Tired of Struggling on Tinder and Bumble? Try the Innovative Dating App that Helps Men and Women Connect IRL!

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Tired of Struggling on Tinder and Bumble? Try the Innovative Dating App that Helps Men and Women Connect IRL!"

Released on April 10, 2025, on the "How to Get a Girlfriend" podcast hosted by renowned dating coach Connell Barrett, this episode features an insightful conversation with David Vermeulen, the founder and CEO of Inner Circle—a global dating app designed for ambitious singles seeking genuine connections.

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Introduction

In this compelling episode, Connell Barrett delves deep into the challenges of modern dating apps and explores innovative solutions with David Vermeulen, the visionary behind Inner Circle. The discussion centers around creating authentic connections beyond the superficial swiping culture prevalent in apps like Tinder and Bumble.

Connell Barrett: "I'm here to help you learn to flirt, get a great girlfriend, and do it with authenticity and integrity. No sketchy pickup artist moves needed." [00:00]

Guest Background: David Vermeulen and Inner Circle

David Vermeulen shares his personal journey that led to the creation of Inner Circle. Frustrated with the ineffective and often deceptive nature of early online dating platforms, David sought to develop a solution that prioritized real connections and authenticity.

David Vermeulen: "I wanted to create something that actually I would use and who do I want to meet? Somebody like-minded, sharing the same lifestyle and values." [04:22]

Highlights:

• Founding Inner Circle: Launched over a decade ago in Amsterdam, Inner Circle now boasts over 2.5 million members across 30+ countries, including major cities like New York, London, and Paris.
• Philosophy: Emphasizes "Radical Authenticity," ensuring users present their genuine selves without resorting to misleading or exaggerated profiles.

The Problems with Traditional Dating Apps

Connell and David discuss the prevalent issues in mainstream dating apps, highlighting how they often lead to superficial interactions and disappointment.

Connell Barrett: "Tinder became a little like McDonald's. It's addictive and you want more, but as soon as you consume it, you feel sick." [20:28]

Key Issues Identified:

• Superficial Swiping: Endless swiping can become addictive yet ultimately unsatisfying, akin to a "casino" experience.
• Inauthentic Profiles: Users often encounter exaggerated or misleading photos and profiles, leading to poor first-date experiences.
• Scammers and Fake Accounts: A significant number of platforms are plagued with scammers seeking financial gain rather than genuine connections.

Inner Circle's Unique Approach

David elaborates on how Inner Circle differentiates itself by fostering real-life connections and curating a community of like-minded individuals.

David Vermeulen: "Real magic happens offline, not on a dating app." [08:42]

Innovative Features:

• Face Recognition Technology: Ensures profile authenticity by verifying that users' photos are current and genuine. [07:09]
• Lifestyle Integration: Members share detailed aspects of their lifestyles, such as favorite restaurants, fitness routines, and festival preferences, facilitating meaningful connections based on shared interests.
• Exclusive Real-Life Events: Inner Circle hosts events like wine tastings and gallery visits, providing members opportunities to meet and mingle in person.

Combating Inauthentic Profiles

To maintain a trustworthy environment, Inner Circle employs rigorous screening processes and advanced technology.

David Vermeulen: "We have a face recognition tool that compares your real photo with your profile photo." [07:09]

Connell Barrett: "Profiles with good pictures, but also telling about yourself, what do you like, what do you don't like, makes the matching and conversation starter much easier." [22:05]

Real-Life Events and Building Connections

The podcast highlights the importance of offline interactions in forming lasting relationships. Inner Circle's events are designed to break the ice and encourage organic interactions among members.

David Vermeulen: "At Inner Circle, we also host events and this is something we do from day one. It really helps people meet someone." [08:42]

Connell Barrett: "It's about quality over quantity. One great connection is worth more than dozens of superficial matches." [26:13]

Tailoring to Introverts

Addressing the concerns of introverted singles, David provides practical advice on how to utilize Inner Circle's features to build confidence and foster genuine connections.

David Vermeulen: "Find something you can bond over that makes you tick. Talk about shared passions to break the ice." [10:47]

Connell Barrett: "Go out and take authentic, courageous, uncomfortable action because that's where your love is waiting for you." [11:22]

Success Stories: Turning Connections into Lasting Relationships

David shares inspiring stories of couples who met through Inner Circle, emphasizing the app's effectiveness in facilitating meaningful relationships.

David Vermeulen: "We have a whole wall with baby cards and wedding cards. So it is really, really working." [12:45]

Highlights:

• Cross-City Connections: Stories like a London-based woman and a Paris-based man who met at an Inner Circle event and later married.
• Global Reach: Success stories from diverse locations, including Brazil, showcasing the app's international appeal.

Authenticity and Profile Building

The conversation underscores the importance of authentic self-presentation in Inner Circle profiles, encouraging users to "show, not tell" their true selves through vivid, engaging photos.

Connell Barrett: "Show versus tell. Don't just say you like hiking, show a picture of you on a beautiful hike." [36:51]

David Vermeulen: "Pictures tell a lot. If you have pictures showing your true self, other people will like it." [35:27]

Final Insights and Deep Truths About Dating

David imparts a profound truth about successful relationships: "Opposites don't attract." He emphasizes that shared values, interests, and lifestyles are fundamental to lasting connections.

David Vermeulen: "Finding somebody like-minded is the key to success." [37:42]

Conclusion and Call to Action

Connell wraps up the episode by encouraging listeners to explore Inner Circle and take proactive steps toward finding authentic connections.

Connell Barrett: "Your dream girlfriend is out there, and she's already into you. She needs to meet the real, authentic you." [39:33]

Final Recommendations:

• Visit Inner Circle: Head to theinnercircle.com or download the app from Google or iOS Play Store.
• Engage with the Community: Follow Inner Circle on Instagram for updates on events and community activities.
• Take Action: Embrace authenticity and take steps to meet like-minded individuals through purposeful interactions.

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Notable Quotes:

• Connell Barrett: "Tinder became a little like McDonald's. It's addictive and you want more, but as soon as you consume it, you feel sick." [20:28]

• David Vermeulen: "Real magic happens offline, not on a dating app." [08:42]

• David Vermeulen: "Finding somebody like-minded is the key to success." [37:42]

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This episode serves as a beacon for singles tired of the superficiality of mainstream dating apps, offering a refreshing perspective on building genuine and lasting relationships through Inner Circle's innovative approach.

Transcript

[Connell Barrett]

I read this quote from you. You wrote tinder became a little like McDonald's. It's addictive and you want more, but as soon as you consume it, you feel sick. All right, welcome back to the how to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I'm your host, dating coach Connell Barrett. I'm here to help you learn to flirt, get a great girlfriend, and do it with authenticity and integrity. No sketchy pickup artist moves needed. And speaking of integrity and authenticity, we have a pretty great special guest for this episode. My guest today is David Vermeulen. David is the founder and CEO of Inner Circle, a global dating app for ambitious singles just like you seeking real connections. He launched it over a decade ago in Amsterdam. And now Inner Circle has grown to have more than 2.5 million members. It's in 30 countries. More than 30 countries. And it's in cities like New York, London and Paris. And the cool thing about it is that Inner Circle is not just a swiping app, quote unquote. It taps into members, lifestyles and who they are as people. Because David is about believing that the real magic happens offline, not on a dating app. And the other thing that's cool about the app, and we're going to talk about this a lot, is Inner Circle also hosts exclusive events in real life so that like minded people can meet and mingle. So check out their Instagram nnercircle co for a peek into their events and their community. You can also go to their website. About theinnercircle co. David, welcome to the how to Get a Girlfriend podcast.

[David Vermeulen]

Thanks for having me, Conor. Really exciting to be on your podcast.

[Connell Barrett]

Your intro is so long we might need to do two parts. Part one for your intro, part two for the rest of it. But yeah, I'm really excited to talk to you because I don't have very many podcast people on my, I should say dating app experts on my podcast because I don't like a lot of them. But what I love about Inner Circle is, is that you are helping men and women solve some very common relatable problems, like the problem that you had back in the day. You were struggling, as I understand it, with things like bad dates or just not finding the kind of women who shared your interest back in the early, maybe circa 2011, 2012. Talk a little bit about the dating problems you were struggling with and how that led to you beginning in Inner Circle.

[David Vermeulen]

Yeah, it's, it's a. Well, everything starts with a company, with the problem you personally have. And at that moment in 2012, I was single, I was living in London and it was for me difficult to meet somebody at work. But also in the pub with the English women were not really approachable. So I thought, let's give it a try online. And at that moment it was only websites. There was no Tinder launched yet. Well, at least it was not, it didn't have the big breakthrough. So I was going on different websites. But I mean, if you looked at the pictures, it was most of the times too good to be true. And if it's too good to be true, it's too good to be true. And also the names like butterfly69, I mean, it was really difficult to actually find a normal, to have a normal chat conversation and it took me hours. And then in the end you went on the actual date and it was not a success. So I thought I want to create something that actually I would use and who do I want to meet? And that was for me like the biggest, the big turnaround. Like I want to meet somebody that in my inner circle that is like me like minded, somebody that shares the same lifestyle, same values and how can I do that? And that was the beginning of first the website and later on the app.

[Connell Barrett]

Do you have a first date horror story or just the pattern that you saw where you were, I don't know, matching with or communicating with women and maybe they weren't the right age or the right type. Did you have like your, did you have your moment where you said, okay, I need a different dating app?

[David Vermeulen]

Yeah, there's, there's quite some horror stories. You have to go through them. You learn, for example, in my opinion, you should not chat too long and go offline relatively soon because the magic happens in real life. But if you are chatting with somebody, you're going to draw a picture of how this person looks like. And that's based on the photos. And basically what I learned is that if you look at the photos, it's always the best for pictures of the last 12 years. So if you think about that, it was not really always the most pleasant experience in the beginning.

[Connell Barrett]

So what I'm hearing you say is round about 2012 you're looking at photos of some women who were celebrating the millennium from 2000.

[David Vermeulen]

Exactly.

[Connell Barrett]

Oh boy, we've all been there.

[David Vermeulen]

Yes. Yeah, and it was, I mean the quality of the pictures was really not good and it was also really fishy. So there were also like scammers on all these websites. It was really, really a bad experience, people asking for money over the chat. So for Me, it was like, oh, my God, this is not what you want. This is not where you want to spend your subscription money on.

[Connell Barrett]

Is it fair to say that if somebody were to join Inner Circle and he is communicating with a woman, she is going to be pretty much what he sees?

[David Vermeulen]

Well, I mean, you can't guarantee it obviously, but high likelihood, we hope. Yeah. Yeah. So we have like a face recognition tool that we integrated in the app. So and that compares your real photo with your profile photo that you upload and that you are showing. So there are some tools where we try to hope that the person that's on Inner Circles also really that person. And yeah, we also have recommendations so people don't invite their friends. So we can also see. Okay, this is like genuine.

[Connell Barrett]

Yeah. I actually logged onto your dating app today. I went through the process of signing up. I'm still waiting for approval. No pressure, no pressure.

[David Vermeulen]

I will fix it. I will fix it.

[Connell Barrett]

I do have a girlfriend, so I'm just there for research purposes. So if that excludes me, I understand. No harm. But no. It was really easy to do the facial recognition technology and that just made me feel so good putting myself in the shoes of a single man. I remember thinking, great. I love knowing that this is the real me women are going to see because I want to know as a single man that that woman I'm talking to is probably highly likely going to be the woman I actually meet in real life.

[David Vermeulen]

Yeah, exactly. And I mean, that's what it's all about. I mean, real people and the magic happens in the real world. But it helps if the person online is also that person.

[Connell Barrett]

I think that Inner Circle was way ahead of the game, was innovating years ahead of what other apps are doing right now. Because what's really cool about what you started doing years ago was you basically said, hey, let's marry. Let's put together these two ideas of an app based connection, but marry it to real life, to meeting in real life. Some other people are doing that, but I feel like your team is doing it ahead of the game. I just think that's really, really innovative. Can you talk about why in person is so important?

[David Vermeulen]

Yeah, I mean, if you really want to make it work, it only can happen in real life. So you have to meet that person and you can fall in love somebody online, but that's not real, real love. And with Inner Circle, we really wanted to create an opportunity for our members not only through our app, so we also are hosting events and this is something we do from day one. And we really see that this is helping so many people meeting somebody and an event. For some, it's a bit of a hurdle. But in the end, I mean, it's. If you're single and you go to drinks or you go to a wine tasting or a gallery with a group of singles, you have to be a beat, you have to work. So I mean, here, don't stand alone at the bar waiting until somebody approaches you. You have to work. But it's, it's worth it.

[Connell Barrett]

The, that's the hurdle you mentioned, right? For some men, Some people, yeah.

[David Vermeulen]

If you go for, to these events, I mean, you go alone and well, it feels a bit uncomfortable because, well, you go to a singles event, right. And then if you're there, you don't know anybody. So you have to. Not everybody is comfortable with that. So you have to be step a little bit out of your comfort zone.

[Connell Barrett]

Right.

[David Vermeulen]

But it will pay off.

[Connell Barrett]

I'm naturally introverted. I host a podcast and I had to learn how to approach women and work on myself for years and years. But I am a car carrying introvert. I'm much more comfortable being kind of quiet and alone. Do you have any advice for the introverted male single guy who's like, oh man, meeting women in real life, I don't know, that seems pretty scary. What would you say to that gentleman?

[David Vermeulen]

Yeah, I would say, like, find something you can bond over that makes you tick. So, for example, you create podcast. You know, talk about what podcast do you like? Because this is what you genuinely love. And by talking about these shared passions, it will definitely break the ice. So for an introvert, I would really recommend to do that. And it feels a bit uncomfortable, especially in the beginning. But if you're talking about something you love, it will make it much more easy.

[Connell Barrett]

Well, if you're getting out of your comfort zone, you're doing the right thing as a single guy. If I had to boil my whole teaching philosophy down for my clients and also the listener of this podcast, I say go out and take authentic, courageous, uncomfortable action because that's where your love is waiting for you on the other end of a certain amount of steps. And some of those steps are going to be scary, especially if you're an introverted man.

[David Vermeulen]

Yeah. And for the long term, I do believe that in the beginning it's a little bit of role playing because it's not who you are genuine. And it's also, if you meet somebody, I always say, if you really want to find out if it's the one, don't judge it on the first date because the first date people are uncomfortable, people are playing a role and they are doing more than their best and that's not how they normally are. But if you want to really meet somebody, you have to meet this person maybe a second or a third time.

[Connell Barrett]

Talk a little bit, if you would, about some of the successes you have seen. People on your dating app have. Do you have any stories, do you have any poster boys or girls for some of the kinds of wins you've seen? Because this is all about finding love and finding somebody.

[David Vermeulen]

Yeah, well, I mean there's a lot of success stories we have at the headquarters at Inner Circle. We have a whole wall with baby cards and wedding cards. So it is really, really working. And I mean they all met on Inner Circle and sometimes you hear really cool stories. So we had an event in Paris and there was a girl actually on a date. She was living in London, he was living in Paris and he said, we have this event. And she said, well, I live in London. And I mean he thought this could be the one. And he said, well, the train from London to Paris, it's about two and a half hours, I will buy the train ticket, we go to the Inner Circle event and let's have drinks there. So that was the first date was at an Inner Circle event. And I mean she went, she stayed for two more days and then went back. So I mean, and now they are married, they have two kids. So it is, yeah, I mean it's a bit persistent. But I mean those stories. And that's also nice that the love, most of the times it's always within your city, within your range, but also for people that travel because we have a lot of people that travel, they also use it a lot for this.

[Connell Barrett]

How does that feel? As somebody who has cultivated people coming together and finding love, to know that you've helped bring children into the world and brought couples together, that must feel fantastic. I would, I would. I'm sure it does, right?

[David Vermeulen]

I mean, I can't imagine if that there's a better job than that. I mean it's like you really, really make impact in a positive way. So you change the course of someone's life.

[Connell Barrett]

Yeah. I remember in the mid teens I had just. I'd been coaching for about a year and one of my very first clients sent me a picture of, of his new baby. And I thought I did that.

[David Vermeulen]

Not.

[Connell Barrett]

In a kinky way. I wasn't in the room, but I helped.

[David Vermeulen]

But that's Then you suddenly. I mean, you don't stand still too many times, but that's a moment to stand still and to you actually see the impact, the positive impact that you created. So, yeah. Did you celebrate it?

[Connell Barrett]

Probably not as much as I should have, but I still remember it to this day. It's been over 10 years. It's been about 10 years now, come to think of it. 10 years exactly. I brought my first baby into the world. In a way I'm probably never gonna have my own, other than becoming a dog dad. But it felt incredible to help people meet the right way, and it was just a priceless bonus of being a coach. And I imagine being somebody who's helping millions of people try to find love, and often they do, that's got to feel pretty incredible. So it's great to have that kind of purpose, I would think.

[David Vermeulen]

Yeah, no, definitely, Definitely.

[Connell Barrett]

Let's get back to your dating journey. So you had these problems not meeting the kind of women you wanted. Butterfly 47 was born in 1947. That's not what you were looking for?

[David Vermeulen]

Nope.

[Connell Barrett]

Tell us a little bit about your breakthrough moment. Whether it's a great date you had or maybe you just started to figure out, hey, here. Here I am having the kind of success. Whether you were dating on Inner circle or whether you were just seeing people succeed on Inner circle, what did you start seeing happening in your dating life in a good way?

[David Vermeulen]

So when we launched, we did it only that people on it could invite their friends. So I launched with a really, really small group because I had about maybe 20, 30 people that I knew that were single, and they all invited their friends. And this was. First of all, I didn't have the marketing money to make a big boom, and I wanted to keep it also like Inner Circle, the name, I wanted to keep it really small. But the moment it became big was actually in the first few months, everybody that signed on Inner Circle, and that's something we still do, is we check the profiles to see if they're real, genuine. And the moment we got bigger and then, you know, you're onto something. We started to get, like, crazy profiles that I just described on the other websites. And then, you know, okay, if these crazy people also want to be on it, then, because only you realize this could, you know, this could go become big. But at the same time, we decided to stay really, really small and not let anybody in. And what you then see is that it really pays off because the people on it were talking to me like this. I've never seen something like this before. I mean, the people on it, they actually respond. They are real good intentions. And if people talk about that to you, then you know, okay, this, this actually works.

[Connell Barrett]

You struggle with dating, right? Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt. The apps don't work for you. And sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating. Hey, I struggled with dating too. As an introvert and a total nerd. I didn't just live in the friend zone, I owned real estate there. But I escaped using the dating philosophy of Radical Authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. It's what I wrote about in my best selling book, Dating Sucks, but yout Don't. And Radical Authenticity is why Psychology Today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I want to personally help you attract your dream girlfriend. So go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. On our call, I'll tell you how my one on one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend. And you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity. No creepy pickup tricks needed. So go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend. Do your customers and I have not yet used the app. I'm not going to as a single person, I have a girlfriend. But if I was on your app as a single man, would I be able to meet women without having to go to an event? Or must you do the in person meetups for that to happen?

[David Vermeulen]

Now you can also meet one on one through the app. So what we do, we want to match also through shared lifestyle. So we work a little bit different than the other apps. So it's not only swiping, swiping, but for example, the people in inner circle, they love going out, they love food, they share their top restaurants. And then you can also see other people that go to the same places, the same restaurants. People love to travel. So you can share. I'm going for example to la. These are the dates and then you can share. Is anybody up for a date? People in LA see who's coming to LA and they read that. So it's much more about these. Yeah. Shared lifestyles that people connect over. Then it's like I see picture like you have a match.

[Connell Barrett]

Yeah. I'm so glad you said that because I want to quote you, I found something you said that I loved I read this quote from you. You wrote, Tinder became a little like McDonald's. It's addictive and you want more, but as soon as you consume it, you feel sick. And I assume that you meant it is kind of fun or addictive to swipe, swipe, swipe. Oh, she liked me. She didn't. What might happen here. But gosh, it does feel a little bit like, like when I'm. When I'm using Tinder for my. When I was single, but also for my job afterwards, I feel like I'm walking out of a casino and I've been pulling the, the one arm bandit. It doesn't feel good for me. Is that what you meant?

[David Vermeulen]

Yeah, yeah, exactly. And it's like you can swipe, swipe, swipe. And at one moment it's like there's almost no feeling. It's like, like, dislike, like, like, dislike, dislike, Match. Okay, whatever, like, like. And then you type hey, and you continue. So I think that also on Inner Circle, we spent quite some time on creating rich profiles because you have to put a bit of effort. If you want to date somebody, you have to put effort into it. And we basically really believe that. Profiles with good pictures, but also telling about yourself, what do you like, what do you don't like, where do you go out, all these kind of things that it will make the matching and the conversation starter also much easier.

[Connell Barrett]

Yeah. When I was signing up for your app today, just for practice, the prompts that were asking me to upload a new photo, it said, hey, now how about a photo of you with your favorite animal or your dog? Hey, how about when you're smiling, are you doing your favorite hobby? So it was. I had to put in a little bit more effort than I would with some other app, but it wasn't so much effort. I didn't want to do it. It was engaging.

[David Vermeulen]

Yeah, yeah.

[Connell Barrett]

And it was a pretty quick signup, but I had to put in the effort. But hey, you want people who are trying, right?

[David Vermeulen]

Yeah. Yeah. And what you also now noticed that you're now on the waiting list. So we have a whole team of screeners checking your profile, looking into it if you're like saying who you are. So that's also part of what Inner Circle makes Inner circle. So we don't have the. We don't want to grow towards the hundred million plus users as a Tinder bumble. That's not who we are.

[Connell Barrett]

Yeah, no, I love that the philosophy is not about quantity, but quality. And ultimately that one person who you really Connect with and feel the same way about.

[David Vermeulen]

Exactly. You only need to have found one person.

[Connell Barrett]

Right. I met my girlfriend Jess on a different app. I won't mention it, but the vibe is the same. It's not about a million likes and matches. It's about, let's find somebody really great for you. Because it only takes one. It really does.

[David Vermeulen]

Exactly. Exactly.

[Connell Barrett]

Yeah. I want to talk a little bit more about the experience of using Inner Circle. So you're on the app. What are some of the features on the app itself that you have found your customer base enjoys? What are some of the bells and whistles that people are going to experience when they're on the app on their way to potentially meeting somebody special?

[David Vermeulen]

Yeah. So we have a section where you can add your lifestyle. So for example, if you're a runner, but it's not only we ask if you're a runner, but also where do you run? So do you run in Central park or do you run in a different park? And by going a bit deeper into those lifestyles, because then people see like minded people because they also love running, they also go to the fitness. And we don't say you don't write fitness, but we also ask, okay, so what fitness chain? Where do you go? And the fitness chain, it says so much about you. The festivals people are going, not I love music, but which festivals do you love and do you go to? And by bringing that into the app, we also see like smaller communities of people that go to certain festivals, connect with each other before festivals because they know that they are going as well. So it becomes also because dating is one on one, but people also, especially also in Brazil, we are really big in Brazil and there are communities around the Inner Circle app where people also host their own drinks, host wine events, because people love wine and they see it in the app and they contact, I'm doing this in this bar. If you want, you can join.

[Connell Barrett]

That's great. I'm a big fan of what two important concepts that inner circle does, I completely endorse, and I do in my own way, is quality over quantity. And also going out and enjoying life and finding people who feel the same way about things and having a social circle, people who share some of your interests in a social circle. I love how inner circle is, I assume partially inspired by the idea of finding somebody from your social circle. Because if you meet somebody at the runner's club that you both are part of, you're going to have that shared passion. Or you meet somebody at the cooking class, you Both took. You have at least one thing in common and you might have something else in common.

[David Vermeulen]

Exactly. Exactly. That's what it's all about.

[Connell Barrett]

Yeah.

[David Vermeulen]

So much easier.

[Connell Barrett]

I tell my clients, I say let's, let's get you on whatever dating apps you want to be on. But remember, the right social circle match, quote unquote, somebody you meet through a shared interest is worth 10 matches on a given dating app. The one of the basic more, more well known dating apps like the quote unquote biggest ones. But man, I'd much rather have a guy with, with two or three really great quality options and that he then chooses a great girlfriend than 50 matches that all flake or aren't what he wants.

[David Vermeulen]

Yeah, exactly.

[Connell Barrett]

Yeah.

[David Vermeulen]

It takes so much time.

[Connell Barrett]

Yeah. Don't fast forward. This is not an ad. It's a free thing that's going to help you flirt with confidence because I'll bet that you struggle with what to say to women and how to flirt. Right? Well, let's fix that. I'm going to give you what I call the Flirty 30. These are 30 flirty questions to ask women on the apps or on dates or when you approach so that you can confidently connect with cool, sexy women. Starting today, it's time to stop running out of things to say and start asking them flirty questions that are going to make them want to date you. So to get your copy of the Flirty 30, it's totally free, just go to datingtransformation.com Flirty Flirty 30 and that's F L I R T Y 30 datingtransformation.com Flirty 30. You're about to start confidently flirting with women, going on dates and soon getting a great girlfriend. Go get your flirty 30. Let's have a little bit of fun. I like to try to have a little playful fun on the pod just because I think playfulness is a big part of dating. So let me ask you a couple questions and we'll see. We'll see what you come up with. Let's do it. One of the questions I have for you is I did a little research on you because I'm a spy and I know that you have ties to the Hague and which is of course the city of international law and justice. So here's a fun question for you. If you were the chief justice of online dating, the king of online dating, the big boss, and if you could decree some new laws that every dater has to follow, what would one or two of those laws be?

[David Vermeulen]

Well, I would say a law that the person that's on the dating app is also the real person. So a law, if the government finds out or the international justice, the Hague finds out, you will get fined because then dating, the stigma of dating would be so much better. So that would be for me like the number one law, like real people.

[Connell Barrett]

Yeah. Mine would be your photos have to be less than 20 years old. Let's say one, let's say one year. How about that?

[David Vermeulen]

Yeah, yeah. And yeah. And on top of that, that's definite. Maximum one year old.

[Connell Barrett]

Yeah, there you go. One year old Max. Oh, gosh. So quick, quick horror story. Not horror story, but funny story. I coached a man who lives in Nova Scotia and I won't say his name, but he came to me, he's roughly my age, 50 ish. And he came to me and he said, connell, all these women I'm matching with them, but they lose interest once we do a, once we meet up, either a video date or an in real life date. And I looked at his profile, it was from the late 90s, I am not kidding, mid-20s and he's 50.

[David Vermeulen]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Connell Barrett]

And I'm just, my jaw dropped and I said, yeah, we need something. How about something from this century?

[David Vermeulen]

Is it difficult for him then?

[Connell Barrett]

Well, he was fine after that. He just, he just didn't understand that you, that's I think of online dating purely at least to start. We're marketing ourselves.

[David Vermeulen]

Right.

[Connell Barrett]

You're. You're a former marketer, right?

[David Vermeulen]

Yeah, exactly.

[Connell Barrett]

Maxim, fhm. You've got this marketing experience. I just think, okay, your profile is a piece of digital marketing, but you can market yourself in an honest way.

[David Vermeulen]

Yeah.

[Connell Barrett]

Otherwise it's kind of false advertising.

[David Vermeulen]

Yeah. And it's like you sell yourself, you oversell yourselves based on your profile and then people meet you in real life. I mean, yeah, that's not going to end well.

[Connell Barrett]

Yeah. Okay, next question is maybe go back to your dating past if you want to or maybe something you notice somebody else. What is the most out there piece of dating advice that you know has actually worked at least for some people yet?

[David Vermeulen]

For me, the best dating advice is really take into account that on a first date people are a bit nervous and they maybe they laugh a little bit too hard. They are not really comfortable because they, for them it's also a new and exciting and yeah, it's a bit scary. So I really, really would say give it. Try to know the person through these like little crazy things maybe. And on the second date, I'm always I say, try to do a second date if you're not sure, because on the second date, I'm. People are more relaxed because they already know the person. And it worked for me also, personally. The second date was a success. The first date was a horror show.

[Connell Barrett]

Okay, Horror show. From horror show first date to a good second date.

[David Vermeulen]

Yeah, I was. I was nervous. I was talking way too much, hardly listening, and then my girlfriend said, seconded. I'm not sure.

[Connell Barrett]

Well, I will second that tip with a really quick story. I once had a first date, and I wasn't nervous. At least not that nervous. But she was on her phone. She was not paying a lot of. She wasn't being really present. And I made the mistake of assuming she wasn't interested in me, and I actually ended the date too soon. I basically said, hey, it looks like you're not that into this, so why don't we end it? And I'm going home that night, and I'm thinking, wait a second, did I jump the gun here? And long story short, I texted her, I called her, I said, I think I overreacted, and I apologize. She said. She said, yeah, I was just nervous. We had a second date, and it went so much better. So I think your advice is great.

[David Vermeulen]

Nice. Yeah, this is. No, this is exactly how it is.

[Connell Barrett]

People are people. We're not perfect. We get nervous. I'm a big fan of. Of getting. Talk about the Hague and being in a court, getting. Getting proof one way or another whether or not that person wants to see you again. Like, don't make any assumptions. You never know that. You might ask them. A lot of my clients say, oh, I'm not going to ask her out again. She wasn't into me, and it turns out she just wasn't giving him some giant billboard signals. But she was definitely interested. So you never know unless you ask.

[David Vermeulen]

Yeah, exactly. Give it another go.

[Connell Barrett]

Yeah. Okay. Another question for you. If Inner Circle was a person, a single person that had its own dating profile on Inner Circle, what would the opening prompt say? You know, that first line that would make people think, wow, I really need to meet this. This dating app.

[David Vermeulen]

Yeah, that's a good question. Well, it would be something like ambitious, adventurous, and here for real connections. That would be like the first sentence.

[Connell Barrett]

Nice.

[David Vermeulen]

And also, don't bother if you only want to chat. Don't bother what if you only want to chat?

[Connell Barrett]

Oh, right. Yeah, right.

[David Vermeulen]

Because as I mentioned, I believe the magic happens in real life. So, like, let's take it offline.

[Connell Barrett]

I like that. Ambitious, adventurous and looking for a real connection. Yeah, that sounds like a great prompt. That sounds like a great philosophy to live one's dating life by. Two more topics and we'll wrap things up. David, my philosophy is all about being authentic, putting your real vulnerable self out there, your best self, but your real self. Can you give me your opinion on what you see works on inner circle in terms of people being authentic, vulnerable, real. Do you see value in really showing that real true you?

[David Vermeulen]

Oh, definitely, definitely. I mean we try to encourage people, for example, around the lifestyles, not only say that you are part of this run club or you go running there, but also show it so people can upload picture. And this is what we see, this is the true self and this is so authentic. Instead of you posing like the same poses in every same picture. But pictures tell a lot. So if you have those pictures, you playing a sport, you traveling, hiking or whatever, upload these pictures and it's definitely something other people would like.

[Connell Barrett]

I love it. You just said something really insightful that I want to underline, which is show versus tell. I remember in high school my English essay teacher would say, oh, don't just tell me something, Connell, show me, give me an example. So it's one thing to say I like hiking, but how about a photo that shows a beautiful Rocky Mountain backdrop on that incredible Rocky Mountain hike you were on? Or don't just say I like to dance show a picture of you grooving on the dance floor at the wedding. That's my version of show, not tell.

[David Vermeulen]

Yeah, yeah. And to be honest, reading is still something that's difficult for people. They everybody looks immediately at the photos also. So I mean through the photos you can tell a lot of. You can tell your story.

[Connell Barrett]

Yeah, exactly. Photos are about giving a visual narrative as to who you are and what it might be like to date that person.

[David Vermeulen]

Yeah.

[Connell Barrett]

Let's finish with a big lesson that you've learned about dating. A deep, big insight. I always like to finish the interview here with what's one of the most insightful, deepest truths you've learned about dating dating. Something that the man listening to this has never heard before. What can you share with us, David?

[David Vermeulen]

I would say that in the end it sounds like a no brainer, but it's. I really believe in it. It's like opposites don't attract. So if you think about it, if you're looking for something serious for the long term, you want to be with somebody, a like minded person that shares your interests, your lifestyles, your values. And this is what I genuinely believe in, that that's like the key. So also the whole foundation of Inner Circle, the name Inner Circle is also based on that. So I really, really think that finding somebody like minded is the key to success.

[Connell Barrett]

Fantastic. I want you to, I want to give you the final word here for people who want to learn more about Inner Circle. Where should they go? Should they go to Instagram? Are there other places, other resources you would send them to? Where can, where can our listener check out, check out for more information about Inner Circle?

[David Vermeulen]

Well, definitely, of course, on the website theinnercircle.com and of course, if you're curious, you want to try it out, you're welcome of course to download the app in the Google or iOS Play Store and yeah, give it a go. I mean, I think it can. If you're looking for something serious and you believe in opposites on the track, try that.

[Connell Barrett]

Well said, David. Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom. Thank you for creating a really great dating app that lets people meet in real life and makes, makes this about real connection and finding equally like minded and ambitious people. I wish there were a lot more dating apps like this.

[David Vermeulen]

Thanks a lot. Thanks a lot, Kamal.

[Connell Barrett]

And thank you so much for listening. And remember, please don't just be a passive listener of this podcast. Go out there, take action, make some moves. And here is your mission for today's podcast. I would love for you to go and check out the Inner Circle Instagram. Download the app if this philosophy appeals to you, and get out there and take some action. Because your dream girlfriend, she's out there and she already is into you. But for her to fall in love with you, she's going to have to meet the real, authentic you. And that means taking action. So go out there, carpe datum, seize the date until next time.