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Bridger Weiniger
This is exactly right.
Ryan Seacrest
You see the world differently where others see empty lots. You see blueprints where others sit in lecture halls. Future leaders Choose Ferris State University to build something real. Ready to dig in and learn through action, Ferris State gives you the tools, the team and training to unleash your potential with paths to high demand careers and in state tuition for non residents. At Ferris State, students don't just study, they build. They lead. They succeed. Visit ferris. Edu Ferris State University we build Champions Add dry eye relief to your routine with Refresh Opti Mega 3, a lubricating eye drop with a moisture rich, preservative free formula enhanced with inactive ingredients like flaxseed oil and antioxidants. This formula supports all three tear film layers and provides advanced hydration to instantly moisturize and soothe dry eyes. Refresh Optiv Mega 3 is safe to use as often as needed so you can make it part of your wellness routine. Find Refresh online or in the eye Drop section at all major retailers. FSA and HSA eligible.
Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and safeway. Now through June 24th. Score hot summer savings and earn four times the points. Look for in store tags on items like Starbucks ground coffee, Red Bull energy drinks, Spam, Classic Planet Oat milk, Charmin bath tissue, Totino's pizza rolls and Frito Lay chips. Then clip the offer in the app for aut event long savings. Shop in store or online for easy drive up and go pickup or delivery subject to availability restrictions. Apply. Visit Albertsons or Safeway.com for more details.
Tim Kalpakis
When I invited you here.
Bridger Weiniger
I thought.
Tim Kalpakis
I made myself perfectly clear. When you're a guest in my home, you gotta come to me empty handed.
Bridger Weiniger
I said no guilt.
Tim Kalpakis
Your presence is present enough. And I already had too much stuff, so how do you dare disobey me? Welcome to I said no Gifts. I'm Bridger Weiniger. We are here in the studio. I'm in the throes of jet lag. I know. You know, last week's episode I complained about jet lag, but that was actually recorded yesterday. Does this make sense? So we've recorded two in a row? I hate to shatter the illusion that the podcast isn't coming to you live, but there's. I don't. I don't even know what I'm saying. I slept for an hour last night and I feel insane. I'm kicking things over. I just kicked something over. You can't see that. No one can see that except for me. But I wanted to Drag you through all of this. What's good? What's happening? I've got a new parking lot at the studio. They've really done the works with this thing. All the bells and whistles. Beautiful new paint job. I don't know if they'd put new asphalt or not, but it smells like new asphalt. And so it was exciting to park and get out of my car. I was found coffee this morning. I thought I saw a mildly famous person, but then I think it was just some loser. So it wasn't even a famous person. But if it was, I. I would say who I thought it was. But then what if it was her and I just thought she was a loser. I'm so sorry. I don't know what's wrong with me. We should get into the episode. I love today's guest. It's Tim Kalpakis. Tim, welcome to. I said no gifts.
Bridger Weiniger
Thank you. Thanks for having me. And I did clock the new asphalt in the parking lot.
Tim Kalpakis
Did you smell it?
Bridger Weiniger
I like, I've never been here before. But I pulled in and I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa. My God.
Tim Kalpakis
Slipping and sliding on that thing.
Bridger Weiniger
Yeah, I know. My God. Splashing all over the place. But it's so funny. Like, subconsciously was just like, it's really nice to be in a brand new parking lot.
Tim Kalpakis
There is something nice about. It's just smooth, you know, you're not going to be tripping. You're not going to be driving through any potholes. It just feels crisp.
Bridger Weiniger
Yeah.
Tim Kalpakis
And yesterday that wasn't the case. I had to park on the street and everybody felt how mad I was about that.
Bridger Weiniger
Yeah, the street. Which is actually like a closer walk into the studio because the door's right there.
Tim Kalpakis
But it was actually probably an easier way to park altogether. But, you know, the principle of it was infuriate.
Bridger Weiniger
You host the show.
Tim Kalpakis
I host the show.
Bridger Weiniger
I was surprised that there isn't a nameplate back there. You know, it's just a free for all. My God.
Tim Kalpakis
It's a mess. It's complete chaos. I feel like I'm just some random employee. It's disgusting. What am I, a production assistant?
Bridger Weiniger
Awful.
Tim Kalpakis
I'm on the mic here. I should be, you know, I should know exactly where I'm parking.
Bridger Weiniger
Were you ever a production assistant?
Tim Kalpakis
I was for a really long time. For longer than I should have been.
Bridger Weiniger
Well, I was. I was four years at one place.
Tim Kalpakis
Four years as well.
Bridger Weiniger
No way.
Tim Kalpakis
Yes.
Bridger Weiniger
Mine was Gracie Films, which does the Simpsons. So I was like James L. Brun.
Tim Kalpakis
Brooks's PA Wow, that's kind of an impressive PA position.
Bridger Weiniger
Yeah. But you're supposed to do it for like one year and then become his second assistant and then first assistant and then, you know, like, be a producer.
Tim Kalpakis
Right. It feels like you're like a really delayed puberty or something where you're just like, oh, everybody else got out of.
Bridger Weiniger
This and they started. Toward the end, they hinted to me like, if you're not getting promoted, you're kind of supposed to quit, you know? So they're like, tim, you kind of been here a long time. What do you want to do career wise? I was like, pa, I guess.
Tim Kalpakis
What was holding you back?
Bridger Weiniger
Well, it was a really easy job and I loved. I was doing like, UCB every night with my sketch group, the birthday boys. So I kind of wanted to just do nothing all day and then go to ucb. So I wasn't putting in the type of effort that gets you promoted. But I certainly wasn't gonna leave because I had such an easy job, so.
Tim Kalpakis
Just posted up for four years.
Bridger Weiniger
But I remember, like, at the end of the four years, I was like, I've been here as long as I was in college.
Tim Kalpakis
Yeah. It starts to get to a really bad feeling. I mean, I got to the point where I was like, oh, I was literally looking up jobs in Salt Lake City again, where I was like, oh, I guess I. I failed. I have to go home now.
Bridger Weiniger
I did my time.
Tim Kalpakis
I did my time, but I think part of it was I didn't within the place I was. I did not want to be promoted because I felt like it would become even more of a prison. And so I just thought, well, I just get to be online all day, just on the Internet, screwing around. And, like, the first hour of the day is work, and then it's just whatever I want for the next seven hours. Why wouldn't I just keep doing this horrible thing?
Bridger Weiniger
And it's weird then when you're. When you don't have that job anymore and it's like the middle of a weekday and you're not working, but you're just scrolling the Internet as well, and you're like, I used to get paid to do this and get like, free lunch from Tender Greens.
Tim Kalpakis
Yes. Oh, Tender Greens. That's a business I'd like to run out of town.
Bridger Weiniger
I feel like I liked it when it was free for lunch, but I could never pay for it. That, like, Sweet Green, Mendocino Farms, all the salad places in la, they just taste like office food. That should be Free. So I would never be able to pay money for those.
Tim Kalpakis
Yeah, you cut. I. When I'm at one of those places now, I feel like, oh, I. I'm being ripped off. I'm like, what? This feels unnatural that I'm giving them my money.
Bridger Weiniger
Like, you know, I'm used to getting this for free. Is there something we could work out? Does James L. Brooks know about this?
Tim Kalpakis
Yeah. I wonder. I don't know how I would feel about any of those places if I hadn't worked in an office that had just given it to me prior to it.
Bridger Weiniger
Right.
Tim Kalpakis
I mean, I do. I can speak to Mendocino. I remember being there when they first opened, before it became an office food, and I remember thinking, this is good.
Bridger Weiniger
Yeah.
Tim Kalpakis
But now it tastes like food stuff, you know, like, it feels like the idea of food.
Bridger Weiniger
Right. And especially because they're trying to lean into a farm to table vibe. That makes it even worse because. Because I don't believe. Well, I've never been to Mendocino to look at their farm, so I don't know. But, I mean, it's the same thing with lacroix. I can't buy lacroix.
Tim Kalpakis
Oh, my God. Can you imagine?
Bridger Weiniger
No. I buy Perrier La Ronge.
Tim Kalpakis
Oh, very nice.
Bridger Weiniger
Yeah. At work, it's like, I'll have a thousand Lacroix and won't appreciate them whatsoever.
Tim Kalpakis
Actually, I will feel like kind of a fraud because I do buy Lacroix now. But that's only because we record this show sometimes in my backyard.
Bridger Weiniger
I was hoping for a backyard.
Tim Kalpakis
Were you really?
Bridger Weiniger
Honestly?
Tim Kalpakis
Why didn't you say something?
Bridger Weiniger
I just didn't have the balls. I was just stewing.
Tim Kalpakis
Stand up for yourself.
Bridger Weiniger
I'll be honest, I didn't look until I was, like, leaving home today. I looked at the email and put in the address, and I was like, oh, this is not a birthday.
Tim Kalpakis
What are we doing, Annalise? Is there some sort of bird noise we can play over the headphones or helicopter Children screaming, school bells, dump trucks, garbage.
Bridger Weiniger
It would make me more at home.
Tim Kalpakis
Neighbors fighting, cats meowing. I think those are the typical sounds we hear in the backyard.
Bridger Weiniger
Yeah. Loud cats meowing outside, screaming.
Tim Kalpakis
We'll put in post. I want to hear all of those at once. Just alarming sounds. Although I had a friend message me last night, the wonderful Katie Fishel, to let me know that she started listening to the podcast to fall asleep. But she said it's because there's, like, a sweet spot of podcasts she can listen to where she's engaged enough. But they don't make alarming noises. But if we could get some alarming noises for her now just to wake her up in the middle of the night to teach her a lesson, that would be important.
Bridger Weiniger
Have you listened to any of the calm. Like the. It's podcasts that put you to sleep on purpose?
Tim Kalpakis
No.
Bridger Weiniger
They're like short stories that are rambly and repetitive.
Tim Kalpakis
Oh, that sounds great.
Bridger Weiniger
Yes. It's like I did a. I did a free trial and it worked. And then I was like, I don't know if I'm going to pay.
Tim Kalpakis
Oh, it's a pay thing. I'm not doing that. I can find plenty of boring podcasts to listen to.
Bridger Weiniger
Oh, you know, it was a good pay thing. I. Another free trial that I decided to pay recently. There is like a romance, like erotica romance podcast network. Oh, I'm forgetting what it's called, but it's like, for women and it's like first person guys talking to you. Like, I just bought this tuxedo. It's nice to see you at this gala. Would you like to step aside into a side room? And like, I was just. I was curious, like, what are. Cause it's not like super graphic.
Tim Kalpakis
Right.
Bridger Weiniger
But it captures the imagination that. It's like a guy. The one I listened to, the character was an art thief.
Tim Kalpakis
He's a catbird.
Bridger Weiniger
He is. He's cat. So he's like wooing a lady but then also stealing art. But I guess that's the ultimate fantasy.
Tim Kalpakis
He's a gentleman thief.
Bridger Weiniger
Yeah, exactly. I love what's more like. And like, he has good taste in art. You know, he's part of, like, high society. Yeah.
Tim Kalpakis
Wow. But he's still a rogue.
Bridger Weiniger
Yeah, I mean, he's still a bit of a rogue. He's the bad boy of the art scene.
Tim Kalpakis
That's a. I mean, this is. I feel like there's a good knockoff podcast of that called Dream Date that's like, puts you to sleep, but it's also your dream date.
Bridger Weiniger
Yeah. And then you have a wedding wet dream.
Tim Kalpakis
You wake up, scream.
Bridger Weiniger
No.
Tim Kalpakis
Wow, I'd like to listen to that. That sounds engaging.
Bridger Weiniger
I'll send it to you. And I mean, if that free trial had not ended, I would be all over it. It was very good.
Ryan Seacrest
You see the world differently. Where others see empty lots, you see blueprints. Where others sit in lecture halls. Future leaders choose Ferris State University to build something real. Ready to dig in and learn through action. Ferris State gives you the tools, the team and training to unleash your potential with paths to high demand careers and in state tuition for non residents at Ferris State. Students don't just study, they build. They lead, they succeed. Visit ferris. Edu Ferris State University we build champions.
Tim Kalpakis
Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile with a message for everyone paying Big Wireless way too much.
Bridger Weiniger
Please, for the love of everything good in this world, stop with Mint.
Tim Kalpakis
You can get premium wireless for just $15 a month.
Bridger Weiniger
Of course, if you enjoy overpaying. No judgments. But that's weird. Okay, one judgment anyway.
Tim Kalpakis
Give it a try.
Bridger Weiniger
@Mintmobile.Com Switch upfront payment of $45 for.
Ryan Seacrest
3 month plan equivalent to $15 per month Required intro rate first 3 months only, then full price plan options available, taxes and fees extra. See full terms@mintmobile.com hey, it's Ryan Seacrest.
For Albertsons and safeway. Now through June 24th. Score hot summer savings and earn four times the points. Look for in store tags on items like Pringles, Ritz crackers and chips, sliced soda, Wonder buns and bread, and Natural Choice lunch meat. Then clip the offer in the app for automatic event long savings. Shop in store or online for easy drive up and go pick up or delivery subject to availability restrictions apply. Visit Albertsons or Safeway.com for more details.
Tim Kalpakis
This is a podcast, I think. I don't know why I'm bringing this up in comparison to that, but this podcast that I love called Rumble Strip, which this woman does out of Vermont and she just talks to local Vermont residents. And that's a very good one to fall asleep to. Cause it's pleasant. She's just talking to people in a quiet voice. And I don't even know why I bring that up. Probably because I'm so out of my mind right now.
Bridger Weiniger
Well, is it intentionally? Like, does she know she's making just a soothing thing or is it supposed to be like I'm a local Vermonter and these are the issues?
Tim Kalpakis
I think it's both. I think she knows knows that it's like, I think when you call a thing, rumble strip isn't a rumble strip. That's designed to wake you up.
Bridger Weiniger
Yeah. So are there loud sounds?
Tim Kalpakis
Eventually she just has like an air horn in the middle of the wake up. No, that's a good question. But again, I don't know why I bring it up. And that's fine.
Bridger Weiniger
I'm pissed off you brought it up. I'm trying to find the logic. What does this have to do with this? I'm here to promote projects.
Tim Kalpakis
I'm trying to Think of any recent free trials that I've ripped off, you know, because I never sign up for a thing knowing that I'm actually going to pay for it.
Bridger Weiniger
Right.
Tim Kalpakis
Occasionally they'll get me and then I'll complain and get my money back.
Bridger Weiniger
Yeah.
Tim Kalpakis
I recently lied to a coffee service because I had forgotten to cancel it and then didn't and they charged me and so I kind of blamed them.
Bridger Weiniger
How?
Tim Kalpakis
I emailed them and said I thought I had canceled this and I'm going to be out of town.
Bridger Weiniger
And that worked. They're like, oh, you thought that. We didn't realize you had thought that.
Tim Kalpakis
I couldn't believe that it had worked. Wow. Very like 2015 customer service, when a lot of these online companies really would do whatever you wanted them to. And now I feel like they've kind of locked things up where you can't complain. I'll complain to people now and they'll be like, tough luck.
Bridger Weiniger
Yeah.
Tim Kalpakis
I had an Uber ride like a couple of months ago where I felt legitimately in danger and I complained to them and they gave me nothing.
Bridger Weiniger
Right. What was the legitimate danger?
Tim Kalpakis
The guy was out of his mind. He was screaming at everybody we had, but he took only surface streets back from lax. He was cutting through parking lots. He was just doing a lot of weird stuff where I was like, this doesn't seem normal. And the app kept trying to get him back on track.
Bridger Weiniger
He's like, I know better than the app.
Tim Kalpakis
Yeah. And he absolutely didn't. It probably took at least 50% extra time to get back to my home.
Bridger Weiniger
So you complain and then I just like, thank you for your feedback.
Tim Kalpakis
Yeah, sorry.
Bridger Weiniger
It never crosses my mind to even try. I was with friends leaving. I saw a movie at the Americana at the mall recently and was leaving the parking structure and we had forgot our ticket for validation. And my friend's girlfriend was like, oh, watch this. And she said to the voice, he hit the button and she was like, I'm so sorry. I lost my purse and I don't have the ticket and I know you can't let me go, but could you please and put on a whole show? And then there's a long silence and the guy goes, I can offer you a one time courtesy exit.
Tim Kalpakis
No way.
Bridger Weiniger
And I wonder how many one time courtesy exits he had given out that day. But he just let us out, the arm went up and we left for free entirely.
Tim Kalpakis
Wow. How does he track one time? Did he take her information?
Bridger Weiniger
No, not at all. But it would be amazing if he was like, Tracking it very closely. But no, I think if you're just. She was kind of. I don't know if he could see us or was just listening, but she was kind of starting to sound like she was gonna cry.
Tim Kalpakis
Oh, see, this is exactly. That's exactly where my mind went. I would start with cr.
Bridger Weiniger
I would be shocked. Excuse me. Wah, wah, wah, wah. Now let me get to the matter at hand.
Tim Kalpakis
I lost my binky. Wow. That's dangerous behavior. Parking in the pay parking lot at that mall. I park in the free one all the time.
Bridger Weiniger
Right? You mean like over at the Galleria?
Tim Kalpakis
That's what I used to do.
Bridger Weiniger
The classic. Oh, there's free airports.
Tim Kalpakis
There's a free one right next to the pay one by the In N Out. And I know the listener loves this sort of thing.
Bridger Weiniger
Yeah. Yeah. They have not heard enough about Los Angeles streets.
Tim Kalpakis
I do want to really describe this situation. There's the pay parking lot owned by local villain Rick Caruso.
Bridger Weiniger
Right.
Tim Kalpakis
Right next door, there's an In N Out. Do you know this? In n Out.
Bridger Weiniger
Yeah.
Tim Kalpakis
Huge. The parking lot attached to that is technically part of the Galleria, and it's attached to Bloomingdale's. All of this, that's all free parking.
Bridger Weiniger
Wow.
Tim Kalpakis
And it's truly right next door.
Bridger Weiniger
So when I'm parking for free at Target, this is the same, like, ownership, same free parking situation, just a different lot.
Tim Kalpakis
Mr. Galleria's lot.
Bridger Weiniger
Y.
Tim Kalpakis
Whatever reason, because that mall is attached across the street. Wow. People love this. I love this. That technically is the kind of its own little sovereign nation.
Bridger Weiniger
Damn.
Tim Kalpakis
So that's a little tip that I learned recently because I had been walking all the way from the Target. But if you see a late movie, then you have to walk outside the entire time in the tough streets of Glendale.
Bridger Weiniger
Yeah, it's rough out there.
Tim Kalpakis
Yeah. I'm always scared something's gonna happen to me, but now I'm in total protection and free, and I don't have to worry about getting my ticket validated, which also, it's not free parking. And again, people love ticket talk. But that parking lot, even with a validation, I think is $5, which I think is ridiculous.
Bridger Weiniger
I know. And I'll say this the one, and this is relatable to people all across the world in all kinds of parking lots. The one thing that I think when I'm going into a structure is, like, I'm gonna have to pay. This is gonna suck. But I'm gonna go to the tippy top, and I'm gonna get a Beautiful view. And I'm like, if I'll go to the top of any structure and it's like I'm on the rooftop. And I'm like, this would be nice. After the movie, I'll come back up here and it'll be beautiful. But the one at the Americana has been closed.
Tim Kalpakis
Oh, you're kidding.
Bridger Weiniger
So I've been driving up, I keep forgetting. And I'll drive up and be to like the second to the top. So it's just like the longest.
Tim Kalpakis
Just in the attic.
Bridger Weiniger
Yeah. And I did the most amount of driving to get up there. And then I'm just. Oh, that's just boxes, old stuff up there.
Tim Kalpakis
What was the. What's the logic behind that?
Bridger Weiniger
I don't know. I don't know what's going on on that rooftop.
Tim Kalpakis
Wow, that's a real shape. Yeah, they've got something happening up there. Probably satellite dishes.
Bridger Weiniger
I was hoping you would know because I obviously know so much about parking.
Tim Kalpakis
You know, a gorgeous rooftop parking in Los Angeles that I think is underrated is the Home Depot in Hollywood. Wow, great date.
Bridger Weiniger
I've looked at the structure. I've been able to find parking on the normal lot right in front of the building.
Tim Kalpakis
No, take yourself up to the top of that. Treat yourself. They've got an elevator. You get a view of Hollywood. I mean, the glamour. My God, it's a Hollywood dream to be on top of a Home Depot.
Bridger Weiniger
When I first moved to la, I went to that Home Depot and I was fresh out of college, so me and my friends were kind of like getting drunk and barfing all the time.
Tim Kalpakis
Oh, sure.
Bridger Weiniger
In that era. So we were. We like. I think we maybe went to the Dresden because we were trying to be like the swingers guys.
Tim Kalpakis
Oh, God.
Bridger Weiniger
And I got drunk. And then the next day we're moving. We had rented a U Haul and we were moving to like move into our house.
Tim Kalpakis
Okay, sure.
Bridger Weiniger
But I'm hungover. So we're going to Home Depot to get some like, move in type of stuff. And you know how there's like day laborer guys hang around there wanting you to hire them. So I was walking in, I got kind of swarmed by those guys like you do, and. Cause they wanted me to hire them and I puked in front of them. So I had like 12 guys gather around me like, hey, would you like help today with your move? And then I barfed into a garbage can. They all. They all scattered this young girl. And I want to be like, you know, in general, I'm a good employer, but today's just not my day.
Tim Kalpakis
The idea of being hungover while moving makes me want to kill myself.
Bridger Weiniger
It was the worst. I mean, there's, like, pictures of me, like, just asleep in the back of a giant U Haul. I was no help. I was moving into a bro house with, like, five guys, too. So they were used to. And they just carted me around.
Tim Kalpakis
That's the real rock and roll movers. Is that what those people are called?
Bridger Weiniger
I've hired rock and roll movers before.
Tim Kalpakis
They' what are they?
Bridger Weiniger
It's a moving company based in, like, Echo Park, I think, and they employ, like, guys in bands.
Tim Kalpakis
Rock and rollers.
Bridger Weiniger
Rock and rollers. So, yeah. So what's on the van? It's like, there's, like, a skull and crossbody.
Tim Kalpakis
Yes, yes. Classic rock and roll.
Bridger Weiniger
So I've hired them. Not in a long time, but it used to be, like, really cheap, like, $150, 10 years ago. But two dudes show up and they are, like, like, metal heads with long hair, stoned out of their minds. And it's great. Like, you hang out with these funny dudes all day and they're just giggling while they carry your couch.
Tim Kalpakis
That's great. They're kind. I wonder if there are a lot of roadies in that business. Like, when you're off tour, you're used to moving things, right?
Bridger Weiniger
That's probably what they're best at. You just be like, this couch is like an amp. And they're like, yeah, I can get. Get my head behind that.
Tim Kalpakis
Lifting an object.
Bridger Weiniger
Yeah.
Tim Kalpakis
I wonder if they've gotten to, like, a corporate level of, like, Hard Rock Cafe at this point.
Bridger Weiniger
Right?
Tim Kalpakis
My God, it feels like a crossover that's waiting to happen.
Bridger Weiniger
You call rock and roll movers and you' oh, my God. Rod Stewart showed up. This is unbelievable.
Tim Kalpakis
I broke Rod Stewart's back. Oh, boy. Well, what else? You know, there's something else I'd like to talk about. I actually just want to dive into this. Usually I want to avoid the subject, but today I'm in the mood. The podcast is called I said no Gifts. Tim.
Bridger Weiniger
Right.
Tim Kalpakis
I thought, Tim will come by, we'll have a great conversation. I adore Tim. I think he's so funny. What could possibly go wrong? I imagine you got at least one email about this podcast. You mentioned knowing about the backyard, so you have some familiarity with the podcast. So I was a little bit shocked when you showed up with a gift bag.
Bridger Weiniger
Yeah. So, I mean, I did. I'm familiar with the show. And I really intended to not bring a gift, but I kind of. The thing about this gift is it's really thoughtful.
Tim Kalpakis
Oh, interesting.
Bridger Weiniger
And so I, you know, like, I'm familiar. I follow you on Instagram and I'm familiar you with you and your lifestyle and stuff. And then this kind of hit me and I was like, ooh, I know I'm violating the one rule, but it's. Maybe if it's gonna be really useful in Bridger's life, maybe it's gonna kind of make a difference. Maybe you would make an exception for me.
Tim Kalpakis
Okay, so you just, you thought deeply about me?
Bridger Weiniger
Oh, yeah. I was lost in thought. I went for a walk around my neigh neighborhood. Just kind of like looking at the sky. I was thinking about this daydreaming. I. I called, you know, I. I checked in with my local priest and I was like, father, I'm in. I'm in a time of great turmoil. Can you help me?
Tim Kalpakis
Okay, well, then, totally forgiven. Thank you. I'm giving you a huge pass. Well, should I open it? I'm talking to the mic from about 6ft away. Should I open it here on the podcast?
Bridger Weiniger
I think you should, yeah.
Ryan Seacrest
You see the world differently. Where others see empty lots, you see blueprints. Where others sit in lecture halls. Future leaders choose Ferris State University to build something real. Ready to dig in and learn through action. Ferris State gives you the tools, the team and training to unleash your potential with paths to high demand careers and in state tuition for non residents. At Ferris State, students don't just study. They build. They lead, they succeed. Visit ferris. Edu Ferris State University we build champions.
Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and safeway. Now through June 24th. Score hot summer savings and earn four times the points. Look for in store tags on items like Pringles, Ritz crackers and chips, sliced soda, Wonder buns and bread and natural choice lunch meat. Then clip the offer in the app for automatic event long savings. Shop in store or online for easy drive up and go pickup or delivery. Subject to availability restricts. Visit Albertsons or Safeway.com for more details. Think advertising on TikTok isn't for your business?
Tim Kalpakis
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Bridger Weiniger
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Tim Kalpakis
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Bridger Weiniger
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Drive more leads and scale your business.
Tim Kalpakis
Today only on Tick Tock. Head over to get started. Tick tock.com TikTok ads. Look at that gift wrap.
Bridger Weiniger
Isn't that beautiful?
Tim Kalpakis
It's a gorgeous bag. Where did this come from?
Bridger Weiniger
This is the Albertsons.
Tim Kalpakis
I love this Albertsons. Kind of a rock and. No, there's a Rock and Roll Ralphs in Hollywood.
Bridger Weiniger
There's a rock. This is more of a TV writer. Albert.
Tim Kalpakis
This is Hollywood Albertsons.
Bridger Weiniger
This is. Yeah, Los Feliz.
Tim Kalpakis
They used to have a. The bathroom was kind of dedicated to the movies. I don't know if you've ever been in that bathroom.
Bridger Weiniger
I've been in that bathroom many times.
Tim Kalpakis
It's been renovated, I believe. But there was a point when there was, like, Hollywood movies.
Bridger Weiniger
That is glamour.
Tim Kalpakis
It was pure glamour.
Bridger Weiniger
I'm hoping that I'm gonna bring a headshot and sign it and see if they'll put it on their wall.
Tim Kalpakis
Oh, that's a great idea.
Bridger Weiniger
You know what's funny about that bathroom is the code. Like, I used to know it, and then they changed it. And then so I asked, like, a stock boy, like, hey, what's the code for the bathroom? And he got. He goes, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, instead of just 5, 4, 3, 2', 1. So I was like, thank you. And then I was like, does he not know that those are just the consecutive, like you say? Oh, it's just 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. But then I was like, that was just a funny way to say it. And then, like, two weeks later, I was there shopping, and I overheard somebody else ask the same guy, and he said, 5, 4, 3, 2. So I really. I think he doesn't know that those numbers are easy to remember.
Tim Kalpakis
It's A, B, C, D. Right.
Bridger Weiniger
I know. This is twisted. I want to write it down.
Tim Kalpakis
That is a very funny way.
Bridger Weiniger
It's so weird. Like, I did want to ask him. Maybe I'll ask him. Like, do you know what? Like, if I write them down in 1 chunk, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Like, I'm like, what do these numbers have in common? Like, where might you encounter these in nature?
Tim Kalpakis
It's a brain tease.
Bridger Weiniger
Yeah.
Tim Kalpakis
It's ultimately a brain tease.
Bridger Weiniger
I can cry this.
Tim Kalpakis
Okay, well, for the listener that's not watching the video, it's a floral bag, bejeweled. I mean, it's just as beautiful as possible. I love it. And it's got the tissue paper to match.
Bridger Weiniger
Purple.
Tim Kalpakis
Purple, shimmering.
Bridger Weiniger
Oh, I'm excited for you. To get this gift.
Tim Kalpakis
Okay, I'm gonna pull it out now. It's a. A dustpan. The Libman brand whisk broom with dustpan.
Bridger Weiniger
So I mentioned your Instagram. I've noticed you have a tendency to post, like, pictures of piles of garbage you've encountered on the street.
Tim Kalpakis
Sure, go on.
Bridger Weiniger
And I'm an Angeleno. I live in this town. And I was thinking that could be beneficial to all of us that, you know, it's a very funny bit that you're doing.
Tim Kalpakis
Sure.
Bridger Weiniger
But, like, maybe if you were to. To help kind of clean up some of those messes. If you had this in the back of your car and the brand name. I don't know your politics, but I took a swing and I think that Libman does maybe describe you.
Tim Kalpakis
Oh, yeah, I believe that's my Twitter account.
Bridger Weiniger
Right. Yeah. You're mixing it up on Blue sky as Libman. So, yeah, when I saw that, I was like, well, this is kind of perfect.
Tim Kalpakis
Where did you buy this? Was this an Albertson's purchase?
Bridger Weiniger
Believe it or not, this was two aisles over.
Tim Kalpakis
Oh, my God.
Bridger Weiniger
Yeah.
Tim Kalpakis
Which came first, the bag or the dustpan?
Bridger Weiniger
Dustpan first. And then I was nervous going to the, you know, the wrapping paper aisle. Like, how am I going to get this thing? Is there going to be a big enough.
Tim Kalpakis
Oh, yeah.
Bridger Weiniger
Presentation for this?
Tim Kalpakis
And it kind of works out perfectly, I don't think. Actually, I do have a dustpan at home, so I'll be able to keep that at home. And I can put this in my car.
Bridger Weiniger
It's a car one.
Tim Kalpakis
This becomes like, this is one of those things where I become the local character, where people are like, that's the guy who sweeps up messes on the street.
Bridger Weiniger
People would like that. This would be a really good thing. It's like a local community guy, especially because you're a backyard guy.
Tim Kalpakis
Right, Right. I'm keeping things clean, but where do I take the trash from? Let's say I'm parking. I'm getting the trash. I guess I'm looking for garbage cans. And this is a big complaint I have about nearly every city in the world. And this must be something. There must be some logic behind this. There aren't a lot of garbage cans.
Bridger Weiniger
Yeah.
Tim Kalpakis
To just throw away your trash.
Bridger Weiniger
Right. And that they'll. They are piled up with stuff that's like, clearly from one business that's nearby a lot of the time, but then that business is not in charge of emptying. It's like the city's problem.
Tim Kalpakis
Right.
Bridger Weiniger
And there's just. There's nothing. There's nowhere to go with it.
Tim Kalpakis
To me, it feels like some. A simple solution. But then I'm also thinking, I was in Japan last week, and there are no garbage cans anywhere. And it's just up to people to hold on to their garbage until they find a garbage can, essentially.
Bridger Weiniger
And do people do it, or is it.
Tim Kalpakis
Yes, it's. I mean, it's so clean. But I don't know that that would be the same case here.
Bridger Weiniger
I don't think people would hold on to it.
Tim Kalpakis
I mean, I think. I actually think Los Angeles is a very good example of why that doesn't work, because there's just garbage on every corner.
Bridger Weiniger
Right. So you're saying maybe for you, a better gift would have been a garbage can. Well, maybe this is incomplete. Maybe if I had given you this plus a waste basket.
Tim Kalpakis
A waste basket. But my car does have a car garbage can. But I think the idea of bringing street trash into my car might be a bridge too far.
Bridger Weiniger
You can have a garbage can in your car for.
Tim Kalpakis
From this very podcast somebody gave me, and I don't know if you have one of these. I talk about this thing way too much, but it's changed my life. It hangs off the passenger seat. And my car used to be an absolute disaster, and now it's stuffed with all the receipts and straw papers and all that garbage, and I clean it out about every two weeks. And now my car is, I wouldn't say flawless, because I get it washed once a year, but so there are flaws that accrue. Sure.
Bridger Weiniger
And then they're perfect.
Tim Kalpakis
But I do have that, and I recommend it to everybody. I don't know why this isn't built into every car.
Bridger Weiniger
Yeah, that's weird.
Tim Kalpakis
I have a lot of complaints about things not having garbage cans. I. Yeah, I.
Bridger Weiniger
You know what's weird? My car. I don't accrue anything because I have a rule that's like, no, just no stuff in my car at all. There's not. Because I have a funny car. I have, like, a little. Like, a Thunderbird. It's like a little red convertible.
Tim Kalpakis
Oh, I love the idea of this.
Bridger Weiniger
This was sort of like my silly California car.
Tim Kalpakis
Right, Right.
Bridger Weiniger
But I was. Was like, the worst thing would be to be driving, like, a car. A car like this, and it's full of shit. So there's not even, like, my trunk is empty. There's not even, like, a sweatshirt in the back for when I get cold. There's. There's. It's an empty car. And I've found that if I have a rule this goes this. A lot of stuff in life like this. Like it's just like yes or no. If I were like allowed to leave a little mess here or there, then it would be trash, right?
Tim Kalpakis
Of course.
Bridger Weiniger
So then it's just like not, not even a pen, not anything in that car.
Tim Kalpakis
Do you like, will you bring a drink into the car?
Bridger Weiniger
I will do as the people of Japan do where I will hold onto that drink when I'm done with it and take it out that very day. So I'm always drinking drinks in the car. Non alcoholic, of course.
Tim Kalpakis
Constantly drunk behind the wheel. You smashed into the studio this morning.
Bridger Weiniger
Man, that would. I've never driven drunk. Nor will I kids. But how fun would it be to be kind of just cruising around with a. With a cocktail, like a margarita? You.
Tim Kalpakis
Well, a mocktail.
Bridger Weiniger
A mocktail.
Tim Kalpakis
You'll still get pulled over.
Bridger Weiniger
Oh, man. You're from Salt Lake City.
Tim Kalpakis
Yes, yes.
Bridger Weiniger
Those soda places.
Tim Kalpakis
Oh sure, those.
Bridger Weiniger
What is it called? Like Swill.
Tim Kalpakis
Swill. I love the idea of one called Swig.
Bridger Weiniger
This is gross.
Tim Kalpakis
Just the leftovers.
Bridger Weiniger
If you have your drink is leftover from Swig. Come by, drop it off a swill. We can use that. I went to Swig for the first time and I was ordering at the castle, but I was looking out the takeout window and I saw just like happy lady after happy lady coming and ordering their like 46 ounce sodas and needing two hands to get their sodas and like putting into the car. And it was. They were like, that's what I would be like with a big frozen margarita in my car. But they were just having a blast. A huge straw, huge soda. It's like a fun thing to have. Like you're like hugging a barrel while.
Tim Kalpakis
You'Re big as a bait.
Bridger Weiniger
It really is.
Ryan Seacrest
Yeah.
Tim Kalpakis
What was your order there?
Bridger Weiniger
I was doing one that had been like a TikTok sensation that week because it was on Secret Wives of Mormon. Secret lives.
Tim Kalpakis
This show no one will ever get right the first time.
Bridger Weiniger
You don't know it. Nobody knows it.
Tim Kalpakis
Secret lives of Mormon Wives.
Bridger Weiniger
A drink, somebody's drink order from that show was like a big TikTok sensation. So I wanted to try it. So it was. It was like a kicked up Dr. Pepper. It was like Texas tab, I think they called it.
Tim Kalpakis
Oh.
Bridger Weiniger
And it was Dr. Pepper plus coconut cream sauce and then some other type of squirt of some other sauce. But then strawberry flavor burst balls in the bottom they were like boba sized balls that you suck through a fat straw. But it was like candy, like gushers candy. You bite into it and the whole thing, you know, like if. If they had started with sparkling water and then juiced it up, maybe some of that would be fun. But if you're starting with.
Tim Kalpakis
With an extremely sweet base and then.
Bridger Weiniger
Just building it from there, it was kind of wild.
Tim Kalpakis
Yeah, it's just. I feel like you have nowhere to go from Dr. Pepper.
Bridger Weiniger
Yeah. So I had one sip and I was like, yo, this is actually pretty good. And then the second sip was like fucking disgusting.
Tim Kalpakis
Did you finish it?
Bridger Weiniger
Not even close. And I got, I got the big one to be funny, but I was throwing out like 44 ounces of soda.
Tim Kalpakis
I've only, I think I've been to one of those twice when I've been back home and I, I've ordered like the diet version and I haven't been. I've probably gotten four sips in. I'm like, this is intolerable. This is a bad beverage.
Bridger Weiniger
Do they have diet strawberry balls?
Tim Kalpakis
Like no other element of it can be diet.
Bridger Weiniger
Like sugar syrup pumped into.
Tim Kalpakis
Right. It's the gravy and cream that they're just pouring in there.
Bridger Weiniger
Gravy.
Tim Kalpakis
But I feel like the most you can do is put a lime in minute.
Bridger Weiniger
Right.
Tim Kalpakis
Like otherwise you have to start with just a. Yeah, like a sparkling water or something.
Bridger Weiniger
And you'd be so boring if you went there and like, can I have a lime wedge? And that's it.
Tim Kalpakis
Who's this loser? I will say I've like kind of come around about like criticizing people for drinking those because the Frappuccino is the same thing right there. I know so many people who drink that shit. They're all horrible.
Bridger Weiniger
Absolutely everybody. And what's weird is I don't know. Do you know in the rules of Mormonism, I don't even think there is a law against caffeine. It's like hot drinks.
Tim Kalpakis
Wow, you're really, you're really educated on this because most people are so confused. And the fact that you're even saying hot drinks is like a very specific thing to Mormon.
Bridger Weiniger
This was all I did, a lot of learning that one morning that I went to this place and I had TikTok open while I was there. But like, so a frappuccino has caffeine but it's a cold. Is it that it was a hot drink that then became cold and then.
Tim Kalpakis
See, that's pretty. You're onto the logic here because the logic is puzzling. Absolutely puzzling. It. Hot drink essentially means coffee or tea. So if it's. Even if it's iced, you can't drink an iced coffee or an iced tea. Although the iced tea of it is starting to bend a little bit for some Mormons who will drink an iced green tea or decaffeinated tea, but they won't drink, no matter what, a decaffeinated coffee.
Bridger Weiniger
And it doesn't matter. Like, cold brew's not a loophole. Even if it was never cold. Yeah.
Tim Kalpakis
Not a. It's still coffee.
Bridger Weiniger
What about. Has Starbucks embraced, like, you know. Cause they have all the sort of like, lemonade, dragon fruit type beverages at Starbucks.
Tim Kalpakis
Right.
Bridger Weiniger
Are those popular?
Tim Kalpakis
I think some Mormons will drink those. But then a lot of Mormons, I think, are afraid to probably be even seen in a Starbucks.
Bridger Weiniger
Right. Because you're supporting hot drink.
Tim Kalpakis
You're supporting the big hot drink.
Bridger Weiniger
Yeah.
Tim Kalpakis
So. But I imagine. I think if you looked at the books over at Starbucks in Utah, the dragon fruit, lemon, lemonade or whatever would be probably the most popular, at least within the Starbucks world. That's probably their biggest seller in Utah. I'm just speaking.
Bridger Weiniger
I believe it. I believe you. You've definitely been looking at some spreadsheets and graphs. The funniest loophole type thing that I encountered on that. I have a friend who is like a ski patroller at Snowbir. So he lives in Salt Lake, and I was visiting him, and we went up to Park City.
Tim Kalpakis
Okay.
Bridger Weiniger
And I have a cocktail podcast. I'm like a booze dude. So he brought me to this whiskey place in Park City that he thought I would like. And I did like it. But I ordered a flight of whiskeys where I'm gonna taste all four types of whiskey that this distillery makes. And they brought out the wooden skin. That would be a flight. And instead of giving me four whiskeys, they had two, and then there were two empty slots, and then they were like, when you finish these two, we'll bring you the next two. But I was all paid as one transaction, and it was one piece of wood, but they just couldn't bring me four legally. Yeah. So they could only serve me two ounces of whiskey at a time. But it's like, I wasn't gonna be like, buh, buh, buh, buh. Yeah. I tried as I moved. It worked out totally fine. But I liked knowing that that was, like, I remained pure.
Tim Kalpakis
It's because the laws about these things are being made by people who don't. Don't drink or understand drinking culture. So they assume someone like you is just, like, pounding them down as quickly as possible.
Bridger Weiniger
Like, we gotta stop this devil.
Tim Kalpakis
We've gotta save this man. Maybe to it he'll realize the error of his ways.
Bridger Weiniger
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've kept. I get back to LA and I'm still like, I'll have two whiskeys, please, and I'll have the next two in.
Tim Kalpakis
15 minutes, and then I'll do some hard thinking about my life. Yeah, those laws, none of them make any sense whatsoever. Whatsoever. And it just seems annoying to people who drink.
Bridger Weiniger
But I wonder. I mean, so for the people that are following Mormonism and stuff, I wonder if there's a comfort in doing all the stuff, but following the laws and just feeling like you're in good hands along the way, you know, like, looking at four shots whiskey might feel like, what am I doing here? But if it's two and two, you're like, okay. I was like, I did this in the responsible way. And I was. I was holding Jesus's hand the whole time.
Tim Kalpakis
Yeah. I don't understand. And it's like, if they have a problem with it, just stop it altogether. They obviously can't do that. So they're, like, putting in these weird. I don't know, it was just funny.
Bridger Weiniger
Yeah. To offer a flight. I would have never thought when I was in Utah that on a menu there would be something called a flight of whiskey to do, like a sampler, plat. Like, I'm fine in la, never having a flight of anything. So the idea that in Park City they do have them, but just with.
Tim Kalpakis
A flight of anything feels like such a weird menu move.
Bridger Weiniger
Oh, man. I did the weirdest faux pas recently where I was at a German restaurant, Red lion, and I wanted to try a bunch of different schnapps, so I ordered for myself a flight of schnapps. So they gave me four shot glasses. And I was walking back to the table with my friends and they looked at me and they go, tim, uh.
Tim Kalpakis
Oh.
Bridger Weiniger
Like, I was bringing shots for the table. And in that moment, I realized it was my friend's birthday and I had not thought to buy shots or buy him or drink or anything. And I had to sit back down and be like, oh, no, actually, these are four entirely four drinks for me. But, you know, you guys can sit and watch me have my schnapps.
Tim Kalpakis
Did you do anything to correct that?
Bridger Weiniger
I put them in the middle of the table and was like, anyone who wants to try? As if we're Schnapps.
Tim Kalpakis
Everyone take a sip.
Bridger Weiniger
Everyone a sip of, like, mint schnapps.
Tim Kalpakis
What is schnapps?
Bridger Weiniger
Schnapps is like a sweet lower ABV liqueur. So I think that the idea is that it's like, we know them as, like, peach schnapps will just be like some. It's like, made of grain. The alcohol is just like grain alcohol, but then they've added sugar and, like, fake peach flavor.
Tim Kalpakis
It sounds awful to me.
Bridger Weiniger
Yeah, that is nasty. But in Germany, they're actually, like, I guess distilling. Like, if you have plum schnapps, they're actually taking a plum and I don't know what they do.
Tim Kalpakis
And then they leave it alone for a long time.
Bridger Weiniger
Just let it do its thing. Step. So it is interesting kind of to, like, drink some plum schnapps and be like, it kind of tastes like a rotten plum. Yeah. But I mean, like, for me, as any, if any, opportunity to be talking about the alcohol I'm drinking is fun. I don't know. And there's, like, some old German ladies that work at that bar that are really knowledgeable. So I'll be like, what do you got?
Tim Kalpakis
What were the other three on the flight?
Bridger Weiniger
There was honey.
Tim Kalpakis
Which honey. Okay.
Bridger Weiniger
Tastes like what it sounds like.
Tim Kalpakis
Okay, sure.
Bridger Weiniger
And then there was one herbal that they wouldn't say what the herbs are.
Tim Kalpakis
Oh, interesting.
Bridger Weiniger
Undisclosed.
Tim Kalpakis
Just kind of grassy.
Bridger Weiniger
Yeah. And like, kind of strong and kind of disgusting. But then the best one is apple, and it just tastes like.
Tim Kalpakis
Oh, like a cider or something.
Bridger Weiniger
It was delicious.
Tim Kalpakis
Okay. Do you have a favorite liquor?
Bridger Weiniger
I'm kind of a rum guy because I would like it, like, tiki bar. I'm like a Mai Tai guy.
Tim Kalpakis
Oh, sure. That feels like your entire vibe.
Bridger Weiniger
I'm wearing a Hawaiian shirt.
Tim Kalpakis
Yes. You're driving a red convertible. Pristine. Red convertible.
Bridger Weiniger
Pristine on the inside. A fucking mess on the outside. Actually, you know what? It had hubcaps that had the Thunderbird logo on them. And recently I walked out and somebody had stolen all four.
Tim Kalpakis
How much could those be worth?
Bridger Weiniger
I don't know. How many, like, 2002 Ford Thunderbirds are on the road. And my car, like, looks stupid now, but I looked up, like, to buy them because they don't manufacture them because it's like a discontinued car. So it would be like me buying. Buying some weird discontinued item that's like, that a collector would be selling me. So it was going to be $1,000 to get, like, these little logo plates.
Tim Kalpakis
You're probably going to be buying them from the person who stole them from you.
Bridger Weiniger
Exactly.
Tim Kalpakis
I'm going to set up a bad business.
Bridger Weiniger
I'm going to set up a little sting operation and catch this fucker.
Tim Kalpakis
Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Well, is there anything left we need to say about. I feel like we haven't even talked about the dustpan, to be honest.
Bridger Weiniger
Well, so you are liberal.
Tim Kalpakis
I am deeply conservative. That's kind of the bedrock of this podcast.
Bridger Weiniger
I should have gotten the right man.
Tim Kalpakis
We're constantly trying to defund public education. I've got a lot of. I've got a big agenda on this podcast.
Bridger Weiniger
Okay, well, yeah, I support all that.
Tim Kalpakis
Thank you. Okay. End of podcast.
Bridger Weiniger
Goodbye.
Tim Kalpakis
Roll credits. No. Yes. I'm a liberal person, I would like to think. But when push comes to shove, who knows?
Bridger Weiniger
I mean, come on.
Tim Kalpakis
But I'm trapped in a corner. Maybe I'm deeply conservative. Hateful person.
Bridger Weiniger
I'll tell you this. My funny flip flop is I've got sort of like. My parents are conservative in the way that they, like, kind of go to church and we don't talk politics, but they're like, conservative. But my dad, dad, I'm from Woodstock, New York, and my dad had moved there as, like, a hippie guitar player, wanted to be a rock star. And I've seen pictures of him, like, long hair, long beard, playing guitar, total hippie man. And then when rock and roll didn't work out as a career for him in the 70s, he opened, like, a hippie pizza place.
Tim Kalpakis
Okay. Oh, fun.
Bridger Weiniger
In Woodstock, on the Village green, like, whole wheat crust.
Tim Kalpakis
Wow.
Bridger Weiniger
Cool place.
Tim Kalpakis
Right? Right.
Bridger Weiniger
And it did well. And he made money. And then he became a Reagan Republican guy. Started wearing a blazer.
Tim Kalpakis
Oh, no.
Bridger Weiniger
And was just like, I'm a restaurateur. So that was like. That's the dad that I grew up with, is like a conservative Republican dad.
Tim Kalpakis
Fascinating.
Bridger Weiniger
But it was mainly based on, like, not wanting to pay taxes.
Tim Kalpakis
Right. Of course. That's always what it is.
Bridger Weiniger
So if you ever open a restaurant, don't get too successful with it. You don't want to have to, like, be like, uncle Sam's taking all my, you know, dough, pizza dough, money.
Tim Kalpakis
Does he have any of those hippie ideals left?
Bridger Weiniger
Not at all. And he won't. He doesn't even play guitar anymore.
Tim Kalpakis
Oh, what a shame.
Bridger Weiniger
He gave me the guitar. So the guitar I'm always playing in my band is my dad's guitar from 70s. Because he associates that with, like, oh, I, you know, there was a whole. It was drugs and music and all of it. And I don't want any part of.
Tim Kalpakis
Like, so many hippies have turned this way.
Bridger Weiniger
Yeah, but you would think you could just still play the. If you're just, you know, like, if you play a guitar on its own, it's not saying anything politically. It's the lyrics that are anti Vietnam or whatever. But I don't feel like the guitar itself is to blame. But he won't touch the thing.
Tim Kalpakis
Wow. That's crazy. Like, it's cursed. Almost certainly. There are some horrible conservative songs he could be playing.
Bridger Weiniger
Absolutely.
Tim Kalpakis
I'm trying to. I'm searching my mind. Rascal Flats.
Bridger Weiniger
Yeah. Who was that guy that was, like, went viral last year? He was, like, out in the backyard strumming, and it was. There was, like, some conservative guy. He had a song that was, like, about how welfare. Welfare people are too fat.
Tim Kalpakis
Oh, who was that guy?
Bridger Weiniger
Oliver.
Tim Kalpakis
Oliver.
Bridger Weiniger
Oliver.
Tim Kalpakis
His mononym, Oliver.
Bridger Weiniger
It was Oliver. I bet my. My dad would like that.
Tim Kalpakis
Wow. That. And then that guy ended up being kind of controversial for conservatives. Right. Where he's like, well, that's not what I think.
Bridger Weiniger
I think that he, like, then Fox News loved him and stuff. And he's like, I. I'm little a. Like a West Virginia weirdo. I don't want to be part of anything.
Tim Kalpakis
Turns out I believe in nothing.
Bridger Weiniger
And then also, I actually read a really interesting interview with him. Like, a month later. He was touring, and it's kind of adorable. Like, he didn't know how famous he had gotten. So he was still playing, like, small venues. But he was, like, trying to price gouge on the. On the merch and was, like, fighting with the club owners of these small clubs because he was like, give me my money. Don't you take my money. But I was like, dude, you could just. You could be headlining festivals, you know, like, you could go to Nashville and be a billionaire. But he was like, I'm trying to. Charging $25 for that T shirt now.
Tim Kalpakis
I'm taking it just out of reach of my fan.
Bridger Weiniger
Yeah. So he's, like, living in, like, a slightly larger shack in West Virginia, being like, I'm a success.
Tim Kalpakis
He feels kind of like that, like, the musician becoming viral. Like, it's like the. What was the guy with the golden voice? The homeless man with the golden voice or whatever it was. That was like, the title of the viral thing.
Bridger Weiniger
Yep.
Tim Kalpakis
And what ended up happening with him? It feels like it's always a darkened to any viral person I know.
Bridger Weiniger
I mean, I was just. I was in a building recently. And I like this where there's a lot of studios and I saw that it was the Talktua studio.
Tim Kalpakis
Oh my God, the Hawktua girl.
Bridger Weiniger
So me and my friend, we took a picture with the sign acting like we were gonna be guests on talktua. But we weren't. But we just thought it was a funny picture and we posted it and I had no idea what's been going on with her. Her. She released like a meme coin and did like a pump and dump and people lost money. People hate her. And she was like on the lam and stuff.
Tim Kalpakis
She was on the lam.
Bridger Weiniger
I think she's back now. But in the moment when I posted the picture, people were like, don't go on that show. She has screwed a lot of people out of their savings.
Tim Kalpakis
Now she's gone too far.
Bridger Weiniger
Yeah. It's also funny that people investing their savings and talk talk to a coin.
Tim Kalpakis
What is wrong?
Bridger Weiniger
And we're like, she, this was our hard earned money and we thought we.
Tim Kalpakis
Trusted at her that person, any person who put their money into that, their money should be drained by the government or there should be like a babysit sitter put in charge of whatever they're doing with their finances.
Bridger Weiniger
Yeah, yeah. Conservatorships for everybody.
Tim Kalpakis
Yes, totally. Wow. I wonder how much longer she'll last.
Bridger Weiniger
Like I think she's got a long career. She's so good. She's, you know, she's thoughtful, she's layered. She's how, how miserable would it be if like, you know, if you're a comedian, you're trying to like write more jokes or write your next script or whatever. Imagine if you were famous for saying hawk to a spit on that thing.
Tim Kalpakis
Oh my God.
Bridger Weiniger
And then you have to. I've seen other clips where she has more of those. Oh, and like how miserable like if you're like trying to come up with more of those or you have writers pitching you more of those, like slurp, slurp, suck on that thing. And she's like, yeah, that's actually pretty good.
Tim Kalpakis
We're all going to be working for this person.
Bridger Weiniger
Yeah, I know. I mean I would do that job in a heartbeat.
Tim Kalpakis
I think we all would.
Bridger Weiniger
She would have me.
Tim Kalpakis
Yeah, we're all looking for health insurance. It's the worst business in the world.
Bridger Weiniger
It's the health insurance thing is why it just crossed my mind recently because I've been like this year has been a lot of touring with my band and stuff like that and we're doing good and everything. And then I Just were like, oh no, I have, I have to write for. If I don't write for television.
Tim Kalpakis
Yes.
Bridger Weiniger
I, I, I've, as an adult, I've never paid for health insurance because I've been lucky to be getting staff jobs.
Tim Kalpakis
For a long time.
Bridger Weiniger
But I'm like, like, oh, like I didn't even think about that. I have to pop in and write some jokes for somebody at some point.
Tim Kalpakis
You've got to find something.
Bridger Weiniger
Yeah.
Tim Kalpakis
Otherwise where will hell the health insurance?
Bridger Weiniger
And it's kind of funny that the amount of I think the WGA, it's like I need to make like $37,000 a year or whatever to get my next year of health insurance. It is very funny when during a light year when you've made like, you know, $36,000, you're like, how am I going to make $1,000 of union money?
Tim Kalpakis
Like, where is this going to come from?
Bridger Weiniger
Yeah, how's that going to happen for me?
Tim Kalpakis
That's like, you have to. Yeah. Where would that. Because the amount you would get from another job would probably take you right.
Bridger Weiniger
Well into comfortable and it would be too much money. I just want to make the 30.
Tim Kalpakis
Yes. Can I write like a greeting card or something? Oh, what a terrible hock to a tok to a. Maybe she'll. Let's get her a show.
Bridger Weiniger
Yeah. She's very good.
Tim Kalpakis
She's ultimately, ultimately very good. Period.
Bridger Weiniger
Yes, yes.
Tim Kalpakis
Does she have a name?
Bridger Weiniger
Haley. I think it's Haley.
Tim Kalpakis
That sounds right.
Bridger Weiniger
Yeah. Yeah.
Tim Kalpakis
Also a mononym. Oliver and Haley go on tour. Catch Oliver or Oliver. Okay. Interesting. Okay. Now see, I'm thinking as a writer for both of these people.
Bridger Weiniger
Yeah.
Tim Kalpakis
I'm kind of pitching myself as one of their staff.
Bridger Weiniger
If you can package them and then they need you. Cause you had the idea for them to collab. That is funny. I've worked on a couple things where it was like somebody's grandfathered in. Cause they were part of the idea from a very long time ago.
Tim Kalpakis
Oh, right.
Bridger Weiniger
And then they'll just get to be like in the room for a thing happening and get paid and you're like, wow. You just have to package some stuff. Say you and you, you guys.
Tim Kalpakis
And then everyone else on the staff hates that person and talks about them.
Bridger Weiniger
Non stop and they don't give a f.
Tim Kalpakis
They get to show up and do whatever they want. They don't care how many text threads are about.
Bridger Weiniger
They're like, go for it. I'm getting no texts. That's the dream. Look at the phone. Just that the messages app is empty.
Tim Kalpakis
No one cares about me. Okay, well, I'm thrilled. I feel like at some point you said, are you liberal? And did we talk about that? This feels like a long forgotten dream.
Bridger Weiniger
Did we say out loud that the brand name is Libman?
Tim Kalpakis
Libman, yes.
Bridger Weiniger
So that's what. That's.
Tim Kalpakis
That's why we have passed guests. The Libman brothers have been on this very podcast.
Bridger Weiniger
Have they?
Tim Kalpakis
Yes.
Ryan Seacrest
What?
Tim Kalpakis
Two very funny men named the Libmans.
Bridger Weiniger
Okay. But they're not these ones.
Tim Kalpakis
They're not. As far as I know, they're not connected to this brand.
Bridger Weiniger
We don't know.
Tim Kalpakis
Might be a distant relative. Or maybe they're hiding it from. Maybe they're Nepo babies in the worst way. And I wonder if the Lib man owners are concerned conservative. Someone should.
Bridger Weiniger
Interesting. I feel really dirty about the whole thing.
Tim Kalpakis
Yeah, exactly. They're just constantly trying to change their name. But Lib man, that feels like a good novelty. Blue sky account. Are you on Blue Sky?
Bridger Weiniger
My podcast is on Blue sky, but I'm not out there just yet. How is. You know, I checked.
Tim Kalpakis
I'm not. I have an account and I've never used it.
Bridger Weiniger
I. I thought for a second that Blue sky would be like, oh, this is a return to silly old Twitter where we're being funny. Like, that's what I know you from. Like, we used to like.
Tim Kalpakis
You were the last Twitter account that I found.
Bridger Weiniger
Really?
Tim Kalpakis
Yes.
Bridger Weiniger
So I kind of shut it down.
Tim Kalpakis
You were the only one where I'd be like, oh, this is the only person on here that's still funny.
Bridger Weiniger
Well, thank you. But then also, it's funny that I feel like I was being like, hey, I'm silly on here. And then I kind of. I fell off and turned dark and was fighting with people.
Tim Kalpakis
How could you not? It's an awful website.
Bridger Weiniger
So when I first looked at Blue Sky, I was like, oh, maybe this will be silly old Twitter. And mainly what I saw was like, just Democrats being like, oh, it's so nice to be away from the conservatives. And then still just like, lots of talk about why they don't like Trump. And it just felt like you're like, what's the definition of an echo chamber? If we recede from the place where the conservatives are so that we can talk about politics in peace.
Tim Kalpakis
Oh, it's so boring.
Bridger Weiniger
Yeah, it's boring.
Tim Kalpakis
Your Twitter account went. There was Beverly Mysterious.
Bridger Weiniger
That was celebrity gossip.
Tim Kalpakis
Yeah. Linda Underwear.
Bridger Weiniger
That was kind of raunchy stuff about her husband.
Tim Kalpakis
And there was One more wasn't there. I mean, at least one more.
Bridger Weiniger
I tried a thousand more, and if they didn't get any results, I would change it again. But those were the ones that stuck. Yeah. And then the last one, I think it's still this to this day. I changed it. Like, I didn't know what this meant. I was trying to be artistic. I changed the name to Manders, and.
Tim Kalpakis
I was like, oh, I missed this.
Bridger Weiniger
I was like, what's Manders? And then I started being like, Manders. Coming soon. And I don't know what it was. I didn't know if it was a name or a thing or. Or whatever. So on there now, it's still like, Manders. And there's just like. Hasn't been a tweet for years.
Tim Kalpakis
Oh, what a shame. I mean, it's kind. I feel free that I don't have to do it anymore, but there was kind of a fun element to it.
Bridger Weiniger
Well, sometimes I think of a joke that's like, you know, a short sentence and I don't know where to type it. And I'm not on threads and blue sky feels like not the right place. I'm like, where do I put the sentence? I text it to a friend and ask them if they laughed.
Tim Kalpakis
You're doing all these open mics.
Bridger Weiniger
Yeah, exactly. Can I have 13 seconds and then, like, me at 12 seconds and then I'll finish the sentence?
Tim Kalpakis
Yeah, I don't know where any of that goes anymore. I guess you could slowly write a book or something, right?
Bridger Weiniger
Yeah, that's what I'll do every day. I'll write one sentence, and then when I read it all, I'm like, this was a perfect novel. Oh, my God, what a moving story.
Tim Kalpakis
It only took 40 years to write. Well, I think it's time to play a game. What game should we play? I'm going to name two. I'm going to give you an option. We can play a game called Gift Master or a game called Gifter.
Bridger Weiniger
A curse Gift or a curse. It has a dark.
Tim Kalpakis
Yeah, nice. Shadowy. Okay, I need a number between one and 10 from you.
Bridger Weiniger
Seven.
Tim Kalpakis
Okay. I have to do some light calculating to get our game pieces, so right now you can promote, recommend, do whatever you want. I'll be right back.
Bridger Weiniger
All right. I write for a show called Digman on Comedy Central and Paramount. Plus watch that show. I'm in a band called the Sloppy Boys, and I have a cocktail podcast called the Sloppy Boys. Check this out.
Tim Kalpakis
Okay. It's gonna take longer for me, so.
Bridger Weiniger
Fuck that's all my credits. I've got a Patreon podcast behind a paywall called the slobby boys blowout. $5 a month. You gotta listen to that show.
Tim Kalpakis
Okay. And I'm. This is my new bit.
Bridger Weiniger
You're writing a novel, aren't you? What else can you check me out on? You can. I'm not on Threads. I'm not on Blue Screen guy. I'm on TikTok. But I haven't ever posted any videos. I just sort of scroll swig content.
Tim Kalpakis
Very good. I almost heard nothing because, again, I'm out of my mind. But those are. Find Tim, wherever you go. Tim is so funny. Thank you, listener. I have all the. You know, I recommend myself in this podcast all the time. Find the Instagram. And I have. I'm watching Little House on the Prairie. If we've already talked about that. Get into it. The old one. They're making a new one. I'm not involved. I should have been, despite the fact that I only started watching the show a month ago. But I feel like I know what Little House should be. And the fact that no one's reached out is disgusting.
Bridger Weiniger
Michael Landon.
Tim Kalpakis
Yes.
Bridger Weiniger
So I've never seen an episode. Don't know that guy. But there's a gravitas around, like, the way people. People talk about him. They're like, michael Landon. Is that coming across? Is he extremely charismatic?
Tim Kalpakis
Yes. He's dreamy. And he obviously was like. I think he had a lot of control over the show. And you see him without his shirt on pretty frequently for a show that's, like, for Mormon families to watch on Sundays.
Bridger Weiniger
Yeah. Yeah.
Tim Kalpakis
He'll be like, with no shirt and suspenders.
Bridger Weiniger
Is he in really good shape?
Tim Kalpakis
He's in great shape. He looks incredible.
Bridger Weiniger
So he was an ep, and just every week, his idea was like, I guess maybe my shirt comes off.
Tim Kalpakis
What if I was hard at work and the beating sun and I didn't have a shirt on?
Bridger Weiniger
I remember thinking about when I was a kid, I saw Dances with Wolves, and you see Kevin Costner's butt. And then I heard that he directed that movie. And as a kid, I was like, he chose to show his butt. Like, I was watching the movie thinking, like, they forced him to show his butt. But it is funny if you're directing a thing or if you have any say and you're like, I'm gonna be sexy in this show.
Tim Kalpakis
It's so funny. Such a weird move. And I also. This is something that. That I can't say for sure, but my Boyfriend was doing some researching about Michael Landon, and apparently there was a decent amount of sexual harassment going on on the show, which when you think about how family friendly it is, it's a weird thing to think about him having these wonderful moments with his family. Then the cameras turn off and suddenly he's the hey baby.
Bridger Weiniger
And then everyone's in, like, old timey garb.
Tim Kalpakis
Nothing about it makes any sense. Okay, this is how we play Gift or a curse. I'm going to name three things. You're going to tell me if they're a gift or a curse, and why. And then I'll tell you if you're right or wrong, because there are correct answers. Then you can lose.
Bridger Weiniger
I hope I win.
Tim Kalpakis
I hope you win, too. I'm rooting for you.
Bridger Weiniger
So to win, do I have to get two of the three right?
Tim Kalpakis
You have to get all three right. Fuck yeah. There's a very short list of winners, shorter list of losers, and then just a bunch of people who have done all kinds of things. So do whatever you want. Okay, this first one is from our mega tier of listeners. Someone named Fairy Shepherd. And I can't imagine that's their real name, but who knows? Gift or a curse. Palindromes.
Bridger Weiniger
Gift. I like to come across a palindrome that, you know, not. Somebody said some big fancy one that everybody knows. But if it's. It's just like I catch it in the wild, that's actually a palindrome. Makes me feel smart. And it's a gift to feel smart.
Tim Kalpakis
Wrong. That's a curse. That's. I come across one of these things and I think, why didn't someone just put a different word there?
Bridger Weiniger
You know, These fucking things. I can't walk down the street anymore and I'll see these fucking things.
Tim Kalpakis
No, it's lazy. If you see a palindrome, you should. And you're writing things down. Find a synonym. There's a To put for the second word. I don't want to see mirror words anywhere I go.
Bridger Weiniger
Okay, so instead of madam, I'm Adam.
Tim Kalpakis
Yes, it should be madam. I'm Brent.
Bridger Weiniger
I agree. It's better.
Tim Kalpakis
Yes, that is better. Better writing.
Bridger Weiniger
Yeah, Better writing for sure.
Tim Kalpakis
Yes. A man, a plan. What is that one? A man, a plan, A canal, Panama. Is that.
Bridger Weiniger
Yeah, yeah. A man, a plan, a canal.
Tim Kalpakis
Venice on doors. There we go. Way better.
Bridger Weiniger
See, this is why we get the WGA points.
Tim Kalpakis
This is why we get driver walking, working for hawk to a gal. Holly. Is that her name? Haley.
Bridger Weiniger
Haley.
Tim Kalpakis
Haley, Holly. Oliver. See, that's almost.
Bridger Weiniger
Haley Highley Hollo.
Tim Kalpakis
Don't look into it. Do not look into it. Okay, so you got that one wrong. And everyone is not on your side anymore.
Bridger Weiniger
But I'm still gonna do the next two. Just because I have heart.
Tim Kalpakis
Yeah, Adam. Because you're a good guy.
Bridger Weiniger
Yeah.
Tim Kalpakis
All right, the second one is from a listener named Andy. Gift or a curse? Black tie optional.
Bridger Weiniger
This is a curse, and I'll tell you why. People read it and they just think, black tie optional means optional. Black tie. If I want to wear a tux, I'll wear tux. If I don't, I don't. But it's confusing because black tie optional is kind of actually just the name of its own category. And if you Google it, it's like. It's like saying cocktail formal but before black tie. Is black tie optional? It's a very confusion. Confusing. It's the most commonly misunderstood one. If I see black tie optional, I know I'm not wearing a tuxedo, but I'm confused about what suit I'm going to wear.
Tim Kalpakis
Correct. I hate this thing. I hate. I need to be given a clear directive first. And I also hate a dress code in general. Don't tell me anything. Just let me show up. I don't want to walk into a thing thinking, did I get the rule correct? Correct.
Bridger Weiniger
But are you never looking around at the people in shorts saying, that guy's underdressed?
Tim Kalpakis
Well, of course, but let me do that on my own time. Let me be free to judge and make up my own rules. I don't need. I'm already at your stupid event. Don't give me another assignment.
Bridger Weiniger
I just went out to dinner. I was in New York for my birthday and I went out to Ruth's Chris Steakhouse with my family. And my sister was coming straight from work, so she was worried if she was dressed up enough. And I was like, don't worry. I wanted her to come. So I'm like, don't worry, it's Ruth's Chris. You can wear whatever you want. I'm wearing a button down shirt, but no blazer or anything, so wear whatever you want. So I was saying, like, yeah, you should be able to wear whatever you want. And then she came and she was dressed sort of casually, but I was like, you look great. This is great. Then we got in there, I saw a guy with a baseball cap. I was grossed out. I was like, what the fuck? It's my birthday. You were in a baseball cap.
Tim Kalpakis
How dare you?
Bridger Weiniger
It's a steakhouse.
Tim Kalpakis
Take that hat off. This is church.
Bridger Weiniger
They did tell him to take it off. They did, yeah. And I think that's the only thing they would enforce. Like, they were like, sir, we do have a dress code. Would you mind taking the hat off? And he happily took it off. So it was not. I didn't have to get involved.
Tim Kalpakis
This is what I'm going to say to this. If you are a national chain of any type of restaurant or anything, you shouldn't be able to have a dress code. I think that people should. Once you become a national chain, the shine is off. People can show up in boxers and tank tops.
Bridger Weiniger
But does that discourage people. People from spending money? My. I got a ribeye. That was a la carte. $79, right?
Tim Kalpakis
I hate to hear it.
Bridger Weiniger
So am I going to spend that kind of money? Silly money. Stupid amount of money. If there's baseball caps.
Tim Kalpakis
Being surrounded by trash.
Bridger Weiniger
Yeah. Or baseball players. I don't know. He could have been a professional baseball player straight from work, like my sister.
Tim Kalpakis
He's got a bat over his shoulder.
Bridger Weiniger
He's like, what do I miss?
Tim Kalpakis
Dirt on his knees.
Bridger Weiniger
We were in extra innings.
Tim Kalpakis
For me, it would encourage me to spend more if I was allowed to dress like garbage, because I'd be trying to impress everybody. Well, I got the money.
Bridger Weiniger
I mean, that is the cool move. To be the casual guy with the most money is a cool.
Tim Kalpakis
That's a very LA thing. La. There is no dress code anywhere. That's one thing to know about this city in particular. If you show up in sweatpants, you're probably the richest person.
Bridger Weiniger
Yeah. And that you were embarrassed to like. I. I was invited to dinner at Soho House by a guy who was a member, and I dressed up and I felt like a dork.
Tim Kalpakis
Oh, you feel like. Yeah, absolutely. Like I were an orphan.
Bridger Weiniger
Exactly. Then it was like, this guy's. Really? I looked like I was going to church.
Tim Kalpakis
Yes. Oh, the worst feeling in the world. Okay, well, you got that one correct. Very nice. You're kind of winning back people's favor. This final one is from a listener named Emily. Gift. Or a curse. A radio host takes the opportunity Opportunity on a musician's birthday to tell us there would be age Though they've been dead for years.
Bridger Weiniger
Gift.
Tim Kalpakis
Why?
Bridger Weiniger
Interesting. I want to know. Some of these rock stars live real long and if they had all kept on living, I want to know where they're at how do I stack up? How am I. How long I'm in a band.
Tim Kalpakis
You're a rock Star, just own it, please.
Bridger Weiniger
I want to know how long. No, it is funny that, like, I'm not going to do the math now, but if you told me how old Jimi Hendrix would be today, I'd be interested in that.
Tim Kalpakis
300.
Bridger Weiniger
That's interesting. So he was really old when he.
Tim Kalpakis
At the time he needed to die when he died.
Bridger Weiniger
Fantastic.
Tim Kalpakis
My God, he didn't die too young, he died too old. He's like 250 people were begging him to die.
Bridger Weiniger
We're like, we're tired of this guy.
Tim Kalpakis
Jimmy, you've gone too far.
Bridger Weiniger
And now he's playing guitar. He's been around for 250 years and now he's playing guitar.
Tim Kalpakis
He picked up something very late at night. No, you're correct. I think this is a gift. I love a little trivia fact. I love being reminded of mortality in general. I love just a song being given a little bit of spookiness to hear. He would have been this age, but he's now ash. I think that's a nice thing to add on pop radio.
Bridger Weiniger
Yeah. And then it makes you think of his. Or like if he's buried in the ground, we're thinking about modern day him. The soul has left his body.
Tim Kalpakis
Yeah.
Bridger Weiniger
Add something to the music.
Tim Kalpakis
Yeah. You're suddenly so distracted, you're driving off the road. It's so disorienting.
Bridger Weiniger
I hate when I'm driving and I stay on the road. That's just the word. It's so boring.
Tim Kalpakis
Awful feeling. Everybody's doing that. Come on, let me swerve, let me hit something.
Bridger Weiniger
Come on.
Tim Kalpakis
No, I think it's a true gift. And we love those DJs and well, if any of them still exist, I think most of them are just one robot on Jack FM at this point.
Bridger Weiniger
We love those robots.
Tim Kalpakis
Yeah, we love those robot DJs telling us about. Actually, it's probably a robot bragging about not being able to die at this point. These immortal DJs, they're gloating, they're like.
Bridger Weiniger
You know, Bradley Noel from Sublime is long dead, but here I am living forever.
Tim Kalpakis
Bradley Noel, RIP Sublime.
Bridger Weiniger
Now, how old would he be?
Tim Kalpakis
He would probably be about 64.
Bridger Weiniger
Yeah, that's right.
Tim Kalpakis
That's almost right.
Bridger Weiniger
And if that's right, it's extra interesting because there's the Paul McCartney song when I'm 64. He'd be like, you know, Bradley like that.
Tim Kalpakis
Right. So again, nobody look into that. I bet he would probably be probably 53 at this point, don't you think?
Bridger Weiniger
No less interesting than 64. Are there any songs about being 53 when I'm 53? Did Paul McCartney do one for every age?
Tim Kalpakis
When I'm an unremarkable age? 64 was kind of a bad age. What was he thinking?
Bridger Weiniger
Yeah, I don't know. He didn't give himself enough time. Like he very quickly then became 64.
Tim Kalpakis
And everyone was like, ah, you idiot. But I guess at the time in the 60s, 64 was. That was much older. Because now I think I feel like 64 is almost middle age, like late middle age. But at the time it was probably like grandpa.
Bridger Weiniger
Right. I just looked up. Do you know the actor Blair Underwood?
Tim Kalpakis
I know that name that made Google.
Bridger Weiniger
He's like a good looking actor guy from the 90s. And I just saw him in a commercial and he looked fantastic. And I was like, I wonder how old he is. He looked him up and he was 60.
Tim Kalpakis
Wow.
Bridger Weiniger
So now you're like, you could be like a 64. I mean, Brad Pitt's 60, probably.
Tim Kalpakis
Yeah.
Bridger Weiniger
So 64 is not even old man anymore.
Tim Kalpakis
No, you look great. You look fantastic. So Paul McCartney really biffed that one.
Bridger Weiniger
Bad musician, ultimately.
Tim Kalpakis
Just a bad musician.
Bridger Weiniger
Yeah.
Tim Kalpakis
No good at anything he ever did.
Bridger Weiniger
That sort of overshadowed everything else.
Tim Kalpakis
Unearned fame. Kind of a loser. Okay, well, you got two out of three. Not too bad.
Bridger Weiniger
I feel good. So I didn't win, but I.
Tim Kalpakis
You got 66%. So you. I think it's a D minus.
Bridger Weiniger
Great.
Tim Kalpakis
Fantastic. Anneliese, do you. Anneliese has a gift or curse which they'll present to both of us. And we have to speak to it and we'll see. This is kind of the final nail. That's not a nail in the coffin. It's the final round. Anneliese, what's going on?
Bridger Weiniger
Round in the coffin. Gift or curse?
Tim Kalpakis
Sing along screenings at a movie theater.
Bridger Weiniger
God, I gotta say curse, because I've never been to one. I've never been attracted to go to one. And if I want to sing along with music, I want to hear my voice, not some jag off next to me. You know, I did. I saw the era's Taylor Swift movie twice in the theater. And everyone was up and dancing. And that was fun. And I'm a Taylor Swift fan, so I enjoyed myself. But when people were singing, I was like, I kind of want to hear the lady.
Tim Kalpakis
Yeah, yeah.
Bridger Weiniger
You know the lady.
Tim Kalpakis
The lady. Yeah.
Bridger Weiniger
Yeah.
Tim Kalpakis
I think it is. Well, let me just give it some quick thought here. I'm gonna give it some thoughts.
Bridger Weiniger
Do you want me to Plug more projects.
Tim Kalpakis
If you wouldn't mind. Just. What else have you been working on?
Bridger Weiniger
Jesus Christ. I've been, you know, I brought new, new curtains for my home and they're emerald green and I'm not feeling great about it.
Tim Kalpakis
Oh, that seems like a bold choice.
Bridger Weiniger
It's too bold for me.
Tim Kalpakis
That's a big sexy choice.
Bridger Weiniger
It was intended to be, but it's backfired. It's a mess.
Tim Kalpakis
I'm going to say curse as well. I do not want anyone encouraged to be making noise in public at any time. And I don't want them to have that freedom. I don't want them to feel that they have any opportunity. And I think that that can bleed into regular non singing screenings and people start to get confused. Most people are stupid and will start to think I can sing whenever I want and people want to hear me. No one wants to hear you. I hate when people say anything or sing anything in unison. It makes me uncomfortable. Yeah, when I'm asked to yell along with other people, I'm silent. I don't like that feeling. I don't like cheering. I don't like. I think that people have to stop it in general. Curse top to bottom. You won't catch me in one of these things.
Bridger Weiniger
You know, it's funny when you say people sing in unison. I really. When people sing Happy Birthday, I hate hearing people being off pitch. I'm so not. I'm in a real scrappy band and I'm not a. Oh, really? Are you. Are you tone deaf?
Tim Kalpakis
That's what I've been told.
Bridger Weiniger
Really? Okay, so when it's time to sing Happy Birthday, are you ever the first one being like, hey, everyone, follow me?
Tim Kalpakis
No, I'm more like this Happy Birthday as quietly as possible.
Bridger Weiniger
I'm a follower as well because I'm like, I don't know the range of the people in this room. What note are we going to start at? Am I going to start too high? Am I going to start too low? But like, yeah, when the public is singing together or clapping together or anything. And I'm so not like a fancy musician or anything, but I do like look at the person who's doing it wrong and be like throwing it off.
Tim Kalpakis
There's just something kind of inherently dorky about like shouting in unison to me.
Bridger Weiniger
Something.
Tim Kalpakis
I don't know why it makes me so uncomfortable.
Bridger Weiniger
You're like, if we're all singing together, it means we all know it. So then why do it? Just think of it.
Tim Kalpakis
Yeah, let's all just think this Quietly.
Bridger Weiniger
That's what they should do. Oh, this was funny. At that steakhouse, when it was my brother birthday, my mom had done the cute thing and told the hostess, like, it's Tim's birthday. Okay. During my entree, the hostess walks over and says, tim, we hear it's your birthday and we'd like to thank you very much for spending with us. And she hands me a card and I'm like, thank you. And I look at it on the front, it says, happy Birthday. I open it up, it says, happy birthday, Tim, from the staff of Ruth's Chris Steakhouse. And I was like, okay. It didn't say, like, it wasn't a gift card or anything. And then dessert came out. No candle and no cake. No anything. So they're like, policy, wow.
Tim Kalpakis
Quiet, quiet. They want to keep that as subtle as possible. That's really weird.
Bridger Weiniger
Maybe my mom had said, it's my son's birthday, but let's keep this discreet.
Tim Kalpakis
Please don't embarrass us.
Bridger Weiniger
It was done so like, so discreet. Like it had been requested that it was quiet. But I was like, why do anything? And I certainly didn't want a restaurant to sing to me. But then it was also weird that it was just nothing.
Tim Kalpakis
For all we know, your mom requested that guy's hat get taken off. Can we ask him to take that off? It's my son's birthday.
Bridger Weiniger
The. The card says, like, we removed the hat. We hope you're happy. And I gotta say, that guy, once his hat came off, beautiful head of hair.
Tim Kalpakis
Gorgeous.
Bridger Weiniger
I was loving looking at him.
Tim Kalpakis
Knee length, just uncurls. Glorious Anneliese. How did we do?
Bridger Weiniger
It's a gift.
Tim Kalpakis
They're a gift. They're a gift.
Ryan Seacrest
Not because I want to be there.
Tim Kalpakis
But because we finally have a place.
Ryan Seacrest
To put all the insufferable theater caves.
Tim Kalpakis
Oh, lock the doors. Lock the doors.
Bridger Weiniger
You know, throw some food in there. They'll be fine. Throw some audiobook versions of Babs recent memoir. They'll be totally okay in there. Now they're encouraged to do the thing.
Tim Kalpakis
That they've been doing at Denny's at midnight. Oh, my God.
Bridger Weiniger
Private spaces. Which is where it should be. Private. I don't know. This feels like segregation, kind of. They could do what they want. Just keep it away from me.
Tim Kalpakis
Keep these singing children away.
Bridger Weiniger
I have many friends who are theater.
Tim Kalpakis
Kids, but we all do.
Bridger Weiniger
I mean, everybody in this. This building probably.
Tim Kalpakis
But let's be. Let's be real. They need to do what they do in private.
Bridger Weiniger
And I'M not ashamed to say it.
Tim Kalpakis
Yes, I have plenty of enthusiastic performer friends, and that doesn't mean I can't hate their energy and vibe altogether. Well, I hate to hear that we were wrong.
Bridger Weiniger
Sad.
Tim Kalpakis
But I. I feel like we all kind of got to the spirit of this.
Bridger Weiniger
It was still a compelling conversation.
Tim Kalpakis
It was a gorgeous conversation, and no one can complain at all. Thank you, Annelise. This is the final segment of the podcast people are. We're going to do. People are sending in voicemails or sending in emails, all sorts of things to. I said no giftsmail.com. however they want to get in touch. They're getting in touch as long as they're not calling me personally. Um, we're going to listen to a question. Will you help me answer a question?
Bridger Weiniger
Yes.
Tim Kalpakis
All right, Anneliese, hit it. Hi, Bridger and tolerated guest. This is Beth from Portland. Hello, Beth. I am a Gen X hairdresser who is very tired and is wondering if there's another career that I might look into, maybe as a side hustle, maybe as a whole new career career. And I thought, who better to ask than Bridger? So what should I do instead of hair nails. Okay, the podcast is over.
Bridger Weiniger
Easy.
Tim Kalpakis
Yeah, I think that's very clear.
Bridger Weiniger
What a softball nails? Absolutely.
Tim Kalpakis
Okay, well, I'm actually sensing I'm a little confused because here she is complaining about being tired, blah, blah, blah, and then is saying, should it be a side hustle? Should I add something to my plate?
Bridger Weiniger
Yeah, that's not what you do when you're tired. I think you like, maybe you focus on your personal life. It's not a career change.
Tim Kalpakis
Right. So what does she really want ultimately, other than attention on a podcast?
Bridger Weiniger
I think it's reinvest in your art. I think you stay as a hairdresser, but you've been maybe given this. Maybe give some more adventurous cuts.
Tim Kalpakis
Interesting.
Bridger Weiniger
Maybe start talking some people into some new looks. If you've lost your inspiration, that's. And you gotta expose. Maybe go on a trip around the world, see some interesting hairstyles, get inspired.
Tim Kalpakis
First of all, blame yourself.
Bridger Weiniger
Mm.
Tim Kalpakis
Yes. Adventurous Cuts is a good name for a hair salon.
Bridger Weiniger
We're not saying they're good.
Tim Kalpakis
They're adventurous.
Bridger Weiniger
We know there's fantastic. Sam, this is adventurous.
Tim Kalpakis
Beth, where do you get your hair cut?
Bridger Weiniger
I go to fellow barber in Los Feliz. Formerly Rudy's.
Tim Kalpakis
Rudy's. Right.
Bridger Weiniger
But I've never. I'm 42 and I've just never figured out how, like how to do hair haircuts. Like, I wait until it's too long, then I go without an appointment to a strange man who cuts my hair. And I'm never going to the same person. I describe what I want. They don't. They cut it. Like, all my hair's gone. I look dumb for two weeks, and then after two weeks, I look like myself again. I've done that every three months for 42 years.
Tim Kalpakis
Wow, that's impressive.
Bridger Weiniger
Thank you.
Tim Kalpakis
That's very impressive.
Bridger Weiniger
But I've never, like, people are like, oh, have my guy. He comes over to your house.
Tim Kalpakis
Or, like, comes to your house.
Bridger Weiniger
There's a lot of that.
Tim Kalpakis
Yeah, I don't want that.
Bridger Weiniger
I know.
Tim Kalpakis
I want to go to the place. I want to smell the barbicide.
Bridger Weiniger
I don't want him to see my emerald curtains. They're new and I'm self conscious.
Tim Kalpakis
And then I'll get an idea about who you are and then give you that haircut.
Bridger Weiniger
No, no, I'm not one of these emerald guys. Okay.
Tim Kalpakis
That's a very specific cut.
Bridger Weiniger
I'm a good, honest guy.
Tim Kalpakis
No, I think this is a good, good advice. Beth travels the world. She's getting all sorts of new ideas for cuts. Exotic cuts, adventurous cut cuts. She gets back to a great clips.
Bridger Weiniger
Yeah. And you talk people into stuff. They come in for the same old cut and say, how about bangs? You know, you're the. Oh. I actually had a guy at Rudy's Fellow try to. I always just get the same haircut and my hair parts on this side, like, naturally. So I've always done that. And the guy was like, tim, can I pitch you something? I was like, yeah, well, what? He's like, no part. I was like, what do mean you. He's like, it's just sort of like, thrown forward and it's just sort of like this. And then he kind of puts my hair in that, like, configuration, but he hasn't cut it yet. And he's like. He's like, so I would cut it so that it doesn't fall in any one way. And then I was just like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, this is good for a future haircut. I think I'm not there yet, but thank you. Thank you for this. But yeah, yeah, next time.
Tim Kalpakis
So uncomfortable.
Bridger Weiniger
I know. Like, no, it's hard to say. It's like at a restaurant if the waiter recommends something and you don't have that recommend. But this one, he was really excited about this, so I just had like, mm, yeah, that's so cool. No, that's so cool that we're not doing that.
Tim Kalpakis
I would love to get a pitch for my haircutter. I feel like they're always taking my direction, like, right. I like the idea of an objective source looking at me as someone who doesn't hate themselves.
Bridger Weiniger
Well, I mean, it's their feedback in general. One time when I was, like, a teenager, I was getting my hair cut at the mall, and I was like. She was like, what do you think about this sideburn length? And I was like, oh, you could take my sideburns off. And then she goes, I actually wouldn't do that. And I was like, what do you mean? And she's like, so you have sort of, like, a wider face. And what you do, if you have a wider face, you don't want to go too high with the sideburns. It'll accentuate that width. And, like, it hurt my feelings for two seconds. But then I've had, like, long sideburns ever since.
Tim Kalpakis
That's good advice. I mean, that's professional's advice.
Bridger Weiniger
I learned something. Yeah. And you're looking at me thinking, this guy's got a long, narrow face. You know, Tim, that narrows to the floor.
Tim Kalpakis
His chin is dragging behind him.
Bridger Weiniger
It's weird. I look like that McDonald's moon man. It's a problem.
Tim Kalpakis
But really, like, it's. The dentist doesn't ask for your advice.
Bridger Weiniger
No. Like, would you like to do it? I'll have some yellow teeth. Actually, you know, white would work well for you.
Tim Kalpakis
Rotting teeth are kind of. Ouch.
Bridger Weiniger
Yeah. That's not the look for you. You have a wide face, so your teeth should not rot.
Tim Kalpakis
I will say this. I feel like for men, you kind of get trapped in a haircut for your entire life. Like, when you get a new hair, like, if I were to get, like, a brand new cut, I think people would be like, what's happening?
Bridger Weiniger
Yeah. It's also funny that, like, we have short hair and it kind of doesn't matter. But do you have friends who are like. Like Mike Hanford or Kyle Mooney or Jeff Dutton from my band? Like, these comedy guys who are like, my thing is my hair's kind of longer.
Tim Kalpakis
Right, right.
Bridger Weiniger
That's a lot of pressure. When they get their hair cut, we're gonna notice because it's gonna get kind of, like, quaffed and snipped.
Tim Kalpakis
Absolutely.
Bridger Weiniger
And a lot is gonna happen. And they might kind of come out looking like a beautiful lady with hair that was too snipped up. Cause these are, like, laid back comedy.
Tim Kalpakis
Bros. You can't be.
Bridger Weiniger
Be like, A pot smoking, chill comedian. But you look like you have, like, nicely teased bands.
Tim Kalpakis
And they can't go completely short.
Bridger Weiniger
Right. If you. Everyone's going to notice. If you go short, everyone's going to notice everything you do. As opposed to, like, I think on me, a haircut just looks like a haircut.
Tim Kalpakis
Yeah, it's just a thing. How do you. Yeah. I don't know. I feel trapped. Absolutely trapped. How do I. I have to, like, get a new life, essentially.
Bridger Weiniger
You have to move to a new city.
Tim Kalpakis
Yes. Beth, did you get your answer? I mean, I hope so. I feel like we gave Beth at least two career things. Evolutions, shifts, travel the world, travel the. Ultimately, just go on a vacation and give yourself a break. Beth, you're sending voice notes to podcasts. You're cutting hair. You're Gen X.
Bridger Weiniger
You describe yourself. I mean, you say, I'm a Gen X hairstylist from Portland. It painted too much of a picture that. I know you too well.
Tim Kalpakis
Back off.
Bridger Weiniger
So you didn't have to tell me you were tired. I got it. But I think, you know, Portland is a lush culture.
Tim Kalpakis
You can experiment, open a food truck. Everybody's doing it.
Bridger Weiniger
They need one up there. They're begging for people. Like, all our food is brick and mortar.
Tim Kalpakis
If only I had to look up the timetable of when I could get my food. If I could track down my food. Beth, thank you for writing in or sending in. Don't ever do it again. Good luck with your new career. Good luck to your clients. They're all gonna feel so abandoned when you leave them. I don't know, Tim. I've got my dustpan, and it's gonna.
Bridger Weiniger
Go in the back of your car. And when you see garbage on the street, you still take your picture.
Tim Kalpakis
I'm gonna do what Karen Bass won't do.
Bridger Weiniger
Yes.
Tim Kalpakis
I'm gonna clean up the streets of la.
Bridger Weiniger
See, you are the mayor.
Tim Kalpakis
I'm Rick Caruso.
Bridger Weiniger
This is to make up for all the money Rick Caruso has lost on your parking over the years. You clean up the city.
Tim Kalpakis
I can't wait to be kind of around town. People thinking Bridger's kind of losing. We're worried.
Bridger Weiniger
It is cool, though, like you said, if you were the cleanup guy or the dustbin guy. There used to be a man that walked around the Silver Lake reservoir. Old guy, like, lubed up, walking fast, with no shirt, but reading the news. Lubed up and, like, tanning oil.
Tim Kalpakis
So slippery.
Bridger Weiniger
100 years old, in great shape. Walking real fast, reading the newspaper. And everybody loved him. And then when he died, everyone was like, oh, the newspaper guy died? That's sad.
Tim Kalpakis
That could be me.
Bridger Weiniger
So if you want to be remembered after you die, you need a hook. Now you're getting a late start, so you better get on work.
Tim Kalpakis
Okay, well, I. Fine. Whatever. I've had such a wonderful time with you.
Bridger Weiniger
Me too. Thank you for having me.
Tim Kalpakis
Thank you for being here.
Bridger Weiniger
Sorry if I brought a gift.
Tim Kalpakis
Who cares? I'm laid back.
Bridger Weiniger
Wow.
Tim Kalpakis
Hang loose. Very cool listener. The podcast is over. I'm. I need a nap. I need to take. I'm probably going to go fully to bed at 1:27pm I don't know what's going to happen to me. I've got to at least drive home. We'll see what happens. The podcast is over. Do something else, please. I'm not going to get into your business. I love you. Goodbye. I said no Gifts is an exactly right production. Our senior producer is Annelise Nelson, and our episodes are beautifully mixed by Ben Tolliday. The theme song is by miracle worker Amy Mann. And we couldn't do it without our booker, Patrick Cotner. You must follow the show on Instagram at. I said no gifts. That's where you're going to see pictures of all these wonderful, wonderful gifts I'm getting. And don't you want to see the gifts? Well, I invited you here. Thought I made myself perfectly clear. When you're a guest in my home, you gotta come to me empty handed.
Bridger Weiniger
I said no guests.
Tim Kalpakis
Your presence is presents enough. And I already have too much stuff, so how do you dare disobey me?
Ryan Seacrest
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Podcast Title: I Said No Gifts! A Comedy Interview Podcast with Bridger Winegar
Episode: Tim Kalpakis Disobeys Bridger
Release Date: May 29, 2025
The episode kicks off with Bridger Winegar greeting listeners amidst a brief interlude of advertisements, quickly transitioning into a candid conversation about his ongoing battle with jet lag. Bridger humorously admits to recording two episodes back-to-back while dealing with minimal sleep, setting a lighthearted tone for the episode.
Notable Quote:
Bridger Winegar (00:02:06): "I just kicked something over. You can't see that. No one can see that except for me."
Bridger introduces his guest, Tim Kalpakis, and they delve into observations about the newly renovated parking lot at the studio. Both express mixed feelings about the smooth asphalt, with Bridger appreciating the fresh look despite its slippery nature.
Notable Quote:
Tim Kalpakis (04:04): "It's a mess. It's complete chaos. I feel like I'm just some random employee."
The discussion shifts to their shared experiences as production assistants, both having served longer than typical tenures. Bridger opens up about his time at Gracie Films, working on "The Simpsons," while Tim relates his extended stint and the stagnation it brought to his career progression.
Notable Quote:
Tim Kalpakis (05:12): "I was for a really long time. For longer than I should have been."
Bridger and Tim exchange grievances about modern services, from eye drops to wireless plans, showcasing their comedic take on everyday annoyances. They also touch upon the challenges of dealing with customer service in the current digital age.
Notable Quote:
Bridger Winegar (10:07): "They do something exactly the same as the old companies... But it's weird then when you're..."
As the core theme of the podcast, which is the refusal of gifts, comes into play, Bridger reveals that he brought a thoughtful yet rule-breaking gift—a Libman dustpan—to Tim. They humorously critique the practicality and symbolism of the gift, intertwining it with Tim's reputation on social media for posting about street garbage.
Notable Quote:
Bridger Winegar (28:01): "A dustpan. The Libman brand whisk broom with dustpan."
The conversation evolves into a broader commentary on city cleanliness, garbage disposal, and personal responsibility. Tim shares his initiative to keep his car clean with a dedicated in-car garbage can, while Bridger contrasts his minimalist approach to maintaining an immaculate vehicle.
Notable Quote:
Tim Kalpakis (32:35): "From this very podcast somebody gave me, and I don't know if you have one of these."
Transitioning into an interactive segment, Bridger and Tim engage in the game "Gift or a Curse," responding to listener-submitted scenarios. They debate and laugh over quirky situations, demonstrating their chemistry and comedic timing.
Notable Quote:
Bridger Winegar (60:00): "I like to come across a palindrome that... Makes me feel smart."
Wrapping up the main conversation, Bridger and Tim offer humorous yet surprisingly insightful career advice to a listener named Beth, a Gen X hairdresser contemplating a career change. Their playful banter provides both laughs and genuine suggestions, emphasizing the podcast's comedic yet relatable nature.
Notable Quote:
Tim Kalpakis (76:43): "Beth, you're sending voice notes to podcasts. You're cutting hair. You're Gen X."
In the closing segment, Bridger reflects on personal experiences with haircuts and the pressures of maintaining a certain appearance, blending humor with self-deprecation. The episode concludes with Bridger and Tim sharing final thoughts, reinforcing the episode's blend of comedy and genuine conversation.
Notable Quote:
Bridger Winegar (81:34): "You have to move to a new city."
Gift Rebellion: Tim breaks the podcast's "no gifts" rule by bringing a Libman dustpan, sparking humorous debates about practicality and symbolism.
Workplace Stagnation: Both hosts share their prolonged experiences as production assistants, highlighting the challenges of career advancement in creative industries.
Personal Habits vs. Urban Cleanliness: Tim advocates for maintaining a clean personal space with in-car garbage management, while Bridger prefers minimalism.
Interactive Comedy: The "Gift or a Curse" game segment showcases the hosts' quick wit and ability to engage with listener input creatively.
Relatable Career Advice: Despite the comedic approach, Bridger and Tim provide thoughtful suggestions to listeners facing career dilemmas.
This episode of "I Said No Gifts!" effectively blends humor with relatable content, offering listeners both laughs and meaningful interactions. Tim Kalpakis' unexpected gift serves as a catalyst for a wide-ranging and entertaining conversation, exemplifying the podcast's unique charm and comedic flair.