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Robert Smigel
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Robert Smigel
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Robert Smigel
on Humor Me, I am in an a cappella group.
Michael Cohen
An a cappella singing group. And while we can do the Singing. We don't necessarily have the best banter between songs, so we would. It would really help to have some funny stuff, either introducing the songs or just little skits or something in between the songs.
Mikey Day
That's why you go to those shows for the band, the Yard Birds. Right? That's the name.
Robert Smigel
The Harvard Yard. But they're open to changing the name, right?
Michael Cohen
Yeah. If you have a name suggestion.
Bobby Moynihan
We're open.
Robert Smigel
Since you guys are middle aged one erection.
David Cyrus
So we're thinking maybe to focus group a couple of new names with you guys. So. Hasty pudding in your pants.
Robert Smigel
What the fuck is this?
David Feldman
There.
Robert Smigel
Don't make fun of that. Ding, ding. Hi, I'm Robert Smigel. If you don't know me, I am a person who makes comedy. Like these guys. These are my guests that I'll be talking to. This show is called Humor Me. We're going to help somebody who's got a task at hand. Blowing up, getting a very important text,
Mikey Day
a lot of friends. Yes, I will do all those movies.
Robert Smigel
Turn the text says to turn your phone off.
Mikey Day
Fantastic.
Robert Smigel
So Mikey Day, long time. Saturday Night Live staple. Some call him. How many years has it been?
Mikey Day
10, 9. 10 on the cast. And I was a writer for three.
Robert Smigel
People are calling you the White Keenan.
Mikey Day
Yeah. Yes, Laura.
Lauren Feldman
That's how Lauren refers to him. White can get White Keenan up here. What's White Keenan doing? Get him off camera.
Robert Smigel
We want WK now. And Streeter Seidel.
Mikey Day
And you're White Streeter, right?
Robert Smigel
Yes, White Streeter. Yeah, we got Mikey Day, Streeter Seidel. And so before you turn away, these guys are really talented.
Mikey Day
Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's the head writer.
Robert Smigel
You know, I'm just, you know, because some of these people are like, if it's not Bowen, right, They're going to tune out.
Lauren Feldman
I understand. Yeah.
Mikey Day
Click.
Robert Smigel
No Bowen. I'm not going.
Lauren Feldman
No Bowen. I'm not showing. I'm not going.
Robert Smigel
I'm not showing.
Mikey Day
I'm not showing.
Lauren Feldman
He's got a lot to do, Mikey, and I don't have as much to do.
Mikey Day
Yeah.
Lauren Feldman
So, you know, he can't be on every podcast.
Robert Smigel
Exactly.
Mikey Day
Just give us this.
Robert Smigel
Hear them out. Understand that not only he's the host of Is it Cake? Yeah, yeah.
Mikey Day
Give me that.
Robert Smigel
There's that. No, but these guys are all time great Saturday Night Live writers. All time great.
Mikey Day
Wow.
Robert Smigel
They are in the pantheon. You're in the all time great. And I call it the pantheon. To make it seem like it. It's really important.
Mikey Day
I'll take it.
Robert Smigel
You're in the pantheon.
Mikey Day
I'll take it.
Lauren Feldman
Update the Wikipedia.
Mikey Day
So we're doing a pantheon and you guys are invited.
Robert Smigel
Michael o' Donoghue's GH was there the other day trashing this trash.
Mikey Day
And the pantheon.
Robert Smigel
I'm in the pantheon.
Mikey Day
Of course. You're at top the pantheon.
Robert Smigel
Myself not in it right now, but I. Yeah, I. I weekend there frequently.
Lauren Feldman
The dudes are crazy.
Mikey Day
You weekend there?
Robert Smigel
No, but these guys. The George Washington sketches. Right. That's yours.
Lauren Feldman
Yes, those are ours.
Robert Smigel
These classic sketches that Nate Bargazzi does.
Mikey Day
Yeah.
Robert Smigel
Which amazes me because, like, he's not the first person I would have thought of. It's a very Steve Martin kind of sketch when you think about it. It's like pronouncing something with a great deal of authority, and it's idiotic. And, like, the polar opposite guy is doing it, and yet he's pulling.
Mikey Day
And yet he's perfect.
Lauren Feldman
He's great.
Michael Cohen
Yeah.
Robert Smigel
Also, the Beavis and Butthead sketch. Let's just talk about that for a second because, yeah. What I love about that sketch, except for the title, because, like, it really broke my heart, the sketch. No, I'll tell you, I think it
Mikey Day
should have been called I.
Robert Smigel
Not on. On YouTube. It should have been called, like, Town hall or something or.
Lauren Feldman
Yeah.
Robert Smigel
Because it broke my heart that people knew that.
Mikey Day
Oh, right.
Robert Smigel
The joke was coming in some way.
Lauren Feldman
Like, we did call it News Nation
Robert Smigel
when you submitted it.
Michael Cohen
Yeah.
Lauren Feldman
But then it got changed, or we had.
Mikey Day
Just because it had been around for a while. So that's where we were. Just like. It's called Beavis and Budd.
Robert Smigel
This sketch existed for, like, five years before.
Lauren Feldman
Five or six, I think.
Robert Smigel
Doesn't matter.
Mikey Day
It was on a drafts folder in our. On our desktop.
Robert Smigel
I watched. I have, like, a. There's a. An NBC database that I got to log into because there's some. One of the 27 documentaries that they're doing about SNL. So I got to whatever they gave me access to. So the other week, I watched the original with Jonah Hill. With Jonah Hill? Yeah. He was Stevis to your butthead.
Mikey Day
Yep.
Robert Smigel
And.
Mikey Day
And it was a. Like, a murder interview. Scott Peterson murder interview.
Robert Smigel
But it did pretty well.
Mikey Day
Did okay.
Lauren Feldman
It made it to the show. It was.
Robert Smigel
It was.
Lauren Feldman
It got cut for time.
Robert Smigel
It was cut for. So, Mike.
Lauren Feldman
I remember Mikey standing in the full butthead costume in the hallway and then hearing, like, beavis and Butthead has been cut.
Bobby Moynihan
Beavis and.
Robert Smigel
But that's incredible.
Mikey Day
I think it was probably Tom Broker produced.
Robert Smigel
How did it Take five years. Something that funny.
Mikey Day
I mean surface.
Lauren Feldman
We tried it again with someone right in the.
Mikey Day
In between. We put it to the table for Oscar Isaac.
Robert Smigel
Yes.
Mikey Day
And it was this time it. It was picked to go to dress. But it was cut on a rare Friday or I think Thursday night cut.
Lauren Feldman
Yes. Cuz the set was too big and they're like, we don't have. They added a cold open. They were like, we don't have room.
Mikey Day
Did you ever have a pre Saturday cut?
Robert Smigel
Oh.
Mikey Day
Where you're like, wow.
Robert Smigel
No sketch of mine has ever.
Ray Porter
Of course.
Mikey Day
No sketch of yours.
Robert Smigel
Literally. I type it and they just forward it to the Pantheon.
Lauren Feldman
Just goes right to the Pantheon.
Robert Smigel
They don't even bother with the show. They just goes right to the panther
Lauren Feldman
etching it in marble.
Mikey Day
Of course.
Lauren Feldman
Right away.
Robert Smigel
What I love about the Beavis and Butthead sketch so much was just how quiet it was in theory. Such a quiet setup. And when everybody's speaking. Speaking at a soft level. And anytime something like that can kill on snl. It's just extra special to me.
Mikey Day
Epic performances by Keenan. Perfect.
Robert Smigel
Didn't crack up in either.
Mikey Day
Oh yeah. Total. I think he might have laughed a little at dress, but dress for Beavis
Lauren Feldman
and then he was like. Got it out of his system.
Mikey Day
And Keenan's so good too. If he does chuckle, he'll like time it with the camera cut.
Lauren Feldman
So.
Robert Smigel
Oh really?
Mikey Day
When he's off camera. And then he knows when it's coming back to him and he'll be good.
Robert Smigel
You don't have psychotic people in your cast who. So when Sandler and Farley were on the show toward the end, they would deliberately. When the camera was not on them, just. And they knew it was on the other guy. Sandler would be. He would seriously aggressively try to make and Farley back to him.
Lauren Feldman
Does anyone do that? I haven't seen that.
Robert Smigel
No one would dare do that. I wish. That'd be so funny. Hartman would never break. He would just.
Mikey Day
Just maintain.
Robert Smigel
He would just commit harder.
Mikey Day
Wow.
Robert Smigel
For no reason.
David Feldman
So good.
Mikey Day
What was it? Caveman, lawyer?
Lauren Feldman
I'm not familiar. Never been a big watcher of the show.
Robert Smigel
Right.
Lauren Feldman
I do my own spoil. Yeah.
Robert Smigel
The audience. So we should probably move on.
Mikey Day
I clock in, clock out.
Robert Smigel
I should have started by saying Saturday Night Live is the sketch show that airs NBC.
Boost Mobile Advertiser
When?
Robert Smigel
Wednesday nights. Saturday nights. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Mikey Day
And it's live.
Robert Smigel
You should check it out.
David Feldman
Yeah.
Lauren Feldman
Give it a watch, you know.
Robert Smigel
So have we developed a rapport yet?
Mikey Day
I think so. Just get Bowen and get me out of here.
Robert Smigel
No, no, it's not gonna happen. We're gonna make this work somehow. We gotta get this out. Okay, so establish report. Just. I. I like to throw out occasional icebreakers. And just this one kind of pertains to the show. Favorite acapella group.
Lauren Feldman
May I go first?
Robert Smigel
Favorite Favorite acapella group to masturbate, too.
Lauren Feldman
Same answer. I mean, it's gotta be Rockapella.
Mikey Day
I was gonna say that's the only acapella.
Lauren Feldman
It's the only one I can think.
Robert Smigel
Pentatonix.
Lauren Feldman
Pentatonix. That would be a better.
Mikey Day
That one's a good.
Lauren Feldman
That would have been a better answer. Yeah, yeah.
Robert Smigel
And more about now. I mean, I'm just saying there's two.
Lauren Feldman
Yeah.
Robert Smigel
That's the only point I know. There's two that I've heard of. Not one.
Lauren Feldman
To masturbate, too.
Mikey Day
Yeah, yeah.
Robert Smigel
No, Carmen San Diego. I'm doing.
Lauren Feldman
Oh, yeah.
Mikey Day
You know, they did all the, like, in show sound effects, too, throughout the episode. Because they like. They're like, you're trying to find the warrant. The warrant. The loot. They like. All throughout round two.
Robert Smigel
See, they save money. Who says public television dollars are going to waste? They save money on musicians. We're going to help an acapella group. That's what we're going to do. Good. But again, to remind people of how the show works, let's play the theme song. This is good. You're gonna love this.
Mikey Day
Wow. This is a banger.
Robert Smigel
I got a speech to make.
David Feldman
A job interview. I don't know what to say or what to do.
Robert Smigel
Humor me. Yeah, yeah.
David Feldman
I'm not funny.
Robert Smigel
Humor me.
Mikey Day
This feels exactly. This feels like a sketch
Robert Smigel
looking for some writers who won't give me bursitis because. Bursitis from.
Michael Cohen
You know.
Robert Smigel
So I guess the first question you have is like, how did I afford Bruce Springsteen?
Michael Cohen
How.
Lauren Feldman
And the whole E Street Band as well. Do you think that if we do a good job helping this acapella group, they would do a cover of your theme song pro bono and send it your way for you to have.
Robert Smigel
I mean, if you think it can top it can't. The world's leading Bruce Springsteen impersonator?
Lauren Feldman
No. Just as it says a thing.
Robert Smigel
Let me explain to you something. Jeremy Allen White came to my house and asked if he could study me for a month.
Lauren Feldman
Followed you around?
Robert Smigel
Yeah.
Michael Cohen
Wow.
Robert Smigel
Yeah. He just wanted to follow me around.
Mikey Day
Did he?
Robert Smigel
He said, Mr. Springsteen, if. If you. If I could just have the honor of just picking up your. And I'm like, I'm not him again. And then he's like, you are everything I hoped you would be. You're so modest. You are a man of the people. God bless you.
Lauren Feldman
I mean.
Mikey Day
Oh, that's why he's here in this building right now.
Robert Smigel
He's actually. He's under the table studying me. Studying gratuity. Short joke. Gratuitous. Short joke. Gratuitous. Short joke. You get a little laugh and you're empty inside. Thank you very much. That was gratuitous. Short joke. Sorry, Jeremy. You want to give Jeremy a snack?
Lauren Feldman
Yeah.
Robert Smigel
Give him some water.
David Feldman
Snack.
Mikey Day
Yeah. Participating in this?
David Feldman
No.
Lauren Feldman
This is really in your head. You're going to the Bear next season.
Robert Smigel
God. They're thinking of you for a role you could play. He looks like Paul Thomas Anderson, kind of.
Mikey Day
I can play Paul Thomas Anderson who comes into the restaurant.
Lauren Feldman
Yeah.
Mikey Day
Yeah.
Robert Smigel
I'd like to see Paul Thomas Anderson host.
Mikey Day
That'll be cool.
Robert Smigel
No, host is a cake.
Mikey Day
That would be. That would be really, really cool.
Robert Smigel
And no one would know the difference.
Mikey Day
They're like. It's a little more understated, a little more articulate.
Robert Smigel
All right, let's introduce our guest. His name is Michael Cohen. But before we meet him, let's listen to his phone call.
Michael Cohen
I am in an acapella group. An acapella singing group. And while we can do the singing, we don't necessarily have the best banter between songs. So we would. It would really help to have some funny stuff, either introducing the songs or just little skits or something in between the songs.
Mikey Day
That's why you go to those shows for the band.
Michael Cohen
And it's a group of all.
Kal Penn
Heart.
Michael Cohen
Believe it.
Starbucks Advertiser
Or.
Michael Cohen
It's a group of almost all Harvard graduates. That's the acapella group. So we. We can certainly have some. Any type of making fun of Harvard or anything. Okay, thanks a lot.
Robert Smigel
Any type of making fun of Harvard.
David Feldman
Yeah.
Mikey Day
You're smart.
Robert Smigel
Smart. Genius.
Mikey Day
Friggin Worked hard. Got into Harvard. Idiot.
David Cyrus
Stupid.
Robert Smigel
I think we're done.
Lauren Feldman
Yeah.
David Feldman
Yeah.
Robert Smigel
Can we meet our guest now?
Mikey Day
Please welcome Michael Cohen. There he is.
Lauren Feldman
Hi.
Robert Smigel
Hi, Michael.
Mikey Day
Nice to meet you.
Robert Smigel
So you guys are based where?
Michael Cohen
Los Angeles.
Robert Smigel
Okay, so you're from Heart. We're gonna lose half our audience. The right wing, because we have people from Los Angeles, Hollywood and elites.
Lauren Feldman
Elites.
Mikey Day
Coastal elites.
Robert Smigel
The coastal elites all in one.
Mikey Day
Bye now.
Robert Smigel
For the rest of you, tell us what you need from us.
Michael Cohen
We're not the hippest crew, so. And we don't. So we have. Lots of times before songs we have little banter. That we talk to the audience either about the song or about the group. And it's. We don't really work on it and we're kind of last minute. We just kind of do it. And it's never.
Robert Smigel
I don't believe that. Let's hear some. Let's hear a piece of banter in
David Cyrus
honor of one of our honorees. Tonight we learned it in the best tradition of Rosemary Clooney and Dean Martin. Mambo Italiano.
Robert Smigel
Okay. Oh, that's the guy. I saw some of your singing.
Mikey Day
Is that your bass?
Robert Smigel
That's. That's the bass guy.
Mikey Day
Where does your group perform?
Michael Cohen
So we perform at. We do some retirement homes. Like one of our members works at the motion picture television fund, which is like the old actors retirement home. So we perform there a few times.
Robert Smigel
Those people are starving for banter.
Mikey Day
I used to be on the ship of a screen. Give me a thing. Got it. Okay.
Robert Smigel
You call that banter?
Michael Cohen
But then we also get hired by different, like rotary clubs and things like that to come to their, like Chris, like Christmas gigs. Okay.
Robert Smigel
It's getting more depressing with every reference, every step. Is this pain work.
Virginia Kirby Collette Haig Green
Just.
Robert Smigel
We're not just doing old folks homes. We're doing Rotary clubs.
Mikey Day
Well, Rotary club, so. And are you trying to attract more, better gigs?
Robert Smigel
Because apparently there's like a hot. Is there a hot competition? Is that what I've read?
Starbucks Advertiser
Right.
Michael Cohen
There's like. Our group tends to be a little older, you know, probably ranging from Most people are 40 to a little over 70. In our group.
Robert Smigel
In your group?
Mikey Day
In your group.
Michael Cohen
Right, in the group.
Lauren Feldman
Okay, so they're playing to the demo.
Robert Smigel
Maybe they'll get fast tracked into the old folks home.
Michael Cohen
But. Yeah, but then there's also these kind of like hipper young groups. And so, yeah, they'll have like, kind of like sketches, like all written out like before the songs that are funny and stuff. And we just, we don't really have
Mikey Day
any, like what they see, the hip, cool, young.
Lauren Feldman
Yeah, acapella group.
Mikey Day
Like, what up? We saw your show. I feel like the bar for comedy when you go to an acapella show is pretty low just in terms of people's expectations. Because I remember in high school I went, we. There was a group, it was like some choir thing and they did this acapella thing and they did. Do you know it? Some song about java. They're like, java, Java, java, java.
Robert Smigel
They do that.
Michael Cohen
We do that song.
Mikey Day
Of course you do. I feel like it's a karaoke book that they have at bars. But it's only acapella hits. Anyway, there's me.
Robert Smigel
The problem is not the banter.
Mikey Day
I know. I. This moment for all these years that has stuck out, that in the middle, some guy just goes, like, really low. He's like, boom, percolator. And this crushed so hard.
Robert Smigel
Oh, really?
Mikey Day
In the. The.
Robert Smigel
In the theater.
Mikey Day
Sorry. The cafetorium. That's what my high school had.
Lauren Feldman
A.
Mikey Day
A stage in the cafeteria. Just because they're just kind of singing songs, there's not a lot of comedy. So in the one moment where there's some.
Robert Smigel
Yes.
Mikey Day
A kernel of a comedic idea, people lost their mind. So I feel like, wait, so this is students. Yeah, this forms performing. But the audience was students.
Robert Smigel
Students.
Mikey Day
But it was like.
Robert Smigel
So it's like, oh, look at Tom doing that.
Mikey Day
Yeah.
Robert Smigel
Element. These guys just walk into a familiarity. They have that advantage where they're walking
Mikey Day
in a cold room.
Robert Smigel
They're walking into a room with people who don't even remember who they are.
Mikey Day
Whose nurses had to, like, wheel them there. My. My point being, I feel like the bar is low for us to get over. You know what I mean? In terms of people's expectations.
Robert Smigel
So we can give him our C material, you're saying.
Mikey Day
Yeah. I feel like our C material might bring the house down.
Robert Smigel
Let's listen to one more of their banter, because I think they've got C plus material, and I think we have to top it.
Mikey Day
Okay.
Robert Smigel
We have to shoot for B minus very much.
Mikey Day
Thank you very much. That was the recent hit Boogie.
Boost Mobile Advertiser
Wow.
Robert Smigel
Boogie, Bugle Boy, Company B. See, that's.
Lauren Feldman
That's a joke.
Mikey Day
I think it was Drake.
Cindy Crawford
Not sure.
Mikey Day
And I think you'll really enjoy it. It actually features my personal favorite soloist in the group.
Bobby Moynihan
So enjoy the song.
Lauren Feldman
And then his ass is the guy that sings it.
Michael Cohen
He's the guy that sings it.
Robert Smigel
That's a solid C. I feel like he could.
Lauren Feldman
I feel like he could stretch that out quite a bit. Introing and stuff.
Michael Cohen
That guy actually was the youngest one in the group, and he has a synthetic. He's left the group because we're. We're not.
Robert Smigel
Oh, great.
Mikey Day
Did he get poached?
Lauren Feldman
Did someone come. Yeah. To get poached by, like, a younger, cooler group.
Michael Cohen
I don't know. But yeah, I think he just got busy with stuff. But yeah, so that.
Robert Smigel
Right.
Michael Cohen
He was definitely one of our funnier members.
Mikey Day
And what was. How many people were in that audience? I'm just curious.
Michael Cohen
I think about 50.
Mikey Day
That's not bad.
Lauren Feldman
All right.
David Feldman
That's not bad.
Robert Smigel
See, that See that? What are you coming to us for? You're killing it.
Lauren Feldman
Killing it out there.
Robert Smigel
All right, so what do we do?
Lauren Feldman
Banter.
Mikey Day
Well, I think God's name should intro yourselves. You mean differently from the beginning?
Robert Smigel
From the very beginning. Like I'm the this one? Yeah.
Lauren Feldman
I was thinking maybe they have a little personalities, you know, just like how
Mikey Day
you guys are introduced. Like where they. Yeah, so.
Robert Smigel
Oh, I'm this one, I'm that one.
Mikey Day
I was thinking more.
Robert Smigel
We all went to Harvard and we're better than you.
Mikey Day
Yeah.
Lauren Feldman
And we're doing this with our lives.
David Feldman
Harvard.
Robert Smigel
Oh, and we're doing this with our lives. See, I think that's a good way to go.
Lauren Feldman
Our parents spent $200,000.
Robert Smigel
Yeah, that's the self deciding to say, like, you know, for people who hate. We do People who have stereotypes about Harvard. We are proof, you know, that not everyone from Harvard gets the best jobs.
Mikey Day
Yeah.
Lauren Feldman
Or is it even necessarily smart?
Mikey Day
A self deprecating, funny intro? I think so would be great. Do you guys have an intro song you normally do?
Michael Cohen
No, original. Yeah, no original songs.
Mikey Day
What?
Robert Smigel
Do you think you'd be open to doing an original song or. Sure, why not?
Mikey Day
And would your crew, would they chafe? Would they be cool with. Would they be down to kind of make fun of themselves?
Robert Smigel
Yes.
Not like specific thought he had to think about that. Yes, he clearly.
Mikey Day
Maybe not Gene, but everyone else. He's a pain in the ass, but my God, he's talented.
Lauren Feldman
Talent.
Robert Smigel
Gene's got integrity.
Lauren Feldman
Gene quits every week and then comes back. I'm out of here.
Mikey Day
All right, Percolator. Only Gene can get that laugh.
Robert Smigel
Who's the worst singer in the group? Is there somebody who's like the worst?
Michael Cohen
Yeah, me, because I was the only one that wasn't actually in an acapella group in college. I was brought into to the group to just like play piano and teach people the songs. And then I just started singing bass along because, you know, just in case.
Robert Smigel
Is there anything to the idea that because you're from Harvard, you only got in because your parents made a huge donation to the group?
Michael Cohen
I don't know if we have anyone it actually applies to, but once again, for the sake of comedy.
Mikey Day
The Yardbirds.
Cindy Crawford
Right?
Mikey Day
That's the name.
Robert Smigel
The Harvard Yard. But they're open to changing the name, right?
Michael Cohen
Yeah, if you have a name suggestion. We're open.
Mikey Day
I mean, possibilities are endless.
Robert Smigel
They are maybe something not in this room, but they're in.
Lauren Feldman
Yeah, yeah.
Mikey Day
In this room. Just tell your group. The possibilities are Jeremy White.
Robert Smigel
Is hoarding them under the table.
Lauren Feldman
They're all puns, right? It's always a pun for an acapella group.
Robert Smigel
Okay, so we really are shooting for C. Yeah.
Lauren Feldman
I mean, correct me if I'm wrong, you know the acapella world better. But aren't they mostly puns?
Michael Cohen
That does seem to be the case, yes.
Mikey Day
And are you guys.
Robert Smigel
You realize that old people now are not old people, like, from when we were kids. So, like, they don't necessarily love puns. Right from the 20s, they were, like, at Woodstock, people who are.
Mikey Day
Hell, yeah.
Lauren Feldman
Who's.
Kal Penn
Who's the.
Lauren Feldman
Who's the oldest member of the group? How old?
Michael Cohen
We have Virginia. She's, I think, 71 or something. 72.
Greg Gordon
Okay.
Mikey Day
I would play into that and have Virginia sing something.
Lauren Feldman
Some fun. And what about Younger song?
Robert Smigel
Yeah, Young.
Lauren Feldman
A chapel roan song.
Robert Smigel
She would do it.
Michael Cohen
She would definitely.
Lauren Feldman
I think that be would, you know,
Robert Smigel
or she could do Hot to go.
Lauren Feldman
Hot to Go would be.
Robert Smigel
It's a little dirty.
Lauren Feldman
At the nursing home.
Michael Cohen
She is looking for a husband.
Mikey Day
So Virginia, they want you to do Hot to Go.
Lauren Feldman
What about. Virginia's gonna do a song at the nursing home. And the setup is like, I'm looking for a husband with money who doesn't know his own name anymore. And I figured I'd start here and then. But I'm young. She's like, I'm young. I'm young. I know the young people music. I'm gonna do one of my favorites that I just heard earlier today.
Robert Smigel
This is a tradition that goes back to, like, the rapping granny and wedding center. We're not reinventing the wedding.
Lauren Feldman
I think there's a good. There's a lot of potential in Virginia to do a runner that she's looking for a man. So in between songs, even after the banter, she can just go. And again, if anyone out there is single and a doctor, please.
Mikey Day
What a man, what a man, what a mighty fine man.
Lauren Feldman
And then you guys can kinda.
Robert Smigel
Virginia, stop. Virginia, knock it off.
Michael Cohen
You know, that sounds like a good idea to me. I think she would like that because
Lauren Feldman
I write for women, unlike Mikey, you
Mikey Day
know, But I'm a mat. I'm thinking that through this.
Michael Cohen
Yeah.
Mikey Day
They'll start attracting a different demos. You know what I mean? Not just. I think we should think beyond the nursing home.
Robert Smigel
Beyond the nursing home, Right? No, but anybody would laugh at a rapping granny.
Michael Cohen
Right? Maybe you guys can help us do some more hip stuff so we can Exactly. Okay.
Virginia Kirby Collette Haig Green
Hip.
Mikey Day
I'll give you replacement hip.
David Feldman
Strangest Jokes.
Mikey Day
What else do the kids like?
Lauren Feldman
Pokemon.
Mikey Day
That's it.
Lauren Feldman
Oh, the Pokemon theme song would be a good.
Mikey Day
Can never go wrong with a tv
Lauren Feldman
for any grandkids who have been dragged here against their will. We'll do one for you. The Pokemon theme song.
Mikey Day
You know, what about singing like Gotta catch a mo.
Lauren Feldman
That's how it goes, right?
Mikey Day
Yeah. What about adding words?
Robert Smigel
That would be really funny to hear. Hear that in Acapella?
Mikey Day
I don't think anyone's expecting that. And that would be fun.
Robert Smigel
And yes, it would be lost on the older people in the audience, but it would eventually pay off because then we can bring our children next time and like it.
Mikey Day
Did you do the Pokemon thing? Did they die?
Robert Smigel
They died only briefly.
Mikey Day
Ma', am.
Lauren Feldman
Has there ever been a medical incident during a show?
Mikey Day
La la la. I'm sorry, ma', am. Are you all right? No.
Robert Smigel
Okay, stage a medical incident because everyone will buy it.
David Feldman
It.
Michael Cohen
That's actually.
Robert Smigel
Get a plant to die in the audience and it'll go viral. What if Sandler. Did you see the one where Sandler. Somebody was. Fell ill in the audience and. And there was a big viral clip of Sandler being. He was very cool and in charge and.
Mikey Day
Oh yeah, yeah.
Robert Smigel
Everybody calm. And one of you guys could, you know, play that role.
Mikey Day
And then they pop up and go, I died because this group is so fresh.
David Feldman
And yeah.
Mikey Day
Boom, boom, boom.
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Kal Penn
hey everyone, it's Cal Penn. I'm the host of Irsay, The Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club. This week on the podcast, I am sitting down with Ray Porter, the narrator of Andy Weir's audiobook project, Hail Mary Massive Sci Fi adventure about survival and science and what happens when you wake up alone, very far from Earth.
Ray Porter
I really had to make a decision because I caught myself getting that frog in my throat and starting to get teary as I'm narrating some of these sections. And it's like, okay, yo, yo, yo. Is this indulgent? And I really thought about it. I was like, no. At this point, it would kind of be betraying the trust the author and the listener have in telling this story if I don't go through it. But there's places in this book that that deeply, emotionally affected me. And I left it on the mic. That's great because it served the story. People will say like, oh my God, I cried at the end. It's like, yeah, dude, me too.
Kal Penn
Listen to Hearsay, the Audible and iHeart audiobook club on the iHeartradio app or wherever you get your podcasts.
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Hi, I'm Cindy Crawford and I'm the founder of meaningful beauty. When Dr. Sabah and I decided to do a skincare line together, he said to me, we are going to give women meaningful beauty. And I said, that's exactly right. We want to give women meaningful beauty. Which means each and every product is meaningful. It has a reason to exist. It's efficacious. You're going to get results and then you just go out and live your life. Meaningful beauty Confidence is beautiful. Learn more@meaningfulbeauty.com.
Lauren Feldman
Do you play any Harvard functions?
Michael Cohen
We have done. Yeah. Some, like, there's like some Harvard club functions for the Harvard Club board.
Robert Smigel
And there's a Harvard.
Michael Cohen
There's a Harvard Yale potluck event, like at Christmas time.
Lauren Feldman
Okay. I was gonna say maybe for when you're playing to the Harvard crowd, since you said you're the worst singer, you could come out in like a Yale sweater and butcher a song or something
Mikey Day
like that, you know, throw eggs at me. Do it.
Robert Smigel
Do they seriously still have a rivalry with Yale that way?
Michael Cohen
Oh, yes, yes.
Robert Smigel
Jesus. Okay.
Mikey Day
Come out with a little hat.
Robert Smigel
Great.
Mikey Day
Mine's a Yale boy.
Lauren Feldman
Sing a song about how you couldn't get into Harvard, sucker.
Mikey Day
Yeah, yeah. They called me Eli. My mommy said I went out by myself. The Yale boy.
Lauren Feldman
You got to have velcro shoes.
Mikey Day
People are like, yale boy did not test well with the older folks.
David Feldman
I'm Yale boy.
Bobby Moynihan
Boy.
Jen Clymer
No.
Robert Smigel
It would be great if it turned into like a wrestling villain.
Lauren Feldman
Yeah, like a heel.
David Feldman
You people suck.
Mikey Day
The boy is back in town. The boy. You come miss everybody booze.
Lauren Feldman
They know to boo after a while
Robert Smigel
to get boo in harmony.
David Feldman
Boo, boo, boo.
Mikey Day
Kind of like Rocky Horror. The room screenings. People bring pacifiers to throw. Like it's a thing that it'll.
Robert Smigel
That's a given. You're gonna have to pay for merchandising and stuff.
Mikey Day
See, I think putting WWE type production value and intensity is a good idea.
Robert Smigel
And then rap and granny throws a chair at you.
David Feldman
Yeah.
Mikey Day
I think. Think if they do crazy shit like this could kind. You'd be like, have you heard of this acapella group?
David Feldman
Yeah.
Mikey Day
There's this old lady. Someone at some point, someone got medically out of medical.
Robert Smigel
I love that. It happens every episode.
Mikey Day
Every shout is Yale. It would be a big swing that first show where you're coming out with short suspenders, a propeller hat and a big oversized sucker. But if it works.
Lauren Feldman
Yeah, I think you gotta do it first at the Yale Harvard potluck. Oh, no, here comes.
David Feldman
It's Yale boy.
Mikey Day
New Haven's a real city. It is, I tell you. Oh, man.
Robert Smigel
Okay, so let's think of things that they might do.
Mikey Day
Yeah. The more I talk about it, the more I'm like, they'll know.
Robert Smigel
They might. If we get them to do a few of these things and they work, they might eventually come around to the brilliance that is Yale boy way.
Starbucks Advertiser
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Mikey Day
I think some audience interactivity from what I saw, like, this is lame, but asking if there's any birthday and you sing Go Shorty, it's your birthday. I feel like I'm just doing Anna Gaston will say, go Shorty, it's your birthday. But sing Happy Birthday to someone.
Robert Smigel
I was talking to my friends here, Dave Cyrus and Dave Feldman, also writers that are. They're brilliant guys. And we were talking about how maybe song parodies of some of. Some of the songs on your list might. Might appeal to your audience instead of just singing the Straight song. Maybe you also add a parody lyric, for example. So they're gonna do a lot of holiday songs. They got Carol of the Bells, It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas. So the idea was to do a song about a neighbor who still has his Christmas lights on after January.
Mikey Day
Not bad.
Robert Smigel
Yeah.
Lauren Feldman
Yeah.
Robert Smigel
Like, that's the kind of thing that 80 year olds would laugh at. But even 75 year olds.
David Feldman
There's a house. Yeah.
Lauren Feldman
Every neighborhood has the house.
Robert Smigel
Oh, no, no. Like here. No. We actually came up with a couple of lyrics here. So isn't this. Right. It's continuing to look a lot like Christmas, only at your house, it's the middle of the night and your roof is a beam of light. It's no surprise that you divorced your spouse.
Mikey Day
Wow.
Robert Smigel
And you think they would do a line like that?
Michael Cohen
Yeah, why not?
Robert Smigel
You keep saying why not as if you're preparing to argue with the other eight people.
Lauren Feldman
They're just off camera.
David Feldman
Not.
Robert Smigel
I went on a podcast and nobody
David Feldman
is giving me anything.
Lauren Feldman
Why not, Gene?
Robert Smigel
I talk to guys who are in the panther pantheon. What's a pantheon?
Mikey Day
At the next meeting, they're gonna be like, how was the podcast? Did you get any ideas? Nothing usable. It was garbage.
Lauren Feldman
They love Yell Boy.
Mikey Day
That's great, though, that song. I think.
Michael Cohen
Now, do I need to give credit to you guys?
Robert Smigel
No, no. Jesus.
Lauren Feldman
I think we do want credit for Yale Boy, right? Yeah.
Robert Smigel
Oh, yeah. Because that's gonna be merchandise.
Ray Porter
Yeah.
Lauren Feldman
There's merch. There's a show. A movie. Pop, possibly.
Robert Smigel
That is. That's David Fincher's gonna do the movie. Yeah.
Mikey Day
It says the Yard Birds.
Robert Smigel
Are there any more people in the group that we can focus on? The way you did rap and granny and, like, who would have a perfect song for them? Like, who sticks out?
Mikey Day
There's kind of an older gentleman I remember. I saw. He's. He's bald.
Michael Cohen
I think that's Bas guy.
Robert Smigel
That's not.
Mikey Day
Oh, that's Bas guy out there.
Robert Smigel
There's another bald guy who seems to conduct.
Michael Cohen
Right.
Mikey Day
Yeah. What's his.
Michael Cohen
That's Mark. That's Mark.
Lauren Feldman
Okay.
Mikey Day
Does Mark sing?
Greg Gordon
Yes.
Robert Smigel
Yeah, he does. He does sing.
Mikey Day
And he's. He's sort of conducting because he's doing both.
Michael Cohen
He's singing.
Robert Smigel
And.
Mikey Day
Are you guys looking? Because the. Especially the people who take center stage are really singing out, if I'll be honest.
Michael Cohen
No, we're not. We're basically not watching.
Mikey Day
You guys should clown on Mark a little bit. Be like, he insists on conducting, Maestro.
Robert Smigel
True.
Mikey Day
You guys should just kind of.
Robert Smigel
Maybe there's a song about him. He waves his fingers.
Mikey Day
Do it mid show.
Robert Smigel
No one. Yeah.
Michael Cohen
Now, we also have a woman who is Asian and Jewish. So I don't know if you want anything to do that or if that's, you know.
Robert Smigel
Right.
Mikey Day
I. Whatever you guys want to do and she wants to do is good with me. I'm staying away from anything possibly offensive moving forward.
Robert Smigel
Let me handle the offensive stuff. An Asian Jew. Did she even have to apply to Harvard? I mean, it's like, boom, bam, right in.
Mikey Day
Wow.
Robert Smigel
Hand her a diploma. See, I can say that because I'm Jewish.
Mikey Day
Yep.
Robert Smigel
Right. And I have frequently supported numerous Asian restaurants.
Lauren Feldman
There you go.
Mikey Day
I was like. I was gonna say people.
Robert Smigel
No, no, no.
Mikey Day
Organizations.
Michael Cohen
I met my wife in the group.
Lauren Feldman
Oh, okay.
Mikey Day
You guys should French just make out hard.
Lauren Feldman
Is it like a Fleetwood Max situation where you guys were seeing other people in the group? And then it kind of got pretty messy.
Michael Cohen
And I was seeing. I was seeing a bass guy and, you know, he got. It got a little messy.
Lauren Feldman
What if you say you're going to do a duet? What about. You could bring her up. This is my wife. We met here. We're soulmates. Or she's saying this, and she goes, I'm going to do a duet with the love of my life.
David Feldman
Life.
Lauren Feldman
And then bass guy comes out and sings it with her.
Michael Cohen
I actually like that a lot.
Lauren Feldman
And you're jilted, you know, you're like.
Mikey Day
And she goes, or maybe he's joining
Lauren Feldman
in and you're like, why are you singing in it?
Mikey Day
Let's say we're crazy. What do they know? Gene, get out of here. You should definitely do. Nothing's gonna stop us.
Robert Smigel
You sure you don't need the base?
Mikey Day
Do you need me? Or maybe down here? Stars out of everybody.
Lauren Feldman
I think base guy. There's a lot to do there, too.
Mikey Day
And you should call him Bas. Yeah, this is whatever. Mark McKenzie.
Robert Smigel
He's the one who worked at SNL, right?
Michael Cohen
He was. He did the commercial parodies for season 12. And he was, like, oversaw production for seasons 13 and 14.
Lauren Feldman
Wow. All right.
Mikey Day
Wow, wow. Excellent, excellent.
Lauren Feldman
He's still. He's still banned from the building, I believe, right?
Robert Smigel
Yes.
Lauren Feldman
Yeah. His pictures up.
Robert Smigel
And we weren't going to talk about why he doesn't work there anymore.
Mikey Day
He's at the orientation work there.
Lauren Feldman
If you see this guy, please tell security.
Mikey Day
Don't let him or his acapella rat
Robert Smigel
friends into the building.
Mikey Day
Do you have a tenor? Do you have a tenor?
Michael Cohen
We have Currently kind of two tenors. So some. We have some women sing tener. Because it is hard to find tenors. There is a shortage of tenors.
Mikey Day
Right. So that is, like, really good tenors are difficult to find.
Michael Cohen
Well, just because not that many men. Global warming.
David Feldman
Speak for your.
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Lauren Feldman
I was going to say it's a vaccine. Yeah, I think so.
Robert Smigel
I think it's global warming.
Mikey Day
You can get someone from the audience, some. Some audience interactivity.
Robert Smigel
Yeah.
Mikey Day
Maybe it's something like trying to think of a full.
Robert Smigel
You guys probably think anybody can come up here and be in an. Let me tell you something. You're right.
Mikey Day
You're right.
Robert Smigel
We're gonna prove it right now. And then you, like, talk to the person for, like, 30 seconds, give them, like. Like, you know, like six bobo bows and. And it works perfectly.
Lauren Feldman
Or give them the beat box. You know, like, all you got to do is go.
Robert Smigel
Do you guys do, like, that pentatonix kind of beatbox by.
Michael Cohen
I mean, we don't really have anyone to do it, and it doesn't really fit most of our repertoire.
Robert Smigel
Oh, he's got a repertoire.
Mikey Day
Okay.
Lauren Feldman
All right.
Mikey Day
But you're open to expanding, right, Your repertoire? It's a lot of old. Kind of like. Yeah, I know you guys think FAI heard.
Kal Penn
Faith is.
Michael Cohen
We do have George Michael faith.
Mikey Day
You guys should all put on, like, 80s sunglasses there. Just everyone in unison. That's a.
Lauren Feldman
Like a cross.
Robert Smigel
Publicly masturbated.
Lauren Feldman
Yeah.
Mikey Day
This is from the 80s. Does anyone know public masturbator. George Michael. Virginia sing it. I guess it would be nice.
Robert Smigel
I think the Asian Jew. I think there's something.
Lauren Feldman
There's got to be something.
Robert Smigel
Got to be.
Lauren Feldman
I think we're just afraid to say it.
Robert Smigel
No, but if she says it, it's okay.
David Feldman
Yes.
Mikey Day
TR.
Lauren Feldman
Sing a Hanukkah song.
Michael Cohen
We do have a Hanukkah medley.
Robert Smigel
Yes.
Michael Cohen
She normally does introduce it.
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Lauren Feldman
Do you preface it with, like, time to kind of bum everyone out with some minor Kenuka songs? Now that. Now that we're all smiling from the Christmas songs.
Robert Smigel
They are terrible songs.
Lauren Feldman
Let's shift that to a minor key.
Michael Cohen
That is a great intro. We might have to.
Robert Smigel
What is a medley? Like, there's more than one. We got Hanukkah. Hanukkah.
Michael Cohen
Hanukkah.
David Cyrus
Another one,
Michael Cohen
and.
Robert Smigel
Oh, yeah, that's. Everyone knows that one.
David Feldman
Yeah.
Lauren Feldman
You could probably make a joke that all the Christmas songs were written by Jewish guys, too, because I'm pretty sure they all were.
Michael Cohen
Right.
Robert Smigel
Something. That's a real source of pride because there's so many beautiful songs. But then I saw a documentary and Jackie Mason was on it and talking about. Everybody's like, singing the praises of all. Yeah, well, the Jewish guys went on there because, you know, there's a lot of money. There's a lot of money. Christmas song.
Mikey Day
That's a fantastic.
Robert Smigel
What are you doing? You're ruining the whole documentary. Think about it, though. Think about it. Hear me out, hear me out, hear me out. You write a Christmas song. They play it every year on the radio. Every year you make money. No, that can't be the only reason. The whole rest of the documentary was like, jews are outsiders. They can relate. Frosty the Snowman or Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. It's a song about it. An outsider. He had a red nose. And Jews can relate. And then, ching, ching. And the guy's got dollar signs. Wipe out the dollar signs, God damn it.
Mikey Day
But anyway, that's an incredible Jackie Mason, by the way.
Robert Smigel
Oh, please. Every Jewish person can do an old Jew name. Any old J. George Burns. I can do George.
Mikey Day
That's a great George. The adage is true.
Robert Smigel
It's just. But seriously. Well, maybe the Asian Jewish person could brag about.
Lauren Feldman
Yeah, you could. She could also then say after the Hanukkah medley, now, I'm going to do some Asian Christmas songs. Just kidding. They don't exist.
Robert Smigel
And then you just start it and then you're like, we're just kidding. Like halfway. Come on, dreidel dre.
Mikey Day
Just kidding.
David Feldman
Just kidding.
Mikey Day
We wish you a merry Christmas. Merry Christmas.
Robert Smigel
Okay, it'd be funny if she says that because she's Jewish. It'll. That'll work.
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Robert Smigel
I. I sense you're Jewish, Cohen.
Michael Cohen
Yes.
Mikey Day
Your Spidey sense.
Lauren Feldman
Michael Cohen.
Michael Cohen
That's right.
Robert Smigel
Michael Cohen.
Lauren Feldman
So there you had it. So you had a. Your life was going great.
Mikey Day
And then Trump's.
Lauren Feldman
Trump's buddy.
Robert Smigel
People just, like, don't believe a word he says. He's just all he wants. It's a different one.
Mikey Day
It's not me.
Lauren Feldman
I'm not the fixer.
Mikey Day
Getting a lot of emails from the Associated Press. Can you comment? Yeah, not me.
Lauren Feldman
I'm the Harvard singing one.
Robert Smigel
Yeah, you don't do political stuff. You're not gonna get even.
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Michael Cohen
We have performed at some, like, Democratic. One of our members, he's very involved in the la, like, Democratic Club. So we performed at some of their, like, like, they open a little, like, regional center and we'll go and perform there, so.
Robert Smigel
Cause maybe if you said something that was like, Semi controversial. And then it's like, check that we're the only people from Harvard who haven't been sued by the president, and we want to keep it that way.
Lauren Feldman
Could also say, yeah, you're raising money to pay off Trump so it doesn't close Harvard down.
Robert Smigel
Oh, that's good.
Lauren Feldman
Pass the hat.
Robert Smigel
You know, this is not our regular job. We are doing this to fund the, you know, fun medical research. It's been denied by the Trump administration.
Mikey Day
Put one dude in a Trump suit and a Trump wig, and he's standing there kind of in the middle of the group, but never have him do a Trump impression or sing a song. So the whole time, what is.
Bobby Moynihan
What.
Mikey Day
When is he gonna come out and be like, hello. Oh, and then just never have him do anything.
Michael Cohen
I don't know.
Lauren Feldman
Very alt bits for the.
Mikey Day
Yeah, I don't know if the Rotary Club.
Robert Smigel
I don't know if they're trying to expand their audience. Right. Then, you know, then there'll be some word of mouth, perhaps.
Michael Cohen
Well, then we'll go viral.
Bobby Moynihan
Right?
Michael Cohen
Then we'll go viral.
Robert Smigel
Let's slow down. That's step two. Viral. No, that's the. That's the medical emergency that's going viral. That's your best shot at virals, I think.
Lauren Feldman
Think, for starters, what's the social media presence?
Robert Smigel
But then at the end of the medical emergency, there's like, a little clip from you guys smiling, like, click to subscribe. There's plenty of funny stuff like that.
David Feldman
Hey, they didn't die.
Mikey Day
Click to subscribe.
Robert Smigel
Yeah, and then. And then that draws them into the
Lauren Feldman
Smash that, like, button.
Robert Smigel
Do you get a lot of Harvard people coming to your event because they're. You're from Harvard?
Michael Cohen
I mean, sometimes. Well, sometimes we'll also open up for. Some of the current group at Harvard will come out for, like. Like winter break or spring break or something, right?
Robert Smigel
Then you might want to hit the. You might get some positive attention by hitting, you know, the Trump cuts and the settlement. And just say, as Harvard alumni, we find it very offensive that our school has agreed to this settlement. No private institution like Harvard should have to submit to the whims of a government. Unless it's the government of Qatar. That's for the Jews. That's. That's when you play a synagogue. Have you got any synagogue bookings? Because that'll murder
Mikey Day
a lot of east coast schools. Acapella is like, a big deal, right?
Greg Gordon
They're like.
Michael Cohen
They're like the Rock. Everyone.
Mikey Day
Yeah, everyone goes to the shows because they appreciate.
Robert Smigel
Yeah.
Mikey Day
The artistry and the showmanship.
Robert Smigel
I agree that, like, some of the repertoire could be spiced up. And.
Mikey Day
Yeah, TV theme songs, I think is fun on. Right, we touched on that. But like, songs that maybe don't have lyrics that they either. You could write lyrics for or kind of do the like. Like, I'm thinking of Lost.
Lauren Feldman
I mean, Game of Thrones, you could put some lyrics on. You put some lyrics on Seinfeld.
Mikey Day
Yes,
Robert Smigel
but it also could sound really good without lyrics.
Lauren Feldman
I mean, that bass guy would really. He's auditioning. Mikey's got.
Mikey Day
He's got the Pops and of course, Cosby Show.
Robert Smigel
Beretta.
Michael Cohen
You know, Beretta.
Mikey Day
That could be something like Cosby Beretta. I don't know if you want to add the layer of instrumental, but doing something instrumental.
Robert Smigel
What was the Kevin Spacey show?
Lauren Feldman
House of Cards.
Mikey Day
It's all cancelled.
Robert Smigel
House of Cards, Yeah.
Mikey Day
Just disgraced.
Robert Smigel
To see how long it takes for the audience to realize that you're only doing show. You have to save Cosby.
Mikey Day
See if you can find the common thread. Boom, boom. Cartoons. Inspector Gadget. Let's go.
Lauren Feldman
That is a good, good acapella.
Robert Smigel
One gadget actually would be a really good acapella song. What was the other one? Well, Carmen San Diego.
Ray Porter
You could.
Lauren Feldman
I mean, that's Jesus.
Mikey Day
Do other groups do that? Like, what's.
Michael Cohen
What's.
Jen Clymer
What.
Mikey Day
How do. How does the acapella community view Rockella?
Starbucks Advertiser
Yeah, I think.
David Feldman
I think they're considered.
Michael Cohen
One of the guys in our group, Mark, the guy that conducts, he was like, friends with them. So he was there when they were recording their seminal works.
Mikey Day
I was there. It was like the Beatles doing the.
David Feldman
I was there.
Mikey Day
Is there anything. A silly, dumb story. Like, for instance, they sing the Gambler, right?
Robert Smigel
Yes.
Mikey Day
So, like, we have any gam. People like to gamble here in the crowd. Right. And then you guys tell it, obviously fake. Like some silly, stupid story about how you gambled too much or something.
Lauren Feldman
Plot of uncut gems.
Mikey Day
And then someone goes, is that pretty deep?
Robert Smigel
See if people figure it out.
Mikey Day
I have a little story, and then they just do the full plot.
Robert Smigel
I worked in the diamond district for a time.
Mikey Day
Had a bit of a problem with sports.
Robert Smigel
Gambling. Yes.
Kal Penn
Yes.
Robert Smigel
Then Kevin Garnett. Kevin Garnet, girlfriend Kevin Garnett happened into my store.
Mikey Day
Mind you, the Weeknd was banging my girlfriend. Isn't that what happens?
Lauren Feldman
Yeah, the weekend.
Mikey Day
That's something like that.
Robert Smigel
I think that would be hilarious, personally. And I'm in the pantheon. My friends David and David made some suggestions for band Names.
David Cyrus
Okay.
Robert Smigel
Since you guys are middle aged. One erection. Pretty good. Wow.
Lauren Feldman
That's incredible.
Robert Smigel
David Feldman. David Cyrus.
Mikey Day
That's incredible.
Robert Smigel
This is a little more Harvard favoring. I think this would alienate people. Boys to Mensa.
Mikey Day
Come on.
Robert Smigel
And I like this one. This is another Harvard reference. Good evening, everybody. We're Hasty pudding in your pants.
Michael Cohen
I wrote for three of the Hasty Pudding shows. So yeah.
Robert Smigel
If you would just say that when you introduce yourself, everyone would stand up.
Mikey Day
What do you need us for?
Robert Smigel
I'm Michael Cohen.
Michael Cohen
I wrote the music.
Mikey Day
Got it.
Robert Smigel
I wrote the music to the Hasty. They don't even have to say pudding Show.
Lauren Feldman
The Hasties.
Mikey Day
The Hasty.
Lauren Feldman
Yeah.
Kal Penn
I got three.
Robert Smigel
I got three Hasties under my belt.
Mikey Day
I think they're already going to be on your side because the name of your group is going to be one erection.
Robert Smigel
Is that your favorite? One Erection.
Lauren Feldman
I like one Erection.
Robert Smigel
Or maybe you just also known as three or four others. One erection.
Mikey Day
Fka.
Robert Smigel
We're looking for a new name. And you could like pull the audience. That's always a winner.
Mikey Day
That's a great.
Robert Smigel
Gets them involved.
Lauren Feldman
Yeah.
Mikey Day
Have like, like 20 or 10 names on a list.
Robert Smigel
Say 3,000 and skip the song.
Mikey Day
But that's a great in between song bit. Have a bunch of like that.
Robert Smigel
That's a good bit offer. Yeah.
Mikey Day
What do you guys think?
Robert Smigel
Because we're some. And you can come. You can come up with some.
Lauren Feldman
We got that runner. We've got the lady looking for the husband.
Mikey Day
Yale boy.
Lauren Feldman
Yale boy, of course. Who's making multiple appearances.
Mikey Day
Your pants are around your ankles.
Robert Smigel
Wait, I think we had the bathroom.
Mikey Day
I'm Yale boy.
Lauren Feldman
He has a little boy. He has a little bulldog. Boxer shorts on.
Mikey Day
Little heart.
Michael Cohen
Little hearts.
David Feldman
A little.
Lauren Feldman
A little stain on the back.
David Feldman
Hey, yeah. I put my pants. Oh, yeah.
Bobby Moynihan
Oh, boy.
David Feldman
No one ever taught me how to go in the party.
Mikey Day
That Christmas song is fantastic.
Robert Smigel
Oh, that was good. David. I think he had another idea. Cyrus, who had this idea for a parody of. Based on the fact that the tariffs presumably so say the liberals will cause inflation. You could do a parody. Due to the rising prices. Have yourself very little Christmas. Right?
Lauren Feldman
Obviously.
Mikey Day
And it's all about like budget all the lyrics.
Robert Smigel
Little Christmas. Maybe half a day from now on. Just be glad we're making other countries pay. You're gonna have a Christmas like you're not gonna believe it's gonna be so small and so wonderful. So white.
Kal Penn
So white.
Robert Smigel
Weren't they incredible? None of that diversity crap other than
Lauren Feldman
the Asian Jewish lady.
Mikey Day
Like, can you see your group Realistically incorporating any of these suggestions.
Michael Cohen
Yes.
Mikey Day
Into your run of show.
Michael Cohen
No, Seriously?
Boost Mobile Advertiser
Yes.
Mikey Day
Obviously, Yale boy's a stretch, but, you
Michael Cohen
know, I think that's the big winner of the day.
Mikey Day
We're gonna give it.
Robert Smigel
We're gonna give that one to the hip, young group.
Lauren Feldman
They're gonna steal it.
Mikey Day
Have you told the rest of your group members that you were coming on?
Michael Cohen
Yes, I did. They are aware of that. I'm doing this.
Mikey Day
Okay, Very cool.
Michael Cohen
They were worried the only suggestion was going to be for me to poop on.
Robert Smigel
No, there's nothing like that. The worst thing triumph would say to you would be like acapella. Oh, great. So that's. You do that with no music. Why don't you try no voices too? You see, because you can't sing. It's terrible. And that's why it's funny.
Mikey Day
Here I am live at the Rotary Club. It's.
Robert Smigel
Oh, man, how the mighty have fallen.
Mikey Day
Dude, if you do.
Robert Smigel
Be the worst prank ever.
Mikey Day
If you do a triumph after all
Robert Smigel
this, I do a triumph remote at your performance and interview people about how shitty it is.
Mikey Day
Do you know how funny that would be and how great I. I would honestly go to their next performance, do a remote for humor me and be like, I'm here. The fans are going neutral troll. Let's step inside, shall we?
Michael Cohen
Well, thank you guys for all of your help.
Greg Gordon
We.
Michael Cohen
We will be happy to implement whatever.
Robert Smigel
Yeah, I'm going to get back to you with formal material, and then we're going to see.
Mikey Day
We're going to sit in the front row.
Robert Smigel
Yeah, we are.
Michael Cohen
We are.
Lauren Feldman
That's mine. Well, that one was mine.
Robert Smigel
Oh, my God.
Mikey Day
They're doing Yale boy.
David Feldman
And that's it.
Mikey Day
That's the only.
Lauren Feldman
Took the bad boy one.
Mikey Day
Everyone's. I'm Yale boy.
Lauren Feldman
I hope. I hope you can convince your bandmates to try out one or two of these.
Michael Cohen
I think we can. I promise you we will do some of them.
Lauren Feldman
And I hope this really helps with tenor retention, which I know is a major problem afflicting it.
Robert Smigel
There is a pharmaceutical company working on tenor retention right now.
Mikey Day
You suffer from tenor retention? Yeah.
Robert Smigel
What if we got, like, Bobby Moynihan to play Yale?
Lauren Feldman
Oh, he would. Bobby, would he?
Robert Smigel
Would you do it if we got a celebrity to play Yale boy?
Michael Cohen
Honestly, 100.
Mikey Day
Bobby would be really funny.
Robert Smigel
He'd be so funny. And the hat.
Mikey Day
And he would commit.
Robert Smigel
Oh, my God.
Mikey Day
That's gonna be an interesting cross section with Bobby. Hey, Bobby, so it's no money. Will you put on a bonnet Already.
Robert Smigel
He's already off the phone ordering suckers online.
Mikey Day
Honestly, Bobby, I imagine Bobby would think it is so stupid and funny. He might actually do it.
Robert Smigel
I think he might do it in a second.
Michael Cohen
I think he might.
Robert Smigel
For the goof.
Mikey Day
He would do it just cuz he thought it was insane.
Robert Smigel
And the older and more sleepy the audience, the better. It's like a. It's like performance.
Mikey Day
I think Bobby would appreciate what it is.
Robert Smigel
Yeah. This is happening.
Lauren Feldman
All right.
Michael Cohen
That's great.
Robert Smigel
All right. God bless.
Mikey Day
Thank you for talking to us.
Robert Smigel
Thanks for everything. And we'll get back to you and everything's going to be great. Thank you for joining. Thank you for. Thank you for taking part.
Michael Cohen
Sure.
Robert Smigel
With Robert Smigel and friends.
Lauren Feldman
Work friends.
Mikey Day
Can you imagine if you had audio of Yale Boy just absolutely bombing?
David Feldman
Nothing would be better than video.
Robert Smigel
Are you kidding? We gotta get two cameras for the
Lauren Feldman
audience response to retirement home. Is he real?
Robert Smigel
We were enjoying the. The program and then this horrible man from Yale interrupted.
David Feldman
Big beard and he was screaming.
Robert Smigel
That was interrupted by someone having a medical incident.
David Feldman
Worst show I've ever been to Bugle Boy.
Robert Smigel
Okay, we're all set.
Mikey Day
Thanks for having.
Lauren Feldman
Thanks for having us.
Robert Smigel
Thanks, guys. You're. You really are amazing writers over here. An honor to have you here.
Mikey Day
It's an honor. Honor to be had.
Lauren Feldman
Absolutely.
Robert Smigel
All right, let's. Let's hit the Pantheon. Yeah, the Pantheon.
Mikey Day
There's a. There's a pool there.
Michael Cohen
Buffet.
Robert Smigel
There's a buffet. Got a thing that needs to be funnier. Tell us about it@speedpipe.com Humor me.
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Kal Penn
I'm the host of Earsay, the Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club. This week on the podcast I am sitting down with Ray Porter, the narrator of Andy Weir's audiobook project Hail Mary Massive sci fi adventure about survival and science and what happens when you wake up alone, very far from Earth.
Ray Porter
I really had to make a decision because I caught myself getting that frog in my throat and starting to get teary as I'm narrating some of these sections and it's like okay, yo yo yo. Is this indulgent? And I really thought about it. I was like no. At this point it would kind of be betraying the trust the author and the listener have in telling this story if I don't go through it. But there's places in this book that that deeply emotionally affected me and I left it on the mic. That's great cuz it served the story. People will say like oh my God, I cried at the end. It's like yeah dude, me too.
Kal Penn
Listen to ear, say the Audible and I iheart Audiobook Club on the iheartradio app or wherever you get your podcasts.
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Robert Smigel
Those of you watching, we couldn't get a regular studio, so we're in the Bow and Yang Memorial Memorial Studio. This is where. This is where it really happens. A real podcast.
Mikey Day
Las Coltristas.
Robert Smigel
You know all the lyrics to the theme song.
Mikey Day
I don't. All I know is Las Culturistas.
Robert Smigel
I think that's all the lyrics.
Lauren Feldman
That's really all you need.
Boost Mobile Advertiser
Okay.
Robert Smigel
Do you think they took our jokes? Do you think they botched them just like, or do you think, I hope so.
Lauren Feldman
But he was, he was kept. Remember he kept being like, yeah, we'll give it a shot. He seemed very confident and I remember feeling like, I don't think the rest of the crowd crew is gonna go for these.
Robert Smigel
But yeah, we'll ask him about what the rest of the crew thought.
Mikey Day
This is trash.
Robert Smigel
Are you making us do?
Mikey Day
You're sullying our brand Anyway, like I
Robert Smigel
said, it's many months later. The world's very different now.
Lauren Feldman
Yeah.
Robert Smigel
Robot rebellion.
Mikey Day
Yeah, I mean, I think. I think we got a win on our hands.
Robert Smigel
Okay, let's bring on Michael Cohen. First of all, tell us when you broke the news to the other bandmates that you were thinking about a character named Yale Brad Boy. And many other.
Mikey Day
How dare you?
Robert Smigel
Never.
Michael Cohen
So, yeah, I told him about Yale Boy. I think people were a little skeptical.
Starbucks Advertiser
Sure.
Michael Cohen
About Yale Boy.
Robert Smigel
They crazy. Okay.
Michael Cohen
And the other ideas, overall, people were actually very open to trying it. And then before we had even had a chance to work on them with you, we kind of wrote some of them on our own and tried them at a gig.
Robert Smigel
Yeah.
Michael Cohen
And actually it was a huge success.
Robert Smigel
You tried out. And to review, which ones did you try out on your own?
Michael Cohen
Virginia looking for a husband.
Mikey Day
Okay, I remember that. Yes.
Michael Cohen
And we did a volunteer. We needed a tenor to come volunteer. We made it so they would. We needed something. We brought them up.
Mikey Day
Lead with Yale Boy.
David Feldman
Yeah.
Michael Cohen
And it was like raucous. I mean, like, I mean, admittedly, they've been drinking for two hours. I mean, they were, they were loving it.
Robert Smigel
So that gave the band a little more confidence. Well, this is exciting. We have the entire show here, so we're going to scan it. This is the end of their first song. This is the end of their first song. Hark, hear the bells. Get a look at the audience there.
Lauren Feldman
There we go.
Mikey Day
Look that walker in the aisle.
Robert Smigel
Thank you so much. Hi, I am Marissa Chandler and we are the Harvard Yardbirds. We are an acapella group of alums from Harvard.
Cindy Crawford
Now I know there are many people
Jen Clymer
out there that have stereotypes about Harvard. But we are here to show you
Robert Smigel
that not all Harvard people have great jobs. Good big lies.
Mikey Day
Crunchy lass.
Jen Clymer
So I'm in a theater company. I'm in Pasadena and we did a show last weekend.
Robert Smigel
Here she comes.
Virginia Kirby Collette Haig Green
Step back for a minute.
Cindy Crawford
Okay.
Virginia Kirby Collette Haig Green
Hi, I'm Virginia Kirby Collette Haig Green. And I'm looking for my third husband.
Mikey Day
Thinking about it.
Virginia Kirby Collette Haig Green
Successful who can't remember their own name anymore. So I thought I'd start here and maybe this could be the start of something big.
Robert Smigel
We didn't write that segue. No, but. But it worked for this crowd, you know?
Mikey Day
Yeah, I think they're.
Robert Smigel
And this is the big Steve Allen classic. This guy.
Mikey Day
This guy's amazing.
Robert Smigel
He wants to hear his hearing. Okay, we're probably not allowed. The Steve Allen foundation will sue us.
Mikey Day
So let's skip to.
Robert Smigel
Skip to the next one.
Mikey Day
Sounds like an episode of Big Bang Theory. Where did you get your laugh track here? It's already feeling fun. You know what I mean?
Lauren Feldman
Feeling light.
Mikey Day
Yeah, yeah.
Greg Gordon
Yes.
Michael Cohen
Sometimes in the past. That's what I'm saying. We would sing songs and we talked in between the songs. But it could sometimes be a little dreary.
Robert Smigel
Well, we. We heard those segues. No, this is good. You did a self deprecating joke and a self deprecating. And that. That makes them root for you. Okay, let's see what we got.
Lauren Feldman
Oh, and she's back. Is this the callback?
Virginia Kirby Collette Haig Green
And furthermore, this is a few requirements I have for my third.
Robert Smigel
She ran with this and wrote her own joke.
Virginia Kirby Collette Haig Green
A short list.
Kal Penn
Drop it.
Bobby Moynihan
Drop it.
Virginia Kirby Collette Haig Green
I'm just going to pick a couple
Mikey Day
out at random to the ground.
Virginia Kirby Collette Haig Green
Number one, you have to be able to cook, use a hand drill and read my mind. Those are some basics. I'm also looking for a man with a very big diamond that he's a little blue. Pre owned is preferred. And finally, you must have your own car and not live in it.
Robert Smigel
Okay, we can jump ahead. Not that the songs aren't great. I actually. I have to admit Michael had my comments about acapella. But the state of the world is right now. Robot rebellion, all that.
Greg Gordon
Right.
Robert Smigel
I listened to the songs. And I was like, I need this. I need to hear this. Yeah, it made me feel good. And you. You guys perform very well.
Mikey Day
Yeah. You sound great.
Michael Cohen
Thank you.
Robert Smigel
Here comes bass guy, everyone.
David Cyrus
My name's Greg Gordon. I sing bass with the group. Yes. And now we're going to be doing a song that I think a lot of you will know was made pretty famous by some girls I used to date collectively and individually, the Andrews Sisters.
Robert Smigel
There you go. Greg wrote that on his own.
Lauren Feldman
Yeah.
Robert Smigel
Okay. So everybody got into the spirit of self application.
Lauren Feldman
Was it getting competitive? Like, people felt like Virginia got too much writing, and we're like, well, how come they didn't write anything?
David Feldman
She got a call back.
Michael Cohen
Well, yeah.
Robert Smigel
Right?
Jen Clymer
Yeah.
Michael Cohen
People were getting a little jealous of Virginia. Yeah.
Lauren Feldman
Yeah. Well, breakout.
Robert Smigel
Yeah. Couldn't we get Virginia here?
Mikey Day
She stole the show.
Robert Smigel
All right, let's. What's next?
Michael Cohen
I'm Michael Cohen. I'm the music director the group, ironically, I'm also the worst singer. So I did go to Harvard, but the only reason I got into the Harvard Yardbirds is because my parents donated a lot of money.
David Feldman
Yay.
Michael Cohen
And, you know, they paid for these scarves.
David Feldman
Yay.
David Cyrus
I'm sorry.
Cindy Crawford
I think it's a little much that
Robert Smigel
they ask Nate the rehearsal space after them.
Michael Cohen
Why is that?
Cindy Crawford
Because it's my garage.
Robert Smigel
Well, you guys got a whole Gail
Michael Cohen
Cohen Memorial rehearsal garage. It's a very pretty. Nice.
Robert Smigel
I gave him that one.
Michael Cohen
So we've been talking about love tonight. Virginia's looking for a husband. And I was lucky enough to meet my wife when she joined the group 11 years ago.
Robert Smigel
Remember this idea?
Bobby Moynihan
Yeah.
Jen Clymer
We were so fortunate to meet in
Robert Smigel
the group, and to honor that, I'd
like to sing a quick duet with the love of my life. Love lives where we belong where the eagles cry on a mountain high.
Michael Cohen
Actually, they sound pretty good.
Robert Smigel
Thanks, Mike.
Michael Cohen
All right, well, so give them a hand.
Lauren Feldman
This is that guy.
Robert Smigel
The ridiculous.
Michael Cohen
Here's a song.
Robert Smigel
Oh, this is the song parody coming up. Oh, yes.
Ray Porter
A lot more.
Robert Smigel
Oh, I missed that kind of way. What was it?
Lauren Feldman
Just that guy in the green having a. Is this the planted medical emergency we talked about?
Mikey Day
There's a lot riding on this parody.
Robert Smigel
Oh, yeah.
Lauren Feldman
Little jazz hands.
David Feldman
What?
Robert Smigel
I'll give you three. It's back to the Palm.
David Feldman
Thank you, everyone.
Jen Clymer
I'm Jen Clymer and I also enjoy the holidays.
Robert Smigel
But there is a limit, right?
Jen Clymer
The people that keep their lights on until Valentine's Day.
Robert Smigel
No, no.
Jen Clymer
So we wrote an extra verse to this song.
David Feldman
It's Continuing to look a lot like Christmas. They're on board Only at your house.
Lauren Feldman
Oh, my God.
David Feldman
30am at night and your roof is a beam of light. It's no surprise that you divorced your spouse.
Jen Clymer
It's continuing to look alive.
Mikey Day
They're on board.
David Feldman
Dude, take your lights down, please. Everyone on the block but you is
Jen Clymer
embarrassed and hopes you do or we'll
David Feldman
chop down all your. Wow.
Robert Smigel
Very nice.
Lauren Feldman
That's.
Mikey Day
Were those the lyrics? Did you provide.
Robert Smigel
Yeah, okay, stop it for one second. So, Michael.
David Cyrus
Yes.
Robert Smigel
There's at least one bit that Michael and the band refused to do. You remember that? We talked about that somebody was conducting during the show, but that didn't really happen.
Michael Cohen
Problem was we didn't have time to practice a whole, like, new song.
Robert Smigel
No, but I purposely made the song to the theme of the Harvard because I knew that you'd have that experience excuse. So I was like, okay, I'm gonna write it to the Harvard. Not fight song.
Michael Cohen
But what is it?
Robert Smigel
The school song.
Michael Cohen
There's a right fair Harvard. I'm open to doing it in the future. I think we just literally didn't have.
Robert Smigel
Oh, I don't think you'll ever do it, because it was. It was here. I'm gonna. I'm gonna sing it really quick. So it was making fun of Michael for conducting, and I was gonna have him conduct while he did it. I don't know the exact tune anymore, so I'm gonna just. He waves his arm so proudly and so energetically but none of us are looking we're just trying to sing on key still he acts as if he matters that on him we all depend but he lets us pass around his wife so we all choose to. To pretend. Yes. His wife has sex with all of us so we all choose to pretend.
Lauren Feldman
And they didn't go for that.
Robert Smigel
They didn't go for it.
Mikey Day
My wife.
Michael Cohen
Now I remember.
Boost Mobile Advertiser
Yeah.
Michael Cohen
I think my wife might have put
Lauren Feldman
the Knicks on maybe a lot of cuckolding stuff with you in the show.
Robert Smigel
Actually, he did. Did make a point. He said, we've already got a cuckold in the show.
Mikey Day
Right, Right.
Robert Smigel
So that was you guys.
Lauren Feldman
Why are you guys coming up with this stuff for me, man?
Robert Smigel
Maybe, you know, another time you skip that one and you go with this.
Michael Cohen
I think it was also just our vibe. Yeah, we don't really go to the
Robert Smigel
now they've got sexual. Hey, the yard birds don't get it. You know, we do a lot of comedy, but, you know, we. We know where to draw the line.
Mikey Day
Sing the Crowd, too. I understand.
Boost Mobile Advertiser
Yeah.
Robert Smigel
That's why you want to do it.
Mikey Day
True.
Robert Smigel
Okay, next bit.
Jen Clymer
I love all these Christmas songs that we're singing, but I actually don't celebrate Christmas because.
Mikey Day
Which one is this?
Jen Clymer
I'm Jewish,
Virginia Kirby Collette Haig Green
I am Asian, and I am Jewish.
Jen Clymer
I actually didn't have to apply to Harvard.
Virginia Kirby Collette Haig Green
They just send me the admission letter.
Mikey Day
That's crushing.
Robert Smigel
As a good Ivy League
Cindy Crawford
group, we
Jen Clymer
have scoured the Earth to bring you
Robert Smigel
all of the Hanukkah songs that we can find.
Jen Clymer
And we have put them all together in a lovely big medley, which we
Virginia Kirby Collette Haig Green
would like to do for you now.
Mikey Day
Is this one. Is it just really?
David Feldman
Oh, Hanukkah oh, Hanukkah Come like the menorah Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel I made it out of clay and when it's dried and ready A dreidel ice will play hey.
Virginia Kirby Collette Haig Green
Okay. All right.
Lauren Feldman
That was a dicey bid.
David Cyrus
You guys all got in free to this back to the base. So we're clearly not able to draw a lot of people with our name, the Harvard Yard. So we're thinking maybe to focus group a couple of new names with you guys. So, you know, if something resonates with you, feel free to respond.
Mikey Day
Oh, I remember what we're talking about.
David Cyrus
Let's try this one. How about the Harvard Red Squares? Anybody like that one? Hasty Pudding in your pants.
Mikey Day
What the fuck is this? Don't make fun of that.
Robert Smigel
There's the old cutaway to the old man.
David Cyrus
How about boys to Mensa?
Robert Smigel
So you guys skipped the one that got the big laugh in the room, which was one erection.
Michael Cohen
Yeah. Once again, people, too dirty.
Robert Smigel
Okay, all right. After that, this will save it. Don't worry, no matter how it goes, we've got java in our back pocket.
Mikey Day
This is the song. This one's for the kids.
Lauren Feldman
Did we say that uncut gems bit?
Michael Cohen
Yeah, there was some reluctance about whether that would work. I'm not sure how much of our audience knows the movie. Maybe just reference a different gambling movie that we can think of or something.
Mikey Day
Rounders. You're all familiar with a plot of Rounders, right? No. Okay. You're not gonna like the next six minutes
Starbucks Advertiser
more.
David Feldman
My un. Oh, my God, Bobby, look at these armor. Guys, I want to sing, too. Ones who can sing.
Michael Cohen
We're in the middle of a show.
David Feldman
I want to give you such a smack. You guys are such meaning. Singing, dance. Just because you got clean underwear song doesn't mean you're better than me.
Lauren Feldman
The Gail boy, she's great.
David Feldman
You didn't write your lines on your hand just in case. Here was a good school. It's in New Haven. There's pizza and streets too. I want to sing. You guys are a bunch of meanies and snaps. Oh, no. Yeah.
Mikey Day
Yale. Wow.
Lauren Feldman
Said Bobby would commit.
Robert Smigel
There he is. Let's stop the tape and bring on the gift of honor.
Mikey Day
Bobby Moynihan here to talk about Yale boy himself. Wow.
Robert Smigel
Acapella's Yale boy.
Mikey Day
How are you? The entrance, coming in hot. Wow.
Lauren Feldman
Nothing setting him up.
Mikey Day
Did you get a look at the crowd before Bobby? Did you peek out there and see?
Greg Gordon
Yeah.
Bobby Moynihan
I sent smigo videos of me watching them through, like, a slit in the window in the background and being like, what have I done? I really wasn't sure how it was gonna go. I've done a lot of these silly bits before, but, like, for some reason, this felt rude. Like, it was like, they were really good too, dude. It's like my wife is a. Is a very, very talented singer. And, like, sometimes you forget, like, a group of people just in a room singing together can actually be, like, beautiful and cathartic and. Yeah, I'm standing backstage in a sailor
Mikey Day
outfit going, like, I feel mean with your life.
Bobby Moynihan
This is beautiful. They're bringing joy to people, and I'm about to kind like, no one cares. It's me.
Robert Smigel
It's not exactly the Saturday night live
Bobby Moynihan
audience that, I mean, my entire life is. Wait, is that Horatio?
Robert Smigel
Oh, these people be like, is that. Is that Jackie Glen?
Bobby Moynihan
It was, but it was a blast.
Kal Penn
But.
Bobby Moynihan
But how many times I have stood in a tiny all purpose room with a giant lollipop and a sailor outfit?
Mikey Day
It's a.
Lauren Feldman
It's.
Michael Cohen
It's a.
Bobby Moynihan
It's a sad amount of times.
Mikey Day
The commitment is impressive because I would have been back there, I would have seen the sunlight coming through the windows, and I would have been like, I don't think I can do this.
Bobby Moynihan
Oh, those videos were originally for my wife. Those were just to show her, like, this is what I'm doing. I'm 48, and this is what I'm doing.
Robert Smigel
Oh, believe me, I've had that experience. When I was 48, it was on my 48th birthday. So literally, I get a call from Lorne Michaels, and I. I am underneath an acupuncture table in Chinatown holding up triumph like, I'm on the floor. It's my 48th birthday, and there's an Asian guy who doesn't understand English. The whole bit is that triumph is turned on by the acupuncture. And wants it to hurt because that's what's gonna make him come. And this is what I was doing on the phone with Lorne Michaels How. Congratulations. 48th birthday.
Mikey Day
One sec, Lauren. Come on, Matt.
David Feldman
Rocket up, Matt.
Robert Smigel
Exactly. Exactly. So, Bobby, all I can tell you is it's. It's a blessing that you can be 48 and still be such an idiot. It's actually a blessing.
Bobby Moynihan
I'm a very lucky Yale boy.
Mikey Day
I think no matter what with Bobby being Yale boy. Yale boy is endearing.
Lauren Feldman
Yeah.
Robert Smigel
Did you have any experience afterward? Like, were any audience members coming up to you?
Bobby Moynihan
I was in the car 48 seconds after I left.
Robert Smigel
You're like Lady Gaga. Just get me into the limo. I went, she's gone. She's out of the room.
Mikey Day
He was like, Marty MC with the outfit on.
Michael Cohen
I don't remember taking the outfit off.
Mikey Day
You went so fast. You ran out of the outfit, like,
Lauren Feldman
spinning in the air like a cartoon.
Robert Smigel
So that's. That doesn't sound like you were happy with the experience if you left that. It's like LeBron tearing his jersey off after Boston Beat.
Bobby Moynihan
No, no, it's just that. That's the thing. It's just the SNL of, like. Well, on to the next costume. I gotta go put a costume on.
Robert Smigel
I got three more acapella gigs. Okay. Give me a break.
Mikey Day
Yeah, that was.
Bobby Moynihan
That was. That was probably the least amount of performing I had to do that. That come home to my kids and put on a woody costume immediately.
Robert Smigel
That's the real thing. He had kids. It's a Sunday afternoon. He'd want to get home.
Michael Cohen
Bobby, what do we need to do to lock you in permanently for the Yardbirds?
Bobby Moynihan
I mean, not much.
Michael Cohen
Food.
Bobby Moynihan
Food.
Robert Smigel
Three fish sticks and a ride home.
Bobby Moynihan
Yeah, just feed me. That's my new drag. That's my new drag.
Robert Smigel
Name two turntables and a microphone.
Lauren Feldman
Three fish sticks in a rock.
Mikey Day
God, that's so funny.
Robert Smigel
Well, God bless you. Bobby.
Mikey Day
Bobby, that was incredible, dude.
Lauren Feldman
I can't thank you and apologize enough.
Bobby Moynihan
Driving home and realizing to going to myself, like, the only reason I showed up was because that was weird.
Mikey Day
Here comes the old boy. I think if there's ever a big, like, the Yardbirds come home homecoming concert.
Virginia Kirby Collette Haig Green
Dirt.
Mikey Day
Yo, boy. And Bobby's willing to reprise his role
Robert Smigel
if you actually went to Harvard.
Bobby Moynihan
I'm just gonna go walk around campus.
Robert Smigel
That too.
Lauren Feldman
The Harvard Yale football game, too.
Mikey Day
You.
Lauren Feldman
You could play Lost and his pants are falling down.
Bobby Moynihan
I have no problem saying this on a podcast. I am wildly confident. I Could kick anyone's ass at Harvard.
Mikey Day
Let's put him to the test.
Robert Smigel
We have our headlines.
Mikey Day
We better do a post warning about that later.
Lauren Feldman
Not the Winklevoss twins. Ah, no.
Robert Smigel
Well, fantastic.
Boost Mobile Advertiser
I love you.
Bobby Moynihan
Thank you for letting me do weird stuff at your. At your acapella group. It was wonderful. It's good to see you.
Michael Cohen
Thanks for coming.
Bobby Moynihan
Thank you for having me.
Mikey Day
Do you have your next gig on the books?
Michael Cohen
No, we had a few. We had a number of holiday gigs.
Mikey Day
Right.
Michael Cohen
Went well.
Mikey Day
Do you replace all the holiday stuff?
Michael Cohen
No, we won't be doing any holiday classic favorites, and we're looking for suggestions for songs.
Robert Smigel
You may have to do the conductor,
Mikey Day
the concoctor.
Robert Smigel
The concoctor.
Mikey Day
We're cutting concoctor. You know what? I'm putting it back in. This crap can handle it.
Robert Smigel
All right.
Mikey Day
Well, you guys crushed it. Well done.
Lauren Feldman
Well done. Yeah, thanks.
Robert Smigel
Congratulations. Glad we could help in whatever way we did.
Michael Cohen
And, yes, the group is invigorated by this. Seriously, this was. Was like making it a fun time.
Lauren Feldman
You might even be able to keep a tenor.
Michael Cohen
The one tenor that was there. He quit the group after this. No joking.
Robert Smigel
Why?
David Feldman
I. I'm here for the music.
Mikey Day
I'm not some clown.
Michael Cohen
Exactly.
Robert Smigel
He did quit.
Michael Cohen
That's not a joke.
Robert Smigel
Yeah, and because of the comedy.
Michael Cohen
No, no, no.
Robert Smigel
Oh, okay.
Lauren Feldman
Because of some stuff Yale boys had to.
Robert Smigel
Yale boy touched him inappropriately. Just kidding. All right, well, thank you so much, Michael.
Michael Cohen
Thank you. Thank you, guys for all your.
Lauren Feldman
Michael.
Robert Smigel
Of course, you gentlemen.
Mikey Day
It was a lot of fun.
Robert Smigel
Thanks to Bobby Moynihan.
Mikey Day
Thanks to Bobby.
Robert Smigel
Another satisfied customer. We'll be right back. So, Mikey Streeter, you guys buy canoes, right?
Mikey Day
Oh, absolutely. All the time.
Robert Smigel
Yeah, all the time.
Cindy Crawford
Right.
Robert Smigel
Like, isn't it frustrating, though, the. The trouble you have to go through every time you buy a canoe?
Mikey Day
Yeah. You have to go to the store.
Lauren Feldman
Go to the store. Getting it home is.
Robert Smigel
Hear the salesman spiel. He tries to sell you on this canoe.
Lauren Feldman
Right, right. And I often know what canoe I want.
Mikey Day
Oh, yeah.
Lauren Feldman
You know, but. But I gotta hear the pitch.
Robert Smigel
Pitch. And you got to hear the pitch, and then you gotta get to the roof. And it's like, given how many canoes the average person buys in a year.
Michael Cohen
Right.
Robert Smigel
It's a huge inconvenience.
Mikey Day
Oh, absolutely.
Lauren Feldman
I mean, I think if you're like me, I don't. I can't speak for you guys, but I'm buying at least a canoe a month.
Mikey Day
Yeah.
Lauren Feldman
And so to.
Michael Cohen
That's a.
Robert Smigel
That's a Whole Saturday, a lot more than that.
Mikey Day
And we're heading into February and March, early March, which is canoe season.
Boost Mobile Advertiser
Yeah.
Cindy Crawford
Right.
Robert Smigel
Well, all I can say is, thank God finally there's. You guys know about this.
Mikey Day
Yeah.
Robert Smigel
There's a service called Canoe Direct, which allows you, in the comfort of your own home, to join a club, as it were. And the canoes will be sent directly to your home.
Lauren Feldman
Yes.
Robert Smigel
No muss, no fuss.
David Feldman
Yeah.
Lauren Feldman
No more bungee cord on the.
Robert Smigel
Yeah.
Mikey Day
What I love about it is that you keep the canoes you. You like.
Lauren Feldman
Yes.
Mikey Day
And you send the ones you don't want right back to Canoe Direct. You pay the shipping, but you can ask Canoe Direct to send you the boxes and what you need.
Robert Smigel
All you pay is. All you pay is the shipping. But if you buy enough canoes over a certain amount of time, you become. Then you reach a higher tier.
Mikey Day
Oh, yeah.
Lauren Feldman
It's cool, too.
Mikey Day
The.
Lauren Feldman
And this is a new feature that they just rolled out, but they're. The AI powered algorithm will learn what canoes you prefer, you know, based on your order history and which ones you can see.
Robert Smigel
So it's like an auto Canoe Direct.
Lauren Feldman
Yeah. So it starts tailoring the canoes because sometimes you'll get like a birch bark. I'm not a birch bark canoe guy, but they were sending me one and I would always send it back. And now it learned don't send them birch bark canoe.
Mikey Day
You know, like the canoe you just got. I remember commenting, like, where Canoe Direct. Which is like, we just knew Canoe Direct.
Robert Smigel
I mean, honestly, I got into Canoe Direct for the convenience. I didn't expect the quality of the canoes to be what they are.
Mikey Day
Yeah. You were skeptical at first, but now, honestly.
Lauren Feldman
And the subscription piece is nice because I'm not having to think every, you know, saying to my wife, it's the third Sunday of the month, we gotta
Robert Smigel
go, we gotta go.
Lauren Feldman
We gotta go to the canoe store. They just show up right on my doorstep. The kicker kayak is nice, too. Once you've bought five canoes, they send you a kicker kayak for free, which is just like a perk.
Robert Smigel
Right.
Lauren Feldman
You know, just. It's nice.
Cindy Crawford
It's.
Mikey Day
Yeah. And I always look forward.
Robert Smigel
It's nice to break it up once in a while.
Mikey Day
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I always look forward to that day when those five canoes show up at my house. I'm like, ooh. Like, my wife, she goes, canoe day.
Robert Smigel
Oh, my God. My kids run out and they all know the canoe delivery man is like, he knows their names.
Mikey Day
Yeah.
Lauren Feldman
You know, it's that white glove delivery, which is nice, too. So they unbox it.
Mikey Day
They'll figure it.
Robert Smigel
Yeah.
For the amount of money. Money.
Mikey Day
Yeah. Yeah. For 179.99amonth. Again, that covers your initial canoe.
Michael Cohen
Right.
Mikey Day
You pay for any additional canoes you want, which makes sense. And the price is, by the way, better than a standard canoe store.
Lauren Feldman
Well, because you're cutting out the middleman.
Robert Smigel
Yeah. You're going overhead.
Lauren Feldman
The canoe manufacturers and the rewards you
Mikey Day
get, the more canoes you buy, you can't be beat.
Lauren Feldman
Yeah.
Robert Smigel
And we have a special offer on this show.
Kal Penn
Right.
Robert Smigel
You know, if you use our promo code, which is Mikey and Streeter, love to buy canoes directly. 973-8126-579998-87368. Mikey and Streeter, as I said earlier, love to buy canoes. No. 9 12.
Mikey Day
Yeah, yeah.
Lauren Feldman
You just put that in on the app or the website.
Robert Smigel
Yeah, just type it in.
Mikey Day
Yeah. Three Y's on Mikey and three R's on Street or whenever you.
Robert Smigel
Yeah, Everybody knows. Everybody knows. I'm sorry. I should have.
Mikey Day
No, no, it's not.
Robert Smigel
I could spell it out. Do we have time for me to spell it out? I, K, E, Y, Y, Y. Okay.
Lauren Feldman
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Robert Smigel
That's Canoe Direct. Humor Me with Robert Smigel and Friends is a production of I Heart Media and Big Money Players, created by Michelle Sachs Smigel, who executive produces with her loving husband, Robert. Produced by Frank Stinky Smiley, executive producer for iHeart, Jana Cagle. Video producer Daniel Goodman. Additional material by David Cyrus, David Feldman, Hannah Feldman, edited by Robert Ash. Theme music by Stephen Gold, sung by America's leading Bruce Springsteen impersonator, Robert L. Poopstein. Don't forget to subscribe and follow to get new episodes of Humor Me each week. And while you're there, rate and review the show. That is, if you liked it. If you didn't, this conversation never happened. And we'll see you next week.
Kal Penn
Hey, everyone, it's Cal Penn. I'm inviting you to join the best sounding book club you've ever heard with my podcast, Hearsay, The Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club. Every episode, I nerd out with amazing guests and dive into the best new audiobooks available on Audible. It's the book club for your ears. Listen to Hearsay, the Audible and I Heart Audiobook Club on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts.
Robert Smigel
Paramount plus is now the home of all your BET favorites.
David Feldman
What? Yes.
Robert Smigel
With all new episodes of Tyler Perry's divorce sisters you've always liked.
Virginia Kirby Collette Haig Green
A little drama.
Robert Smigel
Plus a whole new world of movies like Gladiator 2. Now I will control an empire. Original series like the Shy. Just make sure we protect each other and live sports like ufc.
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Welcome to the history books.
Robert Smigel
New home, same family. Your BET favorites are now on Paramount plus Subscribe Now.
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Literally. I mean, you could just keep buying new underwear. Not that I've ever done that. Or maybe sort your clothes into piles based on how re wearable or filthy they are. Or just use Arm and Hammer Deep Clean. It's made for real life stinks and stains. So even if you don't do laundry, the quote right way Deep Clean will knock it out. I mean it is from the number one liquid detergent brand that tackles more loads than any other. Come clean with Arm and Hammer Deep Clean Number one claim based on total wash loads sold. This is an Iheart podcast. Guaranteed human.
This episode of Humor Me is a comedic jam session devoted to one mission: helping Michael Cohen’s Harvard alumni a cappella group (“The Harvard Yardbirds”) punch up their between-song banter. Host Robert Smigel and his panel of comedy writers—including SNL’s Mikey Day and Streeter Seidell—brainstorm sketches, self-deprecating jokes, song parody ideas, and absurd audience bits. Later, they check back in with Michael (and Bobby Moynihan, who played the infamous "Yale Boy") to find out which ideas killed, which bombed, and whether comedy really can save a gig at a Rotary Club.
"Since you guys are middle aged—one erection." (Robert Smigel, 02:52)
"I feel like our C material might bring the house down." (Mikey Day, 19:50)
"For people who have stereotypes about Harvard, we are proof that not everyone from Harvard gets the best jobs." (Robert Smigel, 21:40)
"If we get them to do a few of these things and they work, they might eventually come around to the brilliance that is 'Yale Boy'." (Robert Smigel, 33:18)
"Let me handle the offensive stuff. An Asian Jew—did she even have to apply to Harvard?" (Robert Smigel, 37:05)
"We kind of wrote some of them on our own and tried them at a gig. And actually it was a huge success." (Michael Cohen, 62:39)
"This is beautiful. They're bringing joy to people, and I'm about to… like, no one cares, it's me." (Bobby Moynihan, 78:02)
"It's a blessing that you can be 48 and still be such an idiot." (Robert Smigel, 79:46)
"Yes, the group is invigorated by this. Seriously, this was like making it a fun time." (Michael Cohen, 82:57)
"Since you guys are middle aged—one erection."
—Robert Smigel (02:52)
"I feel like our C material might bring the house down."
—Mikey Day (19:50)
"For people who have stereotypes about Harvard, we are proof that not everyone from Harvard gets the best jobs."
—Robert Smigel (21:40)
"Let me handle the offensive stuff. An Asian Jew—did she even have to apply to Harvard?"
—Robert Smigel (37:05)
"We kind of wrote some of them on our own and tried them at a gig. And actually it was a huge success."
—Michael Cohen (62:39)
"It's a blessing that you can be 48 and still be such an idiot."
—Robert Smigel (79:46)
| Segment | Description | Timestamps | |---------|-------------|-----------| | Introductions, Harvard debate, SNL writer jokes | 02:24 – 06:59 | | Interview with Michael Cohen, banter problem outlined | 14:27 – 19:10 | | Panel brainstorm: Harvard jokes, group names | 21:05 – 33:00 | | Interactive/Audience bits, Yale Boy concept | 33:11 – 43:09 | | Diversity/self-dep humor, Jewish/Asian Harvard admission | 43:10 – 47:00 | | Reflection/Test drive: Which bits worked | 62:05 – 73:00 | | Bobby Moynihan as Yale Boy, panel reactions | 76:54 – 81:42 | | Wrap-up, reflection, and impact on group morale | 81:52 – 83:01 |
The episode is a case study in how good comedy writers make even “dad joke” material feel fresh and how a little showbiz self-aware goofiness can invigorate even the jankiest of alumni singing groups.
"Well, God bless you, Bobby." —Robert Smigel (81:16)
"Yes, the group is invigorated by this. Seriously, this was. Was like making it a fun time." —Michael Cohen (82:57)
Result: The Harvard Yardbirds took the (PG-rated) advice to heart, winning over their crowd with playful, self-mocking banter—proving once and for all that even Ivy League singing nerds can bring down the house, especially when they have SNL's finest behind them (and Yale Boy getting booed for good measure).
If you’ve got a speech, intro, or family toast that needs to be funnier, Robert and friends might just be your secret weapon. Submit your own writing assignment at speakpipe.com/humorme.