← How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Scared to Make a Move? How to Read Women & Know When to Go For It (Featuring Kezia Noble!)
00:43:37
Do you struggle to read women? The fear of making the wrong move—and seeming creepy—can kill your confidence. In this encore episode, dating coach Connell Barrett talks with renowned expert and bestselling author Kezia Noble, who’s helped over 100,000...
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- [00:00]
Connell Barrett
Welcome back to the how to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I am your host, dating coach Connell Barrett, helping you do just that. Get a great girlfriend by texting. Better by flirting. Better by confidently approaching and doing this all with authenticity. No sketchy, toxic pickup moves needed. Women like you for you. And I really, I really want you to think of me as your podcast dating coach, quite literally. Like, you can email me connellating transformation.com. email me a dating question, email me a dating problem you have and I will respond to you. So I'm quite literally your dating coach. At least you can reach out to me and I can help you out and I'll respond to you and I might even ask your question on an episode. Today I'm doing a really cool interview with Kezi and Noble. If you've ever wondered, how the heck do you talk to women? How do I read women? How do I know when to make a move, when not to? Well, you know, who knows women is women. And Kezia Noble really knows women. She's a dating expert. She's based in the uk. She is fantastic. And she and I spoke for about a half hour with, with all kinds of great insight from Kezia. So this is a rebroadcast episode, an encore episode from six or seven months ago, but I wanted broadcast it for a very specific reason. She shares a dating tip in this episode at the very end. So about 30 minutes in, she shares one of the best dating tips I've ever heard from another expert. It's about what to do, what to say when you approach a woman and initially she, quote, rejects you and how to flip it and how to flip it into actually a successful approach. And I just love the tip and I had to rebroadcast it also. Kezia is just fantastic. She's just a brilliant, brilliant mind in this world. So enjoy this rebroadcast episode with myself talking to Kezia. Before we get to that, I have a quick story I want to share with you. The woman's point of view on approaching as I began to see it when I started meeting women out in the real world. So here's a quick story. I think you're going to love this. I'm at Barnes and Noble one day and this is in the late 2000s because I had just been approaching women for about six months or so off and on. I was still pretty wobbly doing it, but I was trying my best. And I walked up to a woman in the, on the third floor at the Barnes and Noble in Union Square in the magazine rack section And I walk over, and I'm feeling pretty confident. I'm in the zone. I'm in that authentic confident zone, which does happen once you get some momentum. And I approached a really pretty girl. She had these cool wrist tattoos. She had tattoos on her ankles. She's kind of like. How would you describe her? She was like an edgy, kind of rock and roll chick. Edginess. And just sort of a bad girl, in a good way. Anyway, so I'm feeling confident. I walk up to her and I said, hey, what's up? I just saw you and I had to meet you. You're really cute. I like your tattoos. Something pretty genuine, but also direct. Like that. I was being direct. And we chatted for two or three minutes, and it went very well. And her friend was with her, by the way, her friend was with her, and we chatted. And then I went for the number. I went for the date. And she said, well, I really don't think so. I mean, I live pretty far away from here. I'm in central Connecticut. It's like 100 miles away from New York City. And basically, she. She started to turn me down. She was doing it politely, but she turned me down. And I said, wait, you're gonna. You're gonna break my heart here at Barnes and Noble? Well, I'm gonna go down to a different floor, and maybe I'm gonna buy a poetry book and write a poem called why? Why Stacy Broke Connell's Heart. So I made some joke like that, and she giggled and laughed. She said, yeah, I don't know. I'm pretty far away. But she. She was flattered, but she wasn't. She said. She said, thanks, but no thanks. So I walk away. I go to a different floor. I'm just book shopping. I'm walking around, and about two minutes later, there's a tap on my shoulder. And I turn around, and it's Stacy. And she says, hey, you know what? I. After you left, I just thought. I thought about it for a second, and you coming up to me is the coolest thing that's happened to me in so long in months. So, yeah, here, take my number. And we had a date a week later. I just. I can't remember. I remember feeling so amazed that she not only wanted to talk to me and go out with me, but she actually went looking for me. Think about that. She actually said to her girlfriend something like, wow, it was so cool that guy came up to me. And then she actually had to come find me. Think of all the good signals that I was sending that day, that I want you to be able to send women authenticity, trying to make her smile, feeling comfortable in your skin, not thinking of this as something creepy or weird, but really owning the fact that, hey, you're a man, she's a woman. Why wouldn't you go chat with her? And what she really loved was I took her, quote, rejection with humor and no big deal. She could feel that sense of, oh, this guy really is okay with me saying no. And I and I laughed and joked and made it a pleasant, comfortable moment for us and ended up having a date with her a week later. So the lesson here is, yes, you absolutely can approach women, they do like it. And you might actually make her weak. You might be that thing that makes her go, wow, this is the best thing that's happened to me in ages. This guy just came up to me and he said something genuine and we clicked. And I was into it. And even if she's not, you're probably going to make her day better. You're going to flatter her, you're going to make her feel like she's special. And that's the goal here. We always want to leave every woman feeling like she's feeling more special than before she met you. Anyway, I just wanted to share that story. Okay, let's talk to Kezia Noble. Enjoy. All right, welcome back to the how to get a Girlfriend podcast. I'm your host, dating coach and author, Connell Barrett. I'm here to help you confidently flirt with women and attract your dream girlfriend, all by being authentic. No toxic pickup tricks needed because women like you for you. And let me ask you a question. Do women confuse you? Do women ghost you? Do you ever struggle with what to say, what to talk about? Well, today's very special guest is here to help you truly understand what women want and how to give them what they want in the dating game so that you can get a great girlfriend. Kezia Noble is the leading female dating and attraction expert for men. Her videos have received over 72 million views on YouTube and she wrote a best selling book called the Noble art of Seducing women. Kezia has helped over 100,000 guys just like you overcome their sticking points, their limiting beliefs to achieve some pretty fantastic success with women, which you're going to hear about the kind of success that guys never thought was possible. And you can learn a lot more about Kezia on her website@kezia-noble.com and that's K E Z I A Kezia. Welcome to the how to get A girlfriend podcast.
- [07:45]
Kezia Noble
Hello. Hi. Thank you for that lovely introduction.
- [07:48]
Connell Barrett
You're very welcome. It's a long intro because you've done a lot. You've achieved a lot. By the way, dear listener, hang out to the very end of the episode because Kezia is going to share a very powerful tip, a powerful insight about women that you're going to want to hear. So stand by. Okay, Kezia, here's the first question I want to ask you. Before we get into some advice on helping men flirt and date, can you tell me a little bit about your journey to becoming a dating expert? Was there a moment or a time in your life when you had an aha moment and said, oh, I really need to help men. I'm going to become a coach and an expert and a guide. How did that happen?
- [08:28]
Kezia Noble
Well, it didn't happen like that. I was essentially headhunted, which sounds bizarre, but it's true. That's the closest way I can explain it. This was back in 2006. I was minding my own business, and I was in a bar, and a guy approached me, and he said that he worked for or he was part of a company that helped men pick up women. Because this was 2006. So pickup was a thing, right? And we don't. I don't use that phrase anymore, but it was then, and I was like, what is pickup? What's a pickup artist? And he explained it to me. Explain, look, we teach guys, like, how to pull women, essentially, how to attract women. And I was a complete skeptic. I was like, you can't teach it. Either there's chemistry or there's nothing. So he said, well, I've actually come over to approach you because I'd like you to come along to one of our workshops and to give feedback to the guys that are on our program on one of our boot camps, because we're looking for, like, attractive young women. I was an attractive young woman then, okay? And so we have to give back. We have to give our feedback to the guys. And because we were talking a little bit, and he found me very honest and direct, and he said, look, that's really what we're looking for. So I went there and thought, okay, let's just give this a go. And there were two things that I noticed pretty quickly, which was the first was that there were indeed practical tools, advice that you could give men that could really make a change. I saw that within the space of the time I was there. And the second thing that I noticed is that there were no Women in this movement or industry or community, whatever you want to call it. The other women that were there were giving very, Excuse me, let me turn off my emails, were giving very wishy washy advice, you know, like just be yourself, smile more, be more confident. Very vague. Because I think a lot of women are people pleasers, essentially, whereas I've never been a people pleaser, I've never felt the need to please other people. I think that's probably a masculine trait in me. And so I was just very honest, very direct and I left thinking, okay, going to come after me with pitchforks, these guys. But actually they all just were queuing up for like a personal one on one. It's like that, like I just came in to help today and get paid for a session. But then the owner of the company, his name's Richard Larowina, or some people know him as gambler back in the day, he said, no, we're really looking for this and we want you to like come next weekend and do the same thing. So I was coming more regularly and then I was like listening to what was being taught and I didn't realize that I could really help men. But I, I realized that I loved human psychology, but not in the way that it's taught. You know, if you go to university, I like the kind of, I'm not gonna lie, I like the manipulation tactics, I like reverse psychology. Just learning new ideas of how to. Can I swear on this or no, I won't if you don't want me to.
- [11:41]
Connell Barrett
Hell yeah, you can like how to.
- [11:43]
Kezia Noble
Mind people and stuff. I found it really interesting. I found, what I found really interesting is how unattractive women and men got such good looking guys and women like I wanted to know that and I'd see, seen it. I said, this is, it's not looks, it's game. Because that's when I realized I didn't give it a name before, I'd just be like sex appeal psychology. But then I sort of put it all into game and that's what I got really fascinated about. And I realized I was really good at it. Really good at spotting things, spotting what people were doing and breaking it down, like what the naturals were doing and passing it on. And because I was very honest and I was very. I have a very unfiltered kind of presentation of my life and my opinions and I just felt it worked perfectly. And it did because I started getting a name for myself. It's like this is the goat, this is the go to woman. And Then I set up a YouTube channel on the side, which I wasn't really allowed to do, but I wasn't under contract. So I did this YouTube channel, and it really took off. And I realized, okay, there's millions of guys out there that want to hear an honest female insight. You know, they want. They don't want the bullshit. They want to hear the woman just giving it raw. What do I do? How does it make women feel? And I did that, and then that got a lot of attraction. And then I was approached by a publishing company here in the uk. They offered me a book deal, and then I left the company and set up my own company around 2011, when the book. When I got the book deal and the media attention from that. So that's. That's like a very streamlined version of my story and how I got into this.
- [13:20]
Connell Barrett
What lights you up the most about your work with men? When do you feel the best helping these guys?
- [13:30]
Kezia Noble
I am very success driven. I do want to see results. I'm, you know, I don't get a lot from a guy going, oh, you know, that really helped me in terms of, like, theory. Like, I get it now, Kezia. I want to see them actually get results and come back and say to me, I got laid last night, or, I met a beautiful woman and we went on a date. I'm very results focused, driven. So I prefer that rather than people just. I do like a compliment when someone said, like, I really value that theory that you've given, and I'm going to put it into use, but I prefer it when they actually come back with the results.
- [14:07]
Connell Barrett
Absolutely. Are there any results, any. Any specific clients, former, current, whoever, that comes to your mind right now and makes you remember a moment where, oh, Jake didn't know how to approach a woman, and the next thing you know, he's messaging you, saying, I'm lying in bed with the most beautiful woman today, or whatever the story is. Do you have any fun success stories that.
- [14:29]
Kezia Noble
This came yesterday, Tuesday. I don't. I don't want to show his name. That's the thing. This came Tuesday, which is hello, don't know if you remember me, says his name. No, I don't remember him. I'm not gonna lie. I don't. I worked with you some 15 years ago when I had gone through a breakup. You worked with me, and I came out the other side. I doubt you get many people thanking you, but I am. I've just gone through my 10th year happily married together. I am where I am because you Worked magic with me.
- [15:01]
Connell Barrett
Wow.
- [15:03]
Kezia Noble
We have lots of video testimonials of guys going, you know, I dated a model by the end of the seven day mastery program, but kind of like these little intimate messages that I get on my phone or on my, you know, private, you know, DMs on Instagram mean a lot. Weddings, pictures of their, their babies even. It's really nice. It's great.
- [15:26]
Connell Barrett
Yeah. I remember the first baby I helped bring into the world, the only baby I've ever brought into the world in any way because I'm not a father. And my client Michael sent me a picture of his new baby and I thought, oh my God, I kind of helped do that.
- [15:41]
Kezia Noble
You did. You did.
- [15:42]
Connell Barrett
I'm not blocking the cock. I'm guiding the cock. Why? Calm down, man. What? You just cock blocked McLovin.
- [15:49]
Kezia Noble
Okay? He's our friend. We don't do that.
- [15:50]
Connell Barrett
We should be guiding his cock, not balking it. Like, like, I think the quote is from 40 year old virgin. Don't. Don't block the cock. Guide the cock. So that makes me feel amazing. Well, let's talk about some good game. Let's talk about what it takes to get these results that you're so proud to get your clients. I was checking out your ebook last night, which is a great super fast download. 10 rapid I've got.
- [16:14]
Kezia Noble
Which one?
- [16:15]
Connell Barrett
Oh, it's the, the one, the first one that popped up on Your website called 10 Rapid Ways 10 to get a Woman Into.
- [16:20]
Kezia Noble
Oh, yeah. Okay, fine. We wrote that a long time ago.
- [16:23]
Connell Barrett
Yeah, yeah. But it's a quick Download. It took 10 minutes to read it. There's a couple tips in it that I really liked that I had never heard before. And I wanted to run a couple by you and ask you why, why this works. And one of the tips in your, in your ebook was what, what you call the double sided compliment.
- [16:41]
Kezia Noble
Yes.
- [16:41]
Connell Barrett
Could you give an example of what the double sided compliment is and how to, how to use that on a woman you're talking to?
- [16:48]
Kezia Noble
So it's a form of validation, positive validation. A double sided compliment is a mix actually of positive and negative, I should say. So if you say to a woman, I think you'd look better if you wore those kind of shoes. That's kind of like an insult almost, so you've got to cushion the blow. So you say, look, those shoes look really good on you. But if you were wearing and then you put in the type of shoe, or it could be dress or anything that you find sexy, then you say to her, if you were wearing these kind of shoes, you know, I would be totally making a move on you or I wouldn't be able to control myself. So it's also a form of sexual escalation. You are flirting with her, but you're not saying to her, I want you quite yet. You are titillating her, you are teasing her. And women respond very, very well to that. But you need that cushion to begin with. You need to say you look good, but you can't just go in straight for, you should be wearing this because she can translate that as an attack. And then you get the hostile reaction. You don't want a hostile reaction.
- [18:06]
Connell Barrett
I like that a lot. I like it because as I read that to me, if I'm saying to a woman, oh, I really like those shoes, yet if you were wearing xyz, you'd look even more amazing to me. That's sending a message to her that says, I'm liking you, but I have high standards and I could like you even more. In other words, I'm not saying. Is that part of it?
- [18:29]
Kezia Noble
It's doing that, but it's also saying, yeah, you've got boxes that need to be ticked and you know what you want sexually. You're just lacing it with, you know, just that. It's just that tease. Okay. It's very important at the beginning. So, yeah, I love double sided compliments. I, I think people should use them much more.
- [18:49]
Connell Barrett
Yeah, I'm a fan early on in a date or especially a first date or a first approach. Something to what I call a negative spike. Something that's a tease or a little bit of a challenge just to show. Just to show I'm a nice guy, a kind guy, but also I have some edge, I have some self confidence. I think that's all it does.
- [19:10]
Kezia Noble
It's also just to go a little bit of a deep dive on it. It's kind of showing the shadow side, which is something I teach about how to use the shadow side to seduce a woman. And it's very important that if you are that kind great guy, that you show the element of the bad guy or the very sexual guy. And it's that polarity and contrast and that make women go crazy.
- [19:34]
Connell Barrett
Polarity, that's the magic word. I like, I love that. You must know your psychology. You know, you're Carl Jung. Do you, have you studied some psychology, the dark side?
- [19:44]
Kezia Noble
I know of some of the theories, but I. No, no, I tried to. I have a lot of friends who've been to psychologists I have a lot of clients who went to psychologists and most of the times it does not help them. I just don't. I'm interested into it to a certain degree, but I just have learned so much psychology from hanging around strip clubs, from honestly, like ridiculous level of psychology there, from hanging around people who are marketers, salespeople, game pickup artists. These people know psychology because they practice it. It's not just theory. They can look at the things that are theory, though. That's crap. Let's get rid of that. That's good in theory or it's good in this situation. It's not good in that situation. So I prefer to be with people who understand psychology, but not from a book, done it, you know, they've experienced it and they live through it. Go, no, this is bullshit. This does not work. Okay. You know, like some people that I'm trying to find a really, like, basic, like basic psychology would be like, oh, you need to mirror the person. And I'm just thinking it doesn't work. It doesn't not help, but it doesn't work. Stop wasting your time on that. You know, let's work on this instead, if that makes sense.
- [21:06]
Connell Barrett
Right? I agree that part of why I got addicted to learning about this when I was a student of experts was, yeah, my dating results were getting better, which felt incredible. But I was fascinated by how the mind works, how to persuade people, how to essentially understand. Sort of seeing the matrix of psychology in terms of practical human interactions, I was fascinated by it.
- [21:26]
Kezia Noble
Like, for instance, you know, like I have this thing where I don't want to talk about too. I've got a video coming out about it, but it's reverse psychology. How to use anti cell. Right. How to sort of go the opposite and undersell yourself on purpose, like try and put the person off you. Now, they would never teach that in a psychology book. But it's powerful when you know how to do it and it's got some rules to it and things. But I've been using it now for about a year and passing it on, like sort of in private with people and they're like, wow, this stuff is real, it works. But again, you would not find that in a book. Like, oh, no, always, you know, oversell yourself and show your best possible self. And it's like, no, you've got to use a bit of this other stuff also in the mix, which doesn't make sense on paper, but does work when you do it correctly.
- [22:14]
Connell Barrett
Yeah, well, paper, you know, there's the map and then there's the actual terrain of life and what works on paper in a book is very different than what would work in life. Which is why got to get out there and have the real life interactions. You struggle with dating, right? Sure you have a good job and cool friends, but but you just aren't sure how to flirt. The apps don't work for you and sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating. Hey, I struggled with dating too. As an introvert and a total nerd. I didn't just live in the friend zone, I owned real estate there. But I escaped using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. It's what I wrote about in my best selling book, dating sucks, but you don't. And radical authenticity is why Psychology Today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I want to personally help you attract your dream girlfriend. So go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. On our call, I'll tell you how my one on one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend. And you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity. No creepy pickup tricks needed. So go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend. There's one other tip I wanted to ask you to talk a little bit about from that 10 Rapid Ways book, which is a free, instant great download on your website. You talk about the importance of breaking patterns, conversation patterns with women on first dates or in those first conversations. And instead of asking cliched questions like, oh, how long have you been at your job? Or what do you like about what you do to break the pattern and ask questions like if you had a zero chance of failure, what would you love to do most in the world? Can you give, can you talk about why we want to break patterns, why men want to break patterns with women in terms of those early conversations on a date?
- [24:14]
Kezia Noble
Well, because women have been on so many dates and what they do is women like to categorize men and if the man is asking the same kind of tired, unimaginative questions that all the other guys have been asking, then she's not going to be on her toes. She's going to be in, you know, I call it autopilot mode where she's not making the effort because she's kind of already been through that. She's gone through the motions and she's already kind of got the outcome of how it's going to end. Oh, he's going to ask me this now. And his response is going to be A, B and C. So it becomes predictable. Women like excitement. They like excitement more than men do. Okay? Men don't want a headache. Men want someone nice, calm and compliant. Women want excitement much more than men. And it has to be. They have to feel stimulated emotionally and mentally. That doesn't mean you have to have this very serious, highfalutin conversation about something that's very deep. No, I don't mean that. But it just means. About making her. Forcing her to have to think. Forcing her. If she has to think, it means she has to invest. And if she's investing, it means that she's trying to impress you on some level. So it's very much. Pattern breaking is not just about asking an interesting question.
- [25:27]
Connell Barrett
It's about.
- [25:27]
Kezia Noble
It's about your interesting responses. So we could take a very. Two things that always going to come up in conversation is where are you from and what you do? So we know that those two questions are going to come up. And I'm not telling anyone that they shouldn't be asking those questions. But it's very easy for those questions to end up in a boring conversation. So let's say, like, most of my students work in it. The first thing will be like, what do you do? He says it. And she will just give a very polite, unimaginative response, which is like, oh, you know, do you like it? And most of the time the guy will go, yeah, it's okay, or it's all right, you know, and that's it. That's already. The conversation's gone. But if he turned around and just said, you know what? I love it and I hate it, immediately she's curious because people don't answer like that. It's an unusual answer. It's not a weird, crazy, you know, fucked up answer. We don't want those. It's just a little bit unusual. And it's going to just reel her in her curiosity. What do you mean? Like, what do you love and hate about it? And then from there the guy can start talking about things which have nothing to do with his job. You know, I love it because I get to do A, B and C. And that's a reflection then of something that's positive about him. But I hate it because this is what I really want to do. This is what I'm super passionate about. So we're already taking it from it, which no one really Wants to talk about to this fun, interesting information is this high value data about myself.
- [27:06]
Connell Barrett
Kezia, I love that answer. But I also hated it. A little bit of both.
- [27:10]
Kezia Noble
Why did you hate it? You see, immediately I want to know, why did you hate it?
- [27:13]
Connell Barrett
Okay, that's a lie. I actually loved it. I loved it because it's very similar to something I coach. I do a little exercise with my. My guys. I call it the Love Hate Cafe. We imagine we're sitting in a cafe or they're sitting in a cafe with a woman, and whatever topic that comes up, they have to tell that woman why they both love and hate that thing. So that paradox is two contrasting emotions. Love and hate. So opposite. Right. When you put them together to your point, it creates something interesting that, that a woman's not expecting to hear. And it's also honest. Most people don't love everything about their job or hate everything about their job. Life is. Life is nuanced. And it's also emotional. Loving and hating is more interesting than informational exchanges about what you do people.
- [27:56]
Kezia Noble
It is unfiltered. And that's very important because women want to have that very authentic, unfiltered conversation with a man. And it just shows that he's. He's just. That's his truth and is unapologetic for it.
- [28:10]
Connell Barrett
Well, you just said the magic word for me. I'm all about authenticity and helping a man channel that real, raw self. Can you talk a little about a little bit from your point of view, why if and how rawness, realness, authenticity. Why does that work in dating or how can it work?
- [28:30]
Kezia Noble
I think it's important. Okay, so I do show guys how to bring their more appealing qualities forward. And some of the less appealing qualities, like keep them in the back burner. But that's more things such as not like personal achievements and things maybe they haven't achieved a lot in their life. Maybe they're still living at home with their parents. I don't say to them that you've got to cover that. It's more that you've got because that's you. That's your reality. That's the position you're in. It's how you communicate it. So if you do anything of shame or embarrassment, then that's going to translate as, I'm an ashamed person, I'm embarrassed, I'm not happy. And all these, these are the things that women don't find attractive in a man. But if you said, for instance, yeah, I don't really have a very good Job. But I've chosen that because I don't want to be on the rat race like everybody else. I look at everybody else every day, getting on the train, stuck in a little office. No way, not for me. Now she might think again on paper. Yeah, well, that guy going in on the train every day, he's, you know, he's got drive, he's, he's going somewhere and you're just slobbing about. Sure, sure, she might think that. However, she will not think that you're ashamed or that you are trying to sort of like getting her good books, tell her what she wants to hear. So you have that pride. And that can work. That can work more than the guy who's doing all the right stuff, but he's deeply unhappy and he's insecure and all the rest of the stuff. It's better to have both of those things. But if you aren't, I don't say to guys, oh, pretend you've got a fancy job. Just, just tell, like I sit down with him and go, why are you doing this dead end job? Why, like, what's the reason for it? And a lot of the time they come up with a pretty good reason, which is, I don't want to be a slave to work. I said, well, that's beautiful. That's interesting. That's, wow. Okay, so you're a bit of like one of those kind of guys. Okay, sell it, let's do it. You know, don't be ashamed of it. So I'm, that's the way that I try and get them to be authentic.
- [30:47]
Connell Barrett
I love that.
- [30:47]
Kezia Noble
Yeah.
- [30:48]
Connell Barrett
Well, talking about, oh, I don't want to be a slave to the rat race, so I do xyz because I'm about freedom being an attractive way to talk about why you don't have a boring job. To me, it's all about emotional conversation that's genuine but also compelling to that woman.
- [31:09]
Kezia Noble
Yeah. And it's very important to always tap into the woman's emotional buying motives rather than her rational buying motive. So again, yes, as you said, speaking with emotional language works better with women. They're not for them, lust and attraction is not rational at all. It's purely emotional. So, yeah, I agree. Just tap into the emotional narrative.
- [31:34]
Connell Barrett
Earlier you mentioned how looks don't really matter that much or they're way overrated. Talk a little bit about how important looks are or aren't to women in terms of a guy getting a great girlfriend, having a great dating life.
- [31:48]
Kezia Noble
So looks a good looking guy has to do less at the beginning. Way less than a less good looking guy. Just a caveat though, a lot of good looking guys doesn't mean that it's going to be every woman's type. Suddenly I've seen some men and the women are just, oh, he's so good looking. I'm like, I don't know what I'm looking at here. Like, have I missed something? So that does happen. Just to put that little caveat in. But let's just take like the average very good looking guy that appeals to most women. He has to do so. So much less and he will get away with so much more. I'm sorry to say that guys, that's the truth. However, he doesn't have the same length of time to make a mistake like a beautiful woman has. Okay, he is maybe five, 10, let's just say five minutes. He has ride on his looks. Ride that wave. Beautiful woman can ride on that wave for months and just be a total bitch and not have anything interesting to say. Because men are much more governed by how a woman looks. So yes, it's important, but I don't want men to internalize this and see it from their point of view as, oh, but a beautiful woman, you know, can get away with everything. Yeah, not a beautiful man. So looks are important, but what's more important than how the mammoths. I met a man recently, I swear, not my type at all. I wouldn't even say he's good looking, let alone like not my type. And I'm thinking about him now. He's got a little bit stuck in my head. That's what happens with women. You get in their heads, you know, and it's an emotional feeling because male desire and female desire just operate completely differently. Completely differently. And so that's something I teach obviously to understand how female desire works.
- [33:40]
Connell Barrett
No, I totally get it. I mean, I'm not bad looking, but I basically look like Ron Weasley's brother or the lead singer from Weezer. But I can get in a woman's head in a way that makes her feel really good. And she'll look at me like I'm Brad Pitt, even though I'm not.
- [33:55]
Kezia Noble
Yeah, I get into a man's head. I get these young guys and they like ask me out. And then, you know, during the day I realize they've all got this thing in common, which is they've all got a crush on Jennifer Aniston. Oh, we're here again, are we? Yeah, and not when she's in friends. How she is now like, oh, I'm.
- [34:12]
Connell Barrett
Like, oh, great, you get the Jennifer Aniston thing.
- [34:16]
Kezia Noble
So men are very visual. They'll go on a date with me because I kind of look like Jennifer Aniston a bit, right?
- [34:23]
Connell Barrett
I get the Prince Harry thing every now and then. Oh, yeah. Oh, you're like Prince Harry. I'm like, yeah, I'm like a very poor Prince Harry compared to him. But I'll take it. I'll take any edge I can get.
- [34:35]
Kezia Noble
If it works, it works, right?
- [34:37]
Connell Barrett
Absolutely. If it works, it works. Don't fast forward. This is not an ad. It's a free thing that's going to help you flirt with confidence because I'll bet that you struggle with what to say to women and how to flirt. Right? Well, let's fix that. I'm going to give you what I call the Flirty 30. These are 30 flirty questions to ask women on the apps or, or on dates or when you approach so that you can confidently connect with cool, sexy women. Starting today, it's time to stop running out of things to say and start asking them flirty questions that are going to make them want to date you. So to get your copy of the Flirty 30, it's totally free, just go to datingtransformation.com Flirty 30 and that's F L I R T Y30 datingtransformation.com Flirty30. You're about to start confidently flirting with women, going on dates, and soon getting a great girlfriend. Go get your flirty 30. Couple final points here and we can wrap up. Your YouTube channel has some really great videos. There's a couple videos that have 8, 9, 10 million views. And I was looking at one of your videos a couple days ago. You do a good video with one of your coaches named Mark J. Video is called the best way to approach girls. And I was watching that video because a lot of guys come to me today in 2024 in the MeToo era, and they say, oh, I can't approach girls. It's creepy, it's wrong, it's weird, I can't do it. I assume you have a different viewpoint on that. Is it okay to approach women? And if so, what's the right way to do it?
- [36:16]
Kezia Noble
It's 100% okay to approach a woman. We've been doing this now since 2007, 2006, which is before the MeToo movement and hashtag me too movement. After that, you know, we, we've never. The most we've ever had as a girl. Say, I'm not interested. No slapping in the face, no calling the police, no running down the street screaming. Nothing like this. Just literally, sorry, not interested. And we even know things to say to make them interested if they say, I'm not interested.
- [36:48]
Connell Barrett
Right?
- [36:49]
Kezia Noble
So no, I think, in fact it's gone the other way. Women are absolutely dying to meet men this way. They're sick of dating apps. My sister and her friend, they're in their early 30s. They're going to an event called I hate dating apps. They've quit. I'm like, everyone's quitting the dating apps. They have had enough of them. They are horrible things, these dating apps. And they're all wanting that story of, hey, you know, I met this guy, he just approached me in the park. They want that story more now than ever. Because during the pandemic, it reached breaking point. The dating apps and Zoom, I mean, we're doing Zoom now. It's very useful. But everything was on Zoom, everything was online and it just hit like peak. I can't do this anymore. And people are just looking for those organic ways to meet people now. 100. This is the best time, actually, this is the best time since fading apps came out.
- [37:46]
Connell Barrett
I would say I agree with you a million percent that this is the best time to approach women because if you're the 800th guy who swipes right on her on Tinder or Hinge, she won't even see your profile. If you're that one guy who charmingly comes up to her and chats and has a some good game, oh my God, you're going to give her that rom com movie moment especially.
- [38:09]
Kezia Noble
You've got more chance if you're not good looking. If you're a good looking guy. On the apps, when I say good looking, I'm talking about the top 5% here. Yeah, you'll clean up, you'll clean up. But if you're below average or average even, forget it. It's much better to go to approach women because there's so much more she can understand about you from the approach. A lot of the guys that I've dated, my first impression of them wasn't great. And then after a few minutes I was like, okay, things have changed now. And also if I'd seen a photograph of them online, I would never have agreed to go on a date with them. Really not my type. But it was just like the way that they operated the room, the way they spoke to me, made me feel, the way they ordered the drinks, the aftershave, they were wearing. You know, human beings are multi dimensional. So is attraction. And it's all being reduced to a photograph and a photograph that's not even accurate. Like this of us anymore. None of us look like our photos. Do you remember like in the old days when we had bad photos and we just say to the other person, look, they look better than their photo. Setting up people with dates because we all took bad photographs. Now you have to sit there and go, look, okay, she or he doesn't quite look like that photograph. So it's already like you're starting from a down point, you know, like a minus because you meet the person like, oh, you're 10 times bigger than you said. You're 10 times older, or whatever it is, you know.
- [39:34]
Connell Barrett
Okay, let's part. Speaking of finishing strong, let's finish strong with a parting tip. Earlier, I teased a powerful insight. It could be about approaching, it could be about mindset. It could be anything that you think the introverted nice guy listening to this episode should know about women or approaching or dating. What is your parting tip for our listener?
- [39:55]
Kezia Noble
I'm stuck between two, but I'm gonna go for one because I did mention about, like, if a woman says, I'm not interested, what to say?
- [40:01]
Connell Barrett
What do you say when she says that?
- [40:03]
Kezia Noble
So let's. And we've been doing this for ages and it's had really good response rate. So let's say you see two women and they're chatting in a bar and you approach them and they're like. She goes, no, no, thank you. I'm. We're talking. Rather than just walking off, like feeling sorry for yourself or apologizing or being aggressive, just say, no problem. I just want to come over and say, I think you're absolutely stunning. Have a beautiful night. And then walk away because you've taken that moment to flip it and show her what she's missing. So you have to say this with regal confidence. Regal confidence. She's not expecting you to respond like that. First of all, that makes it go, huh? And secondly, you're showing how confident you are. And she's watching this thinking, oh, shit. Oh, shit, this, this one's going now. And then she sees you operating the rest of the room, talking to people. You don't go back to her. Don't ever go back to her. She has a very high chance of coming back to you. She'll either smile, look at you, or she might even, as you're leaving, say, oh, I'm sorry, I was a bit rude. Come join us. So That's a good little trick, guys.
- [41:13]
Connell Barrett
That's fantastic. I did that once, not knowing. I probably got it from you 15 years ago, but I did that once, five minutes after, I said, okay, fine, have a good night. You're beautiful. Tap, tap, tap on my shoulder. And she came back and all of a sudden it was on. So thank you. Okay, if a man listening to this would like to work with you or learn more about you or take a program, I understand you do training in London. I understand you a man can work with you or your team from home. How can people work with you or learn more about you?
- [41:47]
Kezia Noble
Yeah, just go to the website, kezia-noble.com you'll find out more information about my seven day mastery program and my online acceleration home training program. And everything is one on one. We don't do boot camps or anything. So it's going to be you, me or you and the coach. Just one on one. And yeah, check out all the testimonials we've received over the years and you'll find like, at least one of them will resonate with you personally because we've just helped hundreds of men from across the globe, a range of different sticking points and from different cultural backgrounds and age groups. So, yeah, that's my website. Check it out.
- [42:26]
Connell Barrett
Do you still offer training in London, which would happen in London?
- [42:30]
Kezia Noble
Yes, I do.
- [42:31]
Connell Barrett
Great. I recommend that because I once took a training course in London. Not with you, but I took a training course there. It was such a great experience being in London. British accents. Oh, my gosh. I fell in love so many times. So working on this in London is a great option if you are able to travel. Okay. Thank you, Kezia, so much for being here. You were fantastic.
- [42:55]
Kezia Noble
Thank you.
- [42:56]
Connell Barrett
Yeah. By the way, if you like this episode, please leave me a review or share it with a guy who needs a boost of dating help. And if you didn't love this episode, leave me some feedback or tell me why you loved and hated it. Just like Kezia told us to talk about loving and hating. Anyway, thank you for listening. And remember, your dream girlfriend, she's out there. She's going to love you. She just has to meet the real, authentic you. So go take authentic action. Carpe datum. Seize the date. See you next time.