A Fond Memory: Cole Escola Disobeys Bridger

Summary

Podcast Summary: "A Fond Memory: Cole Scola Disobeys Bridger"

Podcast Information:

• Title: I Said No Gifts! A Comedy Interview Podcast with Bridger Winegar
• Host: Bridger Winegar
• Guest: Cole Scola
• Episode: A Fond Memory: Cole Scola Disobeys Bridger
• Release Date: January 16, 2025

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1. Introduction and Setting the Scene

The episode begins with Bridger Winegar humorously referencing unrelated topics, such as a family comedy starring Tim Allen and Kat Dennings, before shifting focus to introduce the guest, Cole Scola. Bridger sets the tone by emphasizing the podcast's theme of "No Gifts," which Cole inadvertently disrupts.

Notable Quote:

• Bridger Winegar [06:28]: "One of the absolute funniest. None other than Cole Scola."

2. Discussing Cole’s Persistent Mole

Bridger brings up a recurring issue about Cole's mole, which Cole admits is unsightly but not cancerous. This leads to a lighthearted yet personal exchange about health and appearance.

Notable Quotes:

• Bridger Winegar [06:32]: "I just. I'm sorry about the mole... it is ugly."
• Cole Scola [07:08]: "I'll live ugly with this ugly mole before I spend a penny."

3. Reality TV and The View

The conversation shifts to their views on reality television, specifically “The View” and other reality shows. Both express disdain for the stress these shows cause, highlighting the superficial drama that doesn’t reflect real-life interactions.

Notable Quotes:

• Cole Scola [11:00]: "I think there's like a. Through your 20s, things are get a little bit easier and then... challenges."
• Bridger Winegar [11:37]: "I used to love it...but now anything reality is too stressful for me."

4. Great Courses Lecture on the Plague

Bridger shares his experience with a 24-part lecture series on the plague, discussing its historical impact and contemporary issues like antibiotic-resistant strains. The conversation becomes a humorous digression into irrelevant and absurd details about the plague.

Notable Quotes:

• Bridger Winegar [15:21]: "I learned that it was actually really bad."
• Cole Scola [16:24]: "I thought it was from the 90s."

5. Personal Interests: Cooking and Baking

Bridger and Cole delve into their culinary habits, discussing kitchen appliances like the KitchenAid mixer and waffle makers. Bridger shares his challenges with baking due to limited kitchen space, while Cole humorously critiques the practicality of certain kitchen gadgets.

Notable Quotes:

• Bridger Winegar [34:37]: "I already have a KitchenAid mixer. I have a Vitamix."
• Cole Scola [43:00]: "I use it to reheat regular pizza... fantastic."

6. The Gift Box Incident

A pivotal moment occurs when Cole receives an unexpected gift box from Bridger. Despite the podcast’s rule of "No Gifts," Bridger explains the reasoning behind his present—a vertical waffle maker inspired by his recurring nightmare of Cole making a mess with traditional waffle irons.

Notable Quotes:

• Cole Scola [29:55]: "This is a Beautiful waffle maker."
• Bridger Winegar [31:23]: "I keep waking up in a cold sweat because I'm... just a disaster."

7. Playing the "Gift Master" Game

The hosts engage in a playful segment called "Gift Master," where Cole is tasked with assigning three gifts to three different celebrities. The game becomes a vehicle for dark humor as Bridger tries to incorporate subtle jabs and satirical elements.

Notable Quotes:

• Cole Scola [49:09]: "I'm poisoning that fudge and giving it to the Sackler family."
• Bridger Winegar [51:31]: "Amy Sedaris is the best gift giver...she sends things at random times."

8. Answering Listener Questions

Bridger and Cole address listener emails seeking gift advice. The responses are laced with sarcasm and humor, particularly when dealing with sensitive scenarios like loaning money for a home down payment and navigating complex family dynamics regarding gift-giving.

Notable Quotes:

• Cole Scola [57:30]: "A thoughtful letter sounds nice. Unless she's a terrible writer."
• Bridger Winegar [58:06]: "A bag of chicken feed, a photo... kind of a homey feel."

9. Conclusion and Final Remarks

The episode wraps up with Bridger and Cole reflecting on their interaction. Cole expresses amusement and a hint of exasperation over the unintentional violation of the "No Gifts" rule, leading to a humorous closure where Bridger reiterates the podcast’s unique premise.

Notable Quotes:

• Cole Scola [65:50]: "I wanted to embarrass you, frankly."
• Bridger Winegar [66:03]: "When you're a guest in my home, you gotta come to me empty handed."

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Key Themes and Insights

1. Humor in Everyday Situations: The episode showcases how Bridger and Cole find humor in mundane topics like cooking, household appliances, and personal quirks, making their interactions relatable and entertaining.

2. Breaking Boundaries: Despite the podcast's strict rule of "No Gifts," Cole's acceptance and Bridger's justification of his gift illustrate the challenges of maintaining boundaries in personal relationships.

3. Dark Comedy and Satire: The hosts employ dark humor, especially during segments like the "Gift Master" game, highlighting societal issues and personal vendettas in a comedic light.

4. Personal Vulnerability: Discussions about health concerns, personal nightmares, and past experiences add depth to the conversation, allowing listeners to connect with the hosts on a more personal level.

5. Listener Engagement: By addressing listener questions, the podcast fosters a sense of community and interaction, further enhancing its appeal.

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Conclusion: "A Fond Memory: Cole Scola Disobeys Bridger" is a blend of comedic banter, personal anecdotes, and playful interactions that embody the essence of "I Said No Gifts!" The episode effectively balances humor with genuine conversation, making it a standout installment in the series.

Transcript

[Bridger Weiniger]

This is exactly right. Abc Wednesdays, Tim Allen and Kat Dennings star in the new family comedy Shifting Gears. Dad, I'm broke and I need a place to stay until I figure out what the rest of my life looks like. So a couple of days when his.

[Cole Scola]

Daughter moves back in.

[Bridger Weiniger]

The last time you walked out that door, you looked back at me and gave me a double bird.

[Cole Scola]

I was 18. The double bird was how I ended all our conversations. The wheels come off. Can we try to talk to each.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Other like rational adults?

[Cole Scola]

Have you watched the news lately?

[Bridger Weiniger]

That's not a thing anymore. New Wednesdays, 8.7Central on ABC and stream on Hulu. Hi, I'm Paul F. Tompkins. My name's Lauren Lapkis. And I'm Scott Aukerman.

[Cole Scola]

And we're from the show threedom.

[Bridger Weiniger]

It's a show where three friends get together, we laugh, we talk about our.

[Cole Scola]

Lives, and we have fun playing games.

[Bridger Weiniger]

It's really just that simple. There's not a lot to it.

[Cole Scola]

Tell you everything we've ever done in our whole entire lives.

[Bridger Weiniger]

You'll hear every story that we have. Twice, at least. New season's out now, and you can get it wherever. You get your podcast. We don't care. You get your podcast.

[Cole Scola]

Get them up your butt.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Newsies is out now.

[Cole Scola]

Hi, it's me, Bridger. The plan, obviously, was to have a new episode this week, but, you know, if you're a news junkie like me, you may. May have read a story about Los Angeles being on fire. That's kind of the current state of affairs. I'm sitting in my kitchen. There's a lot of stuff on fire. Just hell. I really can't help but feel like this is sort of punishment for all of the complaining I've done about rain on this podcast, and for that, I'm sorry. I'll try to learn from this. But, you know, I whine about rain for years, and now I seem to have a problem with wind and fire, and it's just starting to feel like there's no extreme weather pattern that will make me happy. I don't know what to say. But anyways, you know, it is a horrible, horrible nightmare. Fortunately, I'm all right, and I appreciate everybody emailing and messaging and commenting concerned about me and Annalise in the backyard and everything. And obviously not everyone did, and those people are now on my list. I'll deal with you later. But, yeah, I've been very fortunate so far. I'm okay. The backyard is still there. There's a light layer of ash. So we probably won't be recording episodes back there for a minute just due to everything in general, but hopefully we can get back there soon. If you feel like helping with this horrible, terrible nightmare scenario that we're currently living through, this is an easy way to help. You can Google LA 2050 Fire Guide and the top result should be a volunteer and support guide with links to donate or to volunteer if you happen to be in the area. All kinds of things. There are at least a thousand ways to help, so just take your pick and if you can't or do not want to do any of that, that's also fine. Do your thing. I'm not your mom. Anyway, this episode is a rerun with Kola Scola, who is just an absolute miracle. We all agree on that. If you haven't heard it already, you'll enjoy it. If you've heard it before, you will enjoy it. I guess those are the two options. Oh, an update on this episode. Actually, at the time, my doctor had just revealed to me that he was starting a podcast. And as far as I know, as of 2025, that podcast is no longer a podcast. It stopped existing. And yet this one is still standing. And I didn't have to go to medical school, so look who came out on top. Doctor. Anyway, feel free to listen to this episode or to dip into our rich back catalog of other episodes. Try to enjoy something. Try to take care of yourself. Or don't again. Maybe you feel like letting yourself go, that's also an option. I'm not here to force you to do anything. I just offer these suggestions. You take them and you use them to color your life in whatever way you see fit. Oh my God. Let's get into the show. When I invited you here, I thought I made myself perfectly clear. When you're a guest in my home, you gotta come to me empty handed. I said no guests. Your presence is presents enough. And I already had too much stuff, so how do you dare disobey me? Welcome to I said no Gifts. I am Bridger Weiniger. I hope you're doing okay. I hope you're having a nice day. I. What's going on? Let's see. This morning I went to the doctor, you know, for just a general checkup and he told me that he has a podcast. This was unprompted and it was a little shocking for me. So I just thought I'd let you know that there is some level of competition out there and I won't be naming the doctor or the Podcast. He's not getting any advertising here. We have to move on. Today's guest. I could not be more thrilled. One of the absolute funniest. None other than Cola Scola Cole.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Hi, Bridger.

[Cole Scola]

Welcome to I said no gifts. How are you?

[Bridger Weiniger]

I'm great. I just. I'm sorry about the mole. I was listening to your. Your doctor's podcast and today's topic was your. Your mole.

[Cole Scola]

Right. And it doesn't look like things are. It's going to be an issue. Right.

[Bridger Weiniger]

He said. He said it's not cancerous, but it is ugly. Right, Exactly.

[Cole Scola]

And kind of just an unremovable. It's just something I have to live with at this point.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah. Insurance won't cover that.

[Cole Scola]

And, yeah, I'm not paying out of pocket.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right.

[Cole Scola]

I'll live ugly with this ugly mole before I spend a penny.

[Bridger Weiniger]

So. Great.

[Cole Scola]

I mean, I didn't obviously realize he was recording at the time I was in the room, but I did sign all of the sheets before going into the office.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah, I mean, it sounded like you were doing a mic check. I mean, it's opened with the two of you going, check, check, check, one, two. This is Bridger.

[Cole Scola]

Well, when somebody that. When somebody tells me to do something, I just kind of follow directions. I'm not at the doctor's office to cause trouble.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right, right, right, right. You're from Utah.

[Cole Scola]

Right. And he's a medical professional. For all I know, he just wanted to check my throat or what have you.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yes.

[Cole Scola]

And I trust him. I've been. I've seen him three times now, so.

[Bridger Weiniger]

That'S enough thirds the charm. Yeah.

[Cole Scola]

And I know, you know, he taken some sort of oath. I had. Had. Listen, I actually had a very stressful time on my way to the doctor. There was the world's longest train stop. There was a train that truly was bisecting Los Angeles.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, you're. So you're in your car and then you're waiting for a train to pass.

[Cole Scola]

Right. And the train wasn't passing. Right. And I ended up having to drive beyond the train.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Wait, so you are your neck and neck. You're racing the train to get around it. Your neck and neck. And you cut it off in order to make it to the doctor's appointment.

[Cole Scola]

Right. Only to be secretly recording this kind of personal issue, this mole that I've been living with through the pandemic, worrying just, am I going to be having this hideous thing on me forever?

[Bridger Weiniger]

And now, you know, you. You will.

[Cole Scola]

I will. How do you move forward?

[Bridger Weiniger]

You don't you have to dwell, you have to live there. This is where you live now.

[Cole Scola]

Eat you from the inside out and just. That's the sort of situation.

[Bridger Weiniger]

That's who you are now.

[Cole Scola]

Yeah. Kind of one of those dead. Like you see those photos of a fox that's kind of just been eaten from the inside out, lying in the snow carcass.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I don't think we have the same search history, Bridger. I'm not sure what you're searching.

[Cole Scola]

I. You know, I'm constantly looking for a rotting foxes.

[Bridger Weiniger]

What are you talking about?

[Cole Scola]

I feel like I've seen you must. I actually don't know where this would have come from, but I feel like at some point some sort of time lapse footage has crossed my desk of a fox being kind of devoured by nature.

[Bridger Weiniger]

You know, I won't lie. I can, I can conjure that image in my mind, which means I must have seen it at some point as well.

[Cole Scola]

There must be some sort of maybe, I don't know, a National Geographic or Planet Earth or where they're showing where they kind of blindside you with dead animal.

[Bridger Weiniger]

The View must be the view.

[Cole Scola]

They have the. They will just bring in various animal corpse and put them in the table and just let that be topic of conversation. Occasionally they just let it be something.

[Bridger Weiniger]

To cut to, you know, just the.

[Cole Scola]

Swarm of flies devouring. A lot of the ladies talk.

[Bridger Weiniger]

It's my favorite part. Yeah.

[Cole Scola]

Cole, what have you been up to?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Nothing. Everything I've been, you know, everything's a chore, right.

[Cole Scola]

Do you feel like it's getting harder and harder?

[Bridger Weiniger]

I always. Ever since I was a child, everything's been getting harder and harder. And maybe everything will just continue to get harder and harder until it's unbearable and then death.

[Cole Scola]

I think that's probably true. I think that there's like a. Through your 20s, things are get a little bit easier and then, I mean, isn't it just the inevitable that you grow weaker, more tired and the challenges. The body seems worse. Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Again, this time lapse, we are all the fox on the table at the View just being eaten from the inside while the ladies talk about, you know, whatever they talk about.

[Cole Scola]

I haven't, I don't know the last time. I don't know that I've actually ever watched a full episode of the View. Do you. Have you ever sat down and just sat through the View?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, I used to love it.

[Cole Scola]

Really?

[Bridger Weiniger]

I don't Yeah.

[Cole Scola]

I mean, actually, I don't know why I ask like that. Of course, it's. It's a very entertaining thing to watch and.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah. But now anything. I don't like reality anything. Reality is too stressful for me.

[Cole Scola]

Right.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Competition shows, Real Housewives. Oh, that's so anxiety inducing.

[Cole Scola]

I'm only recently watching the Housewives, which. Only because it's the Salt Lake City Housewives. And so it's like I. I feel like I had no choice. And then it took over for me. It really became. Once I settled into that energy, which was too much for me.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah.

[Cole Scola]

I'm enjoying it, but I can't. The rest of them, I can't get into.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Well, you got to support your mom. I know that she's sort of the star of that show.

[Cole Scola]

Well, look, they put her through hell in those auditions, and she did everything to get on. She started her own little business, turned it into an empire.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Have you really been watching the. The whole show?

[Cole Scola]

Oh, I've seen every episode of that season.

[Bridger Weiniger]

And you do like it.

[Cole Scola]

I do enjoy watching it.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Okay.

[Cole Scola]

I didn't expect to, because I have. I know a lot of people, and I'm sure you do, too. A lot of people who love all of the Housewives.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yes.

[Cole Scola]

Yes. And I could not. I tried maybe Beverly Hills or something at some point.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah.

[Cole Scola]

And I think I watched two episodes, and that was it for me. But the Salt Lake Housewives are so unbelievably low rent, and I just feel like they're always in an extremely drafty room, and there's something about them that feels right, and I can get into it. And it's also, like. It's just fun to see them hosting or, like, at events that are supposedly classy. And then I'm like, oh, I. That's next to the mall.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right, Right, right, right. Today we're at the TCBY for the big charity event. Yeah. Yeah.

[Cole Scola]

I mean, the shows are so convoluted, and so. I mean, everything about. No one goes to that many events or even interacts with their friends that much.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, yeah.

[Cole Scola]

Or.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Or I. I don't. I can't imagine, like, seeing, like, fighting with people and then continuing to see them for years and years, you know? Like, I. I've maybe had, like, just, like, one disagreement with, like, maybe three friends who, you know, then it took, like, a year to recover from that, you know.

[Cole Scola]

Right. Like, I'll go to a wonderful dinner with a friend and not see them for two years.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Sure, sure. And nothing bad happened at all.

[Cole Scola]

Right.

[Bridger Weiniger]

But These shows are made to just stress you out. And it's like, oh, is Amber gonna show up to the party? And you're just on the edge of your seat. And I just find myself like, my stomach is in knots over something I don't care about, about people that I don't care about, that I would hate in real life. And I think, why am I doing this to myself? So instead. Instead, I've been watching a lecture on the plague.

[Cole Scola]

Wait, you've been watching a lecture on the plague?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yes.

[Cole Scola]

Who is doing the lecture?

[Bridger Weiniger]

It's through the great courses plus, do they sponsor this podcast?

[Cole Scola]

They should. I can't believe they haven't yet.

[Bridger Weiniger]

It's like, it's like masterclass. But masterclass is really slick and sexy and, like, celebrities.

[Cole Scola]

Right.

[Bridger Weiniger]

It's sort of like masterclass goes to these celebrities and says, like, do you want to hear some money talk?

[Cole Scola]

Right. It doesn't have to be about anything.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah. And you don't really learn anything. It's just Aaron Sorkin being like, man, I love cocaine and writing. And you're like, oh, why am I paying for this? Okay. But then the great courses plus is people that should never be on camera. It's these college professors who have no charisma. They're on these horrible sets. It's like a substitute teacher sort of energy.

[Cole Scola]

It's like tele learning at college. Yes. That was called something like distance learning.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Or they're reading off of a teleprompter. They don't do any cuts so often they'll stumble.

[Cole Scola]

Oh, that sounds incredible to me.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah, it's very soothing. But I just finished the 24 part lecture on the plague.

[Cole Scola]

24 parts? How long is each part?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Half an hour.

[Cole Scola]

Oh, okay. So that's not bad.

[Bridger Weiniger]

No.

[Cole Scola]

And do you feel like you learned about the plague?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah, I do.

[Cole Scola]

I want to hear what you've learned. I mean, just a brief summary would be.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I learned that it was actually really bad. Like, despite all the, you know, like, movies and popular songs and like, you know, culture, it was actually, at the time, people didn't love it and that it was. It took me 12 hours of that lecture to sort of put that together.

[Cole Scola]

I imagine you're still a little bit in denial.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah. I mean, I learned about how they blamed the Jews. I learned just all sorts of awful, awful things about how there's even. Some people think there was more than the plague going on, that there was anthrax or, you know.

[Cole Scola]

Anthrax.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah. Which is, I didn't realize, is like, A naturally occurring thing.

[Cole Scola]

Right. So so much to me, like a nine. Like a sexy 90s thousands poison.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I thought it was from the 90s. Yeah.

[Cole Scola]

Wow. Anthrax is. Wait, is it a bacteria?

[Bridger Weiniger]

I guess. I don't know. I don't. I'm saying yes, but I. But only because I want to have an answer for you. But the truth is, I don't. I don't really remember.

[Cole Scola]

I feel like maybe. And the reason I associate anthrax with, like, a more modern. Well outside of the early thousands scare is that I think there's, like, the metal band Anthrax, it's kind of in the Metallica realm, that kind of thing. So those are my two big associations with anthrax.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Some people splash themselves with urine. Okay. They thought, like, the fumes from urine and, like, from the latrines would. Would, like, kill the bad plague air.

[Cole Scola]

Right. Well, I mean, urine kind of has some medicinal. I mean, don't they tell you to pee on yourself if you get sick?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, they didn't. Your doctor said that. I mean, my doctor, I remember, he.

[Cole Scola]

Got me up on the table and said, okay, now just pee. Just let it go.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Just let it go.

[Cole Scola]

Let's get the mic on you. And then just start to pee.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Like, I really want to talk about this mole, but. Okay. Yeah, yeah.

[Cole Scola]

Well, I was going to say, I think. I mean, I could be wrong. If you get stung by a stingray, you're supposed to pee.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Pee or someone. Stingray. A jelly. A jellyfish.

[Cole Scola]

Jellyfish. That's right.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yes.

[Cole Scola]

That's why I've had so many problems with stingrays.

[Bridger Weiniger]

You're always pissing on yourself after these stingray attacks. Rest in peace, Steve Irwin, who was killed by a stingray. Yeah. Which is. I know why you had me on here.

[Cole Scola]

I asked you to come on while you wrote the poem.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah, yeah. Stingray. Stingray. You killed Steve. Stingray. Stingray. I'm relieved you wrote kind of.

[Cole Scola]

It's kind of a hit piece that you wrote.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah.

[Cole Scola]

You've been waiting years to finally get this out.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, yeah. Well, speaking of poetry, the lecture on the plague ended, and then I won't talk about it anymore. But I need to get my money for it.

[Cole Scola]

I know it. I'm happy to talk about this. I don't want you to feel like we can't talk about the great.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Like, the only reason I don't want to talk about it is because I actually haven't retained that much information.

[Cole Scola]

Right. And now you're kind of being exposed the moment that you tell someone you read something or have seen something like.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, yeah, it's a. Forget it. Yeah, I'm terrified. I'm sweating. But it. It ended with. It was made, like, in 2017, so it was pre Covid.

[Cole Scola]

Right.

[Bridger Weiniger]

But basically, she said there are more, bigger, worse plagues coming. There was even an outbreak of. Of the plague in the 90s in India and now. And then there was a variant of it that ended up on Madagascar that is resistant to all antibiotics. But then she, for some reason decided, like, oh, well, you know what? But it's not all bad. Like, she had to have, like, end on a positive note. And her positive note was, if we hadn't had the plague, Chaucer might not have had benefactors who came into money because of the plague. So we might not have had Chaucer. Yeah. So it's like, oh, good. I feel better that there might be some great poetry after this.

[Cole Scola]

I mean, I feel like there have been several excellent Covid produced. You know, there's the Netflix show, and we're all grateful for these sort of crown. You mean the crown was kind of produced because of COVID Yeah, yeah. Actually, speaking of that, I will say and say it. I'm just gonna say the one person that has created anything within this pandemic worth watching, and I'm so glad you're here, is you. And you produce it very fast when you put. You made your special, like, late April of last year or something.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah, yeah.

[Cole Scola]

So we were like, a month into the pandemic, and you had, like.

[Bridger Weiniger]

And I saw an opportunity, and I said, here we go. This is going to be it. And I. This is going to launch me into the stratosphere. And lo and behold, a few people have watched it and have been very nice about it.

[Cole Scola]

It is the only. Only thing that has been produced in the last year in Covid conditions that I think is worth consuming.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Thanks, Bridger.

[Cole Scola]

I'm not. I'm not just saying if the listener has not seen help, I'm stuck.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah.

[Cole Scola]

It's an absolute. I've seen it twice now. And, I mean, I had seen the live show, which is wonderful, but it translated so well to you shot on, like, an iPhone camera or something, right?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah.

[Cole Scola]

Had you been planning on doing it, or was it just like, I'm bored?

[Bridger Weiniger]

And it was like, I really. I did the live show, and I wanted. I hoped it would be made into a special, but then nobody wanted it. And also, well, you know, people don't have the best taste. And by people, I Mean, me. But I always wondered, like, how would I produce this as a special anyway when so much of it hinges on the fact that I'm just alone on stage doing costume changes? Very low stakes.

[Cole Scola]

Right.

[Bridger Weiniger]

So actually having to do it alone in my apartment was the perfect, like, you know, the correct stakes for that.

[Cole Scola]

Right. Was it. Was it hard?

[Bridger Weiniger]

It was, yeah.

[Cole Scola]

Shooting anything, I mean, on any level is difficult. And it looks very good. And.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, stop.

[Cole Scola]

Thanks.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I think it looks terrible, but I'm still very pleased with.

[Cole Scola]

With, under the conditions, the fact that it was shot by one person. And I mean, I shot it, I.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Edited it, I did everything. My makeup, hair, everything.

[Cole Scola]

How long did it take?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Like 10 days, because everything had been written already. And so then I just sort of made a schedule and I filmed it all at night because my neighbors are loud and there's street noise because I live in New York. So. Yeah.

[Cole Scola]

And did it ever feel like it was. Did you feel like, oh, I should just stop? I feel like after two days of that, I'm like, never mind. I'm not.

[Bridger Weiniger]

No, no. When I start doing something, I'm too afraid to stop. I'm afraid. I'm afraid of stopping anything.

[Cole Scola]

Right, right.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I'm afraid to stop talking right now because what if I die? You know, that sort of thing.

[Cole Scola]

I'm just going to sit in silence for about half an hour.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, God. What's behind you? A little pelican cutting board.

[Cole Scola]

Oh, it is. It's a little. I bought that at a thrift store in Utah called Deseret industries in maybe 2002. It's just like.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I don't.

[Cole Scola]

I really love it. It's a. Like a piece of art of a pelican that somebody made. I think it's called. Someone signed the name Scuda or something in the bottom corner, and I've never known where it came from or what was. The point was.

[Bridger Weiniger]

For the listeners, when you post this episode, will you also post a photo of that cutting cord so that they have something to, you know, look forward.

[Cole Scola]

To a companion piece that we have to. They will see that it's like a weird fabric. It's not a cutting board. It's like someone painted on a piece of fabric, and I really appreciate it. I pro. I either stole it or paid very little for it. There was a period when I did a decent amount of shoplifting and. But that. I feel like it was too big to.

[Bridger Weiniger]

What do you do to get that rush now?

[Cole Scola]

I consider shoplifting. Oh, okay. Occasionally, I'll be in a Store?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah.

[Cole Scola]

Yeah. I haven't shoplifted since I was a teenager, but occasionally I'll be like, what if I just stole this right now?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah.

[Cole Scola]

And then I think, then what happens when everyone finds out that I've been arrested for shoplifting?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right.

[Cole Scola]

Have you ever shoplifted?

[Bridger Weiniger]

No.

[Cole Scola]

Have you ever been tempted?

[Bridger Weiniger]

No, I'm too scared of that. I'm even afraid of people thinking I'm shoplifting. So if I'm like. And I always try to make my presence known at a store, if there's a camera in the store, I, like, sort of acknowledge it. And I'm very careful with how I hold my items. Like, yes. I look at the camera as if to say, yes, this toothpaste is going in this basket. No funny business here. Don't worry about me.

[Cole Scola]

But that, to me, feels like you're drawing even more attention to. I feel like whoever's watching the security camera thinks they're trying to pull one over on us. And.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Well, maybe. I don't know. You'd have to. You'd have to. Maybe we should. We'll do a part two of this interview where I go to the Rite Aid on the corner to speak to the security guards and get their take.

[Cole Scola]

Now, there was a point, you know, I wander through a lot of stores. I love wandering through stores and just looking at objects without. With no intention of buying them. And there was a period that I feel like in when I first moved to LA, that I would go to a 711 on occasion and just wander around to just free my mind. And I think the person occasionally or eventually thought that I was shoplifting and asked me not to come back, which is probably just, like, what was happening in my life that I thought 711 was a relaxing place to be.

[Bridger Weiniger]

It's, you know, it's familiar. Yeah. It's got. It's got a sort of sterile comfort. You know, air conditioning at a 711 is always exquisite. Right. Freezing cold, freezing cold, freezing cold. It's like retirement home, you know? But I. I used to hang out at a pharmacy when I was a little kid, and I got kicked out for spending too much time there.

[Cole Scola]

Really?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah.

[Cole Scola]

And how old were you when this was happening?

[Bridger Weiniger]

It's like 10. And my friends and I would just go to this pharmacy and. And ask people if they needed help, like finding things.

[Cole Scola]

Did you ever help anyone?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Sometimes. Sometimes I think people were just humoring us and. Right. We were children. We had nothing to do. It was so boring, you know, Childhood.

[Cole Scola]

Well, Cole.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Miserable. Oh. What?

[Cole Scola]

I don't I don't know. Here we go. Look, look. Okay, so obviously you're here. I'm here.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yes.

[Cole Scola]

A few weeks ago, you agreed to be on the podcast. I was so happy.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah.

[Cole Scola]

Love Cole. Reluctantly, of course. I kind of dragged you into this.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah.

[Cole Scola]

And all that said, it seemed like you were at least going to play fair and just be here as a pleasant guest. We would have a nice little chat and then move on with our lives. Hopefully never see each other again.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah.

[Cole Scola]

And then a couple nights ago, the doorbell rang.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Night.

[Cole Scola]

Yeah, I believe it was night.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Wow.

[Cole Scola]

Which is frightening for any purpose. Sure. We don't have a lot of visitors. And I opened the door and there was a box there, large, square box addressed to me. Return address. I mean, not unknown, but from William Sonoma. I had not ordered anything from Williams Sonoma. Love Williams Sonoma. Have never purchased anything there because it's a little above my, you know, it's more of a go in and browse and dream of a life of.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Sure.

[Cole Scola]

The William Sonoma shopper.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right.

[Cole Scola]

See the latest novelty, that kind of thing. So I brought it in, and my mind started circling what possibilities this could have, where this could have possibly come from. And then it. That occurred to me. Cole. Cole's the last person I had contact with. They've got my address and obviously I, I, I don't know. I was, I was a little broken up about it. And now I'm just going to ask you.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Okay.

[Cole Scola]

This podcast is called I said no gifts. And I have to assume I opened the box and there was a gift wrapped box. Is this a gift for me?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yes.

[Cole Scola]

Okay. Should I open it here on the podcast?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah, you should open it and then I'll explain. I know you said no gifts, and I respect that boundary, but once, Once you open it, I can explain and hopefully it'll make sense.

[Cole Scola]

Okay.

[Bridger Weiniger]

And you'll understand why I had to.

[Cole Scola]

Okay. For the listener, this is a heavy white box. Maybe the heaviest gift on this podcast so far.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I would hope so.

[Cole Scola]

You love. You give gifts by weight.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Cole Scola]

Let's just open it up here and see what happens. This looks like a beautiful wedding gift. If I were ever to get married, this is how it would feel, I think.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right. I think that's probably what. What these things are usually. And keep going.

[Cole Scola]

Right, right. I'm not gonna. I'm going to keep my eyes away from the box until it's completely open. Kind of do a Doing my best to keep it a complete surprise. Oh, my God.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah.

[Cole Scola]

This is a Beautiful waffle maker.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yes.

[Cole Scola]

A vertical waffle maker, which I. Vertical waffle maker. I'm not even familiar with.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Well, the reason that I got it for you is because I've been having this recurring nightmare of you making waffles and just getting waffle batter everywhere. Because it's hard. With a regular waffle iron, you pour the batter on and it usually spills over the sides.

[Cole Scola]

Yes.

[Bridger Weiniger]

And I just. I keep waking up in a cold sweat because I'm. I just see you just waffle batter everywhere, just a disaster. And you're cleaning it up and then the waffle's burning. And, like, you know, it happened once, and I thought, oh, that's a weird dream.

[Cole Scola]

Sure.

[Bridger Weiniger]

After six years, pretty consistently every night of dreaming. And I've known you like, what, three?

[Cole Scola]

Right. So, yeah. And I was probably a kind of a stranger in a dream initially.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah. I absolutely. I was like, well, that's weird. Why would I dream about that? Just. Yeah. So I found this on the Williams Sonoma website. It's a vertical waffle maker. You pour the batter in on top so that it doesn't spill out the sides.

[Cole Scola]

Wow.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah.

[Cole Scola]

You pour in kind of like a coin slot almost.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yes, exactly. And then, you know, when it's done, you can open it up and the waffle comes out.

[Cole Scola]

And you. Do you own one of these? No, no, it's just this dream, or that's kind of just been this image of the waffle maker.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I don't have space for that kind of thing. I would hate to own something like that. But I thought if I want to sleep tonight or any night, I need to make this. I need to fix this.

[Cole Scola]

Right. It's hard to say what effect this is going to have on your dreams moving forward, whether it will continue and maybe a new element will be introduced to the dream. I mean, God knows what message I was trying to get through to you or whoever's placed this dream in your head. Right.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah.

[Cole Scola]

I mean, were there any other elements of the dream that you could remember? Or is it.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I just remember hating you so much. And then when I met you, I remember I hated you. And I was like, why do I hate. Why do I hate him? We've never met before. And then I was like, oh, it's the dream. I hate him because of the dream. And then eventually I sort of was able to separate the, you know, the nightmare from the nightmare.

[Cole Scola]

Right. And now reality. It's just a strong dislike.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yes. Yeah.

[Cole Scola]

And the dream continues, I imagine.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yes. Yes.

[Cole Scola]

Is it an increasing hatred or just kind of a baseline.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Well, now it's sort of comforting, you know, It's a comforting hatred. It's toxic. It's a codependent hatred, you know? Yeah.

[Cole Scola]

And that one, without that hatred, I mean, you're going to be completely off balance.

[Bridger Weiniger]

We'll see. I mean, that's. I need something to break up the monotony of, you know, this pandemic life. So maybe not hating you could be just what I need, Shake things up.

[Cole Scola]

Do you own a waffle maker of any type?

[Bridger Weiniger]

I don't.

[Cole Scola]

Do you like a waffle?

[Bridger Weiniger]

I love a waffle, but I. I would never. I don't have a lot of counter space. You know, I live in New York.

[Cole Scola]

Right.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I already have a KitchenAid mixer. I have a Vitamix. I have a toaster. My Le Creuset. I have. You know, there's just. There's no counter space. There's no cabinet space, you know.

[Cole Scola]

Right. What are you making in your KitchenAid?

[Bridger Weiniger]

So far, I have only made one batch of cookies.

[Cole Scola]

And when was that?

[Bridger Weiniger]

That was like, two months ago.

[Cole Scola]

Oh, okay. So recently this is a new purchase.

[Bridger Weiniger]

But I bought the KitchenAid mixer, like, six months ago, and I've used it once.

[Cole Scola]

How was your experience?

[Bridger Weiniger]

I realized in the. For this exact cookie recipe, it would have been easier to mix by hand, actually.

[Cole Scola]

What was the cookie recipe?

[Bridger Weiniger]

It was just like a simple chocolate chip recipe. Oatmeal chocolate chip recipe. And.

[Cole Scola]

Wonderful.

[Bridger Weiniger]

There was just no need for the.

[Cole Scola]

Mixer, but I think a mixer makes the butter. Wake up.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Wake up. Sorry. This is for the listeners who are falling asleep listening in their car. Okay, okay, okay.

[Cole Scola]

The listener loves a cookie recipe discussion.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Okay.

[Cole Scola]

Who doesn't? If somebody has a problem with that, I don't know. I. I don't know what to tell anyone.

[Bridger Weiniger]

That's fair.

[Cole Scola]

Oh, so it was a you. It felt like overkill for you?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah. I bought it originally because I wanted the. Like, I made meringue once and like a vegan meringue. And my hands and arms hurt so much, I thought, you know what I need to do? I need to spend hundreds of dollars to make sure I never feel this pain in three years when I make this thing again. But I need to spend it right now.

[Cole Scola]

Do you think you'll make vegan meringue again?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Maybe it's just not fun to make stuff for myself. You know what I mean?

[Cole Scola]

Right.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Like, maybe when I can see people again, the. The fun of making things for me is people being like, oh, my God, you know?

[Cole Scola]

Right. I can't believe you were able to.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah, sorry, I had extra. You know, I would have made this my. For just me, but I thought, why not bring it?

[Cole Scola]

Well, I think a KitchenAid is also just kind of nice looking. It's just a nice thing to have on your counter. Right?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah, absolutely. It's a status symbol. And I grew up, you know, poor trashy. I. I say like I was Nile's crane, like a young Niles Crane, but in Roseanne's house, you know.

[Cole Scola]

Right. That makes perfect sense.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah. So I just always, you know, wanted things like a KitchenAid mixer or to listen to NPR.

[Cole Scola]

Right, of course.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah.

[Cole Scola]

And so. Oh, I'm sorry to hear you've only used the KitchenAid once. Do you feel like you got it kind of burned you and you're just not going to go back to it?

[Bridger Weiniger]

I really just hate washing things. And, you know, I.

[Cole Scola]

In New York, do you have a dishwasher?

[Bridger Weiniger]

No, I do have a dishwasher, but, you know, those things aren't dishwash. You know, they're supposed. Supposed to be hand washed.

[Cole Scola]

You know, the bowl.

[Bridger Weiniger]

The bowl? I think so, yeah. The metal bowl.

[Cole Scola]

I don't know. I'm putting through the dishwasher three times a week. I mean, maybe it's a bad idea.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Maybe that's why that mole is getting so much bigger.

[Cole Scola]

Every time I wash it. I feel kind of a pulse in my leg and I just. The heat radiating down and I've just ignored it. But it's worth it if it saves me an extra 10 minutes. I mean, I'm turning into a monster.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Maybe I, I will.

[Cole Scola]

Cool. You can, Absolutely.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I.

[Cole Scola]

Maybe this is just the KitchenAid hotline podcast at this point, but I hope so. I mean, I can tell you I recently had a problem. It was. Mine wasn't mixing correctly. I looked it up. You have to drop a dime in the bowl and mix it around. And if the dime does, it's this weird old trick that, like, if the mixer doesn't move the dime enough, it means it's not adjusted properly. I know a lot about a KitchenAid mixer.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Wow. Is this like some secret blog? Like, like KitchenAid queens? Like, like, listen, honey, we've been around, like, I love those kinds of.

[Cole Scola]

It's everywhere.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Okay.

[Cole Scola]

I think, like, literally KitchenAid. I think like the company line is like, well, if it's not mixing properly, put a. For whatever reason, a dime is the exact object that you need at the bottom of the bowl to make sure it's correct.

[Bridger Weiniger]

That's nickel erasure.

[Cole Scola]

That Is total nickel erasure. Do you cook much at home?

[Bridger Weiniger]

I like to bake. I like baking. It's prettier. You know, you get, like, a pretty thing at the end. And there's too much intuition in cooking, and I don't trust my intuition.

[Cole Scola]

What do you like to bake them?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Well, I'm vegan, and so I make a lot of. Of just, like, vegan things. And I made a key lime cake with Italian meringue buttercream frosting.

[Cole Scola]

Oh, that sounds incredible.

[Bridger Weiniger]

And, like, a graham cracker cream cheese filling. It was way too sweet. It was too much.

[Cole Scola]

Oh, okay, sure.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Like, that wasn't the recipe at all. I just sort of imagined, like, oh, this would be. I bet this would be amazing.

[Cole Scola]

Did it look nice?

[Bridger Weiniger]

It looked great. It looked great. It took me two days to make it because I had to repeat every step twice because I've, you know, messed something up every step along the way. Like the temperature of the sugar for the meringue, you know, using the wrong amount of flour, you know, that sort of thing.

[Cole Scola]

Did you in high school have cooking classes or that sort of thing?

[Bridger Weiniger]

You didn't, did you?

[Cole Scola]

I took so many cooking. I mean, it was essentially. I think it was just a failure of the Utah public school system that I think I took a foods. They were called foods classes. I would take one of probably every semester and learned absolutely nothing.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Homec was gone by the time I got to high school. There was wood shop. I had to make a birdhouse. But some. This guy, Braden Lever, who came from a very big Apostolic Lutheran family, made the birdhouse for me. And that was a sexual awakening for me.

[Cole Scola]

Of course it was.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I was like, why do I love that he's making my birdhouse for me? Like, why do I. Why is my face red from this? Yeah.

[Cole Scola]

Did you take other elective classes in high school?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Just like I took a children's theater class.

[Cole Scola]

A children's theater class?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Well, this was, like, in a bigger school that I transferred to my junior year, and there was, like, a theater class that was right before lunch, and we would take a children's story, improvise a show, set it, and then during lunch, we took the show to different grade schools.

[Cole Scola]

Oh, that's wonderful. That's very sweet.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah, I loved it. I felt like, well, we're on tour now, right?

[Cole Scola]

And I'm sure the elementary schoolers looked at you as a star.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I don't remember, like, the audience reaction. I just remember feeling so glad, like, rushing to eat my food before class because, like, I Had just performed and it felt so like, God, no time to eat because we just. We just did two shows. You know what I mean?

[Cole Scola]

Oh, was there.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I love feeling put upon.

[Cole Scola]

Was there like any inter class drama or anything where someone felt they were a star or someone wasn't pulling their weight? There was a murder right outside of the death.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Outside of the death. No. Everyone got along. It was, like, fun. That might have been, like the best experience I've ever had in a school setting.

[Cole Scola]

Wow.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Aside from Braden Lever making my progress.

[Cole Scola]

God bless him.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah, God bless him. God, I wonder where he is.

[Cole Scola]

Dead.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, you think?

[Cole Scola]

Oh, yeah, right.

[Bridger Weiniger]

The murder.

[Cole Scola]

Yes, the murder. And you had kind of pulled him into the class with promise of touring elementary school.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yes. I said, look, you're gonna. You're gonna be huge.

[Cole Scola]

Gonna make you a star. This waffle maker is wonderful. I have a.

[Bridger Weiniger]

A regular one.

[Cole Scola]

A regular waffle maker, which I have kind of converted to just a. Well, it's no longer a waffle maker because I just use it to reheat regular. I'm essentially using it as a panini press or like when I have leftover pizza or whatever.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah.

[Cole Scola]

I throw it in there, which I can't recommend enough, into a waffle iron. It's fantastic. It's the only way I'll ever reheat at least pizza. You basically fold it into a sandwich and burn it.

[Bridger Weiniger]

You don't.

[Cole Scola]

Do you.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Do you have a toaster oven?

[Cole Scola]

I don't have a toaster oven.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Okay. Yeah, neither do I. But I. If I did, that's how I would reheat pizza.

[Cole Scola]

See, it doesn't.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Not for anyone who was wondering, maybe tease that at the top of the episode when you're like, hear what Cole's preferred method of reheating pizza is after the break.

[Cole Scola]

After the break, we finally get to Colts. Yeah, I know. My current waffle iron is now just full of pizza grease. Most of the time, I guess I wash that in the sink. I don't know that you're even supposed to wash a waffle maker.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I think you probably should, right?

[Cole Scola]

But it feels like, you know, kind of an electronic device that I just drop in the sink and suddenly I'm splashing water all over. And how do you dry it out?

[Bridger Weiniger]

This kind of like how to clean a cast iron skillet.

[Cole Scola]

Right. Do you have a cast iron skillet?

[Bridger Weiniger]

I do, but do you use it? I don't, because I'm so anal about the cleaning of it. Re seasoning it. And it's like, why bother making Something in it. If it's going to take me four hours afterwards to, you know, re season it and make sure it has that gorgeous sheen on top.

[Cole Scola]

Have you ever made anything in it?

[Bridger Weiniger]

My boyfriend made pancakes in it at once.

[Cole Scola]

Oh.

[Bridger Weiniger]

And then I passive aggressively was like, well, now I have to clean it.

[Cole Scola]

You know, those. Those, to me, just the, like, getting into it, it seems like a giant challenge, the seasoning, all of this. It doesn't. I don't know that that's. For me, it feels like a full lifestyle.

[Bridger Weiniger]

You have to accept it's a religion. Ultimately, it's a religion.

[Cole Scola]

He definitely.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Ultimately, it's for people who need God.

[Cole Scola]

And then they find him and they find. Yeah, Cool. I feel like it's time to play a game.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Okay.

[Cole Scola]

Do you want to play a game called tic tac toe? Or we could do a crossword puzzle or word search. I'll just hold it up to the zoom and we'll just quietly say what I see. Great.

[Bridger Weiniger]

No.

[Cole Scola]

Do you want to play a game called Gift master or gift or a curse?

[Bridger Weiniger]

I'll play gift master.

[Cole Scola]

Okay. I need a number between 1 and 10.

[Bridger Weiniger]

7.

[Cole Scola]

Okay. For a minute, I have to do some calculating. So you're going to have the microphone. You can promote something. You can recommend something. You can do whatever you want. I don't care. I'll be right back.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Hello. Do you want to make more money? Sure. We all do. Do you guys remember that commercial with Sally Struthers? I'm going to do some free association here on Norman Learning. There were a lot of shows when I was a child, especially Norman Lear shows that had a sort of orangey, yellowy brown, I think, because they were shot on film. But they really. I really didn't like them. Watching them, I could smell cigarette smoke, and I really. I just. I didn't like it. This is the same reason I didn't like Roseanne. It was like, this is my life. Why do I want to see this reflected back at me? I was much more into, you know, something aspirational like Sybil, which apparently. And I don't know if Cybill shepherd or Christine Baranski will ever be guests on this podcast, but apparently they did not get along at all. And that is hard for me because I would like to imagine that they were friends. Oh, are we. Are you back?

[Cole Scola]

I kind of. I kind of want you to just continue talking for a while.

[Bridger Weiniger]

No, no, I think. I think I'm done. I think I've said what I needed to say.

[Cole Scola]

Half heard whatever was Happening. And I. I support everything you were saying.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Great. Thank you.

[Cole Scola]

Sybil shepherd is becoming kind of a recurring theme on this podcast because I said shepherd mouse pad, or I did, and she sent it to me. And that's neither here nor there. We need to play the game.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Okay.

[Cole Scola]

But also just excellent use of that time. This is how this game works. I'm going to tell you three potential gifts, things you're going to give to people, and then three celebrities or famous people, and you're going to tell me which gift you'll give which person and why. Does that make any sense?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yes.

[Cole Scola]

Okay, perfect. These are the three gifts that you'll be giving. Okay. Number one is a trip to White Sands National Monument. Now, I believe it's New Mexico. It came across my desk because I feel like a lot of people post about it on Instagram. It's, you know, sand dunes, white sand, picturesque. That's what you're dealing with there. Number two is homemade fudge.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Homemade fudge like that I made?

[Cole Scola]

Yes.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Okay.

[Cole Scola]

And finally, guitar lessons. Those are the three gifts.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Okay.

[Cole Scola]

You'll be giving two. Let me find them. I'm getting slightly better at this. Sometimes I struggle, sometimes I nail it. Okay, number one, this is two people. This is Derek and Julianne Hough.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Okay.

[Cole Scola]

They're the brother sister team on Dancing with the Stars. Number two is celebrity chef Bobby Flay. And number three, this. I don't know how many people. This is the Sackler family now, Right? Kind of the family behind the opioid crisis.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yes.

[Cole Scola]

Of the, I believe, Purdue Pharmaceutical.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah.

[Cole Scola]

Well, okay. Yes. So go ahead immediately.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I'm poisoning that fudge and giving it to the Sackler family. If it's coming from my home.

[Cole Scola]

That's laser focused. I love that.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, poisoning them, by the way, with an overdose of the opioids that they produce or finance. Okay, so we have. Have Bobby Flay. Okay. The last thing I want is either of them playing like Derek and Juliana. I don't want them. I feel like they. Juliana maybe play. Is it Julianne or Juliana?

[Cole Scola]

Julianne.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Julianne.

[Cole Scola]

Juliana makes more sense.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah, it does, but I'm not. I'll talk to her about it afterwards. For now, get her on the phone. Oh, yeah. Julianne, I feel like already plays the guitar.

[Cole Scola]

Oh, that sounds right. Interesting.

[Bridger Weiniger]

So maybe I would give her. I would give them the guitar lessons as a sort of passive aggressive way of saying, like, keep trying, babe. And then Bobby Flay sort of seems a little like, what are the humors? I learned about this in the plague Lecture. There's yellow bile and then there's like, he's. Whichever one is cold and phlegmy and probably needs to be in an arid climate for his health.

[Cole Scola]

Kind of dried out almost.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah. Yeah. So I would send him there.

[Cole Scola]

I think that's an excellent. I mean, if you. If not you, someone should be sending that poison fudge to the Sack family.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I hope so.

[Cole Scola]

Somebody's got to get them.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I hope it's Julianne Hough. I hope she sends. I hope she sends poison fudge to the Sackler family. I would. If I woke up to that headline tomorrow, I would kill myself. Because it wouldn't get any better than that.

[Cole Scola]

There was absolutely nothing better than that. Julienne becoming an unexpected kind of hero.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Cole Scola]

Kind of on this mission of revenge.

[Bridger Weiniger]

On behalf of America.

[Cole Scola]

Of the world.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Of the world. Yeah.

[Cole Scola]

Well, that's wonderful. Do you give. Do you like giving gifts?

[Bridger Weiniger]

I do like giving gifts, yeah. You know what? I do.

[Cole Scola]

You're gonna own it, finally.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah. Fuck you.

[Cole Scola]

I like.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I like giving gifts. I don't care what you think. Oh, my God. Yeah, I do like it.

[Cole Scola]

Do you give unexpected gifts or just on occasions?

[Bridger Weiniger]

I'm trying. You know who's the best gift giver is Amy Sedaris. And she gives, like, gifts at random times. If she sees something that makes her think of you.

[Cole Scola]

Right.

[Bridger Weiniger]

She'll send people things. And I really like that. And so I've tried to. Or it sort of inspired me to just keep my eye out for things.

[Cole Scola]

Just to be thinking of other people while you're out in the world.

[Bridger Weiniger]

But I still mostly just give gifts for, you know, housewarming.

[Cole Scola]

Right.

[Bridger Weiniger]

You know, birthdays. I love bringing toilet paper.

[Cole Scola]

Is that true?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah. Because who doesn't need it, you know?

[Cole Scola]

Right. It's just a thing.

[Bridger Weiniger]

It's very practical. Yeah.

[Cole Scola]

Will always be used. Is there. Have you given any type of gift that you've been particularly proud of?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, well, the best gift was I got a Toto washlet. You know, like those little bidet toilet seats. Oh, sure. That are, like, heated to my mother for Christmas.

[Cole Scola]

Oh, that's wonderful. Did she like it?

[Bridger Weiniger]

She used to rave. My aunt had one and she would just always rave about it. Like, for 10 years she would talk about, like, oh, my God, that toilet seat. And so I finally got it for her, and I don't think I can ever top that, at least to her. Yeah.

[Cole Scola]

And has Amy Sedaris given you anything good? I mean, like what? Anything exciting.

[Bridger Weiniger]

She gave me a portrait of me as chassis Painted by David's husband, Hugh Hamrick, the artist.

[Cole Scola]

Oh, my God. That's incredible.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah. She gave me this letter that Joan Crawford sent to someone. Yeah. She just sends me.

[Cole Scola]

Those are beautiful gifts. Yeah, yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

She sends me a sip. Soaps and lotions.

[Cole Scola]

Lovely. Yeah. I mean, listener, if you haven't seen At Home with Amy Sedaris, Obviously Amy Sedaris is very funny in it, but Cole is also extraordinary.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Thanks.

[Cole Scola]

You didn't use your time to promote anything. I'm, I'm.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I don't have anything to promote.

[Cole Scola]

PP Manor. That's another thing. Another thing people should look up years ago.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Thanks. Thanks.

[Cole Scola]

Is that years. That feels recent.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Two, three. I don't know.

[Cole Scola]

Nothing matters anymore. I don't know. Okay, we've. We played the game and then we got into another thing. I. We have to answer a listener question.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yes.

[Cole Scola]

This is called I said no emails. People are writing into I said no gifts at gmail dot com. They have just various issues. Let's see if we can answer something here. One moment. Okay. This says, hello, Bridger and insightful guest. I'm in the process of purchasing my first home and my parents are graciously loaning me a part of my down payment. This is a true loan plus interest that I will be paying them back for in full. I'd like to get them something that says thank you without spending too much because they are loaning me the money after all. My parents are semi retired, have three small rescue dogs, a cat and a chicken. They mostly hang out at their suburban home, don't drink much, and prefer to be working in the yard when it's warm outside with all the animals. Can you give me some ideas for an appreciation gift that are, one, easy on the wallet and two, aren't tacky or overplayed. And thanks, Ashley in Dallas. Okay, so Ashley's parents are, as far as I can tell, predatory lenders. I don't. It seems like. Like someone has just found herself. She's tangled up in something that's going to only become worse.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah.

[Cole Scola]

And she wants to give them a gift.

[Bridger Weiniger]

This is like PhD level gift giving because it's like, what do you get for someone who's loaning you money? That's that because, you know, you get something too expensive, it's like, what do you do? Like.

[Cole Scola]

Right. That money could be going towards the. Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah. So. But I understand, you know, wanting to. A gesture. A gesture.

[Cole Scola]

Right. What we're looking at here, then also we're getting details like there's a chicken.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah.

[Cole Scola]

Which I don't know that, you know, it's. The complication here is, what do you get your banker? I don't. I'm not in the habit of giving my banker a gift.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right.

[Cole Scola]

But mom and dad have apparently some level of money.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah.

[Cole Scola]

And. But look, she's moving into a house. This is what I think it is. It's making a nice dinner and having them over kind of like kids made dinner. And mom and dad are gonna have.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I was gonna say it sounds like, you know, maybe. I don't know what the travel situation is. Maybe this house is somewhere on the other side of the country. They're like, we don't want to travel.

[Cole Scola]

Right.

[Bridger Weiniger]

You know, maybe they're not, you know, maybe they're anti vaxxers who don't. You know. She didn't include any of that information. I wish. I wish she had. Please respond and Bridger will update the audience accordingly. I'm kidding. He never will. But I think, honestly, you just have to, like, you have to. It has to be something that you make. I think, honestly, a thank you car. Like a letter. Like.

[Cole Scola]

Like a. An actually thoughtful letter. An actually thoughtful letter with some details about their relationship.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yes. Yes.

[Cole Scola]

Sounds nice. I mean, unless she's a terrible writer.

[Bridger Weiniger]

A framed photograph of her in front of the house.

[Cole Scola]

Not bad. Yeah. Or maybe, like, actually, I don't know, send some dog treats or something.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Some corn kernels for the chickens.

[Cole Scola]

What you do is bag of chicken feed, a photo of you in front.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Of the house in a nice thank you card, and then if you can fit a dog, one of the little flat, little milk bone treats in the envelope, as well as some corn, dried corn for the chicken.

[Cole Scola]

They just end up with a dusty letter, which they'll appreciate. It'll have kind of a homey feel.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Great.

[Cole Scola]

I mean, I don't see any. That's neither tacky nor overplayed.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah.

[Cole Scola]

And mom and dad are also going to be getting a monthly mortgage payment.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yes.

[Cole Scola]

Which maybe there's just a thoughtful note every time you pay them.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah. Like, hope you're enjoying this interest. Hope you're enjoying making money off of.

[Cole Scola]

Me as I fall further and further into debt.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Just a loan on the down payment, though, so. Well, I don't. I don't know. But honestly, like, just a photo of you, like, so happy in front of the house.

[Cole Scola]

Yeah. Perfectly sweet.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Look at how happy I am because of something you did. And then maybe they'll lower the interest for you.

[Cole Scola]

Yeah. I think that that's all perfectly nice, Amy.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Had this, this chapter in her book about entertaining. Like if you have a rich uncle over you try to like present very poor so that he'll maybe give you more money. So like a photograph in front of the house. Maybe make it. Make the house look sort of dingy.

[Cole Scola]

Put a tarp in the window that.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Are sort of falling apart. You know, maybe get the photo in the rain without like a rain jacket or something. Like thank you so much. Like just really dust, you know, like get the envelope dirty as if maybe you found it, you know.

[Cole Scola]

Yeah, I think that's great. Maybe try to send it without a stamp so it's a first returned. There's no money for. Even for postage at this point.

[Bridger Weiniger]

And cover it in 2 cent stamps. Yeah, Yeah.

[Cole Scola]

I think that's wonderful. That question is. Could not be more comprehensively answered. Can we answer one more? Do you mind?

[Bridger Weiniger]

I would love to. Something hopefully a little easier.

[Cole Scola]

Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

But maybe not.

[Cole Scola]

I mean, we're just going to go to the next thing here.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Okay.

[Cole Scola]

Okay. This is. Hi. Bridger and guest. My name is Bobby and I need gift advice for my boyfriend's parents. We've been together for five years and he has five siblings. Okay. He and his siblings go in together on the gifts for every holiday and do not include me in their big presents. Well, this is feeling weird. Let's see. So I am on my own to buy a Mother's Day, Father's Day, birthdays, Christmas. I ran out of ideas about three years ago and they have since just been getting boo. I've been getting booze and restaurant gift cards every holiday. It's getting embarrassing. These people are in their early 50s, have a lake house and they ride motorcycles. Please help. And it doesn't look like there's a name there. That's probably my mistake. Probably copying, pasting. But this is now an unknown person.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Bobby.

[Cole Scola]

Oh, Bob. Bobby is at the beginning. This is a reading. Reading comprehension problem.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I knew it. How many eggs are there still in the basket? If Bobby has given. Wait, hold on. What do you get for your boyfriend's parents?

[Cole Scola]

I don't get Jim's. I've never gotten them. I mean, maybe that's a problem on my. I let him get the presents.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah. I'm.

[Cole Scola]

I'm not in charge. He doesn't get my parents anything.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right.

[Cole Scola]

I, I feel like you're just. And also there's not this. I feel like this is kind of a psychologically complicated thing where the boyfriend and. And siblings are all going in on these gifts and leaving Bobby out.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah. I think it would be up to the boyfriend to be like, either say, like, hey, can we put my boyfriend's name on this? Or he should help you find, like, you know, what my parents would like. Here's this. Get them. Yeah, get them this.

[Cole Scola]

I mean, why this person is putting in a lot of energy to these, his parents. It doesn't make any sense.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah.

[Cole Scola]

I say just stop altogether. Although now you've created kind of a pattern that's going to feel strange when it ends.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right. Well, I'm curious. Do you know, we can't get Bobby on the line, but does he get gifts from them? That's a good question because Bobby also mentioned Father's Day and Mother's Day and.

[Cole Scola]

Like, that's a lot.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah. Are they getting you gifts for your birthday and for Christmas and you know, do you get an Easter basket? You know, is it that sort of thing? Like, or, or do the parents get you and your boyfriend like a joint gift? Like.

[Cole Scola]

Right.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Because in that case. Yeah, I don't know. You wouldn't get them any.

[Cole Scola]

Bobby has kind of been dragged into this high level gift giving scam where for whatever reason, gifts are being given over and over. But these six children want nothing to do with Bobby's gifts.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I think Bobby should take whatever. Another thing that's really good for rich people is like donating money for like to charity. Their name. Yes. That really is like some sort of like one upmanship of like, I know you want something, but guess what?

[Cole Scola]

People need things while you're buzzing around the lake house.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah, making a donation in their name is really, it's really classy. But just get like a very expensive card with that.

[Cole Scola]

Yeah, that's beautiful. One of these cards, you know. Well, I feel like Papyrus. Did they go out of business? I feel like it's one a block away from me. You're kidding.

[Bridger Weiniger]

No.

[Cole Scola]

At the beginning of this pandemic, I. And right before it, you saw to.

[Bridger Weiniger]

It that they would go out of business.

[Cole Scola]

I swore, if it's the last thing I do, Papyrus will go out of business. Their brick and mortar stores will close. No. When we were getting ready, before this podcast began, I needed help wrapping gifts. And so I went to Papyrus because I'm so bad at wrapping gifts. And they were having a fire sale going out of business. And a teen there, very sweet teen, wrapped all these gifts on discounts, heavily discounted, because they were going out of business. But apparently you've kind of got this rogue papyrus that's running.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Should I go Say something.

[Cole Scola]

I think you should. They don't know, right? They're just kind of like automatic.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Our phone's been ringing.

[Cole Scola]

We haven't been paid in months.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Is that what's going on?

[Cole Scola]

Yeah, but. Yeah, an expensive card. Maybe find one of those charities where they put your name on a bench or a brick or that kind of thing. That's a thing, right? I think so. I feel like I've seen that before.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah. Yeah. We're gonna put your name on a. On a. On something. A charity where they put your name on something. I think those are more expensive though, right?

[Cole Scola]

That's a Christmas gift. That's a 50th anniversary gift. But a Mother's Day. Father's Day, Maybe animal charity or something.

[Bridger Weiniger]

The aspca.

[Cole Scola]

Right.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Or something really like dismal.

[Cole Scola]

Right. Something just really. Just sad. And that reminds everyone of how horrible.

[Bridger Weiniger]

So many things that children's fund goes.

[Cole Scola]

To, kind of propelling children's deaths.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah. Just to remind everyone that they're dead children. Raising awareness. My. My charity, Raising awareness for dead children.

[Cole Scola]

Cole. Okay, we're done answering questions. Cole, I'm so happy to see you. I'm so glad you be here. And this waffle maker is wonderful.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I really wanted to show up everyone else who's ever gotten you a guest.

[Cole Scola]

I mean, this is something that would be.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I wanted to embarrass you, frankly.

[Cole Scola]

You have.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Good.

[Cole Scola]

Multiple times.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Good.

[Cole Scola]

For a moment. One of this podcast. I've been humiliated. And we're just going to exit on that note. And listener, this is the end. Thank you for being here and do whatever you need to do now. I don't care. I have a nice day. Bye. Bye. I said no Gifts is an exactly right production. It's engineered by our dear friend Anneliese Nelson. And the theme song is by miracle worker Amy Mann. You must follow the show on Instagram at isaidnogifts. That's where you're going to see pictures of all these wonderful gifts I'm getting. Listen and subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or wherever you found me. And why not leave a review while you're there? It's really the least you could do. And if you're interested in advertising on the show, go to midroll.comad Heads, when I invited you here, I thought I made myself perfectly clear. When you're a guest in my home, you gotta come to me empty handed. I said no guest. Your presence is presence enough. And I already. We had too much stuff. So how do you dare disobey me.