Podcast Summary: "Boredom is the Price of Success—Are You Willing to Pay It?"

I Have ADHD Podcast with Kristen Carder | Episode 305 | March 4, 2025

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In this episode, Kristen Carder dives into the complex, often agonizing relationship adults with ADHD have with boredom. She explains how boredom isn’t just uncomfortable but actually registers in the ADHD brain as emotional and even physical pain. Kristen explores why boredom creates so much impulsivity and unfinished business for ADHDers—and how understanding, tolerating, and even embracing boredom is the “currency” for achieving dreams and goals. The episode also includes candid listener voicemails, talk about ADHD relationships, recent research on exercise, and a resource announcement for ADHD parents.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Boredom and ADHD: Validating the Pain

• The Science: Dr. Marcy Caldwell’s recent appearance (Ep. 303) is referenced, highlighting research showing that boredom actually lights up the emotional pain centers in the ADHD brain (07:25-08:15). “We spend a good portion of our life trying to avoid boredom,” Kristen explains.
• The Experience: Kristen describes her own agitation and desperation to escape boredom, validating the emotional and almost physical pain ADHDers feel.
  • Quote: “Boredom feels excruciating, it feels horrible. It makes us feel like we just want to die.” (08:30)

2. Boredom and Impulsivity

• The Escape Game: The need to escape boredom is linked to why ADHDers are impulsive and leave projects unfinished. Instead of sticking with tough, boring tasks, ADHD brains hop from one (often less important) task to another.
  • Quote: “This is why we have so many unfinished projects. This is why we leave so many things undone. Because we have not been willing to feel bored.” (12:15)
• Self-awareness as a Tool: Knowing that boredom drives impulsivity can help ADHDers pause and reconsider leaving a boring, but important, task.

3. Is Your Goal Worth Feeling Bored For?

• A Transformative Question: Kristen urges listeners to ask, “Is this goal worth feeling bored for?” before committing to new projects (13:18). This question filters out goals that aren’t deeply meaningful and helps ADHDers prioritize their energy.
  • Quote: “Boredom is the currency for your dreams… It’s the price that you have to pay in order to get the things done.” (14:20)
• Personal Example: Kristen shares her current struggle with writing a book proposal—acknowledging the boredom and planning involved, but affirming it’s a price worth paying for a meaningful goal (15:30).

4. Surfing the Emotion of Boredom

• S.U.R.F. Technique: Kristen teaches a method for tolerating boredom without “escaping”:
  • S: Stop and recognize the feeling (“Oh, I feel bored”).
  • U: Unfold—allow the emotion to be present without acting on it.
  • R: Recede—let the emotion fade naturally.
  • F: Figure out—examine why boredom is present (“Why am I bored?”).
  • Quote: “Can you treat it like any other emotion that feels terrible in your body and spend some time surfing it?” (20:30)
• Developing Tolerance: Building this emotional resilience is essential for following through on meaningful tasks.

5. Reframing Boredom as Privilege and Stability

• Turning the Narrative: Kristen encourages listeners to see “boring” environments as safe and stable, especially compared to the chaos some ADHDers grew up with.
  • Quote: “How privileged are we to be bored?... If you can tolerate calm and boredom and ease and rest, there is something really beautiful, really powerful and really important about that.” (23:48)

6. Resource of the Week: Free Parenting Class (ADHD Focused)

• Announcement: Kristen is offering a free class on “the number one skill needed to be a good enough parent with ADHD” (26:15-28:25).
• Class info: March 25th, 1pm Eastern. Open to all—parents and childfree adults welcome.

Listener Voicemails: ADHD in Relationships

Briana from Spokane, WA (29:42)

• Struggles: Quietly dealing with ADHD, seeking validation, and nervous about resentment in ADHD/neurotypical partnerships.
• Kristen’s Response: Yes, resentment existed, especially before her husband understood ADHD. Self-understanding and communication were key to improvement.
  • Quote: “It’s so hard to help your spouse accept you when you don’t know or accept yourself.” (32:20)

Cindy from Tulsa, OK (35:32)

• Struggles: Both she and her fiancé have ADHD, face difficult communication and rejection sensitivity.
• Kristen’s Response: Recognizes complexity (relational wounding beyond ADHD). Recommends trauma-informed therapy and resources like “Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving.”
  • Quote: “That really points to me toward rejection sensitivity, which is a relational wound… I say that to encourage you that there is hope here.” (37:30)

Research Spotlight: Exercise & ADHD (40:25)

• Updated Position: Kristen openly acknowledges previously downplaying exercise as ADHD management due to her own struggles, and reiterates its major benefits.
  • Quote: “If you can get yourself to do it, exercise makes a huge difference… When I exercise, I feel amazing.” (43:20)
• New Research: 30 minutes of aerobic exercise enhances cognition for individuals with ADHD.
• Encouragement: Find fun, novel forms of movement—yes, walking counts!
  • Quote: “Walking is exercise. Okay? Walking is so important, and it is exercise.” (47:00)

Vulnerability Segment: What Triggered Me This Week (48:06)

• Being Seen: Kristen describes the difficulties and emotional soreness of being visible (podcast, social media, etc.).
  • Quote: “Being seen is so, so hard... That vulnerability, that trauma response, that learning how to self-soothe—that’s the currency for showing up and for being seen and for being yourself.” (50:05)
• ADHD & Rejection Sensitivity: Emphasizes the ongoing challenge and reminds listeners they’re not alone in this struggle.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Boredom as Currency:
  • “Boredom is the currency for your dreams, for your goals. It’s the price that you have to pay in order to get the things done.” (14:20)
• ADHD Impulsivity:
  • “We’re playing this game of hopping around from one task or one thing to the next, to the next, to the next, to the next so that we can avoid boredom… because we have not been willing to feel bored.” (12:15)
• Advice for ADHD/Neurotypical Partnerships:
  • “It’s so hard to help your spouse accept you when you don’t know or accept yourself.” (32:20)
• On Relationship Triggers:
  • “That tone or facial expression—that’s more than just ADHD. That’s rejection sensitivity, which is a relational wound.” (37:30)
• Exercise & ADHD:
  • “If you can get yourself to do it, exercise makes a huge difference… Exercise is not punishment. It’s a gift.” (43:20)

Useful Timestamps

• 00:37 – Kristen’s personal update, winter blues, being sick
• 03:04 – Episode roadmap: boredom, voicemails, exercise research, relationship chat
• 07:25 – ADHD, boredom, and brain pain centers (Dr. Caldwell reference)
• 13:18 – The question: “Is this worth feeling bored for?”
• 15:30 – Kristen on writing her book proposal & tolerating boredom
• 20:30 – S.U.R.F. Technique for emotional regulation
• 23:48 – Boredom as privilege and stability
• 26:15 – ADHD Parenting resource announcement
• 29:42 – Briana voicemail: relationships & resentment
• 35:32 – Cindy voicemail: ADHD/ADHD relationship struggles
• 40:25 – Research: Exercise’s effect on ADHD cognition
• 48:06 – What triggered Kristen this week (visibility and rejection sensitivity)

Final Thoughts

Kristen’s candor, empathy, and humor create a validating and practical discussion for ADHD adults struggling with boredom, impulsivity, emotional regulation, relationships, and self-acceptance. Her challenge to reframe boredom as the “currency” for long-term goals—and to practice tolerating it—offers an empowering, realistic path forward. The episode also thoughtfully addresses common relationship dynamics in ADHD lives and provides actionable resources for ongoing learning and support.

For more:

• Free parenting class: ihaveadhd.com/freeclass
• Join Kristen’s ADHD coaching community: ihaveadhd.com/focused
• Instagram: @ihaveadhdpodcast