← How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
“Should I Start an OnlyFans?” 31 Funny, Flirty Things to Say to Women When You Approach
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You see a woman in the real world you want to meet—but you freeze, get stuck in your head, and have no clue what to say. On this episode of the “How to Get a Girlfriend” podcast, dating coach and bestselling author Connell Barrett shares 31 flirty,...
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Most of these are very playful. And that's what flirting is about. In a one word, flirting is about play. Welcome back to the how to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I'm your host, dating coach Connell Barrett. I'm a best selling author, I'm a dating coach, and I help men flirt with confidence, know what to say, approach women, and do it without creepy, weird pickup moves. It's all about authenticity. That is my coaching. In one word, authenticity, or what I call radical authenticity. The idea that women are going to like you for you as long as you are summoning your most confident and authentic self. Because there are billions of men in the world, but there's only one you in the zone. That's who women are into. And so today I want to give you 31 pickup lines for guys who don't normally use pickup lines. Here's what I mean. When you want to approach a woman out in the real world, those first words are really important. But if you're like me, you hate pickup lines. You know, cheesy, tactical, creepy, weird, random things that don't make sense to women. My girlfriend was recently at a rooftop bar and I left her alone for five minutes. And while I was gone, a guy approached her and said, hey, I'm looking for my treasure. I've got this treasure map here. Will you help me find my treasure? She was like, dude, why can't you just be normal and say hi? And then she gave him my business card. Anyway, that's not how I wasn't trying to get clients. That's just something that happened. So today I'm going to give you 31 pickup lines that are authentic and charming and Fun and have 0.0 creepiness. These are things you can say at the gym, coffee shop, the bars, walking on the street, on the dating apps. Those first words are important. And every One of these 31 pickup lines, they're almost like anti pickup lines. Every one of these have been tested by myself and or my clients. So let's get to it. Here are 31 pickup lines for gentlemen like you who hate pickup lines. Here's number one. You can say this anywhere. Hey, I hate creepy pickup moves. So here's my pickup line. Hi, I'm blank. My client Chris did this last summer. We were doing in person approaching here in New York City, and he walked up to a woman and Chris hates pickup stuff. Hates it. Hates using cheesy, weird, forced stuff. And I said, oh, let's go with this. And he loved the rawness of it. Give that one a try. You can use that anywhere. Number two, anywhere you could say, excuse me, miss. I'm in a really good mood today. And I had to share it with somebody interesting. I love this. I discovered this line in Miami, gosh, 15, 16 years ago. I was working with a. A coach at the time. He was helping me get over some final approaching issues. And I said this exact line, and this woman lit up. She lit up. You would have thought I had. I was Ryan Gosling offering her a winning lottery ticket. She loved that opening line. Then I proceeded to fuck it up. I proceeded to do. To do two minutes of cheesy game, and then she actually lost interest in me. But number two is a great one. I'm in a good mood today, and I had to share it with somebody interesting. It just sends all the right message. It's warm, it's giving. It's not making it about you gratifying your ego. It's about you trying to make her day better. And that's how we want to approach women. Next, number three. Say this at the grocery store, hold a single box of Mac and cheese and say, hey, quick question. I'm throwing a dinner party tonight for 25 people. Will this be enough? I use this exact opening line at Whole Foods once in New York City. And this girl was dynamite. She was one of those beautiful New Yorker, East Village, tattooed, total cuties. And there was like a split second of her trying to figure out my humor. And then she realized, oh, this guy is making a dry joke. And she busted out laughing. She was like, I think you're going to need a little bit more Mac and cheese than maybe two boxes is enough for 25 people. Next. Say this one at a bar. Serious question for you. Should I start an OnlyFans page? Why or why not? I just did that one last week with some clients who were in town approaching women, and it went really well because men do not start OnlyFans pages. Look, I'm not going to explain it to you. Should I start an OnlyFans page? That is fantastic. Go test drive. Go test drive that in the bars. Number five for in the bars. I would love to ask you out to dinner. I know the maitre d at the finest Burger King in town. My client Rick used that at a rooftop bar a few years ago. He saw this woman and he just walked up and said, hey, what's up? I want to take you to dinner. She's like, really? I'm like, yeah, I know the maitre d at the best Burger King in New York. And she just Burst out laughing. So you can kind of blend these lines into. Into a. Your own authentic sort of cadence. Don't feel like you need to repeat these like a robot. Okay. Blend these into your normal speaking style. Because so much of authenticity and the power of authenticity is you're saying these. These things in your own way. Okay? So don't feel like you need. It's not. Don't be. Don't feel like you have to be word perfect and letter perfect. You don't. Next for a bar. Oh, this one's. This one's amazing. You approach wordlessly. You say nothing for 20 seconds and just own the silence with confident eye contact and a little smile. And then after, like, 20 or 30 seconds, you just say, can you feel the romantic tension? I did this in Vegas once. This is when I knew I was getting really good back in the early teens. I'm in Vegas, and I just walk up to a girl, hands in my pocket, and I just kind of look at her and smile. Little, sly, playful smile. And she said, what? What? What? What is it? What are you doing? And I'm just, like, nodding my head. I think I might have put out my hand and, like, spun her. So I am talking in a way, or I'm communicating in a way just wordlessly. Really powerful. Really powerful. Number seven for the bars. What do you do for fun besides getting charming men to come up and flirt with you? Number eight. Hey, I need a woman's opinion. Should I become a male model? Yes or no? Great. Another great way to flip the script on what women are used to. What are women used to hearing? Maybe they hear things like, hey, are you a model? You're so pretty. No, I want you walking up to women and saying, hey, should I be a model? My client Tucker did this last week, and it worked amazing. And he was. It worked not just because it's a fun, fresh line, but also it made him laugh. He's amusing himself, and that makes a woman enjoy it. Number nine of the 31, here. This is for the bar. Hey, I came out tonight to meet interesting people. What's something weirdly. Oh, sorry. What's something you're weirdly talented at? Showing that interest in the woman is a good way. That's a more sincere approach. Number 10. Hey, I just saw you, and you have a very sexy vibe. Boom. That's powerful. Quick story. I was terrified to tell women they were sexy for the first year and a half of me approaching women. Two years maybe. And I worked with a great coach. His name is Anthony Resinello. You might know him, he's on Instagram. He was on a reality show. He was in the New York Times. Great guy, Anthony Resinello. Look him up. He was coaching me at the time, and he had me do an exercise where he said, connell, let's go out. And tonight you're going to approach every woman and just start with, you're sexy. And the first three or four. Oh, my God. I was so nervous. I was like, no, that's weird. That's creepy. I can't do that. And the first three or four didn't go that well. But no woman, nobody, like, threw her drink in my face. We were on a rooftop bar, meatpacking district of New York City. A bar called Plunge. It's not there anymore, or at least not by that name, but it was like the cool place to go at the Ganza Ford Hotel. And the first three or four women I approached with, you're sexy. I was saying it like this. You're sexy. It's like asking permission to say it. And then I got a little bit looser. Anthony gave me some really good feedback. He said, you gotta feel it. You gotta really feel it and own it. And I like that. So the next two or three, I started to really lean into it, and finally it started to feel congruent, aligned with me. And I saw a couple really cute girls, and I walked over and said, hey, you guys are looking sexy tonight. And they're like, hey, thanks. And one of them was super into me. So my variation on this was, I just saw you and you have a very sexy vibe. This lets you use that powerful word, sexy, without the woman feeling like it's all about her body. It's good to say her vibe is sexy, not just her, you know, physique. Okay, number 11, the top gun opener. Just like Tom Cruise does in the movie Top Gun, you walk up to a woman and you serenade her with the first two lines of. Well, any song you want, you can go with. You've lost that love and feeling, just like in the movie Top Gun. Or you can choose a different one. My client Ken once approached a woman and he. He sang the first couple lines to Purple Rain. And she joins him and starts duetting an acapella. Purple Rain. So basically you point at her sexily, you walk up and you just own it and start crooning. You never, you know, you never close your eyes anymore. When I kiss your lips, you can tell I'm not a good singer. It's not about being a good singer. It's about having fun and being willing to look a little bit silly. And women are going to love this if you are feeling Bold. Number 12. I call this the dance break opener. This is again, good for bars, especially on or near the dance floor. But any high energy fun bar, you walk up and say, hey, I just invented this dance move. And then just do the robot. Stupid and awesome. Okay, number 13, now we're going to skip to things you can say at the gym. Number 13, my heart is pounding right now, so let's call this my cardio workout for the day. All right, number 14. Hey, what's on your gym playlist today? I love that one. It's so simple. Guys are so afraid to creep women out at the gym. But what's creepy about asking a woman what she's listening to at the gym? Nothing. Number 15, say this one at the coffee shop. Hey, I'm trying to decide on hot coffee or iced coffee. What do you think I should get my caffeine. Fate is in your hands. I love that because you're giving her responsibility now. You're connecting yourself to her, but by basically putting her caffeine choices for you in her hands. I've also experimented in some of my clients with, you know, you're standing in line, there's a cute girl next to you, you're waiting to order your coffee or whatever, or your bakery baked good. You say, hey, pardon me, I can't decide, should I get a cake pop or a brownie? What do you think I should get? I need help. Women love talking about baked goods. Coffee. Let's move to the bookstore. Say this at the bookstore. Walk up and say, hey, excuse me. It's nice to see that attractive women still read actual books. Beautiful. So simple, right? Directly romantic, but G rated. I approached a woman at Barnes and Noble once this way and in the fiction section. And it was like a rom com movie. And I think that's, that's what we're going for here. We're going for giving women that rom com movie experience. Beautiful young woman named Olivia and had a wonderful brief but fun, warm, romantic dating experience with Olivia. And it all started by me saying, hey, it's. I think for her, I literally said, hey, it's nice to see that pretty girls still read books. Number 17, also at the bookstore. Hey, excuse me, Are you actually going to read that or are you just trying to look intellectual? Little slightly tease, a slightly teasing challenging one, but one that makes sense in the bookstore, right? Here's another bookstore one. I do this with my Clients. I was just doing this last weekend with my clients who were in town, Tucker and Keith. So you go, you grab a dad joke book, and you walk up to a woman and you hold the. You hold the book up so that it's visible and read a dad joke as your opener. So here's the move. Hold the book up. The dad joke book. Walk over. Hey, excuse me. I have a question for you. Hold the book up. What do cats eat for breakfast? Mice Krispies. And she will groan or laugh or she'll respond in some way, usually very positive. And boom. Perfect way to break the ice at the bookstore. My dad joke opener. Trademark Connell Barrett. I made that one up. Works great. I made most of these up. Some of these are variations on things I did with my coaches, but I made most of these up. Number 19. Oh, let me take a quick pause here. So I do this thing in New York City with guys who want to come to New York City. I do in person coaching or in person approach coaching. I also coach men who don't come to New York City with approaching. It's just that they can't meet me if they don't come to New York City. But if you would, like, help with approaching women, whether it's in person or done remotely, go to datingtransformation.com. you can book a free call to talk with me about how my coaching works, and we'll see if we might want to work together. Okay, back to the list. Next. Oh, say this at a clothing store. Number 19. Hey, I need your fashion wisdom. Does this, whatever you're holding up, does this shirt look good on me? What's your opinion? I have never. I've had a hundred clients do 100 clothing store icebreakers. I have never had a guy get rejected using this one, ever. What is a woman going to say? How dare you ask me a question about your shirt? You creep at a clothing store? No, Women love giving their style advice. So that one cannot fail. It literally can't fail as long as you're not, you know, drooling or having a panic attack when you say it. Although I've come close in the past. Next. Say this on the dating apps. Number 20. Ah, these are so good. Number 20. Pop quiz. This is your opener. Basically your opener. By pickup line, I mean your opener. This is your online dating opener pop quiz. I'm messaging you because, A, you're adorable. B, we both, like, fill in commonality, C, all the above. Circle the best answer, pencils down, pencil emoji. Playful pop quiz is A great way to send an opener. Women love quizzes. What is every woman's magazine filled with? A quiz. Is your boyfriend cheating on you? Do you need to change your makeup? Are you. Will you get married to a psychopath? Whatever. Women love taking quizzes. And a pop quiz is a really fun, playful way to break the ice. You might have noticed something, by the way. You might have noticed the theme. Most, if not all, but most of these are very playful. And that's what flirting is about. In a one word, flirting is about play. Number 21. This is a great one for Field or Tinder or any kind of, like, casual dating vibe on an app. Basically, this is great for a hookup app. Hey there, Name. Should our safe word be brunch or Timothee Chalamet? Enough said. Number 22. This is my Back to the Future opener on the apps. This is probably my best opener. I did a whole episode about this opener, but it's worth mentioning again. Here's the Back to the Future opener. Three of my clients met their girlfriends last year using this opener. That's how good this is. Here it goes. Hey, name, exclamation point. So it's hey, name. I'm writing you from the future. 2031. We're married and madly in love, but we just had a big fight. Can I ask you something? Our love depends on it. Boom. That's your opener. She'll respond for the women who do respond, which a lot do, and she'll say something like, of course, honey, what's your question? And then you reply with, well, I said that our first date was at a wine bar, but you said it was sushi. So which one was it? Love of my life. And then she'll answer with whichever she chooses. She'll say, oh, sweetie, it was. It was sushi. Don't you remember anything? And then you respond, ah, you're right. It was sushi. That's why I married you, for your incredible memory. So when are you free for sushi? We have to meet up so we can make that love happen. We can't ruin the space time continuum, right? This is amazing. My client Steve in Georgia used this. And the woman, he showed me the screenshot. The woman said, after she gave him her number, she said, what dark wizard taught you this? I am that dark wizard. All right, in the home stretch here, number 25. Say this. a wedding, are you with the bride, the groom, or are you a wedding crasher? Number 26, also at a wedding. I'm curious, are you here for true Love. Or for the kitchen or for the chicken cordon bleu. Are you here for the true love or for the chicken cordon bleu? Next. Say this. When she's walking her dog, number 27, who likes snacks more, you or your puppy? Playful, right? What is she gonna do? Reject you for asking her about snacks? Impossible. Virtually rejection proof. Say this when you see her on the street. You're just walking on the street. You walk beside her and you say, I've never. I've never walked this fast to talk to a pretty girl. But I needed the steps. I discovered that one in Miami. I saw this power walking woman who was dynamitely beautiful but just power walking. And I literally had to run up alongside of her and walk like three miles an hour. I was like, I've never walked this fast to talk to a girl before, but here I am. And she loved it. We walked for a while, but then we had to stop because she just went too fast for me. I mean, we had to pause. Next. Say this when she's got shopping bags. When she's been out shopping. Women are always out shopping, right? Number 29, you're definitely the prettiest bag lady I've ever seen. But that only works if she's holding bags. Next. Say this anywhere. If you're a shy, introverted guy, here's number 30. Excuse me, I'm actually kind of shy, but I saw you and I knew I'd regret it if I didn't say hi. Oh, so vulnerable. So powerful. You're framing the entire interaction in a really honest but also attractive way. You're letting her know I'm a shy man. I'm an introvert. Or at least I'm introverted. If you prefer the word introvert, say that. Excuse me, I'm actually introverted, but I had to say hi to you. It says to her, you seem special enough for me to break through my resistance and go talk to you. Oh, what an amazing message to give a woman. It's so flattering whether she's interested. Single, gay, straight women are incredibly appreciative of that. I went with this one night at a bar years and years ago when I was getting over my shyness, my social anxiety, my introversion, and a woman looked at me like, yeah, right, you're shy. I'll bet you always say that. Hi, I'm Amy. She was into was so genuine and congruent and authentic to me that it kind of locked me into a genuine realness that actually read to her as confident and all of A sudden she's. She thought I was using it as a line. I was being totally genuine. So, yeah, the I'm kind of shy opener, it works amazing. But don't do it if it's fake. Only say it if you mean it. Okay? If you are a shy, introverted guy, it's money. If you're a cool, confident dude, don't use it as a fake bullshit line. Go with something else. And number 31, say this at a funeral. Okay? So imagine you're at a funeral if the grieving widow is really beautiful. She looks super hot in that black dress. She's crying, so she's so emotionally vulnerable. Walk right up to her, right to the casket. And then you say, just kidding. I'm just kidding. Don't approach a grieving widow. Jesus, did I have you there? Did I catch you? Leave the creepy moves to pickup artists or to Will Ferrell in Wedding Crashers. His character literally did that in Wedding Crashers. Okay, that has been today's episode. Again, go to datingtransformation.com if you would like to talk to me about how my coaching works. And if you're not looking for coaching, that's cool. Most guys aren't. What I can do for free if you want, is shoot me an email. Email me at connellatingtransformation.com subject line free book. And I'll send you a free copy of my best selling book, Dating Sucks, but yout don't, which has just so, so much of my best teaching, at least as of a few years ago when the book came out. So shoot me an email if you want a free book. Or go to datingtransformation.com if you want to talk to me about possibly learning about coaching. All right, until next time. Later.