Ariel Senya (8:28)

Thank you. Glad to be here.

Lizzie Smiley (8:30)

I've been really looking forward to this conversation because you have been shifting my mind in a lot of really new and fun ways. And I think that Etsy sellers don't necessarily think about. We don't necessarily think about these kinds of things and the underlying maybe mentalities or blocks that, that could actually be holding back our business. And we're just thinking about SEO or we're thinking about our pictures or our product. And it was really eye opening to me to realize, like, places that I'm holding back because I feel unequipped or I feel like, scared to step out. You know, maybe that fear of success even more than the fear of failure. So I really wanted to start by coming out with kind of a big question for you and ask why you think shifting to a feminine soft power can actually often help women get better business results.

Ariel Senya (9:17)

Yes. So let's start with a couple of examples, and the first one that I want to share is Vera Wang. So a lot of people are familiar with her bridal design success and something that made her really successful in disrupting the bridal industry, because prior to that, it was very male dominated, very traditional, very conservative. What she did is she came in and she offered something to women that was focused on how they wanted to feel.

Lizzie Smiley (9:55)

Huh.

Ariel Senya (9:56)

So she started bringing in modern, elegant designs, asymmetrical designs, bringing in color, and totally disrupting the industry. And that was such a big part of her success was focusing on how the bride wanted to feel and emotionally connecting instead of just a traditional business model, if that makes sense. So she's one of my soft power icons. And she started her business later in life. And, you know, a lot of women might be feeling uncertain about, you know, starting their own business, starting their careers in their 30s and in their 40s. And a lot of times we, we go into that rushing, hustling mode. And like you said, we're focused on SEO, we're focused on all of these metrics. And what Vera Wang did is she focused on the connection. She focused on the heart of her business, and that's what made her successful. And another example, when we're thinking about soft power, not a businesswoman, but Princess Diana, she isn't. She is a soft power icon. And I don't know if you remember in the late 1980s when HIV and AIDS was, you know, a really big issue, and there was a lot of misinformation out there about HIV and AIDS patients, and she was photographed shaking hands with HIV and AIDS patients without wearing gloves, which is something that people were, you know, people were afraid to make contact. And simply her showing up and leading with compassion, with empathy, her presence alone shifted the global perception, and that is soft power. She wasn't on a soapbox arguing, sort of pushing, you know, we. We have to treat them a certain way. She just embodied it. And she was able to shift everybody's perception so quickly through that one action. So soft power is about leading with presence and leaning into influence instead of force and hard power, which is what we are so used to. And so those are two examples of women that are very well known that we can all relate to. And then I want to share one more from my own client base. So in terms of, you know, how does soft power help you in business? I was working with a woman, she's a university professor, and she landed her. This was her dream job. But she was very flustered.

Lizzie Smiley (13:01)

I can't relate to that.

Ariel Senya (13:03)

And listen, I say flustered because this is the word that women share in the DMS with me in my private consultations. It's like, I got my dream job, I'm starting my business, but I'm just. I'm anxious, I'm flustered. I've got all this energy, all this tension. Right. Sort of playing whack a mole with your energy all day long. And so, of course, we went through the program, worked on her soft power, leading with presence, focusing on her influence, leaning into her feminine strengths, which we will discuss. And it's been six months since I worked with her. She just sent me an update. This weekend, she's being invited to speak at international conferences. And one of the leading experts in her field just came to visit and work with her and said that she's one of the best practitioners she's seen, down to her soft power strategies. So before, she was really in her head and that I think a lot of women can relate to that. We're really in our head and we're not in our bodies. So we might be the most qualified person in the room, we might be the most skilled person in the room, but we're still asking for permission. We're still letting the flusteredness, like, undermine us. So stepping into your soft power opens up a whole new way of operating where things kind of flow to you with Ease. And there's less resistance. Whether you're trying to attract clients or work on existing relationships. There's just less resistance because, like Princess Diana, she didn't have to say anything. She didn't have to say anything like, hey, you guys, we're mistreating the AIDS patients. You know, this is really wrong. We shouldn't be doing this. She just showed up and showed through her embodiment how comfortable and relaxed she was, how open she was, that it was safe, that it was okay. It's a power that dissolves the resistance in your life when it comes to business and relationships.

Lizzie Smiley (15:21)

I've been on this mindset journey of rewiring a bunch of things, and your work has been a piece of that. And, you know, I can be a little stubborn. So it's. Some of it's taken a little longer than I expected. And I'd be curious to know about your client. And she may not have mentioned this, but. So she's six months into the work and she's obviously seeing results. There's tangible results. How does she feel? Did she mention if she no longer feels flustered? She did.

Ariel Senya (15:48)

She said when she updated me this weekend, she said the external validation has been amazing because the other thing is in her position, she wanted to be that mentor. And so now she's getting. She's one of the most requested professors in her capacity. So the students are requesting her, she's getting invitations to speak. But more than anything, the biggest shift that she spoke about that she really has appreciated is that internally she feels calm, like she can handle anything.

Lizzie Smiley (16:26)

That's actually the most valuable piece there. That's so cool.

Ariel Senya (16:29)

That is the foundation. That is the foundation. So I feel that came first.

Lizzie Smiley (16:34)

Do you think that came. That must have come. Not think that came first. How she felt was then followed by the external validation.

Ariel Senya (16:41)

Yes. Yes.

Lizzie Smiley (16:42)

Wow. Interesting.

Ariel Senya (16:44)

So, because people pick up on our energy, right? And so if you don't trust yourself, which a lot of women struggle to, I think when it comes to business and our careers, there's a lot of second guessing, a lot of doubting sometimes that's. That might not be. It's not super loud. It's not that we're not successful, but it's just a little bit of a hesitation, It's a little bit of a shrinking. And when we can eliminate that, you get rid of the resistance. And it's so much easier to connect with others, to multiply your impact, basically, or amplify your impact. And that's really what it's about. So I feel like soft power is a way to get to the root.

Lizzie Smiley (17:34)

Yeah.

Ariel Senya (17:35)

Because the, the success is a byproduct. That's what I always say. I don't focus on, hey, I'm gonna get you international speaking invitations, I'm going to get you the love of your life, like the end result, that type of thing. But those things become a byproduct of you being in your power and finally being aligned in your feminine soft power instead of the hard power that we've been taught.

Lizzie Smiley (18:02)

And that's actually my next question. I was going to ask you why. Why do women tend to lead with a more masculine side when it comes to business? This is. I. I did not even realize how hard I was leading masculine until I started talking to you. Why do we do that? Where does that come from, do you think?

Ariel Senya (18:20)

Well, it's conditioning. Who's been in charge for the last hundred thousands of years? Who's been in charge of business?

Lizzie Smiley (18:32)

Of business?

Ariel Senya (18:34)

It's been men. Down to the air conditioning settings in offices. Those are set for male body temperatures, not women.

Lizzie Smiley (18:45)

Meaning we want it colder. Right. Or is it just me?

Ariel Senya (18:48)

Well, that could be you, because generally we want it a little warmer.

Lizzie Smiley (18:54)

Oh, yeah. Office sweater.

Ariel Senya (18:55)

Yep, office.

Lizzie Smiley (18:57)

Oh, my gosh, I hadn't thought about that. Because I always want it colder.

Ariel Senya (18:59)

Yep. And down to our work cycle. Right. So we don't have a 24 hour testosterone cycle. So we're not waking up every day with the same amount of energy. We have a different hormonal cycle, a different energetic cycle throughout the month. Everything has been designed and led by men for so long that that becomes our default setting for what leadership looks like, what scheduling looks like. Scheduling optimization. Right. You know, we think, oh, there's an extra free hour. I can just plug something else into that. Well, you know, is that really energetically the best choice? Like, all of the, the models that we've had have been male dominated, but there's so much research coming out now. One of them is around female physicians. Right. Female physicians have better patient outcomes than men.

Lizzie Smiley (19:58)

Wow.

Ariel Senya (19:59)

Including mortality rates, which is kind of number one. Right.

Lizzie Smiley (20:04)

They're paying attention to energy more than just symptoms. They're paying attention to it deeper.

Ariel Senya (20:09)

They're leaning into preventative care.

Lizzie Smiley (20:11)

Oh, interesting. Okay.

Ariel Senya (20:13)

And communication is different. Like you listening. Right. And I mean, the one thing that I believe is the biggest part of feminine energy is nurturing. So it would only make sense that female physicians are bringing their nurturing energy to this field. Right. And so it's really important that we make space because if we do the male dominated, the masculine approach, that's like using only one side of your body or only one. One half of your brain. There's more. There's more colors on the. The paint palette that we can use, but it's just been one default setting for such a long time that sometimes we forget to ask ourselves, is there another way?

Lizzie Smiley (21:05)

It's interesting because I think as we continue the conversation, I really want to make it very practical for people understanding how this locks in. Can we take a minute and talk about how you would describe feminine soft power? In your very first example with Vera Wang, you said something so interesting that we actually talk about a lot, because I'm thinking, okay, someone's behind a computer screen, they're maybe not even using their pic picture to show up in their Etsy business. So some of it's very personal, and it's just your own experience of going through it. And are you in a frantic, desperate energy? Are you chasing or are you attracting some of that conversation? But you said Vera Wang led with connection, as opposed to kind of the more traditional wedding look and everything like that. We talk about emotional connection all the time. Like the best converting thumbnail images on Etsy. That first image, if it has a high emotional connection, it's like, it's gonna fly off the shelves. So I was so excited when you said she switched to connection. So rather than just like, pushing, pushing, pushing, it's this whole, you know, in that case, just for those listening, it's like, is your mockup really good? Does your mock up speak to your design? Or did you just pick whatever mock up had the color T shirt you wanted? What is like, the aesthetic and the vibe? What is like, whatever you put on the shirt? Do you really understand the customer? And are you connecting with them on a level that they'll look at it and say, that's the. That was literally made for me. Or is it super generic? So I would. But. So I'm trying to connect some of the dots, but, like, let's even start, you know, higher level. What is feminine soft power?

Ariel Senya (22:42)

So feminine soft power is having people say yes to your energy before you ask them a question, simply through your presence or your product. It makes them lean in. It makes them feel something that they want more of. It puts people at ease. So the real definition of soft power comes from political science. So soft power is, you know, kind of a relationship between nations where you're gaining favor through influence and through appeal and through attraction, maybe tourism or entertainment. Right? Like, people go to visit this country and they have a really great experience. Oh, I. I love visiting Mexico. Or I love going to Europe, right? Everybody loves going to Europe because there's feminine energy there. It's an experience, right? There's beauty, the. There's sensuality.

Lizzie Smiley (23:51)

It's romantic, right?

Ariel Senya (23:53)

In. In the United States, we often confuse sensuality with, you know, being sexy. But sensuality is about experiencing pleasure in the senses. And the feeling, like the feeling of being in Europe, walking on the cobblestone streets, looking at the cathedrals. The food is different. It's not strip malls with billboards everywhere and discount stores and. And there's a quality to the experience that makes people keep wanting to come back, and that is soft power. So when we're thinking about your storefront and like what you said, even choosing your thumbnails, the quality of the experience is influencing that person to keep coming back. It's making them feel something that they don't even know how to describe. Sometimes hard power. Again, going back to the political science definition, when we're thinking about international relations, that's when we're trying to control relationships and often using punishment or threat or force.

Lizzie Smiley (25:07)

Leading with fear.

Ariel Senya (25:08)

Yes, leading with fear, Leading with control. And so most. Most people. You know what I mean? No, thank you. This doesn't feel. This doesn't feel good. So again, soft power is really kind of that intangible influence. But you're going to know because you keep having those repeat customers, you're reaching a wider audience. People feel something. They're attracted to what you're doing. Does that make sense?

Lizzie Smiley (25:44)

It makes so much sense. Sense. It makes. It's. And so many things are going through my brain, like I'm having to select, staying on track. Okay, let me. Okay, so then what are some ways that we may be subduing that superpower without even realizing it?

Ariel Senya (26:03)

There's two ways we can answer this question. Starting with the woman and then kind of the business.

Lizzie Smiley (26:12)

Oh, my gosh, please do both. I would love that.

Ariel Senya (26:14)

Right? Starting with the woman. In my experience, because I've been working with women for 15 years. Living in the head, okay? Living in the head and being disconnected from our bodies. Because when we're disconnected from our bodies, we're often disconnected from our intuition. Being more integrated is often the first step. That's why I lead with movement for my clients. And that's where most clients have come to me from, is they're attracted to the movement because, like we were talking about with my. My client, the university professor, learning how to slow down. Learning how to become more embodied and comfortable creates that calm. Because when we have tension in the body, oftentimes we. It's because we have racing thoughts, right? We're trying to move too fast. It's almost like our energy centers are completely disconnected. So everything from shoulders up is business and everything from shoulders down is completely forgotten about a lot of times. And so when we connect those pieces back together, we're now operating from a more calm and centered energy. And I think that that that is the start of what allows women to step into their confidence a little bit more. Right. So that they're. If they're standing in front of people or for a lot of women now showing up online, right. Maybe you want to go beyond just the thumbnail of your product and you want to record a little video of yourself. If you are not like connected all the way down through the soles of your feet, that's going to show up in how you communicate. Because 55 of our communication is our body language. Over half of it is your body language. We as women focus so much on words and I know I am too right now, but that is only 7% of our communication. I read a report the other day that said women speak this. We should fact check this at some point. But I want to say that it said we speak 13,000 more words a day than men.

Lizzie Smiley (28:41)

Probably more.

Ariel Senya (28:43)

Probably more. But we use words to convince instead of our energy. And that's where we go wrong.

Lizzie Smiley (28:53)

Are you a print on demand or digital product Etsy seller who's tight on time or still learning all of the Etsy secrets? I totally remember the days of having no idea what product to create next before I learned how to make those informed decisions. So I can really identify with where you're at. I know how stressful and frustrating it can be to just create listing after listing and see little to no results. You wonder what you're doing wrong and you just want someone to tell you what to create that's actually going to sell. Where are those opportunities? So let me give you a leg up with my weekly trends and opportunities report. You just join my membership and every Monday I'm going to send you an email with a list of exactly what is trending right now with a video tutorial showing you how I found those trends and how to apply them in your shop. We're taking guesswork and time, extensive time off of your table. I'm also going to send you five print on demand and digital product opportunities that are growing in demand right now helping new shops make sales and still have very low saturation in the marketplace. So your tight schedule, your newbie status doesn't have to hold you back anymore. I'm going to help you earn while you learn. You can grab my free demo to start and see an example of what the weekly trends and opportunities email looks like right from the show notes. See what you're going to get and I will see you on the inside soon. Do men use their energy?

Ariel Senya (30:11)

I would say yes. So let me give you an example of why I think that's true. I have a client, she's extremely successful, and we were catching up the other day and she was talking about how men can put together their presentations, whatever their pitches last minute, and show up to the meeting cool, calm and collected. They're not worried that they put it together last minute. They're not, you know what I mean? If they made a mistake, they're, they're not flustered. They're not, oh, people aren't going to listen to me. I didn't do enough. It's not perfect enough. They're just, hey, you know what? Yeah, I didn't have time to finish this slide, but, you know, it's, it's going to be a great proposal. You know what I mean? They're still delivering it as if they're.

Lizzie Smiley (31:08)

The authority and they're not apologizing.

Ariel Senya (31:12)

Yes. That's one of the ways we disconnect from our feminine soft power is over explaining and apologizing.

Lizzie Smiley (31:20)

I've heard that's a trauma response. Is that, have you heard that? I've heard that over explaining and apologizing a lot. Hello, party of one. Is a trauma response?

Ariel Senya (31:31)

Well, I'm, I mean, it is, but it's also conditioning.

Lizzie Smiley (31:37)

Right. Because it gives me good results, actually. So it's hard to relearn.

Ariel Senya (31:43)

There was. There's a dermatologist that I follow online. She's very successful, I want to say. She's in her 50s plus. And she was sharing a story the other day about how one of her medical school professors told her that she was too pretty to be a doctor because she was having some difficulty in her early medical school courses because she was an English major. She didn't do science for her undergrad. So she came to it late and was just having a little trouble catching up. And instead of actually being a professor and teaching her and guiding her and tutoring her or referring her to a tutor, he just said, you know what, don't worry about it. You're too pretty for this. Go ahead and drop out now. And my own mother was rejected from the veterinary science program that she wanted to go into large animal science. This is a woman who had a near perfect score on her SATs, could choose any college that she wanted to go to, became an international scholar in her field, which she later switched to because she couldn't do veterinary science, because they only accepted a small number of women, and they were deciding how, based on how attractive they thought each candidate was, whether or not they would stay in the program or whether they would get married, drop out, and have kids. So it wasn't but a few generations ago that women have had to, like, prove. Prove that they belonged in these industries, belonged in these fields. So that's why I'm saying the conditioning, like the collective subconscious of us as women is that we have to work harder, we have to prove, and that there's. You know what I mean? There's not enough spots. I think it still lives in our collective subconscious and in our energy. And that's where a lot of the over explaining comes from, a lot of the doubt.

Lizzie Smiley (33:40)

And. And today, vet school is like 99 women. Right, right.

Ariel Senya (33:48)

But this is my. You know, my mother's in her 70s.

Lizzie Smiley (33:50)

I know what I want to drink.

Ariel Senya (33:52)

Her dream. Like, she picked this. She went to Purdue, and she went there, too.

Lizzie Smiley (34:00)

Mm.

Ariel Senya (34:02)

My mom went to Purdue. She, again, this woman is brilliant. Brilliant. Spoke multiple languages. She's from Slovenia. Right. She came over to the United States, got a scholarship anywhere she wanted to go. She wanted to go to Purdue. She wanted to be a large animal veterinarian. And they said, no, she's probably going to get married, you know, have kids, whatever. Which, okay, now we have space for that. Now we have more space for that. But still, I think I talk to a lot of highly successful women in different industries, real estate, the medical field. I've worked with attorneys. There's still this feeling that they're not enough compared to the men, that they have to prove through, over delivering, being perfect in their work. Whereas the men. That's what I'm saying. The men come. Come in the room already knowing they're not auditioning with their energy. And that is something that we can take a page from their book and lead with our presence. So that is the piece that I really want to help women with, is that embodiment, like I said, because 7% of it is going to be the actual words that you chose for the pitch. The rest of it is simply your energy, including your vocal tone.

Lizzie Smiley (35:40)

Yes. I have to ask you how you came to this work, because this is not. We're not finding this on every reel or street corner or wherever. Can you. I'd love some context because this is. And how did you learn all of this?

Ariel Senya (35:57)

Well, through experience. So my origin story began when I had an eating disorder in my teens and early 20s. And it was severe enough to the point where I dropped out of college multiple times. The beliefs that I had about myself were so negative that it sent me kind of into this rabbit hole where I was just. Just really, really struggling. And this was when I was in. I was in one of the top programs in the country. Like in. In terms of my undergrad studies. Right. So again, very high achieving, very high achieving. But internally there was a lot of chaos, a lot of negativity. And so that's when I really discovered the power of your belief system and how to use neuro linguistic programming to rewire your brain. Because I realized that I was conditioned to feel this way about myself. Do you remember those Yoplay ads in the 2000s with the calendar and she had the bikini hanging up in the calendar and she was eating her tiny.

Lizzie Smiley (37:29)

Little yogurt, the yellow bikini.

Ariel Senya (37:32)

Like, the programming was so strong to deny yourself and to restrict and to try to be the perfect size or whatever, that it was coming from media, it came from home. It just kind of. It. It brainwashed me. I just had this moment where I was like, wait a minute. If I was conditioned to believe this about myself, then couldn't I equally condition myself to believe something else? What if I just change the story? What if I just change the words? And so that planted a seed in me and I was able to completely rewire myself, reprogram myself. And I was one of those patients where they said, you know, you'll never recover from this. You'll always deal with it. And one of the reasons why it's difficult to talk about online is because it is one of the most dangerous, most unfortunate outcomes, really. So, yes, yes, I was told that I would never recover. And like, fully, you know, I might be functional, but I would always have these thoughts. That's what they told me.

Lizzie Smiley (38:48)

Okay.

Ariel Senya (38:48)

And I was like, I don't know if I believe you. I don't know if I believe you. So that's when I started my own journey again. Using the power of watching your words to create a new story and to tap back into my power. So that has been a process that I have replicated over and over again to keep advancing myself going forward. And I ended up in education. So I worked as a school teacher for almost 10 years. We had a lot of fun. That's also where I learned a lot about soft power. Because.

Lizzie Smiley (39:27)

Right.

Ariel Senya (39:28)

School teachers. Yeah. When you're in a room with 25 children, hard power does not work. You're going to be regretting your choices if you're leading with force, leading with fear to try to control. So watching master teachers influence the room with their energy was really eye opening for me. Getting kids to cooperate and collaborate instead of just, you know, follow the directions out of fear that you're going to take away recess or call their parents like that. That energy was very apparent and something that I'm so grateful I spent time as an educator to learn. So that plus I'll say one more thing, like how I got here. Then there was this whole side quest where I ended up as a pole dance teacher for 15 years. So I grew up doing ballet. I always had a really strong connection to my body and a love for grace. My sister took me to a class in LA just for giggles. I think it was like 2009, 2008 or something. And it's a lot of fun. We had a blast. So I was like, okay, yes, absolutely. I started taking classes. I ended up teaching pretty quickly because I had a background in dance. It was kind of easy for me to plug in. And that's where I started working with women for the last 15 years. And that is what has given me so much insight into what I do now. Because it was always deeper than just the dancing. Women wanted to access a part of themselves that they had been shamed for. They wanted to reconnect with that feminine confidence and move with, with grace, move with fluidity, and just finally feel good. You know, I've had women tell me like, I am a boss of a, of a multi million dollar company and I feel like a boss when I'm walking in heels. But I also want to feel like a goddess. You know, I don't just want to feel like the seat, the, the woman, or even sometimes masculine woman in charge, you know, I want to, I want to release, I want to feel soft. I want to feel beautiful and powerful. So I did a lot of private coaching. Even from the beginning. I had private clients sometimes for years. I've had clients that I've worked with for 10 years. And as we're dancing, we're having these deeper conversations because pole dancing is not cheap. It's not a cheap hobby. So a lot of times there's a misconception, you know, A lot of my clients, this is where I met a lot of my clients in the medical field, in real estate, in different industries. Like, these are very high achieving women. So that gave me an opportunity to kind of be on the ground and like really hear from women what they were going through, what they were struggling with in terms of their confidence and how in, in those private, intimate conversations, they would tell me that they felt masculine and that they wanted to reconnect to that part of themselves, but they just didn't know how. And so that's what kind of sent me down this path. Researching, reading, doing my own self development, just, just absorbing everything that I can to support the women that I work with.

Lizzie Smiley (43:23)

I'm still stunned that these, the women in those fields are choosing the outlet of pole dancing. Not from like a judgment perspective. I'm just like, that's so interesting. I w. You know, I wouldn't have thought of that, that activity. Would you do. Do you think there's a, Are there any dots you could connect for me? There's.

Ariel Senya (43:42)

Well, a lot of women, they, you know, we want fun in our workout. We don't want it to feel like.

Lizzie Smiley (43:50)

A chore workout now. Okay, now I've got it. Because they're thinking of it as a physical fitness activity.

Ariel Senya (43:55)

Oh, total. Yes, it is. Yes, it is.

Lizzie Smiley (43:59)

Oh, I, I'm sure it's, I'm sure it's almost impossible. Like, I think of like them. What is the thing at the circus? Oh, the trapeze. Like the, the amount of body strength and control would be insane. Girl, I, I am not out here working out. I am on the farm, like trudging through stuff. I am not thinking, how am I going to go? Sexy workout. Now it makes complete sense. And sorry to everyone else listening who knew that immediately, it was just the 2020 aerobics, like, right.

Ariel Senya (44:26)

Well. And also, you know, one of the things that was really magical about it is the community. So like when you go to a yoga class or Pilates, you're not necessarily talking to other women, but when you go to a poll class, you know, everybody's. Especially the beginners. I loved beginners. And that's where also I kind of learned like my own soft power because the classes that I taught were sold out, booked in advance for weeks. Like, I had this momentum and it was because of the quality of experience that I was providing for people. It wasn't like book of advice.

Lizzie Smiley (45:05)

It wasn't just about the calories. It wasn't. No, no.

Ariel Senya (45:07)

Or like, you know, say like Sal Sale Sale, like, this advertising of pushing. It was. It was word of mouth. Like, it was this incredible momentum that I. I'm. I'm so proud of. And I. And I love the time that I shared with my clients during that era. You know, people wanted an experience. They wanted more than just going to a class. So especially with beginners, like, you're all a little nervous. You've never done anything like this before. You're not really sure, like, oh, what is this gonna be like? And then the music comes on, and you're transported, and it's just. You're making friends, you're having fun, you're laughing, you're getting stronger, you're expressing yourself. There's an element of creativity there. And I think that the adult dance world has never truly been able to offer what Poll did in terms of, like, the experience. I mean, there are other little subcultures like ballroom dance or Zumba or other things that are wonderful. Belly dancing, but it's just, like, pole was so popular for a lot of women because they were looking for something that was just like, I don't just want to come into the class and leave. You know what I mean? It was kind of like a third space for women.

Lizzie Smiley (46:36)

I absolutely love that. I'm still chuckling at myself for not realizing it was for workout purposes.

Ariel Senya (46:41)

But, yeah, they're coming for the workout. It's good.

Lizzie Smiley (46:44)

I. This is all such an interesting conversation in a time in history where, like, gender is kind of a hot topic. I would love your thoughts on any of that. And also maybe maybe a related or an angle to take on. It is. I'm thinking about, like, what's really misunderstood about feminine soft power. You weren't here for it, but I said in the intro, like, you and I aren't trying to tell anybody to be anything. It's so much more about being able to lock into your own authenticity and your own identity. But I would love your thoughts about this. Like, why is this an important conversation to be having right now in this time in history?

Ariel Senya (47:19)

I just wanted to add to what you were saying about, you know, not telling people what to do. It's not when. When we hear femininity, we always often go to this archetype.

Lizzie Smiley (47:29)

Yes.

Ariel Senya (47:30)

What we've been talking about is leading through presence, like, dissolving the resistance in your life. Not, okay, let's all bake a cake. And no, you're a certain outfit. So our understanding of feminine power has to be reconditioned. But in terms of the conversation right now, I mean, I'm here for it. I think it's. It's healthy to explore these topics. I think it's healthy to break out of the heteronormative chokehold that we've had for so long. I'm here for gender fluidity, different forms of expression, but within that, I'm also here for women.

Lizzie Smiley (48:17)

Right.

Ariel Senya (48:18)

And that is my experience, that is my expertise. So when I'm speaking, speaking about this, I. I'm just speaking from my own experience, and I'm speaking to the 15 years of coaching and work and mentoring that I've been doing. I'm not telling people that you have to do this or that. There's only one way. I can't speak to the gender transition experience because that's not mine. There's someone else for that, and I. And, and they should have that space. But that is not my expertise, that, not my experience. So I'm just going to keep staying in my lane. And again, I know that this is important. I know that it's needed because like, we just talked about with the. The dermatologist and my mother, it wasn't but, you know, a generation or two ago that women were told, no, you can't do this. This isn't for you, that we couldn't even have bank accounts or credit cards. So we're still doing this work. We're still doing this work to recalibrate our understanding of what it means to be in your power, what it means to be a businesswoman. And I want to support women in business, and I think that we need to still have those conversations like this. The study that I shared about female physicians, like, we need to be able to have those studies. We need to be able to have those conversations while at the same time keeping it open for the rest. I don't think it's like we're saying we want to get out of the binary, but then we're going back into it sometimes by saying, no, you can't talk about this.

Lizzie Smiley (50:03)

That's my thing. I just, I don't want to say that about anything. Like, me as a person, I don't. Like. I think the most open, loving expression of who I want to be is like, there's genuinely no conversation. I want to be completely off the table. Like, just, do we need to do more of this? Yes, we. We probably do, but we also need to do this. I think we can hold space for both. And I think everyone's conversations would get a lot healthier if we allow that personally.

Ariel Senya (50:32)

Right. Like I said, I, I Want everyone to have a voice and everybody's experience, you know, is valid. But I, the reason why when I'm talking about feminine soft power and things of that nature, I'm not going into some of those other topics is because that's not my expertise. It's not because.

Lizzie Smiley (50:54)

No. And you don't have to.

Ariel Senya (50:55)

It's not because those conversations shouldn't be.

Lizzie Smiley (50:58)

Had a hundred percent. I'm curious, tying it kind of all together and I didn't put this on our questions, but it's, it's, it's popped up a little bit before some of the really like practical applications for an Etsy seller. And yes, I love your suggestion of like maybe, you know, maybe you're going to do an about section video and your, your presence is going to show up. What are some of the other ways when, you know, when you think about an Etsy seller, that they could be leveraging this. Yeah, I'll. We can keep, keep. I would just love to hear what you thought, what you would say about that.

Ariel Senya (51:32)

As you were saying that the very first thing that popped in my mind was stop rushing.

Lizzie Smiley (51:39)

Yeah.

Ariel Senya (51:42)

Stop rushing. One of the things that's in my program is called feminine strategic planning. And this is a way of playing chess, not checkers, with your energy that allows you to stay highly productive without rushing, without depleting yourself. Because like I said, when we're in our masculine energy and especially the conditioning that we have here in the United States, more equals better. So if I just do more, if I just work harder, if I just try to squeeze more productivity out of this hour, which is a very like factory mindset, factory worker type of mindset, and very masculine because again, they get a fresh energy boost the next day to keep going. And sometimes when we apply that same strategy or operating system to ourselves as female business owners, it doesn't work. So being more strategic with your energy has helped my clients soften and embody more so that they're, they're not spinning their wheels and caught in this like rushing, hustling over, over giving energy. Stopping rushing is number one.

Lizzie Smiley (53:11)

No, it's actually really profound that you said that because we talk a lot around here about, you know, learn how to don't chase, but attract and learn how to build your brain cache. So like, people should spend if they're going to design a t shirt, spend 40 minutes of your hour studying, taking in and building your brain cash of what the trends are, what the aesthetic is like, build up your knowledge base and then spend 20 minutes of it Actually creating output, you're going to have a much higher quality. But, but people come in with a lot of desperate energy. And I, I will say, people be like, I lost my job, I have to do this, this fast. And I, and here's what I. And as an Etsy coach, people are surprised. I say, don't do Etsy right now. This isn't get, this isn't, that's not going to serve you. Could you make money fast? Yes, but most people do not. Go drive for Uber eats, go do some babysitting, get a job, do something that can actually bring you money right now and wait till you have space and time and capacity for this. Because the rushing does not, it does not create the quality that really does well.

Ariel Senya (54:17)

Right, right. And again, it's that desperate energy that you talked about which repels. So that's why again, the feminine strategic planning, like women will become more successful when they understand how valuable their energy is and how to manage it and use it in a way that amplifies their creativity and their genius and not just be in this factory worker mindset of produce, produce, produce. And we also have to let go of kind of that Protestant work ethic conditioning that all of us, it doesn't matter if you're Protestant or not. We all grew up with it. Right. If you're not doing, you're being lazy. And I liked what you talked about the brain cache. Like, we have to have different modes of our work that aren't always output driven and trusting ourselves, trusting ourselves, reconnecting to our intuition. And I'll say another thing. Centering pleasure, making the work experience pleasurable.

Lizzie Smiley (55:30)

Oh, I'm good at that. Okay, cool.

Ariel Senya (55:32)

Yes. Like, you know, just because you're going into an office, it doesn't mean that it has to be cold and your chair has to be uncomfortable and that you have to sit for five hours at a time. Like if you're not sitting and doing hard work on the computer, then you're not actually doing anything. Like you can sometimes, you know, I have my clients stand up and use dictation. If you're feeling stuck with a problem, go outside, walk in nature, learn how to manage your energy, which is also managing your time in a way that's sustainable and supports your creativity, supports your expression without gripping so tightly. And then again, a lot of my clients find a lot, so much more success in terms of their presentations or even their on camera work. Because I have a lot of clients who record themselves. Even if it's just like you said the about Me. They are getting better feedback from people. They're starting to get compliments like, oh, you're so poised, you know, and poise is attractive. It's attractive. It's not. A lot of times we get so like, we reject our femininity because we're conditioned to believe that femininity is to attract men. Yeah, that's, that's literally where it starts, where it stops. We forget that our femininity is to attract everything, attract money, attract clients, attract friends. And, and the other thing that I really lean into is nurturing. So like you were saying, starting an Etsy business, you're nurturing that into existence.

Lizzie Smiley (57:24)

Yes.

Ariel Senya (57:25)

You're not. We're not planting a seed and expecting fruit tomorrow, which is where we are where, when we're, when we're in that desperate state. So a lot of times we're leading with force, which is kind of that masculine energy instead of nurturing, which is the feminine. And nurturing is how I ended up going from working three jobs at a time to running my own business. Now it's how I went from just starting out in Pole to hosting sold out retreats in Nashville, going to Bali, having my own retreat. You know what I mean? So leaning into our, our feminine strengths of intuition, nurturing, creativity, beauty, pleasure, the quality of experience will change so much.

Lizzie Smiley (58:24)

Are you brand new to Etsy, about to get started, or struggling a bit to find your groove? What I'm about to say is just for you, okay? I can completely relate to where you're at because I think I can help you achieve success faster. When I first started my Etsy shop, it was not one of those success stories that we hear, you know, on the big YouTube channels, even on this podcast where I just had crazy success and it took off right away. I all but failed for my first six months, just like a lot of new sellers. And so it's very relatable. And the issue for me was I didn't understand demand for one. I didn't understand SEO. I was way too broad in my search terms and I didn't know how to position my product so that customers just couldn't help but click add to cart. And so once I learned those things, I went from making about $25 a month in sales to $6,000 a month and up. And in the holidays, I would even have $13,000 months, like at my shop's peak. And the thing about me, if you've been here for a minute, you already know this. I'm a terrible gatekeeper, okay? When I Figure something out. When I crack a code, when I get excited, I cannot help but tell everybody who wants to listen. It's like either my, my best asset or my toxic trait. I can't decide. But I put everything that you need to know to fill that beginner knowledge gap into a low ticket, just under three hours beginner course that I have called Six Figure Secrets to getting started on Etsy. In it, I'm teaching you how to find what's in demand for your niche, how to find and use trends, how to start your shop if you're worried about that part. SEO strategy to find the micro niches where the opportunity is, how to understand the Etsy algorithm and a ton more. The whole thing is bite sized videos. Not long form, just small bite sized videos. Zero fluff and to the point. You could get the course today, go through the less than three hours over the next couple days, launch your shop this weekend and have sales coming in as soon as Sunday. So let's get you the few missing pieces of the Etsy success puzzle, those little tweaks you need to make so you can start making the sales that you deserve. Because I have never been more convinced that there is room at this table on Etsy for everyone and the opportunity is so ripe right now. I am in the, in the numbers, in the data every day and my mind just keeps excited, expanding on the possibilities. Okay, so as a special treat, use the code save50 to save $50 on the six figure secrets course today. That's $50 off with a coupon. Save 50 and by all means DM me or shoot me an email when those sales start popping. Because I want to celebrate with you. I was just thinking yesterday about how much of the experience of being a woman requires this or like a level of surrender. And literally even the concept of giving birth came to me that if you are fighting, if you are desperate and you're fighting and you're kind of using the word clenching, but anyway, you can really, it's really hot, but would slow down the process or even stall it out or cause problems. Whereas I'm not saying sit and do nothing, you still have to do the work. But if you can surrender to it, if you can let your body, which knows what to do, do its thing. But it means that we have to. It's so interesting. Like I wonder if one of the reasons we can have more problems giving birth is because we lead with masculine energy and we're trying. I know this is like totally adjacent topic, but we're trying to force we're trying to push. We're trying to make something happen as opposed to letting it happen. It's like the fiber of what it is to be a 2x chromosome. Like, it's so. I know I was walking out in spring, though, on a farm, watching all kinds of things happen biologically. Right. So influenced my mode of thought, but I was just like, wow. We try to lead masculine in ways we don't even realize. And it slows us down, it wears us out. And the more we can lean into allowing, like, taking our time. Because the same skill that it takes to get it going and being patient with the process and letting ourselves build our skills is the same skill that it's going to take to maintain it. Because there's no. I love the Miley Cyrus song the Climb. I'm such a dork.

Ariel Senya (62:33)

Love Miley. Shout out to Miley.

Lizzie Smiley (62:35)

I love that song so much. You never arrive. So people think, oh, I'm just going to get to this six. All I have to do is push until I get to this six figure seller status and then it's going to be good. I'm just like, oh, it's going to be great. And you're going to realize you haven't even begun yet. And you have to maintain the capacity to be able to do it. It's going to be a lot easier if you take this approach of being more. More gentle. More intentional.

Ariel Senya (63:05)

Yes.

Lizzie Smiley (63:06)

More nurturing.

Ariel Senya (63:08)

The gentleness. And I can kind of give another example that sums that up. Food production. Oh, we can force bananas to ripen. We can force fruit to ripen, but it's for productivity. So we can make more sales. Right. We can get more fruit in the store, get more profit. We can force those timelines. But when we do that, we get a product that is nutritionally deficient. So is it worth it? Is it. The feminine asks, like, is it worth it? The masculine says, yes, we met our profit margin, but okay. But it's this food that's supposed to nourish us is now missing, like key ingredients, key minerals, key components. So when we're only outcome based, we lose the quality. And the quality is. Is really where the feminine lives. Because on paper it looks like you're successful, but in terms of what it's doing for people, it's not. And so when we focus on those end goals, like, I have a lot of clients who come in who say, like, you know, I've always wanted to get married, I want to get married. And I say, anybody can get married. And check it off their list. That approach is much different than I want to be in a healthy partnership. I want to be, I want to build a legacy with someone, you know what I mean? And the quality of the relationship, when we're thinking about just getting married or getting to 100k or whatever it is, we lose the quality, we lose the experience. You, you might end up manifesting something that you don't actually. You know what I mean? We might end up with the nutritionally deficient fruit.

Lizzie Smiley (65:13)

You're brilliant.

Ariel Senya (65:15)

Thank you.

Lizzie Smiley (65:17)

No, I love, I love this conversation. It's so nuanced. There's so many other directions it could go. I am sure there are a lot of women who have their little, their interest piqued. Could you tell us some of the ways that you're serving women today, what resources you have?

Ariel Senya (65:35)

So my signature program is called the Goddess Blueprint. And this is a six week program that is specifically designed to shift women into their feminine soft power. So we do body language, the neuro linguistic programming. We focus on communication. It's, it's really an identity shift. So this is what I was talking about where women, you know, go through it and six months later they're just refining what they learned. So it really is the blueprint for this energetic frequency that lets you stop chasing and start attracting. Because the goddess archetype is a woman who is greatly admired. You know, when you're in that energy, things come to you more easily. There is, there's less resistance in your life. And so I think we could all use that. And like I said, the, the success, the sound bites of oh, I just got booked to speak at this conference or you know, I've had clients meet the love of their life, find their dream apartments, completely change their lives. That is a byproduct of the internal shift. Inner alignment creates outer results. The program that I offer is my way of doing that for women. That's, that's based in 15 years of experience.

Lizzie Smiley (67:05)

I get to see some of the content in the, in one on one coaching with you. And I loved it. I thought it was so well thought out and thorough and like helped you kind of build the layers, the blocks. Because we're not just you know, like I was talking about in the intro, we're not just learning how to pose for the camera. It's so much deeper than that. And the way you've absolutely brilliantly laid that out. And then also I love following you. Where can people like find you to connect online?

Ariel Senya (67:33)

Yes, it's RedRubyGoGo across all platforms. So Instagram, YouTube, and TikTok. Maybe on LinkedIn. Well, not on LinkedIn, but we'll see. If I start on LinkedIn, girl, that would be huge for you. Yes.

Lizzie Smiley (67:52)

Oh, my gosh. That just got me so excited. Gary Vaynerchuk is always talking about how LinkedIn right now. Isn't he the best? And that's actually so interesting that you enjoy Gary. I really enjoy Gary a lot. And he always says LinkedIn is like, what Facebook was in 2012. There's so much organic traffic. You.

Ariel Senya (68:09)

Whoa.

Lizzie Smiley (68:09)

Okay. But you guys need to know that Ariel's Instagram is a riot. I have her as, like, show first, whatever that is. Because your. Your, like, kind of voiceovers are where you'll talk to do reactions to things or show, like, every time I see a, like, a Sex in the City clip or whatever.

Ariel Senya (68:26)

Right, right.

Lizzie Smiley (68:28)

I. But you know what. Or was the other one Fresh Prince of Bel Air? I think there was one recently. Am I thinking that. Right, right. There was like, his mom. I can't remember there. You do. But you do pop culture clips that pull me in because I know those characters.

Ariel Senya (68:44)

Right.

Lizzie Smiley (68:44)

And when you're explaining what. What's happening, I just. It helps me really rewire a little bit more. Like, because I tend to lead with feeling. Right. So I'm like, what. How does that make me. How did that person or that character make me feel? And that's my outlet in life, is when I meet someone, I'm just, like, trying to filter by, like, oh, this is that energy. It's that kind. I don't know. I'm not making any sense. But the point is, you're a riot to follow your content is genius. And I always. I. Whereas usually I'm not much of a consumer on social media, I'm too busy. Too busy producing. I love. I love your. Your stuff.

Ariel Senya (69:19)

Thank you.

Lizzie Smiley (69:20)

You're so welcome. I'm sorry that I wasn't more eloquent about that, but my people are used to it.

Ariel Senya (69:24)

No, I. I get what you're saying, and I love the. The reeds of, you know, the different movies or clips or whatever is going on in pop culture, because the. The other thing I want to add that's a really big part of my program is watching your words is what I talked about. You know, that helped me transform my life and kind of started my journey, helped me heal. We're speaking English. You could be bilingual, multilingual. But language is also an energy. Or there's kind of an energetic subtext to everything.

Lizzie Smiley (70:01)

Yeah.

Ariel Senya (70:01)

So when I'm doing those pop cultures, that's what I'm reading. It's the energetic sub subtext because like women were over explaining. Sometimes we lean into self deprecation or we speak in ways that aren't self validating and self affirming. And that's what creates the insecurity and the lack of confidence that helps, that makes us shrink, that puts us in desperation. Oh, I have to do more, I have to push, I have to force. And when we change the language like we the fancy word is neuro linguistic programming. You change your energy, you change your embodiment, you change your self concept. And when your self concept is different again, the byproduct of a positive, healthy, powerful self concept is that six figure multifigure year is that beautiful relationship that is a byproduct of the work that you did internally, often through changing the energy of how you move, how you speak, how you treat yourself, how you see yourself, how you communicate through the lens of soft power. Now we're getting, I try not to give away what's in my program and I'm expanding it to really dig into executive presence and sort of this, this business aspect, this leadership, leadership aspect. So that's coming down the pipeline by the way, for everybody who's listening. If we want fruit on our tree, we have to make sure the roots are healthy. You can't just spray more chemicals on the tree or you know, force it or shame it into producing more fruit. So always as women, my biggest tip before you try to control or micromanage the external, go internal, go internal, go to the unseen. When we plant a seed, just because you can't see doesn't mean it's not growing. It doesn't mean that that seed is not going to germinate and grow into a tree that can break through concrete. But we forget to nurture the seed because it's unseen, it's underground. And we're so focused on trying to control and force, you know, what's in our reach right at the moment. So if we can slow down and trust and kind of go to this, this different process, this different framework that I believe is based in the ultimate feminine energy of nature, which is nurturing. That's my, yeah, nature is my inspiration. Like you said, that's where the magic happens.

Lizzie Smiley (72:53)

I think this is such an unexpected topic for this group and I love it so much because it forces us to go inward when we're so busy on the outward productivity and it invites us to focus on less on the results which do matter, but can come with a with a better foundation. So thank you so much for being willing to come and share and chat with me. I always, I always walk away so enchanted and delighted by our conversations.

Ariel Senya (73:21)

You're welcome. It was a pleasure. I'm glad to be here, you guys.

Lizzie Smiley (73:24)

Thanks for hanging out with us. If you're still here, we love you and I'm sure you're walking away inspired and having all kinds of great thoughts and aha moments. So until next week, go make something awesome. I'll talk to you guys soon. Bye. And that's a wrap on this episode of how to Sell your stuff on Etsy. Thanks so much for hanging out with me today. If you're looking for more resources, head on over to howtosellyourstuff.com where you'll find podcast show notes, all the links from today's episode, the blog courses, coaching, and more. If this episode was helpful to to you, awesome. The greatest compliment I can receive from you is a rate, review and subscribe on this podcast. Not only will it allow us to connect again on a future episode, it lets me know I'm providing you with value and helps other people find this content more easily. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for your support. Have a great day and see you next time.