Adam Rippon Disobeys Bridger

Summary

Podcast Episode Summary: "Adam Rippon Disobeys Bridger"

Podcast Information:

• Title: I Said No Gifts! A Comedy Interview Podcast with Bridger Winegar
• Host: Bridger Winegar
• Guest: Adam Rippon
• Release Date: December 12, 2024
• Network: Exactly Right Media

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Introduction

Note: Advertisements, intros, and outros have been excluded from this summary.

Welcome and Initial Banter [01:47 - 03:30]

Bridger Winegar warmly welcomes Adam Rippon to the podcast, expressing excitement over having his guest despite the initial condition of "No gifts." Adam reciprocates the enthusiasm, commending Bridger for his stance on airport etiquette.

• Bridger [01:47]: "Welcome to I said no gifts. I'm Bridger Winegar."
• Adam [03:30]: "It's an honor. It's a privilege."

Airport Etiquette and Wait Times [03:30 - 05:04]

The conversation delves into the frustrations surrounding ambiguous wait time estimates at airports, particularly the phrase "5 to 10 minutes." Both hosts agree that such estimates are unreliable and often misleading.

• Bridger [03:44]: "I don't really know how to take that or kind of where to go with that."
• Adam [04:03]: "Five to ten minute wait. Now that I'm really thinking about this, that is bad news."

Coffee Bean vs. Starbucks in Airports [05:04 - 06:02]

Bridger and Adam discuss the quality disparity between Coffee Bean outlets in airports and their regular locations, with a consensus that airport branches fall short of expectations.

• Adam [05:46]: "They have much better ice at Coffee Bean. Way better than Starbucks."
• Bridger [06:02]: "I think it’s almost a completely different brand at that point."

Simone Biles Opening "Taste of Gold" [06:11 - 08:29]

Adam shares the news that Simone Biles is opening a restaurant named "Taste of Gold" at the Dallas Fort Wayne Airport. The hosts humorously debate the logistics and feasibility of such a venture within airport settings.

• Adam [06:16]: "I know I actually have to."
• Bridger [08:29]: "It’s going to the Dallas."

Travel Experiences and Flight Mishaps [08:29 - 14:04]

The discussion shifts to personal travel experiences, including flight delays, missed connections, and the challenges of navigating large airports like LAX. Adam recounts a particularly frustrating Lyft ride that deviated significantly from the expected route.

• Adam [10:11]: "It's like a nine-hour journey rather than the traditional five to six."
• Bridger [14:04]: "Someone said 'We have to stop saying.'"

Lyft Ride Nightmare [14:04 - 28:05]

Adam narrates a disastrous Lyft experience where the driver made excessive turns, leading to a two-hour ordeal. Bridger empathizes, critiquing Lyft's policies and expressing disdain for such poor service.

• Adam [24:14]: "He took no less than 200 turns to get me home."
• Bridger [25:00]: "This is the worst thing you can absolutely hear."

Medical Spas and Cosmetic Treatments [28:05 - 43:00]

The conversation takes a turn towards the burgeoning trend of medical spas and cosmetic treatments, particularly those popularized on TikTok. Adam reveals his plans to open a medical spa called "Super Skin," discussing the challenges and misconceptions surrounding the industry.

• Bridger [37:06]: "These are from a listener named Kristen."
• Adam [60:35]: "Everything's so cheap over there. Cause you're getting, like. They’re blowing air at your face."

Pet Ownership and Wildlife Encounters [43:00 - 69:05]

Bridger and Adam share humorous and heartfelt anecdotes about their pets and encounters with wildlife. Topics include feral cats, running a puppy mill, and dealing with urban coyotes, highlighting the quirks of pet ownership.

• Adam [70:03]: "I have two dogs. They're both like mixes."
• Bridger [71:12]: "They truly are. Because they're grew up on an iPad."

Social Media Critique and Online Behaviors [69:05 - 93:43]

The hosts critique modern social media behaviors, focusing on the superficiality of online interactions and the pitfalls of influencer culture. They discuss the pressure to present a perfect facade and the impact of platforms like TikTok on societal norms.

• Bridger [93:10]: "There's only two different tiers of products. Well, three Free, over the counter and prescription."
• Adam [85:05]: "Shame them. They all have to."

Listener Question: "Moving Away from Traditional Gift-Giving" [100:11 - 107:09]

Lauren from Durham writes in expressing her desire to shift away from traditional, capitalistic gift-giving during the holidays. Bridger and Adam offer advice on encouraging altruistic behaviors, such as donations to charities and supporting local businesses, while infusing humor into their suggestions.

• Lauren [100:11]: "I want to approach the holidays differently and move away from capitalist gift giving."
• Bridger [103:05]: "Give me that back. Let me put something in there."

Final Banter and Conclusion [107:09 - 108:38]

The episode wraps up with light-hearted banter, playful teasing, and humorous reflections on the lengthy discussion. Bridger and Adam joke about future episodes, gift-giving policies, and maintaining the comedic integrity of the podcast.

• Bridger [107:08]: "The podcast is over. My voice basically made it. You've gone."
• Adam [108:07]: "When you're a guest in my home, you gotta come to me empty handed."

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Bridger [03:44]: "Five to ten minute wait. Now that I'm really thinking about this, that is bad news."
• Adam [05:46]: "They have much better ice at Coffee Bean. Way better than Starbucks."
• Adam [24:14]: "He took no less than 200 turns to get me home."
• Bridger [37:06]: "These are from a listener named Kristen."
• Adam [60:35]: "Everything's so cheap over there. Cause you're getting, like. They’re blowing air at your face."
• Bridger [93:10]: "There's only two different tiers of products. Well, three. Free, over the counter, and prescription."
• Lauren [100:11]: "I want to approach the holidays differently and move away from capitalist gift giving."
• Bridger [107:08]: "The podcast is over. My voice basically made it. You've gone."

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Insights and Conclusions

• Humorous Critique of Modern Conveniences: Both hosts use humor to dissect and critique everyday frustrations, such as unreliable wait times and subpar airport services.

• Satirical Take on Cosmetic Industry: The discussion on medical spas and cosmetic treatments highlights skepticism towards the effectiveness and commercialization of beauty standards propagated by social media.

• Emphasis on Altruism Over Capitalism: Through the listener's question, the episode advocates for more meaningful, altruistic holiday practices, challenging the traditional gift-giving culture.

• Light-Heartedness Amidst Serious Topics: Despite covering topics like wildlife encounters and malpractice in spas, the hosts maintain a comedic tone, making the content engaging and entertaining.

• Encouragement of Authentic Interactions: By rejecting superficial online behaviors and promoting genuine connections, the podcast underscores the value of authenticity in personal relationships.

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Conclusion

"I Said No Gifts! A Comedy Interview Podcast with Bridger Winegar" featuring Adam Rippon delivers a blend of humor, insightful commentary, and relatable anecdotes. The episode successfully navigates through various topics, from travel woes and cosmetic industry skepticism to pet ownership and social media critique, all while maintaining a light-hearted and comedic atmosphere. Listeners are treated to a dynamic conversation that not only entertains but also provokes thought on contemporary societal norms.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

Welcome to I said no gifts. I'm Bridger Weiniger. Oh, I lost my voice last week. Today is the first day that my voice is even semi returned to normal. The whole podcast was in jeopardy. You know, life is so fragile. Podcasts are even more fragile. This could have all gone away and then it would have been on a lease on the mic and I'm sure they would have loved that. But I'm sure the reviews would have tanked on a lease. Don't think about it. That's all I'm going to say. I was traveling, I got a cold, I lost my voice. Someone at the airport quoted me 5 to 10 minutes wait. Which we have to stop saying 5 to 10 minute wait. It means nothing. I have never had someone say five to ten minute wait and then that's the time. It's either two minutes or a half hour. It's a meaningless thing to say. Just say wait. Just say it'll be a second. Because it doesn't mean anything to me. In this scenario. It was a minute and a half wait and then I almost lost my place in the line. I still ended up in group F on the airplane. But that's my fault. But yeah, five to ten minute wait. Now that I'm really thinking about this, that is. It's bad news. It's bad news. It does mean 2 minutes or 45 minutes. So let's stop saying that 20, 25. No one's ever going to say 5 to 10 minute wait again. Oh, I'm glad I brought it up. You know, this is why I've got a voice. This is why I have a platform for these sort of issues. But please, let's get into the podcast. I adore today's guest. It's Adam Rippon. Adam, welcome to. I said no gifts.

[A]

It's an honor. It's a privilege. I couldn't agree with you more about your airport etiquette and I'm glad that you have your voice back because I think it's important that somebody kind of stand up to the big guys instead of just buttigieg.

[B]

Right. See, now there was one of us, now there are two of us. And this is how we create change.

[A]

Absolutely.

[B]

One voice becomes millions.

[A]

A lot of people said that about Jill Stein this year. So I don't really know kind of how to take that or kind of where to go with that. But I do stand with you on five to ten minutes does not mean anything.

[B]

It really doesn't mean anything to me when somebody says that. I just think, oh, so just nobody knows anything right now?

[A]

No.

[B]

And it could be any amount of time.

[A]

I am personally guilty of doing that quite often.

[B]

Are you quoting people? 5 to 10 minute waits all the time.

[A]

I'll be there in a minute, in an hour. But that's. My husband is Finnish and so he takes everything I say literally, verbatim, which is the worst thing anybody absolutely ever could do. So I'm like, I'll be home in five minutes, which will turn into maybe I'll come back in two days. I don't know. Five minutes is a turn of phrase.

[B]

Right. It's not an actual unit of time.

[A]

But I'm not in a professional setting. I'm on an iPhone.

[B]

Right.

[A]

LAX is a professional setting.

[B]

Yes. There's should not be a 5 to 10 minute wait at LAX. It's not even the Cheesecake Factory.

[A]

No. At least there they give you the buzzer, it vibrates in your hand. You know, when you're at least within.

[B]

Five minutes completely at the airport, you should have a real strict. The planes take off at specific amounts of. I mean, it's.

[A]

It's lawless.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

No, it's absolutely lawful.

[B]

You tell me five to ten minutes at the airport, I might as well just go home.

[A]

And you know what? Each terminal is a different country. They have different rules, they have different levels of quality.

[B]

Oh, my God, it's awful. I was in the JetBlue terminal this time. And I've got to say, things are not looking good over there, really. The quality of. I think they have a Coffee Bean, which. First of all, a coffee bean in the airport. Forget it.

[A]

No. So sad.

[B]

It's the worst case scenario.

[A]

No, they're the worst coffee artisans on the block. First of all, I would say on the block, going to a Coffee Bean is okay.

[B]

Yeah. It's not that bad.

[A]

No. But it's sort of. It is not sort of good. They do have the good ice, though, right?

[B]

They have a much better ice at Coffee Bean. Way better than Starbucks. Are you kidding me? They have the pebble ice.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

But when you see them at an airport, I think it's almost a completely different brand at that point. It's like it just popped up there. Coffee Bean Corporate isn't even aware it exists.

[A]

Oh, no. Well, because it's probably like Coffee Bean and Company. It's like something. They got away with something. Can I share something with you that I've found out that I cannot stop thinking about?

[B]

Please don't.

[A]

I know I actually have to.

[B]

We actually only have a few minutes left on the podcast.

[A]

You know, I've had a great time, and so. Thank you, Annalise.

[B]

Thank you. Go ahead, please.

[A]

Simone Biles is opening a restaurant. Wait. In the airport.

[B]

What? What?

[A]

Called Taste of Gold.

[B]

What is happening?

[A]

I just kind of wanted you to sit with that.

[B]

Every piece of information, how you doled that out was so perfect.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

Taste of Gold. Should I try to guess what sort of food it is?

[A]

I think you're gonna be right.

[B]

If I'm wrong, is it burgers and bar food?

[A]

I think, more importantly, I don't know anything about it, by the way. Actually, I came here to promote it.

[B]

You are an early investor.

[A]

I'm the only investor. I don't know anything about it. I think the first thing I want to know about it, is it before or after security? Because I think that makes a huge difference. Huge difference.

[B]

Because, you know, in airports, after security, and this actually is probably completely wrong, I'm. Now I'm probably just making something up, but I think after security, there's, like, a full company that takes care of all of those restaurants. And that's why airport quality food is a little bit worse. Because, like, there's one company or a couple that have security clearance to get the food through. So somebody's like, not, like, baking a bomb into a coffee bean pastry.

[A]

Oh, my God. My favorite flavor.

[B]

Yeah. And so I think that's why before you get through security. I think they can be real versions of restaurants.

[A]

Are you serious?

[B]

I mean, again, I could be completely making this up.

[A]

Well, I'm like, well, that would make sense because I do think, isn't there, like, a Planet Hollywood that's like, right outside of the Tom Bradley security? Which would make sense because I don't think Planet Hollywood food could make it through security.

[B]

Oh, there's no way.

[A]

No, absolutely. They'd be stopped.

[B]

Also, is that the last Planet Hollywood in existence?

[A]

It is, yeah.

[B]

You're also an investor there. You're trying to get it back off the ground.

[A]

Well, I already took my money out, reinvested it right into Taste of Gold, which will be coming to the Dallas Fort Wayne airport. Before or after security? I don't know.

[B]

It's in the Dallas.

[A]

It's going to the Dallas.

[B]

I spend a lot of time there. Well, I have in the last year because.

[A]

Well, you should check out Taste of.

[B]

Because I work there. I'm at the Spirit Airlines, Dallas Fort worth Airport, Terminal 4. No, I actually was. I had a little mental break, I think, where I decided I liked taking a break in between LA and New York. And so often I would stop in Dallas.

[A]

I want you to know I'm smiling like the Cheshire cat. I'm going, what? My eyes are two stars. I'm going, what's going.

[B]

Hear me out. Hear me out.

[A]

I'm trying to.

[B]

Okay, yes, in theory. And it worked once.

[A]

Can you start over?

[B]

Okay. So I am going back and forth between New York and la. A decent amount of death. Yes. Over the last year, probably 400 times.

[A]

Okay. In a plane.

[B]

In a plane, unfortunately.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I'd rather be doing it by riverboat, but. And I thought. And I love to go out of Burbank. Love to go out of Burbank Airport, and I love to go to LaGuardia Airport. There are not a lot of direct.

[A]

Flights from Burbank to LaGuardia.

[B]

Yes. And now I think from Burbank to New York at all. I love the listener loves just kind of the logistics of now.

[A]

Stay with us, guys. It's going to.

[B]

Because it is going to be thrilling.

[A]

It's getting better. I can feel it.

[B]

But I had to take a flight there. There was not a direct flight. So I thought, well, I'll have to stop in Dallas for an hour. Of course, I'll give it a shot. The first time it worked perfectly. It felt like I was on a road trip and I was stopping for lunch, stopped there, got on the plane, got to New York.

[A]

It.

[B]

Of Course was like a nine hour journey rather than the traditional five to six. But I got to have my lunch, read a book.

[A]

But you're a non traditional traveler, so.

[B]

Everybody knows that about me. I do it. Yeah. That's kind of the game of my travel agency business for the non traditional traveler, for someone who loves to take 14 hours to get across the country. So it did work once. And so I thought, well, I'll keep trying this. And literally every other time there was a delay or I missed a flight.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And there was one time when I flew from New York to LA that truly took 13 hours because it was a two stop flight.

[A]

Oh, that's where I draw the line to any kind of destination. Sorry, I can't. No two stops.

[B]

Where are you going? You have to be going to space. There aren't even stops on the way to space.

[A]

No.

[B]

To be going from New York to LA and taking two.

[A]

Where were they?

[B]

Detroit and Salt Lake City.

[A]

Okay. Detroit I'm okay with. Because.

[B]

Beautiful water feature.

[A]

Yes. Gorgeous fountain. It's the Trevi Fountain of the United States. The Salt Lake. I. I am questioning because I think Salt Lake has to be the final destination.

[B]

You have to die there.

[A]

You can't travel through there. No. Because you can get a gyro there. I know.

[B]

Gyro.

[A]

€ gyro. Now wait, I listened to your episode with Katya. Was it.

[B]

Oh, you may have talked about euros.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, it's a euro, like the form of currency, like sort of.

[B]

I think that's more of a euro. And you're speaking of euro and I'm speaking euro.

[A]

Oh, euro.

[B]

It's more of a. What is that? A. It's like an ee rather than a U.

[A]

Well, you would know. You travel a bit more, you make a more few stops in a few different places than I do.

[B]

I'm all over the place.

[A]

Yeah. I haven't really picked up the dialect of the Midwest quite yet.

[B]

No, I'm from Salt Lake City.

[A]

You are? Yeah.

[B]

And there's a large Greek population there. And as far as I know. And again, I don't know anything.

[A]

I'm taking everything you say as the law.

[B]

Yeah, I think it's gyro. A lot of people say gyro.

[A]

That's a form of exercise, I think.

[B]

Exercise helicopter. Isn't there like a gyrocopter?

[A]

Gyro. It's definitely not gyro.

[B]

Thank you. I appreciate your support.

[A]

You know when people say gif and gif.

[B]

Yes. What do you say?

[A]

Gif.

[B]

Oh, absolutely. It's A soft G. You mean it's a hard G. Gif.

[A]

Yes, but said softly. That's what I meant. I'm sorry. I misspoke.

[B]

Yes, but just really real quiet.

[A]

Yes, yes, yes.

[B]

Gif.

[A]

Gif. So it's actually giro like a Z.

[B]

H E E. Okay, well, that's too far. You know, we're in America. We're trying our best.

[A]

Can you see we're talking?

[B]

We're not saying. Yeah, we're talking here. Annalise. So rude.

[A]

Well, she's really hoping that sickness kind of comes back. I'm. Yeah, you really are. I can feel that.

[B]

Listener. This is a taste of the know it all behavior you'll get from Annalise if they take over the podcast, so just be aware of that.

[A]

But I do appreciate what they're doing because they're being very smart. Just kind of, if you kind of.

[B]

Covering all bases, dead.

[A]

Which could happen at any minute.

[B]

I could end up in Salt Lake dead.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Final Destination.

[A]

The dream. Yeah, exactly.

[B]

That's the only thing left to say about this is exactly.

[A]

I did. The last time I went to Salt Lake City, I did get in a fight with a Delta agent over what I was in the. Right. I'm gonna start with that.

[B]

I'm already on the agent's side.

[A]

Okay, well, so was kind of every other agent there. I was flying, and as you would do from kind of the airport, I was on the. On the plane. And we didn't take off for, like, two and a half hours, just on the tarmac.

[B]

You were on the plane already? Yes. Oh, no.

[A]

Okay. So then they called us off, and by the time everybody had gotten off, it had been, like, three hours, and I was traveling with a friend. I said, watch this. I was like that travel girl from Instagram who was like, when you don't know the rules, and she goes, but you don't know the drawers. Watch this. And so I went up to the gate, and I was like, I was just on the plane for three hours. Can I have $25 for Shake Shack?

[B]

For Shake Shack.

[A]

Of course, yes. Cause I know that $25 from Delta is kind of usable anywhere in the airport. And they said, no. I said, you gotta be kidding me. I actually said that. Usually I said that in my mind, and I go, okay. And I walk away. But I said it out loud, and I was getting. Whoa. I scared myself a bit. And I said, you gotta be kidding me. I was just on the flight for three hours. Well, it wasn't really three hours, technically. I said, oh, you got. And I started speaking louder, and I usually don't do this. It was, I think, the thin air. Well.

[B]

And being on a plane for three hours.

[A]

Well, then it gets worse because I walk away, and within 10 minutes, I get a text message of, Here's $25. Because I was on the plane.

[B]

25 is kind of the limit.

[A]

It's sort of. Well, it's like the minimum for three hours. They'll give you $25 to kind of shut you up with a little bit of McDonald's. Which does work. It does work.

[B]

That would work on me for any suggestion. I could be there 40 hours, you give me $25 like, I've won the lottery.

[A]

Oh, yeah. And then you don't even think about it when you spend over $25. Cause you're like, it's still free, of course. Even if you spend.

[B]

Shake Shack loves this.

[A]

Oh, it's. Yeah, they're monopolizing it. Yeah.

[B]

It's a scam to get $25. That's amazing. But how do they give it to you? Was it like. Did you go back to the thing and they had a big gold gift certificate?

[A]

Oh, I wish. It's like a barcode that they'll scam. Now it makes sense. So if everybody is owned by the same sort of corporate conglomerate.

[B]

Right.

[A]

That Barcod.

[B]

It's universal currency.

[A]

Basically. Yes.

[B]

Again, you could take it to space, which.

[A]

I never want to go there.

[B]

I have no interest in going to space. I think we should shut down all space programs.

[A]

Me, too.

[B]

We leave it alone. We tried.

[A]

Who cares?

[B]

None of us will ever get to enjoy an alien. Let's just let. I mean, let's take 100 years off.

[A]

I think that's great.

[B]

Let's put the money elsewhere. I'm sorry, astronauts. I'm sorry, Space community that's screaming right now.

[A]

They'll get it. I think we should build a tower instead of doing, like, the rocket. Let's start with the tower first.

[B]

Isn't there a Bible story about that? I think it's the Tower of Babel. They tried to build a tower to God.

[A]

Well, just think of how much we've come since then. We probably have more technology.

[B]

Yeah, they took the time off so we can try it again.

[A]

Exactly. And at least we have a blueprint for what didn't work.

[B]

Saying that you're trying to get to God this time. We tried to get to space exactly.

[A]

Because we know God is a bit further from space, and he's actually not much further from Earth now.

[B]

He's very touchy about people trying to get to him.

[A]

Yes. But space, I think they'd get it because at one point we'd get so high that the gravity wouldn't. It would pull us up. So it'd help the building stay erect.

[B]

Hand in hands of space.

[A]

Exactly. It's two complete different entities working together. Yeah.

[B]

I love this. I love joining a collab collab with you.

[A]

I do love a collab. You might not know this. I'm collabing with the travel girl next. Do you know who I'm talking about?

[B]

I have no idea.

[A]

Oh, my God. It's so worth your while.

[B]

Does she have actual useful. I mean, she had this piece of information.

[A]

Absolutely.

[B]

What other things have you learned?

[A]

Oh, because she once taught me, and I am paraphrasing and you'll learn that as soon as I explain it, that if you lose your luggage that somehow the airline has to pay you a certain amount of money and that you have to. You can tell them that it's all in their bylaws.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

That they'll be like, no, I'm sorry, there's nothing you can do. But within the airline bylaws and some of the travel restrictions, it's like in the guidelines that they have to do this. They're just saying no.

[B]

And how much money is it, do you know?

[A]

I don't know. It's either like $10 or $10,000.

[B]

So it's a five to ten minute situation.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

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[A]

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[B]

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[A]

That's LinkedIn.com campaign.

[B]

Terms and conditions apply. LinkedIn the place to be. To be. Do you know what I just learned on an airplane? And I'm sorry to musicians everywhere. This is the most annoying thing I've ever, ever experienced. You can take a guitar as your personal item and put it in the stowaway.

[A]

Have you never seen that? Oh, you've never traveled an artist before?

[B]

Well, I was in a band for a few decades, but this was before they let us take the guitars on. It was a more luxurious time. It takes so much space.

[A]

Oh yeah. A guitar is not the size of a Samsonite.

[B]

It is certainly not. I had to take my carry on luggage. I was in row nine. I had to. My carry on ended up in row 24.

[A]

I don't really kind of play by that rule. I don't really do that.

[B]

What do you mean?

[A]

Well, I think at some point you kind of had to take a stand for yourself.

[B]

I tried, I tried pushing the guitar.

[A]

I think at that point you're just like, if you're bringing the guitar in, you got to play it. Sorry. Like if it's going to take up that much room, get in the aisle and like put out the hat.

[B]

Let's hear a solo.

[A]

Yeah. If it's that important to you, I understand. You don't want it to get banged around bent in lap. Come on, you got it. You gotta at least sing a song.

[B]

Hold it in your lap. Give me a break.

[A]

Put it under the seat.

[B]

It's essentially a child.

[A]

It is. That is an insane thing. You can't bring on a pair of skis, right? Why? The guitar.

[B]

A guitar is very long, fragile. I mean, and again, I know it's hard to be a Musician. But you should have to show that you have published music.

[A]

And no, don't say that's too easy to publish music.

[B]

That's true. Published music and made more than $40.

[A]

Oh, there you go.

[B]

Or show that you've sold out a venue. You're headed to a sold out venue.

[A]

Yes. I think that's.

[B]

There's gotta be something stopping anyone from taking a guitar.

[A]

Well.

[B]

Or I'm gonna start packing my clothes in a guitar.

[A]

So how did the luggage get so far back?

[B]

Because every other. Well, as I said at the beginning of this, I was in, unfortunately in group F. So by the time I was on the plane, literally, they were all taken up. And the mean flight attendant was like, well, you can take it to 24. I was like, you asshole.

[A]

They really rattled that off quick.

[B]

They, you know, they were just reveling in this.

[A]

They eyed you up and they went.

[B]

He'S not worth it.

[A]

He can travel back.

[B]

And the rest of the time I was on the plane, I'm thinking, how am I going to get back there before everybody stands up? Because if everybody stands up, I have to wait for the entire plane to wait.

[A]

That's the rule.

[B]

So I literally, upon landing, I'm unbuckling, I am running, pushing my way to the back like I had lost a baby.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But it was all I could do. All thanks to the guitar.

[A]

Richards, Ross. Going to the back. Yeah. Running, sprinting. Wow.

[B]

Yeah. It was a guitar. It's so inspired.

[A]

I don't like. I am willing to sit and wait because I cannot deal with the cattle.

[B]

Oh, the cattle and the social humiliation.

[A]

I'd rather just sit. You didn't want to do that, though.

[B]

I had been on the plane already so long.

[A]

Well, how many flights were you in already?

[B]

Shock. Oh, let's see, actually. So I guess this is because I had a stop. Where did I stop?

[A]

Salt Lake City?

[B]

No, this was from JFK to lax. Unless I was in a fugue state. So it was a direct flight.

[A]

Okay. From Burbank.

[B]

No, unfortunately into lax, which kill me.

[A]

I've never flown out of Burbank in my life.

[B]

Oh, it's such a pleasure.

[A]

I've picked up people from Burbank.

[B]

Of course you have. Because it's a normal. It's like going back in time. You can actually, actually access it.

[A]

Totally.

[B]

You can't pick somebody up from la.

[A]

That's when America was great again.

[B]

It's what we're trying to get back to.

[A]

Yeah. Burbank Airport.

[B]

Honestly, if we could make America, the Burbank Airport. I would support any candidate who could do that. It's not whatever we've got in the future. But when I run, if I haven't disqualified myself by saying something on this podcast, which I'm sure I have.

[A]

I'm sure you haven't. Have you seen what disqualifies people now? Yeah. I'm sure talking badly about the Salt Lake City airport isn't really going to do you in. If Matt Gaetz is almost the Attorney General, I think you'll be kind of okay at this point.

[B]

You make a very, very good point.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

But Burbank is a pleasure. LAX is hell on earth. They have that whole situation where you have to get on the shuttle to go to the rideshare thing, the Lyft ride. And we can stop talking. We'll stop talking about airports after this. But I do want to complain about Lyft because I got in a Lyft ride that I took no less. The driver took no less than 200 turns to get me home.

[A]

Oh, God.

[B]

He took freeways off right before I got in.

[A]

I was like, why? That's why the freeways are there. I don't understand. Like, even a horse and buggy is there, like, a reason.

[B]

This person thought he had a reason. I looked at Google Maps before I got on the thing being like, how long will this take? I said, an hour and 20 minutes. I was like, that's a very long time. But life is life.

[A]

Hour and 20 minutes.

[B]

Yeah. From LAX to Highland park, it was busy.

[A]

Okay?

[B]

Usually that's.

[A]

Now you're defending them.

[B]

No, I'm not. I'm about to burn this person to the ground.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Because about 10 minutes in, he said, in a few minutes, we're going to go through a parking lot. And I don't want you to worry, but there's a method to my madness. This is the worst thing you can absolutely hear.

[A]

Absolutely. At that point, I go, all right, put your hands up. I pull out a gun and I go, you get in the passenger seat, bucko, and we're taking my way. We get right on to the fucking 110, turn back. We go back, and I go, you're gonna do this over, you little motherfucker. Turn around and get back to Terminal 3 and let's do this right.

[B]

Nope. We went through not one parking lot, but two parking lots, a strip mall and a Ralph's parking lot. And, you know, I thought, well, this isn't traditional, so. And, you know, I'm a non traditional traveler. I thought maybe this will work. We took surface streets the entire time, going through neighborhoods from LAX to Highland park, which is not a short distance. It took a solid two hours to get home. He was fighting with other drivers. At one point, he had a confrontation with another driver. I contacted Lyft after this.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And they essentially just said, sorry that happened to you. I hate this company so much.

[A]

You know, for a while, I wasn't allowed to use Uber.

[B]

Why?

[A]

Ask them. I don't care.

[B]

Uber wouldn't let you use it.

[A]

Yes. I wasn't allowed. Something happened where they fell. Kind of like it was in their.

[B]

Best interest that I wouldn't use the entire corporation. Yes.

[A]

And I don't know why. I don't. Like, I remember one time. Yeah. I did kind of get in an Uber that was for, are you a Kelly? And I said, yeah. Cause I just. But how would they know that I wasn't Kelly unless Kelly complained? But how would Kelly know that I was in hers?

[B]

Right. And maybe you're a Kelly at heart.

[A]

Maybe. My mom's name is Kelly.

[B]

Well, there you go. You're Kelly Jr.

[A]

Exactly. Exactly.

[B]

Kelly II.

[A]

So I'm just like. I don't know. That couldn't be it, though. But it kind of.

[B]

That feels probably right.

[A]

It does feel exactly it.

[B]

Actually. The other Kelly probably ended up dead.

[A]

Who cares? Well, they probably ended up riding for Lyft. They probably drove you back to Highland Park.

[B]

Kelly. Well, you know, I've complained. Who knows what will happen to Kelly now that I've complained? Probably nothing at all. Promotion. Yes. She's now running Lyft. She's bringing the mustaches under the front of the car's back, but she's running.

[A]

Lyft through a Ralph's parking lot. That's insane.

[B]

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Wow. And I gave them the benefit of the doubt. I thought, maybe this is an amazing trick and I'll be home in 30 minutes.

[A]

Yeah. Now that's when you need to give them the doubt, because I don't think they deserve benefit at this point. People will do wild things.

[B]

I mean, I think they really believed in themself. And people have to.

[A]

They have to do it all.

[B]

You've gotta stop it.

[A]

No.

[B]

Very few people should believe in themselves.

[A]

Very.

[B]

Maybe one in 50.

[A]

I think there's just some people should lift people up, but nobody should believe it.

[B]

That's a good idea. We should believe in others, but not in ourselves.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Let the community do the work for you. Otherwise, you're taking two hours in A Lyft?

[A]

Yeah. No, I'm really sorry that happened to you.

[B]

Thank you so much. I just needed two sorrys. One from Lyft and one from you. And now I can move on with my life. And now I can start using lift again. I was basically abused by this kind company. Oh, well, there's something else we've got to talk about, which is totally inappropriate. I was really excited to have you here on the podcast today. Of course I was. I thought, adam will come, we'll have a pleasant conversation, I'll unload a bunch of baggage about travel on him, and then we'll move on with our day. So I was a little. What is the word? I was a little floored when you walked into the studio holding what I can only describe as. I mean, the podcast is called I said no gifts. Let's be very clear. I'm pretty sure you're aware of that.

[A]

I am.

[B]

This is not wtf. This is not the daily.

[A]

It's.

[B]

I said no gifts, and you were holding what's obviously a gift.

[A]

Yeah, well, I'm not really one to follow rules.

[B]

Mm.

[A]

And I do like the names of the episodes where it's somebody disobeys. And I felt like, why would I pass up a chance to kind of do that? To not obey.

[B]

Right. So you're kind of the travel girl of this particular podcast.

[A]

Exactly. You might not know. Yeah, I'm, like, practicing. Yeah.

[B]

This is all just a dry run for your TikTok. Plagiarizing her.

[A]

I keep playing this girl, and I know for, like, the one person that will listen to this who knows what I'm talking about. They're howling.

[B]

It's probably her.

[A]

Oh, no, she's mad.

[B]

She's contacting our booker, Patrick right now. Yes, I want to be on the.

[A]

Show 100%, but, yes, I did bring kind of something. That was what you said. Yeah.

[B]

Well, should I open it here on the podcast?

[A]

Yes, I think you should. So this is the first here I think you should open.

[B]

Oh, this is gorgeous. I mean. Okay, you're handing me an envelope.

[A]

Yes. It's a corner court summons, actually. I'm assuming you. Is that how. I didn't. Sorry.

[B]

That is such a good idea for somebody. I need to get in some sort of trouble with somebody legally, and so I can. Yeah.

[A]

I'm like, you're like Olivia Wilde right now, and I'm going, oh, sorry. These are the papers to get served.

[B]

On my own podcast.

[A]

It's amazing.

[B]

Is this your handwriting?

[A]

That is my handwriting. Did you Think I kind of hired out.

[B]

You hired somebody on Fiverr to write this?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

This is really. Where did you learn to write like this?

[A]

At Our lady of Peace School.

[B]

What grade?

[A]

Second.

[B]

Second grade?

[A]

Yes. I learned how because I had a nun still.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Well, that's why we still had religion in schools.

[B]

And again, we're trying to get back to this, and I think we. As quickly as possible.

[A]

Really good. I think it's gonna be really good. Hey, don't laugh. You should cry. I think it's gonna be really good for all of us. And. Yeah. So shout out to Sister Ann. She's dad, but she was the last nun to work at that school who didn't hit the kids with rulers.

[B]

Wow. And is that why she died?

[A]

Well, that's why most of the kids in my class couldn't write well, because the hitting worked.

[B]

The hitting works.

[A]

Yeah, it does.

[B]

Let's get back to it. More hitting in school?

[A]

Yes, I think so.

[B]

I mean, I didn't take cursive until 5th grade in Utah public schools, and my cursive is gone.

[A]

Really? I only write in cursive.

[B]

Really?

[A]

And I get two different kinds of reactions to. Obviously, I'm doing it all the time that I get all these reactions to it, but when people see my handwriting, one, they go, oh, my God, that's so beautiful. And two, they think I'm putting on some sort of vaudeville show of, like, I'm trying to just like, oh, you don't really write that.

[B]

Like your quirk.

[A]

Yeah, no, I'm like, no, I do write like that. And now show me how you hold a pencil. Have you seen the way people hold pencils now?

[B]

No.

[A]

Like Neanderthals.

[B]

Like this.

[A]

Fists.

[B]

Oh, no. Like a microphone, almost.

[A]

Yeah. You're supposed to just really hold it lightly between the index and the thumb.

[B]

I was taught incorrectly, or I learned incorrectly, and I would hold it on this finger. And, like, as a kid, had a huge callus on my finger. I know the viewer can't. I mean, the listener can't hear you.

[A]

See you right now, but you're sweating. I actually kind of need to see what you're doing because I have a pen in here. I just want to see how you're holding it.

[B]

Yeah, it's not right.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I mean, like, my mom took me to a doctor once like this. Oh, that doesn't look right, right?

[A]

No. Now take the pen out and hold your hands like that. Does that look like a normal.

[B]

No, Here, hold it like you hold it. Oh, that's so gorgeous.

[A]

Isn't that elegant?

[B]

So delicate.

[A]

It's sort of like how they signed it. Like the declaration, I think.

[B]

Maybe because my mom's left handed, that's why I learned incorrectly.

[A]

I don't think so.

[B]

Let's try to blame my mom here, okay?

[A]

I'm sure we'll find something to blame my mom for. So.

[B]

Yeah, we'll brainstorm eventually. Ok, let me open this envelope here. Let's see. Oh, I love that sound. Oh, that's beautiful.

[A]

Isn't it just? It's so nice to get.

[B]

Oh, this is a nice little card. Hats off to you, little cowboy. My dearest Bridger, I'm not really one for following rules. I wouldn't dare come empty handed. Your handwriting is gorgeous.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

Thank you for having me. And feel free to share what's happening. This bag. Love, Adam Rip. This is such a beautiful card. I love this.

[A]

Okay, so you're kind of sweetening up to the idea of a gift. I see.

[B]

I'm really warming up here. And now it's in this gorgeous mushroom bag, which I adore. I mean, wow, you've really gone all out.

[A]

Well, I mean, I just wouldn't show up with something ugly.

[B]

I mean, because I would have spread the word as quickly as possible.

[A]

Well, you know, here's the thing. If you just put a little effort into giving someone kind of some shit, which is, I mean, get ready, don't get too excited. They'll remember, like, oh, it looked so nice. I wasn't going to roll in here with the Ralph's bag filled with like a what?

[B]

That's a typical guest on this podcast.

[A]

Well, come on, People are trash.

[B]

Listen, you've really upped the bar here. Yeah, well, we'll send this episode out as an example for future guests.

[A]

Right? If you're thinking of getting a gift, please follow these guidelines.

[B]

Here are photos. And now that I'm thinking about it, writing, feel free to share in a card. And then if this was just full of money, that would be a very good idea. I'm going to try that for a gift, actually.

[A]

Give me that back. Let me put something in there.

[B]

Feel free to share. Okay, let's. Oh, we haven't had some nice tissue in this podcast.

[A]

You know, I know some people think that that's wasteful.

[B]

I don't think so.

[A]

I think kind of What?

[B]

I mean, what's being wasted here?

[A]

Oh, my God, can we just. Give me a fucking break. We need to wake the world.

[B]

People are coming after you all the time for your tissue usage.

[A]

I mean, I'll be honest. There is a kind of an abundance.

[B]

This was the whole bag of tissue.

[A]

It was. Because there's eight sheets in a little pack.

[B]

Let's use. Let's not waste. I'm gonna use every one of these as I pull it out.

[A]

Yes. Oh, it sounds so good on the.

[B]

Mic, by the way.

[A]

I know.

[B]

So crispy. Let's make sure. Let's see. Oh, there's more.

[A]

No, all eight sheets are in there. Don't worry.

[B]

Are there multiple things in here?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Okay. Should I take them out in any order?

[A]

No. Okay.

[B]

Okay, so we'll take this one.

[A]

It's a choose your own adventure. Okay.

[B]

I'm very excited. Okay, so. Oh, what is. Oh, under eye patches. Fantastic.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

2 24k gold under eye patches.

[A]

I think they use that term loosely. Yeah.

[B]

I mean, this simply doesn't apply to.

[A]

No, I think they go, oh, 24 karat golds. And it's also, like, in Korean. And I think they're just like. They won't understand the difference.

[B]

Okay, should we talk about this or should I open? What else is in here?

[A]

It all goes together.

[B]

It all come together. Okay, so we'll bring everything out, and then we'll get into it.

[A]

Yes, yes.

[B]

And so we'll get to continue doing tissue.

[A]

Just a few more sheets.

[B]

I hope everyone's keeping count at home. Okay, there's one more. I'm not even looking. I now just focus on getting tissue.

[A]

That's smart.

[B]

Yeah. This much.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Then we'll go for the rest of the game.

[A]

Yeah. Get it even closer to the mic. I think that'll be.

[B]

Okay. I think that's the end of the. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. See, and this is why we don't. We're not wasteful.

[A]

No.

[B]

Ultimately, we are very in control of our carbon footprint.

[A]

Is it wasteful if you used it as a prop?

[B]

No. No. And if millions enjoyed it.

[A]

Oh, my God. Which I know they did every single. You might not know that. I'm, like, so committed to that. I've never talked about her in my life before. I'm so sorry. I'm having.

[B]

You've got to team up.

[A]

Oh, I hope so.

[B]

I have to team up.

[A]

I think after her. Have her take you on a trip to hell.

[B]

It'll be the worst possible vacation. Okay, let me bring out what else is happening here. Okay.

[A]

I hope there's no more paper. Cause that now it does feel cumbersome.

[B]

Let's see. Okay, now I've got.

[A]

Oh, when you kind of lay it all on the table like that. It does look like a bunch of shit, but please, please, please, please explain it.

[B]

Okay, so then we've got some. Oh, some collagen essence masks, which are bamboo from Dermal. Are these all a der. Is it all the Dermal brand? I don't think so.

[A]

No. I think I kind of went across a genre.

[B]

This is from the Dermal family. It's a wine collagenescence mask, which feels like an absolute stain on a face. Okay. And then some. I actually have no idea. Oh, a lip mask that are. Or in the shape of lips. Like those candy wax lips.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Which I've never eaten.

[A]

I have.

[B]

You have.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

What is that experience?

[A]

Well, I think it explains a lot of why I'm not. Well, now it's literally. It's like eating a candle, which is not that bad if you really think about it. You could do worse for things to chew on.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Candy wax. I haven't thought about those in a while, but. Yeah. It is just. It is. I don't think we should be eating them, but.

[B]

Right.

[A]

I did. Whole thing.

[B]

Whole meals.

[A]

Lick my lips, lick my fingers after. It was like Thanksgiving. Yeah.

[B]

Dinner plates full. Okay. The lips. And then finally some pineapple flavored pineapple twist flavored Trident. So there's so much happening here.

[A]

Yeah. Well. And not anything at all. So I have everything that you have on the table. Okay.

[B]

I'm laying it all out here. Kind of like cards.

[A]

Yes. I think that's. Yeah, it looks like. Yu Gi. Oh, cards. I have this in X at home. So I grabbed kind of out of my stockpile because I thought, why wouldn't you just want to treat yourself like I treat me.

[B]

Of course.

[A]

And Trident gum is my favorite gum.

[B]

Is this flavor in particular.

[A]

Absolutely. I think people really kind of say some nasty things about Trident.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I love Trident.

[A]

Me too. But I kind of never have heard you say it publicly at least. And I think a lot of people kind of stayed that direction with Trident. They're afraid to. They're more like the route of, like, a stick of gum.

[B]

I have fully removed stick of gum from my life.

[A]

Good.

[B]

I'm actually. I've now become a dentine ice person.

[A]

See, this is what I mean, people. Yeah.

[B]

Just hear me out. You're not gonna tell me you like morbid Trident? No, no, no, no. You will see no Trident, because I carry a bag and anything that's not in the little. And this is a wasteful product. And it's the little plastic. Like, I think they Call it like a blister pack where you pop them out.

[A]

Uh huh.

[B]

Anything that's not in one of those, the gum will find its way into my bag and then will be all over my wallet and keys.

[A]

Oh, no.

[B]

I can't have that ever happen to me again.

[A]

Again.

[B]

Again. No, no, no, no. That'll be the end of my life.

[A]

So is the Mr. Pack Pack. Is that like the bot. Like the bowl? Like it's like a mug of gum?

[B]

No. And that I simply will not buy either. Who buying that? Unless you're a truck driver.

[A]

Unless it's the last drive you're gonna do and you need all 200 pieces of orbit gum. Dirty mouth. Yeah, Come on.

[B]

Yeah, that plastic thing, I don't know who's buying that. I think if you were doing long distance driving or you manned a ship or something.

[A]

Something.

[B]

But if you're a normal person.

[A]

No, you can unwrap it individually.

[B]

You can unwrap it. No, what I'm talking about is like it's a little like cardboard, essentially the size. And then you push it out and there's like a tin foil and a plastic. I think I've got some on my bag. I'm gonna show you.

[A]

Okay. I am quite excited because I do believe that it's going to be absolutely worth the. Oh, that. Oh, no. You know what that looks like to me?

[B]

What?

[A]

I used to smoke.

[B]

Oh, that's what that looks like. Oh, nicotine.

[A]

Not even. It just looks like I had a cigarette outside and I now need to freshen my breath. That's what that looks like to me. Dentine ice.

[B]

Well, that gives you a nice sense of danger.

[A]

Does it?

[B]

Adam's been smoking.

[A]

This is what. And I know this because that was a really popular gum to chew after in the area that I'm from, Pennsylvania. Famously, they'd have their nice little Marlboro Red and then they'd need to get right back into the classroom or into the ice rink and then they'd have one or two pieces of dentine ice.

[B]

That makes sen.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Wow. Well, I mean, I'm not stopping and.

[A]

I don't think it didn't stop them either. And so I think to hell with them. To hell with them, I think.

[B]

How long did you smoke for?

[A]

I. Well, okay, I smoked well while I was competing.

[B]

I just don't associate that with a professional athlete.

[A]

I know you wouldn't, but you would associate it with somebody who was just so thin, which I was.

[B]

So. Just while you were skating.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Who turned you onto it?

[A]

Me.

[B]

What?

[A]

Because I knew people who smoked were thin, and I was like, that's what I'm missing. And I wasn't wrong. Which was the really scary part about it.

[B]

But you were doing intense exercise.

[A]

Right. Which was sort of kind of counterbalancing. Everybody needs a little advice.

[B]

The smoking wasn't doing anything for you.

[A]

It was keep. It was making me not eat dinner and lunch and sometimes breakfast.

[B]

But you were eating your weight in dentine ice.

[A]

Yes. And yogurt.

[B]

Yogurt.

[A]

Okay. Okay. Well, because there's calcium in that for strong bones.

[B]

Calcium and protein. Great source of protein. Now people are drying it out.

[A]

Drying the yogurt out.

[B]

Have you seen this?

[A]

No.

[B]

It's a new trend. People are drying out yogurt. Of course, it's on TikTok.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

But they, like, leave it out overnight or. I haven't looked into it that much because obviously I don't have any interest in drying out my yogurt personally.

[A]

Oh, I. Okay. I scrolled past a video like this. Please tell me if I'm right. I saw a dollop of something go into a cheesecloth.

[B]

Yes, yes.

[A]

And then they dry that out and.

[B]

Then they eat it.

[A]

Okay, okay. I'm gonna say a few things. I don't think we are gonna make America healthy again. I actually don't. And I think we're kind of too far gone. Have you seen the videos of that one woman who goes, what I have right here is raw milk, and it doesn't go bad. And she unscrews the top and all you hear is you see a little bit of like the liquid of what I perceive as milk go in. And then you thud, thud, thud, thud, thud. And then she goes, oh, it gets better. She takes out one of those, like, you know, from Ikea, where you can get the milk frothers, but like the handheld one where like one AA battery goes in. She goes. It actually never goes, oh. And she puts that in and she froths the milk to kind of break up its own kind of the curds.

[B]

Or whatever, the cheese that's forming.

[A]

Uh huh. And then she kind of brings it, you know, she moves it kind of up and down to break up all the chunks and then. And she drinks the whole thing.

[B]

I drink milk. Me too. Oh, I love to meet a fellow milk drinker.

[A]

Why do people.

[B]

We're so rare now.

[A]

Yeah. I'm sorry, almonds don't have udders.

[B]

No, no, no, no. It's almond water.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I cannot eat a cookie with.

[A]

Almonds unless I stole it from a child. A baby. Its own child. I don't want it.

[B]

No, no, no, no, no. I need to have stolen from a baby.

[A]

Yeah. And here's the thing. I know milk is supposed to turn a baby cow into a 800 pound cow. And there's a part of me that wants that.

[B]

I would love nothing more than to be half a ton.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

I want to be a prize winning cow.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Take me to the fair.

[A]

Please. Please.

[B]

Blue ribbon.

[A]

I think you'd get the blue ribbon.

[B]

I'm shooting for 800 pounds. No, the raw milk thing, I can't do that. I need it ultra pasteurized.

[A]

Me, too. As it should be.

[B]

Because milk, like, there's such a fine line between it being something I can drink and being the most disgusting possible thing in the world. And, like, if another texture becomes part of it, it's over.

[A]

That's how I feel about. And I do love kind of looking over at your side of the table right now because I've truly turned it into just a bunch of trash.

[B]

This is not trash, though. We should talk about this.

[A]

No, but wait. This is what I mean. I brought three of everything because I thought, oh, well, one, I didn't know how large the crew is. And I'm looking around, I'm going, oh, it's like 28,000. 28 people in there. John. There's John. It's kind of John's reflection back there.

[B]

We have the whole cg.

[A]

They're right there. I see them.

[B]

The puppeteers.

[A]

Yes. So something for everybody. I lost my train of thought. I was saying something. But please, go on. You're doing. You're a fantasist.

[B]

So you were saying you brought all of these for everybody?

[A]

Yeah, that's it.

[B]

That wasn't leading to a greater point? No, I mean, welcome to my world.

[A]

No, I said it kind of with the kind of the lilt that there was, like, more to what I was saying, but I just thought, nope. Period.

[B]

Well, then let's talk about these things. How often are you using these men?

[A]

Well, not. Not really. I actually. I believe in them. Right.

[B]

This is gonna lead to a severe burn for me.

[A]

I hope. I do like them. The lip ones. You give them to the kind of. The people who don't do the most around here. I think you.

[B]

Annelise, they're gonna love this.

[A]

So they're whatever the eye masks are. Nice. Okay.

[B]

24 karat. Yeah.

[A]

Oh, it looks like I slipped in four in there.

[B]

Oh, okay. I can double up.

[A]

Yes. So what I like to Do. When I do use these, I don't use them very often, but I'll do the eye masks and then I'll put the sheet mask over that. Oh. Just kind of make sure that everything is as covered as possible.

[B]

And how long. I've never done any of these things.

[A]

20 minutes.

[B]

20 minutes.

[A]

Lay down.

[B]

Okay. Lay down now.

[A]

No, I'm kidding.

[B]

Get on the floor. This is a robbery. That's a great way to start a robbery. Handing out face masks. Everyone in the bank. Yeah.

[A]

But they leave kind of beautiful.

[B]

So refreshed.

[A]

Yes. They look so nice.

[B]

Victimless crime. I was at. This is interesting. These are all. I think these are mostly Korean products. I was at we spa last night. Have you ever been?

[A]

No, I haven't.

[B]

Fantastic. Are you familiar with what it is?

[A]

Yeah, it's for the we the people.

[B]

It's a Korean all day Spa. It's open 24 hours a day. It's in K town.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Wonderful.

[A]

K Town is sort of my final destination.

[B]

You're never in K town.

[A]

No.

[B]

You gotta get over it.

[A]

I go there every once in a while to get Korean barbecue. Obviously it's the top of the food chain for me. When they do the redo the food pyramid, I'm politicking hard that they're gonna have seasoned and salted beef up at the top. But that's when I'll go to K town. Other than that, the infrastructure is tough to get through.

[B]

The parking is difficult. Yeah, there are a lot of things that make it hard to get around. I will say, but when you go to wheat spa, you pull up, all.

[A]

Your troubles melt away.

[B]

Yeah, all of your troubles melt away. I think I actually spoke about this on the very first episode of this podcast. And like when you started, and this.

[A]

Being the very last, it's kind of.

[B]

A nice full circle moment. Thank you for listening.

[A]

I'm shutting you down. That's the court summons. Yes.

[B]

A cease and descent. There's been another I said no gifts this whole time and they're finally suing me. No, I remember I spoke about we spa in the first episode. And of course, like when you start a podcast, you get a lot of people listening who aren't going to be future listeners. They're just trying it out. And of course, a lot of those people are morons. And I remember a lot of people being like this snob. All he wanted to talk about was the Korean spa. It costs $30.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And has the, like the appeal of a high school gym. I love it. I adore it's. Like the police.

[A]

You're a brand ambassador. You're doing a great. I want to go. I. Oh, my. It's like a gym from a school. Oh, my. I'm like, start the car, Annalise.

[B]

No, I love it. It's a wonder world. It's so relaxing. It's so. It kind of.

[A]

I know they said you were a snob, but I'm going to say something. I don't think anything $30 is relaxing.

[B]

This is the. I mean, $30, as far as I'm concerned, is too expensive, and that's the least relaxing thing about it. But $30 is a great deal. You can be there for 24 hours. I'm going to be there for two. Of course.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

But you get to just go sit in all their beautiful little pools. They have, like, a clay spa you can lay in a salt spa. This is not a snobby thing. It's a wonderful place to be. Why did I even bring it up? Oh, because we have these things.

[A]

But I'm sure because I'm actually here representing those people to take you down. So I really don't kind of do people who write mean comments.

[B]

Oh, how so? You just ignore or do you attack?

[A]

I don't attack. Cause I go, God, it just must be so awful to be you. It really. And I mean that kind of. With my full chest.

[B]

Truly, like, what is your life like?

[A]

You would spend. Which I like sometimes I. I'm one of them. But I will write my nasty thing to my friend not to like an online platform.

[B]

That's one you don't know.

[A]

No, that's crazy. Why are you gonna. Yuck someone's yum?

[B]

It's very odd behavior. You're alone, you're broken.

[A]

Yes. I'm untruth social.

[B]

The only other thing I'll say about we spa, as much as I talked about it being not that great, it's fantastic because there are other spas, and I had some friends go to one, and they found a dead body in one.

[A]

Well, that happens in the.

[B]

I believe. In the pool. No, I think in, like, the steam room.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

And that spa, not Weespa, did not respond well to the entire situation.

[A]

How so?

[B]

They basically acted like it was my friend's fault that they had found it. Mm. Which it was. They wouldn't even refund their money. I mean, my friends were covered in blood.

[A]

They wouldn't refund the money.

[B]

They would not refund them.

[A]

I'm all a sudden, like, I'm a lawyer now.

[B]

I know what Another case for travel girl.

[A]

If you find a dead body, wait till you see. You're gonna drop dead when you see her for the first time. Okay? Please. I am so sorry. I'm never speaking again until you finish this story. They found a dead body.

[B]

They went into.

[A]

Who took the pulse?

[B]

My friend, she went in there, and because the person was unconscious, and they walked in, they're like, what's happening? And the spa would not take responsibility. My friend had to check it and basically confirmed that they had died.

[A]

What?

[B]

And then finally, the spa kind of got involved, but continued to act like it was not their fault and that there was really nothing wrong and were like. And there were other spa goers who were annoyed that it was happening. They were like, we want to use the spot.

[A]

Well, it's annoying. To die during peak hours is annoying.

[B]

Find another place to crawl off and die, dude.

[A]

In the locker room.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

You can block that off, but not in. In the sauce.

[B]

Not where we're supposed to have fun.

[A]

No. What?

[B]

Yeah, they found it. And my friends, they waited until the ambulance and the fire department came to make sure. They obviously were the adults in the room, because the spa was not going to do this.

[A]

Then my friend said, what was the spa's plan? Just going. Oh, he's really. In a deep breath.

[B]

That's a great question. Were they hoping that the body would just disintegrate?

[A]

Mm. Well, that kind of does. That does happen very quickly. Within the hour.

[B]

It's their cremation.

[A]

Yes, absolutely. Within the hour, it will sort of just disintegrate. It will turn into a Himalayan rock salt.

[B]

That's the secret of all of these spas.

[A]

Yes. They're just dead bodies.

[B]

No. They waited until the paramedics had come and taken care of it. Then they asked, can we get a refund? And they said, no.

[A]

What?

[B]

I mean, it's kind of a lift situation.

[A]

Well, it is sort of, like, times are tough, I guess. We lost our customers.

[B]

No refunds for anything ever.

[A]

No, that's. And what. It was a massage envy.

[B]

It was not a massage envy. What happens in a massage envy? I can't picture exactly what's going on. Cause it's kind of a franchise thing, and I feel like that feels so impersonal for. I want, like, a. I want a massage. A small business.

[A]

Well, massage envy is a small business. It's a local business. I used to be a Massage Envy member.

[B]

And what was your experience like with massage envy?

[A]

Impersonal, Kind of. Exactly what you said. Kind of terrible.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

This is what I don't like. And I'm so sorry, but I'm like really kind of tired of people cutting corners. A massage is kind of on that hour.

[B]

Y. Right, right.

[A]

Don't go 50 minutes.

[B]

No, no, no, no, no.

[A]

80 minutes. No, sweetheart, 60 minutes. 90 minutes. That's sort of the timeframe 50. No, that means you want. What are you doing twiddling your thumbs and yanking my junk for 10 minutes? Do your job. Nobody wants to work.

[B]

Wait, so what would happen after 50 minutes? I'd just be like, your time's up.

[A]

Time out, time's up. Argue with them, time's up, Harvey Weinstein. They would just kind of leave. And it's 50 minutes and so then I have 10 minutes to kind of scramble. Like together.

[B]

They just wonder what's going on.

[A]

Leave the money on the dresser.

[B]

Did you ever try complaining?

[A]

No, because they did say that it was 15 minutes long.

[B]

So I knew that is not the standard massage time. It should be one hour.

[A]

Yeah, I agree.

[B]

Who settled on 50 minutes?

[A]

I did, when I signed the contract. But I still don't like it.

[B]

Is that their gimmick? Our massages are less time.

[A]

I've seen other places kind of try to pull this stunt. We'll call it a stunt. It's a cheap trick. Not for me. Cause they're charging me the 60 minute kind of rate.

[B]

Right. And is it like a monthly subscription where you can go as often as you want?

[A]

Well, no. So it's like a monthly subscription, which I think, listen, it's been a while. I think basically your monthly subscription will get you one. One massage a month, which is cheaper than if you had just bought it outright. And then if you miss it that month, it rolls over. So they kind of took that sort of ATT Verizon kind of mentality of the rollover minutes and they used it towards massage. It was nice that somebody kind of took that over though.

[B]

Yeah, of course. Somebody had to take over the rollover concept.

[A]

Yeah. Cause we don't really do that anymore.

[B]

No, Nothing rolls over. I guess.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I can't think of anything.

[A]

No.

[B]

So the massage, let's say you missed it for January, it rolls over to February now in Febr you can have two massages.

[A]

Yes. Because you paid for that one massage at your members rate.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Right now I'm going, wait, that's pretty good. I'm about to join again.

[B]

Especially if you let them all roll over for 12 months and then you're.

[A]

Having 12 in a row that day. You could just do them all that.

[B]

Day you just let them kill you there.

[A]

Yeah. No refund.

[B]

No refund needed.

[A]

That is, I really don't think I'll ever get over.

[B]

Wow. The 50 minutes.

[A]

Not the 50 minutes. The dead body.

[B]

Oh, the dead body, of course. I mean, imagine my friends, right. How do they ever relax in a massage?

[A]

Where was it in this state?

[B]

It was in K town. Yeah, I would name it, but I'm sure there's some legal gray area there that could become difficult.

[A]

Don't. Because I do think that they'll have what's coming.

[B]

I feel like they're not going to. I feel like this has probably happened multiple times. For them to not be freaking out, they must be like, oh, I guess what's the point?

[A]

What do you. I mean people, they do put the warnings and that's. And you know what? That will go a long way in the court of law.

[B]

Everybody will absolutely, certainly will. If you're feeling lightheaded, get out. Sorry.

[A]

Nothing would be more lightheaded than dead. Yeah. And I guess they were feeling it.

[B]

They were absolutely dead.

[A]

Suck it up, you're dying.

[B]

Yeah. RIP to whoever that person was.

[A]

Yes. The first time I went to Japan ever, I did also see a dead body on the street.

[B]

Oh, that's, that's a tough situation.

[A]

There's no kind of anything else I can share about that story. Not because it was involved. Yeah. But yeah.

[B]

Had it been there for a while, I mean, this is dark.

[A]

I start crying.

[B]

I could have helped, I don't know.

[A]

But nobody was doing anything. They might not have been dead. Just shallow breathed.

[B]

Shallow breathed. And no one was. This feels very kind of par for human nature.

[A]

Yeah. It was a premonition, I think. I'm so sorry I brought that up. My God.

[B]

What, you're saying it was a premonition? You knew they were going to die in that bush?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So basically you see everyone you see you see as a dead body.

[A]

Eventually, yes.

[B]

You know, they'll be dead. I'm looking at a dead body.

[A]

Right, right.

[B]

Ultimately we're all looking at dead bodies constantly.

[A]

Well, eventually, yes.

[B]

You're looking at a future dead body.

[A]

Yes. Uh huh.

[B]

That's an easy way to lie. That's a good party story. I saw a dead body last week.

[A]

Really?

[B]

No one's gonna ask that many follow up questions.

[A]

No. Unless they're the police and then they're.

[B]

Not gonna ask any.

[A]

No, no. They're gonna go, this guy's crazy. We gotta get out of here.

[B]

Okay, well I've got all of my Masks here. How long have you been using masks?

[A]

Metaphorically or the physics?

[B]

Metaphorically first. When did you become your true self?

[A]

Mm. Still haven't? No, I'm still kind of masking now. Social masking. I kind of have been using them for, I guess, like, 10 or 15 years.

[B]

Who got you into these?

[A]

The Koreans.

[B]

The Koreans came for you personally?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Have you been to Korea?

[A]

I have, yes.

[B]

People go there, and it seems like a wonderland. I mean, like, for skincare.

[A]

I'm gonna tell you something about something, okay? Okay. 1. I'm opening a medical spa.

[B]

Is that true?

[A]

That is true.

[B]

Can I be the first? Can I cut the ribbon, please? Maybe. I mean, you'll cut the ribbon. Maybe I can cut the ribbon.

[A]

I don't need to cut the ribbon. You can do it. Nobody's asked. And I didn't ask to cut it either. So, please.

[B]

You weren't even planning on a ribbon?

[A]

No.

[B]

I'll bring the ribbon.

[A]

Until now. I'm going. Hey, wait. I should audition for that. And so. Well, one. I have asked me if I have a medical. I know you're the host, but here's a good question. Ask me. Do I have a medical background?

[B]

Do you have a medical background?

[A]

No.

[B]

We'll cut out all the other thing before that. So I sound smart?

[A]

Yeah. I do. Not technically. Okay. And so in the state of California, you're not allowed to own it, but there's a lot of. There's, like, some ways to go around it.

[B]

Okay, let's.

[A]

Let's hear these, which I found them all. So it started with, I have a friend who I had been going to, who did, like, my lasers and injections and stuff. Edit that out. No, I'm kidding. And they were like, I want to do my own thing. And I was like, well, if you're doing your own thing, tell me where. I'm just going to follow you. I'll, like, never come to this place again. A chain.

[B]

Oh, a chain.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Laser envy.

[A]

Yeah, laser envy. And they were telling me, like, oh, but I need to find, like, a. They are a nurse.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And you need to have a medical director of your clinic who's an M.D.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And I was like, one of my best friends, his husband is a doctor, was recently disbarred and never will be barred again. Yeah, he's actually completely barred. And I said, let me talk to him. And so she was telling me, I need to find a doctor to be the head of the clinic. I said, let me talk to my friend. Maybe I can help you right and then we started talking, and I was like, would you ever want to do something together? And she was like, hell, yes.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

So we've been working on the process of, like, getting it together. And so now I know a lot about all of this stuff. And now let me tell you about.

[B]

Let's get the real.

[A]

Okay, I'm going. Let me tell you about for real. It's great. Yeah. As someone who. Yeah, no. So now, why all those treatments you see on TikTok and all those people going. They have their pinky up their nose. Shut up, bitch. Listen to me, okay? Everything's so cheap over there. Yeah. Cause you're getting, like. They're blowing air at your face.

[B]

Oh. There are a lot of, like, not scientifically proven, but there's a lot of.

[A]

There's a lot of, like, really superficial treatments that you can.

[B]

That we don't have because they're unnecessary.

[A]

They're nice. But it's like, wouldn't it be nice if I just blew on your face for 20 minutes?

[B]

The dream.

[A]

Mm. So this is the concept for your business, and so I'm thinking of offering it. And so the thing is that they have things where it's like they blow compressed air onto your face.

[B]

Compressed air, honey, I can go out in the wind.

[A]

Yeah, exactly. Blow the dice and fucking hairdryer at me. Okay. And they'll offer things like a red light, where it's like. Okay, the red light sort of documentation that we have, you know, those face things that you can get. The red light mask. Right.

[B]

There are a lot of things where it's like. It's like vitamins. Taking vitamins. It's like. It's probably not.

[A]

Which, you know, I'm scarfing those down.

[B]

Of course I am. Why not try roll the dice? Exactly.

[A]

I'm all about. It's like Vegas. And so with the red lights, like on Omnilux, for instance, I'm actually taking them down right now in this podcast, Goodbye Omnilux. So all of the studies that they've done on red light are based on. Not the mask that they sell on the panels that they sell to professional corporate.

[B]

Oh, interesting.

[A]

So they sell the panels that they are selling. That's all their studies are done on how effective the panels are, not the masks, and using the same technology. So they'll do, like, different red light treatments. But to have red light be effective, you need to do it consistently, like, two, three times a week.

[B]

And for it to be super strong.

[A]

It just needs to be stronger than.

[B]

A little light up mask, battery pack style.

[A]

Yes. And then when it comes to the different treatments, the real intense ones, like your pico laser, your clear and brilliant and everything. Everything. Like, is price comparable to over here? Oh, we just have a lot of the less like walk in walkouts. Cause a lot of these people are. And I'm gonna take, I'm gonna name names. Don't worry. A lot of these people will walk in and they'll be like, I went to Korea and I got eight sin treatments in one day. And they leave. And they just left. And they're like. And look at my skin. They're just slathered in Vaseline, head to toe, slick as a seal. And they're going, I got all this done. Okay, listen to me. If you got anything worthwhile done, there'd be blood, you'd be under anesthetic and you'd be crying.

[B]

There would be trauma involved.

[A]

Absolutely. Because beauty only comes from trauma. It does not come from compressed air.

[B]

Okay, that's kind of true.

[A]

And so then when they go and they compare the prices of. It's like within dollars for how much is Botox or syringes of filler or things like that. It's all very comparable. They just offer a lot of more superficial treatments which people will feel like, oh, I'm getting so much done.

[B]

Right. What a bargain. And then forgetting airline tickets and hotel people are.

[A]

And then they go home and they drink raw milk. What can you do? There's really no. I think we should defund the Department of Education. I think we should. And we should fund the Tourist Board of Korea. I think we should do that. I think that'd be really good.

[B]

No, I mean, that all. I guess that adds up. I'm canceling my trip to Korea. Don't. A culturally rich country that I was just planning to go get air blown on my face.

[A]

Yeah, exactly. No, they. And you know what it is? I. The people who do it, they love it. And they're like, I need an AI skin analysis. Oh, God, girl, please, spare me the details.

[B]

Snake oil.

[A]

Yeah. Enough.

[B]

So what are you going to do at your clinic?

[A]

Everything. Everybody else, right?

[B]

Just the effective things.

[A]

Yes. And the thing is, what I don't like about going to like, what I didn't like about going to a med spa was that I just didn't. I didn't feel like they were just trying to pedal me to like some sort of thing I either didn't need or didn't want or like, I was like, I just want to do something to like Maintain.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And they were like, I don't want.

[B]

Like a radical transformation.

[A]

Well, I wanted that too. And they were like, please leave.

[B]

I want to be unrecognizable in the worst way possible.

[A]

I want to be radicalized politically, which I am now. And it feels good. And so I just think that the whole experience can just be better, pleasant.

[B]

And common sense, I imagine. Yes.

[A]

And I. Well, when I was getting into it one I just. It felt like intimidating, of course. And I didn't.

[B]

Starting a hospital, essentially.

[A]

Exactly. Which I'm prepared and qualified to do. Not in the eye of kind of the state of Gavin Newsom.

[B]

The St. Adam Rippon Hospital.

[A]

Uh huh. Yeah. It's like off brand Cedars is kind of what I'm starting. Oaks. Yeah. Different trees.

[B]

Wait, so do you actually have a name for the med spa?

[A]

Super skin.

[B]

Oh, I like this.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

And do you know where it's going to be?

[A]

I think. Well, I live in Pasadena and so does my friend who's the. And so we want to try to find something in Pasadena.

[B]

Right. I feel like Pasadena is the home of quality. Yes, that's probably true. I think.

[A]

Yeah. There's no shortage of med spas there. There's like 50.

[B]

50. And you're gonna put them all out of business.

[A]

Absolutely. Well, before. Well, because of arson, even before you.

[B]

Open your business, they will be dead.

[A]

Oh yeah. It'll just be like. It'll be like a K town spa.

[B]

A string of fires breaks out in.

[A]

Pasadena to every local med spa.

[B]

Please become a firebug. That's all I want for you.

[A]

Yeah, I'm going to go in the next door app and be like, I.

[B]

Think I smell smoke as you're lighting the fire.

[A]

Are they. When people are like, we saw a suspicious 5, 7 kind of looking man getting a lot of gasoline out of the ExxonMobil. And I'll go wand right there right away and be like, no, no, that was. That was. That sounds made up. I think you're wrong.

[B]

This person has lied before.

[A]

Bot.

[B]

It's a bot. A next story.

[A]

Well, they're going there next.

[B]

They probably are. Right. Just reporting coyotes.

[A]

Oh my God. Wait, do you live in. You live in an area where there's a lot of coyotes?

[B]

Oh, yeah, yeah. I see coyotes. I see. I have a lot of wildlife. Raccoons, possums, coyotes, parrots.

[A]

Yeah, we have the parrots too.

[B]

I think those are the four major. And then cats.

[A]

A lot of you kind of throw.

[B]

Cats into lot of feral cats.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. And I love them. I mean, not a lot. I mean, now I'm talking like I live behind a dumpster, but there are a couple feral cats.

[A]

I've been to your house. You do? Don't lie.

[B]

There's a lot of rotting garbage that I just kind of dip into. No, we have a couple feral cats and I support them. I mean I financially or like romantically. They're my secret family. My boyfriend has no idea.

[A]

The raccoons, I don't really. I like them online.

[B]

I love a picture or video.

[A]

I used to live in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. And where I lived, the door to leave my apartment was like right next to the dumpster.

[B]

Oh no.

[A]

And so like at night when I would like throw the trash out, I would sometimes accidentally hit them, not knowing that they were in there already doing their job.

[B]

They were at work.

[A]

Right. And I'm like, show me your papers. I was originally. Yeah. So furious. And they'd hiss at you. Oh yeah, Come on.

[B]

That's not a sound you want to hear from a raccoon. No, you don't want to hear any noise.

[A]

How about a fucking thank you?

[B]

I just gave you gold.

[A]

Yeah, you're going want what's in there? How about a fucking thank you? And then the coyotes, we see them all. They just walk the streets.

[B]

Oh yeah. And I'm not scared of a coyote though. Are you okay?

[A]

What. What happened to you? You're not scared of a wild dog.

[B]

They're not. They're scared of you.

[A]

Oh, they're absolutely. That a coyote. They're scared of you.

[B]

They truly are. They're way more frightened of Larry. The only thing that is.

[A]

Who are you calling large? Me.

[B]

Me. I'm huge. 7 to £400. No, the only things that are really in danger of coyotes are small pets. Otherwise coyotes, you know, they'll just stand there and then scurry off if you're bigger than them.

[A]

Yeah. Well, I thought that's cause they were rude, not cause they were scared.

[B]

It's cause you thought you had an off putting personality. Yeah.

[A]

What the hell?

[B]

I'll never have a friend.

[A]

No, I actually have one of those that like a rape whistle sort of deal on my bag. Cause I have a small dog. Oh, I have a medium sized dog. And so I have two dogs. They're both like mixes.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Tony, he's from the streets of Tijuana.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And I guess he's getting sent back there soon. And he's half pit bull and then half kind of a mini. If you literally Google like Mexican street dog. He looks exactly long hair or short hair. Like, short.

[B]

Ish.

[A]

Okay. And so he's like a German shepherd boxer, golden retriever.

[B]

So he's just incredible.

[A]

He looks like a dog. Like, he's so cute. And then we have Tracy. She was found in a dumpster in Bakersfield. Oh, I know.

[B]

That's heartbreaking.

[A]

It is.

[B]

That is heartbreaking. I do run a puppy mill, so I don't care.

[A]

Oh, so maybe it was you threw Tracy in there. Well, we have her now.

[B]

We have a lot of excess dogs. And, you know, it's just part of the business. People will love their Labradoodles. Right?

[A]

They're in, they're out. And she's half pit bull, half wiener dog.

[B]

Oh, my God. That's gotta be so sweet.

[A]

Yeah. She looks like an alien, and she's very small, and we have to. And now my favorite thing to do is, like, she just is. So act like she plays all day long. And she gets so skinny. Like, she just looks like bones.

[B]

Is she smoking?

[A]

No. She's gonna start soon. I'm gonna teach her how. And so we give her this little yogurt concoction. And I always call it Weight Gain 3000. And so Tracy eats Weight Gain 3000. And so she is. She's.

[B]

That feels like something you could sell at the. At Super Skin.

[A]

I will do that.

[B]

That'll be eventually the next thing. You see.

[A]

Well. And then I'll sell the antidote.

[B]

Yeah, exactly.

[A]

You have to create the problem. Cigarettes to solve it. Yes, cigarettes.

[B]

Wait, I'm sorry, but you have small dogs. You have kind of the rape whistle for coyotes. I feel like you were trying to say something.

[A]

I wasn't then.

[B]

I was. I just wanted to know what.

[A]

One thing that you will learn about me is that the sentences I say don't kind of string or, like, lead into the next sentence.

[B]

You famously have never made a point.

[A]

And I never will.

[B]

You hate a thesis.

[A]

I do not do that. I do kind of a synopsis, but not a thesis.

[B]

But I'm curious about this whistle. Then what does it attach to? Your keys.

[A]

So I am kind of the outfit I'm in while I'm on a walk is, like, casual. And then I have a fanny pack sort of like around the shoulders, like, crossbody.

[B]

Of course.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

We love our crossbody fanny pack.

[A]

Yes. I wanted you to finish that. Cause I went crossbody. What? And so, in my little Ziploc. Not Ziploc. My little zipper fanny pack in there, I have two packs of Trident bubblegum. Flavored gum. Sometimes the walks get long.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And then I have the poop bags. Two rolls of poop bags.

[B]

Responsible of dog owner.

[A]

Of course. We should shoot down the people who don't.

[B]

Oh, absolutely.

[A]

Just killed on the spot. Like we should drone, like, I think we need to get Elon on that.

[B]

There should be a sniper on every electric pole.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Just waiting for these people. Bye. Sorry.

[A]

Good morning.

[B]

You're not a responsible person.

[A]

No.

[B]

Not doing the bare minimum.

[A]

I'm going to run on that one day. Probably run from it actually.

[B]

It'll be kill, kill, kill. That's your slogan?

[A]

Yes. Yeah, and so I have that and then I have treats in the back. Cause Tony's very like, food motivated.

[B]

Oh, okay. Okay.

[A]

So he would do anything for like a piece of Rami shit. Yeah. Not even I could have rocks in my hand. And I go, what's that? And so I have that. And then it's a little keychain that goes onto one of the zippers. And for this to work, all you do is like, you rip it off of the keychain and it's this loud, loud whistle.

[B]

Is it a one use only multiple. Have you ever had to use it.

[A]

Just in my house for fun? It can get dangerous to your board.

[B]

Yeah, it's like a fidget spinner thing.

[A]

That cry wolf in the house.

[B]

You're all alone.

[A]

Uh huh. Nobody's there. The dogs are like, what is going on Again? They're completely numb to the sound now. Yeah.

[B]

Okay, well, I'll have to look into one of those.

[A]

Oh yeah, well, the other day I saw on TikTok somebody who I hate was going right now only on the TikTok shop. I got this one for my sister, for my aunt, for my mother, and for my grandmother. They're only $20 now, but go click on this link right now.

[B]

I'm like, give me a break.

[A]

Stop it. I don't trust anybody who's ever had an Amazon storefront linked in their bio.

[B]

Of course, no. Up until five years ago, this was not a part of human behavior.

[A]

No.

[B]

It's not a normal thing to do. You were not like, oh, I'm buying all these things for my family. Wouldn't you like one? That's never been a thing until now.

[A]

Well, it was a thing when there was like the Avon lady.

[B]

Yeah, of course. And we all knew she was a con artist.

[A]

Exactly. When she was trying to get a free car.

[B]

Yes. She at least had a purpose.

[A]

Right. Like the people I have more respect for, the women who worked at lularoe than I do for anyone who links to my Amazon. Amazon storefront stop.

[B]

Just garbage. No, absolute garbage.

[A]

Crazy. You'll never guess what I found only today. And I'm like, this is the thing, you guys. If something costs a cent on the TikTok shop, the tariffs are gonna hit you hard.

[B]

Those people are in for a big finding out.

[A]

Absolutely. Go to your Amazon storefront. I hope it's linked to a gofundme because you're gonna need the money. Money. You're going to need the money.

[B]

It's a two stop shop for supporting these tiktokers at this point.

[A]

Absolutely. And they need it.

[B]

Well, should we say anything else about these things? Do you want to?

[A]

Did we say anything?

[B]

I want to try.

[A]

The gum is the best flavor.

[B]

I've never had the pineapple flavor.

[A]

Do you know gum is really good for your teeth?

[B]

It is good for your teeth. It's good for. And there's also again a TikTok trend of like young men chewing gum or something to strengthen their jaw. Good luck.

[A]

I've recently these people going, well, do you have some? Oh, I have some in my bag. Two extra packs. The people on TikTok going, well, I. You'll never believe it. I remineralized my teeth.

[B]

REM.

[A]

Open schools. I'm like, I'm begging someone to open the schools. I remineralized my teeth. All my cavities went away. They didn't.

[B]

This is an RFK situation which.

[A]

All his cavities went away and they went into his brain and now his brain is an empty cavity.

[B]

It's an absolute void. It just sucks.

[A]

Echo chamber. It's terminal F. It's jet.

[B]

Spaceships cannot fly past it without getting sucked into it.

[A]

No, actually the tower building up to space, that was his idea and I stole it. Yeah.

[B]

This gum is delicious. I told you the pineapple flavor, it's the best.

[A]

And you have to get it online.

[B]

They don't sell it in store stores. It's only in your TikTok shop.

[A]

Well, if you go to my Amazon storefront, you'll kind of find it there.

[B]

I did have to order the centi nice online. No storefront.

[A]

What's going on? Like mom and pop shop? Well, I'm like going to Target, so I'm telling you, Target's a mom and pop at Target.

[B]

They're not selling this to me.

[A]

No, they're selling orbit.

[B]

Orbit. And it was all over. I'm going to have to spit this out because people are going to hear me chewing Gum.

[A]

They want to hear that.

[B]

I'm going to do it a couple times. Listener, if you don't like to hear the sound of someone chewing, turn away. Now. I'm just gonna do this because I was given gum as a gift and we should chew.

[A]

So beautiful.

[B]

Okay, now I have to say I.

[A]

Hear your teeth kind of getting remineralized. My teeth were rem. That's what they said. They say it like.

[B]

Remineral. They didn't know again.

[A]

They didn't know their teeth had mineralized.

[B]

It means nothing.

[A]

Nothing means anything.

[B]

Did they say what remineralized their teeth?

[A]

The gum.

[B]

Oh, the gum did.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Is this any gum?

[A]

No, it's a special gum. That tree sack, if you look. Yes. Wait, I'm not.

[B]

Is that true?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

What? Yes, people are morons.

[A]

Absolutely.

[B]

Close it all down. You should have to get a license to use the Internet.

[A]

I think this is something I truly believe. If you aren't going to use your government name and then post it.

[B]

Oh, wow.

[A]

You shouldn't be allowed to post bare minimum.

[B]

Right?

[A]

Absolutely.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, that makes sense.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

There should be some accountability.

[A]

There should be complete accountability.

[B]

You should have to government name and what you got on the ACT or sat just to let people know who they're dealing with.

[A]

Absolutely. Well, the people who don't have any, like, this is the thing. We'd weed them out right away. We'd weed them out right away because you know who the worst people online are?

[B]

Who?

[A]

They're under the age of 50.

[B]

They're very powerful.

[A]

They're the most powerful people in America.

[B]

They truly are. Because they're grew up on an iPad. They grew up on an iPad. They're extremely confident and they're stupid.

[A]

This is the thing. When we. I'm assuming we're about the same age.

[B]

I'm 11, 25.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

So you're speaking about me directly.

[A]

I get a bloody nose, I'm like, I'm 20.

[B]

All of your teeth fall out.

[A]

Well, I remineralized them, so they're going to be fine. I think that because of the Internet, like when we were young. We are young. When we were younger, when we said something that was wrong, we were corrected immediately. Immediately.

[B]

By somebody who's smarter than us, which.

[A]

Made us feel like, okay, if I'm gonna say something, I should know something about it.

[B]

Right. Like you do in the real world.

[A]

Exactly. Well, on the. In girl world, as they say on mean girls, you need to make a public statement about everything. And people are like, you didn't really talk. Talk about this. I'm like, what? No. People didn't like it when we did the Black Box. They don't like. We have to listen to people. Why don't we try listening to people? Like, stop.

[B]

No. You just have to march forward without listening to anybody.

[A]

And that's what a lot of people do. And they're really good at it. And some of them are successful.

[B]

Oh, extremely successful. Do you know what I will say about teenagers right now? I used to be scared of teenagers because I was like, oh, they're cooler than me or they know something. In the last three years, I've become scared of them because there's a scary look in their eyes, especially teenage boys. There's a real, like, lacrosse sex predator look in almost every one of their eyes at this point.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

I don't know what's happened.

[A]

It's trending well.

[B]

Joe Rogan.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

But they've all been turned into this devil.

[A]

This is the thing I truly believe that they're all so easily swayed the other way. They could easily be swayed the other wayward. The wayward wind.

[B]

But how do. How do we get them?

[A]

We just don't. You don't let them know that you're getting them. You have to shame them.

[B]

Oh, interesting.

[A]

They all have a kink. Shame. They all want to be. Everybody wants to be shamed at some level.

[B]

You want to be shamed at the.

[A]

Highest level, I think. I think at the judicial level is like, how they want to be.

[B]

We learn through shame.

[A]

Absolutely. People do need to get bullied a little bit.

[B]

I completely agree.

[A]

I was bullied.

[B]

I was bullied and I bullied.

[A]

Right. And you're going to bully me after this podcast.

[B]

You're going to.

[A]

And that's why I came here. But people are not learning their lessons anymore.

[B]

No, there's no. I mean, there are so many lessons to learn, and simply, no one's standing up to anybody.

[A]

No. You know who taught me the. Sherry Lewis taught me a lot of lessons.

[B]

Classic bully. Sherry Lewis.

[A]

Oh, the biggest bully.

[B]

Lamb Chop was kind of a bully.

[A]

I think, because she was small.

[B]

It came from insecurity.

[A]

Absolutely. I have found her daughter on TikTok, which I like.

[B]

Sherry Lewis has a daughter?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And she must be in her.

[A]

She's half lamb.

[B]

No.

[A]

Could you imagine there were things going.

[B]

On on that set.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What is her thing? Is she an influencer?

[A]

No, she's just sort of like kind of reliving her mother's memory.

[B]

Good.

[A]

I have said this once on a podcast before. So I really hope. Well, it does bear repeating, so I'll say it again. Um, when Sherry Lewis died, I did set up, like a shrine of lamb chop things on a shelf in my room.

[B]

Oh, that's so sweet. Do you have a lamb chop stall?

[A]

I did.

[B]

Okay. And like a Charley horse. Was that one of them I had.

[A]

Well, I didn't really kind of do well. He was a side character.

[B]

He was straight.

[A]

Yeah. But he had that kind of lacrosse ish side.

[B]

Yeah, completely. He was kind of the prototype.

[A]

Yes. But yeah, I had a pillow that I remember that when I was five years old, I threw up on because my appendix ruptured.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

I'm fine.

[B]

Your appendix ruptured at 5? It really wasn't in for the long haul.

[A]

No, no. It actually was kind of in and out.

[B]

I'm out of here.

[A]

Yeah, I gotta go.

[B]

I can't do this planet.

[A]

But it does save you some weight. It was a good weight. I was already concerned about it at 5.

[B]

So how much does an appendix weigh?

[A]

Too much.

[B]

You probably lost a great percentage of weight as a five year old.

[A]

Absolutely.

[B]

You're like, wow, I really slimmed down this fall.

[A]

My BMI is looking amazing. They're like, you're five years old, you've.

[B]

Just lost an Oregon. So Sherry Lewis daughter is on TikTok, selling all kinds of things. She has her own TikTok.

[A]

She hasn't sold anything. Right now she's just kind of selling the American dream.

[B]

Oh, is there any, like, oh, politically this could get dicey.

[A]

No. Except for the red hair.

[B]

Oh, interesting. If you, like, glanced, you would say, is she wearing a red hat, maybe? Oh, no, that woman's.

[A]

And I really. I feel like that the tone I'm taking is like, I'm talking down to her. I'm looking up to her.

[B]

She sounds like she's doing.

[A]

She's doing great.

[B]

Pure.

[A]

Yes. She's doing what you'd want Sherry Lewis daughter to do on TikTok. She's doing it right. And she's spreading positive messages.

[B]

It's lovely.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Thank God Sherry didn't live to see TikTok.

[A]

I think she would have liked it, actually. She's a kind of Republican coded Sherry Lewis.

[B]

Oh, I don't want to know this.

[A]

Well, and I only say that because it's sort of like off brand Sesame Street.

[B]

Oh, wow. I've never really put. Did she start lamb chops? Because she's like, Sesame street is getting too political. They've got someone who lives in a garbage can.

[A]

I Think maybe.

[B]

Oh, Sherry.

[A]

No, I have no idea. No, I have no idea.

[B]

No. Sherry was a hard leftist.

[A]

Yes. And I wanna believe that.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

I wanna believe that.

[B]

Yes. I mean, she had the animals coming.

[A]

Together and they had that song that never ended.

[B]

Oh, right. Which is kind of an equality message. Enough song for everyone.

[A]

Yes. That was sort of the driving force behind the song that Never ends.

[B]

Good for her for essentially leaving a curse on earth with that song.

[A]

She left something. She left a daughter and a curse.

[B]

Well, I think it's time to play a game.

[A]

I agree.

[B]

I think let's play Gift Master today. Actually, we haven't played this in a while. I need a number between one and eight. Okay. Actually, I'm switching my mind. I want to play Gift or a Curse. But I'll still use the same number. Okay, I have to do some light calculation.

[A]

Oh, wait. If it's a different game, I need to give a different number.

[B]

Okay, I do need a different number from you. What number would you.

[A]

Two.

[B]

Two. Oh, a perfect number for this. I need to do some, like, calculating to get our game pieces.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

So you can recommend, promote. Do whatever you want. I'll be right back.

[A]

Okay, great. I don't have anything to promote, actually. But you can follow me on Instagram and you can go to my medical spot when. And because I don't have any sort of medical credentials, I won't be performing any of the services, which is a good thing. And it is the right thing.

[B]

Okay, that's great. I believe in Utah, you don't have to have a license to do.

[A]

To drive.

[B]

To drive. To do anything at all.

[A]

No. To drive. You don't need it.

[B]

No, there's that. I don't know if you watch Housewives of Salt Lake City, but one of the ones Beauty Lab and Laser.

[A]

Oh, gay, right?

[B]

You think her name's Gay?

[A]

No, Meredith Gay. I don't watch the Housewives. Whitney.

[B]

Whitney Gay.

[A]

Is that her last name?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

One of them owns a medical spa, correct?

[B]

Yes, yes, A successful medical spa called Beauty Lab and Laser. And I've been there multiple times. I've never gotten a treatment. Just went and got a picture.

[A]

What did you get? A mint at the front.

[B]

They don't even give you a mint. Come on, Beauty Lab, I know you're listening. Put some pillow mints up there for people to get out.

[A]

Yeah, for passerbys.

[B]

For me.

[A]

When you're taking your eight flights to New York. Give the poor man a mint. Hurry.

[B]

I need a lunch. My mint lunch. Okay, we've Got to stay on task here. I can't get us off. I'm going to name three things, okay. You're going to tell me if they're a gift or a curse and why. Then I'll tell you if you're right or wrong. Because there are correct answers.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Am I very clear?

[A]

Very crystal.

[B]

Number one.

[A]

Curse. And I'll tell you why. Okay, I'm ready. I'm so sorry.

[B]

This is from a listener named Kristen. Gift or a curse? Unscented lotion.

[A]

Curse.

[B]

Why?

[A]

Because the way lotion was developed. It was developed because the scent is sort of the best part about it. Otherwise, it's just goop. Right. And I understand that the lotion does serve a purpose of sort of moisturizing the skin, but it comes at a great cost. And the great cost is that it feels awful and it feels like goop. And I think that the only way to kind of counteract the kind of glop is the scent. Now, the scents do come in kind of different tiers of what's sort of acceptable and not. And I think your kind of middle ground is coconut, which is polarizing because it does sort of go vacation, but swerves very hard to Suntan lotion.

[B]

Right. People are smelling the beach. People are smelling the pool.

[A]

Yes. But I think your higher tier are your sort of special flavors are like your florals. Some florals are good.

[B]

Sure, sure.

[A]

And that's the correct answer.

[B]

Wrong.

[A]

Whoa.

[B]

Oh, you don't get the point. Unscented lotion. If I put on a scented lotion, I immediately think I am not being. And I. As you know, your business is just about to blossom, and we don't do lotions.

[A]

So I'm not.

[B]

But I need you to be more of an expert on this ad.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

When I put on a scented lotion, I know. No, I'm not getting the moisture I need. I'm putting on a thick perfume.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I do not want.

[A]

What's wrong with that?

[B]

If I wanted perfume, I would do a light spritzer.

[A]

Well, do you know that the oils from the lotion help the scent stay longer? I learned that on TikTok. You'll never guess what I learned on so from lotion curl. Okay, I'm listening. I'm just not hearing.

[B]

You know, when I'm at a hotel or at somewhere that supplies a lotion, I know I'm an immediate danger because I know it's going to have a smell. It'll be a floral smell. I'll put it on and it's Essentially somewhere between water and GAC and potpourri. None of those things is doing what it needs to moisturize my body.

[A]

And so potpourri, the famous moisturizer I'm.

[B]

Rubbing into my skin. Dust all over my body.

[A]

Pine cone. Just scratch.

[B]

Great exfoliator. That's not a bad idea.

[A]

No.

[B]

Again, I could be an early investor.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

After cutting the ribbon.

[A]

It's like an African net sponge. It's a pine cone.

[B]

Is that a real thing?

[A]

African sponge.

[B]

An African nut sponge. Net Net sponge, yes.

[A]

Sorry, did you not understand my accent? My accent when I said that? African net sponge.

[B]

Net sponge. Is that anything like aloofa?

[A]

Well, aloofa is sort of like what white people started to do when we stopped using the washcloth, which I never.

[B]

I will not do. Oh, I've never started.

[A]

Well, then maybe that's the reason the lotions are so irritating, is that you're not kind of scrubbing off the top layer.

[B]

I'm using the loofah.

[A]

Oh, boy. That's sort of like a disease waiting to happen.

[B]

A disease waiting to happen.

[A]

I think the loofah is. So the net sponge is, in essence, to break it down is like the loofah, if it weren't sewn together.

[B]

Oh, so it's like a mask.

[A]

Miles of tulle.

[B]

Like tulle. Tulle's not a bad idea for a shower tool.

[A]

No, absolutely not.

[B]

A beautiful tool hanging from the side of your shower. Yes.

[A]

I'm distracting you because I'm still not kind of understanding. You're in immediate danger. You're at an hie Holiday Inn express scented lotion.

[B]

We all have to start with an unscented lotion. I understand if you stink and you want to smell it up with your roses or your sandalwoods, but that should come as a second layer to the medically dermatologist prescribed.

[A]

They don't like scents.

[B]

Unscented lotion is a gift. It's a base. It's a foundation.

[A]

What lotion are you using? Vanny cream. What is it?

[B]

I mean, I'm gonna say this. You're probably gonna scream Aveeno.

[A]

No, that's fine.

[B]

I love Aveeno.

[A]

Jennifer Aniston has been using it for years.

[B]

We know she's bathing.

[A]

Yeah. Aveeno. When she sleeps in, like, a vat of Aveeno of Aveeno.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

No. Hey, listen, I'm not. I don't believe in expensive products.

[B]

Oh. A lot of it. I mean, it is a scam. So much of it.

[A]

There's only two different tiers of products. Well, three Free, over the counter and prescription.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And the only thing that works are prescriptions and procedures. So I'm sorry if you got it over the counter. La Mer. It was used to hear some.

[B]

You bought it in a mall kiosk.

[A]

Stop it. It's in a glass container, you fucking fool. There's mineral oil as the first ingredient. It's oil. It's olive oil.

[B]

It's grease.

[A]

It's grease.

[B]

Butter.

[A]

It's goop. Exactly what I've been saying. But it's scented, Right?

[B]

And people fall for it. And it's French.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Or at least the name is.

[A]

All right, I'm sorry that I got that.

[B]

You got it wrong. But don't let that shake your confidence too much.

[A]

It hasn't at all, actually. It's only kind of emboldened me. I'm ready.

[B]

Okay. The second one is from somebody named Ollie. Gift her a curse. Joking to your waiter at a restaurant that you did not like a dish that you've clearly just devoured.

[A]

Absolutely. That's a curse.

[B]

Why?

[A]

That is the lowest tier of comedy available of going, well, I hated it. And then pushing the clean plate back to the waiter. Oh, my God. That is like that for me. When I think of that, I think of David and Goliath. I am David, and I'm taking this right to the head, and I'm dead, and I want everyone dead. I don't. That's so terrible. If it's been done before, if the joke in the bit has been done before, I think maybe let's put it to rest.

[B]

You are correct. It's a curse. And I'm looking at this from the waiter's perspective. This poor person is just trying to do their job. And part of that. That is acting like they enjoy your company. And you're pushing it to the limit by telling them a joke that they have heard a billion times.

[A]

Right.

[B]

This person should not be subjected to your open mic.

[A]

I have actually. Wait, I'm gonna say something. I'm gonna give a disclaimer to this.

[B]

Okay, let's hear it.

[A]

I think it's okay if somebody says that joke ironically, but if they say it.

[B]

But, I mean, there's. It's too quick of an interaction to deal with irony. And all of this waiter prompts you with a.

[A]

Let me guess. You didn't like it then you can hit them with a, yeah, I hated it. And it's a quick. It's harmless. It's a harmless interaction. But I also. Now I'm on your side of it being A curse. But if the. But I really do feel for the table.

[B]

Right.

[A]

How shameful.

[B]

Oh, so embarrassing.

[A]

Embarrassing. Never returning to the restaurant with that person at least.

[B]

No, no, no, no. They've been excommunicated from the group. Goodbye. I will work to have them ban.

[A]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[B]

It's a complete curse. And yeah, I think at least letting the waiter be in control of this.

[A]

Dynamic, they should be in control of everything.

[B]

Of the country. Yes, I actually kind of believe that. Okay, so you've gotten one so far. And this is the final one. This is from somebody named Maris. Gift or a curse? Writing, no caption needed. As your caption to a picture online.

[A]

There's a. It's a two. It's a double edged sword because it's a curse to you and it's a gift to me because I know now and the gift is I know to avoid you. And the curse is you have no original thoughts of your own. No caption needed. I did a thing. Stop it.

[B]

Oh, I did a thing.

[A]

I did a thing.

[B]

Can I just a slight detour, please? The slightest.

[A]

We haven't taken any. Yeah.

[B]

Have you seen the documentary about the Grey's Anatomy? Liar. The writer that was lying about her entire life?

[A]

Ah, no.

[B]

Oh, you have to see it. It is fascinating. She lied about literally any traumatic event you can imagine. She lied about having it from cancer to having somebody die in a mass shooting. What to all.

[A]

And her name was Rachel Dolza.

[B]

I mean, she's kind of the Rachel of the.

[A]

Of medical.

[B]

Of Grey's Anatomy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But I think they show a screenshot of something she did that I think was the biggest red flag possible. I think it may have been the first episode she wrote of Grey's Anatomy or something. And she got on Twitter and the first sentence of this tweet is, my.

[A]

Nails are like in my palms. They're like bleeding. Uh huh.

[B]

I did a thing.

[A]

Stop.

[B]

Period. Stop.

[A]

That's.

[B]

Or maybe it was I wrote a thing. Either way, if I had been one of her co workers, I would have started telling everyone there's something going on with Elizabeth. Yeah, let's figure this out now because this could be a.

[A]

The rape whistle on my fanny pack.

[B]

It's going off.

[A]

I pull it. The fire alarm is off.

[B]

Absolutely.

[A]

Really? I wrote a thing. It doesn't matter either.

[B]

It doesn't matter what the verb is there. It's the most insane thing you could possibly write. And then as a professional writer, this person, I mean like every element of it was like, this person is at danger.

[A]

Like your poetic license should be revoked.

[B]

Absolutely.

[A]

That's crazy. Is a curse.

[B]

Yeah, it's a curse. Yeah. And okay, so you're saying. But you're saying no capture needed is a gift to you, which you have to pick one side or the other.

[A]

Oh, curse.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I'm seeing like, the silver lining is the gift of that. Like, I know. To just avoid this person at all costs.

[B]

Right, right. Unfortunately. Unfortunately, you do not get the point. It's a gift for reasons that you did outline.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[B]

I mean, my finger is floating over mute at all times. The list of people I've muted at.

[A]

This point, I've never muted anyone.

[B]

Do you unfollow?

[A]

No, I kind of suffer through you.

[B]

Just deal with it.

[A]

Well, because I have to know what the other 99% think, you know, I.

[B]

Do have a few of those in my feed where I'm like, I gotta keep an eye.

[A]

I have to keep. There are some people that I have that I have not unfollowed because I'm keeping tabs on them.

[B]

Because you can learn, you can grow.

[A]

Because I know the FBI is going to contact me and go where? What were they doing? And that I can have the keys to kind of get them thrown into jail. I know that. And so I know that I have a kind of social and moral obligation to keep tabs on these people.

[B]

Yeah. You say, here's a screenshot. I wrote a thing.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

Lock her up, boys.

[A]

You. She can't be tried. She can't be trusted at all. And they're like, what? That was Ryan Murphy. Like, throw him in.

[B]

Ryan Murphy gets on Twitter and says, I wrote a thing.

[A]

I wrote a thing.

[B]

That's all I want in the world.

[A]

We're getting there, Ryan.

[B]

Reach out. Well, you got one out of three.

[A]

Okay, bad. Not good.

[B]

Not good. But room to grow, room to learn. And that's all we want out of anyone on this podcast. This is the final segment. This is called I said no emails. People write into I said nogiftsmail.com begging for answers. That's all you need to know. Will you help me answer a question, please? Okay, let me get into the doc. Okay. This says Dear Guest. Now, I mean, they usually say Dear Bridger and Guest. So this is it sounds like this is.

[A]

Can I see the laptop? It's for me. No, no, no, I don't need. Oh, that's for me.

[B]

Actually, Dear Guest, I mean, I. I feel. Look, I'm a sensitive person, so I'm a little shaken right now, but that's fine. Dear Guest. And specifically not Bridger.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

It says, every year my family asks for a list of things each family member would like for Christmas. And it always feels very impersonal. Not much thought is put into the gifts besides picking something to buy from said list. And it feels more like an obligation. This year, I want to approach the holidays differently and move away from capitalist gift giving. I'm 27, and while there is many a thing I would like to get, I feel the money spent on gifts could go to better causes like charities. How can I convince my family to put their money to better use so we can all be more altruistic? This upcoming holiday season, Yours truly, Lauren in Durham. And again, I guess you will have to start. I'm happy to provide some information, but Lauren has specifically asked just for your help, at least initially.

[A]

I. Lauren from Durham. I like where your heart is at. I think kind of suck it up, buttercup. Listen, I don't know, and I don't know you. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Lauren, Lauren, Lauren. Back up. Edit this out. No, keep it in. I want her to know my inner thoughts. I think that. I mean, what do you want? What do you want? Like, what do you want? I understand, and I'm gonna say this, Lauren, I'm gonna. I'm eye to eye with you right now. I don't like gifts either one, because a lot of it is just. People just give you junk to be like, I got you junk.

[B]

I'm familiar as you have opened packets.

[A]

Of Trident in Korean sheet masks in front of you. But you'll use those.

[B]

I will be using those.

[A]

And that doesn't take up real estate. Yes.

[B]

They will eventually get to be thrown away.

[A]

Right. And you won't because you were like.

[B]

Made into a quilt or something.

[A]

I'll find your use. Yes, yes, yes. So I'm with you. Where it's just like, I don't need this. I don't need you to go to the Sharper Image and get me, like. But it's a wire. It keeps all your wires together. I don't. I'm with you. I don't need. But listen, your family, your parents, they don't have much time left, and I just sort of think you have to kind of like, let them do what they want to do.

[B]

I agree completely. Lauren, Your family's about to say, Lauren is a killjoy. Yeah, she's just making Christmas so boring.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Look, maybe you do accomplish.

[A]

I think that's what I was just gonna say. A hybrid. Let's say let's put a price limit on it.

[B]

Yes. Price limit. Start from there.

[A]

And then I'm gonna give someone the gift of love, friendship, love. Don't. Sometimes people go, here's a gift and it's like the receipt for like, I donated to the zoo.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Yes. They printed it out.

[A]

It's my favorite charity. The zoo. The Detroit Zoo. Yes.

[B]

They have a beautiful water feature.

[A]

Yeah, they do. So much for the community question mark. Yeah, I love them. Yeah. So donate to the zoo. Yeah.

[B]

I think a hybrid where you maybe you do the list of things you want and then a list of potential charities. Or say maybe we limit it to small businesses. We can only buy each other things from local small businesses. Yes.

[A]

Or you know how like in the campaign when you buy like campaign merch, it's actually like a donation to the campaign. Do they have that for charities?

[B]

Oh, probably.

[A]

Right, do that.

[B]

Some oversized T shirt.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Ill fitting.

[A]

A tote bag. Everyone needs a tote bag. And an ill fitting hat.

[B]

Water bottle.

[A]

Oh, my God, I could use another. A keychain. Do that.

[B]

That's not a bad idea.

[A]

Ask for that. Why don't you be the change you want to see in the world and ask for literally the donation.

[B]

And then your family members may follow your lead. Unless you're the one that they don't like already.

[A]

Well, here's the thing. It's gonna be so self righteous that you show up to Christmas and somebody's like, I got a Nintendo D. And then another person's like, I got a 74 inch TV. And you turn to them with a little envelope and go, I asked mother and father to donate to the little sisters of the poor, you selfish bitch.

[B]

I'd love to be playing Mario right.

[A]

Now, but I have to contact the little sisters of the poor.

[B]

Maybe sometime you can show me a TV show.

[A]

Cause I donated. I don't have nothing.

[B]

Can I get a ride home? Lauren, you're so lucky that I even chipped in here. I mean, I had no reason to give you any advice. I was so rude. Don't write back in.

[A]

It was crazy. And you know what? For someone who didn't want anything, she did kind of want our time.

[B]

She wanted attention. She obviously wanted to be seen as a good person, which she clearly isn't. No, she listens to this podcast. She's a rotten egg.

[A]

No.

[B]

Bad news, Lauren. Sorry. Merry Christmas. Happy holidays. Your family's going to be pissed. Yeah, well, we answered it perfectly. Absolutely perfectly. And now I've got gum for days this can go in my car. It won't go in my bag as I described.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Oh, it'll go in my freezer.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Please put that in your freezer. It'll melt.

[B]

That's a new trend. I bet that could start dry yogurt.

[A]

I need to kind of. I just. It's like nobody carry. Nobody cares about, like, your gut flora anymore.

[B]

No, no, no, no, no, no. No one cares. Let it die.

[A]

No.

[B]

Let it die.

[A]

No. Awful.

[B]

Oh, Annalise, we forgot to play your version of Gift or a Curse today, but I think we've gone. We've probably got enough audio here. We'll play it another time.

[A]

Yeah, we have two hours. I couldn't. It's my fault that this went so long. I didn't stop.

[B]

Adam called me before the show and said, don't. Let Anna least do the Gift or Curse today. I can't. I don't have the strength or the patience.

[A]

What now? Is Adam undermining you? Is it me or is it Adam?

[B]

It's everyone. I can't trust anyone in my life.

[A]

I'm sort of thinking if you were sick, you've sort of been around him, so there's bound to be a few.

[B]

We'll share a house.

[A]

I'm looking for a job for roommates is what I'm saying, and I hope I get it.

[B]

Congratulations on the new podcast, Adam.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

Please enjoy it. No. I'm so thrilled to become a new person with all of these products and then come to your place to have all of the damage fixed after this causes permanent scarring.

[A]

That's how we go.

[B]

This is how you get people in.

[A]

You create the problem, and then you solve it by creating a new problem.

[B]

That's the cycle. I've had such a wonderful time with you here today.

[A]

Me too.

[B]

Thank you for being here. And listener. The podcast is over. My voice basically made it. You've gone. Just imagine I was smoking the whole time. Isn't that an image? Isn't that a pretty image? Me just lighting up cigarette after cigarette while I record a podcast while my guest can't smoke. That'll be the next episode. Okay, it's over. I love you. Goodbye. I said no Gifts is an exactly right production. Our senior producer is Annalise Nelson, and our episode episodes are beautifully mixed by Ben Toliday. The theme song is by Miracle worker Amy Mann. And we couldn't do it without our booker, Patrick Cotner. You must follow the show on Instagram at isaidnogifts. That's where you're going to see pictures of all these wonderful gifts I'm getting. And don't you want to see the gifts?

[A]

When you're a guest in my home, you gotta come to me empty handed. I said no gifts. Your presence is present enough. And I already had too much stuff. So how do you dare disobey me?

[B]

Sa.