Intentionally Disturbing

Episode: Q and A: How To Keep Yourself and Others Safe
Host: Dr. Leslie (Forensic Psychologist)
Date: August 21, 2025
Podcast: iHeartPodcasts

Episode Overview

This Q&A episode is a deep dive into practical safety strategies for individuals and families navigating modern risks—whether online, in public, or at home. Dr. Leslie fields listener questions on self-defense, children’s safety, online threats, and more, providing direct advice, real-world examples, and a distinctive balance of gravity, wit, and zero tolerance for bullshit. Her goal: keeping listeners safer by leveraging her forensic psychology expertise, a touch of dark humor, and resources gathered from law enforcement, therapists, and legal professionals.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Safety With Restraining Orders / Protective Orders

Timestamp: 03:05 – 06:11

• Listener Q: “What is the best form of protection to keep my daughter and me safe when we already have protective orders in place?”
• Advice:
  • Always have a phone ready and charged—not just 911, but a trusted contact on your favorites who will answer and, crucially, record the call for witness purposes.
  • Carry small recording devices (even ones disguised as a lip gloss or thumb drive).
  • Consistently update law enforcement (detectives, lawyers, FBI agents on the case) about any incidents or concerns.
  • If possible, hire a private investigator to keep tabs on an antagonistic ex.
  • Be vigilant (“not crazy or paranoid, but vigilant”)—awareness is key in high-stakes situations.
• Notable Quote:

  “Have your phone prepared and ready … You can have two iPhones, you can have a GoPro. Lots of things to record. Always document everything.”
  (Dr. Leslie, 05:35)

2. Situational Awareness & Self-Defense Products

Timestamp: 06:12 – 15:32

Situational Awareness:

• Trust your gut over the fear of social judgment.
• Stay alert to “off” feelings even if you can’t analyze them in the moment—get to safety first, apologize/explain later.
• Story Example: Dr. Leslie recounts being followed by two men in a Nordstrom Rack; her action—alerting staff and requesting an escort—led to their arrest.
  • Notable Quote:

    “If you feel off and you can’t find the words to understand … get yourself out of that situation and be safe. … Even if you have to ask for forgiveness for being dramatic, you have kept yourself safe.”
    (Dr. Leslie, 08:18)

Self-Defense Products:

• If lethal force is allowed/legal, train thoroughly (on use, misfire protocol, and the legal aftermath).
• Non-lethal options: Pepper spray (preferably gel), tactical pens, taser rings, sharp jewelry, discreet recorders.
• Practice using any device you carry.
• Other Tactics:
  • Consider posture and appearance: move with confidence, hair in a bun (not ponytail), avoid looking like an easy target.
  • Avoid running at night and using both AirPods—remain alert.
• "Practice Assertiveness": Dr. Leslie advises looking in the mirror to practice loudly asserting boundaries as a protective habit.
• Notable Quotes:
  • “Don’t wear AirPods when you’re out on a run, don’t go running at night. It’s just simply not safe and not worth it.” (Dr. Leslie, 13:43)
  • “Walk as though you are not someone to be fucked with.” (Dr. Leslie, 14:50)

Criminal Tricks:

• Example: Side hug theft, where a perpetrator distracts while pickpocketing.

3. Teaching Kids to Trust Their Gut

Timestamp: 18:35 – 21:23

• Scenario: How do we help kids use their instincts without worrying about rudeness?
• Dr. Leslie’s Method: Actively asks her 8-year-old daughter to profile people (“tell me, do you think this is a good person… why?”) in public spaces, teaching her to read details (like shoes, hygiene, behavior) and analyze her own reasoning.
• Empowerment: Encourages asking for forgiveness later rather than apologizing for self-protective action now, which fosters confidence.
• Memorable Story: Her daughter reporting bathroom harassment at school led to direct intervention from the principal.
• Notable Quote:

  “You keep yourself safe, you keep your friends and your family safe, and you ask for forgiveness later. And that in itself is empowering and confidence-building in a child.”
  (Dr. Leslie, 20:54)

4. Safety for Unaccompanied Minors in Public Spaces

Timestamp: 21:24 – 24:20

• Q: Tips for minors who walk alone and aren’t allowed to carry weapons.
• Advice:
  • Martial arts/self-defense training: Dr. Leslie cites a 13-year-old girl who thwarted an abduction with jiu jitsu.
  • Use tech: Life360, Bark, wearables, and other trackers; use apps that inform trusted adults of location and physiological changes (like increased heart rate).
  • Always travel in pairs or groups when possible.
• Notable Quote:

  “Get your kids involved in an activity where they understand their body, their body movements, and how to protect themselves.”
  (Dr. Leslie, 22:16)

5. Offender Rehabilitation

Timestamp: 27:56 – 31:10

• Q: Is there rehabilitation for offenders? What does it look like if “nothing was off the table”?
• Response:
  • Some offenders (especially not psychopathic) can be reached with a mix of consequences (like probation, ankle monitors) and therapy.
  • For sex offenders: lots of rules (disclosure requirements, Halloween lockdowns, more).
  • Success is greatest when offenders can reconnect with family or find purpose (e.g., ex-bank robbers speaking to at-risk youth).
  • Blunt Critique: The system is currently failing, especially in California, due to lack of proper re-entry support and funding.
• Notable Quote:

  “We let people out of prison and we drop them right back into the neighborhood that got them arrested in the first place … everybody just gets tangled right back.”
  (Dr. Leslie, 30:49)

6. Protecting College-Aged Girls from Drugging/Harm

Timestamp: 31:11 – 35:30

• Q: How can we help protect college-aged girls from being drugged or victimized?
• Recommendations:
  • Products: Drink covers, drug test strips (e.g., from the company Nope) that instantly indicate if a drink has been spiked.
  • Carry traditional tools (pepper spray, knives—where legal).
  • Never go alone to parties, never let someone pressure you into isolation.
  • Monitor personal “stimulus value”: Be aware of how others might perceive or objectify you.
  • Open communication: Have a “tell everything” person—someone trusted you tell all details to, even if embarrassing. Never keep dangerous secrets at the request of anyone.
• Personal Disclosure: Dr. Leslie shares her own experience of being drugged in college to highlight the urgency and realism of the threat.
• Notable Quote:

  “The biggest advice I would have is know your stimulus value. Know that every person sees you differently. ... Keep those devices on your phone. If anyone’s ever pressuring you to hide something, to lie ... that is predatory behavior.”
  (Dr. Leslie, 34:33 – 35:10)

7. Online/Internet Safety

Timestamp: 35:31 – 40:24

• Q: How can you keep yourself safe online?
• Recommendations:
  • Use services (like Deleteme, Reputation Defender) to clean personal info from the web and “bury” sensitive data.
  • Adjust social media comment filters to block doxxing or personal info.
  • Be wary of livestreaming locations; never make it obvious you (or your loved ones) are away from home.
  • Notify and establish rapport with local police—so they can discern harassment (e.g., swatting) from real emergencies.
  • Use Google Maps’ option to blur your home.
  • Teach kids: Anyone online isn’t really a “friend,” and never keep online secrets from parents/caregivers.
• Notable Quotes:
  • “My mind goes immediately to social media and keeping yourself safe there. … If you’re doing a live, make sure you’re in a secure location.” (Dr. Leslie, 37:36)
  • “Educate yourself on online grooming, on predatory behavior. ... Where you lose your power and your safety simply because you’re unaware and you haven’t been informed.” (Dr. Leslie, 39:34)

Notable Quotes and Memorable Moments

• On walking with power:
  “Walk as though you are not someone to be fucked with. And if you can’t find that within yourself—borrow it from someone else.” (14:50)
• On children’s empowerment:
  “You ask for forgiveness later. And that in itself is empowering and confidence-building in a child.” (20:54)
• On real safety priorities:
  “The law should not dictate your safety, when a lot of the time the law does not protect us.” (10:54)
• Unfiltered critique of the justice system:
  “We need a lot of changes at a legislative level. We need... funding going towards figuring out actually how to stop crimes, hold people accountable, and offer treatment that is realistic … so they don’t re-offend.” (31:05)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• Personal & Family Safety with Protective Orders: 03:05 – 06:11
• Situational Awareness & Self-Defense Products: 06:12 – 15:32
• Teaching Kids Instinctual Safety: 18:35 – 21:23
• Safety Tips for Unaccompanied Minors: 21:24 – 24:20
• Offender Rehabilitation: 27:56 – 31:10
• Protection for College-Aged Girls: 31:11 – 35:30
• Online & Internet Safety: 35:31 – 40:24

Tone & Style

Dr. Leslie mixes deeply practical, experience-based advice with brisk humor and directness, never sugarcoating the realities of human danger while always aiming for empowerment. She welcomes audience questions for future episodes (“If we can keep even one person safe, it’s worth it.”), promising a continued exploration of safety in family, travel, co-parenting, and professional life.

This detailed summary captures the main insights, actionable advice, and the inimitable voice of Dr. Leslie from this episode of Intentionally Disturbing.