Drew Droege Disobeys Bridger

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Drew Droege Disobeys Bridger" on I Said No Gifts!

I Said No Gifts! is a comedic interview podcast hosted by Bridger Winegar, part of the Exactly Right Media network. In this episode, released on December 19, 2024, Bridger welcomes comedian Drew Droege as his guest. True to the podcast's premise, Drew arrives bearing gifts despite Bridger's explicit request for "no gifts," leading to humorous exchanges and insightful conversations about Drew's career, personal experiences, and quirky gift-giving antics.

1. Welcome and Introduction (00:01 - 03:00)

The episode kicks off with Bridger setting the stage from his backyard, humorously mentioning minor police activity and his preoccupation with a "buy one, get one free salad coupon." At [01:24], Bridger reiterates his core rule: “when you’re a guest in my home, you gotta come to me empty-handed. I said no guests.” Despite this, Drew disobeys, bringing gifts that become a focal point of their chat.

2. Voice Challenges and Theater Background (03:00 - 10:29)

Drew shares his recent experience in New York City, discussing how the loud environment and extensive screaming during performances left him with a depleted voice. At [04:12], Drew humorously explains attempts to care for his vocal cords, mentioning unconventional remedies like eating Lay’s potato chips and fried chicken to "bond your vocal cords together to make noise."

Drew delves into his theater career, particularly his role in the musical Titanique, a parody of Titanic infused with Celine Dion’s music. At [06:07], he recounts his five-month stint performing eight shows a week in New York, highlighting the intense and often robotic nature of such a demanding schedule. Bridger remarks humorously at [07:10], “Completely forgettable,” poking fun at Drew’s self-deprecation regarding his performance.

3. Dislike for Las Vegas and Games (10:29 - 24:18)

The conversation shifts to Drew's strong aversion to Las Vegas. At [19:34], Drew criticizes the modern Las Vegas Strip as “everything terrible about America forced into this horrible vein of filth,” expressing a clear preference for the “old Vegas” vibe over the current state. Bridger agrees, emphasizing the negative aspects of the city and joking about avoiding it altogether.

4. Gift Segment: Aztec Death Whistle (24:18 - 36:14)

True to the podcast’s theme, Drew presents Bridger with an Aztec death whistle at [28:37], insisting it's a thoughtful gift despite Bridger's initial reluctance. The whistle, designed to ward off evil spirits with its unsettling sound, becomes a centerpiece of their interaction. Bridger attempts to use it during the episode, eliciting laughter and further comedic banter as the whistle's eerie sounds fill the background.

5. Game Time: Gift or Curse (36:14 - 56:44)

The duo engages in a playful segment titled "Gift or Curse," where Bridger presents scenarios, and Drew must decide whether they are gifts or curses. Notable moments include:

• [57:11]: Drew correctly identifies helping oneself to fruit from a neighbor’s tree as a gift, explaining, “It's a delicious treat... I enjoy all the fairy tales in which people bite fruit and magic happen to them.”

• [59:15]: Bridger incorrectly classifies welcome mats with quirky messages as curses, while Drew defends them as gifts, humorously asserting, “The more clutter we can get in a hallway, the better.”

• [61:09]: Drew nails the final scenario by labeling loudly stating credit card details as a curse, prompting Bridger to blow the death whistle in jest to signify a mistake.

Throughout the game, Bridger teases Drew, especially after Drew got only one out of three correct, fostering a lighthearted and entertaining atmosphere.

6. Listener Email Segment (56:44 - 73:58)

Bridger addresses a listener's email from Lucas and Justin in Atlanta, Georgia, seeking advice on what to gift their surrogate mother after she unexpectedly gave them a handmade gift during their pregnancy journey. Bridger and Drew navigate the delicate nature of the request humorously yet empathetically.

• Bridger’s Response: Suggests practical and thoughtful gifts such as a gift card to a nice restaurant or a year in a wine club, while also playfully exaggerating with the idea of giving an exotic pet or preserving an animal in amber.

• Drew’s Input: Adds to the humor by suggesting outrageous gifts like an Aztec death whistle or advocating for anonymity and escapism with exaggerated responses about changing identities to avoid awkwardness from the gift.

Their combined responses balance humor with genuine consideration, maintaining the podcast’s signature comedic tone.

7. Final Remarks and Closing (73:58 - End)

As the episode winds down, Bridger and Drew reflect on the nature of gift-giving, the absurdity of certain scenarios, and the enduring camaraderie between them. Drew humorously recounts an incident from his catering days at the Playboy Mansion, further enriching the conversation with personal anecdotes.

The episode concludes with Bridger thanking Drew for attending despite the "no gifts" rule, reinforcing the show's playful premise. They also promote future episodes, games, and thank the production team, seamlessly wrapping up the engaging and laughter-filled episode.

Notable Quotes

• Drew at [04:31]: “There's very little you can do other than rest and drink lots of water. Sometimes the salt water helps. Gargling. Pineapple helps.”

• Bridger at [07:10]: “I was just playing an eyelash and forget about me.”

• Drew at [33:06]: “I saw somebody, and the noise made me laugh because it was just like, this thing... It makes a really wonderful upsetting noise.”

• Bridger at [46:14]: “There's a mildew on everything. I think inside and out.”

• Drew at [57:34]: “Because if your fruit tree is hanging over the sidewalk, that's city property.”

Conclusion

This episode of I Said No Gifts! masterfully blends humor with heartfelt discussions, showcasing Drew Droege's comedic talent and his dynamic with host Bridger Winegar. From theatrical insights and disdain for Las Vegas to the hilariously unsettling Aztec death whistle and playful games, listeners are treated to a richly entertaining experience. The episode not only adheres to the podcast’s unique gift-centric theme but also offers relatable anecdotes and witty banter, making it a standout addition to the over 100 episodes of the show.

Listeners who enjoy a mix of comedy, personal stories, and interactive segments will find this episode both engaging and amusing, even if they haven’t previously tuned into I Said No Gifts!.

Transcript

[A]

This is exactly right.

[B]

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[A]

When I invited you here.

[B]

I thought I made myself perfectly clear. When you're a guest in my home.

[A]

You gotta come to me empty handed. I said no guests.

[B]

Your presence is present enough. And I already had too much stuff. So how do you dare disobey me? Welcome to I said no gifts. I'm Bridger Weiniger. We're in the backyard. There was some minor police activity about an hour ago. I don't know what was happening, but I think that's been cleared up. My voice is back to probably 98%. Probably still can't hit the high notes that I'm famous for, but I think we'll make it through the whole episode without me sounding weak. At least physically or vocally. Emotionally, mentally, those things just continue to seem. Who knows? That'll be spotty. I mean, what's dominating my thoughts is I have a. A buy one, get one free salad coupon on my counter. And I just can't stop thinking about how I'm going to use that as wisely as possible to get two salads and when I'll eat the second salad. Is there any other crucial business we need to talk about? There isn't. I adore. I love today's guest. I'm so excited he's here. It's Drew Droghi.

[A]

Drew, Hi, Bridger.

[B]

Welcome to I said no gifts.

[A]

Thank you so much.

[B]

I'm so happy you're here.

[A]

I'm so happy to be here. What happened to your voice?

[B]

Like, I. I was in New York last.

[A]

I get it. I get it. Loud city.

[B]

Loud city. I was screaming the entire time.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

You know, you have to. You get on the plane, you got.

[A]

To tell people exactly what you want.

[B]

You'Ve got to be open and honest.

[A]

That's right.

[B]

Brutal.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Yeah. I sit down on the plane on the way to New York and I immediately it's screaming scream until I get back to lax.

[A]

Great.

[B]

And then I'm back into my, you know, relaxed surfer vibe.

[A]

Sweet, easy Los Angeles.

[B]

Yes, exact. Yeah, I had a. I got a cold while there and it just decimated my voice. Because you were going to record earlier this week.

[A]

I know.

[B]

And it feels like such a flimsy excuse to be like, he doesn't have his voice.

[A]

It's an audio podcast. Like it becomes like a made up thing. No, but I. No, no, no. But no. It happens all the time. I lose my voice a lot. I'm horrible about like I have to go back and actually do like training that I quote unquote learned in college about how to take care of my instrument. And I don't. I'm horrible about it. I will blow it out so easily. And I don't always. I'm always nervous about doing it, like when I'm doing stage shows and stuff. But it usually happens at the bar after the show. Cause you're talking hours and you're not realizing how much you're straining just to make noise forever. And so that's usually where it happens.

[B]

Where you actually lose it. You actually lose it and then what are you doing to repair it?

[A]

There's very little you can do other than rest and drink lots of water. Sometimes the salt water helps. Gargling. Pineapple helps.

[B]

Pineapple?

[A]

Yeah, pineapple's very. It's an anti inflammatory.

[B]

Oh, I had no idea.

[A]

Oh. And you know what really helps? Actually there are a lot of tricks that help with it. Ibuprofen.

[B]

Ibuprofen.

[A]

Take three ibuprofen at night and three in the morning and to it cause your.

[B]

Oh, because that's an anti inflammatory.

[A]

Anti inflammatory. Because your voice is actually just blown out. That's what. And then another thing, if you really need. I learned this as a just a fast trick is lays potato chips or fried chicken. Because those things have so much grease in them that they will bond your vocal cords together to make noise.

[B]

This is a dream to hear.

[A]

I mean I learned this when I was, you know, doing a musical in the. In the New York City and they told us they were like, if you really need to make noise, it's specifically lay's plain potato chips. Because they've got so much grease, they're just so oily. It's so Oily, that's why. And. Or fried chicken.

[B]

Wow, this is fascinating.

[A]

Like real fried chicken. Not like some breaded baked someplace. No, no, no, no. Like oven baked. None of that shit. You need like real dripping, greasy fried chicken.

[B]

I love greasy dripping.

[A]

Right. It's a great excuse to just run out in the middle of shows. Be like, I have to eat the nastiest fried chicken. Yeah, exactly.

[B]

What musical were you doing at the time?

[A]

Titanique.

[B]

Oh, have you seen it? Wait, I saw you. I was there. When was this? This was actually very uncomfortable for me because I was afraid I was gonna make eye contact with you on stage.

[A]

Oh, God. First of all, I can't see anything when I'm up there. I'm blind as a bat.

[B]

I know you forget that as an audience member, but at the time I was like, if I will have to leave the theater. This must have been last year.

[A]

It was last year. We did it. Yeah. I mean, it's still running, but I was in it last year. It's a blast. It's a parody of Titanic with all the music of Celine Dion. It's become this thing. I know. I was just thinking about Marlon, Connie and Ty and Nicholas who wrote it. Now it's like their productions of it in Australia.

[B]

Oh, you're kidding.

[A]

London and Canada and. Oh yeah. All over the world, their productions of Titanique that are happening. And I'm like, how cool.

[B]

That's wild. When did it open?

[A]

That's a great question. I should know that. They've been doing it. They've been working on it off and on and workshopping it for many years. Okay. It opened at the theater, at the old like Underneath Grist, where UCB was.

[B]

Ucb. Right, right.

[A]

So that's where it opened.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And then they moved it to the Daryl Roth.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

I'm going to say like November of 22, it moved to Daryl Roth and it's been running there since then.

[B]

Wow. For to already have international franchises. Yes. That's pretty impressive.

[A]

Yes. But I think it opened, you know, 21. It must have been obviously post, Right?

[B]

Yes. Yes. Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah. I saw you in it. That's such a strange. I could completely forgot. Obviously. Your performance was just forgettable.

[A]

Completely forgettable. I was fairly in it.

[B]

Vanished.

[A]

I just play an eyelash and. And forget about me.

[B]

How long were you in it for?

[A]

Five months.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Yeah. Okay.

[B]

Yeah. It's like right near Union Square there.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

Yes. How strange.

[A]

It was such a dream. Because I've never. I love musicals, but I'm not A singer. Right. And so it was like this dream to do a musical in New York City and to do the eight shows a week thing that I had never really done. Cause even when I did my solo show there, the most I ever did was seven shows a week. I never did eight. And I was like, I need that New York theater life. It's hell. It's horrible.

[B]

It's like a nightmare. To me.

[A]

It's a nightmare. You're never not tired. Your day off is your most exhausted day, of course, because your body lets yourself actually be tired. But I'm so glad I had the experience because as someone who never thought that would happen to be in a musical and was like, that's very cool.

[B]

To not have the number one thing you need for a musical.

[A]

Right. And this character was the one part that didn't sing.

[B]

Right, Right.

[A]

And that you don't remember.

[B]

And then I completely. The rest of the show was fireworks.

[A]

I mean, can we start? Let's go down the line. Talk about how great everybody else was and memorable they were.

[B]

No, you were spectacular. The whole show was so delightful. It's just a party.

[A]

It's a. But it's a party. It's a big party. It's so much fun.

[B]

Yeah. The eight shows a week thing, coming from living in LA and working in this side of entertainment, where you work three hours every nine months.

[A]

Right? Exactly. Or even when you do theater in la, it's usually four or five shows a week. You do like a weekend, and you rarely do two in one day in LA theater. You know, it's. It's very easy. It's very JV compared to, like, New York is like whip cracking.

[B]

Do you start to just. I feel like you would just lose the feeling of it all a few shows in, like. Do you just feel robotic?

[A]

I would feel robotic after a while. And it. And I felt that way in my own show, too. And I was like. And I remember the first time I felt that way that I'd always heard, like, you know when actors say, you start thinking about your laundry and you start, you know.

[B]

Right, right.

[A]

And you have those intrusive thoughts. And I was like, well, that'll never be me. I'll always be in the. In the truth of the moment every time. But even in my own show, I started to go, oh, blah, blah, blah. I'm just thinking. And I was watching my body do the same mannerisms, actually kind of incredible. And so I went off stage and I said, the stage manager, I said, oh, my God, I'm so sorry. I was so out of it tonight. And he said I had no.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

So you do. It's like choreography with anything. You have to kind of actually not think about it, because the worst thing to do is to be up there and go, I'm not present. I need to get in my body. And then that makes you even more in your head. And then you're aware. Aware of everything. You actually have to stop thinking and just go out there and do the show.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Which is really weird because you go through this long period of like, do I know my lines? Am I listening to my partner? Is this the way to deliver this? The best way. Like, you go through this trial period for, like, previews, and then you hit. You, like, coast for a bit where they're like, oh, I'm so connected and so fun. And then you're like, I am so out the door. And I don't even know. But five months was as long as I felt like I could do it.

[B]

To be basically working overtime.

[A]

Yeah. And just did the same words over and over again. My. My intrusive thoughts were coming in. I would be like, what if I start screaming? What if I jump up the stage? What if I high five Bridger in the audience? Like, I would just constantly remember the show. You would exactly see time machine. That's what I need to do is go back in time. No, but I would. I would have those complete thoughts of just like, what if I, you know.

[B]

Oh. Which are very fun thoughts, which are.

[A]

Fun, but also terrifying and also just like, get in it, stay in it, you know, but, you know.

[B]

Well, yeah, it's kind of like a very dull, out of body experience.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Fascinating, for sure. Which I probably, as having no stage skill whatsoever, will never experience.

[A]

I don't believe that.

[B]

Well, believe it. I brought you here today, too.

[A]

You know, I think. No, I think it's like you. In a way, it kind of protects you because, you know, you're like. When the audience is great, you can feel like, I'm amazing. We're killing it. We're doing so great. And then they're bad. And you're like, I'm horrible. And then sometimes there's part of you. It's like neither. You're. You're always. There's always kind of like baseline. It is what it is. And so you kind of like, through that, you're kind of like, oh, we're just punching the clock and going back. And when you're doing that many shows, you're just like, all right, the Next one is in five minutes. So here we go. Put another quarter in the back of my neck and wind me up or whatever.

[B]

I said no gifts is brought to you by Showstopper Cookies. I adore Showstopper cookies. I've talked about them on the podcast before, just willy nilly because I love them so much. They're coming from Portland, Oregon. It's a one woman show. Her name is Andrea. She's been developing this recipe for 10 years. And you can tell because they're ideal chocolate chip cookies. That's all she makes. She's focusing on on one thing and doing it well. And I love them so much, I take one right out of the box. When they get to me, I eat it. Then I freeze a few of them for future, you know, treat emergencies. I don't have to panic. I can think I have a Showstopper in the freezer. Do they make a great gift? Of course they make a great gift. Give them to friends, family members. You could put them on a plate and take them into the office and tell everybody there that you made them. The people there are going to be dazzled. They're going to, you know, they're going to be like, david, I didn't know you baked. And you can say, well, Melinda, there's a lot you don't know about me. Maybe you could invite me to lunch with the gang sometime and stop ignoring me. That kind of thing. And if they find out you're lying, even better, they'll be talking about you non stop. You'll be a legend. You will not believe how much attention you'll get from this little stunt. All Showstopper cookies are baked fresh to order. They make the perfect gift for any occasion or the perfect gift to give yourself. They offer shipping all over the US Delivery in Portland, and free porch pickup. Use Code gifts for 15% off your next order at showstoppercookies.com Again, that's code gifts for 15 off your next order at showstopperCookies.com this episode is brought to you by Allstate. Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate first. Like, you know to check the date of the big game first before you accidentally buy tickets on your 20th wedding.

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[B]

Vary terms apply. State fire and casualty insurance company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois how familiar were you with Titanic before? Were you much of a fan of the movie?

[A]

I do like the movie. I like the. I like the 1912 part of the movie. The wraparound is pretty horrible.

[B]

I mean, the.

[A]

The Bill Paxton an incredible way is so bad. But I do think the actual Titanic part of it is really great. I saw it. I definitely saw it in the theater. I maybe saw it all the way through one other time before, but I've known them from the beginning. So I did the very first, like, reading of Titanique at someone's apartment, like, before it was ever done. And then I wasn't able to do it officially until last year. So I've watched. I've seen Titanique six or seven times prior to evening prior and after. I've actually gone back and seen it after I did it.

[B]

Yeah. I think I've only seen the movie once in the theaters.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And it's just. I never have any other reason to watch. No.

[A]

It's three and a half hours long. And why would you just sit down and watch that?

[B]

Right? But people love it. They worship.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, it's. It got a lot of, you know, people love to bag on it too, and hate on it, but it. It's better than that. I mean, you know, it's better than a lot of things that have won Best Picture.

[B]

Right.

[A]

You know, and so. And it's a big, loud blockbuster period.

[B]

Piece, kind of engaging melodrama.

[A]

But everyone's really good in it. You know, the kids are great in it. Victor Carver's fantastic.

[B]

Sure. And I do. I mean, the only thing I've seen repeatedly is the dropping the thing into the ocean.

[A]

Right. Which is ridiculous and makes no sense. And you want to throttle that woman. Like, why? Why are you doing that?

[B]

I like, when it came to my attention as an adult, I was like, this couldn't possibly have been part of the original because I had obviously forgotten. But it's part of the film. Right. It's so strange to me. It's so strange because it seems objectively bad.

[A]

Y. And it's also like you're throwing the whole thing away. Just sort of like.

[B]

And is she doing that just to maintain the mystery? What is the. I don't even know.

[A]

Yeah, I think it's sort of like, I've told my story. That's all you get. Good night. I don't know. I don't think James Cameron thought it through. We have fun in Titanique, making fun of it every night, but, you know. Yeah.

[B]

Have you lived in New York much?

[A]

I've never lived in New York.

[B]

Oh, wow.

[A]

I've only. I've spent a lot of time there, but I've. I've lived in. In Los angeles proper for 25 years.

[B]

Where are you from?

[A]

North Carolina.

[B]

Oh, okay. Okay.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Wow. So, yeah, I've only. I've lived in New York for probably a total of a year and a half at this point.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

But I. I don't know that I made for it, so I don't know that I'm.

[A]

I love working there and that. That was the longest I was there doing Titanque, but I've done my shows there. I'm trying to get. I love. I mean, you know, having a job there is so fun.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Doing a play there have a purpose. Being on a TV show there is. Is like. Or I love to spend, like, two weeks max going and seeing things and seeing friends and hanging out and spending way too much money and just being an idiot. That's a blast. I've never lived there where I'm just pounding the pavement trying to have a life there without some sort of employment for too long. I think that would be really tough. And I'm used to this. I'm used to space and ease. And ease. You know, I'm used to ease.

[B]

The other thing I was going to ask you about related to Titanic, we can move on beyond this, but have you seen the Celine Dion documentary?

[A]

Yes, I have.

[B]

How did you feel about that?

[A]

It's wonderful. You know, I had no real connection with Celine Dion. If anything, I kind of laughed at her and thought she was kind of in. You know, and then even in the beginning of Titanique, you know, Marlee Mandel's hilarious impression of Celine Dion, and then, you know, getting to, like, see Nicole Parker, Jackie Burns do it, and all these people, like, it's this. But. But Ty Blue, who directed our show, was so smart in making us love her. We was like, you have to love Celine. It's like the entire thing is, what would Celine do? And Celine leads with kindness. And so she's goofy and ridiculous, but you have to love her. And so I realized through that show, I was like, I know all of these songs. I would not own these songs. This isn't my kind of music. Yet. You kind of learn to love it. So I became a fan of her because of doing this. It was one of those things of, like, I did a Karen Carpenter parody show and loved Karen Carpenter, of course. I was like, karen Carpenter, get out of here. Grow up. But. But now you're like, oh, I love. You know, I'm. I'm not afraid to admit I can, like, you know, kind of like sentimental grocery store music. And. And her voice is. Celine's voice is unbelievable. And so it's Karen Carpenter's, obviously. So I. Yeah. So. And then on top of it, with the. All of her health issues that she's had, it just makes you, like, really see the human being that she is. And you love her and you're like, thank God. I love my stars to be weird.

[B]

Oh, of course. Weird in a good way.

[A]

Absolutely. Barbra Streisand's not weird enough.

[B]

Yeah, she could really stand.

[A]

Be a little strange. I want. I want a weirdo.

[B]

Let's find out some. You have all of the resources to be as strange as you possibly want. Go for it.

[A]

Go for it.

[B]

Be a freak.

[A]

Do it.

[B]

Please have something to hide.

[A]

The rest of us go, oh, my God. Did you see? Yes, of course. Keep them guessing.

[B]

Yeah, I don't. I mean, I. Again, I think I do have memory issues because from the documentary, I remember health issues. I remember her sons being strange in a way where they were like drinking milkshakes all the time.

[A]

Oh, right.

[B]

And being gamers. And then she's just kind of trapped, at least in the documentary, in Las Vegas.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Which.

[A]

That would be my ideal. That's my least favorite place on earth.

[B]

I love to hear it.

[A]

I hate Las Vegas. Do you like Las Vegas?

[B]

I do not. And it's awful, I have to say. You know, there are a lot. I'm sure there are a lot of wonderful people who love it and live there, but for me, I cannot go back.

[A]

I have been to old Vegas and I liked that. Like, the old Vegas part is very cool and like, I can imagine, like. But the new Vegas, the Strip, it's literally everything terrible about America forced into this horrible just vein of filth. And it's always so hot outside and so cold inside. It's loud. There are people everywhere. It's decadent. It's barbecue pork chop margarita. It's awful.

[B]

When was the last time you were there?

[A]

Yesterday. No, no, you know what? I have not been there in years. I only go there when I have to. My family used to take family trips there and they used to think it was so fun. We're going to. We're going to meet in Vegas and they would fly all the way from the Carolinas and then I would meet them in Vegas and I was like, please, can I go home to North Carolina?

[B]

I'D actually rather pleasant place.

[A]

I mean, I'd much rather be in North Carolina than Las Vegas. But I guess I had a job there maybe 10 or more years ago. And I remember getting like a 6am flight out of there just to get out at 6:45am in LA. I mean, like, I would take the earliest flight to get out of there. I was like, nope, no more of this.

[B]

No. It is torture for me to be there. There's zero appeal. You are seeing the absolute base of human behavior. Seeing people at their lowest.

[A]

Yes. And just the sadness of people, like with a sweaty cocktail and putting another quarter in the slot machine, just being like, my mortgage. And you're just like, this is so dark and awful. And I just, I. When I win money, I don't like gambling.

[B]

No, I don't. I mean, that's a big part of my problem.

[A]

I go, okay. Like, it doesn't do anything for me to win. I'm that way with games too. I don't need to win games. I'm going to.

[B]

In any setting.

[A]

In any setting. I'm going to a game night tonight. And I piss people off because I don't care.

[B]

Yeah, they need a little competition.

[A]

Where's your competitive spirit? I'm like, I had to let that die to do what I do for a living. I had to not be competitive. So I just don't enjoy. So that part of it I don't like. The entertainment is. Yeah, it's Cats on Ice, you know, it's never anything like, I don't know, challenging on any level.

[B]

Right. I mean, of course, now the thing is, people want to see the sphere.

[A]

That I would like to see. That looks really good.

[B]

It's like, is it worth going there?

[A]

No, I'll see it on Helicopter Past or something. Exactly.

[B]

I guess I could make a road trip that simply doesn't stop in Las Vegas. You just drive through, you take a.

[A]

Peek, you do that. It's like Big Ben, Parliament and just drive.

[B]

Because none of the bands that they're scheduling there haven't hold any interest for me. I don't need to see you two and.

[A]

Right.

[B]

3D or whatever we're talking about.

[A]

No, I mean, the bands have to be those kind of bands, right?

[B]

Yeah, they have to be the biggest band. They have to be like a. An NFL halftime band.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Which doesn't hold a lot of my attention, unfortunately. What sort of games are you playing at game night?

[A]

I don't know. But these are intelligent. Like, like very. I mean, these are one of the People. There is like, a producer on Big Brother.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

And they have, like. Sometimes they'll create the games and they really, like, will have a sort of thing. You know, you kind of get there and, like, I don't know what world I'm walking into tonight.

[B]

Oh, geez.

[A]

But they're games, like celebrity. That I'm usually very good at.

[B]

Right.

[A]

But I don't care. Like, when I'm like, I don't.

[B]

Unless that kind of even worse when someone's good and they don't care.

[A]

I know they hate you. You're like. And they're like, come on, you don't even have to. Whatever. But I'm terrible at most games, and I'm terrible at poker. So when I randomly went, a hand, like a clock's always, you know. Right. Broken clock. It's always right twice a day.

[B]

That. Yes. Yes.

[A]

Which, you know. Yeah.

[B]

I mean, that's sort of gambling in general. Right. Because anyone can.

[A]

I know there's, like, a strategy to all of it, and I just don't care. My brain doesn't. Cannot care enough.

[B]

The only one that I can, like, tolerate as far as card games is blackjack, because it's simple.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

It's over pretty quickly.

[A]

Right. You're like, I gotta get to 21.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

It's like, you get 16, and you're like, I don't really know. What should I do?

[B]

And ultimately, who cares?

[A]

Who cares?

[B]

So we can just get through this. But, yeah, I'm not a. I mean, there's just Las Vegas. They're going to have to think of something new if they're going to draw me in.

[A]

Thank you. I go there for a paycheck or maybe a hug from Mom.

[B]

Well, I think there's something else I hate that I'd like to talk to you about.

[A]

Oh, I love it. Let's get into it.

[B]

I was looking forward to having you here today. Absolutely thrilled to have Drew here. I thought we'll have a wonderful conversation. Drew will go home. So, you know the podcast is called I said no Gifts, and so. And I know there have been emails and I'm sure hundreds of phone calls and the title has been repeated over and over to you. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So I was a little. I'm just going to say disappointed today.

[A]

I'm sorry. Yeah. I had to, though.

[B]

Yeah. You showed up holding what could not more clearly be a gift for me.

[A]

You're welcome. I really wanted to give it to you. I am sorry. I know. I just. But you know what? That thing where people say no gifts they really want. That's what they really mean.

[B]

Gifts, right? I mean I you.

[A]

Because I don't.

[B]

Please don't speak for me.

[A]

But other people, when I have parties, I don't say no gifts. And then when I don't get them, I'm like, what the fuck? Why didn't you give me a gift?

[B]

Do I have any real friends?

[A]

I'm like, no gifts please. That's like someone saying, bring, bring me. So yeah, yeah.

[B]

I don't know that I would ever have an invitation that said no gifts. What place in my life do I have to get to where I'm no begging people not to.

[A]

Please don't bring me anything. I need nothing. I need everything.

[B]

I'll take whatever you can give me of it.

[A]

Please. My place is just full of tchotchkes and I need them all. But I hope you like this one.

[B]

Yeah. Should I open it here on the podcast? Okay.

[A]

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[A]

I know we should cancel our Amazon prime subscriptions. But I did get this on Amazon.

[B]

How do we get out of this Amazon trap we had?

[A]

There has to be a new.

[B]

A new. A new way, slightly less worse version of Amazon.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Because Amazon kind of. For the longest time, Walmart was the place. No one go to Walmart.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And now Walmart almost seems like a good guy.

[A]

Yes, totally.

[B]

So somebody that's just 10% less horrible than Amazon needs to trot in.

[A]

I know.

[B]

And give us an opportunity to switch.

[A]

Services so that we can just order things that we can't. Because I. I hope no one's given you this before, but I. I didn't know where else to get it. I hope it's where I can find it.

[B]

Oh, you know, because I've been given several.

[A]

Oh, my God, I love it. It's an adorable, like, little, like, litter. Like a purloined little gun for your. For a little. For a little coin purse. It shoots one bullet at a time.

[B]

That's all I need.

[A]

Yeah, just a few feet across. It makes a cute little noise when you shoot it.

[B]

Okay, let me open this. Let's see here. Oh, this might take two hands.

[A]

Okay. Oh, yeah. So it's supposed to also come gift wrapped, I believe.

[B]

I believe it is wrapped. And there's a. Oh, should I open this envelope?

[A]

Yeah, sure. Keep your gift a surprise.

[B]

Let's see.

[A]

So what does it say here?

[B]

Let's see. I'm not gonna. This seems to be just the gift receipt. So you hold that.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

Or does that have a message on it?

[A]

Oh, yeah, it tells you what it is. It's a gift receipt.

[B]

Oh. And this just says, enjoy your gift from Drew Droge. Okay.

[A]

Oh, okay. Great person.

[B]

Obviously spent hours kind of crafting that.

[A]

Asked him to say the most personal thing possible, but. Okay.

[B]

Okay, now we're getting.

[A]

Oh, look at. Look at this. Beautiful, decorative.

[B]

It's so gorgeous.

[A]

How fun is that? See, now you're happy.

[B]

Now I'm finally.

[A]

Now, is there a gift? Is there a note inside that?

[B]

Okay, now there's a. There's the same message, but now half printed, where it says, essentially, joy, your gift.

[A]

Joy, your gift from Drew Droge. From Drew Droge. Now, see? Okay, so I'm so glad that happened. Joy, your gift. When I was. Okay, so I spent. Before I moved to la, I spent a summer in Kentucky doing outdoor summer stock theater.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

And I need to get my entire theater resume out on this podcast. I'll need to know all four to five hours.

[B]

Of course. Yeah, we'll keep dipping in and out.

[A]

Storied and rich and textured. No, I was doing. And so after the shows, we were doing outdoor theater. It was so crazy. We had to stand in the Joyed it. Vine. Go stand at the joyit line. So that you would stand in line and people would go by and they would go, join it. Joyed it. Join it. And when people would push past you, they would go jowl.

[B]

What does that mean?

[A]

Watch out, Watch out.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Shout. And I'm from North Carolina, but I did not understand Kentucky. Like, that was a new language for me. That's Deep Blue Ridge Mountains. It was a very different.

[B]

Joyed it.

[A]

Joyed it.

[B]

What was the experience?

[A]

So I'm really glad that Joy, your.

[B]

Gift, it's really come full circle.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Your theater career.

[A]

Oh, it's just inside. It's just. It's just a list of all the shows I've done. I switch. You can order on Amazon. It's very expensive. And it's just a list of all of all of my credits.

[B]

That's your new Amazon storefront air dropping them into people's homes. Okay, let's open this. These bags that they put them in are the toughest material.

[A]

Are they?

[B]

It's like, wow, this could be used in the military. Yeah, it's really. Careful.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

No, let's see here. I don't need your help.

[A]

Oh, I love it.

[B]

I like how strong. I said no.

[A]

Yes. Not vocally weak at all anymore.

[B]

Okay, we're pulling it out here.

[A]

Okay, let's see here.

[B]

Oh, and then it's almost. Don't need your help.

[A]

Okay, again, more rat. Another.

[B]

I did not expect more.

[A]

Oh, my God. It's a Russian doll. Just keep going.

[B]

Okay, now this is.

[A]

That looks okay. I wish there's video. Like, who wrapped that? Like, someone in a factory was, like, slapping band aids on just, like, blue tissue paper. Still happening.

[B]

More band aids than necessary. Yeah.

[A]

It really seems angrily wrapped. I mean, I'm sure it was done with their day. Frances McDormand. Oh, my God. We literally the same thing. Yeah.

[B]

That movie I had a lot of complicated feelings about.

[A]

Yeah, same. But I also maybe didn't have it related to a lead character as much. Right at the end, I was like, oh, am I her? I'm fine with that, I guess.

[B]

Was it an Amazon ad?

[A]

It might have. Yeah.

[B]

It felt. Not against it enough. It felt like it took such a neutral look at Amazon Warehouse.

[A]

I really liked it because I think it was. I was like, just happy that, like, somebody who was like, a drifter who was like, I'm a traveler. All that. And it gave a lot of love to that. I didn't feel sorry for her in any way.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Which I thought was really great. And I thought she was fantastic in it.

[B]

And I mean, she's fantastic.

[A]

And I really liked the, like, kind of the documentary feel of it all.

[B]

Yes. These are all elements. I enjoyed it. I just wanted to see one person have to, you know, pee in a bottle or something. Just the truth.

[A]

Oh, but you. So, like, the. In the bucket didn't count.

[B]

Wait, she shits in a bucket?

[A]

Yes. She's in memory specifically pee in a bottle. But she does in a bucket while at work? No, while in her. While in her.

[B]

Oh, in her van. Van. Okay. I wanted to see her in a bucket in the Amazon warehouse.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[B]

Because I'm sure that's had to happen, but probably the person who wrapped this.

[A]

Well, just keep unwrapping. You don't have no. You have no idea what you're gonna get.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I wish I. Okay. Now it's in this box. Another box. Does it tell you what it is?

[B]

It's an Aztec death whistle.

[A]

Yes. Yes, it's an Aztec death whistle. And have you ever heard this before? I've only heard this online. And it makes the most incredible noise. It's a very upsetting noise that it makes. And it's supposed to, like, ward off enemies. The Aztecs used it. I should have actually done research before I came on this because I knew what I was giving you, but I know nothing about it. I don't even know if this is going to work at all. But it makes a really wonderful upsetting noise and it wards off evil spirits.

[B]

Oh, my God. I'm going to carry this in my bag.

[A]

Yes, as you should. It's better than a gun. So now I think you just blow into the top of it.

[B]

Let's see.

[A]

Okay. Yeah.

[B]

We'll pull the mic a little further away. For now, like, here Anneliese is directing the death whistle.

[A]

Oh, my God. Okay. Oh, my God.

[B]

This will be played throughout the episode.

[A]

Yeah, absolutely. Anything. Just like you need it. Like, I just feel like I'm so want to scream right now in the world. It's. I, I, I give you that as like a. It's like a. One of those things you just, you.

[B]

Like a stress ball.

[A]

A stress ball.

[B]

It's like a screaming into a towel.

[A]

You scream into a towel. Or does the screaming for you have to blow into it? And it just. It, it, it.

[B]

I was recently thinking, should I start a TikTok where every video is just me screaming into a different substance or towel or whatever. Here's a thousand sheet. Thousand count sheet or whatever. Because that's the feeling all the time.

[A]

Fresh clover honey. Or just scream into this.

[B]

How it feels to scream into this. Let me. But now.

[A]

Now you just.

[B]

We should probably alert the listener.

[A]

Every time I'm about to do that trigger warning. It's. It's really deeply upset.

[B]

Do you feel like I'm hitting it the. The note correctly?

[A]

Let me see. I. I will not. Okay. I think that's all you can do. Right?

[B]

I just want to make sure I'm getting the perfect note out of this death whistle because I'm sure.

[A]

Humming. See if you can hum into it and see if it changes it. Thought you blew perfect.

[B]

See, it either does or.

[A]

Choices.

[B]

That's the Aztec life whistle. I just want to keep blowing this. And I know this has got to be excruciating for a listener.

[A]

Yeah. I love it. Punish them. Make them horrible for making the choice to listen to this. Be like, oh, my God, what am.

[B]

I doing with my life?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I've got to get it together.

[A]

Hurt them.

[B]

Okay, so.

[A]

So no one's given you this before?

[B]

This has never been on the podcast.

[A]

Okay, good.

[B]

Okay, good. But probably every gift from now on will be a death.

[A]

I hope so. I hope this just sets up a whole, like, death whistle chain. I know you've done this show for a while, and I was like, I didn't. You know, I wanted to make sure.

[B]

This is unbelievable.

[A]

I'm so thrilled about this. Oh, I'm so happy.

[B]

It really is a stress reliever.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm like, I've released so much already. How did you learn about this?

[A]

I saw it online. I saw somebody, and the noise made me laugh because it was just like, this thing, and people would just say it was like this. Really. It's this primal, upsetting noise that you would hear it.

[B]

It's an animal.

[A]

Yes, exactly.

[B]

It's a deer.

[A]

Right. Last breath and just sort of. It. It wards off evil spirits.

[B]

And. Do you have one of your own?

[A]

No. But now I need to.

[B]

You're so jealous.

[A]

I know. I know. I'm gonna find a way to steal that. I'm gonna find a way to break into my home.

[B]

The only thing that's missing is my death whistle.

[A]

And then you're gonna see it. I'm gonna be doing a recording of something else in my. You're gonna see it in the background like that.

[B]

That's Like a nine part docu series.

[A]

Yes, exactly. I mean, I think it's a good. I think it's a good thing to have. I hope it's a good thing.

[B]

I think this is a good thing to have.

[A]

I mean, it's not like a. Like the. Have you seen Trilogy of Terror? Have you seen that movie?

[B]

No. What's this?

[A]

Oh my God. Okay, so it was. It was a TV movie that came out in the 70s with Karen Black, who was like huge star, just died a few years ago. She's Oscar. I mean, she was amazing actress. She did a TV movie. It was. It was three short films.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

She plays four characters in the movie because there's one for. She plays twins.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

No one remembers the first two movies, the first two shorts. The third short is a legendary and truly terrifying piece about a woman who gets a Zuni fetish doll. That's what they call it, I'm sure. Very problematic. I can only imagine white woman getting this African doll that has. That's literally a problem that she pulls it out of her. I think she gets a gift from her mother. She's on a phone call. She's in the bathtub. And they're like, whatever you do, don't let the doll's belt fall off. Cause then all hell breaks loose.

[B]

It loves its accessories.

[A]

Exactly. Don't make it nude. And so she's in the bathtub. All of a sudden, doll just standing there and the belt just falls off. Next thing you know, that doll is chasing her around her apartment. She's throwing it in the oven. She is screaming. It's from the doll's point of view. It's growling, it's stabbing at her. It's absolutely. So it's like a 30 minute long. Don't watch the first two films. Watch the third in Trilogy of Terror, everyone. I'm telling you, I highly recommend it.

[B]

Is the doll done through stop motion?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

A lot of it is from the point of view of the doll. So you're just seeing like, you're just seeing this, like these arms and stabbing at her and she's on the ground screaming. But it's really upsetting.

[B]

This feels so up your alley.

[A]

Oh, I love it. But I love Child's play also. Like the original Child's play is genuinely scary.

[B]

I've never seen it.

[A]

Oh, it's great. It's great. You don't think that like, oh, a little doll is going to be scary?

[B]

No, you're wrong. Anneliese, can we get a visual on Trilogy of Terror on this doll in particular, I really just want to visualize what's happening here. I do feel like 70s and maybe early 80s. Anneliese is shocked already.

[A]

It's shocking.

[B]

This is probably.

[A]

It's shocking.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. I feel like 70s and. Oh, let's see here.

[A]

Oh, yes, there it is.

[B]

Evil creature.

[A]

Yes, exactly.

[B]

Oh, it's got a massive head.

[A]

Oh. And just teeth and just. And lips. Like full lipstick.

[B]

This is not. I mean, this is a problem. Creature.

[A]

Yeah. Full Kellyanne Conway. You know, just.

[B]

Where's Kellyanne?

[A]

She's a.

[B]

She's a warrior doll in someone's office.

[A]

She's a fun little doll. Just don't take her belt off. She'll come for you.

[B]

To be stalked around your house by Kellyanne Conway. Hell true. Hell true. Hell no. What I was going to say is, like, I feel like 70s and 80s TV horror is almost scarier than horror in the movies from those decades. Oh, yeah, because there's like a.

[A]

Have you listened to Sam Pancake's podcast? No. He has a great podcast called Sam Pancake Presents the Monday Afternoon Movie. I'm a horrible, like, dear friend of it. It's about. He does the TV movies from the 70s and 80s.

[B]

Okay. Oh, fantastic.

[A]

And I've done it a few times. It's so much fun. You watch a really obscure movie. But there were so many tv. And it's specifically TV movies right from that decade.

[B]

What is it about those movies?

[A]

And they're usually horror and they're. And they're horrible, like, and they tie things up and they. Whatever amount of time they have to. And. I know, but it was. But also that's the thing too, I think, for. Because even as like a kid, I mean, I grew up in the 80s and I would watch those things and they were on TV in the middle, you know, in the middle of the day.

[B]

Terrifying.

[A]

I think about, like, I would come home from school and on hbo in the middle of the day would be Cujo and Mommy Dearest.

[B]

Oh, yeah, of course.

[A]

Which I still call a horror movie because I was a child and that movie was on TV every day and it was terrifying.

[B]

That would scare the light.

[A]

It was so scary. And I loved horror. I love Thriller. I love Nightmare on Elm Street. I love all of that stuff. But there were some of those that when they would feel like they were real, right?

[B]

There's like almost a documentary look to them or something.

[A]

And sometimes when that. When they weren't scored properly, they were more upset. They were more upsetting.

[B]

Right. There's A quietness.

[A]

And there's happening.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Where it's like a movie. It's like, oh, this is a movie. And it's bum, bum, bum, and you know the bad guy's coming. But some of those, like, really cheap ones were just sort of like, ugh.

[B]

They don't have the budget to tell you when it's coming.

[A]

No.

[B]

So you're terrified.

[A]

It was just sort of like, oh, my God.

[B]

And mommy dear is just the idea of having a scary mother figure screaming and having.

[A]

And cutting the hair scene. I know everyone talks about the wire hangers and all that stuff with that, but, like, when she chops off Christina's hair, it's really upsetting. It's very upsetting.

[B]

I mean, to have that happen to you, to have your. My mom even try to get into the hair care business.

[A]

I know. Thank you.

[B]

She's not cut out.

[A]

She's not literally cut out for us.

[B]

She's literally not. Thank you. Yeah, I. I feel like I just recently watched one of these movies. I love a haunted house movie and there's so few of them. But I found a. I wish I could remember. It was a 70s TV movie where these people moved into what was. I think even they acknowledged was a cursed home and then just tried to make a go of it.

[A]

Oh, I think I know what you're talking about. And famous for this in the 70s, woman was the mother in it, believed in it. But I don't remember. But there's. In the basement.

[B]

Yeah, that sounds familiar.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

[B]

I mean, this is a good thing to bring up on a podcast.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

We're like, I don't know about.

[A]

And I think it's. Is it that one where. Oh, her. And then. Oh, God. Right.

[B]

And the general feeling we spoiled it. What is the scariest movie you've ever seen?

[A]

I. Okay. So immediately I think about my mom and I love scary movies. And we would go to the movies a lot growing up. And I remember going, just being like, let's go. It was like a 9:30 on a weeknight. Right when it had opened, we saw Silence of the Lambs.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

That was because we were just preparing for like a kind of a spooky and having no idea how genuinely terrifying. That's like the scariest I've ever been in a theater. That makes sense watching that movie. And that movie still is very effective and very disturbing to me. I'm a. I think rednecks in the woods are really scary. Like Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Wrong turn.

[B]

I've Never seen Wrong Turn.

[A]

Oh, wrong Turns. Eliza Dushku. And it's actually a really great 90s, early 2000s, like rednecks. It's actually really, really scary and great. I love it, but it's. Those movies are scarier to me than, like, zombies or aliens or things like that. When it's like, oh, that could really.

[B]

Happen, that's exactly how I feel. Feel.

[A]

That's really, really scary to me. And I also just. Growing up in the South, I think you just kind of are scared of, like.

[B]

Oh, yeah, that's. They could be out there. Oh.

[A]

At any moment. Like, cities don't scare me. Like, country scares me.

[B]

Yeah, that. Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. And the wrong turn. They're just trying to go on a nice vacation. Yeah.

[A]

And they take the wrong turn. Little do you know, they're hunted by these people. Yes.

[B]

For a purpose.

[A]

Sure. Lunch Hills have Eyes is another good one. Yeah, there's always. There are a lot of those that are just sort of like, you know.

[B]

I just watched the Zodiac documentary. Have you seen this?

[A]

Oh, the new one? Oh, yeah. I have not seen it. No.

[B]

It was scary initially. Then I started to feel like these people are telling their story, that they think that they basically lived with the Zodiac.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Started to feel a little. I became skeptical.

[A]

Huh. I understand. I. I love that movie. The Fantastic.

[B]

Oh, the movie is unbelievable.

[A]

But that's really about the world around it because no one ever really knew who he was and who the actual killer was. And so that made it even more disturbing when you go into it knowing, like, they're not going to find him.

[B]

He's still out there.

[A]

Yes. Wasn't there. That wasn't people thinking that Ted Cruz was the Zodiac killer.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Which literally makes no sense because Ted Cruz is younger than me or my age. It's a crazy, disturbing number with Ted Cruz is.

[B]

He's probably 28. He's a zoo.

[A]

He's my age. And. No, but you're the numbers. And it's sort of like, oh, well, then, no, it's obviously not.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, even that. I just don't like him getting any attention whatsoever, negative or positive. I just want him to fall into a swamp and no one ever knows. He just vanishes from society.

[A]

And we just wait for that to happen to a lot of people. That's what's gonna have to happen.

[B]

True.

[A]

At this point, we scream into our deathmatch mask and just hope for swamps.

[B]

You know, a hope for swamps.

[A]

My favorite Oprah Book Club book. A hope for Swamps.

[B]

Do we know exactly what this is supposed to do? Is it supposed to ward off? Is it?

[A]

I think it's supposed to ward off. I hope it's not to like invite, Invite my life.

[B]

Just craters after this.

[A]

Like. Sure, let's go for like. Well, I did your podcast. I'm doing great.

[B]

Just drive off listening to Karen Carpenter.

[A]

I. Yeah, I know exactly. Rainy days and Mondays only. No, I, I, I think it's to ward off evil spirits. I'm gonna say that for it.

[B]

Anneliese, do you have any idea?

[A]

There are a few things. One of the main things is to. It was used as an intimidation tactic in war.

[B]

Okay, that makes sense. Yes, completely.

[A]

Can be used in ceremonies and human sacrifice rituals.

[B]

Perfect.

[A]

You sweet. May have been used to honor the wind God and to call for favorable weather conditions. Oh, kind of a dull weather today. Yeah, yeah. Announced the death of a tribal member and the whistle was used on the day of the Dead along with other instruments. So there you go. Yeah.

[B]

The multipurpose whistle truly is. It's a Swiss army knife.

[A]

There you go.

[B]

I mean, I don't even know if I describe this to the listener, but it's a little black skull and it's so tasteful. Yeah. Half skull.

[A]

I mean, no mandible, I guess.

[B]

Yeah. The jaw is gone, but some enormous teeth up front. And it's really stunning. I think it's made out of clay or something. Let's just do another. Just, you know, because we should do this periodically.

[A]

I also love that it like. It's like a kettle. It gets stronger as it goes.

[B]

It's an evil kettle.

[A]

It builds, you know. Yeah.

[B]

There's no tea at the end. It's just.

[A]

No pure horror. None of that annoying tea at the end. Just the rage sounds of air escaping.

[B]

Do you play any instruments?

[A]

I don't.

[B]

Did you ever take classes?

[A]

I never did. I. I have very long piano fingers that people always said you do.

[B]

They'd be perfect.

[A]

Your hands should play piano. And I was always told like you'll regret it that you never played piano. I don't regret it. I've never been interested in. I mean, I love when people play it. Well, I wish I could sing. That's the thing. I'm gonna bring that back.

[B]

Me too.

[A]

That's the thing that I wish I could do is like sing and dance and then I would do know just do plays all the time. But piano, no.

[B]

How well can you sing? Can you like in the car you're like, I can carry.

[A]

So Titanic gave me a Lot more confidence. And I can talk sing, you know, I can do talkie sing things. It's just not a pretty sound when I sing.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And. But I have found ways of. Of doing it, and a lot of it is just. Is confidence. Sure. I'm just. Where I'm way more confident saying lines when I have a song and I'm like, oh, God, if I mess up a word, I'm gonna throw the whole song away. I'm not really gonna know. I had to do a show where I had to. Another theater story. I had to do Vogue. I had to sing Madonna's, which I've sung for 30 years. I had to have it written down. I had to make an excuse that it was written for me because I was like Greta Garbo, Anne Monroe, Dietrich, and DiMaggio.

[B]

It's a list.

[A]

Jimmy Dean, Jimmy Harlow, Jimmy Carter, Carter Black. I was like, literally going, I don't know what I'm saying. And I was. Yeah. So I was like, if I get this wrong at the beginning of the.

[B]

Show, then the whole show is tainted. You've ruined.

[A]

I literally had to have it written down. I was so in my head about it.

[B]

I wouldn't be surprised if Madonna has to have it written down.

[A]

Oh, she has everything written down.

[B]

She's got it on the palm of her hand.

[A]

Come on.

[B]

Just messy ink.

[A]

Harlow, chapter, picture of A. What?

[B]

Just covered in B. Did you ever. Did you perform in middle and high school? Was that a thing?

[A]

High school.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

10Th grade. I started doing theater in high school. Yeah.

[B]

Did you do high school musicals?

[A]

I did not. I'm trying to think. I directed musicals at my community theater when I was in high school. Wow.

[B]

So Boston.

[A]

Yes. Oh. Oh, let me tell you, I've got a. The Lincoln Times News in Lincolnton, North Carolina, when I was 18. I remember I was directing the musical called Smoke on the Mountain, which is a gospel musical comedy. In 1995. Yep. And the headline of the paper just said, Drew Droege, 18, is Lincolnton's Orson Welles.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

That's the nicest ever gotten. The nicest thing that anyone's ever said about me. They really had high expectations.

[B]

Put that on your IMDb.

[A]

Oh, it's all over. I had to work it out. Yeah. You know, it's my headshot. You don't have quotes on your headshots from your town newspaper? Come on. Gotta get in the business.

[B]

That's huge.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

How did you react to that? I would.

[A]

I was downhill from there. I was like, I can't Live up to that. That. So. Yeah. But I did a lot with the community theater was actually a wonderful. It, like, did save my life because I was kicked out of every club. We had, like, a whole marijuana debacle where we were found with marijuana. And all my awards were stripped away from me and, like, everything. So the only thing I had by the end was the community theater. They took your awards. They took our scholarships away. They took our. We were kicked out of the honor society, out of the, like, all the clubs. We were like. It was literally our senior year was just.

[B]

Just.

[A]

We're stripping this from you. Taking this from you. Here's thousands of dollars in scholarship money. We're taking from you. Wow.

[B]

What a sh.

[A]

Yeah. Because we confessed to having a joy. We weren't even cop. It was on a school trip.

[B]

What a way to make sure the person continues to do drugs.

[A]

And. Oh, and I continue to do drugs. Of course, I usually eat it, but I do. I do pot every day. I would say that. And I learned to lie. I learned how to lie. Be like, no, I didn't have. I don't have to join all night, me.

[B]

I.

[A]

But because I was like, oh, I'm gonna tell the truth. We were. Yeah.

[B]

Why did you decide to tell the truth?

[A]

We were actually. They were really. They were really insidious about it. They. They grabbed one person out of the group and made her fess up.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

And then they said, she's already told us, and so you may as well tell us.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And we also were just like, well, we're gonna do the right thing, and we're gonna say, yes, we did it. And then because of that, then it was like, our lives. And we're like, oh, right, right. Next time, don't. Don't tell the truth. That's what I learned from that whole situation was like, lie and weeds. Better than, you know, most of those people that you're, you know, that are, you know.

[B]

Yeah. I think just lie until. At least until you have the full picture of what's going to happen.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

And you can.

[A]

They would have never known. They would have. We. They would have literally been like, you know, he said, versus, she said. But we would have let our friend.

[B]

She could throw her under the bus. Yeah. She made the decision.

[A]

She did. Did.

[B]

This is a pro rat podcast.

[A]

Oh, absolutely. Okay. In that case.

[B]

Well, is there anything left to say about the death whistle?

[A]

I don't think so.

[B]

I mean, we'll blow it. It'll be blown again frequently.

[A]

But I say I highly recommend Them. I. I recommend getting them in a store, but if you can't find them in a store, they are on Amazon online.

[B]

I wonder where you can get these in a store.

[A]

I know. Like, what store do you go to?

[B]

Target. I'm sure they've got a whole aisle.

[A]

Or they have holidays. Death whistle.

[B]

Silver bell. Death whistle.

[A]

Yes, yes. Santa's boots. Whatever.

[B]

Well, I think it's time to play a game. All right, great. I think we'll play this game called Gift or Curse Listener. We'll play Gift Master soon. It's under construction again. I'm so lazy.

[A]

Oh, all right.

[B]

I need a number between one and 10 from you.

[A]

Seven.

[B]

Okay. I have to do a little bit of light calculating to get our game pieces. So you can promote, recommend, do whatever you want.

[A]

I can promote.

[B]

Oh, please.

[A]

When is this coming out? Do we know? Well, at that point, hopefully it will still be in theaters. But I'm in a new movie called Queer that opens on November 27th, but I don't know actually when it opens wide. But definitely go see that. What else? I've got nothing else going on. Yeah, that's about it. I'm looking for work.

[B]

Yeah, that's perfect. I mean, it's so exciting, the movie.

[A]

Yeah, it's really great. It's wonderful. I'm very excited that I can get it.

[B]

Oh, yeah. I mean, it seems like it's going to be incredible. And Daniel Craig.

[A]

Yes, he's wonderful. He's just the nicest.

[B]

Oh, that's normal.

[A]

Down to earth person.

[B]

And just he's such a great.

[A]

I mean, he's phenomenal in this movie, I'm sure, and unlike anything he's ever done. And I mean, he's always great, but this is just like, whoa. And then Luca Guadinho. So it was like, unbelievable. So it was a. It was a dream to get to work.

[B]

Somebody make it. Because he's made two movies this year.

[A]

He did. Well, Challengers was done, but because of Strike and the whole thing that they didn't release until later and they had a whole backlog. Whatever. But yeah, so he actually showed us Challengers when we were. When we were filming. So I got to get to see.

[B]

Wow. Real inside scoop.

[A]

Yeah. And I love Challengers too. It's. But it's a lot of the same team. I mean, Justin Kiritzes, who wrote the script for both Atticus Ross and Trent Reznor, did the music for both. And so, like, Jonathan Anderson designed costumes. And so it's a lot of the same team that did Challengers also did Queer, and they are wildly different movies. Yeah, they seem very gay movies in very different ways.

[B]

Ultimately. Both tennis films.

[A]

Yes, of course. There's so much tennis. No, I. I play Chris Evert.

[B]

The fact that you're.

[A]

Why is that? That's my reference. True. Not Martina Navigator. Not Venus and Serena. Chris. Chris Evert. Sure.

[B]

I mean, those are. You have way more tennis polls than I could have possibly had.

[A]

I don't even know how I knew that.

[B]

That's very impressive.

[A]

She hosted snl. That's how I knew she.

[B]

Oh, there we go. There we go.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

Okay. Do I have anything to recommend? Oh, I've been rewatching. Getting On.

[A]

Oh, Laurie Metcalfe.

[B]

Oh, just an unbelievable. And I've learned recently that people who I trust and respect haven't even heard of the show.

[A]

Oh, it needs to come back. And people need to watch it again. I need to watch it again because I didn't watch all of it and loved the ones that I did see.

[B]

Oh, so you haven't seen the final episode?

[A]

No, I have not.

[B]

It's so beautiful. There's a moment that is one of the most beautiful moments I've seen in television.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[B]

And it's a very funny show.

[A]

Oh, yeah, it was really funny.

[B]

Yeah. Get it.

[A]

Jewish is also really great. I saw Yesterday, which is a very different tone. But speaking of, like, Hospital, way more on the comedy side, but St. Denis Medical.

[B]

Oh, yeah, of course.

[A]

It's so fun. And it's got. It's got. You have a friend in it, you said.

[B]

I've got friends who write on it.

[A]

Oh, yes. Naomi.

[B]

Naomi. My friend Justin. Yeah, a variety of people.

[A]

It's. I mean, you've got the national treasure that is Wendy McLendon Covey.

[B]

Oh, she's so good.

[A]

And the legend. That is David Alan Grier and, like, Alison Tolman. It's like this great cast, but it's also really moving and very sweet. I thought it would just be a fun, you know, superstar in a hospital, but instead it's really. I was like, wow, I'm really moved.

[B]

And two solid hospital recommendations. People need to be watching more Hospital on tv.

[A]

There's not enough hospital on tv.

[B]

That's what everyone's saying.

[A]

That's the only two shows.

[B]

That's the problem with the industry.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Get some more hospitals and we'll be fine.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

Okay, this is how we play Gift or a Curse? I'm going to name three things and you're going to tell me if they're a gift. Or a curse and why. And then I'll tell you if you're a right or wrong. Because there are correct answers.

[A]

Okay, great.

[B]

You can fail this game, Drew.

[A]

Oh, I hope so.

[B]

I hope so, and I probably will. You use the death whistle.

[A]

Okay, great.

[B]

Because why wouldn't you?

[A]

Why not?

[B]

When the death whistle blows, that means you did not get the point.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

When the death whistle blows, it means you were also correct. I'll just. I'll clarify afterwards. Okay.

[A]

So you're just gonna blow this?

[B]

It'll be blown no matter how.

[A]

Okay. Right.

[B]

Okay. Number one. This is from a listener named Steph. Gift or a curse? When somebody is out on a walk and happens upon a fruit tree near the sidewalk in a stranger's yard and helps themselves to some of the fruit.

[A]

And it's a gift or a curse.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

I see. I'm gonna call that a gift.

[B]

Why?

[A]

Because it's. You never eat all the fruit that's on your tree. Give it to the neighborhood. It's fruit's made to be eaten. I think it's a delicious treat. And I enjoy all the fairy tales in which people bite fruit and magic happen to them. Oh.

[B]

Correct.

[A]

Correct. Yes.

[B]

I love. I, I. I'm always so scared to do it myself. I'm so tempted.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

But I think if your fruit tree is hanging over the sidewalk, that's city property.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And why can't I take a little app?

[A]

My neighbors have. My neighbors have an orange tree who belong to gay rights activist and legend Morris Kite, who did pass away a few years ago, but he. He was like, the amazing gay, like, hero of West Hollywood was in his 90s. He had this bitter orange tree that's good for marmalade and cocktails. You don't really want to eat the oranges. It produces so many oranges. And they're thrilled, or at least they tell me they are. When we take them off the tree, they're wonderful. In a Negroni.

[B]

Oh, that sounds. I need to find out where this is located. Yeah.

[A]

Come to my neighborhood.

[B]

Photoshopping.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I think it's lovely. Someone's going to take it, whether it's a wild animal, another person, or it will fall to the ground.

[A]

Yes. And rot on the ground.

[B]

Yeah. We should all. I want to get one of those.

[A]

Anyone's, like, don't eat the fruit on my tree. Then dig up the tree. Right.

[B]

Throw it away.

[A]

Throw the tree away and yourself with it.

[B]

Die.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

No, you. Okay, you get the point. An absolute gift. Okay. Number two, this is from a Listener named Cameron. Gift or a curse. Welcome mats, other assorted front door trinkets or decor in the indoor hallway of an apartment building.

[A]

I'm gonna say curse.

[B]

Why?

[A]

I think they're trying too hard. I mean, like, it's one thing if it's like a nice decorative map, but if it has a message on it, I'm always like, oh, like, I'm a little bit like red flag. It's like, you are try. It's like bumper stickers or anything. Like, I'm this. And it's just, It's a lot at me. I don't need a welcome or anything wacky or fun when I'm walking in the door. A nice, nice, beautiful pattern, a nice color. Lovely. I can dust off my shoes or leave them at the door. I'm happy to do that. Don't scream words at me when I'm coming up to your place. Thank you. Uh.

[B]

Oh. Wrong. It's a curse. I mean, it's a gift.

[A]

It's a gift.

[B]

It's a gift. I mean, I'm doing a lot here. I'm playing an instrument now. The listener has to forgive me. You're wrong. You're absolutely wrong. I love it. The more clutter we can get in a hallway, the better. The more opportunities to trip over trinkets and tchotchkes. I think it's absolutely terrific. And I love a little mat to wipe the. My filthy feet the mud off.

[A]

Do you like it? To say funny things like, Lordy, Lordy, Brenda's 40.

[B]

Yes. That's all they should say. A special happy birthday welcome mat that you own for the rest of your life. That someone's got. This is. You have a second item for your Amazon store. Okay. Your theater credits.

[A]

And correct it. Yeah.

[B]

I mean, you've really proven yourself wrong here.

[A]

Yeah, I really have. But a shame. Yeah, I know.

[B]

Okay, so one out of two so far.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And this is the final one. This is from an unknown listener. And whenever I see unknown, it feels a little creepy. It's like an unmarked grave. But whatever. Gift or a curse. Saying the name of the credit card company before reading out the number, eg, it's a Visa 4147.

[A]

Oh, that's a curse. You're an idiot. Because first of all, they know by the, like, a visa and MasterCard, they have, like, certain numbers that immediately make it what it is. But also, like, it doesn't. The number is not going to be different per. Like, that's that credit card's number. It's not like, oh, Visa has that number. And MasterCard. House and American. The number is the number. So you don't need to say that. That's like saying, it's a red card. You know what I mean? We don't need that.

[B]

Oh, and now the school bill is also running. It's just the harmony.

[A]

So much noises.

[B]

I lead a musical life.

[A]

Wrong.

[B]

Ah, it's a gift again. I mean, speaking of Brenda. This feels like real Brenda.

[A]

Right?

[B]

When somebody. It's a MasterCard 4, 1, 4, 7. That's a dream.

[A]

Diners Club.

[B]

It's a Discover 3138. It's. I think that's perfect behavior. Oh, I need. I think we should all be bringing that energy.

[A]

Oh, I love it. It. I love it. I just find it like, that's very.

[B]

Phone in between your ear and shoulder. Reading it out 100%. You are.

[A]

I mean, I love. I love anyone who's going to read their credit card number out loud in public, really loud, and just announce it. I mean, how fun. What a wild adventure you're must always be on.

[B]

Yeah, I think it's.

[A]

Somehow I got scammed again. It's a visa. 5, 6, 1.

[B]

How often are you reading out the number? You're calling the Sears catalog. You're on the phone with pennies. It's. I think it's a gift, at least for our Brendas.

[A]

Oh, sure.

[B]

Well, you got one out of three.

[A]

One out of three. That's not bad.

[B]

It's not a complete fail.

[A]

No. And I don't care. I told you I don't like to win games.

[B]

Right? You're the perfect person for this.

[A]

Right?

[B]

And now I'm furious. I need you to be passionate about this. And now we need to get into the Anneliese. Gift or a curse. Annalise is a very objective judge, and they're going to give us one, and we're both going to try to get the correct answer. Annalise, what is your thing today?

[A]

Gift or a curse? The friendship of Martha Stewart and Snoop Dogg.

[B]

Oh, interesting. Do you want to go first?

[A]

Yeah, I'll go first. I think that's a gift. I think that's a wonderful thing. I think they both are fascinating personalities. They both bring out a real, like, mirth in each other. He absolutely made her, like. He softened her in a really fun way. I'm a fan. I'm a fan of that pairing and partnership.

[B]

Okay. Yeah. I'm also going to say gift. I was on the phone with my mom just last night talking about the Martha Stewart documentary, which I've not seen, it gets a little dark. She seems like she could be a very lonely person, but my mom wants them to get married. She just loves these two together. We all love them together. I mean, I feel like it's a pretty honest thing that's happening. I hope that they love each other.

[A]

I hope so, too.

[B]

I think it's fantastic.

[A]

It feels organic, and maybe it's just we're totally. Sometimes you feel like, oh, you literally put these two wildly different people together in a world and whatever, but like in a buddy comedy or something. But instead I'm like, no, they genuinely. I want to believe they genuinely like each other.

[B]

I mean, they should be in a buddy comedy.

[A]

I would.

[B]

100% solving a crime or something.

[A]

They need to be in the remake of Taxi.

[B]

Yes, absolutely. Annalise. How did we do?

[A]

You're wrong. It's a curse. And see, the reason why I'm going to be the bad guy here, because I know deep in your heart, Bridger, you want to say it's a curse because, you know, that should be you.

[B]

I know Martha.

[A]

You love Martha.

[B]

I mean, sure, sure.

[A]

I know that you really want to have that best friend status with Martha.

[B]

Wow. For you to. I mean, you, you have seen me in a way that no one else possibly could. Of course, I would love to be on her little. She's rides a, like a little four wheel go kart throughout the movie. To be the passenger in that and her just being mean to me. I'm. I would love nothing more.

[A]

I get it. What a missed opportunity.

[B]

But.

[A]

Yeah, but, you know, I, I, I love Snoop, and I will. I have to say now, I don't. I, I maybe have told this story before. Back in the day, I was catering at the Playboy Mansion.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

At a gig. It was Jamie Foxx's birthday. The Playboy Mansion. All these people were there, and they were very strict about, like, times, like, at this time, we have to stop serving this, and you can't do this. And we were all in these, like, horrible Nehru jackets and running around, horrible job, and everyone's like, mean and whatever. And this guy grabbed me, and he was like, I need a Sprite. He was. Grabbed me. He's like, I need a. I need a. Get a Sprite. And I was like, I'm sorry, sir, it's cut off. Whatever. And he looks at me and he goes, it's for Snoop. And I was like, absolutely. And I went in and I mean, I dug through. I just unlocked codes. I went through pet Secret doors.

[B]

What?

[A]

I dove in. I was finding it. I was like, I'm getting Snoop a Sprite. He's got dry mouth. I know exactly why he needs it, and he needs a Sprite. And I'm like, I will do that for Snoop Dogg. So you're welcome. If you're listening, Snoop, I did that for you.

[B]

How are they cutting off sprite at any point during it was Sprite.

[A]

He needed a can of Sprite. I was like, that's. I will fire me. Patina Catering.

[B]

Yeah, that feels like something that should just be on a table somewhere in the garden.

[A]

I was like, that's not even, like, making you a cocktail or anything involving, you know what a mojito or something. You want a Sprite that is.

[B]

People get thirsty all the time.

[A]

All the time.

[B]

Wow. Good for you for really stepping in there.

[A]

Great person. Wow.

[B]

So you've been into the Playboy Mansion?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What was that? What was it like?

[A]

It was. I just remember being very dark and not welcoming, and it just didn't feel like fun or sexy at all to me. And it was. But it was also like I was working and just sort of like, you're sort of ordered around, and it's almost like my memories of, like, working in places was like, you were basically, like, looked down. Don't take this in. This isn't your life, you know, kind of a thing. I let them call me Andrew when I catered.

[B]

I was like, does anyone call you Andrew?

[A]

No.

[B]

Is your full name Andrew?

[A]

My full name is Andrew, but my mom and dad were, like, called me Drew from day one. They named me Andrew, but I was always to be Drew. And so, yeah, I was like, yeah, call me Andrew here. I'm just. I'm a different person here when I'm here. So, yeah, Andrew did that job.

[B]

Always to be Drew is such a beautiful title for something.

[A]

Ah, my next. So always to be Drew.

[B]

Wow. What a story. I've been. I have been to the Playboy Mansion, but not inside, just the outside. And I was a similar.

[A]

That's more what I remember than the inside. I don't remember how much of it we went in, but do you remember.

[B]

The outside being kind of also not taken. Not that well taken care of.

[A]

No. Yeah, it was kind of. Yeah, I. I was like, yeah, I.

[B]

Was kind of dingy.

[A]

Yes, it was.

[B]

Yeah, they. I guess they're really putting something out there to make people think it's nice.

[A]

But I know a.

[B]

There's a mildew there.

[A]

Yeah, there's a real mildew on everything. I think inside and out.

[B]

Yes. Okay, let's. This is the final segment of the podcast. I'm. Unfortunately, we lost Annalise's little game, which makes me sick. But what do you do? This is I said no emails. People write in to I said no gifts gmail.com begging for answers.

[A]

Great.

[B]

You help me answer a question.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Okay. This says, dear Bridger and memorable guest. That's nice, especially considering all of my memory problems. My husband and I are expecting our first child through surrogacy. Our surrogate is an amazing woman who has been through the entire IVF process and most of the pregnancy at this point without a single complaint. We have given some gifts at the major milestones, such as baskets of self care products, gift cards, et cetera. At the most recent appointment, she gave us a very thoughtful handmade gift. Oh, that's nice. As we prepare for the birth, we are at a loss for what to get the person who gives birth to ourselves. Son. Any suggestions will be given the consideration they deserve. But that. I don't like to hear that.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Sincerely, Lucas and Justin from Atlanta, Georgia. I mean, to end and they. They deserve the consideration they deserve. I mean, I almost just want to shut down the podcast.

[A]

I mean, exactly.

[B]

If you're not just gonna take these with open arms.

[A]

Exactly. We'll consider it. Well, of course she would also, like. It's one of those things. Like, of course she would. But to say that was a little.

[B]

Bit like, okay, there's a nastiness to it.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

If you didn't believe we were going to have a good answer for you, maybe just don't write into the podcast.

[A]

Yeah, exactly.

[B]

Find another podcast.

[A]

Do you think this is real anyway? I mean, your baby's real. Okay, great. Congratulations. Another child in the world. What do you give the mother for, like, having the baby?

[B]

Right. Especially now that she's given another gift. I don't feel like she should have given a gift. She's done enough.

[A]

She's done enough.

[B]

She's gone too far.

[A]

She's absolutely done enough.

[B]

Early red flag, actually. I would say maybe she's like, planning to take the baby.

[A]

Oh, I hope so.

[B]

Maybe she's starting to make, you know, get it back. They show up at the hospital and the doors are locked.

[A]

This person's listening going, oh, my God. I mean, what do you get? What do you give someone that's like, done that, like, it feels like anything thing is never going to be enough. I mean, you could buy her a house and still be like, but you Gave us a child. You know what I mean?

[B]

Right.

[A]

So I would say, you know, I think a really nice dinner card, like a, you know, gift card for a nice.

[B]

A nice local restaurant. Restaurant or franchise.

[A]

Franchise.

[B]

National chain.

[A]

And you know, a year in a wine club. Does she drink now that she's had the baby?

[B]

Does she drink wine or has she been secretly drinking?

[A]

There you go then.

[B]

That. That's a problem then.

[A]

Sure. Not to her. Not now.

[B]

What's done is done.

[A]

Thank you. Yeah. I would just say something like that. You've already given her like spa. It sounds like self treatment stuff. Like things, you know.

[B]

Yeah. There's just never there. I mean, I guess you could give her a pet. Give her another life. Large animal.

[A]

But then they just to take care of that. Like she has to want that. That a large animal. Like a jaguar.

[B]

A jaguar. Exotic. Something that's borderline illegal. Potentially fully illegal.

[A]

Okay, sure.

[B]

Something that should not be caged.

[A]

No, but Atlanta's big, you know, huge.

[B]

Her house is probably massive.

[A]

I'm sure. Give her a wild animal.

[B]

Something zoo level.

[A]

Like a mastodon. I don't know.

[B]

Get her something that's been preserved in amber.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Or in some swamp in them. Like.

[A]

Thanks. We're taking our child and deal with this. Yeah. Moving on.

[B]

Because who knows? The child that they've all created together could be a nightmare.

[A]

I hope he is.

[B]

So you have to give her something that could potentially be a life ruiner.

[A]

Absolutely.

[B]

So I think actually the only thing is an exotic animal that bites.

[A]

And I get an Aztec death mask. Death whistle. And then, you know, train it through that.

[B]

Trained through a death whistle. I think that.

[A]

Why aren't we parents? We'd be wonderful at it.

[B]

Let's find a surround.

[A]

Okay. Exactly. Just anybody. We're putting it out there now. Bridge and I are looking to become dads. Make us a kid.

[B]

And you will get.

[A]

You'll get an exotic animal preserved in amber with an Aztec death whistle. Who could ask for all you gotta do nine months out of your life.

[B]

Who cares?

[A]

Hook a baby. Thank you.

[B]

Deal with it.

[A]

You'll never hear from us again.

[B]

We will change our numbers.

[A]

Oh. We'll never contact you again.

[B]

Full new identities.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And you're left with this creature. Well, I feel like. I mean, that requires full consideration.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

I mean, they're doing it. Let's just assume that Justin and. What's his name?

[A]

Lucas.

[B]

Lucas. Thank you. Justin and Lucas. Take it away. Surprise her. Shock her. Delight her.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

One for one baby for animal.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Don't write back in. We answered it perfectly.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And now I have this that I can just blow throughout the day.

[A]

Isn't it nice? It's satisfying, right?

[B]

It really is a stress reliever, and I can't recommend it enough. I'm sitting here with two people who are deeply jealous of my new gift, Drew and Annelise. And there's nothing they can do about it. Thank you for being here then. Thank you for.

[A]

Thank you for having me. This was so wonderful.

[B]

It's such a good time with you.

[A]

Me too. This was so much fun.

[B]

Listener, the podcast is over. Oh, I love you. Goodbye. I said no Gifts is an exactly right production. Our senior producer is Anneliese Nelson, and our episodes are beautifully mixed by Ben Tolliday. The theme song is by miracle worker Amy Mann. And we couldn't do it without our booker, Patrick Cotner. You must follow the show on Instagram at isaidnogifts. That's where you're going to see pictures of all these wonderful gifts I'm getting. And don't you want to see the gifts?

[A]

When I invited you here, I thought.

[B]

I made myself perfectly clear. When you're a guest in my home.

[A]

You got to come to me empty handed. I said no gifts.

[B]

Your presence is presents enough.

[A]

And I only already had too much stuff, so how do you dare disobey me?