← I Have ADHD Podcast
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- [00:00]
Kristen Carter
This episode is sponsored by Quince.
- [00:02]
I Have ADHD Podcast Host
If you have adhd, you might understand this. Getting dressed can feel way more overwhelming than it should be. Too many choices, too many textures, too many things that technically look cute but don't actually feel comfortable enough to wear all day. So lately I've been trying to simplify my closet instead of constantly adding to it. And that's why I've been loving quints. Their pieces are the kind that you reach for without thinking. Breathable linen, soft organic cotton, easy denim clothes that feel good immediately and somehow look elevated. I have a linen set from Quince that basically basically has become my summer uniform because it removes so much decision fatigue. I put it on, feel comfortable and I don't have to think about it again. And the prices honestly surprise me. Quint works directly with ethical factories, so everything is priced way lower than similar luxury brands without sacrificing quality. I use it and you should too. Elevate your summer wardrobe. Go to quince.com ihaveadhd for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E.com ihaveadhd this episode is sponsored by Tochiatry. Sometimes figuring out the right mental health support can feel overwhelming. You're trying strategies, listening to podcasts, maybe even going to therapy, but you still feel like something isn't fully clicking. That's where Talkiatry comes in. Talk I Atry is a 100% online psychiatry practice that provides evaluations, diagnoses and ongoing medication management for mental health conditions like adhd, anxiety, depression and more. Unlike therapy only platforms, this is psychiatry, meaning you're working with a medical provider who can diagnose mental health conditions and prescribe medication when it's appropriate. You'll meet with a licensed psychiatrist who takes the time to understand what's going on, builds a personalized treatment plan and supports you over time with consistent evidence based care. They accept all major insurers so that you can use your existing insurance instead of paying out of network costs. I've used tochiatry. It's simple. Getting started just takes a few minutes. Complete a short assessment, get matched and schedule your first visit in days, not months. More than 300,000 patients have already found care through Talkiatry. Head to talkiatry.comihaveadhd to get matched in minutes. Hey, what's up?
- [02:21]
Kristen Carter
This is Kristen Carter and you are listening to a bite size episode of the I have ADHD podcast.
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I Have ADHD Podcast Host
I am Medicated, caffeinated, regulated and ready to roll.
- [02:31]
Kristen Carter
This little episode is one of my favorite clips from the podcast. It's perfect if you're not in the mood for a full hour long listen because let's be real, some of us ADHDers just don't have the patience for all of that. But if you are a die hard
- [02:46]
I Have ADHD Podcast Host
listener, think of this as your mid
- [02:48]
Kristen Carter
week pick me up. It's Thursday, y'. All, Friday is right around the corner. If you love this clip, check out the show notes for a link to the full episode. And remember my friend, drink your water,
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I Have ADHD Podcast Host
take your meds, grab a snack.
- [03:03]
Kristen Carter
Now let's get rolling. All right, we're gonna talk about the type of ADHD that looks like overwhelmed and under functioning. And this doesn't really get talked about a whole lot because a lot of times we're talking about the version of ADHD that is loud and hyperactive and chaotic and like I have so much energy, I can't sit still, still. I'm just like, I'm going, going, going, like hyperactive. And not all ADHD looks the same. This type of ADHD is more quiet, it's more heavy, it's paralyzing. We're talking about the version of ADHD that looks like overwhelm. And it's interesting because I think it's really important for all of us to know that ADHD doesn't show up the same way for everyone. It's gonna show up differently depending on your personality, your ner, the severity of adhd, the type of ADHD that you have, whether it's hyperactive, inattentive or combined presentation, it's going to depend on your childhood, your trauma history, your environment, the stage of life that you're in, all of that. Okay, so all of those factors kind of go into how ADHD is going to show up for you. Sometimes it shows up as like the over functioning, high output, high energy, hyperverbal, over committing, like go, go, go. But sometimes it shows up as sh, right? And if you're listening, you're like, oh, okay, yes, that's me. I don't feel hyper. I feel stuck. This episode is for you. Or maybe, maybe you love someone, you're married to someone that you're just like, why can't you get moving? Why are you just stuck? It's like you're in concrete, like, what's going on? So we're going to slow this down, we're going to name it in the context of adhd. Overwhelm is not just having a lot to do. Like, oh, I've just got so much to do. I'm so overwhelmed. Overwhelm, when we're talking about adhd, is a state of total cognitive, emotional, and sensory flooding. It's just like, you're totally flooded. Your brain gets so full that it can't prioritize anything. It's like, all the browser tabs are open at one time. Every notification is firing. Someone just hit play on five podcasts at one time. You're just, like, totally flooded. And instead of your brain being able to just sort through all of that, like, that would be just a dream, wouldn't it? Like, oh, I'll just sort through all of that. I'll make sense of it. I'll prioritize. Instead of that, your brain shuts down, okay? So you might notice, like, your thoughts stop making sense. You can't find clarity. Even the easy tasks feel impossible. Your. Your body gets heavy or slow or frozen.
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I Have ADHD Podcast Host
This.
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Kristen Carter
This can often look like, I need a nap. I need a nap, right? Like, I can't even function. I don't even know what to do. I can barely move. I'm gonna go take a nap, okay? Your system is flooded. And that when that happens, ADHD brains go into what we would call freeze. Now, freeze is a trauma response. And maybe it's a trauma response for you, or maybe it's just kind of how your ADHD is showing up. But freeze is one of the nervous systems. If we're talking in terms of a trauma response, it's one of the nervous system's survival responses alongside of Fight and Flight and Fawn, right? Fight says I can overpower this. I'm gonna fight against it. Flight says I can escape this. I'm just. I'm gonna get out of here. And Freeze says, neither Flight nor Fight are possible, so I'm just gonna shut down. I'm like a deer in headlights, right? Freeze looks like numbness, inaction, dissociation, avoidance, feeling stuck. Even though you want to move forward, for many of us, you know, I can't stop talking about it. For many of us who grew up overwhelmed, criticized, emotionally unsafe, unsupported, just in really difficult family situations, freeze can be adaptive in those times, right? It. It could keep you safe, it can help you survive. It can reduce conflict, it can minimize exposure, can make it so that you don't stick out to anybody, and so maybe your body learn. If I stop moving, if I stop kneading, if I stop reacting, if I stop messing up, I'm gonna be okay, all right? And if that is the case for you at the, at the time, like childhood and adolescence, that was smart, that was protective. Your body was doing what it needed to do. But the, the problem is with so many of our coping skills, what worked for us in our childhood and adolescence now is preventing us from thriving in our ad childhood. Let me repeat it. What worked for us in our childhood and adolescence. The. So in this case, like the, the becoming small, the becoming quiet and silent and frozen and, and inactive. What worked for us then is stopping us from thriving now. Okay. And as an ADHDer, our brains are extremely vulnerable to becoming overloaded because we are so aware of all, everything that we are inputting. So we're hyper aware of all of the input visual input, audio, like what we're hearing, what we're seeing, everything, what we're feeling. We can become overloaded and overstimulated. So, so, so quickly. Now, I grew up in a family where overwhelm was 100% tolerated. It was part of my family culture that we would get overwhelmed and it was actually validated in my family, which I do appreciate to a certain extent. We talked about it, we named it, but the thing is, we didn't have a pathway out of it. So I could say to a parent, I can't do it. I'm too overwhelmed. And it was met with kindness and compassion and I appreciate that. It was kind of used as a get out of jail free card in my family. Like we're overwhelmed. And you know, I come from a family. This episode is sponsored by AG1.
- [09:42]
I Have ADHD Podcast Host
One thing I've learned about summer is that routines have to be flexible or they don't survive. Between travel, packed weekends and late nights, I need habits that are simple enough to take with me anywhere. And that's why AG1 works so well for my ADHD life. AG1 is a daily health drink with a multivitamin free end. Probiotics, superfoods and antioxidants all in one scoop. The next gen formula delivers 75 ingredients and is clean, clinically shown to support gut health, fill in common nutrient gaps and improve key nutrient levels within three months. For me, it's less about being perfect, you know that. And more about having one persistent thing that supports me no matter what my schedule looks like. One scoop, 10 ounces of water. Done. I use it every single day and you should too. Visit drink ag1.comihaveadhd to get a free morning person hat, which ironic.
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Kristen Carter
I love it.
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I Have ADHD Podcast Host
And a free AG1 flavor sampler in your welcome kit with your first AG1 subscription. That's an $82 value. Go to drink ag1.comihaveadhd this podcast is sponsored by Talkspace.
- [10:48]
Talkspace User/Testimonial Speaker
Last year, I went through many different life changes. I needed to take a pause and examine how I was feeling in the inside to better show up for the ones who need me to be my best version of myself.
- [11:01]
Talkspace Advertiser/Voice
When you're navigating life's changes, Talkspace can help. Talkspace is the number one rated online therapy, bringing you professional support from licensed therapists and psychiatry providers that you access anytime, anywhere.
- [11:13]
Talkspace User/Testimonial Speaker
Living a busy life, navigating a long distance relationship, becoming a first stepfather, Talkspace made all of those journeys possible. I could speak with my therapist in the office. I could speak of my therapist in the comfort of my home. I was never alone.
- [11:27]
Talkspace Advertiser/Voice
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- [11:48]
Kristen Carter
You've already heard me talk about it. I'm trying to think of really nice ways to put it. I come from a family of ADHDers who are also highly traumatized and very dysregulated. And so overwhelm was absolutely a part of our family culture. And we used it to kind of explain why we couldn't engage, why things stayed unfinished, why we avoided real life demands. And I do appreciate that it was validated. I do. I'm genuinely grateful for that. But the thing is like, validation without tools can quietly turn into becoming paralyzed and stuck. And that's exactly what happened for me, right? Because I never learned how to move through overwhelm. I just lived inside of it. And so there were times when I was really, really inactive, really, really stuck. And I do kind of tend to go there once in a while. Like this last month has been really busy coming out of the holidays. The holidays were amazing. And then I moved right into a launch, book editing and several solo podcast recordings. And it was just like, oh my gosh, my brain was so flooded. And I really struggled with kind of walking through that muck. What I wanted to do was shut down. I really, really did. And so let's talk about how overwhelm can turn into under functioning. It's such a classic ADHD pattern because, like, let me illustrate it for you. You start a project, right? And it's like something you care about it. Maybe it's at home or maybe it's at work, or maybe it's like something you're volunteering for. You start a project, you care about the project, you want it to go well, and then it just gets complicated and you become flooded and all of a sudden there's all of these moving parts. There's so much that you need to do and your brain just kind of fills up and gets really, really noisy and your nervous system kind of taps out. You're just like, okay, we're done here. And now it's really hard to proceed, right? We just are like, I don't really know how to move forward, so I'm just going to stop. And then the project gets abandoned again, right? This is like another unfinished thing, another project that you've left undone. And then you're just like, oh my gosh, like, I keep doing this. I'm so unreliable. It's like another hit to your self trust. It's so. It's just so difficult. And this, this can be something simple like cleaning out the garage. Not, not that the garage is simple, but like, you know, it's not a life or death task, but it can also be a project that like, really matters at work. And you're like, my job kind of depends on me moving forward with this. I kind of felt that way in January with like all of the things that I was doing where it was just like, my job depends on my ability to move forward with this. Like, I. I'm trying to edit a book. Like, my. My job depends on whether or not I can move forward with this. I'm trying to record podcasts. My job depends on whether or not I can proceed. Like, we're. We were big launch for the rejection sensitivity course. Like, my job depends on whether or not I can complete tasks to get this done. And what my body was craving and what I was like being pulled to was this like, shutdown this avoidance, this, like, let's just cancel everything and go hide in a cave. So it can absolutely apply to your work. It can also just apply to like everyday life.
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I Have ADHD Podcast Host
The.
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Kristen Carter
The dishes pile up, the clutter gets really crazy and loud. The visual noise at home becomes so unbearable. And instead of just like, you know, little by little tackling the projects, that would be the ideal, right? Like, oh, I'm just gonna, like, I'm just gonna do. I'm just gonna tackle this a little bit at a time and I'm not gonna let it paralyze me. I'M not gonna let it shut me down. But instead of that, so often all of that clutter and visual noise and all of the like demands around the house, it does lead to us becoming totally flooded, totally overwhelmed, totally paralyzed. It can also apply to situations like parenting. I remember having three little boys. Like if you don't have boys, if you never raised boys, I want to let you know that it's kind of like trying to domesticate baby goats. Like, it's just like it's. They're wild little animals and you're having to keep them in your house and you're trying to get them to be like human. But it is really like trying to domesticate a baby goat. And if you're a boy, mom or dad, you know, and if you're not, that's fine too. Or maybe you had like a, like a sweet little feral baby girl and you can be like, yeah, I relate to that. But like the requests and the questions and the noise and the trying to keep people alive who seem very intent on self destructing. Like my 2 year old is standing on the table and like jumping off the dining room table. Like, why, why do I have to work so hard to just keep you from self destructing? It can be so overloading to our system, right? And so when we don't have a pathway of like regulating that and dealing with that, we can really shut down. Like we just begin to melt down or hide in the bathroom, which is what I used to do. Like I, I would just like hide in the bathroom and then they would like knock on the door and they would stick their little fingers under the bathroom. Mom, what are you doing? It's like, I just need a minute of peace, Right? Yes, I've done that. I have done that. And listen, don't judge me. Don't judge, judge me. So the overwhelm of our lives, and especially if this is something that you struggle with your adhd, it can really lead us to under functioning. And it's not because you don't care. It's because your nervous system can't handle the load of all that is coming in, all of the input. It's just so much. Okay, I've heard this called, when we do go into that shutdown, experts refer to it as functional freeze. I love that term because we're functioning on like a basic, basic, basic level. But we're really not able to move forward. And any moment that we get, we are like doom scrolling napping, like checking out of real life. I just want you to know that, like, this is a stress response. It's a nervous system response. It is your body trying to deal with all of that, overwhelm all of that input. Okay? And like, the problem isn't that that tendency is there. The problem is that we don't have a pathway out of it. Right? The problem isn't that you are in freeze. The problem is that no one taught you how to thaw out of that freeze. Like, Thanks for listening to this bite sized episode of the I have ADHD Podcast.
- [19:21]
I Have ADHD Podcast Host
If you enjoyed this clip, you'll find
- [19:23]
Kristen Carter
a link to the full episode in the show notes.
- [19:26]
I Have ADHD Podcast Host
And don't Forget to visit ihaveadhd.com for
- [19:30]
Kristen Carter
tons of adult ADHD support. All right, my friends, I had a great time with you today and I cannot wait to talk to you again next week. Bye Bye. Get that Amex gold cart ready.
- [19:49]
Talkspace Advertiser/Voice
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- [19:51]
American Express Advertiser/Voice
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- [20:02]
Kristen Carter
Yes.
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