Tim Heidecker Disobeys Bridger

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Tim Heidecker Disobeys Bridger" I Said No Gifts! A Comedy Interview Podcast with Bridger Weiniger
Release Date: May 8, 2025

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Introduction

In this episode of I Said No Gifts!, host Bridger Weiniger welcomes comedian and actor Tim Heidecker as his guest. The premise of the show revolves around guests bringing gifts despite Bridger's explicit request for them to come empty-handed. Tim Heidecker upholds this tradition by presenting Bridger with a thoughtfully wrapped gift, setting the stage for a humorous and insightful conversation.

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Tim's Gift: "Songs of the Doomed"

Bridger introduces the episode and expresses his excitement about having Tim as a guest.

Bridger Winegar (04:30):
"I adore today's guest. Everybody loves today's guest. It's Tim Heidecker. Tim, welcome to I Said No Gifts!"

Tim brings forth a beautifully wrapped book titled "Songs of the Doomed," which includes an introduction he authored.

Tim Heidecker (23:56):
"So, if you will accept it, I'd appreciate it."

Bridger hesitantly agrees to open the gift on the podcast, leading to a comedic exchange involving an unexpected and absurd insertion of an Uber Eats representative script.

Tim Heidecker (25:41):
"It is a book."

The gift becomes a central point of humor as the scripted advertisement interjects, highlighting Tim's playful defiance of the "no gifts" rule.

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Discussion on Little House on the Prairie

The conversation delves into Tim's nostalgia for the classic TV show Little House on the Prairie, sharing behind-the-scenes insights and personal memories.

Tim Heidecker (04:40):
"I am so excited you brought up Little House on the Prairie. I don't know if you did research on me."

Bridger Weiniger (07:07):
"Wow. I can't wait to get to that in like 10 years."

They discuss the show's ending, where the town of Walnut Grove is dynamited—a stark contrast to its wholesome narrative.

Tim Heidecker (05:17):
"The citizens. The citizens are going to blow up the town."

Bridger reflects on the production decisions and how it adds another dimension to his viewing experience.

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Personal Life and Hobbies

Tim shares anecdotes about his personal life, including his role as a father, his passion for baseball, and his recent dedication to running.

Tim Heidecker (12:14):
"It's on almost every day. They play like four days a week or five days a week."

Bridger Weiniger (13:07):
"That's pretty good."

He discusses his running routine, aiming to push his fitness to the next level, and touches upon his experiences with gym trainers.

Tim Heidecker (14:42):
"I get a bunch of muscles... How do I get muscle?"

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The Gift or a Curse Game

Embracing the show's interactive spirit, Bridger and Tim engage in a game segment where they determine whether certain scenarios are a gift or a curse.

1. Life on Earth

   Bridger Weiniger (64:39):
   "Gift or a curse? Life on Earth."

   Tim Heidecker (64:40):
   "It's a gift."

   Tim elaborates on his appreciation for life despite its challenges.

2. Going to Bed with Wet Hair

   Bridger Weiniger (66:11):
   "Gift or a curse? Going to bed with wet hair?"

   Tim Heidecker (66:11):
   "It's a curse."

   Bridger counters by explaining her perspective, leading to a playful debate.

3. Using a Kitchen Knife to Open a Box

   Bridger Weiniger (67:40):
   "Gift or a curse? Using a kitchen knife to open a box."

   Tim Heidecker (68:00):
   "It's a gift."

   They conclude the game with Tim correctly identifying the third scenario.

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Personal Anecdotes and Reflections

The duo shares personal stories, including Tim's encounter with online harassment and a harrowing experience involving the police responding to a possible swatting incident.

Tim Heidecker (53:33):
"Another... He's one of these YouTuber right-wing lunatics who went to the Capitol on January 6th."

Bridger Weiniger (56:03):
"Could have been full on so badly."

Tim recounts the tense situation where police mistakenly responded to his home, showcasing the real-life impacts of online conflicts.

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Closing Remarks

As the episode wraps up, Bridger highlights the production team and promotes the podcast's social media presence.

Bridger Weiniger (76:12):
"The podcast is over. You obviously knew this was going to happen."

The episode concludes with a blend of humor and sincerity, encapsulating the show's comedic yet meaningful essence.

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Notable Quotes

• Tim Heidecker (05:17):
  "They're gonna blow up the town."

• Bridger Weiniger (12:11):
  "It's a kind of a job."

• Tim Heidecker (44:24):
  "You know, maybe we don't. Maybe we should assume that it doesn't matter to you that other people said Happy Birthday in this thread."

• Bridger Weiniger (66:35):
  "He should have been jailed. He should have been imprisoned."

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Conclusion

This episode of I Said No Gifts! masterfully blends humor with candid conversations, offering listeners a glimpse into Tim Heidecker's personal life and thoughts. Through playful banter, insightful discussions, and unexpected twists, Bridger and Tim create an engaging and entertaining experience that stays true to the podcast's comedic roots.

Transcript

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[Tim Heidecker]

When I invited you here, I thought I made myself perfectly clear. When you're a guest in my home, you gotta come to me. Be empty handed. I said no guil. Your presence is presents enough. And I already had too much stuff, so how do you dare disobey me?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Welcome to I said no gifts. I'm Bridger Weiniger. We're here in the studio. Annalise, our producer, is not here. They've cooked up some sort of. Some excuse. I don't know. I hung up the phone before they could lie to me. I can't deal with it. But they're not here and, you know, hopefully they can figure it out. So I'm just flying free and loose here. What's going on most of my life now is just watching Little House on the Prairie most of my days and nights. The Ingalls family has kind of settled into their life. I've read some behind the scenes. You know, it didn't seem like it was that pleasant of a place to work, unfortunately. So it adds another dimension to watching the show. It occurred to me last night that I've been shopping for A lamp for five years and still have not bought one. I. I think that's the one piece of furniture I'm just really not capable of buying. So if you have any tips or tricks, keep them to yourself. Is there anything else? I experienced a little bit of parking rage this morning. Blinding rage. I. Apparently there's something about someone in a Volvo crossover that just really taking their time sets me off. But I didn't act on it. I'm coming down from that. I have not had my Babybel cheese, which is usually pretty grounding for me, so. Oh, business. We're coming to Chicago May 23, the Den Theater. Go to thedentheater.com or just find it online. I'm not going to hold your hand. And Patreon continues to exist. Patreon.com I saidnogifts. What a lovely way to support the podcast. You know, this is a business, ultimately, and we're business partners, and so I need you to keep up your end of the bargain, ultimately. So go over there. We have the bonus episodes, all kinds of things. It's a wonderful time. Okay, let's get into the podcast. I adore today's guest. Everybody loves today's guest. It's Tim Heidecker. Tim, welcome to Ice Edition.

[Tim Heidecker]

So not true. I have so many enemies. You're starting off in such a disingenuous place. It's unbelievable.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, give me a break. Give me a break.

[Tim Heidecker]

I am so excited you brought up Little House on the Prairie. I don't know if you did research on me. No, no.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Do you watch it?

[Tim Heidecker]

I used. I used when I was a kid, when I was, like, even into. I mean, I knew it from when I was a kid, but in high school, my sister and I religiously watched it.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, you're kidding.

[Tim Heidecker]

After school, the reruns.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right, right.

[Tim Heidecker]

Loved it. And I might go back and do a rewatch.

[Bridger Weiniger]

When was the last time you saw it?

[Tim Heidecker]

Many years ago. But I could picture every frame. I know all the characters. I love that show. And do you know the story about the ending of the show? Cause I want to ask.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I don't. Because my boyfriend keeps hinting at you won't believe what happens.

[Tim Heidecker]

Oh, do you not want me to tell you?

[Bridger Weiniger]

I mean, what do you think? I mean, this is the thing about the show.

[Tim Heidecker]

It's a very fun Hollywood story.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Okay, then I guess I should know.

[Tim Heidecker]

Yeah, you should know. I'm sorry to your boyfriend for ruining it. You will eventually know this. I think it's true. I think it's true. The Very end of this. This show's been on for. It's like.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Goes for nine seasons.

[Tim Heidecker]

Okay. Is that it?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Over 200 episodes.

[Tim Heidecker]

But it feels much longer because you see like Half Pint and all the family grow up, I assume.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right.

[Tim Heidecker]

Nine year old to like adults.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right, Right.

[Tim Heidecker]

So it's gone. It's on for a long time and the show comes to an end. And I think the last episode of the show is some railroad company or some outside force buys little. Buys Walnut. Walnut Grove, sure.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Walnut Grove, I believe.

[Tim Heidecker]

Walnut Grove.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Walnut Creek, I think is a real place.

[Tim Heidecker]

Okay. Walnut Grove. And the town doesn't like it. It means they're gonna have to change. Something's gonna happen. They decide that they are going to dynamite the entire town. They're gonna.

[Bridger Weiniger]

That's the final episode.

[Tim Heidecker]

Yeah. They're gonna. Out of spite, they are going to blow up the town.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, the citizens.

[Tim Heidecker]

The citizens.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, good for them.

[Tim Heidecker]

But I guess. But it also feels kind of like the opposite of the ethos of the.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Show, you know, I mean, just something happening is the opposite of the show.

[Tim Heidecker]

Yeah. Well, if we can' and what I learned is that it was actually the production that said we have to tear all these sets down anyway, let's.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Let's. Let's just do it on camera. That's so wild.

[Tim Heidecker]

It's just such a bummer of a way to end that. Because that show's so wholesome. Yeah. It's about learning lessons about how to behave and do right by people and stuff.

[Bridger Weiniger]

So do you see the town get blown up on the show?

[Tim Heidecker]

Yeah. The very last episode, I'm. This is a memory. It could be. I hope it's. I mean, I'm sure your audience will correct me or you if it's incorrect, but I think that's how it went down.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Wow.

[Tim Heidecker]

Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Wow. I can't wait to get to that in like 10 years.

[Tim Heidecker]

Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

200 episodes of like they're like over an hour each of them.

[Tim Heidecker]

Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

And it feels over an hour sometimes.

[Tim Heidecker]

Yeah. Yeah. I remember them getting trapped in a. In a mine.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, okay.

[Tim Heidecker]

I remember the classic Albert. Albert was like the adopted son who comes a little later. He gets addicted to opium. So there's like a drug episode. You know, the network was like, we need a drug.

[Bridger Weiniger]

How do we fit this into pioneer times?

[Tim Heidecker]

And Pa had to like, he cold turkey with him. So he like got him and he's like, I just remember sweat, I remember vomit. It's like early memories of the world are through the lens of Little House in the Prairie.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Wow. I didn't realize it got so tough on it.

[Tim Heidecker]

It's hard out there in the prairie.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I think we're only nine Episod.

[Tim Heidecker]

Oh, my God.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah.

[Tim Heidecker]

You have such a journey ahead.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I mean, it was. It was shocking to me. I. I think I purposefully avoided it as a kid because growing up in Utah, you were just, like, kind of there. There was an overflow of, like, pioneer stories, and it felt like watching that would be like going to church, essentially.

[Tim Heidecker]

And are they re. They remaking it?

[Bridger Weiniger]

I think so. I was just talking to my sister on the phone, and she said, oh, you know, they're. They're remaking that, so who knows?

[Tim Heidecker]

And your sister is the chief executive of Netflix or whatever.

[Bridger Weiniger]

She's kind of taken the reins. No, but we watched the pilot, and it's like. I think it's like two hours or something. It's like a movie. And the things the family goes through.

[Tim Heidecker]

It's just like, I'm going to go, where is it? Where can you watch it?

[Bridger Weiniger]

I think it's on Amazon.

[Tim Heidecker]

Okay.

[Bridger Weiniger]

And so far, we haven't encountered a commercial, which has been nice. I'm sure that they'll blindside us at some point, but what a show. And who would have thought the Ingalls were going to be such a pleasant time to watch?

[Tim Heidecker]

Oh, yeah. And Michael Landon's always. He's always crying.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Crying or looking for an opportunity not to wear his shirt.

[Tim Heidecker]

Yes. Shirt.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I didn't realize. This is going to be so suspicious.

[Tim Heidecker]

No shirt. No shirt. But suspenders.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Suspenders.

[Tim Heidecker]

It's amazing. I came out a straight man.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah, it's amazing. I came out gay not having seen the show. Maybe I'm going to double down now, but I'm thrilled that you watched the show.

[Tim Heidecker]

Yeah. And then I had to. Then you have to. After that, you have to watch highway to Heaven.

[Bridger Weiniger]

What is that?

[Tim Heidecker]

Highway to Heaven. So it's Michael Landon's second show, second big show that he did with the guy from his friend on Little House in the Prairie, the guy with the beard.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, the guy. His name's Victor French.

[Tim Heidecker]

Yeah. Victor French.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yes, Victor French. Incredible.

[Tim Heidecker]

Victor French teams up with Michael Landon for Highway to Heaven, which I believe is. I didn't see much. I didn't watch a lot of highway to Heaven, but it was. I think Michael Landon's an angel who's, like, back. Has stuck back on earth, has to do good deeds to get back to heaven.

[Bridger Weiniger]

He has to earn his way back into heaven, sing for his supper.

[Tim Heidecker]

And Victor French is Like a truck driver that he keeps running into. It's. You gotta watch it. If you watch Little House, you gotta keep going.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Did that show go very long?

[Tim Heidecker]

That. I don't know. Probably long enough. It was on. It got into syndication.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Probably okay.

[Tim Heidecker]

Yeah. It wasn't like a one and done kind of deal.

[Bridger Weiniger]

And is he in, like, communication with God throughout or is it kind of stranded on Earth? Exotic.

[Tim Heidecker]

You know what? I couldn't tell you. We'd have to pull up an episode, which I'm happy to do if you.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Want to just watch a whole episode of highway to Heaven. Right now it feels like Victor French's role in all of these Landon programs is to kind of just randomly show up.

[Tim Heidecker]

Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Because the episode we're watching right now of Little House, they needed a babysitter because the Ingles parents are going on holiday and they need a baby.

[Tim Heidecker]

Where are they going? They're going to Europe.

[Bridger Weiniger]

They're going to Tahiti. No, they're going to some other town. He has to drop something off, but he's treating as. They keep saying holiday.

[Tim Heidecker]

They're gonna get away to St. Louis or something.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yes, exactly. But the first night of their holiday is them sleeping on the ground in front of a fire. So I guess, like, that's kind of the getting away for them. But the babysitter gets a sore throat and can't eat. Babysitter.

[Tim Heidecker]

Which in those days means you eventually die.

[Bridger Weiniger]

She'll probably be dead by the end of this episode. And then here comes Victor French, just kind of stumbling into town. Oh, you need a babysitter, right? Here I am. The kids love me.

[Tim Heidecker]

That's cute.

[Bridger Weiniger]

But what a show. I can't recommend it enough. And there's nothing else for me to watch on TV right now.

[Tim Heidecker]

I might be with you, might be joining you.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Tough time. What have you been up to?

[Tim Heidecker]

Well, I have two kids. Sure. I tend to spend a lot of time with them, go to their baseball games. I'm a big baseball fan, so I watch a lot of.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Are you into watching.

[Tim Heidecker]

Watching the Dodgers or watching any baseball team, if you're really into it. Ends up taking up a lot of your time.

[Bridger Weiniger]

It's a kind of a job. How many games?

[Tim Heidecker]

It's on almost every day.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Do they play every day?

[Tim Heidecker]

They play like four days a week or five days a week.

[Bridger Weiniger]

That does feel wild.

[Tim Heidecker]

And their games are like three or four hours long.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah. That's almost a career.

[Tim Heidecker]

It's my part time job. Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

How are they doing?

[Tim Heidecker]

They're doing okay, but they're not doing as good as they should be doing, if you're looking at the stats and the numbers and stuff. And the NL west, which is the division they're in, is very competitive at the moment. Padres and the Giants are doing very well as well. So it's exciting, I guess. What else? Free time. I don't know. I run like, you know, that's what I do in the morning.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Is that a. Have you been a runner jogger your whole life?

[Tim Heidecker]

Fits and starts, but I've kind of in the past few years, gotten into like, pretty much every day.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Wow.

[Tim Heidecker]

Took away to start the day.

[Bridger Weiniger]

How far are you jogging, running?

[Tim Heidecker]

Three miles.

[Bridger Weiniger]

That's pretty good.

[Tim Heidecker]

Pretty good. And it's. It's. It's a. I live. Live on a hill, so I run halfway down. Okay. And then halfway up. I mean, I run all the way down and then half the way back up.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Okay. And then walk.

[Tim Heidecker]

Then do a walk the rest of the way.

[Bridger Weiniger]

That sounds nice.

[Tim Heidecker]

Yeah. So it's just like.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Do you have to build up to that?

[Tim Heidecker]

I need to actually push it to the next level because I've been stationary. I've been at that level for a couple years.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right.

[Tim Heidecker]

How do you get muscle? I see you got muscles. How do I get muscle? Because I go to the gym sometimes and I lift weights, but they never turn into muscles.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I kind of do an extreme thing. Okay.

[Tim Heidecker]

Welcome to do extreme things.

[Bridger Weiniger]

This is the thing I do is I go to this small gym in Silver Lake that's run by a husband and wife team. They're lovely. And you go for a half hour and they put you through. I mean, it's kind of up to you. They give you, like a thing, a list of exercises to do. And like, you're supposed to do five sets of each of them or whatever, and you just do as much as possible. And so I walk away probably every other time. Dry heaving.

[Tim Heidecker]

Really?

[Bridger Weiniger]

It's very.

[Tim Heidecker]

Oh, dear.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Not pleasant.

[Tim Heidecker]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

But it's the only. I had never worked out before.

[Tim Heidecker]

Right.

[Bridger Weiniger]

And so this is just how I've learned to exercise.

[Tim Heidecker]

Right.

[Bridger Weiniger]

And it's. The nice thing is it's a half hour.

[Tim Heidecker]

Yeah. So it's like it's your in and out.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right. Because if I go to a gym just by myself, I'm kind of.

[Tim Heidecker]

I know. That's what I do. I go to this gym I go to and I just rant, pick up things and do the same thing. And I don't push it. Really. I don't. I mean, I don't know It'd be. I'm always. You know, it'd be interesting to get to have a bunch of muscles go.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Way too far with you. No. When I go to a regular gym, I'm so insecure because I don't know how to work out without someone kind of at least keeping an eye on me.

[Tim Heidecker]

Right. Well, so these people are doing that sort of.

[Bridger Weiniger]

They kind of. I think at max, there are probably seven people in the gym at once. And so the two people wander around, and if you're doing something wrong, they'll tell you, wow. And you can ask them questions, but.

[Tim Heidecker]

It'S not a set time.

[Bridger Weiniger]

No, you have to make an appointment.

[Tim Heidecker]

Oh, you do.

[Bridger Weiniger]

You do have to make an appointment. But they're great. They're wonderful. I think I'm suspicious. Miranda July has this new novel out.

[Tim Heidecker]

Yeah. My wife read it. Everybody. All the women in my life, of.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Course, every woman I've ever met has read this book.

[Tim Heidecker]

I'm watching baseball.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah, of course. She got the game.

[Tim Heidecker]

Yeah. She's over there reading her lady books.

[Bridger Weiniger]

But in this book, it's said in eastern Los Angeles, the protagonist lives probably in Silver Lake. She ends up going to this gym in a basement run by a husband and wife team. And I have to imagine this is the gym.

[Tim Heidecker]

I used to live in Silver Lake and I went to that very gay gym.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, what's that?

[Tim Heidecker]

You know, the very gay.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Is it Farrow's? It's the gayest gym I can think of.

[Tim Heidecker]

It's right on that main drag. Cause that is like a traditionally gay area of Los Angeles.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right.

[Tim Heidecker]

Like back in the day when it was like there were actual. I don't know, you know what I mean?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Pockets of communities.

[Tim Heidecker]

Right now it feels like it's everything. Hopefully it doesn't matter, but this felt like real. Like muscle men, you know, Village People style. Oh, Chicago.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Working out.

[Tim Heidecker]

You know, guys working out in leather kind of. Look, I went to that gym for a while and.

[Bridger Weiniger]

But that was like a traditional gym. There wasn't a husband and wife.

[Tim Heidecker]

Yeah, it was not a husband. No, Only husband.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Pure husband material.

[Tim Heidecker]

But. But I had a trainer, and I didn't like that experience.

[Bridger Weiniger]

You don't like being told what to do?

[Tim Heidecker]

Well, I didn't like the chit chat. I didn't like the small talk as we were working out. So what'd you get up to this weekend? I don't know, man. I don't really want to check it. I don't. I don't know.

[Bridger Weiniger]

The chit chat at my gym is limited to almost exclusively what we're watching on tv. And they have good taste in tv. So there's just a lot of me complaining to them and them complaining back. And it feels good. The place I don't like to chit chat is my haircut and my. This has been a weird thing, actually, where my barber doesn't talk to me at all. And my boyfriend has started going to the same person and apparently has these long conversations with him. I don't know if I. It's just I'm so off putting as a person that he doesn't want to talk to me or if he's just catching.

[Tim Heidecker]

He's resting. Yeah. Interesting.

[Bridger Weiniger]

But he comes back and my boyfriend's talking about everything with this person. I mean, I have no complaints. I don't want to talk.

[Tim Heidecker]

Right.

[Bridger Weiniger]

But I'm feeling left out.

[Tim Heidecker]

I could feel. I imagine you would. Now. This sounds hacky. I always worry about this sounding hacky. But it's true. It's very true.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I think true things are sometimes hacky.

[Tim Heidecker]

But I get it at the. I get the small talk at the dentist.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, sure. Of course.

[Tim Heidecker]

And I got. Literally. So how are the kids doing? Like, I can't believe it's happening when it's happening. Like, you don't. It's fine.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right?

[Tim Heidecker]

You guys. You guys have plans over the summer? Well, I'm starting to think what we're.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Gonna do to me if I'm the hygienist or the dentist. I'm never getting clear answers from the patient. Like, I would eventually be. Like, I'm just not gonna ask them. I'm not having a healthy conversation with them.

[Tim Heidecker]

Yes. And maybe do it before you get the stuff in the mouth.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah. Just catch up real quick.

[Tim Heidecker]

Real quick. As a icebreaker or whatever.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I wonder if it's just because it's such an intimate thing.

[Tim Heidecker]

They feel like the whole thing is awkward. Can you imagine you end up becoming. You end up. You're a dentist and you're like. Or a dental hygienist. And thank God they're people that are willing to do it but just in people's mouths and scraping away.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, awful. My problem with my dentist is they've installed some of those overhead lights that are kind of a bluish.

[Tim Heidecker]

Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

And I can't. So they give me. I have to wait outside of the waiting room until they let me in.

[Tim Heidecker]

Really.

[Bridger Weiniger]

And I don't have the heart to tell them. Just. Would you get something. A warmer light.

[Tim Heidecker]

Right. Well, can you wear certain glasses?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Maybe I should Wear sunglasses, because they.

[Tim Heidecker]

Give me sunglasses at my dentist.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Really?

[Tim Heidecker]

Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Like tinted lenses. Oh, that's interesting. But see, this is when I'm in the waiting room.

[Tim Heidecker]

Even in the waiting room, it's a problem.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah, it's. I think it's almost worse. So I don't. I don't know how to approach that.

[Tim Heidecker]

I would approach it.

[Bridger Weiniger]

And it's hard to find a good dentist. And I like this person.

[Tim Heidecker]

I have a great. I do have a great dentist, but I would just talk to them about it.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Okay.

[Tim Heidecker]

Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Maybe just leave an anonymous Yelp review or something.

[Tim Heidecker]

Well. Well, I mean, this is not something that they can change. You mean the blue lights in the waiting room?

[Bridger Weiniger]

In the waiting room. It's. It's almost that, like, they're like, LED lights or whatever, and they obviously just put no thought into, like, which bulb they should buy. And so they're blinding, really blue. And if you wait too long, I guess I'm too sensitive.

[Tim Heidecker]

Maybe you treat it like empathy towards the person that is in the reception.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, that's a great.

[Tim Heidecker]

Oh, my goodness. How do you deal with these lights all day long?

[Bridger Weiniger]

That's such a good way to approach things. I'm worried about you.

[Tim Heidecker]

Right.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I'm fine with it. But I'm.

[Tim Heidecker]

I do have a problem with the daylight lights being used in interiors. Do you know how that's been going on lately?

[Bridger Weiniger]

No, I'm not familiar.

[Tim Heidecker]

So there's, like, color temperatures for different kinds of lights. And this would be like, the lights here, like an indoor tungsten light.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Okay, sure.

[Tim Heidecker]

As opposed to a daylight. And a daylight light feels like it's. You're in outside.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right. Too bright, too.

[Tim Heidecker]

It's too bright. But also it has a temperature to it, a color to it that is, like, whiter, I guess you'd say.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right.

[Tim Heidecker]

And a lot of times people, especially in Airbnbs or hotels.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, yeah.

[Tim Heidecker]

They will put in daylight bulbs on interior lamps, and it's hard. You'll know it. It's like bathroom lighting in your living room.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yes, exactly. It's so bright. It's so you can see every pore.

[Tim Heidecker]

Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Which you just don't need in living spaces.

[Tim Heidecker]

Living spaces?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Well, I mean, thinking of. I mean, speaking of unpleasant things and things that I don't want to deal with, I was excited to have you here today.

[Tim Heidecker]

Thank you. We've met a couple.

[Bridger Weiniger]

We've met a couple of times. We've spent enough time together that I thought we would have a nice time, we would chat, move on with our days. The podcast Is called I said no gifts. I assume at least one email was sent to you with the title. I would hope. I hope that someone within this production is a professional. So I was a little thrown when you walked into the studio holding what couldn't more clearly be a gift. This beautifully wrapped, kind of book sized gift. It's got kind of a Santa Claus, very cute little illustration. Is that a gift for me?

[Tim Heidecker]

It is. I apologize if it sets you off or anything, but I thought it was sarcastic or ironic of a title.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, okay. Oh, right. I just didn't.

[Tim Heidecker]

I mean, I think. I'm not a gift giver.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Okay.

[Tim Heidecker]

I don't. It's my wife's department.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right.

[Tim Heidecker]

I don't. I'm not a guy that likes to introduce more waste into this world.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Sure.

[Tim Heidecker]

Most of the people I know have everything they want.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right.

[Tim Heidecker]

And if they don't, they should be able to get it whenever they want.

[Bridger Weiniger]

And you surround yourself with people who are just kind of living simple people. Okay, sure.

[Tim Heidecker]

Simple people. So this was an interesting. So I saw the email. I said, well, this is an interesting challenge for me to see if I can embrace the idea of giving. I don't even know how to wrap presents. And I figured it out.

[Bridger Weiniger]

You did a nice show.

[Tim Heidecker]

This isn't the best back here, but.

[Bridger Weiniger]

It'S better than I could have done.

[Tim Heidecker]

Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Well, I don't know that the corners are so clean. My corners with a gift wrapping, they're always kind of puffed out or too much tape on them.

[Tim Heidecker]

Right. But in the spirit of not wasting, I got you something that I don't think involved any waste.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, okay.

[Tim Heidecker]

So if you want to. If you will accept it, I'd appreciate it.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah. Should I open it here on the podcast?

[Tim Heidecker]

Is that how you do it?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Maybe. We'll make an exception today.

[Tim Heidecker]

Hi, this is Jevon, your blinds.com design consultant. Oh, wow.

[Uber Eats Representative]

A real person.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yep.

[Tim Heidecker]

I'm here to help with everything from selecting the perfect window treatments to.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Well, I've got a complicated project.

[Tim Heidecker]

No problem. We make the complex simple. I can even help schedule a professional measuring install.

[Uber Eats Representative]

I didn't realize you did that.

[Tim Heidecker]

We can also send you samples fast and free. Wow.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I mean, I always thought I needed.

[Uber Eats Representative]

A designer to come to my home, but scheduling is always a nightmare.

[Tim Heidecker]

Notwithblinds.com, we're on your schedule. And there's no haggling pressure or hidden fees either.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Hmm. I just might have to do more.

[Tim Heidecker]

Whatever you need. How about you tell me what you had in mind?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Okay.

[Tim Heidecker]

Then.

[Bridger Weiniger]

So the first room we're looking at.

[Uber Eats Representative]

Is for guests coming over.

[Bridger Weiniger]

And I'm thinking of the blinds.com has covered over 25 million windows. All backed by a 100% satisfaction guarantee. Shop blinds.com now and save up to 40%. Site wide rules and restrictions may apply.

[Uber Eats Representative]

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[Bridger Weiniger]

Okay, let's. Ooh, crispy. Okay, so it is a book.

[Tim Heidecker]

It is a book.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Songs of the Doomed with an introduction by you. Written by Hunter S. Thompson. Oh.

[Tim Heidecker]

So I want you to read the inscription in the. Okay. Is that what it's called? Inscription?

[Bridger Weiniger]

This is Bridger. They sent me six copies of this book. Hope you can read.

[Tim Heidecker]

Well, it looks like you can.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah. I can't back out now. I can't lie about reading Love, Tim. They sent you six copies of this book, right?

[Tim Heidecker]

Because I wrote the introduction, right? And what am I gonna do with six copies of the same book? I don't need six.

[Bridger Weiniger]

That's a weird thing for the publisher to do. Is this to pump up the sales numbers?

[Tim Heidecker]

I don't know. But now I have five copies, which is too much, right? As well. So I don't know if you consider a re. Gift or whatever, but I'm offloading some stuff, so you're doing me a favor as well.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Hate to hear it. Well, this is a weird position that they've put you in, because if you were to just drop them off at Goodwill, that's keeping people from buying the book.

[Tim Heidecker]

Right.

[Bridger Weiniger]

If you were to give them to friends. It feels weird. I can't imagine. Is it a thing you leave on the table in case somebody comes over and they say, hey, I'd like a copy?

[Tim Heidecker]

No, I don't. I just had. I have a bookshelf and I have six copies of that book on it. Now I have five.

[Bridger Weiniger]

What are you possibly supposed to do with this?

[Tim Heidecker]

I don't know. I mean, I didn't read it.

[Bridger Weiniger]

How did you get involved with this?

[Tim Heidecker]

And I wrote the introduction. The publisher wrote me and asked me to write the intro. No, I. I did read some of it. It's a collection of his. It's a collection of some of his writings from various points of his life. I mean, I grew up reading Hunter S. Thompson and knew enough about him to. And he said, just write a couple of pages about Hunter S. Thompson and how you feel about him.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right.

[Tim Heidecker]

That's cool. I'll do that.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Have you talked to. I assume you've talked about this publicly about Hunter S. Thompson at some point. It wasn't just a wild swing by the publisher.

[Tim Heidecker]

Oh, no, I think he was just. He knew me in general from my podcast and from whatever he probably just said. Do you. I mean, he might have asked, did you. Are you. Are you a fan of Huntress Thompson?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right.

[Tim Heidecker]

Would you be interested?

[Bridger Weiniger]

And then. Was it difficult writing the intro?

[Tim Heidecker]

Let me see.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I feel like that's high stakes.

[Tim Heidecker]

No, I couldn't. I don't think it was very difficult. It was really only, look, this is page one of it. This is page. And we're done. That's what he said. He goes, we only need, like, whatever the page the number is.

[Bridger Weiniger]

It's a very short intro, which I appreciate, because when. Usually when there's an intro in a book, I usually skip it because it's. It's like, you know, a full chapter. And I'm like, well, let me just read the book. I don't need anyone else's opinion right now.

[Tim Heidecker]

No. Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

And I don't want to waste any more time. I'm already wasting time reading, so why would I possibly do that? But this feels like this is a low pressure intro.

[Tim Heidecker]

There's no excuse to not read my intro.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah, it's kind of Embarrassing if you don't. You should almost read it by accident.

[Tim Heidecker]

Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Let's see here.

[Tim Heidecker]

And then there's always, like, an intro and then there's a preface.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah.

[Tim Heidecker]

What is the difference?

[Bridger Weiniger]

And an author's note and an editor's note in this one.

[Tim Heidecker]

Oh, my goodness.

[Bridger Weiniger]

So they've gone too far.

[Tim Heidecker]

I also love when they say editor's note and then it's like, three pages. Like, it should be, just like, I hope you enjoyed the book.

[Bridger Weiniger]

The editor is just stepping in and giving themselves a few pages.

[Tim Heidecker]

Just so you know, we went to great lengths to make sure that the work we did was at the highest level of quality.

[Bridger Weiniger]

At this point, you've already got the reader hooked. You've got them to either buy or get into the library.

[Tim Heidecker]

Damn editor have to say, shortly before this book went to press, we were stunned and profoundly demoralized by a news book that had been seized. I don't know what. Anyway. And then you got quotes from other books.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I know. It's too much.

[Tim Heidecker]

The quote from other books. I don't know. Okay.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Setting a tone.

[Tim Heidecker]

Yeah. Oh, I see.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Who is this one from?

[Tim Heidecker]

George barker, Sacred Elegy 5, 1943. Fiend behind the Fiend. Behind the Fiend behind the Fiend. All right, well, I guess I'll go read that. I also kind of threw him under the bus here a little bit, I think.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Really?

[Tim Heidecker]

Well, because then you read more, like. I think my point was, like, when you're in high school. There's something cool about high school, of course. Very cool. Then you get older and you're like, well, this is no way to live. There's no way to behave.

[Bridger Weiniger]

It's a bad life.

[Tim Heidecker]

You're, like, doing all these drugs and irresponsible shooting stuff and not doing your work.

[Bridger Weiniger]

No one can count on you.

[Tim Heidecker]

I know.

[Bridger Weiniger]

And everybody, for whatever reason, it's working.

[Tim Heidecker]

Yeah. And you're getting rewarded by your bad behavior.

[Bridger Weiniger]

He should have been jailed. He should have been imprisoned. No, I never read Hunter S. Thompson. And I think then got to a point where it's like, well, now it's too late. And I feel like it is the sort of thing where, like, the seeds need to be planted early. So, like, I wonder if he would annoy me now.

[Tim Heidecker]

Yeah. I don't know. I mean, it's worth. I think, you know, the big ones are. Well, they're exciting to read.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right. I feel like he's probably. It's one of those, like.

[Tim Heidecker]

But it's of its time as well. And a lot of it was very contemporary writing about Nixon or whatever was going on in the country at that time. That feels like it must have been really exciting to read right in the moment as it's happening.

[Bridger Weiniger]

But I'm sure a lot of those things still apply now. They do as well, obviously.

[Tim Heidecker]

Obviously.

[Bridger Weiniger]

But interesting. Is there any. Do you feel like this is a good starting point for me to start reading?

[Tim Heidecker]

I don't think so. No, I don't think. I don't think so. I mean, this is his stuff from the 90s, you know, it's like my first Rolling Stones record is about Bridges to Babylon or something.

[Bridger Weiniger]

You don't associate him with the 90s at all. I mean, what is he writing about in the 90s?

[Tim Heidecker]

Well, that's when he kind of moved to Colorado and was, like, living off the grid and stuff. And there was some value to that. Yeah. You know what? Dive in. Maybe it'll be right up your alley. Start with the introduction.

[Bridger Weiniger]

No, I'm trying to think of, I guess, Fear and Loathing.

[Tim Heidecker]

Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.

[Bridger Weiniger]

That feels like a good then.

[Tim Heidecker]

Fear and Loathing on the campaign trail. 1972. The McGovern campaign. Look at me. I'm so smart.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I know. I'm trying to give you opportunities. Are you reading anything right now?

[Tim Heidecker]

What am I reading right now? I've been doing a lot of audiobooks. Does that count? That counts, right?

[Bridger Weiniger]

I think that counts.

[Tim Heidecker]

The Room to Dream is this biography, memoir of David Lynch.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, that sounds nice.

[Tim Heidecker]

Great. The premise of this book is they have every chapter. You know, let's say they're talking about Twin Peaks. So the chapter on Twin Peaks is read by the author who's writing, like a biography, you know?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right, right.

[Tim Heidecker]

He met him, and this is how that happened and all that stuff. And then after that chapter, David jumps on. I remember that was the first time I worked with so and so, and it really was something else. And we didn't get all of it the first day, but I dropped my impression. But I was there for a second, and then it's his perspective on that period.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Is there any him correcting the record or anything?

[Tim Heidecker]

No, but it does have that feeling of not something he's reading. It feels like he's just on the mic.

[Bridger Weiniger]

He's rambling. That's what he should be.

[Tim Heidecker]

Yeah, totally.

[Bridger Weiniger]

He's such an entertaining person to just hear talk.

[Tim Heidecker]

The other one that was like that, that I recently read was Al Pacino's memoir.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, does he read the whole thing?

[Tim Heidecker]

Yes. And it's the Best. And it does feel like he's either reading it for the first time and finding out about it for the first time, or he's remembering and kind of. He keeps talking about losing. And then I lost all my money. I ran out of money. What are you gonna do? And I had to do an Adam Sandler movie. But it's great. I loved him so much more than I already loved him after reading that.

[Bridger Weiniger]

He's an incredible person.

[Tim Heidecker]

He really is. And what's funny is, like, there's this perception of him as, like, this tough guy, Scarface, Godfather, and he's like a wacky art guy.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, interesting.

[Tim Heidecker]

Real wacky. Real. He's a New York theater actor guy who's not tough at all. But anyways, it's a very, very good memoir. Maybe the best. One of the best actor memoirs I've ever read.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Was there any, like, shocking fact you learned or anything interesting?

[Tim Heidecker]

Oh, I don't remember anything.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I mean, this is such an unfair question for me to ask.

[Tim Heidecker]

I mean, the funny shit was like, towards the end where he's like, he's got all these kids and he's got all these ex wives, and he's, like, spending money like a madman. But just because, I don't know, he's talking. He told one story about, like, flying to London private. On a private jet and staying at. Taking a whole floor of some hotel. And then he has, like, all these cell phones that he's paying for and all the. And then, like, meanwhile, his man, his, like, age, his business manager's been, like, ripping him off for 10 years, and he's finding out about that, and he's like, I don't have any money. I don't know what to do. But then I get another job and the money comes in. But it's like, you realize, like, sometimes these old guys, like, their expenses are through the roof because they've been used to living like Kings in the 70s.

[Bridger Weiniger]

There's so many family members who are used to a certain lifestyle who are probably creating new expenses all the time. Wow. Yeah. I can't. Getting to that age and still worrying about, like, oh, my God, I'm out of money.

[Tim Heidecker]

I've got a new imagine income. Yeah, I know. I can't believe I personally have, like, worked myself into this life where I'm like, you know, don't think about it. But then here I am at almost 50 and being like, I have two kids, and I'm like, I gotta have to. I'm just gonna have to, like, I'm Doing well, but there's no guarantees.

[Bridger Weiniger]

No. Especially in this horrible business.

[Tim Heidecker]

Yeah. The business is changing so dramatically. You know, occasionally these jobs come in. It's like, oh, that's nice. That's a lot of money. Wow. Why would they pay me that much money? But then you're like, man, that might be the last time that ever happens. Then what do I fucking do?

[Bridger Weiniger]

But I think the thing you have going for you is you lead a pretty stable, reasonable lifestyle.

[Tim Heidecker]

Yes, it's true. It is true. My expenses are fairly reasonable, and I have no boats or anything.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right. I don't foresee you making any giant swings where it's suddenly like you're just out of control.

[Tim Heidecker]

Yes, that's true. I'm very conservative.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Scrambling that way. Wow. Al Pacino. I need to read that. So you're reading the book. I've already forgotten what book you're. Oh, the David Lynch.

[Tim Heidecker]

Yeah. I haven't really gone into, like, novel world in a while. I feel bad about that. I think it's.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Reading nonfiction is easier.

[Tim Heidecker]

Yeah. I enjoy hearing about real people.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah. It's just like, I don't know if.

[Tim Heidecker]

You'Re gonna make stuff up. I'll watch it as a TV show or a movie, or if the book is so good, they'll make it into a movie.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I'll wait.

[Tim Heidecker]

Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah. I. Fiction. More and more. I'm, like, getting halfway through a novel and being like, I'm not enjoying myself and I'm not learning. Whereas if I'm not enjoying a piece of nonfiction, I'm like, I can be like, well, at least new facts are entering my brain that I could eventually share on a podcast or this kind of thing.

[Tim Heidecker]

Yeah. Or dinner conversation.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Dinner conversation. That's my entire life now. It's just trying to think of new things that I can share with friends. What else could I possibly share that.

[Tim Heidecker]

They don't want to hear about that.

[Bridger Weiniger]

They absolutely want nothing to do with? And then they'll kind of say the same things back to me and we'll go home.

[Tim Heidecker]

Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I'm reading about Facebook right now.

[Tim Heidecker]

Oh.

[Bridger Weiniger]

And.

[Tim Heidecker]

Oh, is there a new book that.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I think it might be new. It's called Careless People.

[Tim Heidecker]

Like, from an insider's perspective.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yes. This woman who was, like, in charge of pushing it into new countries or she kind of looked at it as like, this is going to be a worldwide thing we need to be responsible for, and was trying to convince everyone at Facebook that that mattered.

[Tim Heidecker]

Right. And they said.

[Bridger Weiniger]

They said, not really.

[Tim Heidecker]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

As long as we're growing our numbers. It doesn't really matter how our behavior ends. I haven't really learned. I mean everything you would possibly assume.

[Tim Heidecker]

About Facebook, it's all confirmation bias.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yes.

[Tim Heidecker]

Or whatever that is. Like, oh yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

But it is fun to have little stories about Mark Zuckerberg being a loser. It's just a dweeb.

[Tim Heidecker]

And sure.

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[Bridger Weiniger]

Well, I've got this book. Is there anything else we need to say about Hunter S. Thompson?

[Tim Heidecker]

No, I don't think so.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Do you do any prose writing outside of intros to novels?

[Tim Heidecker]

Well, I mean, I write a lot of the stuff I do.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Sure.

[Tim Heidecker]

I put out a tour diary book last year through McSweeney's. That was exciting. Oh, yeah. So, yeah, I did that every day on tour and it worked well enough that I sent it to Dave Eggers and they put it in one of their issues as, like, a book that you can read.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, lovely.

[Tim Heidecker]

And on my Patreon, for office hours every Saturday, I write a blog.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, that's nice.

[Tim Heidecker]

And I really like it. I really enjoy writing some more things in the works. Maybe that's not official, but, you know.

[Bridger Weiniger]

What are you blogging about?

[Tim Heidecker]

Oh, you know, whatever's in my head. Whatever. My trip to the dentist last week, Politics, things I'm worried about. If something funny happened in my life, that deserves some attention.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right.

[Tim Heidecker]

Yeah. And also, like, oh, here's this thing I'm working on and here's a little bit about why I do it, or, you know, just a little introspection or whatever.

[Bridger Weiniger]

No, I think that's nice. Almost journaling.

[Tim Heidecker]

Yeah, it is. It is a bit like that.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I miss blogging. I. You know, in the late aughts.

[Tim Heidecker]

Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

The blogging of all of that.

[Tim Heidecker]

Yeah. I think that's. I mean, it feels like it's coming back because everyone's doing substack.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yes.

[Tim Heidecker]

And I don't really. I follow like a couple people, but I don't. I don't want to go there because I. That's one of the value benefits of the Patreon.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Of course.

[Tim Heidecker]

It's one of my.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yes. You've got to have some sort of product.

[Tim Heidecker]

Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yes. Of course.

[Tim Heidecker]

It cost me nothing but time. Yes. Which is valuable. But I like doing it. I get up on Saturday, it's always Saturday morning, and I get up and before everyone's up, I have some coffee and I sit there and I try to put something out. Put some.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Do you give yourself a time limit or.

[Tim Heidecker]

Not really. No. I mean, I usually eventually have other things to do, so I try to wrap it up. Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Sub sex for me. I feel like I'm ambitious about reading them. I subscribe to them constantly and then it just becomes this annoying thing in my email. Then I start feeling guilty and I don't want to unsubscribe and I guess that just reflects poorly on me.

[Tim Heidecker]

Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I should be reading more, but. Or being more selective about who I'm.

[Tim Heidecker]

Well, did they do a thing on there where you can. It like, collects them all into like a digest or something. Oh, that sounds smart. Thing like.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Like an app or something that does that.

[Tim Heidecker]

Yeah. So you're just like more. It's more of like a magazine experience.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right, right.

[Tim Heidecker]

Reading a bunch of emails. Because I don't. We don't want to read a bunch of emails.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Getting a long email is an unpleasant thing.

[Tim Heidecker]

I just got one this morning about my. This commercial I'm doing. I won't show. I'll show you just the email length.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, no. Oh, no way.

[Tim Heidecker]

No way.

[Bridger Weiniger]

There's no chance. That's probably two printed pages.

[Tim Heidecker]

There's a lot of numbers in here. Times I have to imagine that could.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Have just been boiled down to like four bulleted points.

[Tim Heidecker]

Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

That person is wasting their time.

[Tim Heidecker]

Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

That's a bullet point.

[Tim Heidecker]

It's a brain dump. It's like you write that separately and then you'll answer your own questions.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah. Just figure out what you actually have to convey. That's a bad email. Right. Or that's like almost an old fashioned type of email.

[Tim Heidecker]

Yeah. And there's like a couple of questions. Question marks at the end. Too many question marks at the end. Are you okay? Calm down. Reset.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Have you responded to it yet?

[Tim Heidecker]

No.

[Bridger Weiniger]

See, that sort of thing, I would hit snooze on that probably four times before I got back to it.

[Tim Heidecker]

Do you want to hear a funny text exchange? I would love to. My mom and me and my wife. Maybe you need a little more context of who we're dealing with here. But let's just pretend we all have moms.

[Bridger Weiniger]

They all have a certain texting style.

[Tim Heidecker]

Yeah. So this was. She's coming. She's in Palm Springs. So she comes to visit us quite a bit.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right. I met your mom at. She's so lovely. At Mark's.

[Tim Heidecker]

Yes, of course. In Palm Springs. So she's coming for the weekend and she texts my wife and I yesterday. Okay, we'll come. This. Okay. Comes out of nowhere.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, it's like this is a new.

[Tim Heidecker]

This is a new thread. A new thread.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Okay. Is a response to something.

[Tim Heidecker]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, we'll come sat. We'll just say we'll come Saturday unless you need me Friday for some reason. Exclamation point. Question mark. Heart. My wife says, sounds great. Thumbs up. My mom says, sorry, did you mean coming Saturday? Question mark comes great. Or Friday sounds great.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, no.

[Tim Heidecker]

So she then clarifies. Oops. Was in car doing verbal and didn't understand my accent.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Accent.

[Tim Heidecker]

She speaks like this. I understand my accent. I'll come sat. Unless here different. My wife, so patient, very patient, says, but this is a Little attitude here.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, interesting. She's getting curt.

[Tim Heidecker]

You said, will come Saturday. I said, sounds great. Clown face.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Calling your mom a clown.

[Tim Heidecker]

I know.

[Bridger Weiniger]

You fucking clown.

[Tim Heidecker]

Yes. She says yes. I realized that when I reread it. Sorry about that. But I'll see you Saturday. Can't wait to see you. But I. It was like, we'll come Saturday unless you need me Friday for some reason. Sounds great. Your reaction to that would be, see you Saturday.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right? Of course. It's a very. I mean, it's just a clear. There's not that many options there.

[Tim Heidecker]

No, no. Yeah. Anyways, I was just watching all that. I didn't get involved. I did not.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, you were involved. But you're. You were on the text thread.

[Tim Heidecker]

On the text thread. No, no, no chiming in.

[Bridger Weiniger]

If I open a text thread and it. There's like more than three things going. I just wait for it to simmer back down. I'm like, I'm not going to answer everybody's questions here. If two or three people are communicating, they'll figure it out. And then I could say the final thing for sure. Or heart something.

[Tim Heidecker]

Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I won't do a thumbs up because then it just seems like I was mad the whole time.

[Tim Heidecker]

People get mad about the thumbs up.

[Bridger Weiniger]

It's a cold response. I don't know. And it's a strange thing that it is because it's just a neutral thing. I don't know. I guess if you.

[Tim Heidecker]

I think we're too overzealous with the hearts.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yes.

[Tim Heidecker]

And I say that those things are like conversation enders.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, completely.

[Tim Heidecker]

Right.

[Bridger Weiniger]

It's like, I don't want to say any other thing to you, even if it's a heart, you know?

[Tim Heidecker]

Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

But the thumbs up.

[Tim Heidecker]

Got it. It's a got it without being that brusque about it.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right. Yeah. I think if we just moved back to more thumbs up on everything, less hearts, then the heart would mean more.

[Tim Heidecker]

You know what drives me nuts in a.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Sorry, I keep going on that.

[Tim Heidecker]

Yeah. Well, if you're in a group thread and somebody goes. And if. Let's say it's a happy birthday.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Sure.

[Tim Heidecker]

A happy birthday scenario. The person that goes back and then likes all the various. Bing, bing, bing. You're getting all these alerts that this person is going back and liking things.

[Bridger Weiniger]

And spam.

[Tim Heidecker]

Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

That's so unfair to everybody.

[Tim Heidecker]

We assume that you liked. Or I mean, maybe we don't. Maybe we should assume that it doesn't matter to you that other people said happy Birthday in this thread.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I think it's almost.

[Tim Heidecker]

It's not about you.

[Bridger Weiniger]

They don't care. And so they're just, like, checking boxes here. Oh, a little check is a decent one.

[Tim Heidecker]

They should add on my friend who's also my tour manager, when we tour. Longtime great friend. His go to reply is the check mark emoji. Like, when things are, like, clear, final.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right.

[Tim Heidecker]

Check mark.

[Bridger Weiniger]

That's way better than the thumbs up.

[Tim Heidecker]

Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Because I do think a thumbs up in real life is almost always sarcastic. I mean, rarely do you do that. Meaning.

[Tim Heidecker]

Well, yeah, yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

For the check. People love to see a check.

[Tim Heidecker]

Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

There we go.

[Tim Heidecker]

All right. We solved it.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Solved the issue. And your mom's coming Saturday.

[Tim Heidecker]

We'll see. It's Friday now. She might be there. Oh, I thought you said. And I want to say to her, this is where I want to come from. Come whenever you want.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah.

[Tim Heidecker]

Like, we have a little guest house that she has full access to.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Does she have a key?

[Tim Heidecker]

Yes. She can come and go as she pleases. We love to have her, of course. And she's welcome anytime. When the kids were younger, there was more of that feeling of, like, can you come and help?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right. We need your help right now.

[Tim Heidecker]

We need your help. So now we're kind of like, the kids are. They're older and they can kind of like, do their own thing. We still have to, you know, we still have to pick them up and do that stuff. But we have lots of. So that maybe is feeling a little. There's a little transition there where it's like, you know, it's not so much about the childcare, but if you want to come early, come down.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah. I can't imagine she's going to be that much, you know, trouble.

[Tim Heidecker]

No, she's not trouble. No.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I think that lines up with my mom's behavior where you almost have to beg her to do things that are fine.

[Tim Heidecker]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

She thinks doing normal behavior is overstepping her boundaries.

[Tim Heidecker]

Right.

[Bridger Weiniger]

No, that's fine. And the fact that we've had to ask you now, that's trouble.

[Tim Heidecker]

Exactly. It's like, did you want me to empty the dishwasher? I'm like, yeah. It's like, I don't. Like, if you want to empty the dishwasher, like, that would be great.

[Bridger Weiniger]

That'd be lovely.

[Tim Heidecker]

Helpful. Sure. But don't ask me if, like, would I rather do it? No, like, you know, I mean, like, now we're talking about emptying the dishwasher.

[Bridger Weiniger]

What about me makes you think I would be mad that you Emptied the dishwasher.

[Tim Heidecker]

Right? Exactly. Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Sweet, sweet people.

[Tim Heidecker]

Absolutely lovely.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Let me ask you.

[Tim Heidecker]

Always with the best intentions.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Best intentions. I'm curious about your policy on locked doors at your house, because my boyfriend is.

[Tim Heidecker]

This is pretty now. Okay. I mean, I can't imagine your audience is full of a bunch of burglars and ms.13 gang members.

[Bridger Weiniger]

We have a very gang heavy audience.

[Tim Heidecker]

Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

My boyfriend is very, like, even when we're at home, every door needs to be locked at all times.

[Tim Heidecker]

Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm not that way. My wife is more that way. I just can't imagine a scenario, but it would certainly happen. I also remember my. So my dad had. They had a body shop, like a tow truck company and that kind of thing in Pennsylvania. And so they had this lot that was not fenced or anything. And it was. But it was where the cars would be parked, waiting to get service done or waiting to get body shop work done or something. And they would get occasionally broken into.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Sure.

[Tim Heidecker]

And his line was always like, it's cheaper for. It would be. It doesn't make sense. We will never do it. But it truly would be cheaper just to have the doors open and the windows rolled down.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right.

[Tim Heidecker]

Because they're gonna get in there.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yes.

[Tim Heidecker]

And they just have to. Now we have to pay for the broken window too.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right, right, right. Yeah. That's my thing where I'm like, if we ever get in such an extreme scenario that someone has entered the house while we're here, they're going to do it either way.

[Tim Heidecker]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

They have bad intentions.

[Tim Heidecker]

Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Let them in.

[Tim Heidecker]

Right.

[Bridger Weiniger]

At least it'll be smoother. It'll be less scary.

[Tim Heidecker]

Right.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I don't know. I don't know where. I guess there's just. Maybe I'm too carefree.

[Tim Heidecker]

I think it's a little bit of both. Maybe a little bit. I think it's, you know, it's. Sure. Lock. Lock them up at night.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah, Lock it up at night. I would hope.

[Tim Heidecker]

Yeah, we lock it up at night. Believe me, folks, we lock it up at night. You're not getting into our house at night.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Do you have alarms?

[Tim Heidecker]

Yes, we do have an alarm. We have an alarm.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I'm asking all of these questions.

[Tim Heidecker]

I know.

[Bridger Weiniger]

So suspicious. Also, just say your address on the podcast.

[Tim Heidecker]

We have alarms that I don't. I'm not fastidious about.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Okay. See, that's how I am too. Which.

[Tim Heidecker]

Then you got to go in there and turn it off.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right. And I'm always worried that I'll forget and then Set it off.

[Tim Heidecker]

And we've had the cops come a couple of times.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, you're kidding.

[Tim Heidecker]

I'll tell you a story about the cops coming.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I would love to hear it.

[Tim Heidecker]

Now, you said earlier that everybody loves me, right?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yes, everybody loves you.

[Tim Heidecker]

That's not true because I have created many enemies on the far right.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, sure, right.

[Tim Heidecker]

Another.

[Bridger Weiniger]

If you haven't, then there's something wrong with you.

[Tim Heidecker]

It's part of your listenership. Right. So a few years ago, I went to war with this guy named Bake. No, what's his name? Baked Potato or something. It was one of these. I don't know. He's one of these YouTuber right wing lunatics who went to the Capitol on January 6th.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Gutter scum.

[Tim Heidecker]

Yeah, Bad guy. And he would go around and he would film these live streamers.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, the worst of the worst.

[Tim Heidecker]

Yeah. And you'd go into like seven elevens and like accost people and harass people and people would like send him money over the, like. It was like a game they were playing. It's really kind of fascinating, but also the most disgusting thing. And I called him out, I said, how? And I was calling. I was like, YouTube should, not YouTube was. I was like, why? Why am I using YouTube?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right, right.

[Tim Heidecker]

Like, I love YouTube.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yes.

[Tim Heidecker]

But they're also airing this, like this Nazi walking around, like abusing people.

[Bridger Weiniger]

The things they're allowing.

[Tim Heidecker]

Yeah. So I don't. But it was. Of course, that makes me come out like a scold and all this. Anyways, I like riled up his crowd. They started coming after me. They were live streaming, like, went to my old office and they were like going. And so I was like, really on edge. And the day that they went to my office, we were at home, it was a Sunday, and I was watching this guy, like, which. Our office is like three miles away. And he was like live streaming out there, like throwing. It was not. It wasn't. He was an idiot. And he wasn't like. But it was like, oh, God, this guy's like, call the cops. Like, get this guy out of here.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right, right.

[Tim Heidecker]

The office was closed. It was a Sunday. And about 10 or maybe like a half hour later, I get a bang, bang, bang on the door.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, my God.

[Tim Heidecker]

Before that, I asked my wife to make sure that our alarm was on.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Sure, right.

[Tim Heidecker]

So she. I don't hear anything. I said, can you make sure that the alarm like, that this works? Because there's this guy like three miles away. I get a bang, bang, bang on the door. My Kids are there. My mom is there. It's Sunday, she's there. I look out the window, I. We have a little peephole thing. I'm trying to get this order correct.

[Bridger Weiniger]

For our baked potato listener.

[Tim Heidecker]

Yeah. Bing, bang, bang. I say, get the fuck away from the door. Get the fuck away. And they go, it's the police. It's cops. And I'm screaming at them, and they're about to break through the door. Cause I'm in the.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, no. This is such a dangerous scenario.

[Tim Heidecker]

Yeah, this is like a swatting thing.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah, totally.

[Tim Heidecker]

They're treating me like I'm barricading my family in the house with a shotgun. They don't know I know. And what happened was. And eventually, like, they show their badge, they open the fucking door. I'm like, you know, And I don't know. I'm out of my mind, of course.

[Bridger Weiniger]

How could you not be?

[Tim Heidecker]

And I open the door. They sit me down. They don't handcuff me, but they sit me down. They have to clear. They have to go in the house, make sure that nothing. That there's. That, like, they get everybody out of the house.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Everybody's safe.

[Tim Heidecker]

They have to search the house. Helicopters are above.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, my God.

[Tim Heidecker]

And what happened was my wife. Wife pressed the panic button on this little fob, and then her phone was dead. When they tried to call, which they do, they call, say, is this an emergency? No one answers. And the protocols begin. And the cops come and they just assume the worst, that something terrible is happening. Oh, that's so embarrassing. But three other cop cars come, and then. And within about, I would say, 30 seconds, the cops started to understand what was going on. And I was, you know, they explained it, but it could have gone.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Could have been full on so badly.

[Tim Heidecker]

But it did stem from this, like, true, you know, fear of these lunatics out there.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right, Totally.

[Tim Heidecker]

I have to be a little careful about, like, yeah. Keeping the family safe.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Of course. And let me ask you this about that. Is there like a fine? Do they charge you anything?

[Tim Heidecker]

They did not. I think that was. I pretty sure that didn't happen. I think it might have been. There was a warning.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Don't do this again.

[Tim Heidecker]

Keep your phone charged. Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Did you follow that story about the Weezer bassist?

[Tim Heidecker]

Yeah, a little bit. I don't know if we know everything about that story, do we?

[Bridger Weiniger]

I don't know. All I know is there was a high speed chase and there's footage of one of the suspects in someone's backyard. I don't know if you saw this, like trying to disguise himself as the person living there and he's hosing down the garden like he's gardening.

[Tim Heidecker]

Oh, that's smart.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Incredible idea. And then apparently she came out of the house and was holding a gun because.

[Tim Heidecker]

Why?

[Bridger Weiniger]

That's what? That's the big question. I guess she thought that there was something wrong that she had to defend herself from. And then gets shot and then gets.

[Tim Heidecker]

Up and say, drop the gun.

[Bridger Weiniger]

And she wouldn't drop the gun.

[Tim Heidecker]

Why wouldn't you drop the gun?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Great question. Bad morning.

[Tim Heidecker]

Bad morning. Maybe. Was it in the morning?

[Bridger Weiniger]

I think so.

[Tim Heidecker]

Okay.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I mean, I'm just saying this because when I found out it was the morning shows a lack of imagination.

[Tim Heidecker]

Feels like it would have been like in the middle of the night, but I don't know. Maybe.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Well, the footage of the guy hosing down the. Is daytime. Unless this was like a 24 hour period.

[Tim Heidecker]

But she had nothing to do with whatever chase was going on. She's the wrong person.

[Bridger Weiniger]

But this woman has led kind of an interesting life because I texted a friend and he said, oh, she was on my storytelling show in 2011. She was in a harem. So she's got a whole life. She's got a very rich life, this woman. And now she's been shot and is now I wonder.

[Tim Heidecker]

I'm trying to think of like the bass player for Weezer. He probably makes a pretty good living.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Sure.

[Tim Heidecker]

But not probably. Maybe not as good as you.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right.

[Tim Heidecker]

She's like not a. A. He's like a hired gun.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah. He's not the songwriter.

[Tim Heidecker]

Right. He's not getting published.

[Bridger Weiniger]

He could be replaced at any moment.

[Tim Heidecker]

Yes.

[Bridger Weiniger]

So he probably makes a nice way.

[Tim Heidecker]

Like a weekly salary. Like a salary Right. When they're on the road.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah. How does that work for when you're a dead. You are a member of the band. You're on all of the. In all the press photos.

[Tim Heidecker]

Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

You must be contractually something, right?

[Tim Heidecker]

Yeah. I would think you're more. I don't know. It's different for every band from what I could tell. But there are band. Like. I remember I heard the Rolling Stones. Like, the only actual owners is Mick and Keith.

[Bridger Weiniger]

That makes sense.

[Tim Heidecker]

But if you were the drummer and the bass player, Bill Wyman or Charlie Watts, Ron Wood. You're just on. You're being paid a salary to be in the Rolling Stones. Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah. Because you don't really think about that. You just think everybody's part of the team.

[Tim Heidecker]

All the money gets thrown into the pot. In the middle of the table. Split it up.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah. All I know is that the bass player played Coachella the next day, so.

[Tim Heidecker]

It couldn't be that bad.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Couldn't be that bad.

[Tim Heidecker]

Do they have kids? That's what I want to know.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I think there was a babysitter outside while this was happening. Maybe from another house. I don't know. Again, I should have done a little more research before talking about it publicly, but these are the things that I kind of gathered.

[Tim Heidecker]

What's the gap between what we're doing now and when this comes out? Do you guys try to keep it tight?

[Bridger Weiniger]

That's a great question. Oh, wait. Tentative release June 30th.

[Tim Heidecker]

Yikes.

[Bridger Weiniger]

That can't possibly be true.

[Tim Heidecker]

This is going to age like old milk.

[Bridger Weiniger]

There's no way that's wrong. Someone just wrote that's wrong.

[Tim Heidecker]

Okay, well, they deleted the whole sentence. He's got a monitor here. And they deleted the whole sentence.

[Bridger Weiniger]

They're shutting down the podcast as we speak. The episode will never be released. I imagine it's May. Ish. Good. Oh, and now they're typing goodbye. So now we're having too much fun. Enough is enough. I think two weeks from it'll still. This'll be definitely old news.

[Tim Heidecker]

Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Hopefully we'll have all the facts of the case. Hopefully she'll be out on bail and maybe she can come to the podcast. Yes, Mrs. Schreiner, reach out.

[Tim Heidecker]

You know the. So you know. Now you know who's the bass player for Weezer?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Well, this is the problem, Tim. I have a very complicated past with Weezer.

[Tim Heidecker]

You do?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Growing up listening. Listening to Weezer. And then I was a real fan through high school.

[Tim Heidecker]

Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

And now just know everything about them forever.

[Tim Heidecker]

Right.

[Bridger Weiniger]

And so this guy was hired. Maybe he's like, third player.

[Tim Heidecker]

I was a big fan of Weezer.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Did you grow up listening to them?

[Tim Heidecker]

Well, I didn't grow up listening to him. I was in college.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, sure.

[Tim Heidecker]

Yeah. I was a little older.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right.

[Tim Heidecker]

So. But I love that Blue album. That first album is so core, so elemental.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Incredible.

[Tim Heidecker]

And on tour, the last second to last night of tour, we didn't do this a lot, but every once in a while, we'd do, like, music. We'd play music in the. In on the bus.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Sure, sure.

[Tim Heidecker]

After the show. And we'd all sit around, listen to music.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right.

[Tim Heidecker]

And the second to last night, we're listening to the whole Blue album.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Okay.

[Tim Heidecker]

And we. Everybody, eight of us, we sat there, blasted it. Like, we're at the concert and, like, sang through the whole record, everybody knew it, everyone loved it. And we're like, there's just not a bad song on it. It's like a perfect.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, yeah. It's one of those rare things just beginning to end.

[Tim Heidecker]

Yeah. But so I. But then, you know, if they, as they, as the kids say, they fell off.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I think their first two albums are perfect. And then, you know, you can't. You can't be great.

[Tim Heidecker]

The Green album's good.

[Bridger Weiniger]

The Green album's fine.

[Tim Heidecker]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

It's fun enough to listen to and they've. They've written plenty of fun songs since, but, you know. Yeah, most musicians, the road gets bumpy eventually.

[Tim Heidecker]

Sure, sure.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Okay. I think we should play a game. We're going to play a game called Gift or a Curse. But I need a number between 1 and 10 from you.

[Tim Heidecker]

Oh, easily 8.

[Bridger Weiniger]

8. I love that number. I have to do some light calculating to get our game pieces right now. You can promote, recommend, do whatever you want. I'll be right back.

[Tim Heidecker]

You can go check out my music on your streaming services. You can watch Office hours live on YouTube or go to patreon.com officehourslive on. Cinema is the thing I hold deepest to my heart at the moment. As far as my creative output. You could find that on our self funded subscription based streaming service, High Network. H E I Network tv. And go Dodgers. I know they've got all the best players. Their payroll is extremely high. But it's an important team in the history of baseball. We should support them. Even if you're not a fan, even.

[Bridger Weiniger]

If you hate them.

[Tim Heidecker]

We have to support them.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Get behind the boys.

[Tim Heidecker]

They are of the boys in blue. And our city of Los Angeles suffered tremendous tragedy this year with the fires.

[Bridger Weiniger]

The least you could do is support our baseball team.

[Tim Heidecker]

Please support the Dodgers. Chavez Ravine.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Thank you, listener. I already told you about Patreon, et cetera, et cetera. Chicago, don't forget. Don't let us down. Okay, Tim. This is how we play. Gift or a curse? I'm going to name three things. You'll tell me if they're a gift or a curse, and why. And then I'll tell you if you're right or wrong, because there are correct answers. You can lose the game. You can win the game. You can do fine. This first one is from one of our Patreon listeners, Randall. Gift or a curse? Life on Earth.

[Tim Heidecker]

It's a gift.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Why?

[Tim Heidecker]

I love it. I love living. I know I love living because I've been in situations where I thought I Might die. And it was very upsetting to me. And the older I get, the more I am so disappointed that it comes to an end. That it will come to an end. And it's a terrible deal, actually, to think that you will eventually not be around. So with that in mind, it's not always easy, and sometimes it's hard and not always pleasant. And I wish I didn't have to eat every day. I wish I didn't have to go to the bathroom every 20 minutes.

[Bridger Weiniger]

We've had to stop down the podcast 10 times.

[Tim Heidecker]

I haven't gone. I mean, I have to go, but I haven't stopped. At the end of the day, it all shakes out to being a gift.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Correct.

[Tim Heidecker]

Thank you.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I mean, one for one. Of course. I think this. Right, with everything going on, it might be the obvious answer. Might be curse.

[Tim Heidecker]

Yes. I'm very blessed and lucky. I mean, I'm sure there are people out there who feel like it's a curse, but I happen to not be one of those people.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right. I think ultimately there's a gift. To be completely sincere and honest about this one. How could you not say unless. Yeah, I'm sure people, we're all having our relatively difficult times with whatever situation, but it's a gift. Randall, how dare you even put this on the list? Forget it. Okay, so you've gotten one correct so far.

[Tim Heidecker]

That's gotta be the easy one.

[Bridger Weiniger]

That's an easy one.

[Tim Heidecker]

Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

This next one is from a listener named Emily. Gift or a curse? Going to bed with wet hair?

[Tim Heidecker]

Well, it's neither, but if we're going to binary this for me, it would be a curse. I don't like that feeling. I don't generally. I generally shower in the morning, so it's not really an issue.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right.

[Tim Heidecker]

If I was going to shower at night, I would dry my hair best as possible. I don't want to sleep on a wet pillow, obviously. Right.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Wrong. Curse. I mean, I've.

[Tim Heidecker]

I said curse.

[Bridger Weiniger]

What? You said curse?

[Tim Heidecker]

Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, actually, I was gonna say wrong gift. I was so excited to tell you. You were wrong. Unfortunately, I'm on record on this podcast as saying taking a shower at night is a gift. And so I feel like I kind of have to go. This lines up with that. It means you got to take a shower at night, which is lovely.

[Tim Heidecker]

The shower is such work for me that at the end of the day or the end of the. You know, at the end of the night, I'm already in bed. I lie down in bed, I start watching things, listening to things. And the idea of getting up and showering, it's like, that's how I start my life. That's how I start my day. My wife takes showers at night, though.

[Bridger Weiniger]

So it can be. I don't shower at night every night, but it's like a little treat. It feels nice on occasion because there's no utility to it. You know, it's just I'm doing this just because. To relax. Whereas in the morning, you know, I'm. Well, I still have endless time during the day, but I have to get things started. I have to actually be clean and go out into the world. Whereas at night I can get my hair wet and lie down on a pillow and start the mildew growing.

[Tim Heidecker]

You have very short hair, though. I have fairly short hair being an issue.

[Bridger Weiniger]

And yours is really long.

[Tim Heidecker]

Yeah, it's a lot of hair.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah. I can see why someone might have a problem going to bed with soaking wet hair, but I don't. I think it's a gift. Finally. This is from a listener named Joanne. Gift or a curse? Using a kitchen knife to open a box.

[Tim Heidecker]

Well, I'll see it. I'll just have. Again, it's right down the middle. It's not ideal. It's not the end of the world. It's probably what I do half the time. Like a steak knife.

[Bridger Weiniger]

That's what I'm picturing. Not a bread knife.

[Tim Heidecker]

Yeah, you do it. You throw it in the sink, throw it in the dishwasher. If you really, you know, why not just. It's probably fine. So I'd say it's a gift because it's convenient. You're not searching around for like one of those, you know, work utility knives or something.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Is that a exacto?

[Tim Heidecker]

Exacto. Exacto, exactly.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Thank you. Correct gift. What else? What else is anybody using to open a box? This is the only knife I ever. This is the only knife I own.

[Tim Heidecker]

Yeah. These are my day to day knives. You can take a scissor and open it up and.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right. I don't mind the scissor. Yeah. But even then, that is a trip to the junk drawer. And my knives are just there on the counter.

[Tim Heidecker]

Exactly.

[Bridger Weiniger]

And there's kind of a danger, kind of a thrill. I don't see anything wrong with it.

[Tim Heidecker]

I think it's deadly.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah. Mild thrill. But you have to look for mild thrills. Well, you got two out of three.

[Tim Heidecker]

Great.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Not absolutely horrible.

[Tim Heidecker]

No, that's pretty good.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Decent. Well, I think we should answer a listener question. People are sending in the voice notes, the emails to I saidnogiftsmail.com could we play one of those?

[Uber Eats Representative]

Hi, Bridger and scurrilous guest.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I think that's a word I am.

[Uber Eats Representative]

Calling in because I have a query for you. I still have my ex husband's last.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Name but I would like to change.

[Uber Eats Representative]

It before I have a baby and.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I don't know what to change it to.

[Uber Eats Representative]

My maiden name doesn't quite feel right.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Anymore and I need some suggestions for what my new last name should be.

[Uber Eats Representative]

Would love to hear your thoughts.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Thanks.

[Tim Heidecker]

I'm starting to get why this marriage didn't work out.

[Bridger Weiniger]

This person needs a new last name and they've turned to us.

[Tim Heidecker]

Well, and also what's wrong with the original? Go back to your original last name.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I guess she's a new person. She's found a new chapter.

[Tim Heidecker]

Well, here's the things. These are the unknown unknowns. We don't know her first name, do we?

[Bridger Weiniger]

No, not as she didn't mention it. On the other.

[Tim Heidecker]

So what are we doing? What are we working? We're working with in a vacuum. We're working in the dark.

[Bridger Weiniger]

What would you change your last name to?

[Tim Heidecker]

I wouldn't change my last name. I'm not. I don't care about. I don't have any tattoos, I don't have any piercings. I don't care about any of that stuff. I don't care about my identity. You wanna call me a woman? I don't care.

[Bridger Weiniger]

But I bet 40 years ago I.

[Tim Heidecker]

Happen to be a man who gives a shit.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I bet 40 years ago you and I would have both had to our last names for show business.

[Tim Heidecker]

Ah yes, difficult names. Tim Heidecker. I never loved that name.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Heer is a hard name to pronounce or spell.

[Tim Heidecker]

Yeah, your name's a burden.

[Bridger Weiniger]

It's a mess.

[Tim Heidecker]

Yeah. Tim. Tim Miller.

[Bridger Weiniger]

That's a nice name. It's a safe guy.

[Tim Heidecker]

Tim Jones.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Tim Jones, Miller Jones are both nice last names that this person could take on.

[Tim Heidecker]

That's my. My Miller is my mother's, my grandmother's name. Maiden name? Yes.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, that's a nice name. Why not? I mean this.

[Tim Heidecker]

There is a Tim Miller who's like a political. He's like a. He's a political guy.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Good or bad?

[Tim Heidecker]

He's good. He was like a Republican who's gone anti Trump.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Good for him.

[Tim Heidecker]

Who's gay.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Wow, gay.

[Tim Heidecker]

It's like when my dad would say like he's. This guy's actually gay but he's like. But it's not bad. He's not bad.

[Bridger Weiniger]

He's a nice enough guy.

[Tim Heidecker]

He's a really nice guy.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Wouldn't want to hang out with him. Miller.

[Tim Heidecker]

Tim Miller.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah, Tim Miller. That's a nice last name. Obviously Weiniger or Heidecker is a name she could take on.

[Tim Heidecker]

Again, not knowing the first name is criminal.

[Bridger Weiniger]

It's a huge mystery.

[Tim Heidecker]

Can we find out? Is there an email, Melinda?

[Bridger Weiniger]

Actually, I can I just. Let's see here. I forwarded the email earlier because if.

[Tim Heidecker]

You had a first name we could work with that, play around with some ideas.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Sarah Jane. That's the name.

[Tim Heidecker]

Sarah Jane.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Sarah Jane.

[Tim Heidecker]

Sarah Jane Carter.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Sarah Jane Carter. That's a nice. That seems almost a little house.

[Tim Heidecker]

Yes. Ingalls. We could do Sarah Jayne.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, Ingalls. That's great.

[Tim Heidecker]

You don't want to do. Who's the.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Oh, Nelly Olson.

[Tim Heidecker]

Yeah. Sarah Jane Olson.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah. You don't want to be part of the Olson family, I think.

[Tim Heidecker]

Sarah Jane Potter. Sarah Jane Carter. Sarah Jane Miller. Sarah Jane Cruz. I don't like that.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Cruz is a made up last name, isn't it? Tom Cruise. That's not his real last name.

[Tim Heidecker]

I think it is his real name, but I don't really know.

[Bridger Weiniger]

No, I think he has kind of a strange like a last name that's hard to spell or.

[Tim Heidecker]

Oh, really? I don't know.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Now I'm going to look at all up because now I'm embarrassed. Let's see. Tom. Tom Cruise is.

[Tim Heidecker]

There should be a rule, a law that podcasts aren't allowed to look things up.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Everything just has to be kind of sent out into the public. Not checked. His middle name is Cruz. His last name is Mather. Mather.

[Tim Heidecker]

Oh, wow. That is a mess.

[Bridger Weiniger]

And he's the fourth.

[Tim Heidecker]

Wow.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Well then, Sarah Jane Cruz. MA iv. There we go. See, how would you pronounce M A P O T H E R?

[Tim Heidecker]

Mapother.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Mapother. Mapother. Yeah, I can see why he got rid of that. Sarah Jane, we've given you several options. I feel like.

[Tim Heidecker]

Yeah, we've done our due diligence.

[Bridger Weiniger]

S. Thompson. I'm just looking around the room. Sarah Jane Thompson.

[Tim Heidecker]

Sarah Jane Thompson's nice.

[Bridger Weiniger]

It is nice. That's a strong name. Yeah, that's the thing. I'll say. Find a name that people can immediately identify and spell and pronounce.

[Tim Heidecker]

Yeah.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Don't curse yourself with some difficult thing.

[Tim Heidecker]

Oh, yes. I mean I do a lot of casting with this. In this commercial. I'm a very. The epidemic that it's occurring. Forget all the stuff that RFK Jr's talking about the epidemic of names of young people.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Now, what are you hearing?

[Tim Heidecker]

Bryson and. Oh, I can't. You don't remember them because they're unfamiliar to you. Well, you're Raiden British.

[Bridger Weiniger]

You're talking to a Bridger, which that's true. To be fair, I can't really say.

[Tim Heidecker]

There's way worse ones. And people know what I'm talking about.

[Bridger Weiniger]

I think Utah and Utah culture is kind of the ground zero for a lot of these names. Famously. There are a lot of creative names coming out of Utah. For whatever reason.

[Tim Heidecker]

I wish I could remember these names. I saw like a hundred of them. Like, this is just such a burden for these kids.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Right.

[Tim Heidecker]

As they get older, they're gonna have to get. What is that again? Albereno.

[Bridger Weiniger]

My sister was a NICU nurse. And the names that she was coming across.

[Tim Heidecker]

NICU Nurse.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Yeah, it was like Neo.

[Tim Heidecker]

Oh, God. I thought you said her name was is NICU Nurse.

[Bridger Weiniger]

My sister. NICU Nurse.

[Tim Heidecker]

I've never heard that one.

[Bridger Weiniger]

The name she would provide. There was somebody named Americus. Someone named their daughter Americus, which I don't like it. Don't love to hear it.

[Tim Heidecker]

And now let me just retract and say I love a big, beautiful, diverse world.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Of course. And names are just sounds and stupid. They're stupid made up words. But some are way more stupid than others, I would say.

[Tim Heidecker]

In our opinion.

[Bridger Weiniger]

In my opinion. And they're ultimately beautiful. Dick and Harry.

[Tim Heidecker]

Tom, Dick and Harry.

[Bridger Weiniger]

What happened to Tom, Dick and Harry?

[Tim Heidecker]

Sally, Jane, Sue, Mary Joe. Those are the four names you can choose from. That's it. At the hospital and you have a baby, you should have like eight names to choose from.

[Bridger Weiniger]

It's like picking a license plate cover. Well, we answered the question perfectly, Sarah Jane. Good luck. Don't send another thing back in. I can't hear back from you, Tim. I have this lovely book to put on my bookshelf now. I'll read at least your intro.

[Tim Heidecker]

Yes.

[Bridger Weiniger]

And we'll see how I feel about that and see where I go from there. And I've had a lovely time with you.

[Tim Heidecker]

It was great. Yeah. Real pleasure. Thank you for having me.

[Bridger Weiniger]

Listener. The podcast is over. You obviously knew this was going to happen. Hopefully you did. Otherwise, you're really. This is coming out of nowhere for you, and I don't know what to tell you. Get moving. I love you. Goodbye. I said no. Gifts is an exactly right production. Our senior producer is Annelise Nelson and our episodes are beautifully mixed by Ben Tolliday. The theme song is by Miracle worker Amy man and we couldn't do it without our booker, Patrick Cotner. You must follow the show on Instagram at isaidnogifts. That's where you're going to see pictures of all these wonderful gifts I'm getting. And don't you want to see the gift.

[Tim Heidecker]

You here Thought I made myself perfectly clear. When you're a guest in my home, you got to come to me empty handed. I said no guil. Your presence is presence enough. And I already had too much stuff, so had.

[Financial Advisor]

Asking the right questions can greatly impact your future, especially when it comes to your finances. So if you're looking for a financial advisor you can trust, certified financial planner professionals are committed to acting in your best interest. That's why it's gotta be a CFP. Find your CFP professional at letsmakeaplan.org it's.

[Uber Eats Representative]

Almost mother's Day and you can now get anything you need delivered with Uber Eats. Well, almost almost anything. So no, you can't order a relaxing shower, but some beautiful flowers? You bet we deliver those. A bird bath?

[Tim Heidecker]

No.

[Uber Eats Representative]

A bath bomb? Absolutely. It's no to a chocolate lab, but yes to some chocolate truffles. So whether it's a last minute gift for Mother's Day, fresh groceries or food from your favorite restaurants, get it delivered today with Uber Eats. Order now. Product availability varies by Regency app for details.

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