
Hosted by Vigorous Marvin · EN

DC PIERSON hitches a ride on a taco truck to THE SANTA SUMMIT (2023), but... Is that the blowjob guy? THEME: "Fuck You If You Don't Like Christmas," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather PART ONE Meet DC! ... Santacon: A cold version of St. Patrick's Day ... DC's Hallmark Wicker Man experience ... Southwestern pro-Christmas ... A 100-disc changer... PART TWO Cast Rundown ... The Expositional Challenge ... Plot Mop-Up: Ava's Ben crush; Liam and Mac, construction networking ... Parasocial cast relationships ... The Beesley Touch ... A movie made of extra bits... PART THREE Spot the Angel: Knowingly secular; Second Angel Theory (Quebecois Freddie, Dasher); it takes a village ... Bloodhound Gang BJ Guy ... Eat Your Heart Out: Thicc sushi-place Christmas cookies; boilermakers; dry ice; pint eggnog; canteen; math jokes, round food; food trucks; wasabi rim... PART FOUR The Hallmark Expanded Universe: Mapping a nameless place; Chicagoland; co-opting city life; Dr. Where/Weir; Shelbyville ... Overdetermined: Quitting on networking; TK TK TK; dissonant, scary sincerity; passing a millennial torch ... Crossover: Any sitcom; a personal Pauley Perrette; Mike and the Mad Dog... PART FIVE The Hallmark Voight-Kampff Test: Anti-business bartender; Freddie the Angel-Replicant; our two leads ... Who's the Real Villain?: Our underfunded public schools ... Rating: 4 ... Audience mistrust, atavistic studio notes... PART SIX The Leftovers: GIS for "Boston art teacher" ... Sam Bankman-Fried ... IMDB Dive: Christmas skills; "Jingle Bell" karaoke ... Cool Runnings, tacos, Casablanca ... Russell Hainline, we're your friends ... My sweatpants ... Pandering target ... "Hallmark 2000" ... Merry Christmas! ... All other music by Chris Collingwood of Look Park and Fountains of Wayne, except: "Orchestral Sports Theme" by Chris Collingwood and Rick Murnane. DC'S Instagram HERE and Bluesky HERE

JAMIE KIRSTEN HOWARD lost her credit card and the clerk is CHECKIN IT TWICE (2023), but... We've already got the furry erotica! THEME: "Fuck You If You Don't Like Christmas," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather PART ONE Glitterburrito ... Georgia championship hockey ... How Hallmark casting works PART TWO Jamie's Christmas credentials ... Mariah-Grinch Continuum ... Is the Grinch horny? Furry? ... Cast Rundown ... The Expositional Challenge ... Plot Mop-Up: Deal-stealing boyfriend; Team Christmas Week; French-Canadian players ... Just settle! Like the rest of us! ... Covid-fueled throwback ... The Thee/Thou Threshold ... How do you act a story like this well? ... A "being adult and normal" fakeout ... Brain damage PART THREE Spot the Angel: Ashley's dad and Scott's coach ... A literal bible ... Eat Your Heart Out: Grandma's dire eggnog; The Cider Social; awful pastries, sugar drinks; Barbie food; stadium peppermint tea; Sleepytime mascot, pajama gun, candlelit ushers; the Drunken Puck; airport chocolates, airport beer ... Clear hotel lobby store ... Zamboni driving in the Richard Scarry region of the brain ... The Hallmark Expanded Universe: French 85 Magazine, "How to Survive Christmas Alone"; hockey tournament/goon clash PART FOUR Overdetermined: Forced credit-card fussiness; "But I'm different"; plot-end collision and bastard father ... False Ray Bourque information ... Scott, winter ignorant ... Crossover: Scott, Deadpool adjacency and sassy Kristen Bell; money and a rewrite away from a real rom-com; Alex Garland's Civil War; LA to Vegas, Idaho Falls to Spokane ... The Hallmark Voight-Kampff Test: Dave, rowdy child, good eater ... Great Moments in Moppetry: Googe-sound boy; 3 ... Who's the Real Villain: Ambition, cruel fatherhood, misogyny/the bar is THAT low PART FIVE Rating: 3 (non-derogatory) ... "Honestly, I'm fine with this" ... The Leftovers: Non-interruptive work-from-home ... Protagonist's dream/career age ... "Those who can't play, coach" ... A smooth 84 ... Pod Yourself The Wire namedrops ... Gretzky 3:16 ... Plus/Minus and stats annoyance ... Kevin Fair, Get Carter, Josie and the Pussycats, and The Core ... Saw 3-D ... "Idaho Falls" ... Postgame interview BS ... You know how to ruin a cider social ... Merry Christmas! All other music by Chris Collingwood of Look Park and Fountains of Wayne, except: "Orchestral Sports Theme" by Chris Collingwood and Rick Murnane. Jamie's Bluesky HERE

Sara Rue makes the leap and joins the pantheon in ALL FOR LOVE (2017) and we must get buff for: The further vindication of Sara Kate Wilkinson ... THEME ... Semper Christmas ... Lorenzo Lamas is Snake Eater 2 ... Journalism isn't a prank call ... Getting fired ... Real troop tropes ... Will Sara Rue make The Leap into the Pantheon? ... Funny people in Hallmark humanely kidding the text ... The acting strictures of Hallmark rules ... BREAK ... The Expositional Challenge: The Most Beautiful Bean Footage ... Plot cleanup ... Sara Rue's second Hallmark quit ... Too slow on the five ... Pickup artist Chris Russo ... Mystery Francesa ... Spot the Angel: Teryl Rothery, editor publisher, matchmaker, secular angel ... Rothery as a condition ... Method writing ... The harrowing act of fact-checking ... Journalismism: No fact-checkers even for non-fiction; missing having editors; the shame of error; editorial motivation via appeal-to-emotion; Denim Dreams, The Fathom of a Heart; "writers have a whole team"; Lowell Bingely of the Manhattan Monitor; Glenn Greenwald, L. Brent Bozell III and the guy from First Things; a fully realized mad world ... BREAK ... Let Every Muscle in Your Body Get Strong: Was this authentic SEAL training?; lorem ipsum troop reverence next to a summer camp obstacle course; public park exercises; sorry-ass sit-ups; magenta top, bunny earmuffs; improper sore-muscle care; the Canadian vision of the US military; Tiny could blog; Yoda breathing; smell the Philadelphia daisy; yoga ignorance; the second woman in a bathing suit and man without a shirt; permanent 1990/childish cultural signifiers; flawless sore form, imbalanced SEAL ... Eat Your Heart Out: Housing an entire pizza; the debut of quasi-ramen; the Meat Lovers glisten; concentrating on high-lipid effluent; Steve Bacic's tremendous "have another slice" dad power ... BREAK ... The Hallmark Expanded Universe: The Mistletoe Inn Workshop vs. The Tri-State Area Party Shopping Spree and networking ... Putting Sara Rue in floral prints ... Overdetermined: I'd rather be celibate than try again; we don't mention Todd; the Eternal Todd; couples field trip to The Todd; line-crossing meta-conversation; always knowing more than the leads ... Crossover: Colin in a post-9/11 fascist killfest; in the unit with Chris Kyle; not-remembering Navy Seals; positive Kevin Smith reference; heroic prisoner-stabbers ... BREAK ... Letters to Santa: Learning to ride a bike for love v. Carley's chocolate-sound correction, watch-along recommendation and a question about brain mush ... The Hallmark Bechdel Test: A reluctant no, and a main character unconcerned about the outside world ... Nephew volcano expert and Murder He Wrote ... Maine accents ... Partner Chat: She's one of the "scared of everything" ones ... Rating: 2.5 ... BREAK ... The Leftovers: Sara Kate's 9/11 theory, now and forever ... Kenyan Pirates vs. The Global Helpers ... Navy SEALS are not your props ... No GWOT, Hallmark's "The End of History" ... Not enough angry cops ... Chocolate reward ... Fearing international travel in the Tri-State Area ... Teen body paranoia in the pool ... Romance novelists know breasts ... Halls of Macadamia ... Thank you, Tiny ... David Bloom, Okja co-star ... Ten feet of silent valet parking ... Semper Christmas! ... • MUSIC: "The A-Team Theme," by Mike Post and Pete Carpenter • "Moon River," by Andy Williams • "Yes Sir, No Sir," by The Kinks • "Greetings (This Is Uncle Sam)," by The Monitors • "Fanfare for the Common Man," by Emerson, Lake and Palmer • All other music by Chris Collingwood of Look Park and Fountains of Wayne, except: "Orchestral Sports Theme" by Chris Collingwood and Rick Murnane