← How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!
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Sick of sending openers that women ignore? Not sure what to write on Hinge, Tinder, or Bumble? In this episode, dating coach Connell Barrett shares his top 10 best flirty online-dating openers—tested and proven to get responses. You’ll get...
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Of course she ghosted me. Her desperate guy alarm was going off. Welcome back to how to Get a Girlfriend. I'm your host, dating coach Connell Barrett. I'm here to help you flirt with confidence, get dates with some wonderful women and choose a wonderful girlfriend from some really wonderful options. And do it all by being authentic. No sketchy pickup artist moves needed. This is about dating with integrity and what I call radical authenticity. And let me ask you a question. Have you ever sent an opener on a dating app and got no response? I'm sure you have. Every guy has. If you've ever sent hey and got no response or you've ever just didn't know what to write to a woman and she went quiet. Maybe you sent her a cold open and she didn't respond. Or even more frustrating, you got a match. You finally got a good match. On Tinder, on Bumble, on Hinge. You sent an opener and she went quiet. Well, let's fix that. Today I want to help you make sure that you get lots of women writing you back on the dating apps so you can get some dates and get a great girlfriend. So I'm going to count down my top 10 best fun, flirty openers that I and my clients use. And these aren't just random 10 random, fun, flirty openers. I'm actually going to give you different openers for different kinds of women you see on the dating apps. For example, when you see that profile and she doesn't really write anything. She's just got photos, but she says nothing, what do you say to her for your opener? When she's got five selfies and three bathroom selfies, what the heck do you write to her to get her writing you back? So I'm going to help walk you through the most common types of women you see on dating apps, give you the best 10 flirty openers to use, and stick around until the very end. You're definitely going to want to hear number one because number one is the opener that is the single best performing opener I've ever come up with it. It gets me a response 81% of the time. I actually tested it. I'm a big data and research guy. I tried this 100 times on 100 women who I matched with on Tinder, Hinge, and bumble. And 81 out of a hundred times, the opener that I'm going to share with you at number one got me a response. And I've seen similar results with my clients. So stick around because if you're tired of a lack of matches. And you want to start getting some women matching with you and writing you back, here's what we're going to do. We're going to fix that right now. And before we get into the top 10 list, I just want to tell you a really quick story because I know what it feels like to be struggling on the dating apps. My heart breaks for guys who struggle to get matches, who rarely get matches, or who get matches but don't get women writing you back. I know how hard it is to write good openers because I used to struggle with this myself. So way, way back, before I began working on my dating life, when I was really lonely and struggling with dating, I had no dating options. And I was on the dating apps, and I was on the apps. And by the way, I live in New York City. I was on the apps and I had one good dating lead, and it wasn't even in New York City. She lived in San Francisco. Her name is Veronica. So I was on online dating platforms, but I really only had one attractive woman who was interested in me. So here's a story for you. That kind of dating scarcity, that lack of options can create problems. And if you've ever gotten way too into one girl, then it's because you have a scarcity of options on the apps. And I was way too into Veronica. What I mean is I got way too excited about her. I thought she might be the one. And I actually. I'm so embarrassed to admit that I'm not embarrassed, but it's hard to talk about this sometimes. I actually flew to San Francisco without telling her to surprise her. I'd seen too many movies. I had seen too many movies where the male character does a big, grand romantic gesture. So Veronica, because Veronica was my 1 dating app lead, I'm in New York, she's in San Francisco. I say, hey, I'm going to go surprise her. So I buy a ticket, I fly to sf, I rent out a hotel suite. I go to her home. She's not there. I go to her home. I leave a dozen roses and a box containing Victoria's Secret lingerie as a gift for her on her doorstep. And I'm thinking, oh, my God, she's going to be so swept off her feet. Connell's here from New York City. She's going to text me and say, oh, my God, I got your flowers. Where are you? And she's going to come to the hotel suite. We're going to meet for the first time in person because we'd only done Some phone dates and some texting. So I leave the flowers, I leave the Victoria's Secret lingerie, and I go back to my hotel room and I'm waiting for her to text. Just waiting and waiting and waiting. And I never heard from her. She ghosted me. I messaged her many times that weekend. She never responded. And I was crushed at the time. At the time, I was really angry. I thought, oh, women are so cruel. How could she do this to me? She's such a tease. But of course she ghosted me. How desperate, how needy did I seem flying all the way across the country to meet the one woman who seemed to like me from online dating? And of course she ghosted me. Her desperate guy alarm was going off. And the lesson for me was, oh, you know what? If I had had good options, if I had some good multiple matches and a few couple dates a week here in New York City, I never would have gotten on a plane. I never would have gone to sf. I wouldn't have gotten so into her. I really wasn't into her. It was just an infatuation that came from a place of loneliness and a lack of dating options. And that's what dating scarcity can do. It can make you feel lonely. It can make you get way too into a woman way too soon. So if you don't have very many good dating leads or if you are thinking, well, there's that one girl four states away, maybe I'll go see her. I want you to find 3, 5, 10 wonderful dating options in your zip code. And that's what we're going to work on today. So let me tell you one more quick story as a show you what's possible. Fast forward about a year, year and a half later from my Veronica disaster. By then I had gotten competent, maybe better than average on the dating apps and platforms. And I remember there was one week, Thursday I had a date Wednesday night, Thursday night, and Friday night with three different women, three different first dates, all from dating profiles, all because I'd gotten good at sending openers, at having a good profile. And I remember I had three different first dates. I made out with all three women on each of these first dates three nights in a row. And I remember walking home after that third date on must have been Friday night. Really cute girl, nice connection. We kissed, and it was my third first date makeout in three nights. And I walked home sort of half buzzed from beer and also from just what's possible. And I remember thinking, yeah, this is what I wanted. I wanted options I wanted to know that girls liked me and I wanted to know that I could get some dates. And that's what the dating apps can do for you if you do it right. So the dating apps are a wonderful source of options and dates. I met my girlfriend Jess on a dating app. So let's get to it. Let's. I want to help you have three amazing first dates in three nights with three different women. If you want to. The way we need to do that is we need to get really good at personal. Sorry. At openers. At sending fun, flirty openers. So here, let me count these down. Now I'm about to give you 10 copy and paste openers. These are openers you can use pretty much with any woman who fall into any of these categories I'm about to go through. And the number one opener at the bottom of this list, or I should say the number one at the top of the list, the best one, you can use that with literally any woman. It's going to work really well. All that said, keep in mind that the best openers I've found to be are going to be personalized. You actually call out something about her profile and use a personalized specific to her opener. Those are going work best. I'll do a whole separate episode about how to create the perfect personalized openers. But these copy and paste openers, what I like about them is that they're. They seem personalized. They feel really personalized to her, to most women. And so yeah, again, I'm more into a personalized approach than copy and paste. I'm all about authenticity. I'm all about finding something that speaks to the authentic hero and sharing your authentic self. All that said, I just want you to get matches. I just want you to get. Or I should say, I just want you to get responses. I want you to stop getting ghosted. Start getting dates. So these are the 10 best flirty openers that you can use on any dating app. And let's get to it. Flirty opener Number 10. Number 10. This is what to use when she barely writes anything in her bio. So you match with her, but her bio is literally just an emoji here. Or you know, she writes nothing, just has, she just has her photos. So instead of overthinking it and not knowing, instead of saying, writing something like, hey, how are you? How is your week going? Don't do that. Don't do cliched openers like that. Use this. This works really well. And by the way, as I go through these openers Pretty much for all of them. Use her first name. Okay? That helps. These copy and paste openers come off as more personalized. So always use her first name in that first message. Remember, everybody's favorite word in the English language is their first name. So for this one, number 10, when she barely writes anything on her bio, here's your opener. All right, Name. Let's say Kate. I'm going to go. I'm going to go with Katie. Katie is my practice, is my one size fits all name for this episode. All right, Katie. So your bio tells me nothing. So I have to assume that you're either a spy, a wizard, or just really bad at typing. Which one is it? Thinking emoji. Okay, rewind. If you need to hear that again, notice what I did there. And you're going to notice some recurring patterns here. It's playful, right? I'm not asking her a logical informational question. Okay? That's what you want to avoid. Logical, informational, factual questions or openers. Women aren't on dating apps to swap facts with men. They are on dating apps to feel the feels, to flirt, to play. All right, so notice how this is not logical. It's fun. It's light and playful. And also notice how I'm giving her. You're giving her a multiple choice. You're making it easy to answer. You're not saying, oh, I see. Your bio tells me nothing of you. Write me 50 words so I know more about you. That's not going to get an answer because you're making her work too hard. Women don't want to work hard, or nobody does. Actually, it's not about women. It's just people don't want to put a lot of effort into their responses. They just want to laugh and smile and play. So I'll repeat this one. I'm not going to repeat everyone, because you can just go back and listen, hit rewind, and go back to it. But I'll say it again just because this is the first one. Number 10. This is for when she has barely anything on her bio. Hey. All right, Katie. So your bio tells me nothing, so I have to assume you're either a spy, a wizard, or just really bad at typing. Which is it? Thinking emoji. And it's a multiple choice question, so you're making it easy for her to answer. She gets to choose. Spy, wizard, or bad at typing. The bad at typing is a little bit of a tease. You're wondering if she's bad at typing, but it's a very light Tease. So it's light, playful, little tease. And it's a multiple choice. And it's playful and it's easy to answer. And the thinking emoji at the end just adds a sense of even more lightness to it. So use this one when she barely writes anything on her bio. Flirty opener number nine. This is for selfie girl when she's got multiple selfies. Lots of mirror selfies. Maybe there's bathroom selfies. Maybe multiple bathroom selfies. I've seen women with multiple toilets in the back of their photos in the mirror. So when you see a selfie girl, you know she's all about aesthetics and looking good. So instead of stating the obvious like, hey, you're pretty, or hey, great photo, you want to engage her in a way that's fun and different. So here's your opener for a selfie girl. Hey, Katie, let's be real. Did this selfie make the cut on the first try, or is there a deleted camera roll that we'll never speak of? And again, you can throw in a thinking emoji for any question you ask. So, yeah, very simple, right? It's playful. It is talking about the selfie. So it is somewhat personalized to her. It's going to feel personalized to her. And you can use this with any woman who has multiple selfies. So again, hey, Katie, let's be real. Did this selfie make the cut on the first try, or is there a deleted camera roll we never speak of? And again, you're asking her a question. But questions aren't bad. Questions are good as long as they're playful and light and really easy to answer. We're giving her a binary option this time. Instead of multiple choice, it's binary, so it's easy to answer. So it's playful and easy to answer. And it's about her. And that makes it very likely that she's going to reply. So, yeah, that's number nine. Number eight. This is for party girl, social girl. You know, she's got drinks in her hand. She's got a lot of group shots. She's on rooftop bar. She's at a festival with her friends. Here's what not to write. Most guys would write, hey, looks like you know how to have fun. It's okay, but it's not really giving her anything that she wants to engage with. Okay, here's what to write for a party social girl. Hey there, Katie. So be honest. Are you actually this popular or did you hire all these people to act like your friends? Parentheses, I Won't tell. And then whatever emoji you want to use there. I like winky emojis, by the way. I like the upside down emoji. There's something light and playful about the upside down emoji. And I like the thinking emoji, so I'll do that. I'll say this one again. So be honest, Katie. Are you actually this popular or did you hire all those people to act like your friends? I won't tell. Again, very simple question, but a good question. A bad question is, how's your day? How are you? What'd you do this weekend? What are you up to this weekend? Those are bad questions. Good questions are what I just shared with you. So don't be afraid of questions. Be afraid of boring, logical questions. Use light, fun, playful questions. Again, this gives her a binary choice. It's about her, and it's also a tease. You're teasing. You're doing a little. You're pulling her pigtail a little bit, suggesting that she had to hire her friends. Because think about that. What's the subtext there? The subtext is she doesn't have actual friends. And that speaks to a lot of women. Most guys don't have the balls to tease a girl or they overlearn the whole teasing thing and they come off as assholes and doing it too harshly. This is that perfect balance. Okay, number seven. My seven favorite, flirtiest, fun opener. This is for a girl who has a dog in her profile. Lots of women have puppies and dogs. You're going to come across so many of these. And by the way, having a woman with a dog in her profile, oh, that's great. Definitely use the doggie. Girls love their dogs. What you don't want to do is just say, hey, cute dog, or hey, what kind of dog is that? That's better than how's your day? But hey, what kind of dog is that? It's a bit obvious and it's factual. It's not playful. Now it is about something. She cares about her dog. But we can do better than cute dog or what kind of dog do you have? So let's make it fun instead. I like this one. Hey, Katie, I hope you like your men like your doggos. Loyal, fun, and ready to give you unlimited tummy scratches. Parentheses within reason. Let me say it again. I'll give it back to you just so you heard that. Oh, sorry. I think I. Okay, I think I misspoke there. Let me repeat that one. I hope. Hey, Katie, I hope you like your men like Your doggos, loyal, fun, and ready to receive unlimited tummy scratches. Again, I hope you like your men like your doggos, loyal, fun, and ready to receive unlimited tummy scratches. And you can even add parentheses within reason, of course, if you want to. Now, what you're doing is you're using some humor and you're putting yourself in the doggy position, so to speak. And you're basically using her cute dog as a way to flirt with her and comparing yourself to the way she might treat you. It might be similar to how she treats her pooch. Now, if she responds well and things escalate a couple messages later, you can actually stick with this path. And you can actually flirt a little bit more suggestively if she responds, oh yeah. Well, I love having a man who's like my dog. I'm very much into my dogs. I want a faithful man. And you could be like, okay, great. Well, I'm your man. Wait. By the way, I assume your dog gets unlimited bed privileges and face licks. Would I get bed privileges and face licks so you can escalate things? I wouldn't use that one to start. That's a little intense to start for some women. But you could certainly keep the dog line of flirting going. You struggle with dating, right? Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt. The apps don't work for you, and sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating. Hey, I struggled with dating too. As an introvert and a total nerd. I didn't just live in the friend zone. I owned real estate there. But I escaped using the dating philosophy of radical Authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. It's what I wrote about in my best selling book, Dating Sucks, but yout Don't. And Radical Authenticity is why Psychology Today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I want to personally help you attract your dream girlfriend. So go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. On our call, I'll tell you how my one on one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend. And you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity. No creepy pickup tricks needed. So go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend. Okay, Flirty opener number six. This is when she's wearing a bikini or showing off her great body, her great physique. Maybe she's wearing something low cut, showing some cleavage, bikini, just looking hot. Basically, a woman who's really saying, hey, look how hot I am. Now, you might be wondering, what the heck do I do with girls like that? What you don't want to be is just another thirsty guy saying, you're hot. Oh, my God, you're gorgeous. Oh, my God, you look amazing. At the same time, I don't want to ignore how beautiful she is because she put time and thought into these photos. She wants us to see that great bikini body, that sexy. Those sexy curves in that cocktail dress. So you don't want to ignore it, but you also don't want to fawn over her and come off as thirsty. So here's my favorite opener to use for this kind of woman. Here we go. Okay, Katie, that photo of you. And then here's where you do insert one specific thing. So let's say it's a bikini photo. Hey, Katie. Or sorry, let me start again. Okay, Katie, that photo of you on the beach totally melted my iPhone fire emoji. So you owe me twelve hundred dollars for a new phone. Should we do Venmo or paypal thinking emoji? Let me restate that one. Okay, Katie, that photo of you on the beach, or whatever the photo was, that photo of you on the beach totally melted my iPhone fire emoji. So you owe me $1,200 for a new phone. Should we do Venmo or PayPal? And then if you want, I would actually add a laughing emoji after the Venmo or PayPal question. Because obviously, here's what we're doing here. You're basically letting her know she's hot and looks good. But you're not fawning over her and saying you look hot. You're telling her she looks sexy in a creative way, that she melted your phone. And then you're pretending that she literally melted your phone and that she owes you $1,200. Venmo or PayPal. So you're putting the pressure back on her to decide, jokingly, playfully, how she's going to pay you back. Now, here's one caveat about this one, okay? Make sure that this is totally, crystal clear to her that this is a joke. Do not leave any doubt that you are kidding and joking. So the way I do that is I have the laughing emoji. Yeah, the laughing emoji should do that job. Because here's the thing. I had one client who matched with a woman where English is her second language, and she didn't understand the nuance of the joke. She's a Latina Latino Latina. And she was like, wait, what are you asking me for money? She misunderstood because of the language barrier. So be careful with this one. Make sure that she's English is her first language or that she totally will understand the joke. We just don't want to. I don't want a woman to flag you on a hinge saying, this guy's trying to get me to give him money we don't want. You never want your joke to be mistaken, but assuming you can give it that clarity, this is a really good opener because you're letting her know she's hot, but you're not fawning over her. You're actually turning into something playful and putting it back on her. Is to. As to Venmo or PayPal. So I've had really good responses to this myself. A lot of women say things to me like, oh, well, that's a lot. I don't do Venmo or PayPal, so how about drinks instead? How about I pay you back with drinks? Or if she doesn't, if she just laughs and goes, haha, very funny. Then you could say, okay, fine, Venmo or PayPal might not be the right thing for you. How about we do this over a glass of wine instead? That you can make it up to me that way. So you're so notice you're showing her that she's sexy and attractive, but you're not doing it in a fawning way where you're putting her on a pedestal, you're having fun, you're letting her know she's sexy while playing with her. That is the secret formula here. Okay? Flirty opener number five. This is for when you see a profile where she has a. A really funny or sarcastic bio. She's just funny, she's witty, she's got puns or jokes. You know, she's got some real something clever that just makes you laugh. And these are my. This is actually my type of woman. My favorite type of woman is this. My girlfriend Jess had a very funny sarcastic bio. Very silly and playful. So when you see that, you might be tempted to just say, hey, I like your profile. You're funny. I like girls with humor. Now that's. That's not terrible. But it's not. It's a 5 out of 10 because you're not playing with her, you're not hitting the tennis ball back. It's like you want to hit the ball back to her. You don't Want to tell her that you like her swing. And if you just compliment her on her witness and sarcasm, basically, let's call this banter. If you just compliment her on her funny banter, but you don't play with her, it's like being on a tennis court and saying, hey, I like your tennis swing. But what I want you to do is grab a racket and hit the ball back to her. Because that is what's going to get her responding to you. She wants to play with you. So here's a way to do it. I have actually two ways here. I have two. Here's a bonus. A bonus one. I like this opener. I call this the fake investigator opener. I just made that up. The let's call it the sarcasm investigator opener. So here's what you write to her. Let's say she's snarky or sarcastic. Let's say it's that there's a lot of sarcastic women online who are, frankly, they're my type. You could write her. Hey, Katie, I regret to inform you that your bio has been flagged by the department of Sarcasm control. You're facing two charges, Excessive wit and dangerous levels of dry humor. How do you plead? Awesome. That is awesome. You're basically letting her know that you have a similar sense of humor and you are meeting her on her flirting wavelength. This women are smart, witty, bantery. Women are just aching for this kind of fun, playful opener. This is basically a role play. I call this a role play. I don't. Not my term. It's a role play where you are playing the role, in this case of a sarcasm investigator. So I love this one. I also have another one that I just have been recently doing that's working great. It's called the Time Traveler opener. Here's the time Traveler opener. I'm reading this to you literally right off my phone. I'll change the name though, of course, for obvious reasons. So this is again, you see a woman who's got that funny wit coming off on her profile. Hey, Katie, I'm writing you from five years in the future where we're married and madly in love, but we just had a big fight. Can I ask you an important question? Our future love depends on it. And you want to put like a robot emoji at the end. So this one is a bit more high concept, right? It's creating a comedic premise, a role. I'll read this one again. Hey, Katie, I'm writing you from five years in the future where we're married and madly in love. But we just had a big fight. Can I ask you an important question? Our future love depends on it. So this is an opener that's setting up a second message so she will match with you or she'll respond. It'll be something like, lol. Yeah. Hey, Future Connell. Sure. What's your question? It'll be something like that. That's all you're looking for. You're just looking for some kind of response. And then essentially. And then this episode is just about openers. But I'll give you the next thing to write here. Okay? So she writes back, yeah, what is it? What is it? Future husband or future lover? So we want her to buy into the role, right? Basically, we want her to do a fun little play. Play acting with you. You say, well, our fight was about our first date. You said we went to a fancy cocktail lounge for our first date, but I said we went to a fun dive bar. Which was it, lounge or dive bar? Now, here's what this woman actually wrote me back on. This is hinge. Oh, babe, I'm so sorry. We had a fight. You were right. We went to a dive bar and we had the time of our lives. Okay, now she is fully buying in to this fun little role play. No other guys are doing this. By the way, your openers are going to go to such an elite place if you do these openers, especially the role play with a witty woman. So I write back, basically. Okay, thanks for settling. Thanks for settling the issue. I knew I could count on you. And then what you want to do is basically say, well, I guess we should go ahead and meet up and redo that first date over again for the good of our future relationship. What night is good for you? So you're basically segueing right into asking her out after you do the little time travel or role play. So there's a two for one for you. Try the sarcasm investigator opener, and then the time traveler one is great. Oh, by the way, I will if I remember. I think I'll remember. I'll put a link in to my Instagram. In the show notes on my Instagram, I have lots of screenshots, so you can see what the openers actually look like when I send them. It's good to see how I punctuate. It's good to have the right punctuation. I don't mean grammatic just grammatically. I just mean you know how to use emojis. So if you want to see lots of these openers, the actual screenshots, you'll see them on my Instagram. So I'll put that in the show notes. My Instagram is atingtransformation. Don't fast forward. This is not an ad. It's a free thing that's gonna help you flirt with confidence. Because I'll bet that you struggle with what to say to women and how to flirt. Right? Well, let's fix that. I'm going to give you what I call the Flirty 30. These are 30 flirty questions to ask women on the apps or on dates or when you approach so that you can confidently connect with cool, sexy women. Starting today, it's time to stop running out of things to say and start asking them flirty questions that are going to make them want to date you. So to get your copy of the Flirty 30, it's totally free, just go to datingtransformation.com Flirty 30 and that's F L I R T Y 30 datingtransformation.com Flirty30. You're about to start confidently flirting with women, going on dates, and soon getting a great girlfriend. Go get your flirty 30. Okay, let's go with flirty opener number four. How about when she has a travel photo or lots of travel photos? You know, lots of women are into travel. You'll see one or multiple travel photos. You know, she's standing on the beach in Bali or, you know, holding a coconut. Now, here's what not to write. Don't just write, hey, looks like you like to travel. Where was that photo taken? Again, that can get you a response, but it's pretty logical. It's pretty boring. And we want to, we want to make it a bit more engaging. So here's an opener. Actually, two variations of the same opener. Here's what you can write. Hey, Katie, you've been collecting passport stamps like Pokemon cards. I respect that. I'm heading to country. Fill in country next. Where are you plotting your next adventure? Okay, I'll read that one again. Let's go with Australia. I'll choose that. I'm. I'll say I'm going to Australia. Hey, Katie, I see you've been collecting passport stamps like Pokemon cards. I respect that. I'm heading to Australia. Next. Where are you plotting your next adventure? Now, you can vary. You can absolutely change the. Some of the words here. You don't need to sound. Have it sound exactly like me. In fact, it should sound authentically like you. You don't want your openers to sound like Connell Barrett, dating coach wrote them for you. So Feel free to tweak any of these to make them sound more like you. Okay. But, yeah, why does that work? A little bit of cleverness. You're comparing her passport to Pokemon cards, which is cute and clever. And you're also saying where you're going next. In my case, Australia. Now, I'm not actually going to Australia. I just wrote that as a hypothetical here. But all you have to do is pick a place that you would like to go to. It's okay to tell a white lie. Where do you want to be heading next? That's fine. You can use that. And then you're asking her, where are you plotting your next adventure? Another way to basically frame this or write this. Basically the same thing would be, hey, Katie, I see you're a fellow travel addict. My next trip is Australia. I'm going to attempt surfing in Sydney and probably wipe out spectacularly. Where are you dying to jet off to next? Do you hear all the emotion in that? The specificity, the emotion? That's what women get magnetized to. I'll read the last one again. Hey, Katie, I see you're a fellow travel addict, a travel addiction. My next trip is Australia. I'm going to attempt surfing in Sydney and probably wipe out spectacularly. Where are you dying to jet off to next? So in just how many words is that? That's like literally 30 words. It's about as long as you want your opener to be in just 30 words. I have let her know I have a cool lifestyle that involves traveling to Australia and surfing. I'm letting her know that we have something in common. She's a fellow travel addict, and I'm asking her an emotionally charged question. Where are you dying to jet off to next? Not where was your. Where did you go last? It's like, where are you dying to go to next? So there's just so much emotion just emanating from this. So that's what to do with a time. With a time traveler, with a travel. A girl who likes to travel. All right, flirty opener number three. This is for the girl when she has kind of an artsy or creative vibe. Think artsy types. She's at a museum. She's reading books. She's at a concert, like a classical concert, like a classy kind of cocktails and classical music type of setting. If you come across an artsy, creative type of woman, you're going to want an opener that works for her. So you can go with this one. This works really well. Hey, name. You seem like the artsy, creative Type. Okay. Would you rather paint the next Mona Lisa, write the next great novel, or be the next American Idol? That's a would you rather question. But there's three instead of two. Would you rather usually have two? This has three. I'll say it again because this is a good stuff here. If I may say, hey, hey, Katie, you seem like the artsy, creative type. Okay. Would you rather paint the next Mona Lisa, write the next great novel, or be the next American Idol? You're talking to her in a language. She's into artsy, fartsy, creativity. And you're also giving her a nice three options here. Instead of saying, what do you enjoy most about painting? That's okay. But you're making it easy for her to answer this question by saying, would you rather do A, B or C, basically, Mona Lisa novel or singing, becoming a music star on American Idol? No matter what kind of creative type she is, it's very likely that one of these three things is going to hit her pleasure center. Because you're basically saying, would you rather be a great painter, a great novelist or a rock star? Every woman's going to fall into one of those categories. So this is a really good one. Actually. I was expecting most women would respond to the American Idol thing, the music thing. I get a lot of women responding to the novel saying, oh, I'd love to write a book. And if she says, if she's like, oh, I want to write a book, then you can play with that and keep the conversation going and say, ah, cool. What would your novel be called? Or you could give her a funny name for her novel, right? You could say, yeah, what are you going to call it? The Katie Chronicles. Confessions of Katie. Women love talking about themselves in a fun, silly way like that. Or if she says, I want to be the next American Idol, you can say, cool. What's your stage name going to be? MC Katy? Katie Hammer? Snoop? Katie Kate. Or if she says, I want to paint the next Mona Lisa, then you could say, all right, well, if you ever want to do a painting of a nude model, just let me know. So these openers aren't just ways to get a response. There are ways to open up a whole door into light, fun, playful flirting and messaging. And that is what's going to get you those dates and matches and all kinds of good stuff. Okay, we're wrapping up here. Almost done. Two left. Number two. When you match with a career driven woman, a boss lady, you know the type. She's in her business suit, she's ambitious, she talks about her business. Yeah, Career girl. Basically a woman who leans into that career vibe on a dating profile. Here's what you don't want to do. You don't want to make her feel like she's on a LinkedIn interview. Hey, Catherine, looks like you've done quite well for yourself. Where do you want to be in five years? How long have you been doing your business? How is your business going? Understandable if a guy does that, but not the best strategy. Instead, you want to, again, engage with her in a way that's playful and flirtatious, or at least fun, by the way, fun and flirty to me are synonymous. If you're having fun with a woman on a dating app, that's flirting in my book. So you want to. You still want to talk about her career, but you want to do it in a light, fun way. Here's what I like to do. The pop quiz. It's the pop quiz for the career Girl. Let's call this the Career Queen pop quiz. I love a pop quiz. Women love quizzes. Every women's magazine in the world and every buzzfeed page is just filled with, like, quizzes, quizzes, quizzes, and women really like them. So you give her a pop quiz. Here's your opener. Pop quiz, Career queen, exclamation point. What's the best part of being a boss? Or you could say, what's the best part of filling her job, basically. So here's how it goes. Pop quiz, Career queen. What's the best part of being a boss or being xyz? Career? A. Running the show and making shit happen. B, outworking everybody while looking effortlessly cool. C, pretending to answer emails while online shopping. And then you could finish it with circle the right answer, pencils down, winky face. So keep it light. So again, pop quiz, Career queen. What's the best part of your job? A. Running the show and making shit happen. B, outworking everybody and looking effortlessly cool or stylish, if you like stylish better. C, pretending to answer emails while online shopping. So again, you're talking to her in A, you're meeting her at a topic she cares about, being a boss, being a career woman. But you're engaging in an emotional way in a playful way. And because it's a quiz, it's easy to answer. You probably noticed how so many of these openers are giving really simple binary open or three options to answer. And a woman who doesn't answer this, I don't know, she's probably not somebody you want to date. So this is a great one. I love the career. The career boss opener. Okay, let's get down to it. Drumroll, please. The number one best opener that works for me and my clients 81% of the time. What, by the way, what I mean by that is when I match with a woman and I send an opener, 81 or so out of times, out of 100, I get a response. Now, for cold openers where you're just randomly messaging a woman who you've not matched with, that's the. The percentage will be lower, but it's still going to be very serviceable. Like 30, 35% of cold openers that I've talked about here today. That's a really good percentage. You could absolutely send that. Send out 10 of those a day, get three matches, and have a date by tomorrow. So, anyway, I just wanted to clarify where the 81% comes from. Okay. My number one best opener that's worked the best for me and my clients, and this is for any woman, if she doesn't fall into any of these categories. If you just don't know what to write, if you are just absolutely like, I don't know what the hell. I don't have any time to think about this. Here's what you write. I'll use a recent one. This is Brittany from Tinder, but you just slot in the name. Here it is. I've tested this a zillion times. Hey, Brittany. Wow. Exclamation point. You know what I notice about you? Something surprisingly charming? Parentheses. No, not what you think. Lol. Any guesses? Winky or. Sorry. Happy face. Thinking emoji. Let me read it one more time and then go to my. Go to my Instagram. You can actually see what this looks like, because I know we're on a podcast. You're not looking at this. Hey, Brittany. Wow. You know what I notice about you? Something surprisingly charming. No, not what you think. Lol. Any guesses? Here's what Brittany wrote back. Hey. Ha ha. I don't know. What did you notice? I'm so curious. That's Brittany. Here's a woman named Nat. Hey, Natty. Wow. You know what I notice about you? Something surprisingly charming. No, not what you think. Lol. Any guesses? Hi. No idea. Please tell me. I really want to know. I have, like, dozens more. So why does this work? This is clickbait. I mean, this is just clickbait. Clickbait is something that you're basically saying you notice something special about her and you're making yourself. You are the key that unlocks this hidden insight about her, and that's what makes women want to know more. Now, by the way, she's also going to look at your profile. She's gonna say, hi, who is this guy? Who is this guy who knows, notices something about me. So you do want to make sure your profile overall is as good as possible. Any opener is really only going to be as good as the overall quality of the profile. But assuming you have solid, good photos and a pretty good bio, then this is going to work like money for you. So basically, yeah, I'll say it one more time and then I'll give you some variations on it. Hey, name. Wow. You know what I notice about you? Something surprisingly charming. Parentheses. No, not what you think. Lol. Any guesses? And I always end with a happy face and a thinking emoji. This is not really the reason why this works at such a high percentage is it's not sexual. It's not even romantic. You're. It's, it's, it's moving toward flirty and romantic. It's more you notice something special about her that's different. And so it takes away any woman who does. Any woman who doesn't like a sexual. Come on, she'll be fine with this. Also, I think the magic here, the here are the three magic words here that make it work. Something surprisingly charming. Who doesn't want to know what's charming about them and who doesn't want to know what's surprisingly charming? Something they haven't heard before. Something fresh. So this opener is a really powerful piece of clickbait that makes a woman go, what? Tell me. Basically, you're making yourself the answer to the question, what's special about me? And everybody wants to know the answer to that question. Now you might be saying, what the heck do I write next? Well, that's a whole separate episode about following up. But the first best option is you actually find something from her profile that you find surprisingly charming. If you can. But if you can't, I've had good luck with this next line. Again, when in doubt, be authentic. When in doubt, speak your true thoughts. When in doubt, keep it real. It could just be like, oh, my God. You know what's surprisingly charming about you? You just have an energy that's so likable and warm and positive. You could say something like that. I like to say things like, so many women here on Hinge or on Tinder are just taking, you know, mirror, duck face photos, but you are actually being your real self. And that is so charming. That is the coolest thing of all. So it can be as simple as that. It doesn't have to be the most amazing, insightful answer. Here's what I wrote to Natalie that she really liked. She's like, I have no idea, please tell me. And I wrote, I'll tell you, but don't let it go to your head. It's the way you seem both super sweet and also very confident. Like in the pool photo, there's a swimming pool photo of her that's hard to pull off. And then I answer, I add, so who's the real Natalie, sweet or confident? So I'm pushing things forward to get her to write me another message. And she writes back, how? Well, it depends on my mood. Sometimes I'm feeling really sweet, other times I'm feeling super confident. And now we've got a nice light banter and we can take it from there and move it toward a date. Some variations of this, this clickbait kind of approach, variations that I've tried, they don't have quite. This one doesn't have quite as high of a, of a, of 81%. But it has a very powerful response with women who like it. Basically you substitute, instead of saying surprisingly charming, you say surprisingly sexy. Now that's bolder. That's bolder. And some women might not respond to that because mentioning the word sex or sexy in the opener could be too much for some women. But other women who are super confident and frankly a bit more in touch with their sexual side and want to feel sexy, they'll be fine with it. So the way you would write that is, hey, Katie, you notice, you know what I notice about you? Something surprisingly sexy. No, not what you think because she's going to think, oh, it's my body, it's my tna and you're actually going to give her something more internal. But anyway, you would just, instead of surprisingly charming, you would literally just change one word, make it surprisingly sexy. The percentage of responses will go down. But the investment, the women who are like want to know that's they're going to be extra, extra excited to get the answer. And now you're talking about how sexy she is. So you are in a very man to woman, romantic, sexy place and that's a great place to be on the dating apps. It's way better than how's your day? How's it going? What are you up to? And this will help you get more responses, more dates and eventually having two or three good dating options. Women you're seeing or women you're going on dates with so that you can choose a wonderful girlfriend from some great options. Okay, that was today's episode. Speaking of choosing a great girlfriend from some great options, there's something I say here earlier in the episode, in the commercial, but I'll just mention it real quick here at the end. If for any guy, for you, if you're interested in this, if you are, if you think you need dating help, if you're looking for some dating coaching help and think one on one coaching can help you or you or you're interested in it. Anybody listening to this podcast, including you, all you got to do is go to datingtransformation.com and you can book a free call where you and I would get on a call for free and I would essentially share with you how I coach and figure out exactly how to improve your online dating success. Get you more matches, get you better at flirting, help you approach women, and help you get three or four wonderful women in your life. And then choose a great girlfriend from some nice options. So if dating coaching is something that you're curious about and you're like, oh, how does it work? How, what kind of results? What would I do? You can go to datingtransformation.com and you can just click the book a call button and then you'll speak to somebody from my team, but then you'll speak to me and we'll do a free consultation. Anyway, just throwing that out there if that appeals to you. Otherwise, thank you so much for listening. I know dating sucks sometimes. I know it can be frustrating. There's no dating problem that you've had that you have that I haven't had myself and fixed. I've had them all. Lack of matches, lack of dates, loneliness, not knowing what to say, settling because I couldn't get somebody better. So I settled for a girl I wasn't that into. I got married when I didn't want to approach anxiety. Man, I've had every problem there is and I'm here to help you fix any dating problem you have. So I hope you got something good out of this. Go out there tonight. By the way, this episode is dropping. It's either dropping on a Sunday or Monday. I forget which. But Sundays and Mondays are great nights to be on the dating apps. Valentine's Day is fast approaching and you're not going to have a girlfriend by Valentine's Day. Probably. But man, you could start getting some dates. You can start getting some matches. Some responses use these 10 dating app openers use some of them and stick around because later this week I've got some really good stuff coming up. We're going to get off of the dating apps and we're going to go out and meet women in real life. I'm going to help you approach. I'm going to help you know what to say so you can have those moments in coffee shops or in bars or at the grocery store where you just kind of catch eyes with a woman and help you know how to turn that into a conversation and a fun, flirty conversation and a date. Because, man, there's nothing like meeting women in real life. As much as I love the dating apps, dating apps help me so much and it's how I met my girlfriend Jess. At the same time, I just love helping men have the freedom and confidence to meet women anywhere. So anyway, that'll be the rest of this week's episodes. Coming up, a special multi part series about meeting women in real life. Stick around for that. And don't forget your dream girlfriend. She is out there and she is gonna love you. She just has to meet the real, authentic you. So go out there, take action, carpe datum, seize the date till next time.