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[00:00]
A
This episode is sponsored by Quince. If you have adhd, you might understand this. Getting dressed can feel way more overwhelming than it should be. Too many choices, too many textures, too many things that technically look cute but don't actually feel comfortable enough to wear all day. So lately I've been trying to simplify my closet instead of constantly adding to it. And that's why I've been loving quints. Their pieces are the kind that you reach for without thinking. Breathable linen, soft organic cotton, easy denim clothes that feel good immediately and somehow look elevated. I have a linen set from Quince that basically basically has become my summer uniform because it removes so much decision fatigue. I put it on, feel comfortable and I don't have to think about it again. And the prices honestly surprise me. Quint works directly with ethical factories, so everything is priced way lower than similar luxury brands without sacrificing quality. I use it and you should too. Elevate your summer wardrobe. Go to quince.com ihaveadhd for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns now available in Canada too. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E.com ihaveadhd from taco night in
[01:07]
B
Tulum to sushi in Tokyo, every bite is rewarding and postworthy with MX Gold's 4X Membership Rewards points at restaurants worldwide. Wherever you dine, points are piling up. So bring your friends along for your next course. Because it's not all about the post, it's about the company and the memories. How can Gold from Amex sweeten your next food moment? Learn more@americanexpress.com Explore Gold terms and Points Cap Apply.
[01:42]
A
Thanks for listening to this bite size episode of the I have ADHD podcast. If you enjoyed this clip, you'll find a link to the full episode in the show notes. And don't forget to Visit I have ADHD.com for tons of adult ADHD support. All right my friends, I had a great time with you today and I cannot wait to talk to you again next week. Bye bye. So rejection sensitivity, let's define it is a deeply distressing emotional response to real or perceived rejection. The emotional response is the same. The emotional response is deeply distressing. Meaning you are spiraling, you are freaking out, you are panicking, your body is literally feeling extremely unsafe. Maybe this is even like trauma response territory. Your heart is beating, your stomach is all tight in knots, you are completely distracted by whatever interaction maybe happened that you are perceiving that perhaps you may have been Rejected. So the emotional response is the same whether or not the rejection is real or perceived. That's important for us to note because the emotional response is what matters. Okay, it's painful. It's distracting. It gets you off your game. It makes you so that you're not productive. It makes it so that you're not able to connect in this relationship. But it doesn't really matter if the rejection was an actual rejection. Like somebody said they didn't like you, or you weren't invited to something that everybody else was invited to or you were fired or someone broke up with you, that those are real rejections, and those do happen. But for somebody who struggles with rejection sensitivity, which is essentially the entire population of adults with adhd, we can also have that same emotional response when the rejection is perceived, when we suspect that maybe somebody is mad at us, when we suspect that, like, our boss puts a meeting on the calendar and we're like, oh my gosh, am I getting fired? Or someone takes a little bit longer to text us back, and we're like, they're mad at me. What did I do? And you start. You start freaking out and. And running the entire relationship through your mind. What did I say last time we met? What. What have I done wrong? Da da da da. So it doesn't matter if the rejection is real or perceived. The emotional experience is the same. Now, this is the normal, natural outworking of what happens when your nervous system, when you. You as a person have experienced criticism, unpredictability, or relational instability over and over and over and over and over and over and over. Experiences of criticism, unpredictability, or relational instability, not to mention actual, real rejections. There's a lot of research to show that people with ADHD as children are rejected far more often than their peers. And there's also a lot of research, and I will link this in the show notes. I have this whole article, and I wanted to get into it today, but it's just. It's so robust and comprehensive that I just. I felt like it would get us off track. But it's an entire study that shows that children who experience rejection and corrections, like obsessive corrections from their parents, develop rejection sensitivity. Now, this is not about the art. The research itself is not specifically about people with adhd. It's just about people. So. So anyone who experiences repeated criticism, corrections, rejection from their parents as a child is going to develop rejection sensitivity as an adult. Now, what do we know about kids with adhd? They're difficult to parent. They usually have parents who are ADHD but are undiagnosed. There's a lot of chaos in the families. Usually there is a flavor of dysfunction once in a while, or I would actually venture to say almost always in the families. And kiddos with ADHD receive much more corrective feedback than their neurotypical peers. Obviously, neurodivergent kids are harder to parent than typical kids, and we can have compassion for our caregivers in that, right? Like I have compassion and I can understand why it happened, but it doesn't take away the fact that it did happen, right? So two things can be true. I can understand why it happened. I can understand why I received a lot of critical feedback. I can understand what my parents were going through and their lack of resources, their own mental health struggles. I can have compassion for all of that. And I can tell the truth this episode is sponsored by AG1. Summer is my favorite season. You all know that. But it's also the season where routines tend to disappear. Different beds, different schedules, travel late nights. It's easy for healthy habits to get pushed aside. And that's why I keep AG1 with me wherever I go. AG1 is a daily health drink with a multivitamin, pre and probiotic, superfoods and antioxidants. 1 Scoop 8 to 12 ounces of water and I'm done. The next gen formula delivers 75 ingredients and is clinically shown to support gut health, fill common nutrient gaps, and improve key nutrient levels within three months. What I love is that no matter where I wake up this summer home, hotel, vacation rental, I can keep one thing consistent. AG1 helps support my energy, gut health and immune health. Even when the rest of my routine looks completely different, I use it every single day. Like honestly, I do. And you should too. Visit ag1.comihaveadhd to get a free AG1 travel case with seven free AG1 travel packs in your welcome kit with your first AG1 subscription order while supplies last, that's drinkag1.comihaveadhd from taco night in Tulum
[07:53]
B
to sushi in Tokyo, every bite is rewarding and Postworthy with MX Gold's 4X Membership Rewards points at restaurants worldwide. Wherever you dine. Points are piling up. So bring your friends along for your next course. Because it's not all about the posts, it's about the company and the memories. How can Gold from Amex sweeten your next food moment? Learn more@americanexpress.com Explore Gold terms and Points
[08:20]
A
Cap apply and the truth is I received a Whole lot more criticism and rejection than my neurotypical peers. Okay. When this happens to someone with adhd, and if you're feeling a big feeling right now, like, I just want to take a second and, like, maybe we need to take a breath together because I just jumped right in. I've got so much content today. I didn't want to waste any time, and I know I just jumped right in. We're 18 minutes in and, like, we're hitting it hard. So if you need just a breath and, like, maybe some regulation, if you want to co regulate here with me and hear me say, like, hey, you're safe with me in this moment, there is not a tiger chasing you. It might feel like there is. And even though some of these things are painful to discuss, this is the pathway to healing. Like, we're talking about the before and after. We're talking about going from walking on eggshells to walking in self trust. This is the pathway. Grief is one of the bridges from moving from walking on eggshells to walking in self trust. Grief about the truth of what it was like for you growing up. There's grief there, and I get it, and I'm here with you to co regulate and say, like, hey, you're good. You're safe. You can have this conversation with me and you don't need to. Or if you want to take a break, you absolutely can. But just know that, like, there is hope on the other side of this. There is goodness on the other side of this. There is peace and emotional regulation on the other side of this. Okay, so what happens when a child and we're talking about ADHD kiddos? So what happens when kiddos with ADHD are receiving, like, so much more corrective feedback, which is a really nice way to say criticism? Corrective feedback is a great, neutral, very clinical, flat way to say criticism. All right? Like, when you receive so much more criticism and so much more rejection as a kid, your brain becomes vigilant, hyper vigilant, right? So now we know that the way that we show up in the world is just, like, not accepted. And we know that the way that we show up in the world is going to get us in trouble. It's gonna get us sitting in the hallway. It's gonna get us getting a phone call home from our school. It's gonna get us in trouble at home. It's going to get us in timeout or worse, it's going to get us losing privileges. It's gonna get us all of this punishment. Now we are scanning for all of that, all of the time. And so now I'm hypervigilant and I'm scared in my. So if you resonate with the idea like, okay, yes, I can have compassion for my caregivers, I can give credit where credit is due. Some of you had parents that were really honestly doing their best. They were learning, they were growing, they were evolving as people. They were taking care of their own mental health. But of course, they just, they're not perfect people. Obviously none of us were raised by perfect people and none of us are perfect people raising our own little humans, right? But if you experience, if you resonate with the experience of like walking on eggshells as a kid, if you were constantly scanning your parents mood, or you never really knew which version of your parents that you were gonna get if you didn't feel emotionally safe or accepted in your own home or in your school, in your community, you're very likely struggling with rejection sensitivity today. Not because you're too sensitive or you're dramatic or you're making a mountain out of a molehill, as was said to me over and over and over, but because your nervous system did exactly what it needed to do to survive, which was become hypervigilant and constantly on the lookout for threat. So now what happens? So like, that's kind of like the foundation of it right now. What happens is that we often misread ambiguous signals as rejection.
[12:44]
B
Often.
[12:45]
A
Now we're walking on eggshells in relationships that don't really warrant it. We are perceiving rejection where rejection isn't actually there. Not because we're dramatic, but because we're trying to figure out, am I safe? What do I need to do to be safe? Is the way that I'm showing up okay, am I going to be accepted or am I going to be on the outside rejected again? And ADHD obviously adds gasoline to this fire. Because as an adult with adhd, you are symptomatic, you are a little impulsive, you interrupt people, you are acting sometimes in ways that are not culturally or socially accepted, right? And maybe at work you have more mistakes than your co workers, or you have this heightened emotional intensity that might be perceived as like, whoa, like chill, right? And so all of this leads us to having like a much faster threat detection. And so many of us, without realizing it, are walking on eggshell patterns. We've brought that old pattern of walking on eggshells into our job, into our friendships, into our relationship with our kids, into our relationship with our partners. So I just want to pause. Like, do you resonate with that? Does that feel true for you? Does that feel like your experience? Like, oh my gosh, yes. Like, I am doing this work of figuring out my adhd. If you're listening to this podcast, that's my assumption about you, that wherever you are on your journey, you're doing this work of figuring out your ADHD and you're, you're making some improvements. Maybe you've gone for a diagnosis, maybe you're trying to figure out treatment. Maybe you're farther down the road and you're like, I'm medicated. I've gotten some coaching, I've gone to therapy a little bit. I'm still walking on eggshells. I still don't feel grounded and I don't feel comfortable in my own skin. I feel like every interaction that I have, I'm having to like rethink it in my brain and relive it and work out, like, did I say the right thing? Was I being stupid? What are they going to think of me? Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. Thanks for listening to this bite sized episode of the I have ADHD Podcast. If you enjoyed this clip, you'll find a link to the full episode in the show notes. And don't Forget to visit ihaveadhd.com for tons of adult ADHD support. All right, my friends, I had a great time with you today and I cannot wait to talk to you again next week. Bye Bye.
[15:39]
B
From taco night in Tulum to sushi in Tokyo, every bite is rewarding and postworthy with MX Gold's 4X Membership Rewards points at restaurants worldwide. Wherever you dine, points are piling up. So bring your friends along for your next course. Because it's not all about the posts, it's about the company and the memories. How can Gold from Amex sweeten your next food moment? Learn more@americanexpress.com Explore Gold terms and Points Cap apply.

Summary4 min read

Podcast Summary: I Have ADHD Podcast

Episode: 425 BITESIZE | Real or Perceived, Rejection Hurts the Same (Here's Why)
Host: Kristen Carder
Date: July 30, 2026

Episode Overview

In this bite-sized episode, Kristen Carder dives deep into rejection sensitivity—the phenomenon where real or perceived rejection triggers a deeply distressing response, a common experience for adults with ADHD. Kristen explains why the pain of rejection is equally intense, no matter if the rejection is objectively real or merely suspected, and unpacks the roots of this heightened sensitivity in childhood experiences, especially for those with ADHD. She guides listeners through understanding, self-compassion, and the first steps toward healing old patterns.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Defining Rejection Sensitivity

Rejection Sensitivity is a strong emotional reaction that occurs whether the rejection is real (explicit exclusion, criticism) or perceived (fear someone is upset, delayed texts, ambiguous feedback).
The emotional and physiological responses are identical: spiraling thoughts, panic, distraction, and a sense of being unsafe.
“The emotional response is the same whether or not the rejection is real or perceived. That's important for us to note because the emotional response is what matters.” (03:05)

Examples of Triggers

Real rejection: Being left out, fired, broken up with.
Perceived rejection: Fear your boss is upset, rereading a delayed text, over-analyzing social interactions.

2. Origins in Childhood: ADHD & Feedback

Research shows children with ADHD are rejected and corrected far more than peers.
Repeated criticism and unpredictable parenting create vulnerability to rejection sensitivity, regardless of whether parents had ADHD themselves.
“Anyone who experiences repeated criticism, corrections, rejection from their parents as a child is going to develop rejection sensitivity as an adult.” (05:21)

Family Dynamics

ADHD often runs in families, leading to more chaos or dysfunction and, consequently, more corrective feedback.
It's possible to empathize with caregivers while still acknowledging the impacts:
“I can have compassion for all of that. And I can tell the truth... I received a whole lot more criticism and rejection than my neurotypical peers.” (08:25)

3. The Nervous System and Hypervigilance

Chronic criticism primes the nervous system for hypervigilance—constant scanning for threat or disapproval.
Children and later adults learn: “The way I show up gets me in trouble.” This leads to defensive behaviors and walking on eggshells.
“Your brain becomes vigilant, hypervigilant, right? So now we know that the way that we show up in the world is just, like, not accepted.” (09:25)

4. Carrying Patterns Into Adulthood

The “walking on eggshells” pattern persists: scanning conversations, doubting oneself, seeking constant reassurance.
This isn’t about being “too sensitive” or dramatic—it’s a survival mechanism:
“Not because you're too sensitive or you're dramatic..., but because your nervous system did exactly what it needed to do to survive, which was become hypervigilant and constantly on the lookout for threat.” (11:46)
ADHD symptoms (impulsivity, emotional intensity) can worsen this dynamic in adulthood.

5. Pathway to Healing: Recognizing & Grieving

Acknowledging the grief of past rejection is part of the healing process.
Kristen offers listeners co-regulation and reassurance amid difficult emotions:
“Grief is one of the bridges from moving from walking on eggshells to walking in self-trust…there is hope on the other side of this.” (10:30)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

| Timestamp | Quote & Context | |-----------|----------------| | 03:05 | "The emotional response is the same whether or not the rejection is real or perceived. That's important for us to note because the emotional response is what matters." —Kristen Carder | | 05:21 | "Anyone who experiences repeated criticism, corrections, rejection from their parents as a child is going to develop rejection sensitivity as an adult." —Kristen Carder | | 08:25 | "I can have compassion for all of that. And I can tell the truth... I received a whole lot more criticism and rejection than my neurotypical peers." —Kristen Carder | | 09:25 | "Your brain becomes vigilant, hypervigilant, right? So now we know that the way that we show up in the world is just, like, not accepted." —Kristen Carder | | 10:30 | "Grief is one of the bridges from moving from walking on eggshells to walking in self-trust…there is hope on the other side of this." —Kristen Carder | | 11:46 | "Not because you're too sensitive or you're dramatic..., but because your nervous system did exactly what it needed to do to survive, which was become hypervigilant and constantly on the lookout for threat." —Kristen Carder |

Timestamps for Key Segments

[01:41] – Defining rejection sensitivity and its emotional impact
[05:21] – Research on childhood rejection and the ADHD connection
[09:25] – Hypervigilance: The nervous system’s survival response
[10:30] – Grieving past rejection as a bridge to self-trust
[11:45] – Why “walking on eggshells” is a learned, not inherent, behavior
[12:45] – Adult scenarios: Overanalyzing, seeking safety, the ADHD effect

Tone & Style

Kristen’s style is warm, compassionate, and validating. She normalizes the listener’s struggles and balances hard truths with reassurance.
She offers a sense of co-regulation, encouraging listeners to pause and breathe as they process painful topics.

Summary Takeaways

The pain of rejection—real or imagined—hits just as hard for those with ADHD.
This is rooted in childhood experiences of repeated criticism, corrections, and unpredictability, especially common among neurodivergent families.
The resulting hypervigilance is a survival strategy, not a sign of weakness.
Healing requires honesty about the past, self-compassion, and sometimes, grieving what you went through.
Kristen reassures listeners that there is hope, safety, and the potential for self-trust and emotional regulation ahead.

For more ADHD support and access to the full episode, visit ihaveadhd.com.

Loading summary

Transcript8 lines

[00:00]
A
This episode is sponsored by Quince. If you have adhd, you might understand this. Getting dressed can feel way more overwhelming than it should be. Too many choices, too many textures, too many things that technically look cute but don't actually feel comfortable enough to wear all day. So lately I've been trying to simplify my closet instead of constantly adding to it. And that's why I've been loving quints. Their pieces are the kind that you reach for without thinking. Breathable linen, soft organic cotton, easy denim clothes that feel good immediately and somehow look elevated. I have a linen set from Quince that basically basically has become my summer uniform because it removes so much decision fatigue. I put it on, feel comfortable and I don't have to think about it again. And the prices honestly surprise me. Quint works directly with ethical factories, so everything is priced way lower than similar luxury brands without sacrificing quality. I use it and you should too. Elevate your summer wardrobe. Go to quince.com ihaveadhd for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns now available in Canada too. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E.com ihaveadhd from taco night in
[01:07]
B
Tulum to sushi in Tokyo, every bite is rewarding and postworthy with MX Gold's 4X Membership Rewards points at restaurants worldwide. Wherever you dine, points are piling up. So bring your friends along for your next course. Because it's not all about the post, it's about the company and the memories. How can Gold from Amex sweeten your next food moment? Learn more@americanexpress.com Explore Gold terms and Points Cap Apply.
[01:42]
A
Thanks for listening to this bite size episode of the I have ADHD podcast. If you enjoyed this clip, you'll find a link to the full episode in the show notes. And don't forget to Visit I have ADHD.com for tons of adult ADHD support. All right my friends, I had a great time with you today and I cannot wait to talk to you again next week. Bye bye. So rejection sensitivity, let's define it is a deeply distressing emotional response to real or perceived rejection. The emotional response is the same. The emotional response is deeply distressing. Meaning you are spiraling, you are freaking out, you are panicking, your body is literally feeling extremely unsafe. Maybe this is even like trauma response territory. Your heart is beating, your stomach is all tight in knots, you are completely distracted by whatever interaction maybe happened that you are perceiving that perhaps you may have been Rejected. So the emotional response is the same whether or not the rejection is real or perceived. That's important for us to note because the emotional response is what matters. Okay, it's painful. It's distracting. It gets you off your game. It makes you so that you're not productive. It makes it so that you're not able to connect in this relationship. But it doesn't really matter if the rejection was an actual rejection. Like somebody said they didn't like you, or you weren't invited to something that everybody else was invited to or you were fired or someone broke up with you, that those are real rejections, and those do happen. But for somebody who struggles with rejection sensitivity, which is essentially the entire population of adults with adhd, we can also have that same emotional response when the rejection is perceived, when we suspect that maybe somebody is mad at us, when we suspect that, like, our boss puts a meeting on the calendar and we're like, oh my gosh, am I getting fired? Or someone takes a little bit longer to text us back, and we're like, they're mad at me. What did I do? And you start. You start freaking out and. And running the entire relationship through your mind. What did I say last time we met? What. What have I done wrong? Da da da da. So it doesn't matter if the rejection is real or perceived. The emotional experience is the same. Now, this is the normal, natural outworking of what happens when your nervous system, when you. You as a person have experienced criticism, unpredictability, or relational instability over and over and over and over and over and over and over. Experiences of criticism, unpredictability, or relational instability, not to mention actual, real rejections. There's a lot of research to show that people with ADHD as children are rejected far more often than their peers. And there's also a lot of research, and I will link this in the show notes. I have this whole article, and I wanted to get into it today, but it's just. It's so robust and comprehensive that I just. I felt like it would get us off track. But it's an entire study that shows that children who experience rejection and corrections, like obsessive corrections from their parents, develop rejection sensitivity. Now, this is not about the art. The research itself is not specifically about people with adhd. It's just about people. So. So anyone who experiences repeated criticism, corrections, rejection from their parents as a child is going to develop rejection sensitivity as an adult. Now, what do we know about kids with adhd? They're difficult to parent. They usually have parents who are ADHD but are undiagnosed. There's a lot of chaos in the families. Usually there is a flavor of dysfunction once in a while, or I would actually venture to say almost always in the families. And kiddos with ADHD receive much more corrective feedback than their neurotypical peers. Obviously, neurodivergent kids are harder to parent than typical kids, and we can have compassion for our caregivers in that, right? Like I have compassion and I can understand why it happened, but it doesn't take away the fact that it did happen, right? So two things can be true. I can understand why it happened. I can understand why I received a lot of critical feedback. I can understand what my parents were going through and their lack of resources, their own mental health struggles. I can have compassion for all of that. And I can tell the truth this episode is sponsored by AG1. Summer is my favorite season. You all know that. But it's also the season where routines tend to disappear. Different beds, different schedules, travel late nights. It's easy for healthy habits to get pushed aside. And that's why I keep AG1 with me wherever I go. AG1 is a daily health drink with a multivitamin, pre and probiotic, superfoods and antioxidants. 1 Scoop 8 to 12 ounces of water and I'm done. The next gen formula delivers 75 ingredients and is clinically shown to support gut health, fill common nutrient gaps, and improve key nutrient levels within three months. What I love is that no matter where I wake up this summer home, hotel, vacation rental, I can keep one thing consistent. AG1 helps support my energy, gut health and immune health. Even when the rest of my routine looks completely different, I use it every single day. Like honestly, I do. And you should too. Visit ag1.comihaveadhd to get a free AG1 travel case with seven free AG1 travel packs in your welcome kit with your first AG1 subscription order while supplies last, that's drinkag1.comihaveadhd from taco night in Tulum
[07:53]
B
to sushi in Tokyo, every bite is rewarding and Postworthy with MX Gold's 4X Membership Rewards points at restaurants worldwide. Wherever you dine. Points are piling up. So bring your friends along for your next course. Because it's not all about the posts, it's about the company and the memories. How can Gold from Amex sweeten your next food moment? Learn more@americanexpress.com Explore Gold terms and Points
[08:20]
A
Cap apply and the truth is I received a Whole lot more criticism and rejection than my neurotypical peers. Okay. When this happens to someone with adhd, and if you're feeling a big feeling right now, like, I just want to take a second and, like, maybe we need to take a breath together because I just jumped right in. I've got so much content today. I didn't want to waste any time, and I know I just jumped right in. We're 18 minutes in and, like, we're hitting it hard. So if you need just a breath and, like, maybe some regulation, if you want to co regulate here with me and hear me say, like, hey, you're safe with me in this moment, there is not a tiger chasing you. It might feel like there is. And even though some of these things are painful to discuss, this is the pathway to healing. Like, we're talking about the before and after. We're talking about going from walking on eggshells to walking in self trust. This is the pathway. Grief is one of the bridges from moving from walking on eggshells to walking in self trust. Grief about the truth of what it was like for you growing up. There's grief there, and I get it, and I'm here with you to co regulate and say, like, hey, you're good. You're safe. You can have this conversation with me and you don't need to. Or if you want to take a break, you absolutely can. But just know that, like, there is hope on the other side of this. There is goodness on the other side of this. There is peace and emotional regulation on the other side of this. Okay, so what happens when a child and we're talking about ADHD kiddos? So what happens when kiddos with ADHD are receiving, like, so much more corrective feedback, which is a really nice way to say criticism? Corrective feedback is a great, neutral, very clinical, flat way to say criticism. All right? Like, when you receive so much more criticism and so much more rejection as a kid, your brain becomes vigilant, hyper vigilant, right? So now we know that the way that we show up in the world is just, like, not accepted. And we know that the way that we show up in the world is going to get us in trouble. It's gonna get us sitting in the hallway. It's gonna get us getting a phone call home from our school. It's gonna get us in trouble at home. It's going to get us in timeout or worse, it's going to get us losing privileges. It's gonna get us all of this punishment. Now we are scanning for all of that, all of the time. And so now I'm hypervigilant and I'm scared in my. So if you resonate with the idea like, okay, yes, I can have compassion for my caregivers, I can give credit where credit is due. Some of you had parents that were really honestly doing their best. They were learning, they were growing, they were evolving as people. They were taking care of their own mental health. But of course, they just, they're not perfect people. Obviously none of us were raised by perfect people and none of us are perfect people raising our own little humans, right? But if you experience, if you resonate with the experience of like walking on eggshells as a kid, if you were constantly scanning your parents mood, or you never really knew which version of your parents that you were gonna get if you didn't feel emotionally safe or accepted in your own home or in your school, in your community, you're very likely struggling with rejection sensitivity today. Not because you're too sensitive or you're dramatic or you're making a mountain out of a molehill, as was said to me over and over and over, but because your nervous system did exactly what it needed to do to survive, which was become hypervigilant and constantly on the lookout for threat. So now what happens? So like, that's kind of like the foundation of it right now. What happens is that we often misread ambiguous signals as rejection.
[12:44]
B
Often.
[12:45]
A
Now we're walking on eggshells in relationships that don't really warrant it. We are perceiving rejection where rejection isn't actually there. Not because we're dramatic, but because we're trying to figure out, am I safe? What do I need to do to be safe? Is the way that I'm showing up okay, am I going to be accepted or am I going to be on the outside rejected again? And ADHD obviously adds gasoline to this fire. Because as an adult with adhd, you are symptomatic, you are a little impulsive, you interrupt people, you are acting sometimes in ways that are not culturally or socially accepted, right? And maybe at work you have more mistakes than your co workers, or you have this heightened emotional intensity that might be perceived as like, whoa, like chill, right? And so all of this leads us to having like a much faster threat detection. And so many of us, without realizing it, are walking on eggshell patterns. We've brought that old pattern of walking on eggshells into our job, into our friendships, into our relationship with our kids, into our relationship with our partners. So I just want to pause. Like, do you resonate with that? Does that feel true for you? Does that feel like your experience? Like, oh my gosh, yes. Like, I am doing this work of figuring out my adhd. If you're listening to this podcast, that's my assumption about you, that wherever you are on your journey, you're doing this work of figuring out your ADHD and you're, you're making some improvements. Maybe you've gone for a diagnosis, maybe you're trying to figure out treatment. Maybe you're farther down the road and you're like, I'm medicated. I've gotten some coaching, I've gone to therapy a little bit. I'm still walking on eggshells. I still don't feel grounded and I don't feel comfortable in my own skin. I feel like every interaction that I have, I'm having to like rethink it in my brain and relive it and work out, like, did I say the right thing? Was I being stupid? What are they going to think of me? Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. Thanks for listening to this bite sized episode of the I have ADHD Podcast. If you enjoyed this clip, you'll find a link to the full episode in the show notes. And don't Forget to visit ihaveadhd.com for tons of adult ADHD support. All right, my friends, I had a great time with you today and I cannot wait to talk to you again next week. Bye Bye.
[15:39]
B
From taco night in Tulum to sushi in Tokyo, every bite is rewarding and postworthy with MX Gold's 4X Membership Rewards points at restaurants worldwide. Wherever you dine, points are piling up. So bring your friends along for your next course. Because it's not all about the posts, it's about the company and the memories. How can Gold from Amex sweeten your next food moment? Learn more@americanexpress.com Explore Gold terms and Points Cap apply.