The Write Stuff: How to Turn Your Boring Bio into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Clint)

Summary

Podcast Title: How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Episode Title: The Write Stuff: How to Turn Your Boring Bio into a Match Magnet (Live Coaching with Clint)
Host: Connell Barrett
Release Date: July 22, 2025

---

Introduction

In this engaging episode of the "How to Get a Girlfriend" podcast, renowned dating coach Connell Barrett hosts a live coaching session with Clint, a 56-year-old education professional re-entering the dating world after a 15-year hiatus. The primary focus revolves around optimizing online dating profiles to attract meaningful connections and navigate the challenges of modern digital dating.

Client Background: Clint's Return to Dating

Clint shares his journey of stepping back into the dating scene after a prolonged break. Initially feeling discouraged over the years, he decided it was time to revamp his approach to online dating, leading him to seek Connell's expertise.

Clint (B) [01:34]:
"I kind of gave up on dating about 15 years ago... I think it's about time to get back into this thing and started writing my dating profile."

Crafting an Engaging Bio

Connell emphasizes the importance of viewing an online dating profile as a form of digital marketing, where Clint is the "product." The goal is to present an authentic and appealing version of himself to stand out in a competitive landscape.

1. The Power of a Hook

A compelling first line is crucial as women make snap decisions in mere seconds.

Connell (A) [03:29]:
"I think the amount of time it takes a woman to swipe right or left... it's about 2.9 seconds. We have to hook a woman's interest quickly."

Connell suggests using humor or unique personal traits to create an effective hook.

Connell (A) [07:29]:
"Warning. My karaoke voice may make you swoon."

Clint decides to adopt a similar approach:

Clint (B) [11:12]:
"Warning. Dating me might cause laughing."

2. Specificity Over Clichés

Connell advises against vague statements like "I love travel." Instead, he encourages Clint to provide specific details that evoke universal emotions.

Connell (A) [29:36]:
"If you can dial in very specifically on what you're trying to say, even if the person reading it doesn't specifically do that thing, that can still impact them."

Clint identifies his hobbies and personal traits to make his profile stand out.

Clint (B) [20:15]:
"I'm the middle of three children... and my older sister was always having her girlfriends over, so they would tease me a lot."

3. Incorporating a Call-to-Action

Asking a fun, easy-to-answer question encourages engagement.

Connell (A) [34:51]:
"The best performing call to action that I've ever tested on my profile is... 'I was dog shopping at the time and I wrote, 'Would you rather get a rescue or a Frenchie?'"

Clint experiments with similar prompts to invite responses.

Connell (A) [37:20]:
"If you have something like, 'Which restaurant would you rather have dinner tonight? Pierre's French restaurant or Taco Bell?' That's light and easy."

Optimizing Conversations on Dating Apps

Beyond crafting a stellar bio, maintaining engaging conversations is pivotal.

1. Personalized Openers

Connell introduces the "Three P's" for effective openers: Playful, Personalized, and Perfect length.

Connell (A) [52:41]:
"An opener should be playful, personalized toward her, and it should be the perfect length, roughly 20-25 words."

An example provided:

Connell (A) [53:19]:
"Hey, Anastasia, I see that you're a Wolverine... What do you think? Can opposites attract?"

2. Transitioning Off the App

Moving the conversation from the app to a more personal medium is essential for building a connection.

Connell (A) [57:36]:
"Be a man with a plan... 'I enjoy chatting with you. We should plan a date. What's your number?'"

Clint is guided to make this transition smooth and confident.

Connell (A) [62:41]:
"Here's how I like to send that first message... 'Hey, is this Francesca or did I accidentally text Papa John's Pizza instead?'"

First Date Dynamics

Entering the physical dating world after a long hiatus can be daunting. Connell offers strategies to keep conversations flowing and make a memorable impression.

1. Preparing Conversation Topics

Having "back pocket" topics can alleviate the anxiety of awkward silences.

Connell (A) [65:04]:
"Have two or three back pocket topics... Tell me about your backpacking trip through Spain."

2. Planning the First Date

Creating an inviting and interactive first date scenario helps establish comfort and connection.

Clint (B) [43:07]:
"McMinims pubs had an art show... It’s a great way to meet someone and have extended talking time."

Securing a Second Date

Asking for a second date confidently can significantly enhance dating success.

Connell (A) [69:55]:
"Instead of asking 'Do you want to go out again?', use assumptive communication like, 'I know exactly what we're going to do for our second date. You just gave me a perfect idea.'"

Clint is encouraged to express clear intent without appearing "thirsty."

Connell (A) [71:26]:
"Show confidence and certainty in oneself. Ask her out sincerely, like 'I had fun last night. We should do this again. What about you?'"

Highlighting Personal Attributes: Being a Single Dad

Connell advises embracing and humorously presenting personal circumstances, such as Clint being a single father, to attract like-minded individuals.

Connell (A) [46:23]:
"Here's a good prompt for all you single dads out there: 'Yep, I'm a DILF—Dedicated, Invested, Loving Father. Hey, get your mind out of the gutter.'"

This approach effectively communicates Clint's status while showcasing his sense of humor.

Conclusion

The episode concludes with Connell reinforcing the importance of authenticity and strategic presentation in online dating profiles. By treating the dating profile as a marketing project and continuously iterating based on responses, Clint is well-equipped to navigate the digital dating landscape successfully.

Connell (A) [75:27]:
"Your dream girlfriend is out there. You just have to go out and meet her and find her and show her the real, authentic you."

---

This detailed summary encapsulates the essence of the coaching session between Connell Barrett and Clint, highlighting practical strategies for enhancing online dating profiles, initiating engaging conversations, and successfully transitioning to meaningful in-person dates. By incorporating specific examples and actionable advice, listeners can effectively apply these insights to their own dating endeavors.

Transcript

[A]

Some women, you can get them off more quickly than others. Off of. Off of the app. That sounded dirtier than I meant. You can get them off of the app quickly than I meant. And that's definitely going to be the opening sound bite for this episode. Welcome back to the how to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I am your host, dating coach, Connell Barrett. I'm. I'm your podcast dating coach. I'm here to help you flirt with confidence, get more dates, get more matches on the dating apps, and find a great girlfriend who likes you for you, your authentic self. No toxic pickup moves needed. And today we're doing my favorite kind of episode. This is my favorite kind of episode to do. We're doing a live coaching session with a brand new client, an amazing guy. You're about to meet him. His name is Clinton. Clint is 56. He works in education. He's newly getting back into the dating world after a long break. And let's talk about online dating. Let's talk about the struggles that men can face when they've been out of the game for a while like Clint has been. So let's get to it. Clint, welcome to the how to Get a Girlfriend podcast.

[B]

Thanks for having me, Connell. I really appreciate your time.

[A]

It's my pleasure. Thank you for being here and thank you. Tell me a little bit and tell our listener a little bit about where you are in your dating life. You've been out of the game for a while. Give us the. The Clint bio got kind of, you.

[B]

Know, just trying to think of the right word. But anyway, I kind of gave up on dating about 15 years ago. Just kind of disgruntled. Not disgruntled, but, you know, kind of just discouraged a little bit. And so now 15 years goes by and I'm like, you know, I think it's about time to get back into this thing and started writing my dating profile. And I was like, oh, this isn't really engaging. This isn't really working. So I did a simple search for how to write a good dating profile, and Connell came up. So that's why I'm here. The authenticity word got me, and that really stuck with me. So putting a lot of value here.

[A]

Great. Yeah. I met my girlfriend Jessamyn on a dating app. I talk a lot about approaching and meeting women in real life, but I love dating apps. I met the love of my life on a dating app. And let's think of today as a first step toward you finding the love of your life on a dating app. You can't have My girlfriend. Don't even ask. She's not available, but she's flattered. But anyway. Yeah. So tell me a little bit about what's been getting in the way, what your either frustrations are or what your, what your confusions are about. Ah, I'm back in dating after 15 years. What's not working? What are you looking to improve?

[B]

I always did really good face to face. So in person, the analog side, I always did okay and I always felt really comfortable there. Now though, with getting that conversion over to digital, it's pretty rough. And that's where I'm just needing that help with writing the engaging profile, something that will get responses back, and then the engaging texting conversations to keep that going.

[A]

Do you have a rough draft by any chance of a bio right now we can look at?

[B]

It's kind of a mismatch of what you've recommended. So it's not really. I wouldn't say it's a rough draft. It's already live. But I don't, I don't have anything ready.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And what dating app are you starting on?

[B]

I went on plenty of fish and I went on to match.com and I went on to eharmony Hinge. Yeah.

[A]

Okay, great.

[B]

Just getting started.

[A]

All right, well, a great way to think about online dating is to not really think about it as dating. It's not really dating until you meet that woman in real life or at least you start messaging her. That's dating, texting, flirting. That's really when dating starts, your profile and writing a bio. It's more like digital marketing. But digital marketing doesn't have to be a bad thing. Marketing has sort of a odor to it. Right. A waft of ew marketing. I don't want to be marketed to. I don't like to do that either. But what we can do is think of it through the lens of value added marketing. Value added marketing is. Here's something that I think will make my audience smile, will give them something, make them laugh, and do it through the lens of authenticity. So the example might be a business example of value added marketing or authentic marketing is way back in the day when Hertz Rental Car was like the number one rental agency, Avis came out with a marketing program that said, we're number two, we're number two. So we try harder. It was like humble and basically self aware. And that made people go, oh, that's funny, that's different. I want to root for the little guy. And so in a way, we want to look at Our online dating profile, it's just a piece of digital marketing and it's a competitive landscape, meaning that there's more men than women on the dating apps and there's a lot more of the men are all trying to match with the most, typically the most desirable women. So it is competitive. That's the challenging news. The good news is all. All you gotta do is be in the top 20% of the men. Good photos, portraits that resonate and bio prompts that give value through the lens of being authentic. So that's sort of my quick little CliffsNotes thought on online dating, it's just digital marketing, but the product we're marketing is Clint. The best, most awesomely authentic Clint, not a Persona. So let's start with the bio. Here's how I like to think about it. I'm a big fan of hooking a woman's interest. I believe the amount of time it takes a woman to swipe right or left, I think it's 2.9 seconds. Women make snap decisions. We all do in a social media swiping world. So we have to hook a woman's interest quickly. Now, one way we do that is with photos, which we can talk about if you'd like. The other way to do it is with that first line of your bio, which I call a hook. A hook is something that just makes her want to keep reading more because it maybe it makes her laugh or maybe it's just different and unusual, or maybe it's weird, but in a good way. So do you have any thoughts on. Well, here, let me give you a couple of examples of hooks. Hook I used to use was, I think of this through the lens. Through the lens of what can I say about me that might show that there's something in it for her? So one of my hooks in the past was warning. All capped. Warning with a little triangle danger emoji. Warning. My karaoke voice may make you swoon.

[B]

Nice.

[A]

Now warning. I'm hoping that kind of breaks a woman out of her pattern. She's used to saying, hey, I'm giving online dating a try. And I'm saying danger. Warning. When you hear me saying Bon Jovi, you might fall in love with me. Don't. Don't say I didn't warn you. And that got a lot of women saying, oh, okay, well, what song are you going to sing for me? Another good hook would be, I got this from another dating coach, but I really like it. His name is Damien. He's an Australian coach. Forgive me, Damian. I forget your Last name Damian Decke, I believe is how it's pronounced. A really good coach. I'm a big fan of his. He wrote a good funny hook that was I love cooking with red wine. I even add food to it sometimes. Nice, funny, right? It says that I cook. It also says that I like to have a drink. I'm not saying that you need to do that. But hooks don't always have to be funny. They can just say something about you that's very different. I'm wearing a Beatles T shirt for anybody watching this video. And one of my hooks was I can sing all 213 Beatles songs by heart. You know, hashtag Beatles nerd or something. It says something about me. But if women like the Beatles or if women like those little fun facts, that can really speak to my audience. And one more example is you could just write something specific and true about you. That's unusual but different. I had a client named Jason who was into extreme things. He liked to cold plunges. He was one of those polar ice swimmers. You know where they go swimming when it's 20 degrees on new Year's Day. I think there's a name for the polar bear or something like that. Anyway, his opening line was, I like extremities. I do cold plunges, I run super marathons and I do hyperbaric chamber depth, depth deprivation. That's different. So if you have something different about you, that can work for me. I experimented with I'm a dating coach. Last time I met my girlfriend because I said, I'm a dating coach. Dating me is like being in a rom com like Hitch. And that got a lot of women. That's what got me my first date with my girlfriend. She said, I'm interested. I want to have a date with a dating coach. You struggle with dating, right? Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt. The apps don't work for you. And sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating. Hey, I struggled with dating too. As an introvert and a total nerd. I didn't just live in the friend zone. I owned real estate there. But I escaped using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. It's what I wrote about in my best selling book, Dating Sucks, but yout Don't. And Radical authenticity is why Psychology Today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I want to personally help you attract your dream girlfriend. So go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. On our call, I'll tell you how my one on one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend. And you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity. No creepy pickup tricks needed. So go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today, and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend. Okay, End of sermon. So with all that in mind, any thoughts on what might work for you for a hook? Clint?

[B]

Yeah, I. I cheated. I used one of yours.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Warning. Warning. Dating me could cause laughing.

[A]

Okay. Yeah, I like it. That's something. That's a good start. What? Let's. Maybe we can dial it up and make it even more specific to you. That's good. You're thinking of this the right way, which is every piece of your bio. It may be all about you, but it's for her. That's what marketing is. This is what's in it for you ladies. But through the lens of here's who I am. So great. I like that warning. Dating me might cause laughter.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What is your sense of humor? Like, how do you make women laugh? Or how might you make women laugh or people laugh?

[B]

Well, one of them was the other day. I overheard some non native English speakers speaking their own language. And I just said, did you just say that Clint is a beautiful man? And nothing, nothing like rhymed with that or sounded that way at all, but it got both of them laughing. And then I was able to call that back later and say, it's okay if you'd say that. And so she says. She repeated it back to me. So that was pretty funny.

[A]

So that comedic technique, for what it's worth, is called misinterpretation. You pretended to interpret what they said as, oh, yeah, I love you, Must love Clint, by the way, for future reference. Don't lose sight of that. That's a really good, effective flirting technique on a date. Not necessarily misinterpreting the literal. Literal words she says, but you can misinterpret something a woman says as her, you know, hitting on you or asking you out or something. So anyway, hold on to that for future reference. That's. That's a good way. Way to use humor. What other ways do. What other kind of ways do you make people laugh? What. Tell me more about your sense of humor.

[B]

Yeah, this last example or last time, Closest one is on one of the dating apps. I had pulled something personal that she had wrote, and it was something like I need that special someone. So I said, well, I'm very special. Kind of like a snowflake, just not as melty.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

So I got the response back. I get, you know, for the lack of responses. That one got a response.

[A]

So. Okay, so I'm hearing wordplay.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Banter, wit. Give me some adjectives to describe your sense of humor.

[B]

Weird, strange.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Not really deadpan or dry. Kind of definitely into the British humor, but definitely can't pull it off.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And when I was at the comedy club, I'm heckling from the first row, and the lady that's doing the announcements finally says, okay, leave the comedy to the professionals here.

[A]

Okay. I like it.

[B]

It's just trying to have fun wherever I'm at.

[A]

How about something like this? We just. I just want to add a couple of qualifying words to make it more specific about you. Why your humor is going to make her smile and laugh. I'm hearing quirky, weird, wordplay. Witty. Are those all words that are reasonably used to describe you?

[B]

I'm hoping witty. Kind of brainy, right?

[A]

Yeah, I like that. Hey, it's a dating profile. Let's brag. You're allowed to brag. You can say I'm witty. So it could be something like warning or. What was it again? What do you have? Danger. Warning.

[B]

It's a warning. Dating me might cause laughing.

[A]

Yeah, gotcha. Yeah, Warning. Dating meme. Warning. I would say warning. My quirky, witty wordplay humor may cause bouts of laughter. Consult a doctor.

[B]

That's really good.

[A]

Or something like that. Turn it almost into, like a surgeon general's warning if you want to.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And that you're. You're giving a woman a little glimpse into you.

[B]

Oh, I did put on there. Contact your doctor before matching.

[A]

Okay, nice. That's great. That's great.

[B]

That was, like, the full cheat from you.

[A]

That's a gimmick. Nothing wrong with a gimmick. To quote the musical Gypsy, you gotta get a gimmick. And there's nothing wrong with that. So we could start that. Use that as a hook. And I just want. I just wanted to make it. It's good to say you'll laugh, but we want to say why she'll laugh. Like my version of that. If I was going to use your version on my profile, I'd probably say danger. I'd either go dad jokes. Because I like dad jokes. My girlfriend Jess and I are always swapping dad jokes, so I might be like, danger. My dad jokes will definitely make you fall for me or groan in disappointment. Maybe some self effacing humor. But I like yours choices. I would go like, I don't love the word weird. I don't love it, but I like the word quirky, witty, wicked. I don't know if you like. I like wicked wit. Like weird wicked wit if you can use some alliteration. So you could play around with that. So think of. So, so let me pull back here. Something I should have talked about a few minutes ago. I like, I like to do a three line bio. If we're doing like Tinder Bumble. Three little bullet points is plenty. It's plenty in short. And the nice thing about these three bullet points is once we have three really good ones and I'll walk you through the second, third one here in a second. We can then take those and put them on all of each know all of you. You could use these as your three prompts on Hinge or two or three prompts on Tinder. So we're creating three little value propositions for Clint that are going to make a woman want to keep reading. But then we can use it for any profile within reason. Just change it for the platform. So the first line, a hook. Oh, go ahead.

[B]

2.9 seconds to get the hook set. And then the next one's really short to kind of continue that.

[A]

The second line you're asking.

[B]

Yeah. So like each one's gonna be a short and quick.

[A]

Yeah. There's no one way to do this, but here's a good one. Size fits most hook. First one danger. My jokes. My wicked, quirky, witty jokes will probably make you fall for me. And then the second line is something more real and relatable. Something specific about you that you want women to know. Could be your job, could be a hobby. You have something about you to give a glimpse into who you are. Or it could be a fun fact. So that's a good second line. Something with a little bit of relatability. So we hook them with some humor or something that just makes them want to know more. And then the second line is a. A bit more heart. That's where we want to get specific about something you bring to the table. So for example, my second line might be, you know, back when I was last single actually dating on the apps, my second line was, my first line was probably, I'm a dating coach for men. Just like the movie Hitch. Women are fascinated by that. That hooked so many women. The second line, I wanted it to be relatable. And so my second line was something like, I love reading novels. I'm an author, a writer, and I love novels. I like big books, and I cannot lie. You know, a little joke. Younger listener might not know that reference, but sir mix a lot. Is that sir mix a lot?

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

Oh, sorry. Okay. I thought you were laughing because you got it.

[B]

No, it's just I've heard the line before, and then.

[A]

So the line comes from an 80s song. I like big butts and I cannot lie. So I would still use humor, but I would say, I love to read. I'm an author. I love novels. You might say, I love big books, and I cannot lie. That'd be one thing. So there's something about me that. Or I might say I'm the youngest of six. And nothing lights me up more than being with my big, crazy Irish family. Something relatable to give a woman a snapshot. So for your second line, any thoughts on that relatability one, that specific authentic thing about you?

[B]

Well, if we go into a family dynamic, I'm the middle of three children, and I've got an older sister and a younger sister, and they'd always pick on me, but. Okay, I don't know how that would. I guess I'd dig deeper into that. My older sister was always having her girlfriends over, and of course, they flirt with me as five years older, so they would tease me a lot because I wasn't quite to that point of, you know, understanding that girls are really cool.

[A]

Okay, so you're the middle child.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

All right. And a good way to think about the second line, this. This sincere, authentic. It's almost like a piece of information, but something that's emotionally compelling to women is. Think of it this way. What do you want women to know about you?

[B]

I would some way to relate it without saying, like, I'm just too sensitive or big heart, but being able to say it in a way that doesn't sound as bad as that can sound.

[A]

Okay, so you have a big heart.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Tell us how. Tell me how you have a big heart. Specifically. Do you volunteer? Do you have three dogs? Do you volunteer with kitties like my girlfriend does? Those are just hypotheticals. How does your heart manifest itself in your life?

[B]

It's really just caring for everyone around me. And then I'm always trying to, like, leave somebody with a positive feeling. So that tends to go with that. Humor tends to go with that. Trying to give somebody a laugh. Like knocking on my boss's door in the morning and saying, hey, do you have time to, you know, get that morning set off to the right. Start with a. With a little joke or whatever. And so I'll be able to be able to pull that off almost every time.

[A]

I like that. That's not bad. That's something about. I'm a. I'm a big hearted guy and my philosophy is once a day I try to cheer somebody else up. I just made that up. I don't know if that's how you live your life, but that's the kind of heart centric line that can make a woman go, oh, well, that's a kind cool guy. That's a beautiful thing to say. So it could be that. Let's put that as a maybe. Okay. For. For line number two. Are there any specific hobbies or passions you have or fun facts about you for potentially consideration?

[B]

Kind of computer geeky.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Been. Been in computers my whole life. My uncle owned one of the Radio Shacks back when Radio Shack was a Radio Shack.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And they had all the little bits and pieces. My mom was single, so I actually got to play around when I was like being babysat. And I would be sorting the resistors by colors, color bands. And then that just kind of continued on and on into selling or purchasing tech for the college that I work at and then helping students with their computer stuff.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay. So you're a tech whiz? No.

[B]

People tell me that, but I'm kind of like more of like the more you know, the more you don't know. Okay, Gotcha. On the, on all the basic stuff, it's pretty easy.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

But some of this stuff's challenging.

[A]

Do you have any, any hobbies? Musical instruments? You play sports, you enjoy to partake in? Anything hobby based.

[B]

The disc golf. I'll go disc golfing with my kids and then that usually includes a hike with that. And then whenever I'm visiting with them, they have their pets, so that's always a good thing. Okay. We'll say hello and. And play with their pets.

[A]

Okay. So we got disc golf. Do you have a dog or cat? No. Okay.

[B]

I live in a really small apartment and I had two really wonderful kittens. And. And it was just I had an issue with the litter boxes. So unfortunately, I gave up these two wonderful kittens.

[A]

Gotcha. Okay. No worries. Just asking. So for the second line, we have disc golf. Hobby. That one. A good way to do your second line of a profile bio is what do you love to do? What are you passionate about? Passion is attractive to women as long as it's somewhat specifically conveyed. You know, I'm really passionate about disc golf. I love being on the disc golf course. Hitting the, throwing the disc. However you do disc golf, I don't know, I've only done real golf. The only disc I've ever thrown was my lower back disc a couple years ago when I threw my back out. So. So for the second line, we can go with something like I'm a big hearted guy. My philosophy is make somebody smile every day. I think that's cheesy in a good way. I'm pro cheesy. Yeah, I just saw Superman. Cheesy's back, baby. People like cheese. Or at least in the right dose. Or you could go with something about your tech wizardry. We want to talk about. If you're going to go with the tech angle, we want to talk about it in a way that we want to put a bow on it that has like a little bit of emotional resonance with women as opposed to saying, I like computers and I'm good at that. You know, we might say, oh, I'm a tech, I'm a tech guy. I can reboot, you know, anything made since 1987. I don't know. Anyway, so the second line, you want to think, what's something I want women to know about me. What's something that's a little bit showing off and that's okay, we're allowed to show off a little bit. Or what's something super specific and quirky and cool about me? Or just quirky and different about me? Go ahead.

[B]

So I take those techie terms and I translate to human terms. So that's kind of on a regular basis, just translation of high tech terms down to what everybody can speak. So.

[A]

Okay, gotcha.

[B]

I don't know how to put that.

[A]

Into anything based on everything we've said. Well, here's a good way to do the second line. You could pick three things you're passionate about. So be like. My loves include blank, blank and blank. You know, my loves include, you know, crushing it at disc golf or playing disc golf and you know, picked just game nights with my friends and catching up on the latest season of xyz, hot TV show, whatever. People are listening to Poker face. I love poker face. We just want to, we're giving, we want to give women specific things about us that let them grab onto it. You might have noticed something that I've done several times in chatting with you today, which is, let's get specific. Specifically, how are you big hearted? How are you funny? What kinds of hobbies do you have? One of the Biggest mistakes that men make accidentally on their profile, their bio is. They speak in vague terms. I like adventure. I like to travel. My family is important to me, and I enjoy my family. Those are all wonderful things, but they're cliches. And we want to beware of cliches, and we want to eradicate cliches from our profile and create specifics. Because there's a famous quote. I forget who said this. I want to say it's Marshall Brickman, who used to help. Used to write screenplays. I believe it's a guy named Marshall Brickman, but it might be somebody else. And the quote is, this is a writing prompt, a writing guideline. That's very true of how to write a bio. Brickman said, if you go for the universal in a piece of writing, you get nothing. But if you go for the specific, you get the universal. What he meant was, if you can dial in very specifically on what you're trying to say, even if the person reading it doesn't specifically do that thing, that can still impact them, and you'll get a universal emotional response. So, for example, here's what I mean by vague and cliche. I like travel. Everybody does. Or so they say. That's very different than, I love going to Tuscany on my red Vespa and drinking wine and having pasta as I look at the sunset. Like, that's specific. Even if a woman's never been to Italy, that's gonna speak to her more powerfully than I like travel. Right?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I have a client. We were rewriting his prompt yesterday, former or current client of mine. And he. He said, I really want a woman who's curious about life. And his prompt said, I want a curious woman. But he's not getting curious. He's not getting responses to that prompt, and he's not meeting the kinds of women he wants. And so we rewrote it. And I said, hey, bro, what do you mean by curious? What does that mean? And he said, oh, she takes duolingo randomly because she wants to learn that new language. Or she. She. At the last minute, she'll. She'll drop everything on a Friday afternoon and just go to the beach and go surfing. I don't know. Or she'll ask a lot of questions that go deep. And then we rewrote his prompt to specifically say what he means by curious. Because even if a woman doesn't do the specific things he's talking about, if we get specific, then you'll speak to her, because we're hitting a. We're hitting A more universal emotion by getting more specific. Does that make sense? Okay, sorry. Talk at you. Anyway, so we want to just make sure we're specific.

[B]

Yeah, I've seen a lot of the women's profiles that are much more specific than what I've written. And so now that makes more sense to me and gives me some other ideas of how to structure mine.

[A]

Great. Well, it comes down to show versus tell. Remember high school writing class? Connell, Clint. Don't tell me something, show me. You know, give a. Use specifics. Show, don't tell. And that's really important in bio writing. Show and tell. Telling is I'm funny. Showing is post your favorite dad joke. You know the current prompt I have, you're welcome to steal this or a variation of it if you. If it resonates with you. The current prompt I have on my profile is. Hold on, let me read it to you. This has gotten me so many matches. This is so good that a lot of women have said, oh, this is really good. Did you write it or is it chatgpt? And I'm like, how dare you? I'm a professional. I don't need ChatGPT. Okay, here's my bio on Bumble Quote. If you like tall, handsome, charming, witty, kind, fun, sexy, successful gentlemen who love dogs and kids, then you should meet my brother. So I'm actually talking about me in a narcissistic way, probably. And then at the last minute, I'm doing a little twist at the end, so I'm showing that I'm funny. Hopefully if she laughs, then I've got her. I've got her. But if I just say, hey, I like to joke around and I'm a smart ass and I have a silly sense of humor, that's okay. But if you can show your sense of humor and actually make a woman laugh, that's showing versus telling something anyway. Okay, so we got two possibilities here for bullet point one, bullet point two, Pop quiz. Clint, what do I recommend? Or what have I recommended for that third line? Do you know?

[B]

I don't recall.

[A]

You didn't know it was going to be a quiz, did you?

[B]

I read through chapter one.

[A]

No worries.

[B]

The same day I was told, hey, you should read this, chapter one. And then that's been like four weeks ago. I think so.

[A]

Gotcha.

[B]

Kind of drawn a plank.

[A]

All good. So for the third line of a bio, I'm a big fan of a question, a fun, easy to answer question that is, to use a marketing term, a call to action marketing term is we want to Tell the people what to do in a piece of marketing. You know, call now 1-800-GET-GIRL or I gotta buy that phone number. Or operators are standing by. Call now. Or, you know, go on YouTube. Hey, hit that like button. Smash that like and subscribe button. That's just a call to action. With online dating, we want to do the same thing. We just, we just don't want it to feel like marketing. We want it to feel like an invitation to chat. So that third line can be a lot of things. A big fan of a question that makes it really easy for a woman to answer. And probably the best performing call to action that I've ever tested on my profile is I was dog shopping at the time and I wrote, okay, I'm dog shopping. Should I get a rescue or a Frenchie? So simple, right? Simplest question, binary question. And I got so many responses. Why do you think I got so many responses? I'm talking hundreds of responses from women.

[B]

Very specific. And there's some passion on the rescue for sure.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, I'm asking a question. I know the Frenchie part, but yeah, okay, well, great. Exactly. A lot of passion there. People care. People, people are going to respond if they find something relevant to them, something that they care about. And hey, who doesn't love, who doesn't have a strong feeling about dogs and cats? Hopefully positive. I love every dog in the world, basically. But that's. It's also an interestingly polarizing question, right? Some women wrote. Most women wrote rescue. Oh my God, Connell, get a rescue. It'll change your life. But I had a hand. Plenty of women said, oh my God, Frenchies are so cute. Get a Frenchie. And some women said, do both. You could rescue a French bulldog. There are some French bulldogs who need rescuing. Bottom line is we want a call to action. A question that makes it really easy for her to respond. I'm a big fan of binary options. Basically, would you rathers? Because a would you rather invites a little bit more of a response than a yes or no question. So don't do yes or no questions. So a couple other examples. I had a client. You can be really silly with the question. The dog one is more heart centric, more emotion based. You can ask a silly question. I had a client who did great with would you rather eat a potato every day or be a potato? So stupid, so dumb. But he got so many women saying, oh my God, I would love to be a potato. It's just so. Yeah, dating is silly. Or it can be something topical. I don't know, like back when barbie2.2 summers ago last summer when Barbie came out. It's like, are you going to see Barbie or Oppenheimer? You could ask like a timely question. You can ask an F marry kill question. Classic, you know, f marry kill. Three different options. So let's brainstorm some for you. And again, I like these to be based on something that you are interested in offering or talking about or that you think women might have a strong opinion about. So what are some possible questions? Call to action questions that make it easy for her to respond.

[B]

One thing I did notice a long time ago, this is on subject, but kind of not answering the question is like that potato one. You're kind of like giving it out there. Like, you know, yes, I want those responses back. But it's also like, you know, my melty snowflake one. It's kind of like, you know, I got to be okay with not getting a response back. You know, I have to be able to have that air of confidence that just says, you know, this is me. And if I get a response back, I get a response back. So along those lines, I like the potato one, actually.

[A]

Okay. The potato one is pure silliness.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But you can also ask a food based one that's a bit more icebreaker. Like genuine question. Like, these can be so simple. And it's not about the engagement of the question, although that's part of it. We're just trying to give her an easy reason to respond to you because what's one of the hardest things in dating? What do I say? I don't know what to say. And women deal with that too. So we're trying to be generous here and make it easy for them to respond. Make it easy. We want to make it easy for them to know what to say. So yeah, that's why we go with something like, I love food. I'm a big foodie. A lot of women are foodies. A lot of women love talking about food. So food is a great topic. It could be big. Here's the big, big question. Thin crust pizza or deep dish pizza? Question mark. Could be that simple parentheses.

[B]

We have tons of restaurants. Here were one of the big restaurant places of the states. So that could, that could be easy. An easy either or restaurant question.

[A]

Yeah, I'm a big fan of either or. So what if you had to choose an either or? Give me a rough draft. Let's, let's come up with something for you. Come on.

[B]

Pressure's on the prestigious Taco Bell.

[A]

Go on. My girlfriend's favorite restaurant.

[B]

Yeah. Or something more fancy. But I can't even. I can't even.

[A]

Well, what's. What's the question that you're asking on the. On your profile?

[B]

It would be. It would be which restaurant? So would you rather go to the prestigious Taco Bell or.

[A]

I'll have to figure out that that's good. Like, would you rather. Where would you rather have dinner? Yeah, I would go xyz. Fancy place, whatever that might be. Let's say it's Pierre's French Restaurant. I don't know. Where would you rather have dinner tonight? Pierre's French restaurant or Taco Bell? That's actually so stupid.

[B]

I love that.

[A]

That's really good. It's light. It's a light topic. And that's all we're talking about here. Making. Making it easy for a nice light topic. And food is a great bantery texting topic. So, yeah, these can be your three bio lines. We could refine them. You can refine them as we go. And you can also write a couple of. Oh, let's talk real. Can we talk briefly about prompts?

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

So basically we've been talking about, like, bios for Bumble or Tinder, but also you can essentially use these as prompts as well. But let's just talk purely about prompts for a second. Let's say you're on Hinge. A lot of people are on Hinge, Bumble. Pretty much every app has a prompt. I'm a big fan of making sure one of your prompts paints the picture of what a first date with you might look like. Just again, using the very important specifics. So it doesn't have to be amazing writing, but I had a lot of success with. On Hinge. It was together. We could go to my favorite secret rooftop bar for flirty conversation and strong cocktails. I think for a while I had for we go to my favorite secret rooftop bar for flirty conversation and views of the Hudson River. Paints a picture, right? Doesn't have to be Hemingway. It just has to paint a picture. Another client of mine was really into underground, like, what do they call them? Speakeasies, like cocktail lounges. It's like our ideal first date. We go to. We go to my favorite speakeasy for live jazz and the world's best mojitos. Boom. If a woman. If that sounds good to a woman, she's going to be into that. You don't even have to do that as the date. We're just putting bait on the hook. So with that in mind, let's brainstorm an ideal first date. Where might Clint take the potential Mrs. Clint out on their first date?

[B]

Oh, I don't know. This is. This has been one of those things, too, is I've. I've been focused so much on just getting the interaction started that I haven't even really given it that much thought.

[A]

Well, this will help get the interaction started.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because so much of a woman matching with you, and she's. The more invested she is in your profile, the more she'll be invested in the interaction.

[B]

So the other day I was looking into something, and it was, we have the McMinims pubs out here.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And they had a art show that was traveling from different pub to different pub about once every two weeks. And it's only $15 for the tour per person. And so I thought, hey, that's a great way to meet somebody and a great way to have extended talking time, safe environment. It's public, you know, it's all. And it's interactive. You get to look at a piece of art and discuss, you know, what you think. So I thought that would be a. A great first state potential.

[A]

I like that. So what? Give me the three most important specifics from that. It's a pub.

[B]

McMillan's Pub.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And so you could get a drink and go on the tour, and then you get to see some really cool art.

[A]

Nice.

[B]

And then continue the conversation.

[A]

That's great. You know, do you drink, if I may ask?

[B]

Kind of like once in a great long period of time. I could go a year without drinking.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I. I don't mind to drink here and there.

[A]

Well, optional to put that on there. If you're going to a pub, there's an expectation that you'll be drinking.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

You don't have to. I'm sober. But you could. But anyway, let's say. Let's say you're open to having a drink. We grab a couple of pints at McMiniman's Pub and Check out the modern art on the wall or whatever the art is. Maybe play a game of darts. It could be as simple as that.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

All we have to do is specifics. Right. Because if that sounds good to a woman, then she'll be. She will be even. You don't have to do that thing, but you're going to be more likely. It's all about putting, remembering, it's painting a setting that we want her to be enticed by. So, again, big mistake men make with their bios is let Me? Just put a bunch of words together and see if a woman wants to date me. It's like. No. I want every part of your profile to be absolutely no brainer. To make a woman go, oh, my God, pub, drinks and art with this cool, big hearted, funny, witty, quirky tech genius. Sign me up. Yeah. That's your type of woman. Who's going to be attracted to your type. To you. To you and Clint. Could you remind me, do you have kids?

[B]

Yeah, I've got a 25 year old and a 30 year old.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And they're both in the medical industry, so.

[A]

And how do you feel about talking about being a single dad on your profile?

[B]

I don't see any issue with it because that's going to be part of my activities. Specific activities would be the, you know, disc golfing and hiking with them. Okay. My family. So.

[A]

One thing I've had. Michael. So I've had a lot of my single dad clients have success with this prompt or something like it. Okay. Do you know the term dilf?

[B]

D I, L, F. Okay, I'm putting it together.

[A]

Do you know what that stands for? You don't have to say it, but you know what it stands for?

[B]

I'm pretty confident. I know.

[A]

Okay, cool. So I've got two so far. I'm two for two on this prompt. Working for my clients and getting them dates. My client, Zach. And I'm looking at a text from my client Shane, who has a date this Saturday. Anyway, here's a good prompt for all you single dads out there. Quote. Yep, I'm definitely a DILF dad. I'd like to fall for parentheses, get your mind out of the gutter. What did you think I meant? The little winky face.

[B]

Nice.

[A]

So we're taking the idea of a dilf. We're making the woman think, oh, my God, he's calling himself a dilf. Damn, that's bold. And then, of course, it stands for dad. I'd like to fall for. Oh, I'm sorry. Actually, this is better. Sorry. Let me rewrite. Rewrite. Quote. Yep, I'm a dilfire. Quote. Dedicated, invested, loving father. Hey, get your mind out of the gutter. Or don't. That's what Shane went with.

[B]

That's good.

[A]

See how cheeky that is? Yeah, so it's cheeky. It's funny. At least to women who like that sense of humor. It's also giving her valuable information. You're letting her know you're a single dad. And that's good, because I think that we want to Market towards. We want to market for the kinds of women who are open to dating single dads. Plenty of them are. And hey, there are certainly women who are thinking, yeah, I'm not looking to date a single dad. And that's good too. We don't want them getting into your kind of funnel if they're not interested. So a lot of guys say to me, oh, Connell, I'm a single dad. Do I mention that or not? Yes, mention it, mention it. Use some humor. If you, you don't have to use humor, but I love humor. And so, yeah, feel free to use the. Yep, I'm a dilf. Dedicated, invested, loving father.

[B]

That's awesome.

[A]

Hey, get your mind out of the gutter or don't. Very cheeky. Right?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Put yourself in a woman's shoes there. What do you think that. What kind of message or signal does that give to women? How might that make some women feel?

[B]

I would say it's kind of like you were saying, to make it easy for people to. Or the women to respond back to something. That's kind of like a. It's kind of like a risk free kind of way to respond back.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And there's no expectations. There's nothing. It's just out there. And, and it's telling them you're a single father and is telling them that you're funny.

[A]

Right.

[B]

So. So it's a couple different hitters right there.

[A]

So, yeah, you're fun, you're funny. And it does one more thing that's really powerful. One of the biggest reasons why men struggle to get women out on dates. And by the way, a majority of men who are on the dating apps have never had a single date in real life. Over 50%. That's a Pew research stat. Wow. So this is a feast or famine situation for a lot of guys. And the reason in part, is because here's what, here's the roadblock that happens for women. They might like your photos. They might say, oh, yeah, cool guy, got a good life. I like his thing, I like his vibe. But am I going to be bored or is the date going to be awkward? Women hate awkward, boring dates because they've had a lot of them. And so we want to remove that potential roadblock before it arises. And fun, cheeky little prompts like this basically signal to her, okay, we may or may not fall in love and he may not be the one. But you know what, that DILF line was pretty funny. It'll be a fun time, at least getting a quick drink with him and that just makes it so much easier for a woman to come out on a date with you. And does that make sense?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. It removes one of the bigger roadblocks, the two biggest roadblocks to not getting success on the dating apps. Photos that suck.

[B]

Mine.

[A]

Okay, well, separate episode about that. Photos that I shouldn't say suck. Mediocre photos. But my book is called Dating Sucks. But you don't. Because most guys. Profiles suck. They don't suck. The guys don't suck. Men are awesome. Your photos typically suck. And then boring profiles that just say to a woman, ah, man, this could be boring, awkward. They don't want that. So the reason I get. The reason I got so many damn dates is because I could always make a woman feel like, okay, we're going to have a good, fun conversation. He's going to make me laugh or at least not bore me to tears. And. But what do I know? I've only been doing this for 20 years. Okay, let's. So, any final questions about the bio before we shift gears? Because I want to get to your other points or your other talking coaching points.

[B]

I think I've got a lot of notes to take already for that, so I think I'm ready to move. Move past.

[A]

Okay, next. What is next? Clothing. Keeping the conversation going. Openers to get the conversation started. What's on your mind, man?

[B]

Yeah, the. The conversation more so than clothing. I think I can. I think I can handle wardrobe choices. That was just one of those things when you say, what's holding you back? Well, after 15 years, I've kind of slumped into that bachelor clothing thing. So where. Just things, you know, cargo shorts and tank tops, you know, so that's not a really good look, but yeah. So just keeping the conversation going, Opening the conversation. Letting the girl talk more about herself than me talking. I just have good prompts that elicit good responses, and then I can just sit back and listen.

[A]

Okay, what's your first question? Let's talk about conversations from the. From the apps.

[B]

Right? From the apps.

[A]

Yeah, on the apps. Okay.

[B]

Fire away. So ones that I would be asking. I guess the. I guess it would be the restaurant question because you want to have a place to go meet. Do you want to go to a restaurant or to a art exhibit? And then once. Once you get that question answered, then you can dive into. Into that more.

[A]

What's your question for me about conversation?

[B]

Oh, for you, I was, like, trying to brainstorm what to ask the girl.

[A]

Oh, no. How can I help you?

[B]

Yeah. So just how to Open the conversation in a text outside the app or in a phone call or a video meeting with the person.

[A]

All right, great. So you want to skip right to the conversation after you've already been bantering on the app.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay. Oh, so how to go from app.

[B]

To phone app to contact info, since we have so many different ways to contact each other.

[A]

Okay, here's what I do. Here's what I advise. Tell me if this answers your questions. So you send an opener. I'm a big fan of what I call the three P's for an opener. An opener should be playful. It should be personalized toward her, and it should be the perfect length, which is roughly 20, 25 words. If your opener is playful, personalized toward her, and it's not too long, but also not too short, you're in a really good place. Right? So you send a personalized opener. You know, for example, I once matched with a woman wearing Michigan Wolverines clothing. And I'm an Ohio State guy. I grew up in Ohio. So I'm like, okay, how can I personalize it? How can I make it playful? How can I make it the perfect length? And I forget what her name is. I think it was Anastasia. I was like, hey, Anastasia, I see that you're a Wolverine. Oh, that could be a problem because I'm a Buckeye. You're very cute, but I see you're a Wolverine. What do you think? Can opposites attract? I'm playfully asking her if we have a chance because Michigan, Ohio State, you know, playfully letting her know that we might not get along, but as a joke. And anyway, so that's an example of playful, personalized toward her. I wouldn't send the Wolverines opener to anybody because it wouldn't make sense. Yeah, right. Anyway, so let's say she responds to that. My next guide line for men and for you is how quickly do you go to get her off of the app? It's totally a read the room situation. Some women, you can get them off more quickly than others off the. Off of the app. That sounded dirtier than I meant. You can get them off of the app more quickly than I meant. And that's definitely going to be the opening sound bite for this episode. But here's the guideline is two topics or 12 total messages, whichever comes first. If you have exhausted two conversation threads, get her off of the app and try to get her on your phone. If you have swapped about 12 total messages, that's more than enough to say, hey, let's chat off the app. Okay? Those are just some guidelines for you. Now you can do it more quickly. The woman's very interested. If you get five emojis, heart, eye emojis, and tons of LOLs in the first couple messages, you can say, hey, why don't we hop off the app? It'd be nice to set up a date. But anyway, those are the guidelines. So you're asking, okay, now I want to get her off the app. What do I say and do? Yes, Great. Make it about setting up a date. I would give her a compliment about how much you've enjoyed talking to her or texting with her and say, by the way, you're very charming to talk to or I really enjoy texting you and we should meet up for XYZ date idea. Feel free to mention an idea if you want to, or at the very least, it'd be cool to hop off of the app and chat with you so we can set up a date. So use, use the idea of you being a man with a plan who is going to leave the app with her. Dating is a dance. You're leading her off the app and saying, hey, you know what, we should chat off the app so I can plan a fun date for us. What's your number? Can be that simple.

[B]

What I've been seeing in almost every profile that I've looked at in the sort down that I've done with the women, and it's like 36 to my age, 56. And it's been the man with the plan. Yeah, they don't necessarily say it exactly like that.

[A]

They read my book.

[B]

Yeah, it definitely goes in that direction. Like they don't want to be responsible for it. Like you said, it has to be easy. And so the whole process has to be easy. Not just the. Not just the prompt to get a response. It's got to be the right. The dating side of itself. Just getting the date planned and getting out there has to be on me because they don't want anything to have to do with that.

[A]

I still, to this day, my girlfriend when I say, hey, babe, here's what we're doing. Saturday night, Meme Cafe. Be at the bar. Make sure you look even cuter than normal. I still do that. And she says, oh, my God, I love it when you plan. It never ends. At least not with my girl. But yeah, I've been doing this for 20 years, coaching for 13, intentionally focusing on dating for exactly 20 years. 2005 was when I started actively figuring out this whole thing. And I have never met a single Girl who ever said anything like, you plan too much. Never heard it once.

[B]

Permission.

[A]

I've never heard it. At least those first couple dates. So you can't go wrong anyway. So, yeah, be a man with a plan. And so, yeah, and it can be as simple as that. You can say, so that second conversation thread or that 12th or so message total has gone past, has gone between the two of you. And then you would write something like, by the way, I enjoy chatting with you. Be sincere, be sweet, be authentic. I really love chatting with you. We should. I'd like to plan a date for us. Why don't we hop off the app so I can text you the plants? Sound good?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What's your number? Yeah, so I like to blend it. I kind of like to blend the plan with getting the number. Worst case scenario, some women, small minority but not insignificant, might say, oh, that's okay. Why don't we stay on the app? I don't like to give out my number until I meet somebody. Fine. Totally fine. And then you can just stay on the app. But most women like to leave the app. Here's what not to do. Don't do this. A lot of women don't like this. Don't give her your number and say, okay, here's my number. Text me. We'll figure something out. Do you know why?

[B]

That's putting a plan on their side.

[A]

Pardon?

[B]

That's putting a plan on their side.

[A]

Yeah, it's putting her in the male role. Here's my number. Call me. I'm Clint. Can't wait to meet you. I'll be waiting for your text. Not that I know you're not doing that, but I've seen so many guys send his send their number to the girl. And some women don't really care. Some women don't have a hard, hardcore feeling about it. But I've had multiple women say, oh, my God, thank you for asking for my number. I don't like it when guys give it to me because that basically puts them in the masculine leadership role, which generally women don't want. Unless they're like super progressive women in Stockholm. Anyway, so you hop off the app, you switch to texting, and here's how I like to send that first message. Again, I'm always cracking jokes. Not always, but often cracking jokes. So I just did this recently, actually. I texted a girl. See if I can find it. I'll read you something. By the way. I'm not dating anybody. I have a girlfriend. This is for content and for coaching. So anybody thinks I'm up to shenanigans.

[B]

It's for research.

[A]

Yeah. Okay. So this is a woman named Francesca, a bumble match. This is. This is my first message to her on our phones. I did exactly what I described. Got her off the app, got her number. I wrote her. Hey, is this Francesca or did I accidentally text Papa John's Pizza instead? Connell from Bumble. That's my dorky Connell sense of humor. You're welcome to use that. You don't have to. You can literally just write, hey, this is. Hey, Francesca, It's Clint. It's Connell. Nice to chat with you. So don't feel like you have to do the Papa John's thing. That's just very much my style. You can crack a different joke or you can not joke at all. But that's worked really well for me. And so, yeah. So did I answer your question about switching over from app to text?

[B]

I think that's a good guideline. Okay. You get too much, too much into the app conversation. I think it'd be harder to transition out. And I was looking at a couple of them that had a video chat option built into the app and the hinge removed that option.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

But I was thinking that that would be a good option as well if. If moving off the app wasn't something that they felt comfortable doing yet, then a video conference through the app. So they still remain synonymous or semi.

[A]

You know my view on video dates and phone dates, I generally don't suggest them. But if she does. But if she does, and that's what it takes to have her to feel comfortable with you, that's totally fine. Totally fine. I usually don't assert push for that unless there's a reason to. One reason would be if you've matched with her and. But for some reason, one or both of you are traveling, you're not going to be able to get together for literally a couple of weeks. Then you might consider a phone date or a video date because that can keep the connection strong enough. Something to keep in mind, this is so important is as soon as you match with a woman, the iron is at its hottest. Right. When you match and start messaging. And every day the iron gets a little bit colder. So you want to try to get her off the app and setting up a date seven to 10 days from the moment you match. Sooner the better. But don't let it linger for weeks and weeks and weeks because it just. The trail goes cold. That's a generalization. But. So I'm not going to do a Video date. Unless. Oh, man, I'm traveling, I'm gone for two weeks. Then I might do that because that can create a stronger connection because she'll get more hopefully excited about meeting me. Okay, next question from you. Fire away.

[B]

So you're on the first date and keeping that conversation going in person, because I just haven't been out there for 15 years, so.

[A]

Okay. How to do it?

[B]

Yeah, just getting that. Getting that going again.

[A]

Okay. Yeah, I would. For you, I'd recommend. I'd recommend this for anybody who's had a long break from dating or if you are very introverted and you struggle with conversation, have two or three back pocket topics or back pocket questions that you can go to. It's kind of like break glass for emergency and at least one, three at the most. Look at her profile as you're getting ready for the date. Putting your cologne on, you're putting your tight jeans on. Clint is looking sexy and so studly, and you're like, oh, wait, let me look at her profile. I'm gonna ask her about her love of. I don't know. She mentions her trip backpacking through Europe. Okay, I'll ask her about that, and I'll ask her here. Think of it this way. Two things you want to know about her and you want her to expand on. And then one, One story from your life that you want to share or offer or a topic that. That you can speak about, that you think that that conveys your passion for something, a hobby. Again, it could be. Talk about why you love disc golf. That's a great. There's nothing wrong with that. So I like to have two or three back pocket topics because you might not even need them. Just knowing they're there can help you feel good about. Oh, I don't have to worry about running out of things to say because I'll always have my topic. But if you do, quote, run out of things to say, then you can always grab one of these topics and say, okay, gosh. There was just three seconds of silence. Oh, wait. Tell me about your backpacking trip through Spain. What was that like? Boom. She'll love talking about that. So. So I would do that.

[B]

Yeah, that pit in my stomach is kind of easing off a lot, so that's good.

[A]

Okay, great. Well, just once you start going on dates again, you have no problem having conversations with me anyway. We've talked a couple times, a few times now, and you'll find that get one or two dates under your belt. It's okay if the first couple dates are A little bit wobbly. Don't sweat it. I was super nervous on my first date. After the pandemic ended, I felt like I was starting over in some ways because I was so out of practice. But, you know, one or two dates in, I was back into a momentum mode. So it's good to have back pocket topics or a back pocket question, you know, and I've done other episodes about this. There's some other fun questions you can always reach for. Here's one of my favorite questions to ask a woman on every first date. What do you love to do for fun? What lights you up more than anything? She'll have something, a hobby, a passion. She's going to love talking about whatever that topic is. So you can always have that as a back pocket question.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay, we got about five, three to five minutes left. Final question about anything relating to getting back and dating. Could be more first date questions, flirting questions, the apps, anything at all. Let's finish strong. What do you got?

[B]

I guess winding down the first date. The call to action for the second second date.

[A]

Like how to ask for a second date.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Okay. How to ask for a second date. When in doubt. What have I usually done? Here's what you should not do. Don't listen to all the BS out there of wait two days, play it cool, be mysterious. Maybe that worked once upon a time in the pre Tinder era, when it was harder to get a lot of options. But dude, playing it cool, that just means you're out of sight, out of mind. If she's an attractive ish woman, she's got so many options. So don't worry about playing it cool. Pardon?

[B]

There's that list. You want to stay closer to the top.

[A]

Yeah, exactly. So I'm a big fan of clear intent, clear, genuine, letting a woman know what I want. And. And if what I want is a second date, I'll tell her I've asked for a second date. Oh, here, let me give you an advanced ninja move. Ready?

[B]

Okay.

[A]

You're like, what are you talking about? It's been 15 years. No, you're gonna love this tip. Here's what you do if you know you want a date with a second date with her, and you know it, during the first date, it's going well enough where you're like, oh, yeah, I would love to see her again. Here's what you do. Don't ask her out. Tell her out. What I mean is, I don't mean tell her like a jerk. I mean, it's called assumptive communication.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

So instead of hey, you know what? I had a lot of fun. Do you want to maybe go out again? No. Instead you might say to her, especially during a high point, you might say, oh, by the way, I know exactly what we're going to do for our second date. You just gave me a perfect idea.

[B]

Nice.

[A]

And then whatever it is, you know. Oh yeah. Well, you said you love karaoke. I know a great karaoke spot. Yeah. In fact, what song do you think we should sing? Don't Go Breaking my heart or you know, Suddenly Seymour? My girlfriend's in my song. So you could tell her out. That sounds kind of jerky, but Jedi mind trick. Just let her know what you want and kind of like assume it's going to happen. Like, why wouldn't she want to have a second date with me or you? Why wouldn't she? And simply asking or declaring what you want to do for the second date, think of the confidence that conveys or just the certainty in oneself.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So anyway, that's a golden move. That's kind of an advancement. It's not hard to do, it's just kind of advanced. But if you decide not to do that for whatever reason, then you can absolutely just ask her out. And don't think it's not thirsty to ask a woman out even on the date. My now friend, then future girlfriend Brooke, she loved that I asked her out for a second date on our first. Or might have been. Might have been our. My. On our second date, I asked her out for the third date. She loved that. She just loves a man who just frickin goes for what he wants. So you can ask her out on the date. It's not thirsty. As long as you're doing it from a frame of. I have options. But I like you. There's nothing thirsty about that. Or if you want to. If you're not sure if you want to take a day or two and let it settle, which is fine, then all you need to do is wait. You know, the next day, you could send a next day message. Hey, I had a really good time last night. And. And I'd love to see you again. Would you like to go out again? Please Circle yes or hell yes. That's a sincere approach. Hey, I'd love to see you again. Would you like to? Nothing wrong with that. You seem like a sincere guy, so that might resonate with you.

[B]

I like that in person. One with the little grade school piece of paper with the check boxes and that's adorable.

[A]

I love that Yeah, I once I asked a girl out on the second date doing that move. Once. I also asked a girl to come home with me. That way, we were on a second date. God bless you, Lane. And I don't know, we had a pencil or pen or something, and I just wrote, do you want to come over? Circle yes or no? And I literally handed it to her. So, yeah, that's adorable. You could do it that way if you wanted to. Yeah, that's so. Yeah, you could. Or you could also message the next day, hey, I had fun last night. We should do this again, right? I would like to do this again. What about you? So that takes some vulnerability. But, hey, the only way we can get things in life is by asking for what we want. If the answer is yes. Great. Sorry. Go ahead.

[B]

Yeah. Showing that level of vulnerability is good.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Great. All right, well, that does it for today's program. Today's coaching session. Did this help you, Clint?

[B]

Oh, for sure. I'm going to be having to go back over and taking notes and updating stuff.

[A]

Nice. Great. Well, thank you. Welcome back to dating. The women of the Pacific Northwest are in for a treat because you have a big heart, you're a good guy, and the world, the dating world needs more good gentlemen like you. And give it a date or two to get back into the momentum of things. And once you relaunch, and I don't know where you are with your profile, but sometimes it takes one or two iterations, the right combination of photos and prompts and bios to really resonate with women. Think of it as a piece of marketing. Okay. If the first version that you created, that you create here with my help today, if it crushes, great, enjoy. If it doesn't make some changes. We can make some changes. We can make some adjustments. I've had plenty of profiles where my first one or two versions didn't really work the way I wanted. Maybe I swapped in a better photo, tried a different prompt. Just treat it like a little marketing project in that sense. And the good news is, once your profile is really rocking and getting you the matches and leads you want, you really don't have to do anything. You can set it and forget it.

[B]

That's cool.

[A]

Okay. Thank you so much for being here, Clint, and thank you for listening. And don't forget, your dream girlfriend is out there. You just have to go out and meet her and find her and show her the real, authentic you. Until next time.