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Good morning, good morning, good afternoon, or good evening. You know, being a human is a very complicated experience. You know, we know that, you know, one that sometimes we wish we could escape from, you know, just a little bit. We numb ourselves, we distract ourselves. Sometimes we even run away from ourselves. But in reality, we just, we need a breather sometimes, you know, a deeper breath, maybe sleep for a couple days because the feels have just been so much. Because the truth is, we are humans and we care. We care deeply about many things. And because we care, you know, we often find ourselves hurt, frustrated, annoyed, angry, loss and pain. And when we experience any of these emotions for too long or, you know, too frequently, we look for ways to escape that very pain. It makes sense. And often we do this through detachment. Detach, detach, detach. This is, this is actually a very big word in the personal development and, you know, spiritual spaces. And mainly the topic often revolves around detaching from people. Very rarely do people talk about detaching from the money and the outcomes, but they talk about detaching from people. Because often the pain we experience the most comes from the people we care about most. And I always find that so interesting, right? The ones we love the most, the ones we care about the most, the ones we want closest to us also have the ability to hurt us the most. You know, that's why love can seem so dangerous at times. You know, anybody who's gone through a heartbreak just knows how gut wrenching that pain is. You know? You know, it's consuming, it feels everlasting, like it's never going to stop. An itch that's nearly impossible to scratch. But once we make it through, it because we always make it through it, right? Because the only way through grief is to go through it. And when we make it to the other side, we vow that we'll never go back to that space again. You know, so we detach to protect ourselves, to preserve ourselves, which is beautiful. The intention is actually beautiful. Self preservation. We do not want to lose ourselves again. It is a form of self love, choosing yourself over the pain. But I think it's love with conditions, many conditions. Love with an exit strategy that's like halfway there. Because if we go deeper into it, if we go beneath it, there's a lot of fear doing the work there. And then that is exactly where detachment starts to lose its power. Not when we use it, but when we try to hide behind it. The point in life, let's get this straight. The point in life is to care, is to care. Stop caring actually doesn't make sense. It's like telling someone to stop pumping blood through their heart. Our care is our life force. It's our energy. It's our superpower. Everything you see in this world that is useful, that is beneficial, that feels good, that actually serves people, was built because somebody deeply cared. You know, think about it. People created systems to bring water directly to communities. So a mother or a father didn't have to walk three hours a day just to, you know, keep their family alive. Someone cared enough to harness energy and bring light into darkness. And someone or something cared enough to form you inside your mother's womb, to plant gifts inside your spirit, into your DNA before you even had a name. Caring is not a weakness. Caring is what builds worlds, builds love. But the problem has never been that we care too much. The problem is when our care is misdirected. You can care deeply, right? Think about this. You can care deeply about growing a garden. You can water it every single day. You can talk to it, you can give it everything that you have. But if you're trying to grow it in the better rocks, where there's no soil, no roots, no foundation, it doesn't matter how much care you have. It doesn't matter how much care you have. It simply will not grow right. The care was real, of course. The love was real, but the direction was wrong. So the work isn't to stop caring, my friends. Na na na na na. The work is to find fertile soil to redirect what's inside of us toward the things that can actually receive it, the things that can grow from it. That's where the power lives. You know, I have a card in the reminder deck that says when you lead with love, you leave with love. And I say this often in a lot of my offerings, you know, and this is my mantra for life. It's not like, you know, it may sound cliche or cheesy or woo woo to some, something that goes inside a children's book, but many people gloss over what this is really saying. It's not talking about just taking a higher road to look like a better person. It's actually talking about preserving your heart and not allowing anyone or anything to detach you from your own epicenter. That when your intention is love and all that you do, and all that you do, everything that you do, every step that you take, that no matter what happens, nobody or anything can rob you of your superpower, your love, your care, your attention, your ability to live fully. All we can truly control in our lives is our intention and our direction. Let me say that again. All that we can truly control in this life is our intention and our direction of our attention, of our energy. So when we lead with love, we still leave with love, right? We still leave with our heart intact. You know, of course, yeah, maybe with a couple scratches and bruises, but those can heal if we let it. But if we remain cold, what happens? It never heals. It's like poking at a wound on your leg that just delays the healing process. You have to let it be. Getting hurt is natural, of course, because we are human, having a human experience, the full spectrum. But we leave with our heart still pumping for life energy, willing to flow in a new direction. That's how you invite new opportunities, new people, new interests, new directions into your orbit. And then our care is being placed in better environments. You know, a few months ago I was at one of my friend's shop in Vancouver bc. His name is Omar. He's got a shop called Touch of Africa. If you're ever in Vancouver, search it out, go there. It's really cool. And he's one of the most. Omar is one of the most optimistic people I know. He always says we do the best we can while we can. Even I say it because he says it so much. It just. That's the power of optimism and positivity that it's like infectious. It's magnetic. Right? His mantra became one of my mantras as well. And you know, we were in there just sharing stories and there was another guy in the shop that heard the optimism and laughed and he said, yeah, yeah, right. He laughed at the optimism, the beauty of life. He said, yeah, right. All I know is pain. This world is cold like that. We don't even know the guy. This is just what he said. And in that moment, you know, I wasn't going to dismiss it. You know, I'm not going to stand here and say, like, he's not like that. He's wrong. You know, his life brought him real pain. You know, that is true for him. That's his lived experience. You know, but what stayed with me was that somewhere along the way, he made a decision. Maybe not consciously, but he decided to harden. And when the heart hardens, it's like the saturation on life just turns right down. The small, beautiful things stop registering. You stop seeing them. And life has this interesting way of mirroring back exactly what we believe. It's a reflection. If you move through the world believing it is cold, it will be cold. Not because the world is against you, but because a dark room needs somebody to walk in and turn the light on. A cold room needs a fire built inside of it and a bruised heart. It doesn't need to be hardened. It needs to be cared for. So detachment is not about not caring. Because, let's be honest, you care. You care. You care that they don't respond to your texts. You care that you are always the one to initiate conversation and connection. You care that you're always the one going the extra mile in the office, pulling the weight for others and nobody recognizing your value. You care because that's a testament of your power. So what do we. What do we do? We actually continue to care. But true detachment is reclaiming our care and red and redirecting it. We're not hardening our hearts and saying, nobody is worth it. This life isn't worth it. I'm going to stop caring so I stop getting hurt. We redirect that care into those who can reciprocate into our creations, into understanding ourselves into our bodies. You may be caring how other people show up for you, but how much are you showing up for your body? You understand? Truly nourishing it, truly getting intimate with it again. If someone can't see the value you bring to the table, we don't then turn around and say, I will never pour into someone else again. No, no, no, no. Because that shuts off a part of ourselves. We remind ourselves that there is somebody out there who will see it, somebody out there who will be able to receive it and also reciprocate it back. And that's where the energy goes. Not less love, just better directions. But better directions require discernment. And discernment requires wisdom, and wisdom requires knowing yourself. So all the work that we do, right, the healing, the stillness, the self exploration, it's the building blocks of ourselves. It's the foundation of it. The deeper relationship we build with ourselves, the more we start to recognize what's for us and what isn't before it costs us too much, right? You know, the better we know ourselves, the wiser we move. The wiser we move, the better we choose. And better environments mean better people, better directions for the love that we carry. It all starts with us. It all starts inside. We live in a world that has made detachment an aesthetic. You understand? Unbothered, stoic. Nothing moves me. A world where. A world where genders act like they don't care anymore, where being nonchalant is actually just a mask for being deeply afraid. We're only fooling ourselves. And I want to challenge that because, you know, I'm a lover boy. I like our hearts to be open because there's nothing impressive about someone who cares about nothing, nothing cool about someone who is cold. You know, they are not strong. They are just turned off. There is a difference. And again, being human is hard. It hurts. It hurts to care. You know, I get why it's appealing. You know, I've been there many times myself. Especially because so many of us, we've been moved by the wrong things too many times. You know, when you poured into people, into outcomes, into dreams, and watched it go sideways, the most natural human response is to stop pouring, to protect yourself by simply caring less. The person that says they're done with love is just somebody who said that they're done with being hurt. But when we deny one part of ourselves, we are denying the whole self. Think about that, right? You cannot selectively turn off your capacity to care and expect everything else to keep running at full power. It just does not work like that. Right? Everything is connected, a symbiotic relationship. Even your oral health and your heart health seem like they have nothing to do with each other. One is in your mouth, the other is an organ that is keeping you alive. Different systems, different doctors, but they are actually truly connected. Chronic gum disease is linked to cardiovascular problems, to memory issues. Because the body is not a collection of independent parts. It is one interconnected system. What you neglect in one part travels. And we are the same way in our mental, emotional and spiritual capacities. When we shut down our capacity to care about outcomes, about people, about our own desires, we think we're protecting our core. We think we're keeping the epicenter safe, but the epicenter is the heart. And the heart doesn't know how to partially be open. So when we close it in one direction, that closure moves in other directions as well. It can show up as creative blocks, as numbness, as bitterness. Think about that. You may be going through a creative block, wondering why, but it's also because you've cut your heart off from loving again, from a past hurt, thinking they don't have a connection to one another, but they are truly connected. You may be bitter, overly bitter, but bitterness is just misdirected care that had nowhere left to go. Now, the thing is, I do believe it's okay to be numb for a while because we're having a human experience. We're going to experience everything. It's okay to be bitter, it's okay to be angry, to pull back, and to need some time in the dark. The heart needs to move through these things. You can't skip them, right? You can't spiritually bypass your way out of real pain. And just like a forest needs rain. But rain every single day, no sun, no air, no rest, doesn't nourish the soil anymore. It drowns it. So we even let our own rain come, right? The worry, the anxiety, the anger, the bitterness. We feel it fully. We don't rush it. We don't judge ourselves for it. But at some point, we have to be willing to look up, look within, to notice when the storm. It's time for the storm to go. It's passed, but yet we're still standing inside of it by choice, still watering something that is trying to dry out and breathe. The season of pain was never meant to. To be permanent. No season of pain is meant to be permanent. It's meant to move through you, right? So we got to let it move. I remember I went to therapy for like 18 months for the first time, you know, after a very, you know, wild experience, you know, having to deal with a very vindictive, spirited, vile individual, just, you know, trying to wreak some havoc in my life. And I said to the therapist that I'm in a season of bitterness. Keyword, season. You know, I was upset, I was angry, I was bitter, and was even projecting that bitterness onto other people. But I knew it was a season. That's something I'm really proud about. I knew it was a season that sometimes the only way to get through it again is to go through it. Actually, the only way to get through it is to go through it. Not even sometimes, all the time. And I remember I ended up saying something out loud out of bitterness. And I remember my daughter heard me. And in that moment I realized, oh, my God, I need to stop the bitterness because it's starting to leak out to the ones around me that I love. It's time to let my heart pump freely again with love. It's time to care. So again, the question isn't how do we care less. The question is, where do we put the care? Because we are attached to outcomes, we cannot control people who aren't even for us. The problem was never the care. The problem is simply where we place it. You know, in the Gita, it says, you have the right to perform your duties, but you are not entitled to the fruits of your actions. Never consider yourself the case of the results of your activities, and never be attached to not doing your duty. So basically, it asks us to not be entitled to outcomes, but to never stop trying, never stop doing our best, never stop caring. It calls for full devotion still to life, full devotion to focus our intentions on the process. The truth is, you can't help but care, right? None of us can. We can't help but care. You can't help that, care that somebody didn't call you back, that didn't call you felt triggered. It just happened. You didn't plan for it, but it's the redirection we are in control of. You know, some days you will do everything right, the breath work, the journaling, the awareness. And you'll still feel, you know, you're still going to feel the sting of an outcome you didn't get to choose. You know, that's just the cost of being someone who is still in the game, still trying to. You're going to get some bruises along the way. Just like a boxer in the gym is going to get hit a few times versus the person who sits on the couch eating chips. They're never going to get hit. But who's winning? The one who is still in the game. Getting hit but still trying and getting better, getting smarter, getting wiser. The people who feel nothing will pay for that. With parts of themselves, they'll spend years trying to recover. It's kind of like if you haven't turned on a car in years, it's very difficult to get it running again because it hasn't been turned on, it hasn't been used, hasn't been going on any journeys, not even any short ones. So we're not trying to be those type of people. Hardened, cold, the I don't trust anybody type of people. Remember, they are just hurt and choosing to remain hurt. We are trying to become something harder to build someone who can feel it fully and still not let it steer them negatively. There's a version of caring that keeps you present, and there's a version that keeps you hostage. So when you feel that pull, when something is taking more from you than you intended to give, when you catch yourself obsessing over a response that hasn't come, a door that hasn't opened, a person who isn't choosing you, the move isn't to stop caring. The move is to ask, what part of this do I actually own? Is my care being misplaced? Is my heart pumping in the wrong direction? And then pour, pour into the new direction. Pour into, you know, the email you can write, the episode you can record the conversation. You can have the person sitting in front of you right now who is present with you, the blank canvas waiting for you to lay that first brushstroke again. Let the energy that wanted to go somewhere it couldn't reach. Let it come back to you. Let it feed something that is fertile and alive. That's what protecting the epicenter actually means. Not building walls around your heart, keeping it running, redirecting the blood flow back to the organ that needs it most. And being open to love, no matter who hurt you in the past. Because at the end of the day, you know you love love, whatever that means. Love in any capacity. Not even just romantic. You know you love love. The things we love most, often we hide from the most. The fear of failure prevents us from creating and building the lives we truly want. But that's why to live a life that we love and to love it while we live it, it takes courage, it takes strength. And it takes heart. A lot of heart. So the goal was never to care less? No, the goal is to care. But let's redirect where our care goes and you done know in hindsight, everything is going to be more your next
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