Big Homie, Diddy's ex-bodyguard

Summary

Podcast Summary: Intentionally Disturbing - Episode: Big Homie, Diddy's Ex-Bodyguard

Host: Dr. Leslie
Guest: Big Homie CC (Former Bodyguard of Diddy)
Release Date: May 22, 2025

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Introduction

In this gripping episode of Intentionally Disturbing, host Dr. Leslie engages in a profound conversation with Big Homie CC, Diddy's former bodyguard. Drawing from his extensive background as a forensic and clinical psychologist, Dr. Leslie delves deep into the murky realms of the music industry's darker side, personal anecdotes, and the intricate balance between protection and morality.

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Big Homie's Background

Big Homie CC shares his tumultuous upbringing on Chicago's South Side, specifically the Chatham Gresham area. From a young age, he was immersed in a lifestyle fraught with violence and illicit activities. His father, involved in illicit trade, ensured Big Homie was always protected by seasoned bodyguards, exposing him early to the realities of danger and defense.

Big Homie CC [16:03]: "I remember FBI coming to the house, telling him there was a threat against his life. He ended up hiring bodyguards."

This early exposure not only equipped him with survival skills but also ingrained a strong moral compass, emphasizing protection over perpetuation of violence.

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Experiences in the Music Industry

Throughout his 17-year career as a bodyguard, Big Homie witnessed numerous abuses and complicity within the music industry. He expresses frustration over the industry's inability to halt these malpractices despite longstanding issues.

Big Homie CC [04:32]: "I've been a protector of women and children my entire life. I haven't been compromised."

His role often placed him at the intersection of glamor and grime, allowing him unique insights into the industry's underbelly.

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Protecting Against Drink Spiking

A significant portion of the conversation revolves around the pervasive issue of drink spiking in clubs. Big Homie emphasizes the importance of vigilance and proactive measures to safeguard oneself.

Big Homie CC [10:03]: "I always got rules. Whenever somebody orders a Magnum bottle of Grey Goose, I'm gonna use my flashlight to look at the bottom of the bottle immediately."

He highlights practical steps, such as requesting to open one's own bottle and being cautious of seemingly high-quality liquors that may have been tampered with.

Additionally, Big Homie introduces Note, a partner in creating a hot pink drink cover designed to prevent spiking, alongside a comprehensive drug test kit that detects over 17 common drugs.

Big Homie CC [04:19]: "Together we made a hot pink drink cover to prevent drink spiking."

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Personal Philosophy and Morality

Big Homie's unwavering commitment to protecting others is juxtaposed with his involvement in a violent profession. He discusses the delicate balance between maintaining moral integrity while operating in high-stakes environments.

Big Homie CC [14:07]: "It's not much reconciliation for me because my track record speaks for itself. I've been a protector of women and children my entire life."

He believes in using his "dark side" as a tool for protection rather than succumbing to malice, emphasizing preparedness and situational awareness.

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Personal Stories and Incidents

The episode is rich with harrowing tales from Big Homie's career. One particularly harrowing account involves a violent shootout where he sustained serious injuries:

Big Homie CC [55:17]: "I saw a chunk of my arm fly off... I saw my front row of teeth. We patched ourselves up; one of my buddies lost his eye."

Despite the brutal encounters, Big Homie recounts moments where his moral compass was tested but ultimately remained steadfast, ensuring that violence was meted out only against those who deserved it.

Big Homie CC [60:18]: "I felt like I broke it. And I kind of let myself down at that time, but I was able to circumvent that immediately."

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Family Influence and Community Impact

A recurring theme is the influence of Big Homie's family, particularly his mother, Sharon. Her unwavering support and moral guidance played a pivotal role in shaping his principles.

Big Homie CC [50:30]: "I've seen my mom get mistreated, and I seen her raising two little boys alone. I seen her escape poverty."

His actions have had a profound impact on his family and community, earning him the respect and gratitude of many who feel safer because of his vigilant protection.

Big Homie CC [28:28]: "People know why they want to deal with you. So, like, it paid off. It wasn't just for me. It wasn't just for me because I'm, like, the last man really left in the family."

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Future Projects and Vision

Looking ahead, Big Homie introduces The Colony, a visionary project aimed at creating a self-sustaining community governed by like-minded individuals. By collecting donations, the initiative seeks to establish a peaceful enclave equipped with essential infrastructure to ensure safety and sustainability.

Big Homie CC [37:25]: "We purchased a large swath of land. I have a project where 500 families are donating $2,000 to create a colony of like-minded people."

This project underscores his commitment to fostering communities that prioritize safety, mutual respect, and sustainability.

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Balancing Fear and Empowerment

A poignant discussion emerges around the concepts of fear and empowerment. While Big Homie acknowledges the necessity of being prepared and vigilant, he distinguishes between fear and a proactive sense of empowerment.

Big Homie CC [65:53]: "I don't know where fear is and empowerment is a duty. I feel like fear and respect sometimes can be the same thing."

He advocates for building inner strength and community education to navigate and prevent potential threats effectively.

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Conclusion

This episode of Intentionally Disturbing offers a raw and unfiltered glimpse into the life of Big Homie CC, a man who stands as a bulwark against the dark forces within the music industry and beyond. His relentless pursuit of justice, combined with his profound moral compass, paints the picture of a guardian dedicated to protecting the vulnerable and challenging the status quo. Through personal anecdotes, actionable advice, and a steadfast commitment to his principles, Big Homie's narrative is both inspiring and thought-provoking, urging listeners to reflect on the fine line between protection and perpetuation of violence.

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Notable Quotes:

• Big Homie CC [05:17]: "I've been a protector of women and children my entire life. I haven't been compromised."

• Big Homie CC [10:03]: "I always got rules. Whenever somebody orders a Magnum bottle of Grey Goose, I'm gonna use my flashlight to look at the bottom of the bottle immediately."

• Big Homie CC [14:07]: "It's not much reconciliation for me because my track record speaks for itself. I've been a protector of women and children my entire life."

• Big Homie CC [55:17]: "I saw a chunk of my arm fly off... I saw my front row of teeth. We patched ourselves up; one of my buddies lost his eye."

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Timestamp Highlights:

• [02:23] Introduction of Big Homie CC and his role in the Diddy trial.
• [10:01] Detailed steps to prevent drink spiking.
• [16:03] Recounting early childhood experiences and influence of bodyguards.
• [28:28] Impact on family and community.
• [37:25] Introduction of "The Colony" project.
• [65:53] Discussion on fear and empowerment.

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This episode serves as a compelling testament to the complexities of living with a dual identity as both protector and participant in industries riddled with ethical challenges. Big Homie CC's story is one of resilience, moral steadfastness, and unwavering commitment to justice.

Transcript

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[Dr. Leslie]

Oh hey, you're here. Welcome back for another episode of intentionally disturbing with Dr. Leslie. And today's guest is Big Homie CC. Now, we recorded this episode, I would say about a year ago, way before the diddy trial started. And now that we are in week two of the diddy trial, big homies predictions have come true, which is fascinating to me that the music Industry Holly. Weird. Everyone has really watched a lot of abuse and horrible things. People were complicit and no one stopped it after. It went on for years and years and years. So tune in, listen up, because Big homie has some amazing advice and some incredible insights, especially around drink spiking and the alcohol you're getting in clubs. I'm so happy to partner with note because together we made a hot pink drink cover to prevent drink spiking. And they have made the most incredible drink spiking drug test kit. It tests over 17 different common drugs. And those are some of the drugs you'll hear about from big homie and we are seeing in the diddy trial. This is amazing. Tune in. I can't wait for you to listen. Oh, hey, you're here. Thank you for sitting down and talking to me.

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It's a pleasure. It's a pleasure.

[Dr. Leslie]

Okay, how can I address you, Big Homie? Bh.

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BH is good. Big Homie. Big Homie is good.

[Dr. Leslie]

Big Homie.

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Sure.

[Dr. Leslie]

Okay. I'm really excited that you are taking the time to talk to me.

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I'm excited as well. I'm excited. You came highly recommended. I may have got a threat to make sure I didn't miss this. For sure. Thank you for having me. Thank you.

[Dr. Leslie]

So you. You've spent your life protecting people.

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Yeah, the last 17 years, for sure.

[Dr. Leslie]

Has been my 17 years.

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Yeah, 17 years straight. Sure.

[Dr. Leslie]

So my goal is to. I want to hear your story because I think that you are an incredible fucking human being. And although some people may be calling you a snitch right now, we gotta tell the story of why you're coming out. And you are bringing justice and protection to a scene that's been crazy for a long time.

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For sure. For sure. So first and foremost, yeah, let's just go ahead and correct the narrative because we got a lot of keyboard warriors who are now gangsters now.

[Dr. Leslie]

Yeah.

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And they're determining who's a snitch and who's not. And none of them have ever done anything at all, ever. To be a snitch, two people have to commit a crime and one of them has to agree to testify on the other. I haven't implicated anybody in any crime. I am speaking my story from my perspective. So if you're saying I'm a snitch, okay, well, you come tell me I'm a snitch and explain to me your logic and I'll disprove you.

[Dr. Leslie]

I'm gonna hit you with some hard questions.

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All right?

[Dr. Leslie]

And a lot of these questions are coming from what's in the media and what we're seeing. Because what we're fed me personally is not what you've seen or experienced. So I'm fed this media version of the underworld. But you've lived it, you've experienced it, definitely. And I want you to break this narrative. I want you to give us the truth and I want people to see because I genuinely respect you. I want your voice to be heard as the truth and to stop this conspiracy bullshit.

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[Dr. Leslie]

Can you do that for me?

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[Dr. Leslie]

Okay. Where do we start?

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Well, funny thing is I get asked this question a lot like, why am I speaking out now? Et cetera, et cetera. Truth is, I have been saying this for years. And the fact that I stood up for people who couldn't stand up for themselves. Media outlets, powerful people went out of their way to make sure I couldn't get interviews. I couldn't get any opportunity to say this. People who know me know I have been saying this for years before there were all of these media platforms on, before YouTube.

[Dr. Leslie]

So let's break this down. Who are you saying it to?

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Anybody who would listen, Who? Some of the same platforms I'm on now I was reaching out to years ago.

[Dr. Leslie]

And who's dampering your voice?

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Co conspirators for the indoctrination of oppressing people. Basically, straight up, I've been saying this for years. I've been beating dudes up for years for spiking girls drinks. I've been knocking guys out for years for doing weird things to other people. And you know, when I first started this, no one is taking a photo of the bodyguard. They'll purposely edit you out of all of that, all of this type of stuff. Things have changed now. So now people are taking pictures of me and people are putting up videos. I'm like, yo, I remember hearing from this year from this event. They posted it on YouTube. You know, for years people would say, Keith, BH, why are you taking photos of this? Why are you? Because I always had a plan to eventually, you know, when I did come out full fledged with my story, I wanted to have certain receipts. And that's why all my YouTube has been going viral. That's why people been real hesitant to come out and challenge the things that I'm staying saying. And my stances. I've been saying this for years. My family, anybody who knows me in Chicago, people know I've been saying this for years. They used to call me a hater. Because I would say, yeah, I don't want to go to this party. Because, yeah, you know, it's gonna be four or five dudes all hugging you from the front and back. I don't want to go. Yeah, you know, and they would say, you're a hater. People be so enamored by the bright lights, the glitz and glamour. You know, they not there. You are enamored by it, but you're not there. I'm a witness.

[Dr. Leslie]

When you say people, who are the people?

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The average Joe, the average lady, the person who looks up to these stars, the people who are keeping up with the who's who. The person who's living above their means to live like their favorite celebrity. Those people. Okay, Absolutely. I've been saying it for years, and I've been standing on certain business and morals and principles. Four years. So that's why, you know, this footage of me attacking guys at parties because, you know, I've had my own drinks spiked before.

[Dr. Leslie]

Can you say more?

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I was with a client at a party. We in a pretty affluent nightclub. And I distinctly remember at this time, what's the guy named? Trinidad James song, All gold. Everything was popping. And I'll never forget it. Everybody in our group, probably a group of 16 people, trust fund kids and stuff like that, happened to be my birthday as well. So they said, keith, you should have a drink. One drink. And blacked out.

[Dr. Leslie]

What?

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Everybody with us blacked out, but I was able to go on autopilot and.

[Dr. Leslie]

What do you mean, blacked out?

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Yeah, like, no recollection for how long? From. For about six hours. Like, you know, we going back to the club the next day, checking camera footage, and all of a sudden, they say, I started demanding that we all leave. I'm escorting people out. No recollection of it at all. But I knew I was. I said, this is. This is not right. Something's wrong here. And that's how it goes. So, you know.

[Dr. Leslie]

That's how it goes.

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Yeah. So I always got rules.

[Dr. Leslie]

You gotta. You're just always ready to be roofied for sure.

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So, you know, whenever. Let's say somebody orders a Magnum bottle of Grey Goose.

[Dr. Leslie]

Yeah.

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I'm gonna use my flashlight. Look at the bottom of the bottle immediately.

[Dr. Leslie]

What are you looking for?

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Because if additives added to that bottle, it's going to take longer to dissolve in vodka or cognac or whiskey in champagne before it gets to the bottom is automatically starting to dissolve. So if they bring champagne bottles to the table and the corks are already popped, they got to take them back, but we're not going to take them. There's rules you got to follow by.

[Dr. Leslie]

So ordering clear vodka is safer.

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Okay.

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And you gotta.

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And watching it be opened, you gotta.

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[Dr. Leslie]

Okay.

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And then most times, you know, at nightclubs, half the time you may think that's Grey goose, but it's not. It's a cheaper version of vodka.

[Dr. Leslie]

If it hasn't been opened, or if.

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[Dr. Leslie]

I did not even think about that.

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[Dr. Leslie]

So you're in this life, you're seeing this play out. You're protecting your principles.

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Yes.

[Dr. Leslie]

And you are speaking out as much as you can, but you're being dampered. And you're still gonna make money and do your job. How do you remedy this juxtaposition of there's bad happening, but I'm kind of helping the bad perpetuate the bad.

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So here's the thing. Whenever there are exigent circumstances, there's a small group of people you can call to handle that. So oftentimes people who didn't like me, I'm on a short list of people, so they still have to call me. They would just limit what I'll be able to see and interact with just like that. And like, I have never sat idle by. Why? No rapes took place on my watch. Nobody was taken advantage of on my watch. And I stand on this. This cannot be tested, contested, anything along the lines like I have never perpetuated. In the situations where people are forcing evil on others, I'm the person people call to deal with evil people. Absolutely. Yeah.

[Dr. Leslie]

How do you reconcile being a part of this underworld and getting a paycheck from it? Even though you're trying to speak out, you're still in it.

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Well, it's not much reconciliation for me because my track record speaks for itself. I've been a protector of women and children my entire life. I haven't been compromised. And I firmly believe that as a man, you gotta make a choice. You know, some men are artists, some men are painters, some people are in a technology. And throughout history, you had hunters, you had gatherers, and then you had that separate group who their designated job was to come burn your village. And even Jesus tore up the church before. A man who's not dangerous is a man who's going to die a thousand deaths.

[Dr. Leslie]

I like that.

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I'm only gonna die once.

[Dr. Leslie]

I like that. Not too soon, though.

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Oh, no. Situational awareness.

[Dr. Leslie]

So is your goal to call out the monsters?

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My goal is to challenge them.

[Dr. Leslie]

Yeah.

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Yeah. You know, I've had to humble men my whole life, starting as a kid, like, with men in my family. You know, once I was big enough, all abuse to the ladies in my.

[Dr. Leslie]

Family stopped, take me there, Take me there. How young are we talking?

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You know, I remember being five or six years old, seeing things happen, and I said, you know, when I'm big enough, this coming to a.

[Dr. Leslie]

So you're five or six years old, you're in Chicago?

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Yeah, born and raised. Real south side, Chatham Gresham area, you know, all through the city. I'm a Southsider, though. Go Socks.

[Dr. Leslie]

And you're witnessing a family life. That sounds chaotic.

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Yeah, I never really got the chance to, like, sit and watch Dragon Ball Z like most guys. I never seen SpongeBob, you feel me? From a very young age, you know, I was immediately immersed into a certain lifestyle. Like my dad. My dad had an illicit trade as I was growing up. I remember FBI coming to the house, telling him there was a threat against his life. He ended up hiring bodyguards. So that was my first experience of seeing this profession. So it was two gentlemen. These are all Muslim guys. One guy named Rasool, one guy named Sterling shepherd, another guy named Darnell MacAskill. These guys were assigned to me for several years, and they would tell me, like, your dad's a bad dude, so you're gonna have things happen. We want you to be tough. So, you know, they got me watching cartel torture videos.

[Dr. Leslie]

Cartel torture videos?

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[Dr. Leslie]

What are you watching? What's this video?

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People getting beat, guys getting their genitals ate by pit bulls and horrific things. So, like, my cousin, my little brother, they would cry, and they would take them out and they would say, you ain't crying, so you gonna keep watching it with us? So, yeah, it kind of groomed me to be like this. You know, they got me in before school. These guys would pick me up, and they would give me a.22 Derringer, and they would teach me how to shoot cats in the alley, and they would laugh, and this was a jovial experience for them as a kid. For me, initially, it wasn't really jovial, but I was able to understand that, you know, there is no history without violence.

[Dr. Leslie]

How old are you shooting at? 22?

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Second? Third grade? Eight. Yeah, around that time. Yeah.

[Dr. Leslie]

Nine.

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Yeah. But, you know, we living in the area high crime, you know, you gotta survival of the fittest, you know, you either, you either protect yourself or get victimized. It's a choice you make. These guys just felt like I was able to handle certain things. So, like earlier today when we doing our first part of the the show, like those techniques, they were teaching me that as a kid I was learning that stuff. So by 12, 13, you feel me? I'm 6ft tall at 12 years old, you feel me? I'm 250 pounds. So they teaching me things. I'm able to participate in the exercises with them. So, you know, they got me going out to Wisconsin doing room clearing drills, firearm drills. You know, I done been to bodyguard schools in Colorado doing body language classes, a lot of things, you feel me? You know, I was always in gifted programs as a child. I started going to college in fifth grade. So by the time I got to college age, I had a lot of college credits already. So I graduated school fast, you feel me? I graduated college fast, pursued football dreams. And I always felt like I said, you know what, I'm a little bit sharper than all these guys.

[Dr. Leslie]

Yeah.

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You know, I'm not just a jock. So I like, man, my body getting tore up, get concussions. You know, you can't really read books and stuff anymore. You know, I used to read encyclopedias as a hobby. So like, I decided, you know, I'm gonna use my brain, start me a business. And I knew all of the athletes and stuff like that, so I went right into security. I already was doing it in the neighborhood for like drug deals and stuff like that. And then I know I just started to feel like when you start to deal with different cultures of people, you know, like, I don't know if I should say that. I know some guys that are some triad guys, right, they wouldn't distribute certain products in their own neighborhood. And that was a profound to me. I see my own people doing it though. So I learned the importance of being cultured at that point because my mom's a school teacher and she used to always say, it's not a normal kid. Like, how do I handle him? You feel me? Because I never had a problem being violent, but I always had a problem with who it was toward. I don't believe in picking on the weak. I don't want to fight somebody who can't fight. I don't want to be. I don't get no credit for destroying a person who can't even destroy me.

[Dr. Leslie]

Tell me more about the things that are so impressive about you. So your dad laid out this landscape for you.

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Yeah.

[Dr. Leslie]

Of who he wanted you to be, in a sense. And you've molded that with becoming this strength, this protector, this superior person.

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Huh.

[Dr. Leslie]

How did you do this? How did you take being 8 or 9 years old with bodyguards protecting you, shooting cats and become this?

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Well, you had mentioned a few seconds ago that my dad laid out a pathway. Right. The paradox about that is, like, my dad was really, like, my first enemy, so. And he's no joke. No, this is a dangerous dude, a tough guy. It's a dangerous dude. Like, you know, I knew it was inspiring to me to be able to build myself up, to be able to one day challenge him.

[Dr. Leslie]

Oh, motivation.

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And I knew. I knew I better be ready the day I would challenge him, because his nickname is Devilman. I wanted to be the opposite of him because, you know, I remember being a young guy coming to him about, you know, dating and stuff like that. I always aspired to be a husband, and, you know, he would disagree with that. But I'm like, you're married to my mom, and you don't want me to be a husband. You want me to be whoremongering, per se.

[Dr. Leslie]

What's the. What's the smirk that comes when you talk about him?

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Cause, you know, I really don't like this guy.

[Dr. Leslie]

Yeah, but you do.

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I love him to an extent, but at the same time, I really don't. Sometimes I get uncomfortable that I haven't really been able to. He runs when I. When I'm coming. If he hears I'm coming, he pleads. I get satisfaction from that.

[Dr. Leslie]

So you got your power back.

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Absolutely. Most importantly, the ladies in my family got their power back. Yeah, you know, I'm a pillar in my family. Like, none of my nieces and nephews, little sisters, nobody have a story of them being abused. Nobody was sexually assaulted. Because, you know, I'll admit, you know, I went out my way to make sure people feared me at times simply because the only thing that men respect is danger. So me being like that kept a lot of people safe. I've seen ladies be able to beat addiction and be able to be matriarchs, and that's what matters to me. And every day, I get messages from them. My family gave me my flowers. They tell me, yeah, without me, there wouldn't be no family. So that's why I was smirking, because.

[Dr. Leslie]

It'S like, how does it feel to say that without you, there wouldn't be a family?

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It's like the highest honor Especially being an African American man. And the stereotypes that get pushed upon all types of men, especially in my community, to know that I'm the opposite of that. And I get my subsequent praises for it. It's a fulfilling experience. There's one thing I smile about daily.

[Dr. Leslie]

Who you've become.

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Absolutely.

[Dr. Leslie]

And what you've done.

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Absolutely. Definitely.

[Dr. Leslie]

So taking me back to school, what were you like in elementary school?

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Elementary school, I was trying to be the smartest man in the world. I wanted to go to Harvard. I wanted to be a scientist. You know, I had the highest test scores in Chicago public school history. I was always in a 99th percentile and always tested. Even in high school, I had a perfect score on act. Didn't even study. But they said I didn't study. But I really was studying my whole life. So, like. But nobody cared about that, though. It wasn't until I said I was a gangster that people really paid attention to me.

[Dr. Leslie]

Wait, we're talking about education and you get attention as a gangster?

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Yeah. Nobody cared that I was like. My grandmother would always say, he's a genius. He gonna be the one to bring the family up. So I never got a whooping. I never got a spanking. I barely. I never really had no disciplinary actions taken toward me. You feel me? I was. Yeah. My mom said I was an anomaly. She lives with me to this day. She said I'm never with my son. She said, no one's mistreated me. This is my son. Been 15.

[Dr. Leslie]

So how would she describe you?

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My mom always says this. She says, my youngest son, he might break your nose, but he'll come to the hospital and pray with you and pray for you. My oldest son, if he break your nose, lock the hospital up, because he may come to finish the job. My mom says this? Yeah.

[Dr. Leslie]

What do you think?

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I like it. I like it because me being strong gave people in my family something to stand on and build upon, and they was able to. I wake up every day with, like, messages from people in my. Some ladies in my family telling me nothing ever happened to us because of you. People was. They know why they want to deal with you. So, like, it paid off. It wasn't just for me. It wasn't just for me because I'm, like, the last man really left in the family.

[Dr. Leslie]

So how do you.

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Me and my brother.

[Dr. Leslie]

How did you find this place in life with everything so immoral around you and just. We're talking gangsters. We're talking so much violence, incarceration, all of this, and you carried this thread of honor, honestly.

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My grandmother Jeanette, rest in peace, my aunt Nina, my mother Sharon, they kept me in the church. They kept me in the church, like, without being in church, asserting those principles being instilled in me, I would have went wayward for sure. For sure. So, like, the things I identify with, like biblical literature and stuff like that, you know, I've read seven different Bibles. I read the Quran, I read the Torah. You know, I take bits and pieces from different things and apply them to myself. You know, I feel like a man without rules and without something to believe in. You know, your soul could be up and for sale. And I always felt that my soul won't be for sale, that no matter what harm I've done, the positive that I've done will be my ticket, you know, to get to heaven for sure. That's what I believe in. And just knowing, you know, they believed in me.

[Dr. Leslie]

They believed in you.

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They believed in me.

[Dr. Leslie]

Your family.

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Yeah, the women, the ladies believed in me from day one.

[Dr. Leslie]

And they felt safe because of you.

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Absolutely. Absolutely.

[Dr. Leslie]

That's. That's powerful because most women don't feel safe every minute of every day.

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Facts. That's a fact. That's a fact. You know, it used to be legal to beat your wife in this country. Women couldn't vote until the 60s. There are certain countries where ladies couldn't drive until last year. And this is the only species on the planet that can carry life. Suspicious.

[Dr. Leslie]

Incredible. And it's time for a break.

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[Dr. Leslie]

So take me to high school.

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[Dr. Leslie]

Okay, so you're in high school. You're aspiring to be in football, great grades, Dad's in prison, you're the man of the house. You're running the streets. How do you carry both?

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[Dr. Leslie]

Okay. I want to challenge you a little bit.

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[Dr. Leslie]

Because that's the humble part that I kind of want to smack.

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[Dr. Leslie]

It's not the community entirely. It's you. So what in you kept you going forward and building your legacy? How did you do it? Where's your strength?

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[Dr. Leslie]

So you have this intellectual capacity to run a room. You can carry it. You have the emotional capacity to calm yourself and be present.

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[Dr. Leslie]

So you're running through high school. You're running the streets.

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Yeah.

[Dr. Leslie]

You have your community, but you are growing as a man.

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[Dr. Leslie]

So who's the man after high school?

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After high school, my purpose was like, you know what? It's time to become a millionaire. Because when you doing bodyguard work for people, and, like, you see the confidence that, like, rich dudes have and then something real, that's be the question. I say, without this money, would you have this same confidence? So, like, people always say that they can't tell if I got a hundred dollars or a hundred thousand dollars. Like, that's like the true measure of a man to me. Like, calm, collected, leader at all times. You know, sometimes you got to be wild. Most times you got to be stoic. And I just try to live by that.

[Dr. Leslie]

How did you change when you started becoming a part of this industry? Getting paychecks, being amongst such wealth?

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Truth is, I didn't change. And that's what really led to me to be here. Because if I would have changed, then I'm going to be a participant in this lascivious activity that people got going on. I'm looking down on these guys. Once I found myself looking down on the people that everybody was worshiping, I knew at that point, like, you know what, Keith? You a little bit different, and you should just stay your course because, you know, it's just no amount of money that you can give me for you to put me in a compromising position for the thought of having a position at some record label. Have you ever heard of an internship to be a police officer? You ever heard of an internship to be a plumber or a doctor? No, this the only industry where people come and work for free for the thought to be in the glitz and glamour. Strange.

[Dr. Leslie]

So to me, that's grooming. That's abuse of authority.

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[Dr. Leslie]

So at what point does that take over someone's mindset? Vision, desire, ability to see who they really are?

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Oftentimes I heard a term that you don't know who you are until you have some money. Right. And then I will see people get money. And now they're delving off into things they normally wouldn't do. And then you see the guy who gets a big bag of money and he's still in his Honda Civic.

[Dr. Leslie]

You.

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That's me.

[Dr. Leslie]

Yeah.

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Cause you know I get money, but I got the same outfit 200 times.

[Dr. Leslie]

Yeah, but you're dripping in diamonds.

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Absolutely. You see what I'm saying? And then like people that say, are your diamonds real? I'm like, buddy, I was getting $400,000 checks in 2012 and my wardrobe is not sitting in my closet. So, you know.

[Dr. Leslie]

So we're jumping into kind of industry talk.

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Let's jump.

[Dr. Leslie]

Can I ask you, who are the good guys?

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Before I answer this, you gotta cheer some goulet with me.

[Dr. Leslie]

I don't want to fuck up the microphone in the cup placement.

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[Dr. Leslie]

Cheers to the good guys.

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The good fight has no beginning date and no end date.

[Dr. Leslie]

How many cliches do you want to use?

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[Dr. Leslie]

Do you have ptsd?

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I did the traumatizer. I'm not traumatized.

[Dr. Leslie]

Do you have nightmares?

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[Dr. Leslie]

Really?

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[Dr. Leslie]

Okay. But you do, you do guard even when you're not on guard?

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[Dr. Leslie]

He does it too. He's got ptsd.

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Maybe he's just a man.

[Dr. Leslie]

I don't know. Then you're seeing a lot of men are just straight up.

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Most men are.

[Dr. Leslie]

Okay.

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Because certain guys wouldn't get celebrated if all men were created equal.

[Dr. Leslie]

Future goals.

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I have a project going on right now called the Colony. There's a website called TheColony Life. We purchased a large swath of land. I have a project where 500 families are donating $2,000 to create a colony of people, of like minded people. To have a self sustaining community that is governed by a board of like minded people where people can live peacefully amongst each other.

[Dr. Leslie]

This sounds like a cult.

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A cult usually has a disillusioned leader, not a board of people. That get voted in.

[Dr. Leslie]

Where is this? How much is it? What are we doing?

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[Dr. Leslie]

Will there be freak offs?

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[Dr. Leslie]

Yeah, Okay. I love your integrity. I worry about your public perception, your public Persona now that you're speaking out.

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Other day in the grocery store, a little old lady about 70 walked up and hugged me. And I'm like, why is this lady grabbing me? You feel me? Because, you know, I don't let nobody get close to me like that. But the way she walked up and she grabbed me and then she pulled out her phone and said, I was watching you, young man, and you're a big handsome feller. And she just walked away. That right there, you know, I always told my mom, you know, pray for me, but also pray for my enemies though, because my mom not gonna cry. I'm real good at what I do, so I smile. Mostly.

[Dr. Leslie]

I believe you.

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Thank you. Thank you.

[Dr. Leslie]

Can I be in this inner circle now?

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Absolutely. Absolutely. You came highly recommended, too. Are you really genuinely cool, though?

[Dr. Leslie]

That's nice.

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You're a shark.

[Dr. Leslie]

But, you know, I'm straightforward.

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Yeah. Most women should be straightforward, but I've.

[Dr. Leslie]

Also been in life, so it builds character. So big question.

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[Dr. Leslie]

How do you explain this to the kids in our world growing up and wanting to be in this industry? What do you say to my daughter who's 7 years old and wants to be an actress and a musician?

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I would tell her parents to home school her and remove the iPad and iPhone.

[Dr. Leslie]

Really?

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Yeah. I wouldn't tell the kid that.

[Dr. Leslie]

Really?

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Yeah. Children are being raised by devices now. Parents gotta work. Parents gotta have a life. If they raised by technology. You know, they're banning social media in certain countries and states.

[Dr. Leslie]

Yeah. And censoring it. Yeah.

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What world we live in.

[Dr. Leslie]

So how do you explain. Honey, you could be. You could be an incredible singer, but this is the culture you'd be entering into.

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That's why I'm 36 years old, never had anybody pregnant, only had one relationship, never had any children.

[Dr. Leslie]

You don't want kids.

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I don't believe I can keep my children safe.

[Dr. Leslie]

Really?

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No, I don't.

[Dr. Leslie]

Because of the world.

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Absolutely. And I don't want to have small children in case certain things that are. The United States military just sent soldiers to secure the Alaskan border. There are Russian warships 60 miles outside of Florida. China has a plan to be the superpower by 2050. They're harassing every ship in the China Sea. They have extermination vans, execution vans. You violate the law and you have a low social credit score. They sit in this van in your house, execute you in the van. You don't go back in your apartment.

[Dr. Leslie]

So if you could give a commencement speech to college undergrads, what would it be?

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[Dr. Leslie]

But they just graduated.

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Yeah. I just paid off my mom's student loan. She's been a teacher 15 years.

[Dr. Leslie]

Yeah. That's incredible.

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Her student loans was 130,000. She'll never make that much in a year.

[Dr. Leslie]

No. So in a sense, you're saying, find yourself in who you are and not be influenced or impacted by the media or the world and where, especially in America, we're pushing people.

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Most of the things we eat in this country are illegal. Everywhere else. I would tell people, find your cause, enrich your family. Don't seek so much validation from strangers. Be as good of a human as you can be, but be prepared to be a dark form of yourself to keep you and yourself safe. Because no matter how good of a person you are, there are things that do go bump in the night. The boogeyman comes in several forms.

[Dr. Leslie]

I completely agree. I think we all have a dark side, a psychopath in us that we call upon. And if he's present too often, that's bad. But we need to know he's there. And we have to name him.

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[Dr. Leslie]

What's yours called?

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Gordo.

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Gordo.

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Why? So. Well, let me correct some. My nickname most of my life was always killer. And you gotta know that you're capable of being darker than the darkest force if you want to live. If you're using this darkness as a tool to win, you're not really being dark. You're adapting to win. But then you gotta be able to pull yourself back out, because if you stay there now, you let people down and love you. Choose peace. Choose love. But be prepared to be vicious.

[Dr. Leslie]

So where's Gordo stay? And when's he come out?

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[Dr. Leslie]

Thank you for doing this with me.

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[Dr. Leslie]

You know, growing up, everyone told me that I wasn't allowed to be the conscience for the community. And I told them all the fuck off.

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You know why that is? You got gumption.

[Dr. Leslie]

So do you.

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I'm looking at my own reflection.

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[Dr. Leslie]

So I call my dark side the Panther. Yeah.

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She seeks vengeance. And she will ruin you until it's over.

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That man. So would you say you got a mean streak?

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I don't forgive ever.

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[Dr. Leslie]

Yeah, you're perpetuating the bad behavior.

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Which you're stopping. And your life goal is just that. Which is incredible.

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[Dr. Leslie]

You're changing the world. And it's time to stop changing the world one by one. It's time to start on a bigger platform.

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My mom told me I was changing the world this morning. So for you to say that right now is pretty profound.

[Dr. Leslie]

Yeah. Can I take her out for dinner? Wait, like Applebee's? What is she like?

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[Dr. Leslie]

How old is she?

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My mom is 63.

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Oh, my God. She's young.

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Yeah, yeah. You know, school teacher. Right now, she been shopping all day at the thrift store. Her little dog, she put Melly in a stroller and they get to moving around. So she liked that. She like wine cheese. She like wearing like the heels and stuff you got on. Yeah, she'll indulge in that for sure.

[Dr. Leslie]

Oh, you adore her.

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Absolutely. That's amazing. Absolutely. Yeah. You know, I seen my mom get mistreated, and I seen her raising two little boys alone. I seen her escape poverty. I seen her work two jobs. I seemed to be a lifelong educator. I seen her on a fixed income. You know, I was wearing a size 15 shoes in sixth grade. And I got a little brother who just as big as me. I seen her make the impossible happen alone. And I told her, as soon as I'm big enough, nobody will ever play with you again. So when I hear her on the phone, I hear her coworker saying, sharon, why you always so smiling? Why you so happy? Cause ain't nobody mistreating me. My son scared everybody away. That means a lot to me. Cause when I couldn't defend myself, she defended me. She the one who, you know, she raised King Kong.

[Dr. Leslie]

I like that.

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[Dr. Leslie]

Everyone needs a gordo.

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[Dr. Leslie]

We'Re gonna take a quick break and we'll be right back.

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You've been in a lot of situations that are life or death. When did morality come into play?

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[Dr. Leslie]

Smashed from what?

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There was an altercation that took place. There were some gentlemen who had pulled an act on a young lady, and there was a retaliation for that. And the fact that we stuck up for this young lady. There was a group of guys who didn't appreciate that. So they took it upon themselves to take part in my demise. And unfortunately for them, they just wasn't on the same level. Because it's not violence that separates men. It's the distance that those men are willing to go that separate men. So there was opportunities that we could have took action upon. People who were far removed from the situation because the people that was really in the crosshairs were actively hiding. So your morals come into place when you see somebody who is directly connected to somebody you want to really get your hands on. But this is a woman with children. There's rules of engagement. You either abide by these things or you're no longer a pillar. Now you're a monster. And that's really where morality came to a head for me personally. I sing in my own blood. Me and my team have had several bloody days. This was. This was the bloodiest one. And I'll send you footage of this. I'll send you photos and stuff like that. You know, I was eating a slice of pizza and I seen this part right here where I got a skin graft right here. I seen a chunk of my arm fly off, and I'm like, damn, they're shooting at me. We get to the car now, it's a little chase going on. Exchange of gunfire in traffic ends up being a car crash. I'll send you the footage. I got an eye patch and I couldn't go directly to the hospital. We had first aid kids. We patched ourselves up one of my buddies. We had to all ante up for him to get plastic surgery because he lost his eye. His nose was hanging off his face. A.223 bullet went across his face. And I was real angry for about 30 seconds. All bets was off. My moral compass, that got tucked away. And I said, man, how, you know, how would my grandmother feel? Because, you know, I scrutinized people for not helping her cross the street before.

[Dr. Leslie]

Did your moral compass get tucked away or did justice become more clear?

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[Dr. Leslie]

What's wrong with that?

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[Dr. Leslie]

So are you saying you broke your moral compass in that moment?

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[Dr. Leslie]

That was a moment where you.

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You realized, yeah, I almost became on the 97% of bad people.

[Dr. Leslie]

So you had insight and you took that and you became you.

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Yeah. Cause you know, my name get mentioned with reverence. I get a hero's welcome. A lot of places where I go, that all goes away the moment you pull an act that is not honorable. I was always cognizant of that, thanks to my granny and my mom and my auntie.

[Dr. Leslie]

So you had seconds of losing the honor of ability.

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30 seconds hold yourself back. Yep. Because I got a group of guys looking at me. They waiting on me to make the call. I said, all right, now, big bro, say this, we going off the deep end. And I stopped. Some of them resented me for it.

[Dr. Leslie]

I'd rather have that and never again. I just want to touch on too. Like, you look good. You look like you're not a war battled, scarred up, shot up guy.

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I definitely got scars.

[Dr. Leslie]

But you're you. You got scars.

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Yeah.

[Dr. Leslie]

What, like what's happened to your body through all this? Take off the hat, you lost your hair.

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You see this line? You see this line on my forehead? I've had my. My head got busted.

[Dr. Leslie]

Yeah.

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I had to get from what some guys wanted to retaliate against me. They set up a little ambush inside of a nightclub, hit me with a bottle, stabbed me and stabbed you with a bottle? No, hit me with a bottle and I got stabbed in my side with a knife.

[Dr. Leslie]

Okay, so you got stab wounds.

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Yeah, I got stab wounds. I got bullet wounds. I've had several surgeries. I've had torn meniscus. I got a torn ACL and mcl right now. I just don't identify being weak, you know, I'M not gonna reveal no weaknesses to you. I want to limp, but I'm not gonna limp. I'm not gonna reveal no weaknesses at all. You know, I'll just grimace on the inside. That's cool.

[Dr. Leslie]

I think you're incredible. I mean, like, before we got together today, I cut my toe and I've been limping all night.

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Right, Right. And, you know, sometimes you gotta limp, but, you know, I got a torn mcl. Mcl in this knee right here. And, man, I was on crutches and stuff like that, but, like, you can't, man. You just. You make a choice.

[Dr. Leslie]

Yeah.

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Either you gonna be a mountain or a pebble. Pebble. Get picked up and skipped across the water. Can't move that mountain. I'd rather be a mountain for sure.

[Dr. Leslie]

You're incredible.

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Likewise.

[Dr. Leslie]

No, seriously, I. What? What your upbringing in the streets and your life usually turns into.

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My mom says it's the same thing. What you about to say?

[Dr. Leslie]

As somebody who's worked in prisons, state hospitals, and jails for up to 20 years, I can't. I don't know one person who chose morality.

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Because morality is never the easy choice.

[Dr. Leslie]

And it doesn't pay.

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No, it don't pay off.

[Dr. Leslie]

It's not quick.

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I used to sell myself and say, you know what, bro? Some days, you know, I don't even know this is worth it. People used to call me Captain Save a Hoe because I wouldn't let a lady get killed by a man. Sometimes it was women who said this to me. These same women would later call me when they getting. When somebody coming home showing them what the rock is cooking, and they like, oh, my God, I gotta call bh. I got footage of women police officers calling me because a boyfriend is beating them. Won't leave their house. They calling me. Dudes will hear my name. They say, oh, fuck, no, no, no. They hear dugar name. Oh, no, no, no. We don't even want to see fool. Oh, we just gonna leave my baby sister. This boy act like he don't want to leave my house. What? He heard we was coming, never mind, he just left. It pays to rule with an iron fist. Because if people know you got that iron fist, most times you don't gotta swing.

[Dr. Leslie]

Last question.

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Sure.

[Dr. Leslie]

How do you differentiate between fear and empowerment?

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I can honestly say I don't know where fear is and empowerment is a duty. I feel like fear and respect sometimes can be the same thing. But at the same time, I fear no, man. I fear no circumstance. Because with proper preparedness, preparedness and with adequate situational awareness, you can prevent most tragedies. So if there is a crisis, the confidence that you build is going to help you get through that crisis.

[Dr. Leslie]

So it starts on the inside.

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Yeah. It's got to be in you. It's got to be in you.

[Dr. Leslie]

And then you build it and you learn and you educate with your community and your skills.

[Chumba Casino Advertiser]

Absolutely.

[Dr. Leslie]

And all your training.

[Chumba Casino Advertiser]

Absolutely. For sure. The training is definitely important because, you know, you got to be lethal with your hands and feet. People call weapons, I call them tools. You know, that bag over there is full of tools. Some will call them weapons, but it's full of tools. I'm never any place that I'm not armed. And if I pull out a firearm, if you see me, I'm not going to just brandish a gun. I'm not going to brandish a knife. I don't want you to know I have this. So if I'm pulling it out, I'm going to use it now. So, you know, no one is scared of the guy that's always waving his gun around because he's not using his gun. They scared of that gun going off. People are afraid of the guy. They know these dudes are killers. They always calm and they always polite. But the most dangerous guys, they gonna smile, drink goulette with you. The moment there's a threat of danger, though, fangs get shown. Cheers to that.

[Dr. Leslie]

Cheers. Thank you for listening to another episode of Intentionally Disturbing. I've gotta run and get back to reading about this diddy case. See you next time.

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[Dr. Leslie]

Hey, Jenice Torres here and I'm Austin Hankwitz. We're the hosts of Mind the Business Small business Success Stories produced by Ruby Studio and Intuit QuickBooks.

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Catch up on seasons one and two.

[Dr. Leslie]

And join us for a brand new season of the podcast as we talk to small business owners about how they manage and grow their businesses with the help of platforms like Intuit QuickBooks.

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Listen to mind the Business Small business success Stories on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.

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