Episode 22 - Two Guards || Hymns for the Road

Summary

Hymns for the Road - Episode 22: "Two Guards"

Release Date: January 27, 2025
Host/Author: Hodgepodge Audio

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Introduction

In Episode 22 of "Hymns for the Road," titled "Two Guards," listeners are transported further into the perilous yet enchanting journey of four survivors navigating a magical apocalypse that has transformed America into a fantasy wasteland. The episode unfolds with the group—Silver, Glass, Amber, and Copper—embarking on a critical juncture of their road trip, setting the stage for a tense encounter that tests their wits and unity.

Encounter with the Guardians (00:00 - 07:00)

As the survivors traverse the desolate landscape, they spot an imposing canyon featuring two seemingly identical bridges guarded by two formidable entities, Lefty and Righty. The duo presents a classic logic riddle:

“One of these bridges is sound as a stone. Your little vehicle will pass over it just fine. And one bridge is not so trustworthy. Try to cross it and you'll go plummeting into the abyss below.”
— Lefty [05:24]

The riddle stipulates that the group can ask only one question to determine the safe passage, with the added complexity that one guard always tells the truth and the other always lies. The initial interaction is marred by tension as Lefty and Righty engage in a heated argument, complicating the survivors' efforts to glean useful information.

The Riddle and Initial Confusion (07:00 - 13:30)

The group's attempt to parse the riddle is thwarted by the guards' incessant bickering. Amber expresses frustration, highlighting the monotonous and oppressive environment:

“It wouldn't be so bad if there was something more to see outside the car. It's just brown. Not even a nice brown. It's the kind that looks sick if you stare at it too long.”
— Amber [02:16]

Silver and Amber acknowledge familiarity with the riddle, suspecting it's a common trope:

“I think I heard of this one before.”
— Silver [06:20]

Despite recognizing the riddle, the group's efforts are derailed as Lefty and Righty's conflict intensifies, forcing Glass to reconsider their approach.

Group’s Dilemma and Strategy Formation (13:30 - 17:30)

As tensions mount between the guardians, the survivors contemplate their dwindling options. Copper suggests a straightforward approach:

“What if we just ask them which it is and try figuring it out based on their reaction?”
— Copper [13:04]

However, Amber quickly dismisses this idea, emphasizing the unpredictability of the guards:

“Then they'll tell us the right one. Use your head, copper. It's not going to be that easy.”
— Amber [13:06]

Realizing that direct questioning may exacerbate the situation, Silver proposes an alternative reminiscent of classic logic puzzles:

“I think I remember something about asking one guard what the other would say.”
— Silver [13:10]

This strategy aims to circumvent the guards' deceit by leveraging their conflicting natures, potentially revealing the safe bridge through their interactions.

Implementing the Strategy and Resolution (17:30 - 18:36)

The group cautiously resumes dialogue with Lefty and Righty, employing Amber's disruptive tactics to distract the guardians:

“Screw this. I'm gonna go look at those bridges.”
— Amber [11:54]

Her actions successfully shift the focus of Lefty and Righty, leading them to inadvertently provide the necessary information. Amidst the chaos, the group discerns that the eastern bridge is the safe passage, validated by one of the guardians:

“Take the eastern bridge. It's the safe one.”
— Lefty [17:33]

Relieved yet exhausted, the survivors express gratitude and apologize for the earlier turmoil:

“I think we are okay now. Thank you for your help. We wish you well.”
— Glass [17:40]

Conclusion and Aftermath (18:36 - End)

With the safe bridge identified, the group prepares to cross, reflecting on the episode's events and their internal conflicts:

“Yeah, I'm sorry. I didn't mean any of that. I'm just really hungry.”
— Glass [18:35]

“I really need something to eat and I'm sorry.”
— Amber [18:36]

Their unity is reaffirmed as they acknowledge the challenges ahead and the bonds that hold them together despite adversity. The episode concludes with them setting their sights on the eastern bridge, ready to continue their journey through the mystical and dangerous remnants of America.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• “It wouldn't be so bad if there was something more to see outside the car. It's just brown. Not even a nice brown.”
  — Amber [02:16]

• “You're too buddy buddy with them. It's like you want us to get into trouble.”
  — Amber [16:08]

• “One of us always tells the truth, and the other always tells lies.”
  — Lefty [06:11]

• “We'd have to find something to put our bridges over.”
  — Lefty [05:16]

• “I'm getting hangry.”
  — Amber [02:09]

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Insights and Themes

"Two Guards" delves deep into themes of trust, deception, and teamwork in a world where survival hinges on quick thinking and adaptability. The episode masterfully blends classic logic puzzles with character-driven drama, showcasing how interpersonal conflicts can both hinder and inadvertently aid problem-solving. The dynamic between the survivors underscores the importance of communication and collaboration, especially when faced with enigmatic challenges.

Conclusion

Episode 22 of "Hymns for the Road" offers a compelling mix of suspense, humor, and emotional depth, keeping listeners engaged as the survivors navigate both external threats and internal discord. The resolution of the riddle through unconventional means highlights the podcast's dedication to creative storytelling within its richly imagined post-apocalyptic setting.

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For more episodes and to support Hodgepodge Audio, visit hodgepodgeaudio.com or join their community on Patreon.

Transcript

[Advertiser]

Stay warm and save every day. All in the Fred Meyer app get tender USDA Choice boneless chuck roast for $5.99 a pound, then get 2 liter bottles of Coca Cola, Pepsi or 7Up for $1.49 each, all with your card and a digital coupon. Shop these deals at your local Kroger today or click the screen now to download the Fred Meyer app to save big today. Fred Meyer Fresh for everyone. Prices and product availability subject to change restrictions apply. See site for details.

[Narrator]

Hymns for the Road is a fiction podcast that often takes place inside a moving vehicle. Listener discretion is advised while driving. General content warnings are listed in the show Notes.

[Silver]

I'll sing you a song, a good song of the sea away I'll sing it to you if you sing it with me and we're bound.

[Glass]

For the.

[Righty]

Is away Rail away.

[Silver]

Sing farewell, my pretty young girl and when.

[Glass]

We'Re bound for the Rio Grande.

[Amber]

Can we stop to make food or something? I'm starving.

[Glass]

Did we eat all the snacks already? Could have sworn we just traded for donut holes.

[Copper]

We did. I had to cry in front of them.

[Amber]

Oh yeah, that's right.

[Glass]

Nice that more springs are out again.

[Amber]

Not that you're biased or anything.

[Glass]

I'm just glad it's not the summers yet.

[Copper]

Maybe we'll find this somewhere better before summer comes around.

[Amber]

Doubt it.

[Glass]

We can try.

[Copper]

I bet we won't have to give away any more memories once we get there.

[Amber]

You've barely had to give up or relive anything at all. Copper.

[Copper]

Hey, that's not fair. We all lost some when they took over.

[Glass]

Or maybe you traded them all away and don't remember.

[Silver]

Leave Copper alone, y'all. We're all hungry. We'll find somewhere to stop soon.

[Amber]

Better hurry. I'm getting hangry.

[Copper]

I'm getting bored.

[Amber]

It wouldn't be so bad if there was something more to see outside the car. It's just brown. Not even a nice brown. It's the kind that looks sick if you stare at it too long. And safe to say, I've been staring at it for a long time.

[Glass]

It does feel like we've been driving through the desert for a hundred years.

[Amber]

There's not even hills or anything to look at.

[Glass]

This is what I think sailors in the open ocean used to feel like.

[Amber]

I've never seen the ocean, so that means nothing to me.

[Silver]

You saw that house yesterday. That was something to look at.

[Glass]

That house was alive.

[Amber]

It was definitely alive.

[Glass]

In retrospect, we probably shouldn't have made eye contact with it there's something up there.

[Amber]

It was harder to see far away, but now that I'm right up against it, it's enormous. A huge sheer canyon right in the middle of the desert. It's like something grabbed each side of the land and pulled until it cracked down the middle. I don't think canyons like that are supposed to be in places like this, but everything's mixed together now, so who even knows?

[Glass]

Great. I think that means we'll get a change in scenery soon.

[Copper]

Look up ahead.

[Amber]

The first thought that crosses my mind when I see them is how much they look like bones. Like the corpses that get left in the woods and animals and things pick all the meat off them. Two bridges. Black rusted metal supports sticking up past the chasm and creaking supports shooting all the way down to the bottom, wherever that is.

[Copper]

A toll bridge.

[Glass]

Two toll bridges.

[Silver]

I got a bad feeling about this.

[Amber]

There's a folk guarding them.

[Glass]

There's two folk guarding them.

[Amber]

Oh, yeah. Now I can see the other one. Can you tell Aster to stop doing that? It's creepy.

[Glass]

I can try. I don't know if they'll stop, though.

[Copper]

Do we talk to both?

[Glass]

Want me to go find out?

[Silver]

If you would, sweetheart.

[Amber]

Glass hops halfway out and sits on the edge of the open window. They look tiny compared to the two folk. They're a lot bigger than they looked from far away. Hulking piles of broken concrete and rebar. It gives me vertigo watching how fast they move, those giant creaking bodies.

[Lefty]

Hello, travelers.

[Righty]

Pleasure to see new faces on a humble street.

[Amber]

Not winters and not falls.

[Glass]

You both seem quite upbeat. I'm happy to have a moment in the fresh air.

[Righty]

Are you enjoying the weather?

[Amber]

Not a summer. No rhyme for air. Might be a spring, but they seem more unclaimed. I'm hoping Glass avoids answering that question, just to be safe.

[Glass]

I'm wondering if you two are excited for spring to come around.

[Righty]

Spring?

[Lefty]

Oh, we don't care one way or the other.

[Righty]

Don't traffic much with the houses.

[Lefty]

They're always bickering with each other and.

[Righty]

We'Re not keen on that.

[Amber]

Unclaimed it is.

[Glass]

You've got quite a nice chasm here.

[Lefty]

Thank you. We put it here so we'd have something to put our bridges over.

[Glass]

We're actually hoping to cross one of your beautiful bridges.

[Lefty]

Oh, you'd like to cross the bridge, would you?

[Righty]

Of course they'd like to cross the bridge. They just said that.

[Lefty]

I just wanted to make sure.

[Righty]

You always have to second guess everything, don't You.

[Lefty]

We don't need to do this in front of our guests, you know.

[Amber]

What are they talking about?

[Glass]

I have no idea.

[Righty]

Anyways, young masters, if you want to pass over the canyon, you'll first need to solve our riddle.

[Glass]

Ah, I do enjoy a good riddle. Tell me more.

[Lefty]

Well, one of these bridges is sound as a stone. Your little vehicle will pass over it just fine.

[Righty]

And one bridge is not so trustworthy. Try to cross it and you'll go plummeting into the abyss below.

[Glass]

Because it'll break.

[Lefty]

Because if you cross it, we'll pick up your car and throw it into the canyon.

[Glass]

Wouldn't want that.

[Lefty]

You may ask us one question, but be warned. One of us always tells the truth, and the other always tells lies.

[Silver]

I think I heard of this one before.

[Amber]

Me too. This sounds really familiar.

[Righty]

Always tells lies. What do you mean, one of us always tells lies?

[Lefty]

You know exactly what I mean.

[Glass]

What?

[Righty]

This is uncalled for. Uncalled for?

[Lefty]

You started it.

[Righty]

I do not think I started.

[Glass]

Friends, I'd like a moment's deliberation with my party. We would like to discuss the answer to your riddle.

[Lefty]

But of course. I wouldn't want to do anything to cause you discomfort in our domain.

[Righty]

Oh, implying that I would. What the hell?

[Copper]

So, does one always tell the truth and the other one lies?

[Glass]

I don't know. I don't think so. I was worried that if I asked, it would make them more upset.

[Copper]

What do we do?

[Silver]

I don't think we actually got a riddle. I think they were just fighting.

[Amber]

Okay, but is there a riddle?

[Glass]

I don't know and I'm scared to ask.

[Amber]

Wow, they are really ripping into each other.

[Glass]

Okay, I'm trying again.

[Amber]

Glass boosts up out the window again. The trolls are so big. They move too fast for their size. I think that something so large should have some kind of delay perspective or something, but they don't. It's uncanny. The cracks and breaks in the concrete making up their bodies suggest faces. Pieces of metal splintering out from the gray suggest teeth. They have eyes and brows and mouths, but they also don't. Shut up. Shut up.

[Lefty]

Shut up. Shut up. Shut up.

[Righty]

Hello again, young traveler.

[Lefty]

Yes, yes, hello. We were waiting ever so patiently.

[Righty]

Oh, were we?

[Lefty]

I was.

[Righty]

Interesting definition of patience you have.

[Lefty]

Shh. A human is listening. What? Ho.

[Righty]

Human?

[Glass]

Um, I wanted to make sure I perfectly understood the instructions you riddle.

[Lefty]

A thorough young person wants to make.

[Righty]

Sure they've got their shoes on the right feet.

[Glass]

Right. So please indicate to me if I am incorrect about the. There are Two bridges. One of the bridges is stable enough to cross safely, and the other is not. We can only ask you one question to find out which is the safe bridge.

[Righty]

Correct.

[Glass]

And one always tells the truth. And the other lies.

[Righty]

Now look what you've done. You've got a confused assumer.

[Lefty]

I was only trying to be honest. I thought they deserved to know about your tendencies.

[Righty]

You expect them to believe that you are the truthful one?

[Glass]

The lies and the truth.

[Righty]

Fame.

[Glass]

It's a red herring. There's something else we have to do.

[Amber]

How in the hell are we supposed to figure that out?

[Copper]

What if we just ask them which one is the right one?

[Amber]

Then they'll tell us the right one. Use your head, copper. It's not going to be that easy.

[Silver]

We got to stop them from fighting, don't we?

[Glass]

Seems that way, yeah.

[Silver]

You going to give it a shot? Smooth talker.

[Glass]

Yeah, I guess. I don't mean to intrude on your business, but I fail to see the reason for all the tension here. You have a beautiful set of bridges and a wonderfully complex riddle. And you're both a set of very imposing guards.

[Righty]

You're a very polite young person.

[Lefty]

I was thinking the same. Very polite.

[Glass]

See, I'm sure if we talk, we can find plenty that you agree on.

[Righty]

I certainly feel very valued right now.

[Lefty]

Are you saying that I do not value you?

[Righty]

If the shoe fits, wear it.

[Glass]

Pardon me. If I could just.

[Lefty]

Star Traveler appreciates me.

[Righty]

I'll appreciate you into the bottom of this.

[Advertiser]

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[Lefty]

It's about the lunch.

[Righty]

Is it?

[Amber]

Fantastic.

[Copper]

Amber, not helping.

[Silver]

You need backup?

[Glass]

Maybe.

[Copper]

Is it safe to get out of the car?

[Silver]

I reckon it is. They don't seem unfriendly.

[Amber]

They seem very large and unpredictable.

[Glass]

Nobody's telling you to get out, Amber.

[Amber]

Good. Cuz I'm not going to. Are you getting out too?

[Copper]

I just can't hear what they're saying from back here.

[Righty]

I can't hear you. La la la la la.

[Lefty]

You can hear me just fine. You don't have any ears, yet somehow.

[Righty]

You'Re still hurting them with all your.

[Amber]

Screeching and your shrieking.

[Lefty]

I wouldn't need to screech and shriek if you would stop being so easy to shriek.

[Silver]

Excuse me.

[Amber]

Hello?

[Righty]

Is that another one?

[Silver]

We would like a chance to solve your riddle, if you don't mind.

[Lefty]

We don't mind at all, human.

[Righty]

That's what we're here for.

[Lefty]

And for guarding the bridges so nobody.

[Righty]

Tries to cross without a riddle.

[Silver]

If I'm correct, we only get to ask one question to indicate which bridge is the one we could safely cross.

[Lefty]

Right you are.

[Glass]

And you'll give us a truthful answer, being both truthful folk yourselves and.

[Righty]

Oh, no, we never said that.

[Lefty]

We might be mostly truthful, but we never said we would be truthful right. Now, about this.

[Amber]

Screw this. I'm gonna go look at those bridges.

[Narrator]

Wait.

[Copper]

I don't want to be by myself.

[Silver]

Copper, over here.

[Glass]

So even if we ask the perfect question, you might not tell us the truth?

[Lefty]

Of course not.

[Righty]

Where's the fun in that?

[Amber]

I look around. I pace along the canyon. Not close to the edge, obviously. I don't try to pass the giant trolls guarding the bridges. But I get close enough to get a good look. I check the supports, the wooden planks for driving across. There's graffiti on one. I can't tell if it's regular graffiti or if it's a sigil or something. But it doesn't matter either way, because once you get a look at the other bridge, there it is again. Exactly the same.

[Copper]

What? What did you see?

[Amber]

The bridges. They're identical.

[Silver]

Of course they are.

[Amber]

Do you have a better idea? At least I'm trying something.

[Lefty]

Hey, now, young travelers, there's no reason to fight.

[Righty]

These are strange times for you lot. You have to try and get along.

[Silver]

You're right, Amber. We all need to think.

[Copper]

What if we just ask them which it is and try figuring it out based on their reaction?

[Amber]

That is a terrible idea.

[Glass]

Yeah. There has to be a better way. It wouldn't be riddle if it didn't have a right answer.

[Copper]

Silver.

[Silver]

I think I remember something about asking one guard what the other would say.

[Copper]

If we did that, wouldn't they just start fighting again?

[Glass]

We've gotta work around fighting. I don't think they're gonna stop.

[Silver]

Let's keep talking to them. They'll have to spill some more information at some point.

[Glass]

Then nobody ask a question. They might twist it to be our only one.

[Amber]

Got it?

[Copper]

Got it.

[Glass]

Thank you for your patience with us.

[Righty]

Take all the time you need, little meat creatures.

[Glass]

We noticed the bridges both look identical.

[Lefty]

That is correct.

[Righty]

If you could see the difference, it wouldn't be much of a riddle, would it?

[Glass]

I also noticed that there are no cars at the bottom of the canyon. That might imply that you haven't seen other travelers. At least not for a long while. No.

[Righty]

We've seen several bands of travelers in.

[Lefty]

Cars, on foot, on bicycles. Some of them pass, most of them don't.

[Righty]

But when they don't, we don't just leave the trash down there.

[Lefty]

What do we look like, humans?

[Righty]

We turned them into dust when they hit the bottom.

[Lefty]

Yeah, I wanted to turn them into dirt.

[Righty]

If we keep turning them into dirt, the wildflowers might take root down there.

[Lefty]

What did the wildflowers ever do to you, huh?

[Righty]

One of them called me ugly once.

[Copper]

Please. Fighting won't help either of you.

[Amber]

Won't help us either.

[Righty]

Look what you've done. You're upsetting our guests.

[Lefty]

I have never upset anyone.

[Glass]

Right. If we could just ask for a chance to submit our questions.

[Copper]

You're upsetting me.

[Righty]

You're upsetting me right now. Look at how hard I am.

[Lefty]

You can't just blame me for all your problems, you know.

[Righty]

Just try and stop me then. Why don't you?

[Lefty]

Maybe I will. Maybe the moment our fine guests leave, I will stop you once and for all.

[Righty]

You can't stop me once and for all. You'd have nobody to do the riddle with.

[Amber]

I have half a mind to say screw the riddle and drive off the cliff myself.

[Copper]

Amber.

[Amber]

What, Copper? Do you have a half decent idea? Finally. I'm all ears.

[Glass]

Guys, if we could all just take a second.

[Amber]

Yeah, so you can call up Aster to bail you out again.

[Glass]

All of us.

[Amber]

I didn't trade my soul for magic, though, okay?

[Glass]

Maybe I should take a page out of your book and just be nasty at every problem instead, then shouldn't I?

[Copper]

Can you stop fighting? You're making my head hurt.

[Amber]

Can you stop being 12?

[Righty]

I'm not tweeting.

[Silver]

Hey, listen, y'all. Once we got some food in us.

[Amber]

You ate all our snacks, didn't you?

[Lefty]

Maybe if we all just.

[Righty]

Perhaps we could take a moment and.

[Glass]

Wait a second.

[Silver]

I didn't eat all our snacks. I only ate the crackers.

[Glass]

I can't believe you ate all our snacks. What, do you want us to starve?

[Silver]

Why are y'all ganging up on me?

[Copper]

Listen, young friends, you've got no reason to be ganging up on anybody. Glass, you've been talking this whole time?

[Glass]

I've only been talking the Whole time. Because none of you would get out of the car.

[Lefty]

It seems like things are getting a little unpleasant. Maybe we should all.

[Amber]

Yeah, Copper's right. You're too buddy buddy with them. It's like you want us to get into trouble.

[Silver]

I don't understand why everyone's hollering.

[Amber]

Just roll with it.

[Silver]

You know, I'm sick and tired of y'all bickering away in my backseat.

[Narrator]

Your backseat?

[Amber]

I've done more maintenance on that car in six months than you've done in your whole life.

[Copper]

It's our car. We share it.

[Glass]

If we share the car, maybe we should share it all the way to the bottom of this cliff, huh?

[Silver]

Yours, of course.

[Amber]

So. Hungry enough?

[Silver]

Everybody in the car. We're going over the cliff.

[Glass]

Ooh, that's a wonderful idea.

[Amber]

I don't want to be alive anyway.

[Lefty]

Hey, just a minute.

[Righty]

Now, travelers, there's no need to take drastic measures, is there?

[Glass]

Thank you for your hospitality, but we will be taking matters into our own hands. Adios.

[Lefty]

Please stop fighting. It makes me very uncomfortable.

[Righty]

Yeah, just take the eastern bridge.

[Lefty]

Take the eastern bridge. It's the safe one.

[Righty]

Just please stop yelling at each other.

[Lefty]

We really do not like it.

[Righty]

Anything we can do to get you to stop fighting?

[Glass]

So it's the east one?

[Lefty]

Yes.

[Amber]

Yes, it is.

[Righty]

Are you okay now?

[Glass]

I think we are okay now. Thank you for your help. We wish you well.

[Lefty]

We wish you well.

[Righty]

To travelers, please do not yell at each other.

[Glass]

Wow. I can't believe that actually worked.

[Copper]

You were getting so.

[Silver]

I don't remember the last time I yelled that.

[Amber]

I actually was kind of mad when we started.

[Glass]

Yeah, I'm sorry. I didn't mean any of that. I'm just really hungry.

[Silver]

I'm sorry, too, y'all. I didn't mean to lose my temper.

[Copper]

Sorry, guys.

[Amber]

I really need something to eat and I'm sorry.

[Silver]

We'll find something soon.

[Amber]

Soon as we're out of the rock.

[Copper]

Ocean and it's goodbye to Helen and Molly and Sue. Away Ryo those that are listening, it's.

[Amber]

Goodbye to you and we're bound for.

[Glass]

The Ryo Grant and it's away Rio.

[Copper]

Away Rioting for.

[Narrator]

Hymns of the Road is a podcast with written and Produced by Anna McGuire. Starring Maurice Thomas as Silver, Pao Pong and Eban as Glass, Grizz Siebenek as Amber, Tabitha Bardal as Copper, and featuring Gianni Matrigrano as Righty and Tosh Ritter as Lefty. Original music by Joshua David Mitchell. This episode's hymn is Away Ryo by the Jolly Rogers. Sign up for our [e-mail] or support our work on Patreon.com Hodgepodgeaudio thank you for listening.

[Advertiser]

Stay warm and save every day. All in the Fred Meyer app get tender USDA Choice boneless chuck roast for $5.99 a pound, then get 2 liter bottles of Coca Cola, Pepsi or 7Up for $1.49 each, all with your card and a digital coupon. Shop these deals at your local Kroger Today or click the screen now to the Fred Meyer App to save big today. Fred Meyer Fresh for everyone. Prices and product availability subject to change. Restrictions apply. See site for details.