Podcast Summary: How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Episode: Introducing The 6 Icks: A New Dating Framework to Never Be Creepy—and Always Flirt with Charm
Date: December 4, 2025
Host: Connell Barrett

Episode Overview

In this episode, Connell Barrett introduces his newly developed framework: "The 6 Icks," designed to help men confidently approach, flirt, and connect with women without coming across as creepy. Drawing from 14 years of coaching and personal experience, Connell reassures listeners that most men’s natural empathy and respectful approach already set them apart from true “creeps.” The episode arms men with practical tools to avoid key missteps (the “icks”), so they can pursue romance authentically and fearlessly—without awkwardness or anxiety about overstepping.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Paradox of “Creepy”: Why Good Guys Freeze

• Main Concern: Many men hesitate to approach or make moves for fear of being creepy, which ironically increases anxiety and can sabotage romantic success.

  • "The very fact that you worry about bothering women and not creeping women out, that shows that you’re not a creep. It shows that you like women, you respect women. You have empathy, you have integrity.” (00:00)

• Listener Q&A: Connell reads a question from a firefighter in Texas:

  • The listener notes he has no fear running into burning buildings but is terrified of seeming creepy when talking to women, resulting in inaction or avoidance. (02:02)

• Personal Anecdote: Connell recounts an early dating experience at a NYC lounge:

  • He pushed himself to approach a woman despite feeling like he might come off as a weirdo or intruder.
  • Her response: “Oh my God, you just came right up to us and talked to us. Do you know what you are? ... You’re normal.” (05:04)
  • The true “creep,” Connell observes, was another man who watched the women all night without saying a word, making them uncomfortable.

The Essence of Creepy vs. Confident

• Key Insight:
  • “It’s not creepy to take a chance. What’s creepy is wanting to take a chance but doing nothing and just timidly staring at a woman instead.” (05:54)
  • Initiative, done with attunement, is generally welcomed; what’s unsettling is miscalibrated advances or completely ignoring her signals. (08:51)
  • “What creeps a woman out is not initiative. It’s when a guy hovers, pushes, ignores signals.” (09:07)

Introducing “The 6 Icks”

(12:50–21:14)

Connell distills 20 years of study into six categories of behavior that genuinely give women “the ick”—i.e., that make men come off as creepy or off-putting.

The 6 Icks:

1. The Sex Object Ick

   • Reducing a woman to her body parts or making overtly sexual comments early on.
   • Example: “Your lips look amazing. I wonder what else you can do with those lips. Ew.” (12:50)

2. The Too Timid Ick

   • Hesitant, uncertain, or “stalker-y” vibes, like staring but never initiating contact.
   • Example: “I was too timid to talk to her, so I wrote her a little flirty love note... She never did [text me], because that kind of timidity gives women the ick.” (13:23)

3. The Me First Ick

   • Focusing on your own validation or desires instead of fostering a win-win dynamic.
   • Example: Treating every interaction as a transaction, obsessing over getting a woman into bed. (14:59)

4. The Try Hard Ick

   • Overcompensating, faking confidence, bragging, or otherwise not being authentic.
   • Example: “I told this woman, oh yeah, I’m taking pilot lessons, I swim with sharks...Total bullshit, total lies.” (15:25)

5. The Signal Blind Ick

   • Failing to read the woman’s cues or context; escalating when she’s not comfortable.
   • Example: “He just put his hand on a woman's thigh for like five minutes. And finally she just walked up and left because she felt so uncomfortable.” (17:27)
   • Example 2: Continuing to push flirtatious jokes after the woman says “whoa, whoa, whoa, easy,” leading her to cancel their date. (18:31–19:42)

6. The Agenda Ick

   • Using manipulative, high-pressure tactics to force an outcome or ignore boundaries.
   • Example: “Come back... one quick drink at my place” despite clear signals she’s not interested. (21:14)

Reassurance & Empowerment

• Most listeners are probably not guilty of the majority of these icks, especially the more egregious ones.
• “The point of this list is actually for you to realize, wow, I have a lot more freedom to make moves, to flirt, to take some chances. That’s what I hope you’ll take away…” (22:11)
• Approaching women, saying hello, or going for a kiss on a first date (if calibrated) are NOT in themselves creepy or risky. (23:44)
• “The very fact that you worry about bothering women and not creeping women out, that shows that you’re not a creep.” (23:44)

Right Actions: How to Never Be Creepy

(24:38–31:14)

Connell gives actionable advice for each “ick,” focusing on what to do instead:

• Sex Object Ick: Compliment her personality, wit, or unique traits—not just looks. Show genuine curiosity about who she is.

  • “While every other guy is fawning over her curves, you’re that rare guy who’s saying, ‘You know what’s really special and sexy about you? You’re so present. You have such a great energy and you’re funny.’” (25:26)

• Too Timid Ick: Act with clarity and commitment. “A crystal clear, ‘hey, I had to meet you, you’re adorable,’ is way less creepy and way more welcomed than staring for 20 minutes.” (26:03)

• Me First Ick: Focus on creating a “win-win vibe.” Ask: “How can I give her a great night with a good guy? How can I make her smile, feel sexy, feel seen and heard?” (26:41)

• Try Hard Ick: Be expressive, not impressive. Share vulnerabilities and real stories (e.g., struggles, insecurities)—not just achievements.

  • “Say the thing that is true and might not put you in a great light, but... that kind of vulnerability is attractive to women.” (27:23)

• Signal Blind Ick: Be present. Watch for her responses, match her tempo, and ease off if she closes up.

  • “If she closes off, you can ease back or maybe try to spike the punch a little bit.” (28:41)

• Agenda Ick: Treat dating as a two-person dance, not a strategy or competition.

  • “It’s not you versus her... It’s a dance. And women want you to lead that dance.” (30:46)

Memorable Quotes & Moments

• On Real Courage:
  • “You run into burning buildings already. You’re already doing such courageous, heroic things. Taking her hand, saying hello at the coffee shop—that’s the easy part.” (32:03)
• On Avoiding the Icks:
  • “There are hazards... The 6X are these six primary hazards that you want to avoid and that once you know what they are, they’re fairly simple to avoid.” (31:45)
• On Giving Permission to Flirt:
  • “It is not an ick to chat up a woman in the grocery store in a light G rated way. That’s not an ick. That’s attractive. It is not an ick or creepy to go for a first kiss on a first date.” (32:28)

Notable Segment Timestamps

• 00:00 - Opening reassurance: good guys don’t have to worry about being creeps.
• 02:02 - Listener letter from the firefighter; framing the problem.
• 05:04 - Connell’s personal “not a creep” lounge story.
• 08:51 - Core definition: the difference between initiative and creepy.
• 12:50 - Formal introduction of The 6 Icks.
• 17:27 - Signal blind ick: stories and examples.
• 21:14 - The agenda ick explained.
• 22:11 - Reassuring listeners—the icks aren’t what most good guys do.
• 24:38–31:14 - Actionable advice for each ick; how to move forward with charm and authenticity.
• 32:03 - Conclusion: confidence, courage, and giving yourself permission to connect.

Takeaway

Connell’s framework reframes flirtation and dating for men: The key to never being creepy is attunement, authenticity, and emotional presence. Most genuine guys already avoid the true icks, and men should feel empowered to flirt, approach, and express interest—so long as it’s done with respect and an open, non-agenda-driven heart.

If you have questions about the 6 Icks, or want to avoid being creepy, reach out to Connell at connell@datingtransformation.com.

Your dream girlfriend wants to meet the real, most authentic you. Seize the date!