Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Struggling with Dating Confidence? Try this Mindset Shift to Become Instantly Magnetic to Women (Live Coaching Results)"

Host: Connell Barrett
Guest: Nick
Release Date: February 6, 2025
Podcast: How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett

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Introduction: Transforming Dating Confidence Through Mindset Shifts

In this compelling episode of the How to Get a Girlfriend Podcast, renowned dating coach Connell Barrett delves deep into the pervasive issue of self-confidence in dating. The episode features a transformative live coaching session with his client, Nick, showcasing Connell’s proven "Confidence Code" method designed to help men break free from limiting beliefs and become authentically magnetic to women.

Identifying Limiting Beliefs

Connell begins by addressing common confidence struggles, such as feeling unattractive, shy, or not masculine enough. He introduces Nick, a client who perceives himself as a “5 or 6 out of 10” in attractiveness and struggles with insecurities that hinder his dating success.

"Maybe, maybe you're not sure that you are in the league of the kind of woman you'd like to have as a girlfriend."
— Connell Barrett [00:00]

Connell and Nick embark on uncovering the core limiting beliefs that trap Nick in a cycle of self-doubt. Through a series of probing questions, they identify three primary beliefs:

1. Lack of Masculinity: "I'm just not masculine enough to attract the kinds of desirable women that I want." [14:00]
2. Fear of Showing Interest: "If I show romantic interest, she'll lose interest." [12:45]
3. Physical Attractiveness on Apps: "I'm not good looking enough to attract women." [14:00]

The Confidence Code: Breaking Down the Limiting Belief

Connell guides Nick through a strategic process to dismantle his most debilitating belief: "I'm just not masculine enough to attract quality women." This involves a thought experiment where Nick acts as an attorney presenting evidence against his own belief in a courtroom setting.

"Your old belief is created, it sounds to me like your old belief has created, 'Oh, women want a Gerard Butler type of man.'"
— Connell Barrett [52:19]

Through this exercise, Nick confronts the lack of concrete evidence supporting his belief, revealing that his reasoning is largely based on assumptions rather than facts. For instance, Nick mentions an incident in college where he was friend-zoned, attributing it to his perceived lack of masculinity, but Connell challenges him to find direct evidence supporting this claim.

Physical and Vocal Exercises: Embodying Confidence

To solidify the new belief, Connell introduces physical and vocal exercises aimed at altering Nick’s body language and internal state. These exercises include adopting confident postures and using affirmations to reinforce the new mindset.

1. Posture Adjustment:
   • Slumping to Powerful Stance: Nick is instructed to slump and adopt a "feminine" stance, verbalizing his limiting beliefs. This vivid exercise helps him physically feel the cost of his negative mindset.
   • Man Spreading and Standing Tall: Transitioning to a powerful stance, Nick embodies his new belief by standing tall and confident.

"Please return to seat at your seated neutral position. Thanks for doing that. So why did we do it?"
— Connell Barrett [36:33]

2. Affirmations:
   Nick creates a new empowering belief statement:
   "I am attractive to a lot of beautiful women because I am tall, intelligent, charming, a gentleman, but also dominant in the bedroom. I am Nico." [75:15]

3. Embodied Confidence:
   Through a series of verbal affirmations while adopting confident body language, Nick transitions from feeling like a "three" to a "nine."

"You just gave the confidence code, number one. It's a core, powerful belief about what you offer women combined with your physiology, the way you use your body and your voice."
— Connell Barrett [69:38]

Transformative Results: From Insecurity to Confidence

By the end of the session, Nick experiences a profound shift in his self-perception. He moves from feeling inferior and hopeless to embracing his strengths and new belief system.

"I would say a solid nine."
— Nick [69:22]

Connell emphasizes that while immediate transformation is powerful, the true change comes from consistently reinforcing the new belief and gathering real-world evidence through positive interactions.

"What a limiting belief does is it paints 4 billion women with one brush. Oh, all women or at least all quality women. Your kind of a rational, logical mind can look at that and say, yeah, that seems like it makes sense."
— Connell Barrett [51:21]

Key Takeaways: Building and Reinforcing New Beliefs

Connell outlines actionable steps for listeners to adopt their own Confidence Code:

1. Identify Core Limiting Beliefs: Recognize beliefs that undermine your confidence and dating success.
2. Challenge and Dismantle These Beliefs: Use logical reasoning and evidence to question the validity of these beliefs.
3. Adopt Empowering Beliefs: Replace limiting beliefs with positive, affirming statements that reflect your true worth and strengths.
4. Use Physiology to Reinforce Beliefs: Adopt confident body language and vocal tones to embody the new belief.
5. Consistent Practice: Regularly engage in confidence-boosting exercises and seek real-world experiences to solidify your new mindset.

"The confidence code in a quick little formula: it's a core, powerful belief about what you offer women combined with your physiology, the way you use your body and your voice."
— Connell Barrett [72:24]

Conclusion: Embracing Radical Authenticity

Connell concludes the session by encouraging listeners to embrace their radically authentic selves. By shedding limiting beliefs and reinforcing empowering ones, men can unlock their true potential and attract meaningful, fulfilling relationships.

"Nico is who you really are. When we strip away the self-doubt, the stories, the bullshit, Nico is the real you. That radically authentic you."
— Connell Barrett [74:00]

This episode serves as a powerful blueprint for anyone struggling with dating confidence, offering practical tools and a structured approach to transforming self-perception and achieving dating success through authenticity and inner strength.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• "Maybe, maybe you're not sure that you are in the league of the kind of woman you'd like to have as a girlfriend." — Connell [00:00]
• "I'm just not man enough for really hot girls." — Nick [34:24]
• "I am Nico. I have an abundance of quality women because I am tall, intelligent, and a gentleman." — Nick [75:15]
• "What a limiting belief does is it paints 4 billion women with one brush." — Connell [51:21]
• "Nico is who you really are. When we strip away the self-doubt, the stories, the bullshit, Nico is the real you." — Connell [74:00]

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By following Connell Barrett's structured approach, listeners can effectively identify and replace their limiting beliefs, paving the way for increased confidence and successful, authentic connections with women.

Transcript

[A]

And at the end of this episode, you're going to hear the change in his voice. You're going to hear how much more confident he sounds. Welcome back to the how to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I'm your host, dating coach Connell Barrett. I'm here to help you flirt, gain confidence, get a great girlfriend, and do it by being authentic. Integrity. No sketchy pickup moves needed. And if you are listening to this episode, I'll bet that you struggle with self confidence. Maybe, maybe you're not sure that you are in the league of the kind of woman you'd like to have as a girlfriend. Maybe you just feel like, oh, I'm not good enough at flirting, or I'm not attractive enough, I'm not tall enough, I'm not charismatic enough, I'm not something enough. I'll bet there's some kind of doubt that's holding you back, and that's incredibly common. It's so common. I dealt with it, too. And today I'm going to help you transform your any confidence issues you have in turn, go from. Go from lacking confidence to feeling really certain and confident about your attractiveness to women. I'm going to let you in on a coaching session I did a while back with my client, Nick. Nick is a great guy. You're about to listen to the very first coaching call we ever had. And Nick came to me because he just feels like he's like, sees himself as a 5. He's a 5 or 6 out of 10. He's not a really attractive guy in his mind. And what you're gonna listen to is how we take Nick from feeling like, I'm not good enough. I'm too nice. Women don't want nice guys. Me. And you'll actually hear his transformation in this episode. I'm going to take him through a process that I call the higher self awakening or the authentic self awakening. Essentially, what we're going to do is identify his biggest limiting belief that is hurting his confidence with women. I'm going to ask him some questions and take him through a process. And at the end of this episode, you're going to hear the change in his voice. You're going to hear how much more confident he sounds, how much more belief he has in himself. So he's going to essentially transform, not into a different person, but he's going to awaken, awaken what I call the higher self, which is you, me, Nick. It's any man at his most confident what I call a higher self. Because here's what I learned in all of my years of work, first working on my dating life and then becoming a dating coach. Is that you, me, everybody. We all have dual selves in a sense. We have what I call the higher self and what I call the lower self. Now, your higher self is the hero of your life. It's any area of your life that brings you joy, fulfillment, confidence. You feel amazing. That's your higher self. He's confident, he's focused, he's authentic. He's in the zone. He's basically you operating at your full potential. So the job you love, the biceps you've sculpted, maybe the great kid that you're raising, if you're a single dad, any area of your life where you feel like amazing, or at least amazing at times, it's the superhero inside of you who's running the show at the same time. Every superhero has an arch villain. Every superhero has to face that mustache twirling bad guy. And I call that the lower self. The lower self is that fearful, doubtful side of you who says, oh, maybe I'm not enough. Maybe I'm not tall enough. I don't have six pack abs. Women don't want to date me. At least not amazing women. And it's that little voice that says, don't approach her. She's out of your league. It's that little voice that creates the frustration, the insecurity, and leads to things like loneliness, leads to things like settling, leads to things like anger, depression in extreme cases. With some guys I've worked with really dark thoughts wanting to hurt themselves. And I felt this way too for a long time. I walked through the world feeling like I was just not enough. So again, think of your higher self as you at your best. And your lower self, it's that voice of self doubt. And what you're going to hear today with Nick is you're going to hear him go from that lower self to his higher self. And you're going to hear him give his higher self a name. Because what I have, all my clients do when we first start working together is they give their lower selves a name. I had a client named Frederick who gave his lower self the name Frightened Freddy because he could not talk to a girl, a woman out in the world. His hands would sweat, his four four head would sweat, his hands would shake. He gave his lower self a name. But then he became, once we awakened, his higher self, he became Frederick the Great. And he could approach women anywhere. I had another client named Different. A different client. Not the Nick you're about to listen to. But I had a different client named Nicholas who named his lower self one nut Nick, and he changed into Nicholas the Great. So you can instantly become confident or at least a lot more confident in a short amount of time. And if you want to. So what I want you to do in this episode is I want you to follow along and don't just listen passively to my conversation with Nick. Answer the same questions I ask Nick of yourself. When I ask Nick, hey, what is the biggest thing holding you back? What do you think you're missing? Ask yourself that question. And as. As we're going to go through this process, you're going to hear Nick realize how valuable, how attractive, how amazing he is to women. And you'll notice the shift inside of him. And I want you to feel that same shift because here's where. Here's where I'm taking you, or here's where. Here's where we took Nick. A couple of months after this episode was recorded, Nick was out on the town in New York City with me. I do in person coaching with guys in New York City. Nick and I were out in the town and he test drove this new and improved higher self. And I saw him approach and walk up to some gorgeous, cool, stylish women and get phone numbers. Create instant attraction. And just recently, Nick was telling me about a girl he has been dating. It got intimate. He had a really great first date with her. And essentially this new higher self that we created on this coaching session that you're about to hear, that is what women are most attracted to. There is nothing more attractive to women than you at your most confident, authentic, badass, in the zone version of you. The best dating moves, the best pickup lines, the best flirting moves, none of those are going to work for very well for very long if they're coming from that insecure lower self. But if you walk up to a woman feeling amazing, feeling confident, feeling in the zone, you can go on a date, you can approach, you can just chat with a woman, and she will get attracted to you because she's talking to your 10 out of 10 version of you. Okay, enough preamble. Um, if you want, if you just want to skip ahead about five or six minutes from right here, that's where the coaching session begins with Nick and myself. Listen to Nick go from insecure and in his head to so much more confident. He's now getting great dating results. Listen along, do the. Do the authentic self awakening process that I do with him. Follow along, make this an active process. Let's Go out and let's go out there. Let's make you more confident. Let's get you a great girlfriend. Enjoy my coaching session and this episode with him. Nick. Okay. Nick. Good to talk to you, man. What's up?

[B]

Good to see you. How are you?

[A]

Our first. I'm good. Our first official coaching call. Cool. So here's what we're going to do today. We're going to take a quick look at whatever we discover is a big, potentially limiting belief you have about your sense of dating worth. Basically, what we want to do is uncover potentially your biggest limiting belief and replace it with something that feels a lot better and will make. It will just make you feel more confident, more excited, and more sort of stoked about going out to approach girls, go on dates and just really take lots of action. I. How does that sound?

[B]

Sounds great.

[A]

Okay. Did you drink the half bottle of scotch like I suggested for the prep? Fine. Fine.

[B]

I only had a couple glasses. Very cool. I want to say coherence.

[A]

All right. Cool. And yeah. Just so you know, what do I mean by beliefs? Beliefs are basically anything that we believe is certain and true about ourselves. And some beliefs are limiting. Some. Some beliefs are not limiting. Some beliefs are true, some beliefs are false. Some beliefs have somewhere kind of both truth and falseness to them. So, for example, I have a belief that I will never play quarterback for the Dallas Cowboys. I think there's a lot of truth in that belief. I don't think that's a limiting belief. I think it's true because I'm 52 and I've never played football in my life. So we're looking for specific beliefs that might either be false or maybe partial bullshit. So we can replace them with something that feels a lot better. So are you ready to roll? Yep. Okay, cool. So my first question for you and what we're doing here, by the way, it's a process that I call the confidence code. Essentially, I'm going to give you, for lack of a better term, codes, cheat codes, to find confidence from within and from inside, as opposed to drawing confidence about women and dating from external sources. Because we want to be internally powered, almost like a. Like a nuclear power plant, as opposed to externally powered, like solar power, drawing it from external sources. So this is all about giving you that confidence code to find confidence and good mojo from within. So first question is pretty simple. Which is what belief? One or two or three possibilities we can look at before we dial in. What are a couple of beliefs you have about yourself in relation to women and Dating that you feel might be holding you back or that just make you feel sort of bad or low in confidence?

[B]

I would say one belief fear is that I worry that the woman will sense that I'm not maybe not masculine or confident enough. Maybe she'll sense that I'm a little more on the shy side, like shy slash sensitive. And when I start worrying about it, that makes me feel even more shy or not confident. So it's like a negative spiral that I go into.

[A]

Okay, got it. So I wrote down one possibility here. I'm not masculine enough to attract the kinds of women you're attracted to. Is that pretty close to it? Okay, are there any other beliefs that pop up that get in your head a lot about literally anything other than what you just said? Because I want to look at a couple options and just make sure that we're looking at sort of the biggest, baddest one.

[B]

Yeah. I'm also kind of insecure about showing my interest to the girl because I feel as though it will make. It'll automatically put me below her. Because girls, and especially if they're attractive, they're used to guys showing a lot of interest in them. So I feel if I show interest, I'll be just like all the other guys that have shown interest in her and she automatically put me in that category of like every other guy and basically not. Not see me as good enough for her.

[A]

Okay, got it. And there's two. So I'm not masculine or attractive. Sorry. I'm not masculine or man enough to attract the kinds of desirable women that I want. Number two. I'm afraid I might. If I show romantic interest, she'll. She'll lose romantic interest. Anything else? Are those the two biggest one ones that come to mind?

[B]

Well, I guess physical attractiveness. I don't think I'm a bad looking guy, but I haven't had a whole lot of success with online dating, even though I think I have pretty decent photos. But there's obviously room for improvement. But since I've had so little success in online dating, it kind of carries over into the real world too. And I think, well, these girls don't like me when they see my good pictures, so why would they like me in person?

[A]

Okay. And if a woman saw your pictures on a dating app and decided she didn't like you, what would that mean in your mind or at least when you're thinking these thoughts, what does that mean?

[B]

That I'm not attractive enough to date the kinds of women that I find.

[A]

Attractive, not physically attractive, Enough or masculine enough or combination?

[B]

Well, if we're talking about pictures, it's more physical attractiveness.

[A]

Okay, okay, got it. So the belief there, is it safe to say, is something close to this? I am not physically attractive enough to attract women. I'm, I'm into on dating apps.

[B]

Right. And in the real world.

[A]

Okay, got it. All right, so we got three beliefs here. I'm not masculine enough to attract women. If I show interest, I might lose their interest, come across as needy and try hard, basically. Right?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then the third one is about, oh, I'm not good looking enough, not attractive enough on the apps. So the first and the third belief are sort of our two finalists. The middle one about, oh, I'm afraid if I show romantic interest, she'll lose interest. That is a belief that is associated with what you think good mechanics are. And now I do believe that this is a limiting belief. However, a mechanics based belief typically is not as debilitating and shitty feeling as something that's about you. What I call an identity belief. Basically, I'm not good enough. Right. So for example, I used to get my biggest limiting belief back in the day, Nick, was I am just too introverted, too soft spoken and dorky to approach and attract women. That felt crushing to me as opposed to, oh, I'm not, I'm not sure quite sure how to flirt, what to say, I might do it wrong. That limited me too. But that felt like something that was learnable as opposed to a something about me. So typically, what will make this confidence code really be the most powerful experience for you is we look at something that's about you, Nick, and that internal identity worth and value you offer women. So we got down to final two and then we'll actually do the process here. So let me just say these to you and imagine these are going through your head when you're out in the world and dating and tell me which of these feels more debilitating and heavier and it sucks. Number one, I'm just not masculine enough. I'm not man enough for the kinds of women to be attracted to me. Number two, I'm just not good looking enough to attract women. Especially on the dating apps. I don't have the looks. Which of those two feels like deeper, heavier, shittier?

[B]

Probably the first one.

[A]

Okay, got it. Then let's go with this one because when looking quick inside baseball thing and then we'll do the process. There's basically two kinds of beliefs. One is identity belief and the other is a what's called a Worldview belief, meaning how the world works. Okay. And so this belief that you have, which may or may not be limiting, it's just a belief. Let's find out in a second. But this is what I call an identity belief because it's about you as a man and relating to your worth and value to women. And these are. This kind of belief is usually the most powerful to fix because you. Wherever you go, there you are. Right. So we want to make sure we have that handled. So. Cool. Let's go a little bit deeper on this. Okay, so here's what we're gonna do. I'll probably repeat this belief a few times. So me, you, Nick, I'm just not masculine enough. I'm not man enough to attract the kinds of women I'm into. Okay, here's a thought experiment. Imagine you're in a courtroom, and you are an attorney standing in front of a jury, and you're making your opening statement. And your opening statement is, I am just me, Nick. I am just not masculine or man enough to attract wonderful women. Make your case. In other words, what is your evidence that this is true? Or what stories do you tell yourself to justify this belief? Basically, back this case up with evidence. The courtroom floor is yours. Go ahead.

[B]

Well, firstly, I was never super physically strong compared to other guys, even though I do go to the gym once or twice a week. But just going back to childhood and up to this day, I never felt like I was quite physically as strong as a lot of other men. And I was always, especially as a teenager, I was super skinny. So that also kind of contributed to this belief that I'm just not physically strong enough. Also, I was never much of a risk taker. I was always more on the cautious side. And I have a tendency to kind of overthink and analyze things. I was never, like a daredevil slash, you know, reckless risk taker and not a risk taker. Okay, Right. I was always more on the sensitive side. Like, emotionally, I would be more sensitive than the average guy, I feel. And I also have a tendency to be introverted, slash on the shy side, like you mentioned, similar to your previous belief.

[A]

Okay. All right, interesting. So I'm your co counsel, by the way, in the courtroom, and I'm going to take a moment and say, hey, Nick, so just to remind you we're here to make a case, and the case is that you are not masculine or man enough to attract quality women. So make sure you back up that. That proposition, because so far you haven't mentioned women once. Your evidence has not mentioned anything about women. So hit me. What's your evidence? That women do not find you masculine or man enough. Okay, Floor is yours again.

[B]

I guess I just assume that all these things I listed make me less masculine compared to my competition. And therefore a woman will likely to choose more. Mask more masculine guys rather than myself.

[A]

Interesting. You just said I just assume.

[B]

Yeah, well, also there was a girl back in freshman year of college that.

[A]

I was interested in.

[B]

And back then I was super skinny, like borderline underweight, and we got along really well, but she just, she ended up friend zoning me. And I thought that part of the reason was that I was too skinny. And she actually mentioned me being super skinny a couple times, so I thought that had something to do with it.

[A]

Okay, so a girl in college friendzoned you and mentioned you being skinny?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

When she dumped you, did she say it's because you're skinny?

[B]

She never dumped me. She just friend zoned me and like we were friends.

[A]

Oh, I'm sorry, Friend. Okay, got it. So she didn't actually, did she? So did she, when she friend zoned you, did she say, sorry, Nick, you're a little skinny for me, we're just gonna be friends?

[B]

No, she gave me a bullshit reason saying that she doesn't want to ruin our friendship. But obviously I knew that was just the COVID up. But she did mention me being skinny a couple of times.

[A]

Okay. All right. Okay. So so far you've got in terms of evidence for this core belief that weighs you down, you've got a girl in college said you were skinny and didn't want to date you. Anything, any other hard evidence? Because the court. Cause the judge is looking, the judge is. Some of the guys in the jury are yawning. The judge is cleaning his glasses and coughing. Remember, you're in a court here. You're here to say, here is rock solid evidence and proof that I am not man enough and I am just not masculine enough to date quality women. What else you got?

[B]

I mean, a woman never directly told me that I'm not masculine enough, but because they don't give you a reason why they reject you, typically it's just something I assumed might be part of the problem.

[A]

Okay, there's that word again. I'm assuming. Let me just ask you a couple questions. I'm just curious. I'm trying to help you make your case because I'm your co counsel. How many women have said to you, Nick, in so many words, nick, you're just not masculine enough for me. You're too sensitive.

[B]

Well, my first girlfriend mentioned that. She didn't break up with me because of it, but she did mention one time that I'm a little feminine. That was years ago, though. So I feel I changed a lot since then. But that was like 12 years ago or 11.

[A]

Okay, so you're in court trying to prove something beyond a reasonable doubt. Oh, wait, well, let's use the word. Let's use the phrase man enough. Because you mentioned that to me last week. I just don't feel man enough. How many women have said you are, quote, not man enough for me?

[B]

Zero.

[A]

Zero. I'm confused because you have this core belief, I am not masculine or man enough to attract quality women. So how many women have said it? You said a thousand or zero.

[B]

Zero.

[A]

Interesting. By the way, I don't know that this belief is true or false. I just. We're just looking for evidence to support it. So far we've got, I don't feel physically strong. We've got, I just assume, women who weren't into me. It's because of this reason I'm on the sensitive side. Fair enough. And you're a girl in college. Friend zoned you. Any other evidence to back up your big court case?

[B]

No.

[A]

Okay. Just curious. I hope you're getting paid a lot by your client. Okay. Oh, by the way, quick sidebar. No court pun intended. Quick sidebar. Um, so if this belief feels especially true and also just like cemented and hard to fix, it's because not only is it a identity belief that I'm just not man enough. Not just good enough. There's also a supposition in this belief, which is that idea of a worldview belief. This is how the world works. This is how other people think. And so basically, what this belief is telling you is from inside out, I'm not good enough. And also your belief is saying to you, all these women in the world, they want a man who is masculine and man enough. That's what all women want, or at least quality women. If it feels doubly intense, it's because you've got an internal thing and also an external force, basically saying, hey, every woman in the world wants masculine and manly, and I'm not that. And that's why it can feel sort of like a double decker shit sandwich anyway. Okay, moving on. Next question. What is this belief? This belief about not being masculine or man enough? What does this belief do for you? Or how does it serve you or help you? And let me clarify this, this is not a trick Question. When we have a belief, even if it's potentially a limiting one, the reason why these beliefs can take hold is because they give us something. They give us. They can give us a certain sense of something, or they can also protect us from pain. So, for example, my belief back in the day was I am just too nerdy and introverted to be able to approach women. In other words, I thought I wasn't good enough. And my belief allowed me to not approach, not take action, because I didn't want to find out that I wasn't good enough. I remember one night about 15 years ago, I was going out to approach women for the first time in my life. I'd made a decision. I leave my apartment on a Friday night. I'm walking down the block out to go meet girls, and I stop halfway down the block and I said to myself, you know what? You should really go back home and finish writing that article that's due for your job on Monday. Yeah, go back and finish that. You can approach girls tomorrow. So I did a 180, I went back home and I wrote, I'm sure, a really good article for the magazine I worked for. So my belief about my being not good enough to approach women gave me the reason to do. To instead do something that I felt confident in. Okay. Which is writing. Another quick example. Sometimes a belief just gives a guy certainty about how the world works. So I had a client named Anthony who, his main belief was women only want to date really, really rich guys and I'm not rich enough. And I said, okay, how does that belief, what does that belief give you? And he said, oh, well, it gives me a sense of superiority. At least I'm not shallow like all those people. He actually said, it makes me feel like I'm a monk on a hill and I get to look down on everybody and be better than them. So his belief, in a weird way, was giving him something. Anyway, sorry for that long winded discourse. So when you think about, oh, I'm just not masculine or man enough, when you buy into that belief, what does it either allow you to do that feels good, or what does it keep you from doing that maybe shields you from pain or shields you from discomfort.

[B]

I would say probably similar to you, that it gives me a reason not to approach. Especially if I'm at the bar at night. I see my competition and I see a decent amount of guys that I think are more physically strong and maybe more masculine looking or more attractive. So having that belief allows, like, it gives me a reason not to try to approach because I think, you know, it's probably not gonna work because I'm not as good as some of my competition.

[A]

Okay. And so is it fair to say that the belief keeps you from taking action that could be painful?

[B]

Exactly, yeah.

[A]

Okay, so it shields you from pain?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay. Anything else it gives you? No, I'm not looking for anything. Just want to find out anything it gives you or shields you from.

[B]

Guess it gives me something to work towards, maybe, like, if I can become physically stronger, like there's something to strive.

[A]

Interesting. Kind of like, oh, women want a masculine badass man, I better work and try to be that. And. And whatever. Hit the gym or work on my masculinity or whatever. Something like that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay, interesting. So that. That actually is a form of kind of value, for lack of a better term. Basically a limiting belief in it. The reason why it stays burrowed in our minds is it pays the rent in a weird way. Gives us something or it shields us from something we don't want to deal with. And that. That's partially why it can stay present, but potentially at a very steep cost. So let's talk about that next question then. So this belief again, I'll say it a couple more times, that you're just not masculine or man enough to attract quality, attractive women. How do you feel about yourself when you really feel this belief? How does it feel? What does it cost you?

[B]

Makes me feel inferior, disempowered, and also kind of hopeless about my dating prospects.

[A]

Okay, hopeless and disempowered. And in what sense? Can you just elaborate a little bit?

[B]

Disempowered as in I'm unable to attract the woman that I want because I feel I'm not good enough or masculine enough in that sense. Okay, hopeless, because I assume that, you know, most women aren't going to be into me, and so I'm probably not going to be. Not going to be able to date the kinds of women that I really want.

[A]

Okay, got it. So when you really buy into this belief, it just makes you feel hopeless, unable to take action or. Sorry, unable to fix this.

[B]

What?

[A]

Sorry, what were a couple other adjectives you use? I just want to get clear on this.

[B]

Disempowered.

[A]

Disempowered. Thank you.

[B]

Inferior.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

To more attractive or more masculine men.

[A]

Okay. Yep. I remember feeling so inferior. I remember being. Going out to a bar or club back in the day, before I even approached a girl, just imagining it. I would look at that charismatic guy and I'd think, oh, man, I'm not as good as him, so I just felt less than. I felt smaller. I felt stuck. Super stuck.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

Why are all those girls flirting with those guys? What about me? Why can't I be like them? Compare, you know, compare grades. Despair.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

Got it. Okay. All right. I want to do a little exercise with you. I'm going to do it with you pretty much. Although you're going to stand up. I'm not, because I need to be close to my mic, but I'm asking you to stand up. Okay. And I'm going to ask you to take on a physical pose. One second. Let me just make sure my mic is good. Okay. I want you to stand in a certain way. I want you to stand with your feet together. Take a feminine, quote, unquote, feminine stance. In other words, feet together, knees together. And I also want you to slump your shoulders a little bit. I want you to stand, kind of slouch, hunch your back, make it a question mark, and tell me when you're in that position. Okay?

[B]

Yeah, I'm in that position.

[A]

Okay. And let your arms hang. Now, this is not going to be fun, but it's going to be really helpful. So I'm going to ask you to give this 100%. Okay? Stay in that position, stay small, stay hunched, and for the next 30 to 45 seconds, I'm going to ask you to say what I say and mirror the way I say it. So don't just repeat the words. Say it with my tone of voice. Okay? Okay, here we go. I'm going to do it with you. And so do whatever I say, whatever I say, and also make whatever sounds I make. So starting right now, in three seconds, just make the noises and the sounds and the words I make. Okay? Here we go. Fuck.

[B]

Fuck.

[A]

I am just not man enough for really hot girls.

[B]

I'm just not man enough for really hot girls.

[A]

I feel so disempowered.

[B]

I feel so disempowered.

[A]

Look at all those men. And I'm not a man. I'm small.

[B]

Look at all these men. And I'm not a man. I'm small.

[A]

This is not fixable. I'm hopeless.

[B]

This is not fixable. I'm hopeless.

[A]

Great job. Keep it going. I want even more emotional commitment in your voice, okay? So really mirror me. This. This is unfixable.

[B]

This. This is unfixable.

[A]

I'm too sensitive. My muscles are too small.

[B]

I'm too sensitive. My muscles are too small.

[A]

I'm not a risk taker.

[B]

I'm Not a risk taker.

[A]

Too feminine. I'm like a woman.

[B]

Too feminine. I'm like a woman.

[A]

Women want a man and I'm just. I'm too feminine. I'm too ladylike. Why would they want me?

[B]

Women want a man. I'm just too ladylike. Why would they want me?

[A]

Jesus Christ, this sucks.

[B]

Jesus Christ, this sucks.

[A]

Why bother?

[B]

Why bother?

[A]

Hold that for 10 more seconds. Okay. Think about the girl in college who friend zoned you. Think about gorgeous women with other outgoing guys compared to you. Hold that for five more seconds. Okay, right. Now, on a scale of one to ten, one being really low, unattractive, not a man, ten being a fucking amazing superhero. What number are you at right now?

[B]

Like three.

[A]

Okay, got it. Please return to seat at your seated neutral position. Thanks for doing that. So why did we do that? I didn't do it because I was trying to be a dick. I promise. Thank you. Thanks for stepping up and doing something that's not fun. The reason why we did that is I want you to feel the cost, the emotional cost and consequence in your body, in your mind emotionally of how that feels to really suck, to be sucked into that I'm not man and masculine enough belief. Basically, I want you to start, I want you on this call to get a feeling for. Whoa. Did that fucking, like, did that just fucking suck?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

How hard would it be to approach a woman feeling at a 3 out of 10?

[B]

Pretty hard, borderline impossible.

[A]

Right, exactly. And how attractive did you just feel had you walked up to a woman through sheer, you know, willpower? Yeah.

[B]

Very, very unattractive.

[A]

Right. So the purpose of that is to get clear on the pain and consequences that this belief takes on you. It's kind of like you go to the doctor, you're smoking a couple packs a day for about 15 years. I want you to see the spot on your lung. I don't want you to have a spot on your lung, but I want you to see it so you can say, fuck this, I gotta get rid of these cigarettes. Kind of like, we need to get rid of this mindset, this core disempowering belief. By the way, one last shitty part of this call, and then we'll have some fun. The way you just felt right then and there, is it possible or even probable that feeling, something like that, has that kept you from approaching women? Has it kept you from taking action?

[B]

Oh, absolutely.

[A]

What are some potential prices you've paid, consequences you've paid for feeling the way you just felt? Is it possible women, there are women you could have approached and succeeded with but didn't because of the way you just felt. Because of that belief.

[B]

Yeah, I usually don't even try. So that probably prevents me from potentially getting some success at least.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And also having that fear. It's also self fulfilling prophecy because if I do go on a date and I'm super worried about not being masculine or confident enough, that just puts me more in my head, makes me very not confident. And then the girl can probably sense that. And then it's just, it just proves my original beliefs. It's like.

[A]

Right, so you feel how that belief can hurt your posture, your confidence, your sense of certainty and belief with a woman and how that can actually create the friend zone type situation on the rare dates you do have.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Right, Good. Not that it's happening, but good that you're clear on it. Because only when our psychology, our brains say, whoa, this is way too costly, this belief is costing you. Love, action, sex, success, relationships. Maybe it's made you settle either for being alone or for women you're not that excited about. Possible if not probable that's been a side effect of this belief.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Not to mention just kind of walking through life feeling like at a 2 or 3 or a 4, that just fucking sucks. Right, Cool. Thanks for doing that. Yeah, we got to get clear on consequences. Okay. And back in my day when I was doing this myself, I just remember thinking, oh my God, there's so many gorgeous, cool, amazing women in New York City who I didn't even talk to. It cost me dates, confidence, love stories, adventures. And it really was taking a big toll on me. So it's a good thing to get clear on. Okay. Now let's have some fun. Let's talk about how we fix this. Let's get that confidence code in place. So here's, here's how we're going to do it. We're going to go back to the courtroom and. Except now you have a slight, you have a very different role. You are like a prosecuting or a cross examining attorney. And you're about to cross examine the witness. Sort of like. Have you ever seen the movie A Few Good Men? Tom Cruise?

[B]

No.

[A]

Jack Nicholson. Oh, amazing movie. Tom Cruise gets Jack Nicholson's character to basically totally crumble on the witness stand. Pokes his story, pokes so many holes in the story, he just totally crumbles. We're gonna do the same thing with your limiting belief, or at least we're gonna see how much we can make it crumble. And you're going to be Tom Cruise. You're going to be the cross examining attorney and I'll be your co counsel. And, and here's, here's what we're going to do. So think of the, think of the, this old belief. I'll say it one more time. You, Nick, you're just not masculine man enough to attract high quality women. Think of that belief as sitting in the witness stand. And your job is, is to poke some holes in the story. Here are some ways we can do that. You might ask, what's some counter evidence? What's some evidence that's counter to the story? You might also ask what might be untrue about this belief. Could it be a misinterpretation? Is it 100% true 100% of the time with every woman in the world, Basically. How is the story either partial or total bullshit? I'll help you along the way, but you start. Give me some counter evidence. The courtroom floor is yours, counselor.

[B]

Well, I am 6ft tall and a lot of women would think that's kind of masculine because they prefer taller men and they associate that with masculinity in a way.

[A]

Awesome. Great start.

[B]

I'm a healthy weight now, so I'm no longer that borderline underweight teenager young adult that I used to be.

[A]

Okay. What do you.

[B]

I do have some muscles. I weigh 180 pounds.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I used to weigh 130 back in the day.

[A]

You're 50 pounds heavier than your skinny youth?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

I didn't know that. That's amazing. All right, very cool. Somebody's been hitting the protein. The weight room or the protein? The protein powder. Okay, very cool. Six feet tall. 180. What else? What else you got?

[B]

I used to practice kickboxing and I was 151 at the time. And I remember I was doing this drill with this big muscular guy who would go pretty hard on me even though I was only 15. He was like 29, I believe.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And I remember he like hit me in the jaw and a piece of my upper tooth chipped off, but I didn't even feel it. And then another, another guy in my kickboxing class, after the class, he actually complimented me, me saying that I'm a very strong guy.

[A]

All right, I love it. Give me one more. Any, any piece of counter evidence. And then I'll give you a couple more ideas to play around with. Because we got six feet tall kickboxer having teeth busted out. That's what's manlier than that. 50 pounds of muscle, more than back in the day. Or 50 pounds of lots of muscle.

[B]

Yeah. Hope is just muscle. No, it's actually not, but that would be nice. I like being dominant in the bedroom.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

So on the rare occasion that I do have the opportunity.

[A]

Dominant in the bedroom. What kind of stuff do you say in bed to a girl?

[B]

Nothing too inappropriate, but I just show dominance.

[A]

Oh, like more like kind of like the. Like the way you move.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay. Got it. Okay, awesome. Great. So we've got some great pieces of counter evidence that show a guy with some really masculine traits here. Right? I've never kickboxed. Okay. I am six feet tall. I never lost a tooth. Why am I feeling so inferior next to you all of a sudden? I don't know why. Cool. Let's go back to that core belief. Let's look at the. Let's look at the belief itself because I love what you said here. You basically said, hey, women want masculine, manly men. And I have a lot more going for me than maybe I focus on. But let's look at the belief itself. What is your vision of a quote, masculine man? Enough man. In other words, what is the archetype that you think women want? Want?

[B]

So someone. Well, tall is good, but also someone kind of wide, really broad shoulders, really muscular arms. My arms are pretty skinny. So. So muscular arms, big shoulders. That's the physical part. And then personality wise, I would say also like someone with a broader face, bigger jawline.

[A]

Okay. Can you physical pros paint a picture for me? What kind of famous person represents what women want according to your belief? Your old belief. Is it. I'm just making. I mean, you tell me. You tell me.

[B]

I like Gerard Butler, you know that I kind of like Gerard Butler. He seems very alpha.

[A]

Okay, gotcha. So is it possible that plenty of women would love a Gerard Butler type? Is it also possible that a lot of high quality, beautiful women don't want a Gerard Butler type?

[B]

Maybe.

[A]

Is it possible?

[B]

I think so.

[A]

What do good lawyers do? Isn't it possible in. Isn't it possible? By the way, all we need to really crush this belief is doubt, reasonable doubt. Just like a courtroom. So stick with me on this. So it's possible that some women are into the Gerard Butler type and some women. Is it possible some women, like, he's a big galoot. In my mind, do I look like Gerard? But do I have Gerard Butler's size and muscles?

[B]

No.

[A]

Have I been with, as far as, you know, a stupid number of women?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Well, wait a second. I don't. I don't look like Gerard Butler. I'm a. I'm a skinny, nerdy, chicken leg ginger guy. I wear extra slim jeans. They're so slim. I like women's jeans. Is it possible that some women like my type and some other women like a Gerard Butler type?

[B]

Yeah, that must be the case.

[A]

Yeah. Do you see? Is it possible that. Because when I said, hey, what's your kind of the, the platonic ideal of what you've created? Your old belief is created. It sounds to me like your old, your old belief has created. Oh, I've got to be a Gerard Butler type. That's what women want. Is it possible that. Sure, there's some truth in that? Some women might love that and some women might be referring repulsed by that and just not be into that at all and want something very different.

[B]

That's possible.

[A]

Have you ever seen a really attractive, beautiful woman out in the world and she was with a guy who had. Was not a Gerard Butler type?

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Do you remember who? Remember where?

[B]

No, just like random people on the street. Okay, well, actually do know I used to have a crush on this young professor in college. Not in college, in grad school. And I assumed her husband must be this big macho guy. And then I found him on the Internet and he was like this short, very chubby, bald, balding, unattractive guy. And I was like, whoa, okay, what happened over there?

[A]

Sorry, this guy was with what woman?

[B]

So I used to have a crush on this young university professor. Really beautiful. Yeah, okay, got it. He is her husband.

[A]

Got it. So do you see how this belief has created. I'm not saying you consciously think this, but it's there. Oh, women want a Gerard Butler type and I'm not that. That equals feeling like a three feeling shitty. But you've got short, chubby uni, got university guys who have a really attractive girlfriend. You've got me skinny 52 year old lost Weasley brother. I've had crazy success with women and Gerard Butler could probably snap me in half. So do you see how the actual belief itself is creating this unrealistic or at least oversimplified and maybe like kind of raise the bar for what you think women, all women want in terms of a masculine quote unquote, man. Yeah, yeah. Is Pete Davidson, is he a Gerard Butler type? No. How is he doing? Oh my God.

[B]

Pretty well for himself.

[A]

Exactly, exactly. So the thing about a limiting belief. Let me just kind of cut to the chase here. What a limiting belief does is it paints 4 billion women with one brush. Oh, all women or at least all quality women. Your definition wants this thing, is it. You're a smart guy with a lot of like psychology background and you're very well read. I think you know a lot about how our minds work. Is it very, very, very likely that lots of different women have lots of different blueprints for what they want?

[B]

I would think so, yeah.

[A]

Yeah, I remember. Like my girlfriend. Is it possible that a woman might fall for you and the value you offer her and then she might select something that gives her the masculine essence she likes, but that he doesn't have to be Gerard Butler.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

I mean, I have relatively nice biceps. I'm sorry, what are the ones on the outside? Triceps. Right, like outside the ones here.

[B]

Biceps. And then triceps. Right here.

[A]

Triceps. Triceps, Triceps. So I'm not a muscular guy at all. I'm more Jerry Seinfeld than Gerard Butler. But my girlfriend Jess is like, oh, I like your arms. Your arms look good. You hit the gym today. That's enough for a lot of women. So do you see how your old belief is basically painting all quality women with the same I want a Gerard Butler type of brush?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Now I'm not saying there's no truth in your belief. Yeah, Masculinity, quote unquote, manliness. Absolutely. That's something that I would say a majority of women want some amount of. But it's going to change from woman to woman as opposed to all women wanting one thing. And by the way, as far, but in terms of the masculine manliness that you do offer. Six feet, 180, kickboxer, busted tooth. I'm getting turned on just talking to you. You're so masculine.

[B]

Oh, no.

[A]

And let's remember in that beginning of the call when I said, hey, what's your evidence for this? A lot of assumptions. Right, A lot of assumptions. A lot of painting with a really broad brush. And the fact is you're a lot more manly and masculine than you might read, realize. But you're not focused on that. You're focused on, oh, look how, look how much I fall short from Gerard Butler or whatever the ideal is. And so you see how when you really buy into that, you take action or inaction from that state and you end up creating a self fulfilling prophecy where you're like, well, I want to go up to her, but I'm not Gerard Butler and I'm feminine and sensitive and that you create the crappy shitty outcome that you're afraid of either not approaching or maybe you, maybe you do man up. God bless you for the action you have taken. But you got that internal voice just screaming at you, you're not enough. You're not Gerard. But do you see all the counter evidence that your old belief is bullshit? Or at least. Or at least very flawed? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let me ask you this. Is it possible that there are a lot of quality women who like kickboxing? Healthy, 6 foot tall, dominant in bed, intelligent, cool men with sense of humor? Yeah.

[B]

Unfortunately, they don't find out the dominant bad part until later. That's unfortunate, but yeah.

[A]

Okay, got it. Does this make sense? Have you. Again, I'm not saying this is going to magically transform in this moment, but do you see. Oh, wait a minute, there's some bit. Do you see the holes in your story? Feel free to disagree with me.

[B]

No, I do.

[A]

Yeah, totally. Are there lots of different ways to be masculine? Be masculine with your voice, be masculine with your actions. You can be really blunt, candid. Is flirting with women a way of being masculine?

[B]

Yeah, potentially.

[A]

Yeah. So I think what you've done is you've constructed this very narrow definition of what a masculine man is that every woman wants. You can't be Gerard Butler. You can only be Nick. But you can be the most badass, fucking awesome, relatively masculine, but also sensitive version of Nick. And then what we want to do is kind of just get that guy to come out. And then you might be amazed at how much women love that guy. Okay, so let's have some fun now. Let's ask a very simple. I have a very simple question for you. Let's say, just hypothetically, thought experiment. Let's say this belief just left your head. It was just gone. The old belief you were free of it, how would that feel? And what could you do if that weight of I'm not man enough was gone? What would that. What could you do with that?

[B]

Definitely would feel more powerful and confident. And I have moments where I feel that way when I believe kind of falls off temporarily.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And I feel more masculine and dominant and it makes me feel much more powerful, confident and hopeful about my prospects. So basically the opposite of having that belief.

[A]

Great. If that belief was gone, would it be so much easier for you to approach some really cute girls?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Would you be a lot less hesitant and hopeful, or at least not scared as scared of rejection?

[B]

I think so. Although I would probably feel that I don't want to burst. I believe so. Even though I might internally feel that I'm masculine in the moment, I would I would be afraid that if I approach and she rejects me that it's gonna burst my belief and then I'm gonna go back to feeling not good enough. You know what I mean?

[A]

Okay, got it. Well, just stick with the what if here. What if the thought, the old thought, just vanished, you were free of that and you knew it was bullshit, it was just gone. Would it. Would the. With so much of the approaching fear and the hopelessness, would that all diminish if not disappear?

[B]

Yeah, I would think so.

[A]

Okay, well, let's do something right now that is more powerful than just removing it. Let's replace it. Let's replace it with. Drumroll, please. Your confidence code. Essentially a new belief that will replace the old one and then essentially make you feel a lot more confident, a lot more excited, a lot more hopeful. And also, this is something that's true. It's got to be something that's true, or at least that feels more true. So what is. Let's think of it this way. Let's think of a belief that is a mirror opposite of the old one. So, for example, my old belief back in the day was I am just too introverted and dorky and nerdy to attract, to approach and attract women. And my new belief was basically it read like this. A lot of really attractive quality women are into me because I am. So it's great to have an I am statement because I am intelligent. So instead of nerdy, I said, I'm intelligent, I'm funny, I'm a cool, edgy nerd, a little bit of a hipster. And a lot of women love intelligent, witty, funny guys. And just focusing on that made me feel very differently. So, yeah. Well, let's brainstorm something for you right now. I'm gonna ask you to start. What belief, if you had it in your system, would feel like an emotional fuel cell and make you smile and go, this feels great even if you don't believe it right now. What might that be? Hypothetically?

[B]

Does it have to be like the exact opposite of the non masculine belief, or could it be anything?

[A]

It can be a mirror opposite. I like it to be all it has to. We just want it to be something that feels really good. And that, at least in theory, makes you go, yeah, that fucking feels good. I want to go test drive this. And it can be the opposite of the old one, or it could be something different that replaces the old one. That's fine. But it should be reflective of your worth and value that you offer. That's the one thing we Want it to be because this is an identity belief. Okay. Okay.

[B]

I would say something like, a lot of women would find me attractive because I am tall, intelligent, charming, and a gentleman, but also dominant in the bedroom.

[A]

Nice. This is great. A lot of women will find me attractive because I'm tall. A gentleman. What was it again?

[B]

Tall, intelligent, charming.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And a gentleman, but also dominant.

[A]

Something about nice. Do women tend to like men with a dominant side?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Do you feel. I agree. Do women like intelligence, all things equal? Do they like a man who's. Do they want a man who's intelligent or stupid?

[B]

I think intelligent?

[A]

At least a lot of them. Yeah. Do they tend to want dominant or submissive and really wimpy?

[B]

Probably dominant.

[A]

Right. Do they want a scumbag who doesn't focus on her at all in terms of noticing how she feels, or does she want a true gentleman?

[B]

Hopefully the latter. I guess it depends on the woman.

[A]

All right, if we pulled 100 women and we said, do you want a dirtbag or do you want a gentleman, what do you think most women would say?

[B]

Probably gentlemen.

[A]

Okay, that was a long pause. So here is. Here's your old belief. I'm just not masculine and man enough to attract quality women. Here's your new belief. A lot of women would be attracted to me because I'm tall, intelligent, a gentleman, and I have a dominant side in bed. Now, which of those two. If you could. If it. If a objective person on the street walked over to us and we read them these two beliefs, what do you think most rational, reasonable people would say? Or which beliefs feels more true to the average person? Do you think about me? About people in general? Let's say they don't know you. Let's say that base. Because basically your old belief is every woman wants masculine, super masculine, Gerard Butler, manly type. That's your. That's essentially your old belief. Your new belief is lots of women like guys like me who were tall, gentlemenly, intelligent and dominant in bed. Which would a. Which would most people say is more true?

[B]

Probably the second one.

[A]

Okay. So your kind of rational, logical mind can look at that and say, yeah, that seems. That seems like it makes sense.

[B]

Yeah, Seems reasonable.

[A]

Okay, cool. All right. And what do you want more? What do you want more? Do you want your old belief more, the Gerard Butler belief that makes you feel like a three? Or do you want to feel like a tall, intelligent, attractive, worthy, sexy gentleman?

[B]

Tall, intelligent, attractive, worthy, sexy.

[A]

Ding, ding, ding, ding. Good answer. The truth is you can't have both. You gotta choose one. You cannot have this old belief and still and then get the results you want. Because even if you magically started approaching women and getting dates with them, guess what? That 3 out of 10 Gerard Butler bullshit story is still inside of you. So good answer. You did the right answer. Okay, now let's get this belief in your system. Let's basically upload this software, upload the confidence code. So I'm gonna ask you to stand up again, but now we're gonna do it very differently and same process, but I'm gonna ask you to stand differently. So stand up, and I want you to man spread with your legs. Stand nice and tall. Okay? And you know what we've been talking for. Oh, my God, we are. Okay, we're going way late. We're an hour in. We're almost done. But we've spent the last hour being very logical, very analytical. So I want you to just take 10 seconds. I want you to shake your body out, move your arms, take a couple deep breaths with me. Basically get out of your head. Getting nice. Awesome. Get into your body with me. Nice deep exhalation. Great. Let's do one or two more deep breaths. In, out. Okay, one more time. Nice in. Exhale out. All right, Stand nice and tall. I want your spine to feel like a steel rod, man spread. I want. Give me a quick higher self name for you. What's a good nickname? No pun intended. What's a good nickname that you. When you are feeling in the zone, what does that guy say? Name? Mine is Connell fucking Barrett. I've got a client whose name is. Oh, geez. There's so many unstoppable Steve. It doesn't have to be alliteration. What's a name we can give you that when you are feeling this way in certain areas of life, you feel lit up. What's his name?

[B]

I like calling myself Nico because it sounds so cool and sexy.

[A]

I like that. Nico cool. Nico you are so Nico is your higher self. Nico is how you are about to feel. So let's do it. Stand like Nico stands. And now for the next 60 seconds, I want you to do exactly what I do, just like before, except this will be a lot more fun. So here we go. Give me full commitment. Mirror my. My noises, my commitment, my emotion. Sound your barbaric yawp. In other words, like Walt. Like Walt Whitman said. Here we go. Repeat after me, starting now. Yes. Yes, yes, Yes. I am Nico.

[B]

I am Nico.

[A]

Nice. Give me an even louder, deeper voice. I am Nico.

[B]

I am Nico.

[A]

A lot of quality Women.

[B]

A lot of quality women are gonna.

[A]

Be attracted to me because I'm tall.

[B]

Attracted to me because I'm tall.

[A]

I'm a gentleman.

[B]

And a gentleman.

[A]

I'm. I am intelligent. I am intelligent, and I am dominant in bed.

[B]

And I am dominant in bed.

[A]

Yeah. Nico is gonna make them go, oh.

[B]

Nico is gonna make them go, oh, yeah.

[A]

I want you to hit the O harder. Nico is gonna make the girls go, oh.

[B]

Nico is gonna make the girls go, go.

[A]

I'm six foot. Go.

[B]

I'm six foot.

[A]

I'm 180 pounds of kickboxing muscle.

[B]

180 pounds of kickboxing muscle.

[A]

Do that again. I want it 10%. More vocal commitment. Go.

[B]

A 180 pounds of kickboxing muscle.

[A]

Awesome. Very cool. Now, just for a second, I want you to go back to that old body posture from before. But let's exaggerate it. Let's make fun of it. So get really small, pretend like you're putting your finger in your nose like a nerd, and repeat after me. Okay, here we go.

[B]

Wa.

[A]

I'm not masculine. And wah. I'm not masculine. A man enough for women.

[B]

I'm not masculine or man enough for women.

[A]

Yeah. I was put in a friend zone 15 years ago.

[B]

I was friend zoned 15 years ago.

[A]

Okay, come back to Nico. Awesome. Stand nice and tall. Okay, big finish. We're gonna finish strong. Here we go. Repeat after me. I am Nico.

[B]

I am Nico.

[A]

I have an abundance of quality women.

[B]

I have an abundance of quality women.

[A]

Because I am tall, intelligent, and a gentleman.

[B]

Because I am tall, intelligent, and a gentleman.

[A]

And I am dominant in bed, ladies.

[B]

And I am dominant in that, ladies.

[A]

Nico will make you go, oh, go.

[B]

Nico will make you go, oh.

[A]

I am Nico.

[B]

I am Nico.

[A]

I am Nico. Give me falsetto. Go. I am Nico. Say yes.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Say yes.

[B]

Say yes.

[A]

Nice. Nice. Okay, right now, on a scale of 1 to 10, one being a little piece of shit shit on my shoe, 10 being fucking Nico Superhero. What number are you right now?

[B]

I would say a solid nine.

[A]

Fuck, dude. How'd you go from a three to a nine? What happened? How did you get there? Okay, I'm using that quote on my website. How did you get there? How did we. What did we do to take you from a three to a nine?

[B]

So I started doubting my old belief and started focusing more on a better belief that I also think has a lot of truth to it. And then I basically changed my body language to reflect that new belief.

[A]

Right? And that's the Confidence code in a quick little formula. You just gave it to me or you just said it? I'll underline it. The confidence code, number one. It's a core, powerful belief about what you offer women combined with your physiology, the way you use your body and your voice. Notice how we had you yelling, we had you doing falsetto, we had you getting silly. And so when you use your physiology and your focus on a story, that's way more empowering, instead of focusing on that, I gotta be like Gerard Butler, girls don't like me nonsense. What this does is it essentially takes your state up to a 7, 8, 9, 10, in your case a 9, literally triple where you were before. And you don't need me with you to do this. You can do this on your own. And all you need to do, you don't have to do the whole hour, by the way, you already did the hard work is you take this core belief that we just wrote, which you've repeated many times, and what you do is you say this out loud, you say it with some emotion, you really commit to it, and you say it while walking and talking in a nice tall stance, using your physiology. Because there's an expression that an old coach said to me, motion is emotion. If you're walking and talking and standing like a, like a three friend zone, effeminate, sensitive, rejected guy, guess what? You're going to get those results. But if you walk and talk and think and focus like Nico on your worth, your height, your gentlemanliness, your intelligence, all these amazing things about you, you're going to be go up to an 8, 9, 10, and you can do this anytime you want now. By the way, out of curiosity, feeling like at a nine, like you're now feeling, would it be a lot easier to go approach a woman right now compared to before? Right, yeah. If you approached a woman in the state we just got you into as Nico, is there a much higher chance that something really good could happen based on that? Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. And is it, would it be much more likely that you would take a lot more action if you felt that way regularly versus feeling it like at a 2, 3, 4.

[B]

Yes, absolutely.

[A]

So basically, the fastest way to just really transform your confidence is write that new belief which you've done. Get it in your body, in your head and your gut, Say it out loud, use your physiology, in other words, the way you use your body. And then here's the good news. I have bad news and great news. Bad news is tomorrow morning you might wake up feeling maybe not at a 9. Okay. Old beliefs die hard. Now, it's possible that the old belief will disappear forever after this phone call. I hope it does. But if it doesn't, nothing to worry about, nothing to freak out about. Think of this new belief that you wrote with me. Think of it like a tabletop. For a belief to become something that we know in our marrow our heart is true and real, it needs legs. Under needs proof. In other words, proof that it's true. And that's what we're going to be doing for the rest of our time together is going getting you out in the world, meeting some gorgeous, cool, amazing women, and you getting proof and evidence that you are tall, intelligent, attractive, more than dominant, enough, more than man and masculine enough for lots of cute girls. And give it a little time, Give it some new reps, some new references. Those references become table legs. And essentially this new belief becomes really sturdy. Like, imagine a table with, like 10 legs under it. It'd be really sturdy right now. There might not be 10 legs. It might be a little wobbly, and that's okay. Does that make sense?

[B]

Yeah, for sure.

[A]

Yeah. So your marching orders, as we move forward, working together, is every day you're going to do what I call in my book the confidence kickoff, which is getting yourself in a really good, resourceful, awesome state by doing what we just did here. Except you don't need to do it for an hour. Only takes about five or 10 minutes. And you remind yourself of this belief. You tattoo this belief on your neck or your lower back. You memorize it, you get it in your system. And what really makes it true is when you start getting that new evidence, when you get that first, first really cute girl who's like, damn, Nico, you are so freaking manly. I love you. Or whatever she says that makes you feel manly. And then your brain is like, whoa, this really is true. And then this becomes something that you know, and that is you. Not something that you have to try to just believe. Does that make sense?

[B]

Yeah, that sounds great.

[A]

Say it one more time. You could say it in it. Say it in a chill. Nico just had the best sex of his life. Way. You're lying. You're lying in bed. You're smoking an E cigarette with your lady. Turn to me and give me your new belief. What is it?

[B]

I am attractive to a lot of beautiful women because I am tall, intelligent, charming, gentleman, and dominant in the bedroom. I am Nico.

[A]

Cool. Now go back to bed with her. Wake up in the morning. Give her some morning sex. Okay, cool. So, yeah, marching orders. Make this your daily, what I call hour of power confidence kickoff, and then give it a few weeks to really sink in. And you're basically Nico, by the way. Nico is who you really are. When we strip away the self doubt, the stories, the bullshit, Nico is the real you. That radically authentic you. So thanks for stepping up and doing a really intense session. You did amazing.

[B]

Thank you. It was life changing.

[A]

Cool, brother.