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I Have ADHD Podcast
398 Virgin River’s Benjamin Hollingsworth Opens Up About ADHD for the First Time Ever
00:52:12
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- [00:00]
Kristen Carter
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- [02:14]
Welcome to the I have ADHD Podcast where it's all about education, encouragement and coaching for adults with adhd. I'm your host Kristen Carter and I have adhd. Let's chat about the frustrations, humor and challenges of adulting relationships, working and achieving with this neurodevelopmental disorder. I'll help you understand your unique brain, unlock your potential, and move from point A to point B.
- [02:43]
Hey, what's up? This is Kristen Carter and you've tuned into the I have ADHD podcast. I am medicated, caffeinated, regulated, and ready to roll. Welcome on in. Welcome on in. How are you? Get in here, get cozy, get comfy. We got a good one for you today. You are going to absolutely love it. This is un precedented, my friends. We have a special guest. I am like, I'm trying to be cool. Okay, I'm just gonna try to be really, really cool. But today on the podcast, we have Benjamin Hollingsworth from the Netflix show Virgin River. And I'm trying not to be a weirdo because this is so freaking exciting. I am so, so pumped to have this conversation. Virgin river is Netflix's longest running original series. Season 7 just came out and they already have an agreement for season eight. So, like, this is so fun. Such a big deal. Benjamin plays Brady on Virgin river, and I am so thrilled to talk to him today because this conversation is not just going to be about acting and what it's like to be in the industry with adhd, but this is Benjamin's first time, to my knowledge, publicly discussing his ADHD diagnosis, what that means for him, what that story has been like for him, his diagnosis, his experience of having ADHD and how that impacts his acting, his work, his fatherhood. He's a father of three boys, just like me. So it's very exciting times around here for the I have ADHD podcast. Okay? We are not messing around. We have legitimate stars on the show and I am so thrilled for you to enjoy this interview. Please help me welcome Benjamin Hollingsworth. Benjamin, thank you so much for being here. It's so great to chat with you.
- [04:44]
Benjamin Hollingsworth
Thanks for having me.
- [04:45]
Kristen Carter
Yeah. So if you don't mind, tell us just a little bit about the chaos of getting set up today, because that actually is the most ADHD thing ever and very humanizing. And I think we all need to know that even TV stars who are successful and beautiful and like, all of the things, they're still gonna struggle with time management and tech stuff. So what was that like for you?
- [05:14]
Benjamin Hollingsworth
It's on the daily that I struggle with this, but it's always more heightened when there's technology involved. And I have multiple things to do today. And it's just. It gets. You think you have it plan of in your mind. You're like, okay, this is how much time it's going to take. And the time blindness thing is always, it's always been a part of my life. And my publicist and my management team and my agents will tell you it's a thing that I've had for a very long time. So they're always like 10 minutes out there. They send me, like, they, they're kind of aware of this whole thing and they, they support me on that. But, you know, sometimes we just, we don't get, we don't get them all. We don't win. Not all of them are wins.
- [06:00]
Kristen Carter
It was so relatable. And I was like, listen, this is the perfect podcast for you to have tech issues because you're in good company. And I'm always excited when I'm not the one that, like, I'm like, oh, it's not me this time. This feels love. This feels great. So tell us a little bit about yourself just outside of Virgin River. I think everybody knows you from Virgin River. It's Netflix's longest running original series, which is incredible. Incredible. Like, what an accomplishment. But who are you outside of that? You mentioned you have some kids. Tell us about it.
- [06:34]
Benjamin Hollingsworth
Yeah, so I'm a dad. I'm a husband. You know, I kind of go in that order. You know, father, husband, actor, human, maybe, then actor. I feel that much like a lot of people. I've kind of come to getting a proper diagnosis of ADHD later in my life and after having my, my oldest son be diagnosed. But throughout my entire life, I was under and still have a learning disability, you know, but I thought that that was kind of it. I didn't understand that ADHD was also part of this. And my mom and my parents were awesome in support, supporting me and getting the help that I needed to accommodate for my learning stability, my learning disability, and my dyslexia. So that was. And then I see it, how it's kind of all intertwined and it all just kind of makes so much more sense. And this, you know, even though I knew I was different, had a different way of learning through my learning disability, I didn't quite understand all the other elements of my life, like why I was late, why, you know, I was so impulsive, why I had so much time, problems organizing my space and like, you know, cutting people off or, you know, there's a billion things. And as my, as my, I was going through this checklist with my son, I was like, huh, that's. Yeah, that's. Oh my gosh, this is me. And I heard so many stories like that over the last, I guess, three years now, and just feeling like more and more part of our community, which is great. But yeah, I grew up in Canada. I'm one of four siblings. I think three of us have adhd. Both my parents, I don't think have ever been diagnosed, but they, they fit the bill as well. So we grew up in a very chaotic house, very loving and wonderful and like, honestly the best upbringings and a person could ever ask for, but chaos, non stop chaos. And sometimes in the best way and sometimes in ways that, you know, were tricky and grew up in a small town, so very much part of community. I was an overactive, I say I had an overactive imagination. And that's one thing that I really continue to have. And it serves me well in my business. But right from the time I was a kid, I was into all the sports and all the different things and drama club and acting. It was just like I couldn't do enough. Like, I just needed to be a part of it all. And, you know, in high school, I did have to have certain things put in place for me to succeed, but I did succeed. I, I was the vice president, student council. I by, I peer tutored, I played on the hockey team and the baseball team, and I, I raised money for, for cancer. I was just like, hands into absolutely everything. And you know, as part of, part of what allowed me to excel in that space was just the energy that one has with adhd. And so that hyperactiveness actually allowed me to be very involved with the community growing up. And I, although I didn't go to college, I went to an acting school instead. I did graduate, you know, with an honors role and very much, you know, accepted into multiple universities. So very much a very chaotic but somewhat successful upbringing. And then was very lucky early on to know that I wanted to be a performer, wanted to be an actor, was absolutely the love of my life. And aside from my kids and my wife, still very much is. And there's, you know, as much. There's struggles, you know, technical struggles and the timing struggles with the industry, but there also comes with it this immense superpower that having, you know, having ADHD brings and understanding that more and more in the last couple years since my diagnosis.
- [11:17]
Kristen Carter
I love it so much. I'm really curious about what that process was like as you're filling out the paperwork, which I have also done for the kids. You know, I have three boys as well. Let me. Can we just take a moment and like.
- [11:30]
Benjamin Hollingsworth
Three boys?
- [11:31]
Kristen Carter
Yeah, three boys. The payoff of Three boys. Now, yours are younger than mine. Mine are. I have 17, 15, and 12 right now,
- [11:45]
Benjamin Hollingsworth
so almost the same spacing because mine are the oldest two. Hemingway and Gatsby are 20 months apart. So Gatsby's turned eight now. Hemmy's still nine. He'll turn 10 soon. And then Juniper is five, so she's.
- [12:01]
Kristen Carter
Oh, my gosh. Yes, almost exactly. Oh, my goodness.
- [12:07]
Benjamin Hollingsworth
Yeah. I'm sure you can remember very vividly those moments.
- [12:11]
Kristen Carter
It's out of control. It really is. And so I'm curious, what traits did you see in your kiddo? And then when you were filling out the paperwork, were you like, oh, shoot, what was that experience like for you?
- [12:29]
Benjamin Hollingsworth
Very much a aha moment. You know what I mean? Like, you know, and the traits in my son, he's very hyperactive. He has, you know, he has a lot of classic signs of adhd, but the hyperactive element of it, for sure was front and center. Still is front and center.
- [12:58]
Kristen Carter
Takes one to know one. Sometimes, you know, you're like, wait a second.
- [13:02]
Benjamin Hollingsworth
Totally. I mean, my parents always said that I was, like, bouncing off the walls as a kid, you know, playing Superman and pretending I was all the things. And so it's very much. You know, it is amazing. And him and I have such a sacred bond because of it that I'm kind of. I'm so grateful for, because it's. It's like our own language that we speak, and. And that bond is so. I don't quite have the words for it, but there's such an unspoken understanding that we're in it together kind of thing. And. Yeah. So, I mean, it was all the classic traits. Like, it was all the classic traits. You know how it's, like, kind of likely very like, you know, it's the 3.5check marks you get to do, and it was all the, like, most intense check marks. Does this happen often? Very often, or all the time? It was, like, all the time, but yeah. And then for me, too, you know, some things were masked a little bit because being an adult, we learned to, you know, we learned to have certain tactics, and we learn certain things to be able to mask what we have and not just mask what we have, but also just, like, help us survive. We've learned, you know, battle scars over the years. And, you know, I just. Part of what I wish I had when I was younger was the knowledge that this was also part of the thing that I was dealing with, because I was an advocate for myself going through school for the, like, learning stuff that Was very specific. You know, I had an auditory processing stability, which is very common. Is very common learning stability for people with adhd, because it's often a misdiagnosis that it's not the processing. Not necessarily a processing issue. And it still. Still is. But it's. It's more than that. It's layered on that. But, yeah, I did, like, because I had no. I was always a shy kid, and I. I loved getting up in front of people. I did multiple talks on learning disabilities and, like, how to be an advocate for yourself and how to stand up. And, you know, I was very, very fortunate that I had those things. And so, you know, I try and pass some of that on to Hemingway. Too
- [15:33]
Kristen Carter
obsessed. So then you realize, through this diagnostic process for your son. I see a lot of this in me. What was your own diagnosis process like for you? Walk us through what that looked like for you and how it felt.
- [15:55]
Benjamin Hollingsworth
Yeah. So again, we're up in Canada right now. We're Virgin river shoots. So the Canadian side of it is very much the same kind of form. You sit down with your general practitioner and you go over the things, and, you know, first thing they do is offer you medication. And I'm. I. Which is trick. You know, it's like, what? I just. I just got here.
- [16:23]
Kristen Carter
Buy me a beer.
- [16:23]
Benjamin Hollingsworth
You know, hold on. Yeah. But. Because we are already further down the line with Hemingway, and understanding is. I always think knowledge is power. So we were reading all the books and doing all the things, and. And so it was like a slow burn, but it was also like a. Every time, it was kind of validating in a way, because it was. Every little beat was like. Yep. Yeah. Yeah. Gosh, everyone have. You know, like, not everyone does, but everyone with ADHD have the exact same thing. And it really, truly. I mean, there is some. Some slight. You know, we all have specific little things, but the generalization of it is so. It's so common in. Within the world that it's. It's kind of. You know, I think being a part of a community like, that is such a comforting thing, you know?
- [17:19]
Kristen Carter
Yeah. Does it feel really validating? Comforting? Was the relationship with your wife even, like,
- [17:29]
Benjamin Hollingsworth
almost like partners? Huh? Expanded?
- [17:32]
Kristen Carter
Because it's like.
- [17:34]
Benjamin Hollingsworth
Yeah.
- [17:34]
Kristen Carter
I think sometimes I can feel like, See, like, I promise that I haven't been trying to be annoying. Like, I promise that I haven't been trying to hurt you or disrupt the family on purpose. I think that can be a really interesting conversation.
- [17:54]
Benjamin Hollingsworth
Yeah. And it still is. And, you know, the relationship with our Spouses, I feel like, is one of the things that is constant. You know, it's a constant, working, fluid thing that. Evolving every day, evolving, you know, And I think for her, too, it was like, oh, this makes so much sense and very validating for her as well. Yeah, yeah. And. And you're right, I did. Like, there is that feeling of, like, look, it's not. I'm not trying to. This is not me actively making things difficult. Like, I'm not trying to be late to go places. I'm not like, you know, so many. So many different elements of life. It affects so many different elements of life. That makes it very difficult for spouses to have relationship with, you know, neurodivergent people. So it's. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- [18:52]
Kristen Carter
And yes, that's. That's it. I love it. What was it like for you? Let's say, like, pre diagnosis in the acting space? What did ADHD kind of bring to the table as far, like you said, your amazing imagination. I'm also going to guess, like, empathy and being able to express emotion through your character. But then what was, like, difficult for you? Can you kind of, like, walk us through prior to knowing about adhd, what was the acting world like for. For you in that way?
- [19:28]
Benjamin Hollingsworth
Well, one of the difficult elements of it, and part of it now is also I understood then, like, my dyslexia and my learning stability with cold reads and like, reading something for the first time out loud was. Was challenging, but also because of my distractibility. Like, if some. If I heard something here, it would. It would take my mind off of, you know, where I was in the scene, or I still have. I struggle with that so much on set. If someone's, like, talking in the far corner of a studio, like, just the smallest little sound and because emotional regulations, another one of those things, you know, it's. You have a hard time kind of harnessing what you need to harness without, you know, losing it. So emotional regulation was something that is also, like, it's your enemy, but also your best friend in acting. Because most. The most interesting characters aren't emotionally regulated. They're the ones that are slightly unhinged or not unhinged. I feel like that has a negative connotation to it, but, like, they're impulsive and they run on instinct. And. And for me, a lot of the characters that I play have those elements in them, and partly because I've infused them with that, but partly because that's how I relate to the character, you know, and as far as, like, the Difficult elements of it. When I was younger, because I wasn't as aware of it, I didn't clock the. For me, it was more deliberation of it. It was more like, I can. I can play. No one's gonna get upset if I'm too loud or if I'm like, you know, the imagination and like everyone knows the hyper fixation. Like when you are excited about something and when something interests you and activates that frontal cortex, you're like all in, you know, and. And hyper focus too. And I. That. That element is so important too. And being. Time blindness is also your friend too, because you're not thinking about what's for dinner or, you know, what's next. You're living in the moment. And the most. The greatest actors are my best takes. I can't remember what I did because I'm not there, like above myself clocking it. I'm just. There's not. There could be. The world could be ending and it wouldn't affect me because I would be just there in the moment with the other person. And that act of listening translates on camera really well. And a lot of my scene partners are really. They love acting with me because I'm just. I'm just there, I'm listening and I'm reacting and I'm playing and I want to engage and. And so all those elements. I think you'll find a lot of creatives have end up having ADHD because of those elements. Because humanity because. And I'm jumping all over the place. I love it. No, we're with you.
- [22:36]
Kristen Carter
We are with you. Keep going.
- [22:39]
Benjamin Hollingsworth
But as an actor, having these. The ability to empathize, empathy. But it's not just the ability to do it because you feel things so deeply and you feel this justice and you really want to like. But it's the experiences of letting someone down or being an underdog or the shame or the feeling of not being enough or all those elements of vulnerability, especially for someone like me who comes across, I think, sometimes very confident or very put together until you get to know me. Those elements of vulnerability are the secret sauce to any great performance or great character. You know, we all carry ourselves out in public this one way and then we're very different within our own homes. And that shield, when it comes off that vulnerability, we get to experience so deeper, so much more deeper than a lot of people get to experience that. And lived experience within the acting world is so important. And so I'm able to draw so much of that. And so I do actually find it tough to find things other than the time being late for interviews. That is a. That is a drawback. Yeah. Communication with my agents is another, you know, my team, they're like, hello, are you alive?
- [24:16]
Kristen Carter
We haven't heard from you in three weeks. Yep.
- [24:19]
Benjamin Hollingsworth
Yeah. All the business elements are still, you know, tricky, but the creative ones, we. I honestly think we have a leg up on. On the competition.
- [24:32]
Kristen Carter
I'm curious how things have shifted for you in your work since being diagnosed, if at all. Do you feel like there's been a shift, or are you. Do you feel even more empowered to do the work?
- [24:48]
Benjamin Hollingsworth
More empowered? Yeah, 100%. Yeah. Because of having to advocate for my learning disability. Growing up, I had this kind of understanding that I was different all along, which I loved. And for me, that element had already embraced that. So then when I found out this other unique area of my life that I had common with so many other people, not only was I like, hey, you know, like, I, you know, I have adhd. And then the person would be like, yeah, I have ADHD too. I mean, I could tell. You know what I mean? Like, I knew. And it's almost like this fraternity, especially because there's, I'd say, honestly, about half people, half the artists have ADHD on set. Like, it's, It's. It's a lot, if not more. And maybe the other half are inattentive. And I have really, you know, they're like, a little bit better at hiding it. Right. So it's. It's significant. And yeah, I, I forgot where we're going with that.
- [25:49]
Kristen Carter
Oh, we were going with, how has your work shifted? Or, you know, if at all. And, and you were saying you really feel empowered.
- [25:56]
Benjamin Hollingsworth
Yeah. And, and. And so I, you know, within the space, I ask, you know, I ask for what I need. And I, you know, I'm very, you know, I say, hey, listen, I. I've, you know, I've got adhd. It's really hard for me to focus, and if there's even the smallest noise, you know, camera operator being like, push, push, push. Like they're trying to choreograph their side right on their end, and to get their shots, which is important, you know, we need to be captured on film. But when I'm in such a finite moment with another actor and it takes so much to get there, and you can feel that you're there, and then you have someone pull you back, it's almost like, I think this is something with adhd, but when you're hyper focused and someone interrupts that focus, you just want to explode. And you know, there's a Christian Bale. There's a famous audio horrible hot mic moment where he's like, you're just standing in my way. And he's like. Everyone's like condemned him for it and he took so much heat and honestly, yes, like, it was inappropriate for him to do that. He probably felt. Feels horrible and in the moment he couldn't control. Emotionally unregulated, like, Christian Bale likely has adhd. He had a moment on set that I've had many a times and now I wasn't luckily recorded doing it and I'm able to catch myself and you know, I don't yell at people, but there are moments where I'm like, turn off the phone. Sorry, guys. I'm sorry. I know. Just. If we could turn off the phone, that would be great. Okay, back to it. You know, but like, it's re. It's so visceral and it's so. Yeah, I'm sure everyone out there can relate to that aspect of it.
- [27:46]
Kristen Carter
Everyone, Everyone relates to that. And what's just so tricky in your industry is that you're doing that in front of an entire crew. All of your co workers.
- [27:59]
Benjamin Hollingsworth
Yeah. But 150 people, and then it gets broadcast to like a couple hundred million. So it's.
- [28:05]
Kristen Carter
It's 150 people that are on set there as you're like in your zone.
- [28:11]
Benjamin Hollingsworth
And sometimes more. Yeah, sometimes there's 150. All of the distractions, background performers.
- [28:18]
Kristen Carter
Yeah, all of the noise, all of the little things that could pull your attention away and the amount of energy that it takes to be.
- [28:26]
Benjamin Hollingsworth
Yeah.
- [28:27]
Kristen Carter
Present. Like emotionally, mentally present.
- [28:31]
Benjamin Hollingsworth
I mean, at the end of the days, I'm exhausted. Like it's a 14 hour day already. So you're already like that physically just a human being working 14 hours gets tired. And a lot of people like, well, just hurry up and wait. I'm like, hurry up and waiting is a certain type of torture for someone with adhd. Like a. No one likes to wait, especially someone with ADHD and that, you know, this thing's coming up. You know, you have this like big scene and you're ready to go, and they're like, you know, it's gonna be another 30 minutes, so just hold on 30 minutes and they'll come knock on this. You know what, we're gonna, we're gonna jump this scene. So we're gonna put this scene in the end and we're gonna bring up this scene. You're Cool with that, right? I'm like, oh, no, not. Nope, I'm not. But have to be cool. And, you know, it is. It's really, really tricky. I use my headphones to try and, like, silence the noise because between takes it is chaos. So many people, directors telling you something. Everyone's got their own individual, you know, departments, and they all affect the actor, you know, the camera guys, like, hey, look, you're Mark here. If you just open up a bit, I can get this really great shot. And the props person's like, you didn't put the knife in the right spot. Because you have to put the knife in the right spot, otherwise it won't work that thing. And then the costumes person is literally dusting you off as someone's telling you, like, stop this. You know, like it's. And someone's giving you makeup and they're fixing, fixing your hair, and you're just. There's so many elements that can really run you up the wall if you're not able to go, okay, we're going to do it one at a time. Everyone hold. I'm going to listen here and then I'm going to go here and I'm going to hear. And then I'm going to need about 30 seconds of quiet before we go for action. Okay, guys, just so you know, like, those are the things that I, like, start to ask for now. And. And I'm just more open. Like, I have adhd. This is what I need. You don't want to do this 10 times. If we don't want to do 10 takes and we want to do it in two or three, I need this. And we can go quicker if we just give it to me.
- [30:31]
Kristen Carter
How has that been received?
- [30:35]
Benjamin Hollingsworth
Yeah, you know, the thing is, as actors, we're pretty powerful because if we don't do it, they don't got it. So the end of the day, they kind of have. I mean, I honestly, I got. I've gone to the point in my career where I don't really care how other people feel about what I need, because it's what I need. And I'm like, you know what? Sure, whatever. You, whatever. If that's upsetting to you or if you're, you know, producers are the one out beast that I always, you know, because they're like, times money and it's usually. Sometimes it's their money and, you know, an hour usually on set costs about $50,000. So it's like, you know, you're churning this money, like in a. An accelerated way. And if you're costing, you know, a 30 minute delay, that's expensive. It's really expensive. Now, 50,000 is kind of like on the higher end of big days, but like for the most part it's tens of thousands of dollars per hour. So it's not cheap. And so there's also like, you know, everyone's really, really stressed a lot of the time, but you just have like. Thank God I was brought up in this world where I had practiced advocating for myself and I had learned this tactic.
- [31:53]
Kristen Carter
You spent so much time learning the skill of self advocating and then were able to just like implement it in this new way. I just feel like that served you so well.
- [32:06]
This episode is sponsored by AG1. If you have ADHD, you probably know this about yourself. It's not that you don't care about your health. It's that consistency is really hard. For me, it's never about not knowing
- [32:16]
knowing what to do.
- [32:17]
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- [32:20]
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- [32:22]
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- [33:17]
Liberty Mutual Spokesperson
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- [33:26]
Benjamin Hollingsworth
Hey everyone, check out this guy and his bird. What is this your first date?
- [33:30]
Liberty Mutual Spokesperson
Oh no. We help people customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual together. We're married. Me to a human, him to a bird.
- [33:37]
Kristen Carter
Yeah, the bird looks out of your league.
- [33:38]
Liberty Mutual Spokesperson
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- [33:42]
Kristen Carter
Liberty. Liberty. Liberty. Liberty.
- [33:46]
Benjamin Hollingsworth
Yeah. I mean it's also the entertainment industry as it's famous for, is, is there's no business like show show business. It is ruthless. It is so competitive. You know, the auditioning element of it is something that like we're sensitive to rejection as an actor. It's like if you're batting, like if you get one in every 15 projects that you audition for, you're doing amazing. Like you're, you're killing it. So that means 15 no's before you get one. Yes. And that is like really good. That's the people that are working non stop. So you're constantly. No, no, not sorry, not right. Not right. And you're giving everything you've got, you know, because I mean, especially if you agree to do an audition, even whether you're young, you're just starting in, like it could be a Kellogg's commercial, whatever it is, you know, like super silly. But you're going and you're invested and you're giving it all and, and then it's impossible not to feel part of is like, oh well, they don't, they don't like me. And it's not that. It's, it's honestly a lot of the times because you have curly hair, we need someone with straight hair. You're 5 foot 11. We need someone who's 6 foot 2 or you know, you look too much like the casting, the director's, you know, son in law who he hates. So sorry. Like, you know, it's, it's so ridiculous the reasons for no's and, and then. So it's that element, the rejection. What is it called? Dysphoria. What is. There's a term for it.
- [35:16]
Kristen Carter
Sensitive dysphoria is what people refer to it as. Yeah, I like a broader, just rejection sensitivity term. I think that is in my opinion, more. But we don't need to have that conversation.
- [35:27]
Benjamin Hollingsworth
Yes, but, yes, but that's part of the vulnerability stuff. Like it's. I. And because of that, because of like the confidence comes from accepting that rejection is a part of life and that it's a part of. And it doesn't make it easier when it really matters and you really come super close. Those are the ones that hurt the most. Like if you don't, if you do something, you don't care for it, whatever. But if it's like your favorite role and it's down, you know, they start with thousands of people and they're down to hundreds and they go to the 50 and then they go to 25. And then here it's me and like five other guys and then it's me and two other guys and then we go in. They're flying. You know, when you're young, you're not in la, they fly you to LA and they put you up in a hotel and they bring you in, you sign your contract. So you're looking through like, wow, 30 minutes before you go into this room, you're signing six years of your life away. And you see the number, which is usually a big number, about how much you're going to make for the next six years on this project. Now, it's not yours yet. It's just dangled right in front of you. And the reasons why they do that is because, like, it's a bargaining technique for the studios. Like, you know, this is how much this actor will cost versus this actor and this actor. So, like the people that are the corporate side of the business who no one likes, who makes some of the decisions, unfortunately, they, you know, they want to know how much each individual is going to cost them. So it. Those are the ones that really hurt when you're like right there and you don't get it. And you know, it's. Yeah, it's tricky.
- [37:09]
Kristen Carter
I'm really interested in that rejection sensitivity piece because every human experiences rejection, but your industry really sets you up for it. What if you don't mind chatting about, like, maybe a really profound rejection experience and like, what, what it taught you. I'm interested in that.
- [37:34]
Liberty Mutual Spokesperson
Yeah.
- [37:35]
Benjamin Hollingsworth
Gosh, am I breaking a very sensitive area going through. Let me open up Leah's filing cabinet.
- [37:44]
Kristen Carter
We locked that away and threw it into the.
- [37:47]
Benjamin Hollingsworth
I'm fine with it. It's okay. I'm just trying to think of a really great example. There's so many that. But I think, you know, maybe, maybe the hardest one. And this is. I'm just going to be very open here is one that wasn't even really a rejection of myself, but I took it that way at the time. But my first big job that I had, so I started in Canada, grew up Canadian and went to really great acting. Acting school, very competitive one that was hard to get into. It's like a couple thousand applicants and they take 12 actors, so.
- [38:36]
Kristen Carter
Oh, that's amazing.
- [38:38]
Benjamin Hollingsworth
And so very fortunate to get into that. Spent three years only doing that. They don't let you work during that time. You just, you just night. It's. It's another crazy thing. And an element to it. There's all practical. So there's no. There's no like homework or anything, but you're there for 12 hour days, six days a week for three years.
- [38:59]
Kristen Carter
Wow.
- [39:00]
Benjamin Hollingsworth
And so which really, really sets you up nicely for the business. But I then graduated. I got some Canadian, you know, shows like the Grassy and Heartland. This is like kind of staple Canadian shows early on. And then I did a movie with Demi Moore and David De C and Amber Heard. They played my. We played like this fake family. That was my first big American job. And I met Ashton Kutcher on the set of that and he said, I've got this new project for the CW which is a kind of. Is same kind of network as Gossip Girl. It is the same network as Gossip Girl and Vampire Diaries. Nina Dobrev, who's a good friend of mine, we were living together at the time, roommates. And we both went to la and she got the Vampire Diaries and I got this show called the Beautiful Life, which is the one that Ashton had brought to me. Still had to test, still had to go through all that process, got through it was it. Mick got the role and then you shoot the pilot, which is the first one. So then they pick up the pilot. Then after they pick up the pilot, you got to get your individual character picked up, your character picked up, meaning you're not going to get recast for the rest of the series. So then the series goes to New York and we shoot in New York and I'm the number one on the show. It's me and Sarah Paxton. Misha Barton was on the show as well. And it was like the trajectory of what you hear about an overnight kind of success, although that doesn't really exist in our business. It's usually just like, oh, this person is new to us, but has been working for a very long time. But for the most part, I was 23. I'd only been out of the acting school for two years, which is not a long time. And my. I was having driving by billboards 80ft tall with my. My body on them and my image on them. And. And in Manhattan, the dream and yeah, very much a dream that, you know, I was. I. The Jones is the movie I did with Demi Moore and David Duchovny opened the Toronto National Film Festival. So we were brought. We flew in on Bruce Willis's private jet for that, like very much. And everyone's like, this is a lot. But it was. And my first time my family got to see me after leaving for LA was On downtown Toronto. They closed down Yonge street, which is the main street in Toronto, for the premiere. And I came up and got out of the limo, and I remember my family's faces. They were all like, you know, the perfect. Exactly. The storybook any actor wants. You know, My dad was talking to Clint Eastwood because Invictus had just gotten out of. They were the ones before us, and it was wild. So I flew back into New York, and then two days later, my show was canceled. And they gave us 30 minutes in our studio to get out. They literally came in the middle of shooting the episode, which I didn't even know it happened. I didn't know that was a possibility. And we were shooting in Queens, a studio called Kaufman Studios, the oldest studio in North America, where Charlie Chapman shot Anthony Hopkins, Denzel Washington, Brad Pitt, like James Dean. They all had the same dressing room that I had, and they'd sign the walls and everything, and then it came crashing down so quickly within 30 minutes, because we lost insurance on the set. Because when they cancel you, they cancel everything. And they don't want people stealing stuff, and they want anyone getting injured where there's no insurance. And so they're really like, you got to leave now. And because it was very much my. My show, I was. I was like, oh, it's because they don't like me. Like. And I. You know, my friend Nina, her. Her show was Vampire Diaries, and I'm sure a lot of people, you know, have heard of it and know it, and. And it went on for a very long time. And we're so happy for you, Nina.
- [43:28]
Kristen Carter
We are so happy for you.
- [43:30]
Benjamin Hollingsworth
And I am gonna. She's great. And. And, you know, and the. The great part about this story is it has a happy ending. I was able to fine work, but for a year after that, full year, it's the longest in my career I've ever gone, but I didn't work for a full year after that. And I auditioned for, like, superhero movies, Marvel movies. Like, I was still given opportunities that were huge in scale, but because the show had just been canceled and famously so quickly, it was only. We only had two episodes that aired on tv, but we were in the same. Same time slot as Glee, and it was the first season of Glee, so everyone was watching Glee, and. And so we. We were. We were canceled. And at the time, I took it that it was me and I. Every room I went into, the first thing they said, oh, I'm so sorry about your show. Okay, what do you have for us today? I'M like, like, like literally like gut, turn, now, perform. It would just be like, then that whole idea of like living in the moment, not caring about what happened before and what happened. No. All I could think of is, gosh, these people think I'm not great already and I'm in trying to do a scene and trying to stay focused. And I, in my brain, I'm just elsewhere and I self sabotaged. I, you know, I had, you know, substance issues during that time and I, Yeah, it took me a full year and I had to start all the way back at the beginning, like a really small job on a small, like, and just climb my way back up. But it was brutal. And if I could change anything, you know, I'm 41 now. I'd go back to the 23 year old and be like, look, it's gonna be fine. You're gonna be okay. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and believe in the person that got you here and know that that's never gonna change. Like you, you're the core of you. The core of you is always gonna be the core of you. And someone else's opinion of that has no bearing on what that is. They can never take that element away. They can take the, you know, potentially millions of dollars. And the poster came down. I literally drove me by as they're pulling down the poster. I mean, it's almost poetic when I write my memoir, it's such a great, it's going to be such a great chapter when I'm older and you know, look back on my career because it's such a famous, you know, it's actually famous in town, like because I say in town in Hollywood, because of its epic kind of, you know, there's not very many shows that get canceled after two, two episodes, so. And get pulled. It was the other thing that was because we lost insurance. It was very, very quick that they pulled us out of there. Yeah, but that one. Yeah, that one's. That one hurts. That one's still. It doesn't hurt as much now because obviously I've gone on and I've done bigger and better things and. But it did, it did for a long time.
- [46:37]
Kristen Carter
It's so fascinating. Like, obviously that was a business decision from the executive standpoint, but how personal it felt to you and how it was like, oh, it's about me. And they don't like, like me. And that, I think, is the univ. Universal experience of rejection. Sensitivity is taking a rejection that may not even have anything to do with you necessarily. And really Personalizing it. And then that spiral, the spiral into shame and self blame and judgment and then sabotage and. And now all of a sudden you're like.
- [47:16]
You're in a puddle, right.
- [47:18]
And it's like it could have literally had nothing to do. Obviously, I have no idea. But from my perspective, hearing your story, it's like it was a business decision. A bunch of like old fat white guys sat around a room and were like, meh, Nothing's gonna compete with Glee. We're canning it.
- [47:34]
Benjamin Hollingsworth
Yeah.
- [47:35]
Kristen Carter
And like, absolutely nothing to do with Benjamin. And yet it's so personalized. And that is, that's the part that's like the dysphoria. Right. It's just like the, The. The impact of that and the personalization of it. And that is so universal for us. ADHD years.
- [47:55]
Benjamin Hollingsworth
Yeah. And tragic too, because it's just no one could. No one could talk me out of it at the moment. And a lot, also, not a lot of people knew they needed to. Like, I was so internalized because I wasn't going around. Like, it was my fault, you know, which would have been a little strange. I would have been like, no, you're silly. But. Because I, like, subconsciously knew it wasn't, but convinced myself it was in a really strange way. Like, I wasn't aware that I knew that it wasn't. But I, like, because of math, I knew, like, it wasn't. There was also, you know, six other people on the show with me and there's, you know, I can't control writing. There's so many other elements to it that. But the. At the time, like, just the heaviness of it and just it was, it was, it was so, so large and so heavy that it still has such a big place in. In my soul because of it, because of that time.
- [48:53]
Kristen Carter
Wow, I really appreciate you sharing, letting me just like, lift up the hood there a little bit. I do appreciate that.
- [49:01]
Benjamin Hollingsworth
Well, that's what we do as actors. Like, part of it is just that, like, we lift up our heads all the time because that's, you know, great ones, like really good actors. We're not just like posing in front of a camera and saying, I'm angry. Like you. Some, unfortunately, some actors are surface level people that do that. And that's, you know, that's them and that's, that's. That's their process. And that's fine. Mine's very different. There's one other element of having ADHD is I can't really ever do the same take twice. And it Pisses my directors off so much because they're like, wait, why did you change it? It's perfect. I was like, well, because I had no idea what I did, and I can't do the same thing twice. Like, I just. There's no. I don't do a routine. Like, there's no. There's no. There's no, like, left turn here, right turn here, go down here and do this. Like, I. There's just. That's never going to happen for me. And the quicker you understand that as a director, the more you'll be like, okay, we got it. He's not gonna be able to do it again. Let's go. You know, but you only need to do it great once. That's the one. The one part about it. And. And it's not that my other takes aren't good. It's just they're different because I have to follow. They have to follow my own instincts. If I'm not following my instincts, I'm dead. Yeah.
- [50:22]
Kristen Carter
I just think you named something that's so universal for us ADHDers that not being able to do the same thing twice. And I think that is true across industries and can be really frustrating. But I love the way you're talking about it, where it's like, I'm following my instincts. This is not a choreographed performance. Like, I'm not, like, mechanical and robotic about it. It's like, this is instinctual. And I think when we don't really capitalize on that strength, we can really beat ourselves up about it. Like, I did this yesterday. Why can't I just do it the same today? It's like. Like, no, you have to, like, dig into your intuition and your instincts to be able to, like, perform today, whatever your industry is.
- [51:06]
Benjamin Hollingsworth
Isn't that frustrating, though? Like, it's so disheartening, because when you win a day and you have a good day, you know, you're like, I've got it figured out for life. You know, like, this is the new me. And then you have a bad day, and you're like, wait a second. What happened? Why have I not done the exact same thing I did yesterday? Is because every day is new. And I. It's. If it was like, that's the thing. If. If. If someone was like, hey, would you like to not have adhd? I'd be like, hell, no. Are you kidding? This is so much fun. It's so much better. You know, like, there's frustration elements to it, but I feel like people with ADHD live a full Life. And no one wants to be like. I feel like the hardest part, the hardest thing for someone would be to have AD and be like a cpa, you know, in an office building with a nine to five and a quarter and you just grinding and grinding. Like, I feel like that all the
- [52:06]
Kristen Carter
CPAs listening right now are like, ah, he's absolutely right.
- [52:11]
Benjamin Hollingsworth
They maybe have an element of their CPA that they do that's theirs because maybe they own their own business, you know, and they, they like, they're like, yeah, I'm a cpa, but I work whenever I want.
- [52:19]
Kristen Carter
Right.
- [52:19]
Benjamin Hollingsworth
I only work with people I want and I only do an entrepreneur cpa. Yeah, whatever. You know, as long as you're. That's it with your as with. The key to happiness in my life, and I imagine that I'm not alone in this, is if you follow. I always say, follow your heart. I say to my kids, I say, I have a mantra with my kids, I say, follow your heart, believe in yourself. And no. No matter what, Mommy and daddy always love you. Every night before bed, I say that to them. And I think the key to happiness with ADHD is if you can follow your heart heart and truly do that as crazy it is because if your, your head unfortunately has problems with things but your heart doesn't. Your heart, honestly, actually, if you listen to it, you can hear it better than most people because you're not affected by your head, because your frontal cortex isn't saying, hey, listen, you got a meeting in five minutes. You should not. You can actually access that element of living that I don't think a lot of other people do. And sometimes I think that's overlooked for people with ADHD is that like, we lit. Like, we feel the lows and we hit the lows, but we also feel the highs and we, we get to live a unique life, a unique and unique being in a unique state, which can be frustrating, but also can be really, really, really fulfilling too.
- [53:40]
Kristen Carter
Full stop. Absolutely incredible. What a way to end it. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you. Thank you, Benjamin, for just sharing your ADHD story with us. I think it's so impactful when people in the spotlight are willing to talk so vulnerably about their own mental health and experience. And you've lived such an amazing full life and you're such an example of what's possible. I love how you're doing just preaching at the end. It is. It's incredible. So everyone go watch Virgin River. Season seven is out now. Is there anything else that we should know about projects that you're working on right now.
- [54:22]
Benjamin Hollingsworth
Nothing I can say without getting in trouble, but they're always like, they want to have them released on their end, which is great. But yeah, some exciting stuff's coming up and, and I, yeah, very, very grateful to, to have been on Virgin river and done it for seven years. And we're about to start season eight in a couple weeks, which is going to be amazing too, so. Which is. It's such a blessing to be able to raise kids in one spot too. Not have to pull them all over the place.
- [54:57]
Kristen Carter
Everyone go check it out on Netflix. Virgin River Season 7 out now. Season 8 starting filming shortly. Benjamin, thanks so much for being here. Appreciate you.
- [55:07]
Benjamin Hollingsworth
Thanks for having me. It was a lot of fun.
- [55:10]
Kristen Carter
A few years ago, I went looking for help. I wanted to find someone to teach me how to feel better about myself and to help me improve my organization, productivity, time management, emotional regulation. You know, all the things that we adults with ADHD struggle with. I couldn't find anything. So I researched and I studied and I hired coaches and I figured it out. Then I created Focused for you. Focused is my monthly coaching membership where I teach educated professional adults how to accept their ADHD brain and hijack their ability to get stuff done. Hundreds of people from all over the world are already benefiting from this program and I'm confident that you will too. Go to ihaveadhd.com focused for all the details.
- [56:00]
Liberty Mutual Spokesperson
Book a loved by guest property with verbo and you get a top rated vacation rental that's loved for all the right reasons.
- [56:06]
Benjamin Hollingsworth
Ugh. I love my verbo for the location.
- [56:08]
Liberty Mutual Spokesperson
Good reason.
- [56:09]
Benjamin Hollingsworth
Oh, and for the pool.
- [56:10]
Kristen Carter
Cause pools are cool.
- [56:11]
Liberty Mutual Spokesperson
I feel the love. Book a verbo that's loved by guests. If you know you verbo.