Dr. Leslie (19:05)
That's guardianbikes.com okay, we have one question from how do I teach my six year old to be cautious with strangers without scaring her? I had that same question when I was six and I read Gavin de Becker's book. It's not called the Gift of Fear, but it's the one he wrote to explain how to protect your children. And there are elements of that book that I really, really liked. But the one that I've used most frequently is that I take my kids out, we go hiking, we go walking, we go to the mall, and I ask them to pick a person to go ask what time it is or where is this store? Or you know, where's the bathroom? And I'm really close to them, of course, and they're safe. So they go and they do it and then, you know, they get their answer and they Come back and I sit down with them and I say, how did you pick that person? How was that person the safe one? What about them made them safe enough to go talk to, to be vulnerable in a sense with? Right. And then I talked to them about all the people that they didn't pick. And I asked them, you know, why didn't you pick this person? What about them made you feel like they were less safe? Was it your intuition? Was it something you felt? Was it some thought you had? Was it something you saw? So we just keep building on the confidence of trusting your intuition, trusting that what you see is the truth, that you can authentically and with transparency interact with the world in a confident, empowered and safe position because you know who you are, you trust who others are, you trust what you see in others. And you've got good parents who have really spent time focusing in on that for you. I want to jump over to some questions about safety in the home. Practical advice for maintaining safety in your personal environment and when you're interacting with unfamiliar people. This is especially for women, but for men and for children as well. So we have a question from Vintagebeach Chateau. Nice name. I would like to be there right now instead of in my office, but I'm doing this for you guys, so don't forget that question. What protocols should single women follow when contractors or repair workers come into the house? That one gave me chills. I have had numerous sexual assault cases because the contractors or the repair workers or the movers have sexually assaulted individuals in the home. Yes, it happens. And you are a point of vulnerability when you allow a strange man into your home and you are alone. Especially if you are in a part of your home that is not easily accessible and no one would hear you screaming. Yes, predators are often in these roles and people on parole or probation are often in jobs where they can't really get hired. They're not going to have a W9, so they may be getting cash under the table. So first and foremost, only have reputable companies that you work with. Look them up, look up their licenses, look up their business licenses, look up complaints against them. And then when you get assigned a person who's actually going to come out, look them up too. And the company should be able to tell you this. If they don't fuck em, you don't need that company. We have AT&T guys coming out. We have frontier guys coming out to the office. How do you know that they're safe? Check them out, check their badge, check their number, check their Employee information. You are allowed that information before they are in your space. Now if you don't feel confident enough to do that, if time is pressing, then just don't be alone, right? Don't be alone in your home when some stranger comes in. At the same time, you can be on speakerphone with a friend. You can have cameras in the house. People can be aware even if they're not directly with you. You can let your neighbors know that somebody's in the house. You can time somebody popping in and checking on you. You can tell the person, my husband will be back in three minutes. You can lie, lie a lot, lie a lot to make people think that you are not alone and you are not vulnerable. And at the same time, always carry self protection. Even in your own home. You don't know the truth behind who people are. Who cares? Carry pepper spray, keep a knife in your pocket, whatever you need to do to just feel safe while there's a stranger in your home. Like I tell every victim, the perpetrator picked you before you saw it. No victim knew that they were going to be victimized. So keep yourself safe when it comes to home safety. I am big on home alarms. I am big on using the alarms. I'm big on cameras that look at all aspects of the house and the yard and the street and the neighbors. I really like Google's monitoring system and I like that you can set it to person with a package, you can set it to friendly faces, you can set it to focus on animal movement, or you can take all of those away because you want to save the battery life and you want to save your wi fi a little bit. So get a system that you are comfortable with and you know how to operate. I highly suggest that you get panic buttons. Now oftentimes they're small little remotes and if you hit two of the buttons on the remote at the same time, panic alarms sound in your house. They're very inexpensive. They can be linked to adt, lots of different alarm companies. And what happens is they immediately call or they immediately access 91 1. So you hide in a bathroom, you go somewhere safe, you have these panic alarms set all around your house. All you have to do is press those two buttons and they know exactly what to do. They know who to come and find. Now I also have on my house speakers that will send out the alarm sound into the neighborhood. So it goes beyond that of, you know, when you're cooking in your kitchen, you set your smoke alarm off, which I do like every single week. Now that smoke alarm noise, whew. It's going to go down three blocks and people will hear it. Yes, you can do that. It's a type of a siren system. But every alarm company has somebody you can work with to figure out what is best for your need. And just please do not underestimate the potential for violence. When you're home alone, don't answer the door. I don't care. Who cares if you're not answering the door? Who cares if a Jehovah's Witness is on the other side and they don't get to give you their little watchtower guide? Who cares? Who cares if you can't sign for the package and they won't leave it and you have to go pick it up from UPS another day? Safety is your priority. And strangers are not your friends. Strangers are the ones who have the potential to hurt you the most. Okay, we have a good question from Sally. And Sally asks, what do you do about guns? Now, I am assuming, Sally, you're asking about guns in your home, keeping them safe. But my mind immediately goes to guns in other people's homes. And if your child is in somebody else's home, this is where I tell parents all the time to find your voice. And even if it is uncomfortable and intrusive, ask the other parents, do you have weapons in the home? If you have guns, where do you keep them? Are they loaded? Are they in fingerprint detection safes? How safe are they? And even though your children may understand guns, other ones may not. So be really cautious. And it's perfectly okay for you to get those answers from parents. And if parents aren't willing to answer questions about what they're doing with guns in their homes, are they licensed? Do they have a ccw? Get your kid the fuck out of their house. I don't care. There's no secrets around my child. I will do anything to protect my child. And if you aren't going to be forthcoming about the potential dangers in your home, my kid ain't staying in your home. Period. Now, in my home, we have guns. The guns are all in safes. The safes are charged. The safes are hidden. They are all opened by my fingerprint or my husband's fingerprint. So there's no numerical code that a kid can figure out. Now, they do have a key for emergencies, which I have hid, and it is thoroughly hidden. So even my daughter, who can unlock anything, is not going to be able to find the key. And I am very forthcoming with that with the parents, too. Another conversation I have is around swimming pools, around knives in the home, around medication in the home. I want to make sure that in my home and in a home my child is going to, that there is no potential for danger. And if there is any potential, like a swimming pool, I want to make sure that they're safe. So, for example, it's perfectly okay to ask someone, hey, you have a swimming pool. What do you plan on doing today? Are you going to watch the children? Do you plan on drinking alcohol during the day? If you do drink, how much are you going to drink? Do you usually pass out during the day? Do you do drugs? All of these questions are so important. And if you don't know these answers and you don't trust these parents, don't let your children go over there. If you want to host something or meet at a joint place like a park, go for it or have people over to your house because you know that you're looking into safety. You would be very surprised by how few parents really care, how few parents really think about this stuff. I have had numerous calls with cps. I have had to deal with so many parents who have lost custody because of cps, finding out things that have happened, like parents, parents passing out and kids walking down the street, parents passing out and kids falling in the lake or the river. And some of the worst have been the ending of lives of some of their siblings. Even more horrible are when kids have come over and they've passed away at someone else's house. And of course, the terrifying moments of when a child finds a gun and uses it against themselves or a friend and it's a mistake, they don't know what they're doing. But these are all preventable moments. And we can feel empowered to be on the same page that we brought our children into the world, that we love our fucking children and we want to keep them safe. And I don't want to be around any adults who don't feel the same way as me. That's it. My kid is not going to have a friend who has parents who don't care about safety. And I will happily explain that to my child in appropriate age. Related language. Now this is also followed up in school. So if your kid is around a kid you don't want to associate with because of their parents, this is a conversation for the teacher. This is a conversation for the principal. Everyone can be very aware of the dynamics of these situations. And we don't want to have massive group parties in the classroom. We don't want to push relationships. You can have your child sit at a different table. You can have plans during a party so that you don't have to bring your child to a home that is unsafe. But I say all this because I just want to remind you that your voice, your intuition, your gut is so much more important than hoping everything's gonna be okay. We're gonna take a quick break and we'll be right back.
