The Graham Reaper

Summary

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I've Had It — "The Graham Reaper" (July 14, 2026)

Hosts: Jennifer Welch & Angie “Pumps” Sullivan
Guest/Producer: Kylie
Overview:
In this episode, Jennifer and Angie tackle a mix of personal gripes, sharp-witted political satire, and headline skewerings. The titular “Graham Reaper” segment takes on the recent (fictionalized) death of Senator Lindsey Graham with their distinct irreverence, while other topics range from unvaccinated dating apps, pet peeves in public spaces, airport “divorces,” and homeschooling debates—all in the edge-of-your-seat comedic, plainspoken style listeners love.

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Main Themes & Purposes

• Satirical reaction to Lindsey Graham's death (“The Graham Reaper”)
• Skewering conservative and MAGA cultural trends
• Personal stories and pet peeves (in public etiquette, dogs, travel)
• Critique of modern parenting and homeschooling
• Listener engagement through comments and voicemails

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. What Have You Had It With?

• Angie's French Bulldog's Nighttime Antics

  • Angie laments her dog Matilda’s late-night stubbornness, refusing to come inside unless Angie manually opens the door, despite using the dog door all day. (01:25–03:53)

    “At 2 o'clock in the morning, it seems like it's the longest in the whole world.” – Angie (02:47)

  • Jennifer notes Angie has always enabled her family/pets, now shifting from kids to dogs. (03:53)

    “You allow the children and the dogs to run you and then you're bitter about the things you enable.” – Jennifer (03:53)

• Jennifer’s Waiting Room Pet Peeve

  • Jennifer is irritated by a sick stranger sitting right next to her in an empty doctor’s waiting room, violating unspoken personal space rules. (05:21–09:34)

    “It’s the unspoken rule that you don’t sit right next to the other person… [but] this gal came and sat down right next to me.” – Jennifer (05:51) “I could feel the aura of her... I'm certain she's contagious.” – Jennifer (07:18)

  • Discussion on public etiquette, the difference between crowded and empty spaces, and the germ-sharing psychology.

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2. Commentary on Political Language and MAGA Figures

• Debating the Use of the Word “Pussy” in Politics

  • Listener comment inspires discussion about using “pussy” as an insult and why objections miss the point. (10:12–11:23)

    “There’s a pussy and a pussy is like J.D. Vance, the late Lindsey Graham… Donald Trump’s a pussy.” – Jennifer (10:43)

    • Emphasizes the distinct etymologies: a cowardly man, a cat, and a vagina.

• Lindsey Graham’s Death and the “Graham Reaper” Bit

  • Reacting to breaking news of Graham’s (fictional) passing—amused by circumstances and accompanying viral photo. (12:29–15:22)

    “He took a photograph with a drone… this drone looks like a big giant black [penis], alright?” – Jennifer (13:09)

    • The drone is named “penis” in Russian, leading to a long satirical riff on Graham’s legacy and perceived hypocrisy.

    “He died after he was groping a penis. A black [drone] that was made for mass destruction. This is exactly who he was.” – Jennifer (14:52)

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3. Unvaccinated Dating Apps (“Unjected”)

• Unfiltered Take on Anti-Vax Online Communities (18:58–25:28)

  • Angie and Jennifer react with incredulity to the existence and popularity of dating apps for “pure bloods”—unvaccinated singles.

    “Pure Blood. That doesn’t sound Nazi at all, does it?” – Jennifer (20:10)

  • Speculation on condom use and the biological risks these communities pose to themselves and public health.

    “How are you getting a guy to wear a condom?” – Angie (21:01) “Their stupidity is killing them. They're dying of their own whiteness.” – Jennifer (21:32)

  • Doubt expressed about feasibility, quality of matches, and underlying science denialism.

    “It's a stupidity registry more than it is anything else.” – Jennifer (24:32)

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4. Airport “Divorces” & Relationship Humor

• Navigating Traveling with Partners (25:30–29:21)

  • Viral trend: couples agree to “airport divorce”—fend for themselves until they reach the gate.

    “I think that’s brilliant. A lot of people fight at the airport.” – Angie (26:14)

  • Jennifer’s frustration with her husband’s chronic last-minute bathroom breaks—relates to travel stress typical in relationships.

    “I can't. I'm not doing this. I’m getting on that plane when my boarding group is called because I’m a normal person.” – Jennifer (28:22)

  • Classic Tale: The Milk Throwing Incident

    • Jennifer retells the story of throwing a carton of milk at her husband while nine months pregnant, illustrating relationship tension and postpartum emotional swings. (29:21–34:30)

    “Are you wearing your uniform again today?” [husband]
    “Complete rage. Rage. It was just a culminating effect.” – Jennifer (33:05)

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5. Lindsey Graham, MAGA “Closet Cases,” and Social Hypocrisy

• Analyzing Conservative Mourning Rituals & Hypocrisy (35:55–39:17)

  • Dissects conservative social media reactions to Graham’s death, with Jennifer and Angie noting Graham’s lack of lasting public affection and questioning the sincerity of mourning rituals.

    “I’m not happy that Lindsey died. I’m not sad that Lindsey died. I’m just kind of apathetic.” – Jennifer (36:45)

    • Satirizes the idea of a coffee table book of MAGA “closet cases” (closeted gay men in conservative politics).

    “Maybe we can do a coffee table book… Lindsay can be our cover girl.” – Jennifer (38:51)

• Mercedes & Matt Schlapp’s Tweets

  • Mocking the euphemistic, religious social media laments by conservative figures, while referencing ongoing scandals.

    “Today’s a good reminder to hug those you love… That’s exactly what Matt Schlapp did at the CPAC events when he allegedly…” – Jennifer (46:06)

  • Struggles with parsing religious platitudes about bearing “fruit” while highlighting hypocrisy and over-the-top religiosity. (48:20–49:04)

    “But is this about having kids? Because Lindsey Graham is a childless cat lady.” – Jennifer (48:49)

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6. Listener Mailbag: The Rise of Homeschool Mom-ptitude

• Caller Ellie from Minnesota vents about the least qualified former classmates now homeschooling their children (49:07–53:28)

  “These are people who, you know, couldn’t hand in a single homework assignment... Now they’re writing these Facebook manifestos laden with spelling and grammatical errors about how public schools are evil...” – Ellie (49:11)

• Both hosts express disdain for the trend, citing lack of socialization and the risk of “trickle-down stupidity.”

  “Homeschooling is a bad idea from soup to nuts. I don’t care if you’re a nuclear physicist. I think it’s just weird as that you want your kids around you all day, every day and all night.” – Angie (51:20) “This is trickle-down stupidity. This is MAGA on steroids... America has a crazy Christian problem.” – Jennifer (51:32)

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7. Mega Churches and Baptism Observations

• Critique of insular religious practices, like pool baptisms in the Bible Belt (54:14–56:32)

  “It’s so crazy and it’s like a full-blown pool and everyone’s in them… it was some big mega donor for the mega church… so he volunteered his swimming pool, but the house was locked up and he had portapotties outside…” – Jennifer (56:23)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the “Pure Blood” dating app:

  “That doesn’t sound like people are giving sig heils at their dates.” – Jennifer (20:12)

• On Lindsey Graham’s drone photo:

  “That’s from an episode of Veep of Lindsey Graham holding a big giant black [drone]. That is called penis in Russian. And that’s his last known photograph before he dies.” – Jennifer (14:01)

• On chiding performative MAGA mourning:

  “I’m not happy that Lindsey died. I’m not sad that Lindsey died. I’m just kind of apathetic...This wild guard, they're all going to start dropping like flies.” – Jennifer (36:45)

• On homeschooling trends:

  “This is trickle-down stupidity. This is MAGA on steroids… America has a crazy Christian problem.” – Jennifer (51:32)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 01:25–04:59: Angie’s dog drama and enabling pattern
• 05:21–09:46: Jennifer’s waiting room etiquette rant
• 10:12–11:54: Language policing and MAGA manhood
• 12:30–15:27: Lindsey Graham “Graham Reaper” satire
• 18:58–25:28: Unvaccinated dating app deep dive
• 25:30–29:21: Airport “divorces” and travel fight stories
• 29:21–34:30: Pregnancy psychosis and milk-throwing incident
• 35:55–39:17: Conservative hypocrisy on death & mourning
• 46:03–49:04: Mercedes Schlapp’s fruit “platitude” tweets
• 49:07–53:28: Caller Ellie’s homeschooling rant
• 54:14–56:32: Baptisms and mega church criticism

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Overall Tone & Style

• Comedic, irreverent, and candid: Jennifer and Angie don’t mince words and gleefully skewer hypocrisy, foolishness, and cultural absurdity.
• Bluntly political, with a strong progressive/liberal edge
• Conversational and relatable: Personal stories merge with social critique.

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For New Listeners

If you haven’t listened, this episode delivers sharp political satire, rowdy humor, and relatable irritations—from the loss of a notorious public figure to the absurdities of American social trends. Expect plenty of R-rated language, full-throttle opinions, and zero patience for hypocrisy.

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Transcript

[A]

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[B]

So are we supposed to start the podcast?

[C]

Ready? 1, 2, 3.

[B]

Patriots, gay trio, Black Trio, Brown Trio, we love you. And all of the triple trumpers can do what? Pumps. All right, pumps. What have you had it with?

[C]

Okay, it pains me greatly to say this, but what I've had it with is my one year old French bulldog, Matilda Denise, named after Jennifer. Her new thing is, and she's done it like I would say 12 out of the last 20 nights and last night it went on for eight minutes. She goes out the dog door in the middle of the night and she goes in and out the dog door 50 times a day. And she goes out, she sticks her head through the dog door and she cries. But she won't just move in the dog door. So last night I timed it because I was just like, okay, if I keep going and opening the dog door or opening the door and getting her in, it's just gonna. This is just gonna continue. So last night, after eight minutes, I finally gave in. So I've had it. What do I do?

[B]

So wait, let me understand. She will poke her head through but not her whole body through.

[C]

Correct. And it's not like she can't get in and out. She does it 50 times a day. But at night, she wants me to open the door.

[B]

You can't do it.

[C]

What? I. I can't lay there long enough and do it or I can't.

[B]

You can't open the door for she wants in. Eventually she'll come in. Eight minutes is not that long.

[C]

At 2 o' clock in the morning, it seems like it's the longest in the whole world. The other two dogs are looking at me like, what the is your problem that this is continues to happen. What do you think it is

[B]

with the dog?

[C]

Wait, what do you think she's doing? Just showing me that she's the master. I don't know.

[B]

I mean, I don't know that there's like some deep analysis for it. I think it's probably dark and she's, you know, maybe can't see very well and she's like, hey, are you there? Is anybody in there? You know, and then you open the door and she's like, okay, there she is. Maybe she's scared.

[C]

But when I looked at like the five minute mark, she had her head in, she could see me.

[B]

But it's your dark, presumably the room, right?

[C]

Yeah. And I guess I do have the sound machine on, so it's loud. But anyway, I'm just, I'm at the end of my rope with her on that. So I guess I'll just pop up and open it up. I don't know what to do. Shut the dog door in the middle of the night. Then I'm afraid she'll poop inside.

[B]

I mean, I think you have a history of allowing the children and the dogs to run you and then you're bitter about the things that you enable. I feel like we've had this conversation for 25 years. It's just the subject matter of the person that you're enabling hasn't changed. Has changed. And now that your kids are all adults, we've shifted on to dogs.

[C]

We've allowed dogs to run the whole play.

[B]

That's what I think. I've had the same conversation with you about your oldest son, about your daughter, about your youngest son, about your wolf, about your elder French bulldog, and now about the youngest.

[C]

I, I know, I know, but this seems to me like she's really trying to test me, like really trying.

[B]

Got it out for you.

[C]

I just think she wants to dig like on. She's the boss of ev like the other two dogs, even this 75 pound husky. So I think she just wants to make sure I know she is the boss of me.

[B]

I want to go with that. I'll go with that. I think that's good. Let's go with that. Kylie, do you think we should go with that?

[D]

I like that. And she might be right.

[B]

Yeah, I think that. I think that's exactly what she's doing. I think the one year old French bulldog, Matilda Denise is like this. I'm gonna let her know that I rule the night and that she isn't anything. Okay, let me tell you what I've had it with.

[C]

Okay, what is it?

[B]

Okay, I've had it. When you're in a waiting room, like for a doctor, this happened to me recently, okay? And there's like 15 chairs in the waiting room. Receptionist, desk, and 15 chairs. I'm sitting in one chair, okay? The next patient comes in, checks in out of all of the other 14 chairs available, sat down right next to me.

[C]

That should be illegal.

[B]

That is horrible. I literally like leaned forward and kind of like looked and I'm like, am I missing something? And I looked everywhere and, and it's so strange because this, the psychology of sitting is really interesting. Like, if I get on the subway and it's really crowded, but I see there's one little sliver that I can fit in. I'm going to go over there and I'm going to be like, shoulder to shoulder, arm to arm. Germs, Covid, you know? No, just complete germ sharing. But in a doctor's office like that, in a waiting room like that, in an airport waiting area, you. It's just the rule, it's the unspoken rule that you don't sit right next to the other person. There are other chairs available that you can get distance from. For example, I'll use my subway example. If a car were completely empty and one gal was sitting on the seat, I wouldn't go and sit down right next to her. Shoulder to shoulder, elbow to elbow, hip to hip, knee to knee. I would sit across and kind of down. Because I'm a normal person for the most part. I know listener and viewer, there's a lot of probably pushback from that. And I accept that. I accept a lot of that. But in this instance, in this one place, I'm a normal person. I don't go sit down next to people in lobbies or in places when there are other spaces available. But this gal came and sat down

[D]

right next to me.

[B]

And here's the kicker. We've got snot, we've got you. We have. I could just, I could feel the aura of her. And I could just tell, like, this woman has got an infection, viral infection. I'm certain she's contagious. And so if you want to say, do you think Matilda Denise is with you? Imagine how I felt when this gal comes and sits next to me in the doctor's office waiting room when there were 14 other chairs available. And these chairs had no.

[C]

No arms.

[B]

These weren't like club chairs. These were like chairs abutted right up next to each other. And so, like, when she sat down, our arms were kind of touching.

[C]

Okay, you've answered the question about. First of all, I think of all the places to do this, it's the biggest violation to do it in a doctor's office. Number one, because there's germs. I mean, there's germs everywhere. But like, somebody say, but do you think she wanted to talk to you? Did she strike up a conversation?

[B]

No.

[C]

So it wasn't like she decided, oh, she's interesting. I'm going to talk to her. This.

[B]

No, she's just a freak. Sabotager freak who just thought, h. I think I'm gonna. With this lady today. Which a part of me, I'm kind of like, you know, like, I'm at the stage where I'm just like, in the fascist takeover, where not that stuff. Not that much stuff surprises me. But this really, like, it really surprised me.

[C]

That surprises me.

[B]

I just couldn't believe she sat down right next to me.

[C]

No, I cannot believe that. That. That is really, like, normally it's people, like at an airport, like, they put their purse next to them so nobody sits next to him. This woman, she just wanted to be.

[B]

Right. That pisses me off, too.

[C]

Yeah. I mean, if there's an overabundance of seeds, if there's.

[B]

If there's plenty of seats, I have no issue with it.

[C]

Right.

[B]

But if it's crowded, if you've got a really highly populated gate and you've got delays and you're just dying to sit down and some gal has her roll up, roll away, and then a purse, and then, you know, a giant oversized cafe latte macatini, whatever the these things are called.

[C]

Right.

[B]

And then a water bottle and all this. And.

[C]

And.

[B]

And they're taking up two seats. And you see that there are people standing. That's. And that's selfish.

[C]

Yeah, I agree. Totally agree.

[B]

It's better.

[C]

You have to. Oh, sorry.

[B]

Welcome. I've had it. I'm Jennifer.

[C]

I'm Angie.

[B]

Kylie.

[D]

Hi. I've got two comments from Spotify that I thought were really important to share. This one's from Ange3582, and she says, J.D. vance is a. And A. I love that.

[B]

I think a lot of these are in response to us saying, I've had it with people on the left trying to be the word police, telling us we can't call J.D. vance a like, because vaginas are these magical instruments that do childbirth. That's not what we're talking about. We're not talking about vaginas. We're talking about whining, submissive men that are. Have nothing to do with vaginas equally have nothing to do with the cat. The pussy cat. These are three different categories of this use of the same word. Right?

[E]

Agree.

[B]

Yeah. Like, there's a pussy and a pussy is like J.D. vance, the late Lindsey Graham, which we'll get to momentarily. Donald Trump's a pussy.

[C]

Okay. For sure.

[B]

Don Junior's a pussy. Eric Dumb and dumber, they're pussies. And then you have a cat, a pussycat, which that is a pussy, but it's a completely different pussy than the one before. And then you have the vagina. And all of these things have the same moniker but completely different meanings. And if people on the left can't grasp that, then we deserve to lose because very simple argument. Had it with the word.

[D]

Okay, the other comment is from Erin and she says, I need three hour long episodes of Just Jen and Pumps making fun of Republicans so that I can get through my workday. Love laughing to these ladies as I disassociate from the craziness that is our current state of affairs.

[B]

Thank you, Aaron.

[C]

Thank you.

[B]

All right, love, what would you.

[C]

I would love Jennifer to do a whole three hour episode in Melania's voice. That's like, my.

[B]

My husband is only fired. I can't. I came to United States on Einstein Epstein visa. I mean, Einstein visa. I do not know Jeffrey Epstein because I studied mathematics. Broad. I mean, my God, that is just. It's so ridiculous. Okay, I want to talk about Lindsay Graham.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

So obviously we all wake up and everybody's like, you know, when are we going to get the message about Mitch McConnell? You know, like, it's going to happen any second now. Right? Well, I wake up and I have a text from Don Lemon and it's like at 4am and it's like, Lindsay Graham is dead. And I was like, holy. So then I, you know, immediately have to turn on the news, which I haven't really been turning the news that much because I'm so, like, disenchanted with corporate names. But I was like, I want to watch the wall to wall coverage of this. Like, this is great. And then there was this photo that I saw online. This is the last known photograph that Lady Graham took because, you know, he. He had just been in the Ukraine, right? And so he took a photograph with a drone. Kylie popped this up. Okay, for those of you that are listening, okay, this drone looks like a big giant black, all right? There's just no other way around it. He is smiling from ear to ear. He is holding the black. And the interesting thing about this drone is it's called the P1 sun. And it's like in. In Russian, it means they call it the penis. This drone is called the penis. And so this is the shit with. I cannot believe, like, you know, back in the day, we'd watch movies or shows and you would think, oh, that's so crazy. Like, about the President or about the United States.

[C]

Like that.

[B]

That's crazy. I'm so glad that would never happen. We are living in the time period. We're like, that's from. That's from an episode of Veep. That's an episode of Veep of Lindsey Graham holding a big giant black Cox. That is called penis in Russian. And that's his last known photograph before he dies.

[C]

If I saw that on Veep, I would think that's hilarious. But that would never happen. I mean, you just would never think that would actually happen. First of all, who names drones penis?

[B]

Well, when they look like black, I think you do. I think that. I guess. I think that's really not even that creative. When you look at the. What that drone looked like, I. I mean, I think just like a penis.

[C]

It does.

[B]

Yeah. And look at how happy Lindsay is.

[C]

Well, we know why Lindsay's so happy.

[B]

You know, he died. He died after he was groping a penis. A black that was made for mass destruction. This is like exactly what Hugh he was. There's one photograph that just completely consolidates exactly who he was. He liked, as we all know, you know, the worst kept secret in Washington D.C. and he liked killing, you know, the biggest warhawk on the planet. And there he is with a black that kills right before he dies.

[C]

I mean, that could not be a better epitaph right there. That picture.

[B]

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[C]

Yeah, no, I was gonna say that.

[B]

That doesn't sound like people are giving sig heils at their dates. All of these apps are still operational and targeted at people who chose not to receive the COVID 19 vaccine. Many users say they received some vaccinations during childhood. So pups, should we be relieved that these people are self selecting themselves out of normal dating apps or simply concerned that pureblood dating is a real website that exists in the year 2026?

[C]

What about both? I'm, I'm. I think they're probably lie. I mean I'm glad they're with each other. They can give each other all kinds of diseases. I'm wondering if you're this hot and bothered about you don't want a vaccine because it's your body, your choice. How are you getting a guy to wear a condom?

[D]

That.

[C]

That's one of my questions.

[B]

And then the other thing. Wait, do you think they are wearing condoms?

[C]

No, I think these are people that are like let it ride.

[D]

Right.

[C]

A great seed. I think there's no condoms on unvaxed if I were guessing. So I think stay with each other. But I just think that many people that are unvaccinated just shows you how stupid people are. Just stupid.

[B]

There's. Their stupidity will kill them. But I did a whole.

[E]

I did.

[B]

No, I did a whole episode. Conservatives are dying at a much higher rate than liberals right now. No, I know there's science, scientific study behind it. Their. Their stupidity is killing them. They're dying of their own whiteness.

[C]

But I wish that it would be like right now, today. Like I wish it was like the rapture of unvaccinated.

[B]

Like wait, hold up. You want them all to die? All 100,000?

[C]

No, I'm just saying if you're not vaccinated and you're ready for the rapture, let's bring it. Let's do it today. I'm all in. Go, go, go, go, go. That's what I'm saying. Just get rid of them now.

[D]

I visited Unjuiced Date, and on the main website, it says that the rules are, you, you can't be vaccinated. You also can't have ever been intimate with anyone that had the jab. Like, it's contagious.

[C]

Like, I know people. I mean, I've read. I don't know people, but that. People that think if you've had the vaccine that, like, your bad juju can transfer to other people. I mean, I don't know when we've got all these diseases and now we've got food toxins and crazy shit because people are just too stupid to just follow the rules. Just to follow science drives me bananas.

[B]

Well, I mean, my thing is if. If these people don't want to get vaccinated and they want to date each other, I say good. I think that's really good. I think it's great that they pulled them out of mainstream dating and that they're going to die on this hill of stupidity. And I just, I just think that this is just further evidence that the conservative movement, they. They are so profoundly anti science and anti life that all of these people are, you know, probably going to kill each other before. And they could live long, but that's their choice. It's a free country. I'm not. I do. I mean, I'm for vaccines. This is probably an issue where I'm not like, as far. I don't think there should be vaccine mandates. If you don't want to get a vaccine and you want to go roll around and get measles and all of this, it's dumb as. But go do it. Swing for the fences.

[D]

That's. It's.

[B]

I believe in science. I believe in medical research and data and the history of all of it, and that's the way I want to live. But if these people want to do all this and then they're signing up in websites and we know exactly who they are, they've. They're registering themselves as idiots. I think this is a great service. I mean, like, if your kids are dating somebody, you're like, well, let's see if she's a nut or not. You could pull up the, you know, True Blood or whatever this Nazi is and be like, oh, she's on this site. You might not want to date her, honey.

[C]

True.

[B]

You know what? It's like a stupidity regist registry more than it is anything else.

[C]

No, I think That I. I agree with all that. The only problem I have is when you're spreading it, like the measles, when that outbreak was going on, I'm getting, you know, like, there's kids that are in con. You know, we found out somebody was on campus corner that wasn't vaccinated. Your child might be exposed. Thank goodness my kid had been vaccinated. But I just like. So now you're spreading stupid. Your stupidity. But I guess with. I mean, I agree, though, if you don't want to get a vaccine, that's entirely your business. But when it makes somebody else sick, that's when I think, okay, no more.

[B]

It's. It's a cultural problem where these people are so hellbent on. And this is why fascism is blossoming so much, because they're so anti status quo and they're so hellbent on dismantling expertise that they're going to all kill themselves much earlier.

[C]

I hope so.

[B]

All right, we have another story here. A new concept for couples has been going viral on the Internet. Pop this up. Couples are now getting airport divorced for the sake of their sanity. And here's an excerpt. Don't worry, it's not as dark as it sounds. Traveling brings out the absolute worst in us, which is why the Internet is currently obsessed with the concept of the airport divorce. The premise is simple. From the second you drop your bags at TSA until you reach your actual gate, you and your partner are officially single. You navigate the airport at your own pace, grab your own snacks, and meet at the gate. Zero bickering required. So, pumps. What do you think about that?

[C]

I think that's brilliant. I think a lot of people fight at the airport. I mean, I think, perfect. That sounds great. I love it. What do you think?

[B]

Josh and I are one of our biggest fights we ever got in. We were coming back from Mexico. The kids were really little, and we were going through airport control, and you have to go through those, you know, snakes through, roped off lines. And Josh, I went under a thing to, like, cut, because there wasn't that long of a line I went under. So then Josh opened up, unlocked one of the rope things and kind of opened it for the kids to go through. But after the kids went through, it was like a flood of people then come out there, and it's like, Josh, you need to put that back. Like, you're gonna be separated from me and the kids. And he's like, I don't know what to do. I would. I don't know what to do. And he was like, God damn it, Jennifer. Like, it was my fault. And he put the thing up, but. And I go, why are you being such a dick? And it was just like that airport. Like, we were both already at a 10. And then it escalated. So we kind of. After that, we die laughing about it. We started doing this in general. But here's my fucking problem with this. I'm all about the divorce in the airport, and Josh and I pretty much do this. The problem is you have to ride that divorce all the way until you were seated on the plane with your own shit with the seatbelt on. Because here's what my husband tries to do to me. He is notorious. Notorious for. We're sitting in the. In the lounge by the gate for 45 minutes to an hour. 45 minutes to an hour have gone by that a person that has been on this planet as long as he has could kind of do the deduction that I'm about to get on this bird that's up in the air, and it has one, possibly two toilets in it, if I'm lucky, too. But more than likely one. This airport has a lot of toilets in it. So I probably need to go empty my bladder now and not wait until I get on the bird. Josh, we get in line and he's

[D]

like,

[B]

I gotta go pee. And then I get stuck with that bunker's back. And I mean, I have, like, steam coming out of my ears. And like, we'd been like, divorced, like, we were living by this policy, and then I get sabotaged. So now I'm telling you probably the last eight years or so. I'm adamant. He's like, I've got to go to the bathroom. Like, you have to take all your take. He's like, but it's. And I'm like, I can't. I'm not doing this. I'm go. I'm getting on that plane when my boarding group is called, because I'm a normal person and I already went to the bathroom and I've already handled that. I'm not going to get on the. On the airplane and have issues. But he always has issues on these.

[C]

You know what? This. I'm so glad this was the story. Okay? This. I was driving through your neighborhood and it just flashed in my mind about you throwing the milk at Josh when you were like, 100 months pregnant.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And I got so tickled. So tell that story again because it's, like, one of my favorites.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

So I'm like nine months pregnant, summer of 2006, Oklahoma City, late July. I'm like nine months pregnant. I'm miserable. I'm obviously morbidly obese with said baby in my belly. It had been over 100 degrees for days and days and days and days and days. And I went to Old Navy and I bought five black wife beater tops and five pair of. I think they're called kolaches or like gauchos. Gauchos, Gauchos, gaucho pants. And it had like this thing that came up over the belly. And I had decided at this stage in the pregnancy, I was just wearing all black. And so I bought this and I didn't really discuss it with anybody because it was just every day I woke up and I thought, I'm having the baby today because it's impossible for me to be any larger. Much to my surprise, I'd go to bed that night dreaming about eating food the entire time I was asleep. And then I'd wake up and there's no kicking. I mean, there a little bit of kicking, but absolutely no contractions. Nothing happened, right? So I went to Target and I have my 3 year old with me, and I pull up in the driveway from Target and I'm stocking up on like, milk, toilet paper, all this. And Josh pulls up and he's like thin and he's in like this great suit and he has the air conditioner blowing on him. And he looked great. He looked really great. And so he got out of the car and I'm hot. I have, like, sweat marks. Like, I was so pregnant, my blood was just going. And I'm not a big sweater, but I had, like. Even through the black, you can see it was like a full pancake. Probably went down like six inches. I'd under. Under boobs. Sweat. I had crotch. I had crotch sweat. I had crotch sweat, right? So that's. And I felt disgusting, unattractive, not sexual. I felt like a parasitic hosting site, which I was, right. And so he gets out of the car in this, like, great Armani suit or something. He just gone from court and he goes, hey. And I'm like, hey. And I'm grabbing, like, grocery bags and I have a toddler on one hip and this huge giant bel. And he goes, you wearing your uniform again today? And in the back of my car were the groceries. And so there was a carton of Horizon Milk. So I reached in there and I grabbed the Horizon Milk and I looked at him and I went, you threw it at him? He ducks. Like he's, you know, he's like, cat like reactions. Because he's not £575 like I was.

[D]

And.

[B]

And Mil just sits. The crowd just explodes. I was such a nut. I was so, like, hormonal and just like. I mean, and that's just like. I imagine. I imagine that that's what it's like to be MAGA every day.

[C]

Every day.

[B]

You're that mad. Just unhinged. Just, you know, just.

[C]

I want.

[B]

You know, it was kind of fun. It's kind of liberating. I don't regret it.

[C]

No. I mean, just so you were in the uniform today, and it elicited just.

[B]

I mean, it was just complete rage. Rage. And it was just a culminating effect of. I had gotten out of my car. I'm sitting in, like, 106°. I already taken one load in. And Dylan's like, mommy, Mommy, I want to stay with you. And I'm like, you know, and I'm just like, I'm gonna have to carry the kid back and forth with one bag at a time. And then that pulls up and I. I'll never forget it. And his hair was, like, blowing the air. Conditioner's on full blast. And again, I had all those sweat marks, and I did. My outfit was awful. He was right. It was a uniform. And I think that's why I got so mad, because there was so much truth to it. You know what I mean? It was like he really owned me right now.

[C]

Right?

[B]

You know, and. But I'm pregnant with this child and he needs to not be a dick. But there was so much truth and precision, like, oh, are you wearing your. Oh, are you wearing your outfit again today? Like, gosh, she's getting more and more an inch. And I remember, too. Were you like this when you were pregnant? I was so emotional. Like, I cried all the time.

[C]

All the time.

[B]

I never cry.

[C]

Ever. No. But I was even more emotional after I had the baby when I started not sleeping. Like, you could look at me crosswise and I would cry. I mean, I was ball baby all the time. I was like, oh, my gosh, all the time. It was horrible. Horrible.

[B]

It's horrible feeling that many emotions. I guess that's also like mag, you know, they're so emotional. I couldn't handle feeling all of those emotions all the time.

[C]

No, I would hate it. I don't like it.

[B]

As you can tell. That's why I threw milk at my husband.

[C]

Yeah, but that was so classic. I only wish I would have been sitting on the porch to witness it after I just got my last pellet shot or, you know, thing.

[B]

I hear ass again, not cream. Yes, you got it crammed in your ass.

[C]

No, I gotta put in my butt cheek. But.

[B]

But isn't the butt cheek the ass?

[C]

Yeah, but you're making it sound like the rectum, like the angel.

[B]

I didn't say. I didn't say. I said ass.

[C]

Okay. It's in my ass cheek. I noticed. I got teared up.

[B]

Oh, you did?

[C]

Watching a social media. Not like full crime, but like it was a Taylor Swift deal about this guy that he gave this scholarship to and he was like a person that cleaned the seats at her concert and she heard him singing and she did all this for him. And I'm like, teared up. And I was like, that's weird. And then something else just completely random on social media. And I was like, I have too much estrogen. That's what it is. Because I was just like, something is not right.

[B]

And this is what I think about these MAGA men. I think we've got a low T situation. High E. Low T. High E.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And they're submissive, hysterical, emotional, freaking out. I don't know if you've seen this since Lady Graham died. Okay. All of these MAGA influencers, Katie Miller and all the other freaks are. I can't believe the way the left is reacting to Lindsey Graham's. These people are horrible human beings. It's like, find the. Find the one that Trump wrote about Rob Reiner when their leader is just like the most depraved person on the planet. Yeah, but here's the thing. It's not like I'm not happy that Lindsay died. I'm not sad that Lindsay died. I mean, I'm just kind of apathetic. And I also think, like, you know, we have this really old ruling class, this wild guard, and they're all going to start dropping like flies. But I mean.

[C]

And he clearly was not like he

[B]

had any kids or a wife, you know? You know, for me to feel bad about.

[C]

Here's the thing, too, about the Lindsey Graham thing. I mean, when you look at Lindsey Graham, I mean, he was hateful. He wasn't. I mean, he was every bit as hateful as Charlie Kirk with. But I mean, he was like, let's go in there and kill people. I mean, he was.

[B]

He's homicidal.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

He was a demonic warhawk. I mean, truly.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

I mean, a real. A real nut.

[C]

A real, real nut. And I've read so many articles about him, and people are oh yeah, read it.

[B]

So it says, a very, a very sad thing happened last night in Hollywood. Rob Reiner, a tortured and struggling, but once very talented movie director and comedy star, has passed away together with his wife Michelle, reportedly due to the anger he caused others through his massive, unyielding and incurable affliction with a mind crippling disease known as Trump derangement syndrome. Goes on and on with all this crazy. So in MAGA world, here's a man, Donald Trump, who finds out that Rob Reiner, who was critical of the president as millions of people globally are, right, and this horrific thing, his son's like an addict, schizophrenic. I mean, complete, horrible situation. The murder had 00 to do with Donald Trump. Y0 this sends out the meanest tweet on the planet and basically says he was killed because he had Trump derangement syndrome. And then the people who support that guy want to lecture everybody else about how we're supposed to behave when Lindsey Graham, who now all of these sex workers that he worked with are, you know, NDAs weren't really applicable anymore. Now that he's dead, apparently Lindsay, you know, dressed up in his red panties and did gay stuff at night, which we all knew. But you know, now it's, it's just, and it's just like, you know, at the end of the day,

[C]

you know,

[B]

maybe we can do a coffee table book pumps. Maybe we do a coffee table book of all the closet MAGA men. Lindsay can be our cover girl.

[C]

Too big for a coffee table. Like there are so many. Like, you would have to be like bigger, like, I, I don't know what kind of book, but there, it's just, it's unbelievable.

[B]

Who would you put on the COVID Lady Graham or Big Titty Brian?

[C]

I think you have to do Lindsay Graham because everybody's known about this for years and years and years. But I thought, you know who I saw talking about Lindsey Graham that I just thought Benny Johnson.

[B]

I was like. This episode is sponsored by Better help listener. We talk about mental health more openly now. But asking for help can still feel really hard and better.

[A]

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[B]

At Amica Insurance, we know it's not just about where you're going, but who you go with. That's why we work even harder to protect while what matters most visit amica.com and get a quote today Helps Latest research confirms It Better Help's 2026 State of Stigma report surveyed 2,000Americans and revealed that 85% of Americans believe getting support is wise, yet 74% say society discourages people from doing so. So listener, that's why I want to introduce you to BetterHelp. You can do it in the comfort of your own home. They have over 30,000 therapists and BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform, having served over 6 million people globally. And here's the deal. It works with an average rating of 4.9 out of 5 for a live session based on over 1.7 million client reviews. They have quality therapists and a therapist match commitment. Listener don't let stigma stand in the way of support. Start therapy with better help. Sign up and get 10% [e-mail] had it. That's better help. H E L P.com had it. All right, Listener, how many times have you been scrolling online and then you get marketed some gadget or some cream that you think, oh God, that looks like it's incredible. And you order it and it's horrible. It was a complete waste of money. Well, this is why I no longer do that. And I'm completely obsessed with dupe.com so here's why I think using dupe is so important. You enter in their Research for me tool something you're looking for like great wrinkle cream and it produces a bunch of wrinkle creams and it tells you what to buy, but even more important, it tells you what not to buy. It goes through a ton of options, pulls from real sources that people actually trust, filters out sponsored links and recommendations and just gives you a straight answer on what to buy and why. Listener if it takes research to buy it, let Dupe do it for you. Stop wasting time comparing options. Just go to dashupe.com and tell it what you're looking to buy. That's dashupe.com to finally feel confident about what to buy. All right. I am a big, big believer in downtime. So after we film and cover all of the stuff that we cover on these podcasts, I love to go home and snuggle up with a blanket. And I would say I'm a connoisseur of blankets and I thought I had found the perfect blanket until I found the Lola blanket. This blanket is so incredible. Not only is it my personal favorite, I now gift it to everybody and it is their personal favorite. Lola is the world's number one blanket, crafted with ultra soft luxury faux fur and a signature four way stretch that people instantly obsess over the second they touch it. It is machine washable, double hemmed and built to last for years, making it truly meaningful long term gift. Lola also makes weighted blankets for calming therapeutic vibes and don't miss out on matching pillows. Listener For a limited time, our listeners can get 40% off select Lola blankets products with Code had it at checkout. Just head to lolablankets.com and use code Had It. After you purchase, they'll ask where you heard about them. Please support our show and let them know that we sent you. Wrap yourself in luxury with Lola Blankets. Kylie, will you look up the Twitter feed of Matt Schlap, see if he's responding about Lindsay Graham.

[C]

I bet he has for sure.

[B]

Or Mercedes Schlap. I wonder if either one of them has said anything. She's looking it up. Is Matt Schlap on Twitter?

[C]

He is off when everybody started saying he was groping him, all the boys he's reposting.

[D]

Just headlines about it. He hasn't made a personal statement on here. It doesn't seem like what about Mercedes?

[B]

Look at Mercedes. Mercedes Schlap. Matt and Mercedes Schlap.

[C]

It's just like that. Can't be there.

[B]

Will you read her her bio? Yeah, read the Twitter bio for us.

[D]

Here's a tweet. Senator Graham was larger than life, charming and kind. He loved America and was a dedicated public servant praying for his family. And then she also tweets, today's a good reminder to hug those you love and tell them how much you love and appreciate them. Life is fragile. We don't know the day or the hour that God can call us home. And then her Twitter bio is Faith, Family, country and freedom. Ephesians 6:11 host of CPAC now America uncanceled former White House Go ahead and

[B]

screenshot that those you love hug Those you love and then pop that up on the screen because I want to just go ahead and dissect this tweet from Mercedes Schlap.

[D]

I. I wanna. I'm gonna group one more in with it too.

[A]

That.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

Tweeted after it.

[B]

The problem with Mercedes Schlap talking about hugging those you love is that's exactly what Matt Schlapp did at the CPAC events when he allegedly. Here we go. Oh, my God. Mercedes Schlap at Mercedes Schlap. In today's gospel, Jesus said, but the seed sown on rich soil is the one who hears the word and understands it, who indeed bears fruit and yields a hundred or sixty or thirty fold. The seed that falls on good ground will yield a few fruitful harvest. We must stay close to God, read is his word, and pray in unceasingly. Be grateful for our blessings and trials. And then before that, she tweets. Today is a good reminder to hug those you love and tell them how much you love and appreciate them. Life is fragile and we are not in charge. This is incredible. Okay, let's. Let's just. Let's dissect this. Today is a good reminder to hug those you love. So if we apply this to her husband at getting all liquored up at the CPAC conventions, he is hugging those that he loves without consent, Right? Allegedly. And then life is fragile and we are not in charge. Which is a lesson that Match Lapp is finding out over and over and over again. Because listener, as we've covered here exhaustively, Match Lap gets all liquored up and he goes to these CPAC conventions and he grabs conservative without consent. Allegedly. Allegedly. Allegedly by a lot. This is what he does. And so I think this is pretty interesting. And then, as you can see, Mercedes Schlap, I guess she thinks if she just prays all the time, she's gonna fix her husband. But that's some crazy religious psychosis that about the fruitful.

[C]

Yeah,

[B]

that's what I was saying.

[C]

I'm looking at it and I'm thinking, even with all. I have no idea what it means other than you have to stay in it to believe. Because if you aren't believe, if you aren't stay in it, then you'll realize it's all. That's what my mind said just now.

[B]

But I don't know if that's Kylie, do you know what Mercedes Schlap.

[D]

I have no idea who indeed bears fruit and yields 160 or 30 fold.

[B]

But is this about having kids? Because Lindsey Graham is a Childless cat lady.

[C]

That's what I was thinking, too.

[D]

Like, can't be that there was no fruit.

[B]

There was no fruit.

[D]

Well, it's fruity, but no fruit.

[B]

All right, let's do one lucky voice caller. Play the clip.

[D]

Okay, the first one and only one we've got is Ellie.

[E]

Hello, Jennifer. Hello, Pumps. Hello, Kylie. This is Ellie coming to you from Minnesota. And what I have absolutely had it with is watching some of the stupidest people I went to school with decide that they're qualified to homeschool their children. These are the people who, you know, couldn't hand in a single homework assignment. Coasted through every group project, were proud members of the de Honor roll. And now they're writing these Facebook manifestos laden with spelling and grammatical errors about how public schools are evil and full of indoctrination. And so as a result, they're going to be homeschooling their precious little peanuts. These. These idiots. Competence to confidence ratio is absolutely off the charts. It's the blind leading the blind. And it feels like this has only gotten worse in Trump's America, which I'm sure is no coincidence, where being uninformed somehow is a personality trait that we're just passing on to our children. I had it with it. I can't stand these morons attempting to homeschool their children when they probably shouldn't have even had children to start with. That's all.

[C]

I feel that. I feel that because I. I mean, you would not believe how many people in Bible study homeschool their kids. And I. And you just think, I worry about that. And then you see those witness booklets or whatever they're called that the Duggars use, and they're like, top out at eighth grade. I mean, I just think homeschooling is a bad idea. From soup to nuts. I don't care if you're a nuclear physicist. I think it's just weird as that you want your kids around you all day, every day and all night. And just the socialization, for me personally, it was that I would have gotten up on my hands and knees and strapped them to my back and crawled to get them to school every day just to get them where I wasn't. So I don't trust somebody that wants to be with their kids 24 7. I think a lot of dumb people do it because it's just easier. And that's a concern. And I've had. I've had divorce cases that, like, moms get mad at dad, they're fighting over whose school district Kids can use their address, they put them on homeschool. It's like two or three hours a day at the computer and then kids are going just off to the races. So I just can't think of very many good things about homeschooling.

[B]

I think that these people that do the homeschooling, these are the same people that grow up to be on unjuice.net. there is a through line on all of this, right? So the Duggar booklets that you're referring to teach that like dinosaur and man lived on earth at the same time. These are people that fear critical thinking more than anything on the planet, that have to be taught a script of reality and that they're incapable of critically thinking, they're incapable of deduction skills. And what pisses me off about this the most is how many parents project a script onto their kids. I'm a dumbass, so therefore I'm gonna make sure you're a dumbass. I'm a idiot. I made D's. As our caller said, Ellie, she, you know, the people, the dumbest people she knew in college were homeschooling their kids. And so this is trickle down stupidity. This is maga on steroids. This is Maha, this is trad wife. This is unvaxed and unjacked and all that. This is the worst, worst, worst in. This is. America has a crazy Christian problem. We have a fundamental crazy Christian problem. Now those of you that are listening that are Methodist or Presbyterian, I'm not talking about you. I'm talking about the freaks of the megachurch. I'm talking about the ones that have schools that are, you know, these crazy indoctrination factories, a hate, crazy, hate, hate academies. And then when that hit isn't strong enough, then they go to homeschooling. And I, I just, I think it's a huge problem. I cannot stand these people. But again, it's a pretty big red flag when somebody tells you when you're like, what's their deal? They seem kind of awful. I was homeschooled.

[C]

You're like, yeah.

[B]

Oh, but I just think it's such a selfish thing for parents to do. I honestly, I'm just going to say this. I think it's selfish for parents to push a religion on a child and make them believe just one before they're old enough to hear about all of them or none of them and decide for themselves. I think it's all child abuse, honestly.

[C]

No, I, you know, I agree. I mean, I'm the victim of it. And perpetuated it. So.

[B]

I agree. Yeah. I just, I don't know. I mean. And for those of you that don't live in the Bible Belt, you don't get it like Pops and Kylie and me and I do, but it's just, it's a really toxic culture. That mega church culture is incredibly toxic and it's everywhere.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

The most up people, you know, if you live in the Bible Belt are the biggest. They're the ones who are posted on Easter these on Instagram. If you live in a Bible Belt state, when Easter rolls around, it's. It's like dunkings, like these baptisms on the Instagram stories. I people, I'm like, why is everybody dunking? It's just so. It's so crazy and it's like a full blown poll and everybody's in them and they're thinking, didn't you tell me, didn't you go to some baptism at some, some guy's house?

[C]

Yeah, in the pool. In the pool, but

[B]

get baptized there. Was he. Yes, it was him. He was like he felt Jesus again.

[C]

Is that where. I mean, I remember, I remember he was all into it and I remember being at that house. Did I tell you at the time that he did it occurred? Yeah, because it's, it's funny, like I don't, but I completely believe it. And then, I mean, he's the same person that sat in these church pews and told me how everybody else's husband was so bad and pointed out like he's so and so she's around her boss, blah blah, blah, blah, blah. Worst offender next to me. But I don't know if you know this, but in most churches, the ones I grew up in anyway, they have like, you have like the congregation, then you have the pulpit that's raised and then behind the preacher, elevated above that is where the dunk tank is. So it's like you have to look up to see it. If you're in the churches that I grew up in, it's like elevated over the pastor. Did you know that?

[B]

I don't know if I knew the location of the dunk tank, but I

[C]

mean it's that high. Like it's so elevated.

[B]

I just, I don't know. I just think it's all weird. I think, I think homeschooling's weird. I think mega churches are weird.

[C]

Now that I'm thinking about it. There was a lot of people that got baptized in that pool. It just went him. I can't remember who it was, but it was Several. It's like a group. Not at the same time, but like a lot.

[B]

What you told me, what was so interesting about it, it was some big mega donor for the megachurch. He went to some oil and gas guy that had a ton of money, so he volunteered his swimming pool, but that the house was locked up and he had porta potties outside where nobody could use his house. And because I think that's. And I'm not. I mean, here's the thing. I wish that it were that simple. I wish that if you up really bad in your life, you could just say, jesus, I repent. Accept me. Unfortunately, I not. In order to truly change, it takes a lot of grunt work and a lot of introspection and a suffering. You suffer. Nobody comes in and just scoops and makes all your pain go away. And accountability, it's. Yeah, you suffer a lot. I mean to really the. The things that I've changed the most and I suffered from, I had to sit in discomfort and suffer.

[C]

It's not a dive in, dive out.

[B]

I wish it was. Wouldn't that be great? Worse when it wasn't, you could just go get dunked and then you were a new person.

[C]

I think you, I think you could even get past that. Just like forgive me. Okay, good. Yeah, you can take it all the way, you know.

[B]

All right, that's all we have. Everybody please pre order my book. It's called not to Date fascist. I just read the audiobook. Last week I was in audiobook jail for four days straight and I cannot tell you guys, like when pumps and I are sitting here speaking, it's so easy. But reading like eight hours a day, four hours straight, it was tough stuff, but I think I nailed it. So pre order it and we'll see you all later. I'll tell you what I've had it with. Let's hear it. I've had it with that.

[C]

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[B]

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[E]

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