ADHD Coach (3:04)

But I reached out to you because you shared something in our Slack group. So for the listener, my focused ADHD coaching program, we have our community hangout on Slack. It's not on social media because why would anybody with ADHD hang out on social media? We get stuck there all day long.

Podcast Guest (3:28)

It's much more personal.

ADHD Coach (3:29)

It is. It does feel really connected. And you shared a huge win that you made the choice to hire someone or some a couple people to help you with the mundane things, the day to day mundane things around the house. And what it did for you was allow you to put so much more of yourself into the work that you love and give you the brain space to do that. And my mind was blown.

Podcast Guest (4:04)

Well, this was your idea. I mean, I've heard you say several times when you can, why not hire someone to be your frontal cortex to actually like help you with some of the executive functions that don't come naturally. And so, you know, I absorb that over time. And so yeah, I have actually tried to. And you know, also there's happiness research that demonstrates that like, you know, that time abundance is, you know, much more important than like money abundance. Right. So feeling like my time is freed up to do things that I find meaningful rather than, you know, okay, work a few extra hours, get a few, you know, or have a side gig and make more money or whatever is less important to me than finding time to do the things that actually matter to me. So hiring people to do things that I that are drudgery for me has been kind of a game changer.

ADHD Coach (4:59)

Oh, I love it. Okay, let's start at how did you know that you needed help?

Podcast Guest (5:05)

Yeah.

ADHD Coach (5:06)

Well, what were the signs?

Podcast Guest (5:08)

I've known my whole life that I needed help with things like paying bills and paying Parking tickets before they expire. Right, Philly? Right. We get a parking ticket a week.

Kristen Carter (5:17)

Yeah.

Podcast Guest (5:18)

And they're, you know, whatever.

ADHD Coach (5:19)

70 bucks.

Podcast Guest (5:20)

70 bucks.

ADHD Coach (5:22)

I know, because I get them all.

Podcast Guest (5:23)

They're not even valid parking tickets, but you still have to, like, contest them and blah, blah, blah, blah. Anyway, you know, just all those things, like, paperwork is the enemy and has been my whole freaking life.

Kristen Carter (5:34)

Yeah.

Podcast Guest (5:34)

You know, and so I finally. I finally hired someone to take care of. You know, I married someone to do some of it, but that's not really.

ADHD Coach (5:45)

Wait, what part did he take care of?

Podcast Guest (5:48)

You know, he takes care of a lot of the. Like, you know, oh, we have to have somebody, you know, come and, like, fix the heater or whatever the water heater breaks.

ADHD Coach (5:56)

Okay. I see.

Podcast Guest (5:57)

He's good at stuff like that.

ADHD Coach (6:00)

But, you know, this is why partnerships are so important.

Podcast Guest (6:03)

Yeah. They help a lot.

ADHD Coach (6:04)

Yeah.

Podcast Guest (6:05)

Those arrangements help a lot. I mean, it's share. It's shared. Yes. It's shared household duties.

ADHD Coach (6:09)

Yes.

Podcast Guest (6:10)

Yeah. And we do actually share household duties, which is really nice. But, you know, I'm still responsible for my own paperwork.

ADHD Coach (6:19)

Yeah.

Podcast Guest (6:20)

And for, like, picking up my own dry cleaning and going to the drug, you know, getting. Picking up my drugs that. My prescriptions and all those things, and folding my own laundry. And I have figured out ways, honestly, I have figured out ways, Kristen, to hire people to do those things, which I absolutely hate. And I've always sucked at it. Yes.

ADHD Coach (6:42)

Okay. I misunderstood when you said I absolutely hate. I thought you were saying you hate that you hired people, but you meant you hate those tasks.

Podcast Guest (6:49)

I hate those tasks.

ADHD Coach (6:50)

Okay.

Podcast Guest (6:51)

No, I don't hate having people do it for me.

ADHD Coach (6:53)

Right. I think that it's so important to really make it clear that you and I both understand this is not going to be accessible to every single person listening to me.

Podcast Guest (7:04)

100%.

ADHD Coach (7:05)

Yeah, 100%. But there are a lot of people listening who do have money to spend, who feel like I shouldn't spend my money in that way.

Podcast Guest (7:18)

Right, right.

ADHD Coach (7:18)

And these. This is what we really want to speak to, is like, yes, you should. Like, you're absolutely allowed to. And we want to write a little permission slip for that because

Kristen Carter (7:35)

it.

ADHD Coach (7:36)

Did you. Let me start here. Did you have the thought at any point, well, I can do this stuff myself, so I should.

Podcast Guest (7:44)

Yeah, of course. I mean, for, like, 57 years.

Kristen Carter (7:47)

Okay.

ADHD Coach (7:48)

So for five and a half decades.

Podcast Guest (7:51)

Yeah. I mean, you know, probably for 60 years, I felt that way. I mean, it's only been relatively recently that I have kind of embraced this idea. And, you know, I very much thank you for writing me the permission slip. And if I can help anyone else write their permission slips, it does make a big difference. And of course, I feel lucky that I can do that. And I know many, many, many, perhaps most people just don't have any kind of like, you know, money in reserve to do that. But I will say it's not like I'm rich. I mean, we prioritize having the money, you know, we'll take, you know, one less trip a year or few less days, fewer days at the shore or whatever, you know. Yeah, we've made. I do feel like we've made some sacrifices in order for me to prioritize, you know. So you want me to tell you a little bit about.

ADHD Coach (8:39)

Tell me everything.

Podcast Guest (8:40)

Yeah, and I think I.

ADHD Coach (8:41)

Tell us all your business.

Podcast Guest (8:42)

I think this is. I think this idea came from you. The idea of hiring a part time personal assistant, which sounds super fancy, but it's anything but. I mean. Yeah, right, Exactly. I mean, we hired this guy who's like, he's a Dungeons and Dragons dude right out of college, and he's. He's. There's nothing fancy about him.

Kristen Carter (9:02)

But.

Podcast Guest (9:03)

But, you know, when I got the idea, which I think was from you, of like, trying to find somebody who could help me just do some paperwork, run some errands, you know, do things that I really didn't feel like I had time or I wanted to prioritize other things, like, you know, being able to, like, go to a work function that I really wanted to go to or something like that. I started asking around. I think I. No, I didn't post on Facebook. I started asking friends, yeah, do you know of someone? And a friend? Like, within days I found this guy and he was looking for something. He works at a tennis shop. He's out of college, will eventually go to graduate school. But he's like, you know, right now I'm just kind of like, you know, hanging out, figuring out who I am, you know, you know, playing Dungeons and Dragons. So I was like, okay, so are you down for working two or three hours a week for me to do, you know, drudgery, but, you know, we'll hang out, we'll have fun. And he was like, yeah, you know, he was like, I really like working with people and this will give me a chance to, like, you know, just, you know, like, do something different. He was, like, looking for something kind of fun and different to do. And I was like, oh, it'll be different. So yeah, he's, he's helped me from everything from paying the, you know, parking tickets or contesting them more likely to, you know, a couple times a month they'll go pick up prescriptions, takes the dry cleaning, you know, from, from things like, you know, I feel like I'm always getting letters from, you know, business letters of some sort, like from my, like, you know, my retirement company or somebody who wants something from. Please fill out this form, you know, or you did this wrong or, you know, like I haven't had my own business in Philadelphia for like four years, but I still get letters from the city of Philadelphia. You haven't filled your tax forms for the city and it's like I don't have. So he's take, he takes care of that. Yeah, he's finally like resolved that for me because he can like afford to be on the phone for an hour. He gets paid for it in order to solve these problems that I'm like, if I'm on the phone for an hour, I'm a mess.

ADHD Coach (11:09)

Yes.

Podcast Guest (11:10)

Yeah, total mess. So it's taking a lot of stress off me. It's, you know, it's, I just love. I have this list on my phone that I make throughout the week.

Kristen Carter (11:22)

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Kristen Carter (12:49)

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ADHD Coach (13:00)

Okay. I was wondering how you did this.

Podcast Guest (13:02)

Yeah. And I then like on, on Thursday mornings, he comes in and I get up a little early in order to be there for him. He comes into the house. We meet in my dining room and we go through the list.

Kristen Carter (13:13)

Nice.

Podcast Guest (13:13)

And we talk about. Okay. And he, he does stuff during the week, like when we're not together as well. So he'll, he'll, you know, tell me what's. What he's accomplished from my list. We'll go through it. And I love checking those things off my list.

ADHD Coach (13:28)

And you didn't even have to do them.

Podcast Guest (13:30)

And I didn't have to do them.

ADHD Coach (13:31)

Yes. Is it, has it been hard for you to figure out what to tell him to do? Was that difficult at first? Because I, I feel like that is the pushback that I get sometimes when I suggest that someone hire an assistant, they say I don't even know what I would have them do.

Podcast Guest (13:49)

Well, it's become more clear over time.

ADHD Coach (13:51)

Sure.

Podcast Guest (13:52)

So there has been a learning curve for both of us. Right. So it's gotten easier to figure out what things he's good at or what things I really have to take care of myself. Like if there's a ton of like follow up questions and things like that, it's sometimes just easier for me to take of care.

Kristen Carter (14:07)

Care of it myself.

Podcast Guest (14:09)

But yeah, I mean it's been a process.

ADHD Coach (14:11)

Sure.

Podcast Guest (14:12)

Of trying to figure out how to maximize his capacity to help him out. But it's worked. And you know, there are things like, you know, he has my credit card numbers.

Kristen Carter (14:24)

Yes.

Podcast Guest (14:25)

He has my password for my email. So I didn't give those things to him at first.

Kristen Carter (14:31)

Of course.

Podcast Guest (14:32)

Right. You know, we built some trust over, you know, a month or two in or you know, before I started giving him, you know, the keys to the kingdom or whatever.

ADHD Coach (14:41)

Yeah.

Podcast Guest (14:42)

And there's still things that I think I wouldn't have him do. I. I can't really think of an example at the moment, but I'm not going to have him call my doctor's office and, like, talk to my doctor.

ADHD Coach (14:52)

Sure, sure, sure.

Podcast Guest (14:53)

I mean, that's just stuff I have to do. But he can cancel an appointment that I know I can't get to and reschedule it. Yeah, so. Or like, you know, order prescriptions or, you know, you know, he makes like our vet appointments and things like that and, you know, stuff that just drive me crazy.

ADHD Coach (15:11)

Hang over your head, Take up brain space. Feel like, I gotta do it, I gotta do it. I don't want to do it, I don't want to do it. Just like always there, nagging at you. And now you put it on a list and this Dungeons and Dragons gentlemen takes care of it.

Podcast Guest (15:27)

He takes care of it.

ADHD Coach (15:29)

I am obsessed.

Podcast Guest (15:31)

Yeah, it's really great. And then the other thing is, is that we asked. We do have someone. We're privileged enough to have someone who comes in and cleans the house. And she would come every other week for years. And then, you know, I was just been. I was thinking, I was listening to you and I was like, are there other things that we could have her do? Like laundry, for instance, which I also hate doing. And I especially hate folding laundry. You know, the classic, like, you know, we would have clean clothes in piles, piles around the. You know, it's just like, crazy. And so I asked her, if we. If we had you come in every other. If we have come in every week, could. Would you be willing to do my laundry and fold it? And she was like, of course. Oh, my gosh.

ADHD Coach (16:17)

God bless.

Podcast Guest (16:18)

And she does the most amazing job. Like. Like, things are so nicely folded.

ADHD Coach (16:23)

Way better than you.

Podcast Guest (16:25)

Yeah, I don't think my T shirts have ever been folded, ever. Until they met her. And now they're perfectly folded.

Kristen Carter (16:38)

Thanks for listening to this bite sized episode of the I have ADHD podcast. If you enjoyed this clip, you'll find a link to the full episode in the show notes. And don't forget to Visit I have ADHD.com for tons of adult ADHD support. All right, my friends, I had a great time with you today and I cannot wait to talk to you again next week. Bye.

ADHD Coach (17:00)

Bye.

Podcast Guest (17:10)

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ADHD Coach (17:35)

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