Podcast Summary: How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett

Episode: You’re Making a HUGE Mistake on the Apps—Fix It Now! + Steal My Hinge Prompt for More Matches
Host: Connell Barrett
Release Date: September 3, 2025

Overview

In this episode, dating coach Connell Barrett reveals a critical shift in mindset and strategy for men seeking success on dating apps. Connell argues that "online dating isn't dating—it's digital marketing," and that most men fail on apps not because they’re unworthy but because their “advertising” is lackluster. With humor and authenticity, Connell shares his most successful Hinge prompt and delivers actionable advice for optimizing your profile, helping you stand out in a highly competitive space.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Online Dating Is Marketing, Not Dating

[00:00]

• Connell opens by reframing online dating as marketing:

  "Online dating isn't dating. Online dating is just marketing. It's advertising. It's digital marketing." (00:01)

• Men face stiff competition: There are often many more men than women on dating apps; women get overwhelmed with choices.
• Connell stresses that to get results, men need to become better “marketers” of themselves, not just hope that being on the app and filling in the basics will work.

2. The Numbers Game and Selectivity

[02:30]

• Gender ratio on apps is usually skewed with more men than women (e.g., 65% men vs. ~35% women on Tinder in NYC).
• User behavior:
  • Women swipe right on about 4–15% of men's profiles.
  • Men swipe right on over 50% of women’s profiles.
• Connell explains:

  “No wonder it’s really hard to get matches... women are way more selective.” (03:34)

3. The Challenge: Most Profiles Are Poor at Marketing

[04:30]

• Generic statements like “I like long walks on the beach” fail because they don’t differentiate you.
• Connell’s principle:

  “Instead of telling women what you want, what we want to do is show women what you offer.” (04:57)

4. Inspiration from Mad Men & Don Draper

[05:32]

• Connell plays a clip from Mad Men illustrating advertising as “happiness”:

  Don Draper voice clip: “Advertising is based on one thing. Happiness. ...It’s a billboard...that screams with reassurance that whatever you’re doing, it’s okay. You are okay.” (05:34)

• Connell’s takeaway:

  “We want to approach online dating a lot like Don Draper approaches advertising: let’s make women happy.” (06:02)

5. Sharing Connell’s “Best Ever” Hinge Prompt

[07:20]

• Connell reads his favorite Hinge prompt:

  "We’ll get along if… If you like tall, handsome, charming, witty, kind, fun, sexy, financially secure gentlemen who love dogs and kids, then you should meet my brother." (07:55)

• Why it works:
  • Pattern interrupt: At first, it sounds like bragging, but the punchline surprises and amuses.
  • Self-effacing confidence:

    "If I brag about that on a dating app, I'm going to come off like a dick... but there’s a twist at the end." (09:30)

  • Connell shares successes: Multiple women have commented on the prompt; it serves as an icebreaker.

6. The Power of Pattern Interrupts

[11:50]

• Connell draws a parallel with the classic Volkswagen “Lemon” ad:
  • The ad called a car a “lemon” (a bad car), but actually, it was about attention to quality.
  • Moral: “Pattern interrupts” break people out of autopilot and make them curious.

7. How to Craft Your Own Version

[16:00]

• Connell advises:
  • Don’t copy his exact prompt—make it authentic to you.
  • Write a "narcissistic" but true list of your qualities, then use the “brother” punchline.
  • E.g.: “If you like well-built, confident, funny men who are sensitive, love their mom... then you should meet my brother.”

  “You’re making a woman laugh, and you’re also conveying what you bring to the table, in a way that isn’t braggadocious.” (17:30)

8. The Three Must-Have Profile Prompts

[21:10] Connell’s marketing framework:

• Think of prompts as different ad campaigns or hooks.

a. Make Her Laugh/Smile

• Use humor to cut through monotony and show you’re fun.
• Example: the "brother" prompt.

b. Paint a Vivid First Date

• Be specific about what you’d do together, e.g.:

  "Together, we could go to my favorite secret rooftop bar for strong cocktails and great flirty conversation." (24:49)

• Specifics are enticing and get women visualizing a fun experience.

c. Share a Unique, Attractive Detail About You

• Be specific about a passion or hobby.

  “Nothing makes me happier than getting on my Harley, riding down to my favorite bar, and listening to punk rock.” (29:34)

9. Real-Life Examples & Testimonials

[30:00]

• Connell mentions how his now-girlfriend Jess matched with him after he wrote about being a real-life dating coach (“Hitch”).

  “I’m a dating coach for men. I’m like the real-life Hitch. A date with me is like co-starring in the movie Hitch.” (35:15)

• Other client examples:
  • The motorcyclist who loves punk rock.
  • The super-marathon runner.
  • The guy who hosted a UFC fight on his property.
• Lesson: Specificity sells and stands out.

10. Reframing Dating App Struggles

[37:30]

• Connell reminds listeners: It's not that you "suck" at dating; it’s that your marketing sucks.

  “You don’t suck. You’re awesome. We just have to fix your marketing, fix your advertising.” (38:07)

• The goal: Show women what’s unique and great about you in a way that makes them happy.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Connell Barrett:

  “Online dating isn't dating. Online dating is just marketing.” (00:01)
  “If you can make her smile, make her laugh, make her feel the romantic feelings… then you'll make women happy and they'll want to swipe right on you.” (06:34)
  "Instead of telling women what you want, what we want to do is show women what you offer." (04:57)
  "Your profile doesn’t suck. Your advertising sucks. But you’re awesome." (38:07)
  "You have things about you that make you literally 1 in 8 billion. There’s nobody else like you in the world." (39:37)

• Don Draper (from Mad Men):

  “Advertising is based on one thing: happiness.” (05:34)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:00–03:00: Reframing online dating as marketing; men’s uphill battle on apps
• 04:00–06:30: Addressing generic profiles; intro to Mad Men lesson
• 05:34: Don Draper happiness quote on advertising
• 07:20–11:00: The “you should meet my brother” Hinge prompt and its impact
• 11:50–14:30: Pattern interrupts and the Volkswagen “Lemon” ad story
• 16:00–18:00: How to write your own version of the “brother” prompt
• 21:10–30:00: The three essential types of Hinge prompts (humorous, first-date specifics, unique detail)
• 30:00–37:00: Real-life successful prompt examples and stories
• 37:30–39:00: Final reframing—it's your marketing, not you; self-affirmation

Actionable Takeaways

• Think like an advertiser: Focus on what you offer, not what you want.
• Pattern interrupt: Use humor or surprises to stand out in a sea of sameness.
• Be hyper-specific: Both in describing experiences (“secret rooftop bar”) and yourself (unique hobbies/quirks).
• Three prompt strategy:
  1. Humor/pattern-interrupt (make her laugh)
  2. Specific first-date scenario (set the scene)
  3. Authentic, specific fact about you (spark curiosity)
• Authenticity is key: Make sure every prompt feels true to you—radical authenticity is more attractive than “pickup lines.”

Summary

Connell Barrett’s episode is a masterclass in using authenticity, specificity, and a marketer’s mindset to transform your dating app results. By shifting from vague “what I want” statements to creating profiles that offer something uniquely joyful or intriguing to potential matches, and by using wit to break predictable patterns, men can significantly improve their chances.

The “you should meet my brother” prompt epitomizes playful self-confidence, and the three-prompt framework arms listeners with a repeatable formula for success. Connell closes by reinforcing that you are not the problem—it’s just time to fix your “advertising.” And with a better strategy, your dream girlfriend is out there, ready to swipe right.