Podcast Summary

How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett

Episode: Online Dating Is Brutal in 2026—Here Are 26 New Rules to Finally Get Good Matches (Part 1)
Host: Connell Barrett
Date: December 11, 2025

Episode Overview

In this energetic and insightful episode, renowned dating coach Connell Barrett kicks off a special two-part series revealing his "26 New Rules for Online Dating in 2026." Recognizing that online dating has become increasingly competitive, especially with more men than women on the apps, Connell aims to equip listeners with fresh, practical strategies to drastically boost their match rates and attract high-quality women. He brings the same approachable, humorous tone that’s become his trademark, promising authenticity—not sleazy pickup tactics—and using examples from his own life and his coaching successes.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Brutal Reality of Online Dating in 2026

• Online Dating Is Difficult for Most Men:

  • “The average guy on Tinder matches with just 2.5% of the women he swipes right on.” (02:05)
  • Many people take this personally, but Connell reassures listeners: “The problem is not you. Your profile isn’t marketing the right way.” (05:09)

• Connell Frames the Problem:

  • Online dating is now "digital marketing," not really dating until you meet in person or start messaging.
    • “Your profile is a piece of marketing designed to get your audience to choose from the product—the product of you.” (04:10)
  • “Once you realize it’s just marketing, that takes a lot of the personal indictment out of it.” (07:20)

The First 14 Rules for Online Dating in 2026

Connell rolls out the first 14 essential rules, providing anecdotes and actionable advice:

1. Online Dating = Digital Marketing (05:40)

• Treat your profile like a digital ad campaign.
• Focus on standing out and offering value to your “audience.”
• “Most guys run terrible ads. Sadly, your profile is a piece of marketing...” (04:12)

2. Use PhotoFeeler—Let Women Pick Your Best Photos (09:05)

• Test your photos using photofeeler.com to see what actual women find attractive.
• Aim for a 7.5+ rating for ‘attractiveness’ from a female focus group.
• “I went to Paris…thought those photos would crush. Totally tanked.” (11:31)
• Authentic, well-lit portraits outperformed exotic vacation shots.

3. No Bathroom Selfies (13:12)

• “Women don’t want to associate you with toilets.” (13:12)

4. Have a Hot Take (13:51)

• Your profile should include one honest, polarizing opinion or “hot take.”
• Hot takes make you stand out from generic bios.
• Examples:
  • “Unpopular opinion: Dating works better when two people stop pretending to be cool and admit that they like each other.” (15:37)
  • “Busy is not a personality. If you want love, make space for it.” (15:52)
  • “Star Wars peaked with Andor. If you disagree, you’re allowed to be wrong.” (16:39)
  • “Hot take: I judge people by how they treat the waiter, and I’m not sorry for that.” (15:56)

5. Stop Filtering Out Good Matches (17:04)

• Broaden your age and height filters “by at least three years and three inches in both directions.”
• Shares success story of a client who found an amazing partner just outside his previous filters.
• “Your perfect match might just be two years older or one inch shorter than your current filters.” (18:22)

6. Use Video to Get More Matches (19:19)

• Only 12% of men use video, but it builds trust in an AI-suspicious world.
• Short, candid clips work best—show warmth and authenticity.
• “Video is more dynamic than photos and…more trustworthy for women right now.” (21:13)
• Pro tip: Place the video first in your profile if the app allows.

7. Add a Mystery Detail (22:33)

• Tease something intriguing in your bio to provoke curiosity.
• Examples:
  • “You won’t believe why I had to go to court last year.”
  • “I once had a date with a 90s movie star. Can you guess who?”
• Also suggests a mystery-based opener:
  • “‘Hey Sarah, do you want to know what’s really interesting about your photos? Especially the third one...’” (23:47)

8. No Sunglasses (24:18)

• Eyes are crucial for connection—don’t hide them.
• “Unless you’re one of the Men in Black…” (24:27)

9. Show Her You Have Standards (24:51)

• Avoid coming across as desperate or as a “seller.”
• Example prompt:
  • “I want an incredible woman who can keep up with my sarcasm, my intelligence, and who knows the difference between ‘your’ and ‘you’re’.” (25:29)
• “That prompt…says to women, ‘I hope you can keep up with somebody like me,’ which is a confident thing to say.” (25:41)

10. First Photo = Magazine Cover Magnetic (26:58)

• Treat your first profile photo like a GQ or Men’s Health cover—stylish, eye-catching, high quality.
• “Don’t treat your first photo like some kind of afterthought.” (27:29)

11. Authentic Smiles Work—Fake Ones Don’t (28:13)

• Women can spot fake, forced smiles instantly.
• Real smiles activate the “orbicularis oculi” muscles, lighting up your whole face.
• “When I try to smile a certain way, I look constipated. I do not look swipeable.” (28:23)

12. Use the ‘Aww’ Photo (31:30)

• Add one heartwarming picture showing warmth, e.g., with a pet or an older relative.
• “My ‘aww’ photo is me and my niece at her wedding…shows me in loving uncle mode.” (33:02)

13. No More Fish Photos (33:26)

• “She wants to meet a good, solid guy, not the captain from Jaws.” (33:27)

14. Specific is the New Sexy (34:21)

• Details beat generic statements—show, don’t just tell.
• Example:
  • Boring: “I love traveling, trying new restaurants and hanging with friends.”
  • Specific: “My trip to Rome was life-changing. So was the penne alla vodka. My friends and I are in competition to find the very best fish tacos in town.” (34:52)

Notable Quotes & Moments

• On online dating struggles:
  “You don’t suck. Your profile sucks. You’re amazing. You’re a great catch. But your marketing is bad.” (06:08)

• On photofeeler surprises:
  “Some photos you’re a five…and some you’re a nine. If a skinny, middle-aged ginger can get to a nine, you can probably get to a seven and a half.” (12:27)

• On bathroom selfies:
  “Women don’t want to associate you with toilets.” (13:12)

• On getting specific:
  “Everybody writes, ‘I like travel, I like having fun.’ You just described every human on the planet.” (14:01)

• On smiles:
  “When I try to smile a certain way, I look constipated. I do not look swipeable. I look like a guy who needs Pepto Bismol.” (28:23)

• On humility and standards:
  “Women want a man who has standards…something that says you have options.” (25:05)

Timestamps of Important Segments

• 02:05 – The brutal 2.5% match rate on Tinder revealed
• 05:40 – Rule #1: Online dating is digital marketing
• 09:05 – Rule #2: Use PhotoFeeler to test your photos
• 11:31 – Surprising results from Paris photo story
• 13:12 – Rule #3: No bathroom selfies
• 13:51 – Rule #4: Have a hot take
• 15:37 – Hot take prompt examples
• 17:04 – Rule #5: Broaden your match filters
• 19:19 – Rule #6: Use short, authentic video clips
• 22:33 – Rule #7: Add a mystery detail to your profile
• 24:18 – Rule #8: No sunglasses
• 24:51 – Rule #9: Show standards in your prompts
• 26:58 – Rule #10: First photo must be magnetic
• 28:13 – Rule #11: The value of authentic smiles
• 31:30 – Rule #12: Use a heartwarming “aww” photo
• 33:26 – Rule #13: No more fish photos
• 34:21 – Rule #14: Specific is the new sexy

Memorable Moments & Humor

• Connell’s recurring joke about his new fake dating app “Plenty of Flush” for “guys to use when they’re on the john.” (00:00, 13:18)
• Regular self-deprecating humor about his own appearance and personality.
• Tangible, real-life stories from coaching clients, adding both credibility and relatability to each rule.
• Lively, motivational tone encouraging men not to take rejection or lack of matches personally.

Conclusion (Next Episode Preview)

Connell wraps up after covering the first 14 rules, promising to deliver the remaining 12 new rules for 2026 in the next installment.
“Thank you so much for listening. Don’t forget, your dream girlfriend…is gonna love you, but she has to meet the real, authentic you. Till next time.” (35:35)

This summary provides a comprehensive, timestamped roadmap through Connell Barrett's first 14 new online dating rules for 2026, packed with memorable quotes, actionable advice, and his signature candid, upbeat tone.