date. But you know, you and I have been texting about. About your. I think you. I. I knew you were into dance or you were into some kind of theater. I suppose I could have done some research and learned a little bit about what you were into. But if you know a woman you have a date with is really into skiing or really into a certain band, absolutely. Do a little research on the things she's into so you could talk about it. You might want to ask her some questions that might engage her. So there's a good fill way to go about using intel about somebody versus what he did, which is say whatever it takes to get Nancy into bed with him.

[Jessamyn]

Right. And then he used the. Pretty much the exact same approach and technique with Andy and that just that whole scene was even more cringe inducing when he finally got her back to his room.

[Connell Barrett]

Oh, right. She says, we counted. She said no like five different ways five different times. Right.

[Jessamyn]

Like her body language, like all the signs were there. All the signs that should be looking for on dates were all there and he just did not. He was plowing through and it was just vomit inducing.

[Connell Barrett]

Yeah, that was me. It wasn't that bad. Don't get me wrong. I wasn't as gross as Phil, but absolutely. Get her back to your place, make her feel comfortable. All this seduction stuff. I did stuff, at least in the vicinity in the direction of what he was doing. And I remember thinking, well, I guess this is what you do. And I just, I didn't feel good about it in terms of, you know, I never did this one. There's. There's a really gross move some guy said at a seminar once. He was like, it was, it was like right before you're getting closer to intimacy sex. And he said, well, never ask her if she wants to have sex. Ask her, should you ask her, should I put the condom on or should you? Yeah, right? Yeah.

[Jessamyn]

Oh, God.

[Connell Barrett]

Like using like sales technique stuff like, you know, so do you want to take the 36 month rental or the or lease or do you want to buy it? It's like maybe neither. Maybe she. Maybe neither of us should put this condom on. Maybe we should take our time.

[Jessamyn]

Everybody knows a real gentleman puts his own condom on. I think that's. That goes without saying. Like the question shouldn't even be in so many feelings.

[Connell Barrett]

Thank you for giving me the cold open sound bite for this episode. Nailed it. Oh, man. Okay, next category. It's the this aged like fine wine. This category is what's something that's timeless and great about this movie? For me, it's just the message of constant and never ending growth and improvement is one of the ways to be fulfilled in life. Just always be working on yourself, always trying to get better. I think that message is universal. I think one of the most fulfilling things I've ever done in my life that's made me happy is letting go of a certain result or not being so result oriented in life and just saying, you know what? I just want to get a little bit better at things. I want to learn new things. I just want to always grow and improve. So to me, that's age like fine wine. That and needle nose Ned. Aw. Ned is amazing in this movie. Needle knows Ned.

[Jessamyn]

He deserved a spin off, but we'll get to that. Yeah. I mean, the concept of kind of what you're saying, like the message of being able to work on yourself, it's about the journey. I think the whole premise of having to do the same day over and over again. It's a very interesting premise that can be used in a number of ways. The movie Palm Springs recently, a few years ago, when that came out, that really took that timeline and did it really, really well. And you had two characters that were in that loop that had some lessons learned along the way. That's absolutely a timeless concept.

[Connell Barrett]

If you had to guess, how many years do you think Phil was stuck in that loop?

[Jessamyn]

You know, I feel like I had always just assumed it had something to do with, like, oh, it's because the whole thing is, you know, we have six more weeks of winter. So my three thought was, he does six weeks worth of days. But I know that's not right because that's impossible. I mean, he has to get in 10,000 hours of becoming a piano player, so.

[Connell Barrett]

Right.

[Jessamyn]

Yeah. God, it had to have been years, right?

[Connell Barrett]

Not just. I would assume it takes at least five, maybe 10 years to get that good.

[Jessamyn]

Five years. Yeah. Five years sounds about right.

[Connell Barrett]

But he was also getting great at ice sculpting.

[Jessamyn]

He did the ice sculpting. He did something else. I mean, he was doing the snow stuff too.

[Connell Barrett]

Oh, right, right. And why can't you make carpet? Maybe that's. Maybe you learn. Maybe you get good at sculpting snow faces while you're getting good at ice sculpting.

[Jessamyn]

Right. He had his piano lesson in the morning, and then his.

[Connell Barrett]

Right. Harold Ramis talked about this. He changed his answer when he was asked about it. First he said, oh, it was probably about 10 years. Then he said 30 years. Some have said a thousand years. And he, you know, one of the things about this movie that I think has also aged well is the tonal changes. It's a comedy about a gruff but kind of lovable guy named Phil. And then it becomes really dark. He's suicidal. I mean, he's jumping off of buildings. It gets really dark and bleak. And then it becomes a rom com in the last. Basically the last half. And I don't know, maybe it must have been a long time he was stuck in that loop. If he's willing to jump off of buildings and get into a bathtub with a toaster with bread still in the toaster, which I love, as he electrocutes himself.

[Jessamyn]

Right.

[Connell Barrett]

If you're gonna kill yourself and please don't try. But if you're gonna do it, if you're gonna use a toaster, you may as well toast some bread while you're.

[Jessamyn]

Doing it in case you, like, survive for a few minutes and eat a snack.

[Connell Barrett]

Right. Let's talk about next category. What has aged, not like fine wine, but like warm milk. What has not aged well in this movie? I think a big thing that hasn't aged well is Bill Murray's reputation for on set behavior. He. Now, Andy McDowell has always spoken well of him. She had no issues with him. But Geena Davis wrote a book, came out a couple years ago. She talked about some pretty gross things that she alleges Bill Murray did on the set of or when they were filming a movie called Quick Change with Geena Davis. But I have to ask you about this one particular thing that's getting some attention from the book you write about alleged sort of abusive behavior on the part of Bill Murray, your co star in the 1989 film Quick Change. You say he used. This is just a weird. You say he used a massager on you during a private meeting or tried to and got to for a little bit and another time berated you in front of the cast and crew. Yet you never said anything about it at the time. You said those were ways to test you. Well, you know, I only learned later what it was about. It was at the audition that before he would let me audition or talk about the role or anything, I had to let him put this massager on. I had to lay down on a bed in the hotel suite and let him put this massager on my back. And it was so insistent about it. That I knew I was never going to be able to leave the room unless I went crazy, you know, without, you know, being forced to do this thing. And found out later that it was because he. I had just won an Oscar. And he thought, I'm not, I'm not going to cast her unless I know she's not going to think she's all that. And she has to. I have to be sure that she's going to do what I want. And then there was a movie a couple years ago, an Aziz Ansari movie, I forget the name that basically got. The movie got canceled because Bill Murray was accused of some sort of inappropriate behavior. And the movie still to this day never was never finished. So Bill Murray's reputation. I think he's a comedic genius. I also think there's a lot of problematic behavior that a lot of people have brought up that has clearly aged poorly.

[Jessamyn]

Yeah. And I think now, like going back and watching it and seeing the movie itself and his character in Groundhog Day, and then, you know, it's kind of like, oh, you know, are we actually just seeing him being himself in some of these takes? You just, you don't know.

[Connell Barrett]

Yeah.

[Jessamyn]

You just watch it a little differently.

[Connell Barrett]

Well, he essentially, his relationship, friendship with Harold Raim as the director ended during the filming of this movie because he was going through. Bill Murray was going through a divorce when they were making this movie. So he was going through a lot of personal issues. And Bill Murray is famously difficult to contact, to reach. He would just disappear for days at a time, apparently. And I read this in Entertainment Weekly, he was having real problems with Harold Ramis. And so the studio insisted that Bill Murray give them somebody who could be the constant go between so they could be in touch with him. Because he would just disappear and not be in touch with anybody. And they'd have to shoot scenes without him. And so to be kind of a dick, according to this article, he said, okay, fine, I'll bring somebody who'll be my, my, my liaison. And he found a deaf person. Just as a total F you and their relationship, essentially their friendship ended. Bill Murray and Harold Ramis, until Harold Ramis was near death, I guess. Apparently Bill went to Harold's deathbed and they had some kind of reconciliation. So this movie ended their friendship, which is a real bummer. It's a great movie. So Bill Murray, you know, he hasn't really been canceled per se, but I feel like his reputation has taken a big hit.

[Jessamyn]

Yeah. And I think he's feel like he recently came out and made some statements about, you know, he's really almost fully retired from, you know, big blockbuster movies. He hasn't been in a big movie in a decade at least. And he does acknowledge his behavior, sort of. But you know.

[Connell Barrett]

You struggle with dating, right? Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt. The apps don't work for you, and sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating. Hey, I struggled with dating too. As an introvert and a total nerd. I didn't just live in the friend zone. I owned real estate there. But I escaped using the dating philosophy of Radical Authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. It's what I wrote about in my best selling book, Dating Sucks, but yout Don't. And Radical Authenticity is why Psychology Today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I want to personally help you attract your dream girlfriend. So go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. On our call, I'll tell you how my one on one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend. And you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and and authenticity. No creepy pickup tricks needed. So go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today, and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend. Okay, next category. The what are they Wearing? Award. Calling out iconic or terrible fashion choices. Any thoughts from.

[Jessamyn]

So again, I, when I this movie came out early 90s and when you and I were watching it, I'm looking at it like, okay, I don't remember the early 90s because I was an infant. But I'm like looking at the fashion, I'm thinking like this is, was this made in the 80s and then like filmed in the 80s, late 80s and then like put together and then I, I don't know, like, it did not. It wasn't particularly bad for the time, but it was definitely dated. The hair, the clothing choices. I can't remember the name of the costume designer, but I clocked her name. I was like, what, what happened here? Here's a story here.

[Connell Barrett]

Yeah, it's. I think it came out in 93 and it looks like 1987.

[Jessamyn]

Yeah. And you know, you would know better than I would, I guess.

[Connell Barrett]

Yes. Now I kind of. Because I, I'm from that era. I sort of have a thing for the whole 80s look. So I like Rita's puffy floofy, Andy McDowell's fluffy poofy. Hair.

[Jessamyn]

I do have. I think I'm a little jealous of puffy, floofy hair because my hair will never be that at all, no matter what I do.

[Connell Barrett]

Next category. Did they make history? Kiss. When they finally kiss, when they finally got together at the very end, how did that. How would you rate their kiss on a scale of 1 to 10? Sizzling hot. Right?

[Jessamyn]

I'm thinking, like, is the scale good or bad? Because it definitely made history as a pretty terrible kiss. Like, it just kind of looked like. I don't know if it's like his face just looks like that. It just. They looked, like, mashed together. It just was not. I think the setting was very romantic. Yeah, but it.

[Connell Barrett]

Yeah, we're not watching Bill Murray movies to. To. For the hot, sexy makeouts. But I did feel like the romance was. I think they. They justified it. It was. It was quote, unquote earned. But at the same time, it's not like I was like, oh, man, this is. This is turning. This is a turn on. Definitely not.

[Jessamyn]

I've seen some pretty good kisses. This was. This is not on a good kiss. His scale.

[Connell Barrett]

This might be my favorite category. Next. The no one talks like this award. In this movie. There were two moments that jumped out. One was when Phil is sitting in the diner and he's stuffing his face with crawlers and drinking coffee out of a giant pitcher, and he's just basically in I am God mode. And Andie MacDowell. Rita starts quoting French poetry.

[Jessamyn]

The wretch concentred all in self living.

[Connell Barrett]

Shall forfeit fair renown and doubly dying shall go down to the vile dust.

[Jessamyn]

From whence he sprung unwept, unhonoured and unsung. Sir Walter Scott. What?

[Connell Barrett]

You don't like poetry? I love poetry. I just thought that was Willard Scott. I was confused. And then there's a very Rom comy moment later where he's finally starting to appreciate how wonderful she is. And he says, oh, you like boats, but not the ocean. You like this, but that. You like boats, but not the ocean. You go to a lake in the summer with your family up in the mountains. There's a long wooden dock and a boathouse with boards missing from the roof and a place you used to crawl underneath to be alone. You're a sucker for French poetry and rhinestones. You're very generous. You're kind to strangers and children. And when you stand in the snow, you look like an angel.

[Jessamyn]

How are you doing this?

[Connell Barrett]

I told you. I wake up every day right here. Right in punxsutawney and it's always February 2nd, and there's nothing I can do about it. And it's really. It's sweet, but just. People don't talk like that.

[Jessamyn]

No. There. I remember those same moments thinking, like, these are absurd, but with the actual flow of the movie and the setting of it, it didn't really pull me out. You know, it worked for what it was.

[Connell Barrett]

The.

[Jessamyn]

The quoting when. When he quotes back French poetry to her on their date, it's like, ugh, gross. But it's. It technically works. And I'm still in the. Okay, this is an absurd romantic comedy where he's, like, learning about her and memorizing all these things and going to extremes in all these directions. Like, it's definitely strange, but it works for what it is.

[Connell Barrett]

Next we have the Judy Greer Award for the best supporting character or the character we'd like to see a movie about. To me, I want to see a whole movie about Ned Needlenose Ryerson.

[Jessamyn]

I want to see. Yeah, like a. It doesn't. I don't know if it's a feature necessarily, but just, you know, something about his life, what he's been doing, how he got to stay in Fashionably Hilted. Because he seems to be, like, a pretty bmac or bmoc in, like, that area. He's like the insurance guy. There's got to be something there.

[Connell Barrett]

I heard a theory. I forget. I was on some other movie podcast talking about Groundhog Day, and they said, what if Ned is in his own time loop? And he is. He's reliving his day over and over again, and he is just. He hasn't evolved yet. He's stuck because he's this annoying guy who comes up and tries to sell you insurance, and he's not going to be able to escape until he finally grows into the man he was meant to be. Interesting. I thought that was a pretty cool theory.

[Jessamyn]

Or maybe that's. Yeah, maybe he's reached, like, the peak of his evolution, just being, like, constantly positive and forever going to sell insurance, and he's just accepted it. It's like, you know what? That's fine. That's also an option for how you can live your life.

[Connell Barrett]

What a shock. Do you have life insurance? Because if you do, you could always use a little more.

[Jessamyn]

Am I right or am I right.

[Connell Barrett]

Or am I right? That's as good as it gets for Ned, maybe. Okay, the genre swap. If this movie was remade in a different genre, what would the movie be like? Or what would the Title be. I've got a couple thoughts here. Maybe, maybe Sci Fi. Edge of Tomorrow. Horror. Groundhog. Sleigh.

[Jessamyn]

Oh, yeah. Or just like, like Ground Hogs Day. Like, like ground, like grinding up Hobbies. Hogs. Horror movie. I don't know.

[Connell Barrett]

Ooh.

[Jessamyn]

I'm not a horror freak.

[Connell Barrett]

Oh, my God, they're actually grinding up the hogs. Yeah, it's like soil and green. Soil and green is people. And then Cinemax after dark. Pound Hog Day. Come on. Who would want to watch Pound Hog Day?

[Jessamyn]

The main location in the film Gobbler's Knob, it's right there.

[Connell Barrett]

Gobbler's Knob is going to be the location where they shoot Pound Hog Day. Next category, the tear jerking trophy. What moment got to you? What moment made you tear up? Or maybe not literally, but got to your heart a little bit? For me, it's when he's. I just have a soft spot in my heart for older people. And when he's trying to bring the old man when he's buying him soup, just watching the old man eat soup and Phil is giving him a second bowl, and the older homeless man looks at Phil when he realizes there's a second bowl coming, and he's just so appreciative. Oh, my God, it's just so sweet.

[Jessamyn]

Yeah, the old man. I think that it was obviously designed to be the tear jerking moment. I didn't get anywhere near tears or jerking at any point in this movie, just for the record. But yeah, when he's doing the. The CPR on him and like the alley, it's a very, like, emotionally inducing moment.

[Connell Barrett]

Well, they'll be jerking when we watch Pound Hog Day, right?

[Jessamyn]

Naturally.

[Connell Barrett]

Yeah. Oh, I forgot. I forgot to mention, just real quick going back to. They don't talk like this. Remember when the old man passes?

[Jessamyn]

Yeah.

[Connell Barrett]

And he says, oh, I want to see his chart. What happened? Remember what the.

[Jessamyn]

Oh, God.

[Connell Barrett]

Yeah, the nurse said it was just. It was just his time. It's not the way nurses talk, I don't think.

[Jessamyn]

I mean, they might if it's like real busy and you know, it. It's like, yeah, this. This nameless old person has come in and died. And that does probably truly just happen, but yeah.

[Connell Barrett]

Okay, a couple more and we'll be good to go. Happily Ever after award. How long do they last? It's February. The movie ends, it's February 3rd. Now. How long do these kids last? Days? Weeks? Months? What's the over under?

[Jessamyn]

I still don't know what an over under is, but I'm not going to tell you that's fine. That that keeps the mystery alive in our relationship is me not understanding gambling terms. It's like, you know, so they're. So they're co workers that have just hooked up that are in a romantic relationship now. So they've got maybe one month of, like, fun sneaking around, you know, early stages, and then it's all right, well, I guess we should be in a relationship now. So now they've got a month of dealing with, like, HR and making that, you know, public, and then maybe another month of just pure toxic chaos. And either they decide, yeah, we're going to be toxic together forever, or they're going to shut it down. So anywhere from three months to forever is my best guess.

[Connell Barrett]

Three months to forever. I think, actually, I think there's a couple. I think actually I could see them working long term because Phil has, again, he's just gone through at least 10, maybe 30 years of growth. He's incredibly evolved. And I think Andy McDowell's character read. I think she's a wonderful catch, and I think she's got it all together. Here's the problem for this couple. He's just lived, I don't know, 50,000 straight days over and over again, and now he's about to go into the. Back into the regular world and everything's going to be different. I think that's going to be traumatizing for him.

[Jessamyn]

Yeah, I didn't think of that.

[Connell Barrett]

I think all of a sudden he's. He's. It's the ultimate culture shock. I'm not saying that's going to. That's not necessarily going to end their relationship, but I think first he has to just. He needs like a year of. Of therapy just to re. Enter. It's almost like there's something called re Entry shock. I think when. When. When. What's the term for people who.

[Jessamyn]

Formerly incarcerated. Right, yeah, right.

[Connell Barrett]

Yeah. Yeah. It's almost like that. It's like he just got out of prison in a sense, or a kind of prison for a while. So he might not be dateable for a year or so. Might need deep therapy.

[Jessamyn]

Yeah, he's like aged 30 years, but he's still the same. And now he has. Yeah. Yeah, I didn't think of that.

[Connell Barrett]

Two more. The Grand Gesture award. Most rom coms end with some big grand gesture. But what I like about Groundhog Day, one of the. One of the many charms, is that there's not a huge romantic gesture. It's actually really small. The. The moment when we really see that he has changed is they're just lying in bed together, and she's actually asleep, and he's saying how she's the kindest, sweetest person he's ever met.

[Jessamyn]

I never told you that.

[Connell Barrett]

I knew that.

[Jessamyn]

I wanted to hold you as hard as I could. I don't deserve someone like you.

[Connell Barrett]

But.

[Jessamyn]

If I ever could.

[Connell Barrett]

I swear I would love you for the rest of my life. To me, that's the big gesture. And it's. What I like about it is it's not a big gesture. It's a really small, sweet, understated gesture. So I'll give it a swoon on a scale of. Of lame to swoon. Not because it's grand, but because it's actually really understated, but sincere and sweet.

[Jessamyn]

Yeah, I agree. I think it's like a light, swoony moment. He's finally wrapped up his journey, and it's. Yeah, it didn't need to be a grand gesture. I think that would have pulled everyone out of it, actually.

[Connell Barrett]

The big gesture comes from her when he's. When she buys him in the auction. Yeah, that's the gesture. I like that they flipped it. She's the one who's. Who's making the gesture.

[Jessamyn]

Right? I mean, he. Yeah, I guess he kind of kicked it off of the piano playing.

[Connell Barrett]

And speaking of that, I'm so glad I wanted to bring this up. As a dating coach, I hear this so often. I hear and I. And there's so much, so many videos and. And so called experts talking about this on social media. It's the idea of making a woman chase. How do I get her to chase me? What do you say? What do you do to get a woman to, quote, chase you? And I hate the concept of chasing somebody that you can manipulate them into getting them to chase you. I think what we learned from watching Phil realize that he can't get Rida to, quote, chase him. It doesn't work because it's not real. It's manipulative. It's forced, it's dishonest. She actually starts to pursue him when he just becomes more evolved, more awesome. When he stops trying so damn hard. He's great. He's. He's taking piano. He's giving of himself to others. He's helping little old ladies with the flat tire. He's just become such a great. Not great, a better man, a good man. And that's when Rita starts to notice him and starts bidding on him for the auction and essentially becoming really attracted to him. What makes her Quote, chase is not any manipulation or move. It's just him being a man who's just putting so much great mojo and karma out in the world.

[Jessamyn]

Yeah. Being honest, being your authentic self is what makes you appealing to the people that you want to be interested in you. The Chase is just human interest and wanting to pursue somebody and learn more about them and.

[Connell Barrett]

Yeah.

[Jessamyn]

Be a part of their life and have them be a part of yours.

[Connell Barrett]

Yeah. Well, there's a great moment when he's finally turned a corner. He's really accepted his situation. He's realized, you know what? I'm going to accept where I am and make the best of this. And there's a great moment when he's eloquently talking about what Groundhog Day now means to him. On air, on the camera, he talks about being welcomed into the people's hearts and hearths of Punxsutawney. But standing here among the people of Punxsutawney and basking in the warmth of their hearths and hearts, I couldn't imagine a better fate than a long and lustrous winter. And that's the moment when Rita looks at him and says, hey, Phil, that was great. Do you want to go get coffee? And it's not because he said anything gamey or manipulative. It's because he's just evolved into a even better, the best possible version of him. And that's what's making her interested. I just. I just. I think that's a great lesson. And you can't. You can't teach that in a pickup class. You got to earn that to become that man. You can't fake that.

[Jessamyn]

That's exactly.

[Connell Barrett]

Yeah. And he's like, sorry, I got to go. And he's. He's busy catching a child who's falling out of a tree. I'd love to meet you. Can we. Can we take a rain check? I got to go catch this kid who's going to fall out of a tree as we. Oh, another one last quick dating tip that I love about good Phil and you might be able to speak to this I think you probably would agree, is that he never totally loses his dickishness. Right. He's still a little bit of a dick, right?

[Jessamyn]

Yeah. He's a smart ass. You get that?

[Connell Barrett]

Yeah. There's an edge there that I think is cool. And not everybody has that dickish edge. I do, and I let it come out, but I. Not in a fake way, but don't lose that edge. And he doesn't lose it. Either he's still, you know, he saves that kid who falls out of the tree, but he's like, well, you never thank me. I'll be back tomorrow maybe, you know, but of course he will. He really has become super, like the most evolved version of him, and that's why Rita goes for him. So I guess my tip for you guys listening is just spend 30,000 years in a time loop, become super evolved, and then you can date your Andie McDowell type.

[Jessamyn]

You can. You can hook up with your co worker.

[Connell Barrett]

Okay, last one. The final category, the final award. What is the movie's biggest love lesson? I'll let you go first. Ladies first.

[Jessamyn]

How about you go first?

[Connell Barrett]

Because.

[Jessamyn]

My, My final thoughts are that the. The. The ROM of this rom com isn't really. It's not the focus. Right? It's not. I'm not convinced that the romantic aspects of this are the primary messages that we're supposed to get from this. But maybe you have a different take as, you know, an expert.

[Connell Barrett]

I think that the romance, I think it's a device. He needs to find motivation to grow, and he needs to become worthy of love. And so my. The biggest love lesson for me from Groundhog Day is to become worthy of an incredible woman's love. You've got to grow into a better man. And you've got to give to her, to the world, to others. You can't be so selfish. You've got to be more selfless. And you've also got to keep growing. And I think it's only when he's grown to the best fill and he's actually thinking about others and contributing, that's when Rita falls for him. So to me, that's the biggest love lesson. Grow and give. And that's how you're going to get a great girlfriend. But what do I know? I only have the greatest girlfriend in the world.

[Jessamyn]

Come on, stop. What? Who's that?

[Connell Barrett]

So that's my love lesson. But I do. I want to make sure I honor your point. What were you trying to say or what were you saying about the ROM aspect of this?

[Jessamyn]

I feel like I've seen people or heard people say, like, oh, this is one of the greatest rom coms of all time. It's not. It's not a. Is it a ROM com? We're talking about rom coms here. I maintain that it's a comedy, I think kind of like. Like the. The romantic aspect of it is a mechanism. This is, again, this is the 90s, the Rom com.

[Connell Barrett]

Boom.

[Jessamyn]

You need that romantic relationship As a tool, I think to demonstrate what you're saying is, you know, a big piece of making your life better for yourself is working on yourself and engaging in that journey. Even if you're not stuck in a time loop, you know, you can approach every day with that same sort of mentality of like, what am I going to do today that was different than yesterday? How am I going to make these changes? So I present myself differently to people. I'll have better relationships with women. I'll have better relationships with my co workers. I'll have a better outlook on my job and how it's important. I mean, him being, you know, the journalist and him being in the role that he's in as a caster, he. He has this responsibility to share his take and his perspective on events that are happening in the world and his journey helps him approach it differently. Like we see in the movie.

[Connell Barrett]

I think what I love about the movie is that it's a lot of different things for different people. I think you're right. I don't think it's a rom com. In the classic Harry Met Sally sense, I think it's. It's. There are definitely. I mean, there's romance in it, and they go from not liking each other to being together. So in that sense, it's a rom com. But it's also a movie about growing into a better person. It's about maybe accepting where you are and. And letting go of. Of things you can't control. Just saying, all right, this is the situation. I'm going to make the best of it that I can. I think that's one of the reasons why so many people love this movie is it can be a lot of different things to different people. To me, it's a part of It's a rom com. Part of it's a silly 90s comedy. Part of it's oblique, a bleak. Not bleak, but a. A soulful, deep look at. At what can cause somebody to lose hope and how they get that hope back. To me, it's. It's all those things. And it's Chris Elliott, so. And I'm a Chris Elliott fan, too.

[Jessamyn]

That's fair.

[Connell Barrett]

All right, well, thank you so much for being with me tonight, Shmoopy, and helping me launch It's Rom Complicated.

[Jessamyn]

Thanks for having me.

[Connell Barrett]

All right, that is the first of, I hope, many episodes of It's Rom Complicated. The next episode of It's Rom Complicated to be decided. But the next episode of the how to Get a Girlfriend podcast, we'll be. We'll be back to those core nuts and bolts of how to flirt, how to get more dates, how to meet women in real life, which we're going to be talking about in upcoming episodes as we lead up to Valentine Valentine's Day. So thank you. Thank you so much for being here, for listening. I know there's a million podcasts out there. Thanks for choosing mine. And don't forget, you're a dream girlfriend. She's out there, just like mine was. But. And she already likes you. Or she will like you. She just has to meet the real, authentic you. So go out there, carpe datum, seize the date till next time.