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- [00:00]
A
Hey, friends. Olivia from Ollie. Between new routines and the ultimate group project known as parenting, you need science backed solutions that work with your life. That's where Ollie comes in. Start your mornings off right with multis made to support nutrition and immune health. Choose from our lineup of gut supporting probiotics and we've got occasional sleep support to help the whole fam chase their big dreams. Head back to class with the number one Gummy supplement brand. Stock up on ollie.com today. These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease.
- [00:31]
B
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- [01:00]
C
You know, there's one thing about everybody on this planet. Everybody love to eat good. You know, everybody love to feel nourished. And you deserve to feel nourished, not just maintained. Many of us, we are accepting breadcrumbs in life. What is breadcrumbing? You know, it's the act of doing below the bare minimum. You know, just enough at the right intervals to, you know, keep something or someone going. And most of us know how this feels on the receiving end. You know, it's natural. Everyone's gonna feel it. You know, the text that comes in, you know, three, four, five days late, just enough warmth to keep you waiting. Or the friend who shows up just enough that you feel guilty if you say anything, you know, even happens in the workplace or in school, you know, you got co workers and colleagues who will just do enough, but the rest falls on you. You know, they're breadcrumbing you. And the problem is breadcrumbing. It kind of gaslights you into thinking that you might be asking for too much, that you might be the problem. Once you receive the crumb, you know, you get a little bit of what you need. But I think one of the biggest problems is how we actually breadcrumb ourselves. First and foremost. I always like to look inwards before pointing fingers because we are in control, at least of ourselves. We cannot control the world or others. We are not in control of other people's actions. We are only in control of ourselves. And if for some reason there's a dynamic or a relationship that is not working for us, we are in control in removing ourself or setting boundaries or sparking conversation. You know what I mean? So I always like to look inward first. And many of us, we breadcrumb ourselves. Not to say we are the problem all the time, but again, we are responsible for ourselves. And if there is something to be nurtured, well, we have the power to do so. And the problem is many of us actually bread crumb ourselves, and we don't talk about that enough. How much grace do you actually offer yourself? Gratitude? Encouragement? How often do you genuinely say, I am proud of you? Some of us give ourselves just enough to keep going, just enough to wake up, just enough compassion not to break, just enough kindness to stay functional. You know, we give ourselves that little crumb of grace and then back to the rhythm for the day. And if we experience this in a relationship with someone, we notice it, don't we? That the person barely tells us that they appreciate us or shows affection or shows up. We notice it. And what happens? You feel that lack of love. But I do believe we create the standard first and foremost for ourselves. The standard, how we should be loved and what we will and won't accept starts with us. The problem is many have been feasting on crumbs for so long, you don't even notice it. After a while, it becomes normal. And the bare minimum seems like a gift. And we do it with our joy, too. Just enough joy to remember what it feels like, you know, just enough laughter, and then we're right back to the famine. Just enough to not go completely numb, but never to the point that our joy becomes priority and normal. Many of us believe we have to earn our joy. You know, even I have this problem. Actually, a lot of men have this problem. I saw a video on TikTok about why don't men really celebrate their birthdays? And the comments are all the same. And yeah, I've been in the same mindset. If you don't feel like you've had a good year and you've made the money you want to make or, you know, you've done what you're supposed to do in this world and, you know, be in service, you don't feel like you should celebrate yourself. This is actually a very big problem for men that we do this, that we have to earn our joy, earn the ability to celebrate ourselves. That is a problem. Imagine having to earn a hug from your partner or your parents that you had to Hit a home run or get an A in math to get a hug that you had to spend the most amount of money or do the most extravagant thing for your partner just to get a hug. How would that feel? Not good. So why do we do that? You know, why do we breadcrumb ourselves when we're the ones holding the whole loaf? We actually have the power to pour into ourselves first and foremost, many of us. Sometimes we measure our own worth in teaspoons. Oof. Unfortunately, let's change that. Let's make it into a new practice because that does need to change. We deserve to be loved by the right people and ourselves. We deserve to feel nourished and not just maintained. And first, that starts with ourself. In a relationship, if someone is giving you the bare minimum for a long extended amount of time, you're going to naturally feel non appreciated, as you should. Sometimes burnout is simply hunger. It's famine. You're starving for life, for nourishment that we have caused for ourselves. You know, I'm in a season where I really want to lock in and I'm kind of scared to lock in. Not because I can, I can't do the work. No. I know myself when I walk in, I get in this almost like wild, wild zone where like blinders are on and nothing matters but this one singular thing. And it's really good. It served me well in the past, but like it can be so intense that I'm actually kind of afraid of that space that I can go into. And I've been trying to set the rules for myself before I lock in. And one of my rules was you need, you need to still have joy and fun. I want you to go out and dance. Don't tell yourself you don't deserve to go dance to some good Afro house Amalpiano on a Saturday. You know, just be home by 2am or something like that, you know. But I've been setting these rules for myself of like making sure that I don't starve myself, of the other things in life that are actually quite important for our lock in. That I'm not breadcrumbing the love for myself, that I'm not breadcrumbing nourishment for myself. We have to be careful that we don't program ourselves to think that breadcrumbs are enough. It's almost like you recalibrate your whole system to expect very little. So when someone does do something, you know, does say they appreciate you or you know, does do something that's actually Kind of quite normal for, you know, the dynamic. If you've been accepting breadcrumbs, it feels like everything. You feel like, finally, I'm getting energy from this person. Or like the friend who cancels every single plan but then sends a voice, voice note once a month, and then suddenly you feel seen. Right? But they're always canceling. They don't actually value your time or space. They're just always canceling on you. But what keep you hanging with a nice little voice note or send an old picture from 15 years ago, they're breadcrumbing you now. Everybody doesn't have the full capacity to meet all of our needs, you know, that's why it's so important that we can take care of ourselves. But I always say we can't scratch our own backs either. That's why community is important. We need others. And when we step into friendships, when you step into romantic relationships as well, there is actually a sense of responsibility there that we're going to try to, you know, be there for each other in. In the best ways that we can. We will fall short. But, you know, we. We're striving, and that's a beautiful thing, not giving so much where we abandon ourselves, but also not taking so much where we take advantage. We have to be mindful. Are you breadcrumbing yourself and are you being breadcrumbed in relationships? You know, maybe your partner, you know, gives you one or two good days and then three weeks of silence, and then, boom, they appear again and your heart lights up because finally they're just back. You know, you got your dopamine spike, or they dry text you day after day after day, and then they send you one heart, and you're like, oh, yeah, you know, when you're breadcrumbing, things that, you know, should be natural start to feel like, oh, my God, everything, because you're starving. And that's how breadcrumbs work. You know, they never fill you up. They just keep you waiting. Just enough to stay, never enough to thrive, just enough to not leave. Right? This is why a lot of relationships can go for so long when really they should have ended a long time ago because, you know, one person was being breadcrumbed, you know, just enough where they said, hey, you know, maybe there's hope. Maybe things can change. And it's difficult because even when you know you're being breadcrumbed, you know, leaving that dynamic may feel impossible because what if that is all that is there? What if asking for more makes you Difficult. What if wanting more makes you seem desperate, right? And then that guilt seeps in. But we have to always remember we are creatures of community. We can't scratch our own backs. Everybody wants to be loved and to give love, you understand? And everybody loves reciprocation. I also think a lot of relationships fail, you know, romantic and friendships, because of a lack of reciprocation. Right now, things aren't always going to be 50, 50, but over a grand, over a scope of time, things should balance out. But the person who has been breadcrumbed for so long and accepted it will feel guilty for even wanting more. And that is a problem. And if you're in a romantic relationship, you know, and your partner simply isn't showing up for you in the ways that you need and you feel like you're being breadcrumb, the problem is, it's like you can't even go anywhere else because maybe you're in a committed relationship, right? Maybe you haven't got, like a deep hug or a kiss or, you know, maybe, you know, you just haven't been, you know, getting the intimacy that you want. That could be like holding somebody into a prison because they can't go anywhere else unless they break up, break the whole relationship up. This is why people, I think, need to be mindful before they step into relationships, if they even have the emotional, spiritual and physical capacity before they step into a relationship. And I'm talking about romantic ones, because a romantic relationship has a responsibility. You know, if people are going to be in a committed, monogamous relationship, there's a responsibility to hold each other down in multiple different ways. Emotionally, spiritually, physically. Now, again, you cannot abandon yourself for other people, and you cannot do everything for anybody. No, no, no, not at all. But everybody knows that in a relationship, you are there for each other in different ways. And if you're being breadcrumbed, you're kind of being left in a prison, unfortunately, because there's only itches on the back that your partner can scratch, you know? But again, that's why I really do believe that we should be trying to pour into ourselves so much, because then we will identify when we are being breadcrumbed and we will speak up for ourselves to say, hey, you know, I need a little bit more, or I need this. There's nothing wrong with speaking up for what you desire and what you feel like you need as a human being. And everybody has different needs, right? Everybody has different needs. It's actually a beautiful thing to express a need and someone loves you and says, I got you, you know, because you can't really cuddle yourself, you can't hug yourself, really, you can't kiss your own lips. You can vent to yourself, but nobody will speak back, right? You know, human beings, we need mirrors, we need others. You know, that's just life. And this is where we see a lot of breadcrumbing in relationships. And when it happens again, you have to speak up. Are you gonna feel like you're held hostage and something that is not nourishing you again, you deserve to feel nourished, not just maintained. Now again, we can't expect everybody to satisfy all our no needs. But everybody's gonna have some non negotiables. And that's okay. It's okay to have a non negotiable. If you're like, hey, I need to hear I love you and you know, you like a sense of intimacy and physical touch, you should be with someone who also likes that. You should be able to give and receive that you understand or work towards that. And if your needs aren't being met, knowing that you can meet and nourish yourself to the best of your ability. Because yes, some people just won't have the capacity as well to show up. Not everybody is equipped to go through it with you. And that's where grace and understanding comes in. Because that's okay, you know, maybe you are being breadcrumbed, but maybe it's for a reason. Maybe someone just lost a parent and they don't have the emotional capacity. You know, maybe they're, you know, dealing with like a massive career change and they're full of so much anxiety. Of course, you know, that's where love, grace and understanding comes in. But if it's a continuous permanent problem pattern, that's where the problem lies. And the one being breadcrumbed, you know, will go into confusion. That's the thing. When you are breadcrumbed for so long, the guilt runs deep. Just like a people pleaser. A people pleaser has a hard time setting boundaries. They feel like they are doing something wrong when they are doing something for themselves. Because of the pattern of people pleasing for so long happens to many of us, we have to be careful and mindful of that. So you have to ask yourself, am I being nourished or maintained first by yourself? And then you have to ask that question. If you have people who are tremendously close to you, people who you share a responsibility with to hold each other down. Because wanting more is not greed. If you're being Breadcrumbed, not wanting everything. Hey, you might be a little bit greedy because you have to understand people have their own cells in their own life as well. But your basic needs of just being a human being. Yeah, that's your aliveness speaking, saying, hey, we want to be alive. We want to feel alive. We want to love and be loved. It's the part of you that knows you weren't made for crumbs, man. You were made for the whole meal. You deserve to be nourished and not just maintained. You are in control of how you pour into you, how you speak it to, how you speak into yourself. Be so well in your own nourishment that when someone else offers you crumbs, you turn it away. Like the wrong dish served at a dinner table. Or you say, hey, what is this? You know what I mean? It's like if someone always, you know, borrows money from you, and then when they pay you back, they don't pay you back the full amount, they pay you back, like half, and then they borrow more money for you, and they keep doing the same pattern. You said they're taking advantage of you. It's like, how long are you going to allow that to happen? You have to speak up for yourself and the guilt, that discomfort when you think speaking up for yourself will equal a disturbance of peace or, you know, a division. It's not a sign that you're wrong. It's a sign that you are stretching muscles that haven't been used for a long time. When you set boundaries and it feels uncomfortable, those are the muscles that have not been used or stretched in a long time. That is why People Pleaser gets anxiety when they try to speak up for themselves or set boundaries because they are stretching muscles that they have not used in a long time. Just like if you haven't been to the gym in a long time, that first day, boom. What happens? Oh, my God, you feel it. But when you're in the gym every single week, what happens? You recover a lot faster when you're being breadcrumbed. Surviving starts to look like thriving when you've been at it long enough. When you've been accepting breadcrumbs for so long, Surviving starts to look like thriving when you've been in it too long. And that is what breadcrumbing does to yourself. You stay green, you stay functional. You don't wither, but you forget to actually blossom. That blooming is an option. And then one day, your sense of self collapses. It's like a plant I had this one plant back in the day that didn't require much water or I thought I'd forget to. I'd forget to water this plant. You know, this plant, I swear, lasted like a year or two years maybe. I watered it once a month. I was like, yo, I've trained this plant to be a Breatharian. I was just like, this plant just doesn't need much water. And, you know, I was breadcrumbing. I'm not gonna lie. I was breadcrumbing this plant. I was not taking care of it well. And then one day, I swear I woke up, and it's like the plant just collapsed. It was just dead the day before. Still looked like it was good. Soil was dry. Yeah. But I was gonna water it the next day, woke up, boom, it was just dead. And that's what happens to us when we've been breadcrumbed for so long. One day comes and, boom, we collapse. Sense of self collapses. And then we look at ourselves like, wow, how did I. How did I do that to myself? How did I accept that? Why did I treat myself that way? And then we had to rebuild our sense of self. And sometimes that's where we come back stronger than ever. So if you are experienced that, experience that, or have been through that, that's a strong experience that we can alchemize into a new version of ourselves that is much stronger. So in hindsight, it's kind of beautiful. Strangely beautiful in a way. So it starts with a decision, you know, maybe set the intention to have one difficult conversation if someone has been breadcrumbing you for too long. Because sometimes it's not that people don't want to show you love or do things for you. They simply just think they're doing enough or that you're satisfied because you never speak up for yourself. You know, not everybody may have the same consideration capacity as you. You know, everybody does things differently. I do believe you have to teach people, some people, how to love you. And some people will get it right. But everybody's so different. So you have to show people what you care about. And you have to show yourself that you care for you. You can't keep someone hungry who has learned how to feed themselves. And that's the power of starting with us. When you stop breadcrumbing yourself, something shifts. And what you accept from everyone else, you stop negotiating for scraps. You stop saying thank you for things that actually weren't enough. You know, sometimes I still catch myself rationing my own grace. I still feel that guilt creep in when I want more out of life, and I start to remind myself that fullness is not selfishness. Now. Wanting more isn't the same as being ungrateful for what is. It's just knowing that you have the capacity and space for more, that your aliveness is asking for it. But the awareness changes everything. Just noticing when you're giving yourself crumbs, that's already a different relationship with yourself. It's already saying, wait, I deserve more. I deserve to feel nourished and not just maintained. You deserve the full meal for you deserve the full meal from yourself first and then from the people you let into your life. You deserve to know what it feels like to be nourished again and not just maintained. I say that multiple times so we really understand it. To bloom and not just survive. What would happen if you gave yourself permission to truly feel nourished? What would happen? Who would you become? How would you feel? Meditate on that when you're done now. And I ain't said everything gonna be
- [21:08]
B
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