McKenzie Goodwin & Rachel Scanlon Disobey Bridger

Summary

Podcast Summary: I Said No Gifts!

Episode Title: McKenzie Goodwin & Rachel Scanlon Disobey Bridger
Host: Bridger Winegar
Guests: McKenzie Goodwin & Rachel Scanlon
Released: September 25, 2025
Podcast Network: Exactly Right & iHeartPodcasts

Episode Overview

This lively episode of "I Said No Gifts!" features comedians and podcasters McKenzie Goodwin and Rachel Scanlon (hosts of "Two Dykes and a Mic") sitting down with Bridger Winegar for a raucous, banter-heavy conversation. As always, Bridger’s request for guests to arrive empty-handed is flagrantly ignored—and the resulting exchange reveals both thoughtful and ridiculous gifts. The episode meanders through personal anecdotes on travel, sibling rivalries, body image, favorite movies, gardening, and—of course—a foray into the fraught politics of backyard wildlife. The signature game "Gift Master" brings the perfect blend of absurdity and wit.

---

Main Discussion Points & Insights

1. Opening Banter & Workout Routines

[02:26 - 07:20]

• Bridger jokes about waking up with a charley horse and feeling both alive and annoyed.
• All three discuss their approaches to fitness, notably the "brutal" (and dangerous) StairMaster.
  • Rachel: “I need to be chained to those rails for sure, or I'm flying off.” (05:15)
• Tangential humor about "Chair Master" (an anti-exercise device) and gym mishaps.
• The trio riff on working out as an act of "blasting the glutes," linking it (tongue-in-cheek) to the podcast’s deeper themes.

2. Travel Adventures & Gay Cruise Experiences

[09:34 - 15:16]

• Rachel shares a vivid and comedic account of performing stand-up on a Mediterranean gay cruise with her (full-coverage) swimsuit, and being “shamed” by fellow sun-seeking gay men for her pale, sun-damaged shoulders.
  • Quote: “Multiple gay men were like, 'whoa, that is a lot of sun damage, girl.'” (11:03)
• The group muses on the different vibes in queer communities—lesbians, she argues, prefer the Pacific Northwest "pasty" energy.
• McKenzie describes being the clear family favorite, with playful barbs exchanged over sibling rankings.

3. Pop Culture, Lesbian Representation & Movie Talk

[07:17 - 10:15], [37:17 - 44:39]

• Riffing turns to the recent "lesbian rowing movie"—a film neither fully remembers—which morphs into a running gag on representation and what counts as “sexy” onscreen.
• Rachel gifts Bridger a copy of Jennifer’s Body, declaring it formative for “every millennial queer woman.”
  • Rachel: “It's a bisexual succubus. She needs to eat boys to stay young. It's horror, it’s comedy, it rocks.” (39:49)
  • Bridger admits he missed it because he "wasn't huge on Juno," causing the group to roast him lovingly for this cultural gap.
  • Both discuss how Jennifer’s Body is now recognized as an iconic, queer cult classic.

4. Gifts Unwrapped: Bell Peppers & Movie Night

[44:46 - 51:13]

• Bridger presents four homegrown bell peppers (“in flawless mint… or maybe more like on their last legs”).
• McKenzie reveals a deeply bizarre old work story: being called a “bell pepper” by a sushi manager—meaning “nothing on the inside.”
  • McKenzie: “And he goes, 'you've got nothing on the inside.'” (46:47)
  • Group reacts in mock outrage, turning it into a series of increasingly inappropriate jokes.
• Conversation veers into gardening triumphs and disasters, with Bridger’s onion and strawberry hauls, and inevitable zucchini overload.

5. Animals, Backyard Warfare & Invasive Species

[55:01 - 63:17]

• Extended riffing on backyard animals—squirrels (the arch nemesis), gigantic possums (“Jessica”), and raccoon invasions.
  • Rachel: “She became like a Republican when it comes to squirrels.” (55:46)
  • Bridger fantasizes about non-lethal weaponry to thwart the ever-bolder critters, leading to a riot of gun jokes and a defense of using a Nerf gun as “humane” deterrence.
• The group’s shared lack of coping mechanisms produces some of the episode’s sharpest laughs and authentic camaraderie.

6. Gift Master Game

[65:22 - 73:04]

• Classic “Gift Master” segment: the trio must assign silly gifts (a retweet, rat teeth, unbridled rage) to celebrities (Ian McKellen, Christina Hendricks, the Coppola family).
• Discussion devolves into “rat teeth in mouth” versus “rat teeth as jewelry,” escalating in absurd specificity.
  • Bridger: “So... turns out Jason Schwartzman now just has a mouth full of rat teeth, and the Coppolas can terrorize society.” (70:43)
• Wonderful off-the-cuff analysis of Christina Hendricks, her “rage,” and internet fame.

7. Listener Question: Time Travel Hot Spots

[73:24 - 78:16]

• Listener Matt (a former history teacher) asks: where and when would you visit for 24 hours in history?
  • Bridger: matter-of-factly chooses “last Thursday in Glendale” for errand-running ease, then pivots to witnessing the JFK assassination “because I love parades.”
  • McKenzie: “2003 MTV VMAs—Britney, Christina, and Madonna. I want rehearsal and performance.”
    • “They start with 'Hollywood' then it's a medley and a kiss.” (75:58)
  • Rachel: (“The first time we hooked up—so I can do it worse”) then more seriously, the Isle of Lesbos with Sappho, weaving herself into ancient lesbian poetry.
  • All agree: being present for Jennifer’s Body's infamous makeout scene would be iconic.

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On workout regret:

  • Bridger: “I work out twice a week for half an hour. I leave dry heaving every day.” (04:48)

• On being a ginger in queer spaces:

  • Rachel: “I don’t know a redhead that’s not gay.” (11:53)

• On Jennifer’s Body:

  • Rachel: “This movie is incredible. It shaped me as a woman.” (38:29)
  • Bridger: “I’ve never seen Jennifer’s Body.” (37:22)

• On garden gifts:

  • Bridger: “This bell pepper… is in flawless mint… You could put this on eBay and say 'like new.'” (45:36)
  • McKenzie: “When the manager called me a bell pepper… 'you’ve got nothing on the inside.’” (46:47)

• On animal encounters:

  • Rachel: “She became like a Republican when it comes to squirrels.” (55:46)
  • Bridger: “I've been haunted by a gigantic possum. It's somewhere between dog and pyramid, the size of this thing.” (57:43)

• On ‘Gift Master’ logic:

  • Bridger: “So… their teeth disappear, and suddenly now their teeth are full of rat teeth.” (69:53)

• On time travel:

  • Bridger: “I’m not a janitor—I’m not taking on any responsibility! My first instinct is last Thursday in Glendale… just another day, go shopping, have lunch.” (74:08)
  • McKenzie: “2003 MTV VMAs… I want to be there for rehearsal, and I want to be there for the moment it happens.” (75:35)

---

Timestamps for Important Segments

| Time | Segment | |----------|--------------------------------===========| | 02:26 | Podcast welcome; painful charley horse + fitness banter | 04:54 | The StairMaster and working out “dry heaving”
| 09:34 | Gay cruise story and “ginger” in queer settings
| 12:52 | Lesbians loving “PNW vibe”—queer ginger supremacy | 14:44 | McKenzie ranks as family favorite | 37:17 | Unwrapping Jennifer’s Body (“bisexual succubus!”) | 44:46 | Bell pepper garden gift & “you’ve got nothing inside” anecdote | 55:01 | Squirrel, possum, raccoon war stories | 65:22 | Gift Master: Christina Hendricks, Ian McKellen, the Coppolas | 73:24 | Listener history time-travel question (JFK, VMAs, Lesbos)

---

Episode Tone & Flavor

The conversation is conversational, fast-paced, and peppered with queer cultural touchstones, playful ribbing, and comedic vulnerability. The trio’s chemistry is obvious and infectious, moving easily from high-concept jokes about pop culture to genuine sharing about family, travel anxiety, and the joys (and quirks) of growing food and coexisting with wild animals in L.A. The energy is relentlessly fun and irreverent, true to the show’s signature style.

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Conclusion

This episode of “I Said No Gifts!” is a quintessential, joke-dense installment: meandering, delightfully weird, packed with low-stakes gift defiance, and rich with behind-the-scenes glimpses into the hosts’ and guests’ personalities. Whether you’re a queer millennial craving validation about formative movies, a home gardener cursed by the animals of Sherman Oaks, or just in it for the punchlines, you’ll leave this episode smiling—and possibly contemplating a screening of Jennifer’s Body... with a side of slightly wrinkled homegrown bell peppers.

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Notable Callbacks:

• The importance of “blasting the glutes” (recurs comedically throughout)
• Ongoing mockery of "thin lipped white lesbians"
• Running joke that Jennifer’s Body is the foundational text for millennial queer women

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To see the gifts: Follow @isaidnogifts on Instagram.
For tour details: twodykesandamic.com and rachelscanloncomedy.com

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For the full Gift Master segment, start at 65:22.
For the listener question on time travel, jump to 73:24.

Transcript

[Bridger Weiniger]

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[Rachel Scanlon]

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When I invited you here, I thought I made myself perfectly clear. When you're a guest in my home, you gotta come to me empty handed. I said no guests. Your presence is present enough. I already had too much stuff. So how do you dare disobey me?

Welcome to I said no Gifts. I'm Bridger Weiniger. We are here in the studio. I'm having the time of my life already. What's going on? Let's see. Oh, this morning I woke up screaming. And so far that's been the highlight of the day. It was a. What is this called? A charley horse. Which is if you've ever had this agony in your leg. I mean, it's just a dream. It's a fun, exciting way to get your heart pounding early in the morning. A reason to hop right in the shower. So that's what happened this morning and otherwise this week was kind of just leveled for me because I found out someone that I don't respect is still doing well. So I'm sick of hearing about this guy, and I've heard nothing but bad things about this person, and he's having the time of his life, so. But at least I get to have a charley horse. Now. Is there anything else that's important? The Patreon. Let's not forget about the Patreon. And that's why I nag you. Patreon.com I saidnogift bonus episodes similar to this. I talk to guests. Those are two a month. I'm now recapping Secret lives of. No, I'm done recapping Secret lives of Mormon wives. I'm now recapping Salt Lake City housewives, the Real Housewives of Salt Lake City. And I'm the expert. I'm kind of the person. So come on over. There's a bunch of other things happening. You know, I'm in control. So it's a disaster. But it's a good time. And now I think I've covered everything. Let me look at my document. Yes, I think I've got everything. Okay, let's get into the show. Can we? Today's guests are just fantastic, and we're gonna have a great time. It's Mackenzie Goodwin and Rachel Scanlon. You're too welcome to. I said no gifts.

Oh, my God.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Thank you for having us.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Thank you for having us.

Oh, thank you. And I'll say again, thank you for being here.

You have such a good voice and body, and I.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Apologize. I'm sorry.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Everybody's saying it.

Everybody's saying it. You're the strongest. Strongest.

I'm the strongest guy around.

Yeah. Holy moly.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Congratulations. Congratulations.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Thank you so much.

You're working out frequently.

I actually, if we want to get into working out, I do. I work out twice a week for half an hour each time.

[Rachel Scanlon]

That's insane.

[Bridger Weiniger]

And I leave dry heaving every day.

[Rachel Scanlon]

What are you doing for 30 minutes that you're heaving?

[Bridger Weiniger]

StairMaster.

Agony StairMaster. Half an hour of StairMaster.

That's brutal.

[Rachel Scanlon]

No, I would love to get a StairMaster.

[Bridger Weiniger]

That is brutal.

I would love to get a StAirMaster too. I wish it wasn't so dangerous.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Yeah, they're scary.

[Bridger Weiniger]

They're so scary.

I think ideally, you don't hold onto the rails. Is that correct?

Oh, interesting. They want your arms just kind of flopping.

Well, I think ideally.

Oh, right. They want you marching.

[Rachel Scanlon]

I don't think you should do that.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I don't think so.

[Rachel Scanlon]

I need to be chained to those rails for sure, or I'm flying off.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I need railings. I'm tied to it. I'm wearing rollerblades.

[Rachel Scanlon]

And you have poles.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yes. It's an. But it really blasts the glutes, y'.

[Rachel Scanlon]

All. It does blast the glutes.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Really blast those glutes. It really works out that ass. And I know that we're trying to do that here, and I said no gifts.

[Rachel Scanlon]

I literally need to.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Theme of the podcast. Blast the ass.

Blast that ass.

Chained to the chair master. Chair master. Now here's a new idea. And so this is where we. This is where we come up with new concepts and ideas by saying things wrong.

The chair master. How about we give those glutes a rest? Sit right on them.

[Rachel Scanlon]

I love that.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I love that chair master.

No, but I leave dry heaving and.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Well, it's working. You're getting mad results.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah, it's the only way I know how to work out. Do you two work out?

Constantly.

What are you doing?

Well, I'm doing. Usually I run Okay. I. Outside.

Oh.

I do a mountain. I trail run mostly.

So dangerous.

Yeah. But I'm really good at it, and I go quite slow on the way up and on the way down.

Everyone's good at it until they're being helicoptered out.

That's a great point. That's a great. I mean, I started flat. Well, I didn't start. I was not working out at all. Then I did Orange Theory. I was an Orange Theory coach for a while.

What is Orange Theory and how is it not just a workspace?

It's a great. That's a great question.

To me, I always think, oh, this is a communal workspace.

[Rachel Scanlon]

It is in a lot of ways.

[Bridger Weiniger]

In a lot. Well, you're definitely working badass. I. It's. It is treadmill. So you're doing cardio. You're doing rowing.

Rowing.

The water rower.

I've never rode.

It's great.

[Rachel Scanlon]

I used to do it actively. Crew in the water. Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

It's so hot.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

There's nothing hard. But you're tall. I think that helps.

[Rachel Scanlon]

I was really good at it, but I got too scared, of course, of.

[Bridger Weiniger]

How good you are.

What scared you?

[Rachel Scanlon]

Because if you put your oar in wrong, you can, like, catch a crab, which means it go. It. It would hit me in the neck and go behind me, and then you have to get it back up. It's very scary.

[Bridger Weiniger]

It's like a burst. The trachea situation.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Yeah. Not good. I wasn't good at it.

[Bridger Weiniger]

When I'm working out, I'm not trying to blast my trach.

[Rachel Scanlon]

But you're trying to blast that ass.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I'm trying to blast the ass. Did you see that lesbian movie about the rower? No, it came out only very recently.

Yeah, that's a thing that happened. Wait, who was in it? It was.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Wait, is it Jodie Foster? No.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Now are we just assuming cousins of Jodie?

[Rachel Scanlon]

Wait, is it Annette Bening?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, it might be.

It feels like it might be Annette.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Is it Annette and Jodie?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, what a team up that would be.

[Rachel Scanlon]

I feel like it might be.

[Bridger Weiniger]

It's too much.

[Rachel Scanlon]

I have to watch was a little spooky.

[Bridger Weiniger]

But they do do a little bit of girl on girl kissing, which I know you are scared of.

[Rachel Scanlon]

I'm so scared. Is there any full frontal?

[Bridger Weiniger]

There's not enough full frontal.

And when you say spooky, is it like ghost spooky?

No, like a little ominous.

Like Rose.

Too much. Almost like, you know, the beginning of. Or not the beginning. The entire. I was gonna say tar, but Black Swanee, where you know, they're like a perfectionist. They're like, I gotta dance, I gotta rub.

Right. They're clipping their nails at high speeds.

Yeah. She's catching a crab. I don't know. It's scary, but it is thrilling. It's thrilling. I watched the whole thing. I didn't like it.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Sexy.

[Bridger Weiniger]

It's not. It's sexy in the sense that there is some girl on girl kissing. But at what cost?

[Rachel Scanlon]

But okay, that's always the question. At what cost?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right?

[Rachel Scanlon]

Is there a tongue or is it just two thin lipped white women?

[Bridger Weiniger]

It's just. It's thin lipped white women exactly how we are protesting against.

Yeah, I am too.

Yeah.

Starting today. Yeah.

Please welcome.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Fuck. All right.

[Bridger Weiniger]

It's not right.

[Rachel Scanlon]

I'll still watch it.

[Bridger Weiniger]

But yeah, that is a real movie. And it seems like you're the only person that ever saw for sure 100.

And I can't quite remember it. So did I see it at all?

It seems like it would be thrilling though. It feels like it could be. What's the drumming movie? Some of that energy.

Yeah.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Miles Teller.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Miles Teller, the movie.

[Rachel Scanlon]

I've seen it.

[Bridger Weiniger]

One of our most punchable men.

Yes.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Wait, I have. I mean, tell us off podcast. We were guessing who we think the man is.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I don't think you would actually. Well, there's probably like a whole list of men that you could name and be like, yes. So many Men. Yes, yes, yes. This one's like, kind of not an even a name. It's more of somebody who I know people who have worked with, and they're like, he's the least competent person alive, over and over and over.

[Rachel Scanlon]

But he's doing well.

[Bridger Weiniger]

And he just keeps. He keeps doing it.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Yeah. That's being a man.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I hate that.

That's being well, then where's Mike? Doing it over and over.

[Rachel Scanlon]

And that's being well. But you're a ginger.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, that's true.

[Rachel Scanlon]

So that's harder in life.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah.

I've got the world working against me.

I know it's hard. I was recently not to bring it back to Europe. Stop. I was recently on a cruise with, like, almost 3,000 gay men. I was booked to do stand up on this cruise.

Right, right.

And one day I felt brave enough to wear a swimsuit. Full coverage. You know, me on the public area. The pool deck.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Yeah. And by full coverage, you don't just mean like a swimmer swimsuit. You have, like, bottoms on as well.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah.

Like full pants.

Yeah.

Like a wetsuit.

You could say that. You could say definitely wetsuit on the bottom and then like, almost romper on top.

Oh, I like this.

As to give masculinity.

Sure.

And also keep people wanting a lot more. You know what I mean?

Begging for anything. Yes.

Begging for just a peak of skin. I'm scared of the sun, as gingers are.

Of course.

Also, I'm scared of my own body, as also gingers are.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Of course.

[Bridger Weiniger]

We're trained.

Yeah.

Do not show that to anyone.

And I heard. And I'm hearing the notes and I'm fine. I mean, my pasty level is, like, very high.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

But I one day felt brave enough to show my shoulders at the poolside. I'm also thinking to myself, around 2800 gay men, nobody's going to look at me.

Sure.

They're busy.

I think they've got their eyes elsewhere.

Right.

[Rachel Scanlon]

You're misunderstanding. Gay men.

[Bridger Weiniger]

But I took off my turtleneck or whatever the fuck I was wearing, and my shoulders were out. And multiple gay men were like, whoa, that is a lot of sun damage, girl. A lot of like, girl. You know what I mean? You know how, you know gay men are like, girl, you need some help? You know, it was a lot.

[Rachel Scanlon]

You do have a lot of sun damage.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, my God. It honestly looks. I forget what it looks like until I'm around 2,800 gay men and they're.

All wagging their finger at you.

Yes. Yeah. They're like go inside mother hens. Yes.

Interesting. Because they're part of the problem saying everyone should be tan.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Yes.

[Bridger Weiniger]

So it's like, I can't win. Choose Elaine. Right.

As a lesbian and a ginger, I cannot win on that boat.

[Rachel Scanlon]

You can't win on that boat. But the lesbian community doesn't need you to be tan. In fact, they love the PNW vibe.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, yeah.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Pasty is kind of our energy.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Kind of the best possible world to be in. As a ginger, I would say.

Right. Yeah. The lesbian community, because it's mostly candlelit, and that works for me. It's candlelight.

The warm light.

Yes.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Warm light. But I do think that most gingers are queer.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Interesting.

[Rachel Scanlon]

I don't know. A redhead that's not gay.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Tell that to my family.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Well, I will.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah.

[Rachel Scanlon]

I'm just like, can you name a ginger that's not gay?

[Bridger Weiniger]

It's a great point. I can't think of one.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Reba.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Reba. Gay Reba McIntyre.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Come on. A single mom who works two jobs.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, interesting.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Please.

[Bridger Weiniger]

One of the jobs. We know what that is. Rowing. You know what I mean? Catching a crab or something.

That's just how she gets to work.

Yes. Yeah. Great point.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Thank you.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Wow. Interesting. Not a single ginger person has ever been straight.

Yeah.

Nightmare for the community.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Or a huge positive.

[Bridger Weiniger]

No, no, no.

[Rachel Scanlon]

I think this is huge.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Kenny loves gingers, which is really sweet.

[Rachel Scanlon]

I love a ginger.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Kenny loves, like, thick, thick, thick thickies. And I like that, too. Thick gingers feel safe.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Okay. Good for you.

Yeah.

Now, the gay cruise, that's a nightmare for a ginger person. For sure. I mean, me on so many levels. I can't be there.

[Rachel Scanlon]

No.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right.

What would I do? I'd have to be in the casino.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Casino.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Casino. Which I also hate.

Yeah.

[Rachel Scanlon]

I feel like you'd be a lot at the nurses station. And I don't mean this in a bad way.

[Bridger Weiniger]

No, I would be there. Just I would be there socializing.

Yeah.

Wouldn't even be a health thing. It'd be like, no, it's not. Here's some people I can talk to.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Finally.

[Rachel Scanlon]

You'd really shine there, kind of showing.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Up like, do you guys need any help today?

That's an underrated part of the cruise experience, hanging out with nurses.

Totally.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Yes.

[Bridger Weiniger]

More people should be in the nurses station on cruises without anything wrong with them.

I did bond almost exclusively with the staff of the boat because that's where women were.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, interesting. Right? Of course.

And I'm just very drawn to talking to women. So the next thing you know, I'm not. Pack that real quick. Next thing you know, I'm like, basically handing out cocktails and I'm like, let me help Tracy.

Now, where did the cruise go?

I'm really glad you asked. Of course Athens is where we started. Santorini.

Beautiful.

Kusadasi. Oh, Crete.

Okay. Wow.

Cairo in Egypt.

Oh, my God.

Yeah. And then I think there was another little island in there. And then back to Athens. So it's kind of like the Mediterranean.

Did you get to see anything when you stopped at these places, or was it just like, oh, now here's some duty free liquor and jewelry and get back on the boat.

I went deep. I saw the pyramids. I went to. God. Yeah, I saw the pyramids. I went deep. And I also went to Istanbul, where they were there for almost like, it felt like overnight. So I could do a night and a day in Istanbul, which was crazy unheard of, Right? Exactly. For a boat.

Yeah, for a boat. Usually they're like, you've got three hours and then we leave.

Right.

And we will leave you significant.

And the only one that was shorter was Mykonos because it was too, you know, windy, I guess. And I was like, okay, this is fucking stupid. The gayest island. It's too windy to get there. These men are angry.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Were they? Oh, I bet they were.

[Bridger Weiniger]

They were upset. But, yeah, we spent a lot of time, which was more time than I thought I would off the boat. But I hadn't done a cruise since high school, when I performed on a cruise ship in high school, you know me.

Wow. You will only perform on a cruise.

Correct.

It is not a vacation, it's a performance.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Yes.

[Bridger Weiniger]

And I think that's probably the best way to do it.

Well, I think also most of those guys on the cruise ship also saw it as a bit of a performance.

That's true. And they weren't getting paid.

Yeah, exactly.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Wait, do you want to tell who you brought on the cruise with you?

[Bridger Weiniger]

I brought my mom.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Aw.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I did.

That's really sweet.

My wife, too busy working. My mom retired.

Right.

And I was like, let's go.

[Rachel Scanlon]

So it was a girls trip.

[Bridger Weiniger]

It was a girls trip.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Cute.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Now, did your mom go to the pool? Did she get shamed by the gay men?

Yes, we all were. They're merciless. That. That boat.

[Rachel Scanlon]

They can be mean.

[Bridger Weiniger]

The boat's wild. I. Yeah, we. I had a great time and I'm glad that I brought. I mean, I haven't spent one on one time with my mom since I think I was in her womb.

[Rachel Scanlon]

That's great, right? Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Do you have siblings?

One.

Okay.

But I'm very clearly the favorite.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Wait, are you an only child?

[Bridger Weiniger]

I've got three siblings. Okay, three.

What's the rank?

I'm third.

[Rachel Scanlon]

No, no, no. I mean like in. In likability. What's the rank if your parents were to rank you?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, like the best. The favorite is me.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Yes.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Good. Yes.

I'm number one. And then there's a huge gap between the other three, and they're all tied as not even loved. The other three aren't loved.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Names forgotten.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah. My parents have tried to get rid of them. It hasn't stuck.

Right.

But I'm number one. I'm the king, I'm the prince. I'm the queen, I'm the princess. And the rest of my siblings are all. They just want to die.

Right. Well, you have the best body, so I think that's why you're number one.

My parents love my body.

What ranking are you? Are you favorite?

[Rachel Scanlon]

I'm the favorite.

[Bridger Weiniger]

How many in your family?

[Rachel Scanlon]

Just two. Well, two. And then I have two step siblings.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Okay.

Still number one.

[Rachel Scanlon]

I'm still number one for sure.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Was there competition?

[Rachel Scanlon]

Never.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Never.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Sorry. Not with a blowout like this.

[Bridger Weiniger]

No, no, no, no. How could they. Another bunch of duds and then you.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

As it should be this morning.

[Rachel Scanlon]

No, I just want to say I love my family. They're all amazing. And I'm definitely not the favorite.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right. I think you're. I think in your family, and I know how this sounds.

[Rachel Scanlon]

You're my favorite.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yes. When I show up to MacKenzie's house, we do shows in, like, Phoenix will be so nice to take us to dinner or whatever. When I walk in the door, they're like, our baby's home.

Well, you're the star.

[Rachel Scanlon]

No, no, no.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Me.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Not to me. To Rachel. They push me aside and go, God damn it, Rachel. Your body looks good.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah.

[Rachel Scanlon]

My dad is always like, great bod.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Great bod to be.

[Rachel Scanlon]

You're looking good.

[Bridger Weiniger]

You should go after this guy.

I should fuck your dad. Yes.

Why can't you?

I believe I haven't tried. I know if I try a little bit, he'll fold. I just haven't tried. I walk now. Also your stepmom does it. Also in love with.

[Rachel Scanlon]

No.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Deeply.

[Rachel Scanlon]

She is not.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Text me on the side.

You could ruin the family. You could destroy this.

I'm so lucky that I'm not power hungry because I could. Your dad. So easy.

Do not betray Rachel.

Yeah. Careful Don't.

Especially in Phoenix.

Yes. Yeah. Got another place that's tougher gingers that he is.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Oh, and that's where I met most of my favorite gingers, is Phoenix. There's a lot out there.

[Bridger Weiniger]

They probably stood out.

[Rachel Scanlon]

They did. Oh my God.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Stood out in a big way.

They needed help. A lot of parasols being sold.

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[Rachel Scanlon]

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Yep. Agreed.

But I just want to ask about the pyramids, the size, because I feel like I've built them up so much of my mind over my entire life that I would get there and I'd be like, that's as big as a bank.

Hmm.

How big is a pyramid?

Massive.

What would you compare it to?

So many banks. If all the banks were on top of each other in a pyramid shape, it's just bank on bank. But also, I didn't know this. So many. There's so many pyramids. There's like. Because we think of the pyramids, right? The three pyramids of Giza. The 1, 2, 3.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Have you guys not been on the History Channel? What's happening?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Are you doing Ancient Aliens?

[Rachel Scanlon]

Dude, it's not even.

[Bridger Weiniger]

You're a correspondent on Ancient Aliens.

[Rachel Scanlon]

I started it. I'm the EP of Ancient Aliens.

[Bridger Weiniger]

You love those fucking aliens. Well, when we're on the road, too, sometimes we're in a hotel. The only thing that's on Ancient Aliens.

If you're in a hotel room and that's not on, why are you in a hotel?

[Rachel Scanlon]

Exactly. Exactly. We watch that in wrestling when we're on the road. Yeah, we love female wrestling.

[Bridger Weiniger]

That genuinely brings me so much joy. Joy that a cruise could never give me. Ever. No. I have so much fun. Okay, but you love ancient aliens.

[Rachel Scanlon]

I love ancient aliens because I also have the skull of an ancient alien.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yes, you do. Yes, you do.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Which we found out recently. I put my hair up once and Rachel was like, my God, it looks like the Lombardi Trophy.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Do you know the one Stretchables?

No.

Cause you can't tell right now because of the blowout. But her head, it's like. You think it's one way, and then she turns and you're like, that head just keeps on going.

[Rachel Scanlon]

It goes back.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Your head has glutes.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Yes.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yes. You're a header ass back here.

This is my biggest fear. This is why I can't lose my hair or ever shave my head. Because I'm like, whatever's under there is going to ruin people.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Yes.

[Bridger Weiniger]

For sure.

Or there's a map tattoo to my skull.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

So I'm just like, we gotta keep the hair on there as long as possible.

[Rachel Scanlon]

My skull shape is disgusting. It's.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I like it about you, though. Everything about you. It makes you unique. And I think that's really special.

[Rachel Scanlon]

So we watch the History Channel a lot.

[Bridger Weiniger]

And what did you learn on Ancient Aliens that you were about to, you know, scold us about?

[Rachel Scanlon]

Well, that there's so many.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Well, not.

[Rachel Scanlon]

I didn't learn it on there. I watch other. Other ones.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Watch one other show.

[Rachel Scanlon]

One other show. Not to brag. There's so many pyramids and there's so many tombs and they're all over us.

[Bridger Weiniger]

So I did not know that because I do have sex with people. So I wasn't watching whatever she's watching. But I showed up. I saw this first one, which is like a six stepper. And it was. They were describing. They're like, essentially, this was somebody.

[Rachel Scanlon]

It was one of the earliest ones. Yeah, the earliest.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yes.

Kind of a prototype.

Yeah, they were.

[Rachel Scanlon]

I'm a lesbian. I know archaeology.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Shit. Indiana Jones over here. It was very, like, cool to see. I was in a tomb, you know, I mean, we're living. We're living. We're living. But they are so big. And you, you know, when you picture them, there's the three.

Right.

Middle one looks like it's the biggest. It's actually just on the highest ground. The biggest one is on the left. Oh, but you can drive. Between which I. I was picturing in my head, too, also somebody who has been, you know, building up the pyramids in my head for so long also, as a queer person, I'm like, I'll never make it there without being stoned to death. I'm sure. But I didn't. I thought you would kind of wait in line around a thousand people and take like a photo that has like a thousand other people in it. And then you get there and you're like, it's kind of small. When the timing that I went there was like right before they closed, so most people were gone. And I had basically the pyramids to myself and my mom for about 20 minutes.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Awesome.

[Bridger Weiniger]

And I walked all the way up to. I sat on the first stone of it.

This is something that would not happen in the United States. There would be a rope around it or a fence.

Right. They're just out there and like, you can walk up to it, you can touch it. I was like, these are massive. I fucked it.

[Rachel Scanlon]

I feel like I tried.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Of course I fucked it. It was a bottom surprisingly well. I did.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Oh, sorry.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Very passive.

But it was, yeah, one of those things where I was like. I was so glad that it was as momentous as you would like it to be. The Sphinx, you know?

Right.

Huge.

But come on, let's get a comparison here. All we're talking about is banks so far.

What is bigger than a bank?

[Rachel Scanlon]

There's nothing.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Think of a single thing bigger than a Bank. Bigger than a bank.

Let's say the Glendale Galleria. Okay, now that's also very short.

[Rachel Scanlon]

That's short. Well, you gotta go. You gotta think higher.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah, it is like it's fat and high.

[Rachel Scanlon]

What about the Capitol, what is it? Capitol Records building.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, interesting. Capitol Records. That's tall.

Do you know what I'm learning right now is that I have no idea how to do scale.

Yeah, I probably couldn't do scale either, to be honest.

[Rachel Scanlon]

But it's big.

[Bridger Weiniger]

It's huge. It's so big.

[Rachel Scanlon]

You felt it in your bones.

[Bridger Weiniger]

When you show up, you go, I do see how people think aliens did make this.

Wow.

Because it doesn't even make sense. It's also perfect.

[Rachel Scanlon]

That's like the Empire State Building.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Hello. Yeah.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

That shit's too big.

[Rachel Scanlon]

It's too big.

[Bridger Weiniger]

If we dropped it in downtown la, would we be able to see it from here? You know what you see downtown?

[Rachel Scanlon]

You can't see anything from Burbank.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah, that's true.

Right?

[Rachel Scanlon]

I think we would if there was.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Nothing else around and we were flat. Yeah, it's big.

[Rachel Scanlon]

It's big.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I got on some camels, which people have been yelling at me about. Why, thank you for. I'm glad you guys reacted like this.

We're kind of in harmony.

[Rachel Scanlon]

I'm big into camel culture. I'm from. I just want you both. I'm from Arizona. I've been on a lot of camels.

[Bridger Weiniger]

You've been on camels?

Yes.

I'm the only person here who hasn't been on a camel.

You gotta get on a camel.

Stop recording. Now get me on a camel.

Also huge.

[Rachel Scanlon]

So you're getting canceled for being on a camel?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yes.

People don't want you on a camel.

I kind of thought camel would be like, horse. Camel is so much taller than a horse.

[Rachel Scanlon]

You need like a ladder to get on them.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Unless they get down.

[Bridger Weiniger]

They got down for me.

Oh, yeah. Cuz they do get down, which is amazing.

Lulu was the camel's name, and I bonded with her so much. Sometimes when I look at animals, I think to myself, like, I do think we can. We're not speaking to each other, but we're feeling each other. Yeah. Like here.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Oh, yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

And people said, you shouldn't have done that.

Correct.

Because it's something.

I don't know. They're like, what if that camel's tired? And I'm like, I was also tired and I could have used a ride. Sorry. That's not right. That's not right. That's not right.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Here's the thing. Anything you do on the Internet, people are gonna come after you for.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I was also asked, how are you to know exactly. And as a queer person in Egypt.

[Rachel Scanlon]

And you see a camel, you're gonna ride a camel.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I'm just gonna do.

[Rachel Scanlon]

I'm gonna get on that camel.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Whatever the tour guide tells me to.

Do, I'm going to. Okay, now you're like excusing it because you were a hostage all the time.

I was a hostage.

Someone had a gun to your head.

[Rachel Scanlon]

And I don't believe in this anymore.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Take advantage of a poor camel.

I was like, I'm gonna do whatever this man tells me to do to get safe. And this man was like, you guys better go get on those camels. And I was like, I have to.

I really. But I really wouldn't think twice. I'd be like, yeah, it's like a horse.

[Rachel Scanlon]

People ride camels.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right, Right. I mean, that's also. Yeah. I mean, I look at horse horses who are cops and I'm like, what if they're tired?

[Rachel Scanlon]

Yeah, I bet they are. Are we? Have anybody ever yelled at a cop?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Well, I just all this to say.

[Rachel Scanlon]

I think we should start it here.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I think first of all, we need to start yelling at cops.

[Rachel Scanlon]

We need to start yelling at cops for horses.

[Bridger Weiniger]

We're yelling at cops. What else are we against? Oh, thin lipped white lesbians kissing.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Or just thin lips in general.

[Bridger Weiniger]

For sure.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

We have to cancel ourselves because we.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Have the world's smallest lips.

[Bridger Weiniger]

You too.

I wouldn't describe you. I feel like they're in proportion to your faces.

Thank you. Nobody's ever said that.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Nobody's ever said that. Even my wife is like, how dare you.

[Bridger Weiniger]

My wife is also like, your lips are pathetic.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Pathetic. We both have wives with lips, okay.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, interesting. Well, you can't both have lips.

I think ideally.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Ideally, I'd love a top lip.

[Bridger Weiniger]

That would be marriage ruining. That's relationship ending. It's like, who? You know, you can only have one big pair of lips in a house.

Okay. Cause it's too much power.

It's too much power.

Yeah.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Fair.

[Bridger Weiniger]

That clashes.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Fair.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I understand. Weirdly enough, also, since I got back from the cruise, you and I kind of talked about this yesterday. The amount of cruise content right now is higher than ever. And what is that? Everything that I see on Netflix, it's like cruise content. Oh, like on tv, it's like poop Cruise and Amy. Missing. Amy. Amy Bradley went missing.

[Rachel Scanlon]

I don't know.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, where did she go she fell off the cruise?

Well, we don't know. She probably fell off the cruise. There's no evidence that points that she fell because her body did not show up. I was watching it this morning.

Well, when someone falls in the ocean, we can't say it didn't show.

[Rachel Scanlon]

I mean, that doesn't make any sense.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Wait, it's not that she fell and they can't find her. They don't think that she fell where?

[Rachel Scanlon]

She's still in the ship.

[Bridger Weiniger]

She flew away.

I can't believe the hostility I'm getting right now from you two who haven't.

Been on a cruise. Fall off or fly away.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Exactly.

[Bridger Weiniger]

They think that somebody took her.

Took her, put her in a. Zoom in. Oh, it's dark.

[Rachel Scanlon]

I'm flying.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I'm only the first 15 minutes into episode one, which is some of the most fun that you're gonna have.

So you are an expert. You can speak to this.

I think I know exactly what happened.

I don't need to watch any more of this.

I'm good.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Do they think that somebody cut her.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Up, possibly on the cruise?

Yeah, it's hard to tell, but I'm so glad I waited till I got. It came out. I'm a true crime. Mercury.

Sure.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

It came out right before I left for the cruise. And I'm like, I can't watch this. But the second I got back yesterday, I was like, I'm watching this in the morning all day. Yeah, that was a lot. God bless us.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Wait, have you been on a cruise?

[Bridger Weiniger]

I've been on a cruise and I. Not for me.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Which one?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Not.

Where'd you go?

Somewhere in the Caribbean.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Okay.

[Bridger Weiniger]

It was like during high school, Disney cruise.

Were you performing?

No, no, it was with my family. And it's just not for me. I love to eat.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah.

That's the only thing I travel for, basically.

[Rachel Scanlon]

And it's like fine dining.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Not even fine. Good food and cruise food. Not for me. I don't gamble. I can't lay in the sun. What am I doing on a cruise? And then you go to these ports and it's truly like, unless you can get into the country, it's truly buying duty free stuff.

[Rachel Scanlon]

It's being at an airport.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah.

[Rachel Scanlon]

It's like stopping in an airport.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah. Not for me at all. Yeah, not. I get why it's for some people for sure. Not for me.

I actually hate all travel now that.

I hate all travel.

I don't like to travel. I don't like to do it. I mean, I Think you're a real.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Pill to travel with?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Exactly. You know how I get. I'm so tired. I'm hungry. I like things to be the same. I'm such a fucking. I just got back and I'm like, thank God my outlets are normal again. Like, I'm a. Yeah. And I didn't know she's horrible to travel with until some people travel and they're like, the world's opened up. I'm like, so cultured. I traveled and I was like, everyone who's different than me.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Get me back to the Olive Garden. Get me back to the Olive Garden.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I have bad taste.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Yeah, that's true.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I don't like anything that's not Mac and cheese.

Tough to travel.

Listen, it's not good for me, but we travel so much. You're great at it.

[Rachel Scanlon]

I love it. It's the best thing in the world.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Your favorite place is each of you to travel to. What's your been the best place you've traveled?

Right. There's a spot right in between my wife's left leg and right leg.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Oh, yeah. That's your favorite. I love China. I had so much fun in China. I would go back there in a heartbeat. I hope I get to soon China.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I would like to go to China, but I would like someone to pay.

[Rachel Scanlon]

For it for sure, so I can.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Have the best possible experience.

[Rachel Scanlon]

You gotta go big.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah. Because if I went, I'm cheap and I would ruin the experience for myself for sure. And so. And I feel like China is a place if you don't do it well, it's going to be a nightmarish experience.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Yes.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah.

So, like, I need someone to just reach out and sponsor my trip to China.

Are you listening, everyone?

[Rachel Scanlon]

Where's cam?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Where's camera?

[Rachel Scanlon]

Go direct to cam.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Excuse me.

Excuse me. You have a few thousand dollars that you're looking to spend on a vacation. Give it to me and I'll spend it on a vacation.

Yeah.

To China. Thank you. Okay.

[Rachel Scanlon]

So thank you.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Thank you. I. I've been to Africa and that rocked.

Yeah.

I went on safari when I was like 22.

Oh, wow. That's the age to go on safari.

I think 100 and I'm seeing things that. Very cool. It's weird. Whenever I travel, you were on a.

Big game hunting trip. There are a lot of pictures you don't want people to see.

Hunting camel. You guys, I'm getting canceled today. I go today. I got it on.

You were there with Jimmy John. The guy from Jimmy John.

[Rachel Scanlon]

You being a Big Game Hunter is so funny.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, my God. Do you ever watch the Wild Thornberries? Yeah.

You guys never see the Wild Thornberries?

[Rachel Scanlon]

It's very.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Are they Big game hunters?

You looking like this, it's crazy. You do look like half, Joel. You look like the whole cast. It's crazy. It does look like they were, like, based on a true story. Yes, dude.

Wow.

Hysterical. So funny.

But wait, are they hunters in it or something?

No. No.

Why'd you bring it up?

[Rachel Scanlon]

I think we looked at you.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Well, sometimes when I travel places and this is. I wonder if other people are like this or if I just am. So, like, I'm such a dumb dyke. But whenever I go places, I just. I think about, like, the Disney movie that it reminds me of.

Oh, interesting.

And I don't know if that's a normal thing or if I was just. I was raised on movies and, like, tv, but, like, when I was in Athens, I was like, this is Hercules.

Right.

And when I was in Kenya, I was like, this is the Lion King.

I'll do this, but with video games. That looks like this thing from a video game. It's like, oh, I guess I'll just never be a mature human being experiencing something. I'm an idiot. Yeah. That can't just have a thing be its own thing.

Right? When we were in Paris, I was like, this is Lizzie McGuire. Or in Italy or whatever, I was like, this is Lizzie.

[Rachel Scanlon]

That's cute.

[Bridger Weiniger]

But do you reference movies or do you enjoy?

[Rachel Scanlon]

No, I'm enjoying.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Okay. Okay. I'm every one of them.

Yeah. Are you seeing it?

[Rachel Scanlon]

I'm thinking you're kind of more like the father there.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Nigel on the right.

[Rachel Scanlon]

I'm obviously the one daughter.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I'm the monkey.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Darwin.

I could be at least three people in this photo or this picture.

Maybe I'm, you know, that crazy brother.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Yeah, that's you. That's you. That's your energy, at least.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, the brother is the one with the monkey or behind the monkey.

Yes, that was me throughout high school. And they were like, we need to get riddle in for this young man.

Well, as long. I mean, I would love for you to just keep comparing me to Nickelodeon characters, but I feel like there's something else we should talk about.

Right. Do you ever get Dexter from Dexter's lavatory?

[Rachel Scanlon]

It's not lavatory, but it could be Dexter's lavatory.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Could be, like, a small business somewhere where they, like, have, you know, they supply the toilets to concerts or what have you.

What's wrong?

Dexter's Lavatory.

My eyes been twitching this whole time I've been here. I'm tired.

[Rachel Scanlon]

We gotta get you some.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I need to go back to sleep.

Yeah, please take a nap. Anyways, no, there's something else I need to talk to you two about. And I hate approaching the subject. I didn't want to today. I felt like I would just have a nice time with you talking and we could move on.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Yes, we are sleeping together.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, us.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Yes, yes, we are actively talking.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I know what you're talking about.

I thought you were saying that to me and I was like, oh, Oh. I thought something was weird between us.

I thought there was a chemistry. We're married.

[Rachel Scanlon]

We're married.

[Bridger Weiniger]

No, the podcast is called I said no gifts. And I thought, you know, Mackenzie and Rachel will come by, we'll have a nice time talking and just move on with our whatever day. This is Thursday. I don't know what time is it anymore, but. So I was a little surprised when you two showed up, each holding what are obviously gifts, which I'm now going to assume are for me.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Yes.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yes.

Oh, interesting. Okay.

[Rachel Scanlon]

But it would have been funny if we brought them for each other.

[Bridger Weiniger]

So you missed an opportunity.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

This is why you need to get back on the same page.

I know.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Sad.

[Bridger Weiniger]

We.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Do you want to go first?

[Bridger Weiniger]

I want you to go first because we. Mackenzie also is a very good gift giver, so she could not resist the opportunity to gift you.

Okay, good. Good reasoning. And you have no excuse.

Correct.

Okay, perfect.

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Everything we work for comes down to this. Quick question. Speaking of workouts, how would you rate your athletic program? Bro, we're in the middle of the state championship. Oh, so like a B plus then?

Dude, get out of our huddle.

Well, at holmes.com we leave it all on the field to get you to detailed information on local schools. Off the field. Off the field.

Copy.

All right. Go sports. How do he even get in here?

Homes.com.

We'Ve done your homework.

[Rachel Scanlon]

This is my gift.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Okay. This is beautifully wrapped. It's kind of like a DVD size case with a gorgeous tissue.

Are you hearing that? Asmr.

You guys, look, listen, let's do.

[Rachel Scanlon]

I think there are a few opposites. Crinkled it for you. Whoa. Oh, that is nice.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I'm getting it.

This is a good one. People are driving off the road. They're in ecstasy right now.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Okay, that's nice on the ears.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Oh, yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

This is probably the best we've ever had on this podcast.

[Rachel Scanlon]

I get that a lot.

[Bridger Weiniger]

She's so exquisite and stuff.

Well, I want to eat a potato chip.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, I have never. It's a copy of Jennifer's body, correct? Or there's something else in here. Drugs or something.

[Rachel Scanlon]

It is a copy of Jennifer's body.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I've never seen Jennifer's body.

[Rachel Scanlon]

And I knew that about you.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I hate that I'm putting off that energy.

[Rachel Scanlon]

And I did know that about you.

[Bridger Weiniger]

It's also insane that you haven't seen it.

Well, should I defend myself?

Yes. How did you miss it?

[Rachel Scanlon]

Can you defend yourself?

[Bridger Weiniger]

I'm not. I wasn't huge on Juno.

Oh, okay.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Fascinating.

[Bridger Weiniger]

And so.

[Rachel Scanlon]

But this is not Juno energy.

[Bridger Weiniger]

But it stopped me in my tracks as far as Diablo Cody goes. Which is not fair. You know it's not fair.

[Rachel Scanlon]

No. Because it's mostly Megan Fox. This is a Megan Fox original. We're talking lips, honey.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Amanda and Megan Seyfried.

[Rachel Scanlon]

That's lip on Lip on lip.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, wow.

[Rachel Scanlon]

That blows your whole argument out of the water, honey.

[Bridger Weiniger]

But this movie, I know the lore of it. Basically, the reviews were terrible, abysmal, absolutely awful. And then almost within like a year or two, people were like, no, you're wrong. This movie's incredible.

[Rachel Scanlon]

They didn't ask any 8th grade lesbians, which is insane.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Who should be the only people reviewing movies? Let's be honest.

Yeah.

And may actually be the only people reviewing movies at this point.

At this point.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Yes. Yes. It's iconic. This movie is incredible. It shaped me as a woman.

[Bridger Weiniger]

As a young succubus.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Yes.

[Bridger Weiniger]

This movie was the representation that I needed.

[Rachel Scanlon]

It rocks. It's one of my favorite movies of all time. I had multiple. I have, like, three copies, so I was like, I can part with one.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Tell me about it. I really don't know much about it.

[Rachel Scanlon]

It's. She's a bisexual succubus.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Okay. Fantastic.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Adam Brody. Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

In high school.

[Rachel Scanlon]

So she is a what? Senior in high school.

[Bridger Weiniger]

She's a senior in high school.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Freshly turned 18.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I'm hoping Jennifer Check is her name.

Jennifer Check.

And she goes to see a band perform at a local bar. It feels very Wisconsin. They're like, by Devil's Lake.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Yeah. Devil's Pond.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Devil's Lake. Something Pond. Kettle something. And yes, she gets.

[Rachel Scanlon]

It's Adam Brody.

[Bridger Weiniger]

And sacrificed.

Adam is underrated.

[Rachel Scanlon]

He's so. He's so good in this.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Okay.

[Rachel Scanlon]

He's so good in this.

[Bridger Weiniger]

He's creepy. He's creepy like an old petrified ch.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

You said what?

That's a line from the movie.

[Rachel Scanlon]

It's so good. And so he. They sacrifice Megan Fox because they think that she is a virgin, but she's not. She's only a backdoor virgin.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Hysterical.

[Rachel Scanlon]

I think she said, what's that guy's name in it?

[Bridger Weiniger]

He's like a big guy now.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Chris Pratt. Chris Pratt.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, interesting. So that balances the scales in an interesting way.

Me not knowing men's name.

[Rachel Scanlon]

What's that? So they sacrifice her, but she. Because she's not a virgin, she becomes a demon.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, I love to hear this.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Yes. So then she needs to eat boys.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Okay.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Makes sense to stay young.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I love this. And is it horror or is it, like, comedy?

[Rachel Scanlon]

Both. It's very way scarier.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, so it is scary. Okay.

Because it is. You're seeing Megan Fox get ugly. There's some very scary scenes in it. She's, like, unhinging her jaw. She's eating boys inside parts, like, kind of gory, but it's also sex.

[Rachel Scanlon]

It's really sexy.

[Bridger Weiniger]

It's very sexy.

Okay, that's what I need to hear.

[Rachel Scanlon]

This is. This was Rachel's movie. That if she wanted to have sex with a woman in college. You pop on this movie and you.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Are gonna get like, come over to my dorm.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

North tower, Sandberg Tower, show floor three, the penthouse. Come on up. I'd go like, let's put on this movie. A little scary. We cuddle up.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Uh.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, yeah. The movie worked.

People need to hear this. They need this advice.

Yeah.

Who directed this?

I did. I think I just forgot.

That's why I wanted to give you an opportunity to talk about your process.

I don't know who directed.

[Rachel Scanlon]

I don't either. It's on. Maybe on the back.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Karen Kusama, the poor director.

Yes.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Thank you so much, Karen Kusama.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Well, let's get some more Karen Kusama movies happening.

Yeah.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Wait, she's done that other stuff.

[Bridger Weiniger]

She get run out of town after this because of the bad reviews.

[Rachel Scanlon]

She should be. I mean, she needs to be directing everything.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I want to point something out about this DVD case. The COVID is, like kind of this tasteful piece of art, obviously, like, with actual design.

[Rachel Scanlon]

This is a special edition.

[Bridger Weiniger]

You flip it over and it's truly something from the basement of Walmart. I mean, absolute garbage.

[Rachel Scanlon]

This was gotten on ebay for sure.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah. Okay, so.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Oh, it's got to be a bootleg version.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, it. Yeah, because it is.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, my God.

It's like a special edition. Special edition one.

Yeah.

Good for them.

Where did you get that?

That's so odd.

Where did you get that?

Did you make this?

[Rachel Scanlon]

No. Somebody give it to me. Somebody gave it to me. Yes, I.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Was this from a woman? Yes, a woman caller.

[Rachel Scanlon]

I'm re gifting something. Sorry.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Because the front of it looks like Twilight. Like, they obviously wanted to sell it as a Twilight type thing.

Yeah.

[Rachel Scanlon]

And this was around Twilight. This came out in, I believe, 2008 or 2009.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I said, that's a lot different than Mamma Mia. Amanda.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Mamma Mia. Mamma Mia.

[Bridger Weiniger]

They obviously didn't know how to market the movie.

No.

Total failure.

[Rachel Scanlon]

It's so fucking good. It's so good.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah.

[Rachel Scanlon]

This is one of my favorite movies of all time.

[Bridger Weiniger]

And it's so funny.

It's funny. It's campy. It's, like, scary. But it's just like. It's great.

[Rachel Scanlon]

It's a good time.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah.

[Rachel Scanlon]

This is a great October movie.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Favorite. Is it your favorite movie?

[Rachel Scanlon]

No.

[Bridger Weiniger]

No. What's your favorite movie?

[Rachel Scanlon]

Oh, God, I can't answer.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Not a good question. Not a fair question.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Not a fair question. But this is up there with. If you're thinking of, like, does anyone.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Care about my favorite movie?

[Rachel Scanlon]

Yes, I'm. At all. Not at all.

[Bridger Weiniger]

And we're gonna try to stay away from that.

[Rachel Scanlon]

But I feel like as queer women.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah.

[Rachel Scanlon]

As queer. Queer.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Quimmen. Thank you.

[Rachel Scanlon]

I feel like this shaped us for sure. And I can speak for both of us because we are one.

[Bridger Weiniger]

We're one succubus, one being.

[Rachel Scanlon]

But this, I feel like this is life changing for any type of millennial queer woman.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah, well. And when it came out, I was just leaving high school. I was also closeted in high school. They're two best friends, these two girls. Like besties the whole time. And so many queer women. Quimmen. Sorry. Were besties in high school with a bisexual succubus, actually, who wanted to kill them?

Oh, my God, of course. Wow. That makes perfect sense.

[Rachel Scanlon]

The amount of bisexual succubuses who have tried to kill me.

[Bridger Weiniger]

And you went in a pool with.

[Rachel Scanlon]

A. Oh, my God. Yeah, it's insane, right?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right at the end, she, you know, Jennifer. Check. Turns on her best friend, Needy. Less Nikki. And she. Needy is like, I thought you only ate boys. And she goes. I go both ways. And it.

[Rachel Scanlon]

It changed me. Doesn't she fall from the sky?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah, she's like. She's like. Oh, she's like flying or whatever. She's flying at the very end and she says something like, oh, you're just floating. Like, you know what I mean? They're like cunty girls to each other.

[Rachel Scanlon]

So good.

[Bridger Weiniger]

It's a really fun movie.

I cannot wait to see this. And wait. And did you have an answer for favorite Movie?

Sister Act 2.

Sister Act 2.

Or Spice World or Shrek?

Okay, all movies. Yeah, all three of those are movies.

All perfect movies.

[Rachel Scanlon]

All perfect movies.

[Bridger Weiniger]

100.

I haven't seen. Wait. Sister Act 2. Shrek. Spice World. Yeah, I've only seen Shrek.

[Rachel Scanlon]

You haven't seen Spice World?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Never seen Spice World. I should see Spice World.

And did you know, I would love to just tell you things if you don't know, but very recently, Jerry and Mel B. Have confirmed that they were hooking up in the 90s.

Of course they were. Yeah, they were. It was a big slumber party. The whole time, you're telling me sparks were flying?

100%.

[Rachel Scanlon]

A lot was flying. Yes, Jennifer. Jack.

[Bridger Weiniger]

And they weren't recording that much.

Very good, very good. What did you say the other day? I said we have a lot of ground to cover, like a pad. We were having fun yesterday.

[Rachel Scanlon]

We haven't seen each other in 15 days.

[Bridger Weiniger]

It's been a lot.

[Rachel Scanlon]

W. Missed you.

[Bridger Weiniger]

The only thing that got between us with those pyramids, and I won't let it happen again.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Will you do your gift now?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah. Let's see your gift.

[Rachel Scanlon]

I'm very excited.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I was holding space for your gift. Who gives a.

She's done talking about her stupid gift. Okay. And I feel like we.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Great wrapping.

[Bridger Weiniger]

We'll circle back.

There's four things in there.

Okay. Now this is four.

You can take them out one at a time if you want.

Not quite as asmr. Friendly wrapping. Let's try.

Sorry, It's a tote.

[Rachel Scanlon]

This is very gay of you.

[Bridger Weiniger]

It's working.

Yeah, it's working. Kind of.

[Rachel Scanlon]

It sounds like me when I'm walking through.

[Bridger Weiniger]

This is a busy woman walking through Target.

Sounds like me on the Stairmaster.

Out of my way. Okay. Should I pull things out in any order?

Nope.

Okay. It's feeling like produce. Is it all produce? We'll see.

[Rachel Scanlon]

I'm fascinated.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Got a. Okay. We have a bell pepper, which is in perfect condition. I'll say.

Thank you.

This was, like.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Did you say imperfect?

[Bridger Weiniger]

I'll say in flawless mint. You could put this on ebay and say, like new.

Like new.

Like, you look at that.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Oh, and so many different colors.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Red, black, green, brown.

Wait. If you're only listening to this podcast and you can hear, like, the facetiousness, I need you to know that it is also, like, it's not garbage.

It's on its last legs for sure.

You should see the other ones, because that one's actually the best.

This one could be roasted and survive.

But, yeah, you can make that happen.

[Rachel Scanlon]

I loved the tapping.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Tapping was cool.

We got another. Which I'll say actually looks better than the first one.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Yeah. Oh, that's nice. That's nice.

[Bridger Weiniger]

This is another bell. Felt tiny. Also small bell peppers.

They're small.

Maybe I'm used to the freak ones at this point, you know?

[Rachel Scanlon]

Can I tell you guys a little anecdote?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Please, please.

[Rachel Scanlon]

I once, when I moved out here, I worked at a sushi restaurant, and I had never worked at a restaurant before. I lied to get the job. And I remember the manager called me a bell pepper once, and weeks later, I go, what did you mean by that? And he goes, you've got nothing on the inside.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, my God.

[Rachel Scanlon]

And I was like, you're a cunt.

[Bridger Weiniger]

That's crazy.

I thought he was going to say, you know, a bell pepper starts green and people aren't that crazy about it, but time goes by and you become a red pepper and everyone loves you.

[Rachel Scanlon]

No.

[Bridger Weiniger]

What a cruel person.

[Rachel Scanlon]

You cut it open and there's nothing on the inside.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, my God.

[Rachel Scanlon]

I was like, what do you mean by that?

[Bridger Weiniger]

There's also seeds in there.

Seeds and kind of spider webs.

Yes.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Fucked.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Fucked. That's crazy. What a stupid bitch. I'll go to that place. I'll burn it down.

[Rachel Scanlon]

I'll tell you.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Nobody needs to talk to you like that. You're actually super.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Think it did close.

[Bridger Weiniger]

You know what? You're a pumpkin.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Thank you.

[Bridger Weiniger]

You're full of sh. You're full of shit.

And kind of empty.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Yeah, and also kind of empty. But there's more.

[Bridger Weiniger]

There's room for me in there. There's room for my fist. No, sorry. No.

[Rachel Scanlon]

H.R.

[Bridger Weiniger]

We were all thinking. We were all thinking of that joke.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Unacceptable.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I was just going to say, at some point, teenagers should smash you on the road there.

[Rachel Scanlon]

I like that.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Great. You're great. In the fall.

Okay, now we're gonna keep pulling. Okay, we've got that one looks good. Yet another. This one is. Cannot stand on its own.

Shoot. Kind of shoot.

And now if you're not watching the video, we have three bell peppers. Very different. This is a family.

If you're not talking, if you're watching it, download Patreon.

No, this is on YouTube. Okay, but also get Patreon and get the other stuff.

Right.

Thank you. But, yeah, if you're not watching, we've got. Now got another one which is the. Kind of the star of the bunch, I'll say, because it's green and red striped and also is developing some sort of mold.

To me, this is the. Sorry, I didn't see that.

Should I lose my fingers?

[Rachel Scanlon]

This is ginger. This is the ginger one.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Thank you, Sam.

That's how I looked on that cruise.

This is how. How I felt my entire life. This one is probably the. So these were. You bought these pre cruise?

No, I grew those in my garden.

Oh, that's why they're small.

Exactly.

Because they would have been the best bell peppers.

Yes, these were. I have never gardened before.

Okay.

As it turns out, I'm awesome at it.

You've got four peppers here.

I've got four peppers.

You got peppers to waste.

Yeah, we have. Well, I picked the ones that my wife would let me take.

Oh, interesting.

I was picking the ones and she goes, these are the ones that you can put on your as a gift on your silly little podcast. Oh.

So these were picked recently?

I think they were. I mean, they were in the fridge.

[Rachel Scanlon]

They must have been picked a couple days ago because they're chewing.

[Bridger Weiniger]

When I took them out, I feel like they didn't look that bad. But then they were sitting in the bag for a long time.

How long?

They kind of wrinkled up. But I will say, every one of those peppers I did grow with love and picked with love every single day. And I've been harvesting right now. And I think it's an exciting time to get a pepper.

Well, it is. I mean, an incredible time of year for a pepper.

Yes.

What other vegetables are you growing?

I just harvested about 30 onions.

Onions.

[Rachel Scanlon]

The onions look good.

[Bridger Weiniger]

That's a tough one to have a lot of, though.

I gave a lot to my neighbors and to Ken.

Okay.

[Rachel Scanlon]

It's soup season.

[Bridger Weiniger]

My wife chopped them up and froze them.

[Rachel Scanlon]

I love an onion.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, interesting.

I gotta give you some.

I'll take that back. Onions go in everything is a good thing to have a lot of. Yeah, they kind of throw it in whatever you want.

My garden. Now I realize, you know, when you're in your garden, you're like, everything's normal. And then you take your out of the garden and you're like, it's so small.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Now I'm like, my onions are small. Yeah. But that's good.

[Rachel Scanlon]

They're healthy.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yes. They're old fashioned. You know, they're not like these science onions.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

They're not freaks. They're not juiced up.

No, they're not juiced up. They're flavorful. They're hearty. Yes. It's not the rock.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Pleasure.

[Bridger Weiniger]

The punching machine is called Smashing machine.

Yes. The cherry cheese.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Are you going in for a kiss?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yes. Right now.

Well, it was so romantic. That moment was charged. It was ultimately a charged moment.

We all felt that. Right.

My hair was standing on it.

Yes. Charged.

Chills down my spine.

I'm harvesting cherry tomatoes as well right now.

Oh, that's a good one.

[Rachel Scanlon]

This is gonna be a great season. You gotta go. Soups. I just made a soup recently with bell peppers, cherry tomatoes, onion.

[Bridger Weiniger]

What was that soup?

[Rachel Scanlon]

It's like a tomato. Basil. I did add basil. You know what's funny is I almost brought you you a basil plant today.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, I've had so much produce.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Yeah, that would be tons.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I mean, that would be a salsa. It's a.

[Rachel Scanlon]

It's getting there. A marinara sauce.

[Bridger Weiniger]

A marinara closer to can you make.

Marinara out of the cherry tomatoes or is that only on the big ones?

You can choose any tomato you want for a marinara.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Tomato's a tomato.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Could you do one of the green tomatoes? Has anybody ever gone kind of nasty that way?

Oh, my God, that is nasty.

Somebody that feels like a nice novelty for a restaurant. Our marinara is green.

Yeah. Do you remember when the ketchup was like, oops, we're purple.

Sales cratered.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Yeah, Nobody needs that. We don't need that chat.

[Bridger Weiniger]

But if you want a spooky touch for your Halloween party again, it's an ideas podcast.

I like that.

[Rachel Scanlon]

I love an idea podcast.

[Bridger Weiniger]

The chair master.

Chair master and green marinara. That's two ideas already. That could make somebody a millionaire overnight.

Right. And I've been watching a lot of Shark Tank, so I think we can take this.

[Rachel Scanlon]

We love to fake pitch ideas all the time.

[Bridger Weiniger]

High sharp sharks. Is your tomato sauce too red? And that's where we are. On the cruise ship, there was only Shark Tank. I meant to tell you that yesterday.

That's the only thing they had on the Shark Tank.

And one of the movies that like, just came out that's like all superheroes, but it's very dark. There's like men on it.

[Rachel Scanlon]

There's always men on it.

[Bridger Weiniger]

That was it.

Dark superhero.

Like, it was dark colored, you know.

Oh, thunderbolts.

Yes. Yeah, it was that or Shark Tank.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Wait, But Florence Pews in that.

[Bridger Weiniger]

We lay out love fp.

[Rachel Scanlon]

We love fp.

[Bridger Weiniger]

People seem to like the movie. I didn't see it.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Shoot, shoot, shoot.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Shoot. Anyways, I do hope that you find.

[Rachel Scanlon]

A home for those.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Of course. I've got.

[Rachel Scanlon]

You have a lot of things to.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Do with a lot of places in mind for these four peppers.

I'm also unfortunately. And I should have. I'm like a terrible gift giver.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Yeah, I know.

[Bridger Weiniger]

It's something.

That's a great gift.

Thank you.

A vegetable. Are you making it or growing any fruit?

Fruit I tried to grow. Kenny's doing fruit.

[Rachel Scanlon]

I was like, fruit's at my house.

[Bridger Weiniger]

You've got fruit. What kind of fruit?

[Rachel Scanlon]

I have lemons and limes.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Okay, easy.

[Rachel Scanlon]

And those are.

[Bridger Weiniger]

And usable.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Easy.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Wow.

Okay, wow. I don't know why. I don't know where that came from. We've been getting along this whole time.

Listen, I want to back up. I just want to say any moron could make it could grow a lemon. I keep saying.

[Rachel Scanlon]

I just want you to know. My lemons didn't. Or my lemons came in my limes didn't come in this season.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Interesting.

And that's hard, dry lime.

Well, it was. It was hot late.

[Rachel Scanlon]

It was hot late.

[Bridger Weiniger]

My corn. It's like I have an orange tree.

And they're this big and green and they've stopped. What do we think is going wrong?

Late, hot, late, hot.

Me. I mean, I am the only thing.

Well, it's personal.

[Rachel Scanlon]

It's personal.

[Bridger Weiniger]

The oranges are mad.

[Rachel Scanlon]

But you had strawberries. You did fruit. That's strawberries. Strawberries are great. A lot. They were tiny. No, they were plenty full.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah, that was when the strawberries were coming in. That was a really happy time in my life.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Didn't you have raspberries, too? Black berries.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I had. I. I planted some bloobs.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Blueberries.

[Bridger Weiniger]

They dried out bad. But I had. And Kenny knows this. I had zucchini. The. I mean, I didn't realize that you can overgrow zucchini. I must have had 50 zucchini the size of her pug.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Yeah. Actually bigger than my pug. I was side by side of the pug and the zucchini pug.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Top pug was miniature.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Miniature looks like a puppy.

People always have too much zucchini. There is no reason any person on earth should grow their own zucchini.

[Rachel Scanlon]

I agree.

[Bridger Weiniger]

What's the plan?

[Rachel Scanlon]

No, what are we going to do?

[Bridger Weiniger]

What are you going to do with that?

[Rachel Scanlon]

You're going to give it someone spaghetti squash.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Spaghetti squash. I would grow.

[Rachel Scanlon]

I would do that.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I like spaghetti squash.

Yeah, Spaghetti squash is fine if you're a loser. Okay. I think we're all thinking it, but I've been doing zucchini lasagna all summer is what we did.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Yeah, that was good.

[Bridger Weiniger]

And it was disappointing. It fluffs it up. Fluffs it up good, because that's healthy.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

You're having a vegetable. You put in 99% lean turkey.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Oh, hello.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Bonza pasta.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Hello.

[Bridger Weiniger]

This is very mom ruining dinner for sure.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Bonza pasta is bad.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah.

I love it.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Shout out to our sponsor today. Bonza.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Bonza.

No, I like a spaghetti squash with a marinara.

Yeah, Green marinara.

I'm sure you're getting green marinara now.

[Rachel Scanlon]

This is a Halloween dinner, and I'm getting hungry.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I actually really do have to figure out what time to plant stuff because I planted corn at the wrong time, melon at the wrong time, pumpkin at the right time.

Oh.

So hopefully.

I feel like in Southern California, it's hard to tell. It feels like it's always kind of time, but it's not. Yeah, but it probably could be.

It's so hard to tell what's going on.

I'm scared of life.

I'm scared.

I'm really struggling.

I need help.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Gotcha.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I need help out there, Obviously.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Oh, so Rachel's a farmer.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Rachel's a farmer.

Yeah. I love it. I love doing it.

Did you read any. Did you, like, watch any YouTube videos or read anything about how to do it or is just like, let's try this?

I just. When I was at the. The gardening store, I just picked what I wanted. And then one thing was, like, plant this now in time for Halloween. The pumpkin.

Okay.

But the rest, I'm kind of just going wrong.

[Rachel Scanlon]

All vibes.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I've been struggling with squirrels. Squirrels are.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Can I tell you?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, trying to ruin my life.

[Rachel Scanlon]

They're my arch nemesis.

[Bridger Weiniger]

What are they doing to you?

[Rachel Scanlon]

Everything. They destroy my backyard.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Keying your car.

[Rachel Scanlon]

They wake me up in the middle of the night.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, no.

[Rachel Scanlon]

I. You know me.

[Bridger Weiniger]

She's so scary with vermin.

[Rachel Scanlon]

I've seen her fucking hate a squirrel.

[Bridger Weiniger]

She became like a Republican when it comes to squirrels.

I'm starting to them. I'm used to be a big fan.

[Rachel Scanlon]

No.

[Bridger Weiniger]

And they are.

[Rachel Scanlon]

They're the worst. They destroy my backyard.

[Bridger Weiniger]

And they're very smart.

[Rachel Scanlon]

They're so smart. They know me now, and I think. No, they know. They're like, she's a bitch. They come into my backyard, they fuck it up. I spray them with the hose. I say, get the fuck out of here. And they're like, I'm coming for you. They built a hotel.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I saw Mackenzie at my butcher at party. She threw a rock at a squirrel.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Squirrel, like, nailed it.

[Bridger Weiniger]

All of the other lesbians were like.

You are going to be canceled.

[Rachel Scanlon]

All right, that. No, wait.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I will say I do not condone any of the animal abuse that these two are up to.

[Rachel Scanlon]

It wasn't a rock. It was a Nerf.

[Bridger Weiniger]

It was a gun.

[Rachel Scanlon]

It was a nerf ball that I threw at that squirrel.

[Bridger Weiniger]

The squirrel went, ow. It was crazy.

[Rachel Scanlon]

I lightly tossed. The squirrel was fine.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Everyone.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Don't cancel me.

[Bridger Weiniger]

The squirrel did run off it.

[Rachel Scanlon]

I didn't hurt it. I scared it away from the campsite.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah, but it did save us. But at the cost of every lesbian going.

[Rachel Scanlon]

They did hate me after that, right? The lesbians. Yeah. Yeah. Papa has to show up at some point.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I have a. And I don't want to brag or story top you cuties, but I have a possum issue that would scare everyone.

Okay. I Want to hear this? Because I'm. I don't love them. But I'm willing to defend them.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Poss.

[Bridger Weiniger]

There's no. Have you looked in the eyes of.

The journey I've been on with possums. Unlike anything else. Really the scariest animal in the world to me for years. And absolutely.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Is it the nose?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Demon from hell.

Demon from hell.

Is it the nose? Is it the teeth? I'm sorry. The jaw.

[Rachel Scanlon]

The jaw.

[Bridger Weiniger]

The tail.

The eyes. The coloring is not right. They look ill.

They look like they've been around since before time.

Yes.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Out of a portal. Yes. Deeply wrong.

[Bridger Weiniger]

But then you find out they're totally defenseless and real sweeties.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Are they?

[Bridger Weiniger]

They're not.

[Rachel Scanlon]

I don't like them.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I've been visit haunted by a gigantic possum.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Because you have a camera.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I have a camera. It's so big it trips the camera. Okay. Which is not. The camera's like. Don't worry. It doesn't trip on like dogs or anything. So this is the size of a dog if not more.

[Rachel Scanlon]

It's a huge possum.

[Bridger Weiniger]

It's somewhere between dog and pyramid. The size of this thing. Huge. I named her Jessica.

[Rachel Scanlon]

She looks like a Jessica.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Have I seen. I've sent you snaps and videos.

[Rachel Scanlon]

I've seen the videos. Because we were comparing. I also have a raccoon issue. Issue. Not to brag.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I now have a raccoon issue as well.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

And I don't know what you are.

Trying to top everything we possibly.

I don't know what's going on with me.

[Rachel Scanlon]

I'm scared of zootopia in my backyard. It's insane.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Mine's getting. My. My grass is getting torn up from the floor up. Same. Same. I don't know what to do.

[Rachel Scanlon]

I don't have grass anymore.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I was like. What do I do? No.

[Rachel Scanlon]

This is Real Housewives of Sherman Oaks. And it's all raccoons.

[Bridger Weiniger]

But these animals are water wise. They're trying to get you to do something that's not being watered all the time.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Interesting.

[Bridger Weiniger]

They're with the LADWP and they're saying listen. Gravel. Fake grass. Bring it in.

Fine.

[Rachel Scanlon]

These.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I'll do anything. I'm so scared. I'll show you guys a video later.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Look at my figs.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Possums are terrifying. They're so scary looking. Like I obviously don't want to marry one. But I am like if I see one I'm like. I'm not in danger. I don't want to look at it.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Aren't they nocturnal?

[Bridger Weiniger]

They are nocturnal.

[Rachel Scanlon]

So when are you seeing them?

[Bridger Weiniger]

When I take the dog out at night and they'll be up on the. When they're up on the fence.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Stop, stop, stop.

[Bridger Weiniger]

My neighbor. I asked my neighbor, who has a lemon tree. I knocked on the fence. I was like, hey, girl. Like, do you guys ever see, like, giant horrific possums named Jessica in your backyard? She goes, oh, yeah, they're not that bad. But sometimes. Just lock your door. They'll knock on your back door for some water.

[Rachel Scanlon]

No.

[Bridger Weiniger]

And I'm like, they'll knock.

[Rachel Scanlon]

They think it's opossum. It's me at night.

[Bridger Weiniger]

It's crazy.

[Rachel Scanlon]

That's nuts.

[Bridger Weiniger]

They do have hands with thumbies, too.

Yeah. Well, I don't want to say confidently, but I would assume that they probably have as many fingers as they want. Probably can change at will.

I don't like that they're shapeshifters.

[Rachel Scanlon]

I'm not a fan.

[Bridger Weiniger]

No, they do have opposable thumbs.

[Rachel Scanlon]

They do.

[Bridger Weiniger]

They've got boots.

[Rachel Scanlon]

I hate it.

[Bridger Weiniger]

And they're marsupials, so they've got some sort of pocket.

Ugh.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Excuse me.

[Bridger Weiniger]

They've got too much going on.

[Rachel Scanlon]

There's a pocket within them.

[Bridger Weiniger]

There must be. Right? They've got the marsupial.

[Rachel Scanlon]

I haven't heard marsupial the word since.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I was in school. I don't even know what the fuck. It's not right. They do have a pouch. Yeah.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Wait, where's the pouch located?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, it's probably on their spine. It's probably the absolute worst. It's probably on, like, the back of their skull.

They carry all their friends on their body.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Wait, for real? Wait, Voice gods. Where's the pouch?

[Bridger Weiniger]

I. I think it's where you think it is.

It's probably, you know, like, kangaroo style.

Oh.

Which I don't love to hear.

I hate to hear that.

I saw the inside of a kangaroo pouch recently for the first time.

Time.

It was not as bad as I expected, but still not great to see.

Right.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Wait, how did you see it? Is this irl?

[Bridger Weiniger]

No, I wish I pried one open. Let me look in here. What's happening? No Instagram video. And it's not as wet as I expected it to be, so I was happy about that.

[Rachel Scanlon]

I expected it to be wet.

[Bridger Weiniger]

It's inside the body. It's like, what's happening there?

[Rachel Scanlon]

I feel like it would be like a hoodie.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Not like a hoodie. It should be fur lined and then it would be kind of normal. It's not that it's not fur lined. Mind skin.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Not having fun anymore.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I'm obsessed.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Kind of looks like I want to go.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Like, if there was a little light bulb in it, it would be. It would light up.

Oh, my God. Yeah.

But on a kangaroo has everything else working for it, though. It's a cute looking thing.

[Rachel Scanlon]

The vibes are good.

[Bridger Weiniger]

But the possum is just like. Everything went wrong with this creature.

Yeah. People. It was not right. It was meant to make you be fear.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

It was meant to kill Babadook.

It's not scared of me either. Which sucks, because when I yell at Jessica, she's like, she doesn't leave. She's like, I was here long before you.

[Rachel Scanlon]

She is someone's agent, though, for sure.

[Bridger Weiniger]

They don't have to leave. They don't have to leave because they're so scary.

Right?

Because they're like. Things will usually run away from me.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

But the poor things, they probably want to have friends and they just simply cannot make a friend in the world because they're disgusting.

They are so disgusting. And I would, but they have good hearts. I wish I could be left alone.

[Rachel Scanlon]

But you know what? You're gonna miss Jessica when she's gone.

[Bridger Weiniger]

She's me and my peppers.

She's probably doing something. She's probably protecting you.

Well, because when she left, the raccoons came. So now I am like, I don't know what's worse. Yeah.

And they will skin you, right? They will skin you alive.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Raccoons are nasty.

[Bridger Weiniger]

They are. They're worse than Jessica.

Way worse.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Way worse. They get into my shit.

[Bridger Weiniger]

What?

They're not nice.

Oh, no.

Vicious.

I told my wife I want to get a gun and she won't let me. Me.

Okay.

Okay. Well, not like an actual gun, like a Nerf. Like a.

Like a machine gun or.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Not like a little pistol.

[Bridger Weiniger]

No.

[Rachel Scanlon]

A real one.

[Bridger Weiniger]

No, like something that would not kill. Cuz I'm not going to handle that. Yes, exactly.

Again, this is a tough.

You guys, where are you from? Okay. The desert.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Arizona.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I'm from Utah, so we're from places where they should be on your side.

[Rachel Scanlon]

And I am deeply not.

[Bridger Weiniger]

So nobody will let me have a BB gun to scare Jessica.

Where are you from?

Minnesota.

Yeah, we're all from places where we.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Should be no better friendly. Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

No, you shouldn't have a gun.

I can't believe this.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Nobody needs to own a gun.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Air pump.

An air pump.

Airsoft.

Oh, airsoft. Maybe.

Okay. Okay.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Now get a Nerf gun.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Nerf gun.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Nerf gun. I would say Or a water gun. Water gun. Safe.

[Bridger Weiniger]

You guys are. You guys can't handle what's going on in my house.

No, you can't.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Infestation.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I can't. You're right.

You're the person who can't.

I actually can't, I think.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Throw cherry tomatoes at them.

[Bridger Weiniger]

All right.

Oh, God. God. Just begging them to come towards you. Good luck. Oh, I think we should play a game.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Let's do it.

[Bridger Weiniger]

We're gonna play a game called Gift Master. But first, I need a number between 1 and 10 from you.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Two.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Okay. I have to do some. That's a good number. I have to do some light calculating to get our game pieces. So right now you can promote, recommend, do whatever you want. I'll be right back.

Mackenzie and I are going on our fall tour. We are Two Dikes and a Mic. You can get tickets at two Dikes and a Mic dot com. We'll be. Be getting a bunch of cities between now and November.

[Rachel Scanlon]

And we do standup and a live episode of our podcast, Hot. And sometimes we dance.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, yeah, we do. I hope we. And sometimes we kiss. Should I not even tell them that?

[Rachel Scanlon]

Well, you already did.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Shit. We don't do. We don't.

[Rachel Scanlon]

And also, you do standup comedy. You're also on the road.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I'll be touring. I'm headlining some shows in the fall as well. I am, like, hiding a sneeze. I don't know if you can see it coming through my body.

[Rachel Scanlon]

I'm trying to make it come out somewhere else.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Trying to work through.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Through it.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Okay, now where was I? My tickets are rachelscanlundcomedy.com and you can follow me at Rachel Scanlan Comedy everywhere. And that's where you can see where I'm at and what I'm doing.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Sexy.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah.

Gorgeous. Annalise, delete all that audio. No, everybody go do everything there. These two are wonderful. What do I. Okay, I've already said patreon. And then I need to recommend. There's a book called the Podcast Pantheon. Our friend Sean Malan, who used to or maybe currently writes for Vulture, has a new book all about podcasts. It's wonderful. He's such a sweet. He's such a great writer. And is there a small mention of the podcast in there? Hard to say, but if you love podcasts, that kind of thing, go read it. He really is such a terrific writer and, you know, entertainment journalism, that kind of thing. We should be paying the good people to do their thing. Otherwise, it's. And God bless them. 8th grade lesbians reviewing all of our movies.

Yeah. God bless them.

They haven't made out, you know, English class yet.

Yet. Not yet.

[Rachel Scanlon]

They know.

[Bridger Weiniger]

They know.

[Rachel Scanlon]

They know what's good.

[Bridger Weiniger]

They do know what's good. They just need the skills and they need a career path to look forward to.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Amen. Amen.

[Bridger Weiniger]

But I think that's everything. Oh, and I love this album. Yes. Music by Carl Frog. Love Carl Frog. If you look him up, everyone should be listening to this guy. Wonderful, mysterious Australian. Okay, this is how we play gift master. I'm going to name three celebrities, three pieces, and then I'm going to name three gifts, three items you can give away. You're going to tell me which celebrity you would give which gift, and why. Does that make perfect sense?

Yep.

Okay. The people we'll be playing with today are, Number one, Ian McKellen. Sir Ian McKellen.

Is he Magneto?

He is Magneto. Yes. Christina Hendricks, also Magneto.

She's Magneto. She's two Magnetos.

She's two magnets. She could be an ex person.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Yeah, I feel like she gives the vibes of an ex.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, yeah, she could be. What's the redheaded one?

[Rachel Scanlon]

Not Storm.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Storm.

Wait, what's her. It's something like that where she's, like, sad. She's like. I don't know if I fit in here.

Jean Grey, Right.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Wait, played by Famka. Do you guys remember her?

[Bridger Weiniger]

No.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Yeah. Famka Jensen.

[Bridger Weiniger]

It's so weird that we were talking X Men yesterday.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Were we?

[Bridger Weiniger]

It's on everybody's lips.

Yeah. Because I was like, it's Rebecca Romaine, but it's.

Oh, right. Mystique.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I love Mystique.

[Rachel Scanlon]

The first cast. First cast was the best.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Unfortunately, they had the director of the.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Yeah, for sure, for sure, for sure, for sure, for sure.

[Bridger Weiniger]

We don't.

[Rachel Scanlon]

And we don't say that, and we don't say his name, and we just keep it moving. Bad dude.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, oh, you don't want to know.

[Rachel Scanlon]

You don't want to know.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Any director I'm assuming is bad.

Every single one of them. Okay. And then the third person. So We've got Ian McKellen, Sir Ian McKellen, Sir Christina Hendricks, and the entire Copa family.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Love.

[Bridger Weiniger]

So that's a quite a family tree.

For people who don't know the Coppola.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Family, they are only known for wine, I think.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, simply wine. They've done nothing else. They love wine.

[Rachel Scanlon]

They love wine.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Okay, then the three gifts you'll be giving away today are. Number one, a Retweet so that, you know, you'll retweet one of their tweets. Number two, rat teeth. And number three, this is from a listener named Sam. She suggested unbridled rage.

That's great. Great suggestion. Instinct alone.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

For Christina, the teeth. Right, the teeth. Without a doubt.

[Rachel Scanlon]

We love women, and we know that she's gonna want that gift. That's the best gift of all three.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Well, yeah, she could work with them, and she could work with them. New chapter of the career.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I do feel like also, teeth. Like, you can easily turn that into jewelry and anything.

[Rachel Scanlon]

She could do so much and turn.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Them into jewelry immediately.

Yeah, yeah. I'm thinking.

Okay. I was assuming in mouth.

Oh, you're. That's a rat.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Yeah, that's a rat's head.

[Bridger Weiniger]

That would be a rat. What the is? You don't give a rat to Garcia.

The gift is Hendrix. She gets rat teeth.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

The teeth are in mouth.

Teeth are in mouth.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Then we have to enrage. Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Then we delete what we've said before. Delete it.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Give her a ret tweet.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Give her.

I want to give her big on Twitter.

[Rachel Scanlon]

What are we giving her rage for, though? I need to know, what's the backstory? What's our motivation for the rage in your life?

[Bridger Weiniger]

First of all, imagine you're Christina Hendricks. You got her body.

[Rachel Scanlon]

You have enough rage. Trust me.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I think that's what I'm saying. It's like we fuel her rage because I can't imagine living my life that hot.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Yeah, I agree.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I would be pissed, but I feel.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Like she already has rage.

[Bridger Weiniger]

So you give her a retweet on what? Is she on Twitter?

She's trying to make it big.

[Rachel Scanlon]

She's trying to make.

[Bridger Weiniger]

We can help her.

[Rachel Scanlon]

You and me.

[Bridger Weiniger]

You and me. Me.

She probably had a cute tweet, a little quip that she wrote. No one retweeted it. And she's like, I wish somebody would share this tweet.

I feel like cuz the Copa.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Copa, Copa.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I'm giving those. That rat head.

[Rachel Scanlon]

To the Copas.

[Bridger Weiniger]

To the Copas.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Because they need that.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Every one of them has rat teeth. Yeah, that seems good. That family needs something slowing them down.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Yes, I agree. Are they good at.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Are they good at what?

[Rachel Scanlon]

They're good at things.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah.

They're directing movies. They're doing the wine. They have rat teeth.

Yeah, yeah.

Nicolas Cage. Rat teeth.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Sofia Coppola. Rat teeth.

Yep.

Roman Coppola. Rat teeth.

Yeah. And just picture Like, I don't know if sometimes you can just play it off as, like, this is a really rare rat head.

[Rachel Scanlon]

I agree. I agree. They. If you said that we got this.

[Bridger Weiniger]

At auction, I'm sorry, you're still giving them just a. No. They have teeth in their mouth that are rat teeth. That's the gift.

[Rachel Scanlon]

So wait, wait. We're losing the plot. I fully lost it.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Wait, how do I have to keep bringing it back? Their teeth disappear, and suddenly now their teeth are full of rat teeth.

[Rachel Scanlon]

So you.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I'm so sorry. I did not understand that at all. At all.

[Rachel Scanlon]

I thought we had loose rat teeth.

[Bridger Weiniger]

And we are giving them.

[Rachel Scanlon]

We're giving.

[Bridger Weiniger]

How many rat teeth are you giving away?

[Rachel Scanlon]

I mean.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, my. I mean, I was taking just a handful of rat.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Here's the thing. I have a friend who's super into this type of stuff.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Okay, Do. By the way, do you know what I'm talking about? Of course.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Yeah. He loves this type of stuff. He has a lot of, like, probably in his. In his office, dead rats. He loves stuff on display that. Jars in jars.

[Bridger Weiniger]

A lot of feldahide, like, for witch brew.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Yes, he loves that stuff. So I have given him teeth before. So to me, I'm like, yes, you give teeth.

[Bridger Weiniger]

A lot of lesbians are using teeth as jewelry, so I'm assuming that's what you were talking about. But you mean we are giving them.

Jason Schwarzman has his mouth is full of rats.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Oh, yeah, for sure. The family.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah, yeah. We're giving the family.

Part of the family. Yes, I think so.

The rat teeth. For sure.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Yeah. That makes it actually way easier. Christina Hendricks. I agree. Let's give her rage.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah. I want to see her.

[Rachel Scanlon]

I want to see her.

[Bridger Weiniger]

And because there's nothing hotter than Christina Hendrick's rage. Mad.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Yeah. Yes.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Just smacking me. Smacking, smacking me around. Yeah, I like that.

She had so many reasons to be mad in Mad Men.

[Rachel Scanlon]

For sure.

[Bridger Weiniger]

For sure.

[Rachel Scanlon]

For sure.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Not treated well.

No, no.

And was really good at her job.

[Rachel Scanlon]

She's so talented. We love her.

[Bridger Weiniger]

She's. And I'm. I don't want to make it all about this, but her body's insane. H. And she's smart as well. And I like the way that she does her job and I respect her from toe to tip. Inside out. But also, if we can for a second, talk about the out if we want to.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Everyone has already talked about it.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Have we? Has people clear?

[Rachel Scanlon]

Not on this episode of this podcast, Body Goes Crazy. All right.

[Bridger Weiniger]

You gotta keep it Together on a cruise with 100 Christina Hendricks.

Sun damage. She's getting wagged at. She's not a real ginger, actually.

[Rachel Scanlon]

She's not.

[Bridger Weiniger]

That's the big secret.

Whoa. What color is her hair?

But, I mean, it's hard to. It is really hard to pull off ginger and make people think you are. She's done it perfectly.

[Rachel Scanlon]

She's done a great job. And that's what I was doing. I imagine I was doing this.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Wow. I'd love to see her PO'd, though, for real. Mad at me specifically. I would like.

[Rachel Scanlon]

She would be. Was if she. She heard this for sure. And then we're giving Ian.

[Bridger Weiniger]

He's getting the retweets.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Yeah. Because he's never been on Twitter before.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right? His first. He'll need some help getting off on getting.

Can he stand for off?

[Rachel Scanlon]

And that's what our podcast likes to give.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah. Can he stand for real?

[Rachel Scanlon]

Stand up.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Can Ian McKellen stand?

I'm sure. Okay.

[Rachel Scanlon]

What do you mean?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yes, like the guy from Glee can stand. You know what I mean? What?

What are you talking about?

Are you guys crazy?

[Rachel Scanlon]

Oh, Magneto.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Magneto is not in a wheelchair.

I'm picturing the wrong man.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Yeah, you're picturing the wrong.

[Bridger Weiniger]

So who's man.

He's Gandalf.

Yeah, got it.

[Rachel Scanlon]

He's the villain.

[Bridger Weiniger]

He's the villain.

[Rachel Scanlon]

He's the villain.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Wow.

Well, Gandalf's not the villain, but Magneto's the villain with the helmet.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Gandalf has always been my villain.

[Bridger Weiniger]

When I bring it up, I'm like, what?

[Rachel Scanlon]

I'm with the tower. I'm sorry.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Is he Lord of the R? You know, I don't understand any of this world, but we'll retweet him.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Beautifully done.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Thank you.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I feel like they're all going to appreciate that and the Coppolas are going to just terrorize society. And it'll be perfect.

[Rachel Scanlon]

They already have. They already do.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Sophia, reach out. Okay. This is the final segment of the podcast. People are sending in voice notes. They're emailing. I said no. Giftsmail.com. will you help me answer a question?

[Rachel Scanlon]

I'd love to.

[Bridger Weiniger]

All right. On. Elise, do we have some audio? Hello, Bridger. And blatantly disrespectful guests. This is Matt with a question that's not about gifts. I used to be a history teacher, so I have a history related question. If you could Transport yourself for 24 hours to any place and time in history, when and where would that be? You'd snap Your fingers. You'd automatically be there again. Could be any location, anytime. When and where would you choose? Thanks for answering my question. Okay.

Great audio.

Beautifully recorded.

[Rachel Scanlon]

I love this.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Perfectly recorded.

Good job.

Thank you, Matt. Thank you, Matt. Do you want to go or should I go?

You go.

[Rachel Scanlon]

You go.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Okay. 24 hours. Okay. This sort of question, it's always like, oh, you have to take care of something. You have to stop something. You have to stop someone. That's not my job. I'm not a janitor. No, I'm not. You know, I'm not taking on any responsibility whatsoever. So clearing all of that out of the way and trying to help anybody. Let's see here. My first instinct is last Thursday in Glendale.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Oh, yeah? What happened?

[Bridger Weiniger]

24 hours, nothing. But, you know, just another day. Go shopping, have lunch.

The Galleria.

Go to the galleria. Do a DTF.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Get the car washed.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Yes.

[Bridger Weiniger]

24 hours in Glendale, last Thursday.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Options are endless.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Why not? And then the pressure's off to change anything. You know, it's just me having a nice day. Finally, I get some time alone to run some errands. That's one I don't know. Let's see. Deep history. What's deep history?

[Rachel Scanlon]

You have to think about it. You can go anywhere.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Let's see.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Anytime.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Jfk assassination. I love parades. Yeah, I love parades.

[Rachel Scanlon]

I love a parade.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I'm not stopping anything.

No.

[Rachel Scanlon]

I'm not a witness. I just want to see what happens.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I love a parade.

I just want to see what happened.

And I can end up in the footage.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Dancing around in the back. Kind of pull focus from what's going on.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Definitely. You'd pull focus.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah.

[Rachel Scanlon]

This is great.

[Bridger Weiniger]

What about you two? Let's see. I'm gonna keep thinking.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Okay.

[Bridger Weiniger]

But I'll also be listening.

[Rachel Scanlon]

I was gonna say.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah, please.

[Rachel Scanlon]

I believe it's the 2003 MTV Movie Awards.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yes. Oh, yes.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Oh, MTV. Excuse me. Music Awards.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Okay.

[Rachel Scanlon]

The VMAs.

[Bridger Weiniger]

The good ones.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

The VMAs.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera and Madonna. I want to be there for rehearsal, and I want to be there for the moment it happens.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yes.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Yeah. That's where I would go.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Were they. Was that part of a song or was it just. What were they singing?

[Rachel Scanlon]

Madonna was started out doing Hollywood.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Okay.

[Rachel Scanlon]

So she comes down by herself. She sings a little bit of. I love that song. Love it. It was my wedding song. She comes down, she sings Hollywood. And then they start. What song did they make out to?

[Bridger Weiniger]

I feel like it was.

[Rachel Scanlon]

I think it then it goes into Madonna, back into I'm a Virgin.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Okay. That was gonna say.

[Rachel Scanlon]

And then they go back into Hollywood, I think.

[Bridger Weiniger]

God bless it. A medley.

[Rachel Scanlon]

It's a medley of Hollywood and I'm a virgin.

[Bridger Weiniger]

It's like a virgin.

I'm a virgin.

[Rachel Scanlon]

I'm a virgin.

[Bridger Weiniger]

You're making me laugh a lot.

[Rachel Scanlon]

What's yours?

[Bridger Weiniger]

I wanna.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Okay, this is the first time we hooked up.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I wanna go back to that night and relive it and do it again.

[Rachel Scanlon]

And I want to do worse.

[Bridger Weiniger]

For the record, we have had sex.

[Rachel Scanlon]

With each other and it's worse.

[Bridger Weiniger]

It worse every time.

[Rachel Scanlon]

We're always like, let's make it. Let's make it better this time.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I keep trying to, like, perform better, but I can't.

Maybe this time I just can't stop crying.

I just don't know how. I kind of want to go back in time to the Isle of Lesbos, kind of where it all began for our people. Kind of get my. Weave my way into Sapphos's poetry. Oh, so that when you're such a narcissist. Look back now. Now they're like, now, who was that young fella?

[Rachel Scanlon]

Same name, though. Rachel Scott.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Rachel Scanlon. Yeah. Yeah. That's kind of. That's what I was thinking.

[Rachel Scanlon]

That's a great, great answer.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah. Right?

[Rachel Scanlon]

Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, yeah. And then anytime it gets brought up, you can wink.

Yeah. And be like, I wonder who that's about.

[Rachel Scanlon]

I was named after her.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right. People like, oh, you must have been named after Rachel's poetry. And I'm like, yeah. Little did I know, it's you. It's me all along.

[Rachel Scanlon]

That's a good one.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah.

I feel like those are good answers.

Your answer was incredible.

Yeah. That's a nice.

Thank you.

[Rachel Scanlon]

I mean, I think that. Or I would love to have been there on of Jennifer's body when they do the makeout scene. Oh, that would have been a huge.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Maybe the day before the reviews came out and you could leave one good review.

Yeah, I like that.

[Rachel Scanlon]

It wasn't. It was never in the zeitgeist for the mainstream media.

[Bridger Weiniger]

It needed to go through.

Yeah. It was for us.

[Rachel Scanlon]

It was for lesbians.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I think a couple years ago it went on Hulu. And then the younger generation of dykes who were too young for when it originally came out were like, oh, my God, this movie. And that's a beautiful thing to watch.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Yeah. I don't need it to be a Transformers. I need it to be ours.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right, right.

Transformers. Oh, perfect movie. Perfect. Yeah. Perfect. Perfect film, perfect franchise.

[Rachel Scanlon]

We love Michael Bay. We have a Michael Bay podcast we're about to launch.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah, we do. Yeah.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Called Michael Gay.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yes. And so we. We talk about all of the sapphic energy within all of Michael Bay's films.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Right. Tune into that.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah, it's really.

How many movies does he have? About 10.

[Rachel Scanlon]

He has a lot. He has all the Bad boys, all the Transformers.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah. He did all the Shreks.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Mamma Mia's.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Mamma Mia's. He did all of The Sister Act 1 and 2.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

And spice World.

[Rachel Scanlon]

And he did Spice World.

[Bridger Weiniger]

My Big Fat Creek wedding.

[Rachel Scanlon]

We love him.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah. He's. He's such a good supporter of us and it's just been so nice to have his backing.

Well, to have such a light touch.

Yeah. Yeah. But he has a way with the queer community and we all know that.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Yes.

[Bridger Weiniger]

And he loves, loves, loves Lesbos.

Well, we answered it perfectly. No one can complain. Matt can't complain. Those are the perfect answers. Matt, don't send another voice note back in, please. You've done your job. I've got my beautiful gifts. I forgot basically four snacks while I watch the movie.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Perfect.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Just chomp away.

They do go together.

They go together perfectly.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Rotting Pepper and Jennifer's body.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah.

I've had such a wonderful time with you two. Oh, my God.

[Rachel Scanlon]

Thank you.

[Bridger Weiniger]

We've had best. The blast.

Thank you for being here. Thank you for coming back from Europe.

Yes, you're welcome.

And thank you for staying.

Coming back from hell.

From hell.

Thank you for ascending from the depths.

Below for a few minutes and listener. The podcast is over. It's just done. I mean, what. What can any of us do? You've got to move on. I'll do whatever I can. And I love you. Goodbye. I said no Gifts is an exactly right production. Our senior producer is Annelise Nelson and our episodes are beautifully mixed by Ben Tolliday. The theme song is by miracle worker Amy Mann. And we couldn't do it without our booker, Patrick Cotner. You must follow the show on Instagram at isaidnogifts. That's where you're going. To see pictures of all these wonderful gifts I'm getting. And don't you want to see the gifts?

Well, I invited you here. Thought I made myself perfectly clear. When you're a guest in my home, you gotta come to me empty handed. I said no guests. Your presence is present. And I already had too much stuff, so how do you dare disobey me?

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[Rachel Scanlon]

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