Episode Overview

Title: How to Better Regulate Your Emotions
Host: Andrew Huberman, Ph.D.
Guest: Dr. Marc Brackett, Professor of Psychology and Director, Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence
Date: April 20, 2026

In this episode, Dr. Andrew Huberman welcomes Dr. Marc Brackett to discuss the science and practice of emotion regulation. The conversation explores what emotion regulation really means, how our mindset shapes our emotional experiences, why common cultural assumptions hold us back, and practical strategies for both adults and children to become more emotionally intelligent. Dr. Brackett offers both high-level frameworks and actionable tools, with special attention to gender, upbringing, and current social challenges.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Defining Emotion Regulation and Its Myths

• Emotion regulation is not about erasing emotions, but “using your emotions wisely to achieve your goals in life.” (Brackett, 03:33)
• Brackett introduces a formula: ER = Goals + Strategies, as a function of Emotion, Person, and Context (03:33–05:52).
• Mindset is everything: Many people view particular emotions (like anxiety) as automatically “bad,” which leads to suppression and dysregulation (07:27–09:34).
• Quote: "There are no bad emotions. It's what we do with our emotions that makes them harmful or difficult for us to live our lives." (Brackett, 08:16)

Self-Awareness vs. Rumination

• Excessive monitoring leads to exhaustion and is counterproductive:
  "If you thought about your feelings all day long, you wouldn't be able to do this podcast. Like, that's unproductive." (Brackett, 10:14)
• Emotions become relevant when there’s a change in context:
  "Emotions matter when there's a shift in our environment or the relationships... Then I have to make a choice in that moment, like, how do I manage it?" (Brackett, 11:24)
• Key tool: Periodic, intentional check-ins rather than obsessive introspection (65:36–66:23).

The Power of Mindset Around Emotions

• Childhood and cultural teachings impact relationships to emotions.
  • Example: Huberman’s father was raised in a context where happiness was stigmatized as naïveté (15:07–15:44).
  • Brackett recounts how bullying led to discomfort with expressing happiness (15:44–17:30).
• Socialization shapes what emotions are “allowed” by gender, often restricting boys from expressing vulnerability, sadness, or shame (22:48–25:57).
  • Quote: "Boys generally feel more inhibited just saying how they feel... It's much easier to express the anger and the outwardly expressive emotions, but the deep ones...tends to be tough." (Brackett, 25:00)
• Gender, power, and emotion: Modern shifts, but stereotypes largely persist.

Emotion Regulation in Practice: For Individuals and for Kids

• Brackett introduces the PRIME goals of emotion regulation:
  Prevent, Reduce, Initiate, Maintain, Enhance.
• Self-awareness: Emotions differ in their triggers and needed strategies; it’s not one-size-fits-all (03:33–05:52).
• Context matters: What works for anxiety may not work for anger, and what’s appropriate in one setting may be wrong in another (05:57–08:15).
• Schools implementing emotional intelligence curricula see profound differences in students’ openness and skills (32:45–37:34).
  • Story: In a school where emotional skills are taught, boys felt comfortable sharing vulnerability without ridicule (33:13).

The Importance and Limits of Emotional Vocabulary

• The precision of language for emotions increases effectiveness of self-regulation ("Anxiety is not fear, stress is not pressure, envy is not jealousy" (58:19–61:52)).
• The “How We Feel” app is mentioned as a tool to grow vocabulary and awareness.

Social & Cultural Biases in Emotion

• Parental and societal assumptions can lead to projecting fears or stereotypes onto children (69:05–70:45).
• Brackett and Huberman discuss the importance of reflecting on biases—personal, gendered, or societal—in how emotions are expressed or suppressed (70:45–72:09).
• Quote: “You don’t know someone until you know their story. Once you know someone’s story, you start having more interest in them, more compassion for them.” (Brackett, 132:45)

Emotional Intelligence as a Core Competency

• Emotional intelligence skills (self-awareness, empathy, regulation) are now recognized as more predictive of life/work success than technical skills (42:21–46:46).
• Employers now prize these co-regulation and communication skills.

Concrete Strategies & Tools

Routine Practices for Regulation

• Meta-Moment Technique: Stop–Pause–Breath–Consider your best self–and respond calmly (54:09, 115:01).
  • "We have to move from automatic, habitual, unhelpful reactions to deliberate, conscious, helpful responses." (Brackett, 55:25)
• Take context-specific approaches; for example, children in class might need one-minute outlets for excitement, then return to focus (96:56–98:54).
• Identity as a regulator: Like identifying as a “fit person," consciously seeing oneself as emotionally regulated reinforces the behavior (115:01–123:05).

Building Skills in Schools and at Home

• Regular roleplaying of conflict and empathy skills (37:34–41:20).
• Explicit check-ins and language for identifying emotions.
• Parents can model by naming their feelings, their needs, and their strategies with children (49:46–52:51).
  • Quote: "I'm feeling this way, but here's what I'm doing about it. That's what a role model is..." (Brackett, 49:46)
• Teaching emotional literacy is lifelong, not a one-time fix (135:46–139:08).

Social Support and Flexibility

• Calling on friends, taking meta-moments, using breath work, or seeking connection—strategies must be flexible and personalized.

Memorable Moments & Quotes

• On Mindset:
  • "[Anxiety] means there's perceived uncertainty around the future... why would anxiety be a bad thing?" (Brackett, 08:16)
• On Gender Expectations:
  • "The thought today for many boys and men to be emotional... emotional alone has a connotation of feminine and out of control." (Brackett, 23:05)
• On Regulation Practices:
  • “Excitement without regulation is not helpful.” (Brackett, 96:56)
  • “Be a channel, not a dam.” (Huberman, 98:54)
• On Societal Need for Emotional Skills:
  • "A dysregulated society is not going to solve its problems." (Brackett, 111:41)
• On Personal Development:
  • "We can trick ourselves into believing things...The goal of this work is to help people pause, consider ideas...How are my relationships?" (Brackett, 79:03–82:15)
• On Expressing Positive Emotions:
  • "People who strive to be happy all the time actually are more miserable because it's hard to live up to that." (Brackett, 20:26)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• Defining Emotion Regulation: 03:33–05:52
• The Role of Mindset: 07:04–11:24
• Cultural Stories & Gender: 15:06–20:26 | 22:13–27:02
• School Stories & Socialization: 32:45–37:34
• Meta-moment & Practical Regulation: 54:09–56:15 | 115:01–123:05
• The Need for Emotional Intelligence in Modern Society: 42:21–46:46 | 111:41–114:01
• Personal Strategies & Identity: 115:01–123:05 | 135:46–139:08

Tone and Takeaways

The episode blends deep empathy with practical advice, balancing scientific rigor and personal candor. Brackett is clear that "emotionally intelligent" does not mean “always happy” or “always calm”—it means being aware, flexible, and reflective about emotions as they arise, in context, for both yourself and others.

Ultimately, the key lessons are:

• All emotions are valid; it's what you do with them that matters.
• Awareness, labeling, and context-sensitive strategy choice are crucial.
• Social and educational systems can—and should—teach these skills systematically.
• Emotional intelligence is now a critical life and career success factor.

Notable Resource:

• Dr. Marc Brackett’s book(s)
• How We Feel app

Practical exercises:

• Use “meta moments” before entering challenging situations.
• Build and refine your emotional vocabulary.
• Reflect: What are your biases or “programming” about emotions?
• Model for others, especially children: name your feelings and describe your healthy strategies.

(Summary excludes sponsor breaks and introductory/outro content.)