Size Queens Against Fascism

Summary

Podcast Summary: I've Had It

Episode: Size Queens Against Fascism
Hosts: Jennifer Welch & Angie “Pumps” Sullivan
Date: June 4, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this lively, irreverent episode, Jennifer and Angie dive into all things they’ve had it with—from negligent parenting at public events to body hair politics, from “catching print” penis analysis to cultural double standards, and bizarre trends in sexual enhancement and body modification. The episode blends personal anecdotes, sharp cultural commentary, and a lot of laugh-out-loud moments. Along for the ride is Kylie, their recurring producer, plus voice memos from listeners.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Parenting Fails at Public Events

Discussion begins: [01:22]

• Angie’s Rant: Angie vents about parents who bring toddlers to adult sports events and expect others to “babysit” while they ignore their child. Specific story: At NBA Western Conference Finals, an unsupervised toddler runs wild, spills drinks, and disturbs the audience ([01:49]–[04:48]).
  • Quote (Angie, 03:33): “This little girl could have burst into flames and the only people who wouldn't have noticed would have been the row of her family.”
• The hosts agree that affording prime tickets means you can spring for a babysitter, and criticize the trend of bringing children to inappropriate venues ([05:15]–[07:42]).
  • Quote (Jennifer, 05:15): “If your child has a pacifier and wears a diaper, it's utterly insane.”
  • Quote (Jennifer, 06:21): “We have to literally look at the child as though it has Ebola.”
• Enabling Behavior: The hosts admonish adults who play along with unruly children, reinforcing poor parental boundaries ([06:53]).

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2. Body Hair & Gender Norms

Discussion begins: [08:57]

• Jennifer shares a story about her husband shaving his armpit hair and laments the “overboard” trend of body hair removal, particularly among men ([09:25]–[12:13]).
  • Quote (Jennifer, 09:26): “There’s just certain areas men need to have hair, in my opinion.”
  • Angie shares she noticed a hairless actor on TV as well; both find the trend bizarre ([10:26]).
  • Humor: Jennifer jokes about her husband’s sudden enthusiasm for manscaping after a consultation—mocking his extreme, all-or-nothing tendencies ([11:19]).
  • Public Shaming Request: “To my friends... walk up to [Josh] and say, God damn it, Josh, grow your armpit hair back, for fuck’s sake.” ([12:13])

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3. Listener Reviews

Discussion begins: [12:42]

• Kylie reads five-star listener reviews, highlighting the sense of community, humor, and political engagement among show fans ([12:42]–[14:16]).

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4. Activism Update: Rescue of Laboratory Beagles

Discussion begins: [15:27]

• Jennifer gives an update on 650 beagles still held in a lab; urges listeners to call Wisconsin’s governor to push for their release ([15:27]–[17:44]).
  • Action Item: “Call Governor Tony Evers... request an executive order directing the remaining dogs to shelters before July 1st.” ([16:54])

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5. The Science (and Comedy) of ‘Catching Print’

Discussion begins: [21:15]

• The hosts introduce a viral TikTok by Anwar White defining “catching print:” judging the size of a man’s penis based on the outline in his pants—with a detailed typology ([21:41]).
  • Quote (TikTok Narrator, 22:25): “Type A is ... 4 to 6 inches; type B, 6 to 8 inches; type D, 8 inches or more, sweetie.”
• Jennifer and Angie rate public figures (John Ham, J.D. Vance, Lindsey Graham, Donald Trump, Ted Cruz) by their supposed “print” ([22:25]–[24:44]).
  • Quote (Jennifer, 23:24): “This looks like ... a three to four incher is my estimation. Kylie, will you enter that into the permanent record?”

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6. The Cultural ‘Big Little Penis Panic’

Discussion begins: [24:50]

• Recent NY Mag article cited: Gen Z men are anxious about penis size more than ever, spurred by looks-maxing, social media, and pornography ([25:05]–[29:05]).
  • Quotes (Jennifer, 28:36): “We’ve never been more comfortable talking about size.”
• Surgeons and therapists report a boom in men seeking penis enlargement for “locker room” or visual reasons, not sexual performance ([27:24]).
• Compensatory Masculinity: Angie’s long-held suspicion confirmed: Men with “monster trucks or big tires” are often overcompensating ([29:09]).
  • Quote (Angie, 29:09): “We’ve got a cult of men with small penises, and they love Trump because they think he has a big penis.”
• Jennifer draws a wider culture-war link, mocking the “alpha” posturing of MAGA men and right-wing media hosts ([30:17]–[31:40]).

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7. Latest Body Modification Trends

Discussion begins: [32:10]

• “Ball Maxing”: Men injecting saline to temporarily inflate their testicles for size ([32:10]–[32:48]).
  • Quote (Jennifer, 32:48): “Doctors warn it’s quite dangerous… potentially causing infection and long-term damage.”
• Angie shares anecdotes about “G-spot” and clitoral injections for women, questioning their effectiveness and expressing skepticism about sexual enhancement as a gift ([32:55]–[36:07]).
  • Quote (Angie, 39:09): “No, I would immediately break up... it’s just absolutely more than I can take to doll up and have sex with you. And now you want a G-spot filler? Like, I’m out.”
• Kylie adds information about “O-shots” and “anal Botox” and the conversation devolves into a hilarious examination of bizarre enhancement practices ([40:32]–[41:38]).

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8. Listener Voice Memo: Pisspocalpyse at Work

Discussion begins: [44:05]

• Listener Derek relays an HR horror story about a serial urinator at work and how shame ultimately helped stop the behavior ([44:05]–[45:36]).
  • Quote (Derek, 44:56): “There were a lot of complaints about this guy that would just, like, pee on the floor next to the urinals.”
• Both hosts agree shame is a useful corrective for particularly antisocial or shameless behavior, such as public urination or voting for Trump three times ([45:36]–[46:48]).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Jennifer, on parent entitlement: “We have to resist enabling. We have to literally look at the child as though it has Ebola.” ([06:21])
• Angie, on compensatory masculinity: “There was a bright orange Lamborghini on Sunday... my son and I were driving by, go, what does that car tell you about that guy? And he goes, I know, Mom, a small penis.” ([29:09])
• Jennifer, on body standards: “Our whole lives. How big are your boobs? Do you have cellulite… It’s a constant onslaught… What did you expect when you created this hellscape?” ([30:17])
• Jennifer, on “ball maxing”: “Doctors warn it’s quite dangerous, potentially causing infection and long-term damage to the male genitalia. Wow.” ([32:48])
• Angie, on sexual enhancement gifts: “No, I would immediately break up because... you want a G-spot filler? Like, I’m out.” ([39:09])
• Listener Derek: “...a pooper traitor. It was actually a pistil traitor. I guess literally...” ([44:56])

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [01:22]–[04:48]: Rant: Toddlers at NBA games & parent entitlement
• [08:57]–[12:13]: Armpit hair, body hair trends & manscaping talk
• [15:27]–[17:44]: Beagle lab rescue activism update, call to action
• [21:41]–[24:44]: “Catching Print” TikTok segment & rating celebrities' crotch bulges
• [24:50]–[31:40]: The “Big Little Penis Panic” & masculinity
• [32:10]–[36:07]: Ball maxing, G-spot injections, & bizarre sexual enhancements
• [44:05]–[46:48]: Listener story: The office “pistil traitor”—public shaming as correction

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Thematic Highlights

• Gender Double Standards: Women have always been scrutinized for their bodies—now men are facing similar cultural pressures (sometimes comedically).
• Mockery of Machismo: MAGA “alpha” posturing is skewered as overcompensation.
• Bodily Autonomy and Insanity: The hosts marvel at the lengths men and women will go for sexual “enhancement,” and question who these procedures really benefit.
• Sharpened Satire: True to form, Jennifer and Angie mix biting political observation into traditionally light territory.

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Episode Tone

Fast-paced, no-holds-barred, explicit, and riotously funny—Jennifer and Angie’s chemistry fuels the episode as they riff on absurdity in modern American culture. The style is candid, playful, and laced with profanity, feminist critique, and gay-friendly insider jokes.

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For listeners, this episode is a roller coaster of hot takes on parental irresponsibility, masculinity, body image, and sexual mores—with the signature wit and unapologetic attitude that “I’ve Had It” fans love.

Transcript

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[Jennifer Welch]

So are we supposed to start the podcast?

[Angie]

Ready? 1, 2, 3.

[Jennifer Welch]

Patriots, gay trots, the Trots, Black Trio, Brown Trio, and any other trio that we're missing out. Just know that we're here for you. We love you and every single triple Trumper. We've obviously spoken about the administration. I just want to go at everyday Trumpers. Just the everyday Americans that vote for Trump and still defend him can do what? Pumps. Pumps. What have you had it with?

[Angie]

Okay, what I've had it with. And I mean, I was so incensed, there was smoke coming out of my ears. What I've had it with is when people bring their toddler to a primarily adult event and expect other people in the stadium to babysit their child while they're drinking and having a ball. Their kid is running around and everybody else in the section is responsible for this child and because the parents. Okay, so what happened? Game 7 of the Thunder game. We lost.

[Jennifer Welch]

Western Conference finals.

[Angie]

Western Conference finals. Big game. These people sit down within the first quarter. This little girl spilled three drinks. And I just want to say this little girl is adorable. So we had to bring everybody down to clean it up three times, which means you can't see, but that's fine. It's fine to bring.

[Jennifer Welch]

How old. What age are we talking about here to. She had a so to pacifier at game seven. Okay, okay.

[Angie]

Then she started getting antsy. They load her up with Cotton candy and then set her loose. And she's walking up and down the stairs. She's hanging on the. Like the things that you hold. Like the. The rail that you hold. You know, the little flashers they have attached to the hole.

[Jennifer Welch]

Yeah.

[Angie]

Licking it.

[Jennifer Welch]

Perfect.

[Angie]

The girl in front of me, she must have played peekaboo with her for two quarter.

[Jennifer Welch]

Enabler.

[Angie]

Enabler. The NBA people, they were from the NBA because they had on their NBA gear. They walked down, they pull the usher up, and they said, this, we can't have this.

[Jennifer Welch]

This is unacceptable.

[Angie]

This is unacceptable. Before they had even touched the court, the kid was back out there doing it. It got so bad, at one point, somebody from like eight rows up, who I guess knows the family, came and got the little girl. And then she screamed and bawled the entire fourth quarter. And here's the deal. This little girl could have burst into flames. And the only people in the state, the stadium that wouldn't have noticed would have been the row of her family. And I just thought, how FL entitled are you that you bring your child to an event, you ignore the child the entire time so that everybody else can babysit it? I have had it. I had had it with that whole thing. Other adults do not want to babysit your child at an adult event, whether it be a moving, a sporting event, a restaurant. Unless you bring a babysitter. Do not bring your child. Get a babysitter at home. It was the most egregious lack of parental supervision that I had ever seen in my entire life.

[Jennifer Welch]

Well, I was at that game as well. And you were sitting across the court from me. I did not see the toddler terrorist, which you're speaking about, but it would. It would infuriate me. I myself was screaming and bawling through the fourth quarter. But obviously there's a larger issue here, and it is this. There's this new trend with young moms and dads where they want to take their kid to everything.

[Angie]

Yeah.

[Jennifer Welch]

And there's certain things your kid shouldn't go to. Like game seven of the NBA Western Conference finals. If your child has a pacifier and wears a diaper, it's utterly insane. And the way these parents and I've seen this happen. They think their kid is so cute. Everybody does. Everybody does. They project that onto everybody else. Which makes me hate a toddler. Yeah. Which is not a good position for the parents to put people in. And I hold the parents accountable. I think her days of terrorizing are only going to get worse with parents that are not Reining this in. And if you can afford, you were in the lower bowl, you had great seats pumped. So if they're sitting by you, these were pricey tickets. If you can afford to go to Game 7 of the NBA Western Conference Finals and watch Wemby an extraterrestrial kick the Thunder's ass, you can afford a fucking babysitter. Not to mention the time this game starts at night, these kids need to be in bed. I completely agree with you on this. I've had it with toddlers, but I've more so had it with parents agree that enable toddlers. And then whoever the sports fan was at the game that was playing peekaboo with the kid, it lulled the par parents into this false sense of security that the child was entertaining and everybody thought the child was cute. And I think that we, as a unit, are, you know, the I hipsters here. We need to let parents know, and I don't care how fucking cute that kid is. We have to resist. In adult restaurants, adult sporting events, we have to resist enabling. We have to literally look at the child as though it has Ebola.

[Angie]

Well, let me tell you what I did. She came over to do peekabee with me, and I looked at her and looked at her mother, and I go, no.

[Jennifer Welch]

What did her mother do?

[Angie]

She didn't care because the girl in front of me was babysitting her.

[Jennifer Welch]

Were they sitting in front of you or behind you?

[Angie]

They were across the aisle from me, down one row.

[Jennifer Welch]

Wow. Yeah, I mean, that's. I've. I've had it with that by proxy. I don't like this child. But more than anything, I don't like those parents. I just think it's when people have to pay that much money to go to these basketball games and you bring a toddler, it's not Chuck E. Cheese. It's not the playground. It's not a ball pit. You can't do that.

[Angie]

Now. If we were at the zoo, I would expect it. I'd probably play peekaboo. But we're not at the zoo.

[Jennifer Welch]

Let's not get carried away, pups.

[Angie]

True. Fair.

[Jennifer Welch]

Let's not, you know, let's not. Let's not get carried away.

[Angie]

I could not get over it. Probably part of my ire was that the Thunder was losing. But by the time the game was over, I was just. My head was spinning.

[Jennifer Welch]

This hap. This happened to me recently at a recent basketball game. There's a kid sitting in front of us. Grandstanding, had no business being there, turning around, making eye Contact with everybody. Unsolicited eye contact. And that's the thing. These kids, like, laser lock on the people that they know. Like, and kids always laser lock on me. And a mother on an airplane, I play peekaboo. I do everything because I've been that young mother before. But I've never been the young mother that took a snotty nose toddler terrorist to an NBA basketball game. I would never fucking do that.

[Angie]

Never, never. And I will just put people at home. Surprise. Of all surprises. Jennifer Welch is a baby whisperer. I mean, legit baby whisperer.

[Jennifer Welch]

The kids like me.

[Angie]

They do.

[Jennifer Welch]

The kids like me. You don't get to pick who loves you. And the kids love me. They do.

[Angie]

You're just love.

[Jennifer Welch]

They really do. The kids see something in me that pumps. Doesn't let me. Let's move on from these terrorists. I've had it with men getting rid of all their body hair. And let me give you an example. I was recently with my husband for Game seven, and he likes to parade around the house with his low body fat topless. And he shaved his fucking armpits.

[Angie]

Really?

[Jennifer Welch]

I just think it's a bridge too far. I mean, he's a Gen Xer. He's heterosexual. Yeah. There's just certain areas that men just need to have hair, in my opinion. And I just, I. I just, I think you got to have your armpit hair. He claims that there was some deodorant debris with the hair, like, deodorant debris caught in the hair. So he just eliminated the arm hair. But what's so hilarious about it is we're sitting at the kitchen island eating, and, and Roman, my youngest son, is the one that noticed. And he's like, dad, did you shave your armpits? Which is perfect. Right? It's just. Just getting. Getting trolled by your youngest son. So anyway, I just think the hair removal has gone a little bit overboard. We are, we have hair. It's just a part of it. I just, I think that everybody's going a little bit too hardcore on the hair removal, particularly men.

[Angie]

That's funny you say that, because I was just watching a new show last night with my kids, and I noticed the guy had no armpit hair. And I just couldn't quite figure out. And the guy was, I mean, maybe older than us. He's an actor and.

[Jennifer Welch]

Don't, don't. Do you have a frog in your pocket when you say older than us?

[Angie]

Well, I mean, like, I think in the 60s, not 50s. Right.

[Jennifer Welch]

I just want to make sure. That listener, any new listener we have knows that I'm significantly too. And I am solidly, significantly younger.

[Angie]

Then I didn't know how I felt about it. It kind of gave me the.

[Jennifer Welch]

That's kind of how I felt when I saw it. I just thought, how. What. What are we doing here? What are we doing? What are we doing?

[Angie]

What?

[Jennifer Welch]

Why are we shaving off all our hair? Like, what's going on there?

[Angie]

And I just find Josh's reasoning somewhat suspect. Like, get in the shower, wash your armpit hair. I doubt.

[Jennifer Welch]

Here's the deal. It's not believable because we know that with Josh, there are two speeds. Accelerator smash to the floorboard of the car or screeching on the brakes. Those are the only two speeds this man has. And it all started that afternoon at Best Buy when he got the manscaping consultation at Best Buy to manscape. And he. Now he's catching up for lost time because he was like, how am I the most vain person in the world? You know, that takes care of every little aspect. Aspect of my body just now discovering manscaping. So now we're going overboard, per usual, and we're shaving the armpit hair. And, you know, Josh doesn't listen to the podcast, but something miraculous is happening. So a lot of people in Oklahoma City listen to the podcast. So when Josh is at the courthouse or at a restaurant or the gym, people go up to him with updates about me talking behind his back on the podcast. So to my friends out there that listen and run into Josh Welch in Oklahoma City, walk up to him and say, God damn it, Josh, grow your armpit hair back, for fuck's sake. Yeah, no, I won't listen to this episode. And who can blame him? But anyway. All right, welcome to I've had It, America's top DEI Podcast. I'm Jennifer.

[Angie]

I'm Angie.

[Jennifer Welch]

Kylie is here. Kylie, what kind of reviews do we have for today?

[Kylie]

I've got some good ones today. The first one is five stars titled, thank you, ladies. And Green Colorado says you two bring me back to being a little gay gossiping with my aunties as a child. It's so refreshing to hear no common sense intertwined with a deep love and respect for each other. The podcast makes me so happy. Please keep it up.

[Angie]

How nice.

[Jennifer Welch]

Green Colorado, love it. Right back at you. Yeah, it's good shit. All right. Do we have another one?

[Kylie]

We do. This one is Pump up the gentleman. Five stars from Adrina. And she says I have a 16 month old in the midst of kid jail and listen all the time. My husband picked up talking points to bring to his Trump public Trump lican coworkers. I wanted a political podcast that was about that. Fight, fight, fight. But for real, I want to join these ladies on the patio chairs, put gloves on and smoke a cig while calling out people in power and holding them accountable. Jennifer has the ability to predict the future and surprisingly not glow to. I don't know if that's true.

[Angie]

I don't know if that's true.

[Jennifer Welch]

That's totally not true. I think she's being facetious. She's totally being facetious there. I think that's deadpan humor via a review.

[Kylie]

I would never get over the fact that I predicted an attempted assassination in response to bad polling. So glad I found my community of consensual ball grabbers and look forward to these ladies leading the charge and smacking these politicians around. When the time comes for government to correct prosecute and guard rails to be rebuilt. The rapid fire questions to politicians. Jen's efficiency at the the finest. Jen pumps and crew. Love you all.

[Jennifer Welch]

I'll tell you what, when I saw that ball grabbers, y' all know what I thought about? Let's say it all together. Matt Schlapp. Matt Schlapp, the conservative Christian and his wife Mercedes. Schlap that gets all liquored up and sexually assaults conservative men. We will never quit talking about it. Matt Schlapp.

[Angie]

And I just sometimes I just want you to call me and just say Schlap the way you say it.

[Jennifer Welch]

Matt Schlap.

[Angie]

Schlap.

[Jennifer Welch]

Yeah, Matt Schlap. And Mercedes are praying through all of his sexual assault allegations. It's interesting. It's just interesting that he's always grabbing penises for an alleged heterosexual when he gets liquored up.

[Angie]

It is interesting.

[Jennifer Welch]

Some interesting.

[Angie]

Some might say he's in the closet.

[Jennifer Welch]

Yeah, I don't think we can confuse sexual predators with homosexuality.

[Angie]

No, no, no, I wasn't saying that. But obviously he doesn't like Mercedes as much as he likes penises.

[Jennifer Welch]

And I think when rubber hits the road, we're not thinking about anything on Mercedes.

[Angie]

1 million percent.

[Jennifer Welch]

I think we might be thinking about. Yeah, yeah. Men in Mercedes.

[Angie]

Yeah, agree.

[Jennifer Welch]

Okay, I have an update regarding the beagles that we have been covering from Ridgeland Farms or Rickland. Rickland. Ridgeland. I can't remember how to say it. Anyway, okay, so they rescued 1500 of these beagles and they received national media attention. 650 dogs remain inside the laboratory and July 1st is now approaching and Advocates believe this may actually be the most critical moment for these beagles yet many people understandably assume, assumed that the story ended once the rescue faced once the rescue headlines surfaced. But in reality, there is very little public transparency about what will happen to these remaining animals. Advocates and volunteers are increasingly, increasingly concerned. I'm sorry, listener, I'm really tongue tied today. If negotiations fail, the 650Beagles could be quietly transferred to another facility, sold through brokers or resellers, euthanized or kept at Rickland for future in house research contracts. So here's what everybody needs to do. Here is a list of action items. If you're in Wisconsin or if you're just a human being that cares about innocent little beagles, call Governor Tony Evers, the governor of Wisconsin and his phone number is 6082661212 to request an executive order directing the remaining dogs to shelters before July 1st. Again, Governor Tony Evers, release an executive order immediately to save these beagles. We're all having to deal with all this abuse of MAGA and all these pedophile protectors. Can you at least, I believe this guy's a Democrat. Can't you at least save these beagles and not bend over to this corporation that abuses Little Beagles? Again, Governor Tony Evers phone number is 608-266-1212. I Hipsters, assemble. Flood the phone lines. Tell this MFer this is one good thing bipartisanship that we can have in the United States. We have got to get these 600 something beagles. Listener, think about how much you love your dog or your cat. These beagles have lived in these little cages and they're, they fall prey to all forms of abuse and we have to get them released. So that's just a little update on the beagles. Now we're going to move on to some stories that I want to share with pumps. Listener, I don't know about you, but when I get home from work I like to wind down, put on my PJs and then Nestle up with a throw blanket. And the quality, the texture, the weight of the throw blanket is so important to me. I've been particular about this my whole life and I'm happy to share with you. I have found my number one favorite blanket from Lola Blankets. Lola is the world's number one blanket. Crafted with ultra soft luxury faux fur and a signature four way stretch that completely sets it apart. It's machine washable, double hemmed for durability and stays flawless. No pilling, no shedding even after repeated washes, the listener get this not only is it perfect around your body, when I leave, I throw mine up. Throw it over the back of the sofa and it looks sty and chic. So for a limited time, our listeners can get 40% off. Select Lola Blankets products with Code had it at checkout. Just head to lola blankets.com and use code hat it to get 40 off your order. And after you purchase, they'll ask where you heard about them. Please support our show and let them know that we sent you. Wrap yourself in luxury with Lola Blankets. All right, Summer is right here and I know a lot of you are probably stressed with all of the financial situation going on in the country. Can you afford a vacation? Well, you need to set up immediately Monarch because Monarch is the personal finance app that tracks everything. Accounts, investments, saving goals and spending. Get your first year of Monarch Core for half off just $50 with the promo Code hat it. Most apps only tell you what you've already spent. Monarch helps set goals, map out big purchases like a big summer vacation, and see if you're actually on track before it's too late to adjust. You can ask Monarch's AI assistant anything about your finances, like how much did I spend last year on travel? Can I afford to do the same again this year? Spot things you wouldn't think to look for with AI Insights. Get a heads up on what's happening with your money with the AI weekly recap. Split the check without the headache with Monarch's bill split. I absolutely love that feature. Listener Use Code had [e-mail] to get your first year of Monarch Core Half off at just $50. That's 50% off your first [e-mail] with the code had it. All right Pumps. A tick tock creator named Anwar White coined a term called catching print. Okay, you got it. Catching print set pumps Catching print. Nailed it. Catch a trend. Okay. A trend where women and gay men try to estimate a man's penis size by reading the outline through his pants. He broke down. How he has this down to a science. In a viral TikTok with over 8 million views. Pumps get locked in. Here's the TikTok.

[Angie]

Oh yay.

[TikTok Narrator]

Okay, girl. So here's the guide to catching print because the girls couldn't see it. So I want you to see it. We have three types. Type A, type B. Type D. Type A is where the peak is above the actual mid inseam. Right. This is at your 4 to 6 inches. And then you have type B which, which is right at the middle to the bottom of the inseam in the, in the middle actual like diagram. This will give you 6 to 8 inches. And then the D type. It's either flat like a Kendall or it's rounding out like a little banana. That's Type D. That's 8 inches or more, sweetie. Do you hear me? This is the review that you need. Save this video so you can always come to it. Screenshot this so that you can always have this as a quick reference guide.

[Jennifer Welch]

All right, so moving along with this great research here by Anwar White, I mean, this is the type of scientific study that we are laser focused on. And everybody knows our size Queen pumps who hasn't been laid in at least 5,437 days is laser focused on all of this Women, Angie, have declared a winner of the catching print. And let's compare what a liberal man looks like. Here's John Ham. And if you can see how that is, that's the D it's below. So we're looking at an 8 inch plus situation here. This is a liberal man, never voted for Trump and now an Alpha. Clearly. Now let's compare John Ham's giant monster to that of J.D. vance. Pop this up. I can't even.

[Angie]

It's invisible.

[Jennifer Welch]

This looks like it's above mid here. I'm thinking that, I'm thinking, wait, this is a three to four incher is my estimation. Kylie, will you enter that into the permanent record? Next up, we have Lady Graham. Oh, boy. This is definitely above mid here. Oh, my God. God, Lady Graham. No wonder he's a bottom, allegedly. I, I mean, I'm going three inches here. I think this explains a lot, all the chicken hawk talk that he does. Now we know it's obvious. Let's go ahead and take a look at the Queen of America, Donald Trump. Oh, do we have a crotch? Oh, wow. Yeah, the Stormy Daniels was right about that. Let's, let's take a gander at Ted Cruz's crotch. Oh, yeah, this is. These are very. These are micro penises for sure. I think that all of their lined up in a row would be as large as John Hamm's penis, in my opinion. And finally, let's check out Moses. Mike Grinder. Oh, there's a little grinder. Oh, yeah, that's way above mid. Way, way above mid.

[Angie]

Now that I saw that, I can't unsee it. I'm going to. Every man I look at, it's going to be right there.

[Jennifer Welch]

All right, so as you can imagine, pumps the men are not coping well with a newfound public focus on their size, and the New York magazine just published a deep dive into the panic. Pop this up the Big Little Penis Panic in the Age of Looks, Maxing Trump and Catching Print, which we all just learned together as a class what catching print is Men have seized on an enduring anxiety with new energy and let's do a Here we go. Here's the part of the article I live in fear of someone saying I have a small penis, says John, a 30 year old aspiring actor. There have been so many cultural signals in my life that say there's something special about having a big penis. That's long been the case for men, but it's true. We've never been more comfortable talking about size. People are disconnecting from reality, whether it's from looks, maxing, social media, dating apps or porn, says Evan Goldstein, a Manhattan surgeon. TikTok is filled with young men talking about porn addiction, masturbation addiction and Viagra use, which has never been more in demand, especially among younger generations. In a survey on penis size conducted in February, 67% of respondents admitted to lying about their size. Notably, Gen Z reported the lowest confidence in their penises. Men don't know their normal, says Dr. David Schaefer, a Midtown plastic surgeon who specializes in penis augmentation. I have to reassure a lot of guys, he says. They come in and they're average or above average, but they think that they're smaller. In the past few years, Schaefer says, He has filled 5,000 men who often keep their work private. The inquiries come in at 2 in the morning. I imagine they're in bed wondering, how can I increase my manhood? According to Chris Bustamante, who runs a girth enhancement clinic, the majority of his patients are average size. The men he sees, he says, are rarely seeking to enhance their performance in the bedroom. Rather, they're simply looking to look bigger. The finance bros in the locker room, the gay guys in their Speedos on Fire island. Both want to look as packed as Jon Ham while while walking down the street in their sweatpants. It's something you can't talk about, says Steven Snyder, a sex therapist and relationship therapist. It's like a low iq. It just happens sometimes. In his patients with small penises, he says he's observed Napoleon complexes and what he calls compensatory masculinity. Generally, they're miserable. You can be the best orange in the world, he says somewhat blithely. But if they want a banana, it's not going to work. So several things to unpack here. First and foremost is, I love this, for me, our whole lives. How big are your boobs? Do you have cellulite? Do you have a gut? Do you have a thigh gap? Is your, you know, ass high and tight enough? Is your vagina tight enough? It's constant. It's a constant onslaught. Furthermore, Gen Z is the first generation that has had unmitigated access to porn. And all of the porn addicts, it's my understanding maybe pumps can help fill in here, are pretty well endowed, so I can imagine they feel rather insufficient if they're watching porn all the time, you know, with all these monster going crazy on their phone.

[Angie]

Yeah, porn actors. You mean porn actors have big dicks.

[Jennifer Welch]

Yeah, of course. Yeah.

[Angie]

Okay, here's the thing. I have been saying the compensatory, they're overcompensating. I have been saying that for so many decades now. Monster truck, big tires on a track, a sports car.

[Jennifer Welch]

Like a bright orange T shirt with an eagle and a grenade.

[Angie]

Right? And so now everybody's learning that not the sex therapist finally just said it out loud. We've got a cult of men with small penises, and they love Trump because they think he has a big penis. The Stormy Daniels said it's a Nevin. So I love this, that we're finally talking about this, that the science has caught up with my theory. I mean, my son and I were driving by. There was a bright orange Lamborghini on Sunday. We were driving by, go, what does that car tell you about that guy? And he goes, I know, Mom, a small penis. And I was like, I'm just glad, you know, I'm just glad, you know, I'm glad you can spot it from the road. So, yeah, this has obviously been happening for decades, and I'm so glad it's now in print. We have scientific people saying it's true.

[Jennifer Welch]

So one woman interviewed for the article says talking about men's bodies feels like women's reparations, and asks of men, what did you expect when you created this hellscape? And I would even take it further and say, what did you expect when you voted for Trump? And you have, as Angie mentioned, all of these big trucks with big, giant flags in them with trunk truck truck nuts hanging off of them. And everybody has to wear their big boy T shirts where you have the American flag with the black line through it or the American flag with the blue line through it. You can't just live. No, I, I support law and order. You have to, you know, put it all over your clothes. And you have to have the eagle and all the. In your bio. Your bio is the Trump, Trump, Trump thing. And also when you vote for a man that gave a microphone a blowjob on the campaign trail and wears a full face of make day, and you think he's so alpha, and you watch Fox News and you think Jesse Waters and Greg Gutfeld are alpha. The only conclusion the rest of us normal people can draw is that you all have micro penises. Stephen Miller being the, the ringleader of the micropene brigade. I mean, when I think of, when I think of micropenes, I think of Stephen Miller.

[Angie]

Like you said, like, Greg Gutfeld, he needs a bra. He's constantly talking about how ugly women are, how women need to do this. Donald Trump constantly calling people ugly and fat. I'm like, I don't get it. Do these people not have mirrors at their houses? That's my first thought. Like, does Donald Trump not have a mirror? He is clearly obese and all he talks about is fat people. I'm like, are you kidding me?

[Jennifer Welch]

This is what psychiatrists call delusions of grandeur.

[Angie]

Yeah, that's the truth.

[Jennifer Welch]

All right. In response to this, some men are taking matters into their own hands. Pop this up. Ball maxing. The risky new trend where men are inflating their balls. Men are injecting saline into their testicles to make them look bigger, inflating their scrotums from normal size to as large as grapefruits. The effect lasts 24 to 42 hours before the fluid is reabsorbed by the body. Doctors warn it's quite dangerous, potentially causing infection and long term damage to the male genitalia. Wow.

[Angie]

Wow, wow, wow. You know, I. They've been giving injections in the vagina for years.

[Jennifer Welch]

Like, really? What kind of injections?

[Angie]

Like G spot injections, where it like fills up your G spot so you can have a better orgasm. Because like, 10 years ago, my girlfriend goes, oh, so and so for Valentine's Day, they got me a, like the G spot thing where you have to get up on all fours and they put a syringe in your clitoris this to. And it like, make it bigger so that you have more accessible orgasms. And I was just like, that is not a gift for Gabe. That is a gift for him. Because that is absolutely the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard being given to Valentine's Day. Of course, they broke up, like six months after. But the whole point is, I'm glad they're getting their penises filled up. I'm glad they're doing all this because we've been doing all this forever. And I just want to say this too. I want more information on how we're maxing girth enhancement. But that's a podcast for a different day. I know we had that jerking or whatever, lifting the penis, but I would. I'd just be fascinated to know what those are.

[Jennifer Welch]

I want to circle back to your friend that had her clitoris injected. Up on all fours.

[Angie]

Yeah, doggy style. Like they go in from behind.

[Jennifer Welch]

So she was at the gynecologist's office on all fours. Or her boyfriend did this for her and she. Why doggy style?

[Angie]

It's like Philip. It was her Botox lady.

[Jennifer Welch]

She had her clitoris injected with facial filler.

[Angie]

I don't know what kind of filler, but it was the Botox lady. I know. I remember this story very well. I don't know if it was.

[Jennifer Welch]

I think it was this person in your Bible study. Was she a Christian?

[Angie]

No, Lady. Been my friend for 40 years. Longtime college friend.

[Jennifer Welch]

Okay. And she had her clitoris injected because

[Angie]

that's what her boyfriend got her for Valentine's Day.

[Jennifer Welch]

Kylie, can you. Are you. Do we know anything about this? Okay. A G spot injection is a cosmetic gynecology procedure that involves injecting hyaluronic acid, or platelet rich plasma into the anterior vaginal wall. It aims to enlarge and amplify the Grafenberg spot. The G spot. To potentially enhance sexual sensitivity and intensify orgas at a glance. What is it? Injection of temporary dermal fillers like collagen or hyaluronic acid or autologous fat in the G spot. I never heard about any of this. Nor did I know Grafenberg was for G until today. I just thought this whole time it was G spot. I didn't know it was somebody's last name named. It was named after. And did this. Was this effective for her?

[Angie]

No, I think she said it did work.

[Jennifer Welch]

She quite enjoyed it. So this was a boyfriend that bought it for her husband?

[Angie]

Yeah, boyfriend. It was her first post divorce boyfriend that bought it for.

[Jennifer Welch]

But I mean, I don't think she excited about this.

[Angie]

Was she.

[Jennifer Welch]

Was she insulted? Like I would. Is this when somebody gives you a gift like that? Is that kind of like you're a bad life? Right? Like you're not coming hard enough? Is that what that means? That's what I.

[Angie]

That's how I took it. I don't know that she took it. That way.

[Jennifer Welch]

But the next question I have is why do you think this shot has to be administered with the patient in doggy style and not just like normally with your feet in the stirrups? These are just technical questions I need answers to.

[Angie]

I don't know. Did. I don't think your botox lady normally has stirrups. I've never noticed them, but I mean, I've never gone for this kind of shot.

[Jennifer Welch]

It just seems like doggy style versus spread eagle. It seems like spread eagle on the back would be more conducive to accessing the. What was it called? The Gothenburg spot.

[Angie]

Accessing the G spot.

[Jennifer Welch]

Yeah. It seems like doggy style might not be as conducive as a spread eagle. That's just my take. And did the filler wear out or is she still continuing to have these incredible orgasms that her ex boyfriend.

[Angie]

This was like, this was years and years and years ago, probably 10 years ago. So I don't think she, she never re upped it. So it must not have been that great. I mean if it was really like, oh my gosh, life changing difference in sex.

[Jennifer Welch]

All right, listener, have you noticed online that everybody is talking about lymphatic drainage? Here's the thing. A lot of the remedies for are super expensive like a lymphatic draining massage or you're using dry brushing, ice rollers, recovery treatments, and influencers are talking about debloating. And so I'm like, that just sounds like it's too much. And this is why I'm obsessed with the Life Pro waver vibration plate. I kept seeing people using vibration plates online and honestly I was like, these look totally ridiculous. But once I actually understood how it works, it made perfect sense. Your lymphatic system has no pump. It only works when your body moves. The wellness world is charging hundreds of dollars for manual lymphatic drainage sessions. This is a one time investment that does the same thing at home anytime you want it. It's not just theory. Clinical studies have shown that vibration therapy made manual lymphatic drainage work better. This isn't some random wellness trend. There's actual science behind why it works. So listener for a lim our listeners can get $20 off the waiver vibration plate plus free shipping with code [e-mail] that's lifeprofitness.com and use code hat it for $20 off. After you purchase, they'll ask where you heard about them. Please support our show and let them know that we Sent you. What would you say if you're dating somebody pumps, and for Valentine's Day, you opened up and it's a gift card and it says you have to go get on all fours and get hyaluronic acid crammed up your clitoris. What? Up your 12th.

[Angie]

What do you.

[Jennifer Welch]

What would you say to that, man? I would say, fuck off.

[Angie]

No, I would immediately break up because I'm like, if you are sending me this signal, then we just probably shouldn't be together because it's just absolutely more than I can take to doll up and have sex with you. And now you want a G spot filler. Like, I'm out.

[Jennifer Welch]

Kylie, how would you feel if you were. If Anna came and bought you such a gift? How would the lesbians feel about such a thing?

[Kylie]

I would be pissed.

[Jennifer Welch]

Yeah, me too. I think it's really insulting.

[Kylie]

Imagine what she should have done is then went and got him a penis pump or, like, something to put on

[Angie]

top of it to make it a girth enhancement.

[Kylie]

A girth enhancement.

[Jennifer Welch]

That's what I think. Like, if I would be like, thank you, but no thanks. I'm going to take you to get a penile implant because that's the problem. This is a you problem problem.

[Angie]

Maybe your dick is so little that it didn't hit the G spot, and that therein lies the problem. Do they have dick extenders, too?

[Kylie]

Yeah.

[Angie]

Seems like you know that.

[Kylie]

Yeah, we know a lot. We know a lot more than I thought we would from this podcast.

[Jennifer Welch]

We really do. I didn't know about this. People getting their. Their G spot injected with fillers.

[Kylie]

No.

[Angie]

Yeah. Always ahead of the science.

[Jennifer Welch]

Girls.

[Kylie]

You are.

[Angie]

Yeah. Wow. I do remember very recently somebody talking about an O shot, but I. It was a casual conversation.

[Jennifer Welch]

What do you mean? An O shot?

[Kylie]

That was mentioned in here. There's a G shot and an O shot. The O shot is an orgasm shot.

[Jennifer Welch]

Okay, go on.

[Kylie]

It's taken from your own. They take plasma from your own blood. Injected in the clitoris and in the vagina and in the area of the Grafenberg spot.

[Jennifer Welch]

Grafenberg.

[Kylie]

All the erotic zones. And it is repeated annually.

[Jennifer Welch]

I thought you were about to say anally.

[Kylie]

Do you think we have anal shots?

[Jennifer Welch]

We do.

[Kylie]

Let's see.

[Jennifer Welch]

What are gay men doing? He said, yeah.

[Kylie]

Perfect.

[Jennifer Welch]

Oh, my God.

[Angie]

Fillers for your face.

[Kylie]

Anal Botox, often referred to as whole tox or buttocks.

[Angie]

Buttocks.

[Jennifer Welch]

Buttocks.

[Kylie]

Buttocks. It relaxes. Is this what you're talking about? It relaxes both the internal and external anal sphincter. Muscles so it reduces tightness.

[Angie]

Would you want that though? Really? I mean, because what if you. You. Yeah, I mean like.

[Jennifer Welch]

I mean if I post the question,

[Angie]

that would be my question.

[Jennifer Welch]

You're worried about diarrhea?

[Angie]

Yeah. Like unrelated to sex. I would just worry that if I got it too relaxed it would be worse.

[Jennifer Welch]

Your pants again?

[Angie]

Yeah. Be worse than it already is.

[Jennifer Welch]

How many times do you think you your pants in public?

[Angie]

In public? Public. Like in my garage driving home.

[Jennifer Welch]

One million.

[Angie]

That public.

[Jennifer Welch]

Public that you have to think about it once or twice. How many times did you in your car in a cup.

[Angie]

Well, in a cap. Only once. But how many times if I like almost been to the house and in my car. 50 to 70 to 100. 150.

[Jennifer Welch]

Really?

[Angie]

It's like I pull into my neighborhood and I.

[Jennifer Welch]

Let me ask you this. If somebody could. If I could get you a gift injection.

[Angie]

Yeah.

[Jennifer Welch]

That would prevent that. Would you take that as an insult?

[Angie]

No. To keep me from. Yeah.

[Jennifer Welch]

Would you be all in on that?

[Angie]

I would be so grateful. Yeah. I would be very grateful to not have to worry about in my car.

[Jennifer Welch]

I'm just really concerned about this man that gave a woman he was dating without ever address. Did she say he was just great lay. Do we have more details about this guy? Did he have a large penis?

[Angie]

I. I really.

[Jennifer Welch]

Was he good in the sack or was he trying to skirt the system

[Angie]

up a bunch of money on her credit card?

[Jennifer Welch]

Of course he did.

[Angie]

Of course he did.

[Jennifer Welch]

He stole money from her.

[Angie]

Uhhuh.

[Jennifer Welch]

Yeah.

[Angie]

That's who he was.

[Jennifer Welch]

So that.

[Angie]

That about tracks.

[TikTok Narrator]

Wow.

[Jennifer Welch]

Yeah, that's. That surprises me. 0See I think this whole. That whole thing is him skirting the system.

[Angie]

Yeah.

[Jennifer Welch]

He doesn't know how to. To have sex to do it. And so he read online like how to give a woman an orgasm easy. And then he falls in the trap of that shot and then he's trying to skirt the system as he tried to skirt the system when he charged up her credit card.

[Angie]

Yeah. And I do know she was not insulted when she got the gift that I'm just putting that out there. She was not.

[Jennifer Welch]

And she enjoyed it afterwards for a while, I guess. Yeah. That's interesting. All right, I think we have time to take a voice memo, Kylie.

[Kylie]

Okay. Up first we've got Derek.

[Derek]

Hello. Jessica Beaver. Leslie. And straight guy gaytriot Derek here reporting. And from an HR perspective on people pissing all over bathrooms. I was just listening to that and I've had it. Of all the signs and bathrooms of people Pissing and shitting all over the place. Apparently. I've been working in HR for over a decade at this point. Thankfully, I don't have to deal with this kind of stuff as much as I used to, but one of our offices had a pooper traitor. It was actually a pistil traitor. I guess literally there were a lot of complaints about this guy that would just, like, pee on the floor next to the urinals.

[Jennifer Welch]

What?

[Derek]

And we had no idea why a lot of his co workers decided to put, like, targets in the urinals, like a bullseye. That didn't. That didn't seem to work. So, yeah, I'm not quite sure what it is. We never quite got to the bottom of it, of whether it was. There was no underlying issues that we could figure out as far as disability or anything like that goes. But I think eventually shame worked. So, yeah, I think the answer is shame. So let's keep that up in 2026, the year of our Lord

[Jennifer Welch]

Derek. I love that. And I do. I mean, pumps. And I have been saying this for a long time. Shame is a. Is a valuable tool. Yeah. It's important when somebody does something shameful that they feel shame. You can't stay in shame forever. That's unhealthy. But you need to feel the shame when you're doing shameful things, like voting for Trump three times, for example, I think they should feel shame. That's my personal opinion. Angie.

[Angie]

Here's the thing on that. I completely agree. You have to shame these people. But I think if it were my company and I had a person that kept peeing on the floor next to the urinal.

[Jennifer Welch]

Nanny cam, huh? Nanny cam.

[Angie]

Well, no, you can't nanny cam in a bathroom. But if it kept happening, happening, and I had, you know, called everybody in, I was like, hey, if we can't hit the urinal and we continue to pee on the floor where it's clear, we're doing all of our peeing on the floor. Like, I'm sorry, you can't work here. It's not. Not the other people.

[Jennifer Welch]

Fire.

[Angie]

I think Fire.

[Jennifer Welch]

I agree. I think if somebody's pissing on the floor, flopping their dick around and just, you know, fire, you know, water hosing around, I think they gotta go. I think they gotta. Immediately.

[Angie]

It's not safe for your other employees. What if they slip?

[Jennifer Welch]

It's not safe.

[Angie]

It's not safe.

[Jennifer Welch]

It's not safe. You can't have somebody operating their penis like a water hose in the, in the bathroom. You just can't like we have to draw the line places. All right, listen, guys, we gotta go today. Pumps and I have a very important phone call that we have to take. But in what I'm doing here, y' all probably saw me. Those that are watching, I was busy writing things. I am signing little copies because my book is at print. And these are the pre autographed and I'm personally signing them here as I'm podcasting because I have to multitask. See that right there? See that? You want to see another one? Watch this. Look at that right there. Another one. I have to do literally thousands of these. Thousands. Not thousands. I think it's like 1,000. But it takes quite a lot of time. Yeah. But the book is called Not Today Fascists. And I would like to dedicate this book to all of the A grade crotches in the. What was it called? Printing. Catching Print. I believe it was Trump, J.D. vance, Lindsey Graham, Little Grinder, and then just a shout out to Jon Ham. Yeah, just a big shout out. We here at I've had it. Love you, John Ham. Particularly Angie, who is a Die Hard size queen to her core. Yeah.

[Angie]

And shout out to the. The guy on TikTok that gave us the diagram of how to call it. Love it.

[Jennifer Welch]

It's great. Yeah, that's a great TikTok. He's doing great work. I love somebody. That's excellent. A plus being a human right there. Yeah, it's just great. I love it. It. All right. Make sure you like, make sure you subscribe, make sure you comment. Make sure you go and preorder my book. Not today, Fascist. And we will see you all later.

[Angie]

I'll tell you what I've had it with. I've had it with that.