Podcast Summary: "From Cemetery Shifts to a Career That Fits: Matt’s ADHD Comeback Story"

I Have ADHD Podcast, Ep. 350 – November 11, 2025
Host: Kristen Carder | Guest: Matt Cicciorelli

Overview:

This episode provides an inspiring update on Matt Cicciorelli’s journey from unemployment and underemployment—including working shifts at a cemetery—to finally landing a job that aligns with his skills, values, and identity as an adult with ADHD. Matt shares his experience navigating job loss, low-self esteem, masking in the workplace, and ultimately finding an accepting, supportive environment. The conversation is candid, humorous, and deeply encouraging for anyone experiencing professional setbacks or wrestling with self-acceptance in their career.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Matt's Unemployment & Underemployment Journey

• Job Loss & Impact
  • [04:27] Matt was let go from his director of marketing role at a small private capital firm just before Thanksgiving 2023.
  • The loss was especially hard as it was the first time in 20 years he was excited to go to work, but he struggled with rigid management ("There was no trust, not as much trust there..." – Matt, 04:27).
• Short-Term Jobs: Grocery Store & Cemetery
  • [06:32] Initially picked up part-time work at a grocery store, but this didn’t align with his professional identity.
  • Eventually, through a connection, he found full-time work with benefits at a cemetery, performing manual outdoor labor ("It was steel toed boots, jeans...we worked outside every day, rain or snow or whatever. And it was, it was real work." – Matt, 07:54).
  • Expresses gratitude for the support and camaraderie of cemetery coworkers.
  • Notably experienced a workplace injury but looks back on it with humor ("I dropped a grave. Yeah. So headstones..." – Matt, 35:45).
• Landing the "Right Fit" Job
  • [08:52] Eventually hired at a small marketing agency run by a woman familiar with ADHD, creating a supportive work atmosphere.
  • The job was discovered almost by chance after seeing a local consulting firm sign and following a referral ("If I didn't drive down that road and see that sign...I don't know what would happen." – Matt, 20:13).

Contrasting Work Environments: Old-School vs. Supportive

• Lack of Psychological Safety (Previous Jobs)
  • Previous leadership was rigid, skeptical of remote work, and unreceptive to ADHD disclosure ("It was, like, taboo for him." – Matt, 10:15).
  • Persistent paranoia about job security and feeling like he was always “in trouble” or walking on eggshells ("I had been laid off a couple times, and I had had this paranoia that everybody was out to get me." – Matt, 11:27).
• Psychological Safety and Trust (Current Role)
  • Openness and understanding of neurodiversity from the boss ("She gets it...she trusts me. And that is something I've never had before." – Matt, 10:58).
  • Matt feels able to be vulnerable and ask questions, instead of faking competence or masking ADHD symptoms, because of the supportive environment ("It was easier this time...the boss gets it. Much easier to talk to about these kind of things." – Matt, 16:59).
  • Describes his shift from masking/faking to asking clarifying questions and receiving validation ("This answer is everything in a little 100 emoji." – Matt, 29:39).

The Power of Self-Work, Coaching, and Community

• Personal Growth & Self-Compassion
  • Kristen highlights Matt’s personal journey through her FOCUSED coaching program ("Being able to watch your growth…has been really, really fun because it’s been a journey for you." – Kristen, 21:55).
  • Matt credits coaching for practical tools and support through personal and marital challenges ("You saved my marriage. You saved a lot of things…The tools that you’ve given me..." – Matt, 22:19).
  • Acceptance of imperfection, moving away from black-and-white thinking, and greater openness to others’ perspectives.
  • Improvement in emotional regulation, though still a work in progress ("My therapist told me…your GPS is headed in the right direction. You're driving 15, your wife is driving 55. But they're all going in the right direction." – Matt, 27:02).

Navigating Masking & Vulnerability at Work

• Examples of Masking and ‘Faking It’
  • [14:49] Matt humorously describes being so focused on pretending to "know it all" that he didn't know what his company actually did for months.
  • Feared asking "basic" questions and being exposed as incompetent.
• Letting Go of Masking
  • At his new workplace, he feels able to acknowledge knowledge gaps without anxiety or shame, strengthening trust and productivity ("Three years ago, Matt would never have asked this. Three years ago, Matt would have faked it." – Matt, 29:10).

Emotional Regulation: Professional & Home Life

Regulating Emotions as an Official

• Refereeing & Emotional Contagion
  • [43:01] Matt, a high school and college basketball referee for 30 years, shares insights on emotional regulation in tense sports situations, drawn from a presentation he gave to 500 officials and an article in Referee Magazine.
  • Memorable Quote: "Emotions are contagious…Emotions are the fuel that drive your actions." – Matt quoting Kristen, 47:14
  • Illustrates with two video examples contrasting emotional escalation and calm de-escalation between umpires and coaches ("If the coach is exploding, we cannot match that." – Matt, 48:00).
• Transferring Skills Home
  • Despite exemplary composure on the court, finds it challenging to apply the same tools with family, especially with teenagers ("If I could harness that and bring it home, oh my God, it would be so much easier." – Matt, 45:54).
  • Reflects on the cyclical trigger of mutual escalation at home, especially with his kids who share his temperament.

Lessons & Ongoing Work

• Progress, Not Perfection
  • [27:01] Acknowledges incremental growth—even slow progress matters.
  • The work of accepting failure, learning to ask for help, and seeing situations from other perspectives is ongoing.

Words of Wisdom & Encouragement

For Job Seekers and Those Struggling

• Don’t Give Up
  • Recognizes the complexity of job search journeys, the role of luck, connections, and timing ("It is possible to find an environment like that…it takes a lot of work. A lot of stars need to align. You need some luck." – Matt, 20:06).
• Seek Connection & Sounding Boards
  • Find peers or trusted people to confide in, whether at work or at home, to avoid bottling up stress and masking (e.g., coworkers, spouses, friends): "Those kind of friendships are invaluable. Talk to people at home…Just get it off your chest. Don't hold it in." – Matt, 32:34
• Agency in Career Choices
  • The experience of a truly supportive environment resets expectations for future roles ("I know what I want more. I know what I want out of the job itself. I know what I want out of the environment." – Matt, 37:52).

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments (with Timestamps)

• On self-acceptance:
  "It's getting out beyond that black and white of perfectionism." – Matt, 21:06

• On asking for help:
  "It's okay to have a dimmer switch. It's okay to say, 'Hey, let me get back to you.'" – Matt, 20:26

• On emotional regulation and impact:
  "Emotions are the fuel that drive your actions." – Kristen (quoted by Matt), 47:14

• On workplace masking:
  "Fake it till you make it…like I would go into meetings and see…I'm trying to write content and create stuff that promote what we do. And I…oh, my gosh." – Matt, 16:22

• On career luck and staying open:
  "If I didn't drive down that road and see that sign and apply for that job…I don't know what would happen." – Matt, 20:13

• On incremental growth:
  "My therapist told me…your GPS is headed in the right direction. You're driving 15. Your wife is driving 55. But they're all going in the right direction." – Matt, 27:02

• On continuing the work:
  “It is a work in progress. And there are times when I’m ashamed of it. I know I shouldn’t be, but…” – Matt, 57:24

• On self-worth:
  "You are a good dad, Matt. You're a good dad. Yes, you are. And all of the work that you have done is very evident." – Kristen, 59:20

Timestamps for Major Segments

• Matt’s job loss and underemployment: 04:27 – 08:52
• Finding a supportive workplace: 08:52 – 13:22
• Contrasting old and new work environments: 13:22 – 17:56
• Masking and vulnerability at work: 14:49 – 29:59
• Life lessons and emotional growth: 20:13 – 27:16
• Advice for those still struggling at work: 32:17 – 35:06
• Cemetery job injury story: 35:26 – 36:42
• Work environment & productivity: 37:28 – 41:43
• Referee experience & emotional regulation: 41:49 – 54:15
• Applying emotional regulation at home: 54:15 – 56:56
• Encouragement, gratitude, closing: 59:20 – end

Final Takeaways

• Matt’s journey is proof that persistence, authenticity, supportive environments, and community can radically change one’s professional life—even after extended setbacks.
• ADHDers thrive in workplaces where psychological safety, trust, and honest communication are prioritized.
• Self-acceptance and emotional regulation are lifelong efforts but deeply impact every area of life—including career, marriage, and parenting.
• Seeking connections, coaching, and support are crucial for overcoming the isolating triggers of masking and perfectionism.

For further resources, info on Kristen Carder’s FOCUSED program, or to connect with the community, visit ihaveadhd.com/focused.