Podcast
In The Messy Relationship Podcast
Hosted by Jan · EN
Janette, a registered psychotherapist, from janettechu.ca reveals the power of Emotionally-Focused Therapy and Internal Family Systems so you can strengthen bonds with your partner, navigate the challenges of intimacy with courage and authenticity, and rediscover the profound joy of intimate connection. Discover how you can create a relationship from the ground up that you love so that you can feel loved, safe, and secure. Janette has been supporting countless couples through the messy parts of their relationship and openly shares the successes, failures, and the lessons along the journey. It’s going to be messy, but fighting for your relationship is worth it! Hit subscribe, and get ready to make your love story thrive amidst life's inevitable messiness.
Visit: Janettechu.ca
Free Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbook
Newsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter
Visit: Janettechu.ca
Free Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbook
Newsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter
27episodes
Episodes
Newest firstAll episodes
The Father Wound: Breaking Free from Old Relationship Patterns
3w ago00:39:16Tap to summarizeIf you grew up with a father, grandfather, teacher, or male caregiver who was inconsistent, emotionally distant, critical, unavailable, or unpredictable, you may find yourself carrying beliefs such as: "Men will disappoint me," "I have to earn love," or "I can't trust anyone to stay." These beliefs often operate beneath the surface, influencing who we choose, how we communicate, and how we respond to conflict, intimacy, and vulnerability.Drawing from attachment theory, emotionally focused therapy (EFT), and the Secure Self framework, Jan explores how father wounds can show up as anxious, avoidant, or fearful attachment patterns—and why healing requires learning to separate the past from the present.Website: janettechu.caFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter
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Stop Arguing About the Details: How to Find the Real Issue in Conflict
Jun 200:58:24Tap to summarizeWhen emotions run high, our brains naturally focus on the surface details of conflict. We become fixated on criticism, defensiveness, silence, facial expressions, or past mistakes. But beneath most relationship arguments lies a deeper need: a desire for connection, reassurance, support, safety, understanding, or emotional closeness.Drawing from attachment theory, emotionally focused therapy (EFT), and years of clinical experience, Jan explains how to identify the real target underneath conflict and why doing so can lead to faster repair, deeper understanding, and healthier communication. You'll learn how to recognize when you're getting pulled into the noise, regulate your nervous system, connect with your secure self, communicate your needs clearly, and repair conflict in a way that strengthens your relationships.Website: janettechu.caFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter
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Religious Trauma Through the Lens of Attachment Theory
May 2600:46:49Tap to summarizeIn this episode of In The Messy Podcast, Jan explores religious trauma through the lens of attachment theory, nervous system safety, shame, belonging, and the secure self. This conversation is not about attacking religion or telling you what to believe. Instead, it’s about understanding what happens internally when faith, family, fear, obedience, and love become deeply intertwined.Jan unpacks how attachment wounds can shape our relationship with religion, authority, boundaries, and even our sense of self. If questioning your beliefs feels terrifying, if setting boundaries with family brings overwhelming guilt, or if you’ve struggled with the fear of losing love and belonging by becoming your authentic self, this episode offers compassion, insight, and practical reflection.Website: janettechu.caFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter
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Breakups, Grief & Anxious Attachment: How to Heal Without Losing Yourself
May 1900:18:32Tap to summarizeIn Episode 31 of In The Messy Podcast, Jan explores the painful reality of breakups, heartbreak, grief, and anxious attachment—especially when love still exists, but the relationship no longer feels emotionally safe.If you’re struggling with a breakup, replaying memories, feeling abandoned, stuck in a shame spiral, or wondering “Was this my fault?”, this episode offers compassionate guidance for navigating the grief of losing someone you deeply cared about.Website: janettechu.caFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter
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Mother’s Day, Anxious Attachment & the Need to Earn Love | Healing the Mother Wound
May 1200:16:40Tap to summarizeIn Episode 30 of In The Messy Podcast explores the painful connection between anxious attachment, people-pleasing, and emotionally unavailable mothers—especially around Mother’s Day.If you’ve ever felt guilty, resentful, unseen, or like you had to earn love through over-giving and caregiving, this episode will help you understand where those patterns began and how to start healing them.Website: janettechu.caFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter
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Day 7: Expressing Needs As Your Secure Self
May 500:16:55Tap to summarizeIn Episode 29 of In The Messy Podcast, Jan walks you through Day 7 of the Secure Self Workbook for anxious attachment, focusing on how to express your needs clearly, calmly, and without losing yourself.If you struggle with overexplaining, people-pleasing, or fear of rejection in relationships, this episode gives you practical tools to communicate with confidence and emotional safety.Inspired by attachment theory and Sue Johnson, you’ll learn simple frameworks like CLEAR (what to say), KIND (how to say it), and TRUE (self-respect) to build secure communication.Website: janettechu.caFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter
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Day 6: Practicing Secure Attachment in Real Life
Apr 2800:19:18Tap to summarizeIn Episode 28 of In The Messy Podcast, Jan (registered psychotherapist) guides you through Day 6 of the Secure Self Workbook for anxious attachment, focusing on how to stop overthinking and build emotional stability in real-life moments.Learn why anxious attachment is a nervous system response—not a knowledge problem—and how to shift from constant reactivity (“downstream”) to supportive daily habits (“upstream”).Inspired by Sue Johnson, this episode introduces a practical framework to help you regulate emotions, reduce anxiety, and feel more secure in relationships.Website: janettechu.caFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter
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Day 5: Becoming Your Secure Self
Apr 2100:14:11Tap to summarizeIn Episode 27 of In The Messy Podcast, Jan guides you through Day 5 of the Secure Self Workbook for anxious attachment, focusing on how to build and practice a secure sense of self.Learn how to move beyond awareness into action by defining your secure self, strengthening self-trust, and responding to relationship stress with more stability and confidence—using insights inspired by Sue Johnson.Website: janettechu.caFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter
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Day 4: Rewriting Core Beliefs About Love and Worth
Apr 1400:20:07Tap to summarizeDo you secretly feel like you’re too much… or not enough in relationships?In Episode 26 of In The Messy Podcast, Jan breaks down how anxious attachment is rooted in the core beliefs you learned growing up—and how those beliefs might still be running your relationships today.Inspired by Sue Johnson, this episode helps you uncover the hidden narratives behind thoughts.Website: janettechu.caFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter
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Day 3: Identifying Deep Needs And Pain Cycles
Apr 700:22:00Tap to summarizeIn Episode 25 of In The Messy Podcast, Jan (registered psychotherapist) walks you through Day 3 of the Secure Self Workbook for anxious attachment.Learn how to understand the emotional needs behind anxious attachment, regulate your nervous system, and communicate more securely in relationships. Featuring insights inspired by Sue Johnson and practical reflection exercises.Perfect for anyone struggling with relationship anxiety, overthinking, or fear of abandonment.Website: janettechu.caFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter
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