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Jennifer
So are we supposed to start the podcast?
Pumps
Ready? 1, 2, 3.
Jennifer
Patriots, gay trots, Theatriots, Black Trio, Brown Trio, we love you. And all of the triple trumpers and fascist collaborators can do what? Pumps off. All right, pumps. What have you had it with?
Pumps
Okay, what I've had it with is that in 50 years, there has been no progress to make dental tools more silent, to take away the sound I hate. I've had it. I've had it with the tools at the dentist. They make the same sounds they did when I was a kid. I hate it.
Jennifer
So you've had it with the lack of sound evolution?
Pumps
That's exactly what I've had it with. Exactly.
Jennifer
Have you had a lot of dental work done lately?
Pumps
I went yesterday and it was like, scrape, scrape, scrape. And I was just like, oh, my God.
Jennifer
I don't think there's a way around that.
Pumps
Okay, but surely if somebody can go to the moon, they can make these dental tools.
Jennifer
But there are just certain absolutes, like sound, light. You know, this takes us back to. I agree with you. Those sounds are terrible, but I don't know that it can be mitigated.
Pumps
Maybe it can't, but I just. I hate it. As we all know, I'm traumatized from a childhood dentist, so it's even. I forgot.
Jennifer
What did he do, he grabbed your boobs or something?
Pumps
No, no, he was just a bad dentist. I went in and he was going to give me a filling, and he said it was numb. And I kept saying, it's not numb. It's not numb. And he just went in there. And ever since then, I've been a freak about the dentist yesterday being no exception.
Jennifer
Do you like your current dentist?
Pumps
I do like my current dentist a lot. And she's super nice and great and gentle and all that, but you know that.
Jennifer
Did you ask the dentist why we have not evolved? Sound wise?
Pumps
I have, because everything else has evolved. And she said, I don't know. I'll see if I can find out for you for next time. Which means shut the fuck up. You're 56 years old. Put your big girl panties on. That's what I took it as.
Jennifer
Well, one of you ask Claude why dental tools are not silent while I go through my grievance. And then we'll circle back, because I think we need to get to the bottom of this. I think we'll appreciate it. Yeah. And if there is something that we can mitigate this by, we'll copyright it right here. Live. You, as an attorney, can say, I give It. My copyright. Ma. Magic.
Pumps
Yeah. And then.
Jennifer
Yeah, and then that copyright will be our ticket out, out of all of this. We can move to some island somewhere.
Pumps
Yes, because we will be so rich. Because everybody hates the sounds at the dentist.
Jennifer
All right, let me tell you what I've had it with, okay? We recently did two live shows in Atlanta, and the Atlanta airport is, just for lack of better phrasing, just a piece of work. And it's a. It's not a fun experience, the airport, needless to say, but Atlanta has, like, all airports do a tram that takes you from one terminal to another. And then they have this prick that narrates the tran. The tram ride, and he's, like, incredibly happy. And he keeps calling it a plane train. Welcome to the Hartsfield plane train. This plane train is going to stop here and there. And I'm like, no, it is not a plane train.
Pumps
Right?
Jennifer
It.
Jennifer (Caller)
I.
Jennifer
And I know with everything in me, plane train was born out of a circle jerk scrambling the jets. Me.
Pumps
Yes.
Jennifer
They said, let's call it something fun. Let's call it something cute. Let's call it something neat. And they said, oh, I've got it. It's the plane train. Because it takes you from the plane on the train and it's at the airport and we'll call it the plane train. It's not a plane train. There's. It's not. And it just irritated me to no end. And being around, I don't know, just being. Being at the airport. And this always happened, especially, like, during the political election, the last one that we lost with Kamala and Trump, I would be in our little, like, liberal bubble, and I would think, oh, she's gonna win. This is great. And I would go to the airport, and then you see all the MAGA coated merch, and I'm like, oh, my God, this is. This shit's real. Like, he could win. So while I was on the plane train, there's a guy standing across from me, of course, with this oversized backpack. And then he had on one of those big boy shirts that I talk about with the eagle. And the eagle had a grenade, and then it has the American flag with a black line through it. And I just. The combination of this triple trumper trying to wear coated MAGA merch at the same time with the narrator. Welcome to Atlanta's plane train. I just thought, I hope this plane crashes head on collision and we all go down. I felt just. It just enraged me. The entire thing enraged me. And that's not very, very Good testament to my mental well being. Do we have an update on the.
Kylie
We do. Here is what we said. Dental drills are not silent because they rely on compressed air to spin at extreme speeds to efficiently cut through the enamel, the hardest substance in the human body. The high speed rotation generates immense friction heat and turbulent airflow. And then we've got one more here that says, while technology is improving with quieter electric handpieces and experimental anti noise devices, the immense power requirements make complete silence difficult to achieve. So you should ask about these experimental devices.
Pumps
Right. I should see if I can get into a trial, a drill trial for my cavity, said Jim. A drill trial. I can get in, see how it works.
Jennifer
Right. I'll eat a lot of extra candy and. Yeah, you could be. I love this idea for you. I love this and you love a survey. So at the end of this voluntary dental work that you're doing for the good of humanity, you can take your survey at the end. That's incredible.
Pumps
I can give it all the stars. Okay. One thing I thought of, when you're talking about the plane train, I remember that very excited voice, and he would say, this is terminal A. A is in Atlanta. And I was just like, shut the fuck up.
Jennifer
That guy, that guy. Do you think he's a real guy or do you think it's a robot?
Pumps
I think it's AI.
Jennifer
That guy, he was too happy. It was. And it was B is for big boy. And then I saw the big boy across from me. Yeah. And welcome to the plane train. I've had it with plane train. I've had it. Airports, universally. If I was ever a politician, I would ban the word plane train just for spite. Because it's not a plane train. It is a tram. Isn't that a tram? Yes, it's tram.
Pumps
Always been a tram.
Jennifer
Tram. Right. T R A M. Tram.
Pumps
And you know what? You painted the picture so beautifully. Because I could see everybody around at
Jennifer
the table going, clipboards, highlighters, paper clips.
Pumps
And then everybody, when they say plane trains, like, oh, my gosh, you got it. A plane train. That's what we need.
Jennifer
And they all went out and got all liquored up afterwards and they felt even better about it. And then they launch, welcome to Atlantis. Plane train. It's just. Put a sock in it. Nope, it's not a plane train. Don't make up shit. Don't throw this at us when we're in the throes of travel, traveling with triple trumpers, trying to keep it together and you're rolling out plane train. When it is a tram. Yeah, it is an airport tram. There's nothing planish airplane ish about the tram other than it is near airplanes. That's it.
Pumps
It's just the lipstick on the pig situation. Nobody's happy at the airport. Stop trying to overenthusiastic us at the airport.
Jennifer
I told this story at our live show in Atlanta, but I want to share it. I don't think Ryan's heard it. So when I moved to New York, I started going to this nail salon right around the corner from my apartment. And I get the gel nails, and I. You have to put your hand under the UV for the polish to dry. And so I have this little UV dryer. And it's like I got a screen on top of it with a camera, and I can see my fingernails through it. And it's like you're saving your skin by using this AI UV machine. And it's only because of the AI technology, your skin is not getting any UV light or carcinogens. Like, basically, you're not going to get hand cancer because you chose to come to this salon. And this salon exclusively uses this AI dry machine. So it's like three different times. And I'm just, like, smug af. Like, I've got the AI UV gel drying machine, and I'm not getting hand cancer. And I just thought, God, I feel so great about this salon. I was never worried about hand cancer, and now I never have to worry about it again because this salon uses the AI things. So I go back the fourth time, and they roll out just this normal UV thing. And I'm sitting there going, wait, you guys told me I even. I didn't even know about this. I never worried about this until you rolled out the AI dryer for my gel nail. I learned about this from you. I felt. Felt good about myself because of you. And now they pulled them all. They're all gone. And now I'm sitting there just exposing myself to hand cancer. Sometimes two at a time. I don't know what happened to the AI machines, but I'm sitting there going, well, I guess, you know, you're the ones that got me all wound up about this. And then I. I don't. I don't understand why they're doing this to me. Now. I'm worried about hand cancer, right?
Pumps
Because here's the deal. You would have never thought about the answer had they not told you about it. And then they take it. So I'm wondering, of course, my thought is, was the AI thing doing something worse than hand Cancer?
Jennifer
I don't know. I. I think the AI machines are still there. I just think it's intellectually dishonest for this particular nail salon to rope me in to this illusion of safety and carcinogen free nail drying, only to pull the rug out from under me and then expose me to all of these carcinogens. None of which I ever cared about my entire life until they put the AI thing and I thought, ah, look at me, I'm an AI nail dryer now, right? And so I mean that. I've had it with that. I mean, I've just completely had it. All right, welcome to I've had It. I'm Jennifer.
Pumps
I'm Angie.
Jennifer
All right, Kylie, what's going on in the World Wide Web?
Kylie
Okay, I've actually got a review for you, Angie.
Pumps
Okay.
Kylie
And it's titled Dentist Drills four stars.
Amanda
What?
Jennifer
Perfect.
Kelly
Okay.
Kylie
And E. Munch writes pumps, while I too can't stand the sound of the dentist drill parentheses. Because I believe Jennifer is right on this one. My new dentist offers nitrous oxide. Of course, the insurance doesn't pay for that before you even get the Novocaine. Highly recommend. You still hear the drill, but you just don't care. So they say you gotta get. You need to get high during your.
Pumps
Okay, here's the deal. And I mean, when I got my teeth cleaned yesterday, they did the nitrous and I still didn't like it. So I'm. I'm a freak.
Jennifer
I don't think. I think it's universal. I think that nobody likes the drill. I don't, I don't. I've never met one person, it's like, oh, yeah, baby. That says, oh my God, I cannot wait to get to the dentist to have all the tartar scraped off my teeth. And then I hope they go in for just a banger of a root canal. I hope. I'm there. Four hours of non stop drilling. I don't. I'm sure there is such a person that exists, particularly in the United States of America, because we are a country of freaks, as evidenced by our fucking president and the dipshits that surround him and the dipshits you see at the airport that wear their big boy eagle grenade teeny weeny shirts. So we know that such a freak probably exists. But I. Will you put that review back up, please? Because I believe Jennifer is right on this one. I just wanted to.
Pumps
Of course we had to go back.
Jennifer
I just wanted to double dip on that just to be. Just to be. Just to be a little Cunty. Just to be a little cunty. Okay, Kylie, what's next?
Kylie
I have to tell you, I like going to the dentist because I have a really hot dentist who I love. Her name is Dr. Lori Levette. She's a listener on the show and she's just.
Jennifer
Does she know that you think she's hot?
Kylie
No, I haven't told her yet.
Jennifer
Dr. Laurie. Oh, my God. So how awkward is it going to be when you go back?
Kylie
I mean, I'm thinking of. Just because now I've moved.
Jennifer
Yeah.
Kylie
I'm thinking of flying back for my. My dental appointment because that's how hot
Jennifer
Dr. Lori Levette is.
Kylie
Yeah, she just is like, she owns her own practice. She's probably like, 40, 50. I just. I like a strong woman.
Jennifer
Straight.
Kylie
Let her get in there.
Jennifer
She's straight.
Kylie
I think she's married to a man.
Jennifer
Yeah, but you kind of like a Mrs. Robinson, don't you?
Kylie
Yeah. Let me tell you something I'm doing now, okay? So I found out she listens to the podcast, and I wanted that extra clout. So now when I, like, do my stuff online for them, I've started using my I've had it podcast email so that, like, they know, like, it's. It is me from. I've had it.
Jennifer
Really? Because you want to curry favor with your hot dentist.
Kylie
Yeah.
Jennifer
How hot is she? She's hot as pumps.
Kylie
No, I haven't met anyone as hot as pumps.
Pumps
Well, obviously.
Kylie
All right, I've got another review.
Jennifer
Okay.
Kylie
This one is 5 stars, titled OMG the Best and easy Money Access writes, I just started listening about a month ago, and I've been binging the backlog. Love the cause and the laughs. Middle aged white women, get your asses up and take a stand against fascism. Hashtag fuck Donald Trump. Hashtag unblessed.
Jennifer
Love that.
Kylie
Just want to add that I think the quote, Maga Jesus is a dick is merch.
Jennifer
It's true. Number one. Great. Two great things there that I'm immediately going to start using hashtag unblessed. And then I think it's. It's objectively true that Maga Jesus is a total dick.
Pumps
Yeah. Here's the thing. I always find myself, okay, so we have this live show and we have this clip that comes that Kylie put together before we come out, and it's like Jennifer's top hits, the things that she says. And every time I see a clip of Jennifer, like, unsolicited, like, even though I'm sitting right there when it happens, every time it comes across my feet Like, I bust out laughing. Like I forget how funny it is, and then so I just bust out laughing. But I had completely forgotten about how funny the Cracker Barrel rant was. And so it's just like, you really are funny is what I'm coming down to.
Jennifer
Thank you. They just resurrected the Cracker Barrel rant, which is months, months, months old. They just resurrected it again. Fox did recently, and Ryan, our new producer here in New York, told me that he was watching Fox the other night.
Pumps
It's horrible.
Jennifer
And my dear friend Greg Gutfeld did a little takedown of me. Of course, he goes to, you know, she's ugly, she's mean, she's insane. And then he escalated and he called me a cunt. What? The C word? He said. Well, he said the C word. He said, she's the C word. So Kylie and I found it and it was based on, I think that they resurrected the Cracker Barrel rant, which really occupies a lot of real estate in their brain because I think they identified with it like, oh, I. I am the person. I do Mexican food. I do love sports. I do love, you know, X, Y, Z. And so this always prompts Greg Gutfield, which I do think this is just an aside. I do think it's quite interesting that his name is Greg Gutfield and he has a big Muffin Top gut. I think that that is just gorgeous. Sometimes the universe works in such a way where it's like, ah, that's gorgeous. But what I, what I particularly like about Greg Gutfield is he never really critiques any of my critiques about the Republican Party or about his hyper feminine, toxic feminine co host, Jesse Waters. No disrespect to women in that, but, you know, Greg referred to him the other day as, well, you know, you're talks, you're a toxic ma. People refer to you, Jesse, that you're a toxic masculine person. I'm like, are you kidding me? That queen Jesse Waters, Masculine, My God.
Pumps
Since when?
Jennifer
Yeah. So, you know, I mean, the Fox, they have a lot of fun with us. And honestly, I have a lot of fun with them. It's a tit for tat, back and forth.
Pumps
I was gonna say the only thing that would be better is if Greg Gutfield was named Greg Saggy Man Boobs.
Jennifer
You know, we, we did a story in this. Trump's merch store has been shut down due to so much economic problems. But I do think in light of Big Titty Brian and Muffin Top Gutfield, and I haven't seen Jesse Waters without A shirt on, but I think he keeps it pretty high and tight. I mean, I remember when we saw him at the dnc, he was pretty. He was pretty lean. I think that that Spanx for men and male bras would be a banger on whenever Trump relaunches his merch store.
Pumps
Trump man boobs.
Jennifer
I do. I think they would be. I think it would be a big. A big market for them.
Kylie
Do you remember base Don Junior's tits in that photo?
Jennifer
Yeah.
Kylie
I mean, they're huge.
Jennifer
Elon Musk. Have you seen Elon Musk?
Pumps
Oh, Elon Musk.
Jennifer
Yeah, all of them. And here's the thing. I don't care if men have boobs. I don't care if Jesse Waters is a toxic Karen and he exudes toxic Karen energy. I don't care about that. What I care about is that these people are just such breathtaking hypocrites. And it also just is an absolute insult to my intelligence that somebody could look at Pris Pants Hyper Karen, Jesse Watters and refer to him as being. As having toxic masculinity. I just. It's just like that. Just. That doesn't work with Press Pants Waters.
Kylie
I think that's, like, his dream label.
Pumps
I think he's the one that said, hey, can you call me Toxic masculinity tonight?
Kylie
Yeah, 100%.
Amanda
Yeah.
Jennifer
He's like, hey, Greg, do me a solid. Say I'm. I exude toxic masculinity and he just exudes toxic Kareninity.
Pumps
Yeah, yeah.
Jennifer
Like, he is a Karen of the highest order.
Kylie
Insecurity out, like, coming out of this.
Jennifer
Do you guys think he dyes his own hair at home, or do you think he goes to the salon, or do you think he has somebody come to his house and do it?
Pumps
I think somebody comes, he's up to his house in the station.
Kylie
Yeah. Like a Fox News producer has to put on some. Yeah.
Pumps
He's not going to a salon because he's way too masculine to walk into a salon and get his hair dyed, even though it's so obvious it's dyed. Especially in person, y'.
Jennifer
All.
Pumps
It is a bad die.
Jennifer
Yeah, Yeah. I remember when we saw him, we saw Sean Hannity walk by first. This was dnc. And Sean Hannity was like. I was like, oh, my God. It was like. Like, I just saw a demon.
Kelly
He.
Jennifer
And Sean Hannity was like, hey, everybody, how's it going? He was like. He tried to be like a glad hander, super friendly. And then comes Presspants Waters. And he comes walking down this hallway at the dnc. And I mean the only thing I can relate it to and this is it causes me great pain to say this because I think drag queens have the best walk on the planet.
Pumps
Yeah.
Jennifer
But the song immediately came into my head when I saw him Sashay Shantay, Shantae Shantay Chante rupaul I mean it was just. I mean it was tits out, ass up and it was just a. It was just toxic Karenism out the wazoo. To all of my listeners that are parents, one of the best things that we can teach our kids is how to manage their money. A lot of kids go to college early adulthood. They have no idea what they're doing. And that's why with my boys, I partnered with Cash App. Have you ever had to write your kid an iou? Like what's it for? You don't to do any of that when you have the Cash App. Cash App is designed to meet teens age 13 to 17 where they are with intuitive educational tools available through sponsorship by an eligible parent or guardian. Teens gain access to a personalized Cash App card that comes in different colors and patterns to fit their style and the ability to instantly access money from family and friends. 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And for those of you that are new, Governor Kitten Hills is Governor Ron DeSantis. And the reason he's called Governor Kitten Hills is because he often wears a kitten hill to elevate him to higher heights. And in Florida, they are dealing with the very pressing issue. While all of these geopolitical things are going on, oligarchs dismantling a democracy in Florida, they're tackling very pressing issue of cousin. All right, and so Sean Hannity dives into this with Ron DeSantis to pop up this headline, Hannity awkwardly tells DeSantis. I didn't know that it was legal to marry a first cousin in Florida. All right, this happened like two hours, this interview with Hannity and kitten heels two hours after the farce ceasefire was announced, which says something about Fox's coverage right now, you guys, it was the second to last segment of the hour right before little gut filled little, little
Pumps
Greg,
Jennifer
little, little, little bitty Greg Gutfield where they called me a cunt. So Fox News to, to review here. We have massive shit going on. Their guy Trump pedophile in the middle of this pedophile rings, alleged pedophile in the middle of an alleged pedophile ring. We've got Trump and then war in Iran, bombing Israel's, bombing Lebanon. They are tackling cousin and calling Jennifer Welch cunt on Fox. All right, but local news does not disappoint. Let's play the clip of this local station reporting on the cousin going on in Kitten Hill State. Marriages between first cousins will remain legal in Florida, at least for the time being. An amendment tagged onto a department of
Jennifer (Caller)
health bill this session would have banned cousin marriages.
Jennifer
But the bill failed to cross the finish line before time in session ran out.
Kylie
Friday Action News, Jack, state and local
Jennifer
government reporter Jake Stofan is live downtown. And Jake, one of our local state reps proposed the ban. Well, if you're like me, you're probably
Kelly
surprised to find out that marriages between first cousins is totally legal. Legal here in the Sunshine State.
Jennifer
30. All right, so I have to point out that Ryan grabbed a screen grab of this local reporter. I mean it, look at her. So for those of you listening, there's no, nobody can give side eye like a black woman. It's just they, they are undefeated in this department, period. And so this is her work response, right, as her co anchor mentions the cousin marriage. And so then we have some people. Well, here we have a screen grab from the article this is wild. Okay. According to Legal Match, cousin marriage is legal in Alabama, Alaska, California, Colorado, Connecticut, D.C. florida, Georgia, Hawaii, Massachusetts. It goes on and on. Cousin marriage is not legal. And it mentioned some states that kind of shocked me. Mississippi, Oklahoma, and there's a bunch of other states. I was kind of West Virginia. I thought that would be cousin marriage out the wazoo. And so the article says laws also vary in other states. More to the issue, Governor DeSantis associated the problem with the rise of Islamic extremism. Under Sharia law, he had to inject Islamophobia into the redneck cousin culture in Florida.
Pumps
That makes no sense. And I will just say from a personal experience, one time I was in the courtroom waiting for my case. Other cases came up. I think in Oklahoma, it's like a certain amount of cousins. You can't get married. Like, you have to be three cousins removed or whatever. So we had these two first cousins up there. It wasn't my case. And they were everything you think cousins being married would be. They were white. They were rednecky. So this has nothing to do with Islam, Islam or Islamic religion, because this was straight up white people getting divorced in Oklahoma. They got married, they had a kid. Then they wanted to say, we were never married because we're first cousins. And I'm like, just shut the up.
Jennifer
Don't tell people that.
Pumps
Get a divorce and move on.
Jennifer
Okay, so here are some clips about the locals in Florida responding to the cousin issue that Governor DeSantis is tackling on Fox News in the throes of a war. Play the clip.
Kelly
I didn't. I wasn't aware that that was something we. We're just doing out here. I wasn't aware of that. Definitely. It's. It's kind of like teeter tottering between the lines of, like, inbreeding, but not really. But at the same time, it's. It's pretty close. You're kind of playing with fire, and I. I think that's a little odd. I mean, honestly, I could care less. I mean, it doesn't affect me.
Jennifer
Does it? Does it not affect you? I mean, it's just wild that we are even, like, having these conversations. And of course, Sean Hannity, you know, this journalist, and I say that in quotes, is talking to kitten heels in the throes of war crimes. Taxpayer money being stolen from the cousin in Florida to sent to bomb people in the Middle East. It's just wild. All right, Kylie, do we have phone calls, voice memos up first?
Kylie
We've got one from Kelly well, hello,
Kelly
Jennifer Pumps and Kylie, this is Kelly. Originally from Pendleton, Oregon, but thank God I was adopted. Two of us, progressive family in Portland, Oregon, where I'm broadcasting to you live. I'm part of the LGBTQ community, and as a person of color, I'm a huge fan. And thank you for fighting the good fight for universal human rights. I have had it with going online or going to my local grocery store or corner market and buying a bag of chips or a bag of candy, and I open that sucker up, and only 25% of the product is in the goddamn bag. Do you know what that reminds me of? Online dating. These days, people are curating their photos. Everything's Photoshopped. They're using AI and once you get into the same room with these people, it's all smoke and mirrors. People are hiding behind this shiny veneer. But once you strip all that away, get into bed, it's like they can't kiss. They can't eat ass. They say weird. They've heard in porn. They won't make eye contact. They talk about their mom. They cry after they come. It's crazy. I have had it.
Jennifer
Wait, wait. The evolution of this grievance is just a master class. We started with a bag of candy, and we ended up with eating ass. And then people crying after they come. Yeah, that is a master class of a grievance. Right?
Kylie
It's kind of a really good metaphor, actually.
Pumps
It really is.
Jennifer
And it goes to my. My feeling about Stanley cups and what a slippery slope they are. You know, like, to the average listener, they think that sounds crazy, but to me, it made perfect sense because you start with just something benign like, God, this pisses me off, this bag of candy. I bought these gummy bears, and this bag's only, you know, 25% full. And the next thing you know, you're eating ass, crying, and talking about your mom after you watch porn with somebody you met on Grindr. To me, that is beautiful.
Kelly
It is.
Jennifer
That. That. That, like, he went from just, I was adopted in Portland, and then, boom. Love you. I love. I love that. That's, like, a plus. No notes on that.
Pumps
Loved it.
Kylie
Okay, up next, we've got Amanda.
Kelly
Hello.
Jennifer (Caller)
Good morning. Or maybe morning, because every day is a hellscape and trumps America. This is Amanda, and I'm an attorney, corporate attorney. I'm on a lot of zoom calls, things like that. And a lot of the time, especially the attorneys, we're off camera. We don't care. But you know what? I really just cannot stand the people who are always up your ass about being on the call. People who want to see your face on the call are the people who are ugly themselves. Is the old crusty white man who has not done a lick to look attractive in this camera, and he wants to put his face and make you stare at it. So sometimes I'm staring at like 10 plus crusty old men, and I myself, you know, I don't really want to get on camera unless I look good. You know, I want to put a little hair together.
Jennifer
Whatever, whatever.
Jennifer (Caller)
But they don't have to do that. So every time they ask me to get on camera, I probably need to look presentable. They themselves do not care.
Jennifer
Do not care.
Jennifer (Caller)
So maybe don't ask me to get on camera if you yourself cannot be attractive.
Pumps
True, Truly.
Jennifer (Caller)
And I mean, it's men in general, right?
Jennifer
How.
Jennifer (Caller)
How much effort especially a straight, white, old, crusty man puts into his appearance? Probably not much. Anyway, so I've had that.
Jennifer
Okay, thanks.
Kylie
Bye.
Jennifer
I just, every time I hear, like, white, old crusty man. And because we. They're ubiquitous in, you know, in like, flyover America. And I just always picture these men, and there's millions of them in this country running amok. And you've got a guy, and he's got on these britches, like these slacks, right? And he's got a belt, and he has a pretty big size pot belly over it. And he stands up from a table, whether it's a meeting, a restaurant or whatever. And you've seen it a million times. He puts the toothpick and holds it in the mouth and then stands up, hikes the pants up over. All right, darling, y' all ready to go? And it's just like, how many of these are there in this country? How many toothpick holding pants, hiking guys? And then they're always the ones, too, that are calling the waitress. Thanks, darling.
Pumps
Darling.
Jennifer
Honey.
Pumps
Yeah, honey. Okay, here's the thing. When she started talking, I don't know why, obviously, because it's been 70,000 days since I've had sex. But I remember during COVID when people were caught on their zoom calls jacking off. And I'm like, you can't wait five minutes. You can't wait till the meeting's over. You have to jack off during the meeting. And then when you were talking about the gut wrench over. How about when men stand up and they have a little TT stank, like the little spot where they've gone to the bathroom and they haven't dabbed the end. And it's like bled through just like right there by the crotch. I see that all the time.
Jennifer
This is very under discussed. This is something that is very under discussed. And I want to applaud you pumps for bringing this to the national conversation. A lot of men are not shaking and or dapping the top of the penis and then they're putting it back in their britches and then pulling them up and then we've got a little wet spot right at the end of the turtle head and everybody sees it. A lot of men are wearing these athleisure style thin britches these days, which the TT stain is very obvious on those. I particularly remember one day my husband went tt and he came back and he had on some very thin tennis shorts because we had played tennis that were light colored. And I looked down and much to my surprise, there was a TT stain in his crotch. And I was like, Josh. And he was like, God, I didn't. I used to pee all the time now. And you know, and it's fine and we've been together long enough, you know, I'll still fuck him. You know, we're past all that. It wasn't a turn off or anything like that. To me, I'm sure I probably fucked him that night. Right. But I think this is a very under discussed situation. There seems to be so much focus on women's hygiene. Yeah. So much focus on women. And we need to flip the script. Do you think Greg Gatwell Feld and Jesse Waters have TT stains under that?
Pumps
There is absolutely not a doubt in my mind that Greg Gatfield has a TT stain. And my guess is he's got skids in his. In his panties after he poops. He just does not strike me as hygiene, you know, for thinking now Jesse Waters, I think she's prissy enough. I bet she's a dabber. I mean, I bet, I bet her is spectacular.
Jennifer
I kind of. I, I think I agree with this assessment. I agree. I think the asshole is very clean. On. Do we think it's waters waxed?
Kylie
I think it's waxed.
Jennifer
Waxed and bleached.
Pumps
Bleached for sure.
Jennifer
Yeah. Let's remind the. You're gonna say this listener. I don't know. This is probably a year and a half ago on the podcast Pumps found out for the first time that when people bleach their assholes, they were bleaching skin. She thought they were going to the salon and getting the hair around the asshole bleached. Much like we bleach our hair.
Pumps
I did, I did.
Jennifer
Yeah, I thought that. Yeah, I think I, I think, yeah, I think water's rectum is pristine waxed. Yeah, yeah, I do. I get, I get, I get that this man spends an incredible amount of time on his hygiene. Now Gutfeld, you know, he doesn't. He is the, he's the britches stands up from the restaurant. He has to hike up around the potbelly. So. Yeah, I agree with Skitter too.
Pumps
He's got a skin.
Jennifer
I totally see a Skitter. And I think his asshole is probably a disaster.
Pumps
It is not as prissy as his co host, Listener.
Jennifer
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Kylie
Okay, up next, we've got Brooke.
Jennifer
Hey, ladies. Just sending a voice memo, which is my favorite thing to do. My thing is, why is J.D. vance so fucking annoying? J.D. vance is the number one cause for vaginal dryness in the United States. Like, just seeing a picture of his face pisses me off beyond belief. He's so vile and disgusting. And that's just his face. I'm not even talking yet about what comes out of his mouth, which is absolute hot garbage. I mean, J.D. vance is just like king of the wet vegetables. I don't even know, but he's just so annoying. His ugly ass, eyeliner, fat face. I mean, I, I can't even believe his wife got pregnant because I wouldn't touch that man with a 40 foot pole. Like I said, I think he's the number one cause of vaginal dryness in the United States of America. I mean, J.D. vance is. The thing about J.D. vance is he's just a hooker. He's just a prostitute. And he has prostituted himself out his entire political career. And it would be a much better service to the country if he were just a sex worker prostitute and not the form of prostitute that we see now. If he would just earn his money on his back or on his knees, the country would be a much better place. And the, the SEC sex worker aspect of it would have a lot more dignity to it. It would be a lot tidier. Everybody would know, this is what I do. This is what you do. This is the money exchange. But instead, he is like a gaslighter. Favorite thing. We have to talk about J.D. vance all the time. He's the one that first called Trump Hitler. He did.
Pumps
One of the only, only politicians that have. When they're talking about rhetoric and stuff and calling us Nazis and fascist. JD Vance is the first one that publicly called him American settler. Wasn't a Democrat.
Jennifer
All right, who's next?
Kylie
Okay, up next, we've got Jennifer.
Jennifer (Caller)
Hi. Jessica. Angelina. And Kyle's. This is a former Jessica, AKA Jennifer. You know what I've had it with? I've had it with this performative high school bitch bullshit where they kind of try to sidle up to you and act like your friends on social media so they can try to sell you something and then they're out there getting all these fucking accolades and claps for, for like their stupid grifting multi tier marketing or sorry to my friends who are realtors, but like, I don't need a home, I don't need your closing cost, I don't need any of it. I don't like you. I never liked you and honestly wish you just off. But I can't block them because I like watching their shitty ass lives and kind of hoping they're gonna implode. Because when you're a dumb for your whole life, we see you, we see through you. I know you're a triple trumper walking out on your balcony going, good Morning America, I've had it.
Jennifer
All right, pumps.
Pumps
Okay, here's the thing. I cannot tell you how many times not on social media because I don't, I don't really check it like that, but how many times that I have been like, oh, hey, how are you? How are the kids? Blah blah blah, parlayed into do you want to come to my multi level marketing party? That's one. And number two, there are very few things that I enjoy more than watching someone melt down on social media. It is like I will go back to that well day after day, several times a day. Like I get excited, like, oh my God, I wonder if she's posted today. Then if I don't get a post then I start panicking, like, where is it? So I, the other people I know that are following this person, I'm like texting, have you noticed anything? Do you know anything? So there is nothing that I love more than watching somebody implode on social media. Love it.
Jennifer
It's delicious. It is. I mean, we have a couple that you and I joint watch together. And it's just, it's so fascinating that people have a significant amount of followers enough to where somebody could say, hey, you look kind of like a nut on social media. And nobody does that. Nobody talks them off the ledge. And so, and then not only does nobody do that, this one person I'm thinking out of particular, she posts the craziest shit I've ever seen. And then I go and look at the comments thinking people are going to say, you need to take this down. You look like you need to go to the padded cell in a straight jacket. And everybody's like, oh my God, work it girl, you look great, blah, blah, blah. I'm like, oh my God, they're feeding it. Yeah, they're feeding it. And then I wonder about the People feeding it. Are they doing it, like, in a diabolical way, or do they genuinely think, like, this person is crushing it? It's kind of fascinating, the whole social media, because you have this bird's. Ey. People's caricatures that they want to nurture, like, who they want to be on, you know, online. Because you don't really ever get somebody's true identity online. You get who they. Who they want to be or some version of them that they want to
Pumps
be, which is interesting because they curate this, and it's just crazier than crazy, which makes me think, oh, my God, they're crazier in real life. And I, too, I look at the comments and I think, are these people, like, egging it on, like me? They come for the content, or are they, like, that crazy, too? I mean, I know we've got a lot of stupid people, a lot of crazy people, but, yeah, it's. It's fascinating to me.
Jennifer
All right, last one.
Kylie
Okay. The last one is from Talia.
Jennifer
Hey.
Amanda
I've had a team. My name is Talia. And I just want to state for the permanent record that I play for the same team as Kylie and pumps. Pumps. On behalf of all lesbians, just want to really welcome you to our community. We're so happy to have you. Anyways, so I've been traveling a lot more for work lately, and I know a lot of people get annoyed by the individuals that, like, stand up as soon as the airplane lands. Whatever. Whatever. I don't actually have a problem with that. Like, if you need to stretch your legs, that's totally cool. What I've really had it with are the people that are pressed up against the metal middle of the, like, luggage sushi track situation as we're all waiting for our luggage. So that when my bag shows up, I have to fight through a line of people who really need to make contact with the metal of this thing just to get my bag. Can we all take, like, five steps back like civilized people, and then just walk up when we see our bag? I've really had it.
Pumps
That's a great one. And it's every time people fight like it's the last bite of food on planet Earth, and it's like, it's your bag. They're all gonna come out just ch.
Jennifer
Yeah. I've been doing something I've really enjoyed doing at the airport. So when I get in line for my boarding group, right, there's always people that jockey from different angles, and so you never know. Like, I know That I was there first, and they know that I was there first. But we're waiting there five or ten minutes enough, and we're parallel to each other, and they kind of start inching towards the point. The point position where they're in position number one to board first. And so I let them inch up, and then I'll start to move forward. And they kind of look. And I always. Now I just go, by all means, you go first. Like, I want to just. Like, I want to be smug, fully gracious at the airport. Like, I want to, like, get them to where they're feeling like, okay, she gonna go first. Am I gonna go first? These imaginary stupid things we do at the airport because, right. Air travel is so miserable. And then I. I want to be. I want to be the gracious one. Like the other day when we were at. On the plane train, when I was. When I was exiting the plane to get to the plane train, this guy was. I had an aisle seat. He had an aisle seat. And we got up, and I am. I felt like I should go first because I was the lady. He had different plans for that had. He was a little britches guy, toothpicker. He was gonna hike it up over. And so we're kind of looking at each other, and I just thought, I'm gonna be. I'm gonna be the gentleman here. And I go, you go ahead. Doesn't say, thank you. This little prick thing. And he just goes, right on. Yeah.
Pumps
I just hate it when I waste something like that on somebody, when in my mind I've built it up, like it's gonna shame him. That I'm saying, by all means.
Jennifer
I'm kind of enjoying. Yeah, I'm kind of enjoying this. Talks. It's not a pure high road that I'm on with this stuff. It's toxic, right? Like, I'm on the high road, and I'm wanting to bust people being dicks, and. And I'm kind of being toxic about it, but I'm like, no, you go ahead and, you know, just being gracious all the time so that as I walk down the. What's it called?
Pumps
Jet bridge.
Jennifer
The jet bridge to the plane train, I just kind of have something to ask to in my mind, right? Like that little.
Pumps
What a piece of.
Jennifer
And I'm so gracious, and I'm such a good citizen. I'm a true patriot. All right, I think that's all we have for today. All right, so make sure. If you want to send us a voice memo, go to Instagram. Go to the dm, click the microphone, send it. That's that. If you want to hear podcasts that are exclusively about politics, go to ihip news on YouTube. It's all under the same umbrella. If not, if you listen to us. If you are our beloved listener, you need to subscribe to each of these. Wherever you get your podcast. Both I've had it and I have Hip News. And we will see you guys on either Tuesday or Thursday or both. I'll tell you what, I've had it with Terrence. I've had it with that. Listen up, patriots, gatriots and Natriots. We have a new podcast that has dropped. It's called I Hip News. It's Monday through Friday. Every day, 15 to 20 minute hot takes on the political land landscape of the United States of America. Always served with a side of petty grievances.
Pumps
We are on all the available platforms. Apple, Spotify, Google, whatever you get your podcasts and YouTube.
Jennifer
Please go rate, subscribe and review so that we will chart upwards with America's greatest legal mind. Pumps. Pumps. What does an eagle say? Caca. A little bit more enthusiasm. That's it. That's, that's, that's the patriotism that this country needs right there.
Hosts: Jennifer Welch & Angie “Pumps” Sullivan
Date: April 14, 2026
This episode of "I've Had It" is a trademark blend of sharp wit and social commentary, with Jennifer and Pumps airing their latest grievances against everyday annoyances, political drama, and cultural absurdities. The conversation careens from the terror of dental drills to airport irritations; from the performative nonsense of AI nail dryers to the hypocrisy of Fox News personalities and the hilarity (and horror) of cousin marriage debates in Florida. As always, the hosts mix humor, irreverence, and pointed political barbs as they engage with listener voicemails and dissect the lunacy of current events.
(Listener voicemail/voice memo segment featuring):
This episode exemplifies the show’s raw honesty, merciless satire, and warmth between hosts and community. It’s equally a comedy pod and a therapeutic airing of cultural grievances—peppered with lefty political takes and joyous, self-aware pettiness.
Unfiltered, mocking, often political, always self-aware and inclusive of both serious critique and silly sidebars. The hosts and callers keep caustic humor and honesty at the forefront.