Rob Riggle and Alex Moffat

Summary

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Podcast Summary: Humor Me with Robert Smigel and Friends

Episode: Rob Riggle and Alex Moffat
Date: June 19, 2026
Host: Robert Smigel
Guests: Rob Riggle, Alex Moffat, Rasmus Dahlin (NHL Player)
Theme: Punching Up an NHL Star’s Press Conferences

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Overview

In this lively and unpredictable episode, Robert Smigel welcomes comedians Rob Riggle and Alex Moffat—and for the first time, a professional athlete, Rasmus Dahlin (Buffalo Sabres defenseman)—to collaborate on making Dahlin’s notoriously stiff post-game press conferences funnier and more memorable. The panel brainstorms ways to inject humor and personality into the often-repetitive and joyless ritual of media Q&As, while riffing on sports media, comedy-war parallels, and the limits of postgame wit.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Theme & Premise of the Show

• The show explicitly exists to help real people—this time, an actual NHL star—make mundane or stressful situations “funnier.”
• Smigel introduces the task: Helping Dahlin “spice up” his postgame interviews, which are plagued by repetitive, dull questions.

Robert Smigel: “Usually it’s people making speeches, but today we are helping an NHL player with postgame press conferences.” (07:07)

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2. Sports Press Conference Woes

• Riggle, himself an ESPYs host, relates how athletes dislike red carpet/media events, which leads to stone-faced, humorless audiences.

Rob Riggle: “That crowd is notoriously awful… their default mode is competition, and so competition usually comes with this face, you know. Very intense and not smiling.” (09:10)

• Awards shows and “fake” laughter: They riff on how TV awards shows increasingly add laugh tracks to sweeten awkward silences, often making the bombed jokes more noticeable.

Robert Smigel: “That was when my innocence was lost and I realized that awards shows, maybe some of them, live sweetening are starting.” (13:13)

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3. Bonding Through Comedy and the Military

• The group pokes fun at civilian/military divides, “soft serve” culture, and the need for new approved slurs that are harmless but funny.
• Riggle describes his journey from military to comedy, including stage fright so severe it (momentarily) made combat seem less terrifying.

Rob Riggle: “There’s physical fear, and then there’s that kind of fear… I had never been vulnerable like that. Trying to do comedy in front of a bunch of New Yorkers that ain’t having it.” (18:58)

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4. Introduction & Briefing of Rasmus Dahlin

• Dahlin joins, bewildered, and is told the true premise (helping his pressers be funnier).
• Great bit where Moffat and Riggle jokingly quiz Dahlin on whether he recognizes them, working through their credits.

Robert Smigel: “I just want you to—this isn’t for our egos. We’re doing this so that you enjoy yourself more.” (32:46)

• Dahlin turns from confusion to starstruck as he recognizes Riggle and their references.

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5. Punching Up the Press Conference – Brainstorming Session

Panel offers a slew of comedic fixes, for both boring questions and stuffy atmospheres:

a. Using Swedish as a Secret Weapon

• Riggle: “Answer all questions you don’t like in Swedish.” (37:32)
• Smigel: “Bring in an interpreter—who’s secretly a comedian—so you answer in Swedish, and the translator riffs.” (38:08)

b. Entrance Music & Showmanship

• Moffat: “Have entrance music like a prizefighter to hype up the reporters, especially when coming out after a loss.” (40:12)
• Riggle: “Come out to Dolly Parton’s ‘Jolene’ as ‘Dahleen’.” (40:38)

c. Comically Literal & Deflective Responses

• “How does it feel?” Answer with absurd specifics, e.g., a detailed description of a zipper mishap. (41:49)
• For “What happened out there?”—“There was a hockey game between the Sabres and the Red Wings. You saw it.” (42:47)
• For “Did they want it more?”—“Actually, I think they wanted it less, which was a form of negging.” (44:05)

d. Reporter Callouts and Sarcasm

• “Incorporate their full names and outlets in your answers: ‘Well, Bob Perkins from CBS News, let me answer your question…’ to put the heat and accountability back on them.” (45:27)
• Sarcastically compliment repetitive questions: “That question’s SO good, everyone should know it’s Bob Perkins from CBS News who asked.” (46:07)

e. Swedish Shtick & Physical Comedy

• Wear a Viking helmet and braids after wins. “But only after victories.” (47:48)
• Hold a tray of Swedish food (lutefisk) and eat slowly to avoid questions. “If you have your mouth full of fish, it’s hard to answer questions!” (49:16)
• Complain about American meatballs or declare Buffalo’s weather the only one as tough as Sweden’s. (51:26)

f. Custom Catchphrases and Nicknames

• Give yourself an outsized hockey nickname (“Sweetness,” or “Swedish Buffalo Wild Wing.”) (53:21)
• Use puns like “Rasmatussin” (as in cough syrup for rough play), “grab your plate, you’re headed to the smorgasboards”, or after a check: “Merry Christmas, Dahlin!” (54:41, 55:09, 57:22)
• Catchphrase for annoying reporters: “Kiss my Rasmus.” (56:11)
• Always keep the “I got hit in the head” excuse as your comedic out:

  Rob Riggle: “You play a collision sport—you can always say, ‘I got hit pretty hard tonight, you have to forgive me.’ That’s your get out of jail free card.” (57:03)

g. Props and Theater

• Bring a T-shirt cannon for bad questions (“stupid question” written on the shirt); a bowl of candy for good questions. (61:18)
• Moffat: “Or a money gun—spread the fun!” (61:18–61:30)
• Swedish Fish as a prop—slowly munch them to delay answers. (62:26)

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6. Meta & Running Gags

• Over-the-top “sponsorship” discussions, e.g., the fake “Midnight Mist” penis spray bit—riffing in absurd detail about its supposed effects, discount codes, and forms (mist, cream, powder).

  Robert Smigel: “Why not have half a stiff penis? Midnight Mist.” (71:27)

• Self-referential jokes about their own careers, past pilots that never aired, and ongoing feigned rivalry about SNL and showbiz.

  Robert Smigel: “I’ll just pay for the tickets. You spend the next hour, leave tickets, the next day editing this?” (85:04)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Stage Fright vs. Combat:

  “I could fly planes. I’d been in Kosovo…but this was scarier. I didn’t anticipate the fear that came in—maybe I’d never been vulnerable like that, trying to do comedy in front of New Yorkers that ain’t having it.”
  — Rob Riggle (18:58)

• On Playing with Press Conference Conventions:

  “Just be super literal. ‘We scored three, they scored four. Which is one more than us. Which means they’re the winners.’”
  — Alex Moffat (43:00)

• On Catchphrase Crafting:

  “You ever had a cold? The other team’s going to be coughing up a lot of loose pucks after I give them a dose of my Rasmatussin.”
  — Robert Smigel (55:09)

• On Comic Out-Clauses:

  “If you drop any of these and it doesn’t pan out, you’ve got an out: ‘I got hit pretty hard tonight, so forgive me.’”
  — Rob Riggle (57:03)

• On the Value of Self-Deprecating Comedy:

  “It’s a low bar, but that’s the best advice I’ve got today.”
  — Rasmus Dahlin, on using “I got hit in the head” as an out (57:10)

• Riffing on Swedish Stereotypes and Reporters:

  “What if you just bemoan the fact that you can only get decent Swedish meatballs at IKEA?”
  — Robert Smigel (49:05)
  “The only town I found I can function in because everybody’s tough is Buffalo.”
  — Rob Riggle (51:26)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 02:24 – Main segment begins: “Today we are helping an actual NHL player.”
• 07:07 – Smigel introduces the premise: “helping with postgame press conferences.”
• 18:00–21:00 – Riggle recounts his path from Marine to terrified first-time standup.
• 29:30 – Rasmus Dahlin joins; the show’s real “client” is introduced.
• 36:00–43:00 – The brain trust reviews Dahlin’s presser clips & starts brainstorming fixes.
• 47:41–50:00 – Swedish food/gimmicks as press conference props.
• 54:00–57:00 – Catchphrases, “Rasmatussin”, and get-out-of-jail-punchlines.
• 61:00–62:30 – Props like T-shirt cannons and candy for media questions.
• 71:00–75:00 – Extended, absurd riff on “Midnight Mist” ad and its imaginary benefits.
• 80:00–83:50 – Smigel and Riggle reminisce about past pilots and unmade comedies.
• 85:50–88:45 – Show wrap-up, Broadway/off-Broadway banter, recurring ticket gag.

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Tone and Style

Lively, fast-paced, and irreverent—infectiously silly, self-deprecating, and unafraid to dwell in tangents or lampoon themselves. The panel’s chemistry creates a “writers’ room with microphones” vibe, blending affectionate teasing with sharp wit.

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For Listeners:

This episode is a deep dive into the intersection of sports, media, and comedy—from real anxieties to the joys of gently (or not-so-gently) skewering established rituals. It’s a standout if you enjoy comic brainstorming, meta-humor, and seeing a pro athlete gamely play along.

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Memorable Takeaways

• When stuck for a witty answer—say something in Swedish (or any language nobody else in the room speaks).
• If all else fails, claim “I got hit in the head”—the ultimate excuse in a collision sport.
• Bring props, keep it light, and always, always turn the tables on repetitive, dull questions.
• Humor can make even the postgame press conference—possibly the most dreaded ritual in hockey—a little less miserable.

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Notable Hashtag of the Episode:
#MsquaredAllNight (for the utterly fake “Midnight Mist” spray, and for in-jokes only)

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For more, or to get your own writing “punched up,” submit to:
speakpipe.com/humorme

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Transcript

[Announcer]

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[Rasmus Dahlin]

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Weather, traffic.

[Rob Riggle]

Hey, stay in your lane.

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[Robert Smigel]

week on Humor Me. Today we are helping an actual NHL player.

[Rob Riggle]

What does he need help with?

[Robert Smigel]

He needs help with his post game press conferences.

[Alex Moffat]

Does he ever. You're gonna be going head to head with him here down the stre.

[Rob Riggle]

And what do you learn from him?

[Alex Moffat]

What do you use to try to.

[Rasmus Dahlin]

Yeah, I mean, the question is, what I learned from him?

[Rob Riggle]

What do you learn from him?

[Robert Smigel]

This is about helping you with your post game press conferences.

[Rasmus Dahlin]

Okay.

[Robert Smigel]

Is he hearing this for the first time?

[Alex Moffat]

He has never briefed on any of this.

[Rob Riggle]

I would even consider this, Erasmus. You might go in with two things, like a. You know, like a bowl of candy for the good questions and then the T shirt cannon for the bad questions.

[Alex Moffat]

Yeah.

[Rob Riggle]

And you blast them.

[Rasmus Dahlin]

Hit them with the.

[Rob Riggle]

Hit him with it. You know, take down the gas pressure on it so it doesn't really down, but hit them with it. And when they open the T shirt, they shake it out. It says stupid question. You know, you give a zinger and then you give me old. Ah, you know, I'm just playing. I love you guys. Anyway, it's been a long day. I got to go. I got hit in the head.

[Alex Moffat]

I got to go.

[Robert Smigel]

Sit down. Always end with I got hit in the head. Humor me. I need to make some people slap their knee. Humor me. My wit is lacking to the nth degree. Hi. Look at us. We're here. On me in three, two, one. No, the show already started, Rob.

[Alex Moffat]

Yeah, we've been on for 15 minutes.

[Robert Smigel]

We've been on.

[Rob Riggle]

Oh, God, what have I said? What have I done?

[Robert Smigel]

It's okay. It'll all come out. I wrote an apology for you already to post on Instagram. Now we're good. This is Humor Me with Robert Smigel and friends, Alex Moffat, currently starring in Bigfoot the Musical. Rob Riggle, legendary theater film major. You know, just another. Just your average theater film major who enlisted in the Marines.

[Alex Moffat]

Yeah.

[Robert Smigel]

Rob Riggles. Who's got. Thank you. Tell us the name of your. Yes, tell us the name of your. Your book. Just because I'll mess it.

[Rob Riggle]

Oh. Grit, Spit, and never quit Guide. A Marine's guide to Life and comedy.

[Robert Smigel]

Right, Good.

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah.

[Robert Smigel]

And we're gonna get into that, but I'm gonna just tell you the premise of the show via a song. Let's listen to the. Let's listen to our theme song. You're gonna enjoy this.

[Rob Riggle]

Oh, I love it.

[Robert Smigel]

Here we go. Humor me. I need some jokes to make me seem funny. Humor me. I need to make some people slap their knee. Humor me. My wit is lacking to the Nth degree. Humor me. I have to wake up twice my son night to be human being. Okay, that's enough for now. You get the idea.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Wow.

[Rob Riggle]

Was that a Casio?

[Robert Smigel]

That's the real Tazon Day. I didn't. That's not me doing an impression. I. I got the real Chocolate Rain Guy.

[Alex Moffat]

Oh, that's what it was. Okay, thank you. And that's what his name was.

[Robert Smigel]

Maybe I should.

[Alex Moffat]

The real Tae on Day. Whoa.

[Rob Riggle]

The real.

[Robert Smigel]

What was his name again?

[Alex Moffat]

That guy. Now to be Smiggle. You said that everything would be explained in that song. Yeah, and I don't think any. That you. I. I mean, all it said was you have to wake up to pee.

[Robert Smigel]

No, no, you just listen to the scatological part because that's where your brain is.

[Alex Moffat]

True.

[Rob Riggle]

The rest screwed up because I'm sitting here thinking I'm listening to T Day, and then you say you sang it and then it was all going to be explained, but now I feel confused. I'm more confused.

[Robert Smigel]

Maybe we should play it again with you, Riggle.

[Alex Moffat]

Yeah.

[Rob Riggle]

After you played it, I actually, I thought in the middle of the song, I was kind of. I was trying to feel the vibe. But then when it was over, I was. I thought I should leave. So I don't even know.

[Robert Smigel]

I see. Rob. No, no, it wasn't meant to be danced to. Although it is very danceable.

[Rob Riggle]

It is so danceable.

[Robert Smigel]

Meant to just explain the premise of the show, which does. You know, I would give it a 4 out of 10.

[Alex Moffat]

Yeah.

[Robert Smigel]

Explaining the show.

[Alex Moffat]

That's about right.

[Robert Smigel]

You know, we're just starting by the third season, we'll have a song that.

[Alex Moffat]

Another Taez on Day song that fully explains.

[Robert Smigel]

Yeah, he. He needs time.

[Alex Moffat]

The premise.

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah. Season three, you'll have a six. Six out of ten.

[Robert Smigel]

No, the premise is we're going to help somebody who has a task at hand. Usually it's people who make speeches or make speeches, that kind of thing, but today we are helping an actual NHL player, Rasmus Dahleen, star defenseman of the Buffalo Sabres, who are going to be in the playoffs for the first time in. I don't know, what is it?

[Rob Riggle]

What is he, 14 years?

[Robert Smigel]

He needs help with his post game press conferences.

[Alex Moffat]

Does he ever.

[Robert Smigel]

And, and I thought both of you guys, you were a Blackhawks fan growing up, right?

[Alex Moffat]

Sure, absolutely.

[Robert Smigel]

And this guy, he's Mr. Sports, right?

[Rob Riggle]

I mean, well, famous word on the street.

[Robert Smigel]

Yeah.

[Rob Riggle]

I mean, it used to be Joe

[Robert Smigel]

Garagiola and now it's you. He was just Mr. Baseball.

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah.

[Alex Moffat]

Wasn't that Ernie Banks?

[Robert Smigel]

Oh, yeah.

[Rob Riggle]

These names that you referencing.

[Alex Moffat]

We're off to line.

[Robert Smigel]

I know where I. I want to lose as many people as possible in the first five minutes.

[Rob Riggle]

Are they real? Are some of these real? Are these people real?

[Robert Smigel]

You never heard of Joe Garagiola?

[Rob Riggle]

Of course I have.

[Alex Moffat]

He has. He just means for the people at home.

[Robert Smigel]

He was the Bob euchre of the 70s. Bob Euchre was the Jo Garagiola of the 90s.

[Alex Moffat]

And then where does Harry care?

[Robert Smigel]

You're the Bob Euchre joker. You're the Ukarola of today.

[Rob Riggle]

I'll take it all. That's. That's a legendary. That's a Mount Rushmore of sports guys, so. Yeah.

[Robert Smigel]

Really is. No, you. The Rob has hosted the ESPYs. Something I wanted to ask you about is you were one of the more successful people to do it. A lot of comedians and sports figures have hosted the ESPYs. And, you know, we're going to be interviewing this guy who is an athlete, and I wonder sometimes about their sense of humor. Like, were there a lot of jokes that you were unable to do or.

[Rob Riggle]

They wasn't. It wasn't jokes that you're unable to do. That crowd is notoriously awful.

[Alex Moffat]

Yeah.

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah.

[Alex Moffat]

And it's not.

[Rob Riggle]

It's. It's just because they don't. Like, athletes don't live in front of a camera, and they don't go to red carpets, and they don't, you know, have to put on tuxedos, and they don't. They're not in front of cameras. That's not their life. They're. They were built for the field or the court or whatever the. You know, and so their default mode is competition. That's where they. That's where they lock in. And so competition usually comes with this face, you know.

[Robert Smigel]

Oh, yeah.

[Rob Riggle]

Very intense and not smiling. And so when you crack wise, you know, with them, they go into competition mode. So they just sit there and kind of frown.

[Robert Smigel]

Right.

[Rob Riggle]

And. And you. And it's really makes them. You know, there's always the handful of guys that get it, like Blake Griffin and some of these guys.

[Kal Penn]

1.

[Alex Moffat]

I was gonna say.

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah, there's a couple guys out there that are dying.

[Alex Moffat]

Manning's funny.

[Robert Smigel]

Charles park, obviously.

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah. And there's a lot.

[Robert Smigel]

The six ones who've hosted, but for

[Rob Riggle]

the most part, the ones that are out there that are out to get awards that night, they. They are nervous. They're. They're. They're full of anxiety. And so they're just in default mode, which is smiles, no laugh, no nothing.

[Robert Smigel]

And then I thought, tough room. Sometimes they've had athletes do it, and I thought, okay, maybe the athlete will get away with more than a comedian that they barely know. Right. No offense. It's not that they don't know you any. They probably know you better than most of the comedians who have attempted. Like when Norm MacDonald did it, that was like a classic. Deer in Headlights made fun of John Elway's teeth, and it was the most uncomfortable frown I've ever seen.

[Rob Riggle]

He's still.

[Robert Smigel]

John Elway was still showing his teeth because he couldn't help it, but he was clearly not smiling. And the other thing I want to ask Rob, and maybe you know this well, also the.

[Rob Riggle]

The folks. And please ask this question, whatever you're going to ask, but the. The folks at ESPN do not do themselves any favors because they. The. The. The crowd is usually. It's not terrible. You get laughs, right? There's laughter happening, but they cut away to the worst people possible. Everybody's laughing. They find one person who's not, who's got that default, I hate the world. And you're like, everybody around him is laughing. Why'd you cut to that person?

[Robert Smigel]

That. That happens. But there are a lot of times when it's clearly bomb.

[Alex Moffat]

Well, it's bad. It's bad for Rob. It's bad for Rob, but it's great for the viewer. Yes, it's more entertaining.

[Robert Smigel]

What viewer? The sadistic viewer like you. You don't count. That's not what people want.

[Rob Riggle]

I live for that.

[Robert Smigel]

No, it's for media people who. Okay, they're the people who are, you know, the sharks in the water. But what I wanted to ask was, do people actually. Do they pump fake. I think they pump fake laughs at these shows now. Shows like the NHL Awards.

[Alex Moffat]

I see Rob trying not to be insulted by the.

[Robert Smigel]

No, I don't mean yours.

[Alex Moffat]

Insinuation.

[Rob Riggle]

Back in the day, when I did

[Alex Moffat]

it, I said now.

[Robert Smigel]

I said now.

[Rob Riggle]

Those kind of tracks didn't even exist, I don't think.

[Robert Smigel]

No, the other day, no. Odenkirk. Bob Odenkirk, an old friend from snl.

[Alex Moffat]

That.

[Robert Smigel]

Odenkirk.

[Rob Riggle]

That one.

[Robert Smigel]

Not Steve, Oda, Kirk, also legendary. Legendary. Bob Odenkirk called me, like, five months ago, there was the NFL Awards. John Ham was hosting. It was a couple months ago. Yeah, yeah. As a favor, Bob played the Chicago Pope, and he was like, is this a ripoff? Too much? And I was like, no, I don't care. It's fine. So anyway, I watched it and Bob, they made him do it from the audience so you can see that it's bombing. There's like a thousand people behind him and it's like Catholic mass, you know. Yeah, essentially. But it would be. It was like having a laugh track to Catholic mass. There was like huge laughs.

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah.

[Robert Smigel]

But just a court. Just. Just rows and rows of like confused.

[Alex Moffat]

What is happening?

[Robert Smigel]

That was when my innocence was lost and I realized that awards shows, maybe some of them live sweetening are starting.

[Rob Riggle]

A lot of those shows are starting to use peds, sounds like.

[Alex Moffat]

Yeah, yeah.

[Robert Smigel]

Well, they're. That they're not going to make the hall of fame, I guess.

[Rob Riggle]

Well, that's the reason. That's the risk that they will have an asterisk. All those shows, all those shows starting. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Robert Smigel]

Rob is, you know, stands out in the comedy world. Right.

[Alex Moffat]

Because totally.

[Robert Smigel]

He's marine.

[Alex Moffat]

Yes.

[Robert Smigel]

Where's this guy and the rest of us are whatever the opposite. Whatever the opposite of a marine is. That's how civilians. Civilians, you know, we're. We're registered.

[Alex Moffat]

Registered. Cards carrying.

[Robert Smigel]

Card carrying. I was trying to think of a word you're still allowed to say.

[Alex Moffat]

Going with even that. I think you might get a little.

[Rob Riggle]

That's like. Yeah, you're. You're yellow zone on that, friend.

[Alex Moffat]

Yeah.

[Robert Smigel]

We need new words.

[Alex Moffat]

Weenies.

[Rob Riggle]

We need new words.

[Robert Smigel]

Weenie. Oh my God. It just sounds like we're in a Popeye cartoon from the 50s. Hey, weenie, you're a weenie.

[Rob Riggle]

We got soft gel. Soft serve. I Stream Remember like 20 years ago,

[Robert Smigel]

everyone was allowed to say that.

[Rob Riggle]

Soft serve.

[Alex Moffat]

Weak sauce.

[Robert Smigel]

People say weak sauce. It's just. That's weak sauce. That's the irony.

[Alex Moffat]

Right.

[Robert Smigel]

Calling someone weak sauce is weak sauce.

[Alex Moffat]

Agreed. I know.

[Robert Smigel]

See, going nowhere. We're going to.

[Alex Moffat]

No, this is good stuff.

[Robert Smigel]

This is. I need a show where someone helps me find a slur for people who are. Anyway, that'll. I'll work on that.

[Rob Riggle]

New slurs. We need green lit slurs.

[Alex Moffat]

I mean, green light my slur.

[Robert Smigel]

We were talking about to bring it all home. No, you. So. Yes, you went to.

[Announcer]

You.

[Robert Smigel]

You didn't have to go into battle, right? Actual.

[Rob Riggle]

No, I didn't. As far as like leading troops up a hill.

[Robert Smigel]

Yeah, right.

[Rob Riggle]

No, no, no. I was shot at, though. You were shot at? Yeah. I have a combat action ribbon from Kosovo and some other. And in Afghanistan there were some interesting moments. But no, I did not. I did not kick open doors. I didn't have to do that.

[Alex Moffat]

Riggle, thank you for your service.

[Rob Riggle]

Ah, thank you.

[Robert Smigel]

I was gonna thank him for his.

[Alex Moffat]

Yeah, well, you were taking a lot.

[Rob Riggle]

You took your sweet ass time. Alex is. Thank you.

[Announcer]

Thank you.

[Robert Smigel]

How long does it take the average person to thank you for your service?

[Alex Moffat]

Halfway through the intro of a podcast.

[Robert Smigel]

Am I, like, way behind the f. Yeah.

[Alex Moffat]

Yeah.

[Rob Riggle]

I didn't want to say anything.

[Robert Smigel]

The average podcaster. How long does it take the average podcast?

[Rob Riggle]

I mean, you're so far behind the curve, It's. It's embarrassing. Again, I didn't want to make a big deal. It's not a big deal. It's not a big deal. It's no big deal.

[Alex Moffat]

Another opportunity could have been when he talked about the title of his book. I mean, there have been a million times when we could have. But, you know, this is. I think that, you know, leave. Leave the listener in suspense. Them at home going, well, they should have said that. This is 20 minutes ago.

[Robert Smigel]

I'm gonna put this in the thumbnail for this podcast. You know, Rob Riggle waits for his host to acknowledge his contribution.

[Rob Riggle]

Gonna sit here.

[Robert Smigel]

This is gonna service. How long will it take? Tune in. But, Rob.

[Rob Riggle]

Yes.

[Robert Smigel]

Saw you on Bill Maher, and it was really funny to me that. Well, a couple of things were funny to me. One is that he's, like. He's doing, like, what Sinatra used to do when he would sing. He's, like, talking to you, and he's lighting. He's. He's smoking blunts and he's pouring vodka. He's, like, doing it all at the same time.

[Rob Riggle]

I think it's his decompression time. I really do.

[Robert Smigel]

You know, I think that's like, intense decompression. Like, he needs to relax at his decompressing. He was going at it.

[Rob Riggle]

He's such a. He's a. His mind is very sharp, and it moves 100 miles an hour.

[Robert Smigel]

Yes and no. I can't relate to that.

[Rob Riggle]

And you're a very sharp guy's mind moves at that speed, too. Mine doesn't move that.

[Robert Smigel]

You haven't thanked me for my service,

[Rob Riggle]

Frank. Did you.

[Kal Penn]

Okay.

[Robert Smigel]

No.

[Rob Riggle]

Hey, I just want to say thanks to you, Robert, for. For having me on and for your service. Your service to comedy.

[Robert Smigel]

Service to comedy. Yeah. No, that's what's funny to me is when people compare, like. Or I think you were actually doing it on the show, like, saying that the stress of SNL was comparable.

[Rob Riggle]

I said that on. On Bill show.

[Robert Smigel]

You said something like that. Or maybe you even Started to say it and he was like, oh, come on.

[Rob Riggle]

No, I think, well, people, I think the, the first time I ever did stand up.

[Robert Smigel]

Oh, that's what you said.

[Rob Riggle]

You on the Upper east side at the Comic Strip, live up there. I took a class. It was awful. I had to do a five minute set, you know, bring two friends, which I didn't. It was awful. It was awful, awful, awful. I hated it. Worst experience ever. I didn't, I didn't anticipate the stage fright that hit me, right? I got. I mean, it paralyzed me and it was like I was in a car accident because I didn't really. I could feel my heartbeat in my neck. I kind of. My ears went ringing.

[Robert Smigel]

Was this post Kosovo?

[Alex Moffat]

I was gonna ask.

[Rasmus Dahlin]

Yeah,

[Rob Riggle]

no, it was okay. But I've been to Liberia. I mean, I'd been there too. There's still there, so.

[Robert Smigel]

So you'd already been in some form of combat?

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah, I mean I, I could, I could fly planes. I mean, I had done a bunch of stuff at that point and this was scarier, but that I didn't anticipate the fear that came in, so. And it was a totally different kind of fear. There's physical fear and then there's that kind of fear which is like. I don't know, I, maybe I just never been vulnerable like that or, you know, trying to do comedy in front of a bunch a New York audience that ain't having it. That's a terrible, terrible feeling.

[Robert Smigel]

Maybe stand ups need to have the same kind of preparation.

[Alex Moffat]

There's no training mic, right?

[Robert Smigel]

That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. Like if there was some kind of a training for open mic where you could get used to the idea of being humiliated.

[Rob Riggle]

Well, I listen, by the way. Yeah, I wish, because I gave speeches in school, right? Like I didn't have to get in front of the class and give a speech. And I didn't like that much either. But I didn't have the level of fright that I had when I got up on that stage. When I got up on that stage that night, the first time I ever did it, literally, I felt like I had been in a car accident. When I walked off the stage, I was in a state of shock. And had they not handed me the vhs. Yes, vhs. If they had not handed me the VHS tape of the, the set, I wouldn't have remembered any of it. I went home, I went, I went home later that night and put it in after I had come off this Adrenaline high. I finally put it in and watched it and it was terrible. It wasn't as terrible as I had made it out in my mind.

[Robert Smigel]

And that's what helped you keep going?

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah, because in my mind I was like, that was the worst thing that's ever happened. I, I, they hated me. I hated them. This was awful. Not one thing worked. But as I watched the tape, I was like, yeah, it wasn't great, but I also didn't bomb like I thought I did.

[Alex Moffat]

Do you still have that VHS tape? No.

[Robert Smigel]

Oh, nuts.

[Rob Riggle]

No. I think I recorded Sex in the City over.

[Alex Moffat]

Do you experience trauma from just thinking about that night?

[Rob Riggle]

No, no. Experience trauma.

[Robert Smigel]

VSD

[Rob Riggle]

from the Comic Strip live?

[Rasmus Dahlin]

Yeah.

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah.

[Robert Smigel]

Can you get like a drink?

[Rob Riggle]

Maybe they're watered down drinks a little bit? Yeah, sure. That, that still haunts me, but. No, no, none of that does. But like anything though. And you all, you know, Alex, you guys experienced this too. The first couple times on stage, you know, there's a learning curve. But then once you get on, you get stage time, you know, your confidence grows and you start to feel better about things and, and you start to experiment more and you stretch your legs and.

[Alex Moffat]

Yeah.

[Rob Riggle]

So, Yeah, I do a show right now. Right. Off Broadway or on Broadway. Right.

[Alex Moffat]

This one's off. I've done the on. I've done the off. This one.

[Rasmus Dahlin]

Yeah.

[Rob Riggle]

So the premise is a little off too.

[Robert Smigel]

If I sure is Bigfoot the musical.

[Alex Moffat]

What do I think of next?

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah, what's that like?

[Alex Moffat]

It's very, it's, I think one reviewer called it unceasingly stupid.

[Robert Smigel]

It could be a compliment, which I

[Alex Moffat]

think, which I think they meant as a compliment. And I took it as such. You know, the show owned that and said, that's, that's one of the best compliments we've ever gotten about this show. Yes. It never ceases to amaze at how stupid. Like, if you thought the last joke we made was dumb, buckle up. So it's unceasingly stupid. It's a lot of fun.

[Robert Smigel]

The irony is Rob ended up not being a stand up.

[Alex Moffat]

Right.

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah.

[Robert Smigel]

You got away from that sketch comedy.

[Rob Riggle]

I did. I, I, I was so disheartened that I gave up flight school to go pursue comedy, that I thought I had made the biggest mistake of my life. And I was like, what was I thinking coming here and giving up flight school on a, on a something I'd never even tried until I got there and I was so dumb and I was beating the hell out of myself. And so I, a Friend, a friend of a friend basically said, hey, I know somebody who was just on Saturday Night Live. Maybe you should talk to them. So I was like, oh, okay. And Dave Koechner.

[Rasmus Dahlin]

Ah.

[Rob Riggle]

Oh, yeah. Came. He was living in New York. He had just finished his time on snl. And so I went and had coffee with him. He was gracious enough to have coffee with me. And I kind of told him what I was doing. And he said, well, it sounds like you need to try improv. And I was like, yeah, but there's no improv scene in New York. There wasn't. There was no Chicago City Limits.

[Robert Smigel]

I have the same experience. Yeah.

[Rob Riggle]

And it was. It was short form, which I was like, I don't. I don't know how to sing songs and make up songs on the spot. I'm like. So I was like, I don't know if that's for me. And he's like, no, no, no. I've got some friends moving here from Chicago called the Upright Citizens Brigade. So I went and saw their show and I was like, this is it. This is exactly what it's got to be. This is exactly what I want to do.

[Robert Smigel]

Well, being in the military had to make you resilient, you know, as well.

[Rob Riggle]

A little bit.

[Robert Smigel]

Yeah.

[Rob Riggle]

Here's another. Here's another. I'll give you another quick story.

[Robert Smigel]

Okay.

[Rob Riggle]

Before I went, I. I saw the Rascat show. I signed up for classes immediately. I was like, this is going to be my ticket. This is what I'm going to do. The. The. They used to teach classes down at Dick Shea Studios on 14th and 6th. And I lived on the Upper east side. And so class started at 7 and went to 10. And so I took a cab at 6 o' clock because I'm a Marine and I always get there early and I didn't want to be late, so I took a cab. Special deal. Like, who's got money for a cab? But I figured, I'll go for it. Took a cab down there, found Dick Shays, walked around the block, was like, okay, got it, got it. Went and got a coffee kind of. And then I got nervous again. I got so nervous that I. This is true story. I said, screw it, I'm going home. And I got another cab. I went back up to the Upper east side, got out of the cab, stood there on the corner, 75th and second, and had an argument with myself on the street corner, go, what are you doing? You soft serve. This is.

[Robert Smigel]

Back then. You called yourself something even then.

[Rob Riggle]

But I was so. I was like, you're pathetic. You, you, you came here to do this and you keep finding reasons to not do it. You're being a soft serve. Go get, go down there. And I'm literally talking out loud. In New York, that's nothing. People walking by me, they didn't bat an eye.

[Alex Moffat]

One of 10 people on that corner doing that.

[Rob Riggle]

Exactly. I was one of many having an argument. And I was sitting there just yelling at myself, you know, and so I got back into another cab and raced back down there and got there just in time for class to start.

[Robert Smigel]

That's funny.

[Rob Riggle]

And just, you know, like, that was like I had a very $60 in cabs. I don't know what I was doing.

[Alex Moffat]

I know the time. Been there too. Yeah. Like, also, I feel like it, it felt, probably felt so white hot, like if I want to be good at this so bad and I almost can't even begin to dip my toe in because if I'm not as good as I think I might be, then that's, that's even more disappointing than if I just take myself out of it right now.

[Rob Riggle]

Right. I think it's self protection. Right. It's a defense mechanism. It's. We're protecting ourselves. But the, the, the, you gotta go for it. That's the thing. You gotta get over the hump, get over your fears, get over all of that, all those obstacles that induce. Get over that. And then on the other side of that generally is what changes our lives. So it's pretty cool.

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[Announcer]

of $45 for 3 month plan, equivalent to $15 per month required intro rate first 3 months only, then full price plan options available, taxes and fees extra. See full [e-mail] hey, everyone, it's Kal

[Kal Penn]

Penn, host of Irsay the Audible and Iheart Audiobook Club. This week on the podcast I'm sitting down with Lily Chu, the author of the Audible original romantic comedy Just Kiss already. It's a story about a forensic anthropologist who secretly writes mystery novels, an actress who adapts his book into a film, and what happens when a meme and a media tour collide with a slow burn romance. It's performed by Simu Lu And Philippa Hsu. And it is an absolute blast.

[Alex Moffat]

When you actually hear the performance.

[Rob Riggle]

You realize that other people are taking

[Alex Moffat]

your words and what you thought was

[Robert Smigel]

kind of a straightforward sentence.

[Alex Moffat]

Like, the cat in the corner is black.

[Robert Smigel]

In my head, it's the cat in

[Alex Moffat]

the corner is black. Not the dog, not the gerbil.

[Rob Riggle]

But someone else might say it, the

[Alex Moffat]

cat in the corner is black. That's always fascinating to me how they

[Rob Riggle]

just bring in all these different nuances

[Alex Moffat]

and really make it fun and interesting and distinctive.

[Kal Penn]

Listen to Earsay, the Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club on the iHeartradio app or wherever you get your podcast guests.

[Rasmus Dahlin]

Bro.

[Alex Moffat]

From the show last night to this drive.

[Robert Smigel]

Why is it never chill?

[Alex Moffat]

Cuz this is our life backstage on the road.

[Robert Smigel]

It's loud, messy, real.

[Alex Moffat]

And that's the best part. Whole crew, no plan, just moving. Good thing Nissan builds for that kind of chaos.

[Robert Smigel]

Not just test tracks, real life scenes, late nights, road trips, all of it.

[Alex Moffat]

That's why it holds up. Nissan was ranked number one in initial quality among mainstream brands by J.D. power.

[Robert Smigel]

Yeah, you can tell.

[Alex Moffat]

2026 Nissan Rogue. Built for what really happens for J.D. power 2025 U.S. initial Quality Study Award

[Robert Smigel]

information, visit jdpower.com awards awards based on 2025 model year. Newer models may be shown.

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[Kal Penn]

okay,

[Alex Moffat]

so Rasmus is here.

[Robert Smigel]

Rasmus is here.

[Rob Riggle]

Oh, God.

[Robert Smigel]

Guys, a few more questions after. After we finish with Rasmus, if that's okay and. Yeah, yeah, figure it out. But let's bring on our client, as it were. Rasmus. Darlene. Hey, what's up?

[Rasmus Dahlin]

What's up?

[Robert Smigel]

Hey, Rasmus, thank you so much for doing this.

[Rasmus Dahlin]

Yeah, thank you, guys. I'm. I'm not sure what's. I've heard some mixed things. What's. What's going on here.

[Alex Moffat]

Or the podcast? What?

[Rasmus Dahlin]

Yeah, no, like what? It's just A normal podcast.

[Robert Smigel]

No, it's not normal. Well, we want to talk to you and meet you, but we also want to. Chris, you're from. From the Sabres. May have told you that this is about helping you with your post game press conferences.

[Rasmus Dahlin]

Okay.

[Robert Smigel]

Is he hearing this from the. For the first time?

[Alex Moffat]

Never briefed on any of this.

[Rob Riggle]

Don't worry, Rasmus.

[Rasmus Dahlin]

We're gonna.

[Rob Riggle]

We're. We're gonna hook you up today. You actually won a contest. You're hook you up with. With free media training courtesy of Alex Moffett, Robert Schmeichel and myself. And we're gonna make your press conferences electric.

[Rasmus Dahlin]

Okay.

[Robert Smigel]

Are you familiar with Mr. Riggle? Have you seen Mr. Rob Riggle ever before?

[Rasmus Dahlin]

No, I have not.

[Robert Smigel]

That's okay. That's okay. It's gonna be all right.

[Boost Mobile Announcer]

He's.

[Alex Moffat]

You're more of a mof dog, aren't you? I can tell you're a little star struck. Don't worry about it, buddy. We'll.

[Robert Smigel]

Wow, he's so confused now. Even I love it, though. Even I had to think of what a moth dog was for a second. And I'm sitting right next to you.

[Rob Riggle]

Oh, yeah.

[Robert Smigel]

His name's Moffat and people who like off dog. Yeah, I would never am a moth dog now that I know the term.

[Alex Moffat]

And so is Rasmus. He's being modest.

[Robert Smigel]

But the three of us all worked at Saturday Night Live with varying degrees of success.

[Rasmus Dahlin]

Yeah, I know you guys are for sure, but.

[Robert Smigel]

And. And some of us are. Rob Riggle is a very famous. He. Did you ever see the movie Stepbrothers?

[Rasmus Dahlin]

Oh, yeah.

[Robert Smigel]

There you go. Rob's in Stepbrothers.

[Rasmus Dahlin]

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Trust me. I know, I know.

[Robert Smigel]

Okay, There you go.

[Alex Moffat]

As long Rasmus, you've seen the liveaction feature film Clifford the Big Red Dog that came out on Paramount plus at the height of the pandemic.

[Robert Smigel]

Interesting.

[Alex Moffat]

Anyway, I was in that.

[Robert Smigel]

I'm not even gonna start about.

[Alex Moffat]

I don't even know what to. I don't know what to tell you.

[Robert Smigel]

Triumph the Insult Comic dog. I'm sure if you're a big fan

[Rob Riggle]

of between the Temples, you would know Robert Smel.

[Robert Smigel]

Yeah, I was. Oh, you ever see the Wedding Singer, Adam Sandler movies? Happy Gilmore?

[Rasmus Dahlin]

Oh, yeah.

[Rob Riggle]

He's the guy repossessing the house.

[Robert Smigel]

I'm the guy repossessing his house who he throws through a window. He throws through the front door. Yeah, that's me. He hates me.

[Alex Moffat]

This should be its own podcast.

[Rasmus Dahlin]

Yeah.

[Robert Smigel]

I just want you to. This isn't we're not doing this for our egos. We're doing this so that you enjoy yourself more. We want you to have a good time here.

[Alex Moffat]

I did it for my own.

[Rasmus Dahlin]

But no, this is, this is unreal.

[Alex Moffat]

I'm.

[Rasmus Dahlin]

I'm starstruck now. This is.

[Robert Smigel]

There you go. Now our advice is gonna mean something.

[Rob Riggle]

You know, be awesome is right. Right at this moment we say, okay, well, thanks, Rasmus. And we just. That's it.

[Robert Smigel]

Also, I can't wait until.

[Alex Moffat]

Good luck in the playoffs.

[Robert Smigel]

I, I can't wait to have him back.

[Rob Riggle]

Check in with the people. We just check in with people to see if they know us.

[Robert Smigel]

They know us.

[Alex Moffat]

You've seen, right?

[Rob Riggle]

Okay, yeah.

[Robert Smigel]

No, and then, then let's just check

[Rob Riggle]

in with famous athletes and see if they know us.

[Robert Smigel]

Then we send them off to watch Clifford the Big Red Dog, and then, you know, and we put a monitor on his face to see how to

[Alex Moffat]

watch him watch it.

[Robert Smigel]

And then he comes back and meets Alex and now he can't. He's. He's. He can barely talk. He's so, so fleshless.

[Rob Riggle]

Starstruck.

[Robert Smigel]

So starstruck. So, Rasmus, the premise is we want to help you with your post game press conferences. Can we show a couple of clips, give you an idea of, like, how they may not be the most fun experience for you. It's not your favorite part of playing hockey, I take it?

[Rasmus Dahlin]

No, definitely not.

[Robert Smigel]

Definitely not. Let's play. Let's just play a couple for them.

[Rob Riggle]

You know you're going to be a target and they.

[Boost Mobile Announcer]

You were.

[Robert Smigel]

They came after you, but you know

[Rob Riggle]

who you are and you know they're

[Robert Smigel]

going to target you. How do you handle it?

[Rasmus Dahlin]

Yeah, I try to stand up for myself in the beginning, but it went how it did. But I mean, it's a part of it. I know, I know it. And it was really good to have this experience going into, hopefully something bigger and kind of learn from it. I'm out there to, to play the game of hockey, not doing stupid stuff.

[Robert Smigel]

There are a million things and moments.

[Alex Moffat]

You're going to be going head to

[Rob Riggle]

head with him here down the stretch run.

[Alex Moffat]

And what do you learn from him? What do you use to try to gain an advantage against them?

[Rasmus Dahlin]

Yeah, I mean, so the question is what I learned from him.

[Alex Moffat]

What do you learn from him?

[Rasmus Dahlin]

I mean, a lot of things. Leadership, how he handles himself off the ice, how we treat game days, practice days. We know what we have to do, and our goal is first get to the playoffs and then try to Win. So, yeah, that's our everyday main goal. We just have to get in.

[Rob Riggle]

How much do you.

[Robert Smigel]

All right, I get. We think we get the idea.

[Alex Moffat]

All right.

[Robert Smigel]

I don't think we need them. This is like defending your life all of a sudden.

[Alex Moffat]

We have 15 more minutes.

[Robert Smigel]

Rasmus goes to heaven. Has to watch every press conference he's ever done.

[Boost Mobile Announcer]

No.

[Rob Riggle]

How do you want to do this, Robert? Because I've already dived in and started taking notes just based on the.

[Robert Smigel]

Well, first of all, Rasmus, this is not meant to denigrate. You're incredible. We want to congratulate you.

[Rasmus Dahlin]

I need some.

[Robert Smigel]

Yeah, yeah. Congratulations on this incredible season the Sabers are having.

[Rob Riggle]

And by the way, I want to jump in and just say congratulations on a lot of things, like being the number one pick, also being the youngest captain ever for the Sabers.

[Robert Smigel]

Yeah.

[Rob Riggle]

Being probably one of the best defensemen in the league. So all of that, you're pretty awesome and we appreciate what you do a lot. You know, obviously you're a huge fan of ours.

[Alex Moffat]

Without saying.

[Rob Riggle]

It goes without saying, but we're also a big fan of yours. And so we think. We think if we put our minds together, we can.

[Robert Smigel]

We'd like to make it. We'd like to have let you have more fun doing these things, maybe throwing.

[Rasmus Dahlin]

I definitely appreciate your help, guys. I.

[Robert Smigel]

Okay, good.

[Rasmus Dahlin]

Watch. Watching that. I need some. For sure.

[Rob Riggle]

Well, I'm just going to start. I'm going to dive in and.

[Robert Smigel]

Go ahead, Rob, let's see what you got.

[Rob Riggle]

Well, on the. On the tone. Well, first of all, your body language. We gotta. We gotta work on body language because when they ask you a question, I. I couldn't help but notice, you know, the eye rolled, you rolled your shoulders like, oh, my God, you wanted to kill this person. And. And. And then on the other one, you know, there's a. There's a. Your tone had this real fuck off vibe. And. And by the way, I totally get it. Nobody wants to answer questions from a bunch of reporters. And I might throw this out.

[Alex Moffat]

Out.

[Rob Riggle]

You're Swedish.

[Rasmus Dahlin]

Yeah.

[Rob Riggle]

I would answer all questions that you don't like in Swedish.

[Rasmus Dahlin]

Okay. Yep.

[Rob Riggle]

Start thinking about that. Start thinking about answering a lot of questions in Swedish.

[Alex Moffat]

You do speak Swedish, right?

[Rob Riggle]

That way you can be animated and you can run, you know.

[Robert Smigel]

Hold on. Wait a minute, wait a minute.

[Rob Riggle]

Right.

[Robert Smigel]

Building on that, I may have a real solution here. Oh, bring an interpreter in. He answers every question in Swedish and the interpreter is a comedian like. Like Rob Riggle, for example. You'll do it, Rob.

[Kal Penn]

You.

[Robert Smigel]

You got nothing going on.

[Rob Riggle]

I'll do it. I'll do it in a heartbeat.

[Robert Smigel]

So he comes out, he speaks in Swedish and then. And then Rob can answer my question.

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah.

[Robert Smigel]

And be a comedic answer. Okay, we're done.

[Rasmus Dahlin]

We're done.

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah.

[Robert Smigel]

No, that's, that's.

[Rob Riggle]

I don't know if anybody noticed, but I did throw in some real Swedish there just now. I did. I said. I think I said, do you want to come over to my house for breakfast? I think schooly do vilikomo genta me fruit. Is that close? Is that awful? Did I butcher it?

[Rasmus Dahlin]

I. I think I would ever understand you if you talk to me. But it was, it was a little bit off, but it's fine.

[Rob Riggle]

Natala, do English guy.

[Alex Moffat]

So, Rasmuska, you're a straight shooter.

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah, I like that. Okay, already we got one option. You've got option A, bring in an interpreter.

[Robert Smigel]

Just don't let the interpreter gamble.

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah,

[Robert Smigel]

don't let the interpreter gamble on sports, no matter how good an interpreter he is.

[Rob Riggle]

You want, you want to vet your interpreter?

[Robert Smigel]

Yeah.

[Rasmus Dahlin]

Okay.

[Rob Riggle]

Real or fake? Real or fake?

[Alex Moffat]

Break.

[Rob Riggle]

And I thought, contractually, I think you have to do press conferences. I don't know if it's contractually, but I think probably puts a lot of pressure on you to do those press conferences. So do them in Swedish and.

[Rasmus Dahlin]

Well, that's when I. Yeah, I actually liked it. Then, then I can be more myself, too, and.

[Rob Riggle]

Exactly. You can be more animated. You can be totally. You can be free flowing.

[Alex Moffat]

Yeah.

[Rob Riggle]

If you say anything controversial and they come back on you and say, oh, it got lost in translation.

[Alex Moffat]

And if they say we don't understand, you just say, hey, read the subtitles.

[Rasmus Dahlin]

That's right.

[Rob Riggle]

I like that.

[Rasmus Dahlin]

No, it's a great idea.

[Robert Smigel]

All right, that's one option. Now, now, who had the idea of entrance music? One of you guys?

[Alex Moffat]

I mean.

[Rob Riggle]

Oh, that was, that was. That's Moffat.

[Robert Smigel]

Go ahead, tell them. Tell them. This idea. This is really like, make your, make your press conferences like a show.

[Alex Moffat]

Hype it up, you know, get the, get the reporters in there pumped, amped lit, if you will, when you walk into the room. Or like, you know, if they're, if you're coming out of, like the shower to do your press conference in the lock. Just have some entrance music like you're a. Music, like you're a boxer, like you're a prize fighter. And Rob Riggle had a great thought as to what that entrance music could be.

[Rob Riggle]

Well, Dawlene is a great Name. And there's a great country song by the legendary performer Dolly Parton called Jolene. Oh, no, actually she sang, she wrote

[Rasmus Dahlin]

it

[Rob Riggle]

and it's a great song, but it repeats that name, but we change it obviously to wriggle.

[Rasmus Dahlin]

I love that. The problem is, though, usually when I talk in front of media is when we lose. So I don't think it's a great idea to have a pump up song.

[Alex Moffat]

Interesting.

[Rob Riggle]

You don't think I would lose in you?

[Alex Moffat]

Usually he only has to talk to them when they lose.

[Robert Smigel]

Is that true? I saw you.

[Rasmus Dahlin]

It's, it's, it's always how it goes. Talk to the media people.

[Robert Smigel]

Well, how about this? And tell. Let's talk about some of the most annoying questions that you get. Like, do you ever get. Because. Because maybe we could help you write funny jokes in response to the dumbest questions that you get.

[Rasmus Dahlin]

Yeah, you usually, how does it feel?

[Robert Smigel]

How does it feel? That's really. How does it feel?

[Rob Riggle]

Somebody ask you that after you lose, after you lose.

[Rasmus Dahlin]

Whatever, whatever I do, they say, how does it feel?

[Robert Smigel]

And.

[Rob Riggle]

Well, let's get a vivid description of what it feels like to get your penis caught in a zipper. Vivid. A vivid.

[Robert Smigel]

We could write that out. We could write that out.

[Rasmus Dahlin]

I need a little translation on vivid.

[Rob Riggle]

They were going to say clear, extremely detailed.

[Rasmus Dahlin]

Okay.

[Robert Smigel]

Yeah.

[Rob Riggle]

Well, that's just one possible answer because I can't imagine how annoying it is to go out there, literally bleed, sweat and strive to give it your best to win. And if it doesn't go your way, you got to come off the ice exhausted and bloody and then answer these obnoxious questions from people who've been stuffing their face with a hoagie all day.

[Robert Smigel]

What else do they, what else did they ask you? Like, did he. Do you ever get like, what happened out there? Like after a loss, what happened out there? Well, there was a hockey game.

[Rasmus Dahlin]

Yeah. I think you saw what happened out there.

[Robert Smigel]

Or you could say there. There was a hockey game. You could say there was between the Sabres and the Detroit Red Wings.

[Rasmus Dahlin]

Yeah.

[Alex Moffat]

Just be very literal.

[Robert Smigel]

Yeah. Just get into the, the hardcore facts.

[Alex Moffat]

We scored three goals, they ended up scoring four. Which is more. One more than us.

[Robert Smigel]

One more than us. Which means that they're, they're the winners of the game.

[Alex Moffat]

Yeah. Then as you saw, the time ran

[Rob Riggle]

out that ended the game. And now I'm standing here.

[Rasmus Dahlin]

Yeah.

[Rob Riggle]

I like, super literal, what happened out there?

[Robert Smigel]

What happened?

[Rob Riggle]

Super literal.

[Robert Smigel]

And what about this? Do they ever ask you, did, did the other team just want it more you ever get that?

[Rasmus Dahlin]

Oh, yeah.

[Robert Smigel]

Oh, that's a really annoying thing to ask.

[Rasmus Dahlin]

It's. It's a lot of repetitive questions. It's always the same questions, always same answers.

[Boost Mobile Announcer]

What would.

[Robert Smigel]

What would be a good answer for? Did they just want it more like.

[Alex Moffat]

I think you just say, yeah, clearly.

[Rob Riggle]

How about this?

[Robert Smigel]

How about this? What if.

[Rasmus Dahlin]

I don't think. I don't think my coach would like that.

[Robert Smigel]

No, your coach wouldn't like that. But what if you said, I know. I actually think they wanted it less, but it was a very effective form of negging. Negging the game, which means that it made the game want that team more. Ooh.

[Alex Moffat]

Okay. Very.

[Robert Smigel]

Have you heard of the term nagging rasmus?

[Rasmus Dahlin]

I've never.

[Robert Smigel]

Okay. It's.

[Alex Moffat]

It's Smigel's favorite TV show of all time. It was about. It was about the pickup artist. It was on MTV, I think, or maybe VH1. And they. They taught guys how to pick up women. The guy's name was Mystery. Another personal hero of Robert Smigel. Yeah, there was things about, like, peacocking, negging, which is like telling a girl kind of like an insult so that then she thinks, oh, this guy is so confident. He can be a prick to me. I'm gonna go towards him.

[Boost Mobile Announcer]

Right.

[Rob Riggle]

Interesting.

[Rasmus Dahlin]

That's very interesting.

[Robert Smigel]

Now that you know the explanation, we can cut a bigger chunk of the show out. Now we have to keep it in. That was gold. That was worth the four minutes.

[Kal Penn]

Wait,

[Alex Moffat]

but I had to mention, mystery always comes up in your podcast. That guy who wore the, like, felt hat and talked about invented nagging.

[Rob Riggle]

Listen, he's the reason black nail polish is cool now.

[Alex Moffat]

Yeah. Yeah. He's still. Still a hero.

[Rob Riggle]

So what I. What I find is you. These reporters that you're looking at, it's the same faces every time, right?

[Rasmus Dahlin]

Yeah, every time.

[Robert Smigel]

Do you.

[Rob Riggle]

And you know their names? Do you know their names?

[Rasmus Dahlin]

I know their names.

[Rob Riggle]

I would start incorporating their full names and who they represent in your answer

[Rasmus Dahlin]

before I start talking.

[Rob Riggle]

Right. So they ask you a question. You go, well, Bob Perkins from CBS News, let me answer your question. So, you know, put the. Put the heat back on them. Don't. You don't have to take that. So put the heat back on them. So everybody knows that Bob Jenkins just asked that question. That stupid, effing question.

[Robert Smigel]

Yeah.

[Alex Moffat]

And it's one.

[Robert Smigel]

Maybe, Maybe. Maybe you. Just in case they don't get the idea, you could say, well, Bob Perkins of CBS News, that's an excellent question.

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah.

[Robert Smigel]

And I just Want everybody to know who asked it because, you know, because it's credit where credit is due.

[Rob Riggle]

Because nobody else asked that question. Oh, wait, I'm sorry. Everybody else asked that question.

[Boost Mobile Announcer]

Right.

[Robert Smigel]

I'm sorry. I don't have. I wish I had more time to answer it, but I. I guess we need to move it along and then just keep doing that to everybody without answering the question. Just take the time to talk, mention their names. Yeah, yeah.

[Rasmus Dahlin]

Like, is it. Is it even exciting to listen to these press conference after games?

[Alex Moffat]

Not in your case.

[Rasmus Dahlin]

Does anybody listen to them?

[Boost Mobile Announcer]

Well, you.

[Rob Riggle]

You're. You see, you're in a. You're in a tricky spot. Ras. Because they're. They're asking you questions, praying that you will give them colorful language.

[Rasmus Dahlin]

Something. Yes, yes.

[Rob Riggle]

Right.

[Kal Penn]

Any.

[Rob Riggle]

Anything that they can twist to turn into clickbait. You know, one colorful word out of your mouth, it becomes a headline. And then. So you're in a tricky spot because you don't want to. You don't want to give them that fuel because then that turns into locker room fuel for the other team. And so you got to walk this line. So. So your best safest bet is to speak Swedish, man.

[Alex Moffat]

Yeah.

[Rasmus Dahlin]

Yeah.

[Alex Moffat]

All roads.

[Robert Smigel]

But what if we.

[Rasmus Dahlin]

Yeah.

[Robert Smigel]

In the absence of.

[Rob Riggle]

If.

[Robert Smigel]

If they tell them the league says you can't speak Swedish. We know you can talk English. Please talk English. We've heard you do it. What if you just talked about being Swedish? You know, giving facts proud Viking tradition.

[Rasmus Dahlin]

Yeah, I could. I can talk about that for sure.

[Robert Smigel]

Yeah. You.

[Rob Riggle]

That sneak. I would even think about. I would even think about post game putting on a helmet with horns.

[Alex Moffat]

Yes.

[Robert Smigel]

I think that's a great idea.

[Rob Riggle]

Make that your post game look.

[Alex Moffat]

Some really blonde braids coming down.

[Rob Riggle]

Yep.

[Robert Smigel]

Well, no, you wanted to look like Heidi.

[Rasmus Dahlin]

But don't you think that'll be a headline, though?

[Rob Riggle]

No, it'll get the look. It'll get the look, but it. It. You know, and it gives them something else to focus on, and it also lets them know. So he's obviously taking the. You know, he's very light hearted. But I would only do this on victories, by the way. Don't do this after a loss. Do this after victories only. But put that on and they'll know he's lighthearted, he's joking around, he's having fun instantly. Visually, they give the cue like, you don't have to ask you anything, and they already know this. Vikings out of control.

[Robert Smigel]

That's one way to go. And another way to invoke Sweden is to Just say, like, whatever they ask you about the game, maybe you say, you know, with everything going on in this country, I can't believe you're asking me about a hockey.

[Alex Moffat]

Put it back on that.

[Rasmus Dahlin]

Get into politics.

[Robert Smigel]

No, no, no. But no, no, I don't mean to get into real serious politics, but you could say, you could just talk about Sweden. What if you just said. What if you just bemoaned the fact that the meat. That the meatballs in America aren't good

[Alex Moffat]

enough and that you have to go to IKEA to get a decent meatball?

[Rob Riggle]

They're way too big here.

[Robert Smigel]

The meatballs are too big and then you're huge here. They're too big and they. They're not sweet enough. Right.

[Rob Riggle]

Have you ever thought about doing an interview while just holding a fish

[Rasmus Dahlin]

and

[Rob Riggle]

every now and then just take a rip off it? Just, you know.

[Robert Smigel]

Is that what you were talking about? A lute Fisk. Lutefisk. My friend Dave Cyrus is in here.

[Rob Riggle]

Bring just a giant tray of lootfisk and just aggressively eat it as they can all smell it. Taunt them about the fact that they couldn't handle it.

[Robert Smigel]

Like you can lute fish.

[Rasmus Dahlin]

I like that.

[Rob Riggle]

And then say, you know, as an important note for you young American kids out there trying to get into the NHL and then just dive right back in. This is the. This is the ticket. A lot of people think it's time on the ice. It's not. It's these fish. And then just keep devouring it. And speaking of fish, if you have a mouthful of fish, it's hard to answer questions.

[Alex Moffat]

Yeah. And then it'll sound like Swedish. Anyway, whatever you say.

[Rob Riggle]

That's right.

[Rasmus Dahlin]

That's true.

[Alex Moffat]

What town? So I saw conflicting things. Are you from Tit Hoten or Lip? Kid Pong?

[Robert Smigel]

Linkapin.

[Rob Riggle]

Linkapin.

[Kal Penn]

What?

[Rasmus Dahlin]

You said Titan.

[Alex Moffat]

What? What Tit. That. There was something that I got sent. That was Tit Hatton.

[Kal Penn]

That's what.

[Robert Smigel]

That's what Donald Trump calls Manhattan. We're gonna go to Tidhattan tonight. Movies everywhere. You wouldn't believe the tits there. Link. A ping. Is there?

[Rasmus Dahlin]

Yeah.

[Alex Moffat]

Anyways, it's.

[Rasmus Dahlin]

It's called Lee Chopping Leach Upping.

[Rob Riggle]

Is that. Is that a north or south?

[Rasmus Dahlin]

South.

[Alex Moffat]

Okay, then that changes everything for me because I thought you were from Kid Hatton. So I got nothing.

[Robert Smigel]

What if you talked about your hometown and talked about how know everyone here is like a soft serve because everyone here is soft because it's not cold enough for you. You know that's true. Right? Like everybody here with their own ass

[Rasmus Dahlin]

would hate that though, you know?

[Robert Smigel]

Well, they would know you.

[Rob Riggle]

That's where you make points. That's where you make points. You say this, this. Everybody here soft. Except for the good people of Buffalo.

[Robert Smigel]

That's the only town that's even close.

[Rob Riggle]

The only town.

[Robert Smigel]

Yeah.

[Rob Riggle]

That's the only town I found that I really can. I can function in because everybody here is. Can handle the cold. We're all tough here in Buffalo. That kind of stuff's going to get you mileage, my friend. Big.

[Rasmus Dahlin]

I love that.

[Robert Smigel]

Yeah. Yeah, let's.

[Alex Moffat]

You thought they loved you now.

[Robert Smigel]

The layers of clothing people wear in Chicago and Toronto. It's embarrassing.

[Rob Riggle]

Shameful. Shameful. No true hockey man or woman would be caught dead in that many layers.

[Rasmus Dahlin]

Yeah. Disgusting. Yeah.

[Robert Smigel]

And then. And then you could make jokes about your hometown. Like, say, I was 10 years old the first time I left. How do you pronounce it again? I was 10 years old the first time I left Link. I asked my mother what that thing above the train was and she said, it's called the sun.

[Alex Moffat]

And then. Hold for applause.

[Robert Smigel]

Yeah. Never seen the sun before. You see.

[Rob Riggle]

Make eye contact with Bob Perkins from cbs. And hold that. Hold that eye contact.

[Robert Smigel]

That would be good.

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah.

[Robert Smigel]

Just stare them right in the eye after you make a joke.

[Alex Moffat]

Trollhatten. That's what it was. Trollhatten. What is Trollhatten?

[Rasmus Dahlin]

That's the. That's the city of the hospital I was given birth in.

[Alex Moffat]

Because I'm just looking at a briefing email I got from these guys. It said troll Hot. Now, I don't know where Tit Hotton came from. Anywhere.

[Rasmus Dahlin]

I wish. I wish I was from T.I.T. hadn't.

[Alex Moffat]

Yeah.

[Rob Riggle]

Who doesn't really?

[Alex Moffat]

Who doesn't now? Has anybody I know? I think a nickname might also help.

[Rob Riggle]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Alex Moffat]

Because then, like when you ask. When people ask you the. Like you would strut into the press conference with some Oakleys on and then just sort of throw them and be like you. You have a question for Sweden is Sweetness.

[Rob Riggle]

Sweetness is not bad. Sweetness is.

[Robert Smigel]

Who's the best right wing on your team? Right wing or left wing?

[Boost Mobile Announcer]

Who's.

[Robert Smigel]

Who's the most celebrated wing on your team?

[Rasmus Dahlin]

Alex Tuck.

[Robert Smigel]

Alice. So he could. You could walk in with him and it's like, everybody meet Swedish. And the Buffalo Wild Wing.

[Rob Riggle]

Bingo. Just nailed it again.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yep.

[Rob Riggle]

I hope

[Rasmus Dahlin]

Rasmus.

[Alex Moffat]

Love that one.

[Rob Riggle]

Rasmus, you don't have to write these down. I'm writing them down for you. We're going to email them to you. So.

[Robert Smigel]

Yeah, and we're going to have them translated into Swedish, too. You'll have various ways of going, what

[Alex Moffat]

about the Sin Bin Swede? Because you spent so much. Spend so much time in the penalty box.

[Rob Riggle]

Oh, yeah.

[Robert Smigel]

Well, and we could also try out catchphrases. David helped us with some suggestions there. Like, because you're. You're a tough, physical player, you could say my opponents always pay by check. How about this?

[Alex Moffat]

Rasmus was born in 2000. Are you sure? Do you know what a check is? Aside from.

[Rasmus Dahlin]

Okay, I know what a wire is.

[Robert Smigel]

Yeah, A wire.

[Alex Moffat]

Okay.

[Rasmus Dahlin]

I know. Venmo.

[Alex Moffat]

All right, well, similar.

[Robert Smigel]

How about. This is what you say to your opposing players, grab your plate because you're headed to the smorgasbords, the boards. When you're about to check someone into the boards. Boards.

[Rasmus Dahlin]

I don't know.

[Rob Riggle]

Raspberry's gonna lay down a bunch of. Hold on.

[Robert Smigel]

How about this one? Wait, no, you're gonna love this one. You're gonna love this one. You ever had a cold? Had medicine?

[Rob Riggle]

This is.

[Robert Smigel]

You're gonna love this one. The other team's gonna be coughing up a lot of loose pucks after I give them a dose of my Rasmatussin

[Rob Riggle]

here in America.

[Robert Smigel]

Rasmus Tussin. You've never heard of them?

[Rasmus Dahlin]

I. I promise I'll use all these ones.

[Rob Riggle]

Bad coughs and stuff, whatnot. It's.

[Alex Moffat]

Again, I've already complimented you on how good to your word you are.

[Robert Smigel]

And then this is one that, you know, just for the ladies in the audience. I may be Swedish, but I always finish

[Alex Moffat]

because a lot of Scandinavians are known for not finishing.

[Rasmus Dahlin]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Robert Smigel]

It's important to break that stereotype.

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah, I like all of this. I like everything I'm hearing so far.

[Alex Moffat]

And speaking of catchphrases, you could say this to. You could say this to a guy on the ice. You could say this. If a reporter like, you know, the aforementioned Bob Jenkins from CBS News asks

[Robert Smigel]

you a question, you're giving him so much press today.

[Alex Moffat]

If they ask you maybe a question you don't like, just look at him go, hey, kiss my Rasmus.

[Rasmus Dahlin]

Ooh.

[Alex Moffat]

Because there's an ass somewhere in your name.

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah. Rass. Yeah.

[Rasmus Dahlin]

Oh, yeah. I do have.

[Rob Riggle]

And by the way,

[Boost Mobile Announcer]

if you do

[Alex Moffat]

drop, it looks up at the ceiling. Okay, okay,

[Robert Smigel]

you're getting that. You're getting that look you get when you're listening to reporters.

[Alex Moffat]

Now that. Can we wrap this up? Look,

[Rob Riggle]

if you do drop one of these dynamic heaters we just gave you. If you drop any of these, okay, and it. And it doesn't pan out the way you want it, you know you've got an out, right? You play a collision sport every night, you know, you can just say, hey, guys, I got hit pretty hard tonight, so you have to forgive me. You have an out every time.

[Rasmus Dahlin]

That's true.

[Rob Riggle]

Every time. So don't be afraid to use it. I'm just saying. That's your get out of jail free card. So you've got one.

[Rasmus Dahlin]

That's. That's. That. That's the one. That's probably the best advice I've got today. That's. That's a really good one.

[Robert Smigel]

It's a very low bar. It's a very low bar.

[Alex Moffat]

Another.

[Rob Riggle]

Take that one to the bank, my friend.

[Alex Moffat]

Another catchphrase you could have. Like when you check somebody go, hey, Merry Christmas.

[Rasmus Dahlin]

It's great. I love it.

[Alex Moffat]

I know, it's great.

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah,

[Alex Moffat]

Erasmus. And you're gonna. Merry Christmas, darling.

[Rasmus Dahlin]

Yeah, yeah, all of them.

[Alex Moffat]

Wait, wait, I don't know if maybe. I think I got drowned out. Let me do it again. You check a guy and then you go, hey, Merry Christmas, darling.

[Rob Riggle]

How about this? Because his last name is Darling, right?

[Alex Moffat]

But it sounds like darling.

[Rasmus Dahlin]

Yeah, yeah, Darling.

[Alex Moffat]

It sounds like a guy with a Swedish accent, maybe.

[Rob Riggle]

Anyway, you have to really slow it down. Yeah, maybe I'll know that, right, Alex.

[Alex Moffat]

Maybe got drowned and get out again. You go, merry Christmas, darling.

[Rob Riggle]

You're getting borderline Terminator.

[Rasmus Dahlin]

My accent that bad?

[Rob Riggle]

No, we're saying spice. Turn it up, turn it up.

[Robert Smigel]

Suddenly you're. Suddenly you're from Austria. In his mind. How about some. Some put downs for the reporters that don't really sound like put downs, but they are. Thanks for the question. Bob Perkins of the, you know, Montreal Gazette. I gotta say, that question is so good and you're so talented that maybe America should leave Canada. Canada alone and just annex you.

[Alex Moffat]

And what. What that insult lacks in brevity, it makes up for in heat.

[Rob Riggle]

It's timely. You can't. You can't argue with that.

[Alex Moffat]

NX you.

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah.

[Robert Smigel]

And what about if there are two press. What if. What if you're. Sometimes you're surrounded by multiple. All a lot of times you're surrounded by multiple reporters. Right, Right.

[Rasmus Dahlin]

Oh, yeah.

[Robert Smigel]

Are there two competing Buffalo TV stations that.

[Rasmus Dahlin]

Yeah, I think there's a like two, three maybe, right?

[Robert Smigel]

So you could say, hey, if you're. If you're doing that sarcastic thing of like, complimenting their questions, you can.

[Rasmus Dahlin]

Which I love.

[Robert Smigel]

Yeah, I don't know which. I don't know which station to watch. All I can say is you guys are in some heated rivalry, aren't you? You think that the press would turn on you if you made a comment like that or would they know that you were kidding around?

[Rasmus Dahlin]

I. I think I would get them against me, but maybe it's worth it. Worth a laugh.

[Rob Riggle]

After you give them a zinger, you can always back it up with, yeah, I'm just playing, guys. I love you guys.

[Robert Smigel]

I love you guys.

[Rob Riggle]

You know, I like that. Give them the old guts, you're out. You know, you give a singer and then you give them the old. Ah, you know, I'm just playing. I love you guys. Anyway, it's been a long day. I gotta go. I got hit in the head. I gotta go.

[Announcer]

Sit.

[Robert Smigel]

Always end with I got hit in the head. That pretty much would explain everything.

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah, that's her out every time.

[Robert Smigel]

Rasmuss, what we're going to do is we're going to write out some of these suggestions for you and hope that you use some of them because that's. I don't know what's been explained to you, but that was the premise.

[Alex Moffat]

I think it's been established. He walked in into this cold.

[Robert Smigel]

Yeah, I know, I know. That's why I'm re explaining it.

[Alex Moffat]

Now, our props off the table. I don't want to be a hack, I don't want to be like a prop comic here, but you walk into like a press conference with like a T shirt cannon and like, who, you know, when Bob Jenkins of. Of CBS or apparently the Montreal Gazette.

[Robert Smigel]

Right.

[Alex Moffat]

Formerly asks you a question. Just hit him. Hit him with a, you know, a Dolan jersey and a T shirt can cannon. And then everybody's excited. There's a sort of fun atmosphere to it. Or like a money gun.

[Rob Riggle]

Alex, I love where you're going with this. I would even consider this. Rasmus, you might go in with two things, like a, you know, like a bowl of candy for the good questions and then the T shirt cannon for the bad questions.

[Rasmus Dahlin]

Yeah.

[Rob Riggle]

And you blast them. Hit them with the. Hit him with it. You know, take down the gas pressure on it so it doesn't really knock it down, but hit him with it. And when they open the T shirt, they shake it out. It says, stupid question.

[Alex Moffat]

I thought you were going to say open the T shirt. You say, merry Christmas, darling.

[Robert Smigel]

Well, I'll throw in. It could also say puck off.

[Alex Moffat]

Yeah.

[Rob Riggle]

Oh, puck off's nice.

[Rasmus Dahlin]

Good one.

[Rob Riggle]

Come on.

[Rasmus Dahlin]

Yeah, that's a good one. Yeah. Not knowing what I was walking into. Wow. This, this bit. Unbelievable voice. I've learned a lot.

[Alex Moffat]

Would you consider doing the fish idea? I love that idea.

[Rasmus Dahlin]

That's a great, great idea.

[Robert Smigel]

Okay, good. I was just hoping he'd say a few things. If he's willing to work with props, even better.

[Rob Riggle]

But by the way, there is something very special about a bunch of people lined up asking you a bunch of questions, and you're just doing a slow feed on your Swedish fish.

[Robert Smigel]

Oh, that's nice.

[Alex Moffat]

And you just keep slowly eating it and just keep holding up one finger like, I'll be with you in a second.

[Robert Smigel]

Oh. And then chewing and swallowing, making everyone wait while you eat because you want to be polite. You don't want to talk with your mouth. Exactly. Bring it up for everyone.

[Rob Riggle]

They say you just keep pointing at your mouth saying, I just give me. A lot of time.

[Alex Moffat]

Yeah.

[Rob Riggle]

And so when you get to the end of that, when you're almost out of time, that's when you go, you take, you swallow it and you go, you go, hey, you know, whatever you want to say. Great game tonight. Love my teammates. I got hit in the head. I'm out.

[Alex Moffat]

I'm out, and you're gone. I think that Swedish fish idea is good for the playoffs.

[Robert Smigel]

Yeah.

[Rob Riggle]

Just consider we're gonna send you all this, so don't worry about it. You're gonna get it because we're fire hosing you right now.

[Robert Smigel]

But we're gonna send you and Riggle will come out and be your interpreter for one game. I'm volunteering him. Volunteering.

[Alex Moffat]

I love to do that.

[Robert Smigel]

When you, when you play, do you have any more games the west coast, you're. Well, yeah. When you make the finals and you play it.

[Alex Moffat]

Not if.

[Robert Smigel]

Yeah, I looked at when, not if gonna happen.

[Rob Riggle]

That's.

[Robert Smigel]

Honestly, I'm so excited for, for what you've. Your team is doing for. Because I, I, you know, I, I always love underdog teams. I'm a big Islanders fan, but, you know, I'm also a New York State guy and I know what the Sabers have gone through and I think it's fantastic.

[Rob Riggle]

I'm glad you're back in different playoffs. You let them back.

[Robert Smigel]

It's for. Well, they're. They're going to clinch the next game probably.

[Boost Mobile Announcer]

And.

[Robert Smigel]

But, but it's like the first time in how many years? 23 years? Something like that?

[Rasmus Dahlin]

14.

[Robert Smigel]

Oh, 14. Oh, that's no big deal. No, 14 is huge. And The Sabres have never won a Stanley Cup.

[Alex Moffat]

Is that right?

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah, I want that to happen.

[Robert Smigel]

I want that to happen.

[Rasmus Dahlin]

To be a part of something crazy.

[Robert Smigel]

Yeah, I want that to happen.

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah, that would be awesome to see.

[Robert Smigel]

Well, congratulations and thank you for listening to all of our nonsense.

[Rasmus Dahlin]

Thank you so much, guys. I love you guys. I got hit in the head, so I got to go.

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah, there he is. Love it. You're a natural.

[Robert Smigel]

We'll be right back.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile. I don't know if you knew this, but anyone can get the same Premium Wireless for $15 a month plan that I've been enjoying. It's not just for celebrities. So do like I did and have one of your assistant's assistants switch you to Mint Mobile today. I'm told it's super easy to [e-mail]

[Announcer]

Switch upfront payment of $45 for 3 month plan, equivalent to $15 per month required intro rate first 3 months only, then full price plan options available, taxes and fees extra. See full [e-mail] hey everyone, it's Kal Penn.

[Kal Penn]

I'm the host of Irsay The Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club. This week on the podcast, I am sitting down with Ray Porter, the narrator of Andy Weir's audiobook project, Hail Mary, massive sci fi adventure about survival and science and what happens when you wake up alone, very far from Earth.

[Rob Riggle]

I really had to make a decision because I caught myself getting that frog in my throat and starting to get teary as I'm narrating some of these sections and it's like, okay, yo, yo, yo, is this indulgent? And I really thought about it.

[Kal Penn]

I was like, no.

[Rob Riggle]

At this point it would kind of be betraying the trust the author and the listener have in telling this story if I don't go through it. But there's places in this book that that deeply, emotionally affected me and I left it on the mic. That's great because it served the story. People will say like, oh my God,

[Boost Mobile Announcer]

I cried at the end.

[Rob Riggle]

It's like, yeah, dude, me too.

[Kal Penn]

Listen to Irsay the Audible and I Heart Audio Book Club on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Robert Smigel]

Why is it always chaos when we link up?

[Alex Moffat]

Cuz nobody plans anything, bro. Good thing the Rogue's ready like that for real. Rain, dirt, whatever. Available all wheel drive, five modes. We still outside.

[Robert Smigel]

And they got some kick too. That turbo torque is crazy. The most in its class. It moves.

[Rasmus Dahlin]

Moves.

[Alex Moffat]

Rogue doesn't mess around and peep the space merch on merch merch gear mics. All of it fits.

[Boost Mobile Announcer]

Load up.

[Kal Penn]

We out.

[Alex Moffat]

2026 Nissan Rogue built for all of it. Auto Pacific segmentation 2026 Rogue vs latest in market competitors in the X SUV mainstream mid size class excluding electrical vehicles based on manufacturer websites.

[Boost Mobile Announcer]

Unlock the savings at Boost Mobile and save up to 600 a year. I've been scouting these big carriers for a minute now and I've seen them pull the same play a thousand times times. They promise you the world, then hit you with a price hike right when the game gets tight. But Boost Mobile, their 25amonth unlimited wireless plan is the most consistent player on the floor. No contracts, no price hikes. Unlock the Savings [e-mail] Unlock based on average annual single line payment of AT&T Verizon and T Mobile customers compared to 12 months of the Boost Mobile unlimited wireless plan as of January 2026. For full offer details, visit boostmobile.com Got

[Robert Smigel]

a thing that needs to be funnier. Tell us about [e-mail] Humor me.

[Rob Riggle]

Hey, can I, can I tell you guys about a thing I'm using?

[Robert Smigel]

Yes. Oh, you got a thing you're using?

[Rob Riggle]

Well, it's, it's, it's new and it's. But it's. I gotta say, it's effective sort of. It's called Midnight Mist. It's a little mist, like, like a breath, like a, like a banaka.

[Robert Smigel]

Huh.

[Rob Riggle]

And you, you spray it on your penis.

[Robert Smigel]

You spray it on your penis and it's not working.

[Alex Moffat]

And what, what does it do?

[Robert Smigel]

I've had, I have friends who've told me about this.

[Boost Mobile Announcer]

Yes.

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah. So it's the day. It's the darndest thing. You know, a friend of mine told me about it and I was like, what? That doesn't. I thought it was going to be like a prank. Like you, like, it would actually be banana and it would burn my penis or whatever. But you spray it on and I'll be damned if it doesn't get you halfway there.

[Alex Moffat]

Midnight.

[Rob Riggle]

It's amazing.

[Robert Smigel]

How many times have you been with a woman in, you know, an intimate setting and you just praying to get half a boner, so.

[Rob Riggle]

But look for it out there, guys. If you're, if you're, if you're having struggles like either getting halfway there or you got halfway there, but you want to get all the way there and you need another half. It's basically 50 effective. That's what this says on the box.

[Robert Smigel]

50 effective isn't. This doesn't this go back. Doesn't this trace back to ancient China?

[Rob Riggle]

It does. Well, that's what they say, because on one side of the box, it is in Chinese. Right. Writing. And I don't know, I don't read Chinese, obviously, but that's what it says.

[Alex Moffat]

Well, it's not that obvious. You do speak some Swedish, but I

[Rob Riggle]

don't like to brag, but, yes, I do. But there is writing on the box that is Chinese, so I think that's probably the history of Midnight Mist.

[Alex Moffat]

Cool.

[Robert Smigel]

Is your, is, is half your penis stiff and the other half flaccid, or is it all half stiff?

[Rob Riggle]

It's all half.

[Robert Smigel]

It's all half.

[Rob Riggle]

It's all half. But you know what? I always. I always do a thorough spray job.

[Alex Moffat]

Got it.

[Rob Riggle]

So I wonder, maybe if I just put it on the top, Maybe put a top shellac.

[Robert Smigel]

Right.

[Rob Riggle]

Maybe it would have a different effect, you know?

[Alex Moffat]

Do you get to choose which half? I mean, if you did it all up the right side.

[Robert Smigel]

Oh, the right side. Oh, that's an interesting idea, I'm afraid.

[Rob Riggle]

Can I, Alex?

[Alex Moffat]

Then you're gonna kind of.

[Robert Smigel]

I was thinking top and bottom, but you're going left and right.

[Alex Moffat]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Rob Riggle]

If I sprayed one side of the car, I'm afraid it would pull to the. Pull to the right. You know what I mean?

[Alex Moffat]

I hear you.

[Robert Smigel]

Well, then some women like that.

[Rob Riggle]

I, I, Yeah, it's possible, Sure.

[Robert Smigel]

I mean, I'm guessing Midnight mist.

[Alex Moffat]

Midnight missed.

[Robert Smigel]

Is there a code, Rob?

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah, it's M squared. Hat was Hashtag M squared all night.

[Alex Moffat]

Hashtag M squared all night.

[Robert Smigel]

Huh? Hashtag M squared all night. Courtesy of Humor Me with Robert Smigel and friends with special guests Alex Moffat, Rob Riggle, and Rasmus. Darlene.

[Rob Riggle]

Yes.

[Alex Moffat]

This is all part of the hashtag.

[Rob Riggle]

It's one hashtag.

[Robert Smigel]

Thank you.

[Alex Moffat]

One hashtag.

[Robert Smigel]

This is all part of the hash hashtag, to be clear here.

[Alex Moffat]

Yeah.

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah. And by the way, if you don't use that specific hashtag, you won't get the 5% discount.

[Alex Moffat]

Yeah.

[Rob Riggle]

So make sure you use.

[Robert Smigel]

Yeah.

[Rob Riggle]

That particular hashtag, because that's a.

[Alex Moffat]

It's also free shipping.

[Robert Smigel]

With that, you'll get a 2.5 discount.

[Alex Moffat]

Right. Which is half.

[Robert Smigel]

Exactly. That's their little joke. Yeah, I think it's funny.

[Rob Riggle]

It's. It's really funny.

[Robert Smigel]

That is.

[Rob Riggle]

It's. I love when they do this stuff.

[Robert Smigel]

Yeah. When they have fun with it.

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah.

[Robert Smigel]

Because, you know, you got to have fun.

[Alex Moffat]

Well, we're all going to die soon.

[Robert Smigel]

That, too. Yeah. That's in the copy here.

[Alex Moffat]

We're all going to die soon, so.

[Robert Smigel]

So why not have half a stiff penis?

[Alex Moffat]

Yep.

[Robert Smigel]

Midnight Mist.

[Rob Riggle]

Midnight Missed.

[Announcer]

Yeah.

[Alex Moffat]

What was that hashtag again?

[Robert Smigel]

Smile, Rob, you start.

[Rob Riggle]

Was M squared all night, courtesy of

[Robert Smigel]

Humor Me with Robert Spigel and friends with guests Alex Moffat and Rob Riggle. This is part of the hashtag. This is not a bit.

[Alex Moffat]

And again, if any of it is even remotely misspelled, you only get two and a half percent.

[Robert Smigel]

Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot. And special guest, Rasmus. Darlene. Spelled D A, H. This is part of the hashtag spelled S, P, E.

[Alex Moffat]

Well, I can see it on the

[Robert Smigel]

L, L, E, D. Rasmus.

[Rob Riggle]

There's a few, um, lots in there.

[Robert Smigel]

Yes.

[Rasmus Dahlin]

Yeah.

[Robert Smigel]

Oh, yeah. You got to have a keyboard that allows for, um, lots. I'm sorry. It's just part of the.

[Rob Riggle]

It's worth it. It's worth the extra two and a half percent. It's worth it. It's worth it.

[Robert Smigel]

It's worth it.

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah.

[Robert Smigel]

We'll be right back.

[Rob Riggle]

Midnight Mist.

[Robert Smigel]

Okay. Thank you, Rob.

[Rob Riggle]

Most complicated penis cream ever.

[Alex Moffat]

Oh, it's. The mist is also. It's a cream that comes.

[Rob Riggle]

It comes in cream form.

[Rasmus Dahlin]

Wow.

[Alex Moffat]

All right, well, I'm glad there's a cream. There's also a cream.

[Robert Smigel]

There's also a cream.

[Rob Riggle]

They're not animals. I mean. Yeah, they got options. They've got options.

[Robert Smigel]

So there's a mist, There's a cream. Is there a powder that I can put in my protein shake?

[Rob Riggle]

It's a. It's a talcum. They have a talcum, but yes, you

[Alex Moffat]

can put it on your protein.

[Robert Smigel]

Oh, so I can put it on my penis directly. A talcum powder, yes. Can I eat it, though? Because I love the taste of talcum powder.

[Rob Riggle]

I don't. I don't even know if you can eat it. I haven't. I don't drill down that far. But they have a. They have a litany of products that they make. A Midnight Mist. Okay. They even have, like a. A bush hairnet. They have. I mean, they have anything that. Anything.

[Alex Moffat]

One stop shopping for the lower region

[Rob Riggle]

below the belt and above the knees. You go to mistake, you go to Midnight Mist.

[Robert Smigel]

That's hashtag. No, I'm not gonna do it. We'll be right back. Unfortunately, the Buffalo Sabers were eliminated in the second round of the Stanley cup playoffs. Rasmus returned to Sweden, where there are no reporters to tell jokes to. We hope to see him try our suggestions next season. In the meantime, to make up for having no payoff for this episode, we continue to talk about the penis brain spray.

[Alex Moffat]

Does it work? If you're hard, it will make it flaccid or half hard.

[Rob Riggle]

It's only start when. If you're full hard and you put on Midnight Mist.

[Rasmus Dahlin]

Yes.

[Rob Riggle]

You need to call a doctor. That's what it's about. That's. That's why they even put that disclaimer in there. Is if. If you play around with. It's like playing with a loaded gun. Don't around. Okay. If you have a full erection and you're ready to go and you put on Midnight Mist, you run the risk of head fracture.

[Alex Moffat]

Yeah.

[Rob Riggle]

Head explosion, explosion, explosion.

[Alex Moffat]

Stepping on a cherry tomato like.

[Rob Riggle]

Yes.

[Robert Smigel]

Oh, that's a shame. Because, you know, there are many situations where I want to calm it down to half, you know, and I have to think about the Yankees pitching rotation. And here I'm thinking, wouldn't it be great if they're. I'm always thinking, wouldn't it be great if there was a spray that I could just pull out for a second? Spray the dick and right back in.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Calm down.

[Alex Moffat]

Calm it down.

[Rob Riggle]

Are you trying to comment? Say that again.

[Robert Smigel]

Because it's, you know, to avoid Premature. What's the word?

[Alex Moffat]

Yeah.

[Rob Riggle]

We. Owner.

[Robert Smigel]

Spewing. Premature Spewing.

[Alex Moffat]

To use a medical term.

[Robert Smigel]

Yeah. To use the technical term. And this way, you know, you can delay that and also delay pleasing the woman. Delay indefinitely.

[Alex Moffat]

Indefinitely.

[Robert Smigel]

Because. Because it's like being a Met fan. You know, when that finally happens, then it's. It means more.

[Alex Moffat]

Yes.

[Robert Smigel]

Yeah.

[Alex Moffat]

Yeah.

[Robert Smigel]

Or Buffalo Sabres fan. We want to be topical.

[Alex Moffat]

Like the cream.

[Robert Smigel]

Like the cream. Oh, my. Like, it all came back.

[Kal Penn]

Yep.

[Robert Smigel]

This commercial is never going to end.

[Alex Moffat]

You had something else you wanted to ask us?

[Rob Riggle]

I don't even call it. I wouldn't even call it a commercial as much as it's just a straight up testimonial.

[Robert Smigel]

It's just a convers we're having that happens to be a commercial. I don't know why people. I don't know why. We're bad guys.

[Rob Riggle]

I'm hanging with my bros. We're just

[Robert Smigel]

hanging with our bros, talking about telling

[Rob Riggle]

them, I got a. I got a good. If I got a hot stock tip, I'm telling my bros. And I feel like Midnight Mist is that hot tip.

[Robert Smigel]

That's all we're doing. I mean, it's not our fault that cameras are rolling and audio is being recorded.

[Alex Moffat]

It's not my fault. We just stumbled into the I Heart podcasts studio.

[Robert Smigel]

Yeah, we were going to talk about Midnight Mist, you know, over at o'. Tools.

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah.

[Robert Smigel]

It's an Irish bar.

[Alex Moffat]

Oh, I see that.

[Robert Smigel]

It's a neighborhood Irish bar that we.

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah.

[Robert Smigel]

Frequent.

[Kal Penn]

Yeah.

[Alex Moffat]

I. Oh, well, I. I know that today I'm.

[Robert Smigel]

Well, here we are in the middle of a studio.

[Boost Mobile Announcer]

Yeah.

[Robert Smigel]

You know what's benefit of this?

[Alex Moffat]

Tell me.

[Robert Smigel]

We get to share it with our listeners. It turns out.

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah.

[Alex Moffat]

Which if we read oduls. That wouldn't be the case.

[Robert Smigel]

That wouldn't be the case.

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah. Nobody even know about. Except the three of us.

[Robert Smigel]

Yeah. You're welcome. You're welcome.

[Rob Riggle]

Welcome. America and the world and America might

[Robert Smigel]

be pushing it and Future for Fortune

[Alex Moffat]

500 company Midnight Mist. Well, should we get out of here and go kick a few N A's back at o'?

[Rasmus Dahlin]

Tools?

[Robert Smigel]

Let me see if Seamus is there today.

[Alex Moffat]

Oh God, I hope so. He's.

[Robert Smigel]

He spins so many great stories.

[Alex Moffat]

Oh, yarns.

[Robert Smigel]

Yeah, our yarns. I'm sorry. Volume stories. Apology accepted to the entire Irish community. Like to apologize now. Rob, all I wanted to talk about was your, your resiliency. You got through. You, you, you got through standup. You went to sketch comedy. Ucb, Saturday Night Live.

[Alex Moffat]

I thought you were going to say something about his military service.

[Robert Smigel]

No, it's military led to all.

[Boost Mobile Announcer]

Got it.

[Alex Moffat]

Oh.

[Robert Smigel]

Gave him a perspective and a resiliency that allowed him to face adversity and, and keep going.

[Alex Moffat]

Yeah.

[Rob Riggle]

Are you. Are you like chop this section and put it back into the.

[Robert Smigel]

Yeah, that was the idea. That was the idea. Yeah.

[Rob Riggle]

Because I was like, this is a hard turn.

[Alex Moffat]

No, no, no.

[Robert Smigel]

This was, that was. I just wanted to.

[Rob Riggle]

I just heard, I just heard everything click off at that exact moment you started.

[Robert Smigel]

I know.

[Rob Riggle]

Going back.

[Robert Smigel]

That's all. You're wearing the same clothes, right.

[Rob Riggle]

You're for continuity.

[Robert Smigel]

I know this was like four days ago, but I really appreciate you're keeping the same clothes on.

[Rob Riggle]

You're very kind to bring up all those very nice things you said, but. Yeah.

[Robert Smigel]

And then you went to the Daily Show. How many people have done both of those shows? Have been a regular on both of those shows?

[Boost Mobile Announcer]

Shows.

[Alex Moffat]

Good question.

[Robert Smigel]

Has anybody.

[Rob Riggle]

Yes, one other. Nancy Walls and Che.

[Robert Smigel]

Michael. Che was a regular.

[Rob Riggle]

Very briefly.

[Robert Smigel]

Very briefly. Okay, well. Okay. I account.

[Rob Riggle]

Okay.

[Robert Smigel]

Nancy Walls is a good example. She. She did exactly what you did.

[Rob Riggle]

I think so.

[Robert Smigel]

Starlet snl.

[Boost Mobile Announcer]

Yeah.

[Robert Smigel]

Unjustly screwed. She came up with a huge bit that year. The, the. The can of whoop ass character. Do you remember that?

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah. Yes.

[Robert Smigel]

That Was like, something. One of the few things that really stuck that year. And. But anyway, she's great, and she was a great Daily show reporter. And then that's what you. You ended up. How many years did you do it? The daily show?

[Rob Riggle]

From 2006 to 2009. So three. Three years.

[Robert Smigel]

Well, and you had a huge impact. And then you were like, white hot. I know this person because I worked on a pilot with Rob.

[Rob Riggle]

Yes.

[Robert Smigel]

We pitched a pilot together at cbs.

[Alex Moffat]

Yeah.

[Robert Smigel]

And we're Bob. We're Bob Jenkins from cbs.

[Alex Moffat]

Which, depending on when you cut this part, people will get later.

[Robert Smigel]

Yes, exactly.

[Rob Riggle]

And Bob.

[Alex Moffat]

Yeah, go ahead to this part.

[Boost Mobile Announcer]

It's all.

[Robert Smigel]

It's all fun.

[Alex Moffat]

Anyway, CBS pilot.

[Rob Riggle]

What.

[Alex Moffat]

What was the pilot?

[Robert Smigel]

It was called Let It Go. And Rob played a. He left his hometown to go in Kansas City and be a hotshot real estate guy. Then the market collapsed and he had to come back. And at the same time, a nerdy kid that he had bullied had exploded. He'd come up with some kind of algorithm or whatever and was a tech bro. Became a tech bro and wanted to start a huge business in his hometown town. And so Rob has to work for the kid he picked on. Oh, all through high school, Rob's, like, was an ex jock.

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah.

[Alex Moffat]

Who played the.

[Robert Smigel]

We didn't have one because. So. So we. We pitched it. We sold it in the room. And I'm like, this is gonna be. And then. Then I find out, oh, cbs. CBS greenlit six pilots for Rob Riggle. That's how much they loved Rob. And I was. It turned out I was one of six. And then they ended up like, no, we like him as a football player who has two daughters. Right. Wasn't that it?

[Rob Riggle]

That's right. That's. That's the one that burned in my

[Robert Smigel]

memory because I was so excited. I had so much fun writing that one with you.

[Rasmus Dahlin]

Yeah.

[Robert Smigel]

Like, I remember, it's not like Rob wrote all six.

[Alex Moffat]

Right.

[Robert Smigel]

This is the one Rob actually got to write with me.

[Rob Riggle]

Yes, I remember. I remember going down to meet you in the lobby of the Lux Hotel over there in la.

[Robert Smigel]

Yes.

[Rob Riggle]

And we would sit. We would sit there and we would. We would work on it and we'd go over. No, I love that. I love that whole experience. Experience.

[Robert Smigel]

We had a great time.

[Alex Moffat]

I want to see this show.

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah.

[Robert Smigel]

Well, then we came up.

[Rob Riggle]

I had a lot of pilots, and obviously not one of them.

[Robert Smigel]

Well, I remember we had one more idea at the very end of the process that is more like a type of show that people would do now. Well, not that they're going to do it, but I really like this for Rob, which was a retired drill sergeant who ends up working with the mob

[Rob Riggle]

because don't give away too much. This town steals. So stop.

[Robert Smigel]

Is this still going to happen?

[Rob Riggle]

Oh, yeah. Everything's still on the table, brother. Like, everything's still on the table.

[Alex Moffat]

Got it. All right.

[Robert Smigel]

Okay.

[Rob Riggle]

Alex, that's. You just did that in front of us.

[Alex Moffat]

So happens I have a meeting later at Paramount.

[Rob Riggle]

Plus, this business.

[Alex Moffat]

I have a meeting with David Ellison to pitch a few pilot ideas.

[Robert Smigel]

Oh, no, you were in the pilot. You were in this idea idea. Ah, yeah. We hadn't met you yet, but we just want. Said an Alex Moffat type.

[Rob Riggle]

Type. That's what we said.

[Alex Moffat]

Yeah, I'm that type.

[Robert Smigel]

Yeah, I know. And. Yeah, you were gonna be in that pilot. The mob guy. Yeah. You were gonna.

[Alex Moffat]

Well, then I'm not gonna.

[Robert Smigel]

You were gonna be his. A guy who. Who was in the army and had been subject to his abuse.

[Alex Moffat]

Oh.

[Robert Smigel]

And. But was loyal to him, like in a. In a. Stockholm syndrome kind of way. Brought up so that when he tells you that he's been threatened by the mob and now he's got to work for them, you're all in.

[Alex Moffat]

Great.

[Robert Smigel]

You're the only person that he tells the truth to because he knows how loyal you are.

[Alex Moffat]

Wow.

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah, we also. We thought about that. We love that for you.

[Alex Moffat]

Yeah.

[Rob Riggle]

And then we. But we also thought you could play this other character in the show who was. Who was actually one of the mob. Mob bosses. He was one of the mob guys. I mean, I could and he just did, but he. You do a lot of your scenes would be in hot tubs full of, you know, girls and.

[Robert Smigel]

Right, right. Plastic surgery to look Italian.

[Alex Moffat]

Oh, I. I'm all in. I'll do that. I have a guy who does all my surgeries.

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah.

[Robert Smigel]

Is he the boss? You want him to be the boss?

[Rob Riggle]

Well, not the boss boss, but, you know, he's. He's like a captain in the. In the family.

[Robert Smigel]

Because the boss is like. So the boss says to Rob, I like the way you threaten.

[Alex Moffat]

I like the way you threaten.

[Robert Smigel]

I like the way you threaten. Hey, that was, you know, the boss read. Yeah, he could be the boss.

[Rob Riggle]

That's a good read. Did you hear that?

[Robert Smigel]

I did. I did. I'm glad we have it on tape to show the casting director.

[Alex Moffat]

Just keep me in mind. And I'm willing to shave.

[Rob Riggle]

Okay.

[Robert Smigel]

All right.

[Rob Riggle]

You don't have any facial hair.

[Alex Moffat]

I didn't mean my face.

[Ryan Reynolds]

That.

[Rob Riggle]

That I'm gonna.

[Robert Smigel]

That's what we want to hear.

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah, that's what I wanted. That's what. Exactly what I wanted to hear.

[Robert Smigel]

All right, you got his name down, right? Alex Moffat.

[Rob Riggle]

I got it down.

[Rasmus Dahlin]

1T.

[Robert Smigel]

1T.

[Rob Riggle]

Got it.

[Robert Smigel]

I got it. Okay.

[Alex Moffat]

Shining Star talent Group.

[Robert Smigel]

Okay, we're all set.

[Alex Moffat]

Yeah. Which is in one of those. It's right next to a barber shop in the concourse of Penn Station.

[Rob Riggle]

I know exactly where you're talking.

[Alex Moffat]

Yeah, that's my talent agency.

[Rob Riggle]

Very familiar, very familiar.

[Robert Smigel]

They have several good folks. They have several clients in Bigfoot the Musical.

[Alex Moffat]

Yeah, they put the whole thing together. It's a Shining Star talent production.

[Rasmus Dahlin]

Yeah.

[Robert Smigel]

Now I don't want to see it.

[Alex Moffat]

Oh, well, I already got your tickets.

[Robert Smigel]

Yeah, Yeah, I. I'll. I'll just pay for the tickets. Do you spend the next hour, Leave tickets the next day editing this?

[Rob Riggle]

Do you leave tickets at will call?

[Alex Moffat]

Do I leave tickets at Will call?

[Robert Smigel]

You can have my tickets at will call.

[Ryan Reynolds]

No.

[Alex Moffat]

Smiggle's coming.

[Robert Smigel]

He's.

[Alex Moffat]

He promised me.

[Rob Riggle]

He's teasing.

[Alex Moffat]

I need this.

[Rob Riggle]

He's being. He's goofing.

[Alex Moffat]

Yeah, I know, but I.

[Robert Smigel]

Tell me to go to will call, I'm like, what time and where?

[Alex Moffat]

Great.

[Rob Riggle]

Okay.

[Alex Moffat]

I'm starting to get real really upset. Smile, baby. We've been over this. You refuse to come and support my career. I need you there.

[Robert Smigel]

I know you do, and I'm.

[Alex Moffat]

I'm not. I'm gonna leave a ticket for you at will call for every single performance until it closes. Do you understand me?

[Robert Smigel]

There we go.

[Rob Riggle]

Now we're talking.

[Robert Smigel]

It's very akin to. Who does that? It's a rose. Arthur Miller left a rose on Marilyn Monroe's grave every day.

[Alex Moffat]

It's very similar to that. Same thing.

[Robert Smigel]

Basically.

[Rob Riggle]

It's the exact same thing.

[Alex Moffat]

Yeah.

[Robert Smigel]

Yeah.

[Alex Moffat]

I think we've covered it all.

[Robert Smigel]

Yeah, we really have.

[Alex Moffat]

Michael. Doors open a half hour before Bigfoot starts. And there's. There's, like, a full bar, there's candy. I'll even leave, like, a stipend at the bar for every show for you.

[Rob Riggle]

Is there any foot. The musical. Bigfoot the musical.

[Alex Moffat]

For the musical.

[Robert Smigel]

Can we wait till after Passover? Because I. I can't eat.

[Alex Moffat]

Sure.

[Robert Smigel]

Candy during. Whatever.

[Alex Moffat]

Yes.

[Announcer]

Fine.

[Robert Smigel]

And when does the show close?

[Alex Moffat]

April 26th.

[Robert Smigel]

Passover goes till the 27th.

[Alex Moffat]

Is that right?

[Rob Riggle]

It doesn't. I. You can look this up, Alex.

[Alex Moffat]

I'm not gonna look it up in Manhattan.

[Robert Smigel]

It goes, like, four weeks.

[Alex Moffat]

Yeah. Sorry, I gotta do another musical then and invite you to that then. Is this on Broadway?

[Robert Smigel]

No, it's off Broadway. And it's off.

[Alex Moffat]

Off.

[Robert Smigel]

And it's a little off.

[Alex Moffat]

And it's a little off.

[Robert Smigel]

It's a little off, a little weird, a little skewed. Nothing is wild. This is not just one wild musical.

[Rasmus Dahlin]

No, sir.

[Rob Riggle]

Who are you guys? Who are you right now?

[Robert Smigel]

Rosemary and Maury Amsterdam from the Dick Van Dyke Show.

[Alex Moffat]

Is that wild Wriggle or is that.

[Robert Smigel]

Is that not wild stuff? Not the norm? No, it's not. All right.

[Rob Riggle]

I love it.

[Alex Moffat]

Do your Eddie Canter. Robert. Here's Eddie Canter.

[Robert Smigel]

Why did it have to be that way with Dave? I didn't want it to be like that, Conan. I, you know, I don't want his hand the same way it did with Dave. That's why you're my last guest.

[Alex Moffat]

This is Eddie Cantor

[Robert Smigel]

before he stabbed Conan in the back, famously. Yeah, that's why it was hard for me to. When you said Eddie Cantor, I got a little froze up. A little. Because I have bad memories of what he did to Conan.

[Alex Moffat]

We all do.

[Robert Smigel]

Oh, great. This will be so entertaining at the Christmas party.

[Rob Riggle]

Okay, thanks for having me, Smugs.

[Robert Smigel]

Thank you, buddy. You're the best.

[Alex Moffat]

Does that mean you want to go?

[Robert Smigel]

Why wouldn't he? Why would he not want to go?

[Alex Moffat]

Really? What's the rush, man?

[Robert Smigel]

There he goes.

[Alex Moffat]

Good to see you, Regal.

[Rob Riggle]

Good to see you too, Alex. And enjoy the rest of your run on. On Broadway.

[Rasmus Dahlin]

There. That's.

[Rob Riggle]

Congratulations, man.

[Alex Moffat]

Appreciate it.

[Robert Smigel]

It's off Broadway.

[Alex Moffat]

It's off.

[Robert Smigel]

But he said that to you. That was a dig.

[Rob Riggle]

No, that was not. I was. Oh, my goodness.

[Alex Moffat]

Wriggle, diggle.

[Robert Smigel]

A wriggle, diggle.

[Alex Moffat]

I got diggled. It's all good, buddy.

[Robert Smigel]

You can't go three hours without getting dingled once.

[Alex Moffat]

You really can't wait.

[Rob Riggle]

Hit us with that.

[Alex Moffat]

Pop that hashtag one more time. All right, thanks.

[Rob Riggle]

Thanks, guys.

[Robert Smigel]

Thanks, guys.

[Rob Riggle]

Good to see you all.

[Robert Smigel]

You too, bud. Humor Me with Robert Smigel and Friends is a production of iHeartMedia and Big Money Players, created by Michelle Sack Smigel, who executive produces with her loving husband Robert. Produced by Frank Stinky Smiley, executive producer for iHeart, Jana Cagle Video producer Daniel Goodman Additional material by David Cyrus, David Taylor, David Adut and Josh Comers. Edited by Robert Ashe Humor Me theme song composed and sung by Tay Zonday don't forget to subscribe and follow to get new episodes of Humor Me each week. And while you're there, rate and review the show. That is, if you liked it. If you didn't, this conversation never happened. And we'll see you next time. Next week.

[Kal Penn]

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