← I Have ADHD Podcast
I Have ADHD Podcast
403 BITESIZE | ADHD & Self-Loathing: “You’re Not Behind — You’re Under Supported”
00:15:50
Loading summary
Transcript23 lines
- [00:01]
A
You're listening to this podcast, so I know you've got a curious mind. Here's a helpful fact you might not know yet. Drivers who switch and save with Progressive save over $900 on average. Pop over to progressive.com, answer some questions and you'll get a quick quote with discounts that are easy to come by. In fact, 99% of their auto customers earn at least one discount. Visit progressive.com and see if you can enjoy a little cash back. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates national average 12 month savings of $946 by new customers surveyed who saved with Progressive between June 2024 and May 2025.
- [00:37]
B
Potential savings will vary this episode is sponsored by Batch. I want to talk to you about something that doesn't get said enough. Sometimes you just stop feeling like yourself. Not in a dramatic way, just in a quiet, constant feeling of being a little off. Your patience is thinner, your energy is lower, but you're still expected to show up for everything. And that's why Batch caught my attention. Batch is a HE brand founded by chemical engineers, not marketers, and they focus on clean ingredients and full transparency. You can actually see what's in their products and why. I've been learning about their Micro Mints which are designed for daily calm and mood support. They dissolve under your tongue for fast absorption and the goal isn't to knock you out, it's to feel more like yourself. They also offer options like their CBD nighttime gummies designed for deeper, more restorative sleep, or their THC gummies which are formulated for a little more balanced, controlled experience. What I appreciate is that this isn't about escaping your life, it's about supporting yourself so that you can stay present in it. Right now batch is offering 30% off site wide. And yes, that applies to subscriptions too. Go to hellobatch.com ihaveadhd and use code ihaveadhdeckout. Hey what's up? This is Kristen Carter and you are listening to a bite size episode of
- [01:53]
C
the I have ADHD podcast.
- [01:55]
B
I am medicated, caffeinated, regulated and ready to roll. This little episode is one of my favorite clips from the podcast.
- [02:02]
C
It's perfect if you're not in the
- [02:04]
B
mood for a full hour long listen
- [02:07]
C
because let's be real, some of us
- [02:09]
B
ADHDers just don't have the patience for all of that. But if you are a die hard listener, think of this as your mid week pick me up.
- [02:18]
C
It's Thursday y'.
- [02:19]
B
All. Friday is right around the Corner. If you love this clip, check out the show notes for a link to the full episode. And remember, my friend, drink your water,
- [02:29]
C
take your meds, grab a snack.
- [02:32]
B
Now let's get rolling.
- [02:33]
C
I do want to listen to one of your voicemails and I do want to offer some encouragement to a listener who really needs a pep talk. So let's hear from Alex.
- [02:45]
D
Hey, Kristin. This is Alex, currently living in Northern Illinois. And basically I'm just having like, extreme self loathing and I just feel so stuck. Like every little decision I need to make just like, it's just, just feels agonizing. And I recently turned 25 and I'm just kind of feeling really lost and like, really behind and like, I'm just working this like, job that doesn't pay well and it's. I hate it. And I just, just feel so confused and just. I don't know, I could just use like, maybe some encouragement or just a suggestion on what the next step would be. I just want to say thanks for the show. I really like it. And thanks, Alex.
- [03:38]
C
Oh gosh. Do you hear in his voice, like, my heart breaks when I listen to this message. I've listened to it several times in the last couple days, just kind of prepping for this podcast. And also he's so compelling, you know, with his emotion and just what he's expressing that I have found myself listening to this several times. I just want to offer you so, so much encouragement and support. Alex, I'm so glad you called in. This is exactly why we have the voicemail line. So I can be directly connected to you, my listener, and so that you can just tell me like, where you're at and how you're doing and I can just offer some perspective for you. So I just want to say that I hear the emotion in your voice. I hear like the desperation that you need, like, encouragement. And I just want to say something here. You sound like you don't have someone who's offering you nurture and support in your life. Obviously, I don't know your story. I don't know anything about you, but to me, you come across as someone who is severely under nurtured. And I don't, I don't know if that's true, but that's just my sense and I am here to step in to do that. I don't know what your relationship is like with your parents, but I, I'm here to step in and say, like, you're a great kid and you're not broken. There's nothing wrong with you, Alex, and the self loathing that you're feeling is not appropriate. We need to be done with that. You don't deserve the harsh treatment that you are giving yourself. You are not deserving of that. And I, again, I don't know your story. You just really sound to me like someone who has navigated life without a lot of support. And I am so sorry if that is your story. I'm so sorry. I don't know what your real life looks like. I don't know if you have parents or friends or rel or anyone in your life that can offer you encouragement and care and support. But if you don't, I beg you to start paying for it. I know this sounds weird, I know this sounds weird, but you can join me and a long list of people, including many, many listeners of this podcast, who have had to hire people to support them, to nurture them because there was such a void in their real life. If I could just put my tinfoil hat on for a second. And this again is like related to the research that I've done for the book, the writing that I've done for the book, the thousands of hours that I have spent face to face coaching adults with adhd. We are a group of people who are severely under nurtured. Severely under nurtured. And that sucks. That's not okay. That's not our fault, but it's not okay. And for myself and for so many other ADHDers, the only way that we're able to make progress and succeed is if we fill that nurture void. We can't survive without love and support and nurture. We can't. Even though you're 25, so you're like, I'm a grown man. I don't need to be nurtured. Like, maybe that's your perspective, but if you lacked it in your childhood and adolescence, you actually severely need it right now. You need an excess of it right now to kind of heal those parts of you that never got it as a child or adolescent. Again, I'm making so many assumptions. I know. But also, this is not my first rodeo, y'. All. So, like, if you're listening to this, maybe you're like a first time listener and you're like, who does this woman think she is? What I think I am is someone who has had thousands of conversations with people with ADHD and many, many conversations with men with adhd. And so many men with ADHD specifically have been severely under nurtured, have not received the love, the support, the the nurture. I'm gonna say nurture a million times. I don't care. You can turn it into a drinking game. Turn it into a drinking game. I don't even care. The nurture that you need to really fully develop a sense of self, a sense of worth, a sense of internal support so that you can go out and do the things that you want to do in your life. If you did not receive that, which many of us, I would say most of us did not, that's a problem that needs to be solved now.
- [08:47]
B
This episode is sponsored by AG1. It's the end of the school year and lately life has felt really full. Packed schedules, late nights, trying to keep everything moving. And I've noticed that when things get busy, my health is usually the first thing to slip. That's why I rely on simple habits that don't require a ton of effort. And AG1 is one of those. For me. AG1 is a daily health drink with a multivitamin, pre and probiotics, superfoods and antioxidants all in one scoop. You just mix it with water and you're done. Because honestly, the hardest part of taking care of yourself isn't knowing what to do, it's keeping up with it. AG1 takes that effort off the table. AG1's next gen formula has 75 ingredients and is clinically shown to support gut health and fill common nutrient gaps. And for me, that's just one small thing that I can do every day that keeps me feeling steady even when everything else is chaotic. I use it every day and you should too. AG1 has over 50,000 verified 5 star reviews and comes with a 90 day money back guarantee. Visit drink ag1.com I have ADHD to get a free AG1 flavor sampler and a bottle of vitamin D3K2 in your AG1 welcome kit when you first subscribe. That's a $72 value. That's drink ag1.com IhaveADHD some days call
- [10:03]
E
for some oomph to amplify your everyday look. Like when you want the look of false lashes without the extra eff. Reach for Thrive Cosmetics Liquid Lash Volumizer Mascara or when you want all eyes on your smile, keep Empower Gloss Ultra Glossy Lip Serum in your bag. It's a burst of 24 hour hydration that smooths like a serum, shines like a gloss, and can be worn sheer or layered. You'll also look and feel your best with Thrive Cosmetics. Plus, every product is 100% vegan, cruelty free and Made with clean skin loving ingredients that work with your skin, not against it. And for every product purchased, Thrive Cosmetics donates to help communities thrive. So every time you use your favorite Thrive Cosmetics product, you're helping communities you care about to amplify your everyday. Go to thrivecosmetics.com shine26 for an exclusive offer of 20% off your first order. That's thrive Cosmetics. C A U S E M E t I c s.com shine26 is a
- [11:03]
C
problem that needs to be solved. That is, the problem that needs to be solved is that you're feeling this deep sense of loathing. That's not okay. You're not going to be able to move forward without solving that first. And so I would not even worry about the fact that you're 25 and you're in a job that you don't love. Like I don't know any 25 year old people with ADHD. Any neurodivergent 25 year olds who feel like they had it figured out at 25 is not a thing. It's not a thing. And I'm not saying that to diminish or demean what you're feeling now. What I am saying is that's not the primary problem that needs to be solved here. That's not the primary issue. It will be solved eventually, naturally, once you solve the issue of the, of the self loathing and the agonizing over decisions and feeling confused. That part, the agonizing over decisions, that's very much connected to the self loathing. That's very much connected to not feeling like you have stability and a groundedness and a self worth to just try a bunch of shit and figure it out. That's the only way that a neurodivergent person is able to move forward in their life is if they have the courage and the support to try a bunch of stuff and just kind of figure out where you land. I'm currently parenting a 17 year old male who is neurodivergent. And while we are kind of making steps forward in his like, you know, like what he's going to do after college, which is not easy by the way, and it is not a fun process. I also know that he's probably going to try whatever it is that he decides and it's very unlikely that it's going to be a good fit. It is very unlikely and that's fine. As his mom, it's my job to just be here as a support to say, yeah, you're going to have to Try a bunch of stuff, that's fine. I'm here for you. I will be your soft place to land as you figure this out. And Alex, what it sounds like to me is that you do not have a soft place to land. That's what it sounds like to me. It's. I mean, it's screaming at me. It is like jumping out of your voicemail and into my soul that you do not have a soft place to land. And so that's the problem that we need to solve here. And so what I'm asking you to do. I know you're in a job that you don't love. I know you're not making the money you want to make, but I'm asking you to pay for some support. So that would look like a trauma informed therapist, somebody that maybe uses some type of modality like emdr, Somatic Experiencing, Internal Family Systems, Emotional Focused Therapy, something like that. Or you can just pop into ChatGPT, like what are, what are trauma informed modalities? But you need a trauma informed modality, somebody that is able to work with you in a very trauma informed way. It might look like hiring a trauma informed coach, if that is more accessible to you. And that would be totally fine. It might. Let's say that I'm misreading this whole thing.
- [14:31]
B
I don't think I am, but let's
- [14:34]
C
just say I am. Let's just pretend. Let's just say that I'm misreading this whole thing. And you have a million supportive people in your life, or amazing. You need to lean on them. You need to tell them what you told me. You need to allow people to support you, to take care of you, to speak into your life, to encourage you. Because you do not deserve to feel like you are not enough or that you are a bad person, or that you just need to, you know, whatever, pull yourself up by your bootstraps or whatever. Like, enough. No more of that. You are struggling and you deserve support. The encouragement that I have to offer you is twofold. Number one, you need support, honey. You need support. You need a mama. And if you don't have. And when I say a mama, I mean someone who's going to nurture you. I mean someone who is going to hold space for you. Someone who is going to allow you to accept, experience your life and be a mirror to you so that you can make sense of it. Because we cannot make sense of it on our own. And if that's something that you just have to pay for, do it. Join me in Doing that because I, I've had to pay for that. I do pay for it. I pay coaches, I pay therapists to be that consistent, warm, trauma, informed, mirrored support for me. I've had to pay for it. Even just like I told you last week that I get massages. Even that is like me paying for nurture and for care. Like, that is a way that I nurture myself, that I pay someone else 100 bucks for a massage so that my body can feel relaxed and nurtured and cared for. This is just a way that I've had to accommodate myself. As someone who comes from a lot of dysfunction and trauma. I just have this sense that, like, that's a lot of what's behind what you're saying. And so I want to encourage you in that way. And then the other thing is, I swear to you, you are not behind. You said you're feeling behind, you're feeling lost and behind. I promise you, I promise you, you might be in a job that you don't love and you might not be able to have a map for the future right now, but you are not behind. Feeling lost at 25 is normal. You should not have it figured out, okay? You shouldn't. There are so many people and like, I know that every listener is like nodding along. Like every listener in their 40s and 50s, 50s and 60s is like totally nodding along. Like, it's true. If we can all think back to like who we were and what we were doing at 25, like, Lord help me, it was not pretty for me personally, okay? But the thing is, just because it's normal doesn't mean it's fun. I'm not, again, I'm not demeaning the position you're in. What I am saying is I want to take the pressure off of you. I want to take the pressure off. Your job right now is to try a bunch of shit and figure out what you want to do. And that sounds to like, maybe the listening are like, oh yeah, that's so easy. Just go do that. It's not easy when you're not supported. It's not easy when you have a ton of self loathing. It's not easy when you don't have a soft place to land. So those are the problems that we need to solve. Get yourself a soft place to land. You have to get someone who's going to look at you in the eyes like I am right now and say you are worth investing in. You have so much to offer the world, but you just existing is enough. Who you are is enough. You're a wonderful human being. The fact that you were compelled to reach out means that there is so much, so much in you that is ready for change and for evolvement. But you're not going to be able to do that alone. You're going to need support. Okay? So your job is to find one or two or preferably three people in your life who are safe, supportive, trauma informed people, right? Honey, you are going to be okay. You're gonna be okay. I know you are. Call me in a year and tell me about your progress, because I know you're going to be okay. Thanks for listening to this bite sized
- [19:22]
B
episode of the I have ADHD Podcast. If you enjoyed this clip, you'll find a link to the full episode in the show notes. And don't Forget to visit ihaveadhd.com for
- [19:33]
C
tons of adult ADHD support.
- [19:36]
B
All right, my friends, I had a great time with you today and I cannot wait to talk to you again next week. Bye bye. This episode is sponsored by AG1. If you have ADHD, you probably know this about yourself. It's not that you don't care about your health. It's that consistency is really hard. For me, it's never about not knowing what to do. It's about actually doing the things that I know I should do every day, especially when life gets busy. This is why AG1 has been such a helpful anchor for me. AG1 is a daily health drink with a multivitamin pre and probiotics, superfoods and antioxidants all in one scoop. I drink it with about 10 ounces of water and that's it. No multiple supplements, no complicated routine. Just one simple habit that I can keep even on the days when everything else falls apart. AG1's next gen formula has 75 ingredients and is clinically shown to support gut health and fill common nutrient gaps. And for me, it's one small way to take care of myself that actually sticks. I use it every single day. Truly. And you should too. AG1 has over 50,000 verified 5 star reviews and comes with a 90 day money back guarantee. Visit drink ag1.com I have ADHD to get a free AG1 flavor sampler and a bottle of vitamin D3K2 in your AG1 welcome kit when you first subscribe. That's a $72 value. That's drink ag1.com I have adhd.