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401 BITESIZE | "I Feel Like I'm in High School" My Story of Rejection Sensitivity
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This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever think about switching insurance companies to see if you could save some cash? Progressive makes it easy to see if you could save when you bundle your home and auto policies. Try it@progressive.com Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. Potential savings will vary. Not available in all states.
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This episode is sponsored by Batch. If your sleep has been feeling not quite right, like you're getting through the night but not actually waking up rested, you're certainly not alone. And that kind of low level level exhaustion can affect everything, including your ADHD symptoms. That's why I've been really interested in Batch. Batch is a hemp wellness company founded by chemical engineers, which means their products are built on real formulation and full lab transparency, not just wellness trends. Their Micro Mints are designed for daily use, a simple, fast absorbing way to support calm and mood throughout the day and for nighttime. Their CBD gummies are formulated specifically for more restorative sleep, the kind that actually helps you feel human again the next day. They also offer THC gummies with carefully balanced blends so you can choose an experience that feels right for you. What stands out to me is how intentional everything is. It's not about extremes, it's about balance. Right now, batch is offering 30% off site wide including subscriptions. Go to hellobatch.com ihaveadhd and use code ihaveadhd at checkout. Hey what's up? This is Kristen Carter and you are
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listening to a bite size episode of the I have ADHD podcast.
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I am medicated, caffeinated, regulated and ready to roll. This little episode is one of my favorite clips from the podcast.
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It's perfect if you're not in the mood for a full hour long listen. Because let's be real, some of us
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ADHDers just don't have the patience for all of that.
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But if you are a die hard
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listener, think of this as your mid week pick me up.
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It's Thursday y'. All. Friday is right around the corner. If you love this clip, check out the show notes for a link to the full episode. And remember my friend, drink your water, take your meds, grab a snack.
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Now let's get rolling.
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I experienced so much rejection sensitivity around this conference. I had so much drama in my mind about this conference. I had created so many rejection scenarios. I I had not been rejected but I was bracing myself for rejection when it comes to this conference. So it was in Kansas City, Missouri. Never been to Kansas City before. Great little spot. And I was so Scared. I was having tons of headaches, tons of, like, jaw pain. I was struggling to sleep and I was, like, bracing for impact. I truly was. I was bracing for impact. I didn't realize it. It was actually my therapist that helped me kind of work out what was happening because I was like, what is going on? Why. Why am I so tense? Why do I have all these headaches? Why am I getting jaw pain? Why can't I function in terms of, like, thinking through my talk, planning, you know, meeting up with people? I was just, like, resisting all of it. I wonder if you relate to this ADHD or, like, rejection sensitivity is such a thing. I actually recorded an Instagram video on this. I'm going to play it for you in just a second. If you're not hanging out with me on Instagram, what are you doing? Come be my friend. You can follow me at. I have ADHD podcast. It's the one social media platform that I enjoy hanging out on. Um, I'm on the other platforms too, but I enjoy hanging out on Instagram. And I recorded a pretty vulnerable reel about, like, working through my rejection sensitivity with the Chad conference. I'm going to play it for you here. What does rejection sensitivity look like practically for someone with ADHD? I'll go first. Last night I was awake from 1am to 4am panicking, panicking, truckloads of cortisol flowing through my body. Because in three weeks I'm going to an ADHD conference and I don't know if people are going to like me. I've never been before. It's full of academics. I can hang with academics, but I'm not personally an academic. I don't identify as one. And like, I. I'm panicking. Why? Why can't I just be. Why can't I just be like, yeah, I deserve to be there. It's going to be great. No, no. Sweating, laying in my bed, just like waves of cortisol washing over me. It's going to be terrible. They're going to hate you. Everyone's going to be mad at you. Like, literally, this is what rejection sensitivity looks like in an ADHDER. At 44 years old. It feels like high school. It feels like I'm right back to the lunch table. Like, getting kicked out of the lunch table right back there. So that's how it shows up for me. How does it show up for you? Let me know in the comments. I had so many people comment on that video, just saying that they related to it, and so I wanted to play it for you, Because I feel like it's probably relatable to you, too, thinking that everyone was going to be mad at me. Why would anyone be mad at me like that? It doesn't make logical sense, but I pictured myself when walking into the room and having people scowl at me. It's so fascinating. I created so many rejection scenarios, rejection stories around this conference. And here's the thing about rejection stories. They hurt just as much as actual rejection. They feel the same as actual rejection. So even though I had not been rejected, I was still feeling. My body was still reacting as if I was being rejected. So fascinating what the brain does, especially an ADHD brain that has lots of history of rejection. I have lots of history of actual rejection. And my brain and body were convinced that this was going to be yet another example of me being. What's the word? I mean, maybe ostracized or thrown out or. Or unwelcome or misunderstood or laughed at or scoffed at or fill in the blank. Whatever. Judged. Judged. I was so scared that I would go and everyone would be so judgmental. Why? Why, Kristen? Ugh. I have so much compassion for myself, but I'm telling you all of this because I have compassion for you. I think that this is likely extremely relatable to you and that even me, as a professional who's been in this industry since 2019, who has coached thousands of adults with ADHD, who's put out hundreds of hours of content, who's been able to interview all of the experts, like, so many amazing people, and I've been able to help people. I've been able to interview people, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Like, the resume doesn't lie. And yet my brain was like, they're gonna hate you. They're not gonna welcome you. They're gonna think you're stupid. They're gonna wonder why you're even there. So when I realized what was happening right around this time that I created the real, I decided to get pretty serious about taking care of myself. I really had to get serious about supporting myself because I was not able to function at that time. And not functioning is. Is not an option when you are a company owner, when people are relying on you, when you have a family, when you even just want to, like, show up for your own life, like, not functioning just feels like it's not an option. And so here's how I supported myself.
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This episode is sponsored by AG1. It's the end of the school year, and lately life has felt really full. Packed schedules, late nights, trying to keep everything moving. And I've noticed that when things get busy, my health is usually the first thing to slip. That's why I rely on simple habits that don't require a ton of effort. And AG1 is one of those. For me. AG1 is a daily health drink with a multivitamin pre and probiotics, superfoods and antioxidants all in one scoop. You just mix it with water and you're done. Because honestly, the hardest part of taking care of yourself isn't knowing what to do, it's keeping up with it. AG1 takes that effort off the table. AG1's next gen formula has 75 ingredients and is clinically shown to support gut health and fill common nutrient gaps. And for me, this it's just one small thing that I can do every day that keeps me feeling steady even when everything else is chaotic. I use it every day and you should too. AG1 has over 50,000 verified 5 star reviews and comes with a 90 day money back guarantee. Visit drink ag1.com I have ADHD to get a free AG1 flavor sampler and a bottle of vitamin D3K2 in your AG1 welcome kit when you first subscribe. That's a $72 value. That's drink ag1.com I have adhd with vrbocare.
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Help is always ready before, during and after your stay. We've planned for the plot twists so support is always available because a great trip starts with peace of mind. I scheduled a couple massages and I cannot recommend enough the Power of Therapeutic Massage I I was so tense. My body, literally, like I said, was bracing for impact. My jaw was so tight I was laying every night with a heating pad. I was having to take Tylenol or ibuprofen, which I don't love doing. But I was like suffering. And I scheduled a couple massages that relieved the tension like you wouldn't believe. A lot of times we don't allow ourselves these luxuries because they're expensive, because we don't think we need them or we shouldn't have to need them because they're time consuming because our partner might look at it as like a frivolous expense. Like what are you doing? You're getting a massage? Like what are you special? But I have to tell you that this was actually a way that was extremely important to me to calm my nervous system and calm my body down. It helped so much. One massage didn't take care of it. I had to go back a couple times in a row like Weekly. But it was extremely supportive, very, very helpful. Another thing I did was I have restarted therapy, and that's been an interesting experience. I'm actually working with a therapist who's also a somatic experiencing coach, which is someone who is helping you with your nervous system regulation, which your girl needs. Your girl needs it. Okay? And so I've been working with her, and I focused a couple therapy sessions on this specific conference, on this specific experience, because I was like, I'm not okay. I'm being a total weirdo. I need help just functioning and, like, going to this conference. And so that was really helpful. And she really did help me to unpack the expectations I had, how my body was responding to it, and how I was really bracing for impact. I know I've said that phrase so many times, bracing for impact, but it's really important to me. That's something that we uncovered in therapy, and I wanted to name that because I think maybe it will be important to you. I wonder if you notice when you're going into social settings, when you're meeting new people, when you're going to whatever your equivalent of the CHAD conference might be, if you notice that you're tensing up and that you are preparing all of these scenarios in your mind and bracing for impact. Another thing that I did that was really important was I invited my coach to come with me. I am always better when I have someone that knows me, that I trust and that I can co regulate with. And if you heard on the podcast with Casey Ehrlich and Kendall Damoshek, we talked about pathological demand avoidance, but we also talked about having a safe nervous system with you to co regulate. And they named that. They put language to it. I didn't realize that that was what I was doing. At the time of that recording. I had already planned to have my coach come with me, but I didn't realize that that's what I was doing. I was inviting safety to come with me into what felt like a dangerous situation. And it was amazing. I wonder if you have people in your life that would be more than happy to support you in situations like this. I didn't realize that I actually do. My coach did it. One of my team member, team members would have come to be that person for me. I know my best friend would have come to be that person for me. I also know that my sister would have come to be that person for me or my husband. Husband. So I wonder if you can think through, like, do you have safe people in your life that you can invite into these like scary, quote unquote dangerous, although not physically dangerous, but they just feel so dangerous into those situations with you to be a co regulator so that you can show up and be you. That's the thing. Like with my coach there, I was able to show up as myself. I had more of myself available to me because I had had a safe nervous system there to help me co regulate. It was beyond helpful. And I am so happy to report that I had the most amazing time. I had the most amazing time. Nothing that I worried about actually happened. And I don't say that from a place of judgment or shame or diminishing anything that I was feeling prior to going because everything that I was feeling prior to going was real. It. It was painful, it was scary. I was bracing for impact and those scenarios could have played out in that way, but they didn't at all. Being there felt so purposeful. It felt like really like a warm environment. Shout out to like the CHAD conference organizers and the CHAD organization in general. It was a wonderful conference and I absolutely loved being there. I met and hung out with people that I love. I was able to see Ari there. He's like in charge of the whole thing. I didn't really realize that. It was like my bad. He was on stage at every general session. He's like the main guy. I didn't realize that. I was just like, he's just my bud. Nope. He's like, he's. He is the guy. Anyway, so I got to hang with him. I saw Marcy Caldwell who's a two time guest on this podcast. We had dinner that was wonderful. I saw Brooke Schnitman from Coaching with Brooke, who I often recommend to teens and children who are looking for coaches. Her organization. Coaching with Brooke is wonderful. We hung out a ton and I also got to hang out with FOCUS members who were there and that was the best. We had such a good time. I spoke and I enjoyed speaking. What? What? I know it was crazy. I. I spoke in front of I don't know how many, probably 50 people, maybe 35 to 50 people. I had fun. I did a good job. I didn't have a vulnerability hangover afterwards, which is shocking. Like it was just overall a wonderful experience. I'm glad I went. I will do it again. And I'm glad that I gave my brain a minute map for it. Here's the thing. When we have not done something before, when we've not been in a scenario, when we've not been in this social environment before, our Brain does create a map of like here's what I think it's going to be like. And if you have ADHD and a lot of history with rejection, your brain will likely create a map that looks like rejection, judgment, people hating you, scorn, all of that. Right? And that's what my, my map looked like. And then I went and I was able to be in the reality of the situation and now I actually do have a map for what it's like. Right. I know what it looks like now. I'm not afraid to go again. So this is just like a shout out to you and a reminder of sometimes the rejection stories that we create in our heads, while they are painful, while they are understandable that we're doing that they don't actually work out the way that we think they're gonna work out. And if we are able to support ourselves well enough to go into that situation and to do the thing, if we can find a safe nervous system to co regulate with, if we can have the support of a therapist or a coach, if we can do things like get a massage or ask a partner or a best friend for a massage, like those kinds of like very grounding and regulating things, if we can give ourselves support to actually do the thing, our brains can create a realistic, a better map. And so now when I think about next year in I believe it's in Baltimore, which is awesome. No time zone change, no flight, it's in Baltimore. I'm going to go. Maybe you should plan to go too. Maybe we can meet up. It would be so much fun. But in summary, so glad I did. It would definitely go again. And while the rejection stories that I created were understandable and they felt very real, it's not how it actually went. And I'm so, so glad about that.
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Thanks for listening to this bite sized episode of the I have ADHD podcast. If you enjoyed this clip, you'll find a link to the full full episode in the show notes. And don't forget to Visit I have ADHD.com for tons of adult ADHD support. All right my friends, I had a great time with you today and I cannot wait to talk to you again next week. Bye bye. This episode is sponsored by AG1. If you have ADHD, you probably know this about yourself. It's not that you don't care about your health. It's that consistency is really hard. For me, it's never about not knowing what to do. It's about actually doing the things that I know I should do every day,
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especially when life gets busy.
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This is why AG1 has been such a helpful anchor for me. AG1 is a daily health drink with a multivitamin, pre and probiotics, superfoods and antioxidants all in one scoop. I drink it with about 10 ounces of water and that's it. No multiple supplements, no complicated routine. Just one simple habit that I can keep even on the days when everything else falls apart. AG1's next gen formula has 75 ingredients and is clinically shown to support gut health and fill common nutrient gaps. And for me, it's one small way to take care of myself that actually sticks. I use it every single day. Truly. And you should too. AG1 has over 50,000 verified 5 star reviews and comes with a 90 day money back guarantee. Visit drink ag1.com I have ADHD to get a free AG1 flavor sampler and a bottle of vitamin D3K2 in your AG1 welcome kit when you first subscribe. That's a $72 value. That's drink ag1.com I have adhd.