Angela Giarratana Disobeys Bridger

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Angela Giarratana Disobeys Bridger"

Podcast Information:

• Title: I Said No Gifts! A Comedy Interview Podcast with Bridger Winegar
• Host: Bridger Winegar
• Guest: Angela Giarratana
• Release Date: June 5, 2025
• Network: Exactly Right and iHeartPodcasts

---

Introduction: Setting the Stage

The episode kicks off with Bridger Winegar reiterating the podcast's primary rule: "No gifts!" (00:01). Bridger humorously expresses his frustration over guests bringing gifts despite his clear instructions, setting a comedic tone for the episode. He shares personal anecdotes about his anxiety-driven mornings and his ongoing binge of Little House on the Prairie, highlighting his unique blend of humor and relatability.

Bridger's Notable Quote:

"I Said No Gifts! Your presence is present enough and I already had too much stuff, so how do you dare disobey me?" (00:01)

---

Guest Arrival: Angela's Defiance

Angela Giarratana makes her entrance, immediately breaking Bridger's no-gift rule by bringing a meticulously painted art piece and a strawberry shortcake. Bridger reacts with a mix of surprise and amusement, leading into a playful exchange about the importance of gifts and personal hobbies.

Notable Exchange:

Bridger: "Is this a gift for me?" (22:52)
Angela: "Yeah. It's a gift for you, Bridger." (22:52)
Bridger: "You've got to see this thing." (23:50)

---

Deep Dive into Hobbies: Art and Baking

Artistic Expression: Angela discusses her passion for painting, revealing a collection of whimsical artworks featuring anthropomorphic figures with unique styles. She candidly shares her insecurities about her art, fearing judgment and striving to bridge the gap between her private hobby and public sharing.

Notable Insight:

"I'm trying to get out there more with my work... It feels like I'm the balloon man with Uggs on." (25:20)

Baking Banter: The conversation shifts to baking, with Angela showcasing her homemade strawberry shortcake. Bridger expresses genuine appreciation for her efforts, praising the cake's appearance and taste. They delve into detailed discussions about baking techniques, favorite recipes, and the joy derived from sharing homemade goods.

Notable Quote:

Bridger: "I love a brownie. I love a chocolate chip cookie." (55:37)
Angela: "I couldn't believe I brought this." (35:48)

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Personal Stories: Mishaps and Memories

Emergency Situations: Bridger and Angela share humorous and heartfelt stories about handling emergencies, such as Bridger's broken arm and Angela's experience helping a friend during a wedding mishap. These narratives highlight their camaraderie and ability to find humor in challenging situations.

Notable Story:

Bridger recounts how he broke his arm at a roller rink birthday party, detailing the comical attempts to get medical help and the eventual resolution. (62:05)

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Interactive Segment: Gift Master Game

The hosts engage in the "Gift Master" game, challenging each other to assign gifts to celebrities. Bridger humorously critiques the Fast and Furious franchise, deeming it a "curse," while Angela creatively names her artwork and interacts playfully with Bridger's responses.

Notable Gameplay:

Bridger: "I think this is how we play Gift Master." (66:11)
Angela: "Angela's Miracle." (31:00)
Bridger: "Benson Boone deserves a four-star accommodation." (70:42)

---

Advice Section: Listener Questions

Towards the end, Bridger addresses listener emails, offering comedic yet practical advice. One notable question involves a listener seeking help to retrieve a borrowed book from a stepmom who never returned it. The hosts provide lighthearted suggestions, blending humor with useful strategies.

Notable Advice:

Bridger: "Ultimately, I think the most you can do is take some money from her wallet and just buy yourself the book." (82:24)
Angela: "How do you get the book back?" (80:06)

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Conclusion: Wrapping Up with Gratitude and Future Directions

The episode concludes with Bridger expressing admiration for Angela's bravery in sharing her hobbies publicly. They reflect on the episode's humorous moments and tease future segments, maintaining the podcast's signature blend of comedy and genuine conversation.

Closing Remarks:

Bridger: "We're leaving all of this in listener. If you're just listening now, you can tune in, because there's a moment where you don't have to look at my face." (23:54)
Angela: "Thank you for having me. I'm sorry about this." (84:25)
Bridger: "I love you. Goodbye." (84:25)

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Key Takeaways:

• Humorous Defiance: Angela's decision to bring gifts despite the host's rule serves as a central comedic element.
• Authentic Conversations: The hosts delve into personal stories and hobbies, fostering a relatable and engaging atmosphere.
• Interactive Fun: The "Gift Master" game adds an interactive and playful dimension to the episode.
• Supportive Environment: Despite the comedic chaos, the hosts display genuine support and appreciation for each other's passions and efforts.

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Final Thoughts: This episode of I Said No Gifts! masterfully combines humor, personal anecdotes, and interactive segments to create an engaging and entertaining experience. Angela Giarratana's vibrant personality and willingness to embrace Bridger's comedic challenges make for a memorable and heartfelt conversation.

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Listen to the full episode here and follow I Said No Gifts! on Instagram at @isaidnogifts for updates and behind-the-scenes content.

Transcript

[A]

This is exactly right. When I invited you here, thought I made myself perfectly clear. When you're a guest in my home, you gotta come to me empty handed. I said no gifts. Your presence is present enough and I already had too much stuff, so how do you dare disobey me?

[B]

Welcome to. I. I said no gifts. Why did I go so long? That's fine. I can do that. You know, occasionally you have to build up suspense, and that's what that was. The big attempt on my part. I'm trying to make this a more tense show, make it more thrilling, have your heart pounding throughout. So I hope that set you off and now you're in a bad mood the rest of the time. I'm Bridger Weiniger. This is. I said no gifts. We're here. What's going on? I, you know, I was just absolutely boiling over with anxiety all morning, and so I got myself a coffee and we'll see where this leads. What's happening? I'm still watching Little House on the Prairie. We're watching that in my home. I've got a big episode to recommend. It's called the Raccoon. If I cannot recommend an episode of television more than the Raccoon on Little House on the Prairie. If you want an hour of television where you the entire time are afraid a little girl's gonna get her face ripped, this is the episode of TV for you. You've got to see this thing. You don't have to watch the rest of it. I mean, I recommend it. I'm having a great time. But this thing, unlike any piece of recorded media I have ever seen, the work that the Raccoon is doing, the danger that every living being is in on this episode is it's unlike anything I've ever seen or experienced. So get into it. What else is going on? Summer. By the time this is released, I think summer will basically be here. June. Summer's happening. School's out. What happens in the summer? If we're going to the beach, we're roller skating. I'll be, you know, come September, I'll be in the eighth grade. So there's that. Patreon is still happening. We always have to remind you. Patreon. Go to patreon.com I said no gifts. We're recording exclusive episodes in the backyard. We're having the time of our life. We're also doing bonus episodes weekly where I recap Secret Lives of Mormon Wives, which is potentially the most important podcast currently on the Internet. I may have posted a picture without a Shirt on. You know, there's all sorts of erotic things happening on the Patreon. Not really. Don't get your hopes up. But go over there. Support the podcast. Do what you will. Thank you to everyone that's already doing it. And if you haven't already already done it, I'll look the other way. Okay. Is there anything else? I'm looking at my business that I need to talk about. I tried listening to a sleeping podcast last night when I woke up at 2am it was too engaging. It was too coherent. I was able to just follow along. And that's not a good sleeping podcast, because then I just am listening. I won't even mention what it was called. I don't want to give them any business. Oh, is there anything? No, I've gone on too long. We have to get into the episode. I adore today's guest. Everyone adores today's guest. It's Angela Giratana. Angela, I'm obsessed with you.

[A]

I've been holding my tongue over here. What's the raccoon?

[B]

Oh, my God. Have you ever seen any Little House on the Prairie?

[A]

Okay. I used to. And I. I honestly can't believe you're rewatching it because I saw that there's.

[B]

A reboot, there's a new one, and I, not to brag, I started watching it before I knew there was a reboot. It just kind of. It just was. You know, something spoke to me. A quiet voice came to me and said, the reboot's coming. The reboot's coming. Get ready before the reboot ruins the franchise. Yes, get into it. So I've now watched probably 12 episodes.

[A]

And the raccoon.

[B]

The raccoon episode, it is called the Raccoon, and it starts with Laura Ingalls Wilder. Her. Is that the name? Oh, God. Now I'm a fraud.

[A]

I bet you know the raccoon's name.

[B]

Raccoon. Jasper. Jessie.

[A]

Oh, my God. Is it a pet?

[B]

It becomes a pet, and then it becomes. I don't want to give away too much.

[A]

I'll just watch it.

[B]

There may be some betrayal. There may be some heartbreak. There may be rabies. And there might also be a big surprise. It's got it all. And this is all happening in the early 70s. And the raccoon is, let's be very clear, a real raccoon the entire time.

[A]

Shut up.

[B]

And the little girl is holding it close to her face. They've got the raccoon chasing chickens. They've got the raccoon fighting with A dog?

[A]

How'd they get all that?

[B]

They just threw the raccoon in front of all of these things and said, go for it, I guess. But I think it's like a partially trained raccoon must have been. But it's also. Well, maybe they were using so many raccoons. See, this is where I'm always a rube, where I'm like, well, that certainly is just one raccoon.

[A]

There's like, three on standby.

[B]

Yeah, of course. And one of them, I think, is a wild raccoon. Because how else do you get to chase the chickens?

[A]

100%. You need one that's like a.

[B]

Like that's ready to kill a chicken.

[A]

And that can't be the one the baby the kid's holding.

[B]

No, because then it would have ripped the kid's face off.

[A]

We need behind the scenes.

[B]

Oh, I would love nothing more than behind the scenes of the raccoon about to sneeze.

[A]

I think it's because we're talking about a raccoon.

[B]

Are you allergic? You're allergic to raccoon?

[A]

Feels like the thing that I've got a raccoon allergy, so, you know, it's gone because I brought attention to it.

[B]

But it's a must. A must see, must see. The rest of the series also a must see. Okay, but this one is a good starting point.

[A]

Are they each like little bottleneck episodes?

[B]

Everything's pretty individual. They don't really flow into each other as much. You know, you learn of new characters as each episode goes by, and those characters will show up. Yeah, but there's one character in particular named Nellie Olsen. Who's the little girl? The rich girl.

[A]

It rings a bell. Oh, the little rich girl.

[B]

Yeah. And she's an outstanding character. And I can't imagine they're gonna nail her with the reboot. It's a big challenge. And they're not gonna do the raccoon. There's no way they're bringing a real raccoon into the new series. It'll be a CGI raccoon.

[A]

Oh, it'll be an AI Raccoon. That sucks. That sucks.

[B]

Machine learning brings a raccoon into Netflix. Yeah. So we'll see how the news, then maybe. It'll be great.

[A]

You know, I can't wait.

[B]

I don't know what's going on with you.

[A]

I, I. First of all, the sleeping podcast. I've been thinking about trying to get into those because I need sound on when I sleep. Do you need. Do you need something?

[B]

I don't usually.

[A]

You're one of those good ones.

[B]

I'm one of the good ones. I'm one of the angels.

[A]

You're one of the angels that, like, your mom, like, probably, like, I don't know, like, whoever put you to bed, like, let you sit in the silence. I had shit blasting.

[B]

Like, what?

[A]

Anything. It was like, all, like, white noise growing up. White noise or just like, anything. I don't know why, but my mom was like, it can't be quiet.

[B]

It's gotta be.

[A]

Y. Yeah.

[B]

She needed it for her sleep.

[A]

Yeah. Or maybe she just was watching tv. So me and my brother. But it was like we were never going to bed without the tv.

[B]

Oh, that sounds incredible.

[A]

I know, but it makes me feel like I cannot go to sleep.

[B]

So what are you putting on now?

[A]

So here's the thing is I've been. Okay, so here's the problem, Bridger, is if it's too exciting, it's not happening, of course. But then if I watch, like, I have to watch something I just watched.

[B]

Oh, interesting. Like, within the last day, almost like.

[A]

I was going to. Like, I was doing, like, Sex and the City episodes, but those are still. Cause I could, like, literally fall asleep talking, listening to her talk. Or like, Seinfeld. But then I was still like, oh, I actually want to see what happens here.

[B]

Yeah, of course.

[A]

I want to see if they find their car in the parking garage. And then, like, it wasn't working. So now I'm like, dark Documentaries is what puts me to sleep. Such as, like, the Karen Reid doc that's happening right now about her retrial.

[B]

It's just, who's Karen Reid?

[A]

She's being framed for the murder of a police officer.

[B]

Oh, Karen.

[A]

And I'm going to sleep to that. I don't know what it is, but it needs to be, like. It can't be comedy. It has to be, like, dark. Like a dark Kate Winslet drama.

[B]

Oh, sure. Sure.

[A]

I'm right to sleep.

[B]

I mean, what's the Pennsylvania one? What's she. She's mayor of Easttown.

[A]

Oh, yeah. That's a lullaby to me. Literally, a woman smoking, like, monotone, being like, I've had this case for 15 years.

[B]

You can smell the stale coffee in.

[A]

The hundred percent, and then I'm asleep.

[B]

Did you finish that series? Yeah, I loved it. Until we found out what. Who the murderer was. It was like, the teen boy, was it. It was the te. We really gave that away. So my apologies to everybody.

[A]

Major spoiler alert for an old HBO Max show. Maravi's down.

[B]

You should have seen it. It was excellent. She was great.

[A]

I forgot that it you at the end. You're like, finally we learned who the murderer was. And it was like, no, actually, it was this kid.

[B]

Yeah. It was like this whole thing was like, oh, it's him. Oh, no, it's him. Covering up for him. For him. And I was just like, okay, all.

[A]

Right, guys, we're done. Call it.

[B]

Don't drag me through the teen boys drama.

[A]

No, I don't want to go to the school. Well, now I feel.

[B]

Yeah, I just wanted it to be a villainous adult.

[A]

I just wanted to be a stupid white man.

[B]

Send him to the chair.

[A]

Yes. Bye. And now we're, like, looking at this kid playing basketball, and you're like, he's misunderstood.

[B]

Yes. He wasn't raised properly. He was raised in an atmosphere that led to this horrible consequence. So now we all have to look at ourselves.

[A]

Yes. And now I have to put my phone down.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because maybe it was tech that ruined the show.

[B]

It probably was tech. Did you watch the other show? The new thing on Netflix?

[A]

The One Take Wonder.

[B]

The One Take Wonder. That's the name of the show.

[A]

It's a One Take Wonder. Adolescence. I like one shots when it's like, Broadway and they're like, how I sit down is like, follow Jimmy Fallon through the dressing room. This. Not that.

[B]

No, no, no, no, no, no. Suffocating.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I wasn't able to finish it because, you know, I was impressed. I thought, wow, the drama, whatever, blah, blah, blah. I was too impressed. I was dazzled. I'm sitting there watching this, I'm dazzled. I don't think that's the feeling you want.

[A]

I turn this off. I'm too dazzled.

[B]

This is way too glamorous. No, it became very depressing. And also, it's weird when they're doing these. First of all, I'm not impressed. I'm not that impressed at this point.

[A]

In time by the one shot of it all.

[B]

Or I don't care. I truly don't care about the one shot. The one take. We have too much technology to make it easy, first of all. Second of all, I'm annoyed on behalf of everyone having to do it.

[A]

You're so right. Like, I'm not gonna be impressed by the drone that's flying over.

[B]

Who cares?

[A]

I wanna be impressed by the human body.

[B]

Yes. Show me more of the human body.

[A]

Yeah. I want someone to, like, hold a camera. Like, you know, like, shots of, like, a cameraman, like, running. And it's on their body and they're like, that's stuff I'll like.

[B]

Which is happening, I guess, during this thing. Cause there's one guy. But I'm just annoyed on the behalf of everyone. It's like there was too much planning. Is it worth it? Is it worth it? It's not.

[A]

No, you're right. I like it. If it's like people dancing in feathers.

[B]

There we go.

[A]

When we're dancing, like, how theatrical this is. It's happening one time. But like a sad detective being like, who cares?

[B]

Truly? Unless somebody's dancing. Unless there's a full choreographed number. Just let's do several different takes.

[A]

We had, like, a choreographed, like, earthquake drill or a fire drill or something.

[B]

Come on.

[A]

And that was the closest we got to an ensemble was the kids.

[B]

No, cut to a different shot. Cut to a different shot.

[A]

Just cut.

[B]

I don't need the long take. I don't need the stress of being like, well, what if they don't nail their line?

[A]

Honestly, it's like, just cut. I won't even notice.

[B]

No one cares. It's for the buzz. We're trying to build bosses.

[A]

One Instagram reel I saw, and they go, this is how we did it.

[B]

Okay, well, that was good.

[A]

The show isn't.

[B]

The show stinks.

[A]

I'll watch the bts. I'll watch the Steadicam guy be like, I need a water.

[B]

This is. You should never be more interested in the bts.

[A]

Boom.

[B]

There we go. I think we've really boiled this down.

[A]

If you're ever making something and you're like, is it more interesting to see how I made this?

[B]

Then you have failed. Go back to the drawing board and make this show more interesting. I'm sorry. I'll say it. I've said it before. I'll say it again.

[A]

I can't believe you didn't finish it.

[B]

Well, you know, you find out, kind of. It's just like, oh, right, things are horrible.

[A]

See, even if something's bad, I gotta finish it.

[B]

You do?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

This is in the last few years. I finally just said to myself, you don't have to. You're halfway through that book, and you've hated every moment of it.

[A]

Powerful.

[B]

Stop.

[A]

Just stop.

[B]

What are you gonna get?

[A]

Cause it's always. I think it's. Especially when I'm taking some type of media that's got a lot of buzz. I'm like, I have to stay because at some fucking moment, I'm gonna go, now I get the buzz.

[B]

Right? Right? And then you'll Be part of the conversation.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And you'll be able to speak to it, whereas I just have to kind of step back and say, everybody else, have your fun. I'll. Once again, I'm on the outside looking in.

[A]

Well, you know what? I'm actually full. You guys dig in.

[B]

What's the worst thing you've watched or consumed all the way through, despite being like, that won't get you in trouble.

[A]

No. 100%. Let me think. Well, I like watching bad TV.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

Like, I like. I'm a reality TV.

[B]

Right. Of course.

[A]

And I don't know if that's a response, because TV's gotten too good.

[B]

Right. Right.

[A]

But I actually don't want a lot of twists and turns. I want to watch, like, menopausal women yell. That actually is, like, heaven.

[B]

Oh, that feels great. Are you kidding me?

[A]

Like, for some reason, I don't know what happened, but, like, I was like, I actually don't want to watch comedy anymore.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

I want to watch, like, real shit.

[B]

Yes. Yes.

[A]

Even if it's like. Like the Vanderpump cast just getting drunk. Like, I don't know why it makes me feel sad, because I, like, I'm a comedian, and I love comedy.

[B]

That's okay.

[A]

But I don't want to watch something that's like, wow, that was the best joke.

[B]

Wow, what a.

[A]

What a series. What a cast. I actually. That now makes me go. I don't know why. It's actually so sad.

[B]

No. I think that that's a common thing among people in comedy. You kind of are just like. I think you ruin it for yourself. And then I think at some point, you know too much and you've experienced too much of it where you, like. It's like. It's a tolerance thing.

[A]

Yeah. Or in my case, I don't know too much. It just is, like, watching. So it's like, wow. It's a lot of magic. Wow. They're amazing. And I honestly, I actually like. It's so exciting to watch someone be funny when they don't know it. Like, all these women.

[B]

Oh, wow.

[A]

Have no clue.

[B]

Some of the funniest people alive on.

[A]

These reality shows, and they're just. It's like a cheetah out of the cage. Just let it run. And it's crazy to me. I'll watch that forever.

[B]

Is Vanderpump your favorite?

[A]

No, I'd say Real Housewives of New York.

[B]

New York. Canceled.

[A]

Canceled.

[B]

Say goodbye.

[A]

It's because they. It's. Well, I'd cancel Seinfeld, too. If we took away Jerry and Elaine and we brought in, I don't fucking know, some other ladies, not even.

[B]

Who are the Jerry and Elaine of nyc?

[A]

I mean, Bethany.

[B]

Bethany. Okay. Okay. Of course.

[A]

You could watch her forever. And Sonja Morgan.

[B]

Oh, I don't know. Sonja Morgan.

[A]

Oh, my God. Get ready. I'm gonna send you so many stupid videos. Please, just a woman. Just, you know, just a woman in madness. Spin now.

[B]

What? So did they just go their own way or.

[A]

Yeah, I think. I mean, at some point they get bigger than the show.

[B]

Of course. Right?

[A]

Yeah. And then my theory is they all get the same lawyer, so then they all know what's on each other's contract.

[B]

Oh, right. The one most unprofessional lawyer possible. It's not keeping anything to himself.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Or herself.

[A]

I Snapchatted you pictures of it. We have no paper trail. That's what I think happened with the Jersey Shore cast. Because I also love Jersey Shore. That's a bad show that.

[B]

I love Jersey Shore. Did they try to reboot it?

[A]

Yeah, they're currently still in their reboot.

[B]

Face and they're airing the reboot.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And the original cast.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, that's gotta make sense.

[A]

And they're, like, married and sober and not interesting anymore.

[B]

It's the opposite of what that show is. They all work in a library.

[A]

I know. And they're like, look at Ronnie. He's got his whole life together. Me and his wife. It's like, no, I want to see Ronnie, like, get wasted and, like, down a cinnamon roll in one bite.

[B]

I want to be everyone. To be on the edge of death.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Just like someone could die on camera.

[A]

In the early 2000s.

[B]

In the early 2000s. That's it.

[A]

That's a period piece to me.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

So I'd say that. Sorry to be long winded. I'm drinking way too much coffee. I also had an anxious morning and drinking a lot of coffee.

[B]

Oh, God.

[A]

Oh, you're kidding.

[B]

We're both just spiraling here, spinning out in the biggest possible way.

[A]

And why does anxiety make you tired? So then you want coffee and it makes you even worse.

[B]

It's a very poisonous cycle. Awful. I don't. I don't know what I'm supposed to do.

[A]

Right. Am I supposed to sleep? Well, I can't.

[B]

No, I'm not going to sleep. I'm gonna try to listen to a sleep podcast. It was about the history of time. I'll say that.

[A]

It was the history of time.

[B]

That's an interesting thing.

[A]

I'm Going to sleep already. Let me hear about it. Just the history of what clocks everything.

[B]

We're starting, you know, Stonehenge.

[A]

Oh, God.

[B]

Don't look at me. Look me in the eye and tell me you don't want to learn about Stonehenge and early sundials.

[A]

See, that makes me bored in a way that's not tired. I'm just bored and mad.

[B]

Yeah. If I'm angry and I'm thinking about leaving a bad review, I'm writing a review in my head. I'm not going to sleep now.

[A]

You're in a creative space.

[B]

Yeah, I'm in a deeply creative space. I'm brainstorming, I'm writing down, you know, little thoughts here and there.

[A]

You're like, I would already too interested. So. Stonehenge.

[B]

Wow. Stonehenge. Yeah, it's, you know, they don't have Stonehenge now. Stonehenge, that's the name of a new nursery, Like a local nursery.

[A]

Stonehenge.

[B]

Yes. I'm opening a plant store near Stonehenge called Stonehenge. Or that could be a hedge maze.

[A]

I always thought it was hedge.

[B]

Now I'm second guessing myself, but I'm pretty sure I think you're right. Stud Henge.

[A]

Stud Hedge. Okay. A fun bar. Stud Hedge.

[B]

Stud Hedge. And now we're so far removed from name, don't even know what's a Stone Age. Do they know what Stonehenge is? Stowed Henge. That's like a luggage store or something. Or a storage facility.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Stowed hedge.

[A]

Stowed hedge. Yeah. Now I'm going too far.

[B]

No. Stonehenge. Stonehenge. Geez.

[A]

Now you're. Yeah. We're caught up in our five different.

[B]

And then I only got as far as early Egypt and their sundials and.

[A]

Was the voice sleepy?

[B]

Kind of. No. More than, you know. Have you ever heard in our time that podcast. Yes. That level of sleep.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

But I could probably fall asleep to. In our time better. Because they get into topics that become probably above my reading comprehension.

[A]

Yes. And you're like, now I'm just barely hanging on.

[B]

Yeah. I can barely understand what we're talking about. And it's like six British people with quiet, polite voices.

[A]

Yeah. You want to, like, chase your tail till you get tired.

[B]

Yeah, exactly.

[A]

And be like, what are they talking about?

[B]

Yes. That's what I need. I don't need elementary level history on no time because I can keep up. Leave me in the dust.

[A]

Next. One shot. Next.

[B]

Well, I don't want to keep talking about that because I Don't want to give them any more press. No, I would give in our time, more press. I think that's a good podcast, but there's something else I need to talk to you about.

[A]

Yeah, sure.

[B]

Need. I don't want. Obviously, the last thing I want to do is talk about this or bring it up, but I feel like it's unavoidable at this point. I was excited to have you here on the podcast today.

[A]

Yeah, I was so excited.

[B]

I thought, Angela's wonderful. How could anything possibly go wrong? Yeah, it's gonna be a perfect, perfect record. And then I'll move on with my day. Angela will move on with her day. No bad feelings. So I was a little surprised. Look, I look at you as a professional. I assume you kind of know how the industry works. You show up and do your job, and I do consider you being here a job.

[A]

Yeah. And you do what you're told.

[B]

The podcast is called I said no Gifts. I think you're. I would hope you know the title of the podcast you're coming to. I'm sure you've got emails, messages. So I was a little surprised when I heard you screech into the parking lot and I looked out the window and I saw you kind of trotting into the studio holding a. What could not more clearly be a gift bag. This beautiful kind of brown paper bag. The podcast is called I said no Gifts.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

Is this a gift for me? Yeah. I like a quiet confidence.

[A]

Yeah, it's a gift for you, Bridger.

[B]

Okay, well, I don't know what to say. Should I open it here on the podcast? Should I save it for later?

[A]

No, I think you should open it now. Listen, I'm Italian. I can't show up somewhere without something to give you people. It just feels wrong for me to not have something in my hand.

[B]

And I can say you people because I'm in a relationship with an Italian.

[A]

Oh, that's fine.

[B]

I have a free pass.

[A]

You do? You have a single rider pass? Yeah. You could do that.

[B]

I do it all the time at home. Why can't I bring it to the office?

[A]

Do it on Mike.

[B]

Do it on Mike. Well, should I open it here?

[A]

Yeah, I think you should.

[B]

Let's reach into. I don't even have to reach in.

[A]

Oh, man. Yes. Let's pop it out. Bridger, I'm so sorry, but it's blocking your face.

[B]

That's okay, Anneliese. I'm in control here. I'm allow this to block my face for a minute. My face can be blocked. Sometimes people are like, thank God his face is being blocked. I can finally look right at the.

[A]

Video, rather than time coding where he blocked his face so you can watch it.

[B]

We're leaving all of this in listener. If you're just listening now, you can tune in, because there's a moment where you don't have to look at my face. Viewer, you're welcome that you don't have to look at my face for a minute. But now we're gonna pull this out. What?

[A]

I painted that.

[B]

You painted this? I'm not acting that surprised, of course.

[A]

What. How can you find the human brushstroke on that? It looks like it's always been there.

[B]

It looks like you printed this at FedEx Kink Company. This is gorgeous.

[A]

I paint a lot, okay? And my paintings never see the light of day.

[B]

How often are you painting a lot, Listener? If you're not watching, it's a painting of kind of an orange little person in a pink boot, blue pant, and pink shirt.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Kind of a turtleneck, short sleeve.

[A]

I cannot believe I brought this.

[B]

To be honest, I'm thrilled you brought this.

[A]

I. Okay, so I love painting, and I feel like everyone is so good about talking about their hobbies, and I just am not, because I think when people. I'm like, oh, I like to paint. People think, we're gonna put this down. Yeah, we can stick on this for a bit. Because this.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

People are like, oh, like, do you post your paints? And I'm, like, trying to bridge that gap, but I don't think anyone's expecting I'm making, like, balloon people. Like, what is this, Bridger?

[B]

I love this. It's got a distinct style to it. This is like, somebody who. This feels intentional. Do you know what I mean?

[A]

Yeah, I don't know. So I recently moved, and I've just been keeping all my paintings just in a big pile, right? So then when I moved, I was like, oh, maybe I hang up some of my old ones. And I was going through them, and I was like, oh, my God. There's nothing artistic funny or anything about this.

[B]

What are you talking? Well, to you, I think that that's when somebody makes their own thing. I think that's a common feeling.

[A]

Yeah, but not like this. What are you talking about? I don't know, but I'm trying to get out there more with my work.

[B]

It's hard. I understand that feeling, but I don't.

[A]

Want to believe in it, and I don't believe in it, and I'm not Doing that in a way, like, where I'm like, I'm too scared of how good I am. This is just a balloon man with Uggs on. What was going through my brain when I painted this? I don't know. It's usually when I watch Bravo, I have to paint.

[B]

Oh, this is. How long have you been painting for?

[A]

I mean, when I was a kid, I used to, like, be like, I'm gonna be a painter.

[B]

Oh, really?

[A]

And then I think it was during the pandemic. I like. Or no, it was like, a couple boyfriends ago. For some reason, everyone buys me paints. Cause I say that I love painting so much, but then I don't really.

[B]

That sounds kind of annoying.

[A]

Yeah. So now I just have a lot of pains.

[B]

Of course you do.

[A]

And that's my. Just get gifts just like you, you know? So I got really into it during the pandemic. When everyone was making bread. I was making these little guys.

[B]

And how many do you think you've made?

[A]

I have so many. And I saved you and didn't bring you one on a canvas.

[B]

You did canvas.

[A]

I have so many, and those are bulky.

[B]

How big are they?

[A]

I have some that are really big, and they're bad. Oh, my God, Bridger. I should have brought you a big, fat one.

[B]

Will you send me some pictures to share? Yeah, if you want.

[A]

No, I think this is good, because I went, how could I just get rid of these in a funny, good way?

[B]

Right.

[A]

Why not bring it on a visual?

[B]

Yeah. It kind of forces it out into the world.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

A little therapeutic in a way.

[A]

And it's kind of just like. Yeah. So there's another one.

[B]

Tell me about this. Okay. You turn on the tv, and is it like, oh, I'm bored. I'm gonna start painting. Or is it like, setting up the. What is this called that you paint?

[A]

The easel?

[B]

The easel?

[A]

No, I'm usually on the ground.

[B]

Okay, you're on the ground?

[A]

Yeah. Hunching over like a. Like a grandma.

[B]

I'm worried about your floor.

[A]

Yeah, me too.

[B]

Nothing underneath.

[A]

There's paint on it.

[B]

Okay. There is paint on it.

[A]

Yeah. But now I've been putting down, you know, like a cardboard box.

[B]

Okay. Okay.

[A]

Couldn't get a easel. Don't even try an easel.

[B]

Feels like a bit of an affect.

[A]

Right. And I'm like, could you imagine this on an easel?

[B]

Sure.

[A]

Because if I got an easel, Bridger, then I'd have to paint. Well.

[B]

Well, no, I don't think so.

[A]

Anyone that stands anytime you see someone standing in front of an easel, you're like, oh, they know what they're doing.

[B]

Yeah. If there's like a reveal from behind to the front of the easel and it's like a mess.

[A]

Exactly. I want to do paint. I want to paint like a kid is, like, getting busy work at Sunday school or something.

[B]

I love that feeling. I love. Years ago, I had, like, a real craving to draw with crayons, and I went and bought a massive box of crayons, and then the feeling went away, and they just stayed in my closet. But there was. I know that feeling of, like, it's just satisfying. There's, like. There's low pressure. The stakes are not that high.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And if it ends up bad, you can just throw it away or something.

[A]

Truly, like, I want to do this in a sense where it's like, your parents are like, go upstairs and be busy for a second. You know what I mean? I just need to do that to my brain.

[B]

Right. But when you're. For me, when I'm drawing, if I'm sincerely trying, there's a fear that someone's going to see and I'm going to be embarrassed.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Do you have that feeling?

[A]

So that's what I tried to, like, lose during the pandemic, where I was like, just paint as much as you can.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Forever. And then you stop thinking, like, what even is this?

[B]

As you. Right, Right.

[A]

Cause there was no beginning idea to him or her.

[B]

Oh, so you just started or whatever.

[A]

So I think it was in the middle of that pile during the pandemic where I had let go of the result.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Okay. And if this doesn't say that I let go of the result, I don't know what does. But that was a freeing place to be.

[B]

Right. Of course. And so does this even begin with a pencil drawing?

[A]

No.

[B]

Straight up paint.

[A]

Yeah. We're just going paint to paper and just straight to white. Like, what in the world? I don't even know where I began with this. Do you do art? Do you do.

[B]

I know. I wish I could. I'm a very. I will say I'm a very good doodler.

[A]

I love a doodler.

[B]

But that's only when I'm, like, at work, you know, like, in a room, and, like, just trying to focus on what's being said. And so I'm just do. And now, of course, the listeners who have said I have ADHD are to say, gotcha. Look at. There's another thing.

[A]

Time. Code it. Pull it. Another instance of Ridger Having adhd. There we go. We trapped him.

[B]

But often I'm like, oh, wow, that's a great little drawing that I did. But then when I try, when I'm just, like, at home, I'm like. It ends up looking like trash.

[A]

Yeah. Especially when you doodle and you're like, will someone see this?

[B]

Yes, exactly. Exactly.

[A]

That's where you gotta, like, do it enough. The hourglass thing and fill the gap where you're like, just do it enough. And then whatever.

[B]

Do you name your painting do title?

[A]

No. I'd love for you to name this if you'd like.

[B]

Oh, this is Angela's Miracle. Angela's Miracle. See, I. If anyone needs me to name their art.

[A]

That just came right.

[B]

That came right out of me.

[A]

And that was.

[B]

That was. You know, this is what I do at home. I just name art over and over until it doesn't mean anything to me.

[A]

That. Okay, now I want to just give you all my art and have you name it. All right.

[B]

It'll be my gallery.

[A]

Angela's Miracle. That came right out of you. You didn't even take a breath.

[B]

Not even a second. People are gasping. People cannot believe my ability.

[A]

Well, I'll tell you what that is. That's Angela's Miracle.

[B]

So you haven't named any of them. You haven't titled any of them.

[A]

And there's another one in there that I'm excited for you to name.

[B]

Okay, let's pull this. Okay. Oh, I've already seen another thing in there which I don't think is what you're referring to, but I'll pull out the first piece of art. Oh, so there's two.

[A]

It's kind of on both sides.

[B]

Oh, it's on both sides.

[A]

So I think I, during the pandemic, must have went through a little painting. Boobs face.

[B]

Yes. There's, like, this. Let's see.

[A]

So those are big boobs. And then the other one, I did a boob smiley face with a highbrow.

[B]

The boobs have eyebrows.

[A]

Yeah. I don't know what you want to.

[B]

Name those, but this is Autumn's.

[A]

Autumn's Miracle. Autumn's Knockers. A Knocker's Miracle. No, I'm sorry. I'm getting in the way. I just was excited.

[B]

No, we've got to start over. We've got to start over. This is September's haul. There we go. And it's on both sides. So you get two pieces of art.

[A]

It's a bundle.

[B]

September's Hall. That's what I'm going To start calling all boobs.

[A]

Well, look at your September's haul. Well, it's fall. Look at your September's haul. That's so cool.

[B]

Quite a corn harvest. Wow. So two different types of boobs.

[A]

So that I think was like. Cause I have. I have things that are, like, on official posters or canvas, and then I have ones that are just on paper where I was obviously just practicing for something else, for a bigger project, for a bigger set of September shawl. And I don't know why. I think it was when, like, all the Instagram art girlies were posting, like. Like, gorgeous. Like, maybe this is just my feed. But, like. Like, silhouettes of, like, women's bodies.

[B]

Oh, sure, sure. That makes sense.

[A]

Celebrating all types of feminine bodies.

[B]

Boobs with eyebrows.

[A]

And I was like, let's get in here and give it a mouth.

[B]

This actually speaks to something. That's always a. That has happened to me too many times. At this point, when I'm doodling and you often start with the eyes.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And someone will say, often sincerely, they're asking, are those boobs? It's like I'm in a public place drawing. What makes you think I'm the person who would start just drawing a set of boobs?

[A]

What do you think we are?

[B]

You can't imagine one other thing that someone might be drawing that looks.

[A]

It could be two. I mean, I will say, yeah, my eyes in Angela's Miracle look like.

[B]

Those are boobs.

[A]

Boobs look like September halls.

[B]

But again, if you were in the.

[A]

Office and you were like, those two circles, you wouldn't be like. I mean, if you're on the playground, you'd be like, okay, sure, Timmy's drawn big old Bazon. Yeah. Big old rack. But now you're like, those are eyes. Because we're in the workplace.

[B]

We're in the workplace. I'll let you know. If they're boobs, you'll see a lot more happening here. My hand will be shaking.

[A]

Jesus. My eyes would be like. My eyes would be in front of my face.

[B]

My jaw will be on the table.

[A]

And you'd hear, oh, God, if I was drawing boobs. But I'm being quiet because I'm drawing eyes.

[B]

Yeah. I think too many people do that. The other thing that I get often when I'm doodling is, oh, is that you? And it's like, what? This is a witch. I'm drawing a witch. Why would I be drawing myself? Oof. That's a weird thing to be drawing. Suddenly you're drawing yourself.

[A]

I do remember in early art classes, the self portrait was always a lesson in everything. Now do a self portrait. Yeah.

[B]

Take a look at your seventh grade. Just awkward.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And now look at yourself.

[A]

I don't know what it is. Why would anyone ever draw themselves?

[B]

I guess a lot of artists are psychos.

[A]

Yeah. There's a lot of people that do portrait. And you're like, oh, this is how I view myself. Cool. Cool.

[B]

There's no way you actually, you know, Absolutely no way. Anyone who's ever done a self portrait has viewed themselves that way.

[A]

That way.

[B]

It's a big lie.

[A]

You were being creative.

[B]

You were being. That was your fun hour.

[A]

Just shut the fuck up and tell yourself that. When you made your face a little disfigured, it's because you thought it would be cool to think about yourself that way. You don't actually look in the mirror and go, oh, my chin's down there like a Picasso. You know what I mean?

[B]

Absolutely not. Zero chance. Zero chance. But, yeah, these do look like eyes or boobs. Now I'm like, these simply look like boobs.

[A]

I'm going back and I'm like, I really should have just went full force. I kind of did, like, the. I was like, I'll just bring, like, baby paintings. Not like, I should have just brought, like, a big old guy. And I'll send you pictures.

[B]

Do you have an absolute favorite? Is there one you're genuinely like, I'm kind of proud of this one.

[A]

I mean, this one in a sense, where I'm like, I'm proud that I got out of my way enough. Cause anyone actually wanting to make good art wouldn't do something like this.

[B]

Sure they would.

[A]

I think this is a sign to me of the freedom and, like, loneliness that I was like, no one's here. And it actually doesn't matter what I paint. Like, actually, nothing matters. Cause we were in a pandemic.

[B]

That's so healthy.

[A]

Yeah. And that's why I think I like this one. Because all my other ones, it's hard to look at because I tried so hard.

[B]

Yeah. Is there one you can talk about that you've tried way too hard on?

[A]

Okay.

[B]

You don't have a recent show.

[A]

I have a recent one that I can show you.

[B]

Okay. You got a picture of it to show me now?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You don't have to.

[A]

No, no. Because I've brought it up because it might be the funniest thing I've ever done.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

So I simply got to bring it up. So I moved into this new place, and I Was my friend was like, you, my friend that's a designer, she was like, you need to make a Pinterest board. And I was like, what are we in 8th grade? I haven't been on Pinterest in forever. I was like, can I at least make a tumbler instead? So then I was on Pinterest. And so this. This is a painting I saw.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And I was like, I kind of like this. It takes over this girl's whole world.

[B]

Oh, sure. Okay.

[A]

So I like how abstract it is.

[B]

Right, Right.

[A]

And I think what I liked about it was I was like, I can do that.

[B]

Right. It's kind of like a. A horseshoe or a big U or.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's like.

[A]

I just like how big it is.

[B]

Yeah. Right. It takes up so much space and it's kind of an or coral color.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay. So you were looking at this.

[A]

Yeah. And then I'm gonna. And then I was like, I'm not gonna measure my wall. I'm just gonna buy a canvas that I think will fit and I'm just gonna do this in 10 minutes. And who would have thought it would have been bad? Bridger, you ready for this?

[B]

I'll be the judge of.

[A]

It's. It's so sad. Doesn't fit the wall.

[B]

It is not the right size. It's unfortunately not the crux.

[A]

Was it what that girl was? It's like a. A McDonald's red.

[B]

It's a. It's a very deep. It's. Yeah, it's like a pumpkin orange or something. And it's probably the size of it looks like the perspective might be wrong here, but the size of a pillow.

[A]

Yeah, it's.

[B]

I mean, whereas that girl had essentially a wall sized mural. This is. How big of a canvas is that?

[A]

I'm really bad at dimensions.

[B]

And you did this thing where it's. You put a little curve too. Was that to make it your own? To say I'm not a plagiarist.

[A]

I can't just like, rip this woman off.

[B]

I love it. I mean, I wonder what you like, what my feelings on this would have been if you had just shown it to me.

[A]

Yeah. Well, here's the thing that you can stay tuned. Cause I've doubled down and I'm gonna make this work.

[B]

You're gonna make it work?

[A]

How so? I've already. I'm already like on draft three of it.

[B]

Oh, you're kidding.

[A]

And I'm just adding to the same canvas.

[B]

Oh, interesting.

[A]

Yeah. And it got bigger.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Like the 3 or the U. Of whatever that red thing is. It's gotten bigger.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And now I'm painting over it. I'm gonna crack it.

[B]

But you don't think that just the size itself is part of the problem? The size of the canvas.

[A]

But I won't. I won't go back and get another one. So now I've turned it to the side.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And I've added another canvas next to it.

[B]

Oh, okay. So this is. Yeah. You were making sense of it where you're making it more purposeful.

[A]

Cause I was like, I need a big canvas to make that work.

[B]

And I bet that's expensive.

[A]

Yeah. So I was like, I gotta make this $1 30 canvas work and I won't stop.

[B]

And you. Did it ever occur to you, like, I'll paint the wall or is that too high stakes?

[A]

So I. So I. That did occur to me. But I was like, not with Angela's Miracle Sands. Like, that's just scary.

[B]

That seems kind of like it could be a life ruining experience.

[A]

Yeah. I just also, I. I've always loved crafting and art and stuff, but I'm so impatient. I like.

[B]

Right. You want it done.

[A]

I just want it to be absolutely done. Part of the reason why I like that original painting is. Cause it looks like you could do it in an hour, right?

[B]

Yeah, it does. It's kind of deceptive, I guess.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Where it's like. Then you start and you're like, well, this. I guess I have to take some time and care.

[A]

Even just like doing a first coat. I was like, fine. Then it has to dry for hours.

[B]

Don't talk to me about a second coat. No, no, no, no, no, no. If it's not there.

[A]

Yeah. If you live in a city, you're not doing a second coat.

[B]

Give me a break.

[A]

Taxi. I gotta go. I feel like I'm being so jokey. Jokey. Anytime I put podcast earmote. So I go, here's your clip.

[B]

Joke, joke. Jokes.

[A]

Taxi. I gotta go.

[B]

Take me to the Empire State.

[A]

I have a meeting.

[B]

No, Any type of painting. Like, I can't remember what I was trying to paint, but it was something within my home, A wall or something. And I look up, like, how to paint properly, and they're like, first put a coat of primer. I'm like, well, I'm not doing it.

[A]

Primer.

[B]

Nope. I guess I'm not painting. Or at the very best, I'm doing a bad job.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Actually now I remember I had to paint some brick in my yard and they were like, first of all you've got to put down two layers of primer or whatever the hell for a brick. I'm going straight to brick with paint.

[A]

We can't just paint brick.

[B]

You're looking at somebody who did. Wow.

[A]

Badass.

[B]

Yeah. The ultimate.

[A]

And the brick took. Didn't need, like, a appetizer.

[B]

No. And it's lasted at least a year.

[A]

Okay. And that's all you need.

[B]

I could have died in that year. So there we go.

[A]

Honestly, in this conversation, I'm like, why do I like painting if I'm, like, so impatient? And I'm like, my friend has her grandmother's painting hanging up, and it's gorgeous.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

What's the name? And she never met her grandmother. It's like, really abstract.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And I'm like. I think that's when I was like, I want to paint. Because I was like, whoa, it's crazy that. And maybe this is so fucking theatrical and losery of me, but I was like, this is cool that she, like, lives on.

[B]

Oh, yeah, of course.

[A]

And I think, like, movies and stuff. That doesn't feel like that to me.

[B]

Well, that'll all be destroyed soon for sure.

[A]

Exactly. Or like, any type of comedy ever. I'm like, that's just gonna live and die. That character or whatever. That's a joke. That was for somebody. But, like, a painting from, like, your family. So I was like, I want to do that and have my daughter hang up my paintings.

[B]

I think that's lovely. Your daughter's going to have to pull a heist to get this one.

[A]

She's going to have to get into your house.

[B]

She's going to have to steal from my grand niece or something. Yeah.

[A]

Because this will be hanging up.

[B]

Yeah, of course it will. Of course. This is going to be worth so much, and it's going to ruin your family. It's going to tear them apart. And they're going to be like, why does Bridger have that? Why does Bridger's great grand niece or whatever.

[A]

Yeah. They're going to go like, was there any legal document where Bridger took ownership of Arangela's Miracle?

[B]

And because this podcast is purely digital, no one will put it to physical tape, which I beg for.

[A]

Come on.

[B]

This is gonna vanish. And there will be no record of it.

[A]

No. Unless someone transcribes it.

[B]

Transcribes?

[A]

Publishes that.

[B]

Transcribe on vinyl.

[A]

Yes. Gets a power of attorney. I don't know. I'm adding more red tape here.

[B]

How many times do I have to hint that this podcast needs to be put to vinyl.

[A]

Just do it, guys. You know you love it.

[B]

I love to put a record on the turntable and suddenly it's this.

[A]

Yes. Or just a book of it.

[B]

A book. A full, transcribed book. Beautifully. Beautifully.

[A]

You can listen to the podcast so you can read it. Audiobooks go backwards. We can go the other way.

[B]

That's not the worst idea. What will be the first podcast that's turned into a book? Fully transcribed book.

[A]

Smartless.

[B]

You know, I'm reading chapter or the third book in Smartless. God bless.

[A]

But we make a joke.

[B]

It's happening.

[A]

But, Bridget, that could truly happen.

[B]

There's somebody in a publishing house right now, and her. The wheels are turning. She's like, I'm gonna get in touch with the Smartless guys.

[A]

And it's the same lady who was like, I think we should keep doing, like, Alice in Wonderland and all those books and just change the COVID art, of course. Make them look old. Then you'll have Smart List, and it'll look like the Bible for your dad for Father's Day.

[B]

The King James version of Smartless. I would look. I would look into it. I would browse it at an airport, literally.

[A]

And you. And I think it's a. It's a gift to give someone. And when they're like, oh, my kid loves this podcast, so I got him the book of it.

[B]

Smartless Boys Reach out. This is now our idea. Yeah.

[A]

We have it written down.

[B]

We will sue you, literally. We'll sue whatever publisher you get in.

[A]

Touch with, whoever they are.

[B]

We'll have everything. I'll burn you all to the ground.

[A]

Yeah. If you want to suit up, we'll suit up, too.

[B]

Should I get this final thing out here? This. I've already gotten a peek at it.

[A]

As I said I had to bring.

[B]

I'm going to set this up here so we can get just kind of boobs all the time on the podcast. This is a very straight show. Got a very horny, straight audience. Okay. Look at this gorgeous cake. You've.

[A]

I had to bring a strawberry shortcake.

[B]

This is a stunning little cake you've got here. Why did you bring this?

[A]

Do people bring food?

[B]

Yeah, on occasion.

[A]

On occasion.

[B]

On occasion.

[A]

I just was like. I think because this is like an ex. Like, you sit together. I was like, I should bring.

[B]

I think this is a great idea.

[A]

Yeah. And I just thought she was gorgeous.

[B]

She's such a pretty little cake.

[A]

It's so funny how we stopped icing the whole thing.

[B]

Yeah. This is a new. It's the, like, oh, let's see the roughness. Let's see the reality of the cake.

[A]

Yeah, we like seeing the scaffolding, right?

[B]

Exactly. Should we. I wish we had forks or something.

[A]

Honestly, I was more.

[B]

Wow. Anneliese is too on top of it.

[A]

See, but here's the thing. I didn't know your dietary restrictions.

[B]

I'm allergic to all of this.

[A]

You could be.

[B]

And I'll die on podcasts. No, I'm willing to die.

[A]

Unless it's put on paper. Put it on a vinyl. When you die, that's when they'll do it.

[B]

No, we'll get into this.

[A]

I don't know why I just felt I like bringing people. I'm one of those girls that brings donuts to work.

[B]

Oh, that's such a nice thing to do.

[A]

But I think it's. Cause it makes me feel good.

[B]

It makes you feel good. It's a selfish thing for you.

[A]

I brought that donut. Or like, in theater school, I would always, like, bring cookies for rehearsal. Like a fucking loser. But for some reason, it just made me happy.

[B]

So do you ever make any of the goods you bring? No, no, no, no.

[A]

I'm too impatient and I hate. I like cooking because you can fuck around.

[B]

Oh, right. This is where you and I are all baking. Yes.

[A]

No way. Are you a baker?

[B]

I love to bake. I love to bake. And it's such a feeling when you bring a baked good and people like it. Oh, you know, I have to, like, really keep myself in check because my ego is going through the roof when people are enjoying my baked goods.

[A]

Really?

[B]

I'm like, oh, really?

[A]

Stop it.

[B]

I know they're good. I know these are great cookies.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's why I brought them.

[A]

And you're exact with your.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

See? Yeah. That's why I can't do that, because I'm like, you up one little thing. And the sponge cake is not a sponge cake. It's pudding. And. And that was a flower thing. That wasn't a. I don't know.

[B]

See, this is where. But I essentially only make cookies, which I think there's a little bit more.

[A]

Breathing cookie only guy.

[B]

Cookie only man. I've made brownies. I'll make brownies. But that's a cookie bar, essentially.

[A]

Oh, yeah. I'm like, I don't know what your order of operations is, but I'm number one brownie.

[B]

I love a brownie.

[A]

Then cookie.

[B]

Oh, then cookie.

[A]

Okay. Or then cake.

[B]

Maybe brownie.

[A]

Cake, Brownie, cake, cookie.

[B]

You love a thing in a bar shape.

[A]

Yeah, I Think I like. Yeah.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Thank you so much.

[B]

Oh, look at this. Annalise has brought a whole tea set.

[A]

Oh, my goodness. You can cut the cake.

[B]

Let's cut the cake.

[A]

Sorry. I should have warned y' all. Or brought plates.

[B]

Can you imagine? Okay. I'm trying to not pull this apart and throw it on the floor. Let's see here. Oh, very nice. Okay, I'm gonna cut the.

[A]

Would you like to cut?

[B]

Yeah, I would love to try, but it's also got this insane little.

[A]

Oh, it's got a thing on it.

[B]

Could you maybe pull the tape off of the thing? Yeah, it's got a little thing. Hold it. This whole thing could fall apart. Yeah. I don't understand what the. The need for the plastic is. I guess they didn't trust themselves.

[A]

Yeah, it's giving insecure Baker.

[B]

Here we go. Anneliese is slowly pulling the taped plastic ring. There we go. Oh, that seems kind of satisfying, actually. Okay, now the big reveal. Gorgeous.

[A]

Gorgeous. Sorry about that. My pleasure. Wow, look at how beautiful that is.

[B]

Wow, look at that stunning little cake. Gorgeous cake. People have got to see this cake.

[A]

What's your. What's your cookie?

[B]

Okay. My. My go to baking cookie is a chocolate chip cookie. I've slowly developed the recipe using, you know, all the recipes I've ever used.

[A]

How many years?

[B]

It's been years and years at this point. I mean, I started. My mom is a big baker.

[A]

Oh, she is. But you started with her recipe.

[B]

Yes. And I didn't really start baking for myself until I moved to LA and I had one of those little ovens that was basically from 1927.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That you didn't know what temperature it was or anything.

[A]

I cleaned it.

[B]

Yes. And now. And that started in probably 2012, so it's been about 13 years that I've been baking. And now the recipe, I would say, is perfect.

[A]

Can I ask off the bat, are you freezing the dough the night before?

[B]

This is a whole other thing. Of course. The impatience.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I will bake part. I bake part of it to begin with because I need my cookie now.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I'm not a planner, and my.

[A]

Friend lives and dies by this, and we've had arguments about it.

[B]

Oh, interesting.

[A]

It's like, if you're not freezing, I don't know. I'm bored. She's like, if you're not making the dough the night before, it's not a good cookie.

[B]

Okay. So I love. I'm gonna hold a knife for every episode of the podcast.

[A]

I feel so casual with you with the knife. It's fun.

[B]

You do refrigerating. It always helps. It always.

[A]

Who said that?

[B]

Some genius. But this is the thing. A cookie, if the recipe is good, will taste good when you bake it the first time as well. The next day it'll be a little better. The next day it'll be even better. The next day will probably be the very best.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Then you've got some diminishing returns. And at that point, if you still have dough, you want to turn it into balls, Put it on the cookie sheet. Put all of them on the cookie sheet. Put them in the freezer for 10 to 20 minutes so that they're hard. And then you can put them in a bag and freeze them all.

[A]

And, you know, later on, freeze it as a unit.

[B]

Freeze it as a unit. You can't freeze the whole dough together. Cause then that's gonna be a nightmare to pull apart.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

But if it's in the fridge too long, you're playing with fire.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You want to refrigerate it. Those flavors are mashing together. They're becoming. The sugar is taking on the butter, the vanilla, all of this.

[A]

See, now I under. It does make sense because I have a Bolognese that I perfected that makes.

[B]

Sense as a flavor thing.

[A]

Processed me, and I took my mom's recipe and my grandma and I figured out mine. And it's better the next day.

[B]

Right. The flavors have all kind of teamed up.

[A]

Yeah. And they've like, we've met, they've stewed, essentially. Yeah. We found our chemistry. Now we're ready to roll.

[B]

But yeah, I usually will make an entire thing of dough and then make one two cookies. One for me, one for my boyfriend. A night for like a week, essentially.

[A]

That's so sweet. How big is it?

[B]

I think it's like. I think it is kind of like. I mean, I just talk about it casually now, but I think it's psycho.

[A]

I think people are like, one. A lot of people do one cookie in the sheet. It's like a new thing.

[B]

You gotta. Because otherwise I'm gonna eat all of them.

[A]

A lot of my tick tock girlies that I follow.

[B]

Interesting. Tick tock girlies. I did it first.

[A]

He did it first.

[B]

It's in the Bible version of I said tokens. Okay, let me. Let me slide.

[A]

Yeah, I don't think I've cracker open here, should I? Oh, you're just doing one half each. I've never seen anyone cut a cake like that. Boom.

[B]

There's your Half. Enjoy.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

And then for me, just a sliver.

[A]

See, there it is.

[B]

Okay. Oh, I love a whipped cream.

[A]

Look at that.

[B]

I love a strawberry.

[A]

Take it.

[B]

Although I'll say that it seems like they put some sort of sugar glaze on the strawberry.

[A]

On the strawberry. Jesus.

[B]

We just can't do shine berry. Let it sh. Shine. The strawberry is one of the perfect foods.

[A]

I know.

[B]

I'm gonna try all of this at once, though.

[A]

Oh, this is a lot.

[B]

Try to get this mashed into my mouth.

[A]

Wow. It's, you know, fine. Well, look at that. A fine strawberry shortcake.

[B]

That's good.

[A]

I should have sought out a really nice one for you.

[B]

I think that's very good. This is another thing where, like, it's hard to say, but, like, contextually, if you had brought this and said you.

[A]

Had made it, then I'd have you at gunpoint.

[B]

Yeah, you would have. It would be interesting to see what my reaction would have been. I may have been like, this is the best strawberry shortcake I've ever had. You know?

[A]

Are you one to blow something up if someone put a lot.

[B]

No, but I think the context matters. I think to be like, wow, the work and effort that was put into this. And it's good. It's not disgusting.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I would have been dazzled. And I am dazzled. I think it's good. I love whipped cream. I love strawberries. And pound cake I think is decent. That's my big problem with all strawberry shortcake, where I'm like, well, it's just vanilla cake.

[A]

I love pound cake.

[B]

You do. Just pure pound cake.

[A]

Because it's not asking a lot of me.

[B]

Right. It's just a simple vanilla flavor.

[A]

Yeah. It's like a muffin. But dessert. And I think I like that.

[B]

It is muffiny.

[A]

And I'm not an icing girl. I like it. I'm not a loser.

[B]

But you could just eat a plain.

[A]

Vanilla cake if it's good. Yeah.

[B]

That's impressive.

[A]

Thank you so much.

[B]

I need a little razzle dazzle.

[A]

You need, like, a little swirl.

[B]

A swirl. I need a chocolate or something like this where we've dressed it up.

[A]

Yeah. She's formal. She's got her shoes on and a scarf.

[B]

Wow. But you're a brownie person first.

[A]

Yeah. Here's how it is. I'm just gonna raw dog it. Brownie cake.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Cookie, ice cream.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Pie.

[B]

Interesting. And can you name out of those categories? Like, well, brownie is a brownie. Is there a type of brownie you like?

[A]

See I'm going just like the bare bones, what they are.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Just a chocolate, I'd say just like. Yeah. Not a blondie isn't a brownie.

[B]

Blondie is not a brownie. It's a different bar. It's a blondie.

[A]

To me, a blondie's close to a biscuit or a biscotti.

[B]

A blondie is more in the line of cake, almost.

[A]

Yeah. It's hard cake.

[B]

Yeah. It's old stiff cake.

[A]

Or a blondie is a thick cookie.

[B]

Yeah. Or a too soft cookie.

[A]

Yeah. I think I like with brownies. I like the. The. I like them to be dense and cake like.

[B]

Right. I need it to be in a very intense flavor.

[A]

Yeah. What's your. What's at your top? Cookie, obviously.

[B]

Chocolate chip cookie. Within the cookie category.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I mean, almost all cookies.

[A]

All cookies, yeah.

[B]

As long as they have some type of chocolate in them.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

A lot of like a ginger snap I could take or leave.

[A]

I never thought that there's like a lot of fruit in cake and pie. Not a lot of fruit cookies.

[B]

No. There are very few fruit cookies. My mom makes an apricot cookie. Whoa. It's very good. But it's almost like a little pie.

[A]

Yeah, it's a mini little pie, but.

[B]

Chocolate chip cookie cookie category. Next is brownies.

[A]

Yeah. Okay.

[B]

Exact type of brownie as you. Or a peanut butter brownie or a cheesecake brownie. Whoa. Almost any type of brownie. As long as I don't like a frosting on a brownie. I don't really care for that.

[A]

Me either. I kind of like a corner piece.

[B]

Yeah, I love a corner. I could, essentially. As long as it doesn't have something slathered across the top.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Third for me. Ice cream slash milkshake.

[A]

Great.

[B]

I love a milkshake. Fourth, I think is a tie between cake and pie.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

You and they have to be very good because they're both commitments.

[A]

They are.

[B]

They're both.

[A]

And you did cut yourself a small cookie like piece.

[B]

And I see you haven't finished yours. Is there something wrong with the cake, Angela? You don't like the cake?

[A]

The half a cake?

[B]

Are you not hungry? No. Cake and pie, I think are higher stakes. They're a bigger commitment. And it's very rare that I will seek out a cake. The one place I'll get cake. Have you ever been to Quarter Sheets in Los Angeles?

[A]

Quarter sheets?

[B]

No, the pizza place.

[A]

Oh, yes. I was gonna say. Are you talking about. I've never had their cake.

[B]

Their cake is. I never order Dessert at any restaurant ever. This is the one place that every single time they have a princess cake. That is so beautiful, so delicious.

[A]

That's a princess cake.

[B]

You've probably seen one before.

[A]

They have, like, with the Barbie in the middle. That's what a princess cake is to me.

[B]

It's full of plastic doll parts, but.

[A]

Have you seen those? The Barbie.

[B]

Oh, wait, that's a real thing.

[A]

That's the thing. So it's a Barbie and then the cake is on the side.

[B]

Oh, it's like her dress.

[A]

It's her dress.

[B]

No, that's a skirt cake. That's a skirt cake.

[A]

No, that's a princess cake.

[B]

No, a princess cake is like a green, like, beautiful, like, minty green color fondant on top. Yes. And then. Which. And I'm not crazy about. Actually, it's marzipan. That's why I like it, because it's more of a flavored thing. It's more coffee. This is the thinking man's fondant. Because fondant is essentially plastic and marzipan is. It's like an almondy.

[A]

Got it.

[B]

Stuff. And then it's got white cake, raspberry and whipped cream.

[A]

Yes. I know exactly what this is.

[B]

And I will say a lot of princess cakes are not that good. They're too sweet. They're, like, too almondy. Quarter sheets. I think it's a husband and wife duo. And they are. The pizza's unbelievable. The cake is unbelievable. And weekly, they have a different cake sheet cake. So if you can get there in time, you get to try this thoughtful sheet cake that's always interesting and fantastic.

[A]

I'm doing that this week. Bridger.

[B]

Good luck. You gotta get a reservation. This place is impossible to get into at this point. They should reach out. They should be quarter sheets. Reach out.

[A]

I got cake and art for you. Just invite me. Reach out.

[B]

No. The cake is unlike any cake I've ever eaten before. But. So that's the sort of cake that I enjoy.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

A regular birthday cake. If I'm at a birthday party and someone says, do you want some cake? I ate before I came. I ate cake before I came.

[A]

I had cake on the way. So for your birthday.

[B]

On the bus.

[A]

I had car cake. Are you. So for your birthday, you're never. Are you blowing a candle out of a cookie?

[B]

I'll usually have a cake. Yeah.

[A]

And you're like, whatever.

[B]

And I'll be like, everybody. Does everyone else want some of this cake that some. Somebody thoughtfully got for me?

[A]

I'm so glad I brought this cake.

[B]

I Liked it. And it's morning. You know, it's like, we're not even. It's like lunchtime at this point. And this is a nice mor. I consider anything without chocolate breakfast.

[A]

I completely agree. Especially if you put a fruit on it.

[B]

Oh, of course. It's just like, this is essentially. I could have woken up and had this with coffee.

[A]

This is a parfait.

[B]

This is. This is a parfait. Should have more parfaits for breakfast.

[A]

Oh, I went through a huge parfait phase in school.

[B]

What were you putting in your parfait?

[A]

I was just really obsessed with the Starbucks one.

[B]

I didn't know Starbucks had a parfait.

[A]

I don't think they still do, but it was like, I would get like, a Frappuccino and a parfait.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

And my digestive system was a tank when I was in middle school and high school.

[B]

You have to take advantage of that.

[A]

You do. We don't talk about that anymore.

[B]

Why are adults not telling children, go for it.

[A]

Do it now.

[B]

Absolutely. Go crazy.

[A]

You're like, you are. You will be fine.

[B]

The window is closing.

[A]

Literally. Like, do it now.

[B]

Your body is a furnace. And you can throw whatever you want in there.

[A]

Oh, and you can. You can, like, prep and have a veggie every once in a while. Sure. Because that will be the rest of your life.

[B]

Yes. She'll get used to the idea. Yeah.

[A]

But you could do whatever you want.

[B]

Have a frapp and parfait.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Frapping. Parf. Parf. Frap. In your breakfast, your lunch. You're having hot Cheetos. Maybe another frap.

[B]

Wash it down with some gravy.

[A]

Yeah. And for dinner, I was having. My mother would come home at 9pm with El Pollo Loco and be like, sorry. And she'd throw it on the table.

[B]

Then get into the bird feeder and have some sugar water.

[A]

If I ate that, if I ate what I used to eat that day, I would be.

[B]

Oh, my life. My health would crater.

[A]

It would be like I went to, like, Coachella for, like, three weeks. I'd be like, put me away.

[B]

It's just not a thing. It's not a possibility for an adult body. It doesn't. Like, it feels bad.

[A]

It's almost like I broke my arm last year. And I remember, like, the. The guy was like. I was like the vet. The doctor was like. He was like, you need to keep this on for, like, months.

[B]

This.

[A]

And I was like, wow. When I was little, I remember breaking my arm all the time. And it Was like a week to.

[B]

Breaking your arm all the time.

[A]

I was like a. I mean, I broke my arm twice.

[B]

Were you a pro skater?

[A]

No, I was just like one of those kids.

[B]

Right, right.

[A]

But it was crazy to me because there was like. Yeah, A lot of kids. Sometimes we don't even need a cast. We just put it on there. But, like, their bodies just heal really fast and we're slowly dying.

[B]

So. Yeah, of course your body's like, well, why would I. Why bother? I'll leave it.

[A]

It's going to take me so long to rebuild this.

[B]

Wow. So how long did you have the cast on for?

[A]

Like two months.

[B]

How did you break your arm?

[A]

Oh. Here's a story of our dear friend, Patrick McDonald.

[B]

Oh, my God. We love Patrick McDonald.

[A]

I went to a birthday party at a roller rink.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And I was just roller skating. Took a mighty tumble. Landed on my wrist in such a way that was so bad. Cause I was like, dancing. I think it was like I was like, dancing and fell on my wrist so bad. And Patrick was there. I've never seen him, like, completely like.

[B]

Did he go to, like, an emergency mode?

[A]

No, Almost in the opposite.

[B]

Oh, he was making fun of you.

[A]

Or he was just like, oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God. And I was like, yeah, what do I do? And for some reason, him and I both thought in that state where my wrist was like this.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

And he was like, we have to get the doctor at the Moonlight Roller Rink. And we were like, do you guys have the doctor?

[B]

Doctor, roller skate, PhD.

[A]

And for some reason, we both were like, we'll just wait here for the doctor. And then like 20 minutes later, a 16 year old comes up with like a ice pack, a frozen thing of peas.

[B]

Were they on skates?

[A]

Hey, girly. Yeah, hey, girly. I'm so sorry. This happens all the time. Just put this on there. And we were like, but what about the doctor? And I was so out of it. And Patrick was so like, like, oh, no, we need a doctor.

[B]

Oh. And so then were you driven to the hospital? What happened?

[A]

Yeah, Patrick. I was like, pat, I think you need to sit here and have some water.

[B]

Yeah, he's gonna pass out.

[A]

He wasn't well. And my friend was like, my. My friend, that's the opposite. Which is like, get in my car. I already have it. Rooted. Got me in my car and got me in her car. And we handled it. Why was I talking about, oh, yeah?

[B]

Because I like to think I'm that. That person that in an emergency, the adrenaline kicks in and I become this calm. Like, we can. I can figure it out.

[A]

And are you.

[B]

I don't want to find out.

[A]

You don't want to find out.

[B]

I would rather not find out.

[A]

I think I'm like. I'm very much at, like, make that person feel not in panic.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Then I think I can, like, downplay because I'm like, you're fine. You're fine.

[B]

To the. You're now gaslighting.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I gotta be careful leaving you.

[A]

Yeah. My friend had something in her eye and I was like, you don't. And it was so. Actually zow. It was like a wedding. We were all bridesmaids. She was like, it's really in my eye. I, like, really can't take pictures. I went, yes, you can. I did it in a thoughtful way. But, like, what a cunt of me. I was like, there's. Honestly, I'm looking at your eye. I don't see anything.

[B]

That's very stage mom.

[A]

Yeah. I was like, we just gotta keep going. We need to take the pictures.

[B]

The pageant is almost over.

[A]

We need just smile and sit up.

[B]

There's a trophy on the line. There's a tiara on the line. Wow. Okay. I don't want you or Patrick around.

[A]

Yeah, I know.

[B]

For my emergency. I want to be alone in an emergency and see how I deal with it and just.

[A]

Hey, Alexa.

[B]

Finish me off. Okay, well, I think we should play a game.

[A]

Yeah, let's do it.

[B]

Let's play a game called let's see Honolulu. What was the last game we played?

[A]

I think that it was gift or a curse.

[B]

Okay, I think we should play gift Master. I need a number between 1 and 10 from you. 4. Okay. I have to do some light calculating to get our game piece. Game pieces. Okay. So you can promote, recommend, do whatever you want with the microphone while you're calculating right back. Yes.

[A]

Okay. Hey, guys, what's up? I'm gonna promote. Oh, yeah, I'll promote me and Patrick's podcast. Bridger's been on it. It's really fun. Artists on artists on artisan artists for artists. We have Patreon. We also do funny, silly things. Bridger's episode. Super fun. Besides that, I'm gonna promote anyone making an authentic strawberry shortcake. Good for you. Because the store bought ones, they don't hit as hard. They just don't. Oh, my God. What are you calculating? I can't focus. I tried it a second time. It's fine.

[B]

Still, it's a good cake.

[A]

We let it sit for 20 minutes. Still tastes the same.

[B]

It's a good cake. I've got our game pieces. This is how we play Gift Master. I'm going to name three things. Three gifts that you can give away. Three objects, experiences, what have you. I'm going to name three celebrities. You're going to tell me which celebrity you would give.

[A]

Yes. Yes.

[B]

Which gift and why? Does that make sense?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

I hope you totally failed. I go, hey, what was the rules 59?

[A]

Fuck that gift, Kill that gift, marry that gift.

[B]

Okay. You understand perfectly. Do I have anything to recommend? No, I already talked about the Patreon listener. Get into it. Do I have any outside of my own selfish self promotion to recommend? I already recommended Little House on the Prairie.

[A]

They need all the help they can get.

[B]

I guess we got nothing else to recommend. My apologies. Forgive me. Artists of the World. Artists on Artists on Artists is an excellent podcast. It's so funny and I had such a good time doing it.

[A]

So funny.

[B]

Okay, I'm gonna name the three gifts. You're gonna. And the celebrities you'll, you know. You get it?

[A]

Got it.

[B]

Okay. The three celebrities today are, number one, Benson Boone.

[A]

Copy.

[B]

Number two, Erykah Badu. Oh, my God, I love Erykah Badu. Kind of opposite ends of the taste spectrum, I would say.

[A]

Yeah. Different playlists.

[B]

And number three is Dennis the Menace. Dennis the Menace is just a cartoon character.

[A]

Little boy who's a friend. That's what it sounds like.

[B]

Dennis the Menace is just kind of a local menace. Little blonde menace.

[A]

Is he a cartoon?

[B]

I believe it was. Started as a comic strip probably in the 1870s.

[A]

Okay. Okay.

[B]

Became a cartoon, became a movie. Okay, movies maybe, I don't know. And the three gifts you're going to be giving away today are. Number one, one, weird long hair on their neck. Okay.

[A]

It belongs on them.

[B]

It's on them.

[A]

Yes, it belongs. Okay.

[B]

It belongs on them.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

Number two, four star accommodations. So not five star, not three star.

[A]

A four star, four star accommodations.

[B]

And number three, a sense of play.

[A]

We don't need to give Benson Boone a sense of play because I think he's got enough.

[B]

What a playful guy.

[A]

What a playful. If he's not flipping around, I don't know what else is playful. He's playful.

[B]

He's a playful spirit.

[A]

And he's like, let me try to be Harry Styles. Let me be playful. Sorry, that was rude. Sorry. I was so rude.

[B]

That was cruel.

[A]

That was so rude. Okay, I'm giving my girl Erykah Badu. A sense of play.

[B]

Oh, wow.

[A]

Not because I think she needs it, but I'm doing it because I think just she deserves it.

[B]

And I think, yeah, she, like, I think she has it, but I think she needs to remind her.

[A]

Exactly. I think like a new dose of it, like a vitamin, it's always good. You know what I mean? And I don't want to give Dennis the Menace or Benson Boonet. And that's kind of why I'm giving it to Erica.

[B]

That's logical. It makes perfect sense.

[A]

And I think I actually trust her to re gift it. Well.

[B]

Right, right. If she should. She need to.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

She can have that in her gift closet.

[A]

Then I'm giving. I'm giving Dennis the Menace a long hair.

[B]

One gross long hair.

[A]

One gross long hair on him. I'm giving him that because I think comic strips don't have a lot of good facial hair.

[B]

Oh, interesting. They really don't.

[A]

There's a lot of just like, just like cartoons too. It's just like we don't see like disgusting ingrown hairs.

[B]

Yeah. A lot of clean faces.

[A]

A lot of clean faces. You're not seeing clean legs.

[B]

I feel like you're not even seeing beards that often within the comic strips.

[A]

No bushes.

[B]

No beard. Zero bush.

[A]

No. Show me a comic strip with a bush, please listeners. That's. Recommend me some. That's insane. And then. Yeah. I'm giving Benson Boone the four star accommodation because it's nice.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

And it's not that nice.

[B]

Yeah. It feels like he's probably at this point, he's probably being showered with five star accommodations. He's probably getting spoiled.

[A]

Yes. And I think it's good for someone popping off to not have the best of everything. I think he should. You should change it up and you should get a four star something and go, hmm.

[B]

Mm. His sense of play is at risk.

[A]

I think I answered it correctly and I know it's objective.

[B]

Absolutely. No, I think that, you know, maybe first time in the history of this game it's just correct.

[A]

I'm so annoying. I think I made. I did it right.

[B]

That's an A. An absolute A. Oh, my God.

[A]

Didn't know we were being graded.

[B]

You are now. And I think you did a great job. And Benson, good luck with the good but not perfect hotel.

[A]

Just be nice.

[B]

Do a backflip off the bed.

[A]

Yeah. They're doing their best.

[B]

They're doing their best. They're doing their absolute best. Okay. And now Annaliese has a gift or a curse. That or yes. We didn't play this game. Annalise is going to give us a thing, and they're going to ask us if it's a gift or a curse and why.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And then we'll answer and see who's correct, because Anneliese has the correct answer.

[A]

Okay. Gift or a curse?

[B]

The Fast and Furious franchise. Do you want to go or should I go?

[A]

I'm gagged. You have to go first. To people or to us?

[B]

And again, we don't get any more information. So you have to really. We have to think about this international blockbusting franchise.

[A]

Ten years of stuff.

[B]

It does great numbers in every territory and is about a sense of family and maybe a sense of play.

[A]

Maybe a little.

[B]

I'm going to say the Fast and the Furious franchise. Oh, for me, I'm going to say it's a curse. I'm going to say, these are the Fast and the Furious films. I've seen. Number one. I've seen. And I think. I think I've seen that one. And then I've seen the spinoff called Hobbs and Shaw, which was the most. Top three most exhausting film experiences of my entire life. It was worse than watching a video game. Cut scene. There was absolutely nothing there. For me, I'm going to say, ultimately, curse. They're not for me. And this is the other thing, people. This is the thing about Fast and the Furious. Well, they're actually really good movies. Yeah, this is every time. Start with number four. They're amazing movies. You've got to see the. They're great movies. And then I watch them and I say, I don't think so.

[A]

But that's what we're saying.

[B]

Just because it's about men getting along with each other over stolen cars. And, you know, there's one girl always. Yeah, there's one girl. She's one of the guys. She's always gotta be one of the guys. I. I've been told too many times they're great movies. They're actually great movies. And then I watch them like, I. For. I guess for what it is, but. Yeah, I don't care. And then I saw this Hobbs and Shaw. Well, now I'm. I guess I'm lying because I've only seen the Hobbs and Shaw, which I think people hate.

[A]

I think, yeah.

[B]

And then I saw the first, which I will say is a bad movie. And now the. The car and Fast and Furious community is going to come after me. They're not for me, not my cup of tea. I think it's a curse.

[A]

Well, if it's coming after you, it's coming after me too. Because I think it's a curse. I think it's a curse to me and to others that movies gotta be like that. Once we passed, like, four or five of them. Now it was like, now every now, it's kind of gotta be like that. And that's what a curse is. It's things repeating over and over and over again, and it's being stuck in the same sin.

[B]

Inescapable.

[A]

Inescapable. And I think that. And I. I am mixing it up with the Transformers franchise.

[B]

Oh, yeah. And that's worse.

[A]

Same, I think, same curse, different machine. One's family, one's robots. I do love a family story. I love an ensemble movie. Of course, don't get me wrong, we'd.

[B]

Love to see everyone getting along, but.

[A]

I think this is a curse because it's kind of the same thing. It's kind of putting audiences on the same, like, male, let's drive fast thing.

[B]

Yes. This is the other thing. I'll say Fast and the Furious is a curse because, you know, every man that goes to see those movies, as he's driving out of the parking lot of the movie theater is going a little bit too fast. He's thinking, I'm in the movie now.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

He's blasting his music.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

He thinks I'm Hobbs.

[A]

Truly. I think, like, every time you see someone, like, be a little dickish on.

[B]

The road, they're thinking, look at me, I'm Shaw.

[A]

They're, like, listening to, like, a Flo Rida song in their head.

[B]

Yes, exactly.

[A]

Gotta go. And, like, that's really fun and good escapism, and I get it. And I do that with other shit in my life. But not on the road, boys.

[B]

No. Keep it off the road. Keep it off the highways.

[A]

Is there a girl boss? Fast and Furious.

[B]

Oh, like a foal.

[A]

Where it was like, she's his daughter.

[B]

Oh, interesting. Interesting.

[A]

That all walks. There we go.

[B]

Who did Ocean's Eight.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Get them on this. Fast and the Furious girl boss.

[A]

Yeah. Fast and the Furious. Curly hair. That was so bad. I'm hitting such a massive wall. I'm becoming a bad time. Next on Elise.

[B]

What's the answer?

[A]

I'm sorry.

[B]

It's a gift. Oh, turn off the mic.

[A]

It's a gift. It's a gift. It unites so many different kinds of people.

[B]

I've met the most random people who happen to love this franchise.

[A]

There's so little that brings us together. And, you know, What? Isn't family always a gift?

[B]

Let's be real.

[A]

No.

[B]

Watch any movie about Thanksgiving.

[A]

It's awful. It's a trap, a curse, and bad Annalise.

[B]

I wish this window could, like, darken. I could, like, push a tint so I didn't have to even look at you.

[A]

Yeah, you're gonna have to stare directly into my eyes when I tell you. The fans in the Furious franchise.

[B]

A gift. If you wouldn't mind an editing. Just remove you saying it's a gift and say it's a curse. You can use my voice. Curse.

[A]

Literally curse.

[B]

Curse, curse, curse, curse.

[A]

This is Annalise's clean audio saying it's a curse. Beep, beep. Put in, like, a car run. Engine.

[B]

Yeah. Revving. Men screaming and fighting with each other. Okay, well, Anneliese, unfortunately, it's out of control and wrong, and we were correct this time. Thank you, Annelies. And this is the final segment of the podcast. It's called I said no emails. People write into I saidno giftsmail.com. they'll send their voicemails. They'll send emails. They're begging for questions. Will you help me answer a question? Okay, this first one, actually, let's do a quick one. This is from a Patreon. It's from a listener named Rick. What is your favorite 1990s TV show? I think this is a nice, quick answer one.

[A]

Oh, seventh heaven.

[B]

Oh, I never saw it.

[A]

I really love it. It's so weird.

[B]

And is this. I hate to say it, the one where the guy ended up being.

[A]

Oh, no. Really? The main actor?

[B]

I don't know. I don't know.

[A]

Probably name a 1990s show that wasn't. I'm not normalizing. You know what I mean?

[B]

I need to see seventh Heaven. I bet I would love that.

[A]

Now, I don't think you need to. But on the same lines as you need to see the raccoon from.

[B]

Now, don't put those two in the same category, but I bet I would love seventh Heaven. This feels like it would be a weird show to watch.

[A]

Yeah. It was so weird. And I think it has a funny memory in my heart because my mom used to use it as, like, a teaching mechanism for me.

[B]

Oh, right.

[A]

Where, like, anytime, like, the daughter in the show would lie to her mom, my mom would be in the other room, be like, you see, that's not good. She's lying, and that's not that good. Don't you think that? And it worked every time for me.

[B]

So I think that's a Great answer. It's a great classic piece of tv. I mean, my sincere answer is probably strangers with candy. I think strangers with candy is probably number one, but I feel like there's a bunch of ties. It's like that. I love news radio. I love Futurama.

[A]

Futurama.

[B]

There are a bunch of great shows, of course, from that decade. All kinds of wonderful programs.

[A]

I don't know if catdog on Cartoon network was the 2000s or the 90s.

[B]

That feels 2000s. Right?

[A]

That's why that came to mind for some reason.

[B]

We'll count it. Okay, now let's answer a problem real quick here. This is dearest Bridget. Okay? And I don't know if that was on purpose or autocorrect or whatever, but I'm insulted either way and shameful guest. My stepmom was at my house before going on a vacation and asked if I had any good books she could borrow and said she promises she'd give it back. It's been over a year and she hasn't returned the book. I asked her if she ever finished it and she said she accidentally left it on the plane and that she'd get me a replacement copy. That was months ago. I want my book back as I really liked the book and it's the principle of it all. How do I get her to get my book? Many thanks. And that's Casey. Stepmom trouble.

[A]

Ooh. How do you get your book back?

[B]

How do you get the book back?

[A]

So she said she would replace it and she has not.

[B]

And she left it on the plane. She would get it back come hell or high water, and it hasn't come back to her yet. So how do you. I mean, my mind immediately goes to the ultimate lender of books is the library.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

What happens when you don't return the book to the library? They start to fine you.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

When you don't pay the fine, what happens? They call collections.

[A]

I didn't know that.

[B]

That may or may not be true, but that's where my mind goes.

[A]

I still have a UCLA book that I have from going there. She's destroying that credit recently. And I was like, what do you have on me?

[B]

Your credit is negative 50.

[A]

Oh, give me a bad grade. Five years later, six years later.

[B]

So, I mean, now, you know when I think library calling collections on you. Maybe the repo man is now driving away in your car. Yeah, why not? Why not do that with your mother in law? Yes. Stepmom.

[A]

Stepmom. So sorry.

[B]

Or your mother in law. If you Just have that sense of play we're all talking about. It's all abuzz.

[A]

I heard her leaving it on the plane. I went, that's a mother in law.

[B]

That's a real mother in law. That's a stepmom.

[A]

Got it, got it, got it.

[B]

Yeah. I don't know how you call collections on somebody or if that's something you have to do through official channels or if you just fill out a report, but to destroy this woman's credit and maybe have her car repoed or TV taken.

[A]

Take to Reddit.

[B]

Take to Reddit. There we go. Kind of just dox her completely.

[A]

Just dox her completely. I don't know what you do in a way that's like, get me my book.

[B]

How many times do I have to ask you?

[A]

Like for Christmas, do you get her the book again.

[B]

Oh, interesting.

[A]

And go. Now make this right. Give it to me.

[B]

That's not a bad idea. But then you pay for it.

[A]

I know. And that's not the right thing. But then do you get the satisfaction of seeing her know that she messed up and you paid for it and fixed her problem? But you're right, it's the principle of it.

[B]

Principle of it. And this person's out of control and irresponsible. I. You know, ultimately, I think the most you can do is take some money from her wallet and just.

[A]

And then buy yourself the book.

[B]

Buy yourself the book. Treat yourself with the $50 you took out of stepmom's wallet.

[A]

Go into her wallet. But it's your money.

[B]

It is your money.

[A]

Find however much that book is. Goes for right now.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Okay. And whatever money she's holding, that is that amount. That's your money.

[B]

And maybe a little money for ice.

[A]

Cream, a little something for a cookie.

[B]

For the drive home.

[A]

Yeah, get some for the drive home.

[B]

And then the stepmom will hopefully learn her lesson. If she doesn't, dad can divorce her. He's done it before, he'll do it again. That's all I'm saying. Well, Casey, there, you got the perfect answer. Don't write back in. Wow. Well, we've got this gorgeous cake. I have these beautiful paintings. I'm so thrilled about them. I'm so thrilled that you're coming out into the light. You're bringing your hobby into the light. I think that's a genuinely terrifying thing to do.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

If I had ever done any. If I had any skill or hobby that I was able to present to other people, I just couldn't do it.

[A]

Especially when you Want it to be private?

[B]

Yes. When you want it to be a deeply private affair, then you blow it out publicly.

[A]

Then it feels weird to throw it away.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

And it feels weird to genuinely give to someone.

[B]

Right. So why not genuinely giving a piece of your art to somebody that seems. That's like writing a song about somebody.

[A]

That's like a self portrait. A little bit.

[B]

Yeah. It's a little.

[A]

What are you doing now?

[B]

Our relationship is. What? Wait, you think we're that good of friends?

[A]

Someone painted my face and their face together and gave that to me once.

[B]

Is this true?

[A]

Yeah. An old boyfriend in high school.

[B]

It's over.

[A]

It's done. Lock it up.

[B]

No, thank you. Good. Great.

[A]

Thank you. And I looked ugly in it. At least give me big and knockers.

[B]

Yeah. Well, I've had a wonderful time with you.

[A]

Thank you for having me. I'm sorry about this. Yeah.

[B]

Thank you for the apology, listener. The podcast is over. If you have some cake, do with that what you want. Go do something nice for yourself. Get your dad to divorce your stepmom. I don't know. Podcast is over. I love you. Goodbye. I said no Gifts is an exactly right production. Our senior producer is Annelise Nelson, and our episodes are beautifully mixed by Ben Tolliday. The theme song is by miracle worker Amy Mann. And we couldn't do it without our booker, Patrick Cotner. You must follow the show on Instagram at isaidnogifts. That's where you're going to see pictures of all these wonderful gifts I'm getting. And don't you want to see the gifts?

[A]

When I invited you here, thought I made myself perfectly clear. When you're a guest in my home, you gotta come to me empty handed. I said no guests. Your present is present to me.

[B]

Of.

[A]

And I already had too much stuff, so how do you dare disobey me?