I’ve been at my mom’s house this week, helping her clean out rooms that haven’t been touched in years. As I was sorting through old boxes, I came across journals my younger brother had written while he was in recovery before he died. I hadn’t seen them in years, and it reminded me how a single object can transport us into an entirely different world. In reading his diary from Talbot, his recovery center, I felt RAGE. A fire, burning in my heart. And then… tears flooded. How could we have been so naive to his addiction? How did I miss the subtle cues that he was a full blown heroin and oxycontin addict as his big sister? Sure, he had mood swings. He slept a lot. He would begin to get frantic about missing English paper deadlines his freshman year of college. He was mean… But underneath all of that was a soul in a body that was extremely dysregulated. It was a mind in a body that struggled with self worth, self concept, identity, fitting in, belonging, being “the best” and approval from others - strangers from the frat houses. The pipeline of our youth from high school to college frat houses, to alcohol addiction and chronic years of substance abuse to DEATH should be studied. But that’s an article for a different day.

Reflecting on all of this, what seemed like lifetimes ago… made me wonder: How much of what we experience is reality, and how much of it is the meaning we’ve attached to it?

Lesson 15 of A Course in Miracles says, “My thoughts are images that I have made.” At first, that sounds almost too simple. But the longer I sat with it, the more unsettling it became. What if my thoughts aren’t reality at all? What if they’re images shaped by grief, memory, shame, religion, culture, childhood, frat parties, and every experience that’s ever left its mark on me?

After my brother died, I began seeing the entire world through death. Every goodbye felt heavier. Every conversation about death caught my attention. Not only did it change my chemical makeup in my brain, but it also changed my LANGUAGE and how I communicated with the world. It became the lens through which I experienced life. Years later, when I left Christianity, I realized I was grieving much more than a personal relationship with Christ (my imaginary friend in my mind which talked to me, guided me, supported me, made me feel safe, and comforted me—I was grieving the identity I had built around it. I had spent years believing I knew who I was, only to discover that much of that identity had been constructed from inherited beliefs and stories.

The more I study the nervous system, the more I see how beautifully this lesson aligns with neuroscience. Our brains aren’t simply recording the moment—they’re constantly predicting it and preparing us for future moments, in an attempt to keep us safe and regulated and…. ALIVE. If we’ve experienced betrayal, we begin expecting betrayal. If we’ve experienced rejection, we start finding evidence of rejection everywhere we look. The nervous system is trying to keep us safe. But sometimes it’s protecting stories that no longer belong to us.

And maybe, this is what the Descent really is. Observing the stories we’ve made around our identities. Not losing our “ego,” but losing the images we’ve mistaken for ourselves.

Instead of asking, “How do I fix myself?” maybe the better question is, “What story am I still living inside?” What identity is my nervous system working so hard to defend? And who might I become if I no longer believed that story?

These are the questions I’m sitting with today, and maybe they’ll meet you wherever you are too.

If this conversation resonates with you, I’d love to invite you to The Sovereign Body, a free three-day live series where we’ll explore the Mythic Nervous System, what it actually means to feel safe in your body, and practices to help you cultivate a deeper capacity to receive. It’s the doorway into the work I’ve been building through Descent & Devotion, and I can’t wait to share it with you.

“The Mythic Nervous System.”

Wednesday, August 5th, 12:30 pm EST — The Mythic Nervous System: Finding Safety in the Physical Body - how to ground after visiting the astral planes for decades (this can feel like when your soul leaves your body, or you dissociate from the physical body to protect yourself from pain… and it’s totally fucking normal when you experience the death of someone you love! Let’s talk about it!

Friday, August 7th 12:30 pm EST — The SOVEREIGN BODY Reset: Tangible tools and exercises for the body to relax, heal, and move stuck energy

Sunday, August 9th 12:30 pm EST — Prosperity and Abundance Kriya: because a harmonious world calls for a harmonious inner world, too. We will utilize our breath, movement, mantras, sound, and vibration to expel stagnant energy and call in prosperity for your life.

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In Truth written with the Fangs of Sacred Rage seeking revenge for the lives lost in the opiate epidemic. Will you join me in our collective healing?

-V.E.M.

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