Bowen Yang, Jeff Hiller, and Sydnee Washington Disobey Bridger While Hundreds of People Watch in Horror (Live at The Bell House)

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Bowen Yang, Jeff Hiller, and Sydnee Washington Disobey Bridger While Hundreds of People Watch in Horror (Live at The Bell House)"

Introduction and Live Show Setup

In this electrifying live episode of I Said No Gifts!, host Bridger Winegar welcomes a vibrant audience to The Bell House for an evening of laughter, games, and unexpected twists. Bridger sets the stage by emphasizing his one simple rule: no gifts. However, as always, guests find creative ways to defy this request, leading to hilarious and chaotic exchanges throughout the show.

Bridger's Opening Remarks [00:01 - 02:10]

Bridger opens the show with his signature humor, addressing the audience and teasing upcoming segments. He introduces the live format, complete with a standing room that surprises even him:

"I did not realize there was this much standing room... There is not a worse podcast in the world to have to stand through." [02:10]

Gift Master Game Introduction [01:00 - 02:10]

Bridger announces a new home version of his popular game "Gift or a Curse," encouraging listeners to engage with friends and family. He humorously warns about potential holiday disasters arising from the game:

"You can hurt feelings, you can end friendships, possible divorce. This is the game that is really going to ruin your holidays." [01:00]

Gift or a Curse: First Round [06:41 - 20:17]

The main event kicks off with guests Bowen Yang, Jeff Hiller, and Carl Tart participating in "Gift or a Curse." Each guest receives items and must decide their fate. Notable moments include:

• Bridger vs. Heated Steering Wheels [09:02]

  "Because it's a little luxury. What's wrong with that?" – Bridger Winegar

• Hulu with Ads [10:14]

  "The ads? I don't want to watch ads ever. Period." – Bridger
  "It's a gift. You want these things with ads... But if you have to use them, you've got to get them with the ads." – Bowen Yang

Jeff Hiller surprises everyone by correctly identifying both items as gifts, demonstrating sharp wit and insight:

"It's a gift because anytime you get those emails... it's such a nice thing for these people to reach out." [12:46]

Meanwhile, Sydnee Washington joins the game, bringing her distinctive perspective and humor:

"Books lead to murder." – Sydnee Washington [20:14]

Unexpected Guest Ambush [25:55 - 35:00]

The episode takes a lively turn when Bowen Yang unexpectedly brings Ryan Reynolds into the studio, defying Bridger’s "no gifts" rule. This unplanned intrusion leads to spontaneous banter and playful reprimands:

"I said no gifts. Your presence is present enough." – Bridger Winegar [86:13]

Halloween Costumes Discussion [32:26 - 35:00]

A spirited conversation unfolds about Halloween costumes, with Bridger sharing his past mishaps:

"Last year, I used nail glue to put on vampire fangs... It was a mess." – Bridger Winegar [30:37]

Guests exchange ideas and laugh over costume plans, highlighting the challenges and creativity involved in dressing up:

"I'm gonna be Tingle." – Ryan Reynolds [26:38]

Gift Exchanges and Cookie Chronicles [49:02 - 71:00]

The show shifts focus to the exchange of actual gifts, with guests revealing quirky items like birdseed, ceramic dogs, and massagers. Bridger humorously critiques the practicality of these gifts:

"I'll find a use for them. We'll see what happens." – Bridger Winegar [70:30]

A memorable segment features a discussion about cookies, where the guests hilariously debate the merits of different brands and types:

"I love a shortbread cookie. Like a dry ass cookie. Like, I love that biscoff." – Bridger Winegar [49:19]

Final Game and Listener Interaction [72:04 - 84:50]

As the show nears its end, Bridger introduces a final round of "Gift or a Curse," involving listener-submitted scenarios. The guests engage in spirited debates, culminating in some unexpected twists and wins:

"It's a gift. We get to know somebody, we get to give them one more chance." – Bowen Yang [77:24]

Amidst the fun, Bridger navigates technical hiccups and audience interactions, maintaining the show’s high energy and comedic flair.

Closing Remarks and Farewell [84:06 - End]

Bridger wraps up the live show with heartfelt thanks to the guests and audience, playfully reiterating the "no gifts" rule despite the night's antics:

"I thought I made myself perfectly clear. You disobeyed me." – Bridger Winegar [86:05]

The episode concludes with Bridger teasing future episodes and encouraging listeners to follow the podcast on Instagram for more behind-the-scenes fun.

Notable Quotes:

• "It's the game that is really going to ruin your holidays." – Bridger Winegar [01:00]
• "Hulu with ads? It's a curse." – Bridger Winegar [10:14]
• "Books lead to murder." – Sydnee Washington [20:14]
• "Last year, I used nail glue to put on vampire fangs. It was a mess." – Bridger Winegar [30:37]
• "I love a shortbread cookie. Like a dry ass cookie." – Bridger Winegar [49:19]
• "We get to know somebody, we get to give them one more chance." – Bowen Yang [77:24]

Conclusion

This live episode of I Said No Gifts! showcases Bridger Winegar’s exceptional ability to blend humor with engaging interactions. Despite the continuous theme of disobeying the no-gift rule, the show thrives on spontaneous guest contributions, playful arguments, and memorable moments. Whether debating the quality of cookie brands or navigating unexpected guest appearances, Bridger and his panel deliver a laughter-filled experience that resonates with both regular listeners and newcomers alike.

Transcript

[Bridger Winegar]

This is exactly right.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Hey, I'm Ryan Reynolds. Recently I asked Mint Mobile's legal team if big wireless companies are allowed to raise prices due to inflation. They said yes. And then when I asked if raising prices technically violates those onerous two year contracts, they said, what the are you talking about? You insane Hollywood.

[Bowen Yang]

So to recap, we're cutting the price.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Of mint unlimited from $30 a month to just $15 a month. Give it a [e-mail] Switch $45 up.

[Bowen Yang]

Front payment equivalent to $15 per month. New customers on first 3 month plan only. Taxes and fees. Extra speeds slower above 40 gigabytes.

[Carl Tart]

In details, ABC Wednesday.

[Bowen Yang]

Tim Allen and Kat Dennings star in the new family comedy Shifting Gears.

[Bridger Winegar]

Dad, I'm broke and I need a.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Place to stay until I figure out.

[Bridger Winegar]

What the rest of my life looks like.

[Bowen Yang]

So a couple of days. I love it when his daughter moves back in. The last time you walked out that door, you look back at me and gave me a double bird.

[Bridger Winegar]

I was 18.

[Bowen Yang]

The double bird was how I ended all our conversations. The wheels come off.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Can we try to talk to each other like Ra?

[Bowen Yang]

Have you watched the news lately? That's not a thing anymore. Series premiere Wednesday, 8, 7 Central on ABC and stream on Hulu. Okay, we're about to get into the live show episode, which is just going to blow your socks off as it did with all the audience members in the audience. But I should tell you another exciting thing. We now have a home version of Gift or a Curse. You can now play officially Gift or a Curse at home. It's a card game that, that is essentially the game we play here on the podcast. But you can take it to parties, you can take it to gatherings, you can take it to Thanksgiving, and you can really get into arguments with your friends and family. You can hurt feelings, you can end friendships, possible divorce. This is the game that is really going to ruin your holidays. Go to exactlyrightstore.com and you can buy all of our merch there, of course. But now we have the addition of gift or a curse card game which you have to get or you can Google I said no Gifts merch. Sometimes that's easier if you don't want to remember a website, you know, whatever. Okay. And now the live episode.

[Carl Tart]

Hello. Welcome to I said no Gifts live. Here to sing the theme song, please welcome Finn Lilly.

[Bowen Yang]

When I invited you here, I thought I made myself perfectly clear.

[Bridger Winegar]

When you're a guest in my home.

[Bowen Yang]

You gotta come to me empty handed. I said now Gives your presence. Is presence enough? And I already have too much stuff. So how did I disobey me? Sounds like I'm about to cry. I'm not.

[Bridger Winegar]

And then there's this cool bit.

[Bowen Yang]

Welcome to I said no gifts. I'm Bridget Winegam.

[Bridger Winegar]

Ah.

[Bowen Yang]

Come over. Is this microphone working? This microphone is working. Oh, no. What's that? Oh, this is moving loud. Fen Lilly, everybody. Unbelievable. Unbelievable. You will not be invited back. Welcome to I said no gifts. I'm Bridger Weiniger. We're in Gowanus. We can all picture a backyard picture. Helicopters non stop overhead, children screaming. I took a red eye here, which a direct flight. And if anyone knows me, I prefer a connecting flight. And we can get into that later. It is the better way to fly. I don't want to fight about it. I was in boarding group F, so that was nice, but I'm here. Anneliese and Elson unfortunately couldn't be here tonight. They were detained at the airport. The last thing I said to them was let me know if anything changes. And I haven't heard. So Anneliese is not here. But we're going to try to keep things going. And none of you are safe. They're not here to protect you. Seal the doors. What else do we have to talk about? Former Fort Greene resident here. Do we have anybody from Fort Greene? Do you still think about me? Yes. I was in Fort Greene for a year. Then I had to get out. Whatever. There were rats. Look, I'm just going to say something. You're all going to be very disappointed. We almost had the rat czar here tonight. Ratzar. Kathleen is unfortunately out of town, but the fact that she was possibly going to be here is just unbelievable. We'll have to book her at another point. But let's get into the show here. There's something we do on the show which is give away some of the beautiful items that I've received over the years. Not because I don't want my home full of garbage, but because I care. And so we've got three. Look at this. Can you imagine a more adorable bag? Look at that. That's so cute. Some little baby booties. I'm gonna pick three people from the audience. And I have to say, when I booked this, I did not realize there was this much standing room. There is not a worse podcast in the world to have to stand through. So I apologize and I'm doing nothing about it. But here I come. Here I come. Let's find some people. And if this is something you don't want to do. Be honest with me. Tell me your feelings. I'm not dragging you on stage if you don't want to be here. We will pick somebody standing up first. We have to. That's only fair. It's only fair to let them sit for a minute. Let's see here. Oh, I mean, someone's pointing at a person. I don't pick when they're being pointed at because that person might be, you know, uncomfortable. Let's see here. Would you like to come up?

[Carl Tart]

Sure.

[Bowen Yang]

What's your name? Paul. Paul, go to the stage now. Okay, now let's see. You're all discovering how small I am. Let's see here. Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop. Would you like to. Are you sure? Okay. What's your name?

[Bridger Winegar]

Alina.

[Bowen Yang]

To the stage. Okay, now let's. And I know people love someone just picking people from an audience for long periods of time. So I'm going to extend this. Let's see here. Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop. I wish Kathleen the rat Czar was here. Let's see here. Let's see. How about you? What's your name? Jacob. Jacob, come to the stage. I'm going there as well. Okay. Okay. There's a seat here. Take a seat. Well, that's. This is the perfect podcast to be presumptuous. Yeah, take a seat. Let's see. Do you each have a microphone? Oh, now, now it's becoming a problem. This is clearly my seat. Yeah, it's fine. Everything's fine. Okay, I'm. You know, the outfits I choose to wear for this thing. Let me just take a quick drink. I'm sorry. We're gonna play gift or a curse. Do you all know how to play? Oh, it'd be so humiliating for me if you didn't know how to play this. Okay, so remind me your name. Okay, here we go. I'm putting in my password. My password is my computer. There's nothing on here. Okay, then we're going to. Oh, and the gloves. See, this is why the glove is one little problem for the show. Okay, we're getting into it now. There's going to be nothing on that screen, so you can just turn away now. Okay, you're up. You're each going to get two. You're going to have to tell me if they are a gift or a curse and why, and you can absolutely lose in front of an entire Your friends and family, your community. That would be awful. But you can also win two options. Number one, gift or a curse? Heated steering wheels.

[Bridger Winegar]

Gift.

[Bowen Yang]

Why?

[Bridger Winegar]

Because it's a little luxury. What's wrong with that? That seems lovely. It's unnecessary, but it makes life a little nicer if you have thyroid problems.

[Bowen Yang]

Oh, here we go. Now this makes it impossible for me.

[Bridger Winegar]

Or Hashimoto syndrome. And you have cold hands.

[Bowen Yang]

My back is against the wall. It's a gift. It's a gift. Look, it may lead to a lot of sweaty palms sliding all over the. The steering wheel, which seems like an issue, but what you've just described makes them a gift. And well played. Okay? And I should say, these all came from Instagram. Yesterday, everyone just poured in these things in a way that I didn't. Look, I don't believe in any of you, so it was a real surprise for me. No, they're fantastic. Okay. Number two, gift or a curse? Hulu with ads. Curse. Why?

[Bridger Winegar]

The ads? I don't want to watch ads ever. Period.

[Bowen Yang]

50%. It's a gift. I love. I am here to tell you. You want these things with ads. Don't you want a little break from paying attention? Don't you want an allotted time to look at your phone and see? And then we're all. The only thing all of us know anymore is commercials. And to have that is a bonding moment for everyone. Get rid of the premium unsubscribe from all of your streaming services. Why not? But if you have to use them, you've got to get them with the ads. Okay, so you did technically win. Let's see here. Let's see here. Oh, okay. This is a very nice gift. You want to open it up?

[Bridger Winegar]

Sure.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah. It's a 2023 friends calendar with a bunch of memes.

[Bridger Winegar]

Pivot Classic New York City.

[Bowen Yang]

We all know this one. Yeah, we all remember I whitened them.

[Ryan Reynolds]

We.

[Bowen Yang]

This is from Jackie Johnson. The wonderful Jackie Johnson. And if you wait, I think six years, you'll be able to use it again. There's a T shirt. And take care of that friend's calendar. There's a T shirt for you. So that's worth something. That's worth big money. Okay. Remind me your name. Paul. Paul. Are you ready?

[Jeff Hiller]

I hope so.

[Bowen Yang]

Putting the password in again. Again. That's M, Y, C O, M, P U, T E R. Number one. Gift or a curse? When a CEO sends an email on behalf of a brand saying, my team is going to hate this. I shouldn't be doing this. It's 20% off.

[Jeff Hiller]

That is absolutely a gift. Because anytime you get those emails, those communications that are just so transparently transactional where it's. I have to lower myself. The people whose job it is to control me simply can't control me. I love that. That attempt to seem humane, to seem like it's not horribly orchestrated to save a massive 20% is just, I can't say incomparable, because that would be a little bit too much, but it's wonderful.

[Bowen Yang]

It's a gift.

[Jeff Hiller]

Absolutely.

[Bowen Yang]

It's a gift. Thank you, CEOs for standing, you know, standing up against your teams, those horrible people who don't want to give 20% off and emailing me personally. It's such a nice thing for these people to reach out. Gift. Okay, number two, gift or a curse. Pulling up next to someone, you know at a red light.

[Jeff Hiller]

Oh, that is an absolute curse. Because you're glancing over at them, you're waving. You can't honk because then they're going to think something's wrong, that they're. They piss somebody off. So you're waving like an idiot. You're trying. Do I roll down the windows and shout at them? And there is absolutely no right choice in the situation. There is no victory. At best, you hopefully get their attention and they go, oh, hi. And for what?

[Bowen Yang]

It's a curse. It's a curse. It's a curse. We all agree that's one of the worst feelings on earth. That is a huge, absolute bottom element of human feeling. But on the other hand, pulling up next to someone who cut you off, the dream. Better than becoming president. Like the power you feel. Oh, so you got two out of two. I got two out of two. Incredible. Okay, here we go. Do you want to open that up?

[Jeff Hiller]

All right, thank you.

[Bowen Yang]

Let's see what's happening in that bag.

[Jeff Hiller]

There's a book.

[Bowen Yang]

Oh, It's Every Man's Battle Winning the.

[Jeff Hiller]

War on Sexual Temptation. One Victory at a Time.

[Bowen Yang]

I stand by this book. I tried to get one for everyone in the audience, but you are going to love this. Your life is going to turn around in a way that you don't understand, and then you'll pass it on to someone else. It's kind of like the ring. That's from James Austin Johnson. I used it. I got my life back on track, and now I want to return the favor to you.

[Jeff Hiller]

Thank you so much.

[Bowen Yang]

Of course. Remind me your name. Oh, let's all give him a hand. That was very well played. Jacob. Jacob. Time for gift or a Curse. My computer's still open. Number one, gift or a curse. Millennial influencers talking about their little family.

[Carl Tart]

Gift.

[Bowen Yang]

Why?

[Carl Tart]

How good do you feel about your.

[Bowen Yang]

Choices.

[Carl Tart]

When you watch this?

[Bowen Yang]

Of course, you're right. Talking to my little family here. I think we all agree that we love when, you know, Heather from high school is posting about her little family. Feels incredible. What a warm feeling. Okay, one out of one so far, very good. Number two, gift or a curse. Someone suggesting their therapist or doctor.

[Carl Tart]

This is a New York specific one, so I'm gonna say blessing or no gift.

[Bowen Yang]

Okay? Okay. Because I don't know what podcast you're listening to, but we've got exits everywhere.

[Carl Tart]

Because how many people don't have a primary care doctor right now? So if you have a good one, let me know.

[Bowen Yang]

You're right. It's a gift for two reasons. First, for this one, none of my friends won't tell me their therapist. I don't know why. Maybe I'm too much of a person for their therapist. But also when you do it unsolicited, I mean, when someone does that, that's very, very interesting to hear. We love. What a move to say, I've got a therapist for you. I love that behavior. I support it. Okay. Will you pass this gift down to him? All right. Reach in there. Okay. Now, I have to apologize in advance. I have to be very clear. I got this at the last live show from Carl Tart in Los Angeles. At the last show, we had some menaces when I gave away gifts and I thought, carl lives in la. I can give this away safely. It's garbage. I could not possibly want that in my life. And you're not going to enjoy it at all.

[Sydney Washington]

You hold your horses, Mr. Postman.

[Bowen Yang]

Wait, what? That's right, Carl.

[Sydney Washington]

That's me. I snuck in here like a thief in the night. Nobody saw me. Nobody saw me sit down. Nobody saw the stage manager come and take this big old microphone from my hand. Nobody saw it.

[Bowen Yang]

Did you follow me here?

[Sydney Washington]

I did. I followed you here. I even moved to Fort Greene. Can you believe it?

[Bowen Yang]

Oh.

[Sydney Washington]

And that is true.

[Bowen Yang]

Oh, interesting.

[Sydney Washington]

I am a new resident of the Fort Greene area.

[Bowen Yang]

We love the Fort Greene area. Except for that evil building they're building there.

[Sydney Washington]

That's where I live.

[Bowen Yang]

That's where you live.

[Sydney Washington]

I'm the Batman.

[Bowen Yang]

Well, Carl, I don't understand. Do you have a problem?

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Sydney Washington]

How are you gonna say that? That's garbage. That's good stuff right there. That's real tree cologne.

[Bowen Yang]

What do you want me to do about it. Do you want to reclaim it?

[Bridger Winegar]

Yeah.

[Sydney Washington]

If you don't want it, I'll take it back. I'm a new resident of New York. I'm trying to date. I hear dating here is much easier than it is in Los Angeles because everybody in Hollywood's an actor.

[Bowen Yang]

Well, if you want it so bad, why don't you come up and win it?

[Sydney Washington]

Well, I guess I will then.

[Bowen Yang]

Okay, let's see.

[Sydney Washington]

How about that?

[Bowen Yang]

Now, Carl, at the last show, you redeemed yourself. You were the first loser at this game. Uh huh. And then you won last time. And now you're putting it all on the line.

[Sydney Washington]

I'll sit over here.

[Bowen Yang]

The perfect place. Are you? This is going to be one out of one.

[Sydney Washington]

Okay?

[Bowen Yang]

And you're both going to answer. And then I'll tell you who's right and who gets to smell great for another year.

[Sydney Washington]

All right?

[Bowen Yang]

Okay. Gift or a curse? Someone giving you a book as a gift, then asking over and over if you've read it.

[Sydney Washington]

Jacob.

[Carl Tart]

Gift.

[Bowen Yang]

Why?

[Carl Tart]

You get to talk with your friend more.

[Bowen Yang]

This show's becoming very sentimental. I'm not. Not entirely on board with it. Carl, how do you feel?

[Sydney Washington]

An absolute curse. And I'll tell you why. I'm a people pleaser. So then I'll go and I'll read that book. But I don't get through books very fast now. I just moved here and I take the train places. Have you guys heard of this thing? It's awful. It's the worst thing I've ever been a part of. I don't care what none of y'all say. It's so convenient. Oh, it gets you everywhere. Go to hell. The train is disgusting.

[Bowen Yang]

And if I put a curse. Subway.

[Sydney Washington]

But I have to say that because that's the only time that I'll probably have to read the book is on the subway. And then I'll be stabbed by a rat.

[Bowen Yang]

So you're saying curse. Curse.

[Sydney Washington]

Books lead to murder.

[Bowen Yang]

Oh, Jacob, you win the cologne. It's a gift. It's a gift. I want my friends checking in on me. I want those calls in the middle of the night. I want them showing up. Did you read the book? It shows they care about the gift and they care about me. And that's all I want from my friends is their undivided attention. So you win. And Carl, unfortunately you blew it.

[Sydney Washington]

Another year of cursed singleness without my real tree cologne. It matches my hoodie.

[Bowen Yang]

You know, Carl Tart, everybody.

[Sydney Washington]

I'm gonna keep the mic and chime in from time to time.

[Bowen Yang]

You three have done a great job. Everybody give them a hand. Wonderful. Enjoy those gorgeous gifts and reuse those bags. People will be impressed. People will love those bags. Those each cost $1.79.

[Bridger Winegar]

Did you know that parents rank financial literacy as the number one most difficult life skill to teach? Meet Greenlight, the debit card and money app for families. With Greenlight, you can send money to kids quickly, set up chores automate allowance, and keep an eye on your kids spending with real time notifications, kids learn to earn, save, and spend wisely. And parents can rest easy knowing their kids are learning about money. With guardrails in place. Try Greenlight risk free [e-mail] Spotify.

[Bowen Yang]

Okay, so I did. I forgot to do something and I've been sweating because I was supposed to do this before they came up, which is take off this robe. So I'm in a place right now where my face is wet. Okay. So at the last show, I wore a particular thing. What I have to say is I don't get a lot of clothing on this podcast, and I think that speaks to the quality of guests we're getting. I should be receiving better clothing and more clothing. And so I don't have a lot of things to wear. And I wore this gorgeous Kiki Soleil tunic. I kind of felt like I had painted myself into a corner. I didn't want to do the same thing here, so I thought, why not have another surprise with the other two pieces of clothing that I got on the podcast? So I'm going to take this off and I'm just going to apologize. Stop looking at me. Okay. This was supposed to take longer, but you can see this is not stage worthy clothing. These are from Rob Hubel. This is from Dylan Galula and Brothy Gupta. A sensible shirt and these disgusting pants that Rob got for free. So now I have to take this off. Oh. So bear with me here. Okay. I did dye it. I dyed it for your pleasure. Thank God Vagabond was on recently and she gave me this gorgeous yellow dye and I thought, what a good use for that. Look at me using a different mic. That's how versatile I am. So, okay, we've got this on. And now. Okay. I mentioned the standing room, which I hate, but it does. We're always trying to find a new way to make this show more of a rock. You know, it's a rock and roll show, I think, trying to bring these elements of the true rock and roll nature of the show. So I thought I Was at a concert recently and there was a beach ball being bandied about. So I brought this. I do not want to see this in the air. If I see it in the air, I will rip it to shreds. So what we're gonna do is pass it politely to each other until we hear a sound effect. Could we hear the sound effect? Beach ball. Beach ball. Is that very clear? The last person with the beach ball will, of course, they'll win something gorgeous. So there's going to be a tension all night. And again, I cannot be more clear. If it's in the air, the ball is going to be ripped to shreds. I'm not kidding around here. So politely hand the ball around, please. And, you know, if it gets to the last person, then it goes back around. That's how passing things works. Okay. What's your name? Caitlin is the chief of the ball. And we'll begin the ceremony now. Incredible. If I'm distracted by the ball. Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy. What a program we've got tonight. And have I got every. I think I've gotten through all of our business here. Is there anything I'm forgetting? Oh, it sounds like someone's here. Who could that possibly be? Ah, it's Bowen Yang. Hey, Bridger. Bowen. Welcome to. I said no gifts.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I brought some things.

[Bowen Yang]

Oh, God. Oh, no. Well, then put it away. I can't have no distracting, man.

[Ryan Reynolds]

No problem.

[Bowen Yang]

I'm trying to run a show here.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I missed. The rats are talk. What's been covered?

[Bowen Yang]

Kathleen was, you know, she was supposed to be here. She's a friend of a. We'll say a friend. A listener. Eric Adam is a friend.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Mayor Eric Adam.

[Bowen Yang]

He ran into some trouble and she's trying to bail him out. And she's out of town, so she can't be here.

[Ryan Reynolds]

And I told you. Well, there are rats in other cities.

[Bowen Yang]

And now she's on tour.

[Ryan Reynolds]

And now she's on tour.

[Bowen Yang]

She's touring arenas. She's. It's a festival. Shows. Yeah, yeah. People love Kathleen.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Totally.

[Bowen Yang]

Kathy, what are you gonna be for Halloween?

[Ryan Reynolds]

We were just talking about this. It's so like. It's basically cosplay. It's such a thin line between Halloween costume that's, like, witty or whatever and like pure cosplay. And, like, the only psychic energy I have this year is for cosplay. So there's a character in Zelda named Tingle.

[Bowen Yang]

And.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Do you know Tingle?

[Bowen Yang]

Oh, my God. I googled. I hope everyone's played the latest two Zelda video Games.

[Carl Tart]

You have?

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yes.

[Bowen Yang]

Again, the exit. I Googled. Why is Tingle not in Breath of the Wild?

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

And there wasn't a clear answer.

[Ryan Reynolds]

There's no clear answer. You can get a Tingle costume, you can get a Tingle Armor, but it's not the same.

[Bowen Yang]

Tingle is kind of a. How would you describe Tingle?

[Ryan Reynolds]

He's like an impish little. He manipulates time, I think, and he's kind of like.

[Bowen Yang]

He's an adult man.

[Ryan Reynolds]

He's an adult man in kind of a. Like, almost like a costume and like a onesie.

[Bowen Yang]

And he's a huge fan of the main character.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yes. Of Link. I think he's just. I think he's a fan of. He's a participant of life, and that's what we should all be.

[Bowen Yang]

So you're going to be Tingle.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I'm going to be Tingle. And I don't know what I'm gonna do with it yet, but I ordered, like, an Amadeus kind of a costume. I don't know, like something Mozart. Mozart dropping his new single. Maybe that's it. He has a new song out. He does.

[Bowen Yang]

Wait, does he really?

[Ryan Reynolds]

They discovered, like, some new piece of music, right? Yeah. Oh, I don't know.

[Bowen Yang]

Okay. Yeah, but with Mozart, with these composers, I'm always like, well, but that's not you on the record.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Oh, my God.

[Bowen Yang]

Fraud. The COVID.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Damn.

[Bowen Yang]

Where did you get the Tingle costume?

[Ryan Reynolds]

There's. It's just like a cosplay website. It's so. I. I don't know. I'm doing my best, but it feels like you're planning.

[Bowen Yang]

You're going to be ready for the 31st.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yes.

[Bowen Yang]

That's so exciting.

[Ryan Reynolds]

What are you gonna be? Have you talked about this already?

[Bowen Yang]

I don't know. I never know until the very last minute. I haven't been. I don't think I've dressed up in a couple of years. The last time I dressed, I was a woman having a horrible vacation and something that's always floating, and I don't know why I haven't done it yet. Cynthia Nixon.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Oh, my God.

[Bowen Yang]

It's going to happen at some point. It feels like it's in my back pocket all the time. In case I can't think of another.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Costume, like, what kind. What form of Cynthia Nixon will you take?

[Bowen Yang]

Well, it's difficult because I'm not really a Miranda, so.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Not at all. You do Gilded Age Cynthia. You could do Amadeus Cynthia. She's an Amadeus.

[Bowen Yang]

She's an Amadeus.

[Ryan Reynolds]

A young Cynthia Nixon is an Amadeus.

[Bowen Yang]

This is a podcast, exclusive. No one's Ever known that? Bowen is the only person who's held that knowledge until now. Wow. Who is she in Amadeus? That must be an Amadeus fan. Who's this? Let's see here. Let's see. See who's there? Oh, my God. Sydney Washington. Oh, my God, Sydney. Oh, Sydney. Welcome to. I said no gifts.

[Bridger Winegar]

Hello. Hello. I am the gift.

[Bowen Yang]

You are always the gift.

[Bridger Winegar]

There's that.

[Bowen Yang]

Always the gift. We were just talking about Halloween costumes. Ooh, we were.

[Bridger Winegar]

I do see people who don't know me. I'm, like, infamous for really fucking up on Halloween. Last year, I used nail glue to put on vampire fangs. And I didn't know. I didn't. I know that your nails pop off sometimes. So I was like, oh, the fangs are just gonna pop off at the end of the night. And that's not. No, that's not how it works. So don't do that. Don't use nail glue, y'all.

[Bowen Yang]

How long were they on there?

[Bridger Winegar]

A whole 24 hours.

[Bowen Yang]

Oh, that's terrifying.

[Bridger Winegar]

Yeah, my dentist saw everything go down on Instagram. And he's like, hey, I'm in the Hamptons, but I'm about to drive to the city. Cause you got to get these off. And I said, you're right, because I'm going to SNL that night and I don't want to be in Fang. So he worked out for me.

[Bowen Yang]

Was it painful to get them off?

[Bridger Winegar]

He drilled the nail. It was. Yeah. It was a mess. Yeah. I asked him, I said, how long have you been a dentist? He said, about 35 years. And I said, how many times have you seen this? He said, four.

[Bowen Yang]

Whoa.

[Bridger Winegar]

I'm not the first, baby. So that is a flex.

[Ryan Reynolds]

But tell everyone. So Sydney did some crowd sort of sourcing on what to do, like non procedural solutions.

[Bowen Yang]

Right?

[Ryan Reynolds]

And what were they? Soak your mouth in acetone.

[Bowen Yang]

Someone suggested that.

[Bridger Winegar]

Acetone. They said, vodka, but I'm sober. So I was like, if I was a drinker. Absolutely. And then. And then what else did they say? Yeah, they said, oh, oh, olive oil. They said, if I just keep using olive oil. It was wild. I was like, oh, y'all hate me and y'all want me to die.

[Bowen Yang]

Did you try the olive oil?

[Bridger Winegar]

No, the dentist.

[Bowen Yang]

So you don't believe in your followers? That's what you're saying?

[Bridger Winegar]

I have. Yeah, but they're dumb. They're absolutely dumb.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah, but was this your dentist following you? Or just a dentist that was like, I've got to save this person.

[Bridger Winegar]

I have my own dentist.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah, but he's following you on Instagram. My dentist doesn't follow me.

[Bridger Winegar]

Sorry. So that's a big head of me. I'm like, I have my own dentist. How dare you? Yeah, no, but other dentists were telling me. They're like, do not listen to the Internet. They don't know.

[Bowen Yang]

Right, Right. Oh, I'm glad you made it out. So what are you going to be this year? Vampire?

[Bridger Winegar]

No, I want. I wanna be. I don't know if y'all saw Doja Cat's Coachella performance, but her dancers were like, all hair. Oh, my God. And so I wanted to have like a all hair costume. Like, cousin it, but blonde. Y'all not on board. Okay? Y'all gotta see the performance. It's dope. I just wanna run up to people, be like, ah. You know, and then I want somebody to brush my. You know, it's cute. I have a vision. Y'all not on board. But it's.

[Bowen Yang]

And do you have to just buy a bunch of wigs? Is that constructed or are you finding that online?

[Bridger Winegar]

I would have to order bundles of, like, hair, and it's very expensive, so I'm not going to do it.

[Bowen Yang]

Thousands of dollars. I'm not going to do it.

[Bridger Winegar]

I'm not going to do it.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah, that feels. Oh, my God. People are just showing up nonstop. Who could that possibly be? Oh, it's Jeff Hiller. Jeff, what if we didn't ask your Halloween costume? We just started talking about something else.

[Carl Tart]

Okay. No, I want to know what I'm gonna wear.

[Bowen Yang]

Yes.

[Carl Tart]

Well, I already told Sydney this, and she was like, I hate this answer.

[Bridger Winegar]

Hear it, Hear it.

[Carl Tart]

Tell them I'm not gonna be in town, so I probably am not gonna do anything.

[Bowen Yang]

Where are you going to be?

[Carl Tart]

I have to be honest. I probably wouldn't do it if I were in town either.

[Bowen Yang]

I understand.

[Carl Tart]

I'm not really someone who attends social functions, so the idea of just, like, dressing up from a cat, I don't know, it has diminishing returns.

[Bowen Yang]

Okay, well, that's fair. I mean, I just admitted to not wearing that many costumes. It's a lot. It's a chore. It's homework. It's difficult.

[Carl Tart]

But also, I have literally a closet full of wigs and costumes. I don't. I think I did sketch comedy so long, it's like, ugh.

[Bowen Yang]

Right? You're just done.

[Carl Tart]

Who cares?

[Bowen Yang]

You're done.

[Carl Tart]

I already had to buy a dumb costume to play whatever character I had to play for free.

[Bridger Winegar]

Wow, we really sound washed up up here. Come On Halloween is fun. Halloween is fun. One Halloween, I dressed up as a Barbie and then I got K'd out. And then I went to McDonald's and got kicked out. But I got a free sausage McMuffin, so.

[Bowen Yang]

You earned it.

[Bridger Winegar]

We don't do that no more.

[Bowen Yang]

You earned it.

[Bridger Winegar]

Everybody's too busy.

[Carl Tart]

They killed you out, but they gave you a McFood.

[Bridger Winegar]

Well, what happened was I was ordering it. I was ordering my sausage, and then I went into a K hole at the cashier and they were like, you have to go. But then they gave me my sausage to make my phone.

[Carl Tart]

Oh, that's sweet.

[Bridger Winegar]

And I didn't have to pay, so I was like. All the homeless people were like, so we just need to do K.

[Bowen Yang]

Oh.

[Bridger Winegar]

That'S funny. For me, I was like.

[Bowen Yang]

The big disappointment of this trip, outside of rats are. Is I wanted to go to Hart Island. Are you familiar with Hart Island?

[Ryan Reynolds]

I've heard of it.

[Carl Tart]

The one on the Hudson?

[Bowen Yang]

Yes. They've opened it to the public. There are a million people buried there. And there's a. I mean, it seems like they tried to put every haunted thing they could possibly put on this island, including probably a haunted carnival. I think that's not on the list. I don't know. Yeah, there was a prison, there was an asylum, there was a. What do you get? Where do they put people with typhoid?

[Ryan Reynolds]

A room.

[Carl Tart]

A sanitarium.

[Bowen Yang]

Yes. They put. I don't know what's happening on this side.

[Carl Tart]

I took your answer. I amplified.

[Bowen Yang]

You haven't been able to visit it until now.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Wow.

[Bowen Yang]

But you have to plan a month out. And it's now under the Parks and Recreation banner. And so you can go out to this island where all of these Jane and John does have basically. It's like. I mean, it's very tragic, but it's also such a spooky place.

[Bridger Winegar]

Wait, so everybody is dead?

[Bowen Yang]

Everybody. Most of the people on the island are mostly dead. Until the day.

[Bridger Winegar]

But that's la. So you. That's the same island. No.

[Bowen Yang]

Wait, what? I.

[Ryan Reynolds]

What?

[Bridger Winegar]

I made a bad joke. I'm sorry. I was like, they dead. Louisiana's dead.

[Bowen Yang]

Whatever.

[Bridger Winegar]

Okay.

[Carl Tart]

But I'm confused. Is there something going on there? Do they have like a carnival or. You're just going to.

[Bowen Yang]

It's just. You just kind of go and wander around. Have you been to Governor's Island? Yeah, you've got to go to. I went recently. Such a bizarre experience.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

They have an abandoned Motel 6. All of these abandoned buildings, or at least they Feel abandoned. You could just wander into them and be scared out of your mind.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

And then they've got a restaurant and.

[Ryan Reynolds]

A spa, which I hear the spa's great.

[Bowen Yang]

It's gotta be nice.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

If you put it on a haunted island, you better make it as good as possible.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Governor's island is haunted, too.

[Bowen Yang]

According to me, I'm hearing no's, and that's wrong. Bridger says, haunted Governor's Island.

[Carl Tart]

I like that. There's a definitive answer. Someone's like, no, it isn't. I've checked it out.

[Bowen Yang]

No, I can tell you some real haunted islands. No, I go to Governor's island, get on the ferry. It's. It's probably not that fun. No, but it's Halloween time. Why not?

[Carl Tart]

They have events there.

[Bowen Yang]

They have events.

[Carl Tart]

Like what kind of events at Governor's Island? Not at the. Not at the dead one.

[Bowen Yang]

Not.

[Bridger Winegar]

I have a story for Governor's island, but I'm not going to say it. Y'all don't. Y'all don't deserve it. But what is the story?

[Bowen Yang]

What's the story?

[Bridger Winegar]

It was. So. There was a party for big house music, a lot of DJs. It was like Deep House. And so Deep House is, like soulful music. There'll be like a Jill Scott with, like, a beat that's on repeat. And so I went there and I was rolling around in the. That's how good the Molly was. So, yeah, Governor's island, they got good parties. That's what I was gonna say.

[Carl Tart]

Did they give you any free food?

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Carl Tart]

Oh, you.

[Bridger Winegar]

Why would you want food? You're partying.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Did you get a sausage? Like a McMuffin is what you want?

[Carl Tart]

No, that is what I was wanting was a story where you got more free food. But I guess if you do enough Molly. Yeah, we used to call it X.

[Bridger Winegar]

Oh, no, not the same. Not the same.

[Carl Tart]

Is it not mdma? Isn't that what it is?

[Bridger Winegar]

Yeah.

[Carl Tart]

Is it Molly? Mdma?

[Bridger Winegar]

It's more cool. Like, cool Molly. You know, I'm with my girl Molly, not X. I'm with X. Like.

[Carl Tart]

Oh, you just mean, like, the name is not the same, but the drug is.

[Bridger Winegar]

Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

Bali is MDMA you get from people with jobs, if that makes any sense.

[Bridger Winegar]

Oh, that's a good one. I like the remix.

[Bowen Yang]

It feels like. Like kind of almost aunt and uncle responsible types. Right.

[Carl Tart]

But MDMA sounds so.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah. Maybe it's. Yeah, maybe it's the reverse. Yeah, it's the reverse. Absolutely. Molly is their kids. But mdma, you can Take that from your aunt and uncle, I think. Absolutely. And again, I'm speaking as an expert. Now. You three have been on the podcast before. You've all given me beautiful gifts. Bowen, you gave me some Japanese bath powders that were so wonderful. Sydney, you gave me a little light that gives a real mood to a room, and it plays lullabies.

[Bridger Winegar]

It was called a sex light. That's what I call it. It's the lighting for sex.

[Bowen Yang]

And, Jeff, you gave me what is known as a cotton toe topper.

[Carl Tart]

It's a sock for just your toes, so you can wear mules.

[Bowen Yang]

And, you know, I'm a mule guy.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah. I felt like you set me up to be. Like my gift wasn't as good as the other two esteemed members of the panel.

[Bowen Yang]

I'm saying this. I've used all of these gifts a lot of times.

[Carl Tart]

Okay.

[Bowen Yang]

You're all looking at me like that's not true. I think we have a video.

[Bridger Winegar]

Oh, no way.

[Bowen Yang]

I use every gift. I'm not a wasteful person. I'm not a wasteful person. That's all I have to say. But what I'm trying to get to is the podcast is called I said no gifts, and I feel like we have three slow learners.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

I invited you all here in front of a live audience, which is much harder to edit around. You know, when a mistake is made, you're going to be embarrassed. And I, you know, I'm very generous to my guests. We edit a lot out so they're not humiliated. So I was a little surprised when you all repeated the same error that you made on the first appearance of the podcast, which is bring a beautiful three beautiful gifts.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

Well, do you have anything to say for yourselves?

[Ryan Reynolds]

Can we ask before we open the gifts, do you have to pack all of this and go back and bring this back to la?

[Bowen Yang]

That's a great question. Because I've made a hard rule for myself that I only do a Carry on.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Wow.

[Bowen Yang]

But I will find a way.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

I will find. I'm not a wasteful person.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Okay.

[Carl Tart]

I assumed you would be driving back to Los Angeles in a large U Haul truck.

[Bowen Yang]

This honestly did not cross my mind. And that's fine.

[Ryan Reynolds]

That's fine.

[Bowen Yang]

That's part of the prison I've built for myself, so. Well, should we open these on here on the podcast?

[Ryan Reynolds]

Sure. Bowen.

[Bowen Yang]

Let's get into this here.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Great. It's got a zipper top.

[Bowen Yang]

I love a zippered bag. A gift.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

Let's see here. Okay, we're opening up. Let's There are listeners at home, they should be able to hear this. Oh, this is a very heavy.

[Ryan Reynolds]

It's a little heavy.

[Bowen Yang]

It's birdseed. Seven pounds of birds.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Seven pounds of birds. For songbirds. For your thrushes and your warblers and your cardinals.

[Bridger Winegar]

Bowen. I'm so. I thought that you were giving him bird seeds. Cause you think he's a bird.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah.

[Ryan Reynolds]

What?

[Carl Tart]

Right, like.

[Bowen Yang]

Like you literally thought I was.

[Bridger Winegar]

I thought you were being shady. That's all right.

[Carl Tart]

No, you eat like a bird, you fucking bird.

[Bowen Yang]

Just a comment on my eating style.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah, you pecker. You berry eating bitch. No, it's.

[Bridger Winegar]

Ooh, that's hot. I like that.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

Why did you bring the bird seed?

[Ryan Reynolds]

Well, look, I. That's been in my closet. I bought a birdhouse and I think that's. This is a room full of New Yorkers. I don't think New York is a bird. Does anyone have a bird feeder in their. In their apartment?

[Bridger Winegar]

No.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Right. Anybody? Someone over here. Yeah.

[Carl Tart]

Rats.

[Bowen Yang]

Yep. There we go. There we go.

[Ryan Reynolds]

And then, and then someone else.

[Bridger Winegar]

Wait, so you're saying that the pigeons don't deserve birds?

[Ryan Reynolds]

Shut up. Sick of you.

[Carl Tart]

Also, I just saw. I just saw someone's real face and the humanity on the face said to me, it's gonna attract rats.

[Bridger Winegar]

What's wrong with the rats? Sorry.

[Bowen Yang]

Oh, to see a rat crawling out of a birdhouse. Kill me. Absolutely. Just kill me.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I think this is much more. This is much more la.

[Bowen Yang]

That's very true.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

You know, a big part of the podcast we're doing in the backyard now is birds constantly squawking.

[Ryan Reynolds]

It's beautiful.

[Bowen Yang]

We're going to have even more birds squawking. It's gonna become unlistenable. Even more.

[Carl Tart]

So maybe you can put that on another side of the house.

[Bowen Yang]

Oh, so you'll distract them.

[Ryan Reynolds]

That's great.

[Bowen Yang]

Very good thinking. So how long has this been in your closet?

[Ryan Reynolds]

I would say, look, this is full disclosure. I was playing a birder in a movie and I was like, let me go to Prospect park and I'm gonna go to the Vale of Cashmere, which is a famous cruising spot. But it's. Apparently it's a wonderful birding area in Brooklyn. And so for one week, I got up in the morning, went over to the park, took my binoculars there, loved it. It was just me and every 70 year old woman in Brooklyn. And it was so. It's really lovely. And it's just a bunch of women in Brooklyn being like, there's a Scarlet Tanager nearby. And I'm like, yeah, yeah, cool. And so I got really enamored with it and I went too far. I bought a birdhouse with a camera, and then I bought this, and then I realized, oh, I think this is not the right thing. I think it's a rat magnet.

[Bowen Yang]

So is that anything birds like that. Rats don't.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Anything birds like that, rats don't.

[Bowen Yang]

Raw fish.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Raw fish.

[Carl Tart]

Rats like everything.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah, they kind of.

[Carl Tart]

You think a rat's gonna turn down raw fish? I've lived here too long. I've seen it all.

[Bowen Yang]

I was like, this podcast has become so rat centric in the last few weeks.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I love it.

[Bowen Yang]

It's strictly rats. That's the name of the show. What about an empty birdhouse, a disappointment to birds?

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah, Empty birdhouse. To me, that's. Oh, God. Empty birdhouse. Feels very, like, for sale. Baby shoes never worn.

[Bowen Yang]

You know what I mean?

[Ryan Reynolds]

It, like, tells a full story. It's a sad story.

[Bridger Winegar]

It is.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

Well, I've got to put this in my carry on.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Can you fit that in the carry on? Why are there groans of sadness?

[Bowen Yang]

People are groaning about the birds.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Baby shoes never worn.

[Bowen Yang]

Oh, of course. Very good point. It's a drag. But there are other reasons baby don't. Babies don't wear shoes.

[Ryan Reynolds]

The baby, probably. What if the baby. What if.

[Carl Tart]

What if it's born without feet?

[Bowen Yang]

What if it's a sandal wearer?

[Bridger Winegar]

Thank you, Jen.

[Bowen Yang]

There are a lot of value we needed.

[Carl Tart]

Sorry, that was worse.

[Bridger Winegar]

Yeah, no, we absolutely, absolutely needed that.

[Bowen Yang]

There are reasons a baby doesn't wear shoes.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

Maybe it's not the baby's taste. I mean, like, maybe the baby's a hip story. Does not hold up on closer inspection.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Huge plot holes.

[Bowen Yang]

I don't know how that became a classic, but it's a shame.

[Ryan Reynolds]

It's a shame.

[Bowen Yang]

But now you all feel good about the story. I assume we're all on the story side, right?

[Ryan Reynolds]

As in we love the story.

[Bowen Yang]

We love the story now. We love this baby who refuses to wear shoes.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Oh, I love that story. That's a great story.

[Bowen Yang]

That's all we have to just get on the page of this snob baby.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah, let's all option it, you guys.

[Carl Tart]

Let's.

[Bowen Yang]

All this is free ip.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yes.

[Bowen Yang]

Okay, well, we have this bird seed. Should we keep talking about bird seeds? Is there anything left to say about bird seeds?

[Ryan Reynolds]

I'm good. What is there to say about bird. Well, let's.

[Bridger Winegar]

Well, I was like, what is this movie that you're gonna Be, you know, you can't say you.

[Ryan Reynolds]

No, no, I can, I can say. I just don't think, I don't think the birding is gonna figure into it.

[Bowen Yang]

Did you bring the birding as your own personal touch?

[Ryan Reynolds]

No, it was, it was, it was.

[Bowen Yang]

It was in it.

[Ryan Reynolds]

It was in it, but it was. God, like I, I there. No, it's, it's, it's so not worth talking about. I promise. Anyway, I.

[Bridger Winegar]

Thank you.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I, I am, I am, I was, I was just a birder for, for, I don't know, for the, for the story, literally.

[Bowen Yang]

Right. But what's in this?

[Ryan Reynolds]

It's.

[Bowen Yang]

I can throw that in the streets.

[Ryan Reynolds]

You can? Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

There are so many birds here. And rats.

[Ryan Reynolds]

And rats. Okay, here we go. Black oil, sunflower seeds, cracked corn, millet peanuts, striped flower seeds, artificial cherry flavor.

[Bridger Winegar]

Oh, birds is eating good. I'm totally understanding. I like that.

[Ryan Reynolds]

We could all kind of, we could all eat.

[Carl Tart]

We have to make these seeds palatable to birds.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I know. Put cherry.

[Bowen Yang]

I imagine if you boiled this, you could eat it.

[Bridger Winegar]

Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

Put it in my insta pot. You never know. Okay, well, let's get to the next thing. Sydney, what have you got here?

[Bridger Winegar]

I thought you would never ask.

[Bowen Yang]

Okay, let's. Yes, thank you. Okay, we're.

[Bridger Winegar]

I did that myself.

[Carl Tart]

Thank you.

[Bowen Yang]

Oh, the tissue in here. Okay, we're getting out. Should I take these out in any order?

[Bridger Winegar]

No.

[Bowen Yang]

There are two objects here. Yeah. Okay, let's see what this first one is. Lorna Dunes.

[Bridger Winegar]

Yes. Oh, those are good, solid cookies.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Those are great cookies.

[Bowen Yang]

Oh, I love a shortbread cookie. Are you kidding?

[Bridger Winegar]

But you know, I'm being very specific about this cookie because it's, it's like when you get a certain age, you just want a plain cookie. You don't need to swirl the chocolate chips or anything like that. Like shortbread. It gives mature and I like that. I'm a shortbread girl. Like I don't need to dip it in anything. I like a dry ass cookie. Like, I love that biscoff. Like that really gets me damp when I get. When I almost choke on a cookie. That's hot, sexy.

[Bowen Yang]

Just with like a glass. With not even a glass of water?

[Bridger Winegar]

No.

[Bowen Yang]

This is horrible.

[Bridger Winegar]

What do you need water for?

[Bowen Yang]

How much saliva do you produce?

[Bridger Winegar]

You know, Is it just me?

[Bowen Yang]

How long have you been in the Lorna Dune family?

[Bridger Winegar]

I would say for a good, good two years now. Two years? Yeah. Before I would like, want a nut or butter and like, you know, something with like chocolate mint. Like I used to like girl Scout cookies. But I think it's a scam. So I. I'm done with it. I'm done. Yeah, I said it. It's a damn scam. They haven't changed them uniforms yet. I need a new vest, bitch. No, I'm kidding. They don't get I'm comedy. Okay. Yeah. So.

[Bowen Yang]

So were you just on the cookie aisle and you said there's a boring cookie?

[Bridger Winegar]

Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

Incredible.

[Bridger Winegar]

I think they're doing too much. I think, like the Oreos, the double stuff. Like, stop. Come on. It's too much.

[Bowen Yang]

I mean, Oreos have gotten fully out of control. Yeah, they're doing disaster.

[Bridger Winegar]

They're doing too much. A plain cookie. I'm good.

[Bowen Yang]

I love Nutter Butters. I was eating nine of them a night for several years. It was nine.

[Carl Tart]

Yes, but they come in pairs.

[Bridger Winegar]

Jeff.

[Bowen Yang]

I was getting the full big thing. It wasn't just Nutter Butters. This was like, you know, I would get a bag of Nutter Butters and I would go through those and I'd find a different cookie. Yeah, it was before I was out. Let's just be. You know, there's a lot of just eating cookies. Non stop cookies, but somehow nine of.

[Bridger Winegar]

Them are not straight. But all those Nutter Butters, like.

[Bowen Yang]

No, I love Nutter Butters. And there was also something called a peanut butter gaucho. No one is familiar with the peanut butter gaucho. They absolutely killed the brand. And I wrote them a letter of complaint.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Oh, bridge.

[Bowen Yang]

And then it became a pet cemetery situation. They brought them back to the market as something else. And then again, I was the only person buying them back out of business. They were like a more rodeo style Nutter butter.

[Carl Tart]

Rodeo style.

[Bowen Yang]

It was like a cowboy would have eaten these. They were a little heartier. They were. Has anyone ever. If there's one person in the audience, the mother's brand failed you? Oh, they absolutely failed you. They were too focused on those horrible frosted animal cookies.

[Carl Tart]

Those are great.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Oh, with the dog sprinkles.

[Bowen Yang]

Oh, those are awful.

[Carl Tart]

I don't.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I don't. They're not medicinal.

[Bowen Yang]

I would say medicinal.

[Bridger Winegar]

First of all, dry cookie. That's where I'm at.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Great gift.

[Bowen Yang]

Is there any other cookie in your rotation?

[Bridger Winegar]

No, not really. I. Like, this is where. And Biscoff. Like, I literally get on the flight for the Biscoff.

[Bowen Yang]

You never buy one in store.

[Bridger Winegar]

They try to go past me. I'm like, bring that. Bring that cart back, bitch. I want the Biscoff.

[Bowen Yang]

Bone. And Jeff, what treats are you eating.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Today? I had. I'm on a big string cheese kick, but I feel like it is not. It is maybe the most environmentally devastating snap.

[Bridger Winegar]

Wait, what?

[Ryan Reynolds]

It's so much single use plastic.

[Bowen Yang]

The plastic is crazy.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Encased in plastic. And there's. And what do you do? You can't reuse. It could. I don't know for what.

[Bowen Yang]

And what else are you going to wrap those in? You don't want to. Like a paper wrapped string cheese feels very bad. It feels.

[Ryan Reynolds]

It feels. Yeah. What are we gonna do?

[Carl Tart]

They do that when you go to, like a fancy cheese shop to get a cheese plate. They just wrap it in paper.

[Bowen Yang]

A string cheese.

[Carl Tart]

No, no, no.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Okay, I'm gonna pitch something. Like when they put mozzarella in water. Like, should we just put, like, string cheese sticks in liquid Bowen? You guys, it's the only way.

[Carl Tart]

Imagine being a kid at school who pulls that out of their bag.

[Bridger Winegar]

Oh, yeah, that kid is getting all the hoes for sure. Just wet cheese.

[Carl Tart]

Wet cheese and a peanut butter G.

[Bowen Yang]

Oh, no. String cheese is a great. I mean, it's a complicated thing to eat.

[Ryan Reynolds]

It's very, very tough.

[Bowen Yang]

But to have those in the fridge, it's such a safe thing to have.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Oh, yeah.

[Bridger Winegar]

You know what's better than the string cheese, though? Those Baby Bell, the one that's in that has the little red jacket on top of it. I love those.

[Carl Tart]

And that's just wax. You can burn that. Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

Turn that into a candle. Yeah, that's very true. There's the answer. Somebody's beaten you to it. They are a little more flavorful, I would say, than a string cheese. The string cheese, it's a very bland. You're looking for kind of a very mild cheese where the baby Bella's.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Baby Bella has depth of flavor. But there are the string cheeses that are like the double helix.

[Bridger Winegar]

Oh, tell us.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Oh, tell us. Yeah, people, now there's knowing.

[Bridger Winegar]

No, we need to know.

[Ryan Reynolds]

It's the polios. They've got the white and they've got the orange. And sometimes there's different, like, salt content and they really mix it up. Sometimes it's all white, sometimes it's all orange. It's real. It's, you know. You know, it gives, like a very, like, sort of bespoke quality to it.

[Bridger Winegar]

And that's what I love, though. It stops me up. I can't really go with that brand.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Stops you up.

[Bridger Winegar]

Yeah. Oh, y'all. This is where y'all draw the line. Constipation. Oh, this not my crowd.

[Bowen Yang]

Are you saying that particular cheese.

[Bridger Winegar]

Yes, it does.

[Carl Tart]

Oh, that particular one that could be.

[Bowen Yang]

Used for medical purposes. That should be prescribed.

[Bridger Winegar]

This is my fault. You're right.

[Carl Tart]

Oh, you mean like instead of Imodium, you just eat.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah, exactly. Eat one of these gorgeous cheeses. I don't know. I'm an ideas person first.

[Bridger Winegar]

Well, there's another gift in there.

[Bowen Yang]

Oh, that's right. But I want to hear what Jeff eats as a treat.

[Carl Tart]

Oh, well, you know, I'm more of a sweet than a savory. And I like these. I go to Trader Joe's cause I live right across the street from one, and they talk about single use plastic. They are very, very bad at it. They wrap cucumbers. Isn't that terrible? Anyway, but they do sell these tiny little ice cream cones that are dipped in chocolate.

[Bridger Winegar]

I love those.

[Carl Tart]

I feel like a giant. And you get to eat the hard chocolate on the top, then you get the delicious ice cream, and then there's a little piece of chocolate at the end.

[Bowen Yang]

Oh, that's my favorite part of that.

[Bridger Winegar]

It's a treat. It's a treat underneath. Yes.

[Carl Tart]

And also, so few calories. Only 170. But who's meticulously counting?

[Bowen Yang]

Okay, should I get back into the bag here?

[Bridger Winegar]

Yes, please.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah, let's see here. Oh. Oh, I'm thrilled about this. It's a portable full body massager.

[Bridger Winegar]

We need that. We need that. We need to work it out. Yes.

[Bowen Yang]

What is the name of that gadget store that closed down in the mall?

[Carl Tart]

Sharper Image.

[Bowen Yang]

You have given me two items that easily could be bought at the Sharper Image. That light. I'm gonna just keep having you on.

[Bridger Winegar]

I was at CVS and I said I was just gonna get you cookies, and then that was near the cookies, so I had to give you a double dollar.

[Bowen Yang]

This is such, like, a CVS purchase.

[Bridger Winegar]

And I got $2 off. $2 off? Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

Oh, I love to hear that. I love to hear that. So why did you bring this?

[Bridger Winegar]

Well, it's me projecting. It's like, I don't know, I've gotten older and I need to, like, massage my joints. I need my knees, my legs. I'm like, they're always hurting. I'm not saying that's you, but it is. Okay, so good.

[Bowen Yang]

I've been out by myself all the time.

[Bridger Winegar]

Yeah. And it's mainly because I'm flying a lot and I'm not in first class, which is. It's a crime. Like, I don't know why I'm not there. Like, I Should be one through five. Like, I don't know why.

[Bowen Yang]

You absolutely should be. I don't know why.

[Bridger Winegar]

I'm 32F. Like, it's insane. My society is not doing me right. That's how I feel. But yeah, but after, you know, you, like, have an eight hour flight or whatever, you just rub it. You use that and it helps, for sure.

[Bowen Yang]

Oh, I love this. Are you. Do any of you fear blood clots on the plane? I have a new fear that is just constantly on my mind.

[Bridger Winegar]

No, I never. I never thought about the blood clot.

[Bowen Yang]

Oh, start thinking. It's never too late.

[Bridger Winegar]

I think about the crying babies. That's what I think about. I think about the babies crying on her.

[Bowen Yang]

Well, get up and look at them. And that'll allow your legs to get the blood circulation going.

[Carl Tart]

Do you wear those compression socks?

[Bowen Yang]

Oh. Is that good or bad for this situation? It's good. That feels wrong.

[Bridger Winegar]

Oh, well.

[Bowen Yang]

But I guess that makes sense.

[Carl Tart]

Sorry. Didn't know you didn't believe in science.

[Bowen Yang]

Vaccines. No. You have to get up and walk around the plane. You gotta drink plenty of fluids.

[Ryan Reynolds]

We were talking about this backstage. CPAP machines. I heard this rumor that in Provincetown, the electrical grid kind of went out during Bear Week because all of them brought their cpap.

[Bridger Winegar]

Look at the bears clapping. The bears are at the bears. The bear spouting. They're like, we feel.

[Bowen Yang]

Scene.

[Bridger Winegar]

Thank you.

[Ryan Reynolds]

What an. And Palm Spring. No, that's wonderful. No, that's one.

[Bridger Winegar]

No, that's amazing.

[Bowen Yang]

That.

[Ryan Reynolds]

That's actually. That means that things are working the way they should.

[Bowen Yang]

Yes, absolutely. We're all medically illiterate, but cities need to be more aware of Bear Week.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Cities need to be more aware of Bear Week.

[Bowen Yang]

Got to prepare.

[Bridger Winegar]

When is Bear Week? What. What's the date?

[Ryan Reynolds]

Um, I don't.

[Bridger Winegar]

Is it.

[Ryan Reynolds]

It's June. Mid June, week after 4th of July. Got it. So what.

[Bridger Winegar]

Y'All. Being in the front is hilarious. I love it.

[Carl Tart]

Also, your ability to catch those dates immediately is. Oh, you book in advance. That's true.

[Bowen Yang]

Okay. Wow. What a. So that's a real thing that happened.

[Ryan Reynolds]

That was the rumor that the electrical. That the grid was a little unstable. Right.

[Bowen Yang]

If it feels true, it's true.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah. I think it's hilarious.

[Bowen Yang]

Wow. That's wild. I wonder if this works. I'm gonna try to open this really quickly. I would like us all to try it.

[Bridger Winegar]

Try it. I didn't charge it up. I don't. You know, I don't know. But hopefully it works. I will Take it back. I have a receipt, so.

[Bowen Yang]

Oh, I'll have to put the batteries in. We're not watching that on the podcast. I'm sorry. You know what?

[Bridger Winegar]

I thought it was, like, you could, like, a char. Like, charge a rechargeable one.

[Bowen Yang]

Wow. Well, this is nice, too.

[Bridger Winegar]

Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

I prefer a battery I can throw into a landfill. No, I'm actually. I'm genuinely thrilled about this because I refuse to take care of myself, and so I depend on the podcast. About once a year, I get an item that takes care of me. By the time I'm, like, 80, I'll be living a normal life. So this is a step towards that. Thank you, Jeff. Should we get into your enormous.

[Carl Tart]

Okay.

[Bowen Yang]

I hope you're going to have to.

[Carl Tart]

I hope you don't have one of these.

[Bridger Winegar]

Jeff had to get up so they could see you. Yeah, for the bears. For the bears.

[Bowen Yang]

What is this? Oh, my God.

[Bridger Winegar]

I wonder what this could be.

[Bowen Yang]

This is a fragile object.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah. I'm not gonna lie to you. You might need to buy a seat for that on the plane.

[Bridger Winegar]

This is hilarious.

[Ryan Reynolds]

This is beautiful. Already from.

[Bridger Winegar]

Okay, that direct deposit hit.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Huh?

[Bridger Winegar]

Wow, you really, really went all out. That's so cool.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Is it ceramic?

[Carl Tart]

Yeah, it's ceramic.

[Ryan Reynolds]

A ceramic bulldog. Oh, my God.

[Bridger Winegar]

That's stunning.

[Bowen Yang]

This is unbelievable.

[Bridger Winegar]

That's beautiful.

[Bowen Yang]

This cannot be transported. It literally cannot be transported.

[Carl Tart]

Oh, well, tell them it's a service animal.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Bridger Winegar]

Put a little vest on it.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah. I do feel like if I went to the airport and told CSA this is my service animal, they'd be like.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Just go put him on the floor.

[Bowen Yang]

Where did this come from? Why is this here?

[Carl Tart]

Well, and you'll never believe this, but one of my neighbors left that in the back hallway of my building.

[Bowen Yang]

What?

[Carl Tart]

They left that anadachshund.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Oh, a real one?

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah, a real one.

[Carl Tart]

But it had passed. No, I'm just kidding. Just a corpse of a dog. No, it was another ceramic one, and I was gonna take that, but this lady said, oh, I have a dachshund. Can I have that one? And I was like, sure. And it's been living in my apartment for, I think, maybe since before the pandemic.

[Bowen Yang]

And, oh, my gosh, I've never had.

[Carl Tart]

A place for it. I've never found a place for it. And I thought, I want to give it to someone who will really appreciate. And when I looked at it, I thought, bridger, you know me too well.

[Bridger Winegar]

I'm very upset. Here I am going out buying something. Y'all like, what's in the closet. Let me see what I could get rid of to give. Damn, y'all are too smart.

[Carl Tart]

But I did pay to have that professionally wrapped.

[Bowen Yang]

Of course. You don't have to tell us that. Where was this in your apartment? Was it a decoration or was it like in a closet?

[Carl Tart]

It was out decorating, but it was kind of. It was right by this ottoman. So, like, you couldn't really use the ottoman anymore. And it was also right in front of this plant. And my cat didn't really like it. My dog couldn't care less about it. Never noticed.

[Bowen Yang]

Wow.

[Carl Tart]

I have another dog, also ceramic.

[Bowen Yang]

What is that one?

[Carl Tart]

And it broke. I think the dog sitter broke it. And.

[Bowen Yang]

Oh, interesting behavior.

[Carl Tart]

So I was just like. I was like, let's get rid of all the ceramic dogs. Only flesh ones allowed.

[Bowen Yang]

Wait, but the other dog, just to be clear, was that one you bought on your own?

[Carl Tart]

No, that one I found on the street in Brooklyn in 2004.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Oh, my God.

[Carl Tart]

Because I always wanted a dog, but I didn't have the lifestyle to support it, which now I do.

[Bridger Winegar]

And it takes money to raise a dog. Absolutely.

[Carl Tart]

It does. It does. And anyway, so now that I have that, you know, warm blooded one, I wanted to pass this on to someone.

[Bridger Winegar]

Is it heavy?

[Bowen Yang]

I mean, it's a fully ceramic dog.

[Ryan Reynolds]

It's only like five times.

[Carl Tart]

I took it on the subway. So you. It has traveled.

[Bowen Yang]

You could easily take it on a plane.

[Bridger Winegar]

Exactly.

[Bowen Yang]

This is. I guess it probably falls under the category of personal item. Yeah, just stuff it under my seat. What was the other dog you had?

[Carl Tart]

Oh, the Rufus.

[Bowen Yang]

Yes. Was this one ever named?

[Carl Tart]

Oh, yeah, that one was named Winston. But you know, you can rename it from the shelter it's rescued. What is Rufus? I guess he's sort of a hound. Sort of a. Maybe not a basset hound, but his legs are too long. But he's some sort of a hound. He's very cute. One time I saw an exact replica of Rufus at the Paris flea market.

[Bowen Yang]

Oh.

[Carl Tart]

But I was like, I'm not taking this thing on the plane.

[Bridger Winegar]

Why did you name him Rufus?

[Carl Tart]

Well, I always wanted a dog named Rufus.

[Bowen Yang]

What are your dogs? Your warm blooded dogs named.

[Carl Tart]

Her name is Yvonne DiCarlo.

[Bowen Yang]

Oh, I love that. That's gorgeous. And what is the cat's name?

[Carl Tart]

Beverly.

[Bowen Yang]

Okay, those are very nice.

[Bridger Winegar]

That's a good dog name, actually.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I like that.

[Bowen Yang]

People need to be more respectful of their pets names. I think some people get a little too silly. And if anyone here has gone too Silly. You can always rename the animal Cats really don't take on a name, so change it this week. But I think the dignity of the animal. Let's give it a nice, solid name.

[Bridger Winegar]

Dignity of the animal. They lick they ass. What dignity? Oh, this is an animal crowd. All right, never mind. Never mind.

[Ryan Reynolds]

No one's dignified in that relationship because someone's expressing glands. You know what I mean? Okay, so bottoms in here.

[Bridger Winegar]

They like, what's the problem?

[Ryan Reynolds]

It's like the dog. The dog is embarrassed, and then the owner is also like, I gotta. I gotta milk this.

[Bowen Yang]

It's humiliating.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

And. But the cat didn't like this animal. Did it freak out?

[Carl Tart]

It wasn't about the fact that it looked like an animal. It was just in her way. I kind of used it to block her from getting into the plant.

[Bowen Yang]

Which she enjoys.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Was the plant poisonous to the cat?

[Carl Tart]

No, I just didn't want her to piss in the plant.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Oh, yeah.

[Bridger Winegar]

How. How much do you think this costs?

[Bowen Yang]

I think there might be a sticker on the bottom.

[Bridger Winegar]

Stop it.

[Bowen Yang]

Let's see here. Let's look. This is not an easy.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Oh, oh, Just painter's tape.

[Carl Tart]

Now, that was the tape I used around it.

[Bowen Yang]

Well, what do we think? This feels expensive to me.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah, it does.

[Bridger Winegar]

Really? Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

I mean, it's.

[Carl Tart]

I mean, it was 3.99.

[Bowen Yang]

I bet this is probably like, a $75 item.

[Bridger Winegar]

$75?

[Bowen Yang]

Do you think?

[Carl Tart]

Oh, my God. I want to take it back and sell it.

[Ryan Reynolds]

There's craftsmanship involved.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah.

[Ryan Reynolds]

No, I would put it at, like, 45.

[Bowen Yang]

45. Okay. You hate it.

[Ryan Reynolds]

No.

[Bowen Yang]

Sid, what do you think this costs?

[Bridger Winegar]

I. I mean, yeah, 75 feels right.

[Bowen Yang]

Okay, good.

[Bridger Winegar]

Ceramic.

[Bowen Yang]

I've got some support and. Jeff, you just think it's garbage.

[Carl Tart]

No, I don't think it's garbage. I think my apartment is not built for it. I think it's a Los Angeles dog.

[Bowen Yang]

It. Absolutely.

[Bridger Winegar]

I think so, too.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

Well, I can't wait to find out how I get this across the country.

[Carl Tart]

Well, now it is hollow under its right.

[Bowen Yang]

It's kind of a pinata almost. Oh, use this very.

[Carl Tart]

So you could also hide things. You want to hide in there.

[Bowen Yang]

Oh, right.

[Carl Tart]

There's no drugs.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Put the bird seed in there.

[Bridger Winegar]

You can put the bird seed in there.

[Carl Tart]

That's so true.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Very smart.

[Carl Tart]

That was good.

[Bowen Yang]

Birds, rats, just eating out of this. That feels bad. That feels very bad. We're going to put this right.

[Bridger Winegar]

Is there lint at the bottom of it?

[Carl Tart]

A what?

[Bridger Winegar]

Lint.

[Carl Tart]

I guess so. It's like little things that you put.

[Bowen Yang]

So it doesn't scratch the floor.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Bridger Winegar]

I thought you were bringing lint from your home as a gift.

[Carl Tart]

Well, I'm not gonna lie to you. There might be some cat hair on there.

[Bowen Yang]

Well, it's incredible. These gifts are unmovable.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

But I'll find a use for them. We'll see what happens. We'll see ultimately, what happens if I fed the birds of New York the seed? There's a chance the seed gets to la. Just thinking of how birds work.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

And then this. We'll just. We'll figure it out.

[Bridger Winegar]

And you're gonna eat those cookies right now?

[Bowen Yang]

Of course.

[Ryan Reynolds]

We should eat these cookies right now.

[Bridger Winegar]

Eat that cookie right now.

[Carl Tart]

He said, right?

[Bridger Winegar]

Actually, yeah, I want a cookie, actually. Thank you. Thank you.

[Bowen Yang]

Okay. How many are in a pack? Open those.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Okay. Thank you. Nine. Nine of them.

[Bridger Winegar]

No, it's eating.

[Carl Tart]

There you go.

[Bowen Yang]

Let's each have one.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Okay, great.

[Bowen Yang]

We'll be choking.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Is this compelling?

[Carl Tart]

Are we?

[Bowen Yang]

My mouth is so dry.

[Ryan Reynolds]

And Sid is wet. And you're wet. You said you get damp for this.

[Bridger Winegar]

This is so good. So good.

[Bowen Yang]

Why don't you three have drinks? This is a failure. Not on my part, but I know.

[Bridger Winegar]

You have Boy and Yang up here dry. That's crazy.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah. Some host. We all bring gifts. You don't even have beverage. Not even a cheese plate. At least some wet string cheese.

[Bridger Winegar]

Wow, these really are good. Y'all want some?

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah, let's pass these out.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I've got four here.

[Bridger Winegar]

Thank you. Thank you.

[Carl Tart]

Mmm. Yeah, Pass them out.

[Bowen Yang]

Oh, yes.

[Carl Tart]

I feel like I'm missing out on a whole section of audience.

[Bridger Winegar]

Put K in it.

[Bowen Yang]

So kidding.

[Bridger Winegar]

I'm joking. Oh, my God. They're so serious. Jeez.

[Bowen Yang]

Okay, it's time to play a game. Oh, we're going to play gift or a curse. Okay, this is how we play this game. I'm going to name three things.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Are we looking back here or. No?

[Bowen Yang]

No, you don't have to. There will be a visual if you want to peek. If you want a peek, take a peek. I'm going to name three things. You're going to tell me if they're a gift or a curse and why. And so I'll name one thing, and you're all going to tell me, so points will be kept. And of course, this is an extremely important game, so you don't want to lose. And there are right answers, there are correct answers. You can fail. So, number one, this is from a listener named Lydia. Gift or a Curse music on overhead speakers during airplane boarding.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Oh, my gosh.

[Carl Tart]

I'm going to say a gift because it just adds a little background noise, and maybe it calms all of the. You know, there's a lot of. A lot of people having meltdowns. There's a lot of people who are not good at the flying these days, so maybe it calms them. Right, because it's kind of like ethereal sort of massage music, Right?

[Bowen Yang]

Hopefully. Okay.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I guess it depends on. On what is being played. But if it is like massage, like, if it is like spa or like drum solo, right?

[Bridger Winegar]

It's never good. The music is never good. I always want the ox chord. I'm like, let me. Let me give y'all some.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Some.

[Bridger Winegar]

It's never Beyonce or anything like that. No, Ed Sheeran. It's just.

[Bowen Yang]

You should be programming airplane music.

[Bridger Winegar]

I would. I wouldn't mind.

[Bowen Yang]

I support you. Okay, well, what do you two think? Gift or curse?

[Ryan Reynolds]

I. I would want the music to be, like, what they would play out of Borders, or I think I would want to be like a pure mood cd. So, like Enya and like that.

[Bridger Winegar]

Oh, I like that.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah, there should. There should be. There should be an airline.

[Bridger Winegar]

Yeah, just.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Just selling. Just any.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah, I guess it would be, you know, Irish. Whatever. What's that Irish one called? Aer Lingus. Aer Lingus could play in ya far on the way.

[Bowen Yang]

Jeff, you're funny.

[Carl Tart]

That's because most of the time we hang out, you were. You were freaking. You had. Your phone had broken, so you were.

[Bridger Winegar]

I'm always having a breakdown in front of you, so this is.

[Carl Tart]

I'm glad to prove myself a good.

[Bowen Yang]

I need answers from you, too.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Gift, gift, gift.

[Bowen Yang]

Sydney.

[Bridger Winegar]

Curse. I don't want to hear it.

[Bowen Yang]

You don't want to.

[Bridger Winegar]

I want. I want to hear the couple that's two rows out breaking up. That's what I want to hear before we even go up. And that's why I'm sleeping with your brother. That's what I want to hear. Oh, y'all not on JetBlue. All right.

[Bowen Yang]

Sydney, you get the point.

[Bridger Winegar]

Okay?

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah, it's a curse. Absolutely. A curse. You're not telling me how to enjoy this flight. No, thank you. It's my experience. Let that be my own thing. Don't distract me. I'm stressed out. I don't need delta choosing what I'm listening to. And I mean, this new bonus of hearing somebody break up, What a treat.

[Bridger Winegar]

It's always going to happen, too.

[Bowen Yang]

Treat. Okay, so Sydney leads with One. The other two are losing big. This is from a listener named Emily. Gift or a curse. When you make plans with a couple, then one of them can no longer make it, but the other person still keeps the plans and comes by themselves.

[Bridger Winegar]

Gift.

[Bowen Yang]

Why?

[Bridger Winegar]

If it's the person we didn't want anyway, we're like, yes, we did not need your man here anyway. Thank you.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Oh, that's interesting.

[Bridger Winegar]

No.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Bridger Winegar]

Y'all really like both of the couple. Like both people. That's never the case. It's always one person keeping them, getting the invite anyway.

[Bowen Yang]

Right. It's so rare that you like both of them enough that you're interested in.

[Carl Tart]

Talking about, what if it's the one you don't like and then you have to have that, Then that's a curse. Right.

[Bridger Winegar]

The person who's not that, like, they know they're not showing up. That's weird. That's weird. If the vibes are off and you're like, I know they don't like me. I'm coming to dip. Like, no way. No way.

[Bowen Yang]

I don't know. Not knowing people don't like you is kind of the characteristic of somebody nobody likes.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Exactly. Oh, my God. Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

So it is dangerous.

[Bridger Winegar]

Yeah.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I'm gonna say curse, because if one person. If one domino falls and you're like. You kind of want for the whole thing to.

[Bowen Yang]

To just fall apart.

[Bridger Winegar]

Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

Okay.

[Bridger Winegar]

Oh, so if one person cancel, you're like, oh, we all don't have to go to dinner now. Okay, cool.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah, I agree. I'm a. I'm a real. Oh, you're canceling. Oh, no. I'm bombed. Yeah, I. I'm say it's a full gift. Oh, wait. Curse if they come.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Curse if they come.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah. The thing is that they actually do demand that. No, let's keep the plans. I want to see you. That kind of thing.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah. Curse.

[Bowen Yang]

Curse. It's a gift. It's a gift.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Why?

[Bowen Yang]

We get to know somebody, we get to give them one more chance. We've got to give them one personal dinner, and maybe they turn it around. Oh, maybe we find out something.

[Bridger Winegar]

A redemption. A redemption.

[Bowen Yang]

It's a redemption tour. One final chance. And then after, if it doesn't work, you never invite the couple again.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Sure.

[Bowen Yang]

It's just the one person. You wait for the other person to be out of town. It's a gift.

[Bridger Winegar]

So I said give. So I get the point, right?

[Bowen Yang]

You got a point.

[Bridger Winegar]

Ok. All I care about the score, baby. Winner.

[Bowen Yang]

Winner. All right. This final one.

[Carl Tart]

Oh, well, I know there's no way I can win.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Carl Tart]

So I'm just leaving.

[Bowen Yang]

But you can feel kind of okay about yourself.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Carl Tart]

Wouldn't that be.

[Bowen Yang]

No. No. Okay. This is from a listener named Christian Gift or a curse saying, let's go on a cooking competition or anytime.

[Carl Tart]

I'm torn. Cause my nephew says it. Yeah. But also, he's 22.

[Bridger Winegar]

Jeff, this journey, it makes me.

[Carl Tart]

I feel very good that you think I'm funny. Curse.

[Bowen Yang]

Curse. Okay.

[Carl Tart]

I don't even care. I know I'm wrong. This happened on the podcast, too. Every time I answered you, I just saw a look in your eyes of like, no.

[Bowen Yang]

No one can read me. Don't act like you can read me.

[Carl Tart]

No, I could read you once I gave the answer.

[Bowen Yang]

Oh, no, not even then. Oh, Sydney, what do you think?

[Bridger Winegar]

Can you ask the question again?

[Bowen Yang]

I blacked out as well.

[Bridger Winegar]

What's going on?

[Bowen Yang]

Where am I saying, let's go on a cooking competition or anytime.

[Bridger Winegar]

Curse. No, we don't want to do that.

[Bowen Yang]

Okay. It's a nice, clean answer.

[Bridger Winegar]

Yeah. No.

[Bowen Yang]

Clean answer. Curse.

[Bridger Winegar]

Yeah.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I'm thinking, like, what are the alternatives? Let's go is pretty, like, innocuous. Like, it's not. It's a perfectly okay thing to say if you're excited or if you want to, like, you know.

[Carl Tart]

But the volume.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Volume is gonna be like. That's gonna be. If you're excited, you're gonna phonate, you're gonna produce loud sound. You know what I mean? And I would rather you distill it to two words.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Or, you know, let's. Or contraction. Whatever. 3. And.

[Carl Tart]

Let us go.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Let us go.

[Bowen Yang]

Oh, that's way better. That's beautiful. Let us go.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah, that's good.

[Bowen Yang]

Let's just. You want to be. You're escaping.

[Bridger Winegar]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

Let us go. Let us go.

[Ryan Reynolds]

And if you're on a cooking competition, let's. That's all you wanna do. I don't know. I feel like it's not a terrible thing to scream. There are more toxic things to scream. And so I'm.

[Carl Tart]

That's a really good point.

[Bridger Winegar]

Well, the person who's like, let's go. Usually is annoying. Like, they're gonna make it bad. It's never the cool person. Like, let's go. It's always like, oh, my God. So, let's go. I'm gonna plan everything. We're gonna have an itinerary. And we gotta wear different shirts. Like, no, I don't.

[Carl Tart]

And there's often, like, hand motions.

[Bowen Yang]

Oh, yeah. There's always too much Movement.

[Carl Tart]

A lot of that.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Did your nephew do that? What does your nephew do?

[Carl Tart]

No comment. Because we're in public, but.

[Bowen Yang]

It'S a curse. Bowen, I'm so sorry. You completely lost the game.

[Carl Tart]

Wow.

[Bridger Winegar]

I'm flawless, yo. That's three point with.

[Bowen Yang]

Jeff. You got one point. Thank God. And Bowen, you're in a very elite group of losers.

[Bridger Winegar]

Yes.

[Sydney Washington]

Thank you.

[Bowen Yang]

Carl Tartt was a big loser and he turned it around.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Look, Carl, I trust. Carl and I are, like, on the same wavelength.

[Sydney Washington]

Yeah, we are.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah. Look, and also, we worked last night. We're tired. Our meters are.

[Bowen Yang]

I don't want any excuses. Slept less than usual last night, so that feels like a legitimate.

[Bridger Winegar]

Wait.

[Bowen Yang]

Has a microphone.

[Sydney Washington]

I do.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Carl's got a mic.

[Bridger Winegar]

You are so quiet.

[Sydney Washington]

I didn't want to interrupt. This is not my show. I'm not.

[Bowen Yang]

Carl brought that from home.

[Sydney Washington]

All the way from la.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Sydney Washington]

Now LA is really dead.

[Bridger Winegar]

Carl, get up here.

[Bowen Yang]

No, no.

[Bridger Winegar]

Just kidding.

[Sydney Washington]

Bridger said no.

[Bowen Yang]

Carl, come up here.

[Sydney Washington]

All right.

[Bowen Yang]

Okay. This is the final segment of the podcast, and we've got to do it quick. We've got to answer a listener question. People write into. I said no gifts. Gmail dot com. You're such desperate people. You all have so many problems. And so you're begging me and my guests to answer these problems. Oh.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Oh.

[Bowen Yang]

Oh, my God. Where did that come from?

[Ryan Reynolds]

Where did it go?

[Bowen Yang]

Who has the beach ball?

[Sydney Washington]

I see it.

[Bowen Yang]

Where? Over here.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Wow.

[Bowen Yang]

Who's got the beach ball? I'm coming for you. I'm coming for you. Oh, my God. Come up here. Look at this. Look at this. Winner.

[Bridger Winegar]

Oh, wow.

[Bowen Yang]

What's your name?

[Bridger Winegar]

Amelia.

[Bowen Yang]

Amelia has won not only a beach ball. This is Amelia, everybody. I have to bend over this way. And now you can open up this and see what you got. This is a very valuable item. Oh, and now you're seeing it already. Don't say oh, my God to this beautiful gift. It's an eggies. This is an item that David Dust Malchen gave me. Truly an amount of items that is ruining my life. And so every one of these I have to give away. This is. Okay, so this is something that you'll. We all have. You know, there's no other way to cook an egg, so why not put egg yolks into a microwave and then do make the deviled eggs for yourself. You must be so proud.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I want six deviled eggs at a time.

[Bowen Yang]

Of course. And then nine Lorna Dunes. It's the perfect meal. A square meal. Well, congratulations. That's so exciting. Congrats.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Really good job.

[Bridger Winegar]

That's a good one.

[Bowen Yang]

Okay, we're not answering that counts as a listener question. Yeah, I'm not getting into an email at this point. What are we talking about?

[Carl Tart]

But, Amelia, don't forget your ball.

[Bowen Yang]

Oh. Oh, God. You almost lost it. But I'm giving you this. I'm gonna kick this down here. Gorgeous. Everybody, look at these four gorgeous people. And look at these gifts. I mean, what a night. And fend Lily, wherever she is. I feel like this is the end of the show, and I feel like you've all felt it coming. I think it's pretty clear that the podcast is wrapping up. The listener knows the listener is panicking about the rest of their day. It's nighttime here, so you, like, you basically get to go to sleep without the panic listener. The podcast is over now. I'm just going to talk to the audience. Turn off. If they allow the rest of this audio onto the podcast, I'm going to fire Annalise.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Oh, my God.

[Bowen Yang]

Annalise, I know you're there. What was that? Did everybody just hear something?

[Carl Tart]

That was Annalise. Oh, she's talking to us. That was the lights from Los Angeles.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Oh, my God.

[Bowen Yang]

That was such a scary little voice.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah. It's giving. Heart Island.

[Bowen Yang]

Oh, Heart Island's coming to me.

[Ryan Reynolds]

It's giving.

[Carl Tart]

You're going to have to eat another butter.

[Bowen Yang]

On that note, I love all of you. Thank you so much for being here. Move on with your night. I said no Gifts is an exactly right production. Our senior producer is Annelise Nelson, and our episodes are beautifully mixed by Ben Tolliday. The theme song is by miracle worker Amy Mann. And we couldn't do it without our booker, Patrick Cotner. You must follow the show on Instagram at I saidnogifts. That's where you're going to see pictures of all these wonderful gifts I'm getting. And don't you want to see the gifts?

[Bridger Winegar]

But I invited you here.

[Bowen Yang]

I thought I made myself perfectly clear.

[Bridger Winegar]

When you're a guest in my home.

[Carl Tart]

You gotta to me empty handed.

[Bowen Yang]

I said no gifts. Your presence is present enough.

[Bridger Winegar]

And I already had too much stuff.

[Bowen Yang]

So how do you dare disobey me?