Podcast
In The Messy Relationship Podcast
Hosted by Jan · EN
Janette, a registered psychotherapist, from janettechu.ca reveals the power of Emotionally-Focused Therapy and Internal Family Systems so you can strengthen bonds with your partner, navigate the challenges of intimacy with courage and authenticity, and rediscover the profound joy of intimate connection. Discover how you can create a relationship from the ground up that you love so that you can feel loved, safe, and secure. Janette has been supporting countless couples through the messy parts of their relationship and openly shares the successes, failures, and the lessons along the journey. It’s going to be messy, but fighting for your relationship is worth it! Hit subscribe, and get ready to make your love story thrive amidst life's inevitable messiness.
Visit: Janettechu.ca
Visit: Janettechu.ca
17episodes
Episodes
Newest firstAll episodes
Day 1: Understanding Anxious Attachment
Mar 2400:19:17Tap to summarizeDo you overthink conversations, avoid conflict, or constantly wonder if you’re “too much”?In Episode 23 of In The Messy Podcast, Jan walks you through Day 1 of the Secure Self Workbook — helping you understand anxious attachment with clarity and compassion.Anxious attachment isn’t a flaw. It’s a survival strategy your nervous system learned when connection felt inconsistent or uncertain growing up.Website: janettechu.caFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter
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How Can I Be The Best Partner with Anxious Attachment
Mar 1700:21:15Tap to summarizeDo you constantly wonder if you’re doing enough in your relationship? Do you feel responsible for managing your partner’s emotions so the relationship stays safe?In Episode 22 of In The Messy Podcast, Jan explores how anxious attachment in women is often rooted in parentification — growing up believing love had to be earned by managing other people’s feelings.When your nervous system learns early that safety comes from performing, fixing, and anticipating emotional reactions, that pattern can follow you into adult relationships. You may find yourself over-functioning, monitoring your partner’s moods, and asking: “How can I be a better partner?”Website: janettechu.caFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter
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When Ghosting Feels Like Abandonment: Calming the Spiral After Rejection
Mar 1000:14:33Tap to summarizeBeing ghosted doesn’t just hurt — it can feel devastating, especially for those with anxious attachment.In Episode 21 of In The Messy Podcast, Jan explains why ghosting can trigger intense emotional reactions and how your nervous system interprets sudden silence as abandonment. When someone disappears without explanation, it can activate old attachment wounds and send your mind into self-blame and rumination.Website: janettechu.caFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter
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Anxious Attachment & One-Sided Friendships: When You’re the One Holding It Together
Mar 300:13:24Tap to summarizeAre you the one who always reaches out first? The one who keeps the friendship alive, fixes the mood, and carries the emotional weight of the relationship?In Episode 20 of In The Messy Podcast, Jan speaks directly to the anxiously attached heart that loves deeply — and feels exhausted from being the emotional engine of the relationship. When someone you care about is passive, discouraged, or stuck, your nervous system may interpret their distance as danger. So you over-function. You try harder. You carry more. But over time, that effort turns into burnout and resentment.In this episode, you’ll learn:Why anxious attachment confuses effort with loveHow over-functioning becomes a survival strategyThe hidden cost of being the constant initiatorThe difference between needing reciprocity and needing someone to changeWhat secure attachment looks like in one-sided dynamicsHow to stop over-functioning without becoming cold or cutting someone offIf you’ve ever wondered, “Am I loving this person — or managing my fear of losing them?” this conversation will help you slow down, tolerate space, and move toward secure connection built on mutuality, not exhaustion.Secure love doesn’t chase or rescue. It shows up — and allows others to show up too.Website: janettechu.caFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter
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When Trust Is Broken: Anxious Attachment & Relationship Hurt
Feb 2300:27:02Tap to summarizeWhat happens when you finally trust someone… and they hurt you?In Episode 19, Jan explores how anxious attachment amplifies relationship pain and why betrayal can feel overwhelming. Learn how to tell the difference between present hurt and past attachment wounds, regulate your nervous system before reacting, and rebuild self-trust after disappointment.Healing isn’t about shutting down — it’s about staying connected to yourself, even when trust feels shaken.Website: janettechu.caFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter
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Why Healthy Love Feels Scary
Feb 1700:19:08Tap to summarizeAnxiety can show up loudly in relationships even when nothing is technically wrong. In Episode 18 of In The Messy Podcast, Jan explores how to tell when anxiety is signaling a real misalignment versus when it’s reacting to old attachment wounds. Learn how trauma memories shape relationship fears, how to separate present-moment facts from past experiences, and how to regulate your nervous system before making decisions. This episode offers practical reflection questions to help you build self-trust, stop confusing anxiety with intuition, and develop a more secure relationship with yourself and others.Website: janettechu.caFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter
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Healing Anxious Attachment After a Breakup
Feb 1000:16:03Tap to summarizeIf you’ve recently gone through a breakup, been cheated on, or made the painful decision to walk away from a relationship, and your anxiety feels louder than ever, this episode is for you. In Episode 17 of In The Messy Podcast, Jan, a registered psychotherapist, explains why relationship loss can feel so destabilizing for those with anxious attachment. Learn why post-breakup anxiety isn’t weakness, how separation distress impacts your nervous system, and what actually helps you heal—without rushing into another relationship. This episode explores grief, betrayal, rumination, self-worth, and how to begin rebuilding secure attachment from the inside out.Website: janettechu.caFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter
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Anxious Attachment & Values-Based Decisions
Jan 3000:17:25Tap to summarizeIf you have an anxious attachment style, decision-making can feel overwhelming. In this episode, Jan explores how to make values-based choices, stop anxiety-driven urgency, and trust yourself without constant doubt.Website: janettechu.caFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter
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Deciding Under Anxiety: Intuition vs Urgency
Jan 2300:18:39Tap to summarizeIn Episode 15 of In The Messy Podcast, Jan explains why anxiety makes decision-making feel urgent, how anxious attachment skews choices, and how to distinguish anxiety-driven urges from true intuition. Learn nervous system tools to make calm, values-aligned decisions you can stand behind.Website: janettechu.caFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter
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Healing Anxious Attachment from the Inside Out
Dec 1900:19:01Tap to summarizeIf you struggle with anxious attachment, fear of abandonment, or emotional spirals in relationships, this episode is for you. In Episode 14 of In The Messy Podcast, registered psychotherapist Jan shares how to heal anxious attachment from the inside out using evidence-based therapy approaches like IFS, EFT, DBT, and EMDR. Learn why anxious attachment isn’t a life sentence, how nervous system healing creates real change, and the emotional skills needed to build secure, healthy relationships. This episode includes personal insights, real client transformations, and a clear path toward feeling calm, grounded, and worthy of love.Website: janettechu.caFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter
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