19 Crimes and Counting

Summary

I've Had It – Episode: “19 Crimes and Counting”

Hosts: Jennifer Welch & Angie “Pumps” Sullivan
Release Date: March 31, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this candid, comedic episode of “I’ve Had It,” Jennifer and Pumps vent their frustrations with modern life, technology, AI, religion in the workplace, and the latest news and pop culture happenings. From hilarious rants about deleted iPhone functions to sobering discussions of sexual abuse scandals and dubious government appointments, the hosts keep things both lighthearted and pointed. The episode is enriched by several listener call-ins, guest producer Kylie, and a signature blend of wit and honest outrage.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Tech Troubles and the iPhone Woes

[01:40–05:16]

• Pumps laments her iPhone foibles: accidentally deleting her phone and text functions, a mishap she can’t resolve alone.
• Jennifer commiserates, adding how Apple’s constant “improvements” often just overcomplicate things.
• Discussion flows into how features like the “unknown texts” section causes confusion and missed messages.
• The pair reflect on their past iPhone elitism, conceding that maybe Android users had the right idea all along.

“Improvements that over complicate something that is supposed to be smart are not improvements. And I’ve had it with that.” – Jennifer [03:35]

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2. AI-Generated Content: Betrayal of Cute Dogs and Kids

[06:42–13:32]

• Jennifer shares her experience falling for adorable dog and child videos on social media, only to find out they’re made by AI.
• The hosts mourn the growing inability to tell real from fake, fearing for the broader cultural and political consequences.
• Listener Kylie and Angie share anecdotes of failing to detect AI, with Kylie teasing Angie’s historic inability on tour.
• The group worries about the erosion of trust and genuine connection due to increasingly convincing AI content.

“I feel somewhat betrayed, though, after I have developed a relationship with a canine or something adorable online. And then I’m told it’s fake.” – Jennifer [11:05] “I should lead the club of can’t figure out AI. I am the president.” – Pumps [10:53]

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3. Should Jennifer Run for Office?

[14:03–18:56]

• A listener review prompts discussion of Jennifer’s political potential.
• Jennifer candidly admits the mundane realities of politics would bore her and sees herself more effective as a commentator than a policy wonk.

“The truth of the matter is a lot of governing and politics is really, really boring. And I don’t know that I have the depth to do that.” – Jennifer [14:53]

• The hosts joke about political campaign ads and envision “Pump Up the Jam” as Angie’s anthem (much laughter).

“You could take a blindfold and be like, ‘Justice is blind.’ And you could do this whole little dance. I think it’d win. I do.” – Jennifer [18:36]

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4. Oklahoma City Thunder Boycott White House Visit

[21:03–28:02]

• The hosts, avid OKC Thunder fans, celebrate the team’s refusal to visit Trump’s White House after their championship win.
• Jennifer details the demoralizing predictability of elections in red states and the joy of small symbolic wins.
• She rails against NBA announcer Doris Burke’s “propaganda” labeling SGA (Shea Gilgeous-Alexander) a “foul merchant.”

“Kudos to the Oklahoma City Thunder for not being fascist collaborators, for not going to play patty cake with an administration that is removing, actively, black history...” – Jennifer [24:16] “Doris Burke, stop with the SGA propaganda. You are propagandizing the youth...” – Jennifer [27:29]

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5. Government Appointee Claims Teleportation to Waffle House

[31:56–36:49]

• Bizarre news: Greg Phillips, FEMA official, claims he was “teleported” to a Waffle House.
• Hosts mock the absurdity, speculate he was probably blackout drunk, and ridicule the increasing government appointments of conspiracy theorists and extremists.

“Only crazy people want to go vote for him in this. Why the Waffle House? Let’s dive into that.” – Jennifer [35:29]

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6. Another Duggar Family Sex Abuse Scandal

[36:51–45:49]

• Jennifer and Pumps discuss Joseph Duggar’s arrest for child sexual abuse, noting the recurring pattern in the ultra-religious Duggar family.
• They decry abstinence-only education as both dangerous and ineffective, especially within fundamentalist cultures.
• The segment discusses how lack of comprehensive sex education, victim-shaming, and religious authoritarianism facilitate abuse.

“Abstinence-only is the anchor that leads to shaming sex. And then they start quantifying which sex is the worst.” – Jennifer [43:07] “You see it more in these uber-religious environments...It’s just so sad because these girls...they don’t know: Can I say no? What is this touching?” – Pumps [40:39]

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7. **Listener Call-Ins:

Unsolicited Advice, Religion at Work, and Parsley Sniffers**

• Unsolicited Advice [46:16–50:13]
  • A caller recounts unwanted dog-related advice from an older man. Hosts sympathize and share anecdotes of being both victims and perpetrators of unsolicited advice.

  “Why are you the pickleball leader, know-it-all?...What an idiotic twat I am all up in their business about what kind of pickleball they are using.” – Jennifer [49:23]

• Religion in the Workplace [52:01–57:33]
  • Caller Daniel describes being forced to pray during staff meetings in a former job. Hosts relate with stories of performative religiosity in business and client contexts.

  “There’s just this…people try to out-religion each other and out-pray each other and it ends up being incredibly performative…” – Jennifer [53:09]

• Parsley Sniffers at the Grocery Store [58:41–61:13]
  • Brian from Oregon complains about people sniffing produce at the store. Pumps admits to being a melon-sniffer herself and hilarity ensues.

  “I even do the cantaloupe…I will sit there and do that, and then I realize my whole nose when I get in the car has like dirt on it from shoving it in so many cantaloupes. So that is me. Nailed it.” – Pumps [59:49]

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8. Watermelon, Cantaloupe, and the Art of Produce Picking

[61:19–63:46]

• The hosts lightheartedly rank melons and discuss (at surprising length) techniques and YouTube deep dives for picking the perfect cantaloupe.

“Stop, stop. You went on to the world wide web and googled how to pick the correct cantaloupe.” – Jennifer [61:19] “Yes, I watched several. I mean, I love cantaloupe…I went deep in this.” – Pumps [60:48]

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• On the iPhone:
  “I can fuck up a wet dream and I have done it with my iPhone…” – Pumps [01:40]
• On AI Dogs:
  “I felt emotion and all of this for something that isn’t real.” – Jennifer [11:05]
• On Oklahoma Politics:
  “You never get a little win…until this team…said, go fuck yourself.” – Jennifer [22:26]
• On Government Extremists:
  “It never happened. He made it all up. He’s making up just like the 3 million votes.” – Jennifer, on Greg Phillips [36:35]
• On Purity Culture:
  “This abstinence only stuff, not only does it not work, it’s dangerous. It endangers children very, very, very much not to have open, candid conversations about sexuality and consent.” – Jennifer [44:19]
• On Unsolicited Advice:
  “I do the same thing and I catch myself and I’ll be like, I don’t know why I’m telling you this. I have no idea. Like half the time I don’t even know what I’m talking about.” – Pumps [50:13]

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 01:40 – iPhone fail stories begin
• 06:42 – AI dogs and the loss of “real” cute content
• 14:03 – Should Jennifer run for office?
• 21:03 – OKC Thunder boycott Trump’s White House invite
• 31:56 – FEMA official claims teleportation to Waffle House
• 36:51 – Duggar family sexual abuse scandal update
• 46:16 – Listener call-in: unsolicited advice
• 52:01 – Listener call-in: religion in the workplace
• 58:41 – Grocery store parsley sniffers
• 61:19 – Cantaloupe/picking produce discussion

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Memorable Moments

• Angie’s self-own as the “president of the can’t-figure-out-AI club.”
• Extended, good-natured ribbing about dancing (or not) to “Pump Up the Jam.”
• Jennifer’s pride in her developing NBA opinions and anti-Doris Burke crusade.
• The group’s shared exasperation over outright absurd government appointees.
• Honest, poignant takes on sexual abuse and why purity culture is so harmful.
• Laughter over produce sniffing and the “dark arts” of cantaloupe selection.
• Signature blend of petty grievances, earnest social commentary, and comic relief.

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This summary captures the full range of topics and tones that “I’ve Had It” listeners love: smart, hilarious, at times biting—but always honest and real. Whether railing at tech, politics, or the Don’ts of daily life, Jennifer and Pumps make sure there’s never a dull moment.

Transcript

[A]

All right, listener. I know for each of you that tune in every single day, the news is just horrifying at times, but it's so important that you be a responsible citizen. And if you care about this country like I do, you have to stay locked into the news. And that's why every single morning, we go to our Ground News Vantage plan. And let me give you an example of how this works and you can follow along at home on groundnews.com I've had it. So here's a headline that showed up in my Vantage plan. Supreme Court ruling offers little relief for Republicans divided on Trump's tariff. It tells me that this article leans left and has a very high factuality. Same subject, different headline. Trump to sign new 10% global tariff after Supreme Court defeat. It tells me this is a lean right publication with mixed factuality. So then you know, okay, do I want to read something with mixed factuality that's owned by the Murdoch family? I'm going to go with the one that has high factuality. Listener, join us by going to ground news.com I've had it. To get 40% off the ground News Vantage plan that we use news every day. They are subscriber funded and my favorite part is that they are female. Founded by subscribing, you're not only getting a tool we all need today, you're also supporting our work here at IHIP. That's ground gr o u n d news.com forward slash. I've had it. So we supposed to start the podcast.

[B]

Ready? 1, 2, 3.

[A]

Patriots, gaytriots, they trio, black trio, Brown Trio and Triple Trumpers can do what Pumps. Welcome to America's top DEI podcast, Pumps. What have you had it with?

[B]

Well, I had a different habit to start the show, but I have successfully had it with my iPhone, which I know I bitch about my iPhone a lot, but I have the unique ability that I have in the last hour deleted both my ability to call on my iPhone and my ability to text. Those boxes are. Have disappeared from my phone. I don't know how I did it. I don't know if I'm magic, but I can fuck up a wet dream and I have done it with my iPhone and so I've had it.

[A]

Wow. Yeah, that's. You really outdid yourself. So you. You are unable to place a phone call or send a text correct receive. What's your plan of action?

[B]

Okay, well, here was my plan. My plan is I'm going to go to the studio and have Seth fix it.

[A]

That's Smart.

[B]

That's my plan.

[A]

Exactly what I would do. Yeah, yeah. Because I think it's just like a reinstall situation.

[B]

I tried to get my settings, I can't figure it out. Like, I, I, I really, I'm at a loss. How do I continue to do this all the time?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, it's. Have you noticed that they've reorganized? We may have talked about this before, but they've reorganized the text messages and the most recent download. And so then you have like unprogrammed number unknown contacts, and it goes to one place and it's not in your main queue. And so I ran into a couple of people and like, I've texted you like four different times. And I open, I'm like, I do not have a text from you. You must not have my number. They pull up the contact, I'm like, no, that is my number. And they're like, this is so weird. It says delivered. And I'm like, it's not in my text. And then I notice that there is an unknown text section that you have to go into. And again, this is a situation where you have people having meetings that they shouldn't be having, where they think, okay, let's make the iPhone better. And really what they're doing is just, let's do new things with it. Right? And they do new things with it and the new things complicate the situation. Like, I can't even discuss the downgrade of the photo album from like two or three decades ago. I, I just, it, it, they've over complicated it. And improvements that over complicate something that is supposed to be smart are not improvements. And I've had it with that. I mean, I've had it too.

[B]

I, I think my smartphone makes me feel dumb. And maybe I am dumb, but I can't be the only one this happens to. I mean, probably with the regulatory. Yes, but I, I just, I've had it with the iPhone.

[A]

Had it, yeah, yeah, I've had it too. And then you think about the people that are Android users, and I'm telling you, like, they have this pride about being an Android user. And I used to kind of tease them like, oh, you have a green text. And I felt like an elitist.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Using my iPhone. And then Tim Cook made a trophy for Trump and Kiss the Ring and you know, all the things that are just horrible that we're all living through. And the Android users I think I owe a big apology to, I kind

[B]

of feel the same way.

[A]

Yeah, I kind of. And I Feel like they were onto something a long time ago.

[B]

They were a laugh, for sure.

[A]

Yeah, I think so too. All right, so I have had it with something that's happening to me quite a bit. So when I'm on, when I'm not recording and not reading the news so that I know what we're talking about on our political podcast, I have news. If I'm on social media, I don't even look at the people I'm following. I just go to the curated page for me, right, that has a bunch of different things. And I have a combination of tennis instructors doing little instructional videos about how to get more topspin. I have French bulldog videos. I have a lot of Punch the Monkey.

[B]

I have.

[A]

It's all happy things. And that's why I like to go to that particular page. There's nothing political in it. And so I'll find a really cute, like, great looking dog, super photogenic, great smile. And I just think, oh, my God, I am in love. And then I'll send the image in our family DM or send it to one of my sons. And I'm like, this dog is so attractive, so photogenic. You can tell this dog has an incredible personality by the way he's interacting with the camera and its owner. And then one of my sons will respond, mom, that's AI.

[B]

Oh my gosh, they're doing it with dogs.

[A]

Yes, yes. And it's, it's like a, just a really cute, like, French bulldog or a fluffy French bulldog or something. And I like, God, this is. This is a great looking dog. Like, this is. Wow, I'm so enamored. And then I find out it's not real. And then there's these videos of like these dogs that like jump into the snow and then they come back out of the hole and pop their head up. And I was so proud. Like, I felt like, God, that dog is fearless. And that dog just jumped in that snow and then came back up and was like peekaboo to its owner. So I send that and I'm like, I wish our dogs would do this. And then there's some mom, it's AI. And it's just video after video after video. I mean, I knew when they had the French bulldogs doing the high dive competition, right?

[B]

We all knew that.

[A]

I knew that was AI. But now it's just like there's this whole trend of AI right now where it shows a little child, like a toddler that maybe three or four, and there is a mess on the wall, like maybe a crayon all over the wall, and the kid is facing the wall, and then there's like a golden retriever behind it, and there's a series of these. All different kids, all different golden retrievers, all different acts of domestic terrorism. And when I say domestic terrorism to any young mothers out there, you know that your children domestically terrorize your actual home with markers, crayons, whatever. And so the mom is like, why is the dog. You're in timeout. Why is the dog standing there with you? And the kid, like, adorably goes, because he picked out the color. And the dog is sitting there like this. And so I've sent this to my family, like, oh, my God, this is so cute.

[B]

AI.

[A]

And it's like, now this world where we don't really believe anything, like, there's a whole conspiracy theory that Benjamin Netanyahu's dead.

[B]

Right?

[A]

Because he's using AI. I know the Trump administration, you know, remember that speech where Trump was at the Oval and he had an extra finger and stuff?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

They're using AI with leaders. And so that's the dangerous aspect of it. But just from a personal aspect of it, I'm falling in love with toddlers, which is a new one, and golden retrievers and cute dogs doing cute things, and it's all fake. And this is just the way this is escalating and accelerating. You can see how problematic all of this technology is going to be for us.

[B]

Well, and here's the deal. And it's just the ability to distinguish it. Like, your boys can immediately distinguish it. I can't. Like, I've sent Kylie that I was serious as a heart attack about. And it's AI. And so figuring out what is AI and what's not, that, to me, is terrifying because obviously we've seen of late in our political sphere, people are not. I mean, you're not always the best and brightest out there on the Internet. So it's like, it's hard and it's getting harder, and you hear all these stories. So I've had it with AI, Kind of had it with AI. AI Bubble. I mean, it's just like a fucking hat jobs. You know, everybody's. I mean, you just hear layoff after layoff, and it's AI. And it's just like, fucking AI. Who needs it? Wasn't some guy saying, like a super oligarch saying, oh, I couldn't parent without AI. What the fuck?

[A]

Sam Altman, what.

[B]

What is wrong with you? It's just. It's gross.

[A]

So, listener on our other podcast, Our political podcast I Hip News. I can't tell you how many times it's probably been 10 times. Pumps is like, I have an episode. I'll lead it. So we go into it and we get to like, the third point in the episode, and she'll say, kylie, play the video. And the video goes up. And then like eight seconds into it, Kylie and are both like, this is AI.

[B]

It's bad.

[A]

Stop. Some of those I have. I am not good at figuring out AI. You are a PhD and not being able to figure out.

[B]

I should lead the. Like, I should lead the club of can't figure out AI. I am the president.

[A]

Congressional hearing.

[B]

At a congressional hearing, we can sit down.

[A]

Famous, famous podcaster Pumps and America's greatest legal mind. Even she cannot distinguish between AI and a real video. No, but it's. I feel somewhat betrayed, though, after I have developed a relationship with a. A canine or something adorable online. And then it's. I'm told it's. It's fake. And then I feel some sort of betray. Like, really, I just sat here and I felt emotion and all of this for something that isn't real. There's. I don't know. When this keeps going over a mass, mass, mass scale. I think it's going to be really damaging to our humanity. Agree.

[B]

I agree.

[A]

All right, welcome to I've had it. I'm Jennifer.

[B]

I'm Angie. HBIC for Beaver. Haven't said that in a while. Just want to remind everyone I'm the head AI Fraud, not Detector and a Beaver and.

[A]

And the head tech at the Genius Bar at the Apple Store.

[B]

Can you imagine if you went to the Genius Bar and I was.

[A]

That was you. Yeah. I think. Yeah. There would be riots at the mall.

[B]

Riots.

[A]

Okay. Kylie, how are you?

[C]

I'm good on AI. Jen, it's getting so much better that it is getting harder. And it's these really mundane clips. It's not extra. It's not. It's not Trump doing Cirque du Soleil like it was. You know what I mean? Which. That would get Angie. Those are the kind of things Angie was getting.

[A]

Things we. We had to. We had to trash. Can I have news episodes that we were eight minutes into filming and then Trump doing a triple lutz. That's the whole gold medal at the Olympics. No pumps. That. That didn't happen. But no, you're right. It's more mundane stuff that seems believable and my kids can detect it. Josh and I cannot. And it's something that's really like Earnest and like the re. Like when Instagram was good, when social media was good, when you saw sweet connections to humanity, connections to creatures, connections to nature through your phone. And it was like, oh, okay, we're all still connected. We're all still there. And then you fall for it. Something mundane but heartwarming. And then you find out that it's fake. And then I just feel such a betrayal.

[C]

Just one last thing on this too. Angie, before she had adopted any Frenchies, we were all on tour and we were sitting around having lunch and she was trying to find one she wanted. She wanted this long haired thing. She goes, I found the one I want. I've never seen one like it. It's so unique. She shows us and it's a video of like a video game. Looking dog.

[A]

Oh, I remember that. It was obvious. Even I knew that.

[C]

Yeah, we were like, angie, that's not real.

[A]

I was like, what?

[B]

That's the one I wanted.

[C]

Okay, I've got some reviews. This one is five stars from Scotty, titled Spot on. And he says, love to see women. I would typically write off as maga, proving me wrong. These intelligent red state women are the ones who could save this country. And with a bunch of clapping emojis, he says, jennifer needs to run for office.

[A]

That is so nice.

[B]

That's so nice. And you hear that all the time. Would you consider it?

[A]

No, I don't want to run for office. I don't. There are people that are better at running for office than I would be. And I am interested in the things I'm interested in. In order to run for office, you have to take on a lot of policy. And delivering for people is boring.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And I don't know that I have the bandwidth to mire myself down into the boring policy of some sort of roadwork improvement. And the budgeting thing for it. The politics that we cover is the splashy stuff. And I shine in talking about all of that. But the truth of the matter is a lot of governing and politics is really, really boring. And I don't know that I have the depth to do that. And I appreciate everybody thinking that. I do. But I'm. This is a character defect in me. I think that I would be like some boring shit. And what are we talking about today? Potholes? What's Marjorie Taylor Greene doing? How can we fuck with her? I don't know that I. I appreciate it. I do. But as I play the tape through, I can see myself getting incredibly bored with a lot of the really important things that politicians do that. Don't make the news that make our lives better. A lot of bills that have all of this budget policy wonky stuff. And I, I don't think I have the mental capacity for that. So I don't think I'm a good candidate for those reasons. And now that I've said this online, should I ever do a 180 and decide to run again, my opponent can play this exact clip so that I will lose. So I will lose the election. I'll say from her, from the horse's mouth. She thinks improving people's lives is boring and wants no part of it. I'm going, yeah, I did kind of say that I want people's lives improved. I do. Can we just, you know, here's, and here's the thing that's so bad about this. This puts me in bad company. Trump has to have people make the news entertaining for him. We talked about this on an IIP news episode. And of course, could I mire down and geek out on. Yes, I absolutely could. I just think there are people at it that are better. I think there's just better, smarter, policy driven people that can do a much better job than me.

[B]

To be fair. Jennifer, I believe that if you were in office, because I don't like the Trump comparison. If you were in office, you would hire the most expert. Expert, wonky. I mean, you would have the most authority on the subject in every meeting and you would listen to them and you would welcome feedback that disagreed with you. That's what I think.

[A]

I thank you. Pumps. Thank you very much. Pumps. I probably would do that in my interior design business. I always have, like the best subcontractors, you know, like the, let's get the best experts in here to figure out how to handle it. But I appreciate it. It's so nice. But I just don't want to be a politician. I don't want to have to go to work at Congress, you know. You know, here's the deal. If I did possibly, can I come to work with you today?

[B]

Yeah. I hope Mike Johnson in the hall

[A]

should be trolling around the hallways, hanging out in the restrooms, hanging out. When we went to the dnc, she was like, I want to go up to where all the media row is. I want to see what all the, what all the journalists are doing and what the politicians are doing. She loved it. She wanted all the scoop of it. You'd be a good politician. Two pumps.

[B]

Oh, my God. That. No. Although Oklahoma county is looking for me to run as they are. Kylie, let's run comps. Pump, Pump for State House. Pump it up if you want to pump up your life.

[A]

How about. How great would it be if, like, your commercial, if you just. It was like it started Pump up the Jam and then you just kind of came up the screen. Pump up the jam and just busted out eight counts. Pump it up. And then you could, like, take a blindfold and be like, justice is blind. And you could do this whole little dance. I think it'd win. I do.

[C]

That's where the artist has to make a statement and be like, we do

[A]

not want her using.

[B]

We do not want her using our stuff. It's embarrassing.

[A]

I think. Pump up the jam, people. I can't remember who's who sang that. I think be all on board with it. Yeah, that was a great song.

[B]

That was a great song. Now it's gonna be in my head all day. I've been having this. Random songs are getting into my head and I can't get them out. So you know what I do that's so evil? I tell it to Kylie.

[C]

She has it too, and she'll sing it. Just the one catchiest part to send it to me and away from her.

[A]

Yeah, it's. Yeah, that's diabolical. Yeah.

[B]

Because I want to get it out.

[A]

Pumps.

[B]

Did you ever.

[A]

I would always go to clubs when I was younger, in college, and when Pump up the Jam came on, it was like, skrt out to the dance floor. Just. I mean, just sloshing my vodka around on the dance.

[B]

Yeah, you have to dance with the drink in your hand. And I would do it with this.

[A]

I dance with the stick, too. Yeah. Yeah. One hand was a sig and one hand was a cocktail.

[B]

And you're just.

[A]

Just sloshing it around, blowing smoke in everybody's face. And you loved it. Like, more carcinogens.

[B]

More little hit of pop right now.

[A]

And secondhand smoke.

[B]

Oh, yes. I mean, that's the universal popper. Wa, wa wa. Here's the thing, though. I love to dance. I think it's so fun. I have no musicality and I'm the worst dancer because I can't stay on the beat. And so as much as I love to do it, I'm really, like. I'm not self conscious very often, but dancing, I'm self conscious because I know I'm bad at it.

[A]

So can we roll out, like, TikTok dances now for the I've had it TikTok page?

[B]

No, I'll do it because I. I like nobody has to tell me I'm a bad dancer. Like I check mark. So if we want to just do it to make fun of me, I enjoy that kind of thing. So I'm all in.

[C]

Okay. Jen, do you want to head up some news stories?

[A]

Yes, I have some news stories I want to share with everybody. The first one is, and this is about a week or so old and we have been remiss in reporting on it. As everybody knows, the three of us are die hard Oklahoma City Thunder basketball fans, reigning champs, reigning mvp, Shea Gillas Alexander. And so they won the championship. We were all at the game. It was high times, high times in the 405, which is the area code for the OKC. The mayor, David Holt, he was on a permanent high for months on end. We had parades. It was incredible. And so as you know, we, that when a team wins something, they get an invite to the White House. And so when you are a independent thinker, a free thinker, a Democrat, an independent, a progressive in a red state, your politics gets so diminished because of the electoral College. You never have politicians come to see you and you just kind of have to go with the masses. And so you never, hardly ever get a little win ever in your state until this team, this national championship team, Trump invited them to the White House and they said, and I'm paraphrasing here, go fuck yourselves. Actually, they said, we have a scheduling conflict. I interpret as right, go fuck yourself.

[B]

You wanted to go

[A]

totally. You think if Obama's president, they're not going over their ASAP right to drain threes with him? I mean, 100%. So Kylie put up the headline.

[D]

We have some news right now. The Oklahoma City Thunder will not be visiting the White House to celebrate their 2025 NBA championship win. Breaking from past customs of NBA champions heading to the White House to celebrate this year, According to the Atlantic, the Thunder will not be going to the White House, will not be meeting with President, President Donald Trump. They cite timing issues. They said, quote, we have been in touch with the White House and are appreciative and grateful for the communication we have had. But the timing just didn't work out. Now, Donald Trump's election in 2016 has disrupted the past precedent of NBA champions visiting the White House. For example, the Golden State warriors in 2017 and again in 2018 declined the invitation from the President of the United States to visit. And now you have the Thunder declining the invitation as well.

[A]

This is such a win, such a way for people like us. And blue dots and red states all over the place because we have to deal with so much. You never get presidential candidates that come to your state for a rally because it's just a foregone conclusion. It will turn red. Here's how election night goes for somebody who's. All three of us are very politically active, right? And we follow the news cycle and all of this stuff. We campaign. We have the signs in our yard, we have stickers, we get merch. We do everything we can do for the blue ticket because we see firsthand the dangers of MAGA super majorities, or before maga, Republican super majorities. This is what happens. You get up, you're excited, you go vote. Then you get back home and you're watching Kornacki or John King somebody, right? You know, one of these guys with a magic wall. You're flipping back and forth channels. It's like, okay, right now, the following states are. The polls are closing in Oklahoma. Then it goes breaking news. Donald Trump wins Oklahoma. It's immediate and it's devastating. And so kudos to the Oklahoma City Thunder for not being fascist collaborators, for not going to play patty cake with an administration that is removing, actively removing black history from all pillars, national parks, the US Military, all sorts of places. Because this is a league that is, you know, I think it's 80 something percent African American athletes, really, really high. And so I really love that they aren't going. And then just another personal grievance that I need to air. And if those of you that don't follow sports, I apologize for what this will make this short, but there is this announcer and her name is. Is it Doris Burke?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay, Doris Burke. She is an NBA announcer and she spreads propaganda about Shea Gilligas Alexander. And she called. Refers to him as a foul merchant. Yeah. Which means that he is intentionally getting all of these fouls or faking people into fouls. This guy just broke Wilt Chamberlain's record. He's on a streak of like 20 plus points. NBA history. Yeah. And so whenever I see somebody and we talk about basketball because I have this little Oklahoma City Thunder beanie that I wear in New York and it's been really cold and people say, you like the Thunder? I was like, I love the Thunder. And SGA is incredible. And they will say, oh, he's a foul merchant. And I was like, that is Doris Burke propaganda. You are propagand. That is. And so I've, I've had it with that. And that's something that pumps. Is so into sports. So I want you to be impressed That I have a sports grievance. Pumps.

[B]

I am very impressed. I was shocked when you even name checked her.

[A]

Yeah, I thought you'd be really proud of me.

[B]

I'm very proud.

[A]

And my boys are super MBA obsessed. And so this is something I bond with. Being a hashtag boy mom, being the only hashtag girl in my family. I have had to become interested in things that I wasn't normally interested in. Which one is NBA basketball. And once you get into it, it's really fun. And they're so athletic, and the league is fantastic. And obviously, Oklahoma City Thunder is incredible. National champs. You trump. And I just want to say, Doris Burke, stop with the SGA propaganda. You are propagandizing the youth to diminish somebody's incredible run. And you need to retract that statement. On the record. On the record. And you, we will welcome you to I've had It podcast to do it to make your retraction. Because clearly at this stage, you, by letting this out there, you are poisoning the minds of NBA youth fans against somebody who is going to be legendary in the history books. History is not going to be kind to you, Doris. And you have a chance. Just. She has a chance.

[C]

Jen, there's a shirt. I'm gonna have to get it for you that a lot of people in Oklahoma City have, and it's like an anti Doris Burke T shirt.

[A]

Oh. And then when I tell people Doris Burke is a propagandist, then they'll come back to me as, oh, a woman not supporting a woman. And I'm like, here's. Here's the thing with that. The 1. Women Supporting Women is one of the most abused things on the planet. I support women. Women, of course. Of course I do. I don't support propagandists regardless of the gender. So I've. I've had it with all of that. All right, listener, do you ever find yourself scrolling, zooming in, reading reviews, looking for the perfect outfit? Finally, you settle, and you have this cart full of crap that you don't like. End up buying it. It sits in your closet. Well, Stitch Fix makes all of this so much easier. A personal stylist sends pieces that match your size, style, and everything in your budget. No guesswork, no stress, and your guaranteed compliments. And here's how Stitch Fix works. You share your size, style, and budget and get matched with a real human stylist who gets your vibe. And I absolutely love my stylist. She sends personalized pieces that I love, and the fit is flawless. It saves me so much time and I get so many compliments. Finally, looking and feeling confident is so easy and there's no risk at all. Get a personalized fix box straight to your door and try it all on in the comfort of your home. Plus get a free try on for your first fix. Listeners stop shopping and get styled today at stitch fix.com had it to get $20 off your first order. That's stitch fix.com had it listener tax season. It is so miserable. But it happens to be one of the only times people actually look at their full financial picture. Earnings, spendings, savings. And I know that I start looking at all of my stuff and I'm like, God, I could be so much better. Quit doing reckless spending. Quit buying crap you don't want. That's why I'm so excited this year that I have simplified my finances with Monarch. Monarch is the all in one personal finance tool designed to make your life easier. It brings your entire financial life, budgeting, accounts and investments, net worth and future planning together in one dashboard on your phone or laptop. Feel aware and in control of your finances this tax season and get 50% off your Monarch subscription with code had it I have two goals this year. I want to focus more on my financial planning, retirement accounts and I also want to pay off all of my debt. And so I'm really focused on those two things and my Monarch dashboard keeps me completely laser focused. They also have a bill split feature so splitting bills is easier than ever and no need for an additional app. So listener, achieve your financial goals for good with Monarch, the all in one tool that makes money management simple. Use code had [e-mail] for half off your first year. That's 50% [e-mail] code had it there is a guy that works for Kanks, Kankles, McTaco tits Trump and he is works with FEMA. Pop up the headline. FEMA official claims he was teleported to Waffle House. This is real you guys. Kylie, play the clip.

[E]

A teleport incident. Two of them and I end up at a Waffle House like 50 miles away from where I was.

[F]

That man who is yes, talking about teleporting to a Waffle House is Greg Phillips and he now holds one of the most important jobs in at fema, overseeing the Office of Response and Recovery.

[E]

It was an incredibly frightening moment to experience yourself in your car flying through the air. But I'll tell you, teleporting is no fun.

[F]

Phillips is a far right activist and he now helps determine how the government responds when disaster strikes, coordinating billions of dollars in search and rescue operations and emergency aid. He was appointed to this position in December. And a CNN K File review of Philip's podcast and social media history found a long record of extraordinary personal claims.

[E]

We then tracked down what we felt like were 3 million non citizen voters,

[F]

election fraud, conspiracy theories and violent rhetoric towards public officials.

[A]

You said, we know that 3 million illegally voted. Do you have the proof?

[E]

Yes.

[A]

Will you provide it?

[E]

Yes.

[A]

Can I have?

[G]

No.

[F]

In January 2025, after Trump took office, Phillips was discussing a Trump executive order that targeted intelligence officials who had questioned the veracity of Hunter Biden's laptop. Before the 2020 election, Phillips said this.

[E]

I'm going to find you. I'm going to track you down on a. Beat the living snot out of you.

[F]

He then talked about former President Joe Biden.

[E]

I would like to punch that in the mouth right now. He is a nasty, crappy human being and he deserves to die, and I hope he does.

[F]

Phillips first rose to prominence promoting false claims of widespread voter fraud in the 2016 and 2020 elections. The unfounded claims were widely disputed by both courts and election officials. On multiple occasions, Phillips described migrants crossing the southern border as an invading force and urged people to arm themselves.

[E]

The war is here. They want you dead. They've come here to kill you. Be well armed. Take care of your family.

[F]

The person making these remarks is now in a position of public trust at an agency where judgment, credibility and calm decision making carry life or death consequences. A Fema spokesperson told CNN. This is so silly, it's barely worth acknowledging. DHS, FEMA and Mr. Phillips are focused on the critical mission of emergency management and ensuring the safety of the American people.

[A]

So I say this a lot on our political podcast and I think it's worthy to repeat here. We all saw January 6th, we all saw Trump 1.0, the bleach grabbed by the pussy, wanting to hang Mike Pence, etc. So him winning again exposes a real cancer in American culture where in the electorate a lot of people didn't care about that. And they wanted to celebrate the villain. They wanted to celebrate a felon, they wanted to celebrate a cheater, they wanted to celebrate a violent person. And so they voted for him. And then now that he's in government again, you see moral collapse of not only the oligarchs, but of the people who want to go work for him. Because anybody with integrity or decency would say, I'm, I am not going to work for that man. I, I am simply I morally have massive issues with him. I believe in the Constitution. I believe in democracy. He clearly doesn't. Objectively, he doesn't. And then you have these nuts. All that remains are nuts. Only crazy people want to go vote for him in this. Why the Waffle House? Let's dive into that.

[B]

Why Waffle House?

[A]

What working theory do y' all have on why are we teleporting to Waffle House? I'm so traumatizing for him. If I was teleported somewhere, I don't think Waffle House would traumatize me now.

[B]

I'd rather go to IHOP if I was teleporting, though. But here's the deal.

[A]

House. Hang on. IHOP over Waffle House.

[B]

Yes. I love IHOP pancakes.

[A]

Love, love, love, Kylie.

[B]

In fact, I go there sometimes at night for dinner.

[A]

By yourself?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Do you sit at the bar or a booth?

[B]

No, I get a booth.

[C]

I would be Waffle House. My theory is. And I've teleported to Waffle House before, blackout drunk.

[A]

Right?

[B]

That's what it is.

[C]

I've been out, someone drove me. I appeared in a Waffle House. So, like, that's my theory.

[B]

Agree 100.

[C]

He was up.

[B]

He was up. That's the only explanation for that.

[A]

Or alternate exploit explanation. It never happened.

[B]

Okay, that's. That's a great alternate.

[A]

He made it all up. He's making up just like the 3 million votes.

[B]

Right?

[A]

He's just literally freeballing and pulling out of his ass for clicks.

[B]

Yeah. And now he's.

[C]

Government Mag is great at.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Okay. A long time ago, in the early days of this podcast, Pumps and I did a lot of reporting on the Duggar family. And for those of you that don't know, the Duggar families are these uber religious breeders. And they bred to the tune of, I think it's 19 children. They had. And they had a reality show, the Duggers and the Duggars. And me and the Duggars have more kids and on and on, and they homeschool their kids. And the curriculum looks like it's literally like here. Here's history class and here's the hunter gatherers, and they're hunting the dinosaur like it's.

[B]

It's wisdom. Literal.

[A]

That's what they call wisdom booklets.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And so the Duggars, kids, as you can imagine, that upbringing has not behooved them the abstinence only purity, culture not tethered to reality. Magical thinking, Iron Age thinking has not equipped them for impulse control in adulthood. And originally, one of Their sons was charged with a bunch of pornography. Right. Pumps. And then I think the sisters had claims that he had sexually abused his own sisters. And so now we have another Duggar that is in trouble. Kylie, pop this up. Joseph Duggar of 19 Kids and Counting arrested for sexually abusing a minor. The accusation against the seventh born son of the sprawling reality TV family came five years after his older brother was arrested on similar charges. A statement from the Bay County Sheriff's office on the 31 year old's arrest indicated that he has been charged with lewd and lascivious behavior involving unlawful sexual activity with a minor. His arrest comes five years after his brother, Josh Duggar, the eldest of the Duggar's 19 children was arrested on charges of receiving and possessing child sexual abuse material. He was convicted and sentenced to 12 years in prison. I'm shocked that Trump hasn't pardoned him. Just that just came into my brain right there. Okay. According to the Sheriff's office, on March 18, Bay county investigators were contacted by a detective with the Tanta Town Police Department regarding a report of past sexual abuse after a 14 year old victim participated in a forensic interview. Speaking with authorities, the girl discussed several incidents involving Duggar that she said occurred during a family vacation in Panama Beach City when she was 9. Police said that an investigation of the incidents led them to learn they took place in 2020 while the family was staying at the residence on Danny Drive. The victim reported that Joseph Duggar, the Duggar's seventh born child, repeated repeatedly asked the girl to sit on his lap as the vacation continued. He is alleged to have asked her to sit next to him on the couch and covered them with a blanket. During this time, Duggar manipulated the victim's underwear and grazed her genitals. Duggar would also continue to rub his hands on her thighs. Sorry for the graphic content, but we cannot sanitize, especially in the Epstein era of the United States of America, the horrible sexual abuse allegations of the Duggar family.

[B]

Well, and you know, here's the thing. This is just based on my experience and you know, looking out and seeing all this sexual abuse of children, you see it more in these uber religious environments. They are not taught about. No, they, you know, I mean, it's just so sad to me. This is just so sad because these girls, and it can be little boys too, they don't know a. Can I say no? What is this touching? They're told, well, you brought it on yourself. The victim shaming is unbelievable. You, you won't be believed. You're Full of shame because you participated in sex like it's a whole mind. And you know, I thought we were moving forward with me too. But we have gone so far backwards from that that you know, we have this whole Epstein class of people that apparently everybody knew about and we still don't have any accountability. And it's just I worry about the chilling effect of girls and boys, but particularly girls coming forward because they feel like they won't be believed or they will be dismissed or they will be bullied. But in this particular family, you can see how somebody that ignores the rules of sex education and only teaches abstinence, this is what happens. And it's just, you see it more and more in these uber religious cult like situations and it's just, it's extremely sad.

[A]

And I would just state that the problem with a lot of this is that as a society we need to address the abstinence only lies and how much they endanger children. Because in abstinence only all they're taught is you cannot do any of this stuff. They're not taught about consent, proper consent, improper consent, age of consent. They're not taught about agency and autonomy over their bodies. They're only told you all of these things are dirty. All of them. Even consensual making out among high schoolers right in the duggars world is sin devil, Beelzebubs coming to get you. And then all of a sudden magically when you're married, ta da. It's godly and that's a real mind. I mean that's just a. It sets up girls and boys. But I will just say one thing pumps about girls not wanting to come forward. It's worse with boys because of the societal expectation that boys should like it that I think even the President of the United States has said something about a male victim in his past when he was a New York City resident that oh well, I'm sure he really liked it. One of these teacher things. And the problem for young boys is that there is this social construct that even if it's rape or even if it's sexual assault that take it, you know, at least you got some. So it's even worse. And I think that as we unpackage all of this fascism stuff and the large Christian nationalist component to it, the most co opted group of our electorate, their positioning and their thinking regarding sex is problematic. From leaving these kids vulnerable that don't understand what consent means, don't understand that it's perfectly normal to want to make out Mac down Get a hickey. You know all the stuff that we did. Yes. And all of this also extends to homophobia. The abstinence only is a. Is a. Is a the anchor that leads to shaming sex. And then they start quantifying which sex is the worst. So it is something culturally that when our ancestors came over here and colonized the United States of America, we got the crazy Christians. It's always pitched to us that we came over here for religious liberty, and I think that's a little disingenuous. A lot of them came over here because they wanted to be more religious, and we got the crazy Christians. America has had a crazy Christian problem since its inception. The one thing, the common link that people think when they think about Americans that are not Americans is how religious of a culture we are. We are very religious culture. And this abstinence only stuff, not only does it not work, it's dangerous. It endangers children very, very, very much not to have open, candid conversations about sexuality and consent.

[B]

And even after you're married, in a lot of these situations, the wife is being raped, but she doesn't know that. She knows she doesn't like it. She knows she feels violated, but nobody's told her. They've, like, if your husband does it, it's fine. So, I mean, it is really a disturbing problem. That is it. It continues to happen.

[A]

It's really sad. Okay, Kylie, let's go to some voice memos from our listener.

[C]

Okay. Up first, we've got one from Tommy.

[G]

Hey, ladies. It's listener from Wisconsin. This message, actually, specifically is for pumps. On your last podcast, you mentioned spending five minutes with Ted Cruz would be better than being on a cruise ship full of Disney Christians. Well, I just have to say that it is very bold of you to assume that Ted Cruz cruise would last a full five minutes. I'm guessing it's more like 2 minutes and 32 seconds, which also includes foreplay, the actual event, going down, cuddling afterwards, smoking a cigarette, and possibly raiding the fridge for something to eat. Love you guys. Love all of you very much. Keep up the great work, Tommy.

[B]

You're right, Tommy. Nailed it. That was such an. Such a miss on my part. I mean, Ted is a gyrater, Quick shot, all the things.

[A]

So.

[B]

Thank you, Tom.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah, for sure. Okay, Kylie, who's next?

[C]

Okay, up next, we've got Chris.

[H]

Hi, ladies. Gaytriet here. I'm just gonna cut to the chase. I have absolutely had it with unsolicited advice. I go to take my dog out Today I see this old man, very hunchbacked, by the way, just pass me by. And he has a dog off of the leash. Leash, whatever. He's passing by, don't care. But then he makes eye contact with me and for whatever reason, I must have a very inviting tell me everything face or something because he comes right over with his unleashed dog and starts giving me unsolicited advice as to, oh, well, if you, you know, don't take all this stuff off of your dog. They can listen to vocal commands. Meanwhile, his dog is nowhere to be found. Like, where the fuck is your dog at? And then also, I could tell that my dog was very uncomfortable because he literally goes to pet my dog and my dog starts whimpering and backing away. Sir, who the fuck are you to give me advice? Also, put your dog on a damn leash and don't give me advice about stuff that you don't even have under wraps. This is insane. Don't talk to me. I don't need your opinion. And figure out your hunchback.

[B]

Go to a doctor.

[H]

I don't know what the. Anyway, love you guys.

[A]

It's so true. Unsolicited advice is the worst. And I have found myself in the throes of doing it. And then like two or three sentences in, I'm like, what are you doing? Why do you care? Why are you involved in this? I'll give you an example. So it's probably about a year ago, I'm playing pickleball with all my friends at Chicken and Pickle in Oklahoma City. And there are these people on the court next to me and they are using the wrong type of pickleball. So there's outdoor pickleball balls and indoor pickleball balls. And they had the wrong ball. I don't know what came over me. Like, everything I've had it with, everything the caller has had it with. I was, I walked to the side of their court and I have an extra ball and I go, hey, hi. I just wanted y' all to know you're playing with the wrong ball. You're playing with an indoor ball and you need to be playing with an outdoor ball. And they said, but we're indoors. And I said, yeah, I know, but this is the. The surface is an outdoor surface. So indoor ball you're playing with is like for a gym at a church that's been converted. So here's the extra ball. And then they start asking a lot of follow up questions. And it's probably, you know, about 10 seconds into I'm like why the fuck are you not staying in your lane, ignorant twat. Why do you care what pickleball they are using? Why is this your business? Why are you the pickleball leader know it all? I just was so disgusted with myself. I think I lost every match after that and I deservingly so deservingly so well because I was just like what an idiotic twat. I am all up in their business about what kind of pickleball they're using. So I agree with the caller. Yeah, thank you for reminding me of this because sometimes I do this. I agree AF and I need to cease at all times.

[B]

I do the same thing and I catch my and I'll be like, I don't know why I'm telling you this. I have no idea. Like half the time I don't even know what I'm talking about. But I just feel like I have to tell people. It's like shut the fuck up. Just shut up.

[A]

I do it all really are the worst.

[B]

I'm the worst. I have started telling like if somebody asks me a question about like when this happened, my new response is it could have been last week, it could have been five years ago. I, I just don't know. I just, I I up timelines so bad that I've just given myself that out.

[A]

Do you think this is early onset?

[B]

We know I do. I have so many different things that I think are but go ahead. I was gonna say but you know, last time we talked about it on the episode I had so many people leave me comments like if you're questioning it, you probably don't have it. So. Yeah, I do. It crosses my mind quite a bit.

[A]

So Josh and I, you know, we send each other a crossword mini. Yesterday I sent him my results. It was 58 seconds that I didn't send it to him. And then he sends his and it's 8 minutes, 5 seconds and he just writes me. Usually it says it takes so long for him. I don't know because I told you he's a victim of the clues. He thinks the cl. The people who make the crossword puzzles are colluding against him to with him.

[B]

He gets super analytical about it. Here's the deal. Josh is super smart. It. I hate saying that but he really, really is surprise. He is self sabotaging because there's no reason he can't figure this out. It's just not.

[A]

Yeah. All right, Kylie, who's next?

[C]

Okay, up next we've got Brian.

[A]

Hi.

[I]

Jennifer Pumps and Kylie, this is Daniel, I'm a gatriot from rural North Carolina, and I have had it with people using religion in the workplace. So back in February, I started a new job. I had previously been laid off for quite a while. And then I log on to my first Monday morning weekly meeting, kind of like a kickoff meeting for the week. And my boss looks out across the zoom call and she says, we're gonna start all of our Monday morning meetings with prayer as long as no one has an issue with that. And so me being the new hire, I had been previously laid off. All of my financial well being was riding on keeping this job. I didn't feel comfortable saying anything. So what did we do? Every Monday morning for the entire time that I worked there, we prayed as a group. And first of all, I feel like this should be illegal, but yeah, I've had it with people using their position of power, especially in the workplace, to try to push their religion onto other fucking people. And I'm happy to report that I no longer work at that company. I found a good opportunity that was the first of many red flags, but I just could not fucking believe that I had to sit through a prayer every Monday morning to start off my week.

[A]

Yeah, I mean, there's just something that compulsivity with religion is something that's so ubiquitous in Bible Belt states that I'm sure people on the coast or international listeners are listening that going, how is that legal? And it is so ubiquitous. There is just this. People try to out religion each other and out pray each other and it ends up being incredibly performative and it has no real meaning to it. But I. I've shared this story before. It's probably a couple years ago, but I'll share it again. So in my early days as an interior designer, I got these clients and they were building a really big house. It was like a big project for me to score. It's probably like 8,9000 square foot house. And they were real hardcore Bible thumpers. Like the guy was, he had some sort of. He was like some sort of Christian dj and he had. Was real high up in the mega church and all. This listener, you know, you know how much I despise this. But I was poor and I mean, money was money and so I take the job and I thought they were just kind of, you know, I lived in Oklahoma. I knew Bible thumpers. So each meeting that we go to, I would show them something or pick out something or design something like, okay, for the crown molding. I think we do it this we do this many inches. It starts here, wraps here. And it was like, praise Jesus. Not like, that's a great idea. Everything was like, praise the Lord and the Lord has spoken. And it was just the Lord has spoken crazy. It was Ba Nana's. Okay, so then the paint color, we get to the paint color phase and literally it's like a warm white with beige undertones and then a warm white with gray undertones. Those are the two options and they're just tormented. And it's in these kind of things, when you get in these projects, you have to live with it forever. You get narrow down to 2. It's common to have this kind of torment. So I said, which one do you all want to do? They're going to start painting tomorrow. The painter needs the colors. And he said, well, you know what I think we're going to do, Jennifer? We're going to take this home and pray on it.

[B]

I knew you were going to say that.

[A]

And we'll get back with you in the morning. And I was just like, I just cannot work for these people. I just cannot work for these people. And then I think a couple of days later, something happened on the job site that was not my fault. But this is a very common thing where the subcontractor messes something up and they call the designer or somebody and they just start screaming. These Christian people. I've never had my ass chewed out by a subcontractor. A builder, an architect, a client. Like I have this guy that was like the radio Christian DJ slash part time pastor of a megachurch. It was rich as. Because the house they were spending was a few million dollars. Typical. And he calls me and he's like. And he's. It's F bombs. He's like, the trim carpenter didn't put the. It's this many inches. Did you tell him? Did you find. Tell him, Jennifer? And I was like, yeah, I can send you the email that I forwarded to him. It was all drawn out. This is on him. This is not on me. Well, the goddamn blah, blah, blah. And it was God damns and, and me and all this. And I was like, I don't think I can work for you anymore. I just don't. I think we're done. I think I need to quit the project. I'm firing you as a client. This project has to be over. And then he calls me later that night in the evening with his wife on the phone. And that's always, you know, whenever the husband and wife have to be on the Phone together. Like, he's a big boy. He needs to apologize on his own. He doesn't need his babysitter on the phone with him apologizing for being a dick. And she's like, honey, do you have something you would like to share with Jennifer? I, you know, I led my wife and I led with prayer, and sometimes Satan gets a hold of us. And I just said, I really wish you guys the best of luck with your home. I genuinely do. I am not a good fit. I am not a good fit for this project. And it was a ton of money, but there just wasn't a bank account big enough that I could go through that process. This was just when we were doing the bones of the house before we even got to the furniture. And it was just. I had to cut bait. I had to cut bait.

[B]

Yeah, and it's hard to cut bait when you have, like, you have to have the money. Here's the deal. I wish I could say any part of that story surprised me. I wish I could say, oh, my gosh, that's just. That's not the norm. That's exactly the norm. It. It's exactly, exactly it. I've had divorce clients who do the same to me. It's like, I want to pray over this decision. And then it's like, you know, they're. Everybody on the street. You know, they're just horrible, horrible people. And it's just like, spare me the fake outrage over not going to Sunday school on Sunday. Like, shut the fuck up, Josh.

[A]

My husband will have criminal defense clients that are charged with a crime. And they'll be like, well, what we're going to do is we're going to accept Jesus again for the get resaved the re. Saving. And Josh will go, that's great for you, but the judge is not just not going to give a About that. Like, that doesn't mean anything in court. I'm glad you're personally doing that, but that just means nothing. All right, Kylie, let's do one more caller.

[C]

Okay, the last one we're gonna do is Brian.

[J]

Hi, pumps. Hi, Ms. New York fucking City. I've sort of had it with that. It's Brian from Oregon, the one who had it with bare feet on an airplane three years ago. Well, bitches, I'm back with a cameo. And by the way, congratulations on your gay award. I can say that because my husband's gay. I have fucking had it up to my nostrils with people at the grocery store who shove parsley and their schnoz for A sniff test. Well, first of all, I don't want your boogies on my parsley. Second, this is store bought parsley laying in a box with ice shipped from Mexico not known as farm in Tuscany. So now I have to scoot the box out and take my parsley from the back to avoid all the nastiness. I witnessed it three times in the past two months, I swear to God. And for the permanent record, this seems like something pumps might do as part of her Karenism. Love you, Pumps. Love you too. For free.

[C]

Her.

[A]

Knows you well.

[B]

He knows me so well.

[A]

I can totally see you cramming that right up your nose and doing a big sniff and then putting it right back down. He, he, he, he picks up what you put down.

[B]

Yeah, totally. And I have even done the cantaloupe. I don't get parsley because I don't cook that much, but in the summer I get cantaloupe. And I hate picking up cantaloupe because I it up every time. But I will sit there and do that and then I realize I have my whole nose when I get in the car has like dirt on it from shoving it in so many cantaloupes. So that is me. Nailed it.

[A]

So is there a sniff technique? Picking out a cant YouTube videos.

[B]

Like if it smells sweet, like if it smells like the inside of a cantaloupe.

[A]

Stop, stop. You went on to the world wide web and googled how to pick the correct cantaloupe.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And why video?

[B]

Yes, I watched several. I mean, I, I, I love cantaloupe. I love watermelon. Like I will eat one. I love, love, love it. But I can never get a good one. Never. So I mean, I went deep in this. Yes. And I didn't.

[A]

I never knew this about you. Yeah, I know you like cantaloupe and watermelon, but I didn't know that you put this kind of effort into picking one out.

[B]

Yes, because I, for like four years, I got shitty ones. Like cut it open and threw it away. It was so bad.

[A]

Let me ask you this. Like the pre cut cantaloupe, is that not. I don't like it because it kind

[B]

of has a weird aftertaste and it kind of gets mushy in certain spots.

[A]

What about honeydew? You like honeydew?

[B]

I do like honeydew, but not like I like cantaloupe.

[A]

See, I prefer a honeydew over a cantaloupe. I do, I like a honeydew better. I would rate them as follows. Watermelon, honeydew, cantaloupe. In the melon category, I think I

[B]

would go cantaloupe, watermelon, melon. Wait, so cantaloupe first, then watermelon, then honeydew.

[A]

Okay. Yeah, yeah, I prefer a honeydew over. I just didn't know that. Is there a whole subculture of people that engage in this type of Internet deep diving about how to pick the correct wow.

[B]

I mean, I don't how many views, but it had like over a million views. A couple of them did. So millions of views. People want to know how to pick a good cantaloupe.

[A]

Okay. Now I'm thinking, is it AI the next time? No, I think it's probably real. I think there's probably a whole, like, niche to that. But because we're not growing it, so we're, we're, we're having to trust whoever grew it. Right. But there is a farmer's market close to my apartment in New York on the weekends. They are set up every single time. Now, I particularly don't really know how to. I wouldn't even know how to begin to cut a cantaloupe. I'm not. Culinary thing is not my. The seeds and all of that in it. I just. But the next time you're up here, you can go to the farmer's market. Because I would imagine that. I think that the farmer's market fruit would be superior to the grocery store. Do you have any intel on that with your deep dives?

[B]

Well, no, it didn't really go into that, but I do. I stop at those corner melon people. Like a corner, they'll have like cantaloupe and watermelon stands. I'll go, I'll get them from there.

[A]

Is it better?

[B]

Yeah, I think it is. But then I don't know. You know, I don't know because then I have them pick it out like the person that grew it. I'm like, pick me out a good one. So it. That tends to be better.

[A]

Seedless watermelon or traditional watermelon, it has to be seedless.

[B]

Like, I hate being like that. But I have to have a seedless watermelon.

[A]

All right, well, I just didn't know that you. I didn't know that, that you were investigating and researching and educating yourself on how to pick the correct. Is this an ongoing thing that you continue continuing education like you're continuing legal education? No, I, I practice my skills.

[B]

This was about two years ago, but I keep my skills honed.

[J]

Okay.

[A]

I'm, I'M proud of you pups. Let me know, like, keep us updated. Like, what a good one. Didn't work. Yeah. All right, listeners, we'll see you next Tuesday and Thursday. Tell you what I've had it with. Let's hear it. I've had it with that. Listen up patriots, gaytriots and natriots. We have a new podcast that has dropped. It's called IHIP News. It's Monday through Friday. Every day, 15 to 20 minute hot takes on the political landscape of the United States of America. Always served with a side of petty grievances.

[B]

We are on all the available platforms, Apple, Spotify, Google, whatever you get your podcast and YouTube.

[A]

Please go rate, subscribe and review so that we will chart upwards with America's greatest legal mind. Pumps, pumps. What does an eagle say? Kaka. A little bit more enthusiasm. Kaka. That's it. That's, that's, that's the patriotism that this country means right there.