Nicole Byer and Sasheer Zamata Disobey Bridger

Summary

Podcast Summary

Overview

In this episode of I Said No Gifts!, comedian and host Bridger Winegar welcomes the dynamic duo Nicole Byer and Sasheer Zamata for a delightfully offbeat, laugh-packed conversation. As usual, Bridger requests no gifts — a rule the guests gleefully ignore, using their gifts as springboards for humorous tangents about home improvement, nostalgia, tattoos, snack foods, reality TV, and the etiquette of phone calls. Amidst their camaraderie, the trio delivers memorable quips and relatable frustration about modern life, sneaks in pop culture tips, and answers listener dilemmas with their signature irreverence.

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Key Discussion Points & Segments

[02:25 - 05:04] Catching Up & Live Show Recap

• Bridger recounts the recent live podcast show, the supportive audience, and discusses his “thighs” becoming a running joke.
• The trio notes it’s their first in-person, non-Zoom recording, reminiscing about their previous appearances during high-stress moments (the pandemic and Bridger’s home flooding).

“People were so supportive of my thighs and we did a puzzle.” – Bridger (02:32)

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[05:04 - 09:00] Messy Girl Characters & Literary Tangents

• Nicole and Bridger nostalgic for messy girl children’s book characters: Pippi Longstocking, Junie B. Jones, and Amelia Bedelia, riffing on their "messy" branding and the absurd literalism of Bedelia.
• Typhoid Mary is compared to Amelia Bedelia for her comic ineptitude.

“She should have been fired day one.” – Nicole on Amelia Bedelia (06:57)

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[09:00 - 13:02] Period Pieces & Architectural Nostalgia

• The group riffs on period dramas—Nicole confesses a newfound love for The Gilded Age, while Sasheer avoids historical shows in favor of futuristic settings.
• They lament the bland, ‘sun-drenched cafe’ aesthetic and pine for buildings with “crannies” and “fun details.”
• Nostalgia for wild home makeover shows of the 2000s like Trading Spaces is shared.

“We need to get more crannies in the culture... we’re missing crannies.” – Bridger (13:28)

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[13:59 - 18:00] Home Improvement Fails & Power Washing

• Nicole and Sasheer discuss minor home repairs, contrasting the ease of DIY painting and wallpaper with the tedium of execution.
• They bond over the satisfying experience of power washing.

“Boy, you never know how dirty something is until you power wash it.” – Nicole (16:59)

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[19:27 - 24:46] Apocalyptic Planning & Repopulation

• Sasheer describes a “flex space” in her home (“rumpus room”) and shares nuclear apocalypse shelter plans, revealing her deep dive into prepping TikTok.
• The group debates whether they’d want to survive post-apocalypse and the futility of repopulating the world.

“If that's coming for me, take me away. Fifi Dobson me.” – Nicole (21:47)

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[24:46 - 31:45] Pantsless Cartoons, Gifts Arrive & Live Show Fashion

• The trio explores the gendered double standard in cartoon couture (male characters with just shirts vs. clothed female cartoons).
• Bridger reveals the origin of the thigh jokes—he wore athleisure tunics and, at the live show, an outfit fashioned from three t-shirts.
• Discussion: Winnie the Pooh's single mom kangaroo friend, and the “found family” dynamic of that ragtag gang.

“You're like Winnie the Pooh. Donald Duck type situation.” – Nicole (28:00)

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[31:00 - 44:28] Gift Reveal: Hats, Tattoos, and Deodorant

[31:00 - 38:18] Sasheer’s Gift: Robin Eisenberg x Weedmaps Hat

• Sasheer gifts Bridger a hat from a Robin Eisenberg collaboration; conversation covers hats, bucket hats, and Jamiroquai music videos. They lament the inaccessibility of old MTV/VH1 content and champion buying physical media, envisioning a Blockbuster resurgence.

“You’ll be a king if you have Blu Rays.” – Nicole (35:34)

[38:18 - 44:28] Nicole’s Gift: MegaBabe Deodorant & Rabble Rouser Tattoo Card

• Nicole gifts a roll-on deodorant (accidentally ordered instead of anti-chafing cream) and a tattoo shop card, launching a discussion of tattoo shops, appointment logistics, and first tattoo stories.
• The trio debates deodorant forms and etiquette for application (before or after dressing), with a live show audience poll referenced.

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[44:29 – 56:01] Tattoo Deep Dive

• Both guests share tattoo origin stories:
  • Nicole’s food-themed butt tattoos (with phrases like “stick it in these buns” and “when life gives you lemon, suck a dick”)
  • Sasheer’s sentimental chair tattoo and tiger motif.
• Bridger reveals he’s contemplating a tattoo of his dog drawn by Lisa Hanawalt.

“It’s like the salad bar at Sizzler — all food tattoos on your butt.” – Bridger (55:41)

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[56:01 – 61:40] Dental Drama & Tooth Care Debate

• The group commiserates over dental procedures and maintenance—fillings, retainer hassles, and the mental drain of dental appointments.
• Confessions abound regarding inconsistent flossing.
• Nicole champions daily mouthwash use (“Rockefeller, we found the leak in your account!” – Bridger, 60:14), while Bridger confesses he doesn’t use it daily.

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[62:00 – 64:33] MOUTH GOSS: Retainers, Flossing, Waterpicks

• Extended riff on the struggles of permanent retainers and sneaky dentist recommendations.

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[64:38 – 67:55] Trick or Treat: Halloween & Retro Candy Memories

• Sidebar on underappreciated Halloween candy: Tootsie Rolls, fruit-flavored Tootsie variants, Runts (esp. banana), and Fun Dip.
• Nicole admits to loving the Fun Dip stick more than the powder (“I would just eat the sticks and...just straight up eat the stick. I’m sick.” – Nicole, 67:12).

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[70:03 – 73:46] Amazon Shopping, Grocery Stores & Sitting Cashiers

• Nicole discusses canceling her Amazon Prime to curb impulse buys.
• Lighthearted complaints about retail—locked-up items, cashier standing mandates, and the need for architectural imagination in store layouts.

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[73:46 – 76:02] Self Promotion & Listener Community

• Nicole and Sasheer plug their joint podcast, Best Friends (“on Headgum, new every Wednesday, now with video episodes!”), and, individually, “Why Won’t You Date Me?” and “90 Day Bae.”
• Bridger floats possible I Said No Gifts! listener group names (“Secret Wives”) and the fun of show-specific fandom.

“I would love to be a secret wife. Keep me a secret, pop me out every now and again.” – Nicole (74:54)

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[76:02 – 87:08] Gift or a Curse! (Game Segment)

Highlights & Answers:

1. Panda Express - Sasheer says curse for being low effort, Nicole says gift “for some.” Correct: Curse (“They've taken over every mall...and it's just not that good.” – Bridger, 78:09)
2. Stranger helping you park with hand gestures – Both say curse, correct. (“Get away. Go home. Go inside. Get off my back, dude.” – Nicole, 79:48)
3. Shaving a beard after years – Both say curse, correct. (“We all got used to a certain face...Now you've revealed it and we have to be the judge of it.” – Sasheer, 81:31)
4. The Traitors (TV) – when traitors win (Annaliese’s pick): Unanimous gift. (“I think it’s nice to see evil win...the villain’s always more exciting.” – Bridger, 83:56)

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[87:08 – 93:44] Listener Question: How to Avoid Phone Calls

• Beth writes in about people who call in the middle of a text exchange.
• Nicole and Sasheer advocate for clear boundaries (“office hours” for calls), use of “do not disturb,” plausible deniability, and even lying about not having a call plan.
• Bridger suggests simply being unpleasant or slow to respond, adding: “The phone on my terms — it feels incredible.” (91:32)

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[93:44 – End] Grocery Shopping Joys & Farewells

• Nicole and Bridger differ over grocery shopping fun; Nicole shares needing help to reach Ritz Bits and the benefits of community via grocery aisles.
• Bridger signs off by expressing gratitude and “moves on with his day,” as per show tradition.

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Notable Quotes (with Timestamps)

• Bridger:

  • “We need to get more crannies in the culture...we’re missing crannies.” (13:28)
  • “If that's coming for me, take me away. Fifi Dobson me.” (21:47)
  • “You're like Winnie the Pooh...Donald Duck type situation.” (28:00)
  • “It’s like the salad bar at Sizzler — all food tattoos on your butt.” (55:41)
  • “I would love to be a secret wife. Keep me a secret, pop me out every now and again.” (74:54)

• Nicole:

  • “She should have been fired day one.” [on Amelia Bedelia] (06:57)
  • “Boy, you never know how dirty something is until you power wash it.” (16:59)
  • “If a nuclear bomb...is coming for me, take me away.” (21:47)
  • “I love food. I love silly food.” (49:02)
  • “I love the Fun Dip stick. Sometimes...I would just eat the stick. I’m sick.” (67:12)

• Sasheer:

  • “If someone is skilled at tricking people, they should win, right?” [on Traitors TV] (85:18)
  • “I would never let someone out in the world where they didn’t look good.” (38:34)

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Timestamps of Important Segments

• [02:25] – Start of episode proper; live show talk, pandemic flashbacks
• [05:04] – “Messy girl” lit & Amelia Bedelia discussion
• [09:00] – Period pieces and TV nostalgia
• [13:59] – Home makeovers, design nostalgia
• [16:45] – Power washing and domestic upgrades
• [19:27] – Sasheer’s “flex space”/apocalypse corner
• [24:46] – “Pantsless” cartoon critique & live show fashion
• [31:00] – Gift unwrapping: Robin Eisenberg hat, tattoo shop card, deodorant
• [38:18] – Tattoo stories/traditions
• [56:36] – Dental confessions & retainer miseries
• [64:38] – Halloween candies & Fun Dip reminiscence
• [73:46] – Podcast plugs & “Secret Wives” naming
• [76:02] – Gift or a Curse! game
• [87:08] – Listener question: dodging phone calls
• [93:44] – Farewell and final banter

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Final Vibe and Tone

This episode is trademark I Said No Gifts! — warm, self-deprecating, irreverent, comfortable, and frequently silly. The banter is playful yet barbed, their pop culture knowledge deep, with plenty of asides, anecdotes, playful jabs, and off-the-cuff social commentary. Nicole and Sasheer’s chemistry shines through, making the episode feel like a “best friends catching up” hangout, perfectly suited for listeners who adore witty conversational comedy and the casual intimacy of podcast culture.

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In short:
A perfect episode for fans of relatable nonsense, gentle chaos, outsider observations, and deadpan humor. Expect more giggles than gifts, and a lingering desire for bottomless chips at Chili’s (as Nicole would insist).

Transcript

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[B]

Welcome to I said no gifts. I'm Bridger Weiniger, not that that's any of your business. Here we are. We're in the studio. What's going on? Over the weekend we did the live show. We had such a wonderful time. People were so supportive of my thighs and we did a puzzle. If you like my thighs or puzzles. Maybe we'll do those at the next live show as well. You never know. But I do feel the support for my thighs and that's all that really matters. So that was the big event and then I did nothing for two days except for get scratched by a branch. And you know, I used to really love trees. But we should probably do a scratch reveal. You're going to be shocked. Look at this. Look at that scratch right in the showing place. You know, I can't cover this up. It's too hot for a long sleeve. So I don't know. That's basically what happened. My horoscope today told me to break one rule this week. So maybe I'll kill my neighbor. I don't know. We'll find something to do and. Okay. And then I think that's all of my important business. And then, of course, the Patreon continues to exist. Patreon.com isaidnogifts and I think by the time this episode comes out, I will be now covering the Real Housewives of Salt Lake City season six. And I'm the only person who should be covering this thing. I've been to beauty lab and laser hundreds of times for photos. I haven't gotten any work done. I've been to the same holiday oil as Lisa Barlow to get a diet Dr. Pepper. I am the expert, so be prepared for that. And I think that's everything. I'm really excited about today's guests. Everyone loves both of them. Everyone loves them together. It's Nicole Byer and Sashir Zemeda. Hi, you two. Welcome to. I said no gifts.

[A]

Thank you for having us.

[B]

Oh, I'm so happy to have you here. You've both been here over zoom.

[A]

Yeah. Yes.

[B]

But now for here in person.

[A]

Yes, I know, it's nice. I love it. We love in person things.

[B]

Oh, I feel so fellowship, community, being able to respond in real time.

[A]

Yes. And I'll be like, what did you. What was. Oh, I'm sorry. You were lagging. Sorry. There's a leaf blower outside.

[B]

You were both kind of on the podcast in different. Very high stress times in my life. Sashir during early pandemic and Nicole during my home flooding.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And so it's nice that the biggest thing. Well, now I've got a scratch on my arm.

[A]

And, you know, comparatively, not so bad. Not so bad.

[B]

Well, speak for yourself.

[A]

But this could be a fun new project where you cover it with makeup because you're freckled so you can have a fun time matching.

[B]

Oh, my God, a whole art project.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Start with like a full. What is it? Concealer.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And then get maybe a pencil. What's the pencil called? Like an eyebrow pencil.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Go full. Like dumb Halloween costume.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Do you know what Halloween costume I hate is? When pigtails and freckles on the face with the.

[A]

You don't like Pippi Long stockings Long. Who she Long.

[B]

Stockings, Pippi.

[A]

Long, shocking. Shocking. It is shocking.

[B]

That's probably the original pronunciation.

[A]

Long, shocking.

[B]

Long, Shocking.

[A]

The way I said it was. I was like, am I having a stroke? Will one of us have to be in peril? No. Long stocking. Which I guess it's an interesting thing that that's how they're describing her. Like, her stockings are long, but not her legs. Like, her legs are also interesting.

[B]

Or did she have really short legs for the stockings?

[A]

Oh. Oh, but they don't. I mean, in the pictures that I remember in my brain, the stockings aren't falling off of her or, like, baggy.

[B]

They're not loose.

[A]

They're just, like, on her legs.

[B]

Right. What did that have to do with her character at all?

[A]

I think she was a little messy.

[B]

Oh, she was messy.

[A]

I think that's what they're trying to insinuate. Cause her hair was like. And then her stockings were so long. I'm not super, super familiar with.

[B]

I'm not either.

[A]

I'm not either. I know. Junie B. Jones.

[B]

Oh, I don't even know who that is.

[A]

No, no. Junie B. Jones.

[B]

Junie B. Jones. I love that.

[A]

Junie B. Jones was, like, a sassy girl. And I would read her book. She always had something to say. What does she look like? Messy.

[B]

They're always messy girl. Messy girls, like, girls are not allowed to be a mess. I brought up Amelia Bedelia to my boyfriend this weekend. He had no idea who she was.

[A]

Dress the turkey as she puts clothes on it.

[B]

Dust the curtains. She puts dust all over the curtains. She should have been fired day one.

[A]

I want to play Amelia Bedelia so badly. I love you don't know Amelia Bedelia. I know. I recognize the name, but I don't know. She was a maid who was so bad at her job. Several books, several attempts to do good. People kept hiring her.

[B]

The same family? As far as I know.

[A]

Yes. I don't think she ever changed family.

[B]

She's a con woman.

[A]

She's a total scam. And I wonder if the idea came from Typhoid Mary, because if you know about Typhoid Mary, I just learned this. Where she is patient zero for typhoid, but kept cooking for different people.

[B]

She couldn't stop doing her job. She loved her job, but she was doing it wrong.

[A]

She was. She was killing people. Killing people? Yeah. That's make us dinner murder. Oh, did you say make you sick?

[B]

But yeah, she was a classic Amelia Bedelia type. Kind of stumbling around New York, making everyone sick.

[A]

Yes. Yeah.

[B]

Did you Ever watch the Nick?

[A]

No.

[B]

Oh, who's on it? Such a good Clive Owen.

[A]

Oh, you have to watch the Name Doctor show.

[B]

It's a kind of. It's set in that period, but it's like a Steven Soderbergh directed TV show with, like, this weird electronic soundtrack. And everything about it is incredible. I think Carrie Coon is in it.

[A]

Oh, see, I just. Okay. I'm not a person who watches things from back in the day.

[B]

Period pieces.

[A]

Yup. I couldn't think of what they were called, but I just started watching in the Gilded Age, and boy, oh, boy. It's a fun time.

[B]

Is it really?

[A]

It's really fun. It's okay. The costumes, the sets, and then the drama. And everyone's, like, very catty. And Christine Baranski is having a nice time. And then Miranda Hobbs is there and she's a spinster, and they keep calling her a spinster. And I love it. I'm having a nice time watching.

[B]

How much of it have you seen? Cause I only know I know of a twist, a very funny twist in it.

[A]

Uh. Oh, I'm in the middle. I think I'm Episode two of season three.

[B]

Okay. So you know about the French Chef.

[A]

Yes. It was so delightful. Oh, Sashir. It's a nice time. Sounds like it. The French Chef. Shh.

[B]

He's got a secret.

[A]

He's got a secret.

[B]

He has an accent. He's got a big French accent. And you're gonna find out more about that accent.

[A]

Okay. And everyone has secrets. Yeah. And then there's black people. That's nice. And they show the statuses of black people within, like, black culture. And I found that to be interesting. Cause I don't think I've seen that. But also, I haven't watched a period piece.

[B]

Oh, right.

[A]

So I don't know if this representation was already there.

[B]

Had you seen any Downton Abbey?

[A]

No.

[B]

I had seen the first season of that, and I remember it's like a soap opera, so it's fun to watch. And I imagine that's how this is, right?

[A]

Yes. I believe the creator wrote on Downton Abbey. Because you know, when you watch something, you're like, my God, I know everything this person's done.

[B]

Of course. Of course. But now that show is, like, the biggest thing on tv. It seems like people love a period piece. I don't really get into them.

[A]

I don't either. I like the future.

[B]

I love the future. Yeah.

[A]

Give me space. Really? Yeah. Gravity had too much space. That movie reminds me of space.

[B]

I saw gravity on my birthday. I remember 2014. Wonderful birthday.

[A]

That is a nice. Sounds like a nice birthday.

[B]

Because you're worried about Sandy.

[A]

She's out in space. She's out in space. Will she come back?

[B]

Will she come back?

[A]

Spoiler. She does.

[B]

And does George Clooney, what happens to him in space? Does he also fly around for the whole movie?

[A]

For whatever reason, I feel like he was in her imagination, but I don't think that's true. I didn't actually see it. So I don't know. The future in space, it has so much space.

[B]

It's so good.

[A]

I'll see it. I'll watch it.

[B]

It's very compelling and exciting. Cause Sandy's floating around.

[A]

Is that stressful, though? Will she get down? I spoiled it? Yeah, you told me. She does, man. I'm sorry. Yeah. I don't need to watch it. Aw, no. You should, though. I think you'll like it. Okay. But you know what? I get a little miffed about the future. Like, okay, so I watched Back to the Future. None of it happened.

[B]

I think Back to the Future kind of ruined America because it made a bunch of men believe in a future that couldn't happen and turned them into losers who are bullies and annoying. I mean, I think it kind of created Elon Musk Brain, where it's like, oh, cool. Stupid car that flies. Just dumb shit and nostalgia. And it's poisoned a lot of men's brains.

[A]

Well, yeah, there's like a Tesla Cafe now.

[B]

Oh, have you driven past this thing?

[A]

Yeah, it's nasty to look at.

[B]

Oh, it's so ugly.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Just losers galore.

[A]

Losers.

[B]

Stupid trucks.

[A]

Losers and weirdos and their cybertrucks.

[B]

No, it's all these men who, like, kind of Back to the Future is their bible. And God bless those movies. They were perfectly fun.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

But they didn't need to poison 80% of heterosexual men. I really think it ruined our generation.

[A]

I agree.

[B]

Christopher Lloyd, is he still alive?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Okay, then he needs to take a good look at himself and what he's done to America.

[A]

Yes. Because it was solely him. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. But I guess it also, in a way, kind of predicted Donald Trump, because the second movie. Oh, yeah.

[A]

Biff becomes.

[B]

He becomes the president.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

So it's a complicated. Robert Zemeckis needs to take a look at himself.

[A]

I suppose he should take a cold, hard look.

[B]

Yeah, I drove past that. I'm hoping it closes down soon.

[A]

Me, too.

[B]

I was discussing this with somebody. Like, what's gonna take over that once it closes because it's kind of a shapeless, hideous building that not a lot of companies are gonna want to move into.

[A]

Yeah. But hopefully somebody will move in there and make it a nice looking build. I really would like us to a time where we build buildings with detail and put nice things on them. Yeah. Everything is so plain. Yeah. It bums me the fuck out.

[B]

Yeah. There's just a lot of very simple, minimal things.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Do you know what I've had enough with is kind of what I would describe as a sun drenched cafe. Just like a lot of blonde wood.

[A]

Yes. Yeah.

[B]

It's perfectly nice. But I've seen enough.

[A]

I've seen enough. Boring.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's a little dull.

[B]

I want so much detail that it's hard to clean.

[A]

Yes. That's what I want. Oh, my gosh.

[B]

A lot of nooks and crannies.

[A]

Wouldn't that be nice? More crannies.

[B]

We need to get more crannies in the culture.

[A]

Want it?

[B]

We're missing crannies.

[A]

We are missing crannies. Yeah.

[B]

I think we're headed back in that direction. I think people are getting tired of just being like, oh, flat walls and concrete floors.

[A]

I hope so. And I hope people start decorating their homes weird again. Like, remember that show where a lady would come in and then she would do things to your house and nobody ever looked happy about it?

[B]

What was that called? I think the host was named Paige something.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Why am I able to pull that and no other elements?

[A]

I don't know. But I love that. And I love that. I'm like, yes, Paige, what was it called?

[B]

It was one of the early home Ren Oceans.

[A]

Trading Spaces.

[B]

I think so. Which is kind of a bad title for that show.

[A]

And then is it families decorate for each other? I don't know. I just remember all the reveals. Everyone was like, no, what have we done? No. But that's an inspiration to do something fun. Do something weird.

[B]

Of course. Put carpet in the bathroom, Put it on the ceiling. Put it anywhere you like, anything. Do people still carpet their homes?

[A]

I don't think so. Yes, they do. In the Midwest. Okay. They love their carpet.

[B]

It feels good on your feet.

[A]

It does. But I also think you can get a nice thick rug.

[B]

That's true. Right.

[A]

I think rugs. People overlook rugs. Yeah.

[B]

And then you don't. When you want a new thing, you don't have to rip up the floor.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

You just throw the rug out.

[A]

Throw it away.

[B]

Right. I think that was the big lesson we took away from carpets. It's like, well, if you don't want carpet anymore, you now have to hire someone to do it. Yeah, I don't want to hire someone to do it.

[A]

Me either.

[B]

I want to hire everybody.

[A]

You do. Unless you know things.

[B]

Oh, my God. Yeah, I have, like, a loose handle on my cabinet. I'm like, I don't know what to.

[A]

Do, but that one's easy.

[B]

Look, who do you think you're talking to?

[A]

A nice friend. So if it's got, like, a. It's got the little screw in the back, you can literally just put your nail in it and twist the knob. I know. Okay.

[B]

I'm sure you'll get a mani pedi and have them really go all out. I'll be like, I'm doing my cabinets.

[A]

Yeah, I need a critics. I'm doing my cabinets. And they're like, okay.

[B]

But it's easy for you to say because you're basically a contractor.

[A]

I have looked up lots of stuff, and I technically know how to do a lot of stuff. I can hang wallpaper.

[B]

That's impressive.

[A]

Very impressive. It's tedious. It is a thankless, tedious task that a nice man named Wayne does for me.

[B]

Now, that's kind of how painting your house is too. You can do it, but it's exhausting and so tiresome, and you might screw it up, and then you'll be mad at yourself.

[A]

Y.

[B]

That I can leave a review for.

[A]

Yes. I painted the ceiling in my office, and I did a truly. Just one of the worst jobs. I didn't tape a single thing off. And I was like, oh, I can do this. And then the man who came to fix it was like, you did bad. And then pointed out all the spots that I did poorly. And I was like, hey, you have the job. You can just. Yeah, you don't need to hurt me. I don't need a lesson.

[B]

You're already here.

[A]

You're here. Please be nice. I bought a power washer. What?

[B]

Me too, girl.

[A]

You did? Yeah.

[B]

Oh, I feel so left out.

[A]

You should get a power. Get a power washer.

[B]

What are you doing with these?

[A]

Power washing.

[B]

Power washing.

[A]

The ground. The ground. You could power wash, like, your outdoor furniture.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

It's fun. And, boy, you never know how dirty something is until you power wash it.

[B]

Even hosing something off in the yard, you're like, oh, this is embarrassing. I love this.

[A]

I let it get this way.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

I do need to figure out the levels of the power washer, because there's one that I guess makes loop de loops, and so I was doing the ground and it was like, now there's like all these circle squiggles. And I was like, well, that's pretty funny.

[B]

Yeah, that's cute.

[A]

I'll leave it like that for a minute. I don't want to mess it up. But you could just do the loop de loops.

[B]

Just.

[A]

You can have a nice. I could make a design. Yeah, that'd be cool. Just draw. That's fun. Yeah.

[B]

What is the purpose of the loopty loop? When do you need the loopty loop?

[A]

I don't know. I don't know. What, like if it gets other dirt in a way. What's your. A nook and cranny.

[B]

Oh, a nook and cranny.

[A]

Crannies. Ew. Ew. Don't do that. Please stop fingering that cranny. You can make a difference in someone's life, including your own, with a job in home care.

[B]

These jobs offer flexible schedules, health care.

[A]

Retirement options, and free training.

[B]

They also provide paid time off and opportunities for overtime.

[A]

Visit oregonhomecarejobs.com to learn more and apply. That's oregonhomecarejobs.com welcome to the W Where legends are made and history is written under the brightest lights. The WNBA delivers nonstop action and world class talent every single game. And now it all comes down to.

[B]

Will the New York Liberty defend their.

[A]

Crown or will another team take the chip? This is where champions rise and legacies are defined. Watch the WNBA post season currently underway on ABC and espn. Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons N Safeway.

[B]

Spooky season is quickly approaching, so time to stock up on all your favorite treats. Now through October 7th, you can get.

[A]

Early savings on your Halloween candy favorites.

[B]

When you shop in store and online.

[A]

Save on items like Hershey's, Reese's Pumpkins.

[B]

Snickers Miniatures, Tootsie Rolls, Raw sugar, milk chocolate, Caramel, Jack O Lanterns, Brock's Candy Corn Charms, Mini Pops, and more. Offer ends October 7th. Restrictions apply. Offers may vary.

[A]

Visit albertsons or safeway.com for more details.

[B]

Has Nicole helped you with any home projects like she has with me?

[A]

Hmm. I mean, you definitely suggested people for me. Okay, like home people. But I don't know if you've actually like come over and helped me with something. No, but there is that spot that I want to do.

[B]

What's going on with the spot?

[A]

She's got a little spot that's just loose space and there's nothing there yet. It's a basement, like half. Like a cell. It was called a cellar When I moved in.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Or a flex space.

[B]

A flex. Oh, that's a great use.

[A]

You can just use it for whatever you want. But yeah, it's like a weird little. It's now a storage space.

[B]

Right. But Nicole's little bit.

[A]

I want to get my little thingies on it. I'd like to epoxy the floor. I'd like to paint the walls. Maybe some textured wallpaper or something.

[B]

Turn it into a rumpus room. Is that what those are called?

[A]

A rumpus room? Is it a playroom?

[B]

Yeah, I think that's a rompus room. That's a crazy thing to call something.

[A]

I would like to romp around in there. I would like to. A rumpus room or like an all purpose room. Or just like a space where you can go and like maybe meditate or do yoga, if that's what you want to do.

[B]

Hide from intruders.

[A]

Yes. I actually was like, well, also because there was a few weeks where there were so many videos about what do you do if there's a nuclear explosion? You've seen those videos, right?

[B]

No, but I'd like some tips, honestly. There was a week when this was happening all the time.

[A]

Yeah. Cause she's hip on the trends. Do you know about that song? It's very nice to meet you.

[B]

No, I don't know that.

[A]

The Pink Panther song's like, my name is Pink and it's really nice to meet you.

[B]

Oh, of course.

[A]

Oh, interesting. You didn't know when I was talking about it. Okay, okay.

[B]

Work on your vocals.

[A]

Well, I didn't know about that trend. She knew about that. So I believe you on this. Yeah, well, we all thought we were going to go to World War three. So people were like, if a nuke comes this way, here's what you do. Which I don't remember all the steps, but it's basically like try to find an enclosed space underground. And I was like, I do have rooms that are under the house, but also I guess I gotta get a new door. Cause there's like wind can come underneath.

[B]

Oh, right.

[A]

You don't want that nuclear wind. I don't want that nuclear wind.

[B]

Right, of course.

[A]

Here's the thing. If a nuclear bomb, if that's coming for me, take me away. Fifi Dobson me. Okay. Take me away. I don't want to be here. I don't want to live through that. What if I get radiation and then like.

[B]

Of course.

[A]

And then bad stuff happens? I don't want that.

[B]

That's how I feel about every end of the world scenario where I'm like, just let me be one of the people that is obliterated. I'm not responsible enough. I'm not good at camping. No, I can't make food. Basically.

[A]

No.

[B]

I would just be a leech on everybody else. People would be like, how do we. Why didn't we get rid of him during the big bomb? So just, I don't want to be. What is there to live for? I don't want to have to. And I can't even repopulate homosexual right here. I'm not going to be.

[A]

I truly was like, can I repopulate?

[B]

Let's all take a minute and see if we could repopulate at the end of the.

[A]

I don't want kids. That's what I was getting. I was like, I don't want.

[B]

Yeah, I guess I don't want to.

[A]

I still don't want to have kids. Even if even at the end of the world, I'm like, nah, this womb is closed.

[B]

Sorry. I want to live my life.

[A]

I'm too young. The world just ended. I have things I want to do.

[B]

I like staying up late, like, going.

[A]

Out whenever I want.

[B]

Oh, boy. Well, okay. I don't have anywhere to get underground, so I guess I will die in the nuclear thing.

[A]

Yeah, I'll die too. Yeah.

[B]

But I have heard that major cities don't actually have to worry as much because if someone wanted to bomb us, they would want to bomb our nuclear facilities. So those are outside of major cities.

[A]

Oh, hell yeah. Dude. Where's our nuclear facility?

[B]

I guess somewhere far from la.

[A]

Okay, great.

[B]

Maybe it's in San Diego.

[A]

Oh, no, that's sad. That's sad.

[B]

No, I think they kind of put them out in the desert or something. That makes sense, right?

[A]

Yeah. I'm not going there. Shouldn't have them. Yeah. Why do we have nuclear stuff?

[B]

I mean, that should be.

[A]

Because everyone else has nuclear stuff, but nobody should have it. We should all pinky swear to get rid of it. Truly, if everyone's gonna break that swear.

[B]

It'S so crazy that we can't just say, why don't. Let's just not. And then we won't have to worry anymore.

[A]

Yeah, it's like this impending stress where it's like someone might actually use theirs. But why?

[B]

Because of a few nasty people. And I guess we just get to deal with it.

[A]

I feel like it should be like, you remember duels?

[B]

Sure, of course.

[A]

I feel like leaders of countries should just fight each other. It's the country's Whole why are the citizens involved?

[B]

Right.

[A]

Well, I think if you do that, and then the person who wins and is like, well, now, that's my country. I think the residents might be like, hey, I mean, yeah, I don't trust you. I could win a fight. I could have done better. Oh, yeah, he's not doing too hot. You see that makeup on his hands? No. Have you seen that?

[B]

Do we believe in the makeup on his hands?

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

My boyfriend keeps saying it's only a matter of months. I'm like, that's what people.

[A]

So people. So he's had makeup on his hand, and people are like, oh, he's getting, like, infusions or something. And people have publicly been like, months. Months before this man dies.

[B]

I'm just. I'm not getting any. My hopes up.

[A]

I'm not getting my hopes up either.

[B]

I think he's gonna live to about one. That's what the infusions are for.

[A]

I don't think he'll live that long. He is like a little cockroach.

[B]

He is a cockroach.

[A]

And that's my impression.

[B]

I mean, speaking of pests, look, this podcast, I was very excited to have you two here today. I've had trouble with people in the past. You two. To include people in the past. It's called I said no Gifts. And I was thrilled. I thought, Nicole and Sashir will come by. We had trouble on their episodes. They brought me gifts, but obviously they've learned their lesson. They're willing to face me rather than be cowards over Zoom. And so I thought, we're just gonna have a nice time and chat and move on with our days. So I was. I was not only surprised, I was doubly surprised when both of you arrived with what are clearly gifts. Yes.

[A]

Couldn't resist. Well, here's the thing. People always say no gift.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

They want gifts. They really want a gift.

[B]

Yeah. People.

[A]

Yeah, People.

[B]

I'm not people.

[A]

I think you seem like a person. You are a person.

[B]

No. Okay, sure.

[A]

You're animated. You're breathing. A tree scratched you. Your thighs were out.

[B]

That's a telltale sign if a tree scratches you.

[A]

Can I ask you about your thighs? Yeah. What's going on with those thighs? Yeah. Why are you thanking the people for being supportive?

[B]

Well, I was on stage without pants. Oh, I could show you. Would you like to see?

[A]

Yes. Were you wearing shorts?

[B]

I was in an outfit, so I can't wait. A couple of years ago, I was given a tunic on the podcast. And when we did our first live show. I thought I should wear something that I was given, and most of the clothing I've been given is total garbage. So the tunic was kind of the ideal piece of stage wear. Then I wore it for a few live shows. I dyed it every time.

[A]

Oh, that's fun.

[B]

And then I got to a point that it was dyed black, so I couldn't dye it again. So I had to get a new piece of clothing, and Josh Sharp gave me three pieces of Athleisure T shirts.

[A]

Nice.

[B]

And so I had my friend Danny turn it into a new piece that I wore on stage, and I'll show it to you.

[A]

Does Danny sew?

[B]

She sews. So impressive. I'm always impressed.

[A]

Does Danny take commissions?

[B]

She might. Do you need something sewed?

[A]

Yes, I have a pair of. I bought two pairs of pants that I was gonna put together, but it's above my knowledge and selling.

[B]

Oh, I should put you in touch with Dani.

[A]

Please.

[B]

She's so good. Oh, isn't that fun?

[A]

That's very fun. You got a gift? Yes, I got a gift.

[B]

Let's see. This is cut off, but that's what I love that I ended up wearing. That's three T shirts.

[A]

You're adorable.

[B]

Oh, God bless. It worked out really well.

[A]

And the thighs, they're great. You're like Winnie the Pooh.

[B]

I am a little bit like Harry.

[A]

Winnie the Pooh.

[B]

Donald Duck type situation. But that's what that was.

[A]

Why do all the boy cartoons just wear shirts and the girls are in skirts. Right.

[B]

Oh, interesting.

[A]

Dick's ass.

[B]

What's happening under the skirts?

[A]

Gotta lead Dick forward. And that's what Disney's taught us. Wow. Walt.

[B]

So interesting. Yeah. I guess if one of the girls was just wearing a shirt, people would be like, what's happening?

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. But for no. No question about these pantsless men.

[B]

Yeah, it's totally okay. We live in a poisonous society.

[A]

Truly. Did Winnie the Pooh have any female friends?

[B]

Oh, wow.

[A]

No. And that's a problem.

[B]

Wait, what about the kangaroo?

[A]

Oh, yeah, She's a mom.

[B]

Yeah, She's a single mom. He has a single mom friend.

[A]

Yeah. That's nice.

[B]

Very progressive. But that's the only woman in his life.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Then he has a depressed donkey.

[A]

Yes. And a little piglet. And then Christopher Robin. A human.

[B]

A human child.

[A]

Then a single mom. That's the wildest gang I've ever heard. That's really funny.

[B]

Loser. Losers all around. They've got to find people in their communities.

[A]

They've all been ousted, actually. They all suck. And so they're like, we like each other.

[B]

Found family.

[A]

Found family.

[B]

Well, you've distracted from this gift thing. You obviously threw it off by focusing on my thighs.

[A]

Well, you want to get in there? Yeah.

[B]

Should we get into these things?

[A]

You can make a difference in someone's life, including your own, with a job in home care. These jobs offer flexible schedules, health care, retirement options, and free training. They also provide paid time off and opportunities for overtime. Visit oregonhomecarejobs.com to learn more and apply. That's oregonhomecarejobs.com welcome to the W. Where legends are made and history is written. Under the brightest lights, the WNBA delivers non stop action and world class talent every single game. And now, now it all comes down to this.

[B]

Will the New York Liberty defend their.

[A]

Crown or will another team take the chip? This is where champions rise and legacies are defined. Watch the WNBA postseason currently underway on ABC and espn. Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and.

[B]

Safeway Cough and cold season is coming, so make sure you're prepared and stock up on your family's favorite personal wellness products. Now through October 7th. Shop in store and online for savings.

[A]

On products like Mucinex Kickstart Combo, Zyrtec.

[B]

Allergy relief tablets or liquid Gels Halls cough drops and Mucinex Fast day and night so you and your family are armed and ready for the season ahead. Offerings October 7th. Restrictions apply. Offers may vary.

[A]

Visit albertsons or safeway.com for more details.

[B]

Who should I open first?

[A]

You can open mine.

[B]

Okay, great. Oh, spill water everywhere. Okay, let's reach into this bag. Oh, it's zipped.

[A]

Yeah. I wanted to enclose it. I wrapped it. I will want that tote bag back.

[B]

Oh, you will have it back.

[A]

Wow, Sasheer. The way you said it. And I will want that tote bag. And I will want that tote bag.

[B]

Okay, that's.

[A]

Smart.

[B]

Okay. Oh, I like the feel of what's about to come out of this. Oh, it's a gorgeous hat. And a. Oh, no, this is the tag on it. Look at that. Great tag.

[A]

Isn't that cute? I think it's a sticker, too.

[B]

It's a weed maps. It's a collab. I keep saying times on collabs. I'm. I feel like I'm a thousand years old every time I say that. Weed maps collab with Robin Eisenberg.

[A]

Yeah, Robin Eisenberg is a.

[B]

Put it on immediately.

[A]

A great artist.

[B]

Oh, I forgot I was wearing headphones.

[A]

Headphones. And I Actually have like some of her pictures in my house and it.

[B]

Actually looks cause neck problems trying to hold this on my hand.

[A]

It's very fun. Yeah.

[B]

Wow. Tell me more about this hat.

[A]

Yeah, I'm a fan of Robin Eisenberg in general. She also did the art for our friend's cartoon Shocko. Dunlap has a cartoon called Second best hospital in the galaxy.

[B]

Oh, yeah, of course, of course.

[A]

And she. Yeah, she did this collab with the weed maps and then I got sent some fun stuff and I don't smoke weed anymore or consume it. So the things that have that are more weed heavy I'm giving to my friends.

[B]

That's very nice of you. Are you much of a hat wearer?

[A]

I am now. Yeah. I kind of liked hats before, but since I shaved my head a couple years ago, I've been very into hats.

[B]

What sort of hats?

[A]

Well, I actually just went to Japan and I found these crocheted bonnets. Oh yeah. And they're very cute. And I also like at night sometimes my head gets cold because of the air and my scalp is exposed.

[B]

Your head is naked?

[A]

My head is naked, yeah. I also have a bucket hat.

[B]

Oh, interesting. I can't wear a bucket hat.

[A]

I think you could.

[B]

I'd look like a creep.

[A]

No, I think.

[B]

I don't think men should really wear bucket hats.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[B]

I think that's a hard stance and I like it. Woody Allen is the only.

[A]

He wears a bucket hat, I think. And guess what he's kind of up to.

[B]

Let's not get into that. No, I feel like women have and always will be able to wear a bucket hat and men always look like idiots in them. Foolish.

[A]

I feel like beach bros wear bucket hats. I feel like this. Is that a good thing for them? It's like a specific type. I think it's like a vibe thing. Yeah, I do think it's a vibe thing.

[B]

Jamiroquai. Did he wear a bucket hat?

[A]

He wore many hats. Yeah. I just gasped. It's cause I just watched them making of his. The video of his like hit single.

[B]

Was it like the MTV making of?

[A]

I think so. Where the room is moving?

[B]

Well, of course.

[A]

And I can't remember. Oh, the set slid. The floor wasn't moving. And it was very hard for me to wrap my mind around that. They did a really good job.

[B]

This makes me want to go back and watch all those making of the videos. Those were so fun.

[A]

Now I'm going to do it.

[B]

Do those stream.

[A]

I watched something. I watched it on YouTube.

[B]

Okay. I feel like MTV has dropped the ball as far as letting you stream their shows. Yeah, it's really hard to access, like, old MTV stuff.

[A]

Well, I've talked about this ad nauseum with you. Yeah. So they said streaming's coming. You can watch anything you want. No, you can't.

[B]

No, you can't.

[A]

I should be able to watch every single thing that MTV has put out on Paramount. Plus, yes, every Divas live from VH1 should be able to watch a Paramount. I don't understand why they take things away, especially their things that they own. Yeah, it's very strange.

[B]

I mean, now that I bring it up, I wonder if MTV in particular is hard because of music rights.

[A]

I'm sure they made those artists sign things.

[B]

I would like that the lawyer thought.

[A]

Ahead, like, yeah, why would it expire? I'm sure it's like, yeah. And I'm sure old bands would be like, yeah, this thing that I did, because I love. I would love for people to promo it.

[B]

Right. But something's going on. It's streaming. People should buy more physical media because they're gonna take it away from you.

[A]

We've been talking about that. Yeah, we've been talking about it.

[B]

And end of time scenario.

[A]

Yeah. Where we don't have physical media. Oh, yeah. What if the grid goes down? We don't have, like, walls.

[B]

You'll be a king if you have Blu Rays.

[A]

And I'm collecting.

[B]

I've just started. I've recently started collecting again because I'm like, well, I'm not going to pay for the digital rights to this thing, which they could also take away.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

And I hate hunting to find my thing. And I also like to go to a closet and look at what I have and be like, oh, I know. I like these things.

[A]

Yes. We could buy when the Tesla Cafe fails. Buy that space. Yes. Put up a Blockbuster or some others. We have talked about those.

[B]

That's a great space.

[A]

I was watching a movie, trying to watch a movie the other night. It was 8pm and then Amazon said, meh, your prime membership doesn't fucking matter here. You gotta sign up for Amazon Sphere or something. Sphere. I don't know what it was, but I was like, I don't wanna sign up for a free trial for this. This is very upsetting to me. Very habit.

[B]

Right?

[A]

And I was like, at that moment, I would've gone in my car and driven to a Blockbuster to get the movie I wanted to watch and probably picked up a couple others. Well, I'm there I'm already out. Maybe get some ice cream. It would cause me to do. Yes.

[B]

It would cause you to be a consumer.

[A]

Yes, also. Or like, why doesn't Netflix wanna make more money? Go back to sending us DVDs. Yes.

[B]

They're ruining it.

[A]

Like, people. They could do a package where it's like, I have my subscription to streaming, and in addition to. If I choose to buy DVDs. I think they don't do that because I think it's a matter of licensing. I think they. When it was just DVDs. Listen, I'm talking out of my ass. I don't actually know, but I would assume. You.

[B]

Seems right. Ish.

[A]

I would assume when they were just sending out DVDs, they had licensed a bunch of movies. So I think they'd probably license the movies they already have on the platform. I think that would be. Otherwise they're spending. I don't know. Listen, I tried.

[B]

Nicole, you don't know about this.

[A]

I don't know at all. But I was like, well, there has to be a reason why they won't send us DVDs.

[B]

I think the reason is control. Keep you subscribing and really shocked you.

[A]

It's the French Chef all over again.

[B]

But I live by Vidiot's, which is an Eagle rock, and you can rent videos there. And it's lovely. You go in there.

[A]

I'm gonna do that.

[B]

And they rec. People, they recommend the movies to you. They're like, the staff picks. You're not just, like, wandering through Netflix for two hours and settling on a movie where you're like, well, I guess I'll watch this. That feeling is awful.

[A]

Yeah. I hate it when you're like, all right, this will do fine.

[B]

I have to watch something.

[A]

Yeah. And I've already finished eating by the time I find it.

[B]

Yeah, of course. Of course. I need to sync those two things up. If I'm done eating before the show, what am I doing?

[A]

What are we doing?

[B]

I need my treat throughout the show.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

Really frustrating. Well, I've got this hat now. I don't wear hats that often. I feel like I need to go to. I need, like, more objective sources in my life that I can go to, and they can just tell me the truth.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

I'll be wearing the hat. And they'll be like, doesn't work.

[A]

I would tell you.

[B]

You would tell me.

[A]

I would never let somebody out in the world where they didn't look good.

[B]

Wow, that's so nice of you.

[A]

And then if you're out in the world, and I don't even know you and you look good. I'm going to tell you. Wow.

[B]

You would tell a stranger, oh, oh.

[A]

I'll chase you down to tell you your pants look good.

[B]

Oh, you would say if they do look good.

[A]

Not, yes. Oh, no. If you look terrible out in public, you already made the choice.

[B]

I'm so sorry. You look terrible.

[A]

I look so bad. I know I chased you for three blocks. I just want to tell you, you look a damn mess.

[B]

You gotta do something about this.

[A]

You look a damn mess, you pippy long stockings bitch. You look messy as hell.

[B]

Oh, can you imagine how devastated I.

[A]

Would burst into tears? I'd be like, there was no need.

[B]

But there was no need. But there wasn't a show. It was called, like, Ambush Makeover or something.

[A]

Oh, my goodness.

[B]

It was one of those early reality shows where I think they were like, who cares if feelings get hurt, we'll ambush you.

[A]

Well, there was a lot of things in, like, the 2000s where they were like, hey, what if we hurt people's feelings live on television with an audience? And everyone said, sign me up. Let's do it like the swan. But honestly, bring back the swan.

[B]

What was the swan?

[A]

You don't know the swan? No, Swan was. I felt like, oh, we've gone too far with reality tv. Because I believe it lasted one season, maybe two. So the swan was a beauty pageant where just normal women from, like, Ohio, Minnesota, Montana, all the states keep naming them.

[B]

Colorado, you have a few to go.

[A]

Connecticut, New Mexico, they come, and then they compete for plastic surgery procedures.

[B]

Come.

[A]

Oh, and then there's the swan pageant at the end for the lady who has lost the most amount of weight, had the best nose job. And they would get into fights, being like, you know, I needed that nose job, Bridget. And, oh, no, you had to, like, heal alone. Heal alone. They couldn't see themselves. They couldn't see anybody else. They had to work out during the healing process.

[B]

What?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, physically dangerous.

[A]

Yes. And psychologically damaging, of course. Yes. Yeah. Then there was another show called who Wants to Marry Prince Harry? Fox was at the Prince Harry. Yeah. Yes. So they hired a man who looked vaguely like a whisper, like Prince Harry, told these women from all 50 states that that was Prince Harry, would not allow them access to outside media and would, like, drop fake newspapers on their, like, hotel doorsteps. That's like, look at what Prince Harry's doing. And then they had psychologists or, like, therapists being like, why do you think that's not Prince Harry. What? When is this? They gaslit these ladies into thinking it was like in the office. The early aughts. The late aughts. Yeah. And then Joe Millionaire.

[B]

I loved that was Joe Millionaire. There was also who Wants to Marry a Millionaire? Where the lady ended up married. And it was just like, oh, this is gonna be bad. We know it's going to be bad immediately.

[A]

I only know Joe Millionaire, where it was a construction worker and they lied to these women and said he was a millionaire. And there's the best scene I've ever seen in all of reality television where he takes a lady out into the woods and she blows him. And they put it in the. Like the. What is it in the caption? Slurp, slurp. I wonder where she is now.

[B]

I mean, we're in a tough place as a society right now, but there are a few things that we've moved past. It feels tough.

[A]

I think we should go back to it. Bring back slurp, slurp.

[B]

Yeah. I think who Wants to Marry a Millionaire was like an hour long special and you watched them get married on stage. And then it immediately fell apart because I don't think he was really a millionaire. And he was like, had a dark past.

[A]

This is what you have to deal with if you want a millionaire. He's lying and he's a dark past.

[B]

Let me try to. I'm going to. I actually think I can remember the woman's name. Deborah Conger. If that's real, I should get to marry a millionaire. Anneliese, is that the woman?

[A]

I like that you're asking, but you have a computer right in front of you. It's only.

[B]

I'm not online. I'm not online. Darva.

[A]

Oh, that was very close, though.

[B]

So close.

[A]

You want to open my present?

[B]

Yeah. I win.

[A]

Your prize is her present.

[B]

Okay. Let's see what's happening here. Oh, there are two things. Should I pull out this other thing in here?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Rabble rouser tattoo.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And then Mega Babe Daily Deodorant.

[A]

Yes. I ordered the wrong thing. I don't need that.

[B]

The deodorant.

[A]

Yes. I wanted this anti chafing cream because my thighs live together.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

And you know, sometimes.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Of course, it gets a little heated. So I ordered the wrong thing.

[B]

The Mega Babe Daily Deodorant.

[A]

Yes. And I was like, it has no aluminum and I need the aluminum because I be stanking.

[B]

Sometimes I do aluminum too.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

I think we're on a bad path, but what can we do?

[A]

Okay. Well, I guess you won't use that.

[B]

Oh, well, sure, I've got it. I just might. Like the one at home. I think is an aluminum.

[A]

Oh, I see. I use arm and hammer, and it's aluminum free. Works for me.

[B]

Now I'm wondering. I use the dove for men.

[A]

I use dove. Full of aluminum.

[B]

Full of aluminum.

[A]

I put it right on, and then I can wrap up my food later. Get it. And then that's where I get tattooed.

[B]

Rabble rouser Tattoo.

[A]

Yeah. They're a really great shop, and I've.

[B]

Been meaning to get a tattoo.

[A]

Wait, really?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Well, I really. Alanna is my artist, and I love her very, very much. She's done over 10 of my tattoos, and she just did one for me. I got a bunch of butterflies and then a sexy pinup wearing a peanut costume. And it says, I love nuts. You already got it. Mm.

[B]

Did she design that?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Oh, that's amazing.

[A]

Yeah, I just sent her a bunch of references. And initially I wanted the peanut to be like, Mrs. Peanut. Like a sexy Mrs. Peanut.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

But she was like, what if we did a pin up? And I was like, actually, I really love that drawing. And then I was like, can we change it to so she's like a little Afro? And she was like, yeah, let's do it. And she, like, changed it on the spot. And then I was like, can we make her a little chunkier? And she was like, huh? And then I think she's really cute.

[B]

And she's in a peanut costume.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, I love that.

[A]

With a little cane and gloves.

[B]

How did you find the. Her name's Alana. How did you find her? Because that's been my big thing where I'm like, I don't know who to trust for a tattoo. And then that combines with all my other mental problems. And then I just keep putting it off. So I don't know how, but now, I mean, a good recommendation.

[A]

It is hard to find an artist, but I think I was just goofing on the Internet.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

And I, like, stumbled across a clip from a reality show. Okay, wait, here's what happened. I was goofing on the Internet trying to find a tattoo artist. I was dating this guy who was a contestant or like a canvas on a swan on a winner. He was the winner of the swan.

[B]

And he looked great.

[A]

He looked incredible. And he was like, I know this tattoo artist who did my perma brows. But no, he was a contestant on a reality show that I can't remember. It wasn't Ink Master. It was another one I think it was on TLC at the time anyway. And I watched a clip from it, and then I saw her on it, and then I was like, oh, let me look at her work. And then I looked at it, and I really, really liked her stuff. She does, like, a lot of colorful stuff, a lot of, like, feminine stuff. But she can really draw you anything you want. And it is funny that she has done zero color on me and all just lies. I have no proof of this, but I think she does a good job.

[B]

Someday.

[A]

Yeah, maybe one day. I only have one color tattoo.

[B]

What's that tattoo? I'm always like, is it okay to ask people about their tattoos?

[A]

Yeah, of course.

[B]

Some people have very personal tattoos.

[A]

No, mine are all pretty dumb. It is a chili pepper that says muy caliente. Because I went to Chili's once and the skillet queso came and the pot holder had chili peppers on it. And I said, ooh. Cause it's muy caliente. And my friend went, no, it's Chili's. And I was like, I'm gonna tattoo that to me.

[B]

Where did you go to Chili's? There's none in la.

[A]

Yes, there is. In Encino.

[B]

Encino.

[A]

It'll be a half hour wait.

[B]

Half hour.

[A]

That's how long I waited.

[B]

I haven't been to Chili's in a long time. How was that experience?

[A]

It was great. It was popping. There were so many youths there. And I got the fajitas, and they were very fresh. Oh, boy, was I happy.

[B]

I have only good memories of Chili's.

[A]

Well, I'm telling you, the Encino one is a nice one.

[B]

Interesting. That feels like a little outing.

[A]

Yes. Also the Sizzler in Atwater. Oh, boy.

[B]

I know that Sizzler. So I've never been Go.

[A]

Go.

[B]

They were open throughout the pandemic. I guess they were delivering Sizzlers.

[A]

Oh, see, that's so nice. That is nice. Feeding the community, fellowship. Good. A Sizzler. Okay. I had a nice time at the salad bar. There was a man checking the temperature of everything at the sal.

[B]

That's what you need.

[A]

And I said, keep me safe at the sizzle.

[B]

Just fled out of the danger zone.

[A]

And then I thought the salad bar was really nice. The ranch very good. They had blue cheese and stuff. I don't fuck with that. And then they have a soft serve machine. Oh, boy. As much soft serve as you can fucking handle. I'm lactose intolerant. I almost shit myself on the way home. But it would be joyful. I'd Be so happy. I'd be like, I had a nice time. And the steak. Not bad.

[B]

I feel like a steak, it's like, even a bad one. It's just like a piece of meat ultimately. So if they cook it decently, it'll be okay.

[A]

They cook it really to your specifications. And I don't think people know, like, rare, medium rare when they go to the Sizzler sometimes, because our server was like, cut into your meat and let me know if that's what you like to see. That's what you like to see.

[B]

They didn't ask you beforehand?

[A]

No, they ask you beforehand what you want. And I said, medium rare. And the guy said, medium rare. And I said, yeah. And he's like, that's gonna be really pink in the center. I was like, yep. And then I got it. And he was like, cut into it. Because I think people will be like, medium rare. Cause that's what they've heard. And they're like, it's not cooked.

[B]

He's hoping to teach you a lesson in that moment.

[A]

Yes. To be like, is that really what you wanted?

[B]

See, like I said, it's medium rare. Wow. Sizzler and Chili's. Okay. Both Chili's is number one on my list right now. I want the bottomless chips.

[A]

Oh, yeah. The skillet queso.

[B]

I feel like they had a fried chicken sandwich. That was good. But this is all. These are all middle school memories when my tastes were less mature than they are now.

[A]

Mine never matured. I love just. I love food. I love silly food.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

Steak and shake was my, like, high school.

[B]

We didn't have those.

[A]

I really liked it. I don't think we had those either. Where did you grow up?

[B]

Utah. Utah. You're Jersey.

[A]

Yeah, Jersey.

[B]

Nice hole. So sheer.

[A]

Indiana.

[B]

Indiana.

[A]

I have been gaspin, and they.

[B]

They had steak and shake in Indiana. I don't associate that with Indiana. Where.

[A]

Where else is it?

[B]

Actually, the only place I've ever had it was New York, weirdly.

[A]

Oh, really?

[B]

Yeah, because they had opened, it became, like, a novelty in New York for about 10 minutes, and then I'm sure the franchisees bombed it, and it was gross.

[A]

Is it fast food steak? Yeah, it's like hamburgers. Steak burgers and the fries and sh. Steaks. A hamburger steak. Well, I've never.

[B]

No. A steak hamburger.

[A]

A steak burger? Yeah.

[B]

So it's like, I guess a burger just made out of a different type of beef.

[A]

But is it shaped like. It's shaped like burger? Yes. Shaped like burger. It's shaped the Patty. Like burger, burger.

[B]

The thing with no corners. That's a burger.

[A]

Unless you go to Wendy.

[B]

Like, the shape of the sun. That's burger shape.

[A]

Yes. That's burger shape.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

For whatever reason, I really just couldn't get past a steak burger being a steak with bun on. Maybe it's like, I don't. I guess I don't actually know what the difference between a steak burger and a hamburger is, but I'm assuming it's like pure beef. Pure beef. Pure beef. The purebred beef.

[B]

Yeah, that's. And then they had milkshakes too, but they opened one in la, and I think that one. Bad Yelp reviews. I think there wasn't somebody watching this store and they didn't have a temperature guy.

[A]

Oh, no.

[B]

Yeah, exactly. So, Shir, do you have any tattoos?

[A]

I have many.

[B]

Okay, you both. Now I feel so left out again.

[A]

The last one I got was with Nicole because you. There's a tattoo artist who wanted to tattoo you, and you're like, do you want to come too? I was like, sure. And I didn't have any ideas. Yeah, I think I. I've gotten to the point where I'm like, I don't have any special ideas anymore. Now I'm just getting random stuff. But I do love chairs.

[B]

Okay, sure.

[A]

In general. And so I imagined if I were a chair, what chair would I be? And you know those, like, peacock woven chairs?

[B]

Oh, yeah, I love those. Yes. Like a throne.

[A]

I got that.

[B]

Oh, that's great. Is it colored?

[A]

No, it's just black.

[B]

Ooh, that sounds so cool.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

A chair. I doubt that many people have a chair on their body.

[A]

Actually, after I got it, I started noticing that's very Chairs out here. Yeah, but not like I have a chair, but like, you know, like plastic chairs or like little stick chairs.

[B]

Right, right.

[A]

Not like that. Yeah, this is pretty ornate. Yeah, that's opulent.

[B]

That's opulent. And you had a tattoo artist say, I want to tattoo you.

[A]

Yes, I've had two. There was Stephanie. I can't remember her last name, but she was great. She did a rubber ducky and a floaty on me holding some sort of drink.

[B]

Oh, I like that.

[A]

And then there's an artist named Aaron who's in Atlanta, and then his girlfriend. Oh, God, her name escapes me. She's incredible. He's also incredible. But he reached out and was like, if you're ever in Atlanta, let me know. I'd love to tattoo you. And I was like, great. So he did a lighter on my thigh. And then his girlfriend, I'll have to look it up. Cause she's really incredible and I feel very bad that I can't remember her name.

[B]

You're a bad person.

[A]

I'm so bad. She did a rainbow Brite.

[B]

Oh, cool.

[A]

A black rainbow Brite with little afro.

[B]

Oh, that sounds darling. Oh, wonderful. What were your first tattoos?

[A]

My first one, I think was this tiger.

[B]

Oh, I like that.

[A]

My brother drew the design and then I brought it to a tattoo artist.

[B]

That's amazing.

[A]

And got it done. And I was born in the year of the tiger.

[B]

Okay, perfect.

[A]

And I like tigers in general because they're like strong and, and solitary and thoughtful and all that stuff.

[B]

Sure, sure.

[A]

Yeah. But I've gotten most of mine in New York. I just found the place cause I lived in the neighborhood. I lived in Greenpoint and it was there and I was like, sure, yeah, if it works for you, you do mine. Yeah. And I got a couple there.

[B]

Nicole.

[A]

My first was two. I have three stars here.

[B]

Okay, You're a real toe in the water. Dipping your toe in the water.

[A]

Yes. And then I have three stars on my ankle and it says loved in the day my mom died. And I got those when I was 16.

[B]

Oh my God. So brave.

[A]

Uh huh. With my sister's id, we don't look anything alike. And they looked at it and they went, sure, yeah.

[B]

With a tattoo it's like, who cares? Why bother checking at all. Was it painful the first time? That's my one concern.

[A]

I thought it was painful, it was like bearable. But I was mostly exhausted after. Cause I was flinching the whole time.

[B]

Oh, right.

[A]

And then I remember like walking to McCarran park and just like zoning out by myself. Like I needed like a breather for a minute. Cause I couldn't walk all the way home.

[B]

And yours is pretty big for a first tattoo.

[A]

Yeah, I don't know why I did that, but. Cause you wanted a tattoo. I did little. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. That's a. I don't know. I think mine will be about that big. But I feel like people say like, this part of your arm is not that painful.

[A]

Here's the thing. Different spots of where you pick will be painful.

[B]

Oh, really?

[A]

Yeah. So like I have one here. This bicycle only really hurt when it went down lower.

[B]

Oh, right.

[A]

Like near your armpits, under it. Most of that hurt. But like then there were spots where like over here didn't hurt really at all.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And then I have my butt tattooed. And when the butt jiggles, that's when it would like. Oh, interesting.

[B]

It would hurt.

[A]

Ish. But it would be the strangest sensation. Cause your butt would be like that. And you're like, ow. And it kind of tickles.

[B]

And your butt's never getting hurt like that. It's a very alien feeling to have your butt hurt.

[A]

Very, very alien feeling. Usually my butt's very covered. I'm protected. I have the dumbest tattoos on my butt.

[B]

What is.

[A]

Okay, so there's a chili pepper moy caliente. There's a hot dog and a hamburger that says, stick it in these buns. An ice cream cone, a lollipop and a cupcake. And it says, it's sweet. Just taste it. A lemon that says, when life gives you lemon, suck a dick. Now the peanut lady. And then. Oh, I was just talking to you about this. A watermelon, a strawberry, and a banana that says juicy.

[B]

This is like the salad bar at Sizzler.

[A]

It is.

[B]

All food tattoos on your butt. I like this.

[A]

Yeah. That's the food area. And then this is the animal area because I got a bunch of animals. And then this is my random one. My random area.

[B]

It's like a library or something.

[A]

Yeah, I sectioned it off.

[B]

I think that's good. Keep things organized. It's not chaos.

[A]

No, it's not chaos.

[B]

Some order to it. Wow. Well, I. This is. I've never used this sort of deodorant before. The roll on ball thing. Because at the live show, actually, weirdly, we were talking about how people put on deodorant. Do you put it on after or before you put on your clothes?

[A]

Oh, I put it on before.

[B]

Usually before.

[A]

Before. And I'm constantly frustrated by getting deodorant on my clothes.

[B]

Right. Yeah. That was a hard lesson for me to learn. I'm finally doing it after putting on my shirt.

[A]

I can't do that because I will forget.

[B]

I forget a lot.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What a feeling to be, like, halfway.

[A]

To your destination and you're like, oh, no, I'm stinking. You know what? I have deodorant in my car.

[B]

Yeah. I've started carrying it in my bag.

[A]

Smart.

[B]

But then if it melts, another issue.

[A]

Yeah. Well, I have a spray in my car.

[B]

Oh, that's what I need.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I've never used the spray before, but that feels like the place for it to be. Oh, wow. The things we learn.

[A]

The things we learn by talking and.

[B]

Fellowshiping about how difficult our lives are.

[A]

Sometimes I. I don't have deodorant on. Sometimes I'm stinky.

[B]

But this is a third category. And while we were talking about it, I asked the audience, do you use a bar or a spray? And we only got about 70% of people participating. The other 30% were probably the roll on ball or people who don't wear it at all.

[A]

That's insane to me.

[B]

A lot of people don't wear deodorants.

[A]

That's, I think, poor planning. I think it's kind of rude. Too much confidence.

[B]

I feel like the logic is often, well, if I get sweaty enough to stink, deodorant won't help anyway. And I don't know that that's entirely true. I think that the deodorant will help, and if it's antiperspirant, it will help even more. Yeah, so I feel like it's just like, no. Unless you're, like, playing sports or really working out.

[A]

Even still. Let's see.

[B]

Throw a scene on.

[A]

Yeah, just throw a little on. Because it's preventative. It's like brushing your teeth every day.

[B]

Yes. Wow. That brings up another controversy in my life. And I'd like to ask both of your opinion. When you brush your teeth, after you spit out the foam. Foam. It's foam. The tooth foam. How do you wash your mouth out? Do you wet the toothbrush and then run it through your mouth? Do you put water in your hands and put it in your mouth, or do you put your head under the sink?

[A]

Sink. I put my hands under the faucet and I put the water in my mouth.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Like I'm a little animal in the forest.

[B]

Very cute. Very raccoon.

[A]

Yeah, very raccoon. It's giving raccoon. I didn't know I was supposed to do that.

[B]

Oh, you just keep all the toothpaste in your mouth? Yeah. No, Nicole, none of the tooth. It's just in there.

[A]

Why spit?

[B]

Oh, you spit?

[A]

Well, I spit the. I brush, brush, brush, and I go, but no rinse. And then I do mouthwash.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[A]

So there is a rinsing habit. Okay. Yeah, the mouthwash. Rinse. I thought you just walked out of your bathroom.

[B]

I know. I was like, oh, how uncomfortable.

[A]

In your mouth still. Well, are you spitting and then putting water in your mouth?

[B]

Yeah. See, I asked because I spit and then put my head under the sink and get water in my mouth. And my boyfriend Will, he's like, oh, he's going down to the creek to get the water.

[A]

Water. Does he say that every day?

[B]

Almost every single day.

[A]

That's very funny to me.

[B]

He acts like I'm an Animal. I think it's perfectly fine going to.

[A]

The creek to get some water. I have seen people do that, but it is like, we have hands. We have things to help us.

[B]

But I don't want my hands wet. I can get the water directly into my mouth and then spit.

[A]

And does it not go anywhere else on your face?

[B]

No, I'm very. Laser accuracy.

[A]

I guess I don't understand. Why do you not use mouthwash?

[B]

No, not often.

[A]

No.

[B]

Mouthwash for me is more of a. Like an in between. Or if I'm like. If I really. I'm like, oh, I ate garlic. I should brush my teeth and use mouthwash. I think those are kind of the categories for me.

[A]

Oh, interesting.

[B]

But never daily.

[A]

I use mouthwash daily.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

And apparently multiple times a day. Every day. You wish. Yes.

[B]

You are burning money. Okay, Rockefeller, we found the leak in your account.

[A]

I thought you were supposed to use it every day.

[B]

I'm sure somebody would. I'm sure the Colgate or whoever.

[A]

Yeah. But the mouthwash company definitely wants you to use it every day. But I don't know if dentists think it's necessary.

[B]

Oh, they say they get after you about flossing.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Which I could be better at.

[A]

I could be better at flossing. I guess maybe I use the mouthwash because I'm like, I don't floss as often as I should.

[B]

Oh, interesting, interesting, interesting. And how do your dentists feel about your teeth?

[A]

I've. You know, I had a tough time with the dentist a little bit ago.

[B]

Do you not go?

[A]

Well, I hadn't been in, like. Let's see. I think I went three years ago. Okay, let's see. My mom has been dead for like, 2003. 20. 20 years, something like that.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And I had. I had to have two wisdom teeth pulled, two root canals, and I think two crowns or something like that.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

So that was not fun for me. I didn't like it. Yeah.

[B]

Because those are the worst of the worst.

[A]

Yes. But then the next time I went, they said that I was doing good.

[B]

Okay, well, three years ago. Not that long ago.

[A]

Oh, and then I had to have my fillings redone because I had the silver bad kid filling.

[B]

Right. I think I have. I'm getting mine redone next week. I'm not looking forward to having those teeth renovated.

[A]

Yeah, I had a couple redone, too.

[B]

What a.

[A]

It's like. I mean, I guess, of course, it doesn't last forever, but it is annoying. It should. It should.

[B]

It should put something in there.

[A]

I already did this. Yeah. I want to do it again.

[B]

I shouldn't have to do anything twice. Never twice. I got my. Do either of you have a permanent retainer?

[A]

I used to, but it fell out.

[B]

Oh, it fell out.

[A]

Said, I'm done. Wow. You were crunching hard. I don't. I guess, like, the enamel or whatever, the thing that made it stick was, like, chipping.

[B]

Oh, right, right.

[A]

And then it kinda, like, bing. Like, it's like stuck out. And then I had to pull it out. And then. Yeah, the dentist had to, like, shave down the remnants back there. But I do have a. Like, an actual retainer. I just put pop in.

[B]

This is me at night, too, because I was told, never remove it. And I said, I'm not being buried with this thing. And so I got it removed, and I've been perfectly fine. I think it's a myth that you need it in there forever.

[A]

Mine's still in there.

[B]

Still in there. It's so annoying.

[A]

Oh, I don't really. You don't notice it? No. I have a very short tongue.

[B]

Free yourself. You'll be able to floss so much better.

[A]

Free yourself for myself. Free. Free. I say free myself.

[B]

Cause you can't floss around those things.

[A]

No, it is hard. I have a looper.

[B]

Yeah, you don't. I need to bring in an extra tool. Forget about it.

[A]

It's hard enough. Water pick. Sometimes. Not as often as I should.

[B]

Yeah, I like a water pick.

[A]

I like a water pick.

[B]

I think I like a water pick too much. Where then I'm like, oh, this is just fun to do. And then it doesn't feel like an important thing. And then I don't do it.

[A]

It just feels like a. To do.

[B]

Yeah, you gotta fill it up with water everywhere.

[A]

Yeah. It's like. And then you gotta empty it. Empty it out, let it dry. Not for me.

[B]

Not for me. Forget it.

[A]

Let me just. Mouthwash.

[B]

Let me just ruin my teeth.

[A]

Will mouthwash ruin my teeth?

[B]

No, I'm saying let me ruin my teeth by not flouncing.

[A]

I need to get on Google. I think I've been doing.

[B]

I don't think it's gonna ruin it. You're killing all the bacteria.

[A]

Okay, good.

[B]

I can't imagine there being an issue with that.

[A]

Okay. I mean, I wonder. I hope not. I hope not. But also, I can't. I don't know if having those kind of chemicals in your mouth every day is right.

[B]

They're very strong. They're bacteria killers.

[A]

I use alcohol free. That's great.

[B]

Okay. But what is in there. That's so strong. That's not alcohol.

[A]

I don't know, but I really like the packaging of it. I think I've showed it to you. It was a dentist who created it because his daughter's breast was so stinky. And it says it on the bottle. I was like, roast her.

[B]

Get her. Is this like a Dr. Bronner situation with all of the story on the side?

[A]

A little bit, yeah.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And I like it. I feel like the dentist is right at home with me.

[B]

His poor daughter.

[A]

I know, right?

[B]

That's awful.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Wow. He's truly exploiting her in the biggest way. Not only making money, but being mean.

[A]

Yeah. Yep.

[B]

I hope she's sued. Oh, well, is there anything left we should say about tattoos, hats, or deodorant?

[A]

Get a tattoo.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Wear deodorant. If you're in the sun, you should wear a hat. I don't know why we strayed from parasols.

[B]

I know.

[A]

Parasols are awesome, right? Oh, wait, yeah. Oh, and a little Tootsie Roll. Let me see a Tootsie Roll. Let me see a Tootsie Roll.

[B]

We just talked about Tootsie Rolls on the podcast.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yes. And I was saying they're nobody's favorite candy.

[A]

I actually like a Tootsie Roll. That's my favorite.

[B]

Yeah, it's like kind of a candy that doesn't need to exist, because if they went away, nobody would be like, well, that was my favorite.

[A]

It's true. I like the fruit ones that they make.

[B]

I prefer the fruit ones.

[A]

Oh, interesting. I don't think I've ever had the fruit ones.

[B]

Oh, the orange and lime.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Delicious. Yeah.

[A]

Interesting.

[B]

They're kind of, like, very accurate to the flavors, despite being around for probably since the 70s or something. You know, like, it feels like good. Fruit flavors only are. It's like a modern science.

[A]

Do you like runs?

[B]

I love a runt. I think we just talked about this on the podcast because I love it feels like chewing on a bead.

[A]

Yes. It feels dangerous for. Like, you're not supposed to.

[B]

Exactly. Mom.

[A]

I'm eating candy. Moms eating beads Mummy had on her neck.

[B]

Right, Exactly.

[A]

I didn't know people were, like, crunching them. I just, like, suck them until they go away. Oh, no, no, no, no. You crunch on them so hard, you think your teeth are gonna break. That's why I don't. Cause I'm worried I'm hurting my teeth.

[B]

But I love a runt outside of the banana flavor.

[A]

See, I love the banana flavor and we just talked about this. It's based on. Not the banana strain we have now. It's based on the gross Michel strain of banana.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

That we don't have anymore. No.

[B]

Everyone hated it so much.

[A]

Well, no, you can still get them. But they don't. You can't. I think you get them at, like, a farmer's market or a specialty market, but I don't think you'll be able to find them just like at the Gelson's.

[B]

I want to try one of those. I mean, I hate that flavor, but I would be curious to see what the original thing is.

[A]

I'm sure. Also, like, maybe spread out in an actual banana.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Would taste better than, like, in a compacted.

[B]

Just concentrated.

[A]

Yeah, Just hitch ya.

[B]

Yeah. It's really. It feels unnatural to eat.

[A]

I love them. I do not like bananas, but I love a banana run.

[B]

Interesting.

[A]

And I love breaking them. Like, I'm. Like I'm eating a real banana.

[B]

I mean, it's unfortunate. They're the best shape because you can really play with that one.

[A]

Boy, I gotta go get some runts. Do you remember Fun dip?

[B]

Yeah, of course. But the dip was disgust or the stick was gross. Well, yeah, it was root beer flavored or something.

[A]

No, the white one.

[B]

Yeah, the white stick was like root beer. Was it root beer? And then the dip was delicious. Nicole loved the stick.

[A]

I love the stick. I love to sometimes not even eat the dip part and just eat the stick. I'm sick.

[B]

It's like a nail file that tastes like root beer.

[A]

Yes. I don't know if it tastes like root. Maybe. Maybe that's why I like it. But I will. I would just eat the sticks. And if I had two packs, I would save one stick for dipping and then just straight up eat the.

[B]

Oh, I would just pour the dust into my mouth.

[A]

How uncivilized.

[B]

Totally. Another down in the creek sort of situation.

[A]

We could be good, because you could just take the dust and I'll take your sticks.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

Take the dust and I'll take your sticks. What a wild thing to say.

[B]

Yeah. Fun dip. Do they still make it?

[A]

I think so.

[B]

It's probably one of those things you have to go to, like, a real specialty candy store to get. At this point, it probably cost, like, $9. It's like, what am I doing with my life? Well, should I eat my tootsie? Why did you bring the Tootsie Roll? Just for fun.

[A]

So I put your gifts in the bag. My little aftercare bag from my tattoo. And when I was thinking of gifts to give. I was like, well, I'm never gonna return that because I never return anything to Amazon. And I was like, oh, I will bring the little tattoo card. And then that was in there, and I said, I bring that, too.

[B]

Oh, very nice. I'm actually not gonna eat it right now. No one wants to hear me chew on a Tootsie Roll. Okay. You ask for it. Watch what you wish for.

[A]

And all the comments are gonna be like, we hated that. And the Tootsie Pop is under the same umbrella as Tootsie Roll.

[B]

Same branch.

[A]

Yeah. How many licks? The owl. Yeah, the owl.

[B]

Mr. Owl.

[A]

I like that owl. A one, a two, a. Wow. We know that commercial. We love it.

[B]

I'm really enjoying the Tootsie Roll.

[A]

Right? Oh, I'm so glad. I feel like they only come out around Halloween. I guess they're always out, but no one really pays attention till Halloween time. Do you think the person who created that commercial still gets some sort of, like, residuals? No way. Or like the. The holiday commercial for the Hershey Kisses where it's like, ring a ding ding ding.

[B]

A ding ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.

[A]

Yeah. How do residuals on commercials work if you create them? Like, if you write them, I don't.

[B]

Feel like you get nothing, Right.

[A]

Probably. That's such a bummer.

[B]

I feel like the commercial world is pretty cutthroat.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Although if you're in a commercial, you get residuals, sort of.

[A]

But you know what? They probably don't. They're probably, like, at a. Like, a ad agency.

[B]

Right. They're just doing their job.

[A]

Yeah. And then the only thing you get in residuals is, like, going to holiday parties. And when it comes on. I did that.

[B]

I'd be proud to say I made the owl.

[A]

Me, too.

[B]

He's an icon. He's an icon. Nicole, I just want to also say you should return your things to Amazon. This company.

[A]

I know.

[B]

We've got to exploit them as much as possible.

[A]

I know.

[B]

And it's, you know, drive it over to wherever and return it. They're taking advantage of you.

[A]

They are. But I did just cancel my prime so I can be more. So I was doing the prime, and I was like, I'm gonna. I would just order things, of course.

[B]

And then I'd be like, so easy.

[A]

Where is it? Why isn't it here today? And then I was like, why am I being like this? Why am I so annoyed when, like, things aren't shipping fast enough? And I was like, also, I would just order Things because of the free shipping. So I'm hoping I become more intentional with what I order. And I don't order as much garbage.

[B]

That's really a smart way to set a boundary for yourself.

[A]

I'm trying. Cause I just feel like we're zipping through life and being angry and. And ordering whatever we want and creating garbage. And I don't wanna. Obviously I'll be a part of it a little bit, but, like, I don't wanna be fully part of it.

[B]

Right. Yeah. Finding any tiny way to not be part of it I think is probably smart.

[A]

I would love to, like, buy things in stores, but stores don't have things anymore. Or they lock em up. Or they lock em up. And then I have to be like, I'm sorry, can you get me that mascara? And it's like understaffed, so you gotta wait forever for someone to come by. I wanna leave.

[B]

Bothering some poor employee that just wants to. To be looking at their phone. And they should be able to.

[A]

They should.

[B]

I'm so glad I'm past the time of the jobs I had where I could have looked at my phone. Because the temptation to be on your phone at that sort of job must be.

[A]

Oh, my gosh.

[B]

Just over the top.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And then if you have to just stand there and not look at it and be bored at your cash register or whatever.

[A]

Nightmare where you can't even sit down.

[B]

They won't let you sit down.

[A]

Why don't we let cashiers?

[B]

Ridiculous.

[A]

I don't know. Isn't that so strange?

[B]

Although I guess you know all the science about sitting down and how it's dangerous or whatever. You know, these standing belongs. Yeah.

[A]

Being sedentary.

[B]

Yeah. So maybe standing.

[A]

But it'd be nice to have an option.

[B]

Yeah. Like there should be a chair that appears every 15 minutes for a few minutes.

[A]

Yeah. A chair break. I think at Aldi's they're allowed to sit.

[B]

Oh, interesting.

[A]

That's nice.

[B]

They should be able to sit on one of those, like, lifeguard chairs. So they're above the customer.

[A]

Yes. Oh, that's nice. You getting all that?

[B]

You should have a stick to move the items.

[A]

Make it fun.

[B]

Or the conveyor belt should go up.

[A]

To them and they come back down. Yes. And that's, you know, nice, fun architecture.

[B]

Right. This is how we revive brick and mortar.

[A]

Make it fun again.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

I want to see it. Ride that ride. I promise. Riding a ride.

[B]

Make it deeply complicated. Well, I think we should play a game. We're gonna play a game called Gift or A curse.

[A]

Sorry.

[B]

But what just happened?

[A]

I keep gasping and I don't know.

[B]

Why I keep pulling a gun. The listener doesn't know, but I think we should play a game. I need a number between 1 and 10 from you two.

[A]

Do you say out loud?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then do we have to. Is it one number that we both agree on or two numbers?

[B]

It's simply not important enough to. Great. Okay. I have to do some, like, calculating with that number. So right now you can promote, recommend, do whatever you want. I'll be right back.

[A]

Oh, we have a podcast called Best Friends. I almost just said, what should we promote? You know, we're here to promote our podcast, Best Friends. Best Friends. It's on headgum. Yes. We release every Wednesday. Every Wednesday we take listener questions. You can email us, you can call us. We have video episodes on YouTube now. Yes. Yeah. And we're having a great time. We took a little hiatus. Now we're back. Hiatus. You're saying that perfectly. It's a wild word. Hiatus, Hiatus.

[B]

It requires, like, real knowledge of vowel noise because it should be.

[A]

Hiatus, Hiatus, hiatus, hiatus, hiatus.

[B]

It is like kind of a sleek, fashionable word to say hiatus.

[A]

I wonder if it's derivative of a different language. I'm sure it is very fiance. That's French.

[B]

Hiatus. Feels Greek or something. Yeah, it was pretty, like bare bones Greek. I am going to look that up.

[A]

Hiatus. Hiatus.

[B]

Yes. Let's see here. Hiatus. Etymology. Oh, from Latin. Yeah, of course.

[A]

Ah, yeah. It's a lot of root words are from the Latin. Yes, talking.

[B]

Okay. And I should. While we're promoting listener, we have new merch on. Exactly right. Write store.com.

[A]

Can I just say, I love that you said listener. Like one person listens to this.

[B]

This has been a big controversy. This has been a big controversy because the listener, they all feel like there should be a name, you know, like people fan names or whatever. And there have been various things, and I recently pitched that they should be called Secret Wives. And a lot of people responded in a good way. But then other people said things like gifties or whatever. But I think Secret Wives is.

[A]

Secret Wives is fun.

[B]

I would love to be a secret wife.

[A]

I would. Yeah, keep me a secret. Pop me out every now and again. Have you seen Hunting Wives?

[B]

I saw the first episode. It's wild.

[A]

I still haven't seen it.

[B]

Boy, oh, boy, it's a wild show.

[A]

I finished it. It is, top to bottom, one of the wildest pieces of media I've ever watched.

[B]

Yeah, I need to finish it. I wouldn't say that it's quality. I wouldn't say that. It's like a. It's fun, but it's fun.

[A]

It's fun.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Juicy. Truly, choices were made. The wigs. Not to. I don't want to be rude to the person who worked very hard.

[B]

They're probably in a rush.

[A]

Yes. Let's not rush the wigticians.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Let's not rush the hair department because those lines. The hairlines were hard.

[B]

You're going to get hunting wives.

[A]

Oh, I have another thing to promote. Well, you do? Really?

[B]

Oh, what?

[A]

Long story short. Oh, yes. She's on a cartoon that came out.

[B]

On Netflix with our friend Lisa Hanawalt. Yes.

[A]

Long story short, I think it came out the 22nd of August, but all episodes, season one are streaming now.

[B]

Oh, very nice. People seem to be loving the show.

[A]

Yes. It's had such a positive response, and that's just, you know, lovely. Of course, it's so sad when people are like, hated it. And you're like, all right, worked hard on it. Why do you hate it?

[B]

Speaking of Lisa, the tattoo I want to get is a drawing she did of my dog.

[A]

Oh, nice.

[B]

It's all coming together. It's all. Long story short, everybody go watch that. Listen to the podcast. Watch the podcast.

[A]

And I also have another podcast called why Won't yout Date Me? Also on.

[B]

Never heard of it.

[A]

And another podcast called 90 Day Bae. When does this come out?

[B]

September something.

[A]

Okay. You missed our live show for 90 day bae.

[B]

What day of September?

[A]

No, it's August 31st.

[B]

Forget it.

[A]

Having a guest. His name is Sarper. He's from the 90 Day Universe. He's been on the show. He's gonna do standup.

[B]

Oh, wow.

[A]

It should be funny. Typewriter.

[B]

Okay. We love to see.

[A]

Oh, maybe you can get the. Cause I think it's up for two weeks after. So maybe you still get streaming tickets or.

[B]

Two weeks. I just emailed Dynasty saying, how long does the live stream last after the live show? And now I've got my answer before they've responded to it.

[A]

Two weeks.

[B]

Two weeks. So hopefully they can watch that and. Okay. I think we've promoted everything several times. Great. This is how we play Gift or a Curse. I'm going to name three things and you're each going to tell me if it's a gift or a curse and why. Then I'll tell you if you're right or wrong and you're kind of competing with each other. And I have the true answers. So be careful. Be very careful. And this will drive you apart. Okay, number one, this is from one of our Patreon listeners, Web. Someone named Web Gift or a curse. Panda Express.

[A]

Like a gift card or like actual food from Panda Express.

[B]

All Web said was Panda Express, Panda Express.

[A]

I think they mean the food, and I think it's a gift. If you want Chinese food in a pinch, you're in the mall, the Burbank Mall, walking around, you say, ooh, I got a hankering for fried rice, but I don't have a lot of coin in my pocket. I'm going to Panda Express. I don't love Panda Express.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

But for others, gift, Okay, I would say curse because it feels like this person wants you to shit your pants. I feel like if they really wanted to get you some Chinese food, there's so many, so many options other than Panda Express. And it feels like maybe it was a rushed gift or a last minute maybe they were walking through the mall. They're like, ah, this. Yeah, it doesn't feel very thoughtful. I was like, curse.

[B]

Sasheer is correct. It's a curse.

[A]

Okay?

[B]

And look, Nicole, I totally understand what you're saying, but I feel like Panda Express has a real responsibility. All I ever want. I mean, there's those times where you're like, I basically want mall Chinese food. And unfortunately, Panda Express has dropped the ball on quality. They've taken over every mall with their brand and it's just not that good. But when that type of Chinese food is done well, oh, what a great junk food to eat. You know, it's like fried orange, chicken, and fried rice. I want that so badly. I'm in the mall and my only option is Panda Express. It's airport food. They've got to do better.

[A]

I understand.

[B]

They've got to do better. Okay, so Sashira's ahead.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Number two. This is from another one of our Patreon listeners, Vanessa. Gift or a curse? When a stranger uses hand gestures to help you park.

[A]

An absolute curse. Get the fuck away from me. Either I'll do it or I won't. It's none of your business. Go away. It happened to me pretty recently. I saw a spot, definitely very, very tiny. My car ended up touching both cars.

[B]

That I parked in between.

[A]

And this man came out of his home to go. You won't fit there. You won't fit there. And I said, watch me. I spent 20 minutes getting into that spot. Get away. Go home. Go inside. Get off my back, dude. I agree. I would also say a curse, mostly for the embarrassment. Don't look at me while I'm doing this. Like, anytime anyone watches me do a thing that requires skill or concentration, I fuck up. Whether it's parking or organizing something, or, like, if it's a delicate thing, I don't want to know. You can see me, right? So you can actually help me by walking away.

[B]

Oh. Pulling up in front of a restaurant.

[A]

To park, and then everyone's, like, turning. Like, they stop. Literally, stop eating, stop talking. To watch you go back to what you're doing. Please.

[B]

So curse from both of you.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

You both get the point. Curse.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Mind your own business.

[A]

Yes. Get out of here.

[B]

And we don't know if they're trying to sabotage you. I'm supposed to trust this person? What if they do want you to run into something?

[A]

They're like, go fast. Right now. Accelerate in reverse.

[B]

Gas it. Faster. Faster. Yeah. So curse. Mind your own business. Get out of here. If it's somebody I know, sure.

[A]

Unless I've asked.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Don't. Yeah.

[B]

Okay, so let's see. Two to one. Interesting. Okay, and now this is from an anonymous person. This must have come from an Instagram Live Person gift. You're a curse. Someone shaving their beard after they've had it for years.

[A]

I'm gonna say a curse.

[B]

Why?

[A]

You tricked us. We all got used to a certain face. Who is this person? You've changed and sometimes changes for the better. A lot of times. Not a lot of times. The beard is hiding something. And now you've revealed it, and we have. Now we have to be the judge of if we like it or not. So I say stick to your roots. Literally.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Yeah. Curse. Don't cut that shit off. No, because I feel like people with facial hair usually go through life without facial hair. They're like, I'm gonna shave it. And then they grow a beard and everyone goes, oh, my God, diva, you look so good.

[B]

Such an easy upgrade.

[A]

Yes. You never look better. And why are you trying to go back to what you look like, all regular and shit? No curse.

[B]

It's a curse. Absolutely. I feel like if you've had a beard for less than two weeks, you're free to shave it off. But after that point, we've all gotten used to it. We all have enough to deal with already. We don't need to readjust to your face. So keep it. You're trapped with that thing. Unless you're like, witness protection moving to another country and will never see anybody. If you're going to chop your beard off.

[A]

Chop.

[B]

Shave it off. You have to Cut everyone out of your life.

[A]

Yes, I agree.

[B]

Cause I don't wanna see your face.

[A]

Yeah, I don't wanna see it.

[B]

It's unfair.

[A]

Also, have you seen those videos where dads shave their beards and their babies start crying? Sherry, it's like that. Cause you're a different person. Yeah, that's the instinct adults have, too. We just are nice about it. But it's like, yeah, who is this? Who's this person in my house? Who is this?

[B]

Right, Right. Well, Nicole, you lost.

[A]

Yes. And that's okay. We all can't win everything every time.

[B]

And you made some beautiful points.

[A]

He.

[B]

And you defended Panda Express.

[A]

And I will say, I did say Panda Express is not a gift to me.

[B]

Right, Right.

[A]

But someone might like it.

[B]

It's not a personal endorsement. It's just if you like it.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And I think we should close all of them down. Unless I feel like they need to get on the ball. Now. Annaliese has their gift or a curse. They're going to do one, and we all have to speak to it, and they have their answer, you know, just to be fair. Anneliese, what are we talking about today?

[A]

Gift or a curse? When the traitors win.

[B]

On the traitors. Oh, interesting. Do you want to go or should I go?

[A]

You can go.

[B]

When the traitors win. On the traitors. I think it's a gift. I think it's nice to see evil win. It's also the point of the show when people on the Traders get upset about being betrayed or any of that. I think you must be a nightmare in real life. You're playing a game and you're still upset about the rules of the game and how it's supposed to be played. I want to see the traitors win. I want to see everyone get betrayed and some sneaky villain win. I will say I kind of dropped off with the traitors when they started bringing in celebrities. I want to see real people betray each other. And I think they're doing a new season like that. So I'm excited. But I'd like to see a traitor win. Why not? The villain's always more excited.

[A]

I've only watched one season where the faithfuls won. I would like to see a traitor win because I guess I could. I could go back and watch it, but, yeah, the game is lying to people's faces. And if you can lie so good, you're a sociopath. And also you deserve to win.

[B]

I don't want to see a bunch of dorks win. I want to see the Bad guy win.

[A]

I want to see someone pure evil win money. So, yeah. A gift, right?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

The traders winning a gift.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

I would agree. I also want to see a trader win. I like when people who are good at something win.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Like American Idol. You know, if someone has a good voice, we want to see them win. If someone is skilled at building a house, we want to see them win. Someone is skilled at tricking people, they should win, Right?

[B]

Of course.

[A]

They executed their talents in a way that was better than everybody else. So they should. And when they do a normal person season, if a traitor wins, we all know to stay away from that normal person because they're not normal.

[B]

But, Nicole, this is where I disagree. I think they're just playing the rules of the game.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

They've been given permission to be a psycho.

[A]

Yes. But I think normal people, when they go on television and act the part and they're the villain and they're like, wild. I'm like, that was deep in you, and you wanted to unleash that. That you don't. I don't think you're nice to people in your life.

[B]

I think this is me just trying to defend myself because I think I would win the game as a traitor.

[A]

I also think I would.

[B]

I think you would.

[A]

I think I would.

[B]

I think it's just like, well, I know how to work the game, and I've been given permission. In real life, you can't be a psycho. You have to be nice to people.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I'm surrounded by psychos playing traitors. In real life, I'm like, save it for NBC or peacock or whatever. Don't drag me into it.

[A]

Do you think relationships have ended after a traitor won? And they're like, I can't trust you.

[B]

Oh, interesting.

[A]

You played that way too well.

[B]

Or like, in a few years, after someone does get murdered and they do the date line, that will be the first red flag of, like, the family will be talking about, like. And he really loved that the traitors won.

[A]

There were signs.

[B]

Yeah. Well, Anneliese, what do you think?

[A]

We're all gonna end up on dateline because you know what? It's a gift.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Nice. Good, nice. You know, it's so rare. You know, it's so rare to see the bad guy win in real life. You know, like, we're always seeing good, good things happen in this world. You know, why not just let some bad things happen every once in a while?

[B]

It's a point of reality tv. Exactly. Watching horrible. Do horrible people do horrible things. Non stop.

[A]

Do you watch Love Island?

[B]

No. I mean, how many episodes are there at this point?

[A]

I don't know. Apparently there's like one every day or something like that.

[B]

It seems like you have to retire in order to watch that show.

[A]

I don't know how these people are watching. I haven't seen it either, but I keep seeing memes and I'm like, these people seem like fun. I'm like, I think I gotta start watching it.

[B]

It's just like, it feels like a job.

[A]

Yeah, I know. I feel like, no, I have. I don't. I don't even know where to find it.

[B]

I know. I don't know where to find it.

[A]

On Peacock, of course.

[B]

But so many people I know do watch it. And I'm like, I guess maybe they're just better with time management. They're like, okay. And I check in to watch Love island for an hour every day and then I get to talk to my friends about it. And every time that gets brought up, I just have to back away because I'm like, well, I know it's. It's like weird people having sex with each other on a night, hot people.

[A]

Fucking and then like being vaguely offensive maybe. I don't know.

[B]

Right, Great. Yeah. Well, this is the final segment of the podcast. We need to answer listener email people writing into isaidnogiftsmail.com or they're sending voice notes. We're finally getting some voice notes. They have to be 60 seconds long and in a quiet room. Room. So just keep those two things in mind. If you're capable of those two things, you can send in a voice note.

[A]

It has to be at least 60 seconds.

[B]

No, just under.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[B]

It has to be at least two hours long.

[A]

They had to record you to be in New York City in the middle of the street.

[B]

Under 60 seconds long. But we're going to read one today. Will you help me answer a listener question?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Okay. This is hi, Bridger, and well meaning but disrespectful guests. And we'll put an S on there. Guests. I absolutely hate talking on the phone. And yet there are some people in my life who want nothing more than to be on the phone. The worst is when you're texting with someone and they just jump right into calling you in the middle of your text exchange. If it's during the workday, I often reply, sorry, in a meeting, can't talk. But how do I curb these people from calling at all without being totally rude? Sincerely, Beth.

[A]

Well, if you actually are Working or if it is the workday. Yeah, that's. That's a Acceptable boundary to place, maybe. Are there hours where this person is okay having phone calls? Like from 5 to 8 you have office hours for phone calls. Hang up a little sign if you really are working a 9 to 5 and you're like, I'm okay texting, but I truly don't have the capacity to have a phone call right now. You're like, yeah, I get off at work at 5, 4, whatever. And then I want to start like winding down for bed around 8:30. So within those hours I could take a call. But please don't try to call me after that or before during the day because I will be at work.

[B]

This person seems like they don't want to talk on the phone at all. Yeah. Especially in the middle of. Do either of you do that? You're texting and stuff.

[A]

I feel like that we did that last night.

[B]

That's one place I actually kind of makes sense when you're like, oh, actually, I just need to explain this or. And we're already communicating.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

A random call is a little bit tougher, But a random FaceTime is. No, no.

[A]

A random FaceTime is so scary. Why do you want to see me?

[B]

Such a bold moment.

[A]

Why do you want to see me? That's always. I'm like, ah, why? Yeah, this person seems like they don't want to be on the phone at all. I think close friends, you can just be like, hey, I really don't like talking on the phone. Do you mind if we just keep it to text people who aren't as close to. I think you can absolutely be like, ugh, I can't talk right now. I would just constantly be like, I can't talk right now.

[B]

Eventually they'll learn or just become so unpleasant to everyone in your life that they don't try calling you.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Or get rid of the phone if you don't want it.

[A]

Yeah, get rid of the phone. I'm sorry, I don't have a cut on the phone here. Lie to everybody. I don't have a phone plan. I only have a text plan. There you go. I don't have voice calls on this phone. I'm so sorry. God bless.

[B]

That should be off. It should be. But I mean, I'm sure Beth would be first in line, but yeah, I feel like all she has to do is just be rude, unpleasant to co workers or friends, slowly cut people out of her life, maybe betray her family. There's so many ways to get People to stop communicating with you and why not just go for the throat or.

[A]

Maybe just always have your phone on do not disturb.

[B]

That's what I do.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's frustrating for some people in my life and they can deal with it.

[A]

That is. That is good.

[B]

The phone on my terms. It feels incredible. Except for occasionally you're like, oh, well now this is annoying because I have to call them back and whatever.

[A]

But Beth will not call back.

[B]

Beth calling.

[A]

Did you call? Yeah. And then if it stays on do not disturb, they'll call back. Oh, did you call again? You just gotta tell me what it is. Yeah. What's going on? Tell me.

[B]

And I guess you can turn on do not disturb for particular people, right?

[A]

Yeah. You can have it like where if you only want certain calls or texts from certain people, they can be in a group or that it'll go through the do not disturb. Everybody else goes straight to voicemail.

[B]

I want it so I can assign. When particular people call, they hear a loud piercing scream or some horrible noise.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Just teach people a lesson. I don't know. That's a new feature Apple should look into. They still haven't changed the photos on the iPhone.

[A]

What do you mean?

[B]

They redid the photo app and it's horrible.

[A]

I hate it. I don't like it. I've gotten used to it, but I don't like it.

[B]

I'm still not used to it.

[A]

I can't find anything. I don't understand why they keep changing shit like that. I don't want that.

[B]

It worked for everyone.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Now it's chaos.

[A]

Honestly, what they should do is come out with like iPhone.

[B]

Original.

[A]

And it's just the way it was.

[B]

Just a classic.

[A]

Yeah. So fast.

[B]

Just a classic. No. The company should be ashamed. Really a bad move on their part. But maybe this podcast will make the difference. Tim Cook, reach out. Well, I've got my gifts. I will do with them as I please. Although you will be getting your bag back. We know you're getting the bag back.

[A]

I need that bag back. It's my grocery bag.

[B]

Well, you need a grocery bag. I'm doing this on camera.

[A]

Oh, thank you. Proof it's happening. What are you talking about? You don't go grocery shopping. I instant.

[B]

Oh, I love grocery shopping.

[A]

I don't. Cuz I get too hungry and then I buy the things I don't need.

[B]

But it's so fun wandering around the store and seeing all the products.

[A]

No, I'll just over buy. I have so much rotten food in my house.

[B]

Oh, Interesting. See, I don't buy. I. My fridge is essentially empty, so there are only a few things I do buy and then I just get to look at things, have my little trip.

[A]

But then I'll just buy everything.

[B]

Go ahead and buy anything.

[A]

Last time I was in Albertsons, the Ritz Bits peanut butters were so far back that I had to wait for a tall to walk through the aisle. And then I said, can you reach that for me? I don't want to go through that either.

[B]

This is how you meet people, asking them to reach shelves for you. Community.

[A]

I have all the friends I've found. Okay. Beth. No, I'll come.

[B]

Well, thank you both for being here. Thank you for so glad you're able to be here and listener. The podcast is over. That's your problem, not mine. I am moving on with my day. I've had my Tootsie Roll. I have to get home and sit around. So get on with your life. I love you. Goodbye. I said no gifts. An exactly right production. Our senior producer is Anneliese Nelson and our episodes are beautifully mixed by Ben Tolliday. The theme song is by miracle worker Amy Mann. And we couldn't do it without our booker, Patrick Cotner. You must follow the show on Instagram at isaidnogifts. That's where you're going to see pictures of all these wonderful gifts I'm getting. And don't you want to see the gifts?

[A]

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