423 Why Weekends Feel So Hard When You Have ADHD

Summary

Podcast Summary: I Have ADHD Podcast

Episode 423: Why Weekends Feel So Hard When You Have ADHD
Host: Kristen Carder
Release Date: July 23, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this episode, Kristen Carder explores why weekends can feel especially overwhelming and difficult for adults with ADHD. She shares practical, compassionate strategies for reclaiming rest, reconnecting with your own needs, and adding supportive structure without stifling your sense of freedom. This "bite size" episode centers around self-acceptance, questioning productivity guilt, and building restorative weekend routines that work for the neurodivergent brain.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Challenge of Unstructured Time for ADHDers

• Loss of Routines: Kristen notes how the absence of weekday structure can make weekends feel chaotic rather than relaxing, often leading to overwhelm or feeling unaccomplished.
• The Allure vs. Reality:

  "It's really, really hard to be intentional like that when you are so excited to not have structure. And it's really hard to give ourselves a plan when you've been planned out all week long." (04:25)

2. The Importance of Anchors and Non-Negotiables

• Starting the Day Right: Kristen emphasizes maintaining essential habits, like taking medication and morning routines, even on weekends.

  "All of this is non-negotiable for me. I implore you to make it non-negotiable for you as well." (03:17)

• One Fun or Restful Activity: She suggests intentionally planning one activity that feels either connecting (e.g., hiking, family game) or restorative.

3. Redefining Productivity and Rest

• Productivity Guilt: Many ADHDers tie their self-worth to their productivity, creating cycles of guilt around rest.

  "We feel this hum of guilt in the background, like, 'I should be doing something.' Rest often feels really difficult. There's so much guilt involved...we’re not practiced at it." (06:07)

• Permission to Rest: Kristen discusses the need to actively unlearn the idea that rest is "unproductive" or undeserved.

  "I don’t have to hustle for my worthiness. I don’t have to be productive in order to just exist as a human." (08:36)

4. Understanding True Rest vs. Collapsing

• Intentional Rest: She contrasts collapsing in exhaustion ("freezing") with truly restorative rest, which requires forethought and permission.

  "Instead of intentionally resting, we’re collapsing or freezing...that really does not produce actual restorative rest." (06:32)

5. The Power of a "Dopamine Menu"

• Discovery of Enjoyment: Many forget what they enjoy doing for relaxation. Kristen recommends compiling a list—a "dopamine menu"—of activities that are fun or restful.

  "Don’t forget that we forget. Don’t forget that we forget what we like. Don’t forget that we forget what’s actually restorative and helpful." (11:43)

• Active Rest: Especially for hyperactive ADHDers, rest may look active (gardening, hiking) rather than sedentary (napping, watching TV).

  "Resting for me often doesn’t look like taking a nap. It looks like being active." (09:32)

6. Structure as Support, Not Punishment

• Light Touch Planning: Kristen suggests implementing loose parameters for weekends, so you achieve what matters to you—emphasizing self-support over self-discipline.
• Lowering the Bar: Letting go of unrealistic “shoulds” and accepting that not everything needs to get done.

  "The ball and chain of the shoulds and coulds that you are carrying around regarding your weekends—you got to, like, untether yourself from that ball and chain. It is not doing you any good." (12:53)
  "The kitchen does not have to get painted. The bathroom mirror does not have to be hung. When you have time, when the winds of motivation blow through, you’ll do it." (14:49)

7. The "Sunday Reset" Routine

• Family Preparation: Kristen shares the "Sunday Reset"—a short family tradition (30–60 min) to prepare everyone for the coming week, reducing anxiety and chaos on Mondays.

  "I like to sell them: we don’t want Monday to punch us in the face. We want to be ready for it. So what do we need to do to be prepared?" (15:20)

• Self-Application: She realizes to do the same thing for herself—laundry, groceries, resetting the kitchen—to support her own transition into the week.

8. Compassionate Self-Talk and Mindset Shifts

• Challenging the Inner Critic: Kristen emphasizes questioning the internal monologue that undermines enjoyment ("You should be doing something else.") and replacing it with permission and gratitude for the present moment.

  "Questioning that narrative and shutting it the heck up is very, very important, because you are allowed to rest. Not only allowed to rest—you actually have to rest in order to be restored, in order to do a good job at your job." (08:04)

• ADHD is Not the Problem—Lack of Support Is: She continually reframes ADHD challenges as requiring better support structures, not more willpower.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Rest Guilt:

  "We’ve connected our productivity to our self-worth and we’ve bought the lie— as Brene Brown says, 'have to hustle for our worthiness.'" (06:35)

• On Rediscovering Fun:

  "A lot of people don’t even know what that [fun] looks like. And they’re kind of like, 'I don’t know what you mean...I don’t even know what I like to do for fun.'" (09:31)

• On Structure:

  "I’m not adding in structure as punishment. I’m adding in some structure to make sure that I have enough support to get the things done that I want to." (20:54)

• On Letting Go of Unrealistic Expectations:

  "Can I just archive it? Like, I go through my inbox and I click the top button…just archive all. That’s what I want you to do with your list of shoulds." (14:41)

• On Learning from Parenting:

  "I care about my kids and I love my kids so much, and I want them to be successful, I’ve implemented this for them. And then I was like, Kristen, why are you not doing this for you?" (16:01)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 03:07 – 04:25: Importance of maintaining morning anchors like medication, hydration, and planning one fun/restful activity
• 05:02 – 07:30: Struggles with elusive rest, productivity guilt, and linking self-worth to accomplishment
• 08:36 – 09:32: Challenging the “shoulds”—permission to rest, and the impact of inner narrative on family connection
• 09:32 – 10:02: What true, ADHD-friendly rest looks like (often active, not passive)
• 11:43 – 12:53: Creating a visible, personalized “dopamine menu” to make choosing activities easier
• 12:53 – 14:40: Lowering the bar—letting go of weekend “shoulds” and shifting expectations
• 15:20 – 18:50: The implementation and benefits of the “Sunday Reset” for the whole family (and for yourself)
• 19:58 – 20:56: The importance of structure-as-support, and resisting "crash and burn" weekends

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Final Takeaways

• Weekends are hard for ADHDers because the drop in structure can be both liberating and paralyzing.
• Rest and enjoyment require intention and deserve to be scheduled, guilt-free.
• Practical supports—like a dopamine menu, Sunday Reset, and compassionate self-talk—can transform weekends from overwhelming to restorative.
• Most important: You are allowed to rest, and your worth is not contingent on productivity.

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For more support, coaching, and full episodes, visit ihaveadhd.com.

Transcript

[Kristen Carter]

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[Kristen Carter]

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[Kristen Carter]

listening to a bite size episode of

[Podcast Host]

the I Have ADHD podcast. I am medicated, caffeinated, regulated and ready to roll.

[Kristen Carter]

This little episode is one of my

[Podcast Host]

favorite clips from the podcast.

[Kristen Carter]

It's perfect if you're not in the

[Podcast Host]

mood for a full hour long listen

[Kristen Carter]

because let's be real, some of us

[Podcast Host]

ADHDers just don't have the patience for all of that.

[Kristen Carter]

But if you are a die hard

[Podcast Host]

listener, think of this as your mid week pick me up.

[Kristen Carter]

It's Thursday y'.

[Podcast Host]

All. Friday is right around the corner. If you love this clip, check out the show notes for a link to the full episode.

[Kristen Carter]

And remember my friend, drink your water, take your meds, grab a snack.

[Podcast Host]

Now let's get rolling.

[Kristen Carter]

So for me now, I used to just like forget to take my medication, not prioritize medication on a weekend. Obviously you can hear in my voice that that is not the case anymore. So for me now I wake up, I still do my ag1 shake in the morning, I drink water, I take my medication. All of this is non negotiable for me. I implore you to make it non negotiable for you as well. Another thing that I really like to do is think through what is one restful or fun activity that I could do. So that might be planning a hike with my sister, or planning to have friends over for pizza or going to a football game with my family. Something that feels like it is connecting and fun. All right, just one thing. So I try to think through what's one thing this weekend that I could

[Podcast Host]

do that would be fun and then

[Kristen Carter]

think through my weekend as far as like, can I block off a little time to dig into the things, like into the pile. I have this huge pile on my kitchen counter. I went through it the other day. It was not fun, but I did it. So like that was one thing that was like, okay, I'm gonna like the thing that I'm gonna accomplish this weekend. The one thing was going through the pile. But here's why all of this is so hard. It's really, really hard to be intentional like that when you are so excited to not have structure. And it's really hard to give ourselves a plan when you've been planned out all week long and you' I don't want to be structured. I don't want to have a plan. And so if you can think through and like maybe question that narrative a little bit, I'm going to make a light plan. It's not going to be the same as work, but it's going to give you some parameters so that you do what you want to do. This is all about helping you to do what you want to do. So it's not like being bossed around at your job, doing things that you don't feel like are meaningful. This is like, let me give myself the support of a little bit of structure that's going to help me get done what I feel like is important to me. And a big piece of this, you know, when I, when I read that blurb that was posted in Focused Slack that was like, sometimes I do get a lot of things done, but then I'm exhausted at the end of the weekend. I think that a lot of us don't understand how much rest we actually need. And oftentimes when we rest, we feel really guilty because we've connected our productivity to our self worth and we've bought the lie, we believed the lie that we, as Brene Brown says, have to hustle for our worthiness. And so even while we are, let's say we have a week off from our job and we're at home, or let's say we have a weekend where we're at home, even though we do have this time where we technically can be resting, we feel this hum of guilt in the background, like, I should be doing something. I should be doing something. Rest often feels really difficult. There's so much guilt involved. There's so many shoulds involved. We don't really, like, we're not practiced at it. We don't really even know what is restful for us. We are so busy during the week and so exhausted that on the weekend we kind of, instead of like intentionally resting, we're collapsing or freezing and going into this like hypoarousal functional freeze state that really does not produce actual restorative rest. And we often don't acknowledge that it does take forethought to rest. We do actually kind of have to plan that out. And again, I am so sorry to suggest that we should like be planning our weekends, but setting aside intentional time to just rest without guilt, that is what is so restorative. And the only way we can do that is if we start to question the narrative that we have to be productive or else we're not. Okay, right? Like how many of you have like sat down to read a book or laid down to take a nap or sat down to watch a movie and

[Podcast Host]

all you can hear in your brain

[Kristen Carter]

is like, you should be doing something else. You should be getting things done. You should be productive. We really need to question that narrative. It's not true. I'm allowed to rest. I don't have to hustle for my worthiness. I don't have to be productive in order to just exist as a human. I can Just the other day I watched the new Superman movie with my son. It was the best. He's so little. Still like he's 12, but he's still like a little kid. We just sat on the couch together and watched a Superman movie. And I was so grateful not to have that chatter in my head anymore because it used to be so loud. You should be doing something else. And do you know what it stole from me? It stole a lot of fun time with my kids from me. Because when I was like enjoying time with my kids, watching a movie with them, playing with them at the park, I constantly had an inner narrative of shoulds. You should be doing something else. You should be more productive. This is not enough. This is not enough. This is not enough. And questioning that narrative and shutting it the heck up is very, very important because you are allowed to rest. Not only allowed to rest, you actually have to rest in order to be restored, in order to do a good job at your job. One of the things that I highly suggest that you do is make like a dopamine menu for yourself for the weekends. Because when I say rest or restoration or play or fun or a hobby, a lot of people don't even know what that looks like. And they're kind of like, I don't

[Podcast Host]

know what you mean.

[Kristen Carter]

Like I don't even know what I like to do for fun. I don't even know. It feels restful. And for many of us hyperactive adhders, I will put my hand in the air right now. Resting for me often doesn't look like taking a nap. It looks like being active. So I do a lot of active resting. So like gardening, hiking, taking a walk with my husband. Like I'm moving in ways that feel restful and restorative to me.

[Podcast Host]

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[Kristen Carter]

Encourage you to make like a dopamine menu for yourself. What what would feel fun and enjoyable? Make a list of restful restorative activities that that you think would be like enjoyable for you. Yesterday I was coaching a client in focused and I was coaching her on like making a list of things that would be fun for her to do that would be a break from her work because she was overworking and things that she said were like walk the dog, go out into the garden, draw, read, take a bath. Like those types of things that you can just list for yourself. Here are the things that I actually like to do. Don't forget that we forget. Don't forget that we forget what we like. Don't forget that we forget what's actually restorative and helpful. Have a visible list for yourself on the weekend and just pick one thing off the menu. Think of it like an hors d' oeuvre platter. Just pop one thing off of there. Oh, this would be fun. Today. The weather's beautiful. I can go for a bike ride.

[Podcast Host]

Great.

[Kristen Carter]

It doesn't have to be a six hour long excursion. Go for a short 30 minute bike ride. That is an amazing way to be restful and restorative and move your body at the same time. It's incredible. Okay, Another thing that I really want to suggest that you do is talk to your partner and your family about this. Hey, I'm. I'm like, thinking through how to restructure weekends or time off for myself. What's one thing that you think we should get done this month? You know, like, is there one project that you want to try to do together this month and talk to friends? Hey, like, for me, I try to set up once a month, like, outings with my friends, because if I don't put it on the calendar, it literally does not happen. It just does not happen. And lastly, we really do need to lower the bar. Like, the ball and chain of the shoulds and coulds that you are carrying around regarding your weekends. You got to, like, untether yourself from that ball and chain. It is not doing you any good. It is a fantasy and not a good one. Okay? The reality is a weekend is only 24 hours. That's not true. That's not reality. I said the wrong number. Reality is weekends are 48 hours. It's not much time. You got Saturday, you got Sunday. And if you're a parent, a lot of that is centered around driving your kids around sports games and their activities and, like, keeping them alive. So that cuts down on your time as well. So I just really, really, really want

[Podcast Host]

you to think through.

[Kristen Carter]

How can I untether myself from this ball and chain of shoulds that I'm carrying around? Can I just archive it? Can I just, like. Like, I go through my inbox and I click the top button that, like, selects all of my email. I just archive all. Like, if I need you, I'll find you, but I don't want to see you anymore. That's what I want you to do. With your list of shoulds. The kitchen does not have to get painted. The bathroom mirror does not have to be hung. Like, when you have time, when the winds of motivation blow through, you'll do it. But you don't have to drag that around with you every single weekend. One thing that I've implemented, one small thing that I've implemented recently in the last couple years that has been very helpful for my family. So right now I'm parenting a 17, 15, and 12 year old. And in the last couple years, I've realized that we like. It is actually my job to help them get prepared for their week, which is hard because I struggle with getting prepared for my own week. And now you want to give me Three children that I also have to help get prepared for their week. So we've started implement implementing something called the Sunday reset. I. I just named it randomly. And what we do every Sunday afternoon or evening is I. I say, don't forget today is Sunday reset day. And this is about 30 to 60 minutes that all four of us. And if my husband wants to, he can. But this is mostly me and the boys. All four of us are kind of wrapping up the weekend activities and making sure we're ready for the next day for Monday. So I. I like to sell them. Like, we don't want Monday to punch us in the face. We want to be ready for it. So what do we need to do to be prepared? So I make them go into their school stuff, make sure that they have everything, like, ready for school. If they have any homework that they forgot that they had or any tests that are coming up that they forgot about, they are able to see it in advance, like, early enough that something can get done. We go through their backpack. I mean, now they're older, so I'm like, go through your backpack, go through your folder, throw out anything that doesn't belong. We make sure laundry's done. I make them clean their rooms. This is like, I help them, but it sets them up to start their Monday. And because I care about my kids and I love my kids so much, and I want them to be successful, I've implemented this for them. And then I was like, kristen, why are you not doing this for you? Don't you like you. Don't you like you. Don't you want to implement this for you as well? So now I do it for myself, too. It's terrible. So now for me, it's. I'm ordering groceries. I'm making sure I have clothes to wear. Like, laundry is done. I'm kind of resetting the kitchen and, like, getting ready for the week. It's not fun, but it is really supportive. And so often it's so annoying that the least fun things are actually the most supportive things. Why. Why is that the case? The least fun things are. Are usually the most supportive things, like making sure that you're ready for the week. Not super fun, but it's really, really supportive. And sometimes we do things for ourselves that aren't fun because we know they're supportive. Okay. So for me, I like to make sure that I'm ready for the week and make sure my kids are ready for their week, too. And it's not a punishment. It's not like, I try to keep it fun. Every once in a while, like, put on fun music. Like, if I'm feeling really in a good mood or if a particular child is in a really sour mood, then I try to, like, lighten it up with some fun music. I help them with their rooms. Usually, like, the laundry has been getting done over the weekend and we're like folding it and putting it away and just like making sure. And again, this is not a long process. This is like 30 minutes at the most. And usually it is like in the afternoon or evening. And we're just getting ready. We're just getting ready. Looking at the week ahead. Basic home reset, ordering groceries, getting laundry put away, and just like setting up our psyche for the next day. Because the Sunday scaries are a thing. They're a thing for my kids, especially my youngest kid. I'm like, it's Monday tomorrow. I don't want it to be Monday. But it's also a thing for me. I'm like, oh, my gosh, I have to work. I have to go to work. Ah, it's so hard. Even when you love your job, it's really hard. So if weekends feel hard for you, join the club. Get over here. You're in the right spot. Okay? Your brain struggles. I will talk about my brain and maybe you relate to it. My brain really resists having so much

[Podcast Host]

structure during the week.

[Kristen Carter]

I have to go to work. I have to get my job done. I have to take my kids to their activities. It's like, go, go, go, go, go. By the time the weekend comes, my brain rebels against structure.

[Podcast Host]

But without structure, I struggle, I crash and burn.

[Kristen Carter]

I end up completely overwhelmed and unrested. And that's no way to live. So adding in some supportive structure, that's like, hey, this is for you because it's helping you to do what you want to do. That is what we're looking for. So I'm not adding in structure as punishment. I'm not adding in structure as, like, you have to get all this stuff done and you're. You're worthless if you're not productive. No, no, no, no. I'm adding in some structure to make sure that I have enough support to get the things done that I want to

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foreign.

[Podcast Host]

Thanks for listening to this bite sized episode of the I have ADHD podcast. If you enjoyed this clip, you'll find a link to the full episode in the show notes. And don't Forget to visit ihaveadhd.com for

[Kristen Carter]

tons of adult ADHD support.

[Podcast Host]

All right, my friends, I had a great time with you today and I cannot wait to talk to you again next time week. Bye Bye.

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