Podcast Summary – Intentionally Disturbing: “How To Protect Your Kids (Q and A)”
Host: Dr. Leslie
Podcast: Intentionally Disturbing (iHeartPodcasts)
Episode: How To Protect Your Kids (Q and A)
Date: September 25, 2025
Episode Overview
In this Q&A episode, Dr. Leslie, a forensic psychologist, fielded questions from listeners on the theme of protecting children—at home, online, and in the community. Utilizing her signature blend of sharp wit, dark humor, and no-nonsense expertise, she tackled concerns ranging from online safety and grooming to setting boundaries, handling home contractors, and tough stances on issues like sleepovers and household firearms. The episode is packed with practical strategies aimed at empowering parents and caregivers, strengthening intuition, and prioritizing open communication—all without resorting to fear-based approaches.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. Online Safety for Children with Smart Devices
- Question: How to keep a 12-year-old safe on her iPhone? (Mimi)
[03:38]- Parental controls are essential: “An iPhone gives your child access to the world. Right, but then that also means that the world has access to your child.”
- Utilize parent/child iCloud accounts and install monitoring software (Bark, AT&T safety programs).
- Pay close attention to app downloads, e.g., Snapchat, WhatsApp, Roblox—encryption and data deletion features make monitoring tricky.
- Set age restrictions and explain the reasoning behind controls: “Online friends are not real friends. Keep this conversation open.”
- If a parent/guardian is unable to intervene, try to communicate safety messages through friends’ parents or other trusted adults.
2. Addressing Lying and Sneakiness in Teens
- Question: What to do when a 13-year-old is sneaky and lying, even though she's in therapy? (Brittney)
[07:30]- Parents may have legal access to therapeutic records; encourage joint sessions to increase transparency.
- Openly reassure your child that they’re safe to tell the truth: “You don’t need to lie to me. I am your safe person...”
- Lying is a classic grooming tool; perpetrators exploit secrecy for manipulation and threats.
3. Teaching Girls About Grooming in Schools and Sports
- Question: How to teach tween girls about grooming, especially in activities and sports? (Erica Henson)
[09:00]- Reference: Alexandra Cooper’s documentary about sexual harassment in sports.
- Grooming begins with targeting the vulnerable: “Predators look for girls who are just young enough and naive enough to believe a stranger over their parents.”
- Predators use complimentary, validating behavior, offer gifts, and give “safety zone” feelings to gain a child’s trust.
- Important red flags: extra-special attention, being singled out, unearned “special” status.
- Critical advice: “There were times where she felt uncomfortable and she didn’t speak up because the coach had this vibe…” (referencing Cooper’s experience).
- Encourage children to trust their gut feelings and report any “special” treatment or discomfort.
4. Teaching Boys Respect for Consent
- Question: Best way to teach boys “no is a complete answer”? (Alex and Ramey Rick)
[13:30]- Communication is key: “No is a complete sentence and I often say that to him. We can teach boys that although they may have urges...if the other person is not wanting it, they cannot pressure someone.”
- Practice social skills training; young boys often struggle with reciprocal conversation.
- Remove screen distractions; encourage real conversations about consent, sexuality, and social dynamics.
- Exercise to build self-awareness: List what you think others see when you walk into a room; most teens’ self-perceptions are inaccurate.
- Memorable quote: “A young 17-year-old girl is seen as fuckable by a young 17-year-old boy and the girl often does not understand the viewpoint of the boy.” (Dr. Leslie, [14:50])
5. Stranger Danger and Intuition Building for Young Kids
- Question: How to teach a six-year-old caution with strangers—without fear?
[19:05]- Inspired by Gavin de Becker’s work—teach practical skills: “I take my kids out...and I ask them to pick a person to go ask what time it is or where is this store...and then I say, how did you pick that person?”
- After the exercise, debrief with the child—why did one person seem safer than another?
- Emphasize trusting intuition and building confident, authentic self-assurance.
6. Home Safety Protocols—Especially for Single Women
- Question: What should single women do when contractors or repairworkers enter the home? (Vintagebeach Chateau)
[21:04]- “You are a point of vulnerability when you allow a strange man into your home and you are alone.” (Dr. Leslie, [21:30])
- Use only reputable, vetted companies—check their business license, employee info, assigned worker’s name.
- Never be alone if possible, keep someone on speakerphone, inform neighbors, have cameras operating.
- “Lie a lot to make people think that you are not alone and not vulnerable.”
- Self-protection at home is legitimate: carry pepper spray, knife, panic buttons (“very inexpensive” and connect to 911).
- Don’t answer the door unless you must; “Who cares if you can’t sign for the package and you have to go pick it up from UPS another day? Safety is your priority.”
7. Weapons, Drugs, and Pool Safety in Others’ Homes
- Question: How to handle concerns about guns and other dangers at other people’s homes? (Sally)
[25:00]- Ask directly and without apology: “Do you have weapons in the home? If you have guns, where do you keep them? Are they loaded? Are they in fingerprint detection safes?”
- “If parents aren’t willing to answer questions about what they’re doing with guns in their homes...Get your kid the fuck out of their house. I don’t care.”
- Store weapons in home securely; communicate this to other parents.
- Extend the questioning to other dangers—pools (“Are you going to watch the children? Do you plan on drinking alcohol during the day?”), medications, knives, drugs.
- Don’t shy from reporting or addressing unsafe situations; “You would be very surprised by how few parents really care.”
8. Avoiding Sleepovers
- Question: At what age do you allow sleepovers? (Betty)
[35:15]- Dr. Leslie’s answer is emphatic: “Never. Sorry, never. My kids will never sleep over at anyone’s house.”
- Risks: Sleep disorders, vulnerability in unfamiliar environments, but especially molestation (by adults or other minors).
- “When are you most vulnerable? …When you’re asleep.”
- “I have never once spoken to an adult who said, I’m still mad at my parents. They wouldn’t let me sleep over. No. Every single adult…has said, I am so glad my parents never let me sleep over because I never got sexually assaulted.”
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
-
On device safety:
“An iPhone gives your child access to the world. Right, but then that also means that the world has access to your child.” (Dr. Leslie, [03:38]) -
On being your child’s confidant:
“You don’t need to lie to me. I am your safe person and we will in a reasonable way recover from whatever happened…” ([07:52]) -
On grooming tactics:
“Predators look for girls who are just young enough and naive enough to believe a stranger over their parents.” ([09:23]) -
On social skills for boys:
“I can’t tell you how many teenage clients I have had who sit on the couch for 50 minutes and say three words. And it’s not because they’re not interesting.” ([13:57]) -
On home safety and vulnerability:
“You are a point of vulnerability when you allow a strange man into your home and you are alone.” ([21:30]) -
On standing your ground regarding safety:
“If parents aren’t willing to answer questions about what they’re doing with guns in their homes…Get your kid the fuck out of their house.” ([26:05]) -
On sleepovers:
“Never. Sorry, never. My kids will never sleep over at anyone’s house.” ([35:17])
Timestamps for Important Segments
| Timestamp | Subject | |-----------|----------------------------------------------------------------------| | 03:38 | iPhone and child safety—parental controls, app monitoring | | 07:30 | Sneaky/lying 13-year-old—therapy collaboration and open communication| | 09:00 | Grooming and vulnerability—tips for tween girls | | 13:30 | Consent and social skills for boys | | 19:05 | Teaching “stranger danger” and intuition to young kids | | 21:04 | Home safety for single women; contractors, alarms, and protection | | 25:00 | Guns, pools, and child safety in other homes | | 35:15 | Sleepovers—Dr. Leslie’s hard line (never allowed) |
Final Thoughts
Dr. Leslie balances her forensic expertise with empowering, actionable advice. She stresses intuition, clear boundaries, and unapologetic questioning in all safety matters. Her advice is rooted in real-world cases and psychology—never shying away from uncomfortable truths but always fostering empowerment, not fear.
“I’m not trying to fear monger. I’m trying to empower you. And you can be empowered through education, but more so you can be empowered through trusting your intuition, trusting your gut.” ([36:48])
Listeners are encouraged to visit her website for additional resources and practical exercises on strengthening personal intuition and creating safer environments for their families.