Sexologist Alexa Andre (@sexwithalexa) gets in bed with writer, sex educator, and polyamorous creator Gabrielle Alexa Noel to talk about the fantasy everyone has — and the one that goes wrong the most: threesomes.

From “unicorn hunting” to couple privilege, from jealousy to communication, this episode breaks down what actually makes a threesome hot and what makes it awkward, performative, or emotionally messy.

Gabby and Alexa unpack why “the third is the star of the show,” why gifting a threesome is a red flag, why kissing rules are often a dealbreaker, and why straight couples may have an easier time swapping than finding a unicorn.

In this episode, we cover:

The biggest communication mistakes couples make
Why “creating safety” changes everything
Kissing rules some couples have
“Couple privilege and why it matters
Why the third needs to feel special
How to DM a third correctly (and what NOT to say)
Signs a couple isn’t actually ready
Emotional labor being offloaded onto the third
Why you should take the third on a date
Why swapping couples may be easier than unicorn hunting
Jealousy and insecurity during group sex
What to do when someone feels left out
Aftercare expectations and debriefs
Why porn positions aren’t realistic
STI prep, condom changes, and fluid bonding
Toys in threesomes
Single men’s best strategy for getting a threesome
Why romance still matters even in casual group sex

Thank you to the best waterproof sex blanket in the market, Splash Blanket for keeping me and my guests dry and cozy ◡̈

So You Wanna Have a Threesome? (ft. Gabrielle Alexa Noel)