Jim Gaffigan and Alex Moffat

Summary

"Humor Me with Robert Smigel and Friends": Jim Gaffigan and Alex Moffat (June 5, 2026)

Podcast Summary

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Episode Overview

This episode of Humor Me, hosted by comedy legend Robert Smigel, features comedian Jim Gaffigan and former SNL cast member Alex Moffat. The show’s premise puts Smigel and a panel of comedy pros to work, helping real listeners punch up their writing and life situations with humor. This week, a high school teacher, Trevor from Ontario, calls in for help making his school’s daily announcements more entertaining and engaging for students. What ensues is a brainstorm brimming with comedy shop talk, school nostalgia, sharp advice, and classic banter.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Challenge: Making Announcements Entertaining

• Trevor's Dilemma: As a new "COVID teacher," Trevor finds that students zone out during morning announcements, relying on their phones and missing key information. He wants to overhaul the announcements with more structure and humor, possibly involving students in the process.
  • Trevor: "There's a general, like, lack of school pride that we are really keen to try to improve going forward." (20:01)
• Panel’s Initial Reactions: The comedians riff on high school culture, noting the lack of enthusiasm among Gen Z and the difficulty of bridging the generational gap.

2. Generating Comic Solutions

• Involving Students:
  • Suggestion to involve theater or "comedy nerd" students in producing announcements.
  • Rotating student announcers to build investment and excitement.
• Impressions as Icebreakers:
  • The team suggests adding daily or weekly celebrity and teacher impressions, letting students guess who’s being imitated.
    • Jim Gaffigan: "Making fun of teachers would unite the entire school." (03:02, 23:52)
  • They envision a contest for the best teacher impression.
• Game Elements & Contests:
  • Integrating trivia (e.g., "Two Truths and a Lie" about staff).
  • Daily prizes for participation, such as "pie the teacher," call-outs, or even funny "awards."
  • Alex Moffat: "A word of the day that when you say it, everybody in the school has to yell ‘ROYALS!’" (43:18)
• Theme Song Gimmicks:
  • Custom theme song parodying Springsteen or "Royals" by Lorde.
    • Robert Smigel: "We create a school theme that everybody has to sing... like District High, we pledge our feet..." (29:54)
  • Pre-recorded intros from celebrities or staff (with jokes about Cameo appearances).
• Announcements as a Show:
  • Turning the announcements into a mini-morning-show/podcast format, involving different classes or clubs.
  • Jim Gaffigan: "There could also be... just random announcements about people winning an award for, you know, in every grade. By the way, today's number one freshman... is Cindy Lauper." (32:50)
• Edgy/Dark Humor (Satirical Jabs):
  • Some ideas cross lines on purpose for comic effect—not all are meant as real suggestions, e.g., "bully of the day." (34:35)

3. Real-World Implementation: From Idea to Execution

• Red Tape and Setbacks:
  • The crew encounter a legal reality check: Trevor’s school couldn't approve the changes without higher-level sign-off. (03:23, 50:37)
  • They pivot to Christ the King High School in Queens, NY, with a principal (Joe Arbello) and theater students willing to try their ideas.
• Christ the King Case Study:
  • Students perform teacher impressions and a "Royals" song parody.
    • Notable exchange about students choosing the most recognizable teacher catchphrases for impressions (62:57)
  • Ally Shiro, a standout theater student, delivers a parody song with specific inside jokes about teachers, lunch spots, and student life (67:25–68:37).
    • Ally (singing): “We don’t care if Mr. Polynese lost his hair... Cause we’ll always be Royals, never gonna use AI, not gonna vape in bathroom stalls…” (67:41-68:28)
• Teachers’ Buy-In and Kids’ Reactions:
  • Teachers generally enjoyed being impersonated; students found the parody song endearing.
  • Some segments (like the faux-firing bit using an AI imitation of the principal’s voice) sparked both laughter and actual confusion, but ultimately promoted unity (71:22–73:10).

4. Reflection and Takeaways

• Did It Work?
  • The team acknowledges not every bit landed, but consensus is that trying creative ideas fostered energy and community.
    • Jim Gaffigan: "You know, like what we wanted to accomplish was school morale. And when you see the footage... lifting up, looking up from their phones..." (76:38)
  • Principal Joe plans to make humor-driven announcements a Teacher Appreciation Week tradition.
• Meta-Comedy and Inside Baseball
  • The episode is peppered with meta-jokes about podcasting, acting credits, and showbiz (see also Duck, Duck, Goose and Corey the Fry digressions).
    • Robert Smigel: “The podcast that goes wrong.” (03:02, 15:31, throughout)

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Memorable Quotes and Moments (with timestamps)

• On the magic of impressions:
  • Jim Gaffigan: "Making fun of teachers would unite the entire school." (03:02, 23:52)
• On the apathy of teens:
  • Alex Moffat (mock earnest): “Could this be like a generational problem that maybe is just unfixable and we're wasting our time?” (20:19)
• On universal school truths:
  • Jim Gaffigan: “What if we create a school theme that everybody has to sing? ... District High, we pledge our feet we would die for Royal District High...” (29:54)
• On the driving purpose:
  • Jim Gaffigan: “You're looking for humor and something to engage the community... something that’ll make them look forward to the announcements.” (23:03)
• On accidental success:
  • Robert Smigel: “Well, it wasn’t very entertaining other than the damage and confusion. Confusion we caused. But that's entertaining its own right.” (65:59)
• On teacher appreciation:
  • Jim Gaffigan: “Does it say anything about our value of teachers where we need to dedicate a week to tell people to appreciate them?” (78:12)

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Key Segments & Timestamps

• [02:24] – [22:44]: Trevor introduces the challenge; brainstorming begins.
• [23:52] – [30:00]: The crew digs into ideas: impressions, trivia, and games.
• [36:13] – [41:02]: Gourmet lunch announcements, pranks, and writing the "code" or school pledge.
• [50:00]–[54:40]: The plan derails at the original school; switch to Christ the King High School for actual student implementation.
• [59:31]–[73:10]: Recap and review of the Christ the King student performances:
  • Teacher impressions
  • "Royals" parody song performance by Ally Shiro
  • AI principal "firing" teachers prank
• [76:36]–[83:19]: Reflections, stories about Christ the King's sports legacy, and closing thoughts.

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Notable Implemented Ideas & Outcomes

1. Teacher Impressions

• Students performed impressions of beloved faculty, using signature phrases/catchphrases to ensure recognizability and maximum impact.
• Teachers, students, and panelists all enjoyed the playful nature and inside jokes.

2. School Song Parody

• "Royals" by Lorde reimagined as an anthem for Christ the King HS, including shout-outs to teachers, the rugby team, and school quirks.

3. AI Prank

• Students used AI to mimic the principal’s voice and "fire" teachers during announcements, causing real suspense and laughter.

4. Potential Traditions

• The principal agreed to continue humor-infused announcements during Teacher Appreciation Week going forward.

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Podcast’s Signature Tone

The episode is irreverent, fast-paced, and packed with inside comedy references—but maintains warmth for public service (teachers, students). The conversation stays light even when discussing institutional frustrations, with everyone riffing and spinning even setbacks (like administrative red tape) into comic gold.

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Final Thoughts

This is a laugh-packed, behind-the-curtain look at how professional comedy minds approach a real-world challenge, blending brainstorm chaos, honest trial and error, and genuine affection for teachers and students. The episode lands on a hopeful note, showing that even a “podcast that goes wrong” can seed new traditions, reveal the struggles of public school bureaucracy, and ultimately build community through shared laughter.

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For anyone seeking practical inspiration (or just some brilliant comedy shop talk), this episode delivers both—and you won't hear a better school-announcement song this year.

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Key Participants: Robert Smigel, Jim Gaffigan, Alex Moffat, Brian Tucker, Trevor (Teacher), Joe Arbello (Principal), Ally Shiro (Student), Joey Arbello (Student), and the Christ the King High School theater kids.

Transcript

[Robert Smigel]

This is an iHeart podcast.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Guaranteed Human what's up y'?

[School Announcements Student]

All?

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[Robert Smigel]

Weather, traffic.

[Ally Shiro (Student)]

Hey, stay in your lane.

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[Robert Smigel]

week on Humor Me.

[Trevor (High School Teacher - Phone)]

Hey Robert I'm a high school teacher from Ontario up in Canada. Every morning, we have our morning announcements. Thought we could overhaul sort of the morning announ maybe to give it more structure, more humor.

[Jim Gaffigan]

You want to make these morning announcements more entertaining?

[Trevor (High School Teacher)]

More entertaining? Yeah.

[Jim Gaffigan]

I know this is a public school, but what's our budget?

[Robert Smigel]

Are we driving?

[Jim Gaffigan]

Like, what if we localized it and we had the kids do impressions of teachers?

[Odoo Announcer]

Ooh.

[Jim Gaffigan]

So here's your daily teacher impression.

[Robert Smigel]

That's great. Making fun of teachers would unite the entire school. Welcome to the podcast that goes wrong. He was. He had a school where he wanted to jazz up his announcements, and my producer, Frank didn't realize that he needed to confirm this with his superiors.

[Sheba Cat Food Announcer]

Right, Frank?

[Alex Moffat]

He never ran it by anybody.

[Robert Smigel]

They were like, under no circumstances are we gonna have any announcement shenanigans.

[Alex Moffat]

Oh, sure.

[Robert Smigel]

We had to go find a completely different school. Ali Shero, one of the prize students of Christ the King High School. And most of you guys are theater kids, right? Ally?

[Ally Shiro (Student)]

We're all theater kids.

[Robert Smigel]

You're all theater kids because first we got the media kids, and they were all completely disinterested.

[Joe Arbello (Principal)]

Typical New York fashion. They said it wasn't funny.

[Joey Arbello (Student)]

It definitely won't make other people laugh.

[Robert Smigel]

So beautiful. So we hit a. We hit a wall. But then I continued to talk to Allie and the theater kids, and we were able to get a couple of our ideas through.

[Teacher/Student Impersonator]

Excuse me, Mr. Ertrick, I have unfortunate news. You are fired. Leave building immediate.

[Robert Smigel]

Okay, so I'm this very exciting. We're here with. Okay, you know what, Jim, you host now.

[Joey Arbello (Student)]

I'm kidding.

[Robert Smigel]

We've got a great lineup. I'm supposed to look in that camera. Okay. Got a very exciting lineup of people here that are going to help our guests. Trevor, from Canada, we've got Brian Tucker, legendary Saturday Night Live writer.

[Alex Moffat]

Hello.

[Robert Smigel]

We have Zonker from Doonesbury.

[Alex Moffat]

Hi.

[Robert Smigel]

Also known as Alex Moffat.

[Alex Moffat]

Yes. I'm so happy to have the Zonker reference. I don't get it, but it's great.

[Robert Smigel]

Well, for everybody watching or listening who served in the Vietnam War, Zonker was a character on Doonesbury.

[Brian Tucker (SNL Writer)]

And we're doing this for high school students right today.

[Trevor (High School Teacher)]

Is that right?

[Boost Mobile Announcer (Alternate)]

Yeah.

[Robert Smigel]

Whatever the target audience is, they can Google Doonesbury and Zonker, and then they'll

[Joe Arbello (Principal)]

have a big laugh.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Yeah, yeah.

[Robert Smigel]

And this, of course, is Jim Gaffigan. Legendary Jim Gaffigan. You know him from playing Ping in Duck Duck Goose. Yeah, that's right, Jim, you forgot.

[Jim Gaffigan]

I didn't forget. I Had to do so many recordings, and I was all ready for that to be a big head, and it wasn't.

[Robert Smigel]

Did you study geese?

[Jim Gaffigan]

I did not, but Zendaya was in it. I worked with Zendaya.

[Robert Smigel]

You worked with. Were you in the booth with her?

[Jim Gaffigan]

I was not, but we interacted on screen.

[Robert Smigel]

We interacted on screen.

[Jim Gaffigan]

We were never even. I never spoke to her by phone call. And, you know, there's the restraining order. But other than that.

[Alex Moffat]

Did you. I'm not totally familiar. I'm about as familiar with Duck, Duck, Goose as I am with Doonesbury. Were you playing an animal?

[Jim Gaffigan]

I was. I was.

[Robert Smigel]

You're gonna do about a half hour

[Trevor (High School Teacher)]

on Duck, Duck, Goose.

[Jim Gaffigan]

I believe it's. I was playing a goose or a duck.

[Robert Smigel]

You played a goose who escorted two ducklings?

[Jim Gaffigan]

Yes, And I was kind of. I was a curmudgeon who didn't really. But you know what? Through the journey, I grew. Yeah, yeah.

[Robert Smigel]

As did the ducklings.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Yeah.

[Alex Moffat]

Wow.

[Jim Gaffigan]

And one of those.

[Robert Smigel]

I'm kidding.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Was Zendaya.

[Kal Penn]

Wow.

[Alex Moffat]

And this was a. A feature or a show?

[Trevor (High School Teacher)]

It was.

[Jim Gaffigan]

I think it was.

[Alex Moffat]

Or a podcast.

[Jim Gaffigan]

It was a movie that went straight to no one seeing.

[Alex Moffat]

Cool.

[Brian Tucker (SNL Writer)]

Got you.

[Robert Smigel]

Jim and I have a long history.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Yes.

[Robert Smigel]

Jim done many favors for me. Night of Too Many Stars, my autism benefit. He's performed there. Killed many. Did you get my thank you note?

[Jim Gaffigan]

I did. Thank you very much.

[Boost Mobile Announcer (Alternate)]

Okay.

[Trevor (High School Teacher)]

Okay.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Was that reply?

[Robert Smigel]

Well, it was a really nice thank you note.

[Nissan Announcer]

I'm.

[Robert Smigel]

Did you see? I. I did a little graphic of.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Yes.

[Robert Smigel]

Yeah.

[Jim Gaffigan]

You printed it out. And I have it on my.

[Robert Smigel]

He has an amazing joke in the set. He did, which was fantastic. About how liquor stores don't give a. About how they. What they name them or how they decorate.

[Jim Gaffigan]

They don't have to try.

[Robert Smigel]

They don't have to try because.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Go there. So they could be named Loser Depot

[Robert Smigel]

and people will still flock to it. So, Jim, I also want to point out that I was on your sitcom.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Yes.

[Robert Smigel]

The Jim Gaffigan show was a very funny show. I played Corey. This was a guy. So I did a scene where Jim. I'm eating French fries, and then I get up and Jim takes my French fries because he thinks I'm gone.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Yes.

[Robert Smigel]

And then I look at the credits and I see something that I played a guy named Corey.

[Alex Moffat]

He just named me Corey the Fry.

[Robert Smigel]

Yeah. Instead of the French fry. Yeah.

[Jim Gaffigan]

You don't want to be the fry guy. You're always, you know, as an actor, you're always thinking of your IMDb page.

[Sheba Cat Food Announcer]

Oh, yeah, right.

[Jim Gaffigan]

You don't want to be just the fry.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Thank you.

[Robert Smigel]

Oh, so I'm always. So Corey conjures up a much bigger and more important role.

[Jim Gaffigan]

People are like, corey, was that guy a series regular? You know what I mean? Like, that's good for the acting credit.

[Alex Moffat]

Yes. TB is Corey.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Much better. Right? TB is correct.

[Brian Tucker (SNL Writer)]

It was your duck. Duck Goose.

[Robert Smigel]

I had such high hopes. No, but you know what? I watched it recently, and I didn't think I was that good. Really?

[Jim Gaffigan]

I didn't.

[Robert Smigel]

I can't tell if that's sarcastic.

[Jim Gaffigan]

No, I thought you were great.

[Robert Smigel]

Okay, good. Because I watched it and I was like, I didn't give him enough levels.

[Jim Gaffigan]

No, I thought it was great. Okay, good.

[Alex Moffat]

Well, you didn't know at the time you were playing a character with a name.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Yeah.

[Alex Moffat]

So that could have informed something about.

[Robert Smigel]

Thank you.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Yeah, yeah.

[Alex Moffat]

That's on gaffing.

[Robert Smigel]

That's on Gaffing.

[Jim Gaffigan]

That was.

[Robert Smigel]

But here's what I want to know. Like, have you ever had a situation where somebody came in, did a part.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Yeah.

[Robert Smigel]

And you just like, I don't want to give them the note. I just let it go. Let it go.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Yeah.

[Robert Smigel]

Well, I mean, don't have to name names.

[Jim Gaffigan]

It is weird. I mean, I. I have many different answers for this, but I do think that, like, having that position on the Jim Gaffigan show, aptly named show, made me appreciate the value of someone that does show up. Ready. Like, I'm shocked that you're shocked at how, like, when you're in that executive producing position, you're like, well, obviously, they're my friend. They're gonna show up. And there's a lot of people that show up, and they're like, yeah, I gotta leave in five minutes. And you're like, dude, we're not shooting for another three hours. And so you do learn to be that great soldier.

[Robert Smigel]

Right. Brian Tucker, you have. You did SNL for.

[Brian Tucker (SNL Writer)]

Yeah, yeah. We're always giving people notes, you know, the host. Some hosts are more actor y than others. You were talking about. And one did come to mind, which is. So I was one of the writers who did what's up with that? And you might remember that sketch where.

[Robert Smigel]

What up with that?

[Joey Arbello (Student)]

Right.

[Brian Tucker (SNL Writer)]

Everyone sings. There's a lot of chaos, and the person in the chair kind of has to just sit there and watch.

[Robert Smigel]

There's, like, three guests who just sit stationary in the chair.

[Brian Tucker (SNL Writer)]

So we had Mike Tyson, and he came on, and we were like, theater. To kind of have him just sit There and simmer a little bit. But during dress rehearsal, he just got up and started dancing like crazy. And we were like, oh, wow. We didn't know he was gonna do that. And then one of the producers talked to me and was like, I don't know if Mike should dance. It kind of, like takes away, you know, what we wanted out of him. And I was like, why not?

[Robert Smigel]

The three guests are supposed to be the straight men.

[Brian Tucker (SNL Writer)]

Yeah, yeah. Just sit there and kind of all the kid caffes around him and the music. And so eventually I talked to Lorne Michaels, and I was like, you know, I think it's kind of fun that he dances. And so, like, I came up and, like, you know, talk to him in between. I was like, do you. That dancing was really fun. And the crowd loved it. Like, did. Do you maybe want to do that again for the live show? And he was like, the live show?

[Veronica Roth (Author)]

And

[Brian Tucker (SNL Writer)]

I was like, yeah, we have a live show after dress rehearsal. And he was like, I got to do that shit again. And I was like, yes, please. And he actually did get up and dance.

[Alex Moffat]

That's a pro for him.

[Brian Tucker (SNL Writer)]

Yeah, yeah. And Mike Tyson, one of the things I remember about him is, like, when you shake his hand, it feels like warm rock, you know, he's got, like. Like what you would call, like, mitts. Like, big things, you know, and he was nice. You know, he was in his kind of days where he would, like, just go up on the roof and get high and come back and be laugh and enjoy everything. So, yeah, God bless him.

[Alex Moffat]

I think he has a biography coming out. Should we plug that?

[Robert Smigel]

Of Mike Tyson?

[Alex Moffat]

I just heard on my way over.

[Robert Smigel]

His life has been examined a great deal.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Didn't he have a Broadway show?

[Robert Smigel]

Yeah, he had a Broadway show directed by Spike Lee, and it was made into a film.

[Joey Arbello (Student)]

And.

[Robert Smigel]

Yeah, I just heard now there's a Mike Tyson. What is it, a documentary?

[Alex Moffat]

Yeah, it's called, like, Born Fighting or Mean Forever something.

[Robert Smigel]

And now it's.

[Alex Moffat]

Don't quote me on either of those.

[Joey Arbello (Student)]

Yeah.

[Robert Smigel]

Okay. Well, have we established a rapport?

[Jim Gaffigan]

We have estab.

[Alex Moffat]

We're closing in on.

[Robert Smigel]

Let's try one more thing just to.

[Alex Moffat]

Whenever they turn the mic.

[Robert Smigel]

Icebreaker.

[Alex Moffat]

We're going to be ready to go

[Robert Smigel]

just around the table. Favorite relative to masturbate.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Dead or alive. Dead or alive. Of Jim.

[Robert Smigel]

Of yours doesn't have to be your relative. It could be anybody's relative. No, really, it should be your.

[Alex Moffat]

Okay. All above.

[Robert Smigel]

Otherwise, we'll be here all day. We'll Be here all day if it's anybody's relative.

[Alex Moffat]

Yeah, good point.

[Brian Tucker (SNL Writer)]

All above.

[Alex Moffat]

Because that doesn't narrow it down, does it?

[Jim Gaffigan]

Absolutely.

[Brian Tucker (SNL Writer)]

Okay.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Of course.

[Robert Smigel]

Above eight.

[Brian Tucker (SNL Writer)]

Yeah, yeah. Just.

[Robert Smigel]

I gotta get. We're gonna cut that part out.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Can they be. I don't want to be inappropriate. Can they be in a casket or an urn?

[Robert Smigel]

As long as they're alive.

[Alex Moffat]

Oh, it has to be living.

[Robert Smigel]

Yeah. They can't be in a casket while you're masturbating.

[Alex Moffat]

Oh, by the way, this is.

[Jim Gaffigan]

This is how James Gunn was canceled, essentially. Right.

[Robert Smigel]

One of us would trade places with James Gunn.

[Alex Moffat]

Right now I'm having a hard time narrowing it down.

[Robert Smigel]

Okay, well, you know what? I want you to think about it while we're interviewing him.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Okay.

[Robert Smigel]

You don't have to talk. I will think about favorite.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Okay. Oh, I'm very.

[Robert Smigel]

Let's play the theme song. I forgot the theme song.

[Brian Tucker (SNL Writer)]

Yeah. What is this show called?

[Teacher/Student Impersonator]

You'?

[Robert Smigel]

I got a speech to make a job interview. I don't know what to say or what to do. Humor me. I'm not funny. Humor me.

[Nissan Announcer]

Whoa.

[Robert Smigel]

I'm looking for some writers who won't give me. Precitus, you and me. Oh, give me bursitis. Humor Me, baby. See, he shouldn't have to get bursitis by using his wrist so much.

[Starbucks Announcer]

Got you.

[Robert Smigel]

Okay.

[Brian Tucker (SNL Writer)]

It's amazing.

[Alex Moffat]

You.

[Robert Smigel]

Let me explain. Let me explain why. How. Why that's the most amazing theme song ever.

[Brian Tucker (SNL Writer)]

Huh?

[Robert Smigel]

You see it? Because we're. The name of the show is Humor Me. We're trying to add humor to our upcoming guest. And so instead of COVID Me.

[Alex Moffat]

Right, Right.

[Robert Smigel]

It's a Springsteen song. And I'm also a world renowned Bruce Springsteen impersonator.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Wait a minute. That wasn't Bruce Springsteen.

[Robert Smigel]

I get that a lot.

[Joey Arbello (Student)]

Yeah.

[Robert Smigel]

No, I get confused for him. I forgot where we were.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Humor me. Humor me. This is all about providing people come to you with requests on how to make something more humorous or more entertaining.

[Robert Smigel]

Yes. When they're not asking me to sing a Springsteen song, they will be asking me to.

[Jim Gaffigan]

So what we imagine is, in a couple months, you'll be walking down the street and some guy will be like, hey, it's the Humor Me guy. Right.

[Robert Smigel]

It'll be a welcome break from Mr. Springsteen. Can I have your autograph?

[Brian Tucker (SNL Writer)]

Right. The other day I said I saw someone point at you and be like, hey, Corey,

[Robert Smigel]

it'll be a welcome break.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Were you, Corey, on that show that was on TV last?

[Robert Smigel]

I get TVs, Cory. Yeah.

[Brian Tucker (SNL Writer)]

They're like, don't take my fries, Corey.

[Assistant/Additional Speaker]

Yeah, yeah.

[Alex Moffat]

You're finally going to be able to outrun that duck goose.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Yes, the duck duck, duck, duck goose. Yeah.

[Alex Moffat]

You'll be known for this.

[Robert Smigel]

I don't know if I'll ever shake the Springsteen. You know, Obama came to my house once. He was like, time to do the podcast. And I, and I had to explain to him that I wasn't Bruce. Yeah. Okay, so

[Brian Tucker (SNL Writer)]

first episode.

[Robert Smigel]

Now we're gonna talk to a guy hard. Another human being.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Yeah. Yes.

[Alex Moffat]

Okay.

[Robert Smigel]

And this man is named Trevor. I don't know his last name because I'm callous. And he is from Ontario.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Oh, that's beautiful.

[Robert Smigel]

He is a high school teacher, and he has asked us for help. Let's play his phone call.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Okay.

[Robert Smigel]

Hey, Robert.

[Trevor (High School Teacher - Phone)]

I'm a high school teacher from Ontario up in Canada. Every morning we have our morning announcements. And when I look around the classroom, most of the students are just playing on their phones. No one's really paying attention. They're talking, they're doing anything but sort of hearing what they need to hear for the day. So I thought we could overhaul sort of the morning announcements, maybe to give it more structure, more humor, just to get people more interested.

[Robert Smigel]

That's it. Yeah. And now let's hear. Well, let's meet Trevor, and then we'll listen to a morning announcement.

[Brian Tucker (SNL Writer)]

Hey, how's it going?

[Alex Moffat]

Hey, Trevor.

[Trevor (High School Teacher)]

Hey, guys. Pleasure, pleasure.

[Robert Smigel]

Have you enjoyed the show so far? I guess you've been listening in.

[Trevor (High School Teacher)]

Yeah, it's kind of weird because I listen to a lot of podcasts, and this is very podcasty, and, and I'm kind of just sitting there listening as long. Listen, I said, wait, I'm in this podcast, so. Yeah, it's, it's going great, guys.

[Robert Smigel]

Oh, thank God.

[Trevor (High School Teacher - Phone)]

Good.

[Alex Moffat]

Off to a good.

[Robert Smigel]

Okay. The Trevor stamp of approval.

[Assistant/Additional Speaker]

Yeah.

[Odoo Announcer]

Thank you.

[Joey Arbello (Student)]

Yeah.

[Robert Smigel]

So, Trevor, your high school teacher.

[Trevor (High School Teacher)]

Yeah.

[Robert Smigel]

And what did you want to do?

[Trevor (High School Teacher)]

Well, you know, just talking generally, like, in that, that phone call, like.

[Robert Smigel]

No, I meant what did you want to do? Being a high school.

[Joe Arbello (Principal)]

What's wrong with being a.

[Robert Smigel]

Nothing. It's just there. It's thankless.

[Joey Arbello (Student)]

It's.

[Robert Smigel]

You don't get enough.

[Trevor (High School Teacher)]

I, I'm actually, I'm actually a Covid teacher, so I, I, I'm not a, A lifer. I, I recently became a teacher. I feel like I've been like a fish out of water. Oh, that's interesting. In the school system. Yeah, it's really. So I, I come in and, like, and, and, you know, some of the things that they've been doing a long time, a certain way, I kind of. Why do you do it that way?

[Jim Gaffigan]

You know? And was it one of those things? Because the pandemic, you know, were you like, I want to. I want my job to be more important. Like, I want to help people. Is that why? Because I'm a very selfish person. I don't want to help people.

[Robert Smigel]

I like it as a hobby.

[Jim Gaffigan]

You know what I mean? It's like. But no, it's my main thing. You decided to become a teacher because that's something you always aspire. Like you knew that there was great societal value. We know your Canadian, so you're a good person.

[Joe Arbello (Principal)]

Yeah.

[Jim Gaffigan]

But, like, is it. Was there a shift during the pandemic where you. You. You know, you look like you're in a sauna, you're in a sauna, and you're like, I want to make sure that my life is having an impact, so I'm going to become a teacher.

[Trevor (High School Teacher)]

100% credit.

[Kal Penn]

My wife.

[Trevor (High School Teacher)]

My wife has been a teacher 15 years.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Yeah.

[Trevor (High School Teacher)]

Special. Special educations. Science. And she's. She's the one who, like, makes. Makes it makes a difference every day. And just watching her all these years, I 100% would not be here if not for her.

[Robert Smigel]

I can relate to that.

[Jim Gaffigan]

And I can also relate. I mean, your wife is amazing. His wife is like. She's amazing. She's a fantastic kisser, too. Not in a weird way.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Right.

[Jim Gaffigan]

All right, so, Trevor, so you want to make these morning announcements more entertaining.

[Trevor (High School Teacher)]

More entertaining. Yeah.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Attention.

[Trevor (High School Teacher)]

Yeah. Because it's tough. It's a tough crowd. I don't know if any of you have teenagers or It's. It's a. It's a rough crowd.

[Robert Smigel]

Jim has 30 teenagers, and it's the worst.

[Teacher/Student Impersonator]

Oh, yeah.

[Trevor (High School Teacher)]

So if you think about it, it's like a daily. You do the announcements every day for every weekday for 10 months. So we're kind of looking to you guys to kind of come up with some stuff and also to. To, you know, if we use this as a template to sort of. I want to get students involved. Like, my instinct is like, where are all the comedy nerds in. In the school? Like, why aren't students involved with this?

[Robert Smigel]

I feel like the students are generally kind of lackadaisical at the school in terms of.

[Teacher/Student Impersonator]

Yeah.

[Trevor (High School Teacher)]

Apathetic. Generally, like, lacking real school pride and spirit. It's a. It's a small rural school with not. These kids don't have a ton to do there. And, yeah, it's just. There's a general, like, lack of school pride that we are really keen to try to improve going forward.

[Kal Penn]

So.

[Trevor (High School Teacher)]

Right.

[Alex Moffat]

Could this be like a more of a generational problem that maybe is just unfixable and we're. We're wasting our time?

[Trevor (High School Teacher)]

You bring up a really good point. Something I was gonna say, like, we may not be successful, but is there

[Jim Gaffigan]

a possibility where you could have every student do the announce? Every kind of, like, say, like the scene Mandatory. I would say that, like, so every kid, they want to hear if their buddy or even their enemy is doing it.

[Robert Smigel]

Yeah.

[Alex Moffat]

And he's blowing it or sounding cool or whatever. Yeah.

[Jim Gaffigan]

But there could also be, like, it could essentially, we could turn it into a morning show. Right.

[Robert Smigel]

A podcast.

[Alex Moffat]

We could turn it into, like, the Apple scripted show. The morning show.

[Jim Gaffigan]

I mean, that. It might be hard to get Billy Crud up, but we could.

[Robert Smigel]

The others. Is it something that could be turned. If you're talking about trying to involve everybody into some sort of a competitive thing where. Where, you know, there's a reward for. There's. It becomes some sort of a contest as to whose announcements were the best, whether it's. It's class versus class. How many people are in the grade?

[Trevor (High School Teacher)]

In the whole school, it's about 800 students.

[Alex Moffat]

In the whole school, it's about 800.

[Robert Smigel]

Tell me about, like, the student body. Do you have kids who are regularly misbehaving?

[Trevor (High School Teacher)]

Oh, yeah, of course.

[Robert Smigel]

Blackboard Jungley. Kind of like how. How black boys.

[Trevor (High School Teacher)]

We have a.

[Robert Smigel]

For people. We have a 1903. Okay, sorry.

[Boost Mobile Announcer (Alternate)]

One of our.

[Trevor (High School Teacher)]

One of our biggest challenges is hallway roaming. And we just have, like, a lot of students who sort of roam the hallways during class.

[Robert Smigel]

During class. A lot of vaping.

[Trevor (High School Teacher)]

Yeah, the vaping in the bathroom. It's funny. It's just like I, you know, want to relate to this generation as best that I can. But, like, they don't. They don't smoke. No one smokes. No one smokes cigarettes.

[Alex Moffat]

Well, maybe offer some, like, cigarette discounts or, like, vaping discounts.

[Robert Smigel]

That's a great idea that you have to hear.

[Joe Arbello (Principal)]

Yeah.

[Alex Moffat]

And then you report to your office.

[Robert Smigel]

That'll jazz up the announcements.

[Alex Moffat]

Yeah.

[Jim Gaffigan]

I know this is a public school, but what's our budget? Are we talking like. Well, because how many millions of dollars

[Robert Smigel]

this is put in. This is just a. Fully committed to the.

[Brian Tucker (SNL Writer)]

I feel good.

[Ryan Reynolds]

You.

[Brian Tucker (SNL Writer)]

It's hard to relate to Gen Z. You know, three of us have. Have had teenage kids. It's very hard. But I think you're in good hands. Relying on four middle aged comedy writers from New York City to turn your Canadian teenagers around.

[Jim Gaffigan]

You got to learn the slang. So that's something I know.

[Teacher/Student Impersonator]

Canadian.

[Jim Gaffigan]

No, the slang of the youth.

[Robert Smigel]

Canadian youth have totally different.

[Alex Moffat]

Don't be cheugy.

[Jim Gaffigan]

I think this might be out of date, but I think some kids say,

[Alex Moffat]

dude,

[Brian Tucker (SNL Writer)]

wow, this guy's got his ear to the ground.

[Jim Gaffigan]

But you're looking for humor and something to engage the community and also.

[Robert Smigel]

But hook them in too. You want something that'll make them look forward to the announcements. How long do you, like a Netflix kind of thing where everything's a cliffhanger.

[Brian Tucker (SNL Writer)]

Do you have a drama department or people who do plays and stuff there? So kids who might enjoy performing and doing voices.

[Trevor (High School Teacher)]

Absolutely.

[Brian Tucker (SNL Writer)]

Okay.

[Alex Moffat]

Yeah. You could invite, I mean, invite like celebrity guests. Like, have some of the kids come and do like, you know, like an Arnold voice. Oh, I see Schwarzenegger, by the way.

[Teacher/Student Impersonator]

Oh, I see.

[Trevor (High School Teacher)]

Fake guests.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Brian Tucker (SNL Writer)]

Fake celebrity.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Well, you know what, what if. If we localized it and we had the kids do impressions of teachers. So here's your daily teacher impression.

[Robert Smigel]

That's great. Making fun of teachers would unite the entire school.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Right.

[Robert Smigel]

The impression doesn't have to be amazing. It's like, guess which teacher they're impersonating.

[Jim Gaffigan]

You know, I like the idea of forcing kids to do this. I don't know why, but I. I think if everyone has to do it, I don't know if you can execute that.

[Brian Tucker (SNL Writer)]

It'll kind of sound like a hostage video.

[Jim Gaffigan]

But like, if you can force it legally, if, then if that would make people pay attention if they eventually have to do it. So you've got 800 students, so maybe. How long can this be?

[Robert Smigel]

Are we expand the year to 800 days?

[Jim Gaffigan]

Yeah.

[Robert Smigel]

So every kid gets.

[Jim Gaffigan]

That's one thing. But like, is it possible for these school announcements to take an hour? How long can it be? Like a minute, two minutes?

[Trevor (High School Teacher)]

Yeah. Maybe two, three at the most. Technically, no.

[Jim Gaffigan]

But like, if there's a group that has to do it, that can build community. Right. So like say there's one from every grade. A freshman, a senior, a sophomore and junior.

[Joe Arbello (Principal)]

Nice.

[Jim Gaffigan]

And then, you know, or you guys call it grade 16 and grade 12.

[Robert Smigel]

Do you have grade 13?

[Trevor (High School Teacher)]

No, not, not anymore. We nine through 12.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Okay.

[Alex Moffat]

There was a grade 13.

[Jim Gaffigan]

There was.

[Trevor (High School Teacher)]

There was.

[Alex Moffat]

Till when?

[Trevor (High School Teacher)]

Till 2004.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Oh, that's so weird. I was born 2000 somewhere around there.

[Robert Smigel]

People who know Doonesbury will remember,

[Jim Gaffigan]

but that's not a bad Idea where they have to meet. This might be cost per.

[Alex Moffat]

Affirming your own idea. That's great.

[Jim Gaffigan]

These four, one from every grade. They fly down to New York. They meet with us daily.

[Alex Moffat]

Huh?

[Brian Tucker (SNL Writer)]

Right.

[Jim Gaffigan]

They fly back.

[Assistant/Additional Speaker]

Really?

[Jim Gaffigan]

It's Ontario. Ontario is pretty close, right?

[Robert Smigel]

Yeah, close enough.

[Jim Gaffigan]

And so no, but like they, they have to get together and they have to meet and they have to, you know, one does the teacher impression, one does the sports, one does lunch.

[Robert Smigel]

What if there's like an interactive kind of game? Like a trivia question or something?

[Jim Gaffigan]

Yeah. With something where you can win.

[Robert Smigel]

Maybe where the joke is on the teacher.

[Alex Moffat]

Oh, like a fun fact about a teacher.

[Robert Smigel]

Yeah.

[Alex Moffat]

Hey, here's your trivia question for the day.

[Jim Gaffigan]

You know, this guy's exactly something.

[Alex Moffat]

Yeah.

[Robert Smigel]

Stuff that's going to be interesting.

[School Announcements Student]

Yeah.

[Brian Tucker (SNL Writer)]

Two truths and a lie.

[Robert Smigel]

It's in a lie. That's a. That's an old standard.

[Joey Arbello (Student)]

That would.

[Alex Moffat]

That would have. Riz.

[Jim Gaffigan]

What typical things are said on this morning announcement. So we have.

[Robert Smigel]

We heard one.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Sports stuff. Yeah.

[Robert Smigel]

Oh, we haven't played it.

[School Announcements Student]

Want to clean out your locker? Is your backpack weighing you down? It's time for that very sweet moment where you have to say farewell to your textbooks, books and novels. Return them to the library learning commons as soon as you are done with them.

[Robert Smigel]

They don't need help.

[School Announcements Student]

Rehearsals is today at lunch. If you are at semester one or two music student, please attend from 11:30 to 12:00'.

[Boost Mobile Announcer]

Clock.

[School Announcements Student]

Any grade nine to 12 students who have an instrument or a mouthpiece, please return them to the music room by next week.

[Robert Smigel]

Wednesday she walks away. Other girl takes the mic.

[School Announcements Student]

Royals. Today we wrap up our pride event with a free tie dye event at the Courtyard. At lunch, bring a friend and an article of clothing you want to tie dye. Locker cleanup will be Wednesday, June 18th at 11:10am the end of period two.

[Boost Mobile Announcer (Alternate)]

No, wait a minute.

[Jim Gaffigan]

You're saying that like people listen to this and then they don't pay attention. Believe it or not, but it's hard. We gotta get their attention at the top.

[Alex Moffat]

I mean, imagine if she were doing it in an Arnold impression.

[Robert Smigel]

Not everyone does an Arnold impression.

[Trevor (High School Teacher)]

Those first 15 seconds are sort of the most. Those are the most important. And even if we did some sort of like pre recorded thing we could play every day that is like opening theme.

[Robert Smigel]

Opening the Humor Me theme song. I mean people seem to love it,

[Jim Gaffigan]

but you know, that's not even Bruce Springsteen.

[Robert Smigel]

Little known fact.

[Jim Gaffigan]

What if you had cameos that could be submitted online? You have some kid harass all these different celebrities and say, can you do a voicemail message saying, hey, today is the morning announcement. You know, you can get, like, famous

[Robert Smigel]

Matt Gates is on. He loves to do it with the high school kids.

[Jim Gaffigan]

But it might be.

[Robert Smigel]

Move up.

[Jim Gaffigan]

There is someone. That could be someone's announcement.

[Alex Moffat]

You have to get Smokey Robinson.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Smokey. I was thinking Smokey Robinson. But that might be fun if someone's running. No, but, like, that might be interesting.

[Robert Smigel]

It's a little expensive.

[Jim Gaffigan]

No, it's not. It's just literally, you have kids that are on their phone and they. They send messages to someone and say, hey, can you say good morning?

[Brian Tucker (SNL Writer)]

I think it's a huge money.

[Jim Gaffigan]

No. Well, say if they're doing it for a school, would they. But we call this thing called Cameo. No, but that's what cameo is. Why.

[Brian Tucker (SNL Writer)]

Why are we saying Carrot Tobner or whatever when we have Jim Gaffigan here?

[Robert Smigel]

Oh, shit.

[Brian Tucker (SNL Writer)]

And alec Moffat and TV's Corey.

[Jim Gaffigan]

TV's Corey.

[Brian Tucker (SNL Writer)]

TV's Corey, who could totally be a celebrity, at least for this first announcement.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Hi, this is Jim Gaffigan. Put down the phone. Listen. Today's announcement.

[Brian Tucker (SNL Writer)]

Pretty good. Already a good start.

[Alex Moffat]

Hey, kids. And James Moffat. Need a new vape pen. Head over to Mr. Trevor's room right now with the code G76. Yeah, baby.

[Odoo Announcer]

Yeah.

[Alex Moffat]

It's Austin Powers, baby.

[Robert Smigel]

It looks like you're auditioning for this. You want to move up there?

[Alex Moffat]

What about an actual, actual theme song? I mean, obviously, yeah, that's a good idea. Our voices will do a lot to achieve your goal.

[Robert Smigel]

What if we create a school theme that everybody has to sing? You know, like District High. We pledge our feet we would die for Royal District High or kill a small animal to sacrifice to the Prince of Paul to show our loyalty

[Assistant/Additional Speaker]

we

[Robert Smigel]

are the kids of Center District High we kill a ghost Vote for thee

[Jim Gaffigan]

that's pretty good record.

[Joe Arbello (Principal)]

That.

[Brian Tucker (SNL Writer)]

That was pretty good.

[Jim Gaffigan]

I mean, we got it.

[Robert Smigel]

Then everybody learns that song, right?

[Jim Gaffigan]

What is the team mascot? Are there. Is there.

[Robert Smigel]

There's a team mascot, right?

[Kal Penn]

Royals. They're the.

[Trevor (High School Teacher)]

The Royals. And it's a lion.

[Jim Gaffigan]

It's like a. Yeah, I'm a fan of.

[Alex Moffat]

Of your football team. That's how I knew.

[Jim Gaffigan]

And so what is the main sport?

[Trevor (High School Teacher)]

Our girls rugby team is, like, one of the best in the province of Ontario, which is saying a lot. It's a big province.

[Robert Smigel]

They're a male R. That's embarrassed. There is inadequacy.

[Trevor (High School Teacher)]

They're just fine. They're just fine.

[Robert Smigel]

They're doing okay. And so the school's name is the Royals. They wear a royal blue. Yeah, they wear royal blue. I think you're lying.

[Trevor (High School Teacher)]

I don't know. I'm not sure, to be honest. I, I, I'm not sure.

[Robert Smigel]

I looked at the swag and it's purple and gold.

[Trevor (High School Teacher)]

You're right.

[Brian Tucker (SNL Writer)]

It's Crown Royal. They're sponsored by our liquor company.

[Alex Moffat]

They carry their women around in one of those velvet satchel.

[Brian Tucker (SNL Writer)]

The lion wears a big royal bag.

[Robert Smigel]

Royals is for sure.

[Brian Tucker (SNL Writer)]

Yeah, yeah.

[Robert Smigel]

Okay. They're the crown Royals.

[Alex Moffat]

Yeah, they're the crown royals.

[Robert Smigel]

Okay, well, smooth, Smooth. There he goes.

[Alex Moffat]

Down easy.

[Robert Smigel]

Yeah, these announcements will go down smooth. I like that. What if once a week they called a kid. They just announced that a kid has to read announcements and he just has to run. Yeah, it's like potluck day, you know? And then, I mean, there's the shame factor.

[Jim Gaffigan]

That would be fun, though, like if every day they called a different student to the office. Please immediately come to the president's office. Or, I don't know, principal. The president of Canada. Come to the principal's office. And then they'd be like. That would provide some excitement.

[Alex Moffat]

Yeah, Yeah, I like that.

[Jim Gaffigan]

And then there could also be just random announcements about people winning an award for, you know, in every grade. By the way, today's number one freshman or grade nine, is Cindy Lauper. And so there's just. They give out awards every day. Like, people are like, they said my name.

[Sheba Cat Food Announcer]

Yep.

[Alex Moffat]

But now you can really get everybody's attention right off the bat is just by somebody going on the PA and going, help, help everybody.

[Robert Smigel]

That might lose its charm after a few days.

[Alex Moffat]

Not in my opinion.

[Robert Smigel]

Just like calling someone to the principal.

[Alex Moffat]

Presidents in Canada, each, Every school has a president, a prime minister.

[Robert Smigel]

Each school has a prime minister.

[Alex Moffat]

Please report to the PM's office.

[Veronica Roth (Author)]

Yeah.

[Jim Gaffigan]

So that if you announce, announce those students of the day.

[Joe Arbello (Principal)]

Yeah.

[Jim Gaffigan]

And then let's give them a round of applause. That gets their attention. It's hard to clap when you're holding a phone.

[Alex Moffat]

Here's a question. Logistically, for your idea, are there speakers for the PA in, like, the bathrooms and the hallways and the, like out back near the dumpsters where they're smoking pot?

[Trevor (High School Teacher)]

Not, not out back, but yeah, they're pretty much everywhere.

[Alex Moffat]

Got it. Yeah. Then this will work great.

[Jim Gaffigan]

So, like, at the end of Friday's announcement, vote for which of which day should win best announcement of the week, and they win a Crown Royal Crown Royal. You know, as we know, bullying is a thing what if there was the

[Robert Smigel]

bully of the day?

[Alex Moffat]

Whoa.

[Jim Gaffigan]

So, like, the kid that's the biggest dick gets announced. Maybe we call him the biggest dick dick every.

[Alex Moffat]

But then that could be confusing.

[Kal Penn]

Yeah.

[Jim Gaffigan]

All right. Biggest jerk award.

[Alex Moffat]

Some guy sitting in the back. Wait a minute.

[Trevor (High School Teacher)]

Hold on.

[Alex Moffat]

You didn't. You ain't seen mine yet. That's an Ottawa accent.

[Robert Smigel]

That might actually get more competition going.

[Sheba Cat Food Announcer]

True.

[Alex Moffat]

By the way, Trevor, I don't see you taking notes. Are you paying attention at all to present? I was chatting about this with my wife before this and she said at her high school, sometimes kids would ask out other kids on the PA system. It'd be like, julie, you know, this is Simon. And like, I want to sing you this song and then ask you to prom. I don't know how you force that, but I think if you open it

[Robert Smigel]

up, you give people the opportunity open

[Alex Moffat]

up the floor for that to happen. And then it kind of.

[Robert Smigel]

People challenge each other to force fights.

[Alex Moffat]

Love that.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Well, there could be an editorial element. Every Friday we have an editorial and this week's editorial. And it can be humorous, it could be thoughtful.

[Alex Moffat]

It could be like either of those. And you, obviously, you would have to get the ball rolling by. By writing the first hundred to 200 of those, Trevor. But after that, I'm sure they would catch on.

[Jim Gaffigan]

You could do the announcements in a foreign language and see if anyone notices.

[Alex Moffat]

Salut to Le Monde.

[Brian Tucker (SNL Writer)]

Like actual kind of almost announcement jokes, you know, I mean, like, the AI club will meet without you this Tuesday at 2. But we'll send you a full summary of what it meant later. So you could say you were at the meeting. Like, they have to announce lunch every day. But the gourmet description of the school lunch every day, like, very floury language. You know, buttermilk marinated chicken tenderloins lovingly sauteed in a bespoke blend of spices and a panko crust. Chicken fingers, you know, like something like that. Your gourmet. I was just trying to think.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Well, it could be what we are not serving at lunch today. Yeah, we are not serving today.

[Brian Tucker (SNL Writer)]

Sea urchin.

[Jim Gaffigan]

And there's gonna be not a taco bar set up.

[Alex Moffat]

There will not be tableside guac today.

[Jim Gaffigan]

There's not going to be a whole ice cream sundae set up.

[Brian Tucker (SNL Writer)]

You could do two truths and a lie with that.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Or you could do. You could slide in some announcements. Two truths and a lie. Like, there is the tie dye thing at noon. There's a girl's rugby match later on. And three, the school will blow up in 20 seconds, right?

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Veronica Roth (Author)]

Yeah.

[Jim Gaffigan]

I don't know if that one's happening.

[Brian Tucker (SNL Writer)]

Yeah.

[Robert Smigel]

Funny. I think it's easy to answer.

[Trevor (High School Teacher)]

Yeah.

[Joe Arbello (Principal)]

Yeah.

[Brian Tucker (SNL Writer)]

I mean, if one was kind of.

[Alex Moffat]

If you wait 20 seconds, it'd be fun.

[Robert Smigel]

Or we blow up the school.

[Jim Gaffigan]

I mean, that would be cooler.

[Joey Arbello (Student)]

Yeah, right?

[Jim Gaffigan]

That would be better. That would be a better podcast episode. Right?

[Alex Moffat]

Yeah. I'm just remembering now, literally, my senior year of high school, a friend of mine and I commandeered the PA system by, like, creating a diversion for the lady who was in the office. We crawled into the thing, closed the. And then we're like, hey, what's up? It's Alex and Wes, and we're gonna play whatever. It was like Dave Matthews Band. We both got in school suspensions for that. But I think if you stage something kind of like that, you all of a sudden make it kind of like, ooh, the pa. There's, like, a lot of lore around there. It's naughty. It's bad boy, false flag operation. Yeah, right. Get antifa involved. And now all of a sudden, it's got some street cred. And now people are like, oh, pa. Who' on what's gonna happen now?

[Trevor (High School Teacher)]

It's that. That's the type of. I. I think it back to, like, what you said previously, too, which is just like, have these things just come out of nowhere to keep you on your toes. Like, there's information you need to hear, and then you splice that in with something out of nowhere, and then they're like, what's that? And even then, that just gets their attention.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Right.

[Trevor (High School Teacher)]

So I love it.

[Alex Moffat]

Do all the announcements have to be done at once? Could you sprinkle them throughout the day

[Robert Smigel]

in the middle of classes?

[Brian Tucker (SNL Writer)]

Yeah. Here comes an announcement. Even after school, when everyone has gone home.

[Robert Smigel]

I understand there's vandalism in the school sometimes.

[Trevor (High School Teacher)]

Yeah. I think every school struggles with that.

[Trevor (High School Teacher - Phone)]

But we.

[Trevor (High School Teacher)]

Yeah, we have a. In the washrooms, specifically. Seems to be. It's not like graffiti. It's like, ripping doors off, that kind of stuff.

[Robert Smigel]

Ripping stores, Ripping hand dryers.

[Jim Gaffigan]

This might be unconventional. What if we opened every announcement with a racist joke?

[Alex Moffat]

Is that wrong?

[Brian Tucker (SNL Writer)]

I mean, it would get people's attention.

[Jim Gaffigan]

It could. We could vary. It could be racist. Yeah. It could be sexist, pedophile. You know, it would get their attention.

[Alex Moffat]

Sorry, like. Like what, Jim?

[Jim Gaffigan]

Like, it would be like, you want examples of racism?

[Alex Moffat]

Like, what would be a joint.

[Jim Gaffigan]

No, I don't see. I don't. I don't even call it Color.

[Alex Moffat]

You mean when you look in the mirror?

[Joey Arbello (Student)]

Hi.

[Alex Moffat]

Okay.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Got that hurt.

[Brian Tucker (SNL Writer)]

I do.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Like, you know, like the thing about this school spirit song is really stupid but almost kind of endearing where like I could see drunk high school students singing it.

[Joey Arbello (Student)]

Yeah.

[Robert Smigel]

Like if it's funny enough, maybe people would.

[Kal Penn]

Yeah.

[Robert Smigel]

Like you were saying.

[Alex Moffat]

Yeah.

[Robert Smigel]

If they're drunk like you said said,

[Alex Moffat]

which most of them probably are, they

[Robert Smigel]

come to school drunk Royals.

[Jim Gaffigan]

What if there was this approach of like since these are non compliant teenagers.

[Robert Smigel]

Yeah.

[Jim Gaffigan]

What if they approached it from. There was a super. This is spitballing. A super formality to it. Please stand and join us in singing like. So in other words, these guys are on their phone and you just go against it and raise. Put your hand over your heart and recite the following pledge. Oh please stand and recite the royal code. We come from the school of Da da da da da. We believe in honesty, integrity, perseverance and female rugby. Right.

[Brian Tucker (SNL Writer)]

While Lords Royals plays in the background.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Right.

[Robert Smigel]

Yeah. That's as much as you can.

[Brian Tucker (SNL Writer)]

Okay.

[Alex Moffat]

Yeah, sorry.

[Robert Smigel]

But they can use it to their hearts delight.

[Nissan Announcer]

Yeah.

[Robert Smigel]

Actually we could write words to that song.

[Brian Tucker (SNL Writer)]

Yeah, right, right.

[Alex Moffat]

And we'll always be.

[Brian Tucker (SNL Writer)]

And we'll always be royal.

[Robert Smigel]

Never gonna break a hand dryer Here

[Brian Tucker (SNL Writer)]

in suburban Toronto where we never get rid of the snow and all our

[Alex Moffat]

teachers blow like just like a big 22nd girl. Not so much the boys.

[Brian Tucker (SNL Writer)]

My slight worry about it is I'm sure that all these students have heard once that song out. I don't know, maybe they haven't done it, but. But maybe they've. Yeah, no, there's probably.

[Alex Moffat]

These kids weren't born when that song came out.

[Robert Smigel]

Yeah.

[Brian Tucker (SNL Writer)]

My song is like eight years old. Maybe it's not that old.

[Alex Moffat]

How old are teenagers?

[Robert Smigel]

Probably about teenagers are three. Yeah. Might be an eye roller. Is that something that has been done a million times?

[Trevor (High School Teacher)]

Not in my short time there. So I kind of love it. I kind of love it. Guys.

[Jim Gaffigan]

You create culture by also. Then they're like, this is insane. You know what I mean? Because you go against the apathy.

[Alex Moffat]

Right, right.

[Jim Gaffigan]

We always open doors for T shirts. A royal would never not root for the women's rugby team which won last night.

[Alex Moffat]

A royal would never rip a door off its hinges in the men's room in the west wing of the school.

[Brian Tucker (SNL Writer)]

Arroyo would never vape Mango Zango in the bathroom during government class.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Yes.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Trevor (High School Teacher)]

It'd be funny if Jim led that too. Right.

[Robert Smigel]

Well, maybe Jim could inaugurate the pledge.

[Kal Penn]

Yeah.

[Robert Smigel]

You know Jim's day.

[Alex Moffat]

Right?

[Robert Smigel]

He has a day job.

[Jim Gaffigan]

But no, no, like a pre recorded thing.

[Robert Smigel]

Pre recorded pledge.

[Jim Gaffigan]

I'll read the pledge. And then there's. And now time for our school fight song. And then they play the school fight song and kids are like, what is going on?

[Robert Smigel]

And we could tape like Friday and see if they've all learned the pledge.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Yeah.

[Alex Moffat]

A word of the day that when you say it, everybody in the school has to yell royals.

[Sheba Cat Food Announcer]

Hooah.

[Brian Tucker (SNL Writer)]

Pretty good.

[Alex Moffat]

Just like send pretty good woman.

[Brian Tucker (SNL Writer)]

Yeah.

[Nissan Announcer]

Yeah.

[Robert Smigel]

Why don't we just get Al.

[Alex Moffat]

He is a newborn kid. He's busy.

[Robert Smigel]

He loves kids. I worked with him on Jack and Jill. Oh, yeah, yeah. So we're really cool.

[Brian Tucker (SNL Writer)]

Yeah. That was his duck.

[Joey Arbello (Student)]

Duck.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Goose.

[Robert Smigel]

What if for, like, things like guess the teacher, which teacher am I impersonating? Or which teacher has these qualities? You could just have a text number, just a dedicated phone to this. And whichever kid texts the right answer first.

[Brian Tucker (SNL Writer)]

Oh, that's cool. Yeah, get something.

[Robert Smigel]

Get something. Gets to tear off a hand, right? What they're there for.

[Jim Gaffigan]

That is interesting. Like, that is an opportunity to build community.

[Alex Moffat]

The prize for first person to, like, answer the trivia question or whatever is something more like teacher. Like. Like you can throw a pie in Trevor. Mr. Trevor's face at the end of the week out on the front lawn near the flagpole. Like, then we got a little community.

[Boost Mobile Announcer (Alternate)]

Right.

[Alex Moffat]

And then. Or it's like you get to. To rub your butt on Mr. Trevor's

[Brian Tucker (SNL Writer)]

poor Mr. Trevor.

[Alex Moffat]

Not bear, because that's gross.

[Robert Smigel]

You get to stick your finger up.

[Alex Moffat]

He's the one who won. He.

[Odoo Announcer]

He came.

[Robert Smigel]

He's the one who wants school spirit. They get to pat you in the face.

[Trevor (High School Teacher)]

Yeah. Would.

[Assistant/Additional Speaker]

Would.

[Robert Smigel]

Are there teachers who'd be willing to have things done to them in a good natured way?

[Trevor (High School Teacher)]

Yeah, you could do it once a week. You'd also do something that builds up to like. Like, you know, once a week, someone gets pulled and that gets into a bigger pool and then it builds out to.

[Alex Moffat]

Hey, we'll give the advice here. Jeez. Another suggestion is, you know, you could make it personal just to kind of like, connect with this. And like, you could start every day with some sort of personal ranch or anecdote, like, and just sort of like, vent. Bring the students in. It's like if you have something going on at home with your wife or whatever, just kind of. And then people be like, oh, yeah, how do we help Mr. Trevor? What this beef?

[Robert Smigel]

So what we're gonna do. So we're Gonna send you all these materials and you are going to figure out what the show you're gonna. No, you're gonna do. We're gonna write something up and send it to you and then you're gonna use whatever you want out of it. That's gonna be the payoff. It's gonna happen for the listener in a couple of minutes. My thanks to whoever these people are, Brian, Zonker, Gizmo and Jim. Sorry,

[Alex Moffat]

last idea. Somebody gets a tattoo done live over the PA system.

[Robert Smigel]

Over the PA system.

[Sheba Cat Food Announcer]

Yeah.

[Robert Smigel]

Well, that's a good idea.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Guess the tattoo.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile. I don't know if you knew this, but anyone can get the same Premium Wireless for $15 a month plan that I've been enjoying. It's not just for celebrities. So do like I did and have one of your assistant's assistants switch you to Mint Mobile today. I'm told it's super easy to [e-mail]

[Mint Mobile Legal/Terms Announcer]

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[Kal Penn]

Hey everyone, it's Cal Penn, host of Irsay, The Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club. This week on the podcast, I'm sitting down with Divergent author Veronica Roth to talk about her sprawling new novel, Seek the Traitor's Son. It's a sci fi fantasy epic about two protagonists on opposite sides of a war and a prophecy neither of them wanted.

[Veronica Roth (Author)]

My first book was Divergent and when that came out, like, because it was so popular, I think at a time attracted like mostly positivity, but the negativity I sucked in like a sponge. And I think it was like critiques of things I liked when I was like, you know, I was 23 and I wrote this book and it had all my like dorky little cheesy or maybe unrealistic loves in it. And I started to feel a lot of shame about those things. And so for the rest of my career, I steered away from those little things, almost like make you feel pleasure when you read. But I also was like saying no to these parts of myself that I then was like, screw it. Yeah, so that's this book.

[Kal Penn]

Listen to Earsay, the Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts, bro.

[Jim Gaffigan]

From the show last night to this drive. Why is it never chill?

[Nissan Announcer]

Cuz this is our life backstage on the road. It's loud, messy, Real. And that's the best part. Whole crew, no plan, just moving.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Good thing Nissan builds for that kind of chaos.

[Nissan Announcer]

Not just test tracks, real life scenes, late nights, road trips, all of it. That's why it holds up. Nissan was ranked number one in initial quality among mainstream brands by J.D. power.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Yeah, you can tell.

[Nissan Announcer]

2026 Nissan Rogue built for what really happens for J.D. power 2025 US Initial Quality Study Award information, visit jdpower.com awards awards based on 2025 model year. Newer models may be shown.

[Boost Mobile Announcer (Alternate)]

Unlock the savings at Boost Mobile and save up to 600 a year. I've been scouting these big carriers for a minute now, and I've seen them pull the same play a thousand times. They promise you the world, then hit you with a price hike right when the game gets tight. But boost mobile, their $25 a month unlimited wireless plan, is the most consistent player on the floor. No contracts and no price hikes. Unlock the Savings [e-mail] Unlock based on average annual single line payment of AT&T Verizon and T Mobile customers compared to 12 months of the Boost Mobile Unlimited Wireless as of January 2026. For full offer details, visit boost mobile.com

[Robert Smigel]

Got a thing that needs to be funnier. Tell us about [e-mail] Humor me. All right, we're back. Welcome to the podcast that goes wrong. This is many months later and we have a lot to tell. First of all, I'm here with our friend Jim Gaffigan, who is on Zoom. And this is the ghost of Alex Moffat, who's stuck in traffic. Like I said, this is the podcast that goes wrong. But that's a mere pittance compared to what's gone wrong with this episode. Jim, as you'll recall, this was back in 1974 when we did this, Right.

[Jim Gaffigan]

It was the oil crisis, right?

[Robert Smigel]

Yeah, the oil crisis. Gerald Ford, drop dead, New York. All that stuff.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Stuff, yeah.

[Robert Smigel]

And we interviewed a man named.

[Odoo Announcer]

What?

[Robert Smigel]

Am I even allowed to say his name? Frank?

[Kal Penn]

I think so.

[Alex Moffat]

Just make up a name

[Robert Smigel]

we interviewed.

[Jim Gaffigan]

I've got an idea for a name. Go ahead, let's hear it. Let's say his name's Gerald Ford.

[Robert Smigel]

Got it. We interviewed the late President Gerald Ford, and as you recall from minutes ago, he was. He had a school where he wanted to jazz up his announcements. And my producer, Frank, didn't realize that he needed to confirm this with his superiors. Right, Frank?

[Alex Moffat]

That's correct, yes. He never ran it by anybody.

[Robert Smigel]

Right.

[Joey Arbello (Student)]

He went rogue.

[Robert Smigel]

He went rogue, Frank.

[Jim Gaffigan]

In this situation, Frank is Baba Bowie, Right, Exactly.

[Robert Smigel]

He's very much Baba Booie.

[Alex Moffat]

Very accurate.

[Robert Smigel]

Well, the bottom line is it was a public school, and they had to. The whole thing had to go through layers of authority that Frank had not checked on. Right, Frank? That's correct. Thank you for taking full accountability.

[Joey Arbello (Student)]

Yes.

[Robert Smigel]

That's what you're doing. Right?

[Brian Tucker (SNL Writer)]

My fault.

[Robert Smigel]

Your fault.

[Jim Gaffigan]

This reminds me of those Zoom hearings.

[Robert Smigel]

The Zoom hearings?

[Jim Gaffigan]

During the pandemic.

[Assistant/Additional Speaker]

What?

[Robert Smigel]

We have a door. Oh, look who's back from traffic.

[Joe Arbello (Principal)]

Hello.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Oh, my gosh, there.

[Robert Smigel]

It's Alex Moffat of Saturn. Your head is cut off. Well, there he is.

[Alex Moffat]

Hi, everybody.

[Joe Arbello (Principal)]

Hey.

[Robert Smigel]

Alex is here. I was explaining to Jim that our friend from. I don't even know if I'm allowed to disclose the place he went. Gerald Ford, the man we interviewed.

[Jim Gaffigan]

I got a name for his high school. Gerald Ford High School.

[Robert Smigel]

So the man we spoke to, Gerald Ford. It turns out that Gerald Ford High School is a public high school school. And they had no business. They were like. Under no circumstances are we going to have any announcement. Shenanigans.

[Alex Moffat]

Oh, sure. God.

[Robert Smigel]

So because he was beholden to that, we had to go find a completely different school.

[Alex Moffat]

Right.

[Robert Smigel]

Willing to do. Because we didn't want to waste that interview.

[Alex Moffat]

No, no, we didn't.

[Robert Smigel]

I mean, it's. I think we'll all agree on this, that it was probably the greatest interview in the history of podcasting.

[Nissan Announcer]

Yep.

[Boost Mobile Announcer (Alternate)]

Yep.

[Robert Smigel]

By the way, Brian Tucker, he's not in traffic like you were. He's just. He was incarcerated. It's a long story.

[Alex Moffat]

Well, we have time.

[Robert Smigel]

Yeah, we do. We really do. Can you tell us about the traffic accusation?

[Alex Moffat]

I'm so glad you asked, Robert.

[Robert Smigel]

Please tell us about how much time do you have? What streets were jammed?

[Alex Moffat]

Oh, gosh. Well, getting off of the. The FDR was horrible.

[Robert Smigel]

Good. Okay.

[Alex Moffat]

A lot of real. Look, I could go into great detail, and I know it would be riveting radio, but we'll do that for the.

[Robert Smigel]

Our Patreon listener

[Alex Moffat]

only for Humor Me Gold members.

[Robert Smigel]

Humor Me gold members. For $20 a month, you can hear why we were late.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Okay.

[Alex Moffat]

It was all just bonus material.

[Robert Smigel]

Set that to the point here. Gerald Ford High School.

[Alex Moffat]

Was there ever.

[Joe Arbello (Principal)]

Okay.

[Robert Smigel]

Their mascot was the Royals. So Frank, our intrepid producer, who is also a cartoon sewer rat, which makes him even more challenging. To his credit, he scoured the country for a school that had the same mascot.

[Kal Penn]

Royals.

[Ryan Reynolds]

That's good.

[Alex Moffat]

Producer.

[Robert Smigel]

And he went all the way to Queensland.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Wow.

[Robert Smigel]

To find Christ the King High School. Christ the King High School. Legendary High school legendary basketball program. Jose Alvarado of the New York Knickerbockers.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Yeah.

[Robert Smigel]

Right now playing for the championship as we record this.

[Alex Moffat]

Wow.

[Robert Smigel]

Actually, we might.

[Alex Moffat]

This will come out a year from now.

[Robert Smigel]

No, it's actually going to come out very soon anyway because, look, look, we're on such a roll. So what we're going to do is we're going to talk to the very kind principal who agreed to let his students because Christ the King is not a public school. Christ the King is a. How would you describe it if it were?

[Alex Moffat]

It shouldn't be called that.

[Robert Smigel]

Joe Arbatello, our principal. Catholic school. It's a Catholic school.

[Jim Gaffigan]

I think the name of the school sounds anti Semitic.

[Joe Arbello (Principal)]

All God's people.

[Robert Smigel]

You know what? I'm gonna put the podcast first. That's how dedicated I am. I'm gonna. Don't type Cruz.

[Jim Gaffigan]

The name of this school.

[Alex Moffat]

This is coming from a guy who.

[Jim Gaffigan]

I'm just trying to. I'm trying to lose followers.

[Robert Smigel]

You and me both.

[Boost Mobile Announcer (Alternate)]

Okay.

[Robert Smigel]

Okay. So here we are, and we're going to meet. We're going to talk with Joe Arbello, principal of Christ the King High School. And Ally. I forget your last name. I apologize.

[Ally Shiro (Student)]

Shiro.

[Robert Smigel]

Ally Shiro, one of the prize students of Christ the King High School. And most of you guys are theater kids, right? Ally?

[Ally Shiro (Student)]

We're all theater kids.

[Robert Smigel]

You're all theater kids. Because first we got the media kids and they were all completely disinterested.

[Joe Arbello (Principal)]

Typical New York fashion. They. They said it wasn't funny.

[Robert Smigel]

Well, actually, we actually have a clip of a zoom that we had with some of the kids, including your son, Joey Arbitov. Let's take a look at that clip.

[Joey Arbello (Student)]

I thought it was pretty all right when I first looked at it, but I started giving us some thought and I kind of asked some of my close friends what they thought, and it didn't really go anywhere. So I was thinking it. I don't know if it's gonna get anybody since a lot of the people in here don't laugh as much as some of the friends that I know. So if did them laugh, it might not make. It definitely won't make other people laugh. So beautiful.

[Assistant/Additional Speaker]

Beautiful.

[Jim Gaffigan]

This guy's obviously. He's obviously a Larry Ellison stooge.

[Trevor (High School Teacher - Phone)]

Right?

[Nissan Announcer]

Right.

[Jim Gaffigan]

I mean, it's just like. I mean, if you didn't see behind him, Bari Weiss was standing behind him.

[Robert Smigel]

We can't use any of this. It's not like our material was filled with political slander.

[Teacher/Student Impersonator]

My favorite.

[Robert Smigel]

That was his analysis of every idea. I made a document of every idea that we discussed.

[Alex Moffat]

That's pretty brutal.

[Jim Gaffigan]

I think Joey's got a future in network television. Television. Yeah, he's a development guy.

[Robert Smigel]

I've worked with many Joeys in my life. I've pitched to so many Joeys. Yeah.

[Teacher/Student Impersonator]

Okay.

[Robert Smigel]

We're gonna regroup and we're gonna circle back. And so we hit a. We hit a wall. But then I continued to talk to Ally and the theater kids, and we were able to get a couple of our ideas through. And here were the ideas that they were okay with.

[Alex Moffat]

I can't wait.

[Robert Smigel]

That the kids were excited about. One was doing a school song.

[Alex Moffat]

Yeah.

[Robert Smigel]

And believe it or not, the one that you. The two of us improvised, if you'll recall, was the one about sacrificing a goat for. For the school's principal.

[Alex Moffat]

Okay. Yeah, they, they, they.

[Robert Smigel]

Joey Arbello just quashed that.

[Alex Moffat]

Sure did.

[Jim Gaffigan]

The other one, well, he's a tough sell.

[Robert Smigel]

He is a tough sell. He just. I don't know. He has a thing about goats. And then the other one, though, was doing a parody of the song Royals by Lord.

[Alex Moffat]

Oh, yeah.

[Robert Smigel]

And that did. That did arouse their.

[Alex Moffat]

Thank you, Nya.

[Joey Arbello (Student)]

Thanks.

[Alex Moffat]

We're getting a lot of good radio.

[Robert Smigel]

How about a hand for Nya? Everybody delivering coffee.

[Alex Moffat]

Okay, so Royal.

[Nissan Announcer]

So the.

[Robert Smigel]

Go back, Naya, and tell us what kind of coffee it is. No. Okay.

[Alex Moffat]

And what kind of traffic were you in this morning?

[Robert Smigel]

So why don't we watch? So the other thing they got interested in was doing impressions of teachers. So that's what we're gonna. Now we're gonna start watching. We're going to watch what they did. Let's start with day one. And what we have here is Joe setting it up. Then someone does an impression, and we have a shot of the classroom where the teacher who's being impersonated is listening.

[Jim Gaffigan]

I like it.

[Robert Smigel]

Take it away, Joe.

[Teacher/Student Impersonator]

Ask everybody to please stand for the pledge. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America and to the republic for which it stands, one nation under God, indivisible, with unity and justice for all.

[Robert Smigel]

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on.

[Alex Moffat]

Yeah, wait, hold on.

[Robert Smigel]

Wait a minute.

[Alex Moffat]

Whatever happened to liberty?

[Robert Smigel]

Joe is the principal of the school.

[Alex Moffat]

Is that what you were gonna say?

[Joe Arbello (Principal)]

Yes.

[Robert Smigel]

Yeah, Joe.

[Jim Gaffigan]

I want to know why Joe's even reading it. Why do you have to read that?

[Robert Smigel]

He's clearly not read. He's clearly not reading it because

[Jim Gaffigan]

we doing rushes today.

[Robert Smigel]

You know, there's no version that says unit with unity and justice for all.

[Alex Moffat]

Maybe they changed it. They've changed like parts of the Lord's Prayer.

[Robert Smigel]

Unless. Unless Joe was going rogue and he'd say, you know what we need right now?

[Ally Shiro (Singing)]

We need.

[Robert Smigel]

This country needs unity, which I respect.

[Alex Moffat]

I mean, rather than evolving document, as it were.

[Robert Smigel]

I think we've given up on liberty anyway. Right, Right. Speaking of. Speaking of cbs, let's all unite behind. Behind fascism. Let's get behind.

[Teacher/Student Impersonator]

You don't know.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Joe might be adding a little flavor, keep the kids interested.

[Trevor (High School Teacher)]

Yeah, maybe he's.

[Robert Smigel]

Joe, explain.

[Alex Moffat]

Everyone perked up.

[Robert Smigel]

Joe, were you testing the kids? Is that what was going on?

[Joe Arbello (Principal)]

Joe, the point was wrong, too. Yeah, I don't know. I was a mess that morning.

[Teacher/Student Impersonator]

I.

[Joe Arbello (Principal)]

Yes, I was trying to get everybody behind us.

[Robert Smigel]

Just tell everyone that you coached Jose Alvarado and everything will be fine.

[Joe Arbello (Principal)]

That's all anybody wants to talk about.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Anyway, Joe, he went to morning. He had too much of this sacramental wine

[Alex Moffat]

at 8:30 in the morning.

[Robert Smigel]

All right, we've had our fun with Joe, the principal. Continue.

[Teacher/Student Impersonator]

To start off Teacher Appreciation Week, we have a breakfast for our teachers. We're going to do something special for them all week, and I'd like to personally say thank you to them.

[Robert Smigel]

Teacher Appreciation.

[Teacher/Student Impersonator]

To start Teacher Appreciation Week, we have a special teacher to announce all our announcements this morning. I like to. I'd like to introduce our teacher, our special guest teacher, to give the announcements.

[Robert Smigel]

Would it help to give the name so people knew who the impression was? Buenos dias.

[Brian Tucker (SNL Writer)]

Please check your email for the change of classes.

[Nissan Announcer]

Boy Volleyball.

[Brian Tucker (SNL Writer)]

And it's E senor night, seniors.

[Robert Smigel]

Okay. AP exams are all this week, and

[Alex Moffat]

good luck to the Knicks.

[Assistant/Additional Speaker]

Ciao.

[Jim Gaffigan]

You killed.

[Teacher/Student Impersonator]

You killed.

[Ally Shiro (Singing)]

That was my favorite.

[Robert Smigel]

Okay, so that's clearly the teacher.

[Jim Gaffigan]

I mean, look at how impressed those kids are.

[Robert Smigel]

I know. So, Allie, you know these kids.

[Ally Shiro (Student)]

Yeah.

[Robert Smigel]

They didn't seem to react that much. Is that because they're just preoccupied or did they not know who the impression was? That was the teacher.

[Alex Moffat]

Right?

[Ally Shiro (Student)]

Yeah, I definitely. I asked a lot of students throughout the day, like, oh, did you like the morning announcement? And they knew it was the teacher. That's Ms. Chesire. She's the Spanish teacher. Because the teachers that we picked to do the impressions of, we tried to pick the ones that people would recognize right away, like catchphrases. So, like Ms. Chesire, for example, every morning she goes, buenos dias.

[Robert Smigel]

Oh, okay. So then everyone knew.

[Nissan Announcer]

She.

[Alex Moffat]

She knew it was her. She was grinning from ear to air. She seemed to Get a kick out of it.

[Robert Smigel]

Okay.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Well, I mean, I guess the camera on her would have probably indicated something was.

[Alex Moffat]

It might have helped.

[Robert Smigel]

We tried to. Yeah, I know.

[Kal Penn]

We.

[Robert Smigel]

We tried to tell the guy to be subtly.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Listen to this roll. Yeah, I know, but I thought the kid's impression was good. I mean, it's also early in the season.

[Robert Smigel]

Was that a good Chezer?

[Joe Arbello (Principal)]

You thought.

[Robert Smigel]

You thought she. You thought the kid did a good cheser.

[Jim Gaffigan]

I.

[Robert Smigel]

You know, look, from your experience with Ms. Chazeray.

[Jim Gaffigan]

My chess experience, I'd give it an 8.2.

[Robert Smigel]

You know who does the best Chazeret? James Austin Johnson.

[Alex Moffat]

He's amazing.

[Robert Smigel]

He does a killer Chazerie, but, you know, great one.

[Jim Gaffigan]

And he can do without the makeup, too.

[Alex Moffat]

Yes.

[Robert Smigel]

Have you ever tried doing a Chazerie?

[Alex Moffat]

I screen tested for at SNL for Chazeray, and they went with James.

[Robert Smigel]

They went with James. Okay. All right, let's go to Tuesday. On Tuesday, we did. We had another impression. And. And this was pretty funny.

[Joe Arbello (Principal)]

The.

[Robert Smigel]

The teacher's reaction was pretty funny here.

[Teacher/Student Impersonator]

So in honor of Teacher Appreciation Week, we are going to have our next teacher, Mr. Palanese, come on and do the morning announcements.

[Robert Smigel]

Mr. Polonies this time. You got it. So there he is.

[Kal Penn]

This is.

[Robert Smigel]

He literally thinks he's supposed to go to the.

[Joey Arbello (Student)]

Hello.

[Nissan Announcer]

Juniors and seniors will keep their phones

[Joey Arbello (Student)]

today for anyone donates the blood drive.

[Robert Smigel]

Now he comes. Now he realizes it.

[Alex Moffat]

So remember, for the blood drive.

[Robert Smigel]

Meanwhile, the kid freezes up. I don't know what happened here, Ally. Oh, well, you know, they're not professionals.

[Trevor (High School Teacher)]

They're.

[Robert Smigel]

They're theater kids.

[Jim Gaffigan]

And.

[Alex Moffat]

And maybe he was letting Mr. Polonice get back to his desk.

[Robert Smigel]

I don't think Polonice got that far.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Our first three.

[Robert Smigel]

This is really Showtime at the Apollo stuff. You want Sandman Sims to come and dance him? Not dance them off. Now they're telling Polonies to go back.

[Joe Arbello (Principal)]

I saw him in the hallway.

[Robert Smigel]

Well, it wasn't very entertaining other than the damage and confusion. Confusion we caused. But that's entertaining its own, right?

[Alex Moffat]

Yeah.

[Robert Smigel]

This is truly the podcast that goes wrong. Well, that was. That was funny unintentionally, which is often better nowadays.

[Ally Shiro (Student)]

You want to know what happened?

[Robert Smigel]

Yes, please.

[Ally Shiro (Student)]

Yeah, so, yeah, so, like, the other girl that was standing next to me, that's kin, and she. I had asked her to, like, write a script, like, with the morning, because she was supposed to do it that morning, but then the teacher that she was supposed to imitate wasn't there. So then we had Carlos do Mr. Polonie's. And so I thought that on her phone was like a script of the announcements, but it was just like. All it said was, oh, Carlos will, like, say the announcements. So the only thing that he knew to say was about the blood drive. And so we were like, oh, come on, make something up. And then he just, like, froze. Because clearly he's not good at improvising.

[Robert Smigel]

Right?

[Ally Shiro (Student)]

And, I mean, I did make it fun.

[Alex Moffat]

He was put right on the spot. I mean, you know, Carlos, it helps. You did a great job.

[Robert Smigel]

I'm going to. Let's just blame Joe. Why don't we blame Joe? I think that's the simplest.

[Ally Shiro (Student)]

Yeah.

[Robert Smigel]

Simplest thing to do. It's. It's our default. As you get further along, it gets better and better.

[Joe Arbello (Principal)]

To this day, it gets better. But the kids still don't know that that was an impression. As we go further along.

[Robert Smigel]

Oh, I know, I know. Then, no, it gets better. Okay, so let's go to Wednesday, right? This is Allie's moment to shine.

[Ally Shiro (Singing)]

Hi, it's Ally Shiro. In honor of Teacher Appreciation Week, I'm decided to write a little parody about how much I appreciate my teachers and love being student at Christ the K. I am a student at ctk

[Ryan Reynolds]

I

[Ally Shiro (Singing)]

take the entrain all the way to the end. I get a coffee at the cafe and after school I go to Athens with my friends. And everybody loves deacon Norman and Mr. Giulietti and Ms. Hollingsworth loves us like spaghetti. We don't care if Mr. Polynese lost his hair. And we also love Pounce so Benji Los and Ebola Cesare Arms Burger and Spagnola. We don't care if Armatello's lurking everywhere. Cause we'll always be royals. Never gonna use AR not gonna vaping bathroom stalls or draw pictures on walls. We don't wanna be standards.

[Jim Gaffigan]

That's the opposing Fall asleep in class

[Ally Shiro (Singing)]

or sneak our phones and we'll even go to mass.

[Mint Mobile Legal/Terms Announcer]

Yeah.

[Robert Smigel]

Thank you.

[Alex Moffat]

Well done, Ally.

[Ally Shiro (Student)]

At least I got applause.

[Alex Moffat]

You got pipes.

[Jim Gaffigan]

That was good.

[Alex Moffat]

If I closed my eyes, that could have been loud.

[Jim Gaffigan]

And I think it's appropriate that we're doing a Lord parody when you're doing In Christ the King.

[Robert Smigel]

In Christ the King.

[Jim Gaffigan]

There's a lot of Catholic imagery here.

[Sheba Cat Food Announcer]

Yeah.

[Alex Moffat]

Great job, Al.

[Robert Smigel]

That was great. Now I say, why not make everybody sing it every morning?

[Nissan Announcer]

Right, Jim?

[Jim Gaffigan]

And I think at every game, at every game. I think, at graduation, at graduation, why

[Robert Smigel]

not use every opportunity to remind Mr. Polonice that he's bald.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Right?

[Ally Shiro (Student)]

What am I Gonna sound like a halftime performance at graduation now, right?

[Alex Moffat]

Yeah.

[Jim Gaffigan]

And I think like, Mr. Palanis is gonna love the fact that he's there in 30 years when this song is sung every day.

[Robert Smigel]

All the references, you'll never change the references. That's right, Jim.

[Alex Moffat]

Joe will have to replace the word unity somewhere in there. We're interested in

[Jim Gaffigan]

Joe. Did. I think. I think that Ted Alexandra went to this school. Did JLO go to this school for a year?

[Robert Smigel]

Jennifer Lopez.

[Jim Gaffigan]

JLo. She's a.

[Joe Arbello (Principal)]

No,

[Robert Smigel]

no, no. She's Jenny from the Bronx.

[Nissan Announcer]

This.

[Jim Gaffigan]

No. But she lived in Queens for a year.

[Alex Moffat]

Yeah. You'd be surprised at the amount of JLO trivia, Jim.

[Jim Gaffigan]

A lot of it.

[Robert Smigel]

Jim knows that she went. She lived in Queens for one year.

[Boost Mobile Announcer]

Year.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Apparently she did. And not that I've stalked her, but I know a lot about.

[Alex Moffat]

Sounds like somebody who has stalked her with camera.

[Robert Smigel]

Good for you. Not stalking her, Jim.

[Alex Moffat]

And the camera, you'll see a poster of JLo.

[Jim Gaffigan]

I have it all covered up.

[Robert Smigel]

That's a fake background. That's one of those zoom backgrounds that Jim has to cover up his 30 JLo.

[Joe Arbello (Principal)]

That's the most famous person we have right now.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Yeah.

[Robert Smigel]

Principal Unit Trinity.

[Joey Arbello (Student)]

Yeah.

[Robert Smigel]

The legendary.

[Joe Arbello (Principal)]

Okay.

[Joey Arbello (Student)]

All right.

[Alex Moffat]

So that's good stuff. So there's two more days.

[Robert Smigel]

Thursday was really good. Let's. Let's check it out. More mishaps.

[Joe Arbello (Principal)]

Good morning, everyone, and welcome to the

[Teacher/Student Impersonator]

last day of Teacher Appreciation Week. Today we have a special guest.

[Joe Arbello (Principal)]

We have Ms. Carol.

[Robert Smigel]

Hi, my babies.

[Ally Shiro (Singing)]

Please check your email for any comments. Classroom changes.

[Robert Smigel]

I love you all.

[Ally Shiro (Singing)]

I hope you all have an amazing Friday. And I will see you all in ceramics later. I'm going to hand the mic back to Mr. Aratello.

[Teacher/Student Impersonator]

Excuse me, Mr. I have unfortunate news. You are fired. Leave building immediately.

[Alex Moffat]

What?

[Teacher/Student Impersonator]

Excuse me, Mr. Dash. I have unfortunate, unfortunate news. You are fired. Please leave the building immediately. Excuse me, Ms. Felix. I have unfortunate news. You are fired. Please leave the building immediately. Mr. Gallagher, you are fired. Please leave the building immediately.

[Joe Arbello (Principal)]

Obviously, that was not me. That was an impersonation that by one of our students. No, of those teachers are fired.

[Teacher/Student Impersonator]

In fact, yesterday was an incredible day when we had with our spring art festival.

[Joe Arbello (Principal)]

Thank everybody.

[Robert Smigel]

Look at him backtrack weekend.

[Joe Arbello (Principal)]

Make sure you wish your mother. Happy Mother's Day.

[Teacher/Student Impersonator]

Have a great weekend.

[Robert Smigel]

Now that was. That was worthy of that. We.

[Teacher/Student Impersonator]

We.

[Robert Smigel]

That's an idea that we would have thought of and we would have been afraid to pitch that.

[Alex Moffat]

Yeah.

[Robert Smigel]

Have a teacher pretend to fire everybody. That was amazing, Joe. Joe, did you even know that was the impression? Did you know that he was gonna do that?

[Joe Arbello (Principal)]

Yeah.

[Ally Shiro (Student)]

Who did the impression?

[Joe Arbello (Principal)]

No, they did. AI.

[Alex Moffat]

Oh, that's what I thought. Because he was holding his phone.

[Joe Arbello (Principal)]

He did it with my voice because there's a lot of. There's a lot of interviews with me online. So he took him offline and then he. He worked all night on it. He said, he said he used the free version so he had to make up like 10 different email names.

[Robert Smigel]

It seemed like it really did fool some people. When he said, not Mr. Gallagher, was he joking? No, no, no.

[Joe Arbello (Principal)]

I think he likes Mr. Gallagher.

[Robert Smigel]

So he was really fooled.

[Joe Arbello (Principal)]

Yeah.

[Robert Smigel]

And Joe, you signed off on this Brad Inc.

[Joe Arbello (Principal)]

I did. I guess I'm the next one to go.

[Jim Gaffigan]

I should point out that this podcast is brought to you by OpenAI,

[Alex Moffat]

the free version.

[Robert Smigel]

Well, you know what? I probably, you know, momentarily scared a few people, but ultimately when people go through something like that, it brings them together.

[Alex Moffat]

Sure does.

[Robert Smigel]

And you know what the word is? Unity.

[Alex Moffat]

Unity.

[Robert Smigel]

Unity. Joe brought unity and justice and liberty for all at Christ the King.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile. I don't know if you knew this, but anyone can get the same Premium Wireless for $15 a month plan that I've been enjoying. It's not just for celebrities. So do like I did and have one of your assistant's assistants switch you to Mint Mobile today. I'm told it's super easy to [e-mail]

[Mint Mobile Legal/Terms Announcer]

Switch upfront payment of $45 for 3 month plan equivalent to $15 per month required intro rate, first 3 months only, then full price plan options available, taxes and fees extra. See full terms at Mintmobile.

[Kal Penn]

Hey, everyone, it's Kal Penn. I'm the host of Irsay the Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club. This week on the podcast, I am sitting down with Ray Porter, the narrator of Andy Weir's audiobook project, Hail Mary. Massive sci fi adventure about survival and science and what happens when you wake up alone, very far from Earth.

[Assistant/Additional Speaker]

I really had to make a decision because I caught my myself getting that frog in my throat and starting to get teary as I'm narrating some of these sections. And it's like, okay, yo, yo, yo. Is this indulgent? And I really thought about it. I was like, no. At this point, it would kind of be betraying the trust the author and the listener have in telling this story if I don't go through it. But there's places in this book that. That deeply, emotionally affected me And I left it on the mic. That's great because it served the this story. People will say like oh my God, I cried at the end. It's like yeah dude, me too.

[Kal Penn]

Listen to Earsay the Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club on the iHeartradio app or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Robert Smigel]

Why is it always chaos when we link up?

[Nissan Announcer]

Cuz nobody plans anything, bro. Good thing the rug's ready like that for real. Rain, dirt, whatever available all wheel drive, five modes. We still outside and they got some kick too. That turbo torque is crazy. The most in its class it moves moves Rogue doesn't mess around around and peep the space merch on merch gear mics all the fits load up we out 2026 Nissan Rogue built for all of it. Auto Pacific Segmentation 2026 Rogue vs latest in market Competitors in the EX SUV mainstream Mid Size class excluding electrical vehicles based on manufacturer websites.

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You're locked into a lot of things you can't change.

[Robert Smigel]

Weather, traffic.

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[Robert Smigel]

Jim, any closing thoughts?

[Jim Gaffigan]

I think that. Very interesting. I think that, you know, like what we wanted to accomplish was school morale. And when you see the footage of those children, really the future of America, hearing this stuff and responding, you know, lifting up, looking up from their phones.

[Robert Smigel]

Exactly. And then looking. And then looking right back. And then looking right back.

[Jim Gaffigan]

You know, you realize that the work you're doing is really changing America.

[Alex Moffat]

It's all been worth it. Smigel. And Joe, I think your son is probably just like just kicking himself.

[Robert Smigel]

Oh yeah.

[Alex Moffat]

That he didn't ride this wave when he had the chance.

[Jim Gaffigan]

We're all going to be working for Joey.

[Kal Penn]

Yeah.

[Jim Gaffigan]

It's just the reality.

[Robert Smigel]

It's true. It's true.

[Jim Gaffigan]

He's going to own AI.

[Joe Arbello (Principal)]

And then.

[Alex Moffat]

Does this seem like a tradition you guys might want to carry forward in future years? Now that you guys. I mean it seems like it was. It was such a smash this year.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Yeah.

[Alex Moffat]

Joe, future years, you're gonna have, like, the theater kids do impressions of the teachers, maybe rewrite a lord song or two.

[Joe Arbello (Principal)]

I think it was great that we did it during Teacher Appreciation Week. So we're definitely gonna do something next year during Teacher Appreciation Week. Oh, good.

[Alex Moffat]

Start a tradition.

[Robert Smigel]

There we go. We've started a tradition.

[Joe Arbello (Principal)]

We'll have Joey write the jokes. Yeah, it's Joey. So fun. We'll have Joey do it.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Most importantly, I think the teachers felt appreciated.

[Kal Penn]

Yeah.

[Joe Arbello (Principal)]

Getting fired and being mocked. Yeah. Yeah.

[School Announcements Student]

Is.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Is. Does it say anything about our value of teachers where we need to dedicate a week to tell people to appreciate them? Does it say anything like, the teacher community that is obviously grossly underpaid and overworked, but we do give them a week where, like, there are some pretty high quality impressions going on.

[Trevor (High School Teacher)]

Yes.

[Alex Moffat]

That's all they really need.

[Robert Smigel]

All they need is to be impersonated

[Alex Moffat]

and reminded how bald they are.

[Joe Arbello (Principal)]

Yep.

[Jim Gaffigan]

So what?

[Robert Smigel]

What, Jim, please, keep going.

[Jim Gaffigan]

I want, you know, the Jose, you know, the. The guy who's playing for the. The Knicks. What was he like? Would he have liked these impressions?

[Joe Arbello (Principal)]

He was absolute handful.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Like, really?

[Joe Arbello (Principal)]

Yeah.

[Jim Gaffigan]

I mean, because I think he's a. He's a pretty impressive story of. Of resilience.

[Kal Penn]

Yeah.

[Joe Arbello (Principal)]

You would never think he was going to the NBA. You know, he. He was a. He was.

[Starbucks Announcer]

He.

[Joe Arbello (Principal)]

He was a tough kid, man. He was. The way he plays is his personality. I think she's always right, but I. I think, you know, they always say, what's the best part of your personality is also the worst part of your personality. And he sums that up. He just called me yesterday. He's a great kid. He loves Christ the King. He's really, really. He's. I was sitting courtside next to Tracy Morgan, actually.

[Jim Gaffigan]

No way.

[Joe Arbello (Principal)]

Well, I'll tell you a funny story.

[Robert Smigel]

Please.

[Joe Arbello (Principal)]

If you want to hear it.

[Robert Smigel]

Yes, we do.

[Joe Arbello (Principal)]

I was in courtside. I was sitting courtside when he was playing for the Pelicans for his first game in the Golf Martin, and he actually starts to kill the Knicks. So I'm sitting in Spike Lee seats with another assistant of mine. The guy who found him, his uncle, Nick Sanchez. Tracy Morgan and Fat Joe are sitting.

[Robert Smigel]

Okay, just. How did you get Spike Lee seats?

[Joe Arbello (Principal)]

Somebody gave them to me.

[Robert Smigel]

And that's all I need to know. Tracy Morgan, somebody gave him to him

[Joe Arbello (Principal)]

sitting one seat away from us.

[Robert Smigel]

Right.

[Joe Arbello (Principal)]

And they. And we start getting into a fight with them because we're going crazy. Like, Like.

[Robert Smigel]

Oh, because Pelicans fans.

[Joe Arbello (Principal)]

Yeah, because he's Killing Fat Joe, like he's one of us. And Tracy Morgan. And we're literally screaming at each other courtside. So now a couple of months later, he gets traded to the Knicks.

[Robert Smigel]

Yeah.

[Joe Arbello (Principal)]

And I'm sitting in those same seats with Nick Sanchez. Tracy Morgan walks in with 14.

[Robert Smigel]

And he walks by us and he goes, there show.

[Joe Arbello (Principal)]

I just walked to. I just want to make a, an alliance with you guys. I just want to make sure we're friends again, right? So now we're sitting there, we're laughing, he's talking to us, he's from Brooklyn, the whole deal. And at halftime of the game, he walks over to me, he goes, hey, coach. He goes, ken, Ken. I know he's going to come over and hug you. I want his shoes. I'm like, what are you talking about? He says, what are his shoes? I said, the shoes he has on for the game. He goes, yeah, yeah. If you ask him, he'll get them to me. So I'm like, all right. So then he walks over to me at the end of the game. I'm like, yo, Tracy Morgan, want your shoes? Jose takes him off, hands him to Tracy Morgan.

[Jim Gaffigan]

That's so crazy.

[Robert Smigel]

And then Tracy fed them to his fish.

[Jim Gaffigan]

I went, I've got a funny Nick story.

[Robert Smigel]

Let's hear it.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Who is 14? Huge Nick fan. And I brought him to a Nick game. I guess he was probably nine. I brought him with his younger brother. I've got a lot of kids. And so we were sitting there and my son was like, who? He asked me at one point, he goes, who's that old lady that everyone's talking to? And I go, that is Spike Lee. Lee had on a big hat and kind of. You know how he always has like very creative glasses on.

[Robert Smigel]

Yes.

[Jim Gaffigan]

To this 10 year old boy. He thought it was someone's grandma.

[Alex Moffat]

That old lady wrote do the Right Thing movie.

[Joey Arbello (Student)]

Yeah.

[Robert Smigel]

That's fantastic. So wait, you can get into Nick, can you take my son and just pretend he's one of your kids? Because he loves the Knicks.

[Jim Gaffigan]

You know, it's like obviously during the playoffs, but like this is, you know, four years ago now. I, I could never get in probably,

[Alex Moffat]

but get some tickets for Ally and the theater kids. That's.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Yeah, yeah. Christ the King school should get it for Carlos section there.

[Robert Smigel]

I don't know, I just wanna. I would just like you get me

[Ally Shiro (Student)]

to sing the national anthem at the game.

[Alex Moffat]

There you go.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Right? That would be amazing.

[Joe Arbello (Principal)]

A little unity. A little unity.

[Robert Smigel]

Liberty and unity. Unity. Oh, the New York. Have you ever gone. Joe, have you ever gone to the, to the women's, to the wnba and seen the New York unity, The unity of. They won the championship, I believe, a couple years ago. Thanks, Jim. Thanks, Alex.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Thank you.

[Robert Smigel]

Thanks, Ally. Thank you, Principal Joe.

[Jim Gaffigan]

Thank you, Principal Joe.

[Alex Moffat]

And Ally, you crushed it. Great job.

[Sheba Cat Food Announcer]

Job.

[Robert Smigel]

And go Nicks.

[Joe Arbello (Principal)]

Thanks, guys.

[Jim Gaffigan]

All right, thanks so much.

[Joe Arbello (Principal)]

See you later.

[Robert Smigel]

And of course, Gerald Ford and Gerald Ford High School. Thank you for making all of this possible. Humor Me with Robert Smigel and Friends is a production of iHeartMedia and Big Money Players, created by Michelle Sack Smigel, who executive produces with her loving husband Robert. Produced by Frank Stinky Smiley, executive producer for I Heart Jana Cagle, video producer Daniel Goodman. Edited by Robert Ashley Theme music by Stephen Gold, sung by America's leading Bruce Springsteen impersonator, Robert L. Poopstein. Don't forget to subscribe and follow to get new episodes of Humor Me each week. And while you're there, rate and review the show. That is, if you liked it. If you didn't, this conversation never happened. And we'll see you next week.

[Kal Penn]

Hey, everyone, it's Cal Penn. I'm inviting you to join the best sounding book club you've ever heard with my podcast, Hearsay, The Audible and iHeart Audiobook Book Club. Every episode, I nerd out with amazing guests and dive into the best new audiobooks available on Audible. It's the book club for your ears. Listen to Earsay, the Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club on the iHeartradio app or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Odoo Announcer]

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[Ryan Reynolds]

from Mint Mobile with a message for everyone paying big wireless way too much. Please, for the love of everything good in this world, stop with Mint. You can get premium wireless for just 15amonth. Of course if you enjoy overpaying. No judgments. But that's weird. Okay, one judgment anyway. Give it a [e-mail] Switch upfront payment

[Mint Mobile Legal/Terms Announcer]

of $45 for three month plan equivalent to $15 per month required Intro rate first three months only, then full price plan options available, taxes and fees extra. See full [e-mail] this is an iHeart podcast.

[Robert Smigel]

Guaranteed human.