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- [00:03]
A
So are we supposed to start the podcast?
- [00:07]
B
Ready, 1, 2, 3.
- [00:09]
A
Patriots, gaytriots, vatriots, Black triots, Brown trio. Oh, and all of MAGA can. All right, pumps. What have you had it with?
- [00:21]
B
Okay, I've had it. Had it with up to my eyeballs in shit. With my iPhone being updated. It's not authorized, and I don't know what's happening after an update. It's hard enough for me to keep up on a regular basis what goes on on that phone. Not to mention that then it updates and I wake up and it's like, oh, you've updated. You have to use your passcode. And then I get in there and, like, I can't find anything. My text messages are all messed up. They say it's time sensitive. I go in there, I answer. I realize it's, like, from four months ago. And then on top, adding insult to injury, I hate Tim Cook. I think he sucks so bad. So that gives me an extra resentment. And then I pop up. Today, you're getting an update tonight. I don't know how to stop it. I don't know how to stop the updates, but I'm sick of it. I've had it. No more.
- [01:15]
A
No, it's terrible. It's terrible. They never update things for the better. I feel like it is a one of these things where you have a lot of hipsters that work at Apple who are like, we need to have a meeting. And they're on zoom calls. They're scrambling jets. They're pulling stuff out of the parking lot. They're showing. You know, let me show you. Let me pull up. Here's the hyper face. Here's what you did now. And this is the over compl. Complication. Comple complication. Sorry, guys. We do a lot of podcasts. This is the over complication of all of too many meetings. And I think that sometimes people talk too much and communicate too much and try to invent shit to do that doesn't need to be done. About four updates ago was the best version of the photo album they've ever had. And since then, the photo album has literally climbed to the top of the highest dive on the planet, taken a huge swan dive into a completely empty pool. And I don't even enjoy my photographs anymore. I used to enjoy, I can't find them. I don't understand the ordering. I don't know why the search engine used to be at the top. Now somebody's like, I got an idea. People are like, what is it? And he goes, let's Move the search engine type in to the bottom, and all these geeky McDweebersons are over there going, oh, fucking totally. That is unbelievable idea. Let's move it to the bottom. That is rad, man. It just. Enough. And you know what? I'm just going to say I kind of missed the button. Pushing the button.
- [02:55]
B
I totally missed the button.
- [02:57]
A
I know that's total gin Gen X moment, but I really liked that button. I like. I like the. The feel and the tactile nature of pushing a button.
- [03:06]
B
Well, and I felt like I had more control over it with the button. Like I was in charge. Now I feel like my phone's in charge of me. It's like wagging the dog. That is me. Which wouldn't be hard to do given my technological stuff, but, yeah, getting another update. I'm sure it'll be even more up tomorrow.
- [03:24]
A
Yeah, it's. It's the. The. The relationship with the phone is. It's a really tortured one. It's a really tortured relationship for me. All right, let me tell you what I've had it with. I've had it with podcasters and podcasts, and the top of my list would be myself. Second on that list would be you, because I hate me a little bit more than I hate you. Kylie and Seth, I don't like. They. They aren't. They're awesome, and they have the worst jobs in America. Worse. But I just feel like I'm just like our pod. Our podcast. Here to stay. Or is this a phase? What's. What's going on with the podcasts? It's just. It's kind of. What is it? I guess it's the new radio, right? New talk radio?
- [04:15]
B
Yeah. I think it's 100 radio back in the day. But what's interesting is, like, nobody's watching, like, regular TV anymore, so it kind of feels like they're here.
- [04:24]
A
The news is over.
- [04:25]
B
The news is over.
- [04:27]
A
Which, but not. I have news that we drop every day. Wherever you get your podcasts, stay with us.
- [04:33]
B
But I love that CBS so hard with their new CBS News thing. I mean, that has been delicious.
- [04:41]
A
Barry Weiss, the demon Leslie from hell. I mean, what? Lesbians are so good, too. If I was a lesbian, I would be furious. I would be livid about that woman because she is just. You can tell she thinks she's hot shit. And she doesn't know shit from Shinella, this broad. And it's the equivalent to me of Cash Patel thinking, yeah, I'll run the FBI.
- [05:12]
B
I got it.
- [05:13]
A
Don't tear it up. Let's, let's do it. I'll run the FBI. I think Barry Wise, she had this blog, you know, the Free Press. And she declared like, culture wars are a problem and we're the anti woke lesbians. Let's go anti woke Leslies. And then Leslie's are like, we don't want you anyway. So she's like, well, fuck that, then I'm going to go join Trump. And it is such a. This is this. It's like a maga thinks they're so unique and they're so original and they're like a string doll. It's like the same story with every single personal opinion. We're anti DEI and we're anti woke. And I think people should get their jobs on the merit. Hey, Barry Weiss, with zero experience of running any news organization ever, besides your own blog that you started, why don't you run CBS News? And then you have all these seasoned, skilled journalists that work hard, like really work hard work for months and months and months on stories and this insufferable twat goes in and spikes the story about seacot, right? And then here's the thing that gets me so hard about her. So she's this big like pro Israel thumper, right? I would think if I was a big pro Israel thumper, like we need to work on Holocaust prevention. I would think airing the seacot story would be on the top of my list to say, hey, we have red flags here. We have people in masks denying people due process, sending them to a concentration camp in El Salvador. This seems eerily familiar to the 1930s, but what is this? What do she spikes it and then she wants to have credibility, lecturing us on Israel off. I mean, that's the thing about evangelicals and about these far right Zionists. They have to force you to like their opinion because they're so wrong in it and they are in such denial about how wrong they are. So that's like evangelicals, we have to recruit, recruit, recruit, right? The Zionists, if we control TikTok, if we control CBS, if we control this, if they don't know that we're committing a genocide, then everybody will love us. It's like everybody hates you. Not because you're Jewish, because you're fucking war criminals. That's why we love Jewish people. Your, your Jewishness has nothing to do with the fact that you support war crimes and war criminals. That's why we don't like you. It's that simple.
- [07:43]
B
Yeah, and I just don't see Any difference between Benjamin Netanyahu the way he went behind? I mean, you know, he's funding Hamas on the down low, he wants to stay in office. So he's at corruption charges out the gazoo. And then you have Donald Trump. I mean, there are two sides of the same coin. Except Netanyahu is, I think, more strategic and probably as Trump would say, higher IQ individual than Trump. Not that that's hard.
- [08:13]
A
Well, and the problem is Netanyahu has been in and out of power for decades. That mfer has been, has the same line. He's been lying for years. Iran has a nuclear weapon. Iran's one day away from like since the 1980s. Like somebod did a hyperclip of it. And the thing that it bugs me about, like the Barry Weiss's and the evangelical Christians and you know, it surprises me. 0. Barry Weiss's first interview was with Erica Kirk. I mean, birds of a dipshit feather flock together, right? So both of these people are sitting there and they have this arrogance about them that their worldview is just so correct. And everybody that doesn't go through their mental gymnastics of depravity and debauchery and war crimes and all this shit just don't understand or we're too woke to get it right. And I just, I cannot wait for the spectacular fall of Barry Wise because it's really sad. Like 60 Minutes was a part. I mean, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick. You know, my parents would watch and then I'd kind of be like, that.
- [09:19]
B
Was a big deal.
- [09:20]
A
Yeah, it was a big deal. And like the expose on that, cigarette, tobacco companies and all of that is big, big stuff. And it's going to fall, it's going to spiral spectacularly. And I hope the Ellisons, I hope they lose billions. I hope they just bought TikTok and of course they've hired incompetent people to run TikTok. I hope it loses billions. And I hope that there are new platforms that come out where we have a benevolent billionaire that says, look, I hate these fuckers every bit as much as you all do. And I'm going to make a cooler TikTok, a cooler this, a cooler that. And I'm giving, you know, know, I'm paying more in taxes, whatever, but we're going to fight these people together because Larry Ellison, Barry Weiss, Benjamin Netanyahu, Donald Trump, these are the worst, the worst people among us that stand up for the worst people.
- [10:17]
B
Yeah.
- [10:18]
A
And they think we're stupid like that we don't see how shitty they are. And it's like, hey, I know you have an inferiority complex and you think if you run CBS News or if you buy CBS News, if you're the President of the United States, nobody will know. Hate to tell you cats fucking out of the back, everybody. You're a fucking loser and always has.
- [10:35]
B
I did read that TikTok was like. And I don't know how it worked. 150%.
- [10:42]
A
Yes, I saw that.
- [10:43]
B
Pulling out, not using the app, deleting the app. Maybe that was the. The term. But I'm like, good. But, you know, here's the thing. I remember when TikTok was suspended for like four hours. And I mean, I thought my daughter and her friends were going to just. It was like the end of the world as they knew it. I don't know enough about TikTok to enjoy it or have fun with it. So I don't understand why you couldn't just do that on another platform. But the younger generation is very tied to TikTok. But I'm with you. Let's get it started. And I guess here's the thing that drives me crazy. And I just. I love to browse Seth. So I'm just going to take a moment in terms of the hubris of these people that I can do it.
- [11:26]
A
Cash Patel.
- [11:26]
B
I'm a podcaster, of course. Bi Pete Heck. Seth was a reserve in the National Guard. He is running the Department of Defense. And it has been nothing but shameful. He has demoted people. He has stripped names of boats because he is such a pathetic asshole that he feels so threatened by people that have really served and done things for this country that he feels like he has to strip it like Harvey Milk, Ruth Bader Ginsburg. He is the absolute worst of the. I'm so cool. I was on Fox News. So naturally I'll kill people in Venezuela, you know, on boats in the Caribbean. Like, it just. I don't understand. I really do not understand. The people that I grew up with in their home. My parents pro military. Back the blue how they can it is crap. The bed city. Pete Hegseth is so incompetent. He is so unqualified. It just. I do not know how you support that if you say you're pro military. He has made a travesty of all this. He is the worst of the worst hires. And then he talks about dei. It makes me want to scream to the top of my lungs. And I just want to say this. You've heard all this shit about him. I just read an article about him, if you can't tell. He does all this. He has three baby mamas, he's married to one wife, and he knocks up now the current wife.
- [13:03]
A
And he's got a.
- [13:03]
B
Just a horde of children, homeschools, naturally, of course, he has the signal group chats where he does war plans. He includes his wife, which tells me.
- [13:17]
A
She'S a red flag.
- [13:19]
B
To make sure she does, she has to be on there. Then you know what I just noticed? First of all, I was on Katie Miller's disgusting, ridiculous podcast, and they're draped all over each other like they're not each other's like, third, third spouse, you know, like, come on. His picture, his official picture on his bio on social media has her, like, in the background. I'm like, that screams I around. And my wife doesn't trust me more than anything I've ever seen. We have to have our wife on there because she has to monitor the texts. We have to have a picture of our wife. And then when we sit by each other, even though we're old as fuck and. And been married to other people a gazillion times, we have to have our arms all over each other in a podcast. He enrages me.
- [14:01]
A
Well, I mean, in a normal world, all of this would be considered a national security threat. But in the Trump world, to your point about how can your parents think that he cares about the military is that would require critical thinking to critique his intellect. All he has to do for the Trump people, like your family members, is tap dance on Fox News and go, I love America and I hate liberals and I hate immigrants. And you know what? I don't think our black vets deserve any recognition because I think the white vets are getting sidelined so that I can prop up black vets. And Fox News just goes, this man, you know, I'll tell you what, honey, he loves America. It's this simpleton dumbed down, no critical thinking target the, you know, tribal impulses of the worst traits of humanity. And this just reigns in middle America and the cancer pumps and all of that is. I think Fox News has radicalized and radicalized and radicalized people like your parents that should be retired, enjoying their retirement. And you tell me story after story about going over there, and all they do is binge walk, binge watch, freebase Fox News and what a miserable existence. A lady wrote a book about this. I think it was during the George W. Bush era, maybe the Obama era, about Fox News and how devastating it was to the boomer generation. How angry they were in the polling sense. Fox News, they think they're about to fall prey to crime. They think that there's a bunch of people running around that hate America. Which here's the thing, this was the generation that was like, I will die for your right to believe, say, feel anything you want. Because that is the promise of America. And they've been so radicalized that now they want to be the thought police. They want to control everybody's thoughts. And here's what's just the biggest red flag of all. And it's like our friends the Good Liars and some of these other people that go into the Death Star and interview these MAGA people. What do you love about Trump? And I've heard it multiple times. And I go, I just love the way he, Mr. Trump loves America. I mean, he hugged that American flag. You know, it's the dry humping the flag. That's it. That's it. Because Fox News serves up that criticism means you're not patriotic. And then, you know, and then all these fucking dick wads are all over Facebook. I haven't been on it a long time. Remember when I was all these fucking schmohawks that I went to high school with were all like, hey, Patriot.
- [16:48]
B
Yeah.
- [16:49]
A
You know, it's all this juiced up, low T, you know, gyrating, one pump chomp energy. And you know, you know, you know, all the ladies know. You can take one look at Pete egg Seth, you instantly know one.
- [17:13]
B
He's soft serve for number one.
- [17:16]
A
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- [19:49]
B
I'm Angie. HB I C B for beaver.
- [19:52]
A
Let's get. Let's get. There's our beaver.
- [19:54]
C
Let's get.
- [19:54]
A
Let's check in with the National Lesbians Association.
- [19:59]
C
I'm the head one. The head lesbian.
- [20:01]
A
The head left. Yeah. Would you please weigh in on how the Leslies feel about Barry Weiss?
- [20:05]
C
Oh, she sucks. I mean, when you're fighting for your place in the world as a group and then one like that gets the national spotlight.
- [20:15]
B
Right?
- [20:16]
C
It's just the worst thing that could happen.
- [20:19]
B
Yeah.
- [20:19]
A
That little bitch. That little evil twat. I bet she has done zero coverage empathetically about Renee. Good. I saw that she just had this. This big meeting where she was like, if y' all don't like it here, then you just need to quit your to like seasoned real time journalists. This demon's what did it escape her.
- [20:45]
B
Notice that one of the thing the right was doing was demonizing her because she was a lesbian? I mean, I heard that from jump. Well, you know, she was a lesbian. Like that, like that made a difference that she was murdered? And so it's just. It's unbelievable.
- [20:59]
A
Here's the deal. Barry Wise has internalized homophobia. She hates herself because she's a lesbian. And so she wants to join the lesbian haters. And she thinks somehow that's going to fix her. And that she's like, it's just like Clarence Thomas, the black Supreme Court justice. He hates that he's black. He marries this crazy ass white lady, Jenny Tom Thomas, who was the January 6th ringleader. Like, that's not a conflict of interest. Like the, like the Republicans would even allow that for a second. If some Democratic justice, you know, it just shows how we play two different games all the time.
- [21:35]
B
Wasn't she in a cult before maga?
- [21:37]
A
Yeah, she was in a cult before maga. This is her second cult. This is her second call.
- [21:45]
B
Can't make this up.
- [21:46]
A
And her, his best friend. The African American black Supreme Court justice Clarence Thomas's best friend and the guy that pays him a ton of money all the time. Harlan Crowe collects Nazi China, Nazi dishware. And it's like, oh, my God. I think some of these people that like live on the coast, they need to come live in Oklahoma with us for a couple weeks so we can really take them around some of this real hardcore MAGA culture so they can grasp how serious these people are about this.
- [22:24]
B
No, I agree, because I just don't. Unless you've been around it, you get it.
- [22:28]
A
And here's the thing. For Clarence Thomas, for Barry Weiss, and Pumps can attest to this more. More than I can. How many times growing up would you hear there'd be a black person in the room and then the black person would leave? You know, I think he's really well spoken for a black man, right? Or isn't he a really attractive, nicely pulled together black man? Or, you know, for a black lady, she's this. Well, you know, I couldn't really tell he was gay. Well, Kylie sure is pretty. Could you tell that she was a lesbian? They try to diminish the person's blackness or diminish the person's gayness. And so then this marginalized person diminishes themselves and then keeps going to seek approval in a bunch of. In a room full of bigots. And they're never going to get it. Barry, you're never going to be filled up.
- [23:17]
B
No.
- [23:18]
A
Ever.
- [23:19]
B
Hex Seth, you're never going to be anything but a soft serve. One pup chop.
- [23:25]
C
Honestly, I'm glad you're bringing back the penis shaming. I feel like it's been a while, Pumps.
- [23:30]
B
You know, really it has been. Because I look across the spectrum of all these people in this cabinet when they have those circle jerks and I'm like, this is the smallest Penis size. We're talking like 2 inch slim penis size on these men because they are so insecure. Yes, Jennifer, I have a question.
- [23:52]
A
If you were to list in order from micro penis being the smallest to pinky finger penis, 1, 2, and 3, starting with. No, start with pinky.
- [24:07]
B
Okay, so that's the biggest paper out in the cabinet.
- [24:10]
A
Knowing that the largest one is still the size of a pinky on a toddler.
- [24:17]
B
Pinky on a toddler.
- [24:18]
A
Yeah. Three, two, one. Three, two, one. We got pinky on a toddler, pencil dick and micro paint. Three, two, one. Okay, you guys, hang on. We need this. I can't keep talking about all the. All the time. We need some community and just making fun of these droops. Pumps go. She shines at penile shame.
- [24:41]
B
And you know, and here's the thing. I really think about it. Like, I've written it down. Okay? So for my. I would have to say that for my. The. The smallest of the small. I'm gonna go Rubio.
- [25:01]
A
He's number three.
- [25:03]
B
No, he's the smallest of the smallest of the small.
- [25:06]
A
Over Stephen Miller.
- [25:08]
B
Oh, cabinet. I wasn't counting Stephen Miller in the cabinet. Okay. Re. Scratch. Steven Miller is probably inverted. He probably. And it looks like a vagina because it's so in his. And I've had an inverted nipple one time, so I know that's true. You can do that. Pete Hexth is the ultra slim.
- [25:31]
A
These.
- [25:31]
B
The pencil.
- [25:32]
A
Pencil deck.
- [25:33]
B
So tiny. Just really thin. No girth.
- [25:36]
A
You can make a condom that fits something that small.
- [25:39]
B
No. You know how, like every guy wants to buy a Magnum condom when it's extra large? I was like, you don't need that. He goes to the extra small store. Extra thin. Extra.
- [25:50]
A
Well, we know he didn't wear them because he's knocked up. Everybody's had sex with so many kids.
- [25:55]
B
So many fucking kids. Okay. Stephen Miller inverted. Marco Rubio's pinky pencil. Pete Hegseth.
- [26:06]
A
I'm gonna.
- [26:06]
B
This is probably gonna surprise a few people. I think that this is kind of a dark horse. Howard Lutnick. He is trying teeny weeny.
- [26:20]
A
Oh, for sure.
- [26:21]
C
Like, he can't see it when he looks down.
- [26:23]
B
He's just.
- [26:24]
A
He's tr.
- [26:25]
B
He's so slick. He's trying to be slick.
- [26:27]
A
Yeah.
- [26:28]
B
So that. That's my lip, obviously.
- [26:30]
A
What about little Smokey? J.D. vance.
- [26:34]
B
Here's my thing with him, okay? Just from. Just from the view, I think it's probably a fine size.
- [26:40]
A
He has a sport or something.
- [26:42]
B
No, not a sport. But not not embarrassing. Either way. It's the way he uses it.
- [26:47]
A
Okay.
- [26:47]
B
That's bad. Like, he. He doesn't know how to use it. He thinks that if he gets off in less than a minute. Cheers. Like, great. He doesn't strike me as like, Usha, you know, Was that fun for you?
- [27:01]
A
Did you have.
- [27:01]
B
No, no, no, no. He doesn't care. That does it. That never comes into it. I suspect he likes to watch himself jack off more than he likes sex with women. These are just observations.
- [27:15]
A
He likes it. All right, what else are we missing in the cabinet? Kylie, Google a picture of Trump's cabinet.
- [27:24]
B
We've got.
- [27:25]
A
Oh, my God. Yeah. That. The evil demon queen Besant and then also RFK Jr which I think that's raisin. A raisin. Yeah.
- [27:37]
B
And he's Viagra age.
- [27:39]
A
Ish.
- [27:39]
B
So.
- [27:40]
A
And you can tell he's taken like some steroids with which I think causes shrinkage.
- [27:45]
B
I know that's true.
- [27:47]
A
How do you know that's true?
- [27:49]
B
Well, I dated somebody that took steroids and I could tell. Yeah. Back in the day.
- [27:53]
A
Well, I mean, it's. Welcome to tell all without on I've had it podcast Pumps has had an inverted nipple and a. Oh, my God.
- [28:00]
B
You know how I forgot Duffy.
- [28:04]
A
Oh, is he tall? Duffy?
- [28:08]
C
He looked tall and like lanky in that.
- [28:12]
A
See, those are always tall, skinny people. Sometimes it's always a surprise.
- [28:18]
B
Yeah.
- [28:20]
C
Yeah.
- [28:20]
B
So that's Cabinet 101 with ang. Penis sized cabinet.
- [28:24]
C
I mean you really good.
- [28:26]
A
That's really. You know what? I would like to officially change my grievance where I started that I've had it with podcasts. I will hit podcasts because I think this is the type of content that we need. Kylie, do you have any. Anything to weigh in? I won't start. I guess it would be wholly inappropriate to talk about vagina size and lesbians.
- [28:48]
C
I don't.
- [28:48]
B
Yeah.
- [28:49]
A
Yeah.
- [28:49]
C
I think it doesn't hit the same.
- [28:51]
B
No.
- [28:53]
A
Well.
- [28:53]
B
And I just don't think men are so tied to their. Like their personality is totally by their.
- [28:59]
A
Totally. It really is. And I just think men really think about their dicks. And I think a lot of the men in Trump's cabinets particularly think about penis a lot. It's just an observation of mine. I do. I think that there's a lot of. I think maga men in general think about penises a lot. I think there's just a lot of penile thinking thoughts that go on from time to time, all the time thinking.
- [29:26]
B
About each other's penises.
- [29:28]
A
We all know Donald Trump has a small penis because Stormy Daniels told us.
- [29:33]
B
How could I forget?
- [29:35]
C
And she showed us like a comparison. Yeah, she had a mushroom.
- [29:38]
B
Yeah, she said it was a two pump jump too.
- [29:42]
A
All right, Kylie.
- [29:43]
B
What?
- [29:44]
A
Don't you have some stories for us to go over? I do.
- [29:47]
C
We have some stuff going on that we need to talk about from the last week and this week.
- [29:52]
A
Okay.
- [29:54]
C
So Melania debuted her documentary.
- [29:58]
A
I'm sure that's a banger.
- [30:01]
C
So far it's a huge flop surprise to no one here. And I've got this, this article from the Daily Beast. It says, ashamed Melania crew members hope documentary flops. So a lot of crew has been speaking out. And it says several crew members who worked on the first lady's Amazon MGM doc don't want their names associated with it. Rolling Stone reports two thirds of her New York crew requested that their names not be added to the film credits.
- [30:33]
B
Really?
- [30:34]
A
Another source.
- [30:35]
C
Yeah, another source said that they wished they had had the foresight to remove their name from the film. Another told the publication they're hoping the film, which required really long hours in a highly disorganized and very chaotic environment, flops. Quote, unfortunately, if it does flop, I would feel really great about it.
- [30:58]
B
Well, and people work on that. Work on any movie, any real any. It's a lot of work. I mean, it is a lot of work so that they're ashamed to put their name on it. Here's the thing. Did y' all see on social media that like, there's one ticket that's been sold in like London or something?
- [31:17]
A
There it is.
- [31:18]
C
One ticket was sold at Hoyt's in Australia, which is like an AMC company in America. And I've also got reports that Melania documentary is seeing single figure ticket sales across UK cinemas and users online. Everyone flooded to their local theater online to see what the ticket. You know how many seats were open?
- [31:41]
A
Oh, yeah.
- [31:42]
C
This is just one of like a hundred tweets. So Donald J. Trump tweets milani, the movie is a must watch. Get your tickets today. They're selling out fast and everyone's responding with not one seat filled in at their local theater.
- [31:57]
A
I'll tell you what Melania says, if you ever want to really make a banger, I'll tell you what you do. It's you, one camera, one light, one chair, a microphone, and you put that thing up to your lips and you start singing like a goddamn bird. You sing for this country. You sing for all the times you had to that man. And you've got all that orange all over your face. You sing and you sing for freedom. Sing for everything. And that would sell out. This isn't cutting it. Nobody's buying to this. Number one. You're not that interesting. You speak seven languages. I've never even heard it, ever. These people, the Trumps, are so pathetic. It's like they're so white trash. Like, so breathtakingly white trash. Like all the country club Republicans, they're all, like, being sophisticated. Trump's so garish and she's such a performative, you know, thirst Trapper with this documentary and. And then let's just talk about who paid for this. I was just gonna say Jeff Bezos, Lauren Sanchez. Like, at some point when they first got together, Jeff Bezos and Lauren, he had an affair. That pecker from National Enquirer, he, like, got the story and all this. Now, listen, a lot of people have affairs, whatever. I don't like it, but I'm sure Mackenzie's like, take him. Swing for the fences. I've got 100 billion or however much she's got, right? So I don't really fault, like, so many people we know have had affairs. I don't think that's a huge, like, you know, I don't like it, but it doesn't mean he's a piece of shit. And when he was first dating Lauren, they were all about the environment. Like, I would see these posts on Instagram. It was like the Bezos Environment Fund. And she was like, in the jungle and she was doing all this stuff, like the Bezos Earth Initiative, and they were spending all this money to help, like, combat climate change. A noble cause. It's a big fucking problem, the climate change stuff, right? And then, like, everybody we know, whether it's a billionaire, Jeff and Lauren, or the people you know personally, once you start succumbing and capitulating this, you just become the worst version of yourself. Now Jeff Bezos and Lauren Sanchez. Bezos look ridiculous, act just like Melania does. They don't know how to read the room. I don't know what sort of philanthropy or any type of anything they have going on other than just thirst trapping. Just pure, unadulterated, we're rich as. You're poor as. Watch Lauren shake her big titties and everybody themselves. I mean, that's just the vibe I get with it. You know, her tits are always up and Adam and yeah, the inauguration, that it was. He looks like he's one breath away from motorboating. You know, it's just Want to go, Jeff? Just motorboat. Just do it in public. We all know you're dying, too, you know, you don't have to. You hang out. Donald Trump's your best friend. Just go ahead and motorboat Lauren in public. You don't have to pretend like you have to have manners or polite or decorum anymore. Donald Trump's president, Lauren. Nobody gives a fuck anymore. You're about to fire all of your employees and replace them with robots and help Trump's eyes kill Americans. Just go ahead and motorboat Lauren. At least we'd go. Yeah, now we get it. Now we know why you like her. You short, bald.
- [35:29]
C
Yeah. We know what his dick looks like because it looks exactly like him.
- [35:35]
B
Real shiny.
- [35:37]
C
Okay, So I actually read some unconfirmed reports that Melania, she debuted her documentary with, you know, a handful of billionaires. Tim Cook. Everybody's there.
- [35:47]
A
It was fucking. Tim Cook is dead to me.
- [35:51]
C
And correct me if I'm wrong, but it was like, the same night or the same day as Alex Preddy was murdered, I believe. And I've heard that she's upset and blaming that for, like, the failure of her premiere. And so she goes on Fox the next day and she puts this interview out. And I think it's to try to. Jen, we were talking about it. To try to get rid of this ice heat and bring it back to her documentary.
- [36:18]
A
I read some reporting that she was furious with Donald, that this ice was hijacking the news cycle. And so, of course, she runs to her safe place. Fox and I sent Kylie this earlier. Pumps. Get a load of this.
- [36:36]
B
And they're working together to make it peaceful and without riots.
- [36:42]
A
I'm against the violence.
- [36:44]
B
So if. Please, if you protest, protest in peace. You know, I try to have empathy for her. I really do. She has to fuck him.
- [36:56]
C
That's.
- [36:56]
A
She's a monster.
- [36:58]
C
Yes.
- [36:59]
B
Like, she wants.
- [37:00]
A
She's a fucking monster. Yeah.
- [37:02]
B
I mean, it's like, shut up. And here's the thing. The only interesting thing about a documentary about her is how she and Jeffrey Epstein, according to one person familiar with the times, she was his girlfriend first. Like, that's what I wanted. There's nothing interesting about her. I cannot believe that she was. I did not know that. I did not know she was throwing a hissy fit. And she ran on Fox News. I boy, well.
- [37:30]
A
And then how dare she stand there and say, if you're going to protest, do it peacefully. And I want to go, it is your husband's gestapo that is out there pushing women down, doing all this hyped up, super masculine bullshit that is created in this culture that I guess you raised your son in since he is a huge fan of Andrew Tate. And maybe instead of you getting on here lecturing people about peaceful protests and you don't like violence, maybe the calls coming from inside the house. Your husband's an adjudicated rapist. This is his Gestapo. He said he wanted generals like Hitler's generals. I mean, this is just going to go from bad to worse. You will always be a pariah. You know how your documentary would sell? Well, be a compassionate person that gives a. And stands up for marginalized people. Melania. Right? Oh, I forget. Y' all don't know how to do that because you're both monsters. And that's why you found each other. Just like Katie and Inverted peen. Micropene vagine. Stephen Miller.
- [38:40]
B
Yeah.
- [38:41]
A
Micropene vagine.
- [38:43]
B
Yeah, you know, it just. Yeah, I mean, it's just you just don't think they can go any lower. And they always do. They always do. Like, Michelle Obama had no idea that you go, love, they got. You have no idea how low it can go. Like, honestly, I can say I never thought it would go this low. You did. You always have.
- [39:07]
A
When we were covering the campaign, I knew it was going to be concentration camps, grabbing innocent people, violence towards civilians. I mean, it. This is. I believe in the depravity of people, and I also believe in the goodness of people. But living in Oklahoma for so many decades and seeing firsthand the lack of empathy that the most religious people I know had, and knowing that that is the bulk of this man's support, it just doesn't surprise me that they're killing people like this and that the Christians are like, not the good Christians. Not you out. Not, you know, the listeners. Y' all know who I'm talking about. The Mega Churchers, the Erica Kirker Christians. They don't give a about this kind of stuff. They don't. They don't even care that Charlie Kirk died. I mean, nobody even talks about that anymore. You know, it's just. Grift City. All right, listener, I want to take a moment here to talk to you about our sponsor, MSI Reproductive choices. When access to contraception disappears, what follows is unplanned pregnancies, unsafe abortions, and sadly, women dying. Even before the US Cut funding and decided to sever the relationship with these UN groups, there were 257 million women around the world who couldn't access contraception. That's why you should know about MSI Reproductive Choices. MSI is a world leading provider of reproductive health care operating in 36 countries, running health centers and sending nurses and midwives to villages where there aren't any doctors or pharmacies. So if you're asking yourself what you can do, this is a great way to help help women. With all the cuts. Private philanthropy is essential. It's what keeps clinics open and care accessible. And it's totally reasonable. A gift of $39 is enough to give six women contraception a year. Go to MSI United States.org for info and to give or you can just text MSI to 511-511-text MSI to 5115-11 go to MSI United States.org that's M as in modern, S as in safe and I as in informed. Modern safe informed. MSI United States.org check them out. Text fees may apply.
- [41:41]
C
I've got something that we have not talked about yet and it is this weird White House MAGA baby boom. Okay, so in this article it spells it out. Usha Vance, Katie Miller and who said that they all announced their pregnancies. And right Here it says 21 days. Usha announced 21 days after Katie Miller and then Katie Miller announced 25 days after Caroline Levitt it. So it's all within this really short period of time. People have been doing the math on Usha Vance's timing and they said if you do the 40 week math from the baby Vance due date. Okay, it's revealed a startling discovery and they've got a photo of the time that Erica Kirk and J.D. vance on October 29 were seen hugging and embracing on stage.
- [42:35]
A
Okay, a couple theories. Number one, IVF across the board is it. I mean it seems so synced up and this is all this, they're all these, we need to breed, we need to have you. If people need have more kids, people need to get married. And you can see like Katie Miller and her, you know, like how to be a homemaking Nazi podcast. Like I have a great idea. Let's all get knocked up at the same time and we'll bring youth and vibrancy and show all of these things, these feminists and woke warriors that, you know, we are just mothers and all this nauseating.
- [43:10]
B
I'll work full time.
- [43:11]
A
Okay, let me ask you this. Just going like, you know, MAGA podcasters have conspiracy theories all the time. Who's the father if it's ivf is. I saw Katie flirting it up with Elon Musk on the podcast Elon Musk loves to jizz in a petri dish.
- [43:30]
B
Yeah, he likes it.
- [43:31]
C
It. You think all three babies.
- [43:35]
B
Well, here's, here's the thing on the IVF. Like Caroline Levitt's husband is like 30 years older than her. Like he's in his 60s, like late 60s. So there's no question there that we have older sperm that we had to upgrade, I would think.
- [43:50]
A
Well, but you know, Viagra, you know, they're able to scrub. The sperm is old. Yeah, but I mean I think that's, that's, that's possible. You have, I mean, look, you know, how old was Trump when he had Baron? I think he was already like 80 or something. Right. But I don't know, I just think, I think that whole thing is just creepy.
- [44:11]
C
It's giving and main tell it isn't. I think that's what they want on Fox News. On Fox and Friends, they were talking about this. They were so excited about these three pregnancies and they literally say out loud, like, do you think this is the beginning of young people wanting to bring back the families and the push of J.D. vance wanting to have the traditional family back? Like that's the goal in my opinion.
- [44:35]
B
Yeah. That's what they're selling.
- [44:36]
A
This is going to backfire spectacularly because just hearing Katie Miller, Usha Vance, Caroline Levitt, I immediately break out into Kegels. Okay. And so a hundred percent seeing people like this breed is an advertisement for not breeding. They are like the poster board for do not breed. Support Planned Parenthood, invest in birth control. Wrap it before you tap it. Do not open up those highways, ladies. I mean there is Kegel the whole time. There is no way this is going to want to make people breed. I promise you that. Nobody is going to want to breed because these are the most unlikable people in mag. Katie Miller is so unlikable. Her husband, as we as pumps really nailed, I have to say, has an inverted vagina as a. He does. So that's a petri dish for sure. Yeah. Caroline Levitt. There's nothing like the whole, like there's nothing virtuous or enviable about somebody who's just a sociopathic liar.
- [45:50]
B
Yeah.
- [45:50]
A
You know, do you. I guess they wake up every day and they think we are nailing it, we are crushing life.
- [45:58]
B
They have to. Like sometimes I get so mired down and you always get mad at me, but I get so marred down. Like, does Caroline Levitt believe that? Yeah, like it's just like I can't wrap my head around it sometimes.
- [46:12]
A
Well, Ruth, our. Our professor friend Pump, she told me they start believing their own propaganda that people inside the cult believe their own propaganda. That's a. That's a part. That's a part of it. And so they believe the propaganda. They just lie so much that it just becomes, you know, automatic.
- [46:31]
B
It is.
- [46:33]
C
Okay, The Internet had some fun. Shout out to our friends at the betches. So Sammy Sage tweets Vance's fourth child. Baby names go. And I've got a couple of replies here.
- [46:46]
B
Love her.
- [46:47]
C
Sophie writes of Donald as in the Handmaid's Tale style. Batches themselves respond. Charlie Kirk Vance and Erica KIRK Vance Vance Jr. Shepherd says, Surprise. It's twin boys named Crate and Barrel and William. In the same vein says West Elm Vance.
- [47:15]
B
My favorite is Charlie. That wouldn't stop me. I would not be stunned if one of these kids wasn't Charlie Vance. Charlie. Kurt Vance.
- [47:27]
A
Like, oh, if one of them has a boy, somebody's gonna name after Charlie100. Yes. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. Their best friend Charlie. That they do zero about preventing gun prevention.
- [47:38]
B
Mahala or what is it? Cash.
- [47:39]
A
Mahala. I'm surprised.
- [47:43]
B
Browbeat him.
- [47:44]
A
I am shocked as.
- [47:45]
B
That he.
- [47:46]
A
You know why? Because his girlfriend is the smartest of the bunch. She's riding her pj.
- [47:53]
B
Yep.
- [47:53]
A
She's riding on the pj. She's getting. She's getting Cash Patel's FBI agents to drive her and her all liquored up girlfriends all over the United States of America. The minute he loses his job, she's moving on. Because she. She does not. I bet he would love to cement the deal. I bet he would love.
- [48:12]
B
I agree with that. Yes. He'd be dying. And she's young, too. I mean, like, she. Here's the deal. And I know I've said it, but I think it's worth saying again. There is no world in which Cash Patel is dating her without a private plane. It just doesn't exist.
- [48:29]
A
No, there's no world that Kash Patel would ever be the head of the FBI. Except we are living in unprecedented times and. What, Kylie? What's the drag queen that came?
- [48:46]
C
Which one? Monet.
- [48:47]
B
Monet.
- [48:47]
A
Monet Exchange. Monet Exchange. I said, what have you had it with? And Monet exchange has. Because I've had it with living in unprecedented times. I wish we were living in precedented times. And I thought, that is so fucking spot on. I think about that all the time. Monet X change. We love you. Shout out to you.
- [49:04]
B
She's the best.
- [49:05]
A
The best. All right. Well, I think. I think that's, I think we did. Okay, here's the deal, listener. We had to take a break interviewing politicians, covering depressing news. I hope you all laughed. And I just think, Kylie, where's she going?
- [49:20]
B
It's like she doesn't want her face to be associated with our faces.
- [49:23]
C
I just want you guys to have your moment. You're the star.
- [49:26]
A
Okay. All right, well, everybody, bye, Kylie. We love you. Everybody say bye to Kylie. But anyway, here's the deal. We want to do some more episodes where people can laugh. So will you guys send us some voice memos? We're going to record a lot of episodes next week for I've Had It. And what you do is you go to your Instagram and then you go to I've had it. And then you send a DM to Kylie in the voice memo and let's try to make them, you know, really funny. I think the nation needs to laugh because for me personally and pumps and I talk about this all the time, scrolling the news, going, you know, seeing something so devastating and the terrorizing and the abuse that ICE is doing towards marginalized communities, it's, it's hard to just sit in it all the time and make sure you're amplifying on your social media the, the causes that you care about and the stories you want to amplify. But also practice some self care and we're still allowed to have community and laugh and relentlessly make fun of these inverted vagines.
- [50:33]
B
We'll see you next Tuesday and Thursday. Tell you what I've had it with.
- [50:40]
A
Let's hear it. I've had it with that. Listen up patriots, gaytriots and natriots. We have a new podcast that has dropped. It's called IHIP News. It's Monday through Friday. Every day, 15 to 20 minute hot takes on the political landscape of the United States of America. Always served with a side of petty grievances.
- [51:03]
B
We are on all the available platforms, Apple, Spotify, Google, whatever you get, your podcasts and YouTube.
- [51:10]
A
Please go, rate, subscribe and review so that we will chart upwards with America's greatest legal mind. Pumps.
- [51:17]
B
Pumps.
- [51:18]
A
What does an eagle say?
- [51:19]
B
Caca.
- [51:21]
A
A little bit more enthusiasm. Caca.
- [51:23]
C
That's it.
- [51:23]
A
That's, that's, that's the patriotism that this country needs right there.