Gareth Reynolds Disobeys Bridger

Summary

Podcast Summary: “Gareth Reynolds Disobeys Bridger”

Podcast: I Said No Gifts!
Host: Bridger Winegar
Guest: Gareth Reynolds
Release Date: February 12, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode features comedian Gareth Reynolds joining Bridger Winegar for a relaxed, hilarious conversation in the true I Said No Gifts! style—though, naturally, Gareth ignores Bridger’s only rule and brings not one but two gifts. The show explores everything from Valentine’s Day indifference and solo hotel room antics, to infamous snacks, billionaires, and the absurdities of modern life. As always, the episode swings between self-deprecation, absurdity, pop culture debates, and a heartfelt game, “Gift or Curse,” wrapped in typical sardonic wit.

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Key Themes & Discussion Points

1. Valentine’s Day & Holiday Cynicism

• Valentine’s Day is brushed aside as “just another holiday” by both host and guest, with Gareth calling himself “a terrible all holiday person” and expressing total apathy towards such celebrations.

  • Gareth (04:29): "I'm a terrible all holiday person. I just don't give a shit. Even my birthday."
  • Bridger (04:42): “I feel like time has become such a mush that, like, nothing ever feels like a season anymore.”

• Both lament the loss of childhood holiday magic and agree that adulthood, societal collapse, and the barrage of manufactured celebration have dulled their experiences.

2. Life on the Road & Coping Mechanisms

• Gareth describes his road gig survival strategies, including bringing a hot plate, frying pan, detergent, and even a fridge in his van to stay healthy and avoid the comedic club diet.

  • Gareth (10:19): “It’s gonna get weird fast… A hot plate and a frying pan and I’m cooking in the room.”
  • Bridger (11:07): “Go somewhere else… there are two options and both will kill me.”

• They discuss the logistics and psychology of “alone drinking,” hotel snack binges, and creative attempts to eat well on the road, resulting in self-deprecation and humor about disaster preparedness.

3. Disaster Preparedness & Mormon Prepper Culture

• Gareth admits to doomsday-prepping tendencies, influenced by admiration for Mormon prep culture, and jokes about wanting to join Bridger’s family escape plan.

  • Gareth (12:29): “I’ve always admired the Mormon preppers.”
  • Bridger (13:05): “Every Mormon has a basement and there’s at least one room dedicated to preparation.”

• This digresses into comedic hypotheticals about riding out an apocalypse together, supplies in tow, and trying to barter for car seats with meat.

4. Habits, Health, & Shame

• Dry January: Gareth reflects on doing a “sopping December,” followed by “dry January,” and how quitting drinking resets his physical and mental well-being—but inevitably cycles back to old habits.

  • Gareth (17:04): “My brother said once he quit drinking for six months, he was fully done.”
  • Gareth (17:43): “The sleep is great.”

• Tech & Shame: Gareth describes his experience with an Oura ring (health tracker), noting it fails to motivate—“it depresses me, which leads me to the bottle. I go right back to the bottle.” (18:18)

5. Snacks, Food, and Indulgence

• An in-depth—almost philosophical—debate about snacks, serving sizes, and accidental over-indulgence, including confessed obsessions with Nutter Butters, peanut butter Gauchos, and the perils of bringing sweets into the house.

  • Gareth (24:00): “I’m not surprised… They are out of control. You did not enjoy them. They are a delicious.”
  • Bridger (24:43): “A less sweet thing, I’m through the whole bag.”

• The hosts agree that food packaging is deceptive, that nobody stops at a “serving size," and that snack foods are engineered for maximal temptation.

• Hotel snacks and wine: Gareth recounts awkward snack-runs while staying on the road, arguing that hotels with snacks are “the ultimate pantry” (06:50).

6. The Gifts: Smarties and Mamas & the Papas

• Gareth brings two gifts:

  1. A large bag of Smarties “Smart Mix.”

     • This sparks a roast of Smarties, the ethics of sponsored gifts, and a taste test of the various kinds—regular (“should be canceled”), extreme sour (“the flavor is actually good”), and tropical (“somehow worse than regular Smarties”).
     • Bridger (37:48): “I would say it’s rich in marrow. No, I think that the flavor is actually good. They should cancel regular flavor… literally, no one wants it.”
     • Gareth (50:48): “This is a gift from the heart that I forgot I brought you until about 10 minutes before I came in here.”

  2. A vinyl record of The Mamas and the Papas’ Greatest Hits

     • They riff on which hits anyone can actually name (“California Dreamin’,” “Monday, Monday”), joke about estate sales, and the impracticality of physical media now that Gareth doesn’t own a record player.

7. Snack Industry Rants & Capitalism

• A debate about “Dot’s Pretzels” spotlights anxieties around snack inflation, corporate takeovers, and how small brands “sell out,” leading to astronomical prices for basic snacks.

  • Gareth (41:15): “...they are acting like, you know, dots is gold. The price of a bag of Dots is astounding.”

• This broadens into a critique of billionaires and their compulsions: “They were losers. Yeah. They grew up total losers.” (43:44), with specific potshots at Mark Zuckerberg and Elon Musk.

• Discussion of the impossibility of “enough money,” the insanity of unchecked wealth, and daydreams about figuring out just how much one could retire happily on.

8. Game Segment – “Gift or Curse?”

• Gift or Curse (67:36 onward): Gareth is asked to judge if certain scenarios (e.g., “when an item doesn't scan at checkout and the customer says it must be free”; “commercials for books”; “the Oscars in memoriam segment”) are a “gift or a curse.”

• The highlight is the banter about what constitutes good behavior (never say “it must be free” at the register!), the role of commercials for books, and why the Oscars “in memoriam” is a gift—because it creates an applause contest for the dead.

9. Audience Question – Gift Returns Etiquette

• The show ends with Bridger and Gareth answering a listener’s question about a wealthy cousin who returns gifts out of concern for the giver’s finances—should they stop, or is this thoughtful?
  • Both lean into the absurdity, joking that both parties are “at war” and should escalate by returning each other’s gifts forever more.
  • Gareth (77:02): “I do [like that]. Because I think it’s a great way of saying, without saying, I don’t care for what you got me. I think to always blame it on price is phenomenal.”

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On adulthood and holidays:

  • Gareth (04:49): “I think it’s very interesting to watch as society completely collapses.”

• On healthy eating on tour:

  • Gareth (10:19): “It’s gonna get weird fast…A hot plate and a frying pan and I’m cooking in the room.”

• On snack shame:

  • Gareth (41:29): “She [Dot’s founder] sold her company to Hershey’s, and now they are acting like dot’s is gold. The price of a bag of dots is astounding.”

• On billionaires:

  • Gareth (43:44): “They were losers. Yeah, they grew up total losers.”

• On gifts that linger:

  • Bridger (61:46): “Occasionally I get one that’s practical… maybe 1% better… Other things, like behind you. Those are some gifts we’ve received over the years… more decor, not really… no practice.”

• Classic Bridger:

  • Bridger (24:43): “A less sweet thing, I’m through the whole bag.”

• On gift returns among relatives:

  • Gareth (77:02): “…a great way of saying, without saying, I don’t care for what you got me. I think to always blame it on price is phenomenal.”

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Timestamps for Major Segments

• Valentine’s Day and Holiday Apathy: 04:19–06:14
• Solo Drinking and Hotel Snacks on the Road: 06:16–13:34
• Disaster Prep / Mormon Basement Storage: 12:01–14:19
• Gifts Discussion Begins: 29:35–34:13
• Smarties Taste Test and Roast: 34:13–38:44, resumed at 49:55
• Snack Nostalgia (Nutter Butters, Peanut Butter): 24:00–27:13
• Capitalism, Dots Pretzels, and Billionaire Riffing: 40:15–47:43
• Gift or Curse Game: 66:12–74:52
• Listener Question on Gift Returns: 74:56–79:34

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Conclusion & Tone

This episode delivers classic I Said No Gifts!: quick-witted, meandering, self-mocking, and warm-hearted. The playful battle over gifts, riffs on the perils of snacks and capitalism, and the deadpan handling of holiday depression are all delivered in the dry, sardonic tone that Bridger and his guest master. Fans of comedy podcasts, snack debates, or anyone who enjoys hearing two people spiral into giggly despair about the modern world should absolutely tune in.

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For more gifts, banter, and awkward confessions, follow @isaidnogifts on Instagram, or find Bridger’s “Gift Master” game in the Exactly Right Store.

Transcript

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[Host (I Said No Gifts)]

When I invited you here, I thought I made myself perfectly clear. When you're a guest in my home, you gotta come to me empty handed. I said no gifts. Your presence is present enough. I already had too much stuff, so how do you dare disobey me?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Welcome to I said no Gifts. I'm Bridger Weiniger. We're here in the studio as I guess kind of usual at this point. If you're a current listener, it'll almost be Valentine's Day, so romance is in the air. This is a passionate Podcast. This is an erotic podcast, so you've come to the right place. What's new in my life? Last night I went and saw the movie Primate. What happens is it's about a group of gals. They go to Hawaii for summer vacation, but then the pet chimp gets rabies from a mongoose and kills all of them. And I guess that kind of ruins the summer vacation. And this is all while the father's out signing books. I mean, if me spoiling it doesn't ruin the movie for you, go ahead and see it. Excellent work by whoever's in the chimp costume, by the way. I was really. There were points when I thought it was really a chimp because we've obviously moved on from actual chimps being in professional productions. They've got great chimp tech. You know, I've complained about CGI deer on the show probably at least twice. They've got to get whoever did the chimp on this to do deer in other movies because it was excellent. That's essentially my Life. Go to exactlyrightstore.com to get the T shirt. The T shirt's so beautiful. The new one's so gorgeous. You've gotta be in it. You've gotta be impressing coworkers, attracting mates. Do whatever you want. Happy Valentine's Day. Let's get into it. I love today's guest. It's Gareth Reynolds. Gareth, welcome to I said no gifts.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Thank you, Bridger. And am I your podcast Valentine?

[Bridger Weiniger]

You are absolutely my podcast valentine.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Thank you.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Be my valentine.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hello, Valentine.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Are you a big Valentine's person?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm a terrible all holiday person. I just don't give a shit. Even my birthday. So I think that it's okay for me to broadly say I have no interest in any of it.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right? And that's how I've become. And I don't know if it's because I've just had so many holidays or if it's because of depression.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You know, I think it's very interesting to watch as society completely collapses.

[Bridger Weiniger]

How?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Like the Christmas shopping. I always wonder that about Christmas. Cause I used to love Christmas as a kid. The magic and the magic and all the things that. That go along. I used to listen to Christmas songs two, three weeks leading up, two weeks after, I would find a great issue with January 2nd where I'd go, it's all over. I mean, this. And we're not talking real holiday person into it. And then over the last five or six years, I just kind of keep going, what are we Doing. What the hell is this? No, what? What? Like when they talk about shopping time and how I just. It's all just kind of a weird little thing, so. So to answer your question, no, I. I just don't. I don't care about any of it.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah, I guess that's kind of true. I feel like time has become such a mush that, like, nothing ever feels like a season anymore to me. It all just feels like, oh, I guess that we're just checking the box.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I like that it's a little time away from the, you know, society. I like that break. But outside of that, where we all.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Everybody gets on board with suppressing their feelings.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I would say my holiday drinking in the past three years is troubling. Now I do a dry January because I do a sopping December. Oh, the wine is just overflowing. And alone.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Alone. Not at holiday parties.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No. Stand up on the road has made me very good at. At the. Alone drinking.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Like a hotel room.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes. Wow.

[Bridger Weiniger]

This is. That's a positive atmosphere, I would say.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes, yes. This is. This is a very good life I've.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Carved out for you. You're getting drunk in a hotel room and watching tv. What's going on?

[Gareth Reynolds]

South Park. And then I'm trying to dissuade myself from going back to the lobby for snacks.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, you go to the lobby for snacks?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, they. I have the stoner mentality because I used to smoke so much pot that the lobby is. I'm very good if I don't have things in the house.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But on the road, they've created the ultimate pantry. And it's an elevator right away. And then. So you just go down there and you're like, just some peanuts. And then you're like. I mean, Butterfingers are very fun and silly, and I deserve that. And then. So I'll just be housing wine and being apologetic to the front desk worker who I'm like, this is trip three. Where I'm like, three. I can't do four. This is insane.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I don't even understand, like, the snacks are happening behind the counter. Like, this is something I wouldn't even explore at a hotel because I'm just afraid of asking for anything.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But you know when you go into the lobby that they have the little.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Like, weird gift shop that, like.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, it's even more accessible. It's like there's. They have a little hidden shanty zone where if you turn the corner, this is. Okay, you're in Bargain Bin Willy Wonka, right? And you go in There. And they've, they've, you know, they're like, do you want gummy bears? Some ice cream, by the way, Sometimes more wine, which is not great.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Everything you've just described pairs so well with wine. Butterfinger and wine.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'll tell you, I'm a walking Prilosec commercial. I genuinely am. Always they like black and white still with a little radiating red spot in the chest.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Did you go somewhere for the holidays? What did you do?

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, I stayed here and I had gigs. I had a gig on New Year's, so I was pretty much here.

[Bridger Weiniger]

The whole time's kind of nice. But it was raining the entire time.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. I like that, though.

[Bridger Weiniger]

You like it when it's raining?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I'm getting used to that because it flooded my home so many years in a row that I'm like. In a row. I have to kind of readjust to it because it's nice, it's cozy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Where are you from originally?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Salt Lake City.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, okay.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Where are you from?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wisconsin.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So I crave the some seasons.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Something that feels like a season something weather.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm out there trying to ice the rain a little bit. Just give me that, like. Oh, come on, please.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right. And this year I went back home to Utah for the holidays. It was 70 degrees.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's good, right?

[Bridger Weiniger]

It's perfect. I mean, that good bellwether thing, that's totally normal.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Keeps you that nice holiday spirit.

[Bridger Weiniger]

It's that classic Christmas season weather.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I hate that too. I hate when Christmas is 70.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, it's a very. This. I've never been in LA during Christmas, so I've always experienced winter weather. Because I'll go home to Utah. Where you usually see snow on the mountains.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yep.

[Bridger Weiniger]

This year, none of that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I did know you were from Salt Lake. I did. That was a lapse. Utah, I drive to all my shows.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, I didn't know that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. And Utah, I think, is my favorite state to drive through.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Well, because it's. It is gorgeous.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Gorgeous. So beautiful that you. There's nowhere really like it. It's like Arizona's diet. Utah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Utah is. You feel small.

[Bridger Weiniger]

You feel extremely small.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And I love it.

[Bridger Weiniger]

It's. Those mountains are just like when I grew up taking them for granted, obviously. It's just like, this is whatever. Then you move to LA and then you go back and it's like, this feels totally phony. This is cgi, Louisiana.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Might we come here to value what we left? I think might be part of it.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah, I think that's probably true. So you're going out. You're just driving for weeks at a time.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, I probably do about two to three weeks. And I do, like, a little tour, a run of shows for the most part, every now and then, like New Year's. I flew out and.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But I bring. I'm very. To what I was pointing out before. I have these tendencies to go off the rails.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So I can stay healthy if I bring enough home comforts.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Like what?

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's gonna get weird fast when I answer this question, just so you know. I'll start with the hits. A hot plate.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

A hot plate and a frying pan, and I'm cooking in the room.

[Bridger Weiniger]

You're like a detective.

[Gareth Reynolds]

My mom. What? But I'm solving my own issues, trying to figure out what's wrong with me.

[Bridger Weiniger]

What is the mystery?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Why am I like this? There's got to be an answer. Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Because you want to cook something in particular healthy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I want to eat healthy, and it saves money. But.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I, you know, I tour with. With people, and they will be absolutely horrified by. By what I have become.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Well, this is something I take for granted in L. A Is like, I'll go somewhere and realize, oh, L. A has every sort of food I could possibly want, and then go somewhere else. You're like, there are two options, and both of them will kill me.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I know.

[Bridger Weiniger]

So I guess taking a hot plate with you, not a bad idea.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm able to consistently know what I'll be having, and it does make me eat healthier because. Especially because if you go to a comedy club, what they're offering is.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right. Disco fries.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's upsetting.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right. Buffalo wings or something. So what are you cooking?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'll cook my breakfast, which is some eggs.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I can put a little toast on there.

[Bridger Weiniger]

So you're going to, like, where you're going to the grocery store and getting eggs in random town and putting it in the hotel fridge?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes, yes, I have a fridge in my van.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, incredible.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's a whole nightmare. That's what I'm saying. But then also, I have a detergent. And I mean, again, it's psychotic. But these are all the things that make me able to travel as much as I do.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right. And you're also just constantly prepared for a disaster.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes, I'm a disaster prepared for a disaster.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Do you actually prep for disaster stuff? I need to get at least, like, something in my home.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I do. What are you looking for?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Well, currently, this is what I have, like, 12 bottled waters beneath my bed. You're Gonna be.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're not going to last as long as I think you'll want to. But part of me wonders, do you even want to?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right. I mean this is a constant thing where I'm just like let me die.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's kind of cope in a way from not having to do anything now but.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But I would. You know, I've always admired the Mormon preppers.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh. I mean that's part of Mormon culture. That's not even like part of mori.

[Gareth Reynolds]

At some point I'll probably swing Mormon. I love Utah. I love their prepping. More wives. Let's go. But they'll have places where they have preserves and jams and jerkies.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Every Mormon has a basement and there's at least one room dedicated to preparation.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Did you grow up with that?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Bridger Weiniger]

My parents still have a room that has various groceries in it and stuff which you just kind of use. It's just kind of your little warehouse.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So here's why you have a great situation. Your drive to Utah is probably about 12 bottles of water away.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Well, if they use those to shower.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't think that's the right. I really, If I could give you a little advice. Hold on. I know you like to be clean.

[Bridger Weiniger]

But I love to be screaming.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I know, but I just. You do that when you get there. Do you know what I mean?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Right. You're gonna want to hydrate, head back.

[Bridger Weiniger]

To my parents house there and then I just leech off of them through the rest of the move earth.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And by the way, I would love to be included in this. Like I said, I'm Mormon light, so I'm ready to.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I've got four seats in my car. I'll auction them off, you know, for like meat or something. Whatever thing. I need meat.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'll be like, I'm a hot plate and pan. I mean I'm gonna be valuable. I'm gonna be very valuable in that ride. I've got a big thing of Tupperware that's.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Although my car's electric so it's like we'll probably get.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'll be honest, I don't think, I don't think we're gonna make it.

[Bridger Weiniger]

No, I'm absolutely not prepared. I'm not the sort of person that survives.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, I, I, I, I, I think about it, but I am not as prepared as.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I mean it's so, I mean actually we're not getting into this because I'm just going to get really real about it and I don't want to think I'm pushing away these thoughts I Valentine's.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Episode, so we should probably talk about what we like about each other.

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[Bridger Weiniger]

Is dry January going for you?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, first of all, I do get a cheat day. I've made a contract with myself. But it's good. It is a great reset, right?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Do you feel fully different when you're not drinking.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Okay. This is the thing I get from everyone who does a dry something.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Bridger Weiniger]

And they seem to hate being out of it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think being out of the drinking.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Or out of dry January, it seems like. I mean, they're like, this sounds so good. The other 11 months of the year Must be a fascinating experience.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think it is. That you. It's about maybe three months. My brother said once he's quit drinking for six months, he was fully done.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, wow.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So I think if you make the three months, you really start to think, I'm not gonna do this. But the month is. It is. It is a full reminder of what are we doing? Why do we do this? It is a poison. And then you get out of it, and you go, I do a little bit. And then by April, you're like, hey, I do dry January. I can do whatever I want.

[Bridger Weiniger]

You're face down on a hotel room floor.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. You're like, apologizing to some woman named Candace for your fifth Butterfinger, you know? But it is great. The sleep is great.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Okay. That's what I always hear. The sleep is great.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The sleep is great.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Is it because you just wake up more refreshed?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, yeah. I think you. You don't sleep great. Alcohol affects your sleep pretty. Pretty detrimentally.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right. It puts you to sleep, but doesn't really. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's not a good sleep. So you. I got this thing, this. The oura ring thing.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, that's an aura ring.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And what it really is is it's just like an asshole who, every morning you wake up goes, that was bad. Or, in dry January. That is awesome. What are you doing different? I'm like, nothing.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I feel like the shaming can't possibly help. Doesn't help.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No.

[Bridger Weiniger]

It's just driving you further into whatever you're doing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It depresses me, which leads me to the bottle. I go right back to the bottle.

[Bridger Weiniger]

This feels like basic human psychology to me that this company is overlooking, I.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Think, but I need it. There's. Some of us are so incapable at.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Adulting that we to have a device.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I like that. It's like, hey, there's 100 calories back there.

[Bridger Weiniger]

How does it track calories?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I. I honestly, it's probably all. It's probably all. But it's something to do with your heart rate, your. Your biometric ISH data.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right. Do you ever find yourself, like, slipping it off and going into a. Like a bakery or something?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, it's not a camera, so. But it doesn't It'll burn calories. It tells.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Can't tell how much you've.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, it tells you how many you're burning.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. That's why I don't.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I was like, how could it possibly know what's going into your body?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I would love.

[Bridger Weiniger]

It's like hooked into your bloodstream.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It is. There's a little pin that goes through my finger.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I think this has gone too far. Why are.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It shocks me when I'm bad. Oh, Jesus.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, yeah. You don't want to track how many calories you're burning because it's literally impossible.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I agree.

[Bridger Weiniger]

You could. You could run like 50 miles and it's like 75 calories burned.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's. And it's. Honestly, it is disappointing. There's lots of times where I'll go. The only thing it likes is yard work. Yard work. It's like 5,000 calories. I'm like, I don't. I don't think I'm doing in the yard literally just like mowing it or strimming and it's. And it's just go, man, you're a beast. Wow. But then I'll go for a run and it'll be like, yeah, all right.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Fascinating.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. It's weird.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I guess if it was a manual lawnmower. That's real.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hell, yeah. It's not.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah, I'm sure it's automatic. Oh, electric. I haven't mowed the lawn since my parents, and that was a gas one. Of course.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Those are the days.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I miss mowing the lawn.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, you had the rider.

[Bridger Weiniger]

No, I wish I had the.

[Gareth Reynolds]

My dad had the rider when I was growing up.

[Bridger Weiniger]

My dad has one now. Of course.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, now that you.

[Bridger Weiniger]

But when he had three sons that could push a lawnmower around.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's a motor.

[Bridger Weiniger]

That's why you have children.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's why you have kids. That's why you definitely.

[Bridger Weiniger]

No, I actually loved pushing it. There's something very satisfying about the entire experience.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, I agree. I feel like I've done way more than.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, my God. It feels.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Ring affirms that, of course.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Like, you're a beast out there. Stay behind the lawnmower.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Yeah. But I. No, I do too. I really enjoy getting that project done.

[Bridger Weiniger]

So you're mowing the lawn. And what was the other thing you said you're doing in the strimming?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Weed eating. Oh, what's the other one called? Weed whacking.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Weed whacking. I don't like a weed whacker.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Was.

[Bridger Weiniger]

That scares me to Death really feels like I'm gonna take a toe off or something.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, there's a thing there.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I don't know. It feels like a dangerous. That doesn't. It feels like those need to be in more horror movies.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I agree. And I also. I don't know why we're doing.

[Bridger Weiniger]

It's right. The whacking.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's like a nice little grass wall.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right. I feel like if we could just embrace weeds as a nice looking plant.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, that was my 20s.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Everyone's props.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I was my 20s and 30s. Loved it now. You've never smoked weed.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You love weed.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I don't love weed. You've done it. Yeah, I'd like. I would prefer to get high to drinking for sure.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What is. Do you imbibe? What is your.

[Bridger Weiniger]

No, not that often.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No.

[Bridger Weiniger]

No. It's just not. I like to feel it's probably a control issue.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Truly. It's a thing where I feel need to be in control all time.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think that is as smart. That's.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I don't know.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

You look at my life.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What.

[Bridger Weiniger]

What is it benefiting me?

[Gareth Reynolds]

We're all losers. We are all massive losers.

[Bridger Weiniger]

That's kind of the thing. It kind of just doesn't matter what you do at all.

[Gareth Reynolds]

There's always something I like I said when I was a fat pig man and I kind of cleaned up my stuff, I would. Then I would go, well, you ate like three apples last night. You know, there's always three apples. A nagging. Yeah. I'd be like, you're a monster. Like when I was really good on my. I just did my special and I like got in very good shape for that and then the wheels completely came off. But when I was leading up to that, you know, I'd eat like a hundred calorie popcorn and I'd go, you just. You're out of control. You are out of your mind. You are such a bad boy.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Have you lost a lot of weight?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I see pictures or videos things of myself from maybe five years ago and I was a lot fatter.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Interesting.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Like I'm still not great.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I would say you're in great shape.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, I, I sometimes I'm in great shape and sometimes I'm like. It's eluding me. But when I look back five years ago or five to 10 years ago, I really go, wow, that's great. Because I was walking around going, I'm in great shape.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And I was.

[Bridger Weiniger]

That was very.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Well, you probably looked great.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I did not. There is no part of me. That looked great.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I'm gonna bring up some pictures.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I could gladly do that.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I'm sure you were fine.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I was not.

[Bridger Weiniger]

It's all relative.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, I was fat.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I appreciate.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're very nice, but it was disgusting.

[Bridger Weiniger]

You wanted to change. I did. You wanted to change.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I really enjoyed the partying and that.

[Bridger Weiniger]

And it was all coming from drinking.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Mostly drinking.

[Bridger Weiniger]

And the calories were mostly in.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And weed. Okay. I was really.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I had a snack.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. I think I had no concept of how many calories were in things.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right. It's hard to tell.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It really shouldn't be. But for me, it was impossible.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I'm being nice. It's not.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean, it's like, well, they. The serving size. That's some lawyer bullshit. Back a package.

[Bridger Weiniger]

It's simply there on the package.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes, yes. But the serving. I will push back. The serving size is quite a.

[Bridger Weiniger]

It should. It literally should just not. I guess it shouldn't have a serving size.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No.

[Bridger Weiniger]

It should just say, this is how much is in this bag. Because we know you're going to eat the entire thing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The plan is for all of it. I'll do the math if I want it. But instead they go, these nutter butters, 250 calories. And you go, that's awesome. And then they go, oh, I went.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Through a big Nutter Butter phase.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm not surprised.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I ate. There was a period when I was, I mean, housing Nutter Butters.

[Gareth Reynolds]

See, they're out of control. You did not enjoy them. They are a delicious.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, they're fantastic.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They are fantastic.

[Bridger Weiniger]

But then I found a better alternative called the peanut butter gauche.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This was the gaucho.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Well, it's off the market now. They removed it from the market. Unfortunately, I was the only consumer of the peanut butter gaucho. It was like a more. It was a heartier Nutter Butter.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Like a healthier Nutter Butter.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Simply not healthier.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No. Okay.

[Bridger Weiniger]

But it tasted a little less sweet and so more like peanut butter. And so that makes it actually easier to eat because, like, a sweet thing, eventually you're like, oh, I'm feeling sick, but a less sweet thing. I'm through the whole bag.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And you could comfortably house that because you're a very svelte individual.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Thank you. We'll see when this all ends.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Right.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I feel like I have been blessed with some sort of DNA that allows me to.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But it's not because you have a focus on.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I think I've kind of managed both. There was a huge period when I Was eating. I was eating at least nine cookies a night depending on size. And now I'm eating one cookie a night. Night.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I love that for you.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Thank you. I love it for me as well.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The one cookie night diet.

[Bridger Weiniger]

But I do feel like my family is able to eat a lot of food without gaining a ton of weight.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

What point am I trying to make here?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, that you, you. I mean that Nutter Butters were a big part of your life.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Gauchos are a big part.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Got you.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Was there another peanut butter flavored cookie? I think those are the two big ones.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, you remember nutty bars.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, I'm not a nutty bar person.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The texture, I haven't had one in a while, but I remember them being fantastic.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I don't like a wafer.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh. I'm a wafer guy.

[Bridger Weiniger]

So you have to. I think it's a. There are two different people in the world. A wafer or no wafer. And I don't like a wafer. That soft push on your teeth kind of sends a chill down my spine.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, See, I think this is the issue. I'm not a. I'm a bring me. You're tired, you're poor, you're hungry. Whatever it is, eat the shit out of it. Yeah. Peanut butter for me. I can't have that in the house.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh yeah. I'm like a dog.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It is. Exactly. If any. If I was ever loved by anyone, it would end once they saw me with peanut butter.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right. What about the. The powder? The PB powder.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, that. All that. That to me honestly more dangerous because takes up less. Like you get more bang for your butt.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And it is magic peanut butter that you can just mix with water and create whenever. And you think of it as. Since it's not as readily accessible, but. No, but it is way healthier. It is.

[Bridger Weiniger]

But again, I mean healthy. I don't know what healthy is.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Again, if you eat, if you apothecary all the powder to life in one evening, it's not good for you. And I'm capable of moves like that.

[Bridger Weiniger]

So your home is it just. The cupboards are bare for the most part. That's kind of how my house is, to be honest. I don't cook at home at all. So I just have the cookie dough in the fridge and a few healthy space.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But see, if I had cookie dough in the fridge, that would be gone.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right. See but there's that step. If you bake one, then shut the oven down. Now there's a whole process that you have to get going before more get baked.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Bridger, I'm not going to insult your intelligence, but you obviously know that you don't need to cook cookie dough.

[Bridger Weiniger]

But there's no fear of food poisoning.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No.

[Bridger Weiniger]

And nothing will stop you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I want it. It'll slow me down. Just like Godzilla. Just the bullets bounce off me if I'm in the zone. So my mother was in. She had some surgery out here, and my brother and I. So we were at the hospital. I don't remember the exact logistics of this, but my brother and I were at the hospital. And then my brother. This is. Is two, three years ago, and this is December, when the. You know, the wheels come off, right? And he had a bag of rolos, like a family. Hey, here's rolos for the month. And he stayed the night at my place and. And left the next morning and forgot the Rolos.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, no.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And so then two nights later, we go to the hospital for my mother and sort of a similar. He's like, well, I'll come over. And he mentions the Rolos. And I thought, well, he doesn't know daddy's little secret that those are all gone because I spiraled two nights ago or over the past two nights. And then he got to my place and he. It's. It's been a joke since.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Well, and rolo. That's impressive because rolos are a thing you really have to work through.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's a real chewy thing and as well as independently.

[Bridger Weiniger]

A series of steps before that's in.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Your stomach didn't stop me if I had a bottle of wine. Nothing, nothing, nothing.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I think rolos are disgusting, by the way.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Interesting. So is my girlfriend.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I think they're like, there are two ingredients that I love, and they're not doing it well.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, see, she. My girlfriend has a story about how she. She loved the caramel. So she put a bunch of rolos in a colander and watered the chocolate off. And I was like, you know, they can buy caramel. What are you doing?

[Bridger Weiniger]

It's not a precious resource.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Honestly, it's like she didn't know that there was just caramel available.

[Bridger Weiniger]

It's like cooking down heroin or something.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's so crazy, like pb, that to me, very similar to heroin.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Well, look, we have to talk about something else. There's something else that I've been dancing around here.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Gareth, I was excited to have you here on the podcast. Thank you, Gareth.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Come by.

[Bridger Weiniger]

We'll have a nice time. We'll move on with our days. Gareth, Has a podcast. He knows what he's doing. Sure.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I have 18 podcasts. Go ahead.

[Bridger Weiniger]

This podcast is called I said no gifts. So I was a little startled. I'll say. I was a jump scare. When you walked in holding two gorgeously wrapped gifts.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Right. Oh, so you want to get to the premise.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is not an intervention. You're shifting gears for the show. Bring in the family. Oh, my God, my stalker.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Gareth. We haven't been recording.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, my God. That would be. How sad. That's a horror film. Someone who pretends they have a podcast.

[Bridger Weiniger]

That's so scary. Oh, that's really sad.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We're banking episodes. That's like a little clock.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Those stand up suju sets in their basement and then put mute or put an audience laughter. That's a scary thing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, I mean, we all start somewhere and I can't defend it, but I did it. It was the 80s. It was wild.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Well, should we open these gifts here on the podcast?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, yes. Allow me to contextualize because you flagged a couple things. First, that there's two, and second, that the rapping is perfect.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Shit.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So I thought I was doing this show probably a month ago. I had a miscommunication with Kevin Bartelt, who's the producer of Next. We have one of my 18 podcasts that you've been on that people should go listen to. And so I had them wrapped in preparation and it was literally I texted Kevin that morning and I said, hey, what's the address? And then Kevin goes, oh, whatever, you're gonna do it another time today. So I wrapped two, thinking that on the way I would make a decision.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Sure. This feels very neat.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And honestly, I forgot what they were. So the joy of these gifts is that I don't know what I've given you now. One of them. As you can see, the rapping has started to fall apart. So one of them I do now know.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right. You must have caught a glimpse of it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I caught a glimpse.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The other. I know what it is, but I don't know specifically what it is.

[Bridger Weiniger]

And one of them will kill me.

[Gareth Reynolds]

One of them is a snake.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

One of them is a venomous python.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Should I just open the top one first?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sure.

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[Bridger Weiniger]

As I said, it's gorgeously wrapped.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Thank you.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Holiday Holiday Wrap okay, now see, this.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Is gonna be a little different brand.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yes, this is completely different. It's a bag of Smarties Smart mix.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

What are we talking about when we say smart mix?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, I think you're getting all the.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, they've evolved. Smarties.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Thank God.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Bridger Weiniger]

It's about time. This brand was around for 400 years.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Bridger Weiniger]

And they finally said, let's put some new flavors.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Now I'll tell you how I ended up with them, which is talk like that. I was on one of my other 18 podcasts called We're Here to Help with Jake Johnson, and Jimmy Kimmel was our guest.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, I love Jimmy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And I don't remember what I said, but I think Jimmy and I were shitting all over Smarties. You know, it was like, basically just a step above Tums or something like that. And Smarties reached out to me on Instagram.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, of course.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And said, hey, you've soured our name publicly. We'd love to undo that and send you some Smarties. And they sent me a huge box of Smarties.

[Bridger Weiniger]

And, yeah, there's the thing that feels bad.

[Gareth Reynolds]

As someone who said, I can't have snacks in the house, the Smarties have made it quite a while.

[Bridger Weiniger]

It feels like a bad move on Smarties part.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Especially now.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I feel like it's more of a thing if, like, you send a Smarties T shirt so the person doesn't try the product again and say, well, I still don't like it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, you know, they make a little lollipop. Oh, and that's actually good. Those are gone.

[Bridger Weiniger]

But it's like the texture of a Smartie.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes. But somehow it works more for me.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Is it sour?

[Gareth Reynolds]

A multitude of flavors, but I would love to get feedback. As a one cookie a night, I could see her excited.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I'm gonna try these sour ones. Sour candy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Interesting.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, you don't? I've always loved sour candy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What is that about? That's like people who like really hot things.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah. I think it's like you've burned off all of your nerves and you're looking for something to feel. Okay, here's original. That's.

[Gareth Reynolds]

By the way, I don't think we can just move on from that. Real simply Bridger. That is a very dark sentence, you know, I know. I'm dead inside. So, Smarties. I like sour patch.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I haven't felt anything in decades.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I haven't been in love in 10 years. So I do Sour Patch Kids.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I can barely get out of bed in the morning.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, so what are these?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Okay, there's. I'm gonna try the extreme sour.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Right.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Because I know the Original suck. And they should just cancel those.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Again, I want to thank Smarties for the care package, and I apologize for what Bridger's doing. He does not speak. I don't even think he speaks for his show. I think he just speaks personally. This is not the I said no gifts policy on Smarties.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Smarties. Just to be clear, I haven't received my box yet.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes. That's the move. Yes.

[Bridger Weiniger]

And I'm really looking forward to having tons of sugary cakes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They load you up. They're not fucking around.

[Bridger Weiniger]

All right, let me get in here. Do you want any of these?

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, thank you. I came having had, as they say.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I'm gonna try and. Okay. I mean, first of all, texturally, it's tough.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Smarties. Not. It's very drugstore candy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's kind of. It's just kind of the page one note with Smarties, which is why is this the texture of adventure you're hanging in there with? You're pilly.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Okay. I will say.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay. Wow.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Hard to swallow.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Now, see, for those who are not seeing this, you are having sour face, which I think you would enjoy, but.

[Bridger Weiniger]

You seem to be chemically, the sour face is coming from the. Turning into powder. Like, I'm eating bone.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, so it's marrow.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay. Okay.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I would say it's rich and marrow. No, I think that the flavor is actually good. Okay, so, like, if this is like Top Chef.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Keep going.

[Bridger Weiniger]

They should cancel regular flavor. Literally, no one wants it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You want them canceled. You want them to dig up some old stuff that Smarties regular did find.

[Bridger Weiniger]

The misogynistic tweets that were about, like.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean, look, she wore them that smarty.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I don't know why they keep trying with the original. Show me one person in the world under 99 years old.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's like the lay's original. Who is that for?

[Bridger Weiniger]

That's me. See, that's a salty chip.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Ugh.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Stop. A salty chip.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, please.

[Bridger Weiniger]

You're gonna find yourself outnumbered on this.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, there's a plethora. I just been looking for free lays. There's. There's a plethora of flavors where they've gone in directions that are far superior.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I love a salt. Salt and grease. That's pure.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes. But they offer that in a multitude of flavors.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Like, what flavor are you going for?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, okay, here. I'm gonna say something, and you're gonna get upset, and I'm gonna say it anyway. Salt and vinegar.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, I love a salt and vinegar.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, there you go.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I'm not opposed to the rest. No, but I think that you just need to have that original to go back to.

[Gareth Reynolds]

If I have original and another. And I hate sour cream and onion, I'll probably go there. Over there.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I love a sour cream and onion, but most of these things don't really pair well with another food. If you're having it with a sandwich or something. I just want salt on a chip. It's like a French fry.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So. Yeah, I. Well, you've made a pretty good case there. I'm not gonna lie to you. But that's what I would say. Side dish lays.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, as a. Lays.

[Gareth Reynolds]

As a pull from the, you know, the gas station. What are we doing?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah, you need to have something along with that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Here's something they've never said at a Chevron. We're out of lay's original. That's never happened.

[Bridger Weiniger]

No, absolutely not.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We're running low on the original ones, I would say.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Even at a gas station, I don't even go for a potato chip. I need, like, a Dorito or something. I need something that's fully, like, an experience.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Now, why do you not consider that a potato chip?

[Bridger Weiniger]

A Dorito is a corn chip.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, you're right.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I have to break it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're right. You've won. You're very good.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Egg all over your face.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're very good, by the way. I love eggs. No, you're absolutely right, and I agree. Now, have you had Dot's Pretzels?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Dot's.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No.

[Bridger Weiniger]

What's this?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm gonna quickly give you the timeline of Dot's Pretzels. I found Dot's pretzels, became obsessed with Dot's Pretzels. They're the best pretzels ever.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Are they a stick or like a. They're a stick. Okay, great.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And they have now tons of flavors, which is, you know what happens. But she Dot, you know, she had this lovely little. I'm just a lady who's making pretzels.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, she's like a Dr. Bronner type.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes, completely. And so you're going, oh, I support this woman. Well, she sold her company to Hershey's.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, of course.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And now they are acting like, you know, dots is gold. The price of a bag of Dots is astounding.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Is the quality the same?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think it's a little tweaked. But you're not gonna be. You're not gonna walk away from the dot conversation because of the flavor or qual quality. It's the fact that somehow this person has allowed this big company to be charging $8, $9, $10 a bag.

[Bridger Weiniger]

That can't possibly be true.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's true.

[Bridger Weiniger]

That's crazy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And you got rolled gold sitting over there going 3.99. Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Maybe $2.99 with a coupon.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's terrible. But I price wise, I just, I will not.

[Bridger Weiniger]

You can't justify that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No. I'm furious at the dots later.

[Bridger Weiniger]

No, that's then like a wedding gift.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes, yes. And by the way, I've given it at weddings and they're not even happy. So nobody's there. Like, this is not a gift. I'm going, that was $20 a pretzel.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Why are the dots ones so good?

[Gareth Reynolds]

She just did it right. I don't know.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Wow. It's just a good flavor.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Whatever she did, she did it. She did it right.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Dott.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No. Dot.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Dot.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Took me that for a second. I was like, are we talking about the government? The department of tt, which is what Smarties got canceled for that tweet. But no, she's just lost the plot, right?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Well, I mean, she sold out.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sold out.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Tale as old as time betrayed her dream. She created a beautiful product and she could have had just enough money. But then she needed a third home.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What is with us?

[Bridger Weiniger]

This lady sucks.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I agree. I'm furious at her. Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I mean, what a betrayal.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I agree. How much money is enough?

[Bridger Weiniger]

That really is a question for me. A lot recently.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I completely agree. And the same, I'm just like, what?

[Bridger Weiniger]

What science needs to get down to? What is enough money?

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's really weird. Especially because in the last 20 years we've let it get so out of control that I don't know if we thought that these sick tech bros were going to cut themselves off.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right?

[Gareth Reynolds]

But whatever it is, they took it all. They're sick. And now we're all standing here going like, hey, assholes. Most of us are just chilling. Like, we just want enough, right?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Just enough.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Enough. And we don't even mind working for it. Just give us the time to just, you know, relax a little bit. Have our night cookie.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah. Not be in a full panic all the time.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

No, I don't understand. I mean, the thing for me is like once you're to a billion or whatever, it's like, what are you buying? What could you possibly need?

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's a chemical problem, right.

[Bridger Weiniger]

It becomes like a mental illness. I think it's like, I hate to bring it back to primate with the rabies, but I think something goes wrong in your brain, the Wiring blows up, and suddenly you're just like, the number will never be enough.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But what do they all have in common? For the most part, because I actually, in my special, have a very large chunk dedicated to how billionaires should not exist.

[Bridger Weiniger]

They're losers.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They were losers. Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

They're truly, like.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They grew up total losers.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah. That's really. I mean, Mark Zuckerberg couldn't be a bigger loser.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Mark Zuckerberg was such a loser that he took. He created a social media empire, and still everyone's like, yeah, you're like a dipshit, right?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Mln. The empire started on a thing, trying to make friends that he stole. He couldn't.

[Gareth Reynolds]

From his only friends, the only two people who let him in on the inner circle.

[Bridger Weiniger]

So unappealing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So unappealing.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah. I mean, like.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And then he buys, like, an island in Hawaii to prepare for when everyone wants to kill him. And it's like. Or just give 98% of it back.

[Bridger Weiniger]

There's such an easy solution to all of this. It's the same thing with Elon. All he wants to do is be funny. And it's just like, well, it simply can't be.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It really. He is like a Greek myth.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. It's a lesson that will eventually be learned.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Humorous. Like, he really. It's all. Especially when, you know, comedy's back. All that stuff. And it was like, yeah, but it still doesn't mean you're funny, dude. And it's the thing people like us. Us can do. And. And yet it's all he wants.

[Bridger Weiniger]

And he can't.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All the money, he can't buy it. Did you see over the weekend, he had a joke. No, he was Davos, which you don't even get me started. But he. It was. I think his joke was peace. It was like. I don't even know what the acronym stands for, but he was up there. Like, I think it's because everyone wants a piece. I mean, bombing at Davos. That is a warm room.

[Bridger Weiniger]

You should be able to kill.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You should be murdering at Davos.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Absolutely. With a Popsicle stick joke.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Seriously. And it's like, all the rich, they're paid. They're incentivized to be there, and he is bombing.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, that episode of SNL should be sent into space. It's such a fascinating thing to look at.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It was a real hinge moment of. Look. We allowed Steven Seagal, Wayne Gretzky, Michael Phelps. You've gone too far.

[Bridger Weiniger]

You've gone too far.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is not okay. This is wrong.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I need to go back and watch that. It's really just mind blowing. It's art.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But we have not had the distance to look back and analyze it just yet. And again, I'm not saying that. Look, the dots, Lady Dot, she's not a billionaire. She might be.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Well, maybe we don't know what that deal was with Hershey's, but what are we.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What are.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I truly don't know. I mean, my theory is, I remember as a kid cheating in video games. You would put in a cheat code and get invited life or whatever. I'm sure. And then the game immediately becomes boring.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Bridger Weiniger]

And I think that's what happens once you have that much money. You're like, well, life is boring now. Maybe if I get more money, it will be. It'll stop being boring.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, they've even out acquired that sensation because now it's Mars. Or they need to go in Greenland for their mineral. Like the only thing they agree on is just the next crazy step where they're like, we need to put chips in our heads. Corn, not potato. And we need to go to other planets and we need to colonize these places. And it's just like we left them alone for too long.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Way too long. Well, in Elon, it's also a drug thing, right?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

What drug is he doing?

[Gareth Reynolds]

He does a lot of ketamine.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Ketamine, that's right. He's like totally melted his brain.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes. But there are drugs that he. That's why I hate when I find out that these people take mushrooms or shit. Like, because I'm like, no, you're not taking the same as the rest of us.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right. You're no longer with us.

[Gareth Reynolds]

When you take mushrooms, you want to touch plants and hug trees and walk barefoot in the garden. That hasn't been strimmed. All these things. You certainly. The last thing you are thinking about is how do I acquire everything to make everyone my slave or servant or serf. It's crazy.

[Bridger Weiniger]

How do I make the algorithm more efficient while doing mushrooms? Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes. Yeah. And I mean, so. So I don't know. So she dots, she's on the ship list.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I hope it was worth it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Probably in the nightmarish scenario that we've set up for all of ourselves, it was.

[Bridger Weiniger]

And they probably, you know, it's probably a non compete clause. She probably can't create dots too.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, no more dots.

[Bridger Weiniger]

So she's got like change her identity, burn off her fingerprints to start creating more dot.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, that would be hilarious. Hi, I'm Todd Dot. We figured out that that's just dot backwards. It's me, Todd. I also make pretzels, but I do the classic version.

[Bridger Weiniger]

She's gonna get bored.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You would hope.

[Bridger Weiniger]

She's going to get bored and then she's gonna start killing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think that there's. So my old booking agent retired in early 60s, maybe late 50s. And he literally did the math where he said, I wanted to figure out how much I needed to live the rest of my life happy.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Okay. And what was it?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, I don't know the exact figure, but he walked away. And he looks phenomenal. And his life is exceptional.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I'm sure it is.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And he's not looking to be a billionaire, 100 millionaire, any of that shit.

[Bridger Weiniger]

He knows what he wanted and needed and now has.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Did the math.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's all we should be going for.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I feel like that's kind of the only answer you can get about life is what I actually want and need. And if you can get to that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, well. And they better watch out because they are the case for socialism or communist. They keep. Whether people recognize it or not, they are out there making the case every day.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, my God.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I just love what people who are getting crushed under capitalism are going like. I mean, yeah, but this is the best version of a system. And you're like, how. What are you talking about?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Look at the facts, you fool. Like the raw numbers.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We gotta be thankful.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah. And those are usually the people whose lives are an absolute disaster.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, there's. There is this usually sad, man, it's stockholmy.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah, it really. I mean, I think of that as. And it's a little like, I'm different. I will be the person who will be. Oh, yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We're all. Yeah. It's like being behind someone buying scratch offs.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right. It's just a matter of time where.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You'Re just going, sir, please. This.

[Bridger Weiniger]

How does sad.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sir, it's not. It ain't the ticket, sir.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Should I try a tropical flavor here? God damn it. I know I'm not gonna like that. I think tropical flavor. Anything is revol. And look, they're.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They're.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, geez. Padding the bag with the original flavor. Of course.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Adding the bag.

[Bridger Weiniger]

They know what they're doing. Original. This is.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Try a Tropical.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I'm trying to get the trop. Okay. Got a Tropical.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right. There we go.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I. I think I've never had a good experience with a tropical punch.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Do you. Do you vacation? Have you ever been to a tropical?

[Bridger Weiniger]

I was just in Hawaii and it was Lovely. Well, well, well.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Look who doesn't hate tropical stuff all of a sudden.

[Bridger Weiniger]

As long as it's not in my mouth.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, listen, I've said that on an island before. Oh.

[Bridger Weiniger]

And immediately, I think this was banana.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, the worst of them all. Oh, Bridger. Oh, this is a gift. This is a gift from the heart that I forgot I brought you until about 10 minutes before I came in here.

[Bridger Weiniger]

This is somehow worse than regular Smarties.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, they need a regular. Oh, my God.

[Bridger Weiniger]

The ungrateful nature of this is the move for Smarties. If Smarties is listening, take normal off the market. Take extreme sour off the market. Release tropical for about eight to 12 months.

[Gareth Reynolds]

By the way, backlash, surviving. The plan you've just pitched for them.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Is, yeah, you've gotta save up a little bit of money for a rainy day.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Look, Smarties, this is like changing your golf swing in a year. You'll thank me.

[Bridger Weiniger]

You've gotta be able to weather a bit of a storm. But in 8 to 12, the backlash will be so unbelievable.

[Gareth Reynolds]

A tropical storm.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah. People will be begging for regular Smarties.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I just. I think if you listen back to your original thoughts on this company, even you will admit that that pitch is maybe not gonna work for them.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Well, nothing else is working. Bridger, I wanna see the financials at Smarties. I can't imagine that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, I'm as close as you're gonna be able to get to it. Cause they sent me free stuff, and I don't even know what they are. I gotta.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Good. Is Smarties its own company? I want to see a can't. It's a Canadian.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, is it Canadian?

[Bridger Weiniger]

And it's its own. Oh, no, it's Jersey. Well, making it in Canada that it seems Canadian.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And I mean that with no offense to the Canadians.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I think Canadians know what you're talking about.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They do well with less.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right. It is its own company.

[Gareth Reynolds]

There you go.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I wonder what else they're making. They've got to be making something good. They probably sell gas or something.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Bridger. Something keeping. They're my friends. Okay, I understand we've had some fun and poked some fun at them, but, you know, they're my and Smarties. I'm not asking for more. I have a lot, so no need to give me more.

[Bridger Weiniger]

He's giving them away.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Literally, I'm giving them away on a podcast where I'm not gonna spend my own money. So please, for the love of God, we're good.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I mean, it says family owned since 1949. So now I like that the guilt is creepy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Good. So maybe have another bite of the Tropical. What do you think?

[Bridger Weiniger]

The Tropical's gotta leave the market immediately. That was a huge mistake. The sour was a great pivot to Gen Z. Get rid of regular flavor.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So it's sour if you're in earnest. Business advice is sour only.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Sour only. Maybe do a little work with the old fashioned graphic so it's not just seniors buying them anymore.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I agree.

[Bridger Weiniger]

And maybe sell them in bags.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You know what Smarties are great for is to tell the kids of the neighborhood around Halloween. Stop coming here.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Don't come back.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't like you ringing my doorbell. Leave me alone.

[Bridger Weiniger]

There's something wrong in this home.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Listen, we are alcoholics. Go away.

[Bridger Weiniger]

This was in a drawer.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We hate you.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah, I think that that is probably its main function.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. So there you go. You're welcome.

[Bridger Weiniger]

But we wish the Smarties family the best.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The best. And thank you for all the free Smarties. And to be clear, Bridger loved the sour after the Tropical.

[Bridger Weiniger]

The sour worked. It's just the texture.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It had to be a retrospective taste bud. He had to look.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I had to.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Like I didn't know what I had at the time.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So that's gift one.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Okay, let's see now.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This one again, I don't remember what I wrapped.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Okay. It's kind of a. I would say like a record. Vinyl record. Shape shaped or calendar wall? Calendar shaped thing. Very good at that. I assume whatever this is is also just made of Smarties.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's a big Smartie.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, fantastic.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, that's what it was. That's right. Wow.

[Bridger Weiniger]

It's a Mama and Papa's vinyl.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Bridger Weiniger]

They're 20 greatest hits. Yes. Now, this is where I actually believe that the Mamas and Papas have some great songs.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I mean, more than their two big hits.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Right.

[Bridger Weiniger]

But I feel like we know California Dreamin the Hit and Monday. Monday. Yep. And then. Can you name it? Oh, as seen on tv.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes. I know you've worked in tv, so I thought that would be very. You might know it. No, I can't name a third.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Okay. And speaking of canceling the. Okay, it's Monday. Monday. Then the second track is 12:30 young girls are Coming to the Canyon. So that's.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm not. I'm not co signing the. I didn't write it.

[Bridger Weiniger]

They've got a lot of hits. I mean, they got. I mean, I guess this does say hit.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, well, it's from tv, so, you know, they're not nobodies. They're the Mamas and the Papas.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Are you a fan?

[Gareth Reynolds]

No. Where did those come from? I had a big box of records.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And I thought, I'm gonna give Bridger a record, apparently. But I don't know why I picked that one. I think because it looked a little funny and it seems kind of familial.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, yeah. Everybody's familiar with the Mamas and Papas. Everyone's familiar with Mama Cass Elliot. She's got at least one great hit. Sing. What's it called?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Bridger Weiniger]

You Gotta Be Yourself.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's actually a great song. I can't remember what it's called.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Mama Cass Elliot. I'm looking this.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But, you know, she's also. She became a punchline.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Sing your own kind of music.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sing. She became a. Yes, because she. It's just like Elvis on the toilet.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right. Somebody dies and then someone dies, and then you remember one thing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They can't eat ham.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

She died. You're like, okay, that's cool.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Did Elvis actually die on the toilet?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think I'm gonna be honest. I believe there is truth to that one. But I'm.

[Bridger Weiniger]

And remained sitting on. Or did he fall off?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think. I think. I hope remains sitting mid poop. If my records are correct. And I do have a lot of records, as shown and evidenced right there.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I mean, like, I feel like that feels like a myth. Where he was on the bathroom floor. Yeah. With a toilet on the toilet.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

It's very. Paints a picture.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I also also would like to think that if you were dying and you had even a breath left, you would have the wherewithal to be like, I'm gonna get off the toilet. Like, I'll. I can simply will myself to the ground to end this. Because the nobody. You know what I mean? It's like if you were. If you were dying while masturbating, I would think I could at least yank. Yeah. Yank my pants up. Or put a blanket or something, you know, to just. Just make it so they were like. Yeah, he was doing a bottomless nap. You know how he did that?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Winnie the Pooh? He.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Winnie the Pooh'd to bed. Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I feel like Elvis must have been seated.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I. I think he was a big. He's a big guy, too.

[Bridger Weiniger]

He had gained some weight.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He was on a lot of pills.

[Bridger Weiniger]

A lot of drugs. Do we know was he at home or was he in Vegas or where was he again?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm only going to. I want to see what's his hearsay. But first of all, I can get you eyes on the toilet. No problem. You just let me know when works for you. He was on the floor next to his toilet in the bathroom of his Graceland mansion.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Interesting. Yeah. Speculation about the toilet.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't know if grace is the right title for that place. I know that's a tough one, especially if it's toilet. But I still choose to believe he was pooping.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah, probably. What else was he doing in the bathroom? My daddy was doing his makeup. No, I'm sure he wasn't flossing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He wasn't doing karate. Was not flossing like that. And go. Hey, I know gum disease is, like, a real serious problem. You don't want to get gingivitis, Elvis, you're peeing your pants because of pills. I know, but you got to take care of your mouth. That'll shave two, three years off.

[Bowen Yang]

I'm reading.

[Bridger Weiniger]

At least one person on earth in the history of civilization has died while flossing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Maybe from. If you wait long enough, there's a lot of bleeding.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Blood loss there.

[Gareth Reynolds]

There's a lot of blood. Like, imagine. Imagine bleeding out.

[Bridger Weiniger]

If you're on blood thinners. You got to be careful. Yeah. So I guess that's actually not that far from.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I would love for that to have slowly bled out.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Telling everyone.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We told him, just let it go.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Use a water pick.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Use a water pick.

[Bridger Weiniger]

They've got a bunch of advances, but.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He stuck to his gun.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, that would be tough.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He stuck to his gums.

[Bridger Weiniger]

That funeral, the vibe. Oh, it's a tough one, too.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. I mean, it takes everybody at some point. I don't think it does, Dad.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I looked into it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We do open casket, open mouth. We really open mouth.

[Bridger Weiniger]

So who gave you this box of records?

[Gareth Reynolds]

It was acquired from my childhood, and my brother had a very good record collection. My brother was 12 years older.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So he had a lot of good records. But we're all now finding that I'm holding onto these for some reason we know not.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Do you have a record player?

[Gareth Reynolds]

No. That's where the issue lies. Yeah, that's a big issue.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Are you storing them in, like, the basement or something?

[Gareth Reynolds]

In. In a garage space.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Okay, so this is just a worthless thing for you to own, then? Yeah, but it's a great gift. Oh, it's an excellent gift.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, it's lovely. I don't think. I don't want it to take away from the emotional resonance of what I've done here.

[Bridger Weiniger]

No, I'm just saying, in your own home, get a record player.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes. But then. You know what I mean, Space. Would you.

[Bridger Weiniger]

What are you doing with the space that's tight?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm not living large.

[Bridger Weiniger]

My problem is not the record player taking up space. It's the records themselves. Because I know if I were to buy one, suddenly I'm buying these things that are quite large. Where am I putting them?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sometimes on the road, I'll end up whatever, maybe some weird venue, and they'll have a green room with a record player and records. And I will be like, this is awesome.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right?

[Gareth Reynolds]

And you will put them on. I think as a. Having it in my home, I see that as something that I. I like. And then practically, it's just not happening. It's not happening.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right. So that makes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's just. My friend has. My friend Burns has a record player and records, and he actually uses them. Uses them, Values them. But. But he's an idiot. He is a huge idiot.

[Bridger Weiniger]

His life is a disaster.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Life is a dis. He's a disaster.

[Bridger Weiniger]

And he's worried about this guy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We're ext. And he's a just.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Bridger. He's an idiot.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He is an idiot, man. So. So I don't know what he's doing.

[Bridger Weiniger]

But occasionally I'll come across a hotel room with a record player.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, I love that.

[Bridger Weiniger]

But then I don't even use it there.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But then they don't have ac. And you're going, guys, could we just please.

[Bridger Weiniger]

The windows are busted out.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, please, Please. It's beautiful. I love it. I love that there's a ski on the wall.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Come to think of a. This is a home I broke into.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Come to think of this as an invasion.

[Bridger Weiniger]

There's the screaming.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Every time you break into a place like this is like, beautiful hotel.

[Bridger Weiniger]

They're gonna get a nice review for that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Is a very nice place I'm gonna.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Tell my friends about.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Can I get a late checkout? The phone's ripped out of the wall. Maybe one. It'd be great. Oh, thank you.

[Bridger Weiniger]

The clumsy burglar strikes again.

[Gareth Reynolds]

How'd they catch him? He thought it was a Holiday Inn. He keeps thinking that these are just little B&Bs.

[Bridger Weiniger]

This man needs a vacation. Yeah. Oh, well, this is an exciting thing for me to own, despite not now.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What are you doing with all the gifts from this podcast, Bridger?

[Bridger Weiniger]

That's a really good question.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Where are they going?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Occasionally I get one that's practical that I can kind of, you know, integrate into my life. Changes things. Maybe 1% better.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I would say less than 1%. That's a big percentage for life.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Good. It is, actually, now that we've analyzed.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah. Think about it. One out of a hundred. It's a lot, but I'll use them. Other things, like behind you. Those are some gifts we've received over the years.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay. Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

That are more decor and not really. They have really no practice.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think that is a great shot.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Absolutely.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That is a great shot.

[Bridger Weiniger]

As long as it fits under one of those. It's gonna be.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't like that you're carving out a way to not put it up there. I'll be honest. But I think it'll look great up there.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I actually think it's gonna probably go behind that toilet plunger gun.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Which is a great gift.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What is the best gift? And I understand I'm in the running. I don't need the. I don't need the gold.

[Bridger Weiniger]

You're saying, what's number two? What is the second best gift? Yeah. That's a very good question. I should put some more thought into this, because I can never. I always panic. I'm like. The first one that I got that was like, wow, this is just a nice gift that I would get. Like a wedding is Cola. Scola gave me, like, a nice waffle iron.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, that's great. And you use that?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Well, I don't, but it's like, if I ever want to make waffles, because I would never buy myself a waffle. I had a very old waffle iron that I would use to reheat pizza.

[Gareth Reynolds]

When was this? Walk us through that time.

[Bridger Weiniger]

This is well within my adult life.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Bridger Weiniger]

And I actually recommend it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Walk me through that.

[Bridger Weiniger]

You flip the folded pizza, cold pizza.

[Gareth Reynolds]

In the fridge, you fold it in.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Half, put it in the waffle iron. It turns it into an incredible sandwich.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Bridger Weiniger]

All right. The best way to reheat pizza.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I've really 180 on you. Yeah, I really like that.

[Bridger Weiniger]

It seemed so wild to me. I had to try it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Bridger Weiniger]

But now I have two waffle irons. One for pizza, one for waffles. Should I ever want to impress someone.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is now your current state. You have two waffle makers, one for pizza.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Waffle iron.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Rich. Wow.

[Bridger Weiniger]

You are saying you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You are the Elon Musk of waffle iron.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Ankle deep.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You are really showing off.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Some people don't have one. Just so you know.

[Bridger Weiniger]

That was me.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's me. To be honest. That's me.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I've lived that life. Well, I know how the other.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We get it. Things are good. Good. Good Lord.

[Bridger Weiniger]

The other one that's truly changed my life is the comedy writer John Milson gave me a car. Garbage can.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, yeah. As driving as much as I do, you probably have one. An absolute must.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I can't believe I lived such a huge period of my life without one.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It is awesome.

[Bridger Weiniger]

There were receipts. I was living in a sea of receipts and straw wrappers, you know.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, yeah. I mean, if we're not going to litter. It's. It's crazy. Especially here. You drive so much. Right. That you have to be expected.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Got to be able to put the stuff in a garbage.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And you getting home is different than you. You know, you get home, you. Oh, well, whatever.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right, right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I live. My car is squalor, and I have a garbage can.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, it's squalor. Still with the.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

So you're not even using the garbage can? I use it until it's overflowing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Correct.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Raccoons are going through it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They live with me. Things are bad, but that's great. Okay. All right. Well, I like to be in the running. I like that. And I. And your legacy to me after this will be the two offlines that will be your legacy.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah. I've basically gotten at least gifts that are nice decorations. I give away gifts at live shows.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, that's great.

[Bridger Weiniger]

That's a slow release of them.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I have a. I don't know. I hope I wouldn't be. This person would not be upset, but I know a comedian named Rob Gleason who has a story, and it's in. He tells the story in Stand up. But he was in the lobby at the breakfast station in a hotel, and he saw a guy take the. You know, sometimes you can make, like, pancakes, and they have the waffle iron. He took the batter and poured it in the toaster and then turned the toaster down. And he sort of just stood there watching the guy ruin a toaster.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Somebody had to try it. The logic's almost there.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're sniffing around something, but boy, oh, boy.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, God. That's incredible. I'm gonna do that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, that's not the. What? That's Elvis shit. Don't do that. What are you talking about?

[Bridger Weiniger]

He died pouring waffle batter into a toaster.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Electrocuted. That would have been good.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Okay, I think we should play a game.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, great.

[Bridger Weiniger]

We're gonna play a game called Gift or Curse. But I need a number between one and 10 from you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Six.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Okay. I have to do some light calculating to get our game pieces, so right now you can Promote, recommend, do whatever you want.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't love how you' sort of making it like a little menial task that nobody will enjoy. Okay. GarethReynolds.com for shows. I'm on the road a lot. I will be actually doing shows in California when this comes out, but I'm always on the road. Also, I have my podcast, the Dollop, which will be on tour in March. So you can go to dolloppodcast.com for that. I also have a show called Next we have, which is like a segmented show. Like I said, Bridger was on that. And then I have another one called We're Here to Help with Jake Johnson, which is a call in advice show. I do a ton of stuff on YouTube so you can go to GarethReynoldsTV on YouTube and watch that. Also, I'll have a talk show coming out that is a completely separate thing by the time this is airing. So, you know, there you go. That's a bunch of stupid shit.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Gareth, don't be shy. Name the other 15 podcasts.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, so also I do one called Gifts Are Necessary. It's basically a waffle iron accumulation show. I like to look at it like that.

[Bridger Weiniger]

No, everybody go find Gareth online. He's wonderful.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Eynoldsgareth on social media. Sorry, Bridget.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, yeah, of course.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I apologize.

[Bridger Weiniger]

This is how I play Gift or a Curse. I'm going to name three things. They'll tell me if they're a gift or a curse and why.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Then I'll tell you if you're right or wrong because there are correct answers and you can lose the game.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It feels like it's more of a taste thing, but okay.

[Bridger Weiniger]

It feels like you're just kind of getting ahead of the story here.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Feels like you're kind of doing the same thing a little bit, to be honest with you. Feels like that's how this started, but go ahead, Valentine.

[Bridger Weiniger]

All right, this first one is. Thank you. Love you too. This is from a listener named John. Gift or a curse? When an item doesn't scan at checkout and the customer says it must be.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Free, then that's absolutely a gift. That is society's way of saying, this is our small way of getting back at the rich. You are allowed to take this.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Wrong.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What?

[Bridger Weiniger]

This is a curse. This is the person who listen. Every service person on earth has heard every little joke that a customer has said thousands of times. They are a captive audience behind the little desk or whatever. They're checking things out. They have heard the joke. It Must be free then over and over and over, and they still have to laugh at it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

How about the electronic checkout, Bridger?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Now, I say that for every item at the electronic checkout, I'm saying this must be free. Then this must be free.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think we're all saying this. Just go crazy at the self checkout. Yes. Okay. All right. Well, I'm wrong, but I do think of it. I think very quickly. I one time went to a thrift store when I was a kid with my friend and we saw a ventriloquist dummy and it had a price tag that was handwritten and it was a hundred dollars. And we were like, oh, that's too much. And my friend goes, that's handwritten. And the woman was like, yeah. And he goes, couldn't you just give it to us for a dollar? And she goes, okay. And she just gave it to us for a dollar.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Certainly she wasn't the store owner.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, she was. This was in high school. And she was like, I hate the store owner.

[Bridger Weiniger]

No, we used to do that at thrift store in Utah where you would peel the price tag off and put it on other objects and.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Interesting. Sounds like theft.

[Bridger Weiniger]

It does sound like theft.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What a confession.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I encourage people to shoplift if they're safe.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I agree.

[Bridger Weiniger]

If it's from a company with a large sack of money. As long as you know you're going to get away with it and.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. And be very aware of what each thing costs. Costs, you know.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Wait, why?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, because. Steal the expensive shit.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, interesting, right?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Don't steal the celery. Steal the blueberries.

[Bridger Weiniger]

All right, so you've gotten one wrong so far. And everybody hates celery.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, we don't need to keep bringing that up. Okay. Anyway. Okay.

[Bridger Weiniger]

This is from a listener named Olivia. Gift or a curse? Commercials for books.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Curse.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Why?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Look, I'm not happy about. About it. That era is over. We're done.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Of books?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, we've. We've moved on. We're listening to them and saying that we're reading them. That's the whole thing now.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Wrong.

[Bowen Yang]

What?

[Bridger Weiniger]

This is personal. This is a gift.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is personal. This feels.

[Bridger Weiniger]

This may be personal for you. That's something you've got to work on.

[Gareth Reynolds]

First of all, Valentine, I don't want.

[Bridger Weiniger]

To come to this restaurant in the first place. Oh, my God.

[Gareth Reynolds]

My God, he's doing that again.

[Bridger Weiniger]

You had a coupon.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What for? Excuse me. Maybe we just should go to your house and just eat a bunch of waffles and pizza.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I begged you to do that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, good Lord. I just. I can't with you. I still love you, but this is tough.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Well, I've got news for you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wow. Whoa.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Commercials for books. Incredible fitness. A whole new genre as far as I'm concerned. In the middle of a TV show, suddenly someone's advertising a book to you. Also, I think this is probably the most reading most Americans will do in the course of a year is hear a commercial for a book, and then.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They'Ll say they were reading it.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Literacy is so important, and these commercials for books are.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm not saying I'm happy about it. I'm saying I'm having an honest conversation with myself about it.

[Bridger Weiniger]

That doesn't make you write.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, let's.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Your show.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'd like to invite you back to next we have. Because I have some stuff I want to be writing.

[Public Ad Announcer]

You've got a gun.

[Gareth Reynolds]

A. That's the segment. Apologize for your show. Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Okay. So you've gotten zero so far, Lord. Let's hope you turn it around. This is from a listener.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Let's hope you're more fair.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Melinda. Melinda has submitted Gift or a Curse? The in memoriam at the Oscars.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Gift. I'm going to say gift. And I'm going to say gift because. Because sometimes it actually does elicit some. You know, you go, oh, wow. I could argue both.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Impossible.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, you can't get both. It's interesting that I'm saying that. So I think either way where you land, it's not gonna be bad for me. I think we're. But also, if you're left off, it's a curse. But again, I will say gift. I like that moment. It's a nostalgic moment. But it is weird sometimes when you're the people who are get, you know, like curtain call when the guy who stole the show or the person who stole the show comes out and they get the lout. It's weird when you know some editor, it's like, all right, whatever. And then it's like, oh, my Lord, Jack Palance, Jackie Palance.

[Bridger Weiniger]

He's in every one of them. They've got to do something about putting check Palance in the. In memorial every year. It's too much. We know he's dead. Stop opening that wound.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That. God, if I would give anything for that to be a thing. They did every year, like the Jimmy Kimmel, like, we ran out of time. Sorry, Matt Damon. But every year they Jack balance him into the In Memoriam.

[Bridger Weiniger]

But you're ultimately saying gift, gift. Correct. You got one.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You Got one.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I love the in memorial. I love to see all the people. I also love when somebody gets left out because it creates some sort of controvers, then that person gets even more attention.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I agree.

[Bridger Weiniger]

And we get the clap o meter. I love to hear the clap o meter. I know.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Who are we saddest died through applause. Yes, I think so. It'll be like the costume designer. I didn't know her. Jackie Palance.

[Bridger Weiniger]

And as a nice reminder to everyone in the audience, look what's coming. You got the award. Look what's coming for you. And now she's around the corner.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Now that I'm gonna personalize it. It's sad that I won't have have it.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, interesting. Why won't you have it?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Not successful enough.

[Bowen Yang]

No.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What? Don't make me.

[Bridger Weiniger]

It's just going to get start the campaign now. It's not an Oscars campaign. Just. I just want to be adjacent.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Playing ball for that. Like. Oh, no. I just would love to. When I go sending out YC materials, please you guys get my Evite about being on the in memoriam.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Consider Gareth Reynolds.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, I'm glad I went one for three. Good for you. Yeah, it's fine.

[Bridger Weiniger]

You didn't give up.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, I'm not a very. I don't do very well at anything like this. So it's 33 is fine.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah. This kind of proves if you stick it out, you can still be a loser.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. I don't know if that's the bottom line. I would go with, to be quite honest, but you know, whatever.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Put that on a poster. I think we should answer a listener question. Will you help me?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Bridger Weiniger]

All right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I hope that I do it right.

[Bridger Weiniger]

People are writing into I saidnogiftsmail.com begging for answers. So we'll see what we can do for somebody. Let's see here. Okay, this is. Oh, okay. Our wealthy cousin often returns our gifts to us. Actually mails them back to us. She worries that our funds have been wasted. So it's a kindness of sorts. We, however, wear and display her gifts whether we like them or not. Also a kindness, but also an unnecessary burden. Who is correct in this or which party is crazy? And that's from. They didn't give their name. Grateful and conflicted on the frozen tundra. This is all very dark.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes, that is very. Yes.

[Bridger Weiniger]

This is fascinating to me. This person, obviously, they've got this wealthy, you know, person. This is very Gilded age.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes. Yes. They've written to us as a Rockefeller. Yes.

[Bridger Weiniger]

The wealthy cousin Obviously knows they're in deep trouble.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I always side with the wealthy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Very clear.

[Bridger Weiniger]

No wealthy person can make a mistake. Right. And this wealthy person, as they all are, has a big heart.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Bridger Weiniger]

And they are sending it back. And meanwhile, this person who's in their weird little cabin, you know, shaking, freezing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Being poor.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yes. Such a bad look.

[Gareth Reynolds]

One waffle iron, Max.

[Bridger Weiniger]

You're bumming everyone out.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

They use their, you know, probably their $1 to go to the Internet cafe to email me.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's right.

[Bridger Weiniger]

So pathetic. I feel like I'm on the side of the rich person. And this poor person. Maybe they could ask for a staff position at the manor.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sure, if it's such a problem. Yeah. Bell ringer. Or maybe dish cleaner.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right. If you care so much about this family relationship.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Bridger Weiniger]

You know, go scrub the floors, mow the lawn manually. I don't want to see you on a riding lawn mower. Oh, Lord, no, no, no, no.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Plus the calorie.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yes. I think it's pathetic and sad thing. And I can't believe they even wrote, to be honest.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't know who's right in this one. I'll tell you whose play I like better, is the one who's mailing it back.

[Bridger Weiniger]

You like that?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I do. Because I think it's a great way of saying. Without saying, I don't care for what you got me. I think to always blame it on price is phenomenal.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And I think if you listen to the two options, the one who always has to display it. That's annoying as shit.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Why aren't they sending theirs back to them? That's a nice tit for tat.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, I think what Bridger has just stumbled upon is your solution. You now engage in the. I also mail it back to you and say it's too expensive.

[Bridger Weiniger]

This is warfare.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That is exactly. They've declared war on you and your gifts. It's time to fight back again. I'm the guy who brought the Smarties and the Mamas and the Papa's record. I know. Gift cards, culture.

[Bridger Weiniger]

And by the way, this person has accumulated who knows how many gifts over the years.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Crazy.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Put them all in a huge moving truck.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Couldn't. This year it's a big box of returns. And you're just gonna write on it. You really shouldn't have.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Dump that on their lawn.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Dump that on their lawn.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Speed away.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. And maybe what you do is next year test them. Get them something that is not expensive.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Okay. Oh, interesting.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Leave the price tag on and see if it still Comes back to you when it's $9.99. Bag of dots. Give them a bag of dots.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Dots. Feels like something the Smarties family is making. I wonder if they're totally agree. They're in cahoots at the very least.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You must. I will say you should try some dots. I should have brought you dots.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I don't mind a dot. Texturally way better than the.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, no, no.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, my God. I'm forgetting.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Good Lord. Bridger. Dots. I. You like dots.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I don't like dots. I want to be very clear. I don't. I would never. You'll eat them and reach for a dog.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, same. Nobody would.

[Bridger Weiniger]

But if they've spilled out somewhere, it's just.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's like nobody. You don't care. There's only one item that can get dots off your teeth and that's your index finger.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Absolutely.

[Gareth Reynolds]

There's not a toothpick or a toothbrush job. There's no water pick that'll do that.

[Bridger Weiniger]

No, it's. There it is just cement.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes, it is. Caked and living.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Put a thimble on your finger and start digging around. Get in there.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, you need a sewer's kit.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I think that that's the perfect solution for this person. I mean, I doubt they'll hear it. They don't have access to the Internet. They wasted their money at the local Internet cafe.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, no, it's.

[Bridger Weiniger]

But we hope that maybe some.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, maybe a bear or a dog can, you know, send them, get a message to them, somehow attacks them.

[Bridger Weiniger]

They end up in the hospital, one of the nurses listening to the show.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, It's a good test for your reach too.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I think so. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's good. I think that's great.

[Bridger Weiniger]

We answered the question. Function perfectly.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, I agree.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I've got, you know, meals for days. These Smarties are gonna.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So many Smarties to get through.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I mean, these are. Speaking of emergency preparedness, actually, Best Buy, August 20th of 27. Yeah, it feels like these should last like 50 years.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, I think there are some things where. I think they put expiration dates on them because you have to.

[Bridger Weiniger]

It's all kind of a scam.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes. Like cough drops. What are they gonna not be a little candy milk. What is cough drops? Done. The paper sticks to it.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, interesting.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's nature's way of saying, this is done. We don't need the expiration.

[Bridger Weiniger]

And this does say Best Buy. It doesn't say expiration.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Best Buy is a very. That's. That's very lawyerly.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right, right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So you've got years on that. These probably you're 12 bottles of water, a bag of smarties. You and I are going to be living in your parents basement, couple of Valentine's, trying to make it through the apocalypse.

[Bridger Weiniger]

This is a very Valentine's coated candy. Interesting. Yeah, it is actually interesting.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I knew.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Well, thank you for being here, Bridger.

[Gareth Reynolds]

An absolute pleasure.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I had such a good time with you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Likewise, listener.

[Bridger Weiniger]

The podcast, we're slowing down. We're all slowing down. We're looking for an escape. You've been begging for an escape for the last little while. I'm gonna let you go. I love you. Goodbye. I said no Gifts is an exact right production. Our senior producer is Ellis Nelson and our episodes are beautifully mixed by Ben Tolliday. The theme song is by miracle worker Amy Mann. And we couldn't do it without our booker, Patrick Cotner. You must follow the show on Instagram at I saidnogifts. That's where you're going to see pictures of all these wonderful gifts I'm getting. And don't you want to see the gift?

[Host (I Said No Gifts)]

Why did you hear? I thought I made myself perfectly clear. When you're a guest in my home, you got to come to me empty handed. I said no guest. Your presence is presence enough. And I already had too much stuff. So how do you dance? A survivor baby.

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[Gareth Reynolds]

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[Bridger Weiniger]

But if you've forgotten to get that special someone in your life a gift, well, Mint Mobile is extended their holiday offer of half off unlimited wireless. So here's the idea.

[Gareth Reynolds]

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[Bridger Weiniger]

You call it an early present for next year.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What do you have to lose?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Give it a [e-mail] Switch limited time.

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